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#as she realizes her own feelings and all the things she didn't see for so long
bi-writes · 24 hours
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ghost always gets what he wants. (18+, blood kink, dark)
right now, what he wants is sitting across the pub from him. she's smiling, swinging her legs a little as she talks to the bloke next to her. he's leaning into her space, making her laugh, buying her drinks and keeping her smiling and a little drunk. he's putting it on heavy, ghost can tell--actively listening to her, engaging in the conversation, never letting her add her drink to any tab but his own.
ghost tilts his head to the side, running his tongue over his teeth under the mask. that man wouldn't know what to do with that kind of a girl. she's all woman, soft skin, wide hips, a pair of tits he knows would feel like welcome weights between the palms of his gloved hands, pouty lips that deserved to be kissed and bitten and sliding along the length of a cock that can fill her up and choke her from the inside out.
that's what pretty girls like her deserve--to be fucked spineless, to be reduced to nothing but a teary, whimpering mess. a muppet like that would never know what to do with her, how to touch her, how to make her sing.
she's a soft thing. a pretty thing. and he wants her, so he will have her.
you exit the bathroom, a skip in your step as you shuffle outside. he said he would get a car, take you home, and you bounce on your toes as you wait by the curb, looking around the empty parking lot for your ride. but after a few minutes, you turn your head each way, and you realize no one is here, and there is no car coming.
you fully spin around when a dark figure comes out from behind the alleyway. big boots crunch the gravel underneath, and when he comes under the light of the streetlamp, you take a small step back.
the light cuts an angle over his face. you swallow, taking in the breadth of him, tilting your head to look up at him as he steps closer. his mask covers most of his face, and the eyeblack clouds his skin, but you can see the determination in his eyes. it is in the rigidness of his shoulders, the way he stands--and it is the pass of a tactical knife over his chest that you understand the danger that one person can impose.
he wipes one side of it over his dark jacket, stepping closer, until he's in your space, hovering over you. your lips part as he brings the knife down, pressing the other side of it against your throat. you tense a little as he meets your eyes, passing it over until the blood against the sharp edge wipes off, staining the skin of your neck.
he pauses when he sees the hint of a smile on your face. he narrows his eyes, expecting fear, expecting something other than the interest that sparkles in your eyes. like you are all-knowing. like you see everything he is, everything he is not, and like you know what it is he wants.
"i see you," you whisper. "all the time."
ghost sniffs, glaring, and you keep your eyes on his as he drags the knife down your chest, the tip of it moving down between your breasts.
"you're not very subtle," you finish. "quite obvious, what it is that you do...why you do it."
ghost tilts his head to the side, clicking his tongue, and you almost giggle.
"is tha' right, swee'eart?"
you nod.
"been waiting," you say softly.
"for wot?"
you smile.
"for you to make your move," you murmur. your eyes flicker down, eyeing the blood on the front of his jacket. you look up into his eyes again, pursing your lips, and ghost bites his tongue hard enough to draw blood. fuck, the same thing he sees in his dreams, it's in your fucking eyes. you're not afraid, and it angers him, repulses him, and fulfills him all the same. "hmm...you didn't approve of him?"
ghost growls, "was a right muppet. cried like a baby."
your tongue darts out, wetting your lips, and ghost follows the drag of your tongue hungrily. you are not the screaming, soft, doe-eyed little thing he thought he might like to have.
you are silent, deadly, a wolf in sheep's clothing, and he does not just want to have you. he needs you. he needs you to live under his skin. he needs to taste you, to have you flood his mouth, to chew and eat and swallow and breathe.
he would say you are his match made in heaven, but he knows this does not exist, because if it did, he wouldn't be real. and neither would you.
"ooof," you scrunch your nose. "i hate cry babies."
you almost make him laugh.
he steps closer, sliding the knife lower until it rests at the curve of your waist.
"you don't need that, you know," you whisper, and he leans in, the front of his mask brushing against your lips.
"no?"
"no," you echo, smiling wider. "if you wanna feel up my skirt, all you gotta do is ask. it'd be nice to have your name first though."
"ghost."
you giggle, "your real name, baby."
"'s ghost."
"that what you want me to say when i'm in your bed tonight?"
"who said you'll be in m'bed?"
you reach up with one hand, dragging the tip of your finger down the strong line of his jaw. he towers over you, shadows you, and the knife is sharp against your skin, but all you want is to be a little closer.
you close your eyes when you feel his hand. the tips of his gloved fingers graze the skin of your upper thighs, and you suck in a soft breath when he drags that hand up under your skirt. you put both hands on his chest as you tremble slightly, holding onto him for support as his big hand fondles one side of your ass. his fingers creep lower, and he groans audibly.
"no knickers, swee'eart?" he mutters, and you just giggle breathlessly. "how long 'av y'been waitin' for me, huh?"
you open your eyes, tilting your head back and holding back a whine when you feel his thick fingers prodding at your folds, soaking up the slick there and teasing your cunt. it's sick--you must be sick, you must be awful, you must be so dead inside, you have to be, but it's so hard to care.
you gasp when he grips your throat, forcing your eyes on his, and you hold him there.
"answer me. how long 'av y'been waitin' for me?"
you soften, smile, bare your teeth for him.
"my whole life, baby."
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leevstheworld · 10 hours
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⚠ CONTENT WARNING — smut. Pure smut. (And some fluff?) p in v, unprotected sex (don't be silly, wrap your willy!); fingering, oral (fem receiving), Max Verstappen is a mean asshole in the paddock but a softie out of it (mostly); praise, lots of praise, mentions of alcohol and drinking; badly translated Dutch (sorryyy); reader is AFAB fem identifying. MDNI 18+.
Author's note: Sometimes Max Verstappen does things to me I cannot describe. The idea came to me and I just started writing. Also the reader is part of Scuderia Ferrari because, eheh, forza Ferrari. (Gonna write Leclerc stuff as well soon, watch me.)
All it takes is a win — Max Verstappen (Formula 1) x Scuderia Ferrari!(fem)Reader (SMUT)
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Being a Formula 1 driver was anything but easy.
Sure, you had your moments when you'd spend time with the grid filming funny videos for the fans and doing weird challenges — but, once you had to get serious, the workouts and practice snapped you back to reality.
You were now part of Scuderia Ferrari — it's been a few months since you joined, and your teammates, Charles and Carlos, weren't all that bad, cracking jokes and pulling pranks on another like some high schoolers. You felt like home with them, laughing 'til morning when you'd celebrate each Grand Prix, getting drunk and all.
Your biggest issue was, however, your boyfriend.
Relationships in the grid were mostly kept a secret — you didn't need the news to holler with spicy details of the well-known Formula 1 drivers, so much for the reporters keeping an eye on all of you 24/7. If there was anything going on, it stayed within the paddock.
So, apart from Charles and Carlos, who found out against their will, nobody knew you were dating Max Verstappen. The world champion. The best of the best, or whatever made his ego inflate.
One issue you had about your boyfriend was that he'd be too cruel and unforgiving during race week. He didn't mean no harm, but it did hurt when he always expected you to do better, as he was personally involved in your training as a driver. It's like he wasn't pleased with you at all, and, Hell, even Charles told him to take it easy.
"Hey, no," the Monégasque spoke out when Max was halfway through one of his tirades again, "let Y/N be. She's learning throughout." His arms crossed, staring the Dutch down, in spite of his usual relaxed expression.
Carlos joined in, getting a bit concerned about the situation. "You can't be ordering her around like this. Trust me, we all learned in our own ways." This only earned a frustrated huff from Max, walking away from the scene as if nothing had happened in the first place — and you swore you could feel your heart beat through your Nomex underwear and Ferrari race suit.
You didn't even register when half of the season went by you — and, soon enough, you were ready to participate in the Austrian Grand Prix.
The race went smoother than expected — you were fully focused, your signature red Ferrari car driving past the others, smoothly operating (ha) the machine as if it was made for you.
The realization dawned onto you as the race ended and you completed your last lap, noticing only two cars past the finish line — the Red Bull cars, which were Max and Checo's.
You came third place.
Exiting the car as soon as you thought of it, you looked around, taking your helmet and balaclava off and feeling the fresh air on your sweaty face, hearing the overjoyed crowd around you.
You didn't even see when Max came and embraced you with all of his might, only noticing the joy in his eyes through his helmet. Checo followed suit, giving you a friendly embrace and congratulating you, to which you replied with the same approach.
You heard the announcer beam through the speakers, feeling pure happiness course through your veins. "And L/N comes third place on the grid, Ferrari makes its way on the podium by the end of the Austrian Grand Prix..."
This is worth celebrating, right?, the small voice in your head asked itself, unsure whether your boyfriend's reaction from earlier was genuine or not.
You've long changed out of your race suit and into your usual clothing, waiting in the hotel room for the hours to pass so you'd attend tonight's party; you shook hands and embraced way more people than you probably thought existed in the perimeter of the circuit and the paddock, eventually coming in your hotel room soaked from the habitual champagne bath on the podium — you were sticky, but happy.
After taking a shower, you got to this point, scrolling on your phone and reading the news pages about the race from earlier, smiling to yourself. You couldn't help but sulk when you noticed Max on each photo on-line, wondering if he was truly proud of you, if this even mattered to him.
Then, as if Max read your mind, he texted you, your phone buzzing in your hand.
'Where are you?'
You answered back, your digits tapping away on the screen.
'In my hotel room, why?'
On the other side of the phone, Max was still in the paddock, slightly frowning at your change in mood — you were on the podium, you came third place! Was there something wrong? Did you want to do better?
'Why did you leave all of a sudden?'
You reply immediately, 'The party's only later tonight. There's no point hanging around until then. I'm getting rest.' You knew you were lying — you didn't feel that tired, being used to the schedule and all. You just didn't want to endure another of Max's scoldings.
As if he read through your excuses, he types, 'Ok, I'm coming over.' You sighed at Max's response — sometimes, even outside the circuit, he was way too stubborn.
The door to your hotel room opened, as you didn't bother locking it; in comes Max, having, too, stripped of his race suit in exchange for more comfortable clothes, wearing a T-shirt and jeans. His blue eyes don't roam around the room — they look directly at you, in your direction. "What happened?" He asked, still seemingly puzzled by your change in behaviour.
The man sits on your bed, next to you, waiting for an answer; he still didn't bother leaving his race mannerisms where they belonged, still being oh so demanding. You don't bother responding; that is, until his hand finds your jaw and cups it so you can face his direction.
"Speak to me." He speaks out, tone still demanding, and you sigh, giving in to the man who was, although an ass sometimes, your boyfriend. Yours.
"Are you proud of me?" Your voice came out as meek, already expecting the worst answer; you can see Max's eyes slightly widen, taking in the information he needed from that question.
"So that's what it was?" Max spoke no higher than a whisper, his gaze softening. "Do you seriously think I'm not proud of you, schat?¹" And, as you shook your head, he realizes just what you're talking about, your reaction and the way you didn't dare face him.
"No, no, Y/N.." He moves onto the bed so he can hold you, shifting the two of you so your face buried in his chest, strong arms enveloping you in a warm embrace. "No, it's not like that. I am proud of you. I'm proud of every single thing you do, lieverd.²" Your lack of response concerns Max further, and he removes you from his warm embrace, looking into your eyes. "Please believe me."
You couldn't. You speak out, "Then why are you so cruel to me? Why do you keep bossing over everything I do?" His breathing stops for a moment, now knowing your perspective. "No, I don't mean it like that.. I am trying to help, I know how demanding Ferrari can be." His lips come in contact with your cheek, peppering small kisses on your face. "Schat, no— I just want to help, please— 'm sorry."
You feel yourself melt in Max's embrace; however, you couldn't shake any of the things that have happened before. "You're too cruel." You repeat, voice softening until it can't be heard anymore. "I know, I know", the Dutch speaks, palpable regret in his voice. "'m sorry, liefde.³ I'll do better," his words started sounding reassuring, "promise."
"Y/N— I'm especially proud of you for today. You came third place, and this was a tougher race. You did it, I'm so proud, I promise you", the man spoke between kisses, now placed on your jaw and lips. "Promise, I promise."
You went forward to taste his lips more — sweet, soft and a slight tang of victory champagne — and your eyes fluttered shut, Max's hands moving from your waist to the small of your back, pulling you in closer, even closer than imaginable; he sighed in relief, although you might be, a bit, still mad at him for not showing enough support this season.
"Come on," the blonde pulled away, a string of saliva still connecting your lips with his, "let me show you. Let- please, let me show you how proud I am, schat. Please." He looked at you with soft eyes and a slightly parted mouth, slight blush on his cheeks as he fiddled with the waistband of your sweatpants. "Promise, I promise I'm proud. So proud, liefde, I promise you."
You were sure Max didn't drink apart from a few sips of champagne, and you didn't even partake in the celebration other than bathing with the alcohol instead of ingesting it. The decision prompted you to give Max a nod, and he complies, your lips meeting once more, with more hunger, as his hands shimmied your sweatpants down to expose your underwear. He followed suit, unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans, tugging them down just enough to get to his boxers, hardening member confined under the cotton material.
His kisses trailed on your jaw and neck, lips sucking on the soft flesh enough to make your breath hitch, and he hummed in response, tongue sliding over the soon-forming hickeys to compensate. "So sweet, schat", he spoke against the skin of your neck, making you shiver in his hold, his lips moving further down on your collarbone before nearly yanking the shirt off your body, relishing in the fact that you weren't wearing a bra.
"Your body is so pretty", he sighs out, lazy smile on his face as he seemed like he was talking to himself, making a mental note of how pretty you thought you were. "And so ready for me", he now hummed against your sensitive, hardened nipple as he wrapped his lips around it, giving it a nice, gentle suck; Max loved hearing you whimper like that, a sign that he was doing everything right.
When your hand reached for his cock, palming it through his underwear, Max stopped, his breath hitching in his throat before looking at you, aroused and slightly glad you were considering his pleasure as well; however, now was not the time. "Y/N, it's my turn to make you feel good", he gently told you, taking your hand off his shaft, which you were sure throbbed under your very touch. "We'll.. we'll do me later, yeah? I want to make you feel good." He continues pressing soft kisses on your body, enjoying how you shuddered merely from his lips, and how your hands went in his hair to give it a gentle tug.
Max's hair smelled like shampoo, soft and silky under your touch, as you had two handfuls of the blonde locks in your very hands. He hums in response, nearly bewildered internally at the fact that so little did so much to you, and made sure he'll make you do more than just tug on the strands.
When he got low enough, Max switched positions with you, his large hands setting you on the bed just where he was sitting moments ago — he got on his stomach, pressing his lips against the material of your underwear. The teasing came to a halt when he tugged it down completely, discarding it somewhere, and the sight alone made Max grow harder, his aching cock pressed against the mattress, and he tasked himself just how he'd managed to be together with someone so beautiful. If perfect wasn't the right word to describe a human being, he coined that term just for you, and you only, ever since he laid eyes on you.
"So wet, schat", Max exhaled on your clit, and you sighed out, the hot air from his mouth blowing right against your sensitive spot. Prying your legs open further and holding onto your thighs, Max dove deeper up against your clit, licking long strands with the flat of his tongue and alternating with the tip, then moving upwards to your nub, giving it a gentle suck. He wasn't surprised when you moaned out loud, but rather entranced — one of his hands left your thigh and got to rubbing the bundle of nerves as he lapped hungrily at your clit. "You taste so good, Y/N. So good for me, letting me make you feel this good", he groaned out, getting pleasure just from eating you out, feeling his underwear stain with drips of precum. "Fuck— so sweet, so fucking good f'me, so perfect, Y/N" — if words didn't make you feel anything, now they did, because Max's tone of voice was nearly desperate; not to get himself off, but to make you come on his tongue and face.
Out of instinct, your hips thrusted forward, something you've never done — Max's words have never had this much of an effect on you, not that they did — and his eyes widened in silent amazement, looking up at you with a slight chuckle. "Feels good, hm?" He gives you a teasing lick up your clit, looking right in your eyes as he did so, enjoying how flushed your face was and how your eyes closed as soon as his tongue made contact with the sensitive area. "Mhmm.. Max, please, I want to come," you pleaded, and he complied.
"Anything for my champion. Anything f'you, schatje⁴", Max moaned against your clit, moving down as his tongue penetrated your cunt, feeling how wet you were and how much more wet you can get, the warmth of your insides sending delicious sparks right down to his cock. "Y/N, so fucking good..." He hushed against your entrance, tongue then going in and out at a faster pace while his digits were working on your nub, thumb rubbing in circles until you couldn't take it anymore, screaming out his name and coming on his mouth and tongue.
The Dutch hummed in appreciation of his own skills, then looking up at your fucked out expression with a teasing look, placing one last kiss on your puffy clit despite your whimpers, still oversensitive. When he kissed you, his tongue sliding in your mouth to massage yours, you could feel your taste on his buds, and it made you ache yet more, legs closing in to squeeze your thighs from the overall sensation. Max noticed — he hummed against you, fingers going down to your pussy and then right inside of you, coating them with slick as they pumped in and out.
You broke the kiss through erratic whimpers, feeling overwhelmed by the sensations, but you had to admit that Max's fingers, now curling against your G-spot, felt better than his tongue, reaching so much further inside you — he breathily whispered in your ear, his other hand toying with your nipple, "You like it, hm? Vind je het leuk hoe ik je neuk, schat?⁵", and you let out an almost audible 'yes', hearing him chuckle to himself. "C'mon, Y/N, take it like a champ, huh? Like the champion you are. So pretty, my pretty Y/N."
Before you know it, you came a second time around his fingers, and the Dutch fucked you through another of your orgasms, then taking his fingers out of your hole to lick them clean almost obscenely, making a slight 'mmf' sound when his taste buds made contact with your juices.
"Think you can take me now?" Giving him a nod, he continues, "You deserve me, you deserve my whole cock, huh, liefde?", Max lowly spoke, his voice getting breathier as he takes off his underwear; his cock, aching and as hard as it could get, was leaking small drips of pre-cum, and he sighed at the feeling of not having his obvious arousal confined any longer.
"'m so hard for you, Y/N." He aligned himself to your cunt, taking your legs and placing them on his shoulders. "God, so good, so perfect — all mine, my champion, yeah?" You nod, but that wasn't enough; Max took his cock in his hand again, slapping your clit with it and earning a muffled whine from you. "Say it. Come on, schat." He encourages you.
"I'm... I'm all yours, Max- your champion, I'm your champion", you made the effort to sound self-reassuring, to which Max kissed your forehead, responding with a soothing pitch in his voice.
"You are, Y/N. I'm so proud of you. For everything you have done and for everything that you are, I'm proud of you, yeah?" He peppered you with kisses, slowly entering inside you, and you gasp — getting used to Max was a repetitive mannerism, as he'd stretch you out oh so nicely around his cock. You felt it throb as Max's balls hit right under your cunt, and he kept gasping and whispering in your ear about how much he loves you — and you loved him, too.
As soon as you adjusted to his size, Max started moving his hips, pulling out just enough to leave the tip inside you then slam back inside — no, the domineering, rough side of him didn't remain in the paddock as intended. Soon enough, the bed creaked with both of your bodies' movements alone — the wooden headboard of the hotel bed hitting the wall whenever the Dutch would thrust inside of you, deeper, faster.
"There we go", Max spoke in your ear, sending shivers down your spine, his voice having dropped to a mere, husky whisper — "Vind je dit leuk, mijn liefste?⁶" His hands found your legs, squeezing the fat of your thighs as he kept fucking you, so sweetly but roughly, making sure you'd feel today's win for days after this.
You let out a shaky moan at the mixture of feelings — anger from earlier, dissipating in the overwhelming pleasure and sensitivity, as Max had fucked you raw through the build-up of another orgasm. Looking up at him, his entranced expression, how he looked so ready to let loose and fill you up with his cum, was so arousing, and you couldn't help but reach your hands to cup his jaw, fingers running around the stubble on his face; he gives you a satisfied, self-confident smile, mouth parting exactly when his head falls down, letting out moans of his own.
"Hell, schat, gonna come so deep inside you. Yeah? So proud of you, s'fucking proud, you deserve my cum, all of it, Y/N", Max gasped out, trying to maintain his composure just enough to praise you through it all, to make you feel self-reassured and proud of yourself. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he let out a guttural moan as he pumped hot, sticky cum inside of you, filling you up — you felt yourself come around his cock, squeezing him of what it's worth, milking him until he couldn't come anymore.
His body fell on top of yours — he still had his tee on, and you were bare naked under him, both sweaty and still recovering from each other's highs. "Ik houd van jou⁷, Y/N. I'm proud of you, yeah?" You heard Max, although muffled from his face being buried in the pillow, right next to your head, and you smiled to yourself, one of his hands finding your hair to caress it, and your hands rubbing on his back gently.
"I love you, too, Max." Indeed, your win was worth celebrating.
TRANSLATED DUTCH WORDS/PHRASES
1 — schat = dear/darling, also translates as 'treasure'
2 — lieverd = also darling, word expressing endearment
3 — liefde = love
4 — schatje = baby
5 — "Do you like how I fuck you, dear?"
6 — "Do you like this, my dear?"
7 — "I love you."
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bearshideout · 2 days
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Ahh hi I saw you are wanting request I just gave a question if you would write a Rhea Ripley x reader [Platonic] Or maybe a judgement Day x reader [Platonic]
(Only asking BCS ik some people only like to write romantic relationships)
(First Request! Thank you <3)
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Judgment Day x GN Reader (Platonic)
"Family"
You are a new wrestler who has recently joined the main roster but is struggling to find your own group luckily for you a certain group wants you as a new addition and they cant wait to welcome you in.
Y/n sighed as they packed all their stuff away in the locker room, the sounds off chatter filled their ears. It seemed ever since joining a few weeks back they couldn't find their place, everyone had already made there friends and even though they were all nice they weren't accepting new people into there groups. Y/n had never felt lonelier hearing everyone making plans after the match, they had given up on asking anymore groups if they could join the rejection hurt every time.
As they were leaving the locker room they suddenly bumped into Rhea. "I'm so sorry Rhea I didn't see you there" y/n said panicked the last thing they wanted was to start making enemies especially not with the judgment day. All they got back in return was a laugh "Don't worry about it, actually I was just looking for you" As y/n went through all the possible things she could have done to make this conversation go bad they were interrupted but this time by a male arm being wrapped around their shoulder. They looked up to see Damian who was smiling down at them "Yeah we all wanted to talk to you if you don't mind" Y/n looked at them now realizing Dom and Finn had also stood with Rhea. Dom started walking to the Judgment day's room "Lets talk in there don't want anyone listening in" Finn followed behind him nodding, Rhea grabs Y/n's hand and leads her along with a cheeky grin "your not in trouble" she jokes.
Finn opens the door for them all to go inside "We don't bite... well I don't cant say same bout this lot" he jokes getting a laugh out of y/n. While walking in she can see Dom already sprawled across one of the sofas. "so what did you want to talk about" y/n asked looking at them all, Damian's arm still around their shoulder. "Well we've been talking and we think you'd make a perfect addition to the Judgment Day, we have already talked to Triple H and he thinks its just what we need as long as you agree to it" Damian says giving your shoulder a slight squeeze. Before y/n can even gather their thoughts Rhea grabs y/n's arms desperately "Please say yes I'm begging you I need to talk to someone about [same interest] with" she begs over dramatically to sell her point making Dom shake his head and laugh. "So what do you say y/n are you in" Finn asks with a slight hint of fear.
They all wait with anticipation until finally "Yes!" y/n smiles enthusiastically they had been waiting for this moment since they joined WWE they finally had a group. "Welcome to the family" says Finn giving y/n a hug which they happily gave back. "Not fair y/n is now my new best friend I should be hugging them" said Rhea joining in the hug. "Now I feel left out" Dom piped up jumping into the hug which gained a eye roll from Damian who wrapped his arms lazily around the group hug.
"Now the family is complete" Whispers Rhea with a huge smile.
(First request done I hope this was okay! I had so much fun writing it and hopefully overtime get to do more scenarios with the judgment day)
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Vivzepop will always be the biggest issue with her own show if she doesn't change. And i'm not saying that because I desperately want to shit on her but rather because it's so clear that her attitude is what made Hazbin Hotel be so dissapointing after the long wait. The pilot released four years ago and Viv had these characters for much longer than that. One could assume that with this much time on her hands she would have a concise plan for how a series of her story would play out (I can imagine that having an own show is a dream for lots of creative people out there). And I get that that plan might get screwed up by a shorter episode count then expected, but she should be the one who knows her story best and who should know what stuff could also be cut out. The first season of Hazbin Hotel is so incredibly overstuffed with characters and plot that it completely looses the main premise the show was originally pitched with (the idea of a hotel were sinners are redeemed. As it is now the hotel is really not important at all). People have talked endlessly about how Viv can't handle criticism and it really sucks because criticism is one of the best ways to improve your writing, drawings, music etc. Without criticism you won't refine the thing you're working on in a meaningful way. Of course it feels bad when you put something out there you wanted to share and then people critique it, but that's part of pretty much every creative journey, or atleast it should be and Vivzepop shouldn't get a pass from this just because she doesn't like it. And there are great shows, movies or books that are rarely or almost never criticised. But the artists behind these works probably went trough years of honing what they do by being criticised for the stuff they put out. And I don't want to say that Vivzepop didn't work hard to make Hazbin Hotel, but it is hard to claim that she improves in her craft, when everytime someone says they don't like her show she throws a hissy fit. She wants the same reactions that these other amazing pieces of media get without ever listening to criticism. Which she sees as a personal attack rather than a tool that could help her to achieve the same level of writing prowess the creators behind media like that have. She believes she is already on the same level as them, just because she basically shuts anyone out who disagrees with her. There's this clip at the end of a Drew Gooden Video which I think sums up the situation with Viv pretty good (the Video is called "Leaving the YouTube Bubble"). He is talking about Lily Singh and her talk show but I feel like a lot of the stuff he says about handling criticism applies to Vivzepop as well.
(you might have to turn up the audio).
Unprofessional behaviour like that might be excusable when the creator is pretty young or they are interacting with publicity for the first time really. But neither of that applies to Viv. And Hazbin Hotel isn't just an indie animation pilot on youtube anymore. It's now a fully realized show created with a pretty prominent studio on a major streaming network and it should be held to the same standards as other shows or movies alike (not saying indie animation or animation on youtube doesn't have a standard but with more budget and support, there's obviously going to be different expectations for the show now). There have been issues in Helluva Boss and the Hazbin Hotel pilot ever since their release which could've been handled with more time and the new show. But Vivzepop shows time and time again that she isn't willing to listen to people who criticise her, which could actually lead to her show getting better. I don't like Viv or her work a lot. I think she is incredibly unprofessional and she has done her fair share of questionable or problematic stuff, which often leads to issues in her shows. There have been some characters I like, some songs or scenes that were pretty well done, very cool animation and an actually interesting premise on paper in HH and HB. There are things that make me come back to these shows to watch the next episode. And i'm obviously passionate enough about these shows to make whole posts about what I think was done badly and what could be changed. But for the aspects of HH or HB I enjoy, there are soo many more problems I have with it. Problems that won't go away unless Viv stops seeing every criticism as a personal attack. Because if Vivzepop doesn't stop acting like her writing is some unreachable stuff that needs no changes I don't really see a point in assuming that these shows will ever get better.
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mslanna · 2 days
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What about Raphael realizing that Tav thinks she means nothing to him? Maybe another fiend is getting wrecked by Raphael, so the other fiend grabs Tav to use as a living shield & hostage and is all "Unless you want this mortal to die, you'd best stay back!" only for Tav to give a sad laugh and tell the enemy fiend "You're an idiot if you think I mean that much to him." I just really want to see Raphael having an 'Oh 💩' moment regarding his feelings for his little mouse and how he had been handling (or failing to handle) it... 😅
enby Tav without body configuration Angst and anger happy end Read on AO3
Nobody's Fool
One good thing that came from the tadfools company to his little mouse was that by now, Tav did not suffer shitty father figures. Or mothers. Any kind of sub-par parent. They set Ulder Ravengard straight and got up in the face of any god trying to control their followers through bad parenting practices. Vlaakith was fighting her unruly daughter now and Mystra lost Gale to the plight of mortals. Even Shar was having troubles.
Lucky for him, that Raphael had a truly spectacularly bad father to show for. An irresistible cause for Tav. So instead of hobnobbing it out with the gentry of Baldur's Gate or kicking back at the wizards tower in Waterdeep, they were back. At his side this time, where they belonged. And they kicked ass.
A beautiful sight to watch his paladin – their oath might as well be to him at this point – throw themself into battle. Their armour – hand-picked by Raphael himself to reinforce their strengths and highlight their ferocious beauty – shone with reflecting light on the golden pattern and splatters of enemy blood.
It was almost enough to distract Raphael from his own role in the fight. He rained hellfire over the attaching devils. Some were not smart enough to realise the difference to normal fire which couldn't hurt them. They paid for their stupidity with their lives.
Ksula didn't like that but the devil also didn't care about the deaths of his underlings. While the devil had expected the parlay to be a trap, he did not anticipate how few people Raphael needed to take him down. Yurgir with a squad of cambions. Korrilla. And of course, Tav.
Tav did the work of a squad all by themself. The few opponents getting past them, close enough to be a danger to him, were easily picked off by Korrilla. And Yurigr wiped the floor with what was left of Ksula's forces. If the other devil was smart, which Raphael doubted, he would make a desperate dash for a last second deal any moment now.
Ksula did, but not in the way Raphael expected. Black smoke shot from his hands and materialised into sticky tentacles around Tav's armour. With a jerk, Ksula pulled the paladin towards him. Tav stumbled, not fast enough on their feet for the lighting speed. They crashed into the devil who immediately put his blade to their throat.
The helldusk armour only left a tiny weakness because the wearer needed to be able to turn their head. But Ksula knew about it and exactly where to apply to blade to pry the plates apart.
"If you want your mortal to live, you better surrender," Ksula grinned.
Raphael's blood turned to ice, churning through his veins and extinguishing all fire. His first instinct was to launch himself at Ksula and rip his throat out. An appropriate reaction, though endangering Tav's life. His eyes narrowed in on the blade sitting between the armour plates, teasing Tav's skin.
He shouldn't hesitate. His devil nature demanded action regardless of cost. Raphael looked at Tav and the cold in his veins froze solid. Tav was not a cost he was willing to pay. Tav was – not expendable. He growled under his breath.
Of course he was protective of his little mouse. They were an asset, a treasured former client. Loyal to a fault without contract or binding agreements. Of course he kept them close. Kept them safe. Still, If Ksula had Korrilla in his grasp, Raphael doubted he had hesitated.
The maelstrom of his thoughts came up with no feasible solution. Anything he could do endangered Tav. But if he yielded now, Ksula would retreat with the perfect shield. He'd never let Tav go again, the perfect – and only – safeguard against the cambion. Raphael glanced to Yurgir and Korrilla, both waiting for instructions.
He had none. The thought that harm befell Tav – irreversible, deadly – was unbearable. Raphael's body froze up in a panic unknown. He simply could not endanger his little mouse. At least Tav would live if he surrendered now. There would be a time to save them. Hopefully.
A drop of sweat mixed with enemy blood ran down the side of Tav's face. He would make everybody who dared touch them suffer for eternity. He'd scour the word, all realms and the nine hells for any who laid hand on his little mouse.
The force of the possessive rage surprised Raphael. At the same time, it conveniently covered the deeper roots of it. His blood ignited again, ready to strike. His little mouse would be safe. They were his and after this battle, they
It was Tav who broke the silence. An unexpected fit of laughter shook their body so hard, a thin line of blood seeped down the blade. "You're as stupid as you look," they got out between bouts of laughter. "You think that will stop him? Raphael? He doesn't care."
The words cut the cambion to the bone. But they also relaxed Ksula's grip on his mouse a little. A smart ploy. If Tav could convince the Ksula he did not care…
"Oh my, you really believe he cares!" Tav wheezed. "I'm a tool, Ksula. Well-kept, honed and treasured, but just a tool still." They looked at Raphael, their eyes dark with a sadness glowing deep in them. "I'm not even the one most difficult one to replace."
Their face fell into a wistful resignation and Tav went limp in the devil's grip. "It's alright. I always knew it'd end like this."
What was that supposed to mean? Anger flared up in Raphael. How dare they resign in the face of – well, in the face of what exactly?
… tell me, oh apple of my eye…
Words spoken to serenade Tav into a deal with him. Words used and put at the forefront. A perfect façade. When did it slip? At what point was it not a sweet lure any longer? Raphael frowned. This feeling was not new. He avoided putting a finger, or a name, on it. But the hot surge of anger, hate and desperation made it impossible to ignore.
His eyes softened as he looked at his little mouse. His little mouse. On a crusade against shitty parents for him. A flimsy disguise if he had ever seen one. But he had accepted it. If Tav needed an excuse, they should have it.
Their eyes showed that the excuse was now discarded on the floor. Only soft truth shone in their gaaze. A truth he would have to confirm as soon as they were alone. His lips tightened into a thin line. However he would get his mouse of this predicament, their reward would be truly infernal.
"Do I get last words?" Tav asked softly. They glanced at Ksula.
"Make it short." The devil forced Tav's head up with his blade.
Raphael wanted to cut his tongue out. For a start. There were many forms of torture and so far he had never applied all of them to the same individual. Ksula would be the first. His fingers trembled with the need to make a fist. But his best chance was to seem unaffected, just as Tav claimed he was.
How could they even claim that? Why would Tav believe such drivel? He had been generous with his gift, time and attention. They had a place in his House of Hope, at his side in all of his plans. A subject he'd have to breach vigorously.
Tav smiled at him. It wasn't really sad and they slowly raised their empty hand as if reaching for him. The hand changed course in the last moment and Tav cast their words with a soft sigh: "Temperari Monstrum."
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cartoon-buffoon · 1 day
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I'm bored and sleep deprived again so I got some headcanons about the silly cartoon cat that is Ortensia and her relationship with her father and Ozzie I wanna share. First off her father's and likewise her full name is canonized in the modern age with their appearance in a comic where her father is named "J.P. Whiskers" as seen on the mailbox.
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This would make Ortensia's name obviously Ortensia Whiskers, however because I find it funny I'd like to imagine she also has her father's middle name as her middle name. Now with J.P.s middle initial being P his middle name could be anything, yet considering they're cats I just headcanon the P standing for "puss" as that's a term used affectionately for cats. This would make J.P.'s name J. Puss Whiskers and likewise Ortensia's name Ortensia Puss Whiskers which I feel like is a name stupid enough to be believable for a cartoon character.
Next up because of the comic and the original cartoon we also know that J.P. does NOT approve of Ortensia and Oswald's relationship and actively hates him. We can see this in Ortensia's first ever appearance in "The Banker's Daughter" where he is said banker and Ortensia being the said daughter. This cartoon is sadly lost to time but Some storyboards exist with this being the big one:
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The plot is also listed on the Disney Wikipedia so we thankfully know what the cartoon would entail.
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From this we learn about Ortensia's (who was at the time named Sadie) father is rich and owns a bank where his wealth presumably comes from. Ortensia coming from wealth is also cemented in the aforementioned comic where the entire plot is J.P. Whiskers having a Christmas dinner for the wealthy and he wants to keep the poor (aka Oswald and his best friend) out. Now Ortensia coming from wealth is interesting as I remember watching the Disney Fandaze parade thing and in Ortensia's song there's this line demonstrating her and Oswald's lack of funds.
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With this lyric I personally head canon J.P. cutting Ortensia off and not supporting her financially after marrying Oswald. He shows a clear distaste for Ozzie and I feel like he only lets Ortensia see him in the first place is because of the little rabbit's heroism although still ultimately hates him. This makes Oswald's and Ortensia's relationship even sweeter with the idea that Ortensia knowingly decided she didn't need money to be happy, all she needed was Ozzie and she's content with that. It also makes Oswald even sweeter as I imagine him doing his best in order to impress the in-laws because he wants to prove he can be a great husband to Ortensia.
Overall I think it's really sweet the bond these two have and despite everything they only need each other to be happy. Also I don't think Ortensia and her dad have a bad relationship either. I feel like J.P.'s dislike for Oswald comes from over protectiveness and he thinks Oswald is just trying to marry into the family for the money. I feel like his feelings would shift over time and after the two give him grandchildren he'd realize the love Oswald has isn't shallow. I don't think J.P. would ever like Ozzie yet after seeing Oswald willingly be a dad to 420 kids he'd see the obvious and know Oswald has no ulterior motive other than wanting to be a great husband and dad.
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theamberfist · 15 hours
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How I Met Her Mother | Part 2 | Tighnari x Reader
Romantic: Tighnari x Collei's Parent! Reader
Description: When Collei and the traveler discover Tighnari's feelings for her adoptive parent, they make it their mission to get them on a date together through a (maybe unnecessarily) elaborate plan.
(Notes: none) (gender neutral reader) (reader is Collei's adoptive parent) (Part 2 of How I Met Her Mother)
Read Part 1 here!
I didn’t plan to do multiple parts originally but @4o3ok3id you ask and you shall receive! <3
Since you'd moved back to Gandharva Ville, you'd been extremely stressed. Between your work as a doctor, helping your daughter with her own health issues, and trying your best not to inconvenience any of the forest rangers, things could be a lot. However, more recently, you'd started to notice a few of those worries easing, as if someone had been lightening the load on your shoulders.
And, of course, that someone happened to be Tighnari; your close friend from back during your Akadamiya days. You didn't think he was aware of the fact that you'd noticed, but you had. He was always offering to take in some of your extra patients since he had some medical expertise himself, even after you'd essentially become Gandharva Ville's personal doctor. He kept you as updated as possible on Collei's condition so you wouldn't be left worrying in the dark, he let her rest in his own hut on her off-but-not-life-threatening days so you wouldn't have to see it, and the amount of times he'd brought over dinner for the two of you due to having 'made too much for himself' so you wouldn't have to worry about cooking was becoming too much to count.
You were extremely touched by it and always tried your best to repay him for his kind acts, though he rarely ever accepted anything, claiming he 'was just doing his job as head forest ranger.' 
You weren't the only one that had started to notice his abnormal kindness towards you and your daughter, though. 
"He brought you guys dinner again?!" Paimon exclaimed a little too loudly as she, Collei, and Aether crouched behind some bushes by your house. "That's, like, the third time since we've been visiting!" 
"I know," Collei replied, "Master Tighnari is very kind, and I think he can tell how stressed they are. I just wish I could do something to help them too; I hope I don't make them worry too much..." Aether could see the green haired girl starting to look sad and immediately tried to come up with a way to cheer her up. Luckily, though, Paimon seemed to have that covered.
"Collei!" She exclaimed, flying a little closer to the girl while still staying far back enough that she wouldn't accidentally touch her and make her uncomfortable, "Do you realize what this means?!" She got loud again and, momentarily, the rustling in your kitchen nearby stopped. All three of them froze but after a second it continued as you went back to preparing the dinner the forest ranger had brought; seemingly deciding not to investigate the loud noises outside. 
Aether shushed the little flying girl as Collei frowned slightly. "...No?" Paimon looked exasperated.
"Do you?!" She asked, turning to the blonde traveler, who shrugged. "Ugh!' Paimon exclaimed, "Isn't it obvious? Tighnari has feelings for Collei's parent! You two are both clueless." 
"He...Does?" Collei asked, looking a little confused but the longer she though about it, the more she had to admit that it did add up. Even before you'd adopted her when she was little, there had seemed to be something going on between you two that was different from your friendship with Cyno or anyone else. 
"Of course he does!" Paimon replied, "You should have seen the look on his face when he told us how they'd met, Collei! Paimon can't believe she didn't realize it at the time but it all makes sense now!" Beside her, Aether couldn't help but nod in agreement; she had a point.
"...I guess that would explain why he always does so much to help," Collei admitted finally, "And why he seems so much less strict around us than the rest of Gandharva Ville. I always thought it was just because they'd graduated together, but Cyno was in their class too and Master Tighnari is even stricter towards him than anyone here!" 
"Exactly!" Paimon exclaimed. This revelation put a smile on Collei's face. After all, you and Tighnari had to be two of her favorite people in the whole world. You'd taken her in when she had nothing; a scared child that was recovering from having the remains of a god essentially exorcised from her body. You were young yourself at the time, and yet you'd agreed to raise her as your own without a second thought. 
And then there was Tighnari; the man that had taken her on as a student the second she'd shown an interest in plants and basic level of competence. He'd helped make her who she was today; taught her to fight, empowered her when she felt like she couldn't ever be strong again. He'd even helped stave off the symptoms of her Eleazar alongside you. 
The idea of the two of you potentially entering a relationship- or better yet, getting married- made her grin widely. She already saw Tighnari like a second parent with all that he'd taught her, even if she would never be brave enough to tell him that to his face. Having you both as her official parents would be a dream come true, and if it would make you happy, she'd support it without a doubt.
"I hope Master Tighnari tells them about his feelings soon!" She exclaimed excitedly now, "I'm sure they feel the same!" 
"Knowing that guy, I wouldn't count on it." Paimon replied with a sigh. But then she seemed to get an idea because she suddenly turned and eyed Aether in a way only a scheming Paimon could. He gave her a 'what are you thinking?' kind of look but she just turned back to Collei. "What if we help them out?" She suggested, making him raise an eyebrow, "There's no way someone like Tighnari would confess to your parent; and especially not if he feels like they're already stressed. But if we nudge them along, maybe we could help them finally admit their feelings!"
There was a pause as Collei seemed to process this. On the one hand, as your daughter, she wanted you to be happy and not have to worry about her so much despite her illness. On the other, she knew it might be wrong to get involved in the situation when it really wasn't her place. After all, it was possible her mentor had his reasons for not admitting his feelings to you yet. 
...Unfortunately for Tighnari, though, the first reason won out in her mind and she finally nodded at Paimon. "Alright," she said with a wide, excited grin. "Let's do it. Do you have a plan?"
"You bet Paimon does!" The little pixie exclaimed, motioning for her and the traveler to follow.
Aether couldn't help but feel he'd regret being involved with this later. 
..........
"And that's why all of you should take on a little extra work today!" Paimon explained, concluding her longer-than-necessary presentation. The huge group of forest rangers, whom she'd dragged out of their rooms in the dead of night to convince, all looked at her with dead expressions. Beside her, Collei seemed to get a little nervous at the silence.
"Please." She added kindly. The rangers blinked and another silence followed before one raised his hand. 
"If we agree will you let us go back to sleep?" 
"Yes!" Paimon chirped, making the whole group cheer, "...Quietly!" They immediately silenced their joy before retreating to their rooms to get a few more hours of sleep before the sun would rise. Luckily, Tighnari hadn't been scheduled for any night patrol this evening so if they kept silent enough, he wouldn't realize the entirety of Gandharva Ville had been brought out for a meeting without him. 
"I think that went well," Collei smiled as she turned to the pixie and the traveler. Paimon nodded.
"You think they'll follow through with it?" Aether asked. He didn't seem doubtful, though; just curious. 
"I do!" Collei replied, "And don't worry, I'll take on some extra work too. Between all of us forest rangers, we should be able to give Tighnari a lot less worry about!"
"Which lets us continue with the next phase of our plan..." Paimon grinned evilly despite the actual act she was doing, which was very selfless. 
"Before then, though, we should get some rest." Collei told them, "I'll meet you in the morning for breakfast, where we can continue with the next part of our plan!" They both nodded at that before the group split up and went their separate ways. 
What they didn't seem to realize, though, was that their conversation had been overheard by someone whose lips tugged into a grin.
.......... 
The next morning, Paimon, Collei, and the traveler met bright and early for breakfast. There, they went over their plan while also not-so-casually observing Tighnari from afar as he went about his morning. The other rangers hadn't taken on much of their extra work yet, considering the day had just barely gotten started, but it seemed like the lead ranger was already becoming surprised by just how little he actually needed to get done. 
He'd already checked back with one of his patients to find Collei had taken care of them before he could and that one of the nearby withering zones he'd planned on clearing today was already gone.
Things were going perfectly so far, and as soon as the group finished their breakfast, they bid one another goodbye before going their separate ways. Collei needed to do her actual job as a forest ranger trainee, and so it was the traveler and Paimon's turn to put some of this plan in motion.
They headed out to the nearest withering zone, which happened to be not far from your medical tent, and made sure they would be nearby if anyone got injured. 
When a few rangers inevitably did and started heading for your tent, Aether immediately got in their way. 
"You can't see Y/n!" Paimon exclaimed dramatically, "They're- uh, completely full! Yep! No more patients for them today; you'd better let him teleport you to see a doctor in Liyue Harbor instead." She pointed to Aether, who quickly nodded in agreement. The rangers exchanged glances among themselves but after a moment, seemed to decide the two were trustworthy because they nodded and allowed the traveler to make use of his teleport waypoints in order to take them for medical attention.
"And here I thought Y/n could never turn away patients," one of the rangers commented, "They must be beyond swamped right now! I hope they're alright."
"We should let Master Tighnari know not to send anyone else their way when we get the chance." Another agreed.
"No!" Paimon exclaimed, surprising them both. She immediately stiffened and pulled herself together, "Paimon means...We'll tell Tighnari for you! So don't worry about it!" Again, after a moment of deliberation, the rangers nodded before disappearing with Aether. The little pixie sighed in relief. If they told Tighnari not to send anyone for your medical attention, he would either suspect something was up and go talk to you about it or get worried about you and also go talk to you about it. They couldn't have that; not until they were ready for you two to meet up later. 
"Paimon just hopes Y/n won't be upset we sent their patients to Baizhu," the girl said to herself, knowing the Liyue doctor was something of a rival to you. There was no animosity there; just a bit of friendly banter, but it was enough for you not to want Gandharva Ville's people going to him over you. 
When Aether returned from teleporting the injured rangers to the harbor, he held up a thumbs up for the pixie, who nodded in relief that it had worked. They'd likely have to do this many more times today, of course; forest rangers tended to get hurt very often. But at least this meant there were two more they wouldn't need to worry about, which was better than nothing. 
After all, if they wanted you two to have time for one another later, they needed to make sure both you and Tighnari had free work schedules for the day. 
..........
"Master Tighnari!" Collei called, knowing the fox-eared forest ranger wouldn't be busy at the moment, thanks to her and the others' plan. She found said ranger near his hut, where he appeared to be cooking yet another meal that would make way too many servings for someone living alone to eat. When the green haired girl arrived, he immediately looked up at her.
"Collei, is there something you need?" He asked, clearly feeling a little awkward about being caught doing something so unproductive by his own trainee. What he didn't know was that she'd planned it that way. 
"We're out of bandages and Padisarah's." Collei informed her mentor, "And we have a patient with a wound that could really use both over at the medical tent." It wasn't totally true; she had no idea if a patient at your tent required those things. But since both the bandages and the herb were resources they went through the quickest, it was a lie Tighnari would believe and take seriously, which he did. 
"I see," he replied, glancing at the food he was still cooking, "Let Y/n know I'll head out to pick some more up today, and not to worry." He knew you too well, and had this been a real situation, Collei knew you would have called him a life-saver like you always did. She smiled, nodding with relief.
"Okay!" She told him and then went to head for the medical tent, only to pause on the way, "Would you like me to come with you to help? I know we usually buy our supplies in bulk so it could be difficult getting everything back here without a sumpter beast." Tighnari paused for a moment, remembering that the last of the sumpter beasts had been taken out that morning for other tasks (something Collei and the others had had nothing to do with but appreciated anyway). 
"Yes, I suppose that would be a big help..." He decided finally, "Thank you, Collei. We'll head out in a few minutes, but please go let Y/n know first." She nodded before running off.
Tighnari had specifically given himself extra time not only because you needed to be informed if your daughter left Gandharva Ville but also so he could finish the food he'd been preparing to give you and her for lunch. Once it was finished, he took it from the cooking pot and wrapped it so it would stay fresh until he could give it to you, which would likely be later in the evening than he'd planned. 
Collei returned a few minutes later, having actually let you know she'd be leaving but not the real reason why. Then the two of them were on their way after Tighnari checked one more time that he had no other pressing work to get done. Of course, he didn't.
Their walk to Sumeru City was quick and uneventful, and soon enough, they were in the market shopping for bandages, Padisarah's, and another item Tighnari wasn't yet aware of. 
"Master Tighnari, look!" Collei exclaimed, pointing to a formal suit that was on display at one of the clothing shops. She'd seemed so excited about it that he had to come over but was surprised now to see what exactly she'd been pointing at. 
"A...Suit?"
"Isn't it beautiful?" She asked, aware of how strange she sounded, considering she'd never showed any interest in men's formal wear before. "It reminds me of this story my parent told me once." At this, the forest ranger's fox ears perked a bit.
"Oh?" He asked, silently urging her to continue.
"After their graduation from the Akademiya, they got invited to attend a party in Fontaine," Collei explained, "When they attended, their date wore a purple suit, but it clashed with the outfit they'd picked and made them look awful together." The story she was telling was real, though you hadn't been nearly as dramatic when you'd told it as she currently was. "They broke up after that, but they always say he should have worn green like this suit because it goes with all their clothes." 
With that, she turned and walked off as if she'd finally found the Padisarah's they'd been looking for. Planting the seed of an idea in Tighnari's head would hopefully be enough and she needed to be out of the way so he didn't feel any judgement when acting on it. 
She made sure to inspect the herbs for much longer than necessary before glancing back at her mentor, who happened to have an extra shopping bag in his arms now that hadn't been there before. The suit that had been on display was also gone now, making the green haired girl's smile widen. She bought the herbs they needed and then turned back to the head forest ranger, who looked at her expectantly. 
"Ready to head back to Gandharva Ville?" He asked, "Y/n would never be upset with us for taking too long but I wouldn't put it past them to badmouth me to their patients in order to make them feel better."
"They always say having a common enemy is a big part of bedside manner," Collei giggled, "They need someone to blame for the patient's prolonged pain." Tighnari chuckled at that, shaking his head as he lead the way back towards the village.
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blue-blue-blooms · 1 day
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When Love Isn't Enough
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Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader
Part 1
1.6k words
Summary: Steve can feel you pulling away. You haven't been yourself in a while, becoming more and more withdrawn. It doesn't help that there's an evil wizard on the loose and you meet the checklist for the perfect prey.
Warnings: Some angst. Talks of depression, loneliness, and suicidal ideation.
"Y/N hasn't been herself lately. And, I don't know, she's been pulling away recently. Not physically. More, like, she's there but she isn't. She's in the room with me and she's pretending to listen, but I can tell she's thinking about something else. And it isn't like she's bored or, like, daydreaming, she just seems...distant. She keeps saying she's fine, but I know that she's not. I mean, she thinks I haven't noticed, but she doesn't eat much anymore. She barely sleeps and she claims it's because of school, or work, or whatever excuse she has...Robin, are you listening to me?" Steve rambles, one hand on the steering wheel and the other running through his hair in frustration, as he drives Robin to the pep rally. 
"Yes, yes, I'm listening!" Robin exclaims, desperately trying to keep her hand steady as she applies her mascara. 
"Really? What'd I just say then?" Steve asks.
"Something about how obsessed you are with Y/N and the smell of her hair," Robin guesses, immediately backtracking as she sees the look on Steve's face, "I'm sorry! But there's always so much going on in your love life. I can't fully grasp the labyrinthine complexity that is your and Y/N's relationship!"
"It's not that complex, I'm worried about her!" Steve says, "Like just today, she calls me and says not to drive her and Dustin to school because they're biking. She doesn't even own a bike!"
Robin stops applying her makeup for a second and looks over. Realizing the severity of Steve's emotions, she lets out a little sigh and gives him a gentle nudge with her hand. 
"I'm worried about her, too" She confesses, "I don't think she's mentioned this to anyone so please don't bring it up with her, but her grades have been slipping. A lot."
"Really?"
"Yeah, and I've seen her at the counsellor’s office" Robin admits.
"Ms. Kelley?"
Robin nods. 
"Well...Why didn't she say anything to me?" Steve asks, his face falling as he tries to come up with reasons as to why you aren't opening up. 
"I...I don't know. She hasn't been speaking to me, either. We sit together during lunch, but she barely talks to me. I just talk at her, and she just sits in silence," Robin replies, "Have you tried bringing this up with her?"
Steve pauses for a bit then says, "No...I didn't wanna push her. It just feels like...like she's teetering on the edge these days, and if I say the wrong thing, she'll run."
♡♡♡
Most days start like this: you wake up gasping for breath, one hand on your chest and the other stifling your sobs. Another nightmare. Sometimes it's about the Russians, sometimes it's about finding a Demogorgon eating your cat, sometimes it's about Billy and the Mind Flayer, sometimes it's about losing Hopper, but every time it hurts just as bad. You wish you hadn't gone to Mike Wheeler's that day to check up on Dustin. You wish you hadn't found out about Eleven or the lab or the Upside Down. But everything in your life is so deeply intertwined that you would have found out one way or another. It's beyond you how everyone else in Hawkins has remained so oblivious. 
Even though you wish you could rewind and take back every moment that led you to where you are now, you know in your heart that you wouldn't. If it wasn't for all the shit you had to go through, you wouldn't have the people you have now. You wouldn't have ever befriended Nancy Wheeler. You would've never met Robin Buckley. You and Dustin would never have grown as close as you are now. You wouldn't have the golden-dusted, happy memories that you made last summer with Max and El. You never would've learned how to play DnD with Will. And you never would have fallen in love. 
You never saw Steve coming. Well, you did see him coming that day when you and Dustin were at the Wheelers looking for everyone. He had roses in his hands, and he was mumbling to himself. For a second, you thought he'd caved into the insanity of what he'd gone through and lost his mind. 
"Are you talking to yourself?" you'd asked loudly, making him quickly turn around, "Do you need help?"
"What? No! I was just-" he'd stuttered, "What're you two doing here? Actually, who are you?" The last question was directed at you. 
"Who am I? The bitch that sat behind you in English for two years. I've been lending you pencils for months. Are you serious-" you'd snapped at him, a little offended at him for not recognizing you. 
"We don't have time for this!" Dustin yelled, interrupting you, as he took your hand and dragged you to Steve's car. 
You always laugh a little when you remember that particular memory. It wasn't the first time you two had met (maybe for Steve) but it was the first time you'd both become aware of each other. And it was like something had clicked into place because now that you both knew each other, you couldn't drift away. Suddenly Steve was everywhere. The summer after El's bitchin new makeover and the whole debacle that was closing the gate to the Upside Down, you and Steve spent every day together. He'd started working at Starcourt and you worked at the Kiosk across from him, which meant you saw each othera lot. Soon, those days of eating free ice cream in the back turned into shy glances, nervous laughter, and stolen kisses. You were his and he was yours. It was almost perfect. Almost. 
Because even with all this love, joy, and friendship, you can't forget that you're rotten to your core. That there is something deeply wrong with you, something gory and disgusting that's been eating you alive. You don't know how to tell Steve that he doesn't know. If he knew you, he'd leave you. You're so broken inside that it's almost comical. Every day starts and ends with a nightmare. Then the headaches. Sometimes the nosebleeds. Always the loud voices in your head reaffirming the beliefs you have of yourself. You're not good enough. Never have been. You're a fraud. Always have been. You don't know what's worse, when you can't breathe or when there's too much oxygen. 
You call Steve and tell him you don't need a ride. Then you make Dustin bike to school, and you wait for your mother to leave for work before climbing back into bed. These days, it was getting harder and harder to do the mundane, everyday tasks. You couldn't get out of bed. You couldn't take a shower. Everything required willpower that you just didn't have.
God, I'm so pathetic. 
You've nearly fallen back asleep when you hear a knock on your door. You ignore it, hoping whoever it is goes away. The knocking continues, growing louder and louder. You let out a curse and hop out of your bed, begrudgingly going to the front door. You open the door and find Steve standing outside. 
"I knew it!" He exclaims, "Why aren't you in school?"
You don't have the energy for this. You just want him to leave. 
"I'm sick," you lie, adding a half-assed cough, "You should be at work."
"If you were sick then why didn't you just say that when you called this morning?" Steve enquired, folding his arms across his chest, and raising an eyebrow. 
"I got sick after" you shrug, "How'd you know I wasn't in school."
"Dustin, he called about some DnD shit and mentioned you weren't in when I asked why you couldn't play," Steve explains, his eyes scanning your face, "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," you say.
"No, you're not" Steve replies, coming in through the door and making his way into your room. You silently follow and fall back into bed. 
"Baby, what's going on?" Steve asks softly, getting into bed behind you and laying down.
"Just a headache," you mumble, "I'm fine."
You feel him padding his fingers through your hair and you find yourself lulling back to sleep. But before you can, you hear him start to speak again.
"Not just today, Y/N. What's going on with you? You haven't been yourself lately."
You don't know how to answer this. How do you articulate the absolute mess that is your mind? How do you tell him that you feel like you're on the verge of going insane? How do you tell him that all you feel is agonizing despair and the only reason you're alive is because you're too much of a coward to die?
"I just...haven't been feeling well," you say, "Just haven't been doing so well."
"How can I help? Can I do anything?" Steve asks, holding you close as he brushes the hair out of your face and lays a soft, lingering kiss on your forehead.
"I don't think anyone can fix it," you reply, turning to face him.
The sun peeks through your blinds and you can just about make out his face in the dark. You lean over and softly kiss him. He's everything that you're not but you're too selfish to let go.
"I just wish you'd speak to me, tell me what's going on in your head. I just feel locked out, baby." Steve whispers.
The only response you can manage to give is a mumbled sorry. But there's so much more you'd like to say. Sorry that you're stuck with me, you deserve better. Sorry that I'm like this. Sorry that I'm this broken, this wretched. Sorry that I've fooled you into thinking I'm better than I am. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You close your eyes and lay your head on his chest. In the darkness of your room, you pray that this moment lasts forever. But as another nightmare sinks its claws into you, you're not sure if you'll make it out alive.
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Calming Waves
Hunter x Reader
Summary- After finding out Omega has been taken for the third time, you and Hunter must comfort each other. Set at the end of s.3 ep.11
A/N- I AM FERAL FOR THIS MAN!!!!! It didn't turn out exactly how I wanted. The idea wasn't as fresh in my head as I would have liked. Nevertheless, enjoy!
Word Count- 1,439
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Your chest heaved, desperate for air as you ran. Your feet hurt from how hard they were hitting the pavement. The Empire ships were leaving, that meant either two things.
Omega was dead, or Omega was taken.
Tears burned your eyes as you still raced for the top of Pabu where Shep's home was. That was the designated hideout.
You were close to hyperventilating, but seeing the humble cottage in the distance gave you the last boost you needed. You had to know what happened.
With a fury you didn't know you had, you slammed the door open.
"Where is she!" You yelled out when you saw only Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair.
Hunter was the first to face you, his own eyes glossy. He said nothing, just pulled you into a tight hug.
With realization you sobbed. If it wasn't for Hunter holding you up, you would have fallen.
You cried and cried, Crosshair could only look down in shame.
"Shhh, Shhh, we will find her..." You managed to catch your breath at his reassuring words. Hunter rubbed your back soothingly, even though he was barely hanging on himself.
"What... What happened?" You stood by yourself again, tears still silently falling. You wiped them away violently.
All eyes turned to Crosshair at your question. You noticed and followed their gazes. "What did you do?" You asked, words laced with poison.
"She, Omega, she gave herself up." He revealed, your heart sank again. She was so brave...
With a single stride forward- SLAP!
Your hand stung, bad. You just hoped Crosshairs cheek hurt worse. Your stare sent daggers to him.
He saw the hit coming, he really did. He just agreed that he deserved it, letting you deliver the blow.
"And you let her? You were supposed to protect her!" You pressed, unable to grasp how he could do such a thing.
"She.... She felt guilty, all of the lives that were going to be lost-"
"Do you think I give hell about anyone else?" You argued. "If we start to think about strangers, then we'd all be dead."
He looked remorseful, but not apologetic. "Omega saw the bigger picture."
This set you off, grabbing your blaster from its holster. "She is a child," a sob threatened, "She is too busy seeing the good in people to know how much bad there truly is."
Wrecker sat silent, watching. He was still injured from the bomb.
You weren't actually going to shoot him, in your fury you just acted irrationally. Hunter knew this as well, but still came to your side.
His hand wrapped around yours, gently lowering your weapon and hand.
"I can't even look at you right now..." At that, you turned on your heel. You didn't exactly know where you were going, just that you needed some air.
Hunter was at your side, a hand trying to wrap around your hip. "No, just leave me alone. I cannot believe this!" You pushed his hand away, admittedly harsh.
"I won't let you run off. We need to stick together right now." He managed to grip your wrist, you let him.
You sighed deeply, "Then come with me."
"Always..." He moved his hand down to grasp yours lovingly.
While the thought of marching back in and demanding a plan crossed your mind- Wrecker was hurt and you had no ship. The best you could do was wait for Echo or Phee to return your messages. Your mind still wandered at ways to find her.
You found yourself at the shoreline, right by Omegas hideaway cave. You didn't mean to stop there, but you guessed your subconscious wanted to be closer to her.
With a puff you sat down in the sand, hands mindlessly feeling the grain beneath you.
Hunter stood by your side, still on guard. You, however, were too worn out to care anymore.
"Three times..." You stated, not looking up. The wind blew your hair back. It could have been a scene from a holo-movie. The light breeze only made your heart ache more. The countless times you'd spent in this every spot with Omega grieved you.
"I know." You could hear him shuffle. You only responded by bringing your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around them.
With a sniffle, you'd decided to speak again. "I hope she's not too scared. Even if it was her choice to hand herself over, she must still be scared." Tears welled at the thought of her.
Hunter moved forward, squatting down to rest a hand on your shoulder. "She's a tough girl." Silence again.
You knew she was tough, but the 'biggest' and 'strongest' of men wavered at The Empire. What could a single girl do against a whole Imperial army?
Hunter tried to ease your nerves, "We've done it twice before, we will save her again. Her and the other captured clones." This only fueled your anger.
"And then what?" You snapped, jerking your head up at him. "The Empire will never stop looking for her! They will just come again and again."
He looked down, avoiding your gaze.
"Hunter, I just want to be normal." You rested your face in your hands, still leaning on your knees. "Is that bad? To not have anyone after us. Just you, me, Omega...I mean, of course the guys too..."
"No. No, not at all." He said.
Your shoulders shook with your crying. "I'm sorry, i'm trying to keep it all together." You said messily, wiping your eyes.
At this, he finally embraced you. Pulling you completely into his arms. You were practically in his lap. He tucked your head into his shoulder.
"I just want our daughter back." You sobbed out, holding onto Hunter hopelessly.
"Even if it is the last thing I do, I will bring Omega home. We will bring her home." He pet your head gently, his calm and serious voice started to soothe you.
Your voice was muffled by his skin, but you spoke on. "I am so tired of running."
"I know, me too."
You both just held each other for awhile, the sound of the waves helped you steady your breathing.
Hunter broke the silence. "After this, after we save her... I think we should all disappear."
"Disappear?" You questioned, even though you were sure what he meant.
"Wouldn't be too hard to fake our deaths." He said stoically, staring across the water.
You leaned up at this, shuffling so you could look at him. "What about all of your connections? Phee, Shep, I mean-" You sighed, "...We can't tell them can we?"
"It's like you said, when we start to think about strangers we risk ourselves." He was turning cold.
You eventually agreed, resting your head back on his collarbone.
"We've got an incoming message from Phee." You both heard over Hunter's comms.
"Headed your way." Hunter replied.
He squeezed you a last time, hands still on you gently. "Let's go, talking to Phee will bring us a step closer to Omega."
You nodded, heart swelling when Hunter reached down to swipe the last of your tears away.
You pulled back, touching the sand with your hand a last time. Your tears were dried, all that was left was fury. A fury that could rival The Empire.
After talking with Phee, she agreed that she would head your way. You hoped she wouldn't mind helping you four, just until Echo could fetch a ship.
Tension was high, you all waited for her to arrive. Crosshair kept looking your way, but you didn't return it.
You had thought about your exchange, and was feeling pretty guilty. You knew Crosshair wanted Omega safe, that he was only doing what he thought was right.
"Crosshair?" You called out to him, he stood at his name.
"Can we talk outside?" He nodded and followed you.
The two of you leaned over the railing outside of Shep's house. Both looking over to the water. "I'm sorry-" He started, but you interrupted.
"No, I'm sorry. I know it was Omegas idea. Her heart is too big to watch the people of Pabu get taken. I.. I wasn't actually going to shoot you.." You fiddled with your fingers, ashamed.
"I know. I'd have done the same. She, she just wants to make everyone happy." You smiled at his words, the description of her bringing you comfort.
You leaned closer to him, nudging his shoulder. "I might have a way to find the Tantiss coordinates."
You ushered him back inside, perfect timing to see Phee approaching. A plan was soon demised. You'd find a way back to Omega, no matter what.
A/N- Okay, let's be real. Hunter was not as mad as he should have been about losing Omega FOR THE THIRD TIME! That is my excuse for writing this! Thank you so much for reading!
Tags- (lmk if you want to be tagged as well!) @thethreeeyed-raven @dangraccoon @knight-of-flowerss
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beautifulpersonpeach · 16 hours
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BPP, oh my god, the MHJ New Jean's news?? Do you have any thoughts? That's actually insane! What do you think is going to end up happening with New Jean's?
*
Ask 2:
Have you read about what’s happening with Ador and Hybe? What do you think?
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Ask 3:
The TEA today about Ador Ceo was sad but not surprising. BTS is the story of betrayal by outsiders.
I was surprised when Tae worked with HER for his album. I didn't see that collaboration coming.
I have to wonder if she purposefully misled Tae into a "mid" album. Look, Layover isn't a bad album but its not a masterpiece regardless of what Tae solos believe.
The results are so different between albums like JITB, Astronaut, DDAY, Indigo, Face and Layover its crazy. The depth/personal experience reflected in those albums is undeniable while Tae's was all surface.
Golden is departure and its own thing. JK went for global popstar and achieved/ate!! His choreo reflected his status as part of 3J and his vocals were on display. Gorgeous!!! (Had to add that in because in this house we don't leave out members)
I feel bad for Tae today realizing he worked with a traitor. I will always wonder what he could have released if he had just worked with the Bighit team instead of Ador Ceo.
Maybe you have more insight into all this?
*
Ask 4:
Sooo... what are you thinking about this inter-hybe conflict between belift and ador? I know you're a nj fan but I think I've also heard you say that people are too quick to call things a nj copy, so I'm curious what you think about mhj's claims. I'll be honest that I thought that what I've seen so far seemed kind of unhinged-main-character syndrome to me but I also don't follow these groups and don't know how deep this goes. Certainly, I think mhj has been very deliberate and successful in building nj's brand, but I found this public argument unnecessary and potentially damaging to both groups. What kind of fallout do you expect?
*
Ask 5:
Bpp! Thoughts on the Min Heejin Hybe mess? I thought we were done with the corporate drama but tuns out no!
***
There's really nothing to say... yet.
News leaked that HYBE has leveled some allegations and accusations at ADOR, most likely based on a tip off, and launched an audit to ascertain if these allegations are true - in HYBE's statement confirming the audit, they don't name the people accused, but the news leak makes a point to name Min Heejin specifically, keeping the name of the VP who is accused of committing the acts unknown.
Min Heejin has responded in an exclusive interview and statement by ADOR, that she's innocent of most of the accusations and that this dispute started because HYBE has refused to curb inter-label plagiarism of her ideas with NewJeans. She refers specifically to Be:lift's new girl group Illit, noting how everything from choreography to visuals to styling to sound is based on her ideas, without proper attribution to her from Belift, nor an apology for what she calls blatant theft of concepts she's developing at ADOR. She accuses Bang PD of being complicit and prioritizing short-term profit over long-term viability of the new groups he's pushing out.
There are reports (unconfirmed) that HYBE has called for Min Heejin to resign. If ADOR doesn't call for a shareholder meeting by tomorrow, HYBE has indicated they might sue. The fact the meeting is being called before the audit is concluded, has all the hallmarks of a textbook corporate power play move, and implies to me something else than what I'm seeing most people here allude to. But still...
--
...there's nothing to say because what we're seeing is the middle innings of a power play game. There's simply too little info to make any decisive statements.
I immediately get a headache whenever things like this happen in k-pop because, even for more innocuous subjects, there's nobody more mind rotted than the average k-pop stan. And before long we'll have people whose only experience with executive/corporate power struggles is watching Succession, giving us endless takes in endless discourse. And this particular discourse is going to be more annoying because (1) Min Heejin is a woman who is already widely disliked, (2) There's an overwhelming amount of intersectional motives and interests both within and outside HYBE given the nature of the dispute, which typically leads to people infusing moral language into the discussion. It's going to be the HYBE-Kakao-SM discourse on steroids (and even in the HYBE vs SM drama, we had far more information to go on that what's available in this case).
I mean... Anon 3, you're already convinced this is a story of "betrayal", and claiming she is a "traitor", and you're tying a corporate power struggle to BTS. Not like I'd expect to see anything less from most other people to be honest.
This is really a dispute between Min Heejin and Kim Taeho (Belift's CEO), with increased grievance due to Taeho supposedly enjoying Bang PD and Park Jiwon's support and Heejin, supposedly, not.
The fallout, predictably, is going to be nasty. Given all the above. NewJeans is slated to have a comeback next month, Illit is only just ramping down debut activities while ENHYPEN is just starting the final leg of their FATE+ tour. If HYBE is indeed demanding MHJ resign, it's likely they only mean for her to resign from the CEO role but remain as the Creative Director of NewJeans - because the reality is that if there is no MHJ, there is no NewJeans. And it's that reality that in my view, is the primary leverage MHJ has. And she doesn't strike me as the sort to bluff. The worst case scenario is she leaves HYBE completely and NewJeans is put on hiatus, or the members sue to break their contracts with HYBE to follow her while she courts outside investors, similar to the Fifty Fifty situation.
Inter-label competition and drama is expected in a company like HYBE, it's wonderful because it can yield truly incredible results and unique approaches, but also potentally horrible because it can result in cases like MHJ's vs HYBE. There are ways to properly manage this competition to prevent the latter case, but I can't say I've seen any indication that with Jiwon nor Bang have done so. I said above that MHJ leaving HYBE completely is the worst case scenario for NewJeans, but it looks like the scenario most preferable for certain parties given it's one of the only viable outcomes from having this news broken this way. And so, most likely to happen. Unless Bang PD develops some hitherto unseen business acumen... so yeah I'm not holding my breath.
I have nothing insightful to add. My opinions about the suits at HYBE and Bang PD's business decisions for the last 2 years have skewed mostly negative, and that's not changed in this case. I'd rather not share my full opinions because I feel they run contrary to the dominant talking points here, and partly because they're not fully formed and nobody here is paying me to fully develop a view. I'm really not going to do that work for free.
We're all just going to have to wait and see.
What I will say though and something I find particularly interesting, is that HYBE has been accused of what Min Heejin is alleging, since at least the start of last year. Also, Belift in particular has been accused of plagiarism since the start of the year, twice, on issues unrelated to NewJeans. The first was when 'mobiius_music', an indie music producer on Instagram, accused them of lifting his music almost bar for bar for ENHYPEN's 2023 GDA dance break. The second was when Kelley Sweeney, an American choreographer who shares her routines on Instagram and tiktok, accused Belift of using her choreography for Illit's pre-debut practice without credit. Both times it was for low-level offences as it wasn't related to official music releases or album content, and so in that way Belift is better than bigger and more known agencies, but it still reflects a lax vetting process in the best case and unethical creative practices in the worst.
Anyway, my concern is for the artists involved while the suits try to play god with their careers. I can only hope that whatever happens is only the best possible outcome for all involved.
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dykeinthedark · 4 days
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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)
#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me#like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes#and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style#like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting#like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to#which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own#it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch#but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way#what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian#like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me#i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively#people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation#but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc#(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either#bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme#idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance#even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do#that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes#like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16#because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem
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suttttton · 2 years
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me 🤝 my mom undiagnosed anxiety disorders
#the older i get the clearer it becomes that me and my mom catastrophize about things very similarly#difference is i found healthy coping mechanisms while my mom found homophobic death cult evangelical christianity#of course this realization makes me feel very bad for my mom because like. i get it.#she tells me that she worries about me and i know she doesn't mean the normal way moms worry about their kids i know she actually means#that she has a creeping suspicion that my life choices are going to send me to hell and she feels powerless to stop it#and her brain will not let her think about anything else so 24/7 its just alarms blaring#and because she's constructed her entire belief system around having anxiety she's like. this fear i feel is a message from god.#and i have no idea how to help her#like????#she's literally believed these things fro her entire life giving them up feels like the end of the world#and her WHOLE FAMILY is there with her so even if she could realize she'd be happier without these beliefs#she'd immediately have a dozen trusted voices telling her no actually. your anxiety is correct and you're right to afraid all the time#for awhile when i was like. 18-19. the major question i had about my childhood was WHY didn't my mom never take me to therapy#because yeah okay she came from a culture where therapy isn't trusted and god is supposed to fix all your mental illnesses#but she read all the parenting books and universally took experts' advice over what she'd learned from her own parents#(because she knew her parents hadn't done a great job and didn't want to repeat their mistakes)#and she KNEW i was REALLY bad. i was crying all the time having her drive me to the bookstore to get books i thought might help#sending myself into anxious spirals if anyone mentioned death around me#not a fun time in my life or her life#and she DID take me to talk to my pediatrician about it so like??? why did we never see a therapist???#i was 9 i though there was just nothing that could be done but????????#but now i realize that what happened to me back then didn't really scan in my mother's head as something wrong with me#because she was the same way#:/
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blizzardfluffykpop · 5 hours
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I've been thinking about crocheting a slice of bread (because of Younghoon)- for a few weeks now- the thing holding me back was finishing a mini sweater for my mom's plushie- I did not want to finish that thing at all- (It only needed 6 more stitches and two 12 chains on either side)... The want to have a bread plushie for yh was so strong that I finished those stitches- and two days later- (after watching love revolution) In 3 hrs- I made 'Bbangie'! The bread loaf of my crochet dreams~ (It was actually really easy- I just kept getting distracted by tbz) And if anyone wishes to know the pattern/see Bbangie lmk-
#idk what to tag this#kate rambles#kate crafts#kate will ramble in the tags about 'bbangie'#i couldn't get the cute little plushies they sold from a kpop store so i've resorted to making my own... not that i haven't before but man#gotta do everything around here... jk ofc- but i wish merch was more available on cute things#anyways the free yarn my friend gave me came in handy today- (i got bunches of colors from her) i was just gonna cut up my#ombre light brown-black yarn when i realized she had give me tan and golden brown~ thanks mutt!#the piece of 'bread' isn't perfect yet- but i don't really care about the imperfections unless i'm making it for someone else- so i'll#prolly never fix them- it'll just be my emotional support piece of bread when i watch yh from now on-#it's 'two slices of bread' and then attached by single crochet then flipped right side out= to make a pretty edge like a bread loaf#i talked about it on ig but i wanted to talk about it on here in depth because i just love the little thing-#i didn't put any stuffing into it because i didn't want it to suck to clean later- and also it feels more like 'bread' w/o stuffing anyway#is bbangie it's actual name- no- i just don't know what to spell it the way i pronounce it for fun- buh-bbangie is what i call it-#it has no eyes cause that seems like a psychological nightmare- no mouth to scream but all eyes to see yknow? so alas it's just bread#i raised it from a string#also i originally saw someone crochet a sandwich bag- and i was like omg- i could make a mini bread plushie for yh- and it took me til now#to do so- but i'm so happy i did tbh#if anyone wants to see the little guy on here lmk
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ambrosiagourmet · 2 months
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I love Izutsumi. She's got a great design, she's a fun addition to the main party, she adds some new tension, and she's honestly one of the reasons I read dungeon meshi in the first place. I mean, "the most cat to ever girl" is an extremely appealing hook to anyone who loves cats and girls (me, I love cats and girls).
However, while I have always liked Izutsumi, I finished the story kind of feeling like I didn't really get her. I felt like I had a decent grasp on her character an character arc (she's a traumatized teen given space to feel safe and open up, and because of that she realizes that she can't grow without letting go of the coping mechanisms she once needed). But I didn't feel like I really understood her role in the story as a whole.
She follows the group of her own accord, after a coincidental meeting and a misunderstanding of what they can do for her. She's never super invested in saving Falin, at least not compared to the rest of the group. Though they do help her escape Maizuru's shackles, and are clearly good for her in general, she doesn't really have a healing Moment with the group the way that Senshi does with the hippogriff soup.
And yet, she gets an entire chapter, the third-to-last chapter, dedicated to exploring her growth and future. She's the one who frames much of the falling action, who lets us check in with everyone. She's the one who helps talk Laios into accepting his role as king. She may join the story part way through, but she is there for most of it. So Izutsumi! What's your deal!?
Well, I think I've come up with an answer, at least for myself, that I really like. Two of them, even! Though they both really work together to form the overall point - Izutsumi is the character that most helps the story face towards the future. Here's why I think that.
So the first of these "ah-ha" moments was when I realized that Izutsumi really is the best supporting evidence for Laios' point about the good things that wouldn't have happened if Falin hadn't died.
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If Falin hadn't been eaten by the dragon, Izutsumi probably would still be a slave. It was because of Shuro and Laios' parties both being in the dungeon to rescue Falin, as well as Marcille's use of ancient magic in the resurrection, that she got the chance to escape. None of that would have been the case if Falin hadn't died. Shuro wouldn't have separated from the group and joined up with his retainers, Marcille wouldn't have revealed her knowledge of ancient magic, and Izutsumi never would have even met any of them. They are only part of her life because of Falin's death.
Though this isn't explicitly pointed out by Laios or Izutsumi in the scene, I do think you can very much feel the presence of it. For one, when Marcille reflects on the journey and how much it made her realize she didn't want to lose everyone, her relationship with Izutsumi is prominent:
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It's the main original group at the top and center, but when you read it right to left, it’s Izutsumi and Marcille who might catch your eye first. And it's specifically Marcille and Izutsumi's relationship on display here, not just Izutsumi's presence in the group in general.
Also, after Laios' statement about how none of their adventure would have happened without Falin dying, it is Izutsumi who gets the final word:
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Izutsumi is also the one here who is the most forward-facing. Chilchuck is trying to correct Laios, Senshi is focused on the immediate future, and Izutsumi is talking about her new goal.
And I want to talk about that goal in general as well, because it’s also interesting how it comes up. In that moment, everyone is trying to remind Marcille of her less destructive desires - to eat food, to share it with them, and to meet Chilchuck's family. All of which are previously established, existing desires. When prompted by Chilchuck to join in, however, Izutsumi offers something new:
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That's interesting, isn't it? It's kind of funny, of course, to see her rambling on about a completely new thing, her own personal motive, in the middle of everyone working together to reach out to Marcille. Izutsumi doesn't even know who Yaad is! But at the same time, it’s kind of meaningful. Amidst the focus on desires that everyone already had, she adds a completely new one to the mix. It’s even the final bridge that lets Laios reach Marcille.
It is, in fact, even an idea that comes back later to help out another lord of the dungeon. The idea of finding new goals and feeling new desires... this is exactly how Kabru reaches out to Mithrun, after the Winged Lion is gone
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So yeah, Izutsumi's presence here, both in what she's actively choosing to say as well as what she represents of the consequences of Falin's death, supports the story's ideas of moving forward. Of accepting the past, and finding new reasons to live.
Which is all really good, and that alone works pretty well as an answer to what Izutsumi's role in the story is.
But oh, oh. There's more. Something I realized after having thought of all this, because I still couldn't let go of the feeling that there was still something I was missing.
And as I reviewed the things I loved about Izutsumi - her sometimes unhealthy ways of coping with trauma, her struggles with isolation, her skill with fighting, her selfishness contrasted with the ways she grows to care for and protect the group, her perpetually guarded nature, born from the seeming impossibility of ever fitting in or finding a safe place to just be herself - I realized something.
Izutsumi...
is a foil to Falin.
Where Falin copes with isolation and trauma by being eternally caring and struggling to say no to people, Izutsumi copes by constantly saying no to everything she can. Falin is often considered selfless, but does have selfish desires that she can’t easily express until a moment of crisis. Izutsumi is delightfully selfish, but chooses to stick by her friends when they need her. They are both transformed, against their will, into partly monstrous hybrids, and they both will have to live with that - there is no undoing what has been done to them.
Falin anchors the group in the past. Izutsumi pulls them towards the future. Neither would find freedom without the other - it is Falin's death that leads to Izutsumi joining the party, and likewise, it is Izutsumi who inspires the realization of how they can save Falin.
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And Falin is her future, as much as Izutsumi is Falin's. Both learn to be a little more like each other, even though they never meet. Falin gets a little more selfish. Izutsumi gets a little more willing to bend.
In this context, I feel like I have finally started to understand just how important Izutsumi is to the story. She is a proof that they cannot just go back, and she is a clawed, happy-to-scratch-anyone-who-pisses-her-off reminder, at that. In any conversation about what the group wishes would have happened with Falin, she cannot be ignored or brushed aside.
She is a reminder that, even in the midst of a tragedy so big it feels like a shadow you will never escape, you have yet to met all the people you will love. Hell, some of those people might even be catgirls. We should all be so lucky.
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rafeandonlyrafe · 3 months
Text
borrowed clothes
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words: 800
warnings: 18+ only, smut, female receiving oral, unprotected p in v sex, mentions of male masturbation, friends to lovers
“rafe, can i borrow your panthers jersey?” you ask, walking into his closet without even waiting for permission.
“you know, you always steal my clothes and never give me any of yours in return.” rafe points out, following you in to the walk in, seeing you already looking through his shirts, trying to find the nfl jersey.
“its sports night, rafe.” you roll your eyes. your favorite bar does themed nights that allow discounted drinks if you come in theme. “you have a million sports things to wear, and i have none.” you remind your best friend.
“all im saying is its unfair.” rafe smiles at you as you find the jersey you were thinking of, knowing his closet better than he does. it’s just a part of being friends for your entire life, best friends.
“okay, here.” you tug your black tshirt off, having planned to wear it underneath rafes jersey, but you can deal with just your bra. rafe looks away from your chest, despite having seen you in just your underwear or swimsuit a million times.
you toss the material at him before tugging the oversized jersey over your head, tucking the front into your tiny miniskirt. “how do i look?” you ask rafe, who is now holding your discarded tshirt in his hand.
rafe nods. “good.” its all he can force himself to say. better than sexy, hot, so good that he wants to bend you over right in the closet and shove that little skirt up and bury his cock in your-
“great!” you smile. “now we gotta find something sporty for you.” you hum, turning back to his closet.
--
“rafey?” you call, entering tanneyhill without knocking. you haven’t asked permission to enter since you were a child, with rafes house being your second home.
“he’s in the shower.” wheezie calls out from the living room.
“thanks wheez!” you ruffle her hair as you walk past, teasing her like she was your own little sister.
you head up to rafes room, flopping onto the bed as you pull your phone out, waiting for rafe to finish up in the shower, hoping he won’t take too long.
you scroll through tiktok, letting out a yawn with a big stretch, readjusting and sliding your hand under rafes pillow. you frown when realize your fingers graze over a weird material, feeling oddly stiff and not something that belongs on rafes bed.
you sit up, moving the pillow to reveal your black tshirt, now covered in white stains. you frown and move it closer to inspect the fabric, eyes widening when you realize what you are holding in your hands.
your mind moves at a thousand miles a minute, realizing that rafe has been jacking off into your shirt. the implications are clear, the one piece of clothing item that he has of yours, and he uses it to get himself off?
you toss the piece of fabric back down, slamming the pillow back on top of it right as rafe opens the bathroom door, towel wrapped around his waist.
“i-i can explain.”
--
“f-fuck!” you shout out, rafes head buried in your cunt, tongue lapping over your pussy, finally tasting you like he's long awaited to. “why did it take us so long to do this?”
rafe just smiles against your cunt, glad that he didn't need to give a real explanation as you hopped off the bed and kissed him, realizing that your feelings echoed his after seeing your tshirt, suddenly feeling just as pent up.
“should have just fucked me instead of cumming all over my shirt.” you whine as his tongue flicks over your clit.
“ill buy you a new one.” rafe sucks your clit into his mouth, determined to make you cum. you let out a cry, your high building.
a shiver spreads throughout your body as rafes mouth brings you to orgasm, a scream being forced out of your body, not caring that there are other people in the house that could hear.
“fuck, you taste so good baby.” rafe moans into your cunt, tongue swiping out again until you gently push his head away, not able to take anymore on your sensitive clit.
rafe rises up, draping himself over your body. he gives you a deep kiss, your arms wrapping around his shoulders.
“i can't believe you were jacking off into my shirt thinking of me.” you giggle. 
“oh god, you're never gonna let me forget that, are you?” rafe groans, moving lower to rub his cock between your folds, soaking it in your wetness.
you laugh before it's cut off by rafes lips.
“can i fuck you y/n?” rafe asks, lining himself up with your entrance.
“yeah.” you nod. “yeah, need you.”
“last chance to rethink this. because once i enter you, we can't just be friends anymore.”
“i know, i know.” you peck a kiss to rafes lips. “hurry up and fuck me already.”
rafe smiles down at you as he slowly presses forward, your walls giving way to his thick cock.
“i love you.” rafe admits with a gasp.
“i love you too.”
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winterarmyy · 9 months
Text
Welcome home... Soldat? | Part I
That time when Bucky accidentally relapsed into the Winter Soldier.
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Summary: Y/N had make a habit of greeting Bucky a warm 'welcome home' everytime he came back from his missions, but there was one particular day when she unknowingly greeted someone else.
Navigation: Part I || Part II* || Part III (end) || Extra
Words: 2.9k++
Pairing: winter soldier!bucky x female!reader
Warnings: implied 18+ content, implied smut, dubious con on groping reader's body, dark(?) possessive behaviour, google translated russian, our soldat is kinda cute(?) in his own twisted way, and well, basically fluffy times with the soldat.
P/S: Guys, I never planned this at all. I mean, who am I kidding? All of my fics are not planned and I clearly write things out of impulse. Therefore, this one don't have much of a story building/plot because it was born out of one scene that flashed in my head and has been replayed way to many times that I need to let it out. Anyway, I still hope you enjoy it, somehow.
Read my other works here: Masterlist
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Y/N didn't know when exactly she started this habit but she swore to herself to never grow out of it.
It's been nearly 2 years since the fall of Hydra and the avenger has accepted the winter soldier under their wing. Begrudgingly by Tony, but the rest of them seemed like they're not against it.
Y/N used to be an agent from SHIELD but since the fall, she had been recruited under the avenger's programme and had been living in the tower since.
She remembered the day when Bucky first came in, he was quiet and weary all the time. Like an abandoned cat, picked up by a stranger to come to their home. And it took the whole team months before he slowly adapted.
Who knew he would morphed into a sassy, grumpy little shit, right?
Since the first day, Y/N had been making an effort to make him feel welcomed. Helped him to adjust to modern times. Though it was not regular but she's glad he came to her from time to time to ask about things.
Y/N only meant it to be casual when she greeted him back from his missions. Usually, it'll be something like,
"Oh you're back?"
"How's the team?"
"Good to see you well put together from such horrendous mission."
"God, you look like you fell from 5 flight of stairs."
"Are you even trying to fight back, Bucky?"
But one time, Bucky came back in the morning around breakfast, she wasn't feeling sassy or clever. So, instead of greeting him with playful remarks, in the glory of her messy bed hair and iron man pyjamas, she greeted him with a sleepy smile, "Welcome home, Bucky."
And that surely made the 6 foot, bulky hunk of a soldier paralysed in his spot. His ocean blues slightly widen, and his cheeks deepen in blush.
For a moment, he wondered if this is how he would feel if he had a wife waiting for him to come back from war back in the 40's. But, then again nothing can be compared to the sight he was seeing as he is now.
And Y/N didn't want to ever lose that memory of him.
Cute and flustered Bucky is a very rare sight to see. Perhaps, this was the only time she could witness it and she want to cherish it for the rest of her life.
Though Bucky never replied to Y/N's greeting, it didn't stop them from starting a whole new routine.
Y/N always knew that she had a thing for the sargent, but about 2 months from that moment, Y/N realized she was in love.
And she waited for him, every single chance she had for arrival of the team to come back. Just like she is now, at 03:45 in the morning, while scavenging for something sweet she can eat as she waits for Bucky's return.
When, she turned around she was not expecting to have her face into clashed into something, "Oww!" Y/N shuts her eyes close as she rubbed her aching nose to ease the sharp strike of pain.
For a moment there, she seriously thought she might have just bumped into some kind of a solid air that appeared out of nowhere, but when she opened her eyes, it was just Bucky who was standing rather ominously still.
"My god, you scared the shit out of me. I know you used to be an assassin but, you gotta announce yourself sometimes, man." She joked. Although she did find it impressive that he managed to silently sneak up on her with those thick, heavy combat boots he was wearing.
"Woah, someone's been having a field day kicking your ass, huh?" Y/N's eyes lingered a little longer on the wounds at the side of his temple that she didn't notice the void in his eyes.
"Anyway..." she continued as she shook of the thoughts of caressing the cut on the corner of Bucky's lip, before greeting him with a gentle smile, "Welcome home."
Bucky's unresponsiveness was nothing new to her. With the amount of silent glares and gruff eye-rolls that he had shot at her these past few months, she's used to it by now.
But, when she finally had the guts to look him in the eye, only then she noticed the underlying shift. Albeit, his signature frown was still as present as ever but, those eyes had made her questioned of the slight difference from what she recognized.
Bucky wordlessly step forward and cornered her until her back meets the side of the kitchen isle. He took his time assessing her, almost admiring the way her iris wavered in confusion.
Something is wrong.
Her guts were screaming at her to notice it but her body wasn't reacting accordingly. That's when the voice of the AI, Jarvis echoed through the walls.
"Emergency alert: Code Winter. Initiated by Captain Steve Rogers. All agent is advised..." The announcement went on based on protocol while the cogs in Y/N's brain finally moved, "Code Winter? That means..."
 "...to be cautious of Sargent James Barnes; reprimand on sight however try not to engage alone. Agents is..." Jarvis voice in the background interwoven with Y/N's internal deduction, "...This is not Bucky?"
As she tried to put her own mind into perspective, trying to make herself believe that this man in front of her is not Bucky Barnes who she had been adoring over for these past few months, the soldat's hands reached the side of her neck, squeezing the softness of her flesh while his thumbs grazed the shape of her jawline.
His heavy gaze remained on hers, willing her to stay as still possible.
"Bucky...?" She called his name in hopes of triggering something, anything for within his controlled mind.
At end of the corridor leading towards the kitchen, Steve could see how the soldat had already gotten his hands on Y/N and panic strike him like lightning, he sprinted towards her as he despretely shouted, "Y/N! Stay away from--"
But Y/N was not able to render anything she heard from Steve, especially after a long silence, the soldat finally spoke, "Yes, I'm home..."
He carefully pulled her face closer to his as his lips planted on her soft cheek, "...мое cолнышко (my sunshine)" he lifted for a second just to kiss her again on her temple as he whispered lowly, "...мое Родная (my darling)"
Y/N's heart was beating madly for several different reasons. Parts of her was terrified that the soldat might break her neck within an instance, but it gradually changes into something much more confusing, a conflicted joy, when he keep on trailing his lips all over her face.
What is happening?
Both her and Steve was practically frozen in pure confusion.
Steve's mouth hanged open as words failed to form, while Y/N was unable to comprehend any sort of thoughts, let alone counter movements; when the soldat continue to whisper Russian endearments against her skin, littering sweet kisses on every part of her face, except for her lips as if he wanted to tease her.
His hands slowly travel down her back and stopped on the side of her waist, pulling her body closer until there was no space in between them anymore, before he wrapped his arms around her.
The drag of his stubble on her skin burned but it felt so good when he kissed it after.
Seconds later, Sam managed to catch up with Steve and his cautious approach fell as he witnessed the soldat's rather domestic actions towards Y/N.
Sam foolishly let his guard down as he approached with a question directed to Steve, "Is the tin man back?" That was when a bullet barely grazed the tip of his ear that then buried through the wall behind him.
Both Steve and Sam forced to stop any sort of movement as the soldat's aim was still locked towards their direction; his cold blue eyes pierced with a menacing warning, all the while posessively holding Y/N in his arms as his kisses trailed the side of her neck.
"Nope, not yet." Sam answered his own question as he waited for Steve's order.
Y/N felt like she have to do something to de-escalate the situation. After a quick deduction, and based on the soldat attitude towards her, she took the risk of believing that he would not do anything to hurt her, so she decided to play along.
Will it work though?
Well, she got to have to try for it work.
She gulped nervously before softly calls for him, "Soldat?" she looked up towards him.
When the soldat gave her his attention, she watched the loose strand of his hair fall down to his face. Her hand went up and reached for it, "How about we go back to your room and let me tend these wounds, hmm?" She cooed while tucking his behind his ear and briefly caressing his cheek with the back of her fingers.
The soldat didn't reply but instead silently process her proposition.
However, the hesitation only worried her more, so she continued to persuade, as she cautiously slide her hand, following his arm that was holding her teammates at gun point, "It'll be just the two of us. How's that sound?" She smiled warmly at him as she managed to lower it enough to grab the gun away from his grasp.
There was a glint of indecipherable emotion in his eyes when she mentioned that, which then he nodded in agreement.
"Okay then, let's go." She put the gun on the kitchen isle behind her and replaced her hand in his, pulling him towards his bedroom. The soldat did not protest to her lead, in fact her followed her obediently.
But before Y/N makes an exit, she looked back towards Steve and mouthed a reassuring message, "I got this."
The captain had all the rights to be weary but at this point, he just had to believe in Y/N's action plan. He nodded and replied, "Be safe. We'll be outside."
Along the walk towards Bucky's room, all she could think was that she can handle it and she got this under control.
But, does she?
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Well, Y/N did have it under control, in terms of keeping the soldat from going on a berserk rampage but what she didn't think through was how the fuck she should handle his behaviour towards her.
After they arrived to Bucky's room, she had instructed him to strip off his tactical suit and leave him sitting at the edge of the bed, only in his short to avoid him reaching for any hidden weapons he had, all the while she went to grab the first aid from his bathroom.
Now that she almost done tending the small injuries on his face, it finally dawned to her that the soldat had her immobilized in between his legs as his hands rubbed the back of her thighs, occasionally squeezing the softness of her body in his tender grip.
His intent gaze waited patiently for her to finish and as soon as she did, he pulled her on his lap, making her to straddle on top him as he smushed his face on her chest, "Oh, Родная (darling)... I have missed you."
Her hands found her balance on his shoulders while the soldat roaming hands held her body still by the back of her waist.
It will be a lie if she said her heart didn't skipped when he confessed; even if it was still the soldat's thoughts and words but it was Bucky's voice.
The soldat pulled his other hand to play with the buttons of her pyjamas shirt, specifically around her chest area.
Part of him wanted to just rip her clothes off from her body but another part of him didn't want to. He didn't want scare her; and his precious little darling deserved to be pampered.
He had her buttons popped off; one by one, slow and almost sensual while Y/N was still in a heated debate with herself on what she should to next. She wanted the soldat to stop but god the temptation of wanting more was beyond her will power.
This is not Bucky.
She knew that. But, she had been bewitched by the look in those familiar blue eyes. So enthralled and so keen to unwrap her.
Y/N let out a low yet sharp gasp as her chest was finally revealed, "Soldat, what..." The soldat take a quick glance into her eyes, "...are you doing?" before trailing back down to the curve of her breasts, cupped so beautifully with a simple black bra.
His hands went back to grabbed her thighs as he replied, "Just wanna hold you." He leaned closer and left a lingering kiss in between her breasts, mumbling deep, " Wanna feel you, мое Родная (my darling)"
Fuck, it feels so good.
"Wanna feel you..." Y/N's grip on his bare shoulder tightened as he lips warmed the top of her right breast, "...here." An unexpected moan slipped out of her lips as the soldat latched his wet mouth on her skin, bruising it with his mark.
He groaned to the taste of her, so sweet and soft, he wanted to pull the bra off her and suckle on her nipple. He bet that they're perky and so sensitive. Bet he could make her cum just by playing with them.
He wanted to leave his bite mark around them, make them look much more prettier. But, he needed to be patient.
He brought his left hand up to hold the other side of her chest; pulling another pretty noise as the cold metal of his thumb gently stroked the exposed skin of her breast.
"Wanna feel you..." His flesh hand made its way lower and cupped her clothed sex, unexpectedly making her grind down to his hold, "...here."
She couldn't help to find shelter in the crook of his neck when he began to stroke her sensually.
This is getting out of hand.
Y/N doesn't mind to entertain him if the soldat only asked for him to hold her but it was clear that he wanted so much more than just innocent touches. Especially when he languidly rubbed his middle finger in between the slit of her pussy.
She hates how easy it was for Bucky's touch turned her on, his hands and his lips; regardless if his actions was someone else's.
This is wrong.
This has to stop.
"No... soldat." She whimpered in his ears as his finger drew slow circles on her clit, his mouth latched on her shoulder.
"I can't touch you here?" He murmured softly as he pressed harder. Even with the barrier of the cotton panties, she was so sensitive to his touch; he loves that about her.
"N-no. You can't." She choked back a moan as she replied.
God, what if he doesn't care?
What if he'll get mad and force it on her?
She can't imagine the guilt Bucky had to experience if the soldat take her right now. And all because her stupid little brain cannot comprehend a plan to stop him, all because she let the soldat touch her as freely, as willingly.
Salty tears started to blur her vision when she sniffled them back.
Much to his deperateness, the soldat pulled her away and watched as her tears spilled out, "Oh darling, don't cry." He leaned in and kiss the corners of her eyes, murmuring his words of comfort, "I hate to see you cry, мое cолнышко (my sunshine)." His metal hand slithered to her back and his palm stroked her lovingly.
"Okay, okay. I won't touch your sweet princess part, okay?" He patted her pussy one last time before reaching to swipe her tears away. "I promise." He whispered.
As much as he wanted to fuck her stupid, fill her hole full with his load; however the soldat does hold her very dear to his heart and hates to see her sad.
"Just let me hold you close, darling?" He cooed as he kissed the edge of her lips.
Y/N didn't know why but she trusted his words. Maybe it was because he was so gentle with her, that she was tricked into believing him.
She watched the soldat waited patiently for her response and when she nodded softly, he swiftly lifted her in his arms and lay her down on the bed.
He tucked himself in under the sheets with her and naturally rested his face on her chest. His fleshed arms wrapped securely around her waist and his metal one around her thighs, as he pulled her closer; almost suffocating himself in between her warm breasts.
It was like an instinct for Y/N to encircle her arms around his neck while her hands run through the thick of his hair, absentmindedly playing with the softness of it.
She almost giggle when the soldat let out a deep-throated sound of relieved sighs as she continued to massage his scalp.
As the soldat started to sail deeper into dreamland, Y/N thought that maybe this will be the only and the last time she had the chance to hold Bucky like this and she knew it was wrong to feel grateful to the soldat because had done nothing but terrible, despicable things in the past.
But when she thought about it, none of those sins was his choice to make. He was created to kill and nothing else.
But what if he had something to hold on to?
A hope to look forward to?
A person to protect?
Or a home to go back to?
Would he still be the same monster he had been before?
She have not a slightest clue.
But, what she does know that this soldat who's clinging in her arms, deserves something kind.
And she hoped that she managed to give him a sense of peace for once in his life.
Y/N nuzzled to the side of his tired-looking face and placed a sweet kiss on his temple as she whispered ever-so-softly, "Welcome home, soldat."
Part II >>
Read my other works here: Masterlist
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A/N: This is possibly part 1? I'm not sure either. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments! And reblogs is much appreciated!
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