#asshole John Winchester

[nevereclipse]

so Bobby's father was an abusive shithead, a violent drunk, right? And Bobby decides not to have kids because he ruins everything he touches and there's no use passing on the cycle. And then he meets John Winchester. And occasionally, John gets Bobby to watch his 11 year old son Dean, and his 7 year old, Sammy. Sure, fine, whatever. That's cool. But then, Bobby finds out exactly what John is like when he's drunk (Dean didn't mean to tell him, it fell out from gritted teeth and held back tears, as he tried not to breath too deeply, lest he cause more pain in his ribs) and by God, does he go mad. Fuck "not passing on the cycle," these boys are his now and he's gonna damn well protect them.

#never rambles #supernatural brainrot #dean winchester #sam winchester #bobby singer #supernatural #spn #supernatural fanfiction #bobby singer is the winchesters parent #john is an asshole #john winchesters a+ parenting

[markofcastiel]

The Plan

Relationship: Dean Winchester/Castiel

Summary: Cas has been his best friend since they were eight. But now they're both applying for universities and Dean is more anxious than he wants to admit.

Tags: fluff, first kiss, self-esteem issues

"If you get accepted to all of them, which one are you gonna pick?"

"I dunno, Sammy!" Dean snaps, closing the book in front of him with more force than necessary. The pencil that Dean had been anxiously chewing on just seconds ago rolls off the desk with the vibration, and lands on the hardwood floors with a clack.

"I'm so sick of everyone pressuring me for answers!"

"Dude... it was just a question..."

His baby brother is getting bigger and bigger. He's nearly Dean's size now and shows no signs of stopping his growth spurt. But in moments like these Sammy can still pull off a face that reminds Dean that he's just a gangly 14 year old kid - with huge puppy eyes and a sad retriever look. Dean would calm down and apologize for snapping if he wasn't so riled up:

"Not when you're the third person asking me that today. Just lay off my back already!"

Sam raises his brows high, and his lips quirk in the way they do when he's preparing a comeback.

"Touchy~~"

"Bitch."

"Moooooom, Dean called me a bitch..."

"You-"

Mary's voice reaches in from the hallway almost instantly: "Dean, language!!"

Sam sticks his tongue out, grins triumphantly, and then whispers "jerk" before running back to his room.

Freaking Sammy...

"At the risk of being the fourth to ask..."

His best friend speaks up from behind him, letting the sentence linger in the air unfinished. Dean turns around in his chair to see Cas sprawled across his bed, calmly observing him. He has a book open in front of him, but it's upside down so Dean's pretty sure he wasn't really studying.

"I do wonder the same, Dean."

"Not you too, man."

"I'm just curious."

"Look... I don't know, Cas."

Dean sighs, and finally decides to give up on studying, since his mind is too far gone.

His room is not so big, so when he stretches his leg, it actually reaches the bed. He uses this fact to his advantage, one foot pushing insistently at Castiel's thigh in a silent demand for him to move. It works, effectively making his best friend sit up and scooch over enough so that Dean can also sit down on the cushy mattress.

Even though there was more than enough space to leave a few inches between them, they end up squished right against each other. But Cas doesn't complain, so Dean lets his head drop onto his best friend's shoulder, and closes his eyes for a brief moment, trying to chase away the worry bubbling inside. His brain keeps racing around, thinking about the future and how everything seems so scary and uncertain. He still feels like a kid but he has to make all these grown up decisions and move away from everyone he loves.

It doesn't really seem fair.

"Can't I just stay here forever?"

Although Cas doesn't answer, he reaches out, sensing Dean's distress. His hand finds Dean's nape, and starts stroking tenderly along Dean's spine, soothing all the muscles down its path. Dean just leans into the touch and sighs again, now a happier sound.

Cas has a way of always feeling like sunshine, peeking through even on the cloudiest days. Dean basks in the attention, and lets go of the worries for a moment, just focusing on the warmth of Castiel's hand, and the way Cas' breath ghosts against his hair. He thinks he feels Castiel kissing the top of his head, a feathery touch, barely there - but maybe he was just imagining it. After a few moments of silence, Dean finally allows himself to ask:

"What 'bout you, Cas? You never told me which university you decided on."

The soothing hand leaves Dean's back and he instantly misses the contact. Cas stares at him silently, and it's only when Dean rights himself up and looks back, raising a brow in question that Cas replies, with a mysterious finality to his tone.

"I don't know yet."

"What? Really? You don't know?"

Cas simply shrugs. He's suddenly very interested in the book in front of him - it seems he finally notices that it is upside down and his hands fumble to turn it around.

"Oh..." Dean is surprised, to say the least.

His best friend is always so sure of himself, so certain of the path that has to be taken to succeed in life. When they started highschool Cas had already picked all his classes before Dean could even decide on one. So Dean wasn't expecting an 'I don't know'. If anything, Dean was expecting a bullet list of next steps and timelines to achieve his life goals or something geeky like that.

"Ok," Dean mumbles out, slightly dazed, before turning even more interested. He can't believe he never asked:

"Huh... which universities did you apply to?"

Blue eyes snap back up, meeting his.

There's a weird sort of tension in the air until Cas finally answers.

"MIT, Caltech and KU."

"What?! Are you serious?"

Dean turns to face Cas fully, the ecstasy obvious in his eyes. He grabs Castiel's knees and squeezes.

"Those are exactly the same ones I applied to! Dudeeee, that's such a coincidence - it would be awesome if we ended up in the same one!"

Dean rambles excitedly, not noticing the calculated gaze on his best friend's eyes.

"This is the best news I've heard all year, Cas - I freaking LOVE you!"

He throws his arm around Cas, squishing him tight and kissing his cheek like crazy, forgetting that wasn't a normal thing best friends do.

"And with your big brain I'm sure you are gonna get into all of them, Cas!"

Cas huffs out a small laugh, his eyes crinkling softly at Dean's excitement. But his smile fades away when Dean's face darkens. He slowly releases his grip on Cas, and Cas knows what's coming before Dean even starts.

"Me, on the other hand... I mean... what if I don't get into any of them?"

"Dean."

Cas sounds tired beyond his years, as if he hasn't just turned 18, but instead has lived centuries watching the Earth turn on its axis.

"Dean, look at me."

Dean complies, though he's not sure why. Emboldened, Cas barrels on, confident and unwavering:

"You're one of the brightest people I have ever known."

"No, I'm not," Dean scoffs.

Cas squints, and his head tilts.

"You do realize that your GPA disagrees?"

"You're one to talk, Cas... you have 5.0 GPA! And I'm pretty sure the only reason you don't have higher is because you were afraid the teachers thought it was too good to be true."

"I like Advanced Placement classes..."

"Yeah, well. You're basically a superhuman genius or something."

"Hmm... in that case perhaps you should listen to me when I say you'll get into all of the universities you applied to."

Dean rolls his eyes, but Cas persists:

"My GPA is not the point, Dean. I'm not the one who secretly thinks I'm dumb, despite being elected Valedictorian and having the second highest GPA in our entire school, and likely one of the highest in the country for our year."

"I was only chosen as Valedictorian cus everyone knows you suck at speeches, Cas! You'd probably just get up there and give a one-liner about how 'we're all people trying their best in a world where it's easy to do your worst' and then end with a weird goat joke that no one gets."

"That was my speech in middle school."

"Exactly!"

"The joke just didn't translate well. It was funnier in the original language."

Dean roars with laughter, and then slaps Cas in the back.

"And that is why I am Valedictorian, buddy."

Cas looks slightly uncomfortable, but it just makes Dean laugh harder. He's clearly imagining a myriad of terrible speeches that some imaginary Castiel would do. When he finally comes down from his high, he wipes the corner of his eyes, and shakes his head.

"Man... I'm gonna miss you too much if we don't end up in the same uni..."

Cas awkwardly looks away.

"Why didn't you pick one yet anyway? Knowing you, I thought you already had a whole grand plan in mind," Dean pries, curious. Cas remains quiet, staring a hole into a spot on the wall. Dean can tell when his best friend is holding something back. Dean bumps his knee against him, and insists.

"What is it, Cas?"

Cas chances a look, and quickly caves in as soon as he sees the bright green eyes staring up at him.

"I'm waiting."

"Really? What for?"

Cas looks away again, cheeks slightly tinged in pink. If Dean didn't know him so well, he would say Cas was embarrassed. But Cas was never embarrassed, so he must be imagining it. When Cas seems to stall, Dean pushes again.

"What are you waiting for, buddy?"

"You didn't pick yet."

"Ok..."

Dean scrunches his nose.

"What does that have to do with it?"

Cas looks back at him, annoyed.

"What?"

"You didn't pick yet," Cas repeats slowly, as if somehow that explains everything. Dean just makes another face, even more confused.

"So what? It's not like you're planning to follow me into whatever university I-"

Cas looks at him meaningfully.

Wait. What?

Dean can feel himself turn red and redder, all the way up to his ears. No. No way. Was Cas really waiting for him to choose just so he could go to the same one???

"Yes, so..." Cas confirms his unspoken question, closing the book in front of him, "please hurry up, Dean. Your indecision is interfering with my plan."

"Your... plan?"

And that's when Cas pulls out a bullet list of his life goals - Dean was right, he does have one - and hands it over.

"I was supposed to be at step number 7 already, which is getting an apartment for us near the campus. But if you don't pick a university I can't start on that one."

"Cas."

"Yes?"

"Did you seriously put 'Marry Dean Winchester' as bullet point number 20?"

"Well, 18 is too early, and 22 seems too late. I think bullet point 20 is the perfect balance."

"Cas..."

"Yes?"

"We're not even dating yet."

"Of course not," Cas says with some exasperation, pointing at number 10 on the list, "that's only after step 8 and 9, Dean, since we will be much more emotionally mature."

Dean smiles, a silly, huge grin and shakes his head. Well, he was never one to follow grand plans and by led by other people's rules so he cradles Cas' face between his palms, leans in and kisses that stupid look off of his best friend's face.

Cas squirms under him, a delightful surprised hitch leaving his mouth, but ends up clinging to his leather jacket like there's no tomorrow. When Dean finally pulls away he marvels at his best friend's spit-slick lips, and the way that dark hair got all ruffled up, making Cas impossibly sexier.

"So," Dean chirps cheerfully, the future suddenly seeming much more exciting.

"Which university are we going to?"

Cas doesn't answer, just pulls him back in for another kiss, and then another. They only stop to come up for air, and even then they're both smiling wide, breaths ragged and hearts beating fast.

"What about th-"

Oh god,

Cas started kissing up his jaw, and somehow Dean's jacket found its way the floor.

"-C-Cas, w-wha- t-the plan?"

"Mmm," Cas mumbles between kisses, and then his tongue darts out to lick a line behind Dean's ear, making Dean shiver and fall apart with a whimper.

"Changed my mind."

"Hell yea-"

"Boys."

The voice suddenly startles them both apart, and they turn at the speed of light to find Mary Winchester at the entrance of Dean's bedroom, staring past the -very open- door. Dean can't believe he was this freaking stupid, and he can feel his heart hammer anxiously in his chest.

"Mom, it's - it's not what it looks like-"

Mary rolls her eyes.

"Oh really? 'Cus it looks like you knuckleheads finally realized you're made for each other. I could power a town with the stares you two have been throwing at each other for the last ten years."

"M-mom," Dean mumbles.

"Now, hands off each other and come help me with dinner. I think I burned the rice again..."

---

"MIT."

Dean blurs out right in the middle of dinner. All the eyes lift off of busy plates full of food, staring up at him, waiting for more explanation. Dean squeezes Cas' hand a bit tighter below the table before clearing his throat and trying again:

"We decided on MIT."

His family cheers, rushing to congratulate him. Sammy however, asks all too eagerly:

"We? Are you both going to the same one?"

Dean blushes, suddenly nervous, "y-yeah."

John groans, making Dean practically jump out of his skin, heart hammering on his chest. But then his little brother's voice raises over the sound:

"Called it," Sammy announces, and shoves an open palm in front of their father, "pay up old man!"

John reluctantly pulls out 50 dollars, just as Mary smacks both of them on the back of their heads, clearly displeased with whatever just transpired.

Dean stares at his father like he just grew an extra head but John just slowly chews at his food, and doesn't provide any additional explanation.

"I'm happy to hear that, baby," Mary says gently, looking genuinely pleased. She proceeds to elbow John, and the man finally seems to realize he should say something.

"Yeah. Good for you, son. You take good care of each other, you hear? Keep your noses outta trouble."

Dean blushes and nods furiously, the words of his father always his gospel.

Cas, in the meantime, is far too focused on scribbling all over his (now slightly crumpled) piece of paper. It seems 'Marry Dean Winchester' is now circled extra hard, and has been moved up a few steps on The Plan.

Dean ducks his head and smiles, shy and proud. Yep, it's still gonna be scary moving away from his mom and dad and he's gonna miss the hell out of his lil brother.

But he's got Cas.

Whatever happens, they're gonna be alright.

#destiel #destiel fic #destiel fanfic #ok this one had to be sweet and fluffy since the other one was so dark haha #my writing #in which John Winchester is not a complete asshole for once #also Mary #look i just want dean to be happy and loved

[samanddean76]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: John Winchester/Sam Winchester Characters: Sam Winchester, John Winchester Additional Tags: Established John Winchester/Sam Winchester, Hunt Gone Wrong, John Driving The Hell Out Of The Impala, Dean's Gonna Be Pissed, Sam Winchester Has a Plan, John Winchester Not Being an Asshole, swear to god, There's A Serious Story In Here, Non-Explicit, Very fond memories Summary:

Sam and John were out hunting werewolves, but they quickly found themselves outnumbered and fleeing for their lives. Caught up in a blizzard, Sam comes up with a plan on the fly to save the day. And reap the rewards.

@dadfuckerfest

#Sam/John #John/Sam #Established John Winchester/Sam Winchester #Hunt Gone Wrong #John Driving The Hell Out Of The Impala #Dean's Gonna Be Pissed #Sam Winchester Has A Plan #John Winchester Not Being An Asshole #Swear To God #There's A Serious Story In Here #Non-Explicit #Very Fond Memories #SPN #Supernatural #ao3 fanfic #archive of our own

[deanwasalwaysbi]

It took how many months for ghost bobby to be able to move objects? Dean got it in one day. ... He was just THAT pist at John.

#spn 2x01 #spn 7x19 #spn dean metya #john winchester might be an asshole #john winchester's a+ parenting #original content #spn funny

[literally-just-watching-spn]

"He wouldn't be proud of me"

It's been said before and I'll say it again, fuck John Winchester.

#spn #dean winchester #dean winchester angst #sam winchester angst #because john was an asshole to him too #john winchesters a+ parenting

[a-writer-on-elm-street]

sorry but it fucking sickens me when sam and dean call john 'sir' like he was supposed to be their father and instead he chose to become their sergeant.

#i used to like john but the more i rewatch spn the more i realise that he was just an asshole #sam and dean deserved so much better than what they got #sam winchester #dean winchester #john winchester #supernatural

[lildoodlenoodle]

Cover Art for 01x20 Dead Man’s Blood

#my art #spn comic cover #cover Art #comic cover art #John winchester is an asshole and abusive #fuck john winchester #Sam winchester #dean winchester #John winchester #ew #spn fanart #supernatural fanart #supernatural #vampires #spn 1x20 #01x20 #the colt #samuel colt #gun tw #I fucked up deans face #but I have exams so fuck redoing it #comic cover

[what-if-i-just-did]

So, seeing as I'm going on about Supernatural and songs, has anyone else found "Heaven" by Cian Ducrot?

Very very good song, but slight trigger warning for if you went through like, parental abuse or something similair because this song will give u feels

#cian ducrot #spn #dean winchester #supernatural #john winchester is an asshole

[catnipster69]

Even after they knew better, Sam and Dean still thought John’s whole life mission was about revenge.

But it was about how far he would go to protect his child, even if everyone else thought the worst of him. Because in trying to prevent Sam from becoming a tool for evil, he wanted Sam to be a tool for good.

#john winchester positive #yeah he was an asshole #but he wasn't selfish #he gave his life for his kids #and he trusted dean to protect sam

[lovournatural]

I stuck out The Winchesters for 6 episodes and on the 7th it actually started getting good 😔. Oh no. Why does Supernatural do this to me?? Why do I like this format so much??!

#don’t get me wrong it’s still kind of not that great but it has potential now and I’m invested! #the winchesters #spn #I like that John actually still sucks a little bit! like him turning into a MAJOR asshole makes sense. #and he’s a lot like Sam while Dean is still a lot like Mary!

[stefsdean]

I MISSED HIM SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭

#dean #baby #🥺🥺🥺 #watching TW just to hear his voice again #but it's intresting cuz 15 years of spn means you know the lore by heart #so it's easy to connect everything #i was told john was an asshole here but he isn't #there's definitely chemistry between John and Mary here #but they don't hate eo like the should've as per spn #anyways #the winchesters #the winchesters spoilers

[deanwasalwaysbi]

Fam. Fam. Jacting.

#spn 15x07 #spn scripts #it's not in the blue draft or the next 3 additional revisions #jacting joices #john winchester might be an asshole #john winchester's a+ parenting #my gifs #dean reacting to john gifs #john winchester #lee webb #original content

[sam-blackbird]

Some Ao3 tags hurt me physically and some made me angry, really angry.

#I just saw #ao3 tags #about a fanfic in where apparently #john winchester #was not an asshole #lmfao #fuck you stranger on the internet #there is no way #he can be a good father #john winchester is a terrible father #john winchester hate club #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction

[fujobrainrot]

Part 2: Devastation has come

Read part 1 here

This is still unbeta-ed. Concrit welcome.

-----

Summary: In the aftermath of John's confrontation with Sam, John and Dean try to keep going as usual, but nothing is ever that easy.

He almost had his baby back, safe in his arms. He felt his touch. Heard his voice. Now it’s all gone, all gone, his boy is gone again, off to god knows where.

Title is from Speech Bubbles by The Smile.

-----

1400-ish words, implied unrequited Johndean if you squint (will develop further), temporary character death.

John drives in a stupor. He distantly feels the cooling mud on his face where he ran his dirty fingers trying to wipe away tears, but he’s too out of his mind for it to properly register. He almost had his baby back, safe in his arms. He felt his touch. Heard his voice. Now it’s all gone, all gone, his boy is gone again, off to god knows where. Probably with Ruby at this point. John gnashes his teeth at the thought of her. The image of Sam drinking from her arm invades his mind and he wants to swerve into the truck coming in the opposite lane. Instead, he slaps the steering wheel and lets out an embarrassingly loud sob. 

After some amount of time that John is in no state to identify, he pulls up into the parking lot of Albany Motel, first on the phonebook. Room 104. He can’t keep his hands steady enough to put the key into the lock, but after a minute of trying, it opens from the inside.

Dean’s eyes are wide, panicked, darting all over John’s face and body, his mouth slightly open and his complexion pale, like he’s looking at his father’s ghost. After a moment he seems to come back to himself and pulls John into a tight hug, letting out a heavy sigh against his father’s neck. “Where the fuck have you been?” He pulls away and holds John’s face between his hands, takes in the mud streaks and tear tracks and harsh lines. He continues, softer, “Dad, where were you? Ah - are you ok? Are you hurt?” 

John doesn’t respond, doesn’t know what to say, just shakes his head. I went to kill your brother. Dean will never forgive him, and John could not bear to lose his oldest too. He holds Dean’s wrists and pulls them away from his face. “I need a shower.” 

He can see in Dean’s face that he wants to insist, and John knows he will, later. The thing is, John does want to answer him and be truthful, respects him too much not to, but the consequences would be disastrous. He hadn't told Dean why they came to this place, only that it was ‘a personal matter’. Dean, ever the devoted son, wanted to question his father then just as he does now, but he didn't. John thinks for a second of what that means about the way he raised him, if it was fair to his boy to instill such obedience. He's an expert at avoidance and denial, though, so he quickly shoves the thought away into the do-not-touch box in his mind. 

Dean stays quiet. He moves behind John to close the door and then pulls John's leather jacket off his shoulders, hangs it on the hook next to the door, then moves on to the thick grayscale flannel John wears under it. John himself barely contributes, Dean having to move him like a doll. 

“Where is your gun?” Dean asks. It's not in its holster on his father's hip. John hangs his head low for a second, then starts to walk towards the bathroom.

Hot water, the hottest it will go, runs down his scalp, face, shoulders, and back as he just stands under the spray, but it barely soothes his aching body. Everything hurts in, but in a weird way, detached and cold and distant. He washes himself mechanically, thinking of what to say to Dean. The truth will set you free, he's heard a couple of times, but not this time. John predicts two things about Dean's reaction: first, he will leave. John can already picture the disgust, disappointment and rage that will color his son’s face. Second, he will set out after sam. He'll go to the ends of the earth in this mission and will inevitably put himself in grave danger. John knows that Dean would gladly die to get his brother back. 

In his white boxers and gray T-shirt, his usual sleepwear, John sits on his bed. Across from him sits Dean, looking deep into John’s eyes, defiant. Dean always sleeps in a too-big threadbare band shirt, soft pajama pants, and socks, no matter how warm it may be. Usually, he looks young, small, fragile like this, but now, with a hard look on his face, a deep scowl, he looks like someone John wants to pacify. Maybe that’s just his sense of guilt speaking, though. 

“You just gonna sit there then? Pretend I didn’t just see you in the worst shape you’ve been in years?”

John sighs deeply and runs his palms up and down his face. “Yep.” He winces internally at how casual that sounds. He’s never been good with words.

Dean rests his forearms on his thighs, looking at the ground between them. After a long moment of silence, he gets up abruptly and paces away from John, running both hands through his military short hair in frustration, a habit John’s always found cute. 

“Alright, whatever, if you don’t wanna tell me, fine.” He turns around, lets his arms swing by his sides and then throws himself on his bed belly first, bounces on the mattress. “Jim called while you were out rolling in the mud and crying.” John chuckles at that. That’s another aspect of Dean’s he finds cute, the sarcastic way he phrases things when he’s aggravated. “He asked you to call ASAP.”

A few years ago, John would have punished him for such disrespect - at least argued - but things changed between them, starting when Sam left them the first time. He feels a pang of guilt for thinking so, but that whole situation was great for their relationship. John wasn’t constantly on edge anymore, and Dean didn’t have to keep playing peacemaker. They started talking more, laughing more. But Dean was still his soldier. There was still a clear chain of command, and that meant a certain level of respect had to be maintained.

The second turning point for their relationship was when Dean almost died. The fear he had felt made him want Dean in a different way. As a friend, an equal, a partner. Not by fiat, but by mutual devotion and respect. That meant listening to Dean, taking his criticisms to heart, no place for pride or hierarchy. Besides, the image of himself rolling around in mud and crying is pretty funny. 

--- 

The night seems darker than normal, like all the light has been sucked out, so dim that even Dean’s trained eyes can barely see anything. He recognizes the shape of his father though, one side silhouetted by moonlight while the rest of him stays hidden. Dean points his gun, four silver bullets in his white-grip Colt, to the mass of fur moving around and against John. His eyes move frantically, his hands sweating as he tries to aim, but it’s impossible, he won’t risk hurting his father. 

“Now, Dean, shoot!” John shouts, but Dean still can’t make out exactly what’s happening in front of him. He hesitates. Less than a second later a nauseating, wet sound breaks, and a guttural, punched out grunt comes from within John. The hairs on the back of Dean’s neck raise, his fingertips go cold, and his vision steadies - he shoots and hits the werewolf right between the eyes. As it topples over, John goes with it. The scene becomes clearer as Dean moves closer: one of the creature’s hands, the whole thing, is embedded in the center of John’s chest. 

Dean palms his father’s cold face, slaps him once, twice, calls his name, sobs it out, but John’s eyes don’t move. His mouth stays open. Not a single muscle twitches. 

---

Azazel’s eyes shine like gold.

“One month”, the demon says, nonchalant. “And the gun.” Azazel is the only demon with enough pull to accomplish what Dean’s asking, there is no other way. Dean does his best to force down the bile rising in his throat. Timidly, he nods. Presents the Colt, the Colt, for Azazel to take with cold fingers that linger against Dean’s skin in unnecessary contact. He tries to think of John as dry lips press against his own in a mockery of a kiss. The demon isn’t satisfied though, and grabs Dean’s jaw and pushes his tongue past Dean’s lips, runs it over Dean’s bottom teeth, reaches his palate with the tip, insists on pressing his tongue along Dean’s. It smells like sulfur and tastes like despair.

#supernatural #john winchester #dean winchester #sam winchester #johndean #fic #fanfiction #john is not evil or an asshole

[superhell]

happy john winchester death day to everyone who watched the season one finale by yelling "shoot him" at sam

#this is a john winchester hate blog #literally every time im like. pop the champagne that assholes gone!!

[wormieapple]

please understand that i will never and can never condone John Winchester’s actions but some of y’all really don’t understand what “he did the best he could” means.

he neglected and at the very least emotionally abused his kids, and there’s a pretty good argument that he might’ve physically abused them as well. he isolated them, prevented them from forming any lasting relationships outside of immediate family, left them alone for days if not weeks on end with firearms and very little food. And that’s not even the half of it. and everything he did was a manifestation of grief and drive to protect his family. which does not in the slightest justify how he treated sam and dean, but it does lay out his morals and motives pretty clearly.

He loves his kids, he really does. and while struggling to deal with his own trauma he was doing everything he could in his mind to keep them safe. but that doesn’t make his best enough, not by a long shot. that doesn’t even make his best efforts good efforts. at the end of the day he abused his kids and royally fucked up their ability to cope with their own grief and trauma in ways that i cannot touch with a 10ft pole rn or i’ll be writing 57 essays right here and now.

and again i hate john just as much as the next person but he did not set out to abuse his kids. he didn’t have nefarious intentions when it came to how he raised his kids. he was a good person who turned into an abusive asshole due to grief, paranoia, and alcoholism. and it makes perfect sense that sam and dean still love him even if they recognize the damage he did to them. because they also know how hard their dad tried, and they’ve said as much several times. and i get it cause that’s how i grew up. my dad did everything he could despite his grief, despite his depression, despite working 14 hour days in poverty and homelessness, and he still neglected and emotionally abused me. not because he was a bad person, but because he had no tools to deal with everything he was going through. and his best wasn’t enough, his best failed me. and i still love my dad cause not every memory was bad, and he does truly love me and my siblings. And i’m lucky in a way that sam and dean never were because my dad recognized where he failed us, owned up to what he did and tries everyday to repair the damage he did.

I have closure, and that’s something sam and dean could never really have. but they do have the clusterfuck of emotions that is he tried his best and it wasn’t enough.

#one last one from the drafts #yall are seriously missing the reason y sam and dean’s relationship to their dad is so devastating by only saying fuck john winchester #and it shows #john wasn’t a monster he was a person and if u don’t recognize that via demonizing him u run a genuine risk of becoming the kind of person- #he was. because that’s exactly how john thought of his own father and how he treated the boys stems directly from that. #cw abuse #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #john winchesters a+ parenting #john winchester