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#at 5 in the morning and woke up 8am for class...

callmelola111 · 11 months

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guilty conscience ☆ part two

← part 1 ⭑ part 3 , part 4 , part 5 →

synopsis: it’s your first year at college and you’re 1,500 miles away from home. you’d feel completely alone if it wasn't for your attractive roommate ellie. will this attraction complicate already uncharted territory? or will she be the answer to all your problems?

|✯| pairing & wc: college!ellie williams x roommate!reader. wc: 2.1k

|✯| cw (by part): 18+ themes (MDNI), fem reader, modern au!ellie, HEAVY ANGST, some swearing, a hint of sexual themes, cat

a/n: this was so fun to write. i love causing drama <3. apologies in advance for how angsty it’s gonna get but i promise it will all be worth in the end !!

Through the weekend you and your new roommate Ellie went to some campus events to kickoff the new semester and got to know each other better. You guys bonded over music and had even made each other playlists. It was sweet. Time flew when you were around her, and suddenly, it was Monday, and the first week of classes.

You woke up extra early that morning. Ellie was still fast asleep in her bed so you had to get ready in the dark, but you didn’t mind, she looked so pretty lying there. You finished getting ready and loaded up your green canvas backpack. As you reached for your keys about to head for the door, a groggy voice piped up.

“Not gonna say bye to your favorite roommate?”

“Ellie, you're awake! Good morning, happy Monday!!” you replied, a little too chipper for Ellie’s liking

“Damn, up at 8am and wishing me a ‘happy’ Monday? You’re crazy.” she teased. You giggled a little but then glanced at your phone to see the time and the giggles halted.

“Listen I’d love to stay and chat but my class is in 10 minutes and I don’t even know where the building is…” You gave a slow, sarcastic laugh and opened the door to the hallway.

“Have a good day at class- if you actually make it” she threw her head back with a chuckle.

“Ellsss, seriously? Stoppp.” you drug out your words with a whine. That's when Ellie’s eyes got wide and your face got red, realizing what you had just called her.

“Nicknames already?” A cocky smile spread across her face. She loved seeing you get all flustered. You were cute, almost in a pitiful way.

“I- Ellie- I meant Ellie. Jeez, I’m sorry.” Your eyes locked to the floor, avoiding whatever face she might’ve been making in reaction to your stupid slip up. A string of “no’s” from Ellie quickly follows your apology. You looked up to meet her gaze

“Call me Els, it’s cute, you’re cute. But you’re the only one who can. Got it?” she winked playfully. The red that filled your cheeks from embarrassment became even redder with Ellie’s shameless flirting. Was she like this with all her friends? You wished to stay home all day and weigh out the possibilities but there was no time to think now.

“Okay, well uh, see you later Els.” You couldn’t help but smile ear to ear knowing how she felt about the name.

“See ya hun.” And with that, you were off to class, a skip in your step. You had made it just in time. You surveyed the rows of seats looking for an open spot to grab. You notice one next to a girl with short black hair, covered in sick tattoos. She looked like just the type of person you’d wanna be friends with so you made your way across the room to her.

“Hey, is anyone sitting here?” you inquired. The girl looked you dead in the face, grabbed her backpack from the floor, and shoved it into the empty seat.

“Yeah. My backpack.” she replied with a straight face followed by a middle finger. You stood there, mouth open in shock. Like, what the fuck did you do? You were about to snapback until a voice coming from behind retaliated first.

“I thought mean girls were just a highschool thing? Guess not. Hey, newsflash!! We’re in college now, so maybe you should stop being a cunt and grow the fuck up. Yeah?” Your jaw dropped even further this time. The pathetic excuse for a bully sunk into her chair, head down, knowing she just got ate the fuck up. Your new savior switched her gaze back to you.

“Hi I’m Dina! Maybe you’d wanna sit with me instead?”

“Of course I’ll sit with you, that was totally badass, you’re like my hero! I’m y/n!” You climbed over the row of seats and plopped down next to her. Before you knew it, class was over and you were exchanging numbers with your new friend. You hardly even remember what the professor was saying in class, as you were too busy whispering back and forth with Dina.

The evening rolls around and you finally head back to your dorm. You couldn’t wait to tell Ellie about the insane day you just had. You stepped out of the elevator onto the 4th floor and the sounds of music bellowed down the hall. It became louder the closer you got to your room. Once you reached your door, you realized it was Ellie. You walked inside to see her sitting with a sage green electric guitar propped up on her right knee. She slid her hand down the neck of the guitar, veins popping as she switched her fingerings to play a new chord. You could’ve watched her all day if she hadn't noticed your stare and stopped playing.

“Like what you see, pretty girl?” It’s like she knew how desperate you are for her. Of course you get red in the face and fumble for a rebuttal just as cocky as hers.

“You calling me pretty Els? How cute.” Your tone is laced in sarcasm and your eyes do a dramatic roll.

Ellie was quick with it, “Yeah y/n, I am. You got a problem?” She was staring you down with persistence. The eye contact was getting intense, but you were too enamored to answer her question, despite it being a simple “no”.

All you could spit out was, “uh, I gotta pee.”

“Okay weirdo thanks for letting the audience know” she replied laughing, obviously mocking your odd public statement. That was your queue to quickly retreat to the bathroom. You pulled down your pants to reveal the obvious wet spot. It was getting embarrassing how aroused this girl could make you without even doing a thing. Luckily you actually had to pee because Ellie was right outside the door and could hear everything. And of course, she had to let you know.

Mid-doing your business, she yells through the door, “damn girl, you really did have to piss.” Your palm hits your face like muscle memory. She was so stupid.

You walk out of the bathroom and wash your hands while vocalizing your annoyance to Ellie. She turned the corners of her mouth downwards making the cheesiest frown ever.

“Soooo how was your first day?” she asked, dragging out the “o” to fill the lull in conversation.

You turned to her, brows furrowed, and replied “Good and bad.” Ellie’s curious, wide-eyed look turned sincere as soon as you said the word bad.

“Bad? Already? Tell me about it. Are you okay?” She seemed genuine in her response so you spilled about the mean girl you had met in your class earlier this morning. She sat in silence, hanging onto every word you said. She wanted you to know she was listening and that she cared.

“I’m so sorry y/n, that girl sounds like a total bitch. You did nothing to deserve that kind of treatment. You want me to go give her a piece of my mind?”

You laughed, but you knew she meant it, “that’s okay, someone already did. That was the good part.”

“Oh, who?” Ellie’s demeanor shifted, like her chivalry was being threatened.

“This cool ass girl in my class, Dina.” The corners of your mouth upturned just saying her name. Ellie’s face remained neutral and you couldn't tell what she was thinking.

“When she overheard that girl being rude she totally whipped her head around and told her off. She even called her a cunt. It was so awesome.” you continued, eye’s beaming.

“Then she let me sit with her and we talked literally the whole class. Afterwards, she gave me her number so we could make plans! Totally worth being bullied by a random stranger.” You were so consumed by telling your story that you didn’t notice Ellie’s face completely drop. She almost looked pissed off. When you realized, your face dropped right with hers.

“You alright?” you questioned, not understanding what happened. Little did you know, your story stomped all over Ellie’s ego. She was envious of the way Dina seemed to make you feel.

“Oh yeah, everything's fine over here” she retorted with a hint of sarcasm that felt too minuscule to acknowledge aloud.

“So then, how was your day?” you said, moving on from whatever that was.

“Mine was good. I met someone too.”

“How cool! We both made friends on the first day-”

Ellie was fast to answer, “Oh no, she’s not a friend.” Your puzzled look urged her to continue.

“She actually hit on me, so I gave her my number. She was sooo damn fine too.” All that followed was silence. Jealousy consumed you, just like Ellie wanted.

“What's that? Cat got your tongue?” Ellie scoffed and then flashed you a twisted smile. Your feelings were hurt, you’d never seen her act this way before. Even behind her usual sarcastic remarks you knew she was genuine. This time you weren’t so sure. For lack of an appropriate response and the silence continuing to drag you tried to change the subject.

“SHE? You’re gay?!” you exclaimed, pretending to act surprised, but failing.

“Thought that was kinda obvious kid…” Kid????? Who did Ellie think she was? You were so over this conversation, but she kept on going.

“Anyways, do you think I should go for it?” she sat there smirking, waiting for your response. 5 minutes ago you might’ve told her no because you wanted her for yourself, but after this show of character, you just let her have it.

“Sure, I bet she thinks you’re ‘soooo fine’ too.” you said, completely monotone and pissed off. Part of Ellie felt disappointed you didn’t fight for her, but she realized she had no right to feel like that. She was the one playing games with your feelings, not the other way around. In an attempt to save the conversation she decided to bring up her gig.

“Hey, by the way, if you liked my guitar playing, you should totally come to my band's show this weekend.”

“Wouldn't you rather bring your girlfriend?” you remarked. Ellie felt ashamed for triggering this side of you. Everything she said was true, but she could've just kept it to herself. Ellie had hurt you on purpose, and all out of spite.

“I really want you there y/n. It’s important.” she answered, trying to recover. There was a softening in your eyes.

“Fine, I’ll be there.”

★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★

The week rolled by quickly and the usual flirty banter had died down ever since that conversation. You were too busy with school to stay angry at Ellie, but too proud to try and win her back.

Soon, it was Saturday, the night of Ellie’s show. You sat in front of the mirror ridiculing the makeup you had just applied before she interrupted.

“You better put some pep in your step little lady. We’ve gotta go.” You broke eye contact with yourself to look up at her.

“I promise you look fine, don’t worry.” Ellie reassured, already knowing what you were thinking. You loved how she could read your mind.

Soon, Ellie, her band, and you, all arrived at the venue. You found a spot in the back to sit and wait as they set up to perform. Everything is fine, until out of the corner of your eye, you see devil incarnate hanging around the bar. You couldn’t believe your eyes. You quickly whipped out your phone to text Dina about your rotten luck.

After letting her know you looked up to see Ellie walking towards you. Perfect timing.

“Ellie, oh my god, oh my god” you said, antsy to tell her the news.

She met your energy, “What?? Tell me!!”

“Guess who’s here.” you coaxed.

“Idk who?”

“It’s that girl who-”

Before you could finish, “that girl” was now part of your conversation.

“Ellliieeeee!!” she squealed, flying into her arms. (WHAT THE FUCK?!) They both turned to face you and Ellie could tell something was up. Your eye was practically twitching.

“Y/n, this is Cat. She’s my uh-”, Ellie proceeded with caution, “she’s the girl I was telling you about.” You were riddled with disbelief.

Cat interjected, “don’t be coy Els, we’re practically dating.” and then shot you a conniving smile. It was like a huge slap to the face. In fact, it was more like getting kicked in the stomach a couple times. You were winded just standing there. As you searched for the right words to say, your eyes began to well up with tears.

Ellie immediately noticed, “did something happen y/n? You were just fine?”

“Actually, you know what ‘Els’?”, emphasizing the nickname and the promise that came with it, “I was just leaving.” As those last words escaped your mouth, tears began to stream down your face. Feeling absolutely humiliated, you stormed out of the venue, not looking back once. This is the last time Ellie will make you feel inferior.

← masterlist ⭑ part 3 →

#ellie williams #wlw #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams fanfic #ellie x fem reader #tlou 2 #tlou dina #the last of us #ellie smut #sapphic #ellie williams series #ellie williams smut #ellie tlou #tlou2 smut #the last of us 2 #ellie x you #ellie williams fan fiction

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some-bunniii · 3 months

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Hi hi!!!! The way you write Luci is genuinely so dreamy🤭🤭

I noticed a part two was posted when I woke up for my 8am class, but I put off reading it until I got done with my other morning class. Felt very much like a reward❕❕

It’s so funny how in the tags you’ll put ooc Lucifer but honestly the way you interpret his character just feels right!

Like yes he’s a goofy silly goober, but like bros also the literal avatar of pride… king of hell and all that jazz, so seeing the more idk elegant(?) I feel like reverent is the word I’m looking for, side of hun in your writing style is absolutely delectable!!!

Also, do you study in a some field of art? You’re just very knowledgeable about the type of reader you’re writing about and it is very fascinating!

Like I know the bare minimum when it comes to that kind of content since the history courses I’m in are just the bare minimum/general ed just so I can get my few history credits and focus more on my education licensure centered courses 😅😭

Regardless!!! The banter! The slow burn! Charlie low-key being a wingwoman! The way you write has so much life and had me giggling like crazy while I was reading! I look forward to your future works😈🫶🫶

Hello!!

I’m so glad you enjoyed my take on Lucifer! I put OOC in the tag just because I was feeling my version of him was drifting slightly away from his silly self in ep. 5.

But after just watching the Finale, I can safely say my mix of goofy and serious Lucier turned out to be canon omg 😭 he’s such a dorky badass i love him so much

But you are right, he is the ultimate rizz master 🤭

And, for my knowledge on art history? I did it only for the fic, it felt right to try and write someone who’s made art their life & career, instead of someone who just likes to paint. So having knowledge in the history of art is a must. I just wanted to give the Reader depth without making them too OC-like and less immersive for the actual readers.

The Renaissance is a reoccurring theme because it’s one of the most artistically diverse eras in history, not only that, they also included a lot of biblical stories into their art. They also invented the pencil. They were cool AF *adam guitar solo*

And thank you for the words 🤍, I try my best to treat my writing like i’m watching a movie. Heavy dialogue, emphasis on small actions, character expression, etc.

Enjoy your day 👍

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heyitssashag · 4 months

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I woke up at 5:30 this morning and it was pitch black and my stomach was unwell. The power was out. An hour later I decided to force down some breakfast. At that point, I decided to skip my morning chemo dose. Handydart was coming to pick me up and I wasn’t interested in shitting my pants on the bus.

I had a bone scan injection scheduled for 10:15am and had to come back for my scan at 1pm.

I left the house at 8am and came home at 4:30pm. 😳😒

The power finally came on long enough for me to get dressed and out the door. It took an hour and a half to get to the hospital with all the stops. (It’s normally a 35-40 minute drive in a car). It took even longer coming home. This was an all-day excursion. I’m so unbelievably tired. I felt sick from the ride both ways.

There was no nurse available to access my port and my veins were being finicky so they had to warm up my arm to get the contrast in.

While waiting for my scan, I had an appointment with the occupational therapist at mental health to discuss some workshops I’ll be (hopefully) taking next month (if I feel well enough). Drumming, relaxation/mindfulness, and other “wellness” classes. I’m just wanting to connect with others. I feel like a hermit.

Last night, the kid surprised me with an amazing bath. I haven’t had one since before breaking my neck. I have a walk-in shower I normally use. I’ve been too scared to sit in a tub with the fear of not being able to get back out again. The kid got me bubble bath and a bath pillow for Christmas so I tried those both out (with extra Epsom salts). They sat outside the door to ensure my safety. They knew I loved taking baths in the past especially in my running days as it helped joint pain and soreness. So the kid was determined to help me with this. Seems like such a small thing but it was a big deal for me.

Afterwards, I watched 2 stand up comedies. The latest Ricky Gervais (Armageddon) and Dave Chapelle (Dreamer). I laughed a little more at Chapelle’s but both were meh. I was disappointed. I expected WAY more from Ricky Gervais seeing as he won a Golden Globe for that special. I think they’re just getting lazy and are relying too much on “shock” comedy for laughs. They call it “edgy”. I call it “nasty”. On a side note, I think it should have been either Chris Rock (Selective Outrage) or Trevor Noah (Where was I) that should have won (out of the specials that were nominated). Wanda Sykes (I’m an Entertainer) was good, too.

So that’s my Tuesday. Now, I have a week where I can stay home (close to a 🚽). I plan to mostly read, work on my herbalism program and watch more standup. There’s other things I need to do, too but that’s boring adulting stuff.

#metastatic breast cancer #life update #I’m seriously considering trying to go out for my driver’s license #I think I’ve had it with the bus #driving still scares me but I think knowing I have to ride busses forever scares me more #blogging on my blog #my boring day

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the-vibes-are-off · 1 year

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The Stormlight Archive Volume 1: The Way of Kings’ Review: Chapters 16-19

link to contents page - https://at.tumblr.com/the-vibes-are-off/hey-hey/96xd9ohihrzs

FINALLY I woke up this morning with some semblance to get out of bed before 8am and actually make the most out of my day. Essays are going hella slow and I honestly think the weight of dealing with them is just draining me hard, I cannot wait to get them tf out of the way; not to mention I’ve just spent £70 on Shakespeare for the coming semester :’) yay so excited for them to arrive today ;-;.

Unfortunately, as the next semester approaches I imagine the frequency of these posts will decline as I’ll have to reduce my TWOK reading to 1 chapter a day at most in order to fit in all my uni reading. Which I am so gutted about because honestly I have enjoyed reading this chunk so much and the thought of having to slow down makes me so sad :(((.

Spoiler Free Zone:

This section does so much in the way of widening the scope to fill out the history of the plot and I’m living for it. Seeing more about Kaladin’s history AND like fckn ancient history as well???? I am so in.

I feel like this section has really got me into the swing of things more. With TWOK largely lying outside of the genre I normally read and not having the motivation of reading it like out of necessity for my degree, I was worried that I’d lose motivation but this section has really solidified my interest to the fullest !!

*** SPOILERS AHEAD***

Spoiler Zone:

I have loved finding out more about Kal in the flashback sections and this has not changed. 1. Ofc Mr. Edgy Boy is a simp and fought to impress a girl just ofc 2. and on top of that, ofc he’s secretly soft round the edges, especially for his brother. The bit when Tien gives him a sick rock ??? Bye I would smile too what a cute interaction. Bit of a RIP that he then like immediately got into a fight, over some juicy Shardblade lore nonetheless? Brando feeding us fr.

I love that he has Kaladin also thinking what everyone else is thinking in observing Sadeas as a pompous ass xD. It read so similar to what I love about some of my fave English Lit books in the critique of the upper classes and I will forever appreciate it (fuck the tories :p).

Then again tho, as ever, Brando refuses Kaladin a break and has his men dropping like flies bro. Ik he was trained as a surgeon but mf is not a miracle worker cut him some slack.

Then onto the Kholins and my goodness these have to have been my fave chapters so far. Starting off with the slightly less preferred, but still great, chapter of family revelations like Dalinar not remembering his wife and Renarin’s feelings of inadequacy. My little heart breaks for them :((

BUT THE VISION CHAPTER?????????? Oh my goodness I loved this chapter so much I lit had the whole chapter tabbed as a love this fro the start bc I just knew it was gonna slap so hard. You’re telling me, all in one chapter, I have been given an epic fight with shadow creatures, WITH some of the knights radiant, AND one of them is a woman, all wrapped up in sick fucking lore in a vision of the past brought on by a storm that ends in a mystical voice giving vague advice. Jesus take the wheel.

Tab Count:

Cute <3 - 1

Fights - 3

Sad ;-; - 2

Death - 2

Cool - 1

Wtf wow - 1

Wtf Why - 0

Slay Quotes - 2

Love this! - 2

Hate this >:( - 0

Lore - 3

Tab Total:

Cute <3 - 8

Fights - 8

Sad ;-; - 4

Death - 4

Cool - 6

Wtf wow - 3

Wtf Why - 3

Slay Quotes - 10

Love this! - 10

Hate this >:( - 3

Lore - 5

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yoosungdaddy1 · 15 days

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1st Day Broken Boy Eren x Reader

" Drink Drink Drink Drink" The crowd cheers as you three swallow shots like water. Your balance completely thrown off falling into Armin arms.

" Yo Eren You good!" Armin shouts with you in his arms. You couldn't really tell what was going on. You continued to dance with everyone in the group setting leaving no one out but Eren and Annie.

" Come on loser why are you so far!" You shout at them as they danced farther from the group. You was still high and daisied. You grab Eren's arm it suddenly being yanked away from you. You turn back to see Annie holding him in her grip

" Bitch he's not gonna dance with you." She says stone cold. You were to blazed to give her a reaction. All you could do was look at Eren who seems just as high. You start to laugh at him as he laughs back both of you high as hell. You walk back to the group leaving them in the distant. It was already 1am and you all had class tomorrow.

" We should get going. I'll ride with Sasha since she's in my building, Jean you Connie take the girls back. We'll bring them their keys at class tomorrow" Armin shouts. You were to high to remember the remaining night but you somehow woke up in your bed the following morning . It was 7am when your alarm went off, your head killing you. What the hell happened last night you thought rubbing your forehead before going to get ready. After about a hour you was completely dressed already 8am. Your 1st class was at 9am building 3 Mr. smith and you last class ended at 3pm professor Hannes. That name struck a nerve. You had walked out your room and into the living room. You assumed Eren was still sleep. Was it okay to wake him, you thought imaging all the annoying things he could say.

" He'll get over it." You mumble shaking your head walking towards his room door when you the dorm door opens behind you.

" Eren!" You shout in shock.

" What are you doing?" He ask closing the door.

" I thought you was sleep. I was gonna wake you." You respond as he walks past you wearing the same club clothing

" AH I was out last night you missed me." he smiles peeping his head through the door shirtless. You smile annoyed at his cocky response.

" I slept like a baby." You respond Walking to the kitchen for a quick snack.

" Don't leave without me! You have Mr. Smith biology. We have the same class!" He shouts as the shower starts. You ignore what he says, chowing down your cereal. 30 minutes passed and you're scrolling through your phone on Instagram you find Connie's page then everyone's else and you decided to follow. When Eren finally comes out. HIs hair dripping wet on his shirt.

" Get up we're gonna be late " He shouts pushing you out the door. You both sprint to class and make it 5 minutes before the bell. Upon entering the room was filled with students not any you recognized.

" No one else takes this course?" You ask following Eren to his seat and sitting next to him.

" Nope just me and now you." He sighs pulling out a note book. The teacher walks in. He looks to be in his mid 30s, blond hair blue eyes about 6ft 3inch, demanding homework and proceeding to introduce you to the class. You stand up as people whistle at you.

"MY name is y/n pleasure to meet you all!" You shout before sitting down. Eren looks at you his hand holding up his head. Not saying anything He gives you a copy of the current lesson syllabus.

" copy that It'll help you understand most stuff." He whispers to you.

" Thanks." You respond. After reading three chapters of the human brain and three hours later class was over.

" I don't think I understood a single thing." You sigh sinking into you chair. Eren looks at you helplessly gathering his things.

" Wow you really are prettier in person." A boy says as his group of males followed.

" HUH? " You ask confused you had never seen the boy or his friends before.

" Oh we know Connie he Posted you on his feed last night at some party. You looked amazing even now" The boy blushed holding his phone out.

"Thank you. " you chuckled nervously. Eren stood up ignoring the crowd that formed around.

" Can I have your number." The boys asked. You chuckled overwhelmed and irritated.

" Sorry but you're making my boyfriend uncomfortable" You gave a forceful smile pointing at Eren next to you. The boys apologized to you and Eren before leaving.

" You're not funny" He chuckles side eyeing you.

" Yeah Yeah see you at home!" You shout running out the classroom and rushing to the cafeteria before your last class in a hour.

" Y/N over here!" Jean shouts sitting with Armin and Connie.

" How you feeling?" Armin aske closing his math book.

" You were out off it." Jean laughs showing you pictures from last night.

" I don't even remember how I got home" you squinched your nose, scratching your head, placing your bag beside you.

" Oh I think Eren took you to bed. When we go to your room he answered it." Connie mumbles posting pictures on his feed.

You didn't say anything, but it made no sense since he wasn't there this morning. He must of left out again. you thought. The bell had rang and it was time for your last class of the day with whom you shared with Mikasa, Historia and Armin.

" Y/N over here" Armin waved signaling you a seat by him and Mikasa.

" How you feeling ?" Mikasa ask. You shoved your shoulders.

" Having two classes a day was great but they were so long." You whimper.

" Tell me about it. " They agreed.

professor Hannes was the physics teacher, she was a beautiful older women, she had long brown hair and black glasses. She passed out all the notes and homework granting you a due date for the make up work on the current lesson. Armin allowed you to copy all his notes during class so you could review later. When the bell finally rang Connie insisted on going back to his dorm for a movie night. You wanted to go but you had some much to catch up on you couldn't. When you got to your dorm you could already hear giggles at your front door. Annoyed you shut you eyes fully prepared. When you opened Annie was in the kitchen gathering snacks to take back to Eren's room. You Ignored her presence, but her glaze was chilling cold.

" You're still here!' She shouts at you.

" Bitch I am tired and don't feel like dealing with your sorry ass today." You giggle throwing your hands at her not even looking at her.

" You want me to believe your just his roommate. How many times have your tried to fuck my boyfriend." She says approaching you moving closer to your face. You burst out with laughter trying to spare her feelings.

" If I was fucking him you would know." You respond continuing to laugh at how insane she sounded. You turned your back to enter your room, being pulled down to the floor by your hair. She pounces on top of you catching you off guard with ever blow. You knee her in the crouch causing her to jump in pain. You hoped off the floor and begin throwing punches knocking her to the ground. With all the commotion Eren runs out his room. Pulling you off Annie who's now bleeding through her mouth and nose.

" What the hell is wrong with yall!" He shouts looking at you and then her.

"Get your bitch! Before I do" You shout at him entering your room door and slamming the door behind. Your blood was hot you wanted to go back and beat his ass too. You decided to run a cold shower. After your shower you noticed a cut above your eyebrow.

" That crazy bitch." You mumbled. You made your way out your room and into the kitchen looking for food. It had appeared she had left and the rooms were quiet.

" I ordered a pizza. " Eren whispers behind you leaning against the wall.

" Good for you." you smile not caring. He grabs your arm turning you around.

" You have a cut." He touches your eyebrow.

" Yeah from your bitch!" You shout slapping his hand away from your face.

" look I'm sorry I didn't think she would attack you." He sighs annoyed.

" Fuck you both!" You shout returning to your room. You didn't care who fault it was. You was filled with anger when you heard a knock on your room door.

TO READ AHEAD MORE CHAPTER ON WATTTPAD STORY TITLE "BROKEN BOY EREN X READER @nowstreaming01

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jmflowers · 1 year

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Week of shoots

“Day 5” I managed to sleep on and off until about 2pm, so I felt much better heading into night two of the shoot. I had to pick people up downtown again, which was an hour drive from my place in Saturday traffic, so I left at about 3pm. Managed to get everyone to location for the 5pm call time.

Almost immediately, I was sent off on driving duties to pick up a few things, and then to grab one of the actors from a train station. By the time I was back, most of the set was dressed and lighting was nearly done, so shooting started shortly after.

The first half of the night felt painful, though. Imagine that phrase “too many cooks in the kitchen” but it’s a film set and they’re directors. No one had a clear vision and it just made for confusion, which had all of the actors antsy - especially the child actor whose first ever night shoot this was. We were aiming for lunch at 11pm, but at about 10:45pm they sent the actors back to holding to warm up and the creative team all stepped outside to argue “in private”. The rest of us who were not vital unless they were rolling slipped downstairs to holding and just hung out for the longest lunch I’ve ever been part of on a set - it was after midnight before we jumped back in. And, of course, the child actor had fallen asleep in the car during that time and we had to wake her back up.

So, there was the production at like 1am - all of us standing around in an abandoned convenience store, eating expired junk food and breathing in a ton of dust, watching as an 8 year old was being coaxed awake for a scene as she cried, “I don’t want to be here, I just want to go home.” And then her mom found packs of slime on the shelf, offered her one, and kiddo woke right back up to kill every. single. take. During a fight sequence, might I add. We had to wrap her by 4am, so her death scene coverage was shot and she was out of there by 3:45am.

Crazy.

There wasn’t much to do technically between takes and the DP only needed a spotter for camera movements a couple of times (one of which included me shoved back beside a bookcase, trying to hide from being in the shot when she whipped around), so I spent most of the time catering to the actors. It was cold in the building, since the heat wasn’t on, so I took their coats every time we were about to roll and then slipped them back on them each time we cut and reset to a new shot. Thank goodness I still had my set blankets in my car from my own shoots earlier in the week, as one of them ended up being best for wrapping up our child actor like a burrito without needing to care about if it was getting fake blood on it. One of the actors ended up hugging me goodbye before she left and they both thanked me profusely for taking care of them, which felt good. I think that’s the part of set I enjoy the most - just being able to help people. There’s such a humanness to watching someone perform at the top of their abilities in a setting like that and then to see them turn around and find comfort in a jacket or a bottle of water or a joke. It’s fun to be part of that, whether it’s with actors or creators.

We wrapped officially at about 5am and headed out shortly after putting everything away that we’d made a mess of. Said goodbyes to everyone - including the audio recordist that I’d worked with on another shoot last spring. I had to drive 4 people home, so we headed back into the city and I got everyone to their doorsteps before heading back to my own city. Pulled into my drive shortly before 7am and promptly showered off a lot of dirt before crashing into bed.

Day 6 was all about sleeping, for the most part, and just getting myself back off the nocturnal schedule. Slept until about 4:30pm, ate, went for a walk, watched a livestream concert, and was back in bed by about 10pm (trying to convince myself that I didn’t need to stay up all night again). Back to regular life and 8am classes the morning after, because that’s the way it goes.

All in all, I had a blast. It feels like hanging with friends when it’s a small crew and a lower budget. We talk about life and make jokes and mix up weird food concoctions in the middle of the night (like an oat milk and expired Kit Kat “hot chocolate” I tried to make in the microwave to warm up…). Mostly it’s all about eating Welch’s fruit snacks and making a movie. Can’t wait to see the finished product.

#film and television production life #and that’s a wrap on the week #time to dive back into post production at school #first night the joke was that I was there to supply pockets and rides #because of my PA cargo pants #second night the joke was that I was vying for MVPA status

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joshuajii · 1 year

Text

daily josh 🎃 (October 31)

Date: October 31, 2022

Time Stamp: 11:58pm

Sleep: 5 Hours (2:30pm - 7:30am)

Diet: Epic @ Ackerman (Mambo Italiano Pie)

sup tumblr [] hope everybodys been having a great day! woke up this morning for early classes. i will hopefully never have an 8am ever again. they are so painful and i dont know how i can function at that time. i should have listened when upperclassmen told me not to pick 8ams T_T anyways, after class i got lunch at Epic with some of the friends I made when I first got to UCLA. it was nice to see them, as these days i am incredibly busy and do not have that much free time to hang out. after getting lunch, i talked and studied with some other friends on the patio, and now i am getting ready to do more work back in my dorm. overall, this day has been pretty good, a solid 8/10!

TIEMPO PARA EL AGUA:

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umichenginabroad · 29 days

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Abhi in Paris

Week 10: Parisian Adventures

Hey everyone, welcome back to Week 10 of my blog! It feels crazy to think about the fact that I've been here for 10 weeks now - oh my god, the time is flying. And funny enough, from the Scottish Highlands to the Volcanos of the Canary Islands, one of the few things I haven't done so much is explore Paris. It's a massive city with so much to explore, and although I feel I've seen other parts of Europe really well, I know that Paris has so much more to offer. So, this week I'm going on Paris adventures - from learning more about the bakery scene to trying out new bars and meeting new people. So here we go...

Monday, March 18th - Monday began as a usual start to the week. I got a morning cycling class in before making my way to ENSEA in Cergy, France for my afternoon classes that day. I got my first ever midterms back, and I'm proud to say I didn't fail :) I was able to come back from class and catch a few hours of TV relaxation.

Tuesday, March 19th - Tuesdays are always the worst! I have a morning class at 8am, which means I wake up at 6am to make the hour and a half commute up to school. After one class, I have a six hour break before by three hour french class. It's so tough because if I got back to Paris for the break I only have two hours there, and if I stay in ENSEA, I don't have much to do. It's always a coin toss, but today I went back to Cergy, managed to hit the gym and grab lunch, before heading back up to ENSEA for my evening French class. After a tiring day of class, I always make my way back, cook up some pasta for dinner, and then crash.

Wednesday, March 20th & Thursday, March 21st - I'm gonna gloss over these two days a little bit, because as luck would have it I caught a cold. Somehow, I recovered pretty quick, but I was out for most of Wednesday & Thursday.

Friday, March 22nd - Friday was so fun! I started the day with a French Culture class, where our new Professor, started the clas by giving us some French treats from the Brittany region of France. After that, we had an amazing discussion of French work benefits, and hoenstly, after I heard what she had to say, I have to say I was tempted to move to France permanently. Here's a quick summary of what the average university graduate in a full time rolled (called Cadre or CDI in France) gets:

35 Hour Work Week & Any Extra work above that can be claimed in the form of extra vacation time later

5 weeks paid vacation per year, 11 public holidays, bonus Mondays & Fridays off when public holidays are on Tuesday/Thursday, 16/20 week paid maternity leave & 2 week paid paternity leave, 2 week paid leave if your child is ill, 1 week paid leave if you get married, and the list goes on!

Once you get hired as Cadre, it is literally impossible to get fired unless you commit a felony - in fact the french have a phrase that goes "to put in a cupboard" because its easier to silo a bad employee into a meaningless role (cupboard) than to fire them

Incredible social security type pension benefits

Free Public Insurance that covers a lot of things including all life-threatening ailments like caner & private insurance that costs 150-200 euros a month for a family of four

This is all a super longwinded way to say that the benefits in France are incredible. Anyway, after class I managed to go to the gym and relax for a few hours. That night, I went to a warehouse party in the 19th arrondissement with some friends in ENSEA. Man do the Europeans never quit - I was there until 5am!

Saturday, March 23rd - Saturday was a late start given the events of the previous night :) After grabbing a Portugese delicacy "Pastel de Nata" with friends from ENSEA, I came back home around noon and took a fat nap. I woke up without much homework to do and spent the evening going down a weird rabbit hole of algorithmic forex trading, working on building my own trading bot. Just a really random and weird evening.

Anyway, that night the same friends from ENSEA made thier way back to Paris, where we had a few drinks and played some card games. We then explored a youthful area of Paris known as "Bastille." It was amazing meeting a bunch of exchange students like us there!

Sunday, March 24th - As you might imagine, after the last two late nights. Sunday was a recovery day. I woke up super late, managed to get to the gym, and just spent the rest of the time catching up on homework.

For me, this was a week to explore in Paris, something I haven't had much of a chance to do with all the travel across Europe. But don't worry, next week I'm back off to the races with a 6 day trip across Germany!

A plus tard,

Abhi Athreya

University of Michigan, Aerospace Engineering 2025

ENSEA in Cergy, France

#ipewinter24 #umichenginabroad #ipeensea #france #AbhinavAthreya

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shipskicksandgiggles · 2 years

Note

You do none shipping fics right?

Because I would love to see 32 of the new list with Peter and Ned if you get the chance

I do!! I write a lot of non-ship fics, that's why i add the option of putting friends and family dynamics in my inbox. wouldn't be opposed to writing them as a ship, but I do love them as friends, so your wish is my command

prompt: “Permission to hug?” “Granted.” “Oh fuck my ribs.” (from this list)

Read Swinging on Memory Lane here on ao3

~~~

Peter really needs to stop staying out so late. It’s not like it was his fault or anything, more criminals operate under the cover of darkness after all, but he feels like such an asshole rolling back into his apartment at 3am, especially when his roommate has class in just a few hours.

Still, Spider-Man is his responsibility. He has to be out there protecting the city, no matter the cost.

He’ll just be extra quiet sneaking in tonight.

It was 5 in the morning.

In all honesty, he should have gone home hours ago. If only to keep his promise to May, he should have gone home.

But it’s the anniversary of Ben’s death, and, well, you know the rest.

The night he died had been average for the season. A little chilly sure, but nothing a jacket wouldn’t fix. Today, the wind ripped the tears from his eyes, and even the heat protection he’d built into the suit couldn’t keep him warm.

Maybe he shouldn’t have sat at the top of the Chrysler building.

That’s definitely the problem. That’s why he couldn’t stop crying. The cold.

Not the already healed knife scrape. Not the ankle he almost broke a couple days ago he could still feel aching. Not the wound from a stray bullet last week that left a lasting scar.

Not the fact that he couldn’t even swing above the street where his uncle was murdered.

He thought about not going back to his apartment. Ned would be pissed if he woke him up right now. He has class in three hours.

Peter knew Ned’s schedule better than he knew his own anymore. His alarm went off at 6:30am, he caught the 7:10 train to campus and made it to his first class by 8am. That was every morning but Fridays.

Today wasn’t Friday. Today was Wednesday.

Peter didn’t have classes on Wednesday. Stroke of pure luck that meant he could work an extra few hours or actually finish his homework early for once.

Lucky that he wouldn’t have to go to class with no sleep and a tragic past.

He took the day off work. He’d asked for it off two weeks ago, already preparing for the trainwreck he knew he was going to be that day.

His plan for the day is as follows: sleep for a couple hours just so he could say he did, choke down some breakfast, stop at a bodega to buy flowers that weren’t completely wilted, visit the cemetery and leave aforementioned flowers on Ben Parker’s grave, and then go to dinner at Aunt May’s.

Ned would be pissed if he didn’t get home before he woke up. As it was, he certainly wasn’t going to be happy, but if Ned knew he stayed out all night just because he couldn’t bear to come home, he was going to get a long lecture when Ned found out.

May invited Ned over for dinner.

MJ also had an invitation, but she worked nights and wouldn’t be able to make it.

Again, Ned was going to be pissed if he wasn’t home when his alarm went off. He would check Peter’s room to make sure he was in bed, especially tonight.

So, he began his swing back to their apartment.

He had to take the long way around. If he passed by the street where Ben- where it happened, he would imagine the blood on the pavement, and then he’d never make it home.

His watch read 5:48am as he clung to the wall outside their living room window. Ned’s alarm wouldn’t go off for another 42 minutes.

Peter breathed a sigh of relief. He made it.

He always climbed through their living room window. It was as much of a force of habit as it was a necessity. His bedroom window didn’t offer nearly enough privacy, and their bathroom window was rusted shut.

The window swooshed open silently, miracle of miracles. The only light in the whole room came from the sun, barely peeking over the horizon, meaning Ned couldn’t possibly be awake. He always turns on at least a lamp when he first wakes up so he doesn’t trip over anything and wake Peter up.

Not that he had to worry when Peter barely slept.

It was a sweet gesture.

Peter pulled off his mask and headed to the bathroom to shower away at least the surface layer of blood and grime off.

That being done, he slipped on the spare t-shirt and boxers he kept in his drawer in the bathroom for these occasions and headed to his room to pass out for a few hours.

There was a light emanating from under his door. Peter frowned. He didn’t remember leaving his desk lamp on, but his whole day leading up to patrol had been a little hazy, so he dismissed it and twisted his door knob, praying to any deity that would listen that it didn’t creak.

It didn’t, but his bed did.

Ned was sitting on the edge of his bed, leafing through an old photo album under the light of Peter’s shitty desk lamp.

They both froze, staring at each other.

“You’re home,” Ned finally said.

“Yeah.” Peter responded.

“You’re late.”

“Yeah,” he said again.

They lapsed into silence again, and the air was tense.

“You weren’t supposed to stay out late tonight.”

“You’re not supposed to be awake.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Ned admitted.

“Neither could I, but I also don’t have much to do today. You have class.”

“Sorry, I forgot to tell you. I emailed my professors yesterday to tell them I had a family emergency and wouldn’t be in today.”

“Family emergency? Holy shit dude, is everything okay?”

“Peter…” Ned said meaningfully.

“What? Did I forget something?”

“Peter,” he said again.

Then Peter understood. “You took a day off classes because-”

“Because of you,” Ned confirmed. “I had a feeling today was going to be bad. Was I right?”

Peter thought about lying, but he knew it was pointless. Instead, he nodded wearily.

“Hey,” he said softly, standing up and starting to come towards Peter. “Permission to hug?”

“Granted.”

Ned wrapped his arms around his waist and held on tight.

“Oh fuck my ribs,” Peter wheezed.

He loosened his arms, but didn’t let Peter go. “Sorry. I have been worried sick about you all night. Where were you?”

“Doesn’t matter. I just didn’t want to come home yet I guess. Too many people that I might be able to save.”

“Figures. I came in to check on you a couple hours ago.”

“And then you stayed.”

“I wanted to be here when you came back in case you weren’t okay. Then you’d left the photo album open on your desk- I was curious, sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m sure there’s pictures of you in there.” He picked up the book and started flipping through pages. “See, look. How old do you think we were there? Five? Six?”

The photo was taken on a playground, somewhere where the city probably ripped it out to build a new parking lot. Ben was pushing both of them, smiling into May’s camera all the while.

“That’d be my best guess, yeah. I think that was the day you fell and got playground mulch splinters in your knee.”

“And May had to bribe me with ice cream so I’d stop crying and they could wipe the dirt off? I remember.”

They both sat down on the bed, and Peter placed the album between them. Each photo they came across had a memory behind it, and Peter laughed until he was too tired to lift his head up.

He leaned his head on Ned’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“Of course, dude, what are friends for?”

“I just miss him so much sometimes.”

“I know. But you still have May.”

“Mhmm.”

“And worst case scenario you still have me.”

“Oh god,” Peter groaned sarcastically, pushing him up.

“But you also need to take care of yourself,” Ned reminded, picking up the photo album and setting it on his desk before pulling his blackout curtains to obscure the sunrise. “Get some sleep, okay?”

“Okay. A few hours, then we have to get ready to leave for May’s.”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t forget.” He clicked off his desk lamp. “Need anything before I go?”

“Last hug?”

“Sure, last hug.”

Peter probably held him a little too tight, but Ned didn’t complain. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Peter.”

“Goodnight.”

As much as he missed Ben, he had to admit that the family he had left wasn’t too bad.

#ellis writes #peter parker #ned leeds #hurt/comfort #fluff and hurt/comfort #angst and hurt/comfort #emotional hurt/comfort #mentions of canon character death #peter parker needs a hug #peter parker gets a hug

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ktheist · 4 years

Text

nice guys finish last | m

synopsis. you thought you were over yoongi’s dick move of ending your engagement through his parents - not even a text when he disappeared out of your life. that’s why you agreed to the newly arranged marriage with his brother, namjoon, but on the brink of your wedding day, it becomes apparent that you haven’t really let go of the past as you tear up in front of your soon-to-be husband at the back room of the church.

◟alternatively, “we entered into this marriage for a mutual reason. not dreading to come home is more than i can ask for. so it’s okay if you want to see yoongi just... keep out of the spotlight like many in our shoes who found love outside of it have.”

pairings. husband!ceo!namjoon x doctor!reader x ex-fiance!producer!yoongi

genre. arraged marriage au. angst. fluff. smut.

word. 16.2k

content: age gap factor (namjoon is 5 years older than oc and yoongi is 7 years older than oc). pining. teasing. hoseok cockblocking.

warning(s): heavy adult content. mentions of cheating. hospital scenes.

verse. knj. ksj. myg. kth. pjm. jjk. jhs. story time.

“i don’t want to marry you at all. the person i love is someone else.” there are tears brimming in your eyes but if there’s anything the years of etiquette class namjoon’s parents forced on him taught him - he’d say he turned out okay - it’s to not mention to the crying lady that she’s crying. but he can’t help stare a little longer. admire a little too much.

the rays flooding through the window paired with the prettiest ivory dress he’s seen you in gives you an iridescent halo. you look like an angel descended from the top most heavens.

but not for him.

“i know,” he lets out a drawn out sigh, hand on his neck. he’s always been the awkward one between the two. if it was him - if it was his brother, he would say it without any ounce of self-reproach. but then again what does namjoon have to be sorry for? for being born? for being the second choice son to step into his brother’s shoes when the aforementioned man threatened to disown the family name if their parents refused to let him marry a girl of his choice who, according to the workers’ gossip, ‘he suddenly woke up one day and decided he was in love with’?

“it’s yoongi, isn’t it? you love yoongi.”

your eyes are prettier when you’re looking directly at him. the tears give them a kind of glow that makes him want to gather you into his arms and keep you there. the flushed cheeks affirms - despite saying it with full confidence, it was just - his hunch.

oh.

the ceremony proceeds rather smoothly. you’re still sniffling when your father passes your hand to him at the end of the aisle. the older man himself looks distraught. either he knows you’re against this marriage and hates himself for failing to put his daughter’s happiness before the guaranteed wealth that comes from marrying you off to the kim family or you’d gotten into a fight with him in a last ditch attempt to convince him to call off the marriage.

either way, you’re here now. the pastor’s words are muddled in your ears but it’s enough to take note of the end tone and the steely silence that ensues which could only mean it’s your turn to say those words.

“i do.” they’re the easiest to get over with.

after endless fights with your parents, going on two hunger strikes and running away to paris for a year - you know you’re in the endgame. and you’ve painstakingly and sorely lost.

he lifts the veil off your face, taking his time with setting it over your head. it’s no secret that kim namjoon is handsome. the kind of thick, textured-fabric-suit-wearing and sleek-back hair kind of handsome. yoongi was more of the hoodie-and-jeans and messy-in-need-of-a-trim hair kind of handsome. but he isn’t yoongi.

you screw your eyes shut, refusing to let the memories of your own wedding vows embed in your head. those beautiful pink full lips are as soft as they look. but they’re not kissing you on your pressed-into-a-straight-line lips. betrayed by your curiosity, your eyes flutter open only to gaze upon the smooth cream skin that wraps around his neck and just the gentle protrusion of his adam’s apple as he pulls way.

your newly-wed husband has just kissed you on the forehead.

adjusting to married life is as easy as slipping on your favorite shoes. it’s perfect. almost unsettling even. the beach house off the coast of the private island namjoon’s family owns is breathtaking. the sound of waves crashing against the shores is your constant companion as you work on your research. it’s a project you had to put aside when you graduated. the first year at the hospital is the busiest, or so your senior colleagues say.

namjoon strides into the kitchen sometime past noon, all fresh and showered with a fitting long sleeved shirt and trousers. it’s the most dressed down you’ve ever seen and yet for some people you know, it’s the fanciest they can get. sometimes you wonder if the standards have hit the ground or if namjoon’s so well-adapted into the routine of dressing up presentable enough to go to his office on an off day in case something calls for it.

“good morning.” you greet first, traces of the embarrassing tear-jerking wedding ceremony still lingers in the back of your mind - you’d tried to explain yourself on the way here in the boat but namjoon had easily blew your worries away with a light chuckle and a “i’d do the same too if i loved someone and had to marry another person.”

it’s not unusual for you to already be perched on the elegant gold sofa adjacent to the sliding doors that has the best view of the sea. the master bedroom is the other part of the beach house with spectacular view - you’d been entranced when you stepped into the room on your first day. but namjoon suggested you stay in the guest room, knowing there’s no way you would share a bed with him -

“or you can take this room and i take the guest room,” he added a moment later, probably because he saw you staring out the balcony, bewitched by the sea. that had broke you from your trance and you’d shook your head so much in protest, you were surprised it didn’t fall right off your neck. “n-no! i mean - i’ll take the guestroom.”

his parents had been nice enough to lend their private beach house for you honeymoon. you weren’t going to step over their son and conquer the master bedroom - even if technically, you’re now part of the family.

“morning.” he fixes you with that half-smile. the kind of smile you give to someone you’re in an complacent relationship with but nothing more.

at least you’ve got that going for you. and that’s a rarity coming from the gossips you’ve heard here and there about marriages found on the ground of convenience.

his eyes swipe over the ipad in your shorts-donned lap from his spot, leaned against the counter in the kitchen, pitch black mug of coffee with wafts of smoke coming out of it, “how’s your research going?”

“well,” you set the ipad down on the glass surface of the coffee table, it’s bare of anything besides your phone that’s been lighting up from the notifications. one from your mother, another from the group of friends you found in college, and the rest is from your strictly-women group from the hospital, “the world wide web is resourceful and all but it can’t beat the information in actual books - papers, you know?”

“ah, the traditional way of researching.” he chuckles, dimples digging into his cheek, enhancing his handsome features. you never knew he had dimples. not that you knew much about him - you’d only properly talked on the day of your wedding, in the back room and the first thing you said was -

you suppress the memories further down your thoughts. it works for the most part, but you can’t help the flush that spreads across your face. so the laugh you let out is a little strained and if he notices, he doesn’t show - like he pretends not to notice a plenty many things.

but alas, he knew your secret crush - was it still just a crush you had for yoongi? you’re not sure.

“what can i say? i’m raised traditional.”

that was two weeks ago. now, you’re back to working your ass off at the hospital, being grilled to the bones by your supervisor, getting reprimanded over being one minute late and then being told to run to the cafe five minutes from the hospital to buy your supervisors their favorite strawberry smoothie topped with sprinkles.

“kim seokjin, that dickwad.” jennie huffs, her cat-like eyes making it appear as though she’s plotting the man’s death. “he’s working you to the bones as soon as you get back.”

“he probably thinks i’m not that serious about my residency since my family has enough fortune to sustain me for my whole lifetime,” you can only laugh at that, her anger has sucked all the tiredness and annoyance you have for your supervisor right out of you. it feels refreshing, “all the more reason to prove him wrong.”

“enough about that asshole,” jisoo waves a dismissive hand off and you know what’s coming is far more terrifying: she blinks, eyes filled with stars and cherry red lips curling into the kind of smile that can only mean one thing, “how was it? the second son of kimcorp. were there rose petals on bed? candles lit around the house? a romantic, sizzling-”

“sorry, jisoo, i gotta go get ready for the dinner. i’ll buy you lunch tomorrow, okay?” you clasp your hands together apologetically when your phone buzzes with the reminder you set a week prior: 8am annual kimcorp dinner.

you breathe a sigh of relief as you shake off your white coat, draping it over your recliner before escaping to the washroom with a bag of makeup and the dust-proof cover bag of the outfit you’re wearing for tonight. by the time you’re touching up on your nude lipstick, your phone buzzes again but this time, the screen lights up with namjoon’s name on it.

“hey,” his voice is deeper through the phone - it’s the first time he calls you. there was never any reason for you to call each other but you suppose, he’s calling to make sure you’re not forgetting the dinner -

“i’m in front of the hospital.”

or maybe not.

“wh-what do you mean?” your cheeks heat up from the thought of namjoon waiting for you in his audi. the image, too domestic for your liking.

“well, you can’t drive so i thought i’d pick you up.” he says it like its the simplest equation to understand.

“namjoon,” the name feels foreign on your tongue regardless of how many times you taste it when you need to tell him something - to set the line straight, “i didn’t know you were gonna pick me up so i already told kyungsoo to pick me up. he’s probably already here. sorry i didn’t tell you sooner.”

“i know,” he says simply.

“e-excuse me?” while you’re beyond confused.

“i told your parents i’d pick you up so kyungsoo’s driving them to the dinner.”

“oh.”

wait. what?!

namjoon is confident in his driving skills - as he is with everything he does. he’s almost perfect. the line of his shoulders seem at ease as he stirs the wheel with one hand and the other rests on the gear, inches away from your scarlet clad thighs.

“why isn’t hoseok driving you?” the aforementioned man sticks to him like glue. everywhere namjoon goes, he goes. it’s a given since he’s the head secretary but anyone who’s seen them interact could tell there’s more than boss-employee relationship between them. they seem like close friends which is unlikely be given namjoon’s too-serious nature and hoseok’s joke-cracking every five minutes - but not impossible.

his face remains the same as he keeps his eyes on the road, humming briefly, “he had a thing.”

“can secretaries have a thing and leave their boss to drive for himself like that?” that doesn’t sound right. you may not be actively involved in fecam industries’ affairs but mr. jung, your dad’s secretary, spends more time with your dad than the two men do with their wives - that’s how demanding the business world is. but could hoseok get a free pass because of his and namjoon’s friendship?

namjoon chuckles, dimples and all and you can’t help but blush at the side profile. if anything, he has a sharp jawline and beautiful neck-

you push the thought as soon as it comes. neck? who finds necks beautiful?

“he had a date but it’s not until a couple hours,” the tone he uses is light and playful but underlined with a sort of bashfulness that you don’t know kim namjoon was capable of, “i told him to go home because i wanted to pick you up myself.”

your cheeks heat up all over again as you stare at him a little too long. so much so, the hand that’s been comfortably perched on the gear goes to the back of his neck in an unsure manner.

“i just needed to talk to you about something.” he explains, just as awkward as he was in the back room at the church.

“okay.” eyes turned to the road too, you can see namjoon breathing a sigh of relief from your periphery. that couldn’t have been because of you could it? was he nervous because you were watching him? “what did you want to talk about?”

he clears his throat, that natural ease in his tone returning, “if it gets uncomfortable - if anyone asks, we met because you were yoongi’s fiancee and we couldn’t help but fall in love. but you wanted to intern at a hospital in paris so that’s why we’ve only gotten married now.”

you take awhile to digest the information until something in your stomach doesn’t sit right with you, “you want me to... lie?”

his bottom lip gets trapped between his teeth just for the briefest moment as he thinks about it. he probably didn’t expect you to disagree but he admits his mistake faster than half the people you know your whole life would, “i’m sorry, i didn’t think it would weight on your conscience. i was thought it’d be hard on you if some ass- someone’s going to start a rumor about you but i didn’t ask how you’d feel about it.”

“i see.” you simply nod. it’s true that you’re the pass-up fiancee who got between two people who fell in love in college but the other is the son of a renown family and engaged while the other is an arts major from a normal working family. unable to let bygones be bygones, you decide to marry the younger brother to your fiance - or so the story goes. “but they already know i was yoongi’s fiancee and i ended up marrying you. i don’t need - no, i don’t want to explain myself to anyone.”

despite that big talk, your can feel the prickle of tears in your eyes. namjoon steals a glance at you and he never mentions the glassiness of your gaze - if anything, he smiles. it’s different than the usual smiles. this one, though wordless, says he’s following your flow. do what you like and if and when things get though, you can count on me.

dinner has yet started when you arrived. guests are still arriving and waiters and waitresses are carrying trays of champagne glasses around. in a distance, your friends wave at you to come over. you smile, hand falling away from namjoon’s since you needed to at least do that in front of the paparazzo that were waiting outside. eager, hungry for gossip about the wedding that shook south korea’s business world.

“girl, you are glowing.” yerin literally screams. it’s a secret to no one that she’s hinting on your recent marriage and private island getaway. but nothing happened.

“how are you girls? it’s been so long.” you side hug eunha, letting her arms wrap around your waist as you stand huddled together.

you haven’t seen them since you got back from paris. the wedding was attended by thousands of people - all of whom, your and namjoon’s family’s associates. but you had your hands full shaking hands and smiling next to your husband because these people matter to namjoon. or at least he has an interest over them. business deals. merges. trades. kimcorps carries out every kinds of business they can get their hands on. namjoon passingly mentioned about the work-in-progress for a private hospital.

you dread the likelihood of having to leave the hospital you’re working in right now for family-run one but you know it’s quite impossible to not get involved when you, yourself is a doctor.

“we weren’t the ones who went under the radar and came back and got married to the second son of kimcorp.” yuju huffs sulkily, cheeks pinked from the champagne she’s had but she isn’t that far gone when she clamps her mouth shut a second later, eyebrows furrowing in guilt.

sowon nudges her side anyway, mouthing her something as your gaze falls on the light caught in your black gucci heels.

“i-i’m sorry, ___ that didn’t come out right.” comes a heartbeat later, she sounds just as sorry as her words as you offer her a small smile.

“it’s okay, it’s the truth anyway.”

“stop that,” eunha suddenly gripes, her gaze boring into you and rips apart the barrier you’ve tried so hard to maintain, “we’ve been friends since elementary school, we know how whipped you are for that asshole so-” she sniffles while you’re left wondering if it’s her who had an ex-fiance break if off and had his parents relay the news on a bi-weekly dinner.

“she’s trying to say you can cry or get mad or curse that dipshit around us. don’t hold back.” sowon finishes, lips twitching as she enjoys watching the vulnerable state of the otherwise fiercest one among you.

something in your chest feels light. like a weight being lifted off your shoulders as you study the girl’s face one by one. sowon’s and yerin’s smirk, yuju’s nodding and eunha’s teary eyes.

“yoongi, he’s-” you take a deep breath and it feels almost dramatic as the second stretches on while you build up the hurt, the anxiousness, the disbelief that the man put you through, “-a fucking idiot.”

“you bet he is,” yerin’s basically screams, swiping a glass for you and holding hers up, “that fucking idiot.”

you tighten your side hug on eunha in an ‘i’m okay’ gesture as you clink your glasses together.

it’s a few moments later that murmurs start to spread around. the tension that comes with the latest arrived guest thick enough to command every attention in the room.

“she’s ballsy. coming here.” sowon offhandedly comments, eyes trained on the girl who has her hand on yoongi’s arm like an iron clamp. “right into the lion’s den.”

she may not have her parents’ money to groom her into the women you and the girls are. but maybe that’s why she has her own air. her poised steps, coupled with a cocktail creme laced dress and relaxed smile easily gives her an innocent cloak. someone friendly and good-tempered and can adjust well to her suddenly-plunged-into-money circumstance when she married yoongi. that must have been why you never heard any bad rumors about her even though there’s almost always at least one gossip enthusiast in these socials.

“ugh, i hate her!” yuju hisses, eyes more focused as she places her glass onto one of the waiter’s trays.

“i-i think i’m going to get myself some snacks.” with that, you slip past the guests until you’re at the end of the room, standing in front of the everything-you-can-eat table lined up with pastries only from the best bakes.

that moment, when you looked from her to yoongi, your eyes met. his hair is a little longer than you remember it, flowing in light blue tresses until just a few centimeters above his eyebrows. the first two buttons of his shirt is undone. her doesn’t wear a necktie - he despises how suffocating they feel. but he’s managed to keep on his blazer - he used to say they were hot and took them off and left them in the back seat of the car when you arrived at an event. he used to attend these events with you. just the two of you. for four years. you thought you’d keep doing so for longer after you got married.

“you know, they’re not plastic and made for display.” a voice breaks you from your train of thoughts.

“p-pardon?” you blink once. confused.

“the pastries,” namjoon lulls his head to the side where towers of tarts, macaroons, pavlova and sliced cakes stand tall and proud, “they’re edible.”

it takes a moment for you to register that he was joking - kim namjoon? cracking jokes?

his smile tilts higher when you chuckle. it’s brief but the look of relief oh his face lingers. he must have seen you escape from your group of friends. and this is his own way of checking up on you.

“thank you, namjoon.” you murmur low enough for only you and him to hear, lips tugging in the corners. “but i’m fine - i just - seeing him for the first time like this - it’s just unexpected. even though this is an annual dinner held by his family and he has every right to be here.”

“that’s her? the ex-fiancee?” a guest asks in a hushed tone somewhere a few feet away. but she’s not very discreet as she thinks she is.

“yeah, she couldn’t get the older brother so she went for the younger one.”

apparently, her company needs to attend classes on how-to-whisper-101 too.

“how mortifying. and the brother just goes with it?”

“he must have felt compelled to save her face. you know how nice and well-mannered he is-”

the low noise namjoon makes under his breath catches your attention. the muscles on his face is strained and twisted. it barely shows. just a crease between his eyebrows and the lack of smile. he hardly ever smiles from the tabloids and interviews you’ve seen of him so people might not notice the displeasure. but after a whole month of knowing namjoon, if there’s anything you can say for certain about the man, it’s the stockpile of smiles he has to offer.

“namjoon, it’s okay. i don’t care.” you smile, it’s forced and you know he notices it right off the bat but sighs anyway, shoulder line falling just slightly as he runs a hand over his sleek styled hair.

his lips move and you hear the words he uttered but somehow your mind couldn’t comprehend the information without going blank. “s-sorry?”

“it agitates me that they’re freely spewing bullshit like this,” he huffs, cheeks tinted pink at having to repeat his words. “it’s taking everything in me not to go over there and tell them their husbands have at least one business deal with kimcorp. and i can end it and it’d plunge their family into bankruptcy.”

“wh-why would you do such a thing?” the question comes out almost dumbly but if it did, he doesn’t say. he just... keeps looking at you.

you’re barely able hold yourself from squirming under his scrutiny, the smile now awkward in all places.

“if you don’t mind, can i kiss you?” his eyes widen just the slightest bit as he corrects himself, “on the forehead i mean.”

he clears his throat, eyes straying away from you as if he couldn’t bear to look at your face after that mistake. “just so i can prove to them i wasn’t forced to marry you.”

the light pinkish blush spreads to the tip of his ears and neck as he shifts his weight from one foot to another. you’re not sure why, but the sight in front of you is endearing and you find yourself saying-

“okay, kiss me.”

you didn’t specify where. and maybe, as the heat flares across your own cheeks when his arm band around your waist and a warm hand presses up against you cheekbone - maybe you want him to kiss you somewhere else.

the chatter stops and so does time. but it’s only for as long as namjoon’s full lips are on your forehead, kissing you for the second time. then, time resumes and murmurs begin to spread louder than when yoongi made his arrival. when the gravelly voice speaks from somewhere behind namjoon, you know why.

“get a room, will you?” yoongi’s tone is light - you’d taken a whole year getting used to it to know he’s being playful and not condescending.

“yoongi.” namjoon greets, unlike the elder man, his sounds better natured but there’s a sort of underlying detachment. his arm is still on your lower back almost as if he needs to feel that you’re here or he’d be completely detached. “i didn’t think you’d show up. you hate these events.”

the aforementioned man draws out a long sigh as though he’s been found out over a poorly told lie. “i don’t but naeun wanted to go - you know how things are with mom and dad. she thinks it’s gonna make them open up.”

it’s no secret your father and mother-in-law doesn’t talk about yoongi’s marriage - they never do around you but you thought they were being considerate. but what yoongi’s saying right now could mean his relationship with his parents are far more strained than you thought it’d be. especially since they had let him marry the girl of his dreams who’s clearly below their standards.

she - naeun - is standing somewhere near the exit, conversing with the notorious older generation that yerin duped ‘the wickeds’. for their ways of gaining wealth, for their poor treatment towards their employees, for socially shunning a young man - new money, for addressing one of them casually. she is ballsy.

“it’s been awhile,” yoongi’s directly addressing you now. the tug on his lips as playful as an old friend’s greeting. you don’t know how he can look at you like nothing happened. “you’re finally a resident now, huh?”

“yeah, finally.” you smile, the kind of smile that celebrates her triumph. the celebration part is true but the smile is every bit unnatural. but it seems to fool yoongi as he nods, proud.

somewhere in your chest, the strings on your heart clenches at the unchanging personality of this man. no wonder you like him.

before the conversation can tread further down memory lane, there’s an announcement to have the guests move to another room where dinner is being served.

“we’ll get going first then.” namjoon announces, guiding you by the waist as yoongi nods, waiting for naeun to come to his side before going in himself.

dinner went smoother than expected. yoongi and naeun showed up uninvited and were placed in the back seats where the people socially displaced guests are. you felt bad when you saw naeun’s distorted expression as waiters bring in chairs to the table for the both of them. but there’s nothing you could have done.

“you have an 8am shift tomorrow, right?” namjoon asks as you slip your heels off, wincing at when one of them brushes against the blisters. they’re gonna be a bitch to deal with tomorrow.

stretching your arms out as you walk up the stairs, you hum in confirmation. “mhm, and you have dinner with ms. yoo, right?”

it’s ironic how you know each other’s schedule despite not being anything more than two people sharing one house and happens to be married. guess you’ll chalk it up with the fact that you both respect each other enough to be aware of each other’s whereabouts - not the creepy kind of way but the share-me-your-live-location-so-i-know-you’re-safe kind of way.

namjoon was quiet until you take a left to where the guest bedroom-turned-permanent-bedroom is, “it got rescheduled.”

your hand hovers over the door handle as you crane your neck to look at the man on the top of the stairs. his bow tie is loosened, the button to his color undone and his blazer is draped over one arm - a telltale sign of a final end to the night. “i was hoping we could have dinner to together. after work.”

yes but you don’t usually go straight home after work. you usually spend time at the library either at your previous college or at the hospital. you’ve decided to continue your research no matter how taxing it may be since you came back from the honeymoon. namjoon knows and the fact he asks you to dinner anyway - it’s unlike him.

he’s the kind of person that would ask if you had free time and match his schedule to yours. not ask for your time.

“yeah, sure.” you say and you think you see his shoulder line sagging as if he’s just let out a long-held breath, “pick me up at 8?”

“yeah.” he nods, dimples showing as his lips curl at your answer, “at 8.”

only when the door closes behind you, do you let yourself slide down to the ground. heels lying next to your thighs and dress in need of being sent for washing. your cheeks are and neck and ears are hot. dinner? just you and namjoon? like... a date?

jisoo isn’t around when lunch rolls by.

“a patient got rolled into er this morning - couldn’t contact any of his family members. suho decided to go ahead with surgery but he reacted badly to the anesthesia so she had to make up for her suho’s mistake and monitor his patient.” jennie’s face scrunches at the other woman’s supervisor pushing the task on her. shoving a forkful of the cheese cake, she sighs as the medical professional side take over, “thank god the surgery went smoothly though despite all that.”

you hum in contemplation, comparing the well-established crazy bitch seokjin who pushes those under his supervision to their limits and suho’s less-than-extreme approach. you used to envy jisoo and jennie for getting suho as their supervisor but at the end of the day, with every push from seokjin, you get out of it stronger and wiser. “i hope she doesn’t forget to have her meals.”

the day ends faster than usual. of course with rounds and surgeries you have to assist with, you’ve always find yourself barely realizing the setting sun - the sign of that your shift has ended.

but you could have sworn it was 5pm when you last checked the time. an car crash patient had arrived at the er and you forgot you’d left your phone on your desk, running out to assist the critical patient. it’s only when you’ve plopped into your recliner, head thrown back in fatigue, do you notice the vibration of your phone.

namjoon’s name flashes across your screen. your eyes almost bulges out of their sockets as you swipe to the right.

the deep voice from the other end is as calm as ever, “hey, ___-”

“namjoon!” you almost scream with guilt, phone pressed between your cheek and your shoulder as you shrug the coat off one shoulder before using the free now free hand to hold the phone and shrug off the other shoulder, “where are you?”

“i’m at the parking lot. i couldn’t wait at the lobby because i was obstructing the other cars - i called you a few times.” he sounds almost concerned and your heart clenches tightly in you chest at the thought of him waiting for you for over an hour.

you burst onto the parking lot - searching for the sleek black audi until a red bugatti rolls over. you’re about to take a step back seeing as you’re almost standing in the middle of the road - when the driver on the other side of the car steps out. his usually gelled hair is mussed from the amount of times he ran his hand over it, cuffs rolled to just below his elbow, revealing the dark veins that run just below the skin on his arm.

namjoon fixes you with that eased smile, going around the gently purring vehicle and opening the door to the passenger seat for you. the arm which hand he uses to hold the door open pulls on the thin fabric of his button down in all the right places. so this is a the normal end-of-the-day look.

you always get back a bit later than him and by the time he looks up from his work that’s laid out over the coffee table, he would usually already have bathed and changed into one of those long-sleeved shirts.

the restaurant he initially booked for dinner had cancelled. naturally. so you end up in a barbecue place five minutes away from the hospital. this is where you and your colleagues go when to celebrate a birthday, promotion or finally-having-a-boyfriend/girlfriend.

the slices of meat sizzles on the grill, its marinated aroma wafting in the air. but your stomach churns with a different kind of sensation - guilt. “i-i’m sorry. because of me you had to wait an hour and got cancelled by the restaurant.”

then, he chuckles. it’s the same kind of good natured chuckle that reverberates every time you say something amusing - but you can’t see how any of this is.

his says your name. the syllabus rolls out of his tongue in waves but you chalk up the blush spreading on your face with the heat of the grill so close to you. he leans back against the backrest, sleeves filled out to the brim as he crosses his arms over his chest. “you were the one saving a life. all i did was wait.”

“y-yeah but still.” no emergency is foreseeable, otherwise you could have saved more lives than you do now. and it’s still not enough. “i forgot about you.”

namjoon nods, taking your words into consideration - as if he never thought about it that way. as if he truly doesn’t mind wasting his time over some woman he has to tolerate because he’s married to her. “cook me dinner then.”

“wh-what?”

“i don’t want you to beat yourself up and i know whatever i say is going to come off as me being nice.” the corners in his lips tugs upwards, “so make it to me by cooking dinner.”

once your brain is done registering what he said, you clutch your hands in your lap as though you’re clinging onto this one time chance to make up for your fault, “yes! i-i mean yeah, sounds fair.”

the smooth sound of his chuckle isn’t lost to the sizzle of the meat. to him, it must be a small matter but to you, it’s a matter of pride.

“this saturday then?” you offer, a bit too eager.

almost as if remembering something, he releases a long drawn out sigh, “business trip to tokyo.”

“next weekend?”

“mom’s home sweeter home fundraiser for the orphans on saturday. sunday?”

“night shift. how bout breakfast?”

“golf with seollyu’s director.”

a heavy pause lapses in the room. after a moment, namjoon reaches for the chopsticks, flipping the slices of meat over.

your shoulders sag, lips pursed in a pout. this isn’t an unusual occurrence in your years of being the daughter of your family. your father is devoutly involved in the family business and your mother is busy with her charity work. you’ve celebrated birthdays with the staff more than you do with them.

the glint of the chopstick that’s placing a piece of meat on your plate catches your eyes. you study the long nimble fingers to the vein that runs from the back of its hand and disappear somewhere below his arm before you gulp, meeting his eyes - did he notice you checking out his arm?

“we’ll figure something out.” if he did, he doesn’t say as he fixes you with an assuring smile, “but right now you need to get some food in you. eat up dr. ___. you did great today at work.”

this time, you really can’t blame the grill for the blush.

“you could’ve told mom you couldn’t do brunch.” namjoon tells you in the elevator to the 15th floor of your in-laws’ house. it’s been three days since that night. he’s left for work but prior to this morning, he’d already made it clear that it was no problem at all picking you up from home.

he’s probably saying this because of the lack of makeup you’d put on. some pats of compact powder and bright red lipstick can’t hide the bags underneath those tired eyes. you’d spend extra hours reading about the defective genes and the fix to remodel them so every child born from parents from a history of relatives with inheritable diseases could live a life without the risk of said disease.

“i’m fine.” you wave a dismissive hand before stretching in the compact space in a last ditch attempt to wake yourself up and hopefully look fresher by the time you reach the floor. “’sides, i’ve been so focused on work, it’s nice to see mom and dad every once in awhile.”

you’ve gotten used to referring to mr. and mrs. kim as if they’re your own parents - in a way, they are. you’ve known them for as long as you can remember.

“you have to be at the hospital by noon, right?”

you hum in confirmation. though you insisted on grabbing a cab to the hospital since it’s on the opposite side of the office, namjoon had insisted better. “mhm, oh we’re here.”

a ding! echoes throughout the elevator when it stops, doors opening to a hallway with black and yellow walls and ceiling, paired with honey marble flooring. it takes a few seconds before the black door at the end of the hallway to swing open but instead of the warm smile of the elderly lady, a bring and vibrant naeun beams at the both of you.

“you’re here. come in.” she steps aside, the hem of her sundress fluttering as she moves.

your body tenses at the proximity of the woman who you thought you could avoid until a much later time. and from the barely noticeable lifted brows that namjoon does, you know he wasn’t expecting his sister-in-law too. if she’s here, so is yoongi.

“we picked these up on the way.” you hand her the paris baguette paper bag. you’d ordered a mix of fruit tarts, cinnamon rolls and macaroon. all of which you remember mrs. kim mentioning to be her favorites.

“oh! you shouldn’t have but thank you.” up close, naeun is much more prettier with a natural pinkish tint across her cheeks that makes her seem dreamy and glossed cheery lips that complements the gentle air she carries around. she passes the bag to one of the staff that’ll probably unbox them and plate them.

you offer her a smile - though a bit strained. and she must have noticed when she sighs softly, eyes darting to her fuchsia flats before looking back up at you with a furrowed brows. but even when she’s frowning, she’s pretty.

“i’ve been wanting to meet you and properly apologize for not being able to attend the wedding - i had an exhibition that day in prague and yoongi wouldn’t let me go by myself even though i thought at least one of us should go to his brother’s wedding.” she chuckles at the last part as if replaying the heartwarming scene of her protective husband choosing his wife over his family. you can feel every fiber of your body coiling and writhing - it takes everything for you not to leave through the door. would yoongi have done the same for you?

“this must be awkward for you, isn’t it?” her lips tug into a half-smile - a telltale that she’s equally uncomfortable to talk about this topic. “with you and yoongi being engaged before but now i’m the one married to him. but i hope we can put everything past us and be a family.”

but something in the way she talks - it’s as if she sympathizes. as if she’s saying it’s okay, you shouldn’t feel ashamed. but what are you supposed to be shameful of? of being engaged to yoongi before? of marrying his brother when said engagement fell through? perhaps you should have gave mrs. kim a hard ‘no’ when she pleaded with teary eyes for you and your parents’ forgiveness when she and mr. kim had to break the news over dinner two years ago. so you wouldn’t have to develop a hard skin and pretend you didn’t care about the ruthless rumors that have spread far and wide after your marriage to namjoon.

“oh? yeah, it was a long time ago.” you offhandedly say - it’s that moment, when her eyes twitches just the slightest bit that you realize it wasn’t all just in your head. she did mean to make you feel embarrassed when she started mentioning the engagement.

you join namjoon and mrs. kim at the garden while naeun follows suit a second later, taking the middle among the three seats. the elder woman’s eyes light up at the sight of you, her heels clacking against the wooden flooring as she crosses the distance and engulfs you in a hug. you hug back, smiling at the woman’s motherly warmth.

“___, my favorite daughter, what happened to you?” she cups your cheeks, brows furrowing as she seem to examine your complexion.

you should’ve used concealer.

“the hospital is working you to the bone isn’t it? why, it’s been awhile since i had lunch with chairman lee, maybe i should give his wife a call.”

that’s how it works when you have connections. if someone’s daughter or son fails to get into college or a job through regular exams or interviews, a dinner or lunch with the director of the institution will get the child admitted overnight. that’s probably why seokjin was harder on you than usual when you got back from your honeymoon - he must think you’re not serious about being a doctor. it’s not a secret he came from old money but he’d cut off all ties with his family when he started working. he has more ethics than half of the people you know.

“___ doesn’t like it when you do these things, mom.” yoongi grumbles - always the painfully honest one. the chair screeches as he pulls it and plops between naeun and namjoon while their father occupies the seat next to mrs. kim. it looks like they just came from mr. kim’s home office. and judging from the stiffness of their posture, the talk must have been a serious one.

namjoon’s shoulder line tightens just the slightest bit - you almost thought it was just a figment of your imagination but when you steal a glance at his face, you know he’s not too keen in having yoongi sit next to him. so you weren’t imagining it when he seemed like he was escaping yoongi by not waiting for naeun to come and walk with you to into the dining hall.

you’re not lost to yoongi’s familiar tone when he spoke on your behalf. but you’re not happy either. forcing a laugh, you push a strand to the back of your ear for the sake of doing something, “i-it’s not the hospital. i’ve been staying up late to work a bit on my research.”

a worker comes with the baked goods you brought. they’re plated on perfectly polished ceramic - you can easily see your forced smile in its reflection when the woman sets them down the table in front of you.

“research?” yoongi lifts one eyebrow at you. too casually. and it takes you back to those times when you used to visit him at his college’s library and you’d bring your homework with you whilst you slip in a few ‘what i did’s as he typed away on his mac but still managed to keep up with you and asked questions here and there. a sign that he’d been present and listening.

“___’s been working on researching how segregate defective genes during the fetal stage so the fetus won’t take on their parents’ inherent diseases when they’re born.” namjoon explains the simplified version almost as though it’s part of his day-to-day line of work. he grins at you, the corners of his lips tugging with pride - a gratification of being able to show you off.

“that’s good. you’re making a difference in this world.” mr. kim is the first to break the silence. and in the years you’ve known him, it means the highest level of flattery you’ll ever get from the man.

your cheeks are flushed red and you know well enough it’s not because of mr. kim’s compliment than it is his son’s. “it’s still just a research draft but th-thank you. mister-” the elder man raises his brow and you quickly correct yourself, “i mean, dad.”

he nods at the word, the slightest hint of smile disappearing under the cup of tea he brings to his mouth.

“but still, don’t push yourself too hard. working as a doctor takes up a lot of time already.” naeun fixes you with a worried gaze but something about her tone makes your stomach churn - it’s as if she’s playing down the time and effort you’d invested in your research and reminding you to focus on your paying job. even if you did downplay yourself when you were responding to mr. kim. before you can sort out the wave of emotions clashing inside you, namjoon seems to beat you to it.

“not everyone can do what ___’s doing. it’s okay if she wants to do more,” a hand slips under yours in your lap, reverting your gaze from the beautiful woman to the apparent difference in the size of yours and namjoon before you turn your cheek to him. it was a mistake because now you’re holding your breath as you come face to face. his body is leaned into you as he speaks, “i’ll just take care of ___ better.”

he turns to naeun, lips twitching upwards in a brief smile as if to enforce it more and putting a finality to the topic. but you’re left staring at namjoon’s sharp jawline until mrs. kim makes a squealing sound as she clamps her mouth shut in an attempt to tease you.

“gosh, is my baby all grown up now? he’s saying he’ll take care of his wife!”

the chuckle you let out is nowhere near natural or entertained. not when your insides are burning and you think your heart is going into overdrive from how fast it’s beating. and it doesn’t help that namjoon’s too casually playing along “of course, i only have one wife.”

“namjoon,” you take a second to gather yourself, hands fiddling in your lap as the car rolls to a stop in front of the lobby. the man fixes you with an inquisitive gaze. of course, who wouldn’t be wondering what’s up if their name was spoken with so much weight in them like you did with namjoon’s? “what was that? the wife thing?”

he stares into the street as he sifts through his memory before he fixes you with a gaze clouded with guilt, “i’m sorry. i got carried away - it won’t happen again.”

and that’s the thing. namjoon is too fast in admitting his fault. but you didn’t bring it up because you wanted an apology-

“no, i don’t mind.” you shake your head almost too eagerly before back tracking and clearing your throat, “i mean, it’s true. we’re married - i am your wife.”

the corners of his lips upturns at your last words and he doesn’t bother to hide it as he waits for you to finish - but how can you when he’s looking at you so tenderly like that?

“it’s just - too soon?” you curse yourself for sounding so meek but any louder, your heart might just jump out of your throat.

namjoon nods, that contemplative look settling on his face and takes away that smile only to return it with a dimpled grin. one hand slides in between yours and guiding the back of your hand to his lips.

“we’ll take it slow then.”

you can only nod, afraid that if you tried to speak, you would forget how to. the light rap on your side of the window catches both your attention. it’s the parking management. stealing a glance at the cars that are beginning to queue up behind you, you hurriedly gather your bag and hop out of the car.

cheeks flushed, you barely register waving back at namjoon when he leans over the passenger seat just to shoot you that dimpled smile and a ‘see you at home’.

you turn on your heels. the sharp click bounces against the white walls. a small smile spreads across your lips as you think about namjoon’s words.

yeah, the penthouse does feel like home.

this isn’t slow at all. you’re barely progressing.

it feels like everyday is passing by too fast what with the abundance of functions you’ve told namjoon you wanted to go with when you’re not working, to cramming some time for research and trying to find the time to at least make breakfast when you’re not on morning shift. though on some mornings, he’d beat you to breakfast and you’d wake up to the delectable smell of omelette or bacon.

“you must be thrilled about the new hospital, mrs. kim,” mrs. hwan is generally an agreeable woman along with her husband, the president of a small startup firm. they’re the first couple to approach you and namjoon since you arrived at the party. but that’s just it - the smiling, the talking, the eagerness doesn’t show in their eyes. it’s all about building connections while maintaining a good enough acquaintanceship. “are you going to be managing it directly since you’re a doctor yourself?”

“naturally,” the tug on your lips and the smoothness of your response is almost effortless. you’re no stranger to this scene - except back then, you would be standing next to yoongi. though your hand wouldn’t be tucked in his arm like yours is with namjoon. “though i still have a lot to learn, i hope the next two years will help me prepare to for eden.”

two years is the estimated time that eden hospital will be able to run. you’d finish your residency by then. all that’s left is to take the next step. just like your parents had planned for you as they’d planned many things. you never had the power to object.

mrs. hwan goes on to sprinkling empty praises while her husband laughs in deflated humor. they say the way to a successful business deal is through the wife.

once namjoon gets swamped by more people, you gently pull your hand away from his arm. you don’t miss the pleading look he fixes you when he notices your intention but you can only return a ‘you can do it!’ smile and slip away from the limelight.

the balcony area is dark, illuminated only by the fading light the pours over the floor past the door frame. you don’t expect the air to be this chilly at the beginning of summer but then again, namjoon did suggest bringing a coat - you were just too stubborn to because it would ruin the off shoulder look of your dress.

a sneeze escapes you a moment later as you hug yourself in an attempt to retain your body heat. but the warmth that engulfs you seems impossible to have come from just your puny palms - heck, your fingers were starting to feel prickly cold. there’s a sort of weight on your shoulders that wasn’t there before-

“idiot, you’re gonna catch a cold.” yoongi tuts from next to you - he has his hands in his pockets, all donned in crisp white shirt and checkered grey trousers and vest. all that’s missing is a matching blazer - the one that he placed around you just now.

somewhere in the recesses of your memories, you remember him taking off the muffler he had on and wrapping it around your neck when you showed up for your ‘christmas date’ with a pink nose and pinker ears - you could barely feel them. yoongi was that kind of person - the kind that acted like everything is a whole load of inconvenience and yet went to greater length to inconvenient himself for you.

“thanks. i thought i was going to freeze to death if i have to hide out here for another hour.” you tug the thick material of the blazer closer - the warmth of his heat feels just right.

“then you shouldn’t have come in the first place.” he must have noticed the higher-than-an-octave tone he uses before ruffling his hair - it’s the first you’ve ever seen him so unsure. is it really because of you?

“it’s fine. besides, what kind of wife would i be if i let namjoon get eaten by the pack of wolves by himself?” you chuckle at the fact that you’d done just that when you escaped the growing crowd of businessmen.

but when you notice the lack of humor on yoongi’s face, your own dies down. he’s staring at you with an indecipherable look. it’s not the bored expression he usually sports - not also the anger from the outburst just now. before you can say anything, namjoon’s lean silhouette appears in the doorway. you can’t see his face but his tone is strained. “we’re leaving, if you’re both done catching up.”

“so soon?” you know for a fact it probably hasn’t even been fifteen minutes - and you’re supposed to linger for at least two hours before leaving. that’d be enough time for namjoon to scout any potential business associate - the worthy ones at least.

“hey little bro.” yoongi waves, the disinterested look now returning but the way he phrases his next words oozes with revulsion. it’s no surprise. while yoongi hates these events - he’s probably here because of naeun, you heard the director of seoul’s annual art exhibition is here - namjoon strives off it. garnering attention and making the best of it by bringing in stockholders. “had enough of ass licking?”

you never understand the tangibility of the tension that feels the air when these two brothers are in the same room together - they’re barely able to remain civil in the presence of mr. and mrs. kim. anywhere without their parents’ watchful eyes, a fight would always be at risk of breaking out. whenever you were around, you’d be the one to interfere, whether it’s to tug on yoongi’s sleeve and tell him you’re hungry, or step in front of him just so he’d remember you’re here or right now-

“thank you, yoongi.” folding the blazer in half, you hand it back to the man - only that he’s not taking it back. momentarily, you wonder if you’d stained it with your lipstick or foundation but the lapels never touched anywhere above your neck. but deep in the crook of your conscience, you know it’s when his mind retracts back to you, to the present.

the sigh that escapes yoongi is a telltale of fatigue - you wonder if this is the first time of the day he came out of his studio. taking the blazer from your outstretched hand, he slings it over his shoulder, “don’t get too caught up with these functions. focus on your goal.”

your goal meaning what comes next in your career: the fellowship. you thought that information was lost on him, buried among the many things you told him just because you were comfortable telling him everything.

and as you watch him walk back into the lion’s den, you wonder, how didn’t you realize he was in love with someone else during the visits you paid while he was doing his masters and phd?

namjoon doesn’t say anything about yoongi in the car. but both his hands are on the wheel. knuckles a little paler from holding onto the wheel.

“you don’t have to be part of eden’s board of directors.” he huffs, as though annoyed but from the way he continues, you know he’s not annoyed at you. he’s annoyed at himself. “you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to - i don’t want to force anything on you.”

and you know - you know more than anyone how conscious namjoon is of things. from the change in your mood to the people that tries to get close to him because of his status - that’s also why he didn’t kiss you on your lips that day. but a kiss was the prerequisite of a vow so he kissed you on the forehead. the area where his lips landed burns your skin as your cheeks flush from the memory.

“i know.” you hesitate for a heartbeat but reach out to cover one of his hands on the wheel still. to let him know that you’re not just saying that to ease the guilt.

when you pull away from the thought of how risky and distracting what you did was, the hand that you were lightly caressing pulls at yours, intertwining your fingers as he keeps them on his thigh. your entire body burns from the contact yet you’re sitting frozen in your spot. it’s the gentle squeeze on your hand that brings you out of your shell-shock state. a smile tugs on your lips subconsciously as you squeeze back.

the following week, you almost got into a fight with namjoon when he caught you dressing up prettily. he told you it was okay not to attend these functions anymore - the ones your tight schedule barely allow you to. fight was an overstatement. your feelings were hurt when he’d kissed your temple and said, “it’s okay, you don’t have to push yourself.”

well, you were but he wasn’t seeing the bigger picture. “can’t you see? i wanna spend more time with you and the only way i can is if we attend these functions together.”

in hindsight, you probably shouldn’t have thrown your strapless black diamond purse at him out of frustration.

but the following functions, you did spend more time together. he’d declined the usual advancement of business people the way only kim namjoon could pull off - with a dimpled smile and a hand around your waist as if to indicate that they were interrupting - and they were. they’d come up to the both of you while you were telling namjoon about a new skillet spaghetti recipe you’d wanted to try making for the long overdue dinner you owe him. and you’d expected someone to approach namjoon and take his attention away but you didn’t think he’d decline them.

“hm? i don’t think we have tomatoes or beef. should we go grocery shopping?” he suggests calmly as though he didn’t just turn down the chairman of tvn broadcast. the man had to do a double take in case he had mistaken namjoon’s smooth rejection.

you place a hand on his chest, restraining the urge to pull your hand away as if you’ve touched fire. you knew he goes to the gym for an hour after work and his shirts always seem a size too small around his arms but you didn’t expect anything beyond that underneath that shirt of his. you clear your throat when you realize his neck is craned so he could look at you - give you all the attention in the world, “you know, we can discuss dinner some other time - when you’re free.”

but neither of you are free. you barely see each other at home because of your unpredictable schedule and his that’s set in stone.

“then what would you rather us talk about right now?” a corner of his lips tugs upwards. if you first met him, you wouldn’t easily dismiss the smile as nothing more than because of his amiable nature. but you’ve been married for almost five months now and you clearly pick up on the playfulness that lights up his eyes.

“the desserts.” you announce too quickly in an attempt to avert his attention from what he’s thinking - one thing you’ve realized is that namjoon is painfully aware of your blushing fits and your avoidance to look him in the eyes. “they’re nice, aren’t they?”

all of a sudden, he’s scooping a forkful of the chocolate souffle he’d picked up from the desserts section while you’d opted for the luscious almond torte. a small smirk tugs on his lips as he holds the fork to your mouth the way he does during breakfast. he knows you have no objections of being fed like a child but he also knows where you stand with public display of affection.

“say ‘aaaaa’ and i’ll give you a treat, doctor ___.” and he loves to tease you. he’s taken to calling you that because of that one incident where he’d seen you discuss about a patient with one of the nurses while you were on your way to meet him. in his own words, he’d ‘never seen you this scary before.’

in your defense, it was five minutes till lunch break so it was still working hours and you were acting the way you usually did at work - but you’d understand. the person you are with friends and the person you are at work are two separate entities. suppose you’ve mastered separating personal business and work. namjoon seems to take pleasure in making that steadfast side of you squirm and blush like a tomato.

your fingerpads gently grazes the back of his hand as you hold the fork in place before taking it in your mouth. your eyes flit over namjoon’s for the briefest moment before taking a step back, licking the residue of souffle off your lips.

“they really are nice.” you murmur as you throw your gaze at the stage where a man sits at the piano before flickering back to namjoon.

you wonder why he’s so quiet all of a sudden -

the man in question still has the empty fork in the air, eyes wide and staring at you, you would’ve thought he’d seen a ghost. until you notice the dust of pink across his cheek and spread to the tip of his ears.

oh?

mrs. kim’s fundraiser is held at the school where the children attended. about four canopies were set up on the field. one for the children’s activities - you remember reading something about coloring, origami-making and storybook reading. the volunteers - possibly college students hoping to earn the graces of kimcorp’s president’s wife for an internship - already have the children huddled up in groups of three or four.

one canopy is specifically set up for a table of wide range of food - if there’s anything you like about these functions, it’s the abundance of food they never fail to prepare. as if spending a lot of money on a fundraising event is something to flex about.

the other two canopies are for the people of interest - acquaintances of mrs. kim and those who come with an ulterior motive be it to get sponsors for their own project, a business deal or simply to regain a higher social hierarchy by falling into your mother-in-law’s graces.

you press a light kiss on namjoon’s cheek before he’s whisked away by the second category. business men who jump at the sight of your ceo husband who got a fair warning from mrs. kim to “play nice. what’s gotten into you all of a sudden? these days i keep hearing things about you turning chairmen down! your father didn’t work this hard just to raise a stuck up son that could ruin his business in a matter of days.”

once you’ve had a slice of red velvet and tiny macaroons, you decide to hide yourself from the few people who try to do the same to you when namjoon is too preoccupied by the ones who claimed his attention first. just like preys on the top of the pyramid sinking its claws, the lower level preys couldn’t come close.

but one manages to follow you into one of the classrooms.

“nothing’s changed has it?’ yoongi stands in the doorway, tuxedo and brown loafers and all. hands tucked into both his pockets, he strides across the room and stops in front of the window that overlooks the light pink canopies and the people underneath them. “same old assholes using a charitable cause to proliferate their influence.”

the muscles on your face pulls your lips into a disapproving frown, “that’s how our parents manage to give us an education. a good life.” you don’t agree to the way they go about it but you give credit where it’s due.

yoongi scoffs, his shoulders jolting slightly. you can’t see his face as he stands with his back on you but you know he’s smirking that condescending smirk. the first time you saw it was when you were in your senior year of high school and yoongi was doing his masters in business and accounting. he’d looked down on the man who approached the two of you like he was scum just because everyone knew his company was wallowing in debt and he’s desperate enough to ask the lion who hates the jungle for help.

“always finding a middle ground. if you like what they do so much, why did you become a doctor? why didn’t you follow their footsteps, huh?”

you can’t help but let out a tired sigh. you’ve been here before. you’ve seen this. yoongi hates the world he’s born in and you understand why but you can never feel what he feels. “why are you here, yoongi? shouldn’t you be with naeun?” there’s a pause. a heartbeat before you decide to let yourself free. say what you want to say. “before the wolves get to her.”

“she’s fine.” it's almost offensive how haughty he sounds. he must either be aware of nauen’s innocence that makes the wolves eliminate the possibility of her being a threat or he just doesn’t care. the latter presumption makes your stomach churn.

did he also not care about you when you were together? when you went to these events as a couple?

“we should head back. it would be bad if anyone saw us alone like this even though we’re just talking.” and that’s that. you turn on your heels, making way to the door but before you can even take another step forward, lithe fingers wrap around your wrist.

“what?” it comes out harsher than you intend it. funny how you put on a face of a woman made out of steel when your knees can barely hold your weight the moment you feel his warm hand on your skin.

“i knew - i knew but i didn’t want to tie you down.” with his head lowered and his long hair, you can’t see his eyes for an idea of what he’s saying.

“yoongi, what-”

“i knew how you felt.” at that moment, his grip on you loosens. it’s almost as though it’s an overdue confession and the weight on his shoulders has finally lifted, “you only knew me - you turned down every boy that tried to ask you out in high school and college. you -you were only looking at me and i didn’t want that on my shoulders - i didn’t want you to turn down every opportunity to life - to dating, to heart break to - to sex with someone - several someone’s just because we were engaged.”

his fingers traces down your index finger before falling away. but you won’t tell him - you can never do it to namjoon - that it took all of you not to twine your fingers with his just because it felt like he was letting go.

your breath hitches in your throat when you turn your cheek towards him. the sight before you is something you’d never thought you’d see in your entire life. yoongi’s pink dusts his otherwise snowflake skin. the bored expression he usually wears is gone - almost as if he’s never worn it his entire life as something akin to desperation pools in those dark eyes. his soft pink lips are agape as though he wants to say something. and you wait, wait, wait but he never does.

so you turn your back on him, heels clicking against the ground as you slip past the door without a word. only when you’re at the end of the hallway, do you turn the corner, back pressed against the wall because your buckling legs might not be able to handle your weight.

those unsaid words - you can hear them clearly: i fucking regret letting you go.

the following week, you spend by drowning yourself in work and later working on your research until the library closes. by the time you’re pressing the 20th floor to the penthouse you both shared, you know for certain namjoon’s gone to bed. he values his sleep time. says it’s essential to keep himself in a good mood so others who work with him would be at ease. sometimes you want to tell him it’s okay not to think about others for once but the words lay buried the depth of your heart because you’re exactly like him. suppressing your feelings, smiling and saying you’re okay even though you’re not. the only difference is there’s a side of you that wants to lash out, do something worse to those who hurt you while namjoon does it from the good of his heart.

“it’s hard, being nice.” he says in between the clink of the stirring of the spoon in his coffee mug.

you look up from the peanut butter you’re spreading over your toast. “hm?”

he shakes his head, as if to say it’s nothing, i’m just thinking out loud. but the words he says next is enough to make your heart drop right to the ground. “yoongi told me.”

“wh-what?” it’s denial in your tone - the combination of those three words are simple enough to take you back to the school nine days ago. in side that little classroom.

“yesterday. he came over to the office.” he shrugs as if it’s no big deal but the tensed line of his shoulders is apparent no matter how casually he brings the mug to his smiling lips - that too. his lips are smiling but his eyes are not.

you don’t know when or how you started noticing the little things. sensing namjoon’s moods - his reactions and his retractions. you never realized you were so in tune with the things he does. all you realize is you’re already able to read him like a book - thick, best-leather book that was safeguarded by a lock.

“namjoon,” the clink of the butter knife being set on your plate resonates like a pin drop in a vacuum room, “nothing happened. i promise.”

“i know - i know you’d never do anything like that so that’s why i’m telling you it’s okay.” something in the way he looks at you make you bite your tongue - as if he’s asking you to listen even though you’re bursting at the seams. you’d do anything to prove that nothing happened even though you knew he knew. “we entered into this marriage for a mutual reason. not dreading to come home is more than i can ask for. so it’s okay if you want to see yoongi just... keep out of the spotlight like many in our shoes who found love outside of it have.”

he chuckles but it’s strained and tense, dumping the coffee into the sink because he couldn’t bear to stay in the kitchen any longer. you slip out of the high stool, feet padding around the counter and before you know it, your arms around his body. you feel him freeze under your touch and this is wrong - wrong on so many levels because he would have asked if he could touch you and you’re not reflecting the same amount of respect he had for you.

but for some reason, you can’t let go - you’re afraid if you let him walk out of the door, you’d never be able to grasp even a shadow of his existence.

“i don’t want to.” the words are muffled from your cheek pressing against his back.

a pause lapses between you when you don’t say anything else. no explanation. no reason. because you don’t know it yourself. you don’t know why your heart clenches in your chest at the sight of namjoon’s dismal smile. you don’t know why you acted on your instincts and hugged the man.

you don’t know.

“okay.” he sighs softly as a warm palm rests above your fisted hand. you wish you can see him - wish you can see what kind of expression he’s making because it’s killing you to not know what he’s thinking. “you don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

that’s when the sniffle escapes you. internally, you curse yourself for being so emotion-driven. it’s not a good trait for a doctor to have.

namjoon calls your name. the syllabus rolling off his tongue makes your stomach churn with butterflies. “are you crying?”

you don’t expect him to say that. don’t expect the teasing undertone either. naturally, your respond comes a heartbeat later, “n-no.”

the body under your touch shifts. all of a sudden, you’re eye-to-eye with him. there’s a sparkle in them that almost makes you forget how to breathe. his dimples dig into his cheek as his lips curl into a smile whilst his large hands frames you face.

“wh-what?” you feel your brows furrowing, lips pursed.

“you’re too cute.” his thumb grazes your burning cheekbone feather light, “i want to kiss you.”

“then do it.” you don’t know the reason behind that angry, pressed tone but namjoon doesn’t seem to mind - or he knows something you don’t.

you don’t have the time to ponder on that when a pair of lush lips meshes with yours. the scent of the coffee he had engulfs your senses as one hand finds its way to the back of his neck and the other rests on his accelerating heartbeat. time seems to stop when namjoon’s kissing you. somewhere in the back of your mind, you distinctly remember something perpetually important but you couldn’t be bothered as his hands fall away from your face and finds the dip of your lower back and pull you closer until your bodies are pressed together.

somewhere in a distant, you hear the beep of the front door. hoseok’s voice booming across the hallway that leads to the living room and the kitchen where you’re at now.

“namjoon? you here? did you oversleep? man, i never thought i’d see the day our ceo is late to work.” hoseok’s footsteps stops at the end of the hallway, “oh great, you’re all dressed.”

he blinks, surprised at the sight of his boss who’s leaning against the edge of the sink - hands pressed on either side of the edge, doing absolutely nothing while you dip a butter knife into a jar of peanut butter and jelly but equally as out-of-it as his boss appear to be.

“y-yeah, let me grab my blazer.” namjoon pushes himself off, going around the counter and heading towards the stairs where his bedroom is until -

“it’s here.” hoseok points out.

“what?”

“your blazer. it’s this one, right?” the secretary loyally scoops up the thick maroon blazer off the couch and hands it to his boss who’s just barely recovered from what seems to be a trance.

he’d went down and tossed the blazer on the couch before making his coffee - before the kiss.

namjoon clears his throat, refusing to look at the man’s scrutinizing eyes as he thanks him and slips the blazer on. but he loses those eyes when he peeks over the man’s shoulder, mini-waving at you, “hey, morning, doc.”

you return the greeting, refraining a blush as you feel the ghost of namjoon’s lips when you fix his secretary a smile, “hey, hoseok. care to join us for breakfast?”

the man shrugs, eyes flitting over his boss who now seems ready to go, “thanks doc but i had some cereal and cold milk.”

he bids his farewell and escapes out of where he came from, letting the two of do what newly weds do before the other goes to work. it’s in that moment that he realizes with a chill running down his spine as he sat in the driver seat - that namjoon isn’t a bachelor anymore and he couldn’t come and go as he pleases and that he might have interrupted something. come to think of it, both you and namjoon’s cheeks were flushed...

“h-hey boss,” hoseok steals a glance of the man at the backseat through the rear view mirror. he almost chokes on his next words when the man’s eyes meet him but he persists like a man on a mission to not get fired , “y-you know, i’ve been with kimcorp. f-for a long time. i-it’s like my family a-and i’ll work harder from now on.”

confusion flashes across namjoon’s features for the briefest moment. he doesn’t know what makes hoseok say something so out of his character and shakily at that but it’s not the first time that his employee’s said something like this to him - of course, minus the stutter and all.

“that’s good to know, hoseok.” he says simply.

it’s been a week since you told namjoon you didn’t - wouldn’t see anyone. yoongi or not. when you told him you were going to meet yoongi at a cafe near his studio to give the man an answer - a hard no, there’s still some needling doubt in namjoon’s gaze as he reverts his eyes away from you. as though he was afraid that the illusion would fade away and he’d end up catching the smolder of passion he’d always seen you look at the man with.

he’s not lost to your feelings - in hindsight, it was pathetically obvious how smitten you were for the elder man. even your and his parents could see. and they’d foreseen many things but not having to plead and then beg and then finally, force you into a marriage you didn’t want with the brother of the man you loved.

your only regret was leaving without kissing namjoon goodbye - but it also felt like anything you said, any sort of assurance you offered would just be an act. until you tell his brother to stop.

“come to think of it,” you set the warm cup of latte down. it would have tasted better if the circumstances were different, “we never properly ended things. the only way i knew the engagement was over was through mom and dad.” his parents you meant.

he tilts his head to the side as a response - an indication that he’s listening. he’s dressed in plain white shirt and the darkest jeans. the bags under his eyes is an indication that he hasn’t slept in days - either it’s because of working late nights trying to make music or because of what he’d said to you.

you know he’d do this - detach himself from reality when things gets tough or when he’s stuck in a situation he doesn’t have control over. but you still had hope. still held onto the past seven years you’d spent together for him to regard you with enough respect to offer closure.

“do you love naeun that much?” and yet you still ask.

you meet his hollow gaze, not knowing the intensity yours hold until your fingerpads wrapped around aches and he lets out a heavy breath.

“she was different.” he says simply - almost tiredly, “she caught my eyes. we started talking and we found out we had some things in common. i thought she’s what i needed to get over you.”

“don’t.” the churning starts from your stomach and spreads across your body like a poisonous fog. “don’t use me as an excuse for leaving. you loved me as much as i loved you and you got scared.”

a lump forms in your throat as the memories, the inside jokes that built up over time, the comfortable silents spent - everything comes crashing in like tidal wave. you knew he loved you deep down. that was why the news of him getting married took a toll on you - so much so, you decided to leave everything behind and fly to paris.

“you could’ve pushed me away if you truly had no feelings for me but you kept me around and let me think we were going to have a happy future together.” his image is distorted from the prickles of tears in your eyes but you blink them away, “but you didn’t really know you were in love with me back then, huh? that’s why you got scared shitless and decided to leave.” you’re not sure if you’re choking on your words or if you’re actually scoffing. maybe both.

in that moment, you watch as yoongi’s expression switches from that signature boredom to realization and finally unbridled sorrow. he must feel suffocated - like he’s drowning in emotions the way you did in that suite you spent for two weeks in paris before you decided to buy an apartment and stay for good. and you would have if your parents didn’t call you back - recounted all their sacrifices for you to make you guilty enough to agree to the marriage with his younger brother. he’ll spend the same amount of time sleeping and waking up in his room and realizing he can’t turn back time.

“i fucked up big time, didn’t i?” he laughs dryly as he presses his palm to his face, hunched over the minute round table.

the latte is still half-full when you swipe your phone off the table and stand up. he doesn’t spare you a glance - he probably couldn’t bring himself to face you now.

‘you’re a fucking coward min yoongi.’ is what you want to say but for some reason, you leave the words to die on the tip of your tongue. you won’t - can’t wish him a happy life and propose to put everything past you. it’s not that simple and you’re not that forgiving. but namjoon’s easy smile flashes at the back of your head at this moment of all time and makes your heart clench painfully in your chest. their relationship is already strained and if you insist on prolonging this, it’s only going to end up hurting namjoon one way or another and the cycle will just keep going on with naeun getting hurt if she found out.

“you did.” your hand is trembling around the strap of your bag, “but it’s all in the past and i don’t blame you. things wouldn’t turn out the way they do otherwise. so just... live for the present, yoongi.”

his shoulders rise and fall a little faster than normal but there’s nothing you can do - and it’s better if you leave him to collect his thoughts. the censor at the door beeps as you pass through. it takes a moment for you to feel the morning air brush your cheeks and sunlight to seep into you. your chest still feels tight but in due time, you know it’ll lighten.

“hey, boss. you have a special guest.” hoseok peeks into namjoon’s office like the slyboots he is. the wiggle of the man’s brows before he disappears gives namjoon all the more reason to prepare for the worse.

“send them in.” he sighs, not bothering to hide his feelings in front of hoseok. they’ve been working side by side for a long time and friends for longer he knows his friend is aware of the contrasting definition of ‘special’ but this once, as he sees you walk through the door - he admits that him and hoseok may finally be of the same mind.

namjoon shoots up from his seat, clearing his throat and buttoning his blazer together the way he’s so used to doing it when he receives an unannounced visit from his father. “what brings you here?”

instead of shooting him one of your brilliant smiles, you drop your bag on the crisp white leather couch and run right into him. arms wrapped around his torso, he can smell your favorite floral shampoo from your hair but he can’t bring himself to hug you back. his heart is palpitating inside his chest and he can only pray for some miracle that you can’t hear it. which is most unlikely what with your head coming up just a few centimeters above his shoulder line and your ears being the same height as the beating organ in his chest.

if you notice, you're not saying anything about it.

“i met yoongi just now.”

namjoon doesn’t say a word for the longest time - it’s so namjoon of him not to. but it’s also not where you stand now. that day, when you partially admitted to liking namjoon and you’re pretty sure he felt the same - you’d seen a side of namjoon you never thought you’d saw. vulnerable. fearful. all because he thought he was going to lose you - and it felt like he’s always been prepared for it. it was just a matter of time.

the muscles in your arms contracts at the thought of namjoon being so ready to let you go - is it like that too, right now? is he expecting you to go back on your words and tell him you’re going to have an affair with his brother? you don’t know and that’s driving you insane.

and just when the muscles in your arm contract, just when you’re about to pull away, namjoon’s arms band around your body and a kiss lands on top of your head.

“did you tell him what you wanted to tell him all this time?” his voice is velvet and smooth and you can hear that easy smile as he speaks.

you nod against his chest. “it’s over. i told him to get lost.”

the chest vibrates against your cheek as rings of chuckles tumble out of namjoon’s mouth. it makes your body light up with a sort of fire. and for once, you welcome the heat spreading across your cheeks like an old friend.

he knows the last part is a bluff - it’s comforting that he knows without having you say it.

does he also know...

“after that i came here because i wanted to see you.” you crane your neck to look up at him.

true enough there’s that smile and gets wider when he meets your gaze. a hand comes to rest on your neck while his thumb grazes your chin as he presses his lips to yours. you think your heart might explode at any moment now as you kiss him back, your hand snaking to his shoulder but he stops your right hand, holding it on his chest. his heart beats the same rhythm as yours. his shoulder line heaving the same way yours do when the back of your thighs hit the couch and you finally break apart. but before you have the chance to gather your thoughts, his lips are on you again. the hand on your lower back pulling you closer until your thighs press on either side of his legs.

“let’s go home now.” he murmurs between breaths, “i might really go crazy if i touch another part of your body that’s covered in clothing.”

it’s in that moment that the door swings open.

hoseok bursts through the door with the photostatted files in his hand. there’s a skip in his step.

“hey boss! here’s the files you asked for.”

he looks between you - well your back - and namjoon. the ceo is fixing his tie with a hard expression while you’re standing facing the ceiling-to-floor window that overlooks the streets and several stores in the area.

d-did he just walk into you two fighting?

“thanks, hoseok.” namjoon swipes the files from his hand, walking back to his seat around the desk and dropping the files with a sharp pap!

“n-no problem boss.” he takes one frightened step backwards before turning around but before he manages to escape the lion’s den, you stop him.

“hoseok wait.” it comes out a bit rushed. granted, you’re not in any position to waste time. you dropped by even though you know you can’t afford being late to work but somehow you ended up at namjoon’s office anyway. the secretary seems to physically turn into a rock before shakily turn his cheek to you with a smile.

“uh, yeah doc?”

“namjoon, do you mind me borrowing hoseok for a bit?” the heat comes on full force as you turn to namjoon. he’s burning a hole through the files he’s flipping through but you don’t miss the pinked tips of his ears and the way his adam’s apple bobs at the sound of his name on your tongue, “my shift is starting at noon so i need to be there by,” you check the watch on your wrist, “now.”

the way namjoon doesn’t even look up from flipping the papers is how hoseok know for sure you’re fighting. “sure thing. oh and hoseok, no detours. come straight back once you drop ___ off.”

but to you, it’s because he’s flustered beyond imagination - you know, like you know how he’ll condemn himself for not being able to control himself like that. your whole body heats up as you slip into the back seat when the image of namjoon’s hooded eyes, reddened cheeks and half agape lips flash at the back of his mind. a part of you - the reasonable one - chides yourself for even thinking about ditching work and actually going home with him but another part wishes to indulge in the endless possibilities of what will happen if you did.

“____,” your name tumbles out of namjoon’s mouth in a breathy huff. naturally so. he hasn’t even caught his breath from when he finds you crawling over him like a woman in on a mission. now, the same exact woman his cuffing his wrists and holding them over his head with one hand while the other is undoing the buttons of his shirt while she kisses him in all the right places.

“wh-where did you even get cuffs?” his headboard is one of those pristine white cushioned ones meaning there isn’t any rails for you to hook him on and keep him in place. but you don’t need that because namjoon can barely move - all that time he spends at the gym has gone down the drain as invisible threads tie him down.

“oh these?” you let one corner of your lips tug deviously. it’s been six months since you got married and you and namjoon has never gone past the occasional cuddles and light kisses. the morning after that day when you dropped by his office after meeting yoongi, namjoon had declared his intentions to ‘do it right’ - like dates and getting to know each other better before anything else.

it was sweet of him. until you realized you barely had time for dates - only late night conversations that ended up with you on top of him but before things could progress, he’d do everything he could to avoid bedroom affairs. but over time, it gets a bit discouraging. so this is the last straw - there’s no wine or champagne for him to use as an excuse to carry you to your room. you’re both sober, and if he doesn’t want you -

“never mind where i got these.” the low sound emitting from his throat makes your heart skip a beat as your lips brush against the shell of his ear, “don’t you want me, namjoon?”

trailing hisses down his smooth jawline, you let your lips hover over his - it only lasts for a heartbeat before he closes the distance and starts kisses you like a famine beast.

“i want you,” he confesses when you pull away just to reinforce your control. he may be the one lying down with his hands bound but it almost felt like you’re the hopeless one here - almost. the a feral glint in his eyes sends hot waves down your core - you have to tell yourself to breathe. “of course i fucking want you ___.”

you hum in contemplation - taking just enough time to sit straighter and let your fingers undo the rest of the buttons and stopping just above his belt. the few times you laid together and he lets you lie on top of him - you knew he was brains and brawn. but you didn’t expect a perfectly sculpted body of adonis himself to be lying beneath you. the ridges of his abs heaves helplessly as he drawn in deep breaths.

somewhere on the edge of the bed where you’d tossed it, your phone vibrates - someone’s calling but that can wait.

you lean down, soft tresses brushing his skin as you kiss that spot that illicit a delicious sound from him the first time you discovered it. somewhere in the junction between his shoulder and neck.

“fuck.” his voice is raw and desperate and carnal as his body yearns for you. his legs bent at the knees, feet ground into the bed as he grinds his hip into you - the signs of his arousal painfully obvious.

you can’t help but giggle at the way he so vehemently yearn for you. somewhere on the bed, your phone starts vibrating again.

“y-your phone.” he manages to stammer out. it’s the third time it’s vibrating.

“don’t worry about it. the only people who would call me at this time is jisoo’s drunken butt dial or the hospital-” you sit back up, heat still pooling in your stomach when your hips grind against namjoon’s arousal in the process but the urgency in the way you swipe your phone off the sheets has stolen your attention.

clear as day, it is one of the two possibilities you’ve mentioned and it isn’t your quirky colleague.

when you first started working, you were of the ripe age and eager to help those in need. you loved your job despite the long arduous hours, missed meals and ungodly hour roll calls because at the end of the day, it was what you wanted to do - it was the one thing you wouldn’t let your parents take away from you. you fought blood sweat and tears to get where you are now.

and doctors don’t usually start a family until they’ve at least finished their residency - but you had to get married early to keep your end of the bargain. of course, you didn’t expect to commit to said marriage. you didn’t also expect to fall for namjoon either. and you certainly didn’t expect for him to still be here in the waiting area when you walked out of the emergency operating room, head lulling to the side as sleep begins to take him, arms crossed over his chest. he didn’t even get the chance to change when you hurriedly uncoffed him, informing him about an emergency at the er. he’d offered to drive you since you couldn’t drive and waiting for an uber driver to accept your request this late at night would take more time. you’d rushed out of the car with a ‘thanks, namjoon. i owe you one!’ thinking he’d go home and get some rest - there’s no telling how long these surgeries take after all.

when he leans too far to the side, his eyes flutter open softly before noticing the turquoise-clad body in his periphery.

“___, you’re done? did the surgery go alright?” he’s always had a way of saying your name. it makes your heart warm and your chest full as he stands up to close the distance between you - to cup one side of your cheek with his hand. though your delayed response may have been the reason for that.

“the surgery was a success.” you finally say, your smaller hand covering his, lips curving softly. guilt creeps up the creeks of your chest but gratitude washes it away. it wouldn’t have been very namjoon of him if he didn’t consider everything: how you’d go home once you’re done. if there’s even any uber working this late of an hour. your heart is swelling - you don’t think you can ever love him more than you do now but namjoon being namjoon, he’ll make you fall in love with him more and more until your heart is filled to the brim, “thank you, namjoon.”

and he gets it. just like that. the words that you’re saying without putting them into words because there are many ways to say it and a plethora of intrepreting it but namjoon gets it because his heart beats the same rhythm as you: i love you.

a dimpled smile curls over his lips as he places a kiss over your forehead, “should we go home?” he leans down to whisper into your ears, his tone changing dangerously, “and pick up where we left off, yeah doc?”

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stayarmytinyzenmoa-l · 3 years

Text

Infatuation [Ch. 1]

University AU

TW: Unsettling Themes, Obsessive Themes, Stalking, Language

Genre: Suspense, Thriller, Psychological Horror

Pairing: [Choose Your Ending] Kim Jungwoo x Reader; Jung Sungchan x Reader; Na Jaemin x Reader; Suh Johnny x Reader

YN Pronouns: Female (She/Her)

(1/5) [Character Profiles] | [Previous] | [Ending Links Down Below]

[Main Masterlist] | [Infatuation Masterlist]

Word Count: 3.5K

Notes: Hehe, only one chapter for this one. The four endings are going to be longgggggg though muahahahaa, I hope you enjoy this regardless, I have a lot in plan for the endings. They’re going to be similar to Zemblanity’s Ten’s ending, in which they switch between points of views, so I expect them to be rather long, but that’s not set in stone so far, still a lot of planning to go, hehe. Anyway, enjoy, lovelies!

Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in or condone these actions. I would never wish any of these actions to occur to the Idol(s) mentioned in the writings of these stories, nor do I wish any harm on them.

You woke up naturally, the early sunlight hitting your face rather annoyingly through the small space between your otherwise blackout curtains. You groaned and turned over, digging your face in your pillow. Then your phone started blaring loudly, and you turned back over and grabbed it, seeing Renjun’s contact picture lit up across the screen. You answered it begrudgingly.

“Hello?” You tried not to sound pissed, but you were never a morning person.

“You were asleep, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, no shit.”

“(Y/N), what time is it?” Renjun sounded tired. You pulled your phone away from your ear for a moment to look at the time and, suddenly, it felt like you had been awake for the last few hours. You grabbed your alarm clock and saw that you had mistakenly set the alarm to 6 pm aside from the morning and you fought back the urge to yell aloud while you shoved the blankets off of you.

“Oh my god! Oh my god,” you bolted out of bed, Renjun now on speaker, while you got ready. “God, why didn’t you call me sooner, Jun?!” You struggled to pull your pants on, tripping over your foot at least once.

“Usually you don’t sleep through your 8ams, but here I am, corrected.”

“Renjun!”

“Somi and I are saving you a seat in the classroom right now, our usual spot, and the prof hasn’t shown yet so you should be good! Take your time, okay?”

“Yeah, alright, alright,” you grabbed a shirt off of a random hanger and threw it on, praying that the outfit at least looked decent.

“Want me or Somi to come over? Or I can call my brother?” Renjun asks. You thought to the older Huang, who lived with his roommates in the next building over, same floor and everything, it just took two walkways to get to him. You had met the older Huang before Renjun actually, having run into him while you were moving in, and you met Renjun in class, seeing them together was a mere coincidence and since then you had developed a small relationship with him, nothing big, just a simple ‘if-we-see-each-other-we-will-give-a-silent-wave-of-acknowledgment.’ Needless to say, you definitely weren’t close enough to suddenly unload your possible stalker problem to him, and you were glad that Renjun agreed to keep the matter between your small trio of friends.

“Huh? No, it’s fine,” you dismissed the thought.

“But you said that you’ve felt like someone’s following you, right?”

Right, you pushed that conversation to the back of your mind. You felt bad for suddenly unloading on your two friends about your situation, and you were more than certain that you were just imagining things at this point. Not to mention that your small scene, no matter how quiet you tried to be, must have annoyed some of the café goers, and the embarrassment for the otherwise dire situation was enough to make you want to crawl in a ball and stay there. Part of you wanted to go to the police, but you had no grounds, no evidence, just a perpetual feeling that someone was watching you. Even now, in the safety of your apartment, you couldn’t feel relaxed. There’s no way that anyone would have so much interest in you to just follow you. It didn’t make sense, you considered yourself average at best, but still, that lingering feeling of someone simply watching you spiraled your mind into horrible thoughts of lingering possibilities. You didn’t want to think about it, all of those crime documentaries you watched suddenly became much more terrifying with the idea that you could end up on some unsolved missing person’s case.

No, you were just being paranoid.

Surely.

“Well… yeah, but I’m sure that I’m just being paranoid, you know?” You tied your shoes quickly, and rather sloppily, but you could always fix that later.

“Are you sure? I want you to be safe, you know.”

“I’m sure, thank you, Jun!” Renjun hung up the phone for you and you shoved your phone into your back pocket. You grabbed your makeup bag and pushed it into your backpack, you would just have to do a quick look on the bus, and you dashed out of your apartment, checking twice to be sure it was locked before leaving, and, right as you turned around to rush to the stairs, your shoulder collided with another person. “Ah, sorry! I’m sorry!” You said to him before rushing down the stairs. You were able to just barely catch the bus, and you slid into your usual spot on while you pulled out your makeup bag. Another person ran onto the bus right before the driver closed the doors and you snuck a curious glance, but as soon as you realized that it was the same person you ran into you quickly turned your attention back to your pocket mirror.

Curiosity would be the death of you, you turned your mirror just so you could barely see him sitting behind you, he had his headphones on and was bobbing his head slightly to the rhythm of whatever it was he was listening to. You recognized him, he was in your biology class, if you recalled correctly, you had sat near him a number of times and you had discussions together, but you never really took the time to have a proper conversation with him, and you were surprised to know that he lived in the same apartment complex as you. You were applying your lipgloss on when he looked up, making eye contact with you on the mirror, and you quickly shut the mirror and closed the lipgloss tube, playing it off easily. You could tell that he was about to say something, but the bus came to its first stop. Usually, you’d come off here to grab a coffee on the way, but you were horribly late for Lit, but then again you’d rather avoid a conversation, so you rushed out, staying as casual as you could so as not to make an awkward situation more awkward.

You walked into the Starbucks quickly and stood in the rather short line, waiting for your turn. The analog clock on the wall read 8:07 am.

Well, already late for class, there’s no point in rushing over now, by the time you got onto campus the class would have been long finished. You were about the text Somi and Renjun when the barista called you over.

“Next in line!” The barista’s voice was strangely melodic, and one you didn’t recognize. He shot you a bright smile, something you weren’t used to from the other employees who were often half asleep at this time. It was strange, you could’ve sworn you’ve seen this guy before, but you couldn’t remember when. Why was he so familiar? You couldn’t figure it out, that is, unless maybe you saw him in passing on campus. “What can I get you?” His question put your thoughts at a halt.

“Just a black coffee please, regular if you can,” you answered.

“Coming right up,” he says. “And the name?”

“(Y/N),” you answered.

“Perfect, are you signed up for our rewards?” He asks.

“You guys have a rewards system?” You vaguely recalled that since this Starbucks was from the university itself the rewards system didn’t work, you couldn’t even order off of the app, which had long been Renjun’s one complaint about the location, but looks like he wouldn’t have to worry anymore.

“Just started it in this location, yes,” he says.

“Sure, I’d like to sign up then,” you shrugged, you came here nearly every day so you’d might as well. You gave him your phone number and email address and he signed you up for the program.

“Awesome then, you’ll be receiving promotional emails from now on then, I’ll get started on your order,” he says.

“Thank you,” you read his name tag, despite your frequent visits you didn’t recognize this employee, he must have been new or something, you recalled the help wanted sign in front of the coffee shop a few weeks back, and after a small pang of regret for not applying for a job, you said his name, “Johnny.” You figured that you’d learn his name considering that you were a frequent regular.

“No problem,” he says. You moved over to one of the couches and sat at the end of it, pulling your phone out fully ready to text Somi and Renjun, but Somi beat you to it.

“(Y/N)! Your order is here!” Johnny places the coffee on the pickup end and you took it without another word, exiting the café as fast as you can, ready to shoot another text to Somi and Renjun. As soon as you opened the door, you ended up, well, hitting someone. You watched him fall back and drop all of his books on the ground and took a second to process that you basically just shoved him over before you tried to help him back up.

“Sorry! Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I wasn’t paying attention! Are you alright?” You picked up his glasses and handed them to him, he took them slowly and put them back on, growing wide-eyed as soon as he saw you. You didn’t even know how he fell back that hard unless you both weren’t paying attention, and a wave of guilt washed over you. You both stood there in an awkward silence, your hand stretched out to help him up before he quickly grabbed his things.

“Sorry,” he mumbled more incoherent words before getting up himself and rushing into the café.

“Um… right then,” you stood up and brushed the dirt off of your jeans before walking away. You took small sips of your coffee, your attention focused on your phone while you went through class announcements and deleted various emails from your inbox.

“No! Oh no!” Someone’s voice screamed out. You looked up and watched a rather tall man run out of a pet store, chasing down what looked to be a bunny running down the sidewalk and right towards you. You bent down to block off the bunny, and it stopped right in front of you. You held one of your hands on the floor so it could move close to you, and you tried not to make any sudden movements, and slowly you stroked the bunny’s fur, trying best to calm it down. You used to have pet bunnies in your old house before you moved to be closer to your university, and looks like that much paid off. The man stopped nearby too and bent down, picking up the bunny from your hands. “Thank you,” he mumbled it quickly before rushing back into the pet store.

You recognized him a bit, you and Somi had gone into that pet store before because she was trying to figure out if she wanted to get a pet and she was doing her research, it was a rather small pet store and you were certain that he was the only other employee save for the pet store’s owner, and you were glad that you were able to help him out so he wouldn’t get in trouble, but he was just such an… eccentric person, he wouldn’t stop staring at you and mumbling things while you and Somi were looking at the bunnies that you couldn’t help but feel rather awkward. You grabbed your coffee again from the spot next to you and continued on your way.

“That was weird,” you mumbled to yourself. You decided to walk the rest of the way to campus, it was only about four more blocks away and, hey, you could use the fresh air. You popped in one of your earbuds and shuffled your playlist while you walked down the city, it was such a nice day, and with two hours to spare until your next class, you were taking your time. Until you heard a car honk next to you. You were about to go off on this person until you saw who it is.

“Hey! If it isn’t (Y/N)!” Hendery had a wide smile on his face and Kun, who was driving, waved at you. “On your way to campus?”

“Yup, just grabbed a coffee and decided to walk, you know?”

“Need a lift?” Hendery asks.

“I don’t mind,” Kun speaks up next. Then the back window rolls down and Yangyang stuck his head out.

“(Y/N), what’s up?” He asks.

“Nothing much,” you laughed. “Thanks for the offer you guys, but no, I think I’ll just continue this way, haha,” you insisted. You didn’t want to be a bother to them, and for once that feeling that someone was watching you wasn’t as prevalent, you wanted to enjoy this time.

“If you say so, (Y/N). See you later then, tell my little brother I said hi!” Hendery waved goodbye to you as Kun remerged back into the main street. You let out a soft sigh, you really hope that Renjun didn’t even allude anything to his older brother, it would be such a hassle for you to deal with it, and not to mention a hassle for him too. Again, to reiterate, you were never really that close with Hendery, and you only had calc discussion with Yangyang so there was that, aside from them you hadn’t even had a proper conversation with the other, what, five roommates of his? You shook your head and continued on your way to campus.

The rest of the walk wasn’t as long as you had expected, maybe it was because you were walking a little faster, maybe because you were listening to music, who knows? You tossed the now empty coffee cup into the waste bin and walked into the Humanities building and, with four minutes to spare, you waited outside of the Literature classroom for your two friends, you didn’t want them to worry any more than you have made them. Soon, the door opened and your classmates filed out, with Somi and Renjun being last as always.

“(Y/N)!” Somi’s eyes lit up and Renjun followed close behind. “You didn’t miss much of anything, we were just analyzing Emily Dickinson.”

“Ugh, I can never follow her poetry,” Renjun shakes his head.

“Because you are a man,” Somi wraps one arm around your shoulders and the other around Renjun’s while she guides both of you out of the hallway. “You aren’t meant to understand it the way women do.”

“Clearly,” Renjun laughs. “It’s due tonight at 11:59, so you don’t have to stress out about it too much, (Y/N). He uploaded the assignment file to the class website, so you should be fine.”

“Good then,” you yawned. “I have a couple of hours until bio if you guys want to do anything?”

“Ah, no can do, I have Media Studies in ten,” Somi looked at her watch.

“Isn’t the Media building over there,” Renjun points behind him and Somi laughs.

“Yes, but, unlike you, I have long legs that will get me places faster.”

“We are literally the same height,” Renjun glowers at her.

“Yeah, yeah, short stack,” she laughed, “are you guys busy this weekend?”

"Jun and I were going to study for our calc midterm, why?”

“Well, there’s a party over in Nu Gamma Tau, and I’d like my main bitches to come with me,” she plasters on a wicked grin, and a similar one rose on your face, Renjun, on the other hand, glowered.

“Don’t you remember the last time we went to one of their parties?” He says. “Somi, you got so drunk that you sprayed silly string on Johnny Suh. As in, star pitcher of KNU’s baseball team, you sprayed silly string on him.”

“Best night of my life,” Somi grins. “That and I have to return this,” she pulled a letterman jacket out of her backpack and both yours and Renjun’s jaws dropped. Embroidered on the side of the black and green jacket were the greek letters ΝΓΤ.

“How the hell did you get that?! Who’s is it?!” You asked her. Somi turned it around, the last name ‘Nakamoto’ embroidered on the back, and Renjun placed his hand on your chin and closed your hanging jaw. “Shut up.”

“No! We didn’t do anything, oh my god, I was just so drunk he took me home,” she laughed.

“Yuta Nakamoto, the forward of our soccer team, took you home?” Your smile turned into one of disbelief.

“Yes, that’s why I have it, and now I want to return it, so please can we go? At least you, (Y/N)! Junnie can stay home and study, I guess,” Somi laughs.

“No way, after what you both pulled at the last party, I’m designated driver,” he says.

“So that’s a ‘yes’ from you then?” Her eyes shone. Renjun sighs, knowing full well that Somi set that up for him.

“Yeah,” he says. She looks at you now.

“Well, what the hell? Sure, I’ll go with you guys,” you nodded your head.

“Yay! I love you guys so much,” she hugs you tighter for a moment before speaking up again, “anyway, I should be going, I’ll see you tomorrow in discussion, (Y/N)!” She releases both you and Renjun and turns around, waving back before running off.

“Where does she get all of that energy?” Renjun sighs. “I can’t even look straight this early in the morning,” he shakes his head.

“Pulled another all-nighter, I’m guessing?”

“Yeah, I stayed in the library all night,” he says.

“Alone? You should’ve told me, I would’ve stayed with you.”

“No, it’s fine, Jaemin was there,” Renjun shrugs. “He saw that I was sitting alone in the study room so he joined me, didn’t really say much.”

“Who?”

“What do you mean ‘who?’ (Y/N) he has the top grades in Chemistry right now. He even gave you that study guide for the quiz,” Renjun’s eyebrows furrowed together. You thought back to him, Jaemin specifically, right, how could you forget him? You had even personally gone up to him to ask for the study guide.

“Oh crap,” you shook your head.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I shoved him over today on accident,” you covered your eyes with your hand, even more embarrassed than before. “Neither of us were paying attention when I opened the door at Starbucks and all of his things fell all over the floor.”

“Ha, nice going, (Y/N),” Renjun snickers.

“It was totally weird, and he didn’t even say anything to me but like he stared at me for a while. Then he picked up his things and rushed past me.”

“I mean, maybe he was in a rush?” Renjun says. “And maybe it’s just me but I wouldn’t say anything either if I got shoved that hard, it’s too embarrassing.”

“God, I’ll have to make it up to him somehow, that is so embarrassing,” you were more annoyed at the rising heat coming up to your face than anything else. You wondered how you could even approach the student, he was in a league of his own nearly. It was intimidating enough to ask him for the study guide, despite his not so intimidating presentation of himself, you felt inadequate to even look at him. Renjun shook his head and looked at his phone.

“Heading out?”

“Yeah, I have Physics lecture, want to come with? I know you’re not taking it this semester, but why not, right?”

“Sure, I have an hour to spare anyway,” you both walked into the physics building and, immediately, as if it never left and if anything is now stronger, that horrifying feeling of being watched came back.

Who was it?

Who was there?

You looked around you, nothing but a sea of students.

It was crazy, insane almost, but maybe it was one of them?

Could it even have been one of them? Or are you just horridly paranoid? You were one to overthink things all the time, and when you circled your arm around Renjun’s, it seems that he got the idea and made sure to push past the crowd to sit in the back corner of the lecture hall as opposed to the normal front row seat. You looked around the lecture hall and at the students filing in, did any of them stand out to you? At all? You couldn’t tell, and so your mind wandered. Could it have been...

[That new barista?]

[The chemistry student?]

[The pet shop worker?]

[The student on the bus?]

[No, it must have been someone else.]

General Tag List: @vickylamore @hangsxng @mizzdivagirl7-blog @sehunnies-hunnie96 @roses09020617 @bat-shark-repellant @cloudreads @awesomei @raeincitizen @here-aeth

Infatuation: @lofied

#nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u #nct x reader #nct 127 x reader #nct dream x reader #nct u x reader #nct fics #nct 127 fics #nct dream fics #nct u fics #yandere nct #yandere nct 127 #yandere nct dream #yandere nct u #my writings #infatuation

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runfast-runfar · 2 years

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Sunday/Monday Things

2/7/22

✨ yesterday was a productive, good day! And today has been too!

✨ woke up yesterday morning and went on my first run of marathon training! It was a benchmark run, so an easy 2 minute warm up, 5 minute run, 2 minute cool down. Just to gauge my pace, tailored workouts, goal times etc. and then after the benchmark run I went on a 5 mile run which felt SO good!!! I’m so glad I switched back to a garmin watch bc it’s WAY more accurate then the Apple Watch is, and the tailored training is amazing! So I ended up getting in little over 6 miles yesterday!

✨ after my run I came back and got all my reading done for my one very dense reading class lol! Which is so nice considering today I have so little hw to do!!

✨ bc of the productivity, yesterday I did my run, hw, a 45 minute yogaglo class, and then watched Divergent! Unpopular opinion, I actually really loved the movies. I like the first and second ones best. Not a huge fan of the last movie, but it’s still fun to watch!

I’ve never read the books, but I know the books are supposedly pretty good (more liked than the movies by many. And tbh I love YA novels and also love reading books where I can picture the characters etc). And even though I have a LOT of school reading, I am still going to push on reading for fun to hit my 22 book goal for this year!! 💪🏼 This series is the one I’m going to get through this month!

✨ thea is still a complete snuggle and my love for her is indescribable hehe

✨ fast forward to today, woke up at 8am and did my training run today which were stride repeats! 15 minute warm up, 20 seconds hard/cadence, 45 seconds recover, repeat 10 sets, followed by a 15 minute cooldown run. It ended up being 4.5 miles.

And then this afternoon at 4:30pm I am going to a hot yoga class with my friend so no double day for running today.

Tomorrow is a cross training day, so no run which I’m actually sad about. That makes me SO happy! I had been in a running rut the first half of 2021, and then not gone on a run longer than just a mile or two the entire second half of 2021. It ended up being about 7 months off from running completely. I still worked out; yoga, long walks (like 10-15 mile walks). And to have this joy for running return feels almost like childlike joy, and I. Am. Here. For. It!!! I’m so happy too bc I haven’t lost much speed. And my endurance is building up faster than I thought it would! All in all, I’m stoked :)

✨ this morning after my run, I came home and cleaned my room, reorganized my closet and cleaned a bunch of stuff out, and all I have left to do is vacuum! I love being in a cleaning mood. It’s therapeutic lol

✨ I’m currently watching Insurgent before having class from 1:30-2:45, then I’ll go to hot yoga, come home and take my reading quiz for one of my classes, then watch the last Divergent movie.

✨ since tomorrow is a test day from running, I’m going to go visit the cats at the shelter for a few hours of TLC! Then classes during the day followed by therapy at 5!

✨ I hope you’re all doing well and that you all do something nice for yourself! ♥️

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bucksfucks · 3 years

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i hate the idea that if you wake up past 8am you’re automatically not a useful member of society (i’m looking at those tik toks, you know the ones) because you’ve “slept in”.

i woke up at 9:30/10:00 today, got my class work done, did some essay work, had breakfast, and worked out.

i enjoy sleep. i love sleeping. i also love staying up a little bit later to take some time for myself!

i used to be the person that would wake up at 5:30/6:00 in the morning—tired and miserable, only because i felt like i had to in order to be productive.

moral of the story is that there’s already so much shit happening in the world. if you can afford to sleep in, do it. if you can afford to take time for yourself, do it.

do things for you.

#this is directed at no one other than the comments on a tik tok that said if you wake up late ur lazy #THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS #el’s thoughts 💭

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