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starbuck09256 · 5 years

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Hope

It’s Fictober!!!!

Post Ep Emily

tagging @today-in-fic @fictober-event @fictober @suitablyaggrieved

from the drabble prompts

Prompts “Don’t shut me out.”

She traces the images of a smiling 3 year old. Whose short hair mimics her sister. The scattered tissues that barely hold her tears mingle with the dried blood under the floorboards. As she sits against the hard wood door in a heap of convulsing sobs. She was so strong at the funeral, her sadness contained in the shell of her broken down body. Everytime she closes her eyes she sees a scared little face begging her to stop the tests. She sees Mulder clutching yellow flowers too tightly as his own sorrow for her pours from his eyes. He knows what this tiny child was to her. He knows that she wanted another life another path, not because of him or their quest. But because fate had chosen her to live on, she had been returned survived the incurable and yet her destiny wasn’t to find the joys that she had forsaken it was as if she was being punished for fighting. She lived but she will never live on in the form of another, she will never have a child that bares her dna. She will never get to feel a baby rolling around in her womb. Never have to worry about labor pains, morning sickness. She will never be able to give Mulder the family he has sought after for 20 plus years. When she was dying it didn’t matter what she did, it was almost easier not caring for the consequences, because in 6 months she would be dead and it would be someone else's problem. That they would have to see how she shattered herself, shattered her relationships, pushed people away so that when she died the pain would be less. Her mother, her brothers.. Mulder. She pushed back and worked and focus on things that were tangible and lacked the emotional connection, a connection she wasn’t interested in forming when death's door was all but a breath away. But now she is here in a world that has cursed her to relive a walking nightmare, happy families practically taunting her, Mulder trying to be closer but yet still keeping his distance despite her practically throwing herself at him. He knew when she told him she couldn’t have children, he knew and that was why he pushed her away months ago. Now she knows why she never realized it, never realized that all he wants is a family. The way he speaks of Samantha of a life lost in time. He is frozen there, in this disillusionment of the perfect happy family and he craves it so badly. She should have known, should have realized when he was talking about baseball and small towns. Saw how his eyes lit up with Emily. He thought there was a chance, a chance for them and this little girl. He didn’t care if it wasn’t his he just cared that it was hers. He wanted to do everything he could to protect them, Emily and her and in the end as always they both lost. Her heart breaks a little more as she squeezes the tissue in her hand. She knows the human body can’t possibly run out of water from tears, but in moments like this she feels like it's as much as anything. She feels the knock on her door against her head. The lights are dimmed and if she doesn’t move perhaps her will let her suffer the pain alone, like she should. It wasn’t his daughter that died, it’s not his chance for parenthood that is on the line. Just hers. Just her that will forever see Emily's face in tiny toddlers, her that will envision an entire life for a girl she barely knew.

Mulders voice comes through “Please Scully, don’t shut me out.” The last of the words are barely audible and she keeps thinking I have to, I can’t have us both broken at the same time. How will we save one another if both of us just want to die?

Her breathe heaves in and out of her lungs as she tries desperately to control her emotions for just enough time to tell him she is fine, cursed and miserable, but fine. But he is whole, safe, able to share his beautiful genes with any woman who would be so very lucky to have him. Deep breath.

“I’m fine..” her voice practically shatters at the word and she can’t help the tears that mingle with her lips as she repeats it to herself in a whisper, ”I’m fine, it’s fine… everything is ….” and the door clicks and before she can even figure out how to control her tears she is in his arms and they are both crumbling to the floor as her sobs wrack through her body in uncontrollable spasms. He’s there not reassuring her but stroking her back like he did to Emily in the group home. God, Emily those tests how could she as her mother ever make her child needlessly suffer for the small glimmer of hope of what could of been.

“Mulder, I was such a terrible mother to her, I let them test her, I made her suffer just so that I could have a few more moments with the only child I will ever have. I failed her, the one person in the world that mattered.”

Mulders hand continues up and down and her face gets buried in his neck.

“You showed her love Scully, and tried everything to save her, to give her the life she deserved, to love her unconditionally. You are what all mothers strive to be,” he stares deep into her water filled eyes and continues “a protector, who had to make the hardest choice imaginable, and you chose to set her free from the confines of a world that would have only caused her more pain than anyone should ever experience.”

He cups her face in his hands kissing her tears as she hiccups in sorrow. He takes them to the couch and she is so mentally exhausted she barely notices. Barely registers the warm blanket that he drapes around both of them before her body finally gives in to a dreamless slumber.

When she wakes he has a small cup of tea for her. She rubs her eyes and mutters her thanks.

“You don’t have to stay, thank you for coming over, I just..”

He pursues his lips stares at her paintings, and sits next to her taking her hands in his.

He clears his throat “I know you think that my mother was terrible to me, that she neglected me and that my family life was horrible. But the problem was.. It wasn’t. Before Sam was taken it was perfect, it was the perfect life. Summers on the vineyard, baseball, peanut butter sandwiches, endless hugs, family barbecues. It was like your family, everyone was just happy to be together. Sure Sam was annoying, but she would play stratego with me. My mom would try to make pancakes in the shape of the Enterprise. My dad would throw a baseball to both of us, from the second his feet hit the driveway until well after the street lights came on. He never even got to go inside and put down his briefcase. Over the years, after, the baseball gloves collected dust the pancake mix went bad and all that was left was two people who were shells of their former selves. They weren’t my parents they were people who were so broken that no amount of love or devotion or success would put them back together again, and I was there and watched it all. I saw what losing a family member does to people. What it did to me, what it did to them. So I know you will be fine, because you need to tell yourself that, need to believe it like you believe in god and science. But you will wonder, you will wonder if Emily would ever have loved ballet, if she would be good at soccer, if she would love math and science like you or history and art like me. There will be moments where you will swear that you see her on the street, moments where a candle will flicker out and you feel her breath on your skin. You will hear her laugh in wind and feel her tears in the rain, and in every single one of those moments you will not be fine, and you need to accept that those moments Scully, those are the moments that prove that life is worth living. I want you to tell me when those moments happen Scully. I want you to tell me because being shut out, taking it all on your own, doesn’t make you strong, it makes you hate the world. It makes you into the shell of a person, and there is nothing worse than living life with deep seated regret and pain. I can’t watch another person I love become… hopeless. So I need you to tell me, so you and I can work on it together. To grieve together for the life we could of had, and for the pain we must endure. Can you do that for me Scully? Please?”

As the tears stream down her face she can’t help but nod. Because he’s right, of course he is, and years from now, when she still can’t get rid of him and him of her they will see a girl who they swear looks exactly like Emily, playing in puddles in her ballet outfit. They will see a kid with her smile looking at a science project. They will feel her presence in the darkest of circumstances and know for a glimmer of a second that hope endures.

#mulder and scully #fictober #emily post ep #xf fic #sad #the x-files #s5 #hurt #comfort #not my best #i know

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limejuicer1862 · 4 years

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Wombwell Rainbow Interviews

I am honoured and privileged that the following writers local, national and international have agreed to be interviewed by me. I gave the writers two options: an emailed list of questions or a more fluid interview via messenger.

The usual ground is covered about motivation, daily routines and work ethic, but some surprises too. Some of these poets you may know, others may be new to you. I hope you enjoy the experience as much as I do.

Jason O’Toole,

is a Rhylsing Award nominated poet, musician, and elder advocate. He is the author of two poetry collections published by the Red Salon, Spear of Stars (2018) and Soulless Heavens (2019). Recent work has appeared in Nixes Mate Review, The Scrib Arts Journal, The Wild Word, and Vita Brevis.

The Interview

1. What inspired you to write poetry?

From a young age, poetry has been my way of sharing thoughts and observations that could not otherwise be easily introduced into conversation. As an adult, it’s also how I process trauma and grief, from surviving shoot-outs and seeing horrible events at work, to losing contact with my children in the wake of a divorce. I don’t want to self-obsess and start every poem with “I” though and many of my current poems tell stories about the down-and-out people I encounter throughout my day, whether an addict waiting for her dealer behind a building or a disabled vet whose family never visit.

2. Who introduced you to poetry?

When I entered 4th grade I had a teacher at the Albany Academy named Mrs. Everett. She was from England and “old school” in the best way. We were given short poems to memorize and recite each week such as Carl Sandberg’s “The Fog.” If we got our assignments done, she let us read books from her library, which contained classics such as Malory’s Le Morte d’Arthur.

My family had shelves full of books. My brother and I recognized that these contained the secret to the mystical power that adults had over us. He got started on the science books, and I started reading the philosophy and poetry. I didn’t always understand what I was reading but they felt familiar to me somehow. I kept a dictionary on hand to look up the meaning of words. The first poets that I recall relating best to were e.e. cummings, T.S. Eliot, William Butler Yeats, and A.E. Housman. I also discovered William S. Burroughs way too young.

2.1. Why did you find yourself relating best to “ e.e. cummings, T.S. Eliot, William Butler Yeats, and A.E. Housman.” ?

The accessible avant-gardist e. e. cummings appealed to me as his poems were stripped down to the bone yet impactful and visually appealing. His playful, off-label use of syntax and made-up words opened up possibilities for me as a kid writing my first non-rhyming poems.

T.S Eliot was another poet that every college educated family had hanging around on their shelves. The Waste Land gave me a road map for leaving the 20th Century. It didn’t go anywhere especially good, but how could it. “Well now that’s done: and I’m glad it’s over.”

William Butler Yeats was one of the greatest magickal minds of his time. I didn’t realize this on my first reading of his poems as his occult history was almost entirely glossed over by the academics. As a kid I knew there was something pagan and exciting lurking behind the verse. I also enjoyed reading the Irish folklore he and Lady Gregory preserved. Later I would learn of his run ins with Aleister Crowley and that added to the allure.

A.E. Housman’s A Shropshire Lad was written with the gloomy adolescent male in mind. I memorized several of the poems and drew cartoons to go along with them. When The Smiths came on the scene, I immediately connected with the lyrics on the Hatful of Hollow ep which seemed to have been spawned from a similar maudlin mind.

2.2. Why did you discover “William S. Burroughs way too young”?

My grandparents had friends, Vincent and Brita, who were painters who also owned an enviable art collection which included a Picasso, purchased for half-nothing before he was famous. I would sit and read in their library, and of course the title Naked Lunch jumped out at me. I was in middle school at the time. Maybe 5th grade? The strangest fiction I had read prior to this was Madeleine L’Engle’s Time Quintet and Ursla K. Le Guin’s The Lathe of Heaven. I didn’t quite know what the hell was happening in it, but it was filthy and funny. I was hooked and read almost everything Burroughs wrote before the age of 16. I enjoyed making collage and cut-ups, some of which I published in zines I made with Sam McPheeters, and during high school, Burroughs was one of my main influences along with The Situationists International, Dr. Anton LaVey, and The Church of Subgenius in my visual art, comics, poetry and prose.

3. How aware were you of the dominating presence of older poets?

In my early teens, I’d gone on my own to hear Allen Ginsberg and Anne Waldman read, and having read Burroughs, Kerouac, Corso and others associated with them, knew that I could learn a lot from the Beats. I also knew that I would have to find my own voice. I was in absolutely no rush to do so. Though I have contributed lyrics and vocals on several underground recordings of punk and experimental music and edited Situationist and Punk zines and an academic journal (Dialectical Anthropology) I did not start seriously seeking publication of my poems until 2018. Now I am one of the older poets!

4. What is your daily writing routine?

I never know when I will be struck by the need to write a poem or story. Almost none of my poems are planned. I don’t sit down and say, “I’m going to bang out a poem about a seagull.” I might overhear a phrase in conversation, read a terrible on-line review, or have a traumatic memory resurface. I always keep a notebook on me so I can jot down whatever strikes me as worth recording. Some of these notes wind their way into poems.

Less often I will write short stories, essays, or tinker with one of my novels-in-progress. I find that speculative fiction allows me to hide real stories and people (from my work as an investigator) in plain sight and process some of my worst experiences.

5. What motivates you to write?

Poets and authors have helped me make sense of being human better than any church ever could. I hope I can help others unravel some of the mysteries, complexities and inanities of existence. For some of us, it’s a matter of survival – finding a reason to stay sober, make less terrible choices, and get through another day.

6. What is your work ethic?

Many people complain that they have no time to write. I do my best not to have unmet obligations hanging over me. I pay my bills, get the laundry done, never leave a dish in the sink. I may find other reasons to procrastinate, but at least I won’t waste time worrying about daily chores and it’s easier to write with a clean house.

7. How do the writers you read when you were young influence you today?

I feel a distinct kinship with certain poets and authors. There is a lineage that exists for writers akin to the lineages in religious orders, martial arts schools or royalty. There are poets I read in my teens and twenties who I abhor now, such as Bukowski. I still read him now and again, perhaps as a reminder of what not to be. As for my own tribe, I’ll read Corso and then follow the stream back to Shelley who defined “the pain of bliss” that both poets articulated. I’ll jump from Ignatow’s mountains and bagels, to Williams, “No ideas but in things” to Whitman’s sacred bodies, and to teenage rebel Rimbaud, and then back to where I find – myself.

8. Who of today’s writers do you admire the most and why?

Juleigh Howard-Hobson is a fellow avant-garde traditionalist. Unlike most modern poets, she is also a formalist. Despite poems written in form not being in style, she is prolifically published and has earned awards and several important nominations. She’s also published fiction and non-fiction, all while living off the grid and running a small family farm in the Pacific Northwest. As one of my mentors, Juleigh has been generous with her time and is always willing to share calls for submissions and her extensive knowledge of the small presses and poetry journals.

9. Why do you write, as opposed to doing anything else?

I am a fair guitar player, have managed to sell some of my art in galley shows, and apparently my singing is okay for what it is, but poetry is the one thing I feel I have the ability to be “the best” at if I focus more of my energy on reading, appreciating and writing poetry. It’s sometimes a solitary exercise, but there is a vibrant community out there as well. Now that I’ve been sober for three years and am not a resentment machine, I can get along fairly well with other poets and maybe even be an asset to the community.

10. What would you say to someone who asked you “How do you become a writer?”

I can only answer how one might become a writer like myself. There are many paths, and some are surely more lucrative than my own. First you must be a reader. I don’t trust poets who don’t read other poets. I believe they are only taking selfies with words.

Secondly, you must be a listener and understand that listening isn’t the opposite of talking. It’s an active role. Be a semiotician and try to understand why people are saying what they are saying. Why are they choosing certain words over others? Pay attention to tone of voice, body language and the messages that they are trying to convey with their personal style. This practice of reading the signs that people flash, has the added benefit of anticipating problems, and could save your life!

Get outside, have some adventures, mix it up with people outside of your usual circle, and observe everything. Try to spot the details that others miss. Drive to some town you’ve never been to before and spot what’s different about it from your town. What are the names on the headstones? What are the mom and pop businesses selling? Get out of the car and talk to people and ask them questions and you may learn of local legends, ghost stories, and witch’s graves.

Stay curious and be present in life. Maybe then you’ll have something interesting to tell the rest of us. People love a good story, so you have that in your favour from the start. Go find one.

11. Tell me about the writing projects you have on at the moment.

I am contributing spoken word to recordings with Herr Lounge Corps and we should have an album out before long. I am performing and recording stateside with Alec K. Redfearn, a Providence based composer of weird music. I plan on introducing and editing the collected poems of a certain forgotten female poet and occultist. Some of my weird fiction stories have been published by horror presses and I’m slowly working on a couple of novels. I’m gratified that my poems have been published in journals and anthologies around the world, that I’ve been nominated for the Rhysling Award, and that I have more than enough for a third collection when the time is right. People are reading my writing and are reaching out to tell me what it means to them. For me, that means everything.

Wombwell Rainbow Interviews: Jason O’Toole Wombwell Rainbow Interviews I am honoured and privileged that the following writers local, national and international have agreed to be interviewed by me.

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fatecaster · 6 years

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25 wicked Wiccan quotes that will instantly enchant you - Reblog

Find the original blog post at: http://ift.tt/2hiccLy

25 wicked Wiccan quotes that will instantly enchant you

Often life can drag us down to the point where we feel hopeless. Whenever I get to this point I look to something such as Wiccan quotes for inspiration. While many people will wonder how Wiccan quotes can have an uplifting effect, look no further than this list of inspirational quotes. Each one is from an informative Wiccan author or philosopher

#1- “We are not on this planet to ask forgiveness of our deities” -- Scott Cunningham

Scott Cunningham was a famed Wiccan author with a ton of knowledge on the movement. His thoughts on asking forgiveness from Gods always serves as a powerful reminder that we are divine and whole and not products of sin. #2 - “At heart we are all powerful, beautiful, and capable of changing the world with our bare hands.” -- Dianne Sylvan

Another famed author, Dianne Sylvan is a fictional Wiccan author whose quotes remind us that humans have a divine potential for change and inspiration.

#3 - "Therefore, let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you.” -- Doreen Valiente

Again, I firmly believe in the Wiccan principle of divinity with every individual, regardless of race or creed. And that power can be tapped into when we find strength in our divine nature, which must be discovered through inner soul searching.

#4 - "If you have time to breathe you have time to meditate." -- Ajahn Amaro

While not strictly a self-practicing Wiccan, Ajahn Amaro was a Buddhist monk whose teachings often align with the Wiccan movement. You can develop a stronger sense of oneness with our inner divinity through daily meditation. This allows us to tap into our own developing gift for the magickal arts.

#5 - "The death of fear is in doing what you fear to do." -- Sequichie Comingdeer

Another non-Wiccan author, Sequichie Comingdeer was of all things a Cherokee Native American. However, while pagan in his teachings, his thoughts on fear and suppression to the surrender of the will to the popular movements reflects my own thoughts on not living a life devoted to our own pursuits. While Wicca is an official religion, it's pursuit of inner divinity and magic comes from a reflection of the strength of the individual.

#6- "No one can give you magickal powers. You have to earn them. There is only one way to do this. Practice, practice, practice!" -- Donald Michael Kraig

Again, I love the idea of using meditation and practice to develop inner strength and wisdom. The idea of devoting time to pursuit the magickal arts provides a deep sense of calm and rhythm when in the midst of life's daily struggles.

#7 - "Magic is not always serious or solemn. It is a joyous celebration and merging with the life-force." -- Scott Cunningha Going to author Scott Cunningham, the very idea of using the magickal arts to uplift our own troubled spirit is more than just rote rituals and boring religious practices. It's the act of celebration and become one with our divine nature explored through Wicca.

#8 - "Good energy was never meant to be waisted on idiocy." - Silver RavenWolf

Another Wiccan author, Silver RavenWolf reminds us that while life can be full of people who on the surface appear crazy, we all have the energy of divinity and oneness to suppress the natural tendency to waste our potential. There's nothing more uplifting than becoming one with the spirit that enchants us.

#9 - "I have learned a great deal from other Witches, Wiccans, Odinists, Voodoo and Houdoo practitioners, Druids and many others who consider themselves Pagan. The one common thread is that every single person has been nonjudgmental. Isn't this what it's all about, acceptance? Are we not here to design our own spiritual path?" -- Arin Murphy Hiscock

I love this quote from Arin Murphy Hiscock, author of numerous Wiccan fictional books. Part of the joy of practicing Wicca is the act of finding inner strength and in our divine potential. One that is devoid of judgment and opposing opinions.

#10 - "We believe that we can connect with the God and Goddess and hear their voices, receive their inspiration directly and take responsibility for our own actions, without the intermediary of a pope or rabbi." -- Arin Murphy Hiscock

Again, Hiscock's quotes remind me that even in the midst of a society built on hallow lies, we can find strength in our own practice and religion by holding ourselves accountable for how we treat others. One that doesn't rely on religious authorities to tell us how to behave.

#11 - "We should educate people that 'Witch' is not evil but ancient and positive." -- Margot Adler

Part of my spiritual beliefs includes the notion that no one is incorrect in their beliefs per se, but that the error is the indoctrinated enforcement of absolute truth. Part of this is reminding ourselves as Wiccans that we have an inner divine nature that can be used to bring positive force into this world full of chaos.

#12 - “Where once I prayed for forgiveness from a father God who held up huge palms and said “Thou shalt not,” now I find peace with a sister god who takes my open hands in hers and says, “You will.” -- Betsy Cornwell

Betsy Cornwell reminds us that while there is a father in the universe there is also a feminine form of divinity that is just as capable of being tapped into. One that is nurturing and healing and not forcing us to behave a certain way.

#13 - "Magic is natural. It is a harmonious movement of energies to create a needed change." -- Scott Cunningham

I love the idea that as a Wiccan we can create power from our own divine self to enact change in a world hell-bent on destruction and authority. That to me is the greatest power that we all are capable of tapping into.

#14 - "A witch is someone who has dedicated her life to learning about the connections between things. She studies the different cycles and her place in them. She learns how to use the energy in herself and in the world to make changes. And most of all, she tries to make the world a better place for herself and other people.” -- Isobel Bird

Again, when life becomes too depressing there is something deeply satisfying about learning to improve our surroundings without succumbing to the popular theories and movements of the times. One that is built off increasing our own positive energy so that we can help others improve their own lives.

#15 - “Wicca's temples are flowered-splashed meadows, forest, beaches, and deserts.” -- Scott Cunningham

Another great quote from Scott Cunningham, I love the idea that the very foundation of Wicca is built off serenity and inner strength found in a harmonious reflection of nature. Though we are all capable of caving into the demands of a society devoid of any true meaning, there is strength in knowing that Wicca allows us to tap into our own divine spirit.

#16 - "I put a capital N on nature and call it my church." -- Frank Lloyd Wright

While known primarily for his architecture, Frank Lloyd Wright was known for his own Pagan influenced religious attitudes. And while Wicca is known for its own reliance on inner divinity, there is peace to be found in what we call nature, which is essentially a reflection of our own harmonious relationship with the Earth.

#17 - “There isn't shame in having shadows - we all have them to varying degrees. it's simply a part of being human.” -- Timothy Roderick

Timothy Roderick is a fellow spiritual writer whose own training has included time in practicing Wicca. His thoughts on having our own hidden secrets that he refers to as shadows remind me that we all have our own weaknesses that can be seen as a strength. This often helps me overcome my own bouts with depression in times of crisis.

#18 - "My religion speaks of the old ways. It is the perfume of my night, the sanctity of my day." -- Karla Bardanza

Karla Bardanza is a practicing poet whose thoughts on Wicca include the very notion of our connections to the old and new. While hard to find, her quotes often serve as a reminder of how our own practicing religion can help us find peace and harmony.

#19 - "The magic begins in you. Feel your own energy, and realize similar energy exists within the Earth, stones, plants, water, wind, fire, colors, and animals." -- Scott Cunningham

Another Scott Cunningham quote, this one reminds us that we can become one with the Earth and the divine force present in everything if we can find our own divine selves. Nothing is more relaxing than knowing when all else fails, we have our own divine nature.

#20 - “Consider the holiness of your hands. They are how you do your work on this earth; they are a microcosm of the hands of the Goddess, and can change the world as easily as hers can.” -- Dianne Sylvan

Going back to the aspect of self-divinty, Wicca is the embrace of our own ability to create magic in the world just as the divine spirit can. This includes doing good work on the land and helping the world become a better place.

#21 - “Magick is the science and art of causing change (in consciousness) to occur in conformity with will, using means not currently understood by traditional Western science . . .” -- Donald Michael Kraig

Again, I find strength in knowing that just because the Western world has the attitude that their science can explain everything, there are still mysteries in the universe that only currently be explained through spiritualism and Wicca. This includes finding inner strength when everyone else sees only negativity.

#22 - “When your heart is broken, it’s easier to follow rules” -- Betsy Cornwell

Betsy Cornwell's quote serves as a reminder that while it's easy to become trapped in a masculine way of seeing only rules and order, there is beauty in chaos and self-will that can be expressed through Wiccan practices.

#23 - “I am not, as it turns out, incapable of changing myself or my life. I am not, as it turns out, worthless. I am, in fact, one seriously badass Witch who holds in her hands the power to change the world. ” -- Dianne Sylvan

I love the notion that through the magickal arts we can become divine in nature and enact change in a world focused on rigid rules. Sylvan's quote serves to remind us how we can become divine if we find strength in our own selves.

#24 - “Therefore, let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you.” -- Doreen Valiente

Which brings us to this quote from Doreen Valiente. While the magickal arts can often be seen as exotic and dangerous, there is strength in knowing we are good people capable of creating a better world.

#25 - “We are disconnected from nature, we are wounded from the Spirit outward, and that has caused the largest majority of the problems that plague the world today.” -- Dianne Sylvan

Again, the relaxation that comes from Wicca rests in our own reliance on finding harmony in nature and the divine spirit of the natural world. This can help us to find peace when everyone else wants destruction.

We have four more famous occult people for you. Are you interested in their stories as well? Then drop your email address down below and get the full article in PDF for free!

Conclusion

So let me ask you, readers, did you enjoy this list? Sound off in the comments below and share your thoughts! While it can be easy to feel distracted and depressed, remember that there are Wiccans out there who have felt just as you have. Find strength in this list of Wiccan quotes and know that you do have the power to improve the world. And your own sanity! Feel free to share this article if you enjoyed it!

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sarahburness · 7 years

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How to Make Objective Decisions

While some folks bandy around the statistic that we each make 35,000 decisions per day, others prefer to level it out at a neat 773,618 per lifetime.

Whatever way you look at it, you are at least aware of making a handful of semi-important to important decisions each day, and at least a couple of major-ish ones each week: and these are the kind of forking-path moments for which we need to be best advised. The wrong choice might wind you up with a heartache, crippling debt or serious injury.

Unfortunately, nobody ever teaches us how to make decisions. We’re just equipped with a ton of information through school, the media, and life, and expected to figure out how best to use it ourselves. This would be fine if we were robots, but when human values come into play we tend to frame the information we have in strange ways – for example, ‘confirmation bias’, where we focus on facts that back up our instincts rather than paying more attention to warning signs that we might be wrong.

What you need is a little objectivity. Let’s take a look at how to get some.

Step outside yourself

A Princeton University study showed that we are more objective when we pro-actively try to make a decision that will appear to be objective to someone else.

To truly shed your personal bias, pick a random figure from your life, or perhaps someone whose opinion you really respect. Imagine yourself explaining your decision-making process on a particular issue to them and see what comes out.

If in doubt, you can always find somebody to try it out on in person!

Make a decision, then decide whether to keep it

One reason it’s so tough to make a decision is because it feels so final. You um-and-ah between two options, never quite willing to opt for one or the other because it feels like a commitment.

In fact, it’s been shown that simply plumping for your favored decision and then deciding whether to keep to it can be a more positive way of moving forward. So, make your decision quickly, without too much thought – and then take a moment to reflect: does this feel right? Suddenly your options will seem less abstract.

Clear your mind

Decision-making moments often seem to come at us like a whirlwind. With new information and new emotions to process, it’s easy to make an overly-subjective choice based on the way you’re feeling in a given moment.

A study by the Association of Psychological Science showed that it only takes a few minutes to let those emotions fade and return to a more objective state of mind. So, next time you’re about to make a decision in the heat of the moment, take ten minutes to go for a walk, do some stretches or close your eyes and listen to music.

You’ll return to the decision-making process with cooler blood and a smarter state of mind.

Be positive

One of the reasons that decision-making is so stressful is that every option seems to be piled up with potential negatives. We want to avoid feeling regretful, so we concentrate on avoiding the biggest downfalls.

These negative issues also tend to be the most emotive ones, so concentrating too hard on them can lead you away from making an objective choice. Instead of framing your problem as the avoidance of negative outcomes, try listing the pros of each option first – and identifying the positive side effects of the cons.

Know thy own mood

You know intuitively that the way you feel will affect the decisions you make. Yet, particularly when emotions are running high, we don’t tend to slow down to consider these emotions. Before you make a decision, slow down and ask yourself how you’re feeling – and be careful not to make your choice based purely on the power of passing emotions.

See Also: 3 Simple Steps to Balance Your Emotional State

Look at the bigger (and older) picture

Human beings have a tendency to make our choices based on the newest information that we’ve received – often overlooking what we already knew.

Refusing to make snap decisions upon the discovery of new information can give you a chance to let it settle into context. Again, it’s about letting that initial emotion pass before you do something silly.

The 5 Whys

Perhaps you’ve already heard of the 5 Whys. It’s a process that can be applied to many different tasks in your professional and personal life, from the development of ideas to problem solving.

When it comes to making decisions, the 5 Whys can help you by identifying the underlying mechanics of the situation. Ask yourself a big why – ‘why am I thinking about proposing marriage?’ and then ask ‘why’ to each of your subsequent answers: ‘Because I love her. Why do I love her?’ etc.

GOFER

There’s no ‘Y’ in GOFER, but this is still a serious idea-interrogation tool. It means making a structured list of five key aspects of your decision:

Goals: What do you want from the outcome of this decision? Options: What are the possibilities from which you must choose? Facts: What do you objectively know about the situation? Effects: What are the potential outcome scenarios of each possible decision? Review: What do the above answers point towards?

Quantify your options

Decision-making is usually a complex process involving a whole ton of variables. Getting a bird’s-eye view on your opinions in each of these aspects can involve the kind of clarity that’s difficult to find when you’re stressed or hurried.

So, instead of letting those outcomes float around in a cloud, write them down and give each pro and con a score on a consistent scale: for example from -5 to +5, where -5 is a terrible con and +5 is the best pro.

Do the math at the end of it all and you should have a clearer idea of what you really think about each option. If your gut tells you that the math has given you a winner that you actually don’t want, that’s still okay – it just means the process has helped you to clarify your emotions and your inner needs, as well as the objective facts. We’re not robots, after all!

See Also: Why Good People Make Bad Decisions

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