#at least i took my fucking meds!

[toytulini]

god my executive dysfunction is so fucking Bad lately

#toy txt post #so many tasks and dont want to Do anything and like on the one hand Theyre Not That Hard it wont take THAT long i have plenty of time #on the other hand #it will take like 5fucking hrs and if it doesnt i will find a way to make take 5fucking hours and all this and i still havent eaten #enough for breakfast but like??? what am i supposed to waste energy on actually cooking something? #man i love eggs but i think maybe id actually struggle if i had chickens not cos id get tired of eating eggs but cos #all the low effort ways to consume eggs gross me out and the ways i like are not THAT high effort but its too high effort to be #an everyday thing for me :( #okay i have gotta stop thinking about the State Of Things. and figure out a nutrient dense thing to eat for breakfast thats quick and easy #and that i actually like to eat. but also i maybe want coffee so i should not have a clif bar. augh #IT IS 3PM. FUCK. I FUCKING WOKE UP AT LIKE 9!!!!! AND TOOK MY MEDS EARLY AND I STILL END UP NOT DOING FUCKING ANYTHING AT ALL TIL 3PM #i hate this i need to like #fully reset. i need to go to bed at idk. 9pm and wake up at like 5am and get dressed and go out fucking early i hate this!!!!! #i hate !!!! not fucking functioning!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! #i need a therapist or smth but like one that will find a way to word shit so that it doesnt piss me off and make me want to pettily not do #things that would maybe help #agh #i have been trying to get better about #doing my physical therapy at least

[proton-wobbler]

> takes a rain day during the week with the idea that I'll band on Sunday (a day off) to make it up

> wakes up early, shows up for work Sunday only to find wind that wasn't predicted in the forecast

> 🫠🫠🫠

#is this how greentext works? idk #ive always thought the 'me: me later:' memes were the best way to tell a joke #apparently thats greentext? #anyways im tired and already took my meds so the nap I take will not make up me waking up early #pissy #wind is my least favorite weather condition during banding #it just fucks so much up but is invisible #at least I can feel heat and be mad or I can enjoy the rain

[beelzzzebub]

therapist informed me today that the reason i've been doing so shit is probably cause i'm off my meds lmaooo

#boink #to be fair i did not make the connections bc the meda are for tics lol #but she said that it's still prob that bc of that anyway #lololololol #anywayyyyy #im really fucking out of it but at least i know probably why now lol #i drank two monsters this morning and then took my meds which make me fall asleep like right away #so i fell asleep for like three hours and now it's actual sleep time #but i just woke up and iiiiiiiii dont know what the vibe is now lol

[pears-trinkets]

Love how mad Mischa was that i dragged her to the vet once again that she kept rubbing her nose against the carrier backpack I carried her in and now she has a bright red booboo on the top her nose

#i have to carry her 1.6 km / 1 mile to the vet and then back and i guess she just felt like shredding her nose against the rubber grit #shhhh dont tell her that we're going back on friday to check on the inflammation #but shes feeling much better again! 😭🥹 i took this photo on the bench on the balcony where she begged for treats #and the soft treats are available again and i bought like 8 bags so we're good for at least a month or two #we just played and now shes begging for dinner and im so glad shes annoying again😭😭😭 #i cried so much the past weekend she wouldnt come out of my closet and would scream in a very weird voice when i tried to touch her #the vet was so nice to her she was like :3 mischa we're gonna be friends i tell you you secretly like me do you :3 #they we're so gentle and kind with her 😭 #they made her a little cave out of towels so shed feel better #and her liver is doing better too 😭 i was so afraid we fucked it up completely with the surgery and then the pain meds and the treats #hate to say it but this expensive vet is really worth it even if the surgery and appointments are like 2.6k euro #and back in 2018 sissys 3 day kidney dialysis stay was like... half of that

[shinyeternatus]

just tried to refill my antipsychotic over the phone but they changed the system now you have to talk to this shitty robot and wasn't able to. so i said fuck it and tried to use the app and despite the fact that my pill bottles very clearly say walgreens the app is saying that the barcodes aren't valid and that i have no history of refilling my meds with them and im kinda pissed

#mihai.txt #i just took my last pill so after today i have no more #and after tomorrow i will be out of my beta blocker that i need to have a normal heart rhythm #and on top of that i have called my cardiologist's office at least ten times and have left three voicemails and they still havent called me #like i just want my meds and to make a fucking appointment. is that too much to ask?

[skenpiel]

homestuck fans when theres no rhyme or reason to the trickster designs and its literally just a jumbled mess of hideous colors and vague candy themes which means theres no consistency to analyze to help with making fan designs

#now imagine if you will a very distraught face. because i cant be bothered adding an image #ANYWAYSSSSSSS i wanted 2 try making one but god its just so hard bc theres so many fucking colors and i suck at coloring anyway #i tried analyzing them to the best of my abilities to see if there was any consistency i could go off of......... but no theres Nothing #the only thing is that their cheek swirls are the same color as their pestechum colors. and thats it #even the outfits are different it seems to be slightly altered versions of their original outfits? #like roxy was wearing her purple knit dress when she got bonked but it was still her original outfit afterwards #their hair colors dont make sense their shoe colors dont make sense their head ornaments make a LITTLE sense.......... #jakes and dirks are the most obvious. pumpkin and orange soda its like their thing i guess #janes being a muffin makes sense cuz crockercorp baker etc etc #roxys makes the least sense...... i dont think there was ever any mention of cotton candy for her aside from when caliborn wanted his weird #smut to be color coordinated for whatever reason #whenever i make otufits its usually just varying shades of the same 3 or so colors so trickster designs are a nightmare #even my old trickster mode trollsona was like. 3 colors total LOL #not to mention i wanted to make this design for my trollsona. and we only ever saw humans in trickster mode #and looking at older fanart didnt help cuz everyone had decided unanimously that the canon designs sucked ass (they did) #and in the future we should all give each character a food or somthing similar to base the whole design off of (good decision) #blehh. i give up its too much of a pain-_- #anyway. maybe i really am sick i think i need to lay down #already slept literally all day but im still so tired.......... #i took painkillers and allergy meds in case of cat hair on bed but i still feel groggy as fuck #well whatever. itll probably go away soon i never really stay sick for long

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm so stupid 😬

#I've been taking the wrong medication for at least two or three days....... #took my anxiety meds twice a day. and didn't take my birth control/endometriosis medication. #been wondering all day why that stupid pain is back. yeah..... great! #I'm hoping it wasn't long enough that I'll start bleeding. I can't fucking handle that right now. I'm not even at home #😭😭😭 #but anyway it hurts. I'm so angry at myself. the packaging doesn't look similar! one is literally green!! but I just take the ones that I #put in one specific spot and don't question it...... #anyway. ouch. #personal #oh and also. I got really shaky and agitated on a lower dose than this of the anxiety meds... soo I also hope it wasn't long enough to be a #problem. because the dose I've been taking is higher than the highest recommended dose. soo. hopefully it was just two days 😬 though tbh it #was probably 4... #and my hands are super shaky but I didn't think too much about that (it happens sometimes) 🤦 #annnnd if I do start bleeding that would be a problem because I don't have pads or anything here.... ahhhh I'm so stressed about this now 😭 #I hope it'll be ok. I hope it wasn't too long. I can't deal with the pain rn 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[direful]

think I need to go stand in a storm & get struck by lightning or something

#starting NEW new meds saturday probably. I have them but I don’t feel like starting halfway through the week has good energy #my new doc who i dislike took me off the stimulants that barely worked bc she gave me the fucking kid dose #but at least she gave me an antidepressant to try which has a chance of at least helping. ughhhhhhhh it’s so frustrating. #idk. really frustrated by this whole thing. Fix my brain already. I got a super brief taste of being a normal person & I’m hooked now #what do you mean people live like this. why can’t I have it. why do I have to struggle to do even the simplest things #in more positive news I put my 2 week notice in today <3 can’t wait to go work in an office doing admin shit instead of dealing w custies #hurgle hurgle

[ayakashibackstreet]

Went to a place where alcohol is served and was so brave about it. I obviously didn't order anything, my friends ordered a beer and a spiked lemonade of some sort so that we could sit there.

When they suggested the place, I immediately stated 'I don't drink though.' to which one of my friends responded with 'Chill, I'm not drinking today either, spent enough money today.'

When we were going, I said that I might actually just go home, but they were so chill and understanding that I decided to stay with them in the end. 'Seriously, you don't have to drink, we're just gonna try out the cool board game I bought.' 'Don't even worry about it, it's not like we're going there to get sloshed, or even drink, really.'

And there was genuinely no pressure, no asking, no nothing. We literally did just try out the board game and it was really cool.

With how strong the alcohol culture is here, with how many family members and random people insisted on me drinking or got blackout drunk around me (with no way for me to escape) despite my goddamn trauma, I'm just so genuinely moved? They have no way of knowing what's up with me, I never told them. They can only suspect something is up with the way I never go with them whenever they meet up specifically 'to go to a pub'. Yet they're way more understanding than my own damn mother.

This is such a basic thing - respecting people's boundaries - yet here I am, getting sappy about it. Man, I love my friends. I really got lucky, many people don't get to hang out with their friends from grade school like I do.

#if I ever manage to overcome this trauma even a little #it'll be with stuff like this #alas! I get back home to discover my mother just HAD to get drunk while I was out for the day! #and she just HAD to start throwing weird comments my way! #at least she fucked off when I went to my room #anyways love to my friends #walked so much #my joints still hurt even though I took my meds #though it's pretty dull compared to what it was earlier and I should be able to sleep #had so much fun #got in a heated discussion about VTuber modelling funnily enough lol #ah yes. a passionate discussion: one man who's never done a model before #vs another man who's never made a model before & a man who's made about 1.5 a model (aka me) #anyways now it's REALLY eepy time

[nexus-nebulae]

brrrrr (/pos)

#weight talk #<- just in case even though this is pos #but like. okay ive been. SEVERELY underweight all my life #like i looked like a skeleton you could see all my bones it was AWFUL #i just. I've literally always hated looking like that i hated looking like a walking corpse i mean i looked ILL #but recently i started taking remeron for anxiety #partially bc my anxiety keeps causing me to not eat properly bc i feel sick constantly #so i kept ending up in the ER for malnutrition and dehydration and my liver getting messed up #well i started the remeron for the panic attacks bc daily panic attacks suck but the psych mentioned it could increase appetite #and it???? did????? I'm eating on a slightly more regular schedule???? I'm eating more than once a day???? #and like. ok I've always weighed like 100lbs #highest i ever got was 111 when i was 16 #and then it dropped 10 #and then dropped 10 more in the span of 3 months while i was in and out of ER #and i was genuinely starting to panic over it bc i could PHYSICALLY FEEL my muscles getting eaten bc i had no fat left #like i was getting drastically weaker by the day my knees still won't stop buckling #but in the about three months I've been taking those meds I've. gained 10 back #I'm actually gaining weight like me and my mother are genuinely SHOCKED this genuinely hasn't happened since i was fucking TWELVE #and just now i took off my shirt and noticed. holy shit. my stomach doesn't go CONCAVE when I'm hungry anymore #like whenever i couldn't tell if i was hungry before i would just look at my stomach and be able to tell if it was too curved inwards #but now!!!!!!! it doesn't do that!!!!!!! and I'm genuinely fucking ecstatic like oh my god i don't look dead anymore #I've always wanted to gain weight i feel like i would be 100% more comfortable in my body as a fat trans man #and i can't talk about that to anyone bc they always say it's either self harm or fetishistic #when no i just genuinely feel more comfortable in my skin thinking of myself that way #and now i have confirmation that i would genuinely be happier that way with this bc the sheer joy i have at not being underweight anymore #i mean I'm still a bit under but at least im gaining SOMETHING like at least i dont look like a drowned street cat #seeing the very slight rolls and folds in my stomach when i move the right way makes me happy

[alwaysrunningerrands]

Sometimes I think some people are born kind. People who just instinctively seem to give what they can whether it’s time, money, energy, love, whatever. They’re just these shiny golden people that spread that positivity wherever they go.

I sometimes feel like that’s not me. Like every time I’m kind to someone it’s an active choice. Like maybe I’m not kind for the sake of being kind, but to manipulate those around me into liking me. Maybe I’m actually not kind. Maybe I’m horrible and selfish and every time someone dislikes me even though I’ve been nothing but kind (or tried to be anyway) it’s just them seeing through the bullshit to a rotten core. Maybe when I’m less than kind it’s a facade slipping, showing what’s underneath whether that’s in a sheer sort of translucent way, or in its entirety. Maybe I’m not spreading that rot, but I could. Maybe that shiny golden facade I wrap myself in keeps it contained for the most part, even if some see through it or see slivers where it doesn’t cover me completely. I feel like even if I’m not spreading rot, I’m incapable of spreading that golden positivity either. It’s not in me, even if I pretend to be golden. It’s not inherent, and I can’t give it to people around me. I have to snatch up every tiny little bit I come across so I can add it to this stupid facade I’m trying so damn hard to keep up, but it just never fucking works.

I wish I was born golden. I wish I had that innate kind of ability to be instinctually kind and impossibly positive.

#feel free to ignore #I’m just feeling some sort of way #delete later #at least I’m processing something even if it sucks ass #don’t worry I already took my meds #I suppose that gold shit’s validation to an extent as well #can’t make it myself so I’ve got to manipulate people into giving it to me #god I must be fucking pretentious and annoying

[paradoxesofgalaxies]

God fucking damnit. At 2:13am I just discovered that I took NONE of my meds today 🙃 somehow, despite the notifications that don't go away until I click confirm that I don't ever click until the meds are in my mouth, I managed to not take my morning or afternoon meds today.

No wonder I felt like shit today. All day I've been wondering why I'm just vaguely malaised and in pain all over and why my stomach has felt like an acid pit and I've been exhausted and vaguely depressed. I assumed it was just the temperatures dropping out but Nope. I just didn't take any of my meds and it's too late to take them now 🤡

#i just... #how the fuck did we manage this?? #like i often go back to my pill box three or four times just to make sure i took my meds and I somehow just didn't even think of it today #at least now I can stop worrying about being sick #not taking my stomach meds will cause the ill feeling I've had today (and I'm lucky that's feeling nauseous was all i had to deal with) #and missing both doses of cymbalta sure will leave me fatigued and in pain and depressed #what the fuck guys #we really dropped the ball on this one #galactic gab #vent tw

[ennobaka]

Super fucked up that you cannot pile on blanket when you have a fever. Even though you're shaking

#human's reaction to virus is so maladaptive 😔 #cannot eat cannot sleep cannot stop hurting all over #even if you have someone to cook for you you taste buds are like 'fuck that' anyway #back to blankets. i had slept with a heavy blanket the night before and it seemed like that was a Mistake™ #everytime i go to bed my fever return 😔 #at least my stomach acid is not rising anymore since i took my med #anyway. should make some tamago sando later bc i cannot tolerate rice any longer #fishtalks #great meltdown of 2023

[adhdheather]

fun heather moments include nearly having a panic attack, snapping myself out of it right before it rlly hit, deciding im good now, and then starting to have Another panic attack 15 mins later

#love college! going back to school was a great idea! im not currently in the process of crashing and burning again my 2nd semester at a univ #tho also fuck me i need to drive to school and have a 3hr lecture tonight + a ton of shit to do and a group presentation tomorrow #which i! have not finished my portion of! so thatll prob be my first priority on campus today #god at least i ate food once i woke up. thats somethin in my favor. and i actually took my meds which maybe helps #THO I DROPPED HALF OF MY FOOD ON THE FLOOR WHEN I TOOK IT OUT OF THE OVEN EARLIER #im so brave for not crying right then and there. rlly wanted to #p

[princecoolkid]

Collage of all the dentist I have visited since high school that says “Thank you for making sure I was comfortable and cared for” with a big fat “NOT YOU” over the bitches who filled my cavities and did crown work without anesthesia when I was in grade school

#gave me a PHOBIA of dentists #I remember it being a big room too that wasn't private #Like i was sat next to another kid getting work done #IT WAS HELL #IT WAS A KIDDIE HELL #bc it was specifically for kids so they had all that tacky shit #I'm so grateful even for the people who did my root canals and messed em up #at least i wasnt in pain and one of the two is still in tack #intact #and its my fault for not going in immediately when the other fell out... #idk if this is a modern thing or if my parents just really took me to a wack place #but dentists are even nicer than regular doctors tbh i HATE doctors i love dentists #they are fucking nice #anyway rant over #you can tell my meds kicked in tbh ive just been in pain all day until now

[sunstonez]

I really wish that the reaction health care professionals had to over medicating coming to light as an issue wasn't... Refusing to medicate anyone with "scary" medications, or higher doses of them...

#It took so long for me to get on Adderall #I tried literally everything else like concerta or strattera etc etc #But the only thing that works is fucking Adderall #And I'm realizing that I need at least 30mg to be functional #It's so bad like I literally am a risk to myself without it #I forget dangerous things and get overwhelmed and I can't speak properly because my adhd is so overwhelming #My girlfriend keeps telling me to ask for a higher dose but I know my doctor is anxious to do it #She avoided Adderall so hard it took literally 9 months of trial on other meds to get here #Ughughugh I just want to watch a movie with my gf sometimes and be able to to walk to another room without getting side tracked for 20 min