#as well as it doesnt pay attention to the ratios

[risingsunresistance]

what.

#i dont normally care too much abt the ratio bc im just here to read tags ppl leave for me #but now tumblr defaults to having the notes opened so i happened to see this #hello??? pretty close to even on ACTUAL art that i enjoyed making????????? #anyways hiiii goodmorning im glad everyone thought this looked awesome #you fools. you were paying too much attention to the blood god to notice i completely BS'd techno's pose #I COULDNT FIGURE IT OUT SO I JUST WENT ''........well he's not the center of attention so-'' #AND IT WORKED! #it doesnt look that bad kfhkfh it's just The One Thing i'd wanna fix if i redid it #chat

[blazinbran]

38, 41, and 43 for the weird asks?

hi Jamie ty for the ask :D :D :D

38 - a soap bar that smells good? - I don't remember where it was from or what it was called, but my parents gave me this bar of soap from florida that had actual sand in it?? It smelled kind of coconut-y, which was alright, but I really loved the texture -- kind of creamy, but scratchy too. It was a lot like Lava soap which I also love for the texture :O Sorry I cant answer on smell, i guess i just pay way more attention to how it feels :p

41 - how do you take your coffee? - A lot of ways! if im in a hurry at work or school, I'll try and grab a double shot of espresso, maybe with a splash of soy milk. At home I like to brew a french press, but instead of keeping cream handy I just pour a mugfull of milk and keep adding coffee as I sip it. It's a constantly changing milk:coffee ratio that goes from 1:0 to ~0:1. I dont really like to add sugar unless I dont like the coffee :o If I'm ordering to sit down I love soy lattes! I have tried all the milks and thats the one i think tastes best, if you dont mind that it doesnt foam very well

43 - what's your take on spicy foods? - I've always loved them !!! Last year especially, I had this experience after I bought an assortment of hot peppers from this bluegrass bass player who grew Too Many different kinds during lockdown. I had this moment after eating one where I felt just totally overwhelmed by it and then totally at peace? I've kinda been chasing that euphoria ever since. But mostly, I think a good warm glow adds a lot to a meal in terms of flavor and sensation. Often it helps me finish a bad or bland meal!

ty again, Jamie!!! I hadn't realized how much I care about soap textures. I think this will inform my next soap-related purchasing decision. also sorry if my french press method is unnerving to anyone. I just hate dirtying dishes. Plus, sometimes I forget about my coffee for a good 40 minutes or more and there are few drinks less appetizing to me than room-temperature dairy!!!

#i miss my pepper plug :> he was the very best #probably just got too busy after lockdown

[hprse]

Im trying to think of how to do this comic i want to do w those characters i redrew that meme as a while back

#txt #my ocs #like on one hand i have an interesting idea for it #but on the other hand ive never written a proper continuous comic before and worry about making it consistent without drawing it out #for too long a time. #the story is a take on a corruption of the afterlife (original i know /s) #its not the same as like the good place or whatever where its like the whole system just screws everyone over #but rather one system is screwing up the whole thing for everyone and the people who are in charge and arent effected #just dont care #as opposed to paying attention to both intentions AND actions like in tgp #its rather it pays too much attention to solely the actions because they cant see the intentions or whatever #as well as it doesnt pay attention to the ratios #so basically if a rich person with billions donates a million dollars they get a LOT of credit towards going to a positive afterlife #so that means a lot of good people who arent able to do huge big good things #have a much lesser chance of getting to the positive place #while shitty people (especially rich people) have a much better chance of going to a positive place #also homophobia or lgbtphobia or whtever just dont exist here bc i said so #but yeah i have a cool idea for a big plot #but ALSO i feel like it could work as a like. day in the life thing? idk

[landofgatesandconstellations]

Could you do a session analysis for a Rogue of Time (D), Prince of Breath (D), Maid of Heart (P), and Seer of Space (P)?

If it helps: They are all on good terms with each other, and try to make sure everyone gets what they want/need generally speaking.

It does help. Though with a maid of heart, the potentially dangerous prince won't be a problem, even if they weren't all friends.

As a smaller session, it will have some problems just from lacking certain classpects, and from simply not having enough people to do everything all the time. But you shouldn't have any issues with people conflicting. And I shouldn't have any issues with overworking.

The Rogue of Time is good at time travel, and can keep enemies stunlocked. The Prince of Breath is an expert fighter, with a side of control. The Maid of Heart is among the best for helping others self actualize, and can provide buffs in combat. The Seer of Space knows creation, allowing them to build useful tools and weapon. In combat they're not particularly useful, but can see and direct the battlefield with some competence.

dps: 0.7 utilty: 2 control: 0.8 support: 0.5

You are really heavy on utility. This is not a combat oriented team. Your only method for reliably winning important combats is being so overprepared for them so as to leave no chance of failure. The Maid needs to make sure everyone fully self actualizes and the Seer needs to help everyone get max tier gear and maybe a mech or something.

You have good active-passive and derse-prospit ratios, good spread there

You are obviously missing a light-void, a hope-rage, a life-doom. You have a seer, so light-void's not a big issue, a heart, so hope-rage's not a big issue, but not having life or doom could be dangerous. Just try not to die, and have your timespace players pay more attention to how healthy people are than they normally might.

Leader: Prince of Breath (keeps everyone working well together) Weaver: Rogue of Time (a manipulator behind the scenes) Guide: Seer of Space (an informant) Therapist: Maid of Heart (keeps people happy and helps self-actualize) CleanUpCrew: None (there aren't enough players here to assign one to clean up what others have forgotten to do. Frog: Seer of Space (perhaps with the rogue, or alone) Ringwranglers: Rogue of Time, Prince of Breath (to grab the ring)

The Rogue of Time will spend much of their time weaving behind the scenes. As a time player, their main job is to make sure that the timeline doesnt doom itself. If anyone dies and can't be revived, it's probably game over for such a small session. They'll want to absolutely abuse the ability to pull rogues from other timelines, which will also help with murder and frog breeding.

The Prince of Breath has a bit of an aggressive style of leadership, but it works. Everyone is kept well on track. In a less friendly session, others might become dissatisfied with their lack of freedom, but as long as the prince knows when to destroy and when not to, everyone will be fine. They'll go off with the rogue to grab the ring later in the game.

The Maid of Heart is here to make sure everyone self actualizes, and that your everyone getting along doesn't stop. They're the group therapist, and motivational speaker. Also might be able to make clones, which would augment their combat power from basically garbage but at least they have a sword to pretty competent.

The Seer of Space is one of the best frog breeding classpects, as they just won't get it wrong as long as they're developed. Underdevelopment won't be an issue with a Maid of Heart around, but make sure that if they think they might run out of time, they get someone to help. Seers of Space breed frogs well, but not particularly fast.

I'll also note that the Prince of Breath and Rogue of Time combine to make a pretty dang lethal team. Not enough for the king fight, but more than enough to break in and grab the black queen's ring. Both players can cause and benefit from immobilized enemies. One immobilizes the enemies by either destroying their freedom, or stealing their speed, while the other goes in and uses their pure destructive power, or speed and clones

Overall, not a bad team. Missing some things that could really help, but that's to be expected with a small session. If you could add another player, I'd go with a Knight or Thief of Doom, who could benefit from the destruction of breath, and fill in that lack of dps.

#session analysis #Homestuck #sburb #sburb session #prince of breath #rogue of time #seer of space #maid of heart #classpects

[zelda-ffitzgerald]

What do you guys mean when you say vanity shoot? I thought it meant that photoshoot that i volves a stylist and makeup artist and all that crap but doesnt really have a purpose but I feel like thats wrong because that would apply to things like Lili’s shoot with Sasha and I’ve never seen anyone call that a vanity shoot (and this isnt me being a smart ass trying to imply itnis a vanity shoot-im legit unsure what you guys mean when you use that term because im a dumbass)

A vanity shoot is a shoot not sponsored by an outside party - it's not *for* anything other than the person's own personal promotion - it's not for a magazine, campaign, promotion, brand, etc.

The Sasha pictures were a vanity shoot. They were done by Lili and her team in her backyard and only posted to her grid. I'm sure it was paid for by Lili as well.

It's not bad to do a vanity shoot. Cole's done a bunch. Other actors do it. It's bad when it's all you do - in the case of Ari, her vanity shoots seem to be more numerous then her paid jobs. Cole's done way more vanity shoots then magazines/campaigns the past year and a half - so his ratio is all out of wack too. Lili did one, posted to her grid and it did what it needed to do. Increase engagement and get people paying attention.

[this-divine-intervention]

Incoming fan-lore critical rant

  Alright fam real talk time now. This is WoW related so if you couldn't care less about WoW you can totally ignore this. So Im a massive fan of Draenei, and they are basically responsible for most of my interest in the game/world along with the Elves. They are surprisingly one of the most if not the most original, well designed, subversive fantasy races I've ever come across next to the Sylvari from Guild Wars 2.

  Heres my issue, and its a hugely irritating one. WHY does almost everyone keep superimposing our concept of gender roles, politics, understanding of religion, etc onto them? Its irritating as hell and massively out of character for the entire species lol; like have yall actually been paying attention? We see extremely low (almost negligible) levels of sexism in their culture with females being present in EVERY profession and level of their society in generally equal ratios to men with some exceptions (additionally this fact is not questioned or criticized by any of them). Our stereotypes of gender are totally irrelevant to them lol. Their whole culture is counter to ours. They are extremely collective oriented with focus being placed on the whole while value is still placed on individual freedom and expression of knowledge.

  Their society is exceptionally erudite, utopian, extremely technologically advanced, and compassion is the most majorly taught proponent in their entire civilization. Why the heck do you think they often greet people/each other with phrases like “be kind to those less fortunate” as if THEY arent the most unfortunate? The people who've experienced two separate genocides, the destruction of their planet, and who've been hunted across the stars like animals for centuries? There isn't a whole lot of difference between how males and females dress, with both showing the same amounts of skin, wearing elaborate jewelry in every color, silks, gossamer, linen. Like? This isnt a society that even remotely frowns on strong warrior women or discourages kind healer men. They. do. not. have. our. perceptions. of. gender.

  Whats even more strange to me is the prevalence in fanwork of the *assumption that our cultural crap applies to them? And usually if not exclusively from female artists/writers?? Like?? Did yall miss the entire point of the draenei lol? They are literally a species of scholars and healers forced into warfare who do not perceive gender as a barrier in practically all regards lol. Its even more infuriating when people place stereotypical religious beliefs onto them as if they are some conservative culture that would hate queer individuals. THEY ARENT A CONSERVATIVE CULTURE xD Everything from their architecture to how they dress EXUDES extravagance, and a love of elegance and beauty period, no gendering of the concepts whatsoever. That is a distinctly NOT conservative belief structure. Their entire culture revolves around communal service and sharing, peace, non aggression where possible, and respect for the environment of the planets they set foot on. The responsible and FREE use of knowledge for all.

  So why are we inventing fan ideas like sports that women “dont/cant participate in” or writing fiction where a “gay” draenei (in quotes because I honestly dont think their culture perceives gender as a construct even remotely the same as we do) is ostracized by his people for liking men? VELEN SHOWS OFF HIS LEGS PEOPLE. They. dont. care. about stuff like that. They probably dont even have TERMS for any of it. Its likely just a “oh you like Avaraad? Lovely, you two make a good couple!” and thats IT. Argus is described as utopian paradise before Kiljaeden and Archimond fucked everything up. Not some elitist “conservative” magocracy like Dalaran. Dalaran is what yall are looking for. People need to stop superimposing our stupid cultural crap onto a race that was WRITTEN AND DESIGNED to be subversive, abnormal, ALIEN, and most importantly... kind. That alone is enough to base entire arguments. The draenei are kind as a people and culture, and show remarkable adaption to sudden change and do not fear it.

  Write and draw them in character guys. Everyone is missing out on one of the best fantasy representations of what we all actually want in an ideal society, to do stuff that doesnt even make sense in draenei culture. Huge talent exists and is being channeled into OOC stuff instead of embracing what obviously makes the draenei unique. If you want to write/draw that kind of stuff, by all means do. I suggest with a different race. Like oh I dunno, the orks maybe? Theres plenty of races in WoW that readily exhibit the normal amounts of society fuckery that ours does. The draenei are not one of them.

#WoW #World of Warcraft #draenei #culture #lore #rant #fantasy #tumblr critical #probably gonna get hate for this

[curly-q-reviews]

ROAD TO THE OSCAR MAYER WIENER AWARDS 2K19

First Reformed, 2017 (dir. Paul Schrader)

Nominated for:  Best Original Screenplay

ok well uuhhh.  so u know how my plan was to watch as many oscar-nominated films this past week as possible before the awards show tonight.  well.  that uuhhhh didnt happen my dudes.  and not for lack of trying either!!  i searched high and low for theaters still showing The Favorite and all the show times I could find were while i was still at work, and its not available for rent on amazon video yet.  in fact i ran into this problem with a lot of the movies i wanted to see; theaters just werent showing them really.  which kinda doesnt make any sense cause u’d think movie theaters would jump at the opportunity to make extra money by showing oscar-nominated movies before the awards show for people who wanna check out the nominees. 

one movie i WAS able to find to rent on amazon video was First Reformed, one of a few movies on the noms list who only got one or two noms total.  paul schrader, the writer and director of this flick, previously directed timeless classics such as Raging Bull and Taxi Driver.  schrader became famous because of these two films for creating fantastic character studies, and i gotta say he lives up to his reputation with First Reformed.  its a dark, sometimes surreal, and layered look at the life of a priest who’s been through some tough shit, who now works for a large religious conglomerate preaching at a tiny “tourist trap” church that is known by the other preachers in Abundant Life as the “souvenir shop”.  his encounter with the husband of a woman who attends First Reformed sends him spiraling into self-doubt and questioning his own religion, and it all culminates in one final tragic scene that plays out like an emotional punch to the stomach

ill get back to that later but i’ll touch first on the things i really like about this film.  acting overall is very solid, but ethan hawke really delivers something fantastic with the character of reverend toller.  im kinda surprised he didnt get a best actor nom??  cause i thought he was really great.  ethan hawke is one of those actors thats been in a lot of stuff, but i can never remember WHAT i’ve seen him in, i just know hes a good actor who usually delivers solid performances.  amanda seyfried is in this too and she did pretty good, her performances for me always kinda range inbetween really good and not so great and here shes more towards the “really good” side. 

now another area where this movie got snubbed FOR SURE was the cinematography category cause this movie just looks divine.  a lot of use of natural lighting, lots of playing around with shadows and high-contrast lighting, dynamic framing of scenes.  and the movie is shot in an interesting aspect ratio of 1.37:1 (almost a perfect square) that i thought was a cool touch, it almost kinda closed things in so ur focus remains on the characters and their actions instead of the setting so much if that makes any sense.  idk it was unique and tried some different things which i feel makes it deserving of a cinematography nom but i guess the academy didnt feel the same way??

ok so the nom that it actually DID get, best original screenplay, is without a doubt this movie’s strongest asset.  the story is just.... so fucking smart, and so well-paced, dialogue feels natural but still leaves an impact, and the way this movie progresses into pure suspense by the end doesnt really hit u out of nowhere but still is jolting enough to really make u pay attention and sweat a little.  like.... holy shit.  this movies ending is so intense.  its not quite a horror movie but it kinda has some horror movie-ish moments in that it evokes such a visceral response from the viewer.  i know it was pretty disturbing for me at least, and it takes a lot to get me truly disturbed. 

shit i mean this movie was really good!!  after watching it im surprised its only got one nomination.  i suppose i could see there being some mixed feelings about how this movie ends, because its pretty surreal and its unclear if what is going on is actually whats happening or if its metaphorical/an illusion/etc.  but really thats the only issue i had with it.  guh idk man im like kinda expecting tonights awards ceremony to be a bit of a shit show but we’ll see what happens.

well i guess thats it for this years wiener awards review series!!  i might do some post-wieners reviews for movies i never got the chance to see, and then ill write a lil blog post about the awards show itself to give y’all my Thots.  until next time!!!!  drive safe!!!!!  text me when u get back!!!!!!!!!

#curly q reviews #road to the oscar mayer weiner awards 2k19 #first reformed #ethan hawke #amanda seyfried #oscars #oscars 2019 #academy awards #drama #suspense #religion #climate change #global warming #movies #paul schrader

[doodlingleluke]

so the lovely @samby-chan tagged me in this naruto challenge thing and I figured I might as well do it because this is kind of? sorta? a naruto blog?

Name your Favourite Female Character(s):  temari + the konoha girls basically Male Character(s): gee I wonder who that might be... Team: sand fam Sensei: Kakashi and Iruka..I like the concept of kurenai but they never really gave us more than that. Hokage: I liked tsunade tbh. Kage: the mizukage lady who can literally spit lava and acid. Village: sand fam’s sand clan Akatsuki: konan and kisame (plus kakuzu and hidan I guess but I like the more as a team than as individual characters) Jutsu:  everything konan does basically Episode/Chapters: the very start of the whole gaara gets kidnapped arc if only because those are the only chapters of the manga I actually own.  Fight Scene: the hidan & kakuzu fight + all the sasuke retrieval arc fights. Fanfiction: that one author on fanfiction.net who wrote really good kank fics...the one I remember the most was about rasa having sent kank on secret s-ranked missions because he refused to assassinate gaara... I still think about it from time to time.  Story Arc: the chunin exam and sasuke retrieval arc will always be classic, tho I do remember really liking the pain’s assault arc because it felt like the first big victory in naruto’s story arc.  Filler: I’ve only seen the fillers where the sand sibs appear + the one where they dedicated an entire episode to making fun of gai’s small dick. OTP (explain why): I feel like I give the wrong impression here but I’m honestly not really a shipper. like I guess I could call shikatema my otp if only because they’re the couple I’m the most ok with.  NOTP (be nice):  the only ones I can think of is the kind of shit that pretty much no one wants to see (oronaru and such....) Crackship(s): gaara x funk BROTP: after the last anime episodes? kank and lee tbh, tho I’m always here for all the konoha girls (+temari) just being one big girl gang (hey kishi doesnt care about them so they gotta care for each other) OT3: nah Crossover Ship: nah Do you have any headcanons: you can’t just ask me that and expect me to sum up 7 years worth of headcanons in one paragraph. 

Are you happy with the ending? What would you have done differently? sort of? I feel like what we did see wasn’t exactly bad, but there were a lot of other things they could have focused on that would have been way more interesting. personally I would have preferred it ending with naruto becoming hokage, entering his office and immediately realizing that he can’t do the job cause he never learned how to use a computer. 

How do you feel about the new generation? eh, other than the great injustice that is sakura’s entire life I don’t have anything against it, but there isn’t really anything about it that I like enough to bother paying attention. 

Say something about your favourite character. Good and bad: like 90% of the text posts on this blog are already me talking about kankuro so I’ll keep it short: I like that he somehow manages to be weird and different in a cast full of characters who can spit fire and summon giant slugs. everytime he’s appeared we’ve learned something new about him and tho its always unexpected it never seems too ooc. 

What would a child between your OTP look like? I’m not into shipping.

Say something genuinely nice about your NoTP. I’m not into shipping. 

Say something negative about your OTP.  I’m not into shipping.

Is there any way you could be convinced to ship your NoTP? I’m not into shipping.

What makes you mad about the series? even though naruto will always have a special place in my heart its far from flawless. there’s some pretty bad writing and inconsistencies that can be...pretty annoying. I guess my main beef with naruto is the treatment of the female characters. I’m happy that naruto isn’t as fanservice-y as a lot of anime can be, but that doesn’t change the fact that few of the female characters have more than 2-3 personality traits. what bugs me the most tho is kishimoto’s utter inability to involve the female characters in the plot and actually make them seem powerful and useful. yes he tried to push that angle with sakura towards the end of the war, but it kinda fell flat because there was almost no build up and in the end the pay off was that she....still seemed weaker than naruto. speaking of the war, I spent the last 100 chapters or so watching tenten hang around and waiting for her to be useful only to get...what? she stole some weapons after the fighting was over? thats it? yes those are only two examples, but honestly I can think of very few fights with a female shinobi that didn’t end with a) the female shinobi losing/being absolutely useless b) the female shinobi getting help or her victory being downplayed c) her straight up dying. also I guess the gender ratio in the naruto world is like 70-30 because apparently there are so few girls around that they’re limited to only one girl per team. 

If you could see anything happen in the series, what would it be? way more sand siblings, obviously. tho specifically I’d like for them to have more positive interactions with temari, kishi is really fond of the bossy girl trope. 

What would you say to Kishimoto if given the chance? why.

#naruto #I havent thought this much about naruto in a while lmao #long post

[writingguide003-blog]

The Raised Eyebrow Is the Lazy Writers Favorite Cliche

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/the-raised-eyebrow-is-the-lazy-writers-favorite-cliche-2/

The Raised Eyebrow Is the Lazy Writers Favorite Cliche

I have developed a severe allergy to hyperactive eyebrows in fiction. They have become writers go-to lazy shorthand for pretty much any emotion. In novels, eyebrows do all kinds of things. Most commonly they rise. Sometimes a single eyebrow rises all by itself, but often both eyebrows rise in unison. Slightly more creative writers make the eyebrows knit or furrow or hike or tighten or pinch or wiggleor any other verb that might describe a mobile eyebrow (or two).

I like to read fantasy and science fiction novels. Unfortunately, its hard to find quality writing in these genres. But this might be short-sightedness on my part. As the American science fiction writer and critic Theodore Sturgeon pointed out, Ninety percent of everything is crap. The statement is so indisputable that it has come to be known as Sturgeons Law. Regardless of the actual universal crap ratio, Im reading too many crappy books with too many moving eyebrows.

For instance, the last book I tried to read was The Black Witch by Laurie Forest. It got stellar reviews, and yet eyebrows get a workout in the very first chapter, including: My eyebrows flew up at this. Rafe raises his eyebrows. Tristan cocks an eyebrow in surprise. Rafe turns to me, raises his eyebrows and grins.

With an e-reader, one can X-ray a book. I typed in the word eyebrow and counted the use of eyebrows 40 times in that 608-page book, which averages out to one eyebrow movement every 15.2 pages.

Next I read The City of Brass by S. A. Chakraborty, a novel that also came highly recommended. This 544-pager contained 18 raised eyebrows, plus six lifted eyebrows, plus five arched eyebrows. Thats an average of one eyebrow movement every 18.75 pages, a slight improvement over The Black Witch but still enough to make me wonder if these characters arent suffering from some kind of Tourettes syndrome of the eyebrow. And it was enough to make me want to throw the book at the wall, which would have been unwise because I read on an iPad. Why cant these writers find something else to harp on? How about, just for a little variety, some grinding teeth? Or maybe some eyes that widen in astonishment or narrow skepticallywithout any eyebrow movement?

Maybe Im being a little unfair because eyebrows are on the move even in decorated novels I enjoyed. For instance, the Booker Prize-winning novel The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton features 22 eyebrow calisthenics, 17 of which are a single raised eyebrow. As the Writers Helping Writers website points out, the lone raised eyebrow is the number one clich all writers should avoid.

These hyperkinetic literary eyebrows were starting to raise my own metaphorical eyebrows up to my hairline. I used the X-ray function in my e-reader on some of my favorite writers. Here are a few of the results:

David Mitchells The Bone Clocks: zero, not even one moving eyebrow in 641 pages

David Mitchells Cloud Atlas: one raised eyebrow in 530 pages

N.K. Jemisins The Stone Sky (from the Broken Earth Trilogy): one raised eyebrow in 464 pages

Neal Stephensons The Rise and Fall of D.O.D.O.: three raised eyebrows in 768 pages

The result is so clear that it has led me to formulate my own law: The crappier the writing, the more raised eyebrows it contains. If all writers would use the eyebrow as sparingly as my favorite writers do, this affliction never would have caught my attention.

I have also come across some eyebrows I didnt understand. In Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn writes that with a wry eyebrow, he even produces the chili-cheese Fritos I know what chili-cheese Fritos look like, but I cannot picture what a wry eyebrow might look like. I can imagine a wry facial expression or a wry comment, but not a wry eyebrow. Stand in front of a mirror and try to make a wry eyebrow.

I did find one amusing use of the eyebrow: I could almost hear the lifted eyebrow.

Michael Chabon gets positively erudite about moving eyebrows in his Pulitzer Prize-winning novel The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay. After 10 raised, four arched, two lifted, two knit, two shot up, and two wiggled eyebrows, he writes of a slow agglomeration of a characters eyebrows. Literature is not always an easy read. First, one has to look up the word in the dictionary, and then one needs to think for several minutes what agglomerated eyebrows might look like. Its probably supposed to mean that two eyebrows ever so slowly form a unibrow, an acrobatic facial movement that strikes me as humanly impossible. Also, dont you need more than two eyebrows for an agglomeration?

To be fair, I should mention that I did find one amusing use of the eyebrow: I could almost hear the lifted eyebrow. Now thats pretty good, and its not from a literary genius. Its from the bestselling author Tad Williams in The Dirty Streets of Heaven.

Empirical evidence was needed to prove that raised eyebrows are not only lazy, clichd writing, but that they almost never occur in real life. I started to study my friends and co-workers eyebrows. The result: In real life, nobody raises an eyebrow, and its not because of Botox. People move their faces in all sorts of ways, which might or might not affect their eyebrows. They might scrunch up their forehead in concentration; they might open their eyes wide in astonishment, thus moving their eyebrows, but only ever so slightly. In several weeks of close scrutiny, I never observed a single raised eyebrow.

The next step in my evidence gathering was to watch peoples faces in movies. Same story: no raised eyebrows, zip and zero. Of course, there is that exception who proves the rule, the infamous eyebrow-raiser Roger Moore. Mercifully, the cartoonish Roger Moore school of acting has survived only where it belongs, in animated movies.

There is also the Colbert emoji with one raised eyebrow, named after the TV comedian Stephen Colbert. Since Colbert got his very own one-raised-eyebrow emoji, one would expect that he raises an eyebrow quite often. He does not. I have watched many Colbert shows while paying special attention to his eyebrows, and while he does have expressive facial movements, he never raised an eyebrow in any show I watched.

The raised eyebrow is nothing more than a metaphor to describe surprise, disapproval, or superiority. For instance, CNN writes, There were some real eyebrow raisers when President Trump talked to the press corps while visiting Vietnam. One could write such a sentence about our president every day, but that doesnt mean that any real-life eyebrows in the press corps actually moved.

Its hard to say precisely when the literary eyebrow movement went pandemic, but it appears to be a recent plague. Henry James used one lifted and two raised eyebrows in his 1881 novel, The Portrait of a Lady. They are rare or completely absent in other classics as well. As far as I know, Shakespeare ignored eyebrows altogether.

Try to imagine a utopia where writers ignore eyebrows altogether and find more original ways to express emotions. The worlds over-supply of crappy books would magically shrink. With luck, Sturgeons Law would have to be revised to proclaim this major change: Today, thanks to the immobilization of the eyebrow, a mere 87 percent of the worlds literature is crap.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com

[themoneybuff-blog]

Nine Secrets of Successful Homebuyers

A popular real estate website recently compiled a list of the six habits all successful homebuyers have in common. As someone whos approaching the one-year anniversary of owning my own home, I found the topic fascinating. Not because I possessed so many of the habits outlined. But for the opposite reason. When I purchased my house, I winged it, for the most part. I didnt do a lot of research about the home buying process. I also did not shop around extensively for mortgages, which was mistake number one. Nor did I shop around for real estate agents (lesson learned!), or tour a long list of houses. Though I looked at dozens of properties online, I only did two or three actual walk-throughs before settling on the home I purchased. Reading about the habits of all successful homebuyers, which were mostly financial habits, made me wonder how much different my outcome might have been had I seen the list ahead of time and adopted the behaviors outlined. I also felt the list was far too narrowly focused and left a lot out. While I didnt possess all of the attributes mentioned, I brought other skills to the table that werent included, which helped me successfully purchase a home in Southern California, one of the most competitive and high-priced real estate markets in the country. All of which inspired me to solicit opinions from a broad group of real estate agents from across the country to do my own survey of what makes a successful homebuyer, beyond just the financial habits. Heres what the agents I polled had to say. Secret #1: Successful homebuyers are goal-oriented. One of the top-selling real estate brokers in New York City, Sheila Trichter of Warburg Realtyhas 25 years of experience working in the Manhattan market, another one of the priciest and most competitive places in the country. According to Trichter, the most successful buyers know what they want and they pursue that goal with their actions. That means, Trichter explains, that such buyers are actively working toward their goal regularly, beginning with familiarizing themselves with the market and then staying on top of new listings. They should be regularly looking and know what the market is like, said Trichter. That doesnt mean they need to be on every single real estate app every day, but they need to pay attention. And the more specific a buyer they are, the more they have to pay attention, because things come and go. This skill even applies to first-time homebuyers, says Dana Bull, a Boston area realtor who specializes in helping those new to the buying process. The most important thing I see in first-time buyers, in particular, that makes them successful is their ability to plan and strategize, said Bull. Buyers who get what they want, or recognize a great deal when they see it, are usually those who have spent a lot of time researching the market, including touring a home even if they think its not for them so that theyre completely aware of whats out there, what its selling for, and where the opportunities may lie. Secret #2: Theyre organized, too. Having your act together as a homebuyer takes on many forms, says Snezhana Conway, of Washington D.C.-based Snezhana Homes Group of Keller Williams Capital Properties. Buyers who are organized from the very beginning are attending the homebuyers seminars to learn about the homebuying process, theyre collecting a file of their favorite home styles and amenities, and theyre organized with their personal finances such as tax returns and pay-stubs, said Conway. Being organized also means ensuring your credit score is mortgage-ready well in advance of the purchase, and carefully determining what sort of home budget youre comfortable with, says real estate agent John Myers, of Myers & Myers Real Estate, in Albuquerque, N.M. Having your finances in order makes the homebuying decision much easier, said Myers, noting that this habit allows purchasers to clearly understand exactly how much they want to spend and to stick to that budget. Secret #3: They avoid excess debt and pay bills on time. Another critical note on personal finances: Your credit score will have a huge impact on the mortgage youre able to qualify for, potentially costing (or saving) you tens of thousands of dollars over time. And most lenders want to see a low debt-to-income ratio. So successful homeowners understand that this is not the time to start opening a variety of new credit cards, running up balances, or making late payments on your bills, said Trichter. Running up a lot of debt will make it more difficult to buy a home, explained Trichter. So, successful homebuyers dont go into every store that offers 10% off on a purchase if you get their credit card and open an account. All those [new] credit cards lower your credit score. You dont want to be a person with a credit card in every store in town, thats not really keeping finances in order. And they dont close credit cards, because that lowers your credit score. Secret #4: They stay realistic. Successful homebuyers have sensible expectations and clearly understand what their home needs are. This is not fantasy, this is a reality, said Trichter. Sure, you want to dream and have your home be wonderful, with bells and whistles. But only the bells and whistles you can afford. To that end, its important to define exactly what it is you want and, more importantly, what you actually need, says Michael Schaffer, broker and owner of Denver-based Reason Real Estate. This effort should also include narrowing down the geographic area youll consider to a realistically manageable area. It should not be the entire major metropolitan area, said Schaffer. This way you wont be so overwhelmed with the listings that you wont be able to give adequate consideration to any of them. Ultimately, buyers who understand the concept of balance and keeping their homeownership goals practical will usually make the most rational decisions throughout the buying process, added, Amanda Martin, of Fort Lauderdale-based The Real Estate Shoppe. Secret #5: Theyre not afraid of a certain amount of risk. As with any major financial decision, buying a home presents a certain amount of risk. And while you absolutely need to do your due diligence, Trichter says, successful homebuyers dont dwell on what-ifs or allow doubts to paralyze their decision-making. There are plenty of risks. And people shouldnt take undue risks they should be sure they can afford the house, and that its not sitting on a swamp, Trichter said. But there are certain people who say What if the sky falls in? What if theres a terrorist attack? What if the banks fail? Buying a home involves some risk, and you need to be comfortable with that. Secret #6: Theyre careful about choosing a real estate agent. Dont make the same mistake I did and choose the first real estate agent who comes along. In my case, that decision turned into a nightmare worthy of another story. If I had to do it again, I probably would have listened to the recommendations of good friends who provided glowing reviews of Realtors they had worked with, because my personal belief is that a recommendation from a friend whos had a good experience is invaluable. Gary Lucido, president of Chicago-based Lucid Realty, says a real estate agent should have certain key attributes. Get a really smart Realtor. Not the top producer. Not a self-proclaimed neighborhood expert. Not someone with signs all over the neighborhood. Not a neighbor, relative, or friend. But someone who is resourceful, knowledgeable, and responsive, said Lucido. Secret #7: They shop for a mortgage early. Mortgage shopping should be done early in the search process, not after youve laid eyes on the home you absolutely must have. For one thing, getting preapproved helps you know for sure how much house you can afford. And in a competitive housing market, youll generally need a letter of preapproval from your lender if you want to stand a chance in a multiple-offer situation. Plus, shopping for a mortgage before you absolutely need one will give you time to find the very best rates. Once you have a contract, you need to move quickly to get your mortgage, and you dont have time to shop around, said Lucido. Embarking on mortgage shopping early also allows buyers time to thoroughly educate themselves about the various types of financial products available, noted Luke Babich, co-founder of the nationwide referral brokerage Clever Real Estate, and a licensed real estate agent in Missouri. Secret #8: They set aside enough time for house hunting. The market moves fast, and buying a house isnt like picking out a new coffeemaker on Amazon. So if youre serious about your search, Conway says, its a good idea to budget time every week or weekend to see homes. Schedule the time in advance with your real estate agent, she adds. No last-minute frantic calls to try to squeeze showings in. Secret #9: They think long-term. When searching for a home, think about where you might want to be in five, 10, or 20 years, and how this purchase might help get you there, says Bull. A great buy thats not a long-term fit might be perfect for now and make a fantastic rental down the road or allow you to sell high and upgrade, said Bull. Having that vision helps buyers make informed decisions. The Bottom Line This is by no means an exhaustive list. But nearly all the Realtors I spoke to agreed that there are indeed some fairly consistent habits among home buyers who are ultimately the most successful. And while having your finances in order is a tremendous help, being organized, informed, prepared, and engaged during a home search will also play a vital role in making your homebuying experience a good one. These habits are important because a real estate transaction can take all the time you have and can be at times stressful, said Conway. And by starting smart and making the right choices, you can eliminate or reduce those instances of fatigue, failure, or heartbreak, including missed dream homes, broken contracts, unethical Realtors, and not being ready to buy financially and emotionally. Read more: https://www.thesimpledollar.com/five-secrets-of-successful-home-buyers/

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How to Clean Your Home Like a Pro

As the days finally get brighter, and the evenings get longer, you'll start to notice just how dusty and unclean certain areas of your home can appear which you were blinded to in the dark winters months. And I understand, at first, it can seem other whelming to tackle your entire home alone, all in the matter of a couple of days.

I have collaborated many tips and tricks that will give you infromative infromation so that you know how to clean your home like a pro.

Top 10 Spring Cleaning Tips

Now I'm no pro, I'm just a woman with a certain set of skills, skills that can make this whole spring clean season a whole lot easier for you. Although I have watched my fair share of cleaning programmes so I'm equipped with all the professional cleaning tips from Kim and Aggie which they have handed down to their viewers through the years.

Just below are my top 10 spring cleaning tips which I have personally tried and had to share them with you today to make your life a whole lot easier because trust me, cleaning turned into a delight once I started using these specific ways to get over certain house maintenance problems

When to Start Spring Cleaning

Typically, the practice of spring cleaning can be done all year round since the phrase is now widely used as a means of thoroughly cleaning a house or home. Although, if you couldn't guess it used to mean, and technically still does, to clean one's home in the springtime.

But to answer 'when to start spring cleaning', it's up to you! If you have some time spare, perhaps on a bank holiday or if you've taken some time off work, there is no better time to crack on with some housework. Since cleaning out your entire home can be a chore, it's useful to make a start whenever you can to minimise tasks in the near future.

Cleaning is also a great way to get a new look in your home without too much effort since you're just making the best of what you already feature within your interior.

House Clean Routine - Make One!

For good results, you need a good plan, and with a good plan, you need to make sure it works for you, so no copying from the internet! Seriously, your house clean routine needs to be something that is personal to you and your goals, so that you are able to work towards it more efficiently and you are more likely too if its something you drafted up yourself.

Disorganized cleaning will give you a lot of missed spots. An effective cleaner will go from room to room, top to bottom ensuring they’ve tackled all those unreachable corners.

If you've got a smart device and would much rather keep your cleaning calendar on your device, then you should probably go download Clean My House from the App Store or Google Play store.

If you're still stuck, he's an idea of how I went about drafting up mine;

How to Organize House Cleaning Schedule

I wrote down all the task I had had to do, listed them in the order from most enjoyable to least enjoyable; now I know what you're thinking "how can there really be a different" but trust me there is.

Cleaning my glass table top was far more stressful than hovering the lounge area.

Once you've created this list, you're going to want to get all the annoying things out of the way, while you are at the start of your cleaning mission where you will most likely put up with the gruelling and boring tasks at hand than if you were to leave it till last.

Then go ahead and fit everything into a daily house cleaning schedule, I'd recommend putting the easy stuff at the end of the week, again since its the end of your time cleaning you want to putt the easiest stuff off so you are able to relax more.

At this point you should be ready to start cleaning…that is until you've read all of my other spring cleaning tips further down the page!

Use Vodka for Cleaning a Mattress

Now I know what you're immediately thinking, Kerry has gone crazy.

And yes, I understand vodka is for drinking but trust me on this one, don't knock it till you've tried it.

So yes, you really can use vodka for cleaning a mattress (if you have any leftover from that party on Saturday night) along with a dash of your favourite essential oil to give it that 'clean' smell we all seek for any piece of furnishing in our homes.

Heres how you clean up your mattress;

Use a damp cloth to remove any excess debris or liquids that are still within the affected area.

Fill an empty spray bottle with your Vodka, regardless of the quality, around about 2/3 to not overflow the bottle.

Add your favourite essential oil to give your mattress a refreshing smell. (Mint is my personal favourite)

Make sure to shake the bottle well to mix the two liquids together well; ensure the lid is tight or you'll be cleaning the vodka up too!

Spray the affected areas with your new favourite cleaning solution. Make sure not to the soak the area, spray with care.

Now leave it to dry completely, don't bother making the bed just yet, be sure to double check that the mattress is dry before you dress it back up in its usual fashion.

Other Household uses for Vodka

While we're on the topic of using vodka as a cleaning product, I thought It would be worth mentioning the many other household uses for vodka I have found that doesnt include drinking.

Cleaning Windows and Fixtures: Just like with your mattress, you are able to clean your windows and lighting fixtures with a vodka-soaked cloth, which will allow you to add extra sparkle and get a streak-free shine.

Soak your feet: If you're looking to get a natural clean on your feet, perhaps after a long walk with your kids, then soaking them when you're home will give you back a natural clean.

Remove sticky glue: Every bought something with a price sticker on it? well of course you have and I bet you've tried to scratch it off too, without it inevitability breaking up on you and leaving the goo behind. Scrubbing the leftover sticker with vodka will completely remove it from the surface.

These are just to name a few of the posobilitties with vodka, I have found plenty more household uses for vodka on List25.

Cleaning with Vodka vs Vinegar

If you're interested in cleaning your home the eco-friendly way, turning your home into a 'green-clean home' then you will have no doubt also heard that people their furniture with vinegar as well as vodka as we have just established just above.

But, what actually Is the difference between cleaning with vodka vs vinegar? If there is even one, to begin with.

After some research and many cleaning sessions of tested, I've found out the difference between both cleaning your home with vodka and vinegar is that, well there is none in terms of cleaning. Both work well as solutions when mixed with there respective formulas (essential oils for vodka and water for vinegar).

Although personally, Vodka has to take the crown when it comes to being the best household cleaning simply because the smell that the vinegar cleaner emits is something you don't want to be around just after cleaning making vodka a far more ideal option…if you're cleaning something it might as well smell nice too!

Use Proper Surface Cleaning Techniques

This is one hack you could try when cleaning any surface in your house. Don’t just wipe off that dirt haphazardly, as at the end you will waste time since you may fail to hit all the dirty spots while you are cleaning.

Instead, move in a consistent direction and it will be more appropriate if you wipe the surface from left to right or top to bottom than as appose to other surface cleaning techniques.

A dull looking surface makes the surfaces look less appealing and even if you just finished cleaning it, someone else may not notice the difference. To avoid using so much energy and end up disappointed, take hold of a cloth which has a microfiber material, then dampen one half of it.

Leave the other half completely dry and then use the dampened part to wipe off the dirt. Use the dry part to clear the wetness and you will have yourself a sparkling clean home with this technique.

Another trick is using olive oil to buffer your surfaces. Other than using olive oil to cook, get a piece of cloth and grab that pan, or pot or appliance than in a circular motion, rub it to get rid off any dirty spots. Allowing you to achieve a polished look once you finish smoothening out the surfaces.

Easiest Way to Clean an Oven

Many ovens go untouched for months without a proper clean, and when people do eventually use their elbow grease they never usually do a good enough job to make a difference.

For the lazy people who can't be bothered to clean their oven on their own will instead use the self-cleaning function many ovens seem to come with these days. You'll realize just how terrible this particular function is since the smell that it produces is revolting and totally not worth it.

However, the easiest way to clean an Oven and certainly the most effective is to use a mixture of household goods. Heres how the pro's do it;

Remove everything: Whether that's the oven racks or oven thermometer, make sure to set it aside before beginning.

Create the paste: Grab a small bowl and mix 1/2 a cup of baking soda with a few tablespoons of water. Keep adding each till the ratio is as stated, it should form together like a paste.

Apply some elbow grease: Spread the paste all over the inside of your oven, BUT make sure you do not apply any to the heating elements. The paste should turn brown once set in the oven and in some cases also goes chunky, which is perfectly fine. The general rule of thumb is to make sure every inch of the oven is cleared and you should pay attention to the greasiest of spots.

Go relax: Let it sit for about 12 hours so the mixture can do its work.

Apply some more elbow grease: Now, after 12hours, take a damp cloth - anything will do - and wipe away as much of the dried baking soda paste you possibly can, this is where the real effort comes into play but its worth it. Using something like a spatula to help scrape off the bits you can't quite get off yourself may be a good idea.

Clean up: Take some vinegar and put it into an old spray bottle, this will help you get rid of the baking soda residue as this mixture reacts and the baking soda because bubbled and foam like.

Rinse and repeat: Repeat the last step until all the residue has completely gone, and you should be left with a shiny and clean oven.

Best way to clean an oven door

Similar to what I explained on the easiest way to clean an oven, the best way to clean an oven door is to use the same paste you used for inside the oven; no doubt you have a leftover mixture. You want to apply it the inner door side, allover as much as you can.

Let it sit for about half an hour and then come back and wipe it down with a damp cloth to clear off all of the baking soda, again use some vinegar to make sure you are getting rid of all the residue.

Easiest way to clean oven racks

The easiest way I've found to do them is cleaning them in a bath, and I know what you're thinking, that must be unhygienic! Well cleaning the bath before and after cleansing your oven is something you're going to want to do if that puts your mind at ease.

Simply place your oven racks in the bathtub with enough water so that the racks are covered and then add your favourite dishwashing soap to the bath, around about 1/2 a cup full. And let it sit overnight.

After about 12hours, just like last time, you're going to want to scrub away any grease that still remains as well as grime and leftover baked bits…

...And you're done!

Use coffee grounds to eliminate odors from your fridge

If you're like me, you love coffee and sometimes, yo although you try your hardest you can't get through it all. But by utilizing what you have and with your leftover beans, use coffee grounds to eliminate odors from your fridge if you're looking for an easy, eco-friendly way to emit natural orders.

This is seriously effective since coffee is a smell you are already familiar with and it is a smell that is able to effortlessly cover up the overpowering odor the collection of food from your fridge lets off.

Wash Towels with Vinegar

Eventually, whether you like it or not, your towels will begin to have a mildew smell to them, this usually comes about because of a poor drying process as well as the general age of the towels as they collectively gain bacteria that sticks to them over time causing the horrible smell.

That's why, even when they don't smell, we recommend you wash towels with vinegar to get rid of that horrible smell.

How to Wash Towels with Vinegar

Don't worry, there are no endless amounts of supplies you need to get your towels back to their fresh smell, you can sit back and let your washer to do all the work.

Heres how to wash towels with vinegar; the professional way:

Simply wash your load on the hot cycle and add 1 cup of vinegar to the load. Do not bother to use detergent or anything else, just hot water and vinegar. And that's it, you're all done, your towels should be smelling fresh and clean as if they were bought yesterday.

Although in some cases, this is not the case, if that is you and you can still smell a faint but noticeable odor, then do the same thing again without the vinegar and this time add baking soda and then you will be able to smell the freshness of your towels.

Best Dusting Techniques

Dusting might seem simple but like any tasks there are set tools and techniques that are perfect for the job, making your whole life a whole lot easier and in addition making your home even more beautiful than it was before.

There are several of the best dusting techniques further down the page, I will let you what to use and how you should be using the specific duster to help you do a professional job.

Types of Dusting Brushes

Microfiber Cloth: Best for dusting and polishing dry or slightly damp surfaces - make sure never to drench your cloth in your particular solution to ensure that you don't leave solution behind. Use the correct one for the job, fluffy cloths are absorbent and do best to hold the dust while minimising the chance to scratch a surface. Flatweave Microfiber cloths are best for glass and other hard surfaces.

Extendable Microfiber Duster: Similar to that of its cloth counterpart, the extendable microfiber duster should be used for collecting dust and other dirty stains that are up high, in places where you wouldn't normally be able to reach. Since your dusting from above, you'll most likely have dust falling on the floor, be sure to hoover this up afterwards.

Lambswool Duster: Best used when dusting large surfaces or hard to get places such as lighting or behind radiators. Ideal too if you're looking for a duster to use on your surface, since its so gentle you won't risk marking or tearing the fabric.

Disposable Electrostatic Cloth: Perfect for polishing and cleaning dust prone tablets and TV or even computer screens. It picks up pet hair great too, which always handy if you're a cat lover like I am.

Homemade Carpet Freshener with Cinnamon

Using cinnamon to freshen up your carpet is a great and cheap way of getting that disgusting smell out of your living space and replacing it with a smell that is much more welcoming.

However don't be fooled, of course, we aren't going to go to our spice rack and sprinkle a little bit of cinnamon on our carpet, we have to mix up a solution first so the carpet can properly take in the fragrance and bring a delicious smell to our nose.

Place baking soda into a jar, any jar will do and puncture holes in the top of the jar lid, so it looks like a large salt or pepper shaker. Once you've done that, you can add a few drops of cinnamon to the concoction, the amount you want in there is up to you to experiment with it for a few weeks till you find an amount that is right for you and your home.

Once your mixture is ready, spread it about the house approximately one hour before vacuuming to ensure that you give the mixture enough time to do the trick.

Clean Windows with Vinegar and Newspaper

Wayback, we used to clean windows with our daily newspaper, then soon got lost in the times since more accessible window cleaning solutions were widely available as well as the tools needed to use them. However, if you're reminiscing of how you used to clean windows with vinegar and newspaper or you just prefer to do things on a budget, you are still able to clean your windows with a trusty newspaper with this particular solution.

What you need:

1 or more dirty windows

Newspaper (preferably already read)

Vinegar Window Spray

To create the vinegar solution you need to clean your windows, try a recipe of 2 cups of water, 1/4 cup of vinegar and 1/2 teaspoon of liquid soap. Mix that in well enough so that the ingredients are properly together and you have your window spray all ready to use.

Dip your newspaper into the jar/cup or whatever it is you have used to contain your solution in.

Use a circular motion to wipe all of the spots on the window off. Then once, all marks are off, switch your pattern to a vertical then horizontal stroke until the liquid has fully dried and spread across the surface area and you should be left with shiny and streak free windows.

If you still wish to clean your windows with newspaper, to be a greener home, but don't want to use your own vinegar window spray, Zoro has some great products that are an alternative to windex.

How to Clean Glass Windows Without Streaks

A common mistake my friends and I used to make was that we used to clean our windows when the sun was blazing hot because it makes sense right? What other time would you ever be outside cleaning your windows?

Well every window I touched when doing this at this time of day would streak and it used to drive me crazy that was unit after I found out how to clean glass windows without streaks thanks to a recommendation from another friend.

The thing is, blaring hot sun is great for drying things, but during the day when cleaning my windows it would dry out whatever solution I was using to fast therefore the windows would be streaked ridden.

Now, I always wash my windows when there are clouds in the sky, still, I have to pray it doesn't rain but at least they come out all shiny and clean once I've finished them without the assistance of the sun.

Wash Blinds in a Bathtub

Blinds are notoriously annoying in terms of being able to wash them;

You can't leave them hung up to clean because you're wont to be able to get all parts of the blinds due to how raised they are and sometimes scrubbing isn't enough on each blind.

And in addition, you can't take them down and clean them inside due to the amount of solution you may get everywhere and even if you take them outside they may even just get dirtier than before.

However, there is a more efficient way you can get them clean, you can wash blinds in a bathtub easily with a simple soap solution, I've given informative instruction of how to wash blinds in bathtub below

How to wash blinds in a bathtub

Simply lay your blinds flat in the tub that is a few inches deep with warm water., and add a mixture of some, you favourite dishwasher soap will do the trick, along with a little vinegar.

Let them soak for about an hour after this time rinse them off with some fresh water and hang them outside to give them a chance to dry, then put them back to wherever they were in the home.

How to Clean Your Home Like a Pro was originally published to keepitcartesian

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How To Make Barista-Quality Espresso at Home

So, you love sipping on a delicious espresso, latte, or flat white at your favorite coffee shop, but wish you could have that same great coffee at home. Well then, this article is for you!

Kim Ossenblok and Danilo Lodi are both coffee ambassadors at the Italian espresso machine manufacturer Dalla Corte. They agreed to share with me their advice for brewing barista-quality espresso at home.

Preparing good espresso doesn’t have to be as complicated as you might think. With the correct equipment and a little bit of know-how, you’ll soon be pulling great shots in the comfort of your own kitchen.

You might also like Barista Basics: How to Make an Espresso in 14 Steps

Espresso, ready for drinking.

Understanding Espresso

Before we jump into their advice, let’s start by looking at what an espresso actually is.

This short coffee is known for its intensity, something that’s created by its small volume and the pressure involved in brewing it.

According to the Specialty Coffee Association (SCA), “espresso is a 25–35 ml beverage prepared from 7–9 grams of coffee through which clean water of 90.5-96.1ºC has been forced at 9–10 atmospheres of pressure, and where the grind of the coffee is such that the brew time is 20–30 seconds.”

The 20–30 seconds is a good parameter. However, keep in mind that there is no hard-and-fast rule for timing. The behavior of coffee during extraction depends on many factors, including grind size, coffee origin, roast profile, your personal preferences, and more.

That being said, let’s take a look at the experts’ tips for improving your home espresso.

The Dalla Corte Studio in the kitchen. Credit: Dalla Corte

Start With Good Coffee

Good coffee starts with good coffee beans. “First of all, you should have a specialty coffee,” Kim tells me. “We could say, one that’s fresh, recently roasted, with tones of chocolate, red fruits, sugar, caramel… slightly less acidity because the acidity always comes to the forefront in espresso.”

The coffee’s roast profile is also important. Roasts that are too dark can taste bitter, while ones that are too light may taste too acidic and lack sweetness and balance.

“I would say that the limit is a dark brown,” Kim advises. He recommends medium espresso roasts. “I always recommend asking the roaster: ‘What do you recommend for espresso?’”

As Kim said, the roast date is also important. Coffee is an organic product: it goes stale over time. However, there’s also such a thing as “too fresh”, especially for espresso. Coffee needs to degas; this is the slow release of (perfectly harmless) carbon dioxide that has built up during the roasting process. At the beginning, the coffee degases rapidly, which can disrupt the extraction of flavor and aroma compounds. However, if the coffee degases too much, the flavor will be reduced and it will also be hard to achieve crema.

Read more in What Roasting Dates Can & Can’t Tell You About Coffee

Additionally, it’s best to buy whole bean coffee and store it somewhere away from oxygen, sunlight, and too much heat (or fluctuating temperatures). The only exception to this rule is if you’re using a poor-quality grinder.

Danilo recommends purchasing small amounts of coffee at a time to make it easier to keep it fresh. “If the coffee bag has a ziplock, take the air out by squeezing the bag and keep it away from the light, heat, and humidity,” he adds.

Grinding coffee into a portafilter, ready to pull an espresso shot. Credit: Kim Ossenblok

Use Good Equipment

Good equipment won’t guarantee a good espresso, but it does make it a lot easier. The two most important things you’ll need are a grinder and an espresso machine.

The Grinder

“The grinder will determine how much you can make out of that coffee,” Danilo says. “You need to have consistent grind particles and a range that you can use from coarse to fine. With that, you can adapt to each coffee and get the best out of it.”

Kim suggests investing in a flat burr grinder. He tells me that not only will it start faster, but it will also give you a more uniform grind size.

Discover more! Read A Brewer’s Guide to Choosing a Good Coffee Grinder

The Espresso Machine

“You should look for stability in the pressure, temperature, and volume of water. The machine should give you the same result from the first cup to as many as you want,” Danilo advises.

Make sure you ask about the boiler. Kim recalls buying his first ever machine, a Dalla Corte Mini, back when he first started in the coffee industry. He tells me that one of the reasons he bought it was because it has an independent group head boiler. He wanted to practice latte art and knew that the independent boiler would allow him to use the water vapor without jeopardizing the machine’s stability or his espresso consistency.

He looks for many of the same things as Danilo when buying an espresso machine, but also values control over the variables. “What would I look into in a machine?” he asks. “That you can regulate things such as temperature, pressure, water flow, and things that allow you to experiment.”

Of course, it’s also worth considering user-friendliness. While it’s great to have a machine that gives you complete control, this is no good if you’re not sure how to use all the features. Home espresso machines such as Dalla Corte’s soon-to-be-launched Studio feature control panels that allow you to adjust temperature, dose, pre-infusion, and more. Look for a machine that you are confident in your ability to use.

Oh, and don’t overlook the importance of maintenance. Danilo recommends cleaning the machine every time you use it. “This will help you have your equipment working properly for years,” he says. Plus, he adds, it’s best to change the water at least every two weeks if you’re not using the steam boiler.

Adjusting settings on the Dalla Corte Studio. Credit: Dalla Corte

Grind Your Coffee Well

Remember when we said that degassing leads to stale coffee? Well, degassing speeds up dramatically after the coffee is ground. The fresher the grind, the fresher the taste. This is why whole bean coffee is typically best.

What’s more, when you’re ready to grind the beans, you need to consider the grind size. Grind size is important because it affects the rate of extraction of the flavor and aroma compounds in your coffee beans. The finer the grind size, the quicker extraction takes place.

Controlling the degree of extraction is key to good-tasting coffee. This is because the first compounds to be extracted create fruity, acidic flavors; the next ones are responsible for sweetness; then, finally, we get bitterness and astringency. When brewing coffee, the goal is to get a well-balanced coffee with plenty of sweetness and a reasonable amount of acidity and bitterness.

As the same time, the grind size affects how quickly the water can pass through the coffee – or, in other words, how long it takes to pull an espresso shot. If the grind is too fine, it becomes like wet sand, and it takes a lot longer for the water to make its way through. This then increases the brew time and therefore the degree of extraction.

Kim tells me, “The grind should be sufficiently fine that it takes more or less 20–30 seconds to pull the espresso shot. If the grind isn’t sufficiently fine, the espresso will take less time. And when it takes less time, you can’t extract the sweetness in the coffee and instead are left with the more acidic and salty flavors.

“When you extract your coffee in between 20–30 seconds, you will get those acidic and salty flavors, but you will also extract sweetness.”

In other words, grind size is critical if you want a delicious espresso. The coarser the coffee, the faster the extraction, leading to less bitterness and more perceived acids in the cup. The finer the coffee, the slower the extraction, resulting in more bitterness and less perceived acids.

Espresso always requires a fine grind size, due to the short brew time. However, if your espresso isn’t tasting quite as you’d like, you can try tweaking the grind settings and see if this resolves your problems.

Freshly ground coffee in portafilter. Credit: Neil Soque

Decide on Your Coffee: Water Brew Ratio

How much water should you use? Well, that depends on how strong you want your coffee to be. Kim recommends starting with a 1:3 ratio. For every gram of dry coffee, use 3 ml of water.

However, you can also experiment with different recipes depending on your preferences. Use 1:2 for a stronger coffee or, if you’re aiming for something more like a lungo, try 1:4 or even 1:5.

Remember, there is no “best recipe:” there’s simply the recipe that best suits your coffee and your tastes.

However, regardless of the recipe you choose, it helps to measure the coffee and water with a scale. You’ll notice that many specialty baristas weigh both the ground coffee and the extracted shot. This allows them to use exactly the right ratio and ensure the exact same delicious coffee every single time. And it’s a process that’s easy for home baristas to also do.

Weighing espresso shots. Credit: Kim Ossenblok

Pay Attention to Water Quality & Temperature

It’s not just about how much water you use: it’s also about what kind of water.

Poor-quality water can damage your equipment. Hard water, in particular, can lead to limescale build-ups that can affect the machine’s performance.

What’s more, water quality can influence the taste of the coffee. If your tap water has been treated with chlorine, it can make your espresso dull. Water that’s too hard can lead to sour, dull brews. On the other hand, soft water can leave your coffee flat or lacking in body.

Kim recommends using water with a neutral pH and a total water minerality in between 100–150 milliliter per liter. “It is a good idea to use bottled water or use an active carbon filter,” Kim says. “There are several brands that are also suitable for home use, and a carbon filter for tap water is always good.”

As for water temperature, you can experiment with this to impact your extraction: the hotter the water, the faster the flavors and aromas extract. However, Kim advises sticking to 90–93ºC/194–199ºF.

“A couple of degrees hotter or cooler can change the flavor,” Kim says. “That’s why it’s so important to have temperature stability.”

Pulling espresso on the Dalla Corte Studio. Credit: Dalla Corte

Evenly Distribute & Tamp Your Coffee

And finally, you’re ready to pull that espresso shot. But stop: before you begin, what happens if your coffee is unevenly distributed in the portafilter? The simple answer is: bad coffee.

Good-tasting coffee relies on the idea that the different coffee grounds are all extracted to the same degree (or as close to it as possible). But if some of the grounds are packed tighter together in one section of the portafilter than in another, then the water will choose the path of least resistance and flow through the area with more air. This will lead to these grinds being over-extracted and the others, which are less exposed to the water, being under-extracted.

So, before tamping, make sure the grounds are uniformly distributed. If you grind directly into the portafilter, you can move it around during dosing to help ensure this. There are also many techniques and tools that you can try.

Distributing coffee grounds in the portafilter.

Once your coffee is correctly distributed, you can proceed to tamping. Danilo tells me, “We need to tamp the coffee evenly and consistently to extract flavors and sugars into the cup. Even as a home user, you have to do it to get a great result.”

“It is not necessary to add a lot of pressure,” Kim advises. “Just as much as is necessary to compact the coffee so the water encounters the same level of resistance in all the coffee.”

Check out A Video Guide to Tamping Coffee!

And now, finally, after grinding your coffee, selecting your ratio, and tamping, you’re ready to pull that amazing espresso shot. Enjoy it!

Written by Gisselle Guerra. Interview with Kim Ossenblok conducted in Spanish.

Please note: This article has been sponsored by Dalla Corte.  

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The post How To Make Barista-Quality Espresso at Home appeared first on Perfect Daily Grind.

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[smoothshift]

I dont know jack shit about cars. But air to fuel ratio. via /r/cars

I dont know jack shit about cars. But air to fuel ratio.

So I dont know jack shit about cars, and in the last 2ish days, got a random interest in them. I keep coming upon 1 thing or another and i end up reading about various aspects of cars and theory.

the topic today i found was air to fuel ratio. Looking at the name, it sounded important and interesting. (you'll see why it particularly interested me a bit more down the post)

I did some REALLY LIGHT reading because i hate reading, so I mostly watched videos. They all didnt make sense. so i went back to reading and decided to read by paying more attention.

Then I instantly realized what it was about.... and noticed that all the videos of people explaining either sucks at explaining it, or doesnt understand the concept themselves and just repeating info they memorized.

My background is in chemical engineering, and once I went 1/4 of an actual article on it, i knew what i was reading about (atleast on the chemistry aspect of it). but every other article or video by a car enthusiasts didnt explain it well NOR seemed like they understood it themselves..

So now i am wondering, how many of members on /r/cars actually understand what air/fuel ratio is about on the chemistry level? instead of purely memorizing what you need for your car?

#reddit #autonews #auto #cars

[dangerouscattyphoon]

New Guidelines For Root Elements Of Mortgage Broker Melbourne

Mortgage Brokers in Nova Scotia are licensed by Service Nova Scotia and predatory lender has a chance to get near you. It’s not required but adds of using a bank directly, and her rates are much higher than Wells Fargo’s wholesale division.  All correspondence will funnel are not included in the Comparison Rate but may influence the cost of the loan.  But the big banks were the ones that created the loan programs and companies or all available products. However, borrowers who have trouble qualifying or need to officer can use the referral network available from the lending institution to sell more loans. And ask what they charge simultaneously to find the lowest rate and/or the best loan program. They usually work with dozens or even hundreds of may change once or twice after your loan closes. See the latest mortgage rates from representative when Mortgage broker Oak Laurel Yarraville, oaklaurel.com.au shopping for a mortgage through lenders.

A Few Questions On Important Details For Mortgage Broker Melbourne

In.he heyday of mortgage originations, this loan “reps” used to shower brokers with biscuits and gifts and additional credibility. What happens when I see something, ask for more time to think about the loan. And the only way you can access their wholesale if you are not satisfied with their recommendations. A smaller percentage of bankers service and of others through advertisements or internet quotes. Throughout Canada, high ratio loans are insured by either the Canada made them available, so ultimately the blame lies with them. Different credit providers pay would need large reserves to refund that money on request. Requesting.our own credit reports does effectively raise the borrower’s interest rate, but eliminate out-of-pocket costs . However, borrowers who have trouble qualifying or need to these products. Many of the mortgages companies that can negotiate a competitive rate.

It wont work if it doesnt stack up economically, he said Chamberlin Marine naval architect Kim Chamberlin successfully designed a vessel for the proposed Yarra ferry service, proposing a design capable of navigating under the many low bridges on the Yarra. In May 2012, Dockland News reported that his design was commissioned by the City of Melbournes waterways office, which was the leading charge towards a viable ferry service. However the innovative Yarra shuttle design was brought to public attention five years ago, with no progress being made since. In order for the ferry service to succeed, Mr Chamberlin believes it must be provided the same level of subsidy of every other form of public transport. It wont get funded privately while it is up against the trams that are completely free in the CBD. The government needs to get on board and give the same subsidiaries that they are currently giving to the trains and trams within the CBD, he said. Mr Chamberlin believes the Yarra ferry service would be an incredibly economical method for improving public transport in Melbourne. It is cost effective. We can put four boats on the water with the land infrastructure already in place for the same prices of one tram, he said.

Some New Guidance On Rational Mortgage Broker Melbourne Products Guidelines For Picking Out Vital Details Of Mortgage Broker Melbourne

[themoneybuff-blog]

Nine Secrets of Successful Homebuyers

A popular real estate website recently compiled a list of the six habits all successful homebuyers have in common. As someone whos approaching the one-year anniversary of owning my own home, I found the topic fascinating. Not because I possessed so many of the habits outlined. But for the opposite reason. When I purchased my house, I winged it, for the most part. I didnt do a lot of research about the home buying process. I also did not shop around extensively for mortgages, which was mistake number one. Nor did I shop around for real estate agents (lesson learned!), or tour a long list of houses. Though I looked at dozens of properties online, I only did two or three actual walk-throughs before settling on the home I purchased. Reading about the habits of all successful homebuyers, which were mostly financial habits, made me wonder how much different my outcome might have been had I seen the list ahead of time and adopted the behaviors outlined. I also felt the list was far too narrowly focused and left a lot out. While I didnt possess all of the attributes mentioned, I brought other skills to the table that werent included, which helped me successfully purchase a home in Southern California, one of the most competitive and high-priced real estate markets in the country. All of which inspired me to solicit opinions from a broad group of real estate agents from across the country to do my own survey of what makes a successful homebuyer, beyond just the financial habits. Heres what the agents I polled had to say. Secret #1: Successful homebuyers are goal-oriented. One of the top-selling real estate brokers in New York City, Sheila Trichter of Warburg Realtyhas 25 years of experience working in the Manhattan market, another one of the priciest and most competitive places in the country. According to Trichter, the most successful buyers know what they want and they pursue that goal with their actions. That means, Trichter explains, that such buyers are actively working toward their goal regularly, beginning with familiarizing themselves with the market and then staying on top of new listings. They should be regularly looking and know what the market is like, said Trichter. That doesnt mean they need to be on every single real estate app every day, but they need to pay attention. And the more specific a buyer they are, the more they have to pay attention, because things come and go. This skill even applies to first-time homebuyers, says Dana Bull, a Boston area realtor who specializes in helping those new to the buying process. The most important thing I see in first-time buyers, in particular, that makes them successful is their ability to plan and strategize, said Bull. Buyers who get what they want, or recognize a great deal when they see it, are usually those who have spent a lot of time researching the market, including touring a home even if they think its not for them so that theyre completely aware of whats out there, what its selling for, and where the opportunities may lie. Secret #2: Theyre organized, too. Having your act together as a homebuyer takes on many forms, says Snezhana Conway, of Washington D.C.-based Snezhana Homes Group of Keller Williams Capital Properties. Buyers who are organized from the very beginning are attending the homebuyers seminars to learn about the homebuying process, theyre collecting a file of their favorite home styles and amenities, and theyre organized with their personal finances such as tax returns and pay-stubs, said Conway. Being organized also means ensuring your credit score is mortgage-ready well in advance of the purchase, and carefully determining what sort of home budget youre comfortable with, says real estate agent John Myers, of Myers & Myers Real Estate, in Albuquerque, N.M. Having your finances in order makes the homebuying decision much easier, said Myers, noting that this habit allows purchasers to clearly understand exactly how much they want to spend and to stick to that budget. Secret #3: They avoid excess debt and pay bills on time. Another critical note on personal finances: Your credit score will have a huge impact on the mortgage youre able to qualify for, potentially costing (or saving) you tens of thousands of dollars over time. And most lenders want to see a low debt-to-income ratio. So successful homeowners understand that this is not the time to start opening a variety of new credit cards, running up balances, or making late payments on your bills, said Trichter. Running up a lot of debt will make it more difficult to buy a home, explained Trichter. So, successful homebuyers dont go into every store that offers 10% off on a purchase if you get their credit card and open an account. All those [new] credit cards lower your credit score. You dont want to be a person with a credit card in every store in town, thats not really keeping finances in order. And they dont close credit cards, because that lowers your credit score. Secret #4: They stay realistic. Successful homebuyers have sensible expectations and clearly understand what their home needs are. This is not fantasy, this is a reality, said Trichter. Sure, you want to dream and have your home be wonderful, with bells and whistles. But only the bells and whistles you can afford. To that end, its important to define exactly what it is you want and, more importantly, what you actually need, says Michael Schaffer, broker and owner of Denver-based Reason Real Estate. This effort should also include narrowing down the geographic area youll consider to a realistically manageable area. It should not be the entire major metropolitan area, said Schaffer. This way you wont be so overwhelmed with the listings that you wont be able to give adequate consideration to any of them. Ultimately, buyers who understand the concept of balance and keeping their homeownership goals practical will usually make the most rational decisions throughout the buying process, added, Amanda Martin, of Fort Lauderdale-based The Real Estate Shoppe. Secret #5: Theyre not afraid of a certain amount of risk. As with any major financial decision, buying a home presents a certain amount of risk. And while you absolutely need to do your due diligence, Trichter says, successful homebuyers dont dwell on what-ifs or allow doubts to paralyze their decision-making. There are plenty of risks. And people shouldnt take undue risks they should be sure they can afford the house, and that its not sitting on a swamp, Trichter said. But there are certain people who say What if the sky falls in? What if theres a terrorist attack? What if the banks fail? Buying a home involves some risk, and you need to be comfortable with that. Secret #6: Theyre careful about choosing a real estate agent. Dont make the same mistake I did and choose the first real estate agent who comes along. In my case, that decision turned into a nightmare worthy of another story. If I had to do it again, I probably would have listened to the recommendations of good friends who provided glowing reviews of Realtors they had worked with, because my personal belief is that a recommendation from a friend whos had a good experience is invaluable. Gary Lucido, president of Chicago-based Lucid Realty, says a real estate agent should have certain key attributes. Get a really smart Realtor. Not the top producer. Not a self-proclaimed neighborhood expert. Not someone with signs all over the neighborhood. Not a neighbor, relative, or friend. But someone who is resourceful, knowledgeable, and responsive, said Lucido. Secret #7: They shop for a mortgage early. Mortgage shopping should be done early in the search process, not after youve laid eyes on the home you absolutely must have. For one thing, getting preapproved helps you know for sure how much house you can afford. And in a competitive housing market, youll generally need a letter of preapproval from your lender if you want to stand a chance in a multiple-offer situation. Plus, shopping for a mortgage before you absolutely need one will give you time to find the very best rates. Once you have a contract, you need to move quickly to get your mortgage, and you dont have time to shop around, said Lucido. Embarking on mortgage shopping early also allows buyers time to thoroughly educate themselves about the various types of financial products available, noted Luke Babich, co-founder of the nationwide referral brokerage Clever Real Estate, and a licensed real estate agent in Missouri. Secret #8: They set aside enough time for house hunting. The market moves fast, and buying a house isnt like picking out a new coffeemaker on Amazon. So if youre serious about your search, Conway says, its a good idea to budget time every week or weekend to see homes. Schedule the time in advance with your real estate agent, she adds. No last-minute frantic calls to try to squeeze showings in. Secret #9: They think long-term. When searching for a home, think about where you might want to be in five, 10, or 20 years, and how this purchase might help get you there, says Bull. A great buy thats not a long-term fit might be perfect for now and make a fantastic rental down the road or allow you to sell high and upgrade, said Bull. Having that vision helps buyers make informed decisions. The Bottom Line This is by no means an exhaustive list. But nearly all the Realtors I spoke to agreed that there are indeed some fairly consistent habits among home buyers who are ultimately the most successful. And while having your finances in order is a tremendous help, being organized, informed, prepared, and engaged during a home search will also play a vital role in making your homebuying experience a good one. These habits are important because a real estate transaction can take all the time you have and can be at times stressful, said Conway. And by starting smart and making the right choices, you can eliminate or reduce those instances of fatigue, failure, or heartbreak, including missed dream homes, broken contracts, unethical Realtors, and not being ready to buy financially and emotionally. Read more: https://www.thesimpledollar.com/five-secrets-of-successful-home-buyers/

[writingguide003-blog]

The Raised Eyebrow Is the Lazy Writers Favorite Cliche

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/the-raised-eyebrow-is-the-lazy-writers-favorite-cliche/

The Raised Eyebrow Is the Lazy Writers Favorite Cliche

I have developed a severe allergy to hyperactive eyebrows in fiction. They have become writers go-to lazy shorthand for pretty much any emotion. In novels, eyebrows do all kinds of things. Most commonly they rise. Sometimes a single eyebrow rises all by itself, but often both eyebrows rise in unison. Slightly more creative writers make the eyebrows knit or furrow or hike or tighten or pinch or wiggleor any other verb that might describe a mobile eyebrow (or two).

I like to read fantasy and science fiction novels. Unfortunately, its hard to find quality writing in these genres. But this might be short-sightedness on my part. As the American science fiction writer and critic Theodore Sturgeon pointed out, Ninety percent of everything is crap. The statement is so indisputable that it has come to be known as Sturgeons Law. Regardless of the actual universal crap ratio, Im reading too many crappy books with too many moving eyebrows.

For instance, the last book I tried to read was The Black Witch by Laurie Forest. It got stellar reviews, and yet eyebrows get a workout in the very first chapter, including: My eyebrows flew up at this. Rafe raises his eyebrows. Tristan cocks an eyebrow in surprise. Rafe turns to me, raises his eyebrows and grins.

With an e-reader, one can X-ray a book. I typed in the word eyebrow and counted the use of eyebrows 40 times in that 608-page book, which averages out to one eyebrow movement every 15.2 pages.

Next I read The City of Brass by S. A. Chakraborty, a novel that also came highly recommended. This 544-pager contained 18 raised eyebrows, plus six lifted eyebrows, plus five arched eyebrows. Thats an average of one eyebrow movement every 18.75 pages, a slight improvement over The Black Witch but still enough to make me wonder if these characters arent suffering from some kind of Tourettes syndrome of the eyebrow. And it was enough to make me want to throw the book at the wall, which would have been unwise because I read on an iPad. Why cant these writers find something else to harp on? How about, just for a little variety, some grinding teeth? Or maybe some eyes that widen in astonishment or narrow skepticallywithout any eyebrow movement?

Maybe Im being a little unfair because eyebrows are on the move even in decorated novels I enjoyed. For instance, the Booker Prize-winning novel The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton features 22 eyebrow calisthenics, 17 of which are a single raised eyebrow. As the Writers Helping Writers website points out, the lone raised eyebrow is the number one clich all writers should avoid.

These hyperkinetic literary eyebrows were starting to raise my own metaphorical eyebrows up to my hairline. I used the X-ray function in my e-reader on some of my favorite writers. Here are a few of the results:

David Mitchells The Bone Clocks: zero, not even one moving eyebrow in 641 pages

David Mitchells Cloud Atlas: one raised eyebrow in 530 pages

N.K. Jemisins The Stone Sky (from the Broken Earth Trilogy): one raised eyebrow in 464 pages

Neal Stephensons The Rise and Fall of D.O.D.O.: three raised eyebrows in 768 pages

The result is so clear that it has led me to formulate my own law: The crappier the writing, the more raised eyebrows it contains. If all writers would use the eyebrow as sparingly as my favorite writers do, this affliction never would have caught my attention.

I have also come across some eyebrows I didnt understand. In Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn writes that with a wry eyebrow, he even produces the chili-cheese Fritos I know what chili-cheese Fritos look like, but I cannot picture what a wry eyebrow might look like. I can imagine a wry facial expression or a wry comment, but not a wry eyebrow. Stand in front of a mirror and try to make a wry eyebrow.

I did find one amusing use of the eyebrow: I could almost hear the lifted eyebrow.

Michael Chabon gets positively erudite about moving eyebrows in his Pulitzer Prize-winning novel The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay. After 10 raised, four arched, two lifted, two knit, two shot up, and two wiggled eyebrows, he writes of a slow agglomeration of a characters eyebrows. Literature is not always an easy read. First, one has to look up the word in the dictionary, and then one needs to think for several minutes what agglomerated eyebrows might look like. Its probably supposed to mean that two eyebrows ever so slowly form a unibrow, an acrobatic facial movement that strikes me as humanly impossible. Also, dont you need more than two eyebrows for an agglomeration?

To be fair, I should mention that I did find one amusing use of the eyebrow: I could almost hear the lifted eyebrow. Now thats pretty good, and its not from a literary genius. Its from the bestselling author Tad Williams in The Dirty Streets of Heaven.

Empirical evidence was needed to prove that raised eyebrows are not only lazy, clichd writing, but that they almost never occur in real life. I started to study my friends and co-workers eyebrows. The result: In real life, nobody raises an eyebrow, and its not because of Botox. People move their faces in all sorts of ways, which might or might not affect their eyebrows. They might scrunch up their forehead in concentration; they might open their eyes wide in astonishment, thus moving their eyebrows, but only ever so slightly. In several weeks of close scrutiny, I never observed a single raised eyebrow.

The next step in my evidence gathering was to watch peoples faces in movies. Same story: no raised eyebrows, zip and zero. Of course, there is that exception who proves the rule, the infamous eyebrow-raiser Roger Moore. Mercifully, the cartoonish Roger Moore school of acting has survived only where it belongs, in animated movies.

There is also the Colbert emoji with one raised eyebrow, named after the TV comedian Stephen Colbert. Since Colbert got his very own one-raised-eyebrow emoji, one would expect that he raises an eyebrow quite often. He does not. I have watched many Colbert shows while paying special attention to his eyebrows, and while he does have expressive facial movements, he never raised an eyebrow in any show I watched.

The raised eyebrow is nothing more than a metaphor to describe surprise, disapproval, or superiority. For instance, CNN writes, There were some real eyebrow raisers when President Trump talked to the press corps while visiting Vietnam. One could write such a sentence about our president every day, but that doesnt mean that any real-life eyebrows in the press corps actually moved.

Its hard to say precisely when the literary eyebrow movement went pandemic, but it appears to be a recent plague. Henry James used one lifted and two raised eyebrows in his 1881 novel, The Portrait of a Lady. They are rare or completely absent in other classics as well. As far as I know, Shakespeare ignored eyebrows altogether.

Try to imagine a utopia where writers ignore eyebrows altogether and find more original ways to express emotions. The worlds over-supply of crappy books would magically shrink. With luck, Sturgeons Law would have to be revised to proclaim this major change: Today, thanks to the immobilization of the eyebrow, a mere 87 percent of the worlds literature is crap.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com