AngelicaASMR’s current change
This post only about any info posted as of 7/25/2023 (will update in future if needed).
Ok so I’ve been following the Angelica Asmr shit pretty closely (don’t expect me to comment on gwen gwiz too because that girl is a grifter from the start). And as a mental health worker it REALLY freaks me out for her. I worked in a rehab for awhile. For people quitting drugs, but many of them also had bipolar, ptsd, schizophrenia, and similar diagnosises (some people also had the behavior due to being in crisis as well due to loss, recent homelessness, police brutality, etc.). So I know what psychotic breaks look like. I won’t armchair diagnose anything specific because I am not her medical provider, but while I can’t say she has anything for certain - she has a history of manic episodes in the past.
As someone with ADHD, a history of sexual and religious trauma, and c-ptsd like Angelica, I can honestly see how she fell into this. As someone who is also anti-capitalist, I can see why she thinks finding community would be beneficial (not sure why she would choose the Catholic Church instead of something from less individualistic, Eastern philosophy doesn’t make sense to me personally though...) to finding growth in an online era of isolation following a personal loss in her life. It seems weird how she went from talking about her Jehovahs Witness trauma from her youth...to going full on Orthodox, but I’ll get into details on why mentally this is actually super common in a minute.
I can also see how she would become a SWERF after having done OF, since as a former sex worker myself (camming, porn, fssw) who quit doing it after being raped - I can safely say that I myself am neither pro or anti sex work. I’m pro-decriminalization to keep workers safe, but also do feel a bit sick sometimes that MOST fssw on the streets are marginalized people. It is a complicated issue with nuance that non-sex workers have no business taking a side on. However, she is very hateful recently and anti-sex in general. Which is an issue.
She originally joined OnlyFans during a manic episode. So she HAS a history of mental illness and making major life decisions during mania.
She went from pro-lgbtq to anti-lgbtq. Deleted her old progressive videos. Claimed to be a victim of MKUltra. Started making up delusions around the Catholic Church being anti-capitalist (Catholics individually can 100% be leftists, but the Church itself is VERY Capitalist). She posted homophobic and transphobic tiktoks where she would yell practically incoherently. Lots of staring. Inability to talk without looking away and laughing (she is normally a skilled actress). Posting WAY more frequently than ever(she reposted 3 deleted videos last night and deleted them by this morning). She posted a video and lots of shorts and is way more active on Instagram.
The worst breakdowns I saw working rehab mostly always cycled through 4 topics: fame/self importance, inconsistent political and religious rambling, and sex. Always. Angelica has shown inconsistent spiritual beliefs (she has been mixing up Catholic, Orthodox, politics, and other religions). She has been focusing on sex in the context of trauma and posted a short of her in a bathtub on youtube again. She has been posting and immediately deleting content that has even positive comments on it.
Some medical signs of possible mania and/or psychosis that she is exhibiting:
Paranoia, trouble talking in a clear way/rambling, withdrawing socially (posting more often/online more but also alienating from her former fans), Confused speech, trailing off/lack of focus in videos, Generally disorganized way of thinking, no sign of restraint in expressing self, racing speech, goal-directed activity (seems to have a new anti-sex work goal), distractable/trails off topic, random giggling at nothing at camera like it is a person she is conversing with...etc. Tbh the amount of red flags I’ve seen are alarming.
I hope she gets support and help. And it is one reason I can’t blame her as hard as I would most, because she seems clearly unwell. It isn’t an excuse. At all. And I don’t blame people for not supporting her going forward, but I plan to keep an eye on the situation for now and am hoping that somehow she can pull out of this shit, because I’ve seen this shit happen to a LOT of people with hard lives. Hell, I’ve even lashed out in smaller degrees and been delusional during my own ptsd breakdowns too, but when people are as far gone as Angelica is...I don’t usually see them come back again to the same state they were in previously. I’m hoping for the best, as a former fan and as a social worker, but Idk.
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[ASMR script] [A4A] Whenever you're too scared to eat, we can eat together
Tags:
[TW: Eating disorder] [Emetophobia] [Partner Speaker] [Anxiety] [Skipping meals] [Comfort] [One bite at a time] [You will be okay!] [Loving relationship]
Author's note: Hi everyone!
First thing first: this script is written as A4A, but feel free to edit it to fit as M4F, F4M, F4F, M4M, etc. English is not my first language, you can also edit a few things here and there to make things sound less "weird" if there's the need. You are also free to edit/add/remove sfx of your choice!
You are allowed to monetize, just please credit me <3
More notes you can just skip: So, this script is very specific and kinda personal. The phobia of throwing up is a nasty fear to deal with, and sometimes it can lead to serious health issues because when you're too scared of the idea of feeling sick, you stop eating as a way of avoiding the (often very very vary small, close to impossible actually) chance of throwing up. I didn't know there were so many people with this phobia, and I haven't seen many scripts related to this topic, because often the not-eating problem is related other form of anxiety/issues. So, I decided to make one related to this phobia, and hopefully it will help those who could have struggled eating for this very reason! Remember you are not alone in this, and that if it feels too much to handle, you can seek help through therapy (and take it from me, it can be better. It will get better!)
Summary (for listener): Your loved one comes home after work and wants to take you out for dinner but you're not that hungry, plus you have some leftovers. The problem is: they saw you skipping breakfast and the same leftovers were supposed to be your lunch. They realize now you have been skipping meals, so you tell them about your phobia of throwing up and, as a consequence, your fear of eating.
[Action/things happening]
*Moods*
Emphasis on a specific word
_________________________
[Door opening and closing]
Honey, I'm home! What a day... Today it was much more chaotic than usual there.
[Removing coat]
Hi there sweetie, let me give you a hug [pause] ...and some kisses [Kisses here] What were you watching?
Just the boring news? Ooh, I see, you were waiting for a show to start. Mind if I sit next to you, so we can get bored at the news together, while we wait for it? [another Kiss]
[Sitting on the couch]
*Relaxed* Aaah, bless whoever invented the couch… [Kisses, caresses] ...It feels so weird coming home and finding you waiting for me, you know? In a good way, of course. Knowing you will be here when I return, it's fuel to get through the day. It's not even two weeks since we moved in together, but I feel like I already got addicted to this feeling [chuckle]. I can’t help but look forward to the moment we can just relax and cuddle.
[Chuckle] You too? ...Aww, yes, that's the smile that keeps me going. How was your day, sweetheart?
Tough day at work for you too huh?
*Excited* Oooh, but you have some gossip? I can't wait to hear all about it! You know I’m always in for the tea. Hey, you know what? Since we're both coming from a draining working day, why don't we just go somewhere nice for dinner? 'Cause... now that I think about it, we still didn't get the chance to go out for dinner since we moved in together. And even before, it feels like ages since last time! I can't even remember when it was. So… yeah, what do you think? Dinner's on me, of course!
*Slightly disappointed* Hm? Why not? I mean, it's not like we have to, but... not having to cook and clean afterwards sounds like a good deal to me when we're both tired, don’t you think?
*Gentle* You're too tired from work to go out? Well... I guess, we can stay at home for tonight, then. Hmm, what about just ordering delivery? I mean, same thing but we can chill here, watching something that’s, hopefully, not the news... cuddling a little bit, relax... how does it sound, honey?
*Confused*You're... not that hungry? Uhm, yes, I can order something for myself but... what if you get hungry later?
*Lighting up the mood* Hey, don't expect me to give you half of mine if you change your mind! You know that you are my favorite person and I love you more than anyone, but food is… well, food. [Laugh] I’m joking, I'm joking. Kind of. [Chuckle] In all honesty though, I wouldn't mind sharing, but... listen, why don't you just order something anyway? So that if you get hungry later you still have something to eat, and if you don't... you have something for tomorrow's lunch anyway.
*Confused* Huh? What do you mean there's no need?
The... leftovers? Wait a moment, we still have leftovers from yesterday’s dinner? I thought… I thought you had it for lunch?
You didn't? So... you ate something else at work?
*Mockingly* Oooh, wait, I know what happened. Let me guess: you forgot to bring them with you and you had to buy a crappy and expensive sandwich at your workplace, didn't you? [Chuckle] That would clearly explain everything.
*Confused again* No? What did you get then? I didn't know there were other options to sandwiches there...
Okay,"Something", but what exactly?
*Slightly concerned and confused* Hey, what's wrong? What's with that expression? Is there something botheri-
Huh? Water? You mean... you want to drink water now, or...
Oh, you had... water... at work? For lunch?! I mean... wait, wait a moment, let me get this straight:
Yesterday evening you weren't hungry because you told me you had "something" at work before coming home, and I assumed it was one of those crappy, sad, sandwiches, so you skipped dinner because of that. This morning you said you only wanted your herbal tea. At lunch you had "water" and now you want to skip dinner too?
*Worried* Just... just be honest with me. When exactly was the last time you actually ate something? Like, a meal?
*Assertive* No, no, look at me. And Water doesn't count. Tea doesn't either. When was it?
*More worried* What- what do you mean you don't remember?! Okay, okay, let's make it easier: when was the last time you ate anything? A cookie? Fruit? A… dunno, protein bar?
*Frustrated, but trying to be calm* No, I'm not- of course I'm not angry, I'm just worried! As far as I know, the last time I actually saw you eat something was three days ago when you had half of an apple for breakfast! I... I was sure you were eating at your workplace most of the time, so I didn't really think much about it, but... oh goodness, please, tell me you had something since then. Anything really. Tell me you're not starving right now.
*Concerned, but more calm* Okay, so... yesterday, at lunch time, you ate kinda two spoons of peanuts, more or less. And... is that it? Nothing else?
*More gentle* No, don't apologize! I'm... not angry, really. I just... don't understand. Are you feeling under the weather or something and I didn't realize it? Or, I don't know, there's something worrying you to the point you don't feel like eating?
Whatever the reason is, why didn't you tell me? You know I'm here for you, just like you have always been here for me when I needed it. *Sweet* You have always supported me whenever I felt sad, angry, worried... You know that we are a team, right? So, please honey, tell me what's wrong.
*Frustrated again, less gentle* No, it's not "fine"! Not eating anything aside from a few grams of peanuts one day, half of an apple another one, it's not "fine" at all! I... for goodness sake, I don't want to be inappropriate but... how much weight did you lose?
It's not like I didn’t notice you felt… thinner whenever I hugged you, but... I just didn't think it was that serious, and I didn’t want to be intrusive. I didn't think you were skipping meals and avoiding food almost every day, I... I just...
*Sad* Sigh, I swear I'm not angry honey, really, I'm only really worried. I… don’t want anything bad to happen to you, I care so much about you! Please, just… tell me why, let me understand.
You are... scared? Eating gives you anxiety? But... why? Is it for your body? *Still worried, but more gentle and reassuring* Because I assure you that there's nothing wrong with your body. You are the most wonderful and attractive person I know, and I love everything about you, really. Your mind, your soul, and your body too. And I don’t care how and if your body changes, I’ll still love you for who you are.
...Okay, so it's not for that. Then... what is it? Hey, look at me. You can talk to me about anything.
*Frustrated/concerned* No, it's not dumb! No reason is a dumb reason if it makes you starve sweetie. I'm not here to judge, I just want to understand better.
So...You are afraid to... throw up? Wait, but... why would you throw up? You are healthy, the food you eat is good too, there's no stomach bug around… I don’t understand, and--
Oh, I’m sorry, just… Hey, ssh, don't cry, it's okay... I didn't know you had this kind of fear... [kiss] and I didn't know it was tormenting you this much. I’m so sorry honey…
*Comforting* Yes, I bet it’s frustrating… you’re actually really hungry, huh? But you’re too scared to eat because of the idea that could get you sick.
It... does explain a few things though. Like the fact that you avoid alcohol, or you refuse to eat anything beyond their expiration date even though it still tastes good. Or also that time when you canceled a meeting with your friend after you discovered they had a stomach bug. Sigh, I'm really sorry for being so blind, I'm connecting the dots just now. I just... wish you had told me sooner. Come here, let me hug you. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. I told you already: we are a team. If you struggle with something, I’ll struggle with you until we find a way to overcome it, together. All right?
Good, honey. [Kiss]
So... how do you usually deal with it?
Okay, so... you only eat as little as possible when you feel too hungry to resist? Well... yes, in some way, the fact that your stomach is empty could be some sort of reassurance for you when you are afraid of throwing up. But you do realize you can't go on like this, right? You're losing weight, and it's not going to stop if you keep eating like this. Or rather, “non-eating” like this.
*Relieved* Sigh, I’m glad it’s not always like this, and this is just the worse it can get. In fact, now that I think about it, when we started dating I don’t remember you avoiding eating this much. I mean, yes, we usually ate at home and when we ate outside you always got something light.
It was more problematic before meeting me? I’m happy to know that you were able to deal with it in the past, at least for a while. So… is it just a relapse? Or maybe what you tried before wasn’t enough?
I see… Okay, so, hear me out. You already did it once anyway, and... I’m sure it’s hard. Because, when you are scared of… I don’t know, a dog maybe? Or a spider? You can run away, and the problem ends there. But… [sad chuckle] you’re right, you can’t run away from you stomach. It’s always there and… you have to learn to live with it.
Oh, honey, I figured. I’m sure you love food, and it’s frustrating for you too having to give up what you love because of your phobia. I’m sure you’re telling the truth, because when we talk about your favorite food, I can see the light in your eyes, but it… vanishes after a few seconds, because you probably think something like “I won’t be able to eat it anyway”. It is difficult, but, the good news is… you can do this. You can eat, and 99,99% of the time you will be more than fine. Look at me: I don’t even remember the last time I felt sick. And what about you? You told me the last time you threw up was years ago. The chance of throwing up are close to zero when you don’t have any health issues and, trust me, if you had any serious health issues, you probably would have felt sick even without eating. So...
*Calm* Okay, First thing first, take a deep breath with me, so you can relax.
[Deep breath]
*Gentle* Good, now, let’s wipe those tears away… And… let’s do this: I’ll find a way to eat the leftovers tomorrow for lunch myself. I’m sure they’ll still be good. Tonight we’re getting a delivery of your favorite food instead, and...
Hey, honey, don’t say “no” right away. Try to change your thinking from “I can’t eat it” to “I am able to eat it. I can eat it. And I enjoy eating, because it’s my favorite food”. Remember that your body knows what it needs to be done, and when you give fuel to your body, there’s a very, very little chance that your body will send it back. Anxiety doesn’t help the hunger, I know, but trust me: you will be okay. Would I ever lie to you?
No, exactly. So: we’re getting a delivery of your favorite food...
Okay, you’re nodding now, good. Then, you just take one bite.
Yes, just one. And I’ll get just one bite too.
Then, we wait let’s say… 60 seconds. In the meantime you can take deep breaths, drink a sip of water, or just… watch tv with me. Then, we take another bite. Slowly, chewing as much as possible, and then another pause. You can also hold my hand during all of this whenever you feel the anxiety coming, ‘cause I’ll be with you for each bite.
We’ll keep eating just one bite at a time, until you feel relaxed enough to eat a little bit on your own, or until you feel satisfied.
And, when we’re done, we can drink something warm that will help your digestion. Not that it really needs any help, because your body can do anything on its own, but it will be helpful for your brain. Because knowing it will help your digestion, it will make you relax a little bit. And, if you relax too, that will truly help even more. Okay? Do you want to try this with me? I won’t force you eat anything you don’t want, and we’ll stop when you will say so. I’m sure you will do your best, because that’s one of the many reasons why I admire you.
*Relieved* Good. [Kiss]
Mh-mh, I’m glad you will talk to your doctor about it. Remember that you are not alone in this, and if you need help of any kind when you need to eat, I’ll be here for you. I’m… just glad you told me before it was too late. [Kiss] I just want you to feel calm and serene whenever and whatever you eat. If you already found a way to do it in the past, I’m sure you will do it again.
And when you least expect it, I’m sure you will find the joy in eating once again. Until then… I’ll be with you, for each step of the way.
You’re welcome, sweetheart… [Kiss] I love you too.
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