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#at least i was able to talk about how treatment is often less focused on autistic people's quality of life
hachibani · 2 months
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i'd never seen a dog tear up
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I don't think i ever wrote about it here but Bianca died on march 5th of 2021, she got diagnosed cancer in 2020 just before lockdown and major pandemic events and unfortunately every treatment I could get her in such times were not enough or too late and the moment her metastasis became unresponsive to pain medicine i decided to let her go
i know i didn't talk about her a lot here since twitter became my main site of activity for years but i remember when she had her accident back in 2016 i posted about her here too, i got a lot of support and commissions to pay for her treatment and thankfully i got support as well when i opened comms there to pay for her chemo and surgeries, and for that i will always be thankful. I don't know why but I kind of had thought if I ever post about Bianca again here in this little old blog it'd be about her beating her cancer, something happy
i really regret the fact i didn't post more about her when she was alive and once she died my depression got so bad i was either unavailable or tried to ignore the pain by focusing on personal work... to this day it still hurts to think of everything that i could or should have done even if there's no way i cannot go back in time
losing bianca after almost 13 years of being together and more than half of my life at the time with her was more traumatic than i'd like to admit, so i try to rationalize little things like not being able to replace her picture even after so long, the most i've done is sell her stroller and i still kind of regret that haha;; but neither of her brothers fit in and at some point it became too much of a reminder of her illness and last days it felt like i had to, but just that one
(even thinking she was part of my life for 1/2+ of it and that that fraction will become smaller as time passes feels so wrong it might make me cry again)
i didn't get to draw her as much as i wished either, i thought i could never capture her cuteness (i still struggle) but since i drew her again on her first death anniversary i thought "i could somewhat get her to look cute" and i try to draw her looking like this from then on https://twitter.com/hachibani/status/1500315555215126536
because of her i started drawing pets more often, my goal for this year was to draw her at least once a month but... i didn't draw her at all in february, i think i'd like to make up and draw her again this month if my free time allows it, i never thought i'd get to complete a comic (albeit short) about these feelings i've had, i have still, i don't know for how long i'll have
doing personal art like this has never been easy but i somehow feel less heavy now, maybe it's bc of the wall of text i'm leaving haha
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glitchdollmemoria · 1 year
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relationship pda ramble thing
im coming up on the five month anniversary of dating my partner (not to mention the couple months we knew each other before dating), and im getting all excited about them possibly hopefully being able to visit this summer after they finish up with finals, and as im thinking about this im also realizing that i have so much more trust in them than ive had in anyone else. for about half our relationship, they havent been able to talk often because theyve been putting a lot of energy into studying. at first this made me anxious, but over time ive seen them repeatedly come check in with me when they can. especially when i think back to their behavior before they got caught up in studying for finals, the way they were able to show their trustworthiness esp compared to past partners, the affection theyve shown me, the fact that our life/relationship goals line up so well, and the fact that they keep messaging me when theyre able... theres a part of me that gets anxious and paranoid, but that part of me keeps shrinking.
the more i think about these things, the more i realize that im worrying less and less about the possibility of him being dishonest. which - its not that i have reason to think hes untrustworthy, i just have mega bpd. but things make sense in my brain for once. hes told me before that he struggles with school environments, so of course he needs to spend months focusing on studying. hes proud of the career hes pursuing, so of course hes going to work hard for it. he was the one to bring up the idea of me being a house spouse instead of working, so now that he knows i agree with that plan, i wonder if - and even kind of hope - pursuing that future together is part of his motivation.
plus, as far as ive gotten to know her, shes a very confident person who doesnt seem to keep people around out of pity. once, she made a joke about breaking up and i thought for a second she was serious, and she told me she loves me too much to break up with me, and that if she were to break things off it would be over a call. so, it makes more sense that she really is just busy rather than ignoring me, especially when like i said she does still reach out when she can and she wouldnt need to do that if she was trying to ghost me or something.
this is all just word soup. i have a lot of thoughts right now and not much brainpower to articulate them cleanly. mostly, im just excited that i have such a sense of security in this relationship, because i really do want to believe this will be a lifelong partnership and i dont have any real reason to suspect it wont be, as long as we both keep putting in the work. every time my girlfriend apologizes for being away so much, i want to just gently grab it by the shoulders and tell it how much i really truly adore its work ethic and that im willing to wait as long as it takes if it means we can someday reach the life weve talked about wanting to build together.
sometimes i think about the dream i had a while back, being escorted by angels to a beautiful towering library, and how thats sort of incorporated itself into my religious views even if im not sure what it all means. and the fact that once, during a call, she told me that even though she doesnt believe in any particular religion, her ideal afterlife would be a library full of truth. i think, if anything, its all at least a sign that this is whats right for us both right now. she doesnt know about that dream i had. its all coincidence. but it seems too coincidental to not mean anything. maybe we just have similar ideals. maybe its a sign that were meant to be together, at least for the time being. i dont know for sure. but everything feels right. and im so happy that i can look back on the way past partners have treated me, and i can look at the way my current partner treats me, and i can see such a difference in that treatment, and i can feel so much more secure than i have in the past. it makes me grateful in a way for the suffering ive experienced. if nothing else, it serves to make the difference in treatment obvious. im just glad about all of this, grateful to feel secure finally.
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spotgrain39 · 1 year
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18 Genius Ways to Make Kids Love Reading Can Be Fun For Anyone
Reading is an crucial skill-set that children are going to use daily for the rest of their lives. In this write-up, we will certainly describe how to utilize the skill-set in enhancement to enjoying motion pictures and reading publications and play. Little ones make use of this capability for seeing flicks and reading manuals. There are actually several ways to enjoy flicks and read publication chapters and accounts. In the complying with short article we are going to talk concerning a couple of of the strategies of watching these films and reading them. While numerous little ones know to read at college, parents can enrich the take in by offering help at home. The new direction details means for moms and dads to help their little ones learn to read through securely after a school day. The brand new assistance is on call on-line for grownups and trainees, which it suggests pupils take along with them in the course of hollow or work. It additionally includes extra rules for reading on school and at property (not on the books) and works along with pupils to cultivate finest techniques.
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This support can easily start as very soon as your kid is birthed. In the beginning, there is the age gap, and eventually you will definitely finish up with a whole lot of difficulties.". If you yearn for to understand more regarding the care you receive through the physician or the kid's life-support carrier, please explore the "How to Communicate to Your Child and the Physicians Who Care For You.". Here's how to mention good-bye after a infant falls from an sky bed mattress. Read Out Noisy to Your Children Experts agree that reading out raucous to your children is the ideal means to assist them know to checked out. It's a brilliant interaction by each moms and dads and instructors. The 2nd technique is to let your kid learn with more available, focused communication. Each parents and instructors can easily take a session coming from this method and deliver significant and stimulating instruction, even when the child doesn't know who the educator is. Begin when your child is a newborn baby and carry on throughout youth. If you have experienced an accident when a kid or woman drops in to injury's way, have your kid in a secure place during the course of the time period complying with the injury. The following factors (in this chapter) need to be taken into factor for little one care when appearing for an adult to help your child care in your region: The kid is not on your own in the treatment of your little one. As a little one, your youngster is topped to find out the skills that will aid them discover to went through as they get much older. For example, they ought ton't be distracted through manuals and reading to children under five. Children knowing the basics can easily devote even more time being distracted through what is taking spot in their body, a brand new book or watching tv and much less time concentrated on participating in. Your child, on the various other palm, must be able to presume and behave when they are in motion.
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To make reading out raucous as effective as feasible, produce sure to: Reviewed age-appropriate books. In Learn More Here , I think manuals about a whole range of issues need to be went through at the very least once a time. This isn't to mention that everyone ought ton't checked out manuals concerning subjects as unique as religious beliefs, national politics, national politics. But it is the contrast. For numerous people, manuals regarding national politics may be something they are going to certainly never checked out once more, and that's something everyone should be mindful and take duty for. Children, for instance, take pleasure in panel publications that they can easily contact and participate in with. They are likewise highly well-liked with the neighborhood, who often discuss this with our visitors. While it does not influence the high quality of these books, it could possibly help to enlighten others concerning healthy eating as well as healthy and balanced lifestyle changes. The goal of this series is easy: to inspire healthy and balanced eating as part of our health and wellness company and enlighten each those who are beginning to discover and those brand new to wellness allotment. More mature little ones might enjoy "significant publications" that help them to observe differences in words and letters. The older children that are extra cognitively capable possess even more problem understanding what is being pointed out. The majority of folks believe that they may see various other parents through appearing at the phrases and letters of more youthful children. Others can see grownups, by looking at the letters and their hands, even through looking at the body's movements. What are the setting apart attribute between little ones who maynot read through or write? Use foolish vocals and vocal effects. Participate in as other people and you'll be capable to get away with it for lifestyle. But it's considerably even more realistic than that in genuine lifestyle. The target for us is to be an surprisingly sophisticated personality whose story relocates in the ideal instructions, coming from the beginning. We're a large staff and if you locate yourself battling to develop something like this, I'd adore to listen to coming from you.
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anghraine · 3 years
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Whew ... just delivered a presentation on autism to the class of a childhood friend who is now an associate professor. I didn’t even realize how anxious I was about it until I closed Zoom.
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shorkbrian · 3 years
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Infuriated
Prelude - ok.
Y’all are so horny for Levi Sir and I get it he’s hot lol. I am trying to get to everyone’s asks I promise!!! Also it’s up to you why Levi is mad lol
Prompts - 
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Pairing - Levi Ackerman X Reader
Warnings - NSFW, dubcon, noncon, choking, mentions of snuff, emotionally compromised Levi, overstim.
Music - https://open.spotify.com/track/2f2hbFjim051DVx0o8o4rU?si=5waL376sSRSqjN2j8G0Y8w
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He comes home in a bad mood.
He shuts the door quietly, and it’s clear he’s beyond pissed. Past the point of yelling, of slamming the door and causing you to flinch with the indicator of his foul mood. It’s not you he’s mad at, but it might as well be. He finds himself wanting to break something, but not dishes or glass, just you. 
Wrap his hands around your throat and squeeze till your breath rattles in your chest.
Levi finds you in the living room, standing by the hallway with wide eyes, shrinking against the wall. You thought you could avoid getting his anger taken out on you if he didn’t catch you while you were lounging on the bed. Hoping the man wouldn’t strip you bare and crush your soul like he had so many times before.
He’s so enraged that he can’t even think of the event that provoked him to such a state in the first place.
“Come here.” He stops in his tracks when he sees you, hands flicking to his tie so he can unknot it, loosen it from his neck. It’s not often he gets this angry, warm and burning, filled with emotions that he doesn’t know how to process, doesn’t even really want to.
“Come here.” Levi repeats himself, eyes burning when you still don’t move, as you begin to shake. You’re afraid of him again, good.
You had gotten past that, at least to the point where you could hide your fear of the man. Tamp it down beneath submission and pleasure, because doing what he says meant getting fair treatment.
But you aren’t doing what he says. You’re cowering against the wall, and Levi’s furious. You’re meant to follow his every order, know what he wants you to do before he even has to say, and yet you’re ignoring him as if you had the luxury of making that decision.
His shoes click across the tile as he strides towards you, already unbuckling his pants with sharp movements. When he reaches you, your frightened eyes pleading, the rise and fall of your chest quickening. Levi bets if he checked, your pulse would be fluttering, fast, like a scared little bird.
Your head snaps to the side when his hand connects with it, the sharp sound echoing throughout his home. 
“Take off your pants.” Clothes are a luxury he’s been allowing, but this blatant disobedience when he’s already fuming will result in punishment. 
Trembling hands fly to your pants, and Levi almost wants to laugh at the expression in your face as you turn it back, cheek reddening immediately. You should’ve came when he called you.
He doesn’t bother to take his slacks off all the way, barely pushing them down to his thighs before taking his cock in hand. He’s not even hard, but he needs to fuck something, focus on a different emotion than the fury settled deep in his bones. The satisfaction of how easily you break under his hands, the pleasure of filling you, stretching you past your limit, the way you draw him in like that’s where he belongs, even though it’s obvious you want to be anywhere but with him.
The hand on his cock is too dry, too rough, but that doesn’t matter. Levi’s able to pump himself to hardness as you fumble with your pants, almost falling as you slip them off.
With a quick movement, he’s slamming you hard against the wall, breath punching out of you, head hitting the wall and dazing you.
Levi spits in his hand, takes it between your legs and rubs his saliva where it’s needed. There’s no way you’re wet, no way you’re ready to take him. But if there’s a little blood, there’ll be a little blood. Levi can clean it off your thighs later.
It hurts when he starts pushing inside, the head of his cock breaching your hole far too fast. The crushing realization that he isn’t going to actually prep you is evident across your face, obvious by the panicked little whine that falls from your lips.
“Shut up.” He can’t stop himself from snapping at you, irritated at the noise. 
He’s focused on filling you, the too-tight squeeze around his length and the overwhelming heat of your body where he’s pressed against you. At least you know better than to try and fight him, hands only clutching his shoulders, not trying to push him away, just trying to hold on.
What he would do if you struggled now, Levi doesn’t know. It’s possible he might break something important, push too hard, forget his own strength as he throttles the life out of you.
That reminds him.
The hand not guiding his cock into you rises to your throat, grasps the smooth column tightly, tight enough to feel the ridges of your esophagus, spongey and delicate. If he squeezes a bit harder, Levi wonders if it would collapse, crumbling beneath his fingers like tissue paper.
But your loss would make him inconsolable, so he reigns in his wrathful curiosity, his impulsive side that only sees the sun when he’s furious.
He's fully seated now, pressing deep into your sensitive walls. You’re shaking, trying to hold in your tears, your pitiful noises, your desire to beg him for mercy. There’s no slick feel, other than the slight ease from his saliva, so Levi knows you haven’t torn. 
That eases his mind a bit as he slowly retreats from your hole, intent on making this quicker than it should be. He needs to fuck, hard and fast and maybe just a bit painful. There’s no explainable reason as to why, and Levi isn’t interested in trying to analyze himself at the moment.
So he draws out, pushes back in immediately, doesn’t mind your choked, hiccuped gasp. You’ll adjust soon enough; even as he pushes back in, you’ve started to get wet, and there’s no stink of iron in the air, so it’s your body trying to make this easier for you.
Levi figures it’s good that at least one of you was actually concerned about that.
As the slide becomes easier and easier, his pace picks up accordingly, until he’s swinging his hips in a punishing rhythm. He can’t stop himself from giving a rough press onto your throat, relishing the way your body jerks, already breathless and panicked, now denied air and already missing it.
He’s getting close, which is surprising. Levi thought it might be difficult to reach release, reasoned that he was too focused on the rage filling his veins and weighing him down to lose himself in your body.
But he should’ve know, you always have an effect on him.
Your cunt starts clenching around him, and Levi’s head shoots up from where he’d been watching the steady hammering of his cock into you, glares at your face now.
“Don’t you dare, don’t you fucking dare.” His tone is clipped, and he’s mad all over again. He doesn’t even know why.
It’s not fair that you’re enjoying this while he’s still simmering, struggling to calm himself. It’s not like he doesn’t want you to find pleasure, but the least you could fucking do is have some decency for once and not cum before he does.
You clench your teeth, grimacing as you try to listen, do your best to obey. He’s trained you well.
But not well enough.
With a pitiful cry, you squeeze tight enough to make Levi groan as he refuses to stop moving his hips. Velvety walls spasm around his length with a vengeance, your nails digging into his shoulders as you lose yourself to the sensation.
Levi’s infuriated.
“You’re not allowed to cum.” He hisses, and your eyes are filled with sorrow, with regret and remorse, with emotions Levi has never bothered to learn the names of.
He slows down, slams into you hard enough that his tip kisses your cervix, makes you lurch in pain that lances through the afterthroes of your orgasm. 
Your throat is abandoned for now, his hand joining his other in painfully clutching your hips, fingers dimpling up your flesh, sinking into the pillowy skin so he can pull you down onto his cock the same moment he thrusts up.
It’s hurting now, your face contorting on each deep thrust. Levi doesn’t care, you were selfish enough to take your pleasure before him, when he so obviously was trying to soothe himself.
He’s starting to get a cramp from how hard and slow he’s driving up into you, but he’s crawling closer and closer, so he ignores the twinge for now.
And then he’s there, bursting from the inside out, uncaring of trying to avoid filling your womb with his seed.
It feels good, good enough to talk him down from the edge of hurting you, of destroying, of raging and bruising and damaging.
Levi’s left panting as he finishes, as his abs clench and unclench while he shoots his sticky finish into your tight hole. You’re still grabbing at his shoulders, eyes squeezed shut at the foreign sensation; Levi usually dons a condom, or at least pulls out. Rarely does he lose himself to do what he just did.
He’s calmer now, feels less like a pacing tiger that's been provoked and prodded until it attacks.
But he finds himself irritated at you, at your audacity.
The man knows he’s being irrational, and that he’s emotional right now, prone to lashing out and striking at anything that dares to defy him. You hadn’t done anything particularly wrong except exist in the same space as a thoroughly pissed-off Levi, and he recognizes that.
But he still wants to see you punished.
So you find yourself on the bed, stripped of your clothes. The only thing you’re wearing is a leather collar, attached to cuffs on your wrists by a thick metal ring. The contraption keeps your hands up by your face, unable to do anything but clench into little fists. It’s almost cute.
Theres a spreader bar cuffed to your ankles, and a vibrator in Levi’s hand. He had cleaned himself as soon as he pulled free of your warmth, not bothering to stop the cum that escaped from the unconscious clench of your hole.
Levi had taken a moment to change out of his work clothes, calm himself further and evaluate everything with a clearer mind. Now dressed in nothing but loose sweats, he felt more at ease, cooler both physically and mentally.
The vibe was flicked on, pressed to your mound at the same time Levi wiggled a finger inside of you, feeling his cum still warmed by your body. It was a weird sensation, but you were wet, and he was focused on the task at hand.
Making eye contact with you, Levi leveled you with a stern look.
“You aren’t allowed to cum.”
Four minutes later, when you crested the edge despite an obvious struggle against it, Levi clenched his jaw, removing the vibe and his finger from rubbing at your walls.
When your eyes opened, Levi met them with a glare.
“You aren’t allowed to cum.”
The vibe was flicked back on, a setting higher this time. Levi shoved two fingers inside of you, and you whimpered in distress. You’d beg if you knew it would sway him, but Levi had forced you enough times for you to know that he followed his own desires.
You were just supposed to lay there and take it.
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onlinehorrorinserts · 3 years
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A/N: Normally what I’ll write is just snippets of images and scenarios, and that’s what this was GOING to be but I got insanely inspired and just kept going. What better way to get this kicked off than a oneshot, anyway? Eyeless Jack with the prompt “Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt?” Trigger warning for descriptions of blood and a wound, as well as it being stitched back up near the end (just in case)
You hadn’t expected this little outing to be any different than the usual. A quick get in, get rid of the target, and get out. Someone had gotten just a little too close to the isolated mansion even despite the failsafes put in place, and it just wouldn’t be safe to let them be with the knowledge of what they may have seen.
Unfortunately, you had neglected to take into account that someone who was probably already scared and insanely paranoid and knew their life could be in danger after the things they had seen would fight tooth and nail to keep themselves alive. You had kept to the cover of darkness for a reason - not only should it have given you the clear upperhand, but it should have kept all of the damage to a minimum on both sides.
You didn’t particularly enjoy killing, after all. At least not when it came to innocents who were just in the wrong place at the very wrong time. It was simply a means to an end, something that had to be done to protect the family you had grown to love, twisted as they all were. Twisted as you were too, you realized, but the thought was often easy enough to shove aside.
Needless to say this was something of a routine for you. Something that should never have had the opportunity to go so wrong - yet that’s the very reason you must have grown complacent. What was usually just a quick get in and get out plan turned into a literal stab in the back and the rather aggressive fight that ensued after. The only thing on your side was the utter shock the victim had upon noticing how human you seemed to be compared to whatever he must have seen out in those woods. That realization had killed his resolve for just long enough for you. Humans could be fickle - if they weren’t like you, if they weren’t used to having the resolve to do what needed to be done, they could falter. You didn’t.
You knew the wound probably wasn’t deep enough to kill you. You’d have to seek treatment though. The idea made your skin crawl more than the feeling of blood oozing into the torn fabric of your clothing. It wasn’t who you had to seek out that frightened you. If anything you would have been a bit more comforted by his presence by this point. No, it was the idea in general. Hospitals, doctors, anything related to the medical field gave you tunnel vision in the form of a very rapid fight or flight response. It wasn’t something you’ve been able to control for a long time.
When you returned to the mansion, you were thankful that not many seemed to be out and about, especially not him. A couple of the guys were lounging on the couch or the chairs in the living room, playing games and cracking jokes a bit too loudly to fully notice you enter, except for Jeff who threw a casual nod your way. You offered a small smile in return, waiting for him to return his attention back to the others before you dared turn your back and crept up the stairs. You didn’t want them to see the wound and were thankful when you heard no words calling up after you to indicate that they had.
Only once you were in the safety of your room did you let out a sigh of relief, reaching to your back with a strained wince to try and gauge the damage. The amount of blood that covered your hand when you pulled it back was enough of an answer. 
You knew you had to go see him. You weren’t stupid. No matter how close the two of you grew though, the idea of descending into his basement, penetrating into his bubble of personal space… it felt wrong. Even knowing that no one else seemed to care, and he was technically something of a designated doctor for them all and it was sort of one of his jobs… you couldn’t feel comfortable with it. Or more likely it was for less selfless reasons like that and more your own fear piercing your heart worse than that knife had pierced flesh.
Not much time was given for you to debate with yourself though as you heard a knock at the door, jolting you back into reality as you stared at the knob. It didn’t seem as if anyone was going to take the initiative and just come in. Maybe you could just leave it and they’d get the hint? Another knock was soon to dispel that hope as you sighed, forcing yourself to go answer it. As much as you hated the idea of having to clean it later, you used your bloodied hand to hide it from your visitor.
It soon became clear that it was all for naught though as your eyes met with the familiar deep blue mask, an inky blackness where eyes should have been and a gunky tar like substance slowly trailing down the mask, long ago having stained the fine blue like oil in water.
“So you are back.” The muffled, vaguely distorted voice spoke matter of factly, not afraid to show a vague irritation in the way he crossed his arms. You sheepishly smiled despite yourself.
“What, were you watching for me or something?”
“You know how good my hearing is.”
“I thought your basement was soundproof?”
“And who said I was in the basement?” He had a point, you realized. You had merely assumed he was down there after not seeing him in the front room. As reclusive as he could be, it was likely he had just been in another room. He knew he had you there and so he turned and began to head back down the hall towards the stairs. With a defeated sigh all you could do was follow him.
You kept quiet as you followed him back down and through the front room, the boys pointedly watching as you passed. Had they not noticed the blood before, they certainly did now, and it was Jeff to make that all the more clear.
“The fuck happen to you?” He asked with a cock of his head, perhaps genuinely curious despite his more blunt tone. You were about to stop to respond, wanting to take any opportunity to prolong the inevitable, but predictably it wasn’t going to be that easy. When you slowed, Jack immediately shifted to grab your wrist and with a light pull, ushered you forward and ahead of him. The message he was giving you was clear, and with a soft huff you continued on while he stayed behind, no doubt to talk to the scarred boy.
The descent down the stairs was never very easy to get used to. As soon as you hit the first step you felt the warmth from the house seemingly leave your body as the chill penetrated nearly to the bone. You knew the cold didn’t bother him like it did you - in a technical sense he was scarcely what you could even call alive. Not like humans were alive, at least. The cold was better for his specimens anyway. No use complaining. 
You were at least thankful that he had gotten into the habit of leaving at least a dim light on when he knew that you would be coming down. Just because he didn’t need them to see and not wipe out on the stairs didn’t mean that you didn’t, after all. Once you had found your way down, you went to take a seat on his bed, pulling the sheets up and around you. You didn’t care that you’d get blood on them. He had plenty of spare sheets anyway, considering he had to constantly change them out if he didn’t want to be sleeping in… whatever that substance from his eyes were. He was a bit more hygienic than that, thankfully.
You weren’t sure how long passed before you heard his descent, feeling a shaky breath escape you as you did. A mix of anxiety and relief crossed you in that very moment - an odd mixture for sure. A small shiver passed through you. You decided to convince yourself it was due to the chill in the air. 
When he reached the bottom step he faced you, not wasting time to remove the mask. A couple points of his sharklike teeth poked out from the cover of his grey lips, and though he had no eyes you knew his gaze was focused entirely on your own. It hadn’t been long since he had started removing his mask around you. He seemed to prefer the security it brought him. You weren’t sure what vulnerabilities lie underneath that callous exterior, and though you knew him well enough by now to know there was no harm in asking, you decided not to breach the subject today.
“Come here. Sit by the table, take off the shirt.” Despite the cold you felt a bit of heat rise to your cheeks, and if he noticed he thankfully didn’t comment on it for the time being. All you could do was obey, letting the blankets pool behind you on the bed as you stood and made your way over. Once the material was off the cold only felt more persistent. You wondered for a brief moment if you could catch a cold in here if you spent too much time down here.
The feeling of his hand made you jolt, a soft hiss escaping your lips when it caused the muscle to pull. You heard him sigh but noticed the faintest, gentle skim of his thumb against the unmarred section of skin just below the wound. A form of apology gone unspoken.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were injured?” He finally spoke as he reached over to the table beside you, preparing a few of his tools. Before you could answer he continued, his slight growl of a voice softening the best he could manage, “slight sting.”
You winced when the needle punctured you, but you were thankful when a bit of relief slowly started to take over. You weren’t entirely sure where he got any of this, but right now you didn’t care. You could only faintly feel the pressure of him working on stitching up the wound, wincing only occasionally if he went a bit too deep.
“You know why, Jack.”
“You’d think by now you’d realize I’m not going to harm you.”
“I never said my fear was logical. Anyway, I also just hate bothering you when I have no idea if you’re in the middle of your… work.”
It was then that he paused, perhaps taking in your words. It wasn’t for long though before he got back to focusing on the task at hand.
“I would prefer it be you who interrupts me than one of the others. At least I know that if you get hurt, it wasn’t a stupid mistake.”
“Careful. Keep that up and I’ll make excuses just to bother you.”
“If you want to see live dissections, be my guest.”
You cringed at his words, and while you couldn’t see it you could picture a slight shark-toothed smirk. You could occasionally hear the faint drip of something, probably from his eyes. It seemed he was at least careful not to let any of it drip on you. I guess he must have eaten recently. Your mind wandered, zoning out to the occasional rhythmic sound. That is until he finished his work and pulled back, cleaning the area one last time as he looked it over.
“Okay,” His gaze shifted elsewhere, probably a clock in a darker part of the room but you couldn’t be sure, “Get some rest. By midday you can probably wash up as usual. Until then, keep it dry. No straining the muscle until I give you the okay. If I have to restitch this, I’m not going to be happy.” Though his words were tough, you couldn’t help the slight twitch of your lips. You knew he didn’t mean it. You gave him a small nod and stood, ready to put your torn shirt back on before his cold hand once again gripped your wrist - it was a bit softer than it had been earlier.
“Wait.” He commanded, and though you were confused you obeyed as he went off into a side room. To his credit he didn’t leave you waiting too long, bringing back an extra of his hoodies. It was a bit more worn than his current one, obviously older but the sentiment was still there.
“No use wearing that anymore, but you’re not going up there again without wearing something.” He mumbled, a slight rumble in his chest akin to a feline’s growl or purr. You weren’t sure what that sound really was even now, but you had grown rather accustomed to his quirks. You grinned at him and gratefully took the hoodie, slipping it over your head with ease thanks to the side of it. You noticed as his eyeless gaze shifted subtly elsewhere.
“Thank you, Jack.”
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imasimpforshanks · 3 years
Note
Heyyyyyy hiiiiii hope your having an awesome day drinking that water getting hydrated 😗. I was wondering if you could do a Law Angst alphabet please. But only if you feel up to it and have time. If you don’t feel free to ignore or do it later here now have a cookie 🍪 because your awesome 😊
Angst Alphabet - Trafalgar Law
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a/n: HI HI!!! thank you for your kind words!! I hope you are looking after yourself <333 here is the law angst! Please enjoy 🥰
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A-Accident (would they blame themselves if you died in an accident?)
He would only blame himself if any of his actions led to the accident that caused your death (we’ve seen him blame himself for that very reason about Rosinantes death). If his actions weren’t directly correlated to your death in any way then he would not blame himself, though he would kick himself for not being able to help you in time. Other than that, Law is painfully aware of the harsh reality that is life.
B-Break up (How would they break up with you?)
Law would break up with you in a seemingly emotionless way. He’d mask his true feelings, while telling you a whole bunch of excuses why the two of you could no longer be together. He doesn’t believe any of them, but he’s got to do what he’s got to do.
C-Crying (how would they make you cry?)
I feel like I’ve used this one in a few other character alphabets but it really applies to Law too. He would cause you to stress and panic so much over his health and wellbeing. He’s a literal doctor. He should know to take better care of himself, but he just doesn’t seem to care about himself the same way you do. So it isn’t until you’re crying in front of him, spilling your heart out about how concerned you are for his safety that he realizes his health is important to more than just himself.
D-Death (how would they react to your death?)
My god, if Law was to lose another person that he loved, he literally would never want to let himself get close to anyone ever again. Your death would be it for Law. He’d basically be on the verge of giving up himself. What other reason does he have to go on.
E-Emotion (what is one emotion they would try to hide the most and how would they do it?)
He tries to hide every emotion. Law doesn’t like to be too open, out of fear of people using it against him or it simply being too much of a sign of weakness. So, very rarely does he let his emotions show. He also tries to divert attention away from himself in hopes that people won’t focus on him or his emotions for too long.
F-Fight (do you two ever fight? How big are the fights? What do you fight about? Etc.)
This was covered in his fluff alphabet! But here it is again:
Your fights tend to be pretty short lived resulting in forgiveness and apologies from both sides relatively quickly. He really doesn’t like to stay mad at you for too long – he’d much rather have you two on the same page.
Most fights are caused by stress and concerns of health and safety, so Law does a lot of eye rolling and using his title as a ‘doctor’ as justification that he knows what he’s doing so you just need to chill – but like I said these fights are very short lived.
G-Guilt (what is the biggest thing they feel guilty about?)
Law will never forgive himself for Rosinantes death. He will forever feel responsible for his death – it was all his fault. If only he hadn’t given that note to Vergo, then Rosinante would still be alive. He died because of Law’s incompetence (at least that’s what he tells himself).
H-Heartbreak (what would cause them pain in the relationship? How would they deal during a break-up?)
During a break-up Law would act pretty normal. He wouldn’t behave any differently until he’s left alone. Only then would he let himself go and truly feel that heartbreak.
I-Injured (how would they react if you are badly injured?)
Thanks to the doctor in him, Law is able to remain calm. He can keep his composure until he administers whatever treatment necessary. That’s not to say he isn’t worried though. He’s just capable of focusing on the injury right in front of him.
Only once he is certain that you are stable does he (or potentially his crew) go and hunt down the cause of your beating.
J-Jealousy (what do they do if they are jealous?)
When Law does get jealous (which is rarely), he gets quiet. His fists clench a little more, and his frown deepens. He also speaks less than usual (which is already pretty hard to beat). He only gives you short snippy replies until he eventually gets over it.
K-Kill (would they kill for revenge?)
Law would kill for revenge, yes. He literally wanted to kill Doflamingo as revenge for Rosinante. However, it was in Law’s plan that Kaido would be the one to kill Doflamingo (after they fought) – so I believe that is how he’d kill for revenge as well. He would devise a fool proof plan (okay maybe not fool proof, bc if the straw hats are involved who knows what could go wrong).
In short, yes. Law would kill for revenge.
L-Loss (what is their greatest loss?)
This poor man has suffered so much loss in his life that it’s actually really difficult to choose which would be his greatest loss. He lost his entire family as a young boy while also having a shortened lifespan himself. Losing his family, and the realization that he only had a few more years to live, really made him lose his will to live a good remainder of his life. Young Law literally became a pirate.
However, he did meet Rosinante (Corazon) and he gave him another reason to live. Furthermore, Rosinante actively sought out a cure for Law so that he could continue to live a long life. Basically, Rosinante became a father figure/older brother to Law. So, losing him – another ¬person he loved so dearly – would have been beyond devastating.
M-Mistake (what is the worst mistake they ever made with you?)
There was one day where he spent the entire day ignoring you. It was completely unintentional. His mind was swarming with plans and all this other information that has just come in. He got so immersed in it that he didn’t talk to you or tell you what was going on for a whole day.
N-Nightmares (how often do they have them? What are they about? How do they deal with it?)
Nightmares are one of the many reasons Law hardly ever sleeps. He’s haunted by his family’s and Rosinantes deaths. His nightmares get particularly bad around the same time each year (that is, around the time of year that they died). He wakes up trembling and on the verge of tears (but he never lets them fall). Instead of even trying to go back to sleep, he’ll make himself a nice hot cup of coffee and immerse himself in a book or work of some kind – anything to avoid going back to sleep and risking a re-run of that horrible nightmare.
O-Outrage (how and why would they get mad at you?)
Sometimes his exhaustion catches up to him and other times its all the stress building up that finally he snaps and all the emotions are too overwhelming that he just directs it to the nearest outlet, which just so happens to be you.
P-Past (what has happened in your relationship that changed the way you saw each other?)
You walked in on him absolutely breaking down over Rosinante. One evening Law retreated to his room while you and the rest of the crew were eating and drinking. He didn’t think you had noticed him leave, but soon you were following after him. You opened the door and found him breaking down in the middle of the room. You completely forgot that it was the anniversary of Rosinantes death. It was the first time you had seen him this distraught and it broke your heart.
It really cemented into your brain that no matter how tough he may look, he still suffers (probably more so than anyone). But, you were also grateful that you were able to see him like that, as it allowed him to start relying on you a little more.
Q-Quality (what is their most dangerous/toxic quality?)
His inability to openly express his emotions. Sure, now he will share with you how he is feeling, but that is with you and ONLY you. He still insists on keeping everything else bottle away from the rest of the world which is a really unhealthy way to deal with things. It’s not that you dislike being there for him, in fact, you appreciate how trusting he is with you. It’s just, what if there comes a time where you aren’t around and he’s in desperate need of someone to confide in?
R-Rejection (how would they react to you rejecting their confession (or the other way around)).
Law would wait until he was 100% certain you returned his feelings to confess to you. So, if you were to reject his confession he would be really confused for a while. He’d let it go because well, everyone has their own reasons – its not his place to tell you how you feel. All he can do is tell you how he feels and then the rest is up to you.
S-Scars (battle or self-inflicted)
He has no self-inflicted scars, and to my knowledge he has no battle scars either. But, his arm did get cut off and then reattached during the Dressrosa arc, so it actually is likely that there is a remaining scar from that (although I’m not certain).
T-Trust (have they ever broken your trust?)
Nope not at all. In fact, the only instance in which he would possibly break your trust, or lie to you, about is when he went to Punk Hazard and sent his crew to Zou. Some would assume that he wouldn’t tell you his plan out of fear of your safety, but that’s not true. He had to tell you. You taught him to be open and honest, and to trust. So that’s exactly what he did.
U-Urge (how badly do they want to see you after you guys separated?)
Law has gotten so comfortable around you that whenever you aren’t there, he gets unbearably anxious. Your presence is soothing, even if he can’t see you, even if he can only hear your voice echoing throughout the Polar Tang, it’s enough to put his mind at ease. So, if you are separated for a while… oh boy does he want to see you badly.
V-Vicious (what do they do when they lash out on you?)
He tends to yell at you. He tells you to “piss off” and that “you’re only being a nuisance right now”, despite you only wanting to help him.
W-Weak (what makes them feel weak how do they try to avoid it?)
Not being able to control things makes Law feel really weak. Weak may not be the right word, but it definitely makes him feel unprepared. He doesn’t like when things are out of his control and he can’t account for things. Which is usually why he always does extensive research and preparation before constructing a well thought out plan.
X-X-ray (what do they hate and show it most obviously?)
Well, I mean other than his obvious hatred of bread, Law also really hates when he works extremely hard on formulating a plan only for it to be completely thrown out of the window by a reckless straw hat wearing captain and his entire crew. (and somehow everything still ends up working out!!! That is the part that frustrates Law the most HAHAH).
Y-Yearn (what is one thing that they want but can’t have?)
One of the only things he’s ever really wanted was for Doflamingo to be taken down. He’s been partially successful in that sense, seeing as Doflamingo is in prison now. However, he wants more than that. He wants Doflamingo to suffer the same way he has.
Z-Zero (what do they do/say in your dying moments?)
It may seem a little out of character but… I believe Law would be borderline desperate/inconsolable. There would be a lot of clinging on to you, begging you not to leave him like everyone else he’s ever loved. He can’t handle another person leaving him, it’s too much. It’s far too much.
He wouldn’t cry (just yet), but his voice would tremble, and his hands would be shaking. His mind would be racing with all sorts of theories and possible ways he could save you. How could he possibly prevent the inevitable?
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eliemo · 3 years
Text
Guilty Conscience
Summary: Patton knows he’s a hypocrite. Sometimes it’s just so much easier to care about someone else. 
TWs: Mentions of past abuse
Notes: Something small and different to set up some upcoming angst. Sympathetic everyone. Taglist at the bottom
Learned Behavior Masterpost
Patton had always considered himself to be fairly observant. Oblivious sometimes, sure, and he definitely had a habit of trying to ignore the negatives, but he always saw more than he let on. 
Apparently, he wasn’t as observant as he’d thought. 
Everyone had told him not to dwell on it, Virgil especially, and he tried to take their advice. He really really tried. 
And sometimes it worked. Sometimes he could put all his energy into the present, on making things better, on ensuring it never happened again. He could try to fix his mistakes, even if he had no right to be forgiven. 
But there were times when he couldn’t help it, and he found himself sitting up in bed in the dark, replaying old memories over and over again in his head, thinking about everything he’d missed. Every warning sign, every red flag, every silent cry for help he’d been too blind to see. 
Patton often thought about the first time Virgil had joined them for dinner, the night he’d revealed his name in an act of trust. Right after they’d stopped him from ducking out, disappearing completely. 
Sometimes Patton let himself wonder what would have happened if they’d been too late. If they hadn’t even looked for Virgil. If Thomas hadn’t been so dysfunctional without him, he would have been left to fade away to the subconscious. He would have vanished from their lives forever, before they even got to really know him. 
Virgil would have faded without ever experiencing a shred of true kindness. Virgil would disappear still thinking he was meant to be beaten and hated, knowing nothing but fear until the day he died. They would never have been able to show him otherwise, and they never would have known to regret it. 
That first night he’d joined them as more than Anxiety, Virgil wouldn’t even step foot into the kitchen until the food was on the table- and even then he’d looked like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to be there. 
Once they’d all gotten settled down, Virgil had been wide eyed and tense the entire time, watching them all warily like he expected them to poison him. It had taken Patton a moment to realize the anxious side hadn’t even picked up his fork, and another to work up the courage to ask him if something was wrong with the food. 
“It’s fine- I’m ok,” Virgil had said quietly, but Patton had caught the slight tremble in his hands. “I just...sorry, I’m just not...are you actually ok with- with this? With me...eating?” 
And of course, they’d all assumed it was just his anxiety about eating with them properly for the first time, still hesitant to believe they were actually willing to accept him, and Logan had gently assured Virgil that he was more than welcome to eat as much as he wanted. 
Virgil hadn’t eaten very much that night. The same thing happened the next few meals he had with them, hesitant and tense, barely touching his food. Patton had decided not to push, letting Virgil take his time to settle in and get used to the changes. 
He wondered what would have happened if he had pushed, if he’d realized that Virgil hadn’t been sure if he was allowed to eat, convinced he would be hurt if he didn’t ask permission for something so simple. 
It wouldn’t have undone all of the hurt Virgil had already gone through, but Patton would have been able to reassure him sooner. He could have kept himself from lashing out like he had the first time he found out about the treatment Virgil considered normal.  
But there had always been evidence of what had been happening behind the scenes, long before Virgil ever felt safe enough to tell them his name. Little things that had been easy to miss back then, but were so obvious now. 
He’d always been closed off and quiet, but the light sides had just chalked that up to him being...Anxiety. Patton had always been careful to be polite, but now he knew he should have looked closer. 
Virgil had always carefully kept his distance, unusually wary whenever someone would walk into the room, and Patton had seen him trembling a few times one of them got too close. 
The long sleeves and baggy clothes, the times Patton had seen him with a little extra concealer on his face, the way he’d sometimes ask permission to leave the room even when they already saw so little of him. 
Virgil had avoided the kitchen like the plague, too. (Even after they’d learned the real reason why, it still took months to convince him it was safe) Patton had once found him getting a snack in the middle of the night, greeting him with a tired, “Anxiety?” 
Virgil had jumped, stumbling over his words as frantic apologies spilled from his lips, and Patton had been too tired to do much other than quickly reassure him and step away as Anxiety hurried back to his room. 
Virgil hadn’t been able to look Patton in the eyes for a few days after that, always flinching away from any movement when he briefly appeared in the living room, leaving even quicker than usual. Patton had naively assumed he’d just been startled, and wanted some space like usual.  
Patton had been an idiot. He should have seen Virgil was being hurt years ago, not when Virgil had been driven to ask why his new family wasn’t doing the same. 
Patton was always so desperate to keep everyone from focusing on the bad things in life, he’d ended up turning a blind eye to suffering happening right in front of him. Suffering he could have stopped. 
Virgil had only lashed out at them once, but Patton knew he hadn’t meant it. Not really. “You never bothered to talk to me until I was useful, anyway!” 
Virgil had apologized over and over again, convinced he would be hurt for the outburst, but Patton almost wished he hadn’t apologized, that he’d stuck to what he said and believed it. 
Because on nights like this- sitting alone in the dark of his room thinking about how things could have been different- he knew Virgil had been right. 
They hadn’t gotten to know Virgil until they realized they needed him. They hadn’t bothered to look past the aggression drilled into him, never thought to wonder why he was so distant until it was almost too late. 
They’d left him to endure the abuse on his own, when he could have been safe so much sooner if Patton had just looked a little closer.
Virgil didn’t blame him, no matter how much he should. Even after all this time, he still just seemed amazed he was being offered safety at all. 
Patton was glad for that at least. It wouldn’t undo his mistakes, but at least he could hold Virgil close and listen to him breathing, reassuring himself that they hadn’t been too late. Virgil was alive and safe with them. He would never be hurt like that again. 
It helped, but it didn’t do much on these nights. They were less common than they had been in the beginning, but Patton was familiar enough with the racing thoughts to know he wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight. 
He was never able to keep himself from crying, but he’d press his hands tightly over his mouth to muffle any sound. He couldn’t make anyone worry about him- not over this. He wasn’t the one who’d been hurt. 
Patton sighed, the sound small and shaky, wiping at his soaked cheeks as he threw the covers back. There was no use staying in bed with no distractions. He’d get a drink to help his now raw throat, and then put on some hopefully calming music. 
He knew it wouldn’t do much, but it was better than nothing. 
Patton padded down the hallway, wrapped up in his cat hoodie and hiccuping softly from lingering sobs, but when he made it to the kitchen he quickly realized he wasn’t alone. 
There was a single light turned on over the sink, casting the kitchen in a dim, golden glow. Janus was seated at the table with his hands folded in front of him, and even in the poor lighting Patton could see how exhausted he looked.
When he glanced up, mismatched eyes dull and pained, Patton thought he was looking in a mirror. It was hastily concealed in a second, but the guilt and shame held in his eyes was a perfect reflection of Patton’s own.
He knew Janus was being plagued with it too, bombarded by thoughts of everything they missed. All the signs had been right in front of them, and if they’d just thought to look they could have stopped it.
 But instead they were here, kept awake by their own regret, weighed down by the irrational belief that they were the only people who could have ended the abuse. 
“It’s late,” Janus said, too strained to be casual, and Patton knew he’d seen it too. “Do you plan on sleeping anytime soon?” 
Patton smiled sadly, wiping away the residual tears as he made his way into the kitchen. “Not tonight. You...want some tea?” 
Janus shook his head, going back to staring blankly at the table, and Patton didn’t try to change his mind as he silently bustled around the kitchen. He made himself a cup, but made sure there was enough hot water left if the other side changed his mind. 
“Mind if I keep you company, kiddo?” 
Janus scoffed like he usually did at the nickname, but he gestured vaguely at the empty chairs, so Patton took that as a yes. 
He settled down in the seat next to Janus, watching the snake carefully as he sipped at his tea. Watching Deceit at least gave him a distraction from the tightness in his own chest. 
But he knew that look far too well, knew Janus was getting lost in memories and what ifs, and he knew it was tearing him apart. It looked like he hadn’t slept properly in days. 
He took a risk, setting his mug down to gently place his hand over Janus’s own, who eyed him warily in response. Patton smiled, squeezing gently like he did for Virgil. 
“It wasn’t your fault, Janus.” 
For a moment he couldn’t read Deceit’s expression, feeling abruptly vulnerable under his stare, and he was unwittingly reminded of the court case, of being picked apart and turned in circles until he was lost.  
Janus tore his gaze away with a resigned sigh, but he didn’t pull his hand away. “Of course,” he said, sounding unconvinced. “I’ll believe that when you do.” 
Patton winced, tightening his hold without thinking. “It wasn’t...we couldn’t have known. We couldn’t have known.” 
It came out more desperate than he’d intended, like he needed Janus to agree, to reassure him, even if it was just a lie. Patton would settle for lies tonight.
“You couldn’t have known,” Janus corrected, and it only made Patton feel worse. “I...Patton, I watched him lie when he was hurt. I saw the change happen, I watched him close himself off and become...scared. I never knew he was so scared.” 
“You couldn’t--” 
“I ignored it,” Janus snapped. “He pushed me away and lied when he was hurt and I thought...I never thought...I should have gotten him out of there. I could have stopped it from getting that bad.” 
Patton ran his thumb along Janus’s palm, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “He doesn’t blame you.” 
“I know.” His voice came out more of a croak, and Janus scrubbed a hand over his face before continuing. “That just makes it so much better, doesn’t it?” 
Janus was watching him again, eyes sharp like he was reading the moral side like an open book, and Patton resisted the urge to squirm away. He wondered why he could come up with a million reasons why Janus wasn’t to blame, but couldn’t do the same for himself. 
“Maybe sometimes,” he admitted, choosing his words carefully. “But...it’s worth it. It means he feels safe here. With us. He’s...he’s letting us do better this time. You might not think you deserve it yet, but being a family means the world to him. He’ll learn to trust you.”  
Janus wasn’t meeting his eyes anymore, pursing his lips as his free hand ran idly over his scales. “I won’t...there’s nothing I can do that can make up for what I let happen.” 
Patton had gone through this before, back when the shock and hurt had been fresh. He’d had time now to mull it over, to process his guilt, and even after all this time it still popped back up on bad nights. 
Janus had only just found out, still hurting and blaming himself before the people who had actually put their hands on Virgil. 
“I don’t think he wants that,” Patton said. “I think he just...wants to be safe. He wants us all to be safe.”
He felt Janus tighten his hold, watched him take in a shaky breath as his eyes grew shiny from tears pooling in his eyes. He blinked them away before they could fall, and Patton felt his heart break. 
“You can cry, Janus,” Patton said, but he knew it would fall on deaf ears. “You’re allowed to be hurt.” 
“Nothing happened to me.” 
“You weren’t hit,” Patton said. “But you’re hurting. And if Virgil knew, he’d want to help you as much as you want to help him. He’s not angry at us, and he doesn’t want you to go through this alone. No one does. You can...you can ask for help.” 
Janus was quiet for a moment, the silence in the kitchen suddenly deafening. Patton glanced at his tea, wondering if it had gone cold by now. He hadn’t really planned on drinking it in the first place.  
Janus gave a short laugh, sudden and humorless, looking up to meet Patton’s eyes once again. “You first, Morality.” 
Ah. Well...Patton couldn’t argue with that, could he? Not when Janus was looking at him like that, like he could see every lost battle clear as day. Patton wasn’t the only one looking in a mirror tonight. 
“I...suppose I am a bit of a hypocrite,” he admitted, offering a small smile. He always was when it came to things like this. “But I’m alright, Janus. I really am.” 
Deceit sighed, raising his eyebrows in that way he did whenever he caught one of the sides in a lie. “Of course you are, Patton. And so am I.” 
Touche. 
That seemed to be the end of the conversation, the silence that fell no longer feeling quite so forced and heavy, but neither seemed particularly inclined to move. 
Patton dropped his head on Janus’s shoulder before he could think to talk himself out of it, shutting his eyes against the sudden urge to curl up and cry, the weight on his chest close to unbearable. 
Janus only tensed for a second before relaxing slightly, and he didn’t shove Patton away with an annoyed growl, so he figured it was alright if he stayed for a moment. Maybe the comfort would do them both some good. 
At some point, Janus scooted his chair closer to drop his chin on top of Patton’s head, the two of them sitting silently at the kitchen table, letting themselves get buried in their guilt. It was easier to place blame in silence, anyway. 
They stayed that way until the sun began to rise a couple hours later, bathing the kitchen in the pale light of dawn. 
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i saw your post about Charles and what his personality past and part in the story line so i was wondering if u could do the same for vlad? :)
Ah, well, I can at least let you know what I’ve seen so far? I haven’t delved too far into Vlad, and some of his general impressions can be confusing, so I’ll do my best to make it sensible and unbiased! Here you go lovely <33333
Fair warning, there will be mentions of a lot of JPN app content since Vlad and his boys aren’t around much in the ENG app yet.
My general sense of Vlad is basically discount vampire Sasuke Uchiha.
What I mean by this is to say–according to what I’ve read so far–his clan/family were murdered by vampire hunters in cold blood when he was just a young boy. Presumably as a result of that traumatic event, he harbors a sizable enmity towards humanity and kind of lashes out on them in weirdly specific moments of violence. Another aspect of his motivation is something that’s mentioned within Comte’s route; which is that Vlad went through the timespace door on his own one day and allegedly saw a devastated future, where nothing remains of life on earth more or less.
I guess the reason I find him to be so perplexing is that he speaks about his actions in terms of efficiency, while most of the things he does just feel like unhappy outbursts (v often a product of unresolved trauma symptoms, I’d wager.) I also say this because he appears to have no larger pattern to his fury beyond the original event of his loss. Most of the human beings he attacks aren’t much of a threat to him and hurting them really doesn’t bring him any dividends beyond revenge.
For instance, he insists his disdain for humanity and insistence on controlling them is for the sake of ensuring they do not destroy the future–the horrifying wasteland he witnessed when he traveled through the timespace door. However, I’m not really sure how his current movements really speak to that goal? I mean sure, maybe he’s relying on Faust to create an immortal human so that humans will be forced to care because it will be their future too, but he doesn’t allow Faust to draw his pureblood blood for experimenting. (One can most certainly argue this was more about a lack of trust, and perhaps for plenty reason: Faust is vindictive enough to try to turn the tables and exert control over Vlad, or act on his own whims with his findings.) But if that’s the solution he’s waiting on, turning the rivals of the men in the mansion doesn’t really bring him any closer to that vision either? I mean, what good does it do to bring back Gilles de Rais–a prominent French serial killer? How would unleashing him on the populace help humanity “realize the error of it’s short-sighted and wasteful ways” and move to a brighter future?
Can’t help it, I ask these questions as I read.
In Comte’s main story, Comte hammers home that Vlad is not somebody to be taken lightly. One day when MC goes out to buy flowers, Vlad poses as a human florist to sell them to her–which is how Comte finds out he’s in France, and that he’s made contact with MC. When prompted, Comte describes him in a very particular way; and I think people really overlook this when they talk about their relationship. He says that Vlad is frighteningly pure in terms of the way he thinks and acts. The way I understood his description (given what I’ve seen of Vlad) is that Comte really does mean it point blank: Vlad is very simple in terms of why and how he does things. The issue with this is that nuance and context are lost on Vlad as well–and that’s where the problems start to flood in. Vlad is angry at humanity for what they’ve done to him. Baseline? That’s fair, they killed his damn family. However, Vlad thinks that by extension he has the right to decimate the general public and attack people completely uninvolved in his hurt.
And that isn’t right either–it’s ignoring so many factors here. He’s ignoring how much vampires use and toy with humans as pawns, it’s ignoring the massive power imbalance between him and his victims (this really isn’t a case of self-defense most of the time, nobody but Comte/Leo is a sizable threat to him), and he’s ignoring whether or not a person even did anything to deserve his retributive violence. While murder is never okay, it is perhaps more understandable when we see Jeanne’s frenzied and violent belligerence in response to a man who murders a boy’s mother for the sake of his own amusement/convenience. Vlad literally sees almost every single one of the rivals he created begin to heal/improve and murders them in cold blood because they are no longer of any use to him. That’s uh……..that’s a little messed, not gonna lie to you chief.
While part of me understands the efficiency here–he doesn’t want to leave any traces of his involvement, he doesn’t want any loose ends–it’s also just kind of foolish and cruel ultimately. From my understanding of the narrative, all the people he turned had some visible sign that indicated their origin to Comte. So even if he claims it was for the sake of concealment, it was more likely about his personal convenience. Which…..also yikes.
[Comte clearly does not trust Vlad to be reasonable, and I think there’s plenty of good reason enumerated above, but I actually don’t sense quite so much hatred? I think he’s just given up on the idea of Vlad growing up, even if he doesn’t like giving up on people. And considering Vlad’s behavior, I think it’s overkill to say that Comte just abandons him because he doesn’t care lmao. Even when Comte expresses real anger at the end of his own route, it was more because Vlad was fine with endangering MC’s life just to get back at him. I think Comte’s unhappiness with Vlad has more to do with Vlad’s treatment of human life as meaningless and worthless. It’s fascinating but also kind of sad? Vlad’s traumatic experience results in behavior that is a direct exacerbation of Comte’s trauma, and as such--no matter their potentially fond history--they can’t stomach each other.]
In Comte’s route, Vlad also has Shakespeare abduct MC and take her to the cathedral. Later on in the castle, we see an immediate display of Vlad’s shocking powers: he has the ability to manipulate people’s desires/thoughts. I’m not exactly sure how this works, but he is able to give MC visions of the mansion and Comte coming on to her–which shocks her into realizing it’s all just a dream. It’s not reality; it’s all manufactured by Vlad.
After that...weird introductory note...Vlad gives MC the rundown on his life together with Comte, which as always is subject to a question of bias. My assumption is that he did not lie, only because he was trying to convince MC that he was “right.” Furthermore, he does not omit the most damning evidence of his erroneous judgement, which suggests a continued inability for him to see where he went wrong.
We get a series of three flashbacks. The first is them as young kids. I don’t know if Vlad had already experienced the horrors of his family being destroyed, but this particular flashback focuses on Comte. His parents, in an effort to teach him that vampires and humans have no ability to co-exist, send away all of his teachers/mentors/nannies/the servants--pretty much everyone and anyone he was closely bonded to. Think about it this way: we can see that Comte is very sociable and affectionate by nature. He was living in a house full of people, all of whom cared about him and looked after him in their own way. Now the house is entirely empty. Naturally Comte is very very upset, and Vlad appears to try to cheer him up with little success. 
[When I look back on this scene I don’t think I initially registered the sheer dissonance of Vlad’s reaction, versus Comte’s catatonic misery. There was a very solemn feeling to that memory, and the correct choice in terms of extending comfort is to hold his hand believe it or not. There is a sense that he feels very alone. When young boy Vlad enters one can argue that it was the proper thing to do; he was trying to cheer up his playmate and friend. But at the same time, I think I need to double check. Because I’m beginning to wonder if I was wrong. What if Vlad was happy to see someone as alone as him, and that joy is accordingly dissonant for that reason? He can’t see what Comte needs or how he’s hurting because he’s so glad he isn’t alone anymore in a way.]
The second flashback is the war nurse scene that I have spoken at length about. The important thing to focus on here is Vlad’s surprise that Comte would opt out of turning her out of respect for her wishes. The way Vlad frames the situation is starkly different from Comte’s. Comte sees himself as an outsider, somebody who invaded her life as a result of the timespace door and therefore has no right to suddenly change the course of her fate. He had no idea if she even wanted to live (considering the horrors she’d have to cope with and remember) or leave that time period at all, for that matter (considering the only thing keeping her going was helping the wounded/victims). Comte really was listening to everything she had to say, and he was taking her concerns and motivations seriously. 
Vlad simply says: if you want her, take her. It’s as simple as that for him. And in one way that’s not entirely wrong--assuming Comte would have every intention of looking after her and actually cares a lot about her. But what’s being ignored here is her agency and the fact that they really don’t know each other that well? Something like that could begin and be rocky, if it doesn’t end in complete disaster. Worse, I get the feeling Vlad is perfectly fine with the notion of turning her and if things don’t work out, just kill her or get rid of her. Again, the simplistic thinking comes into play here: it ultimately comes down to Vlad being self-centered. He’s thinking only in terms of satisfying his needs, he doesn’t seem to have any concept of a larger pair or group feeling. There’s an inability to bend/be flexible for the sake of maintaining a greater harmonious feeling. 
[For the record, I don’t think this makes him irredeemable? Only that it makes it very hard to live with him or love him, probably. There’s an inability to live at a joint pace? It’s always answering to what he wants without room for anything else most of the time, which to me is not living and it’s not love ;;;;]
Following their escape back to their own time, Vlad explains how he wants to use the door to turn geniuses and control humanity. He eventually wants to create a surveillance state, which would mean everyone is forced to move with his explicit approval, more or less. (He almost reminds me of Louis XIV, can’t tell if that’s what they were going for.) I have my doubts that his abilities could extend that far, but human history shows us that we are plenty susceptible to fascist and totalitarian rhetoric. In a shocking display of anger, Comte draws the line at controlling humanity and forcing them into a regime in which, and this is Vlad’s description not mine, “we (purebloods) would be like kings.” There’s definitely a concept of evolutionary superiority at play here, which echoes what I mentioned earlier; vampires seem to have this awareness that they’re apex predators in a sense, and enjoy the power that comes with that. Unfortunately, that probably makes for a fairly toxic/uncomfortable larger species culture, which is exactly what Comte and Leo hate lmao.
Vlad does not seem to find any issue with this sort of outlook, and asks MC to decide which of them--Vlad or Comte--is right. Who is more realistic, who best understands the future? As expected the MC replies that it's Comte, and Vlad goes from beseeching to big mad at record speed. He's p much that gif of the teddy bear that smacks its head down on the tables and then has the angry eyebrows.
This is where Comte intervenes, firing a warning shot that grazes Vlad's cheek and demanding he let MC go. In response, Vlad shoves MC into the turbulent timespace door--p much guaranteeing MC's death. (Essentially timespace is a void of sorts, a human being could never survive in that environment for long. Vlad fully knew this, and yeeted her anyway.)
So uh, yeah. Disagreement? Death. Moving on? Death. Nuanced approach to reality? Death. Beginning to think he doesn't really have a lot of patience or open-mindedness or any other kind of problem-solving approach. 
He raises flowers and gardens like a fiend, and he openly plucks any single flower with a blemished leaf. Even if a single petal is slightly damaged, it will be removed and destroyed. So one could argue his extremism reflects a kind of perfectionism as well. No room for errors or troublesome dissent. No ugliness of any kind. I mean in all of his interactions with Faust and Charles this is the overt undertone. Don't ask more of me than I'm willing to give. Behave like good children, mommy's busy. Is that insubordination? boss music begins
One thing I actually don't understand very well is his decision making in Dazai's route. Dazai finds out about what Vlad's doing in a nanosecond when he senses MC is in danger, and yet Vlad makes absolutely no move to eliminate Dazai? He just watches from the shadows. Even when Dazai grills Charles about his loyalty to Vlad, no retribution.
My best guess for this specific situation is that Vlad does derive some level of satisfaction thwarting the future of human beings/former humans. Dazai--being somebody with no great desire to live, no rivals to speak of as far as we can tell, and no larger aspirations--is a life that is easily extinguished. There's no satisfaction in it. When Vlad's clan was murdered and he saw the future decimated, it could be that he felt humans had invaded and eradicated every potentiality that was important to him. Where he might have lived happily with his family, that future was ripped from his grasp. Where he might enjoy his flowers and the creation of an immortal for the rest of conceivable time, that too was ripped from his grasp with a desolate future. 
So much about who Vlad is is about control, so it's very possible his lashing out is an extension of that. Dazai does not awaken any of the disdain he feels, and he does not succeed in overthrowing Vlad's control over Charles, so Vlad simply lurks in silence.
And last but not least, I've seen the preview to Vlad's newest birthday event story. The contents are incredibly revealing, in that MC wishing him a happy birthday and offering him a gift has him saying that it was "the best birthday ever." Granted idk if that’s sweet or just...beyond sad, but here we are. It’s only compounding my curiosity about the wound on his chest--I really do wonder if he was attacked and locked away by vampire hunters or hostile human beings or something. I say that only because that line speaks to a lot of isolation, and given how little he seems to care about turning people/subjecting them to his whims it feels odd. Why the isolation or lack of people who care about him? Is it a perceived lack where his actions alienated all the people who wanted to be close to him, or is it a more involuntary lack?
When she says let’s celebrate again next year, he seems a pleasantly shocked by the notion, and remarks “Ah yes, it’s a promise c:”. The preview was also mega horny: “You make me feel so loved, I don’t think I can be gentle with you tonight. If you enjoy it so much, then I won’t stop. I want to see you completely lost for me. I’ll teach your body what it means to be loved by a pureblood.” Aaaaaand pretty sure the CG was alluding to him licking the good stuff from her basement, though not entirely sure given it was only the preview. 
The brief POV they give us is also very revealing:
“You always keep your promises, and I think I underestimate all the time how much you saved me. You are good, only you are good in this world.”
“Will we continue to make promises to each other in the future? Well in that case--you will always, always be mine, my vampire.”
Tbh he’s...v sweet? In his own way? Honestly he feels like a crabapple that is just so sick of the world and wants softe wife to take comfort in. While granted that’s not really my thing, I know a fanbase appeal exists for these types--so if that’s your thing, have at it!
So now that we have reached the end of my ridiculously long analysis (when am I ever brief, I’m so sorry. If you made it all the way here you deserve a cookie at the very least, if not the right to chase me with a bat) perhaps it’s more clear why I said discount vampire Sasuke Uchiha? “My clan is gone, every other second I’m going to be in retraumatization insanity, when I’m not I’ll be seeking power/hobbies, planning the demise of people who wanted the best for me, building a team to my advantage and unquestioned control, and eventually settling for a lifelong love who sees the best in me despite my more difficult moments and perceived hollowing loneliness. Not the most ideal comparison, but I will say if Vlad was not already named the historical figure, would have pointed and yelled Uchiha.
That’s all from me folks, hopefully this was a fun way to get introduced to him? And again, hope I didn’t alienate--I fully respect what people do and don’t enjoy o7
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Villainsicle | Part 13
I know it’s been a while, and if I’m being completely honest, I really ran out of steam on this story for a while. But, we’re back! If you’re new to my blog and are interested in this story, all of the parts up to this one can be found linked in my pinned info post.
Thank you guys so much for all your support of this series so far! I hope you enjoy this part, too!
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CW//Mentions of bathing, restraints, drugs, dehumanization, conspiracies, collars, talk of diseases, talk of falling, Stockholm syndrome, affectionate caretaker, conditioned whumpee
After their bath, Villain rested.
It wasn’t exactly how Counselor had imagined the whole affair going. Villain had already spent so many days resting, laid up in that same bed, but once they were clean and settled into fresh clothes, they had requested nothing except to be able to return to sleep.
They supposed it wasn’t entirely unexpected. While the bath hadn’t exactly been physically exerting, there had been several instances during it that Villain had nearly burst out in tears. Whatever was going through their mind, it was undeniably intense-- and that wasn’t even mentioning the heavy dose of sedatives coursing through their system.
And, thus, Villain slept. They were unconscious almost immediately upon hitting the mattress.
This time, however, there was no nervous twitching to accompany their unconsciousness. Instead, for the first time, their face showed a perfectly placid expression.
Taking care not to wake the sleeping patient, Counselor draped a fleece blanket overtop of them, tucking its edges in around their shoulders. They twitched, but did not awake. A moment later, they buried their face in the fabric.
Counselor had never before imagined that Villain was even capable of existing in such a calm state. Yet, here they were, looking for all the world as though not even an earthquake could wake them up.
Their gaze flicked to the bedrails. Upon returning to their bed, Villain had not so much as seemed to note the leather-and-foam restraints hanging there.
Yet, Counselor could not draw their gaze away from them.
Villain had been staying in the base for weeks, phasing through various states of aggression and fear and sickness and, on rare occasions, hesitant happiness. But, even after all that time, no one truly knew anything about them.
At least, Counselor knew nothing about them. Based on the way Leader and Medic’s expressions twisted when the prisoner was mentioned, it was clear that the both of them knew more than they were letting on-- but neither was keen to admit as to such.
Maybe Hero had had more luck on this information gathering mission.
But how much information was there really to gather? Officially, Villain had simply appeared on stage a few months ago, alongside two unknowns. More or less, they had acted just as any other villain did.
The other villains, however, had motives. Backstories. They were following orders.
Villain... If anyone on the outside cared about them, they had yet to risk any sort of jailbreak.
There was more to this than the official story, Counselor knew that full well. How much more... as to that, they had no idea.
But they had no need to rely on second hand accounts and official reports to know what Villain was. That much was obvious. They were a villain. Whatever their backstory, whatever their past, they were dangerous.
Right?
Counselor’s gaze drifted back to those restraints. Those simple straps, dangling from a metal bedframe.
At some point, Villain may have been dangerous. But not right now. Right now, they needed help, and that was exactly what Counselor was going to give them.
And, if they wanted that plan to go anywhere, they would have to start with the doctor who harmed their own patient.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 
This time, when Medic answered the knocking on their door, their glasses were on the right way around. They blinked a few times, rubbing their eyes, hardly noting as the piping hot cup of coffee was pushed into their hands.
The doctor glanced down at the beverage before looking back up to meet their visitor’s gaze.
“I thought you wanted me to sleep.”
“Well, that was before. For now, we need to talk.”
“If this is decaf again, I swear I’m going to strangle you.”
“It’s not. Though the same threat applies to you if you try to go back to the med bay.”
“I’m a doctor. In fact, I’m our only doctor.”
“I’m a doctor, too.”
“Psychology doesn’t count.”
“Fair enough.”
“If we’re done threatening each other, then, would you care to, I don’t know, tell me why you’re bothering me?”
“As I said, we need to talk.”
“Do I even need to ask what about?”
“I think you already know that. Come on. You have your coffee, so there’s no excuses.”
“You really think I’m going to be that penitent about this?”
“Maybe.”
Medic rolled their eyes, but did not protest any further as Counselor turned and walked off. The two moved to a rather isolated table, tucked away in the corner of a hallway. The cafeteria was far too crowded at the moment to host such a discussion.
On opposite sides of the table, the opposites sat. Two cups of coffee clinked down on the wooden surface.
Counselor took a sip of their drink, placing the cup back down and raising their gaze. Medic frowned, lips turning downwards even further than usual.
“What, are we planning on talking through telepathy or- Come on, Counselor, stop looking at me like that. I hate that.”
“Then are you going to say anything?”
“I can’t read your mind.”
“You said you knew what this was about.”
“Maybe.” Medic shrugged dismissively. The doctor had been horribly standoffish, ever since Villain had been captured. “Doesn’t mean I’m going to start trying to guess your thoughts.”
Counselor took another sip.
“Fine, then. I can start.” Sip. Clink. “Villain told me something very interesting, earlier.”
“You really believe them?”
“I haven’t even said it yet.”
“Then stop wasting time, maybe.”
“Villain says that you’re making them sick.”
Medic’s brows furrowed.
“That’s what they said?”
“Pretty much verbatim, yes.”
“Well.” Medic took a hesitant drink of their coffee. “I don’t know why you’re even wasting your time on a notion like that. What they are is paranoid. I don’t doubt that they think I’m making them sick. Doesn’t mean it’s true.”
“You’re saying that your patient is lying.”
“Maybe not lying. That would imply that they know what they’re saying is not true. They are sick, I will not deny that. And they are not responding to treatment. I can’t say that anything I’ve tried so far has made it any better, but it certainly hasn’t made it worse.”
“Why would they believe such a thing without reason?”
Medic exhaled.
“Because, in Villain’s mind, they do have reason. They have a child’s understanding of medicine. They are sick, and they are under my care and taking my medicines, and thus, in their mind, one of these things has caused the other.”
Counselor cast their gaze downwards, focusing on the way their milk danced its way through the black beverage before them. It was a reasonable explanation. Maybe. They may not have trusted Medic, but they trusted Medic’s abilities as a doctor.
Could Villain really be wrong?
“If they’re wrong...” Counselor began again. “Then what is making them sick? Their incident with hypothermia was weeks ago, now. It can’t still be that?”
“I doubt the two are connected. If this was all a matter of post-hypothermic reactions, then we wouldn’t be seeing these kinds of symptoms.”
“What is it, then?”
Medic bit their bottom lip.
“That’s the problem. I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? They’ve been in your care for... well over a week, now.”
“You think I don’t know that? If you haven’t noticed, I’m the world’s leading expert on Enhanced biology. Not to mention, y’know, an experienced doctor for normal humans. Whatever this is, it’s not a normal sickness. I’ve done every test I can think of.”
“And... it’s getting worse, isn’t it?”
“Not as badly as you might be fearing. Their weakness is worsening, yes, as is their general mental state. But their vitals are fine. They’re not in serious danger of anything, so long as they don’t hurt themself.”
“You think they’d do that?”
“Given just how bad their confusion has been getting? I’m already putting preventative measures in place.”
“Oh.”
Medic raised a brow.
“You thought I restrained them for no reason? I’m not Leader. There are medical regulations about this sort of thing.”
“They’ve been hurting themself?”
“Not what you may be thinking of. But with how bad their weakness has grown, they can’t exactly stand up without aid, at the current moment. Forget walking. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to have realized this.”
“They’ve fallen?”
“A few times, yes. If that is all, I was really just starting to enjoy my day off, so-”
“Wait.” Counselor shook their head. “People don’t get sick for no reason.”
“Congrats, you know a basic medical fact.”
“You know what I mean. You’re the smartest person I know. You must have, I don’t know, a theory? A hypothesis? Anything?”
Medic blinked, placing down their cup.
“I do. Though right now, I have no way of proving it.”
“What is it?”
“Villain has what we call... psionic powers. Powers that affect only a person’s brain, but not their physical body. It’s the rarest type of power, oftentimes because something you can’t see is often something you can’t detect. Thus, this group of powers is poorly understood, to say the least. But I’m sure you know what power fatigue looks like for other Enhanced.”
“Like when Hero broke their leg?” Counselor guessed.
“Yes. The simple act of overexerting ones powers, even without outside injury, can cause physical injuries like that to develop.”
“You think Villain’s having power fatigue?”
“It’s my best guess. It would check all the boxes. An undetectable illness affecting the brain, but nothing else. A never before seen condition.”
“But... is it something you can cure?”
“I can’t cure tiredness.” Medic shook their head. “That’s really not how it works. I can do my best to counteract the symptoms, but so long as the source is still there, I’d be fighting uphill.”
“Then what can you do?”
“I can remove the source.” The tiniest smirk crept onto the doctor’s countenance. “Power fatigue is caused not by using ones powers, but using them in a way that the body cannot handle. At least, as far as we can tell. If Villain can control their powers enough, their symptoms should go away.”
“You really think so?”
“I hesitate to guarantee anything. Not with how poorly understood the condition is.” That smirk fell, replaced by Medic’s resting expression of annoyance. “But training them to use their powers properly is the only way I can see them getting any better.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. I’m also sure that I would really like to go back to my quarters. If you’re done bothering me?”
Counselor bit their tongue.
“Fine.”
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Counselor had momentarily considered returning to their own quarters, but had quickly decided against it, instead turning to the kitchen. They had yet to eat that morning, as had Villain. They figured that a warm meal might help them shake off the sedatives.
And, maybe, some food would make Counselor’s own stomach stop twisting.
They only made it halfway to the kitchen, however, when in the hallway, they nearly slammed into Hero. The two both yelped, and a slosh of Counselor’s coffee slopped to the floor.
“Shit, sorry, are you okay?” Hero asked. There was considerable nerve in their voice.
Counselor nodded. “You just started me, ‘s all.” They glanced down at the spilling coffee now sitting on the tile floor. “I’ll, uh, get that later. I was just heading to the kitchen.”
“Oh. Um, could it wait?”
“I need to bring Villain something to eat.”
“Can it wait?”
“What-”
Counselor’s gaze drifted to Hero’s twitching hand.
“You have something?”
“Mhm. I don’t think it’s going to take very long.”
“Can I see?”
“Not here. Not with everyone else around.”
Counselor raised their brows quizzically, but nodded.
“To your quarters, then?”
“I guess that’s as good of a place as any.”
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 
As soon as Counselor was out of sight, Medic changed their trajectory.
The musty air that filled their lab acted on them like a drug, sending a calm shiver down their spine. If they had the day off (or if they were being forced to take it off), there was no way they were going to spend that precious little free time moping in their quarters. Not when they could be here.
They sat, the memory foam of their desk chair still molded to their form. The laptop before them booted up with a familiar chirp and bright pink screensaver, written upon in white text:
“Property of Organization. Unauthorized Use Is Unlawful.” 
The grainy selection of videos blinked before them, and they selected the next one in the series. Even if they didn’t have access to their Asset at the current moment, they could at the very least work ahead.
The screen fizzled to life in all its low-definition glory, displaying a familiar room, its walls plastered with protective black rubber, and its tile floor made of the same material.
The presenter wore a bandage on their face, covering the side of their jaw. The gauze warped as they smiled, but they seemed to make no note of it.
Beside them, the presenter’s own Asset stood. The muzzle around their face had been modified, its metal warped as to compress its wearer’s jaw, to the point that even breathing was an impossibility.
Extreme, perhaps, but based on the Asset’s behavior, it was warranted.
Though their movements were weak and unbalanced, they were persistent, not ceasing yanking against their leash for the slightest moment. This time, unlike before, the presenter seemed to be paying attention to them, though they did not seem worried.
“It has been some time since we last spoke.” They began. “I apologize for the delay, but, hopefully, it will not happen again. After all, training our Assets is a full time job.”
A smile. Cheerful, stretching their cheeks.
“Unfortunately, I must report that the recent delay we experienced was as a result of my own Asset lashing out. This was unfortunate, but it made me realize that there is a flaw in my training methods. A flaw I seek to instruct you, today, on how to remedy.
One advantage we trainers have is that we have 24/7 access to our Assets. As we take care of them, we can choose to meet their needs in whatever way we see fit.
Deprivation has always been a part of Asset training, since we pioneered our methods. But it was something I, unfortunately and unwisely, neglected. And I have done you all a disservice by not mentioning it to you.
In order for training to truly take effect, there must be room in an Asset’s mind for it to fit. A reason for them to follow. Fear, certainly, is this reason, but there are other aspects to control.
Following my Asset’s incident, we have been working using these methods of deprivation. Depriving your Asset of things such as nutrients, water, and sleep can significantly speed up and solidify your training. In this lesson, we will go over this, and how it can help you improve your training methods.”
The presenter’s smile was matched by their Asset’s wicked snarl. From the corners of their mouth, licks of flame emerged, just for the slightest moment.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 
Hero handled the flash drive as though it were a bomb.
Perhaps it was, if the writing on the device was at all to be believed. Scrawled on in sharpie, a hastily written yet well received warning.
“Property of Organization. Unauthorized Use Is Unlawful.” 
As if Organization cared about the law.
Hero seated themself in their office chair, leaving Counselor to sit a few feet back, on their bed. They almost flinched, plugging the flashdrive into their laptop.
For a moment, the computer hummed, before it reported chipperly that new files had been added.
“Uh, Hero?”
“Yeah?”
“Where did you get this thing?”
“Leader gave it to me.”
“Did they say what it was.”
Hero shook their head. “That’s what we’re about to find out.”
Still moving terribly nervously, Hero opened the folder that the computer had created for these ‘new files.’
“It’s... videos.”
“Videos?”
“A couple of them, yeah.”
“Should we... play them?”
“I don’t- I don’t know. I mean, if Organization is involved, I’m not sure I want to know what’s on them.”
“It could help Villain.”
Hero sighed, dipping their head.
“I hate when you’re right.”
With deft fingers, they selected the first video.
It had been so long, since any of them had seen Traitor. More than that, it had been so long since any of them had seen Traitor smile.
And yet, that was what they were doing. Grinning, ear to ear, eyes locked upon the camera.
“Hello, everyone, and welcome to the second edition of the Asset Training Video Course. If you are confused, the first edition of this series was, unfortunately, cut short due to... an incident. We will all miss our last presenter, but that does not mean that our duties can be shirked.”
Traitor turned, looking offscreen, calling:
“Veni huc.”
The language the words were in was clearly not English, but the person who moved on-screen did not seem concerned by that fact.
Villain smiled as well, though their warm gaze had an inquisitive quality to it as they regarded the camera. A chain-link collar was arranged about their neck, but it was attached to nothing, and seemed to more or less hang limply.
“For this series, I will be demonstrating all you need to know about Asset training. This, here, is my own Asset, Cadet. As you can tell, they are very well trained, if I do say so myself. They will be helping me show you how to train your own assigned Asset.”
Traitor’s hand reached for Villain, who did not flinch a moment. Their hand ruffled Villain’s hair affectionately.
Villain smiled, and leaned into the touch.
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spookyboywhump · 3 years
Text
Alright Andrew. His whumpee. Didn’t think I’d get it finished but here we are
CW: pet whump, dehumanization, starvation, sleep deprivation, “it” as a pronoun, Young whumpee (18)
***
Rae gripped the edge of the table he was sitting on, blinking tiredly as he looked around the examination room. He felt as though he were swaying, as though the room were tilting, and he focused all his energy into staying upright. He looked up when a man entered the room, he assumed this was the doctor his owner had told him about, he seemed pretty upset about having to bring him. Rae would have to make up for that later, he realized.
“Alright- your owner didn’t actually tell me what’s wrong,” He started, “So I was hoping you could tell me.”
“I Uh, I passed out…” He murmured, reaching up and rubbing his eyes. “I think I hit my head…”
“You did.” The man said bluntly, and he reached his hand up, realizing there was blood dried on his forehead. He winced as another pang of hunger hit him, wrapping his arms around his middle and doubling over. The doctor sighed, as though he already knew the issue. “When was the last time you ate?” He asked, and Rae whimpered.
“Um… I don’t… know…” He said softly.
“And the last time you slept?”
“When I passed out-“
“Before that.” He sighed again.
“It was… a day ago maybe…?” He really didn’t know, his days often blurred together. His face was heating up, he didn’t know why he felt so embarrassed over this. It was only what his owner wanted, and what Mr. Harfield wanted was more important than anything else. At least, he was pretty sure that was the case.
He sat there and tiredly watched the man, trying not to fall asleep again. Apparently the only real injury was to his head, and he thought that maybe coming all the way here was an overreaction on his owner’s part. At the same time though, it did make him happy to know he cared enough to do this. He stayed as still as he could when his hair was pushed back, the man cleaning the blood off his face for him.
“The only thing really wrong is that your owner needs to take better care of you.” He said, and Rae frowned, leaning away.
“He- he takes good care of me, sir, I promise…” He murmured. “He brought me here, be-because he’s worried, and wants- he wants me to be okay…”
“I’m sure he does.” He said, not sounding sure at all. He asked Rae to stay still while he finished checking him over, shining a light in his eyes and asking him questions that he couldn’t quite make sense of. By the end of it he just wanted to go home, even more withdrawn than he was when Mr. Harfield had brought him in. The man was giving him an odd look, as though trying to figure something out, before asking, “I just need to know- how old are you?”
“Twenty.” He blurted out, the question catching him off guard. He wondered if this was a test from his owner, he’d been told time and time again, “If anybody asks, you’re twenty years old”. He didn’t understand what it mattered, but the doctor didn’t seem satisfied with his answer, something that made him nervous. “I’m twenty years old…”
“No you’re not.” He said, even further confusing Rae. He couldn’t think clearly enough for this, anxiously glancing around the room. He didn’t know if insisting he was would get him in trouble for lying, but he also didn’t know if Mr. Harfield would punish him for telling the truth. The man seemed to guess what he was worried about, because he said, “You’re allowed to tell me the truth. He doesn’t have to know.”
“...Promise…?”
“I promise.”
“I-I… um, I’m eighteen…” He murmured, immediately freezing up when he saw a flash of anger across the man’s face. It passed quickly though, and he watched him push his glasses up, punching the bridge of his nose.
“Of course you are. Okay- stay here, I’m going to go speak to your owner-“
“Wait!” He cried, his eyes wide. He practically fell off the table, falling to his knees in front of him, the man quickly stepping back. “No, no y-you- you promised, please, d-don’t tell him, I-“
“Hey, hey calm down,” He said, kneeling down with him, gently putting a hand on his shoulder, though Rae flinched away at the initial movement, “I’m not going to tell him what you said, I told you, I promised.” He said. “I just need to talk to him about your condition- you’re not in trouble, I swear.” He told him, and Rae took a shaky deep breath, trying to calm down.
“O-okay- okay, right, I’m, I’m not in trouble…”
“You’re not, you’ve been nothing but good for me. Just wait here.” He told him, getting to his feet, and Rae watched him leave from his spot on the floor, struggling to calm down after the initial panic. He was fine, he wasn’t in trouble, he was good. He hoped the man meant it.
***
He couldn’t send the boy back with that man. Not right away, he didn’t trust him to give him the treatment he needed, if he could just get his strength up he may feel more comfortable sending him back, but for now, he didn’t.
The blood dried on his forehead wasn’t the only injury he had, there were bandages around one of his arms and fresh and faded bruises on his face, his neck, and likely more of him. He was pale, he was clearly thin and underweight, and the dark circles under his eyes were nearly indistinguishable from bruises. He couldn’t save him, but he could at least let him rest, even if only for a night.
His owner hadn’t seemed too concerned when he brought him in, even now he just looked irritated as he fidgeted with his phone, waiting for an update. He looked up when Andrew came into the room, his eyebrows raised.
“Is it okay?” He asked.
“He needs to stay overnight.” He told him, unphased by the blatant dehumanization of the kid. “I just need to observe him a little while longer, is that okay?” He hated having to ask for permission from any of these people, but he knew he didn’t have a choice.
“Yeah, that’s fine.” He sighed, waving his hand dismissively. “I’ll come get it in the morning, we’ll discuss payment then.” He said, getting to his feet. “Let me know if it gives you any trouble, I’ll handle it.”
“Right.” He said, glad to get him out of there so quickly. He waited until the man had left before returning to Rae, who was still kneeling on the floor. He felt bad for not telling him he could get up before he’d left. “Alright kid, you’re going to stay here for tonight, just so I can make sure you’re alright.” He told him, and Rae nodded slowly.
“W-where is- Uh, Mr. Harfield…?”
“He’s left already. He knows you’re doing alright, and he’ll be back in the morning. If you’ll come with me, you can stay in a somewhat more comfortable room for the night.” He told him, and the boy shakily got to his feet, Andrew quickly grabbed him and kept him steady. Once he got him settled he would get him something to eat and some water, and then let him rest. It wouldn’t fix him completely, but it would at least help.
***
The boy somehow looked even younger when he was asleep, though Andrew thought that he may have been overthinking it. He couldn’t help it though, he looked so sick, and fragile, and though he didn’t look anything like him and his demeanor was so different, he reminded him of another eighteen year old, who spent far too much of his life in a similar situation.
He didn’t actually know what happened to Zander. He didn’t know what happened to Cain, even. What he knew was that he answered to Nicholas Fairfax now, and he didn’t care for that very much. He knew what to do if Cain was still there, he knew that Cain would be outraged to know this kid was here. He would support him, even help him to do something about this, but Nicholas was different, he reminded him of Cain’s father far too much for him to trust his opinion on this. There was certainly a better way to do this, but he knew that no matter what, he had to get this kid out of here.
He’d spent a lot of time thinking it over, almost distracted as he checked on his few other patients, the ones who had lost recent fights. For nearly ten years now he’d kept the specific details of his job from his wife, and he couldn’t imagine her reacting well if he brought in this strange kid, beat up and wearing a collar, and didn’t give an explanation. He could always lie, but he hated lying to her as it was, and he knew how these victims were, Rae would behave too strangely to go without an explanation. He always thought he’d take this to his grave, or at the very least, have a better plan for telling her. He didn’t like the idea of it being so last minute, but he didn’t like the idea of letting Rae go home to that man even more. He thought about his daughter, and if it was anyone other than Rae he may have been more hesitant to do this, but he didn’t believe he would’ve been capable of hurting anybody, much less a child. He’d keep an eye on them, keep them separated, rhis was only a temporary solution after all.
This is ridiculous, you can’t save him, He told himself, getting more anxious the more he thought about the idea. It wasn’t his job to save anybody from this, it was his job to keep them alive. He didn’t have any authority over these people, or their “dogs”. Once again he found himself wishing he could talk to Cain, he’d be able to do something about this, or at least he’d let Andrew do something about it. He wondered if he could get anywhere with Nicholas, but the thought of going through that process right now, he didn’t have the time, he either did something tonight while he was still there, or he let somebody else send the boy home in the morning, after he’d already returned home from being there all night long.
He came back to check on the kid later that night, he was curled up, fast asleep. He wondered how long he could even survive with that man, who was so careless he didn’t even bother to feed him. He remembered thinking about how Zander probably wouldn’t even last a year, and somehow he’d made it at least seven years. Seven years he’d survived, but seven years, maybe more, he’d lost to this place, to this kind of torment. He didn’t know what kind of irreparable damage that could do to somebody, even somebody as strong as Zander was. This kid was no Zander, he was small, timid, he had no fight in him, and when he pictured how this would turn out for him, well, it wasn’t good, and he couldn’t bring himself to do it again, to keep his mouth shut and look the other way and let him spend what could very well be the last years of his life in absolute hell.
Just before he got off his shift in the early hours of the morning, he woke Rae up, helping the disoriented boy out of bed. He was still weak, but he could fix that over time, he was going to fix things this time the way he should have before.
“Come on, kid,” He said gently, unsure if this would even register with him, “I’m going to get you out of here.” At that his eyes widened, and though Andrew prepared for him to struggle or protest, he simply slowly nodded his head, both of them understanding the simple fact he was not going back to his owner.
***
Tag List: @starnight-whump
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farfromsugafanfic · 3 years
Text
Sutures - Chapter 12: Cardioplegia
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Genre: Soulmates AU, Idiots to Lovers, slight Enemies to Lovers
Pairing: Yoongi/Named Reader
Warnings (chapter specific): mentions of family member death, medical procedures, ANGST, hospitalization, references to memory loss
Synopsis: “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” –Jean de la Fontaine
There was only one thing you and Min Yoongi had in common that night. You were both brokenhearted. You only intended to be together for one night, but when you both end up in the hospital the next day you discover that you are soulmates. It could kill you to be apart. As you and Yoongi attempt to sever the bond between you, will another be formed?
Note: Before y’all demand my head on a stick for this ending, please note that there is an epilogue and bonus part still to come.
Previous | Series Masterlist | Next
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"Min Yoongi? Jang Sumi?" the doctor asked, carrying a clipboard in his hand. "So, I hear you have some concerns you need to discuss with me?" 
You recognized the doctor from when you'd ended up in the hospital after the night you met Yoongi. He seemed to be the only soulmate bonding specialist in the whole city and your stomach turned. You wanted your needles.
"Yes," Yoongi said. "You see, an urgent family matter has come up for Sumi and she has to fly to the US as soon as possible." The doctor nodded. "The issue is that due to my schedule, I can't go with her. I know you said there were exemptions for work, do you think this would cover that?" 
"It's hard to know," the doctor said. "It's possible you would have no problems as the conflict involves your work. But, for Sumi, there's nothing obligating her beyond the love for her family. I fear it would be risky. We wouldn't know until Sumi is on the plane and if you both have a reaction, it's likely Sumi wouldn't be able to get to a hospital in time." 
"Then, no," Yoongi said. "What are the other options?"
"Wait," you said, touching Yoongi's bicep lightly. "What are the chances I have a reaction on the plane?" 
"I'd say a 70% chance you react, 30% you don't. If it'd been over a year since you'd met, it would probably be 50/50. As the years go by, reactions become less likely. At least in the limited experience and research, we have from soulmate couples. Every couple is different."
"I'm willing to take the chance. Maybe we could hire a doctor to fly with me--" 
Yoongi's hand shot to grip your thigh cutting off your words as your jeans rubbed against your skin where his fingertips touched. Even with the fabric between his skin and yours, it still felt like sitting too close to a fire. The sparks flying just over your head. 
The doctor arched his eyebrow. "There aren't a ton of options. We are researching drugs right now to help curb reactions in situations like this, but since the reactions are individualized in some ways, it makes it hard to develop one drug that will work for all."
"I can come with you," Yoongi said, "It's the only option." You saw in the way his lips were in a slight frown that his thoughts were racing. His voice quieted. "And you'll need me."
"Yoongi, I-I don't know how long I'm going stay. You can't stay forever and I might."
Yoongi's eyebrows rose as his lips fell into a frown. "You want to stay?" 
You felt the atmosphere lose color. The vibrant scene slowly turning black and white. Yoongi's hand still rested on your leg like it belonged there. 
"I could teach Korean. Do translation work. I don't know. But, I miss my family and knowing things can happen so quickly and I could lose them, I just..." Unlike all the other times, there were no tears. You couldn't cry over this. You wanted to cry, grab the closest objects and fling them at the wall until they dented it, or at least chipped the paint. You wanted to grab Yoongi and kiss him, tear off his shirt, pull on his hair. But you couldn't. The only thing you could do was sit and listen to the doctor say you had to choose.
"Can we talk about this privately?"
"Before you make any decisions," the doctor said. "I should inform you that we have been working on an experimental cure. We haven't tested it on any human subjects yet, but we could use you if you consent. We can't guarantee it will work, but if it does, it would solve your problems. We don't know what side effects would be, but we would keep you for 24 hours for monitoring." 
"Is it safe?"
"We believe it is. We've done animal trials and while they don't have soulmate connections like you do, they have not shown any side effects that we're concerned about." The doctor stood up to leave. "I'll give you some time. I know this isn't an easy decision, so take your time." 
Once the door closed, you and Yoongi turned towards each other, your knees knocking together. His hands found yours, but you felt his gaze on your face which was angled downward, your eyes focusing on the way his thumb moved slowly over your knuckles.
"Yoongi, I don't know what to do. I need to see my grandma. I wish this wasn't so complicated and I'm scared cause what if the cure doesn't work or it gives us weird side effects. I mean, technically we could die. Yoongi, what do I do? I'm gonna lose my grandma. I-I don't want to lose you too."
"Hey, hey," he said, letting go of your heads and pulling you into his chest. You heard his heart beating against your ear and how his fingers shook slightly as he ran them over your hair. "It's going to be okay. Let's just think about this." 
He was silent for a few moments. You didn't even hear the doctors and nurses rushing past the room or the beat of your hearts. 
"We were working to sever this anyway. We won't lose each other. I'll still be here for you. You can still call or visit. I'm just concerned if something bad happens with the cure. Are you willing to risk everything for your grandmother?" 
"Yes, of course." 
“Then, we'll try it. I want you to be happy, Sumi. I want you to be able to see your grandmother, okay?" 
You nodded. "Are you sure this is what you want?" 
"If it's what you want, then I'm sure." 
"Yoongi, I'm sorry. I know you--" 
"Shh," he said, smoothing down your hair and bunching it up and curling it around his fingers. "Let's just enjoy this last moment, yeah?" 
You burrowed into Yoongi's chest. You would truly miss his warmth, the way his heart beat in time with yours, how he noticed when you were anxious, and handed you your needles. You weren't sure someone like him would ever walk into your life again. And here you were, allowing him to walk out.
---
"Thanks for coming," the doctor said, nodding towards Namjoon and Eunji who stood off to the side, sharing furrowed brows and concerned glances between you and Yoongi. "Since we don't exactly know what state they'll be in after this we want to make sure they have someone to look after them after."
While the doctor continued explaining worrisome symptoms and aftercare protocol, Yoongi turned towards you and grabbed your hand, slipping a folded piece of paper into it. You flashed him an odd look before pulling your hand away and unfolding the paper, finding a plane ticket to Los Angeles. 
"I've made the arrangements. If you miss that flight, I'll get you on the next."
"Yoongi, you didn't--" 
"Yeah, I did. Now, you don't have to worry, okay?
The doctor finished talking to Namjoon and Eunji and turned towards you. "Are you ready? We need to induce a reaction for this to work, so I've made arrangements for one of you to receive the treatment at another hospital nearby. Which one--" 
"I'll go." Yoongi got off the bed and met your eyes. You'd already said goodbye, but it didn't feel like enough. There was a chance one or both of you could die. That it wouldn't work at all. There was an even greater chance that it would work and all the things you felt for the man in front of you would dissipate like fog in the afternoon. 
You'd miss the way you longed to run your hands through his hair. How your stomach flipped when he smiled at you or the way you felt his touch linger long after he pulled away. The way he could calm you with just a look or how he allowed you to fiddle with his fingers when you didn't have your needles. 
"Bye, Sumi. Call me whenever you need to, okay?"
You nodded and clasped your hands together tightly. He leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to your forehead and left the room before he could look back. 
Namjoon met your eyes and offered a sad smile. "Take care, Sumi." 
"You too, Namjoon." 
Namjoon followed after Yoongi and it was just you, Eunji, and the doctor. "Once her symptoms begin, we'll administer the cure. We'll then just monitor her for any reaction and go from there." 
Ten minutes later, it started. You felt the tightness in your chest, sweat pricking at your hairline, and your legs were restless, wanting to move wherever Yoongi was. 
"Eunji, hold her hands, help keep her still." 
Eunji was hesitant, but she walked over and held your arms flat against the bed. "It's gonna be okay, Sumi. Just breathe, okay? Just keep breathing." 
You flinched as you felt the needle in your arm and fluid spilling into your bloodstream. It was hot--not hot enough to burn--but almost. Your heart slowed, but your breathing didn't catch up. 
"Sumi, how are you feeling? Are you okay?" the doctor asked. You could vaguely make out the two figures hovering over you. Your vision went black around the edges and your legs went numb. You felt yourself falling and the two figures became smaller and smaller.
---
You woke up. White sheets surrounded you and the room was dark except for the light peeking in from the hallway outside. You heard Eunji in the hallway. It sounded like she was talking on the phone as you didn't hear another voice. 
"What do you mean, Namjoon?" Her voice sounded distressed. Worried. 
You glanced down at the IV in your arm. Your head hurt and you couldn't remember why you were here or how you got there. How long had you been here?
"He-he's okay, though? I mean, other than--"
Eunji's voice was now hushed. You strained to hear, but the machines connected to you began to beep. Eunji rushed back into the room, flipping on the light.
"Sumi!" Before you could blink she had her head pressed to your chest and was hugging you the best she could without disturbing all the needles and cords attached to your body. "When you passed out I thought you were going to die and I didn't know what was going to do without my best friend."
"Eunji--what--what happened? Who's Namjoon?" 
Eunji's face fell. "Oh, uh, that's not important. Let me get the doctor."
---
The doctor examined you. His eyes caught yours, a sad look crossing over them momentarily before he pulled away. 
“You seem perfectly healthy," he said. "I'm going to discharge you, but if you start having odd symptoms of any kind get to an emergency room. Okay?"
You nodded, not fully understanding. "Wait, how long has it been? How long have I been here?"
"It's only been a few hours, why?" 
"My grandma," you said. "I need to get to the airport and get a ticket and--"
Eunji reached into her purse and pulled out a slip of paper. "You have a ticket. The flight's in a few hours. If you hurry you can make it. I'll send your stuff along later." 
"You didn't buy this, did you?" 
"No, Yoo--you really don't remember?" 
"Eunji, what aren't you telling me?"
Your friend glanced over at the doctor who mouthed something you couldn't make out. 
"It's not important right now," Eunji said. "Come on, you need to get to the airport if you want to get to the airport on time."
---
"I'll miss you," you said, pulling Eunji in for a hug. "I'll call you when I can."
"Take it easy, okay? You just got out of the hospital." 
"I still don't remember what happened, Eunji. Why can't just tell me? Was it an accident? I must've hit my head." 
"The doctor thinks it'd be too stressful on you right now. Maybe I'll tell you someday, okay? Just go be with your grandma." 
You nodded, even though you overflowed with questions, something made you feel at peace as you stepped onto the plane and into your window seat. Normally, this is when you'd begin feeling sick. You settled into your seat and pulled your flannel closer around you. You didn't remember owning a flannel with the sleeves cut off. It must be one of Minki's old ones that you'd stolen, but for some reason, it kept you calm as the plane rocketed off the runway and into the air.
THE END 
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nightswithkookmin · 3 years
Text
JIKOOK BE CONCEPT- EXTENDED ANALYSIS
ANON: Hey Goldy, so I want to ask, what makes you look at one moment and decide the tension in there is nothing but then in another moment you claim Jikook are having issues? I ask because of the conclusions you drew on the photoshoot video when you said they were fighting but in two other instances where we can all clearly see that the mood between Jikook is tense like Jimin's mood in the Be Concept Clip and the other interview you have said it's nothing. I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, I just want to understand your thought process if you can walk me through it. It's ok if you don't respond. I love your posts regardless. Keep it up.
Thanks for your question.
I think I try my best as much as possible to share my thought process on why I reach certain conclusions and in instances where I do not have much time to delve deeper into a conversation I state an NB indicating I would be talking further about that particular topic later on?
I think the first thing I can point out to you right off the bat in regards to your question is that we may most likely be having different understandings of tension as pertains to shipping simply because we ship Jikook in different ways.
Again, I do not mean to say my perspective is superior or that someone else's is inferior. I'm just saying we may be having different views on the topic based on the differences in our shipping styles.
To me tension is not just a sense or feeling or mood. It is one of the metrics I employ in assessing whether or not a ship is real- stay with me.
In my experience, while people may be good at hiding a relationship, they can never hide the intimacy of the relationship or the stress of keeping that relationship a secret. Secrets are stressful to keep and they leave stress trails in their wake. It's as simple as that. If any ship is real in BTS you will see its stress marks.
It's not easy standing there, watching your man's nipples being played with, or having another man grope your intimate partner for entertainment purposes while you stand there smiling for the cameras- you can smile, but it's going to be fake.
It's not easy hearing how your man sneaks into another man's shower to watch him bathe and compliment the size of his dick.
It's not easy hearing how you can't stand next to your man in a line up while another person takes that position even if it's just for work.
It's not easy pretending not to love your man, while watching everyone else love on him. It's not easy being told what you can do and not do with your partner much less by your own peers.
It's not easy hiding your love and affection for the person you love, holding yourself back from kissing them, or hugging them or doing any of the intimate stuff you are so used to doing with them- not when you have to be around them all the time.
It's not easy having cameras shoved in your face during your alone, private time with your man, when you are watching them on giant screens and they are right there next to you but you can't hold them- please listen to JK's demo Delcacomania which he released on his birthday last year and you will understand why he cried when JM flew from Paris to see him on his birthday. I cried too.
My point is, it's really not easy keeping a relationship a secret within the same work space as your partner. It's not as easy as other shippers make it seem. That shit is stressful and stress begets tensions and tensions begets conflicts- especially if there are other people attached to the parties in the relationship.
A secret gets heavy before it gets easy but you can never erase the stress that comes with hiding that secret especially not in a group as diverse in personalities as BTS. There are bound to be clashes, there are bound to be slip ups- moments where the fourth wall is breached and many others.
Stress is usually one of the first indicators of people keeping anything a secret. I've been called toxic for this, but I pay a lot of attention to conflicts and tensions within the group dynamics regardless of the degree of that tension because that conflict to me is a sign of stress.
I can tell you for a fact, any ship that is kumbaya in BTS is not real. Any ship whose existence doesn't stress out the group dynamics is a ship made in Disney heading for Never-land. Conflict and tension is a sign of stress and stress is a sign of keeping secrets.
That's not to say every single tension within the group, between Jikook or any other ship is as a result of them keeping that ship a secret. I think we can rule out all forms of contrived tensions at this point- you know which ones I'm talking about. Ain't no damn person up in there tryna steal nobody's man in BTS. The fuck?! Lmho.
Then there are those tensions that are as a result of mood swings, bad hair days, a call being delayed, a missed period- what? some of them have girlfriends, cough cough. Yea, Don't mind me.
Tension could be caused by anything really and so I think it's not enough to point out tensions but you have to try and ascertain the cause and effect of that tension to see if that tension is as a result of the stress that comes with keeping Jikook a secret or whether it is rather causing stress or going to cause a stress in their relationship dynamics-
C'mon, now y'all know if Jimin should thirst over another man that that is going cause a lot of stress not just for JK but the group as well because Jikook's mood affects them too.
Jimlous and Jeonlous are also signs of the stress that comes with keeping Jikook's relationship a secret. Let's be honest, if they were out all of those wouldn't be happening. People wouldn't cross their boundaries as much as they do.
From my perspective, both of Jikook are constantly reacting, poorly might I add, to their relationship being a secret. It seems to me they both hate what they have to do to keep eachother a secret within the group.
Jimin keeps JK a secret by acting as if he is available and JK keeps Jimin a secret by acting as if he doesn't want him- cold, nonchalant, and the way I see them I think it drives them both crazy. Lol.
Jimin doesn't want to come out but he doesn't want to be kept a secret either. He just wants to be in that glass closet whereas JK seems to want to be out or completely hidden- he is not about that middle ground life, I feel. But that doesn't mean he doesn't make compromises especially where Jm is concerned.
Jimin is very conscious and highly judgmental of himself and I think he projects a bit of that into their relationship dynamics. As such he is constantly worrying about feedback, about how their relationship is affecting the group's dynamics.
You see this in the way he runs to JK upon the least complaints by any member about JK. Like when Jin complained about JK not choosing his bag over JM's, or when RM complained about JK buying a birthday present for only JM and not the others.
Or when RM complained about JK showing a song he had written to JM first before showing it to him in a VLive- now they didn't mention who they were talking about exactly but I knew from the moment JM started reciting Jikook's go to response for whenever they are called out for constantly being together, the whole 'we just so happened to be together in that moment,' that they were talking about JK. I don't know, I could be wrong.
JM is constantly trying to mitigate Jungkook's tendencies for exclusivity in their relationship especially where it conflicts with the groups interest even though that exclusivity and preferential treatment feeds directly into his love language.
It's that kumbaya in him I keep talking about. He would sacrifice their happiness for the groups. In my opinion.
But JK aint about that life. His entire philosophy is to pursue personal happiness first. So often, you would see him weaponizing their relationship secret against JM- trying to out him and shit. which in turn, ends up causing their relationship a ton of stress.
The best illustration I can give for this is when JK posted Ending Scene in early parts of 2019 and people started speculating Jikook had broken up because it was a break up song. JM immediately responded to that post with two posts, one about the Calico cat or something and the other pointing out how that song was just a cover. Jimin hates it when JK does something to create the impression that they are not together especially when they are together.
But at the same time, he would take a step back from their relationship, ask for space to try and nurture his other relationships with friends and family when he feels JK coming on too strong on him- like Jimin what do you actually want! You drive me nuts!
What I'm trying to say is that when you point out that JM looks tensed, you should be able to explain why you think he looks tensed.
And if you think his tension goes to the root of their relationship, then you should be able to predict the consequences of that tension too. Lol.
For me, I filter their tensions through their established patterns of behavior, their personalities and the actions that arise from their personalities- listen, the Maknae line can be very melancholic for no reason sometimes. Not sure what goes on but boy can they brood!
You have to consider all these things.
Tensions are obvious, obviously. Or maybe not. Most of them are quite easy to spot. Some not so much. They do go undetected if you are not hyper focused on them in certain moments when they happen or aren't aware of the context or subtext behind such moments.
Perspective is everything. We all don't have the same perspective. But no one holds the truth when it comes to Jikook. We can only speculate in a way that holds meaning to us.
Take for example Jimin and Jin's call during Jimin's VLive in March this year. There are a fraction of shippers who do not believe that that call was intercepted by JK at all simply because they do not see the subtext of that moment. Why would JK do that and not just reveal his identity, they ask. A valid point.
Then there are those who see JK interrupting that call as plausible because they believe they can differentiate between JK and Jin's call voice. Equally valid point.
Then there's me, who think yes that was JK's voice but goes further to try and anwer the questions raised by the first group as that, JK was pushing the boundaries both with JM and Bighit for barring him from doing a live with JM.
As such, I believe that call was an act of rebellion on his part to be allowed to Jikook with his man on the VApp. All that protest would then lead to a pivotal moment of him and JM having their VLive but under heavy surveillance. Lol.
Actions have consequences whether good or bad. Whether positive or negative. It's the cause and effect principle. Every effect has a predictable cause and every action has a specific and predictable effect.
If a moment of tension is created between them that is substantial, it is going to produce a subsequent substantial reaction. Law of Newton- I can't make this shit up. Lmho.
Another moment of this nature for me would be the VMin's unit interview filmed in February/March and released in June during Festa.
Now, if you were following the tensions between V and JK around that period, the context and subtext of that Interview would be easily apparent to you- V was just shading JK left right left. Bless him.
All that random flirting with Jimin- JM lost his Mochi cheeks, his pinky has grown were just code for JM is a grown ass man now so stop being possessive over him.
I have said Jikook have been asserting themselves against eachother this year following the lows of late 2019 and especially around that time period.
For Jimin, that self assertion takes the form of checking JK's over possessiveness over him as that is a huge cause of tensions within the group throughout the years and something that I feel really bothered JM in the later half of 2019 and early half of 2020.
Why does it bother him when he used to be the one enabling that shit in JK? The members, keep up. Lol but not just the members. Remember I said earlier how, Jikook had come under heavy scrutiny with May 2019 to June this year. JM I feel wanted to keep things really on the low but JK- sigh.
Believe it or not, JK dumb whipped ass exposes Jikook more than JM does in their relationship. In the very least his possessiveness and chest puffing when anyone breathes near JM is one of the biggest tells.
We all know Tae is one of the members that have openly pointed out his displeasure with JK keeping JM to himself, cutting him off from his friends and all. Now we all know also that Jimin's pinky is a huge deal to JK. The moment he saw VMin comparing pinkies that's when he began screwing with us for real! Lmho.
JK made a big deal about JM's pinky and also seemed to have a thing for JM's Mochi cheeks too, calling him his Mochi and shit right in front of Tae's salad. Listen, TAE KNOWS. He knows!
So I found it interesting, how those parts of JM were specifically the things that V felt had changed about Jimin- I mean go back and look at Tae's facial expressions and smirk when he started talking about that. Lmho.
Then Jimin clapped back with that whole pinky line from their song Friends, pointing out how contradictory Tae was being. Lol.
To me that has always been one aspect of Tae and JK's ship dynamics that I enjoy so much. Tae is constantly teasing and shading JK and it's so subtle yet passive aggressive sometimes. you might miss it if you don't understand the context of him saying certain things in certain moments.
He don't spare JM sometimes either. Chileee. You never know with this man. Lol.
I mean did y'all catch his jab at JK during Festa when JK brought up the rain fight and he said, yea but that was a long time ago though- give it a rest. When I tell you, this man knew JK was trying to one up him over the whole dumpling fight thingy he had with JM. Lmho.
Then in that dynamite MV reaction VLive when JK and JM tried to eye fuck through the viewfinder? Let's not look into the camera he says so eloquently then side eyes JK- I LOVE THIS MAN!!! Please stay on their necks for me. They play too much! Lmho.
JK's possessiveness over JM is one of the causes of tension within the group I feel and JK have said his hyungs try to teach him not to be so possessive. Tae, RM and Suga to me are those hyungs who keep him in check the most, most times.
All that being said, just because there is tension present between them in a given moment doesn't necessarily mean it's as a result of a conflict between them as I have explained in past posts.
The inverse of this is similarly true. Truth is we can never know these things for sure. We can only speculate.
And personally, as I keep pointing out I have my own metrics for assessing these kinds of things. I get it wrong sometimes and when I do, I simply adjust my metrics and keep it pushing.
It's my own customized metrics, the lens through which I filter their interactions and make sense of their moments and It works for me. Isn't that what having an opinion is about?
I find, some of their interactions or moments follow an established pattern of behavior from their past moments and so it's much easier to call those.
For instance, you don't need a six foot page analysis to identify Jimlous or Jeonlous when you see it. You don't need a crystal ball to tell you when JK nibbles on Jimin's ear that Jimin is nervous. They did that in 2018, they did that in 2019, they've done that in 2020- to me that's become a pattern and when I see JK anywhere near Jimin's ear depending on the setting I will conclude JM is nervous and JK is trying to comfort him.
All that would be left for me to determine then is why Jimin is nervous at all in that moment and if I find he has no reason to be nervous in that instant my next assumption then would be that Jeon Jungkook is horny. I'm not kidding. Jk scares me. Lol.
Don't mind me.
He could be horny or he could be touchy, or he could be just expressing his affections through skinship. All of that is valid so I would employ an elimination approach?
I would rule out Jikook sexual foreplay in instances like that based on whether or not JK's gesture was a mission given to him by the staff based on Jimin's reaction to that gesture- He seemed pretty disappointed when he learned that JK bopping his nose was just a mission.
At times too I test out theories.
Yes, Jimin is an extrovert but does he freeze out JK when he is being an extrovert? He doesn't. We have seen him grabbing the Jeon titties in behind the scenes photoshoot, we have seen JK shove his butt in JM's dick face, we have seen 50 shades of JK grab JM's neck and dip his hand down his neck into his chest region to warm himself up. We have seen Jikook at behind the scenes photo shoots countless times. They gravitate towards eachother.
So if he is being his extrovert self with every body but JK, and JK is orbiting him but not interacting with him as they have done in the past then honestly I don't need my crystal ball to assume something is up between them. Why? Because Jikook's interactions behind the scenes aren't susceptible to false conditionings as compared to the intentional, exaggerated versions of their interactions on camera which sometimes can be laced with fanservice.
Jikook is not fanservice. Most of their behind cameras are moments of them breaching the forth wall. Like JM walking into JK's room without noticing there were cameras in the room. Their mood in there was not a performance and wasn't intended for the cameras and yet they were still close. Them taking a picture at the back of the track was equally that- unintended for the cameras.
What I'm saying is, we have seen Jikook when they are working on camera and when they are not working on camera and that mood in that behind the scenes photoshoot video doesn't fit either description of Jikook in those settings to me regardless of whether I know them personally or not.
What that moment fits into for me is a pattern of behavior that has been consistent with Jikook over the years. And I know people box JM into this whole extrovert personality but as I've said I don't believe anyone is completely extroverted or introverted.
JM to me has a certain degree of introvertedness in him and I've talked about this. He seems to have a bit of an avoidant personality too where he recoils into himself or shut people out in certain moments like how he says he drinks alone and becomes much quieter when he feels stressed out.
He doesn't open up as much about his problems it seems, he bottles it all up untill it eats him up- I'm glad he says when gets like that JK notices his mood and often comes around to do something that makes him laugh. Jimin does same for JK when he is feeling anxious- Please, Jikook is real ok?
So stop telling lies. Lol.
I think this avoidant personality becomes more prominent in moments when he fights or argues with people.
In Manila it was that moment where he noticed JK staring at him and so be moved his seat back to avoid JK's gaze. In VMin dumpling fight, it was him going out to drink with Suga after the fight- classic avoidant behavior. In Yoonmin it was him asking Suga not to touch him when Suga put his hand on his back even though Suga was sat right next to him.
In 2017- was it the behind scenes photoshoot for the billiard pool games? We saw JM literally running away from JK. Lol. He literally side-eyed the fuck out of JK, yeeted himself away from JK the moment he finished posing for the cameras. In that OT7 footage where V was playing with JK's hair, again, he yeeted himself out of there real quick at the end of filming- dude literally said deuces bitches. Lol.
And in the Jin birthday VLive 2019, he pulled away instinctively when JK's knee touched his. In all these instances, JM was keeping up the facade. Smiling and interacting like his normal slytherin/ honorary hufflepuff self but his instinctual reactions is what gave him away. In my opinion.
To me that is a pattern of behavior on JM's part. When he is angry or mad st someone- he avoids them. And it's harder if he has to be within the same space with such person.... I'll circle back to this.
All the times since 2015 when he's been 'mad' at JK he's done just that- Akekeking with everyone else, amplifying his extrovertedness, latching on to his 'clutches' within the group, all the while keeping JK at bay while stealing glances at him to see his reaction at the same time.
And when he notices how that's affecting JK- he literally smirks in satisfaction. Meet evil chim everyone- And I say this with love, he is vindictive as fuck. I mean this is the same person who didnt hesitate to kill Army in a game just for disobeying him- allegedly. Same person who said he would whoop his bandmates except of course for JK and force them to bow at his feet if he was ruler. Did y'all see Tae turning to check JM's reaction when JK made fun of his singing in run? Did you see his passive aggressive reaction to JK after that clowning?
Listen, we all should be scared of Park Jimin. He is sweet and all but fuck with him... I dare you. PJMs are gonna revoke my PJM membership are they not? Oh God! Lol
JK is similar to JM in this regard. He avoids when he is angry or edgy. Try touching him in that state and he is pulling away. He did it with Tae in the Dynamite MV behind scenes where Tae tried to touch him and he pulled away and the whole not wanting to hold hands with Tae at the KBS interview thingy- it actually broke my heart watching that bit. JK. Sigh. Will post and delete the Taekook video I am talking about as soon as I post this- out of respect for their shippers.
JK does the same to JM too sometimes when JM irritates him. Manila and also around On promo when they had that Alex Almanto whatever unit shoot- they were all having fun, there's a cut and suddenly he is pulling away when JM holds him, does the lip thingy, and glares at JM. He turns away to look at Hobi, which I just think he was trying to hide his expression from the camera lol- JM almost burst out into laughter and I nearly peed myself watching that bit- JK can be very petty sometimes. Lmho
He did the same in this controversial photoshoot. He was mad at both JM and Namjoon which explains the part he was dragging his feet when he was walking away from JM. It wasn't because he was waiting for Jimin. He was avoiding Namjoon who was walking ahead of him. In my opinion. And the part he stood with Jin and RM- JM did something hilarious JK giggled a little but turned immediately to Namjoon and when he noticed RM laughing too he stopped laughing. Then he did that thing were he put the fear of God in RM when RM stood close to JM. JK was so angry he forgot his manners when he bumped into Jin in that moment and again, like always. He looked away to avoid the scenery.
Now I don't know what had gone on there but I'm still trying to reconstruct that moment to figure it out. All I know is something went on involving those three and may be Tae too as I have pointed out in previous posts.
JM was mad at JK, JK was mildly mad at JM but heavily mad at RM.
All these things I've mentioned are patterns of behavior that have repeated over the years from my delusional point of view of Jikook's interactions and of their interactions as against the group dynamics.
Circling back to the Be concept clip and JM's mood in there, I gotta ask. Do you think Jimin's mood was as a result of the stress of keeping their relationship a secret in that moment?
It wasn't to me. Even after looking away from JK he went back to looking at JK again. When their eyes met he smiled a little. Whatever was going on with him had nothing to do with JK or their relationship. If it did, he would have been much more hostile than that and frankly JK wouldn't be sat there cheesing the way he was doing in that instance. His butt would have been on fire.
JM seemed- serene and peaceful to me. I actually enjoy him most in his moments of quiet like these.
RM's reaction to that Jikook moment however is an indication of stress to me. He seemed excited, probably wanted to play with his Jiminie but when he noticed JM had looked away his instincts was to check JK's reaction. Not anybody else, JK.
When he noticed JK was smiling at JM he dropped his hands and seemed a bit deflated. That deflation right there is one of the signs of the stress I'm talking about.
RM isn't just the leader he is their friend. Like V his bond with JM suffers from time to time due to our elephant in the room. I am often fascinated by RM and JM's friendship dynamics and would definitely love to have conversation about their dynamics.
I hope this answers your question?
Please keep supporting Jikook. Jikool is real.
Signed,
GOLDY
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ectora · 3 years
Text
REVIEW 311
Screen time
Macy : 23m26s
Maggie : 20m07s
Mel : 18m25s
Harry : 13m20s
Abigael : 5m02s
Jordan : 4m28s
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Here is a table with the details of the time shared
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Opinions
In a general manner I enjoyed the episode. It was entertaining and well passed. I don’t think it was their strongest episode so far but it was an entertaining one. It finally started to connect the other characters to the main storyline but also felt almost like a filler for the sisters. I also think the show should have maybe showed more consequences and different good things for the sisters. Because except for Mel (and I’ll come back to that later), the good things that happened to Maggie and Macy are pretty normal. It’s not like Maggie didn’t work for that internship. It’s not like a free legal clinic would get bad press. Or that it can’t happen to be upgraded in a hotel. Like yes what happened to antonio and that old man was really bad but at the same time it just didn’t feel like the sisters were gaining that much from it. Maybe if they had sticked to only it being the consequences of what they had to do to get the allergy off or something, rather than good things that could have normally happened, happening. I’m not sure that nakes sense but well lmao
Positive points:
The perfecti. They’re actually really entertaining on screens and are just funny. I think they were a great idea and a good addition to the story. And I’m genuinely excited to see more of them and how they’re story is going to unfold.
Josefina getting her powers. I’m glad they ended up giving her her powers with “wakening spell” similar to the one the sisters needed when they became witches. I really like her powers as well it’s so fitting.
Macy smiling. I have my issues with how the whole thing happened and I’ll take about it later but I’m glad she was finally able to catch a break. The show is often giving her storylines without a lot of time for her to just breath and I’m glad she finally got the opportunity to do so.
Abigael and Jordan. Listen, I just have a soft spot for their friendship. I just enjoy watching them. Tbh they both have easy chemistry with everyone but these two together just gives me good vibes. I just like them together on screen. I also liked how absolutely soft he was with her. And how she easily recognise his qualities. I just love them individually and together.
Maggie finally getting some therapy. I’m glad they’re finally giving that to her. Now can they extend that to like ... literally every single one of their main characters cause they all need it.
Josefina and Mel. As always their scene were really enjoyable. I think it’s always nice to see Mel show other people magic isn’t their only power. And I like how it shows how understanding and empathetic Mel really can be.
Mel and Maggie. Once again, their bond is so sweet and feels very natural. I just love seeing them share normal sisterly moments.
Negative points :
those are only going to be the actual negative points I have. Others that are more like annoyance, I’ll put them with the remarks.
Ruby. I’m just tired of this show giving zero effort to that relationship. I’m a big time abimel shipper but the treatment they give melby is just disrespectful at this point. They had one little moment where they said “oh she isn’t here” and then that’s it. Not even pretending to be on the phone. Or a text message. Nada. This needs to be fixed. Either get on it or get rid of it. But enough. Especially when you compare it to how they treat the straights.
Abigael’s story. Apparently some people don’t make the connexion with self harm, but to me said connexion is pretty obvious. More and more obvious especially after last episode where they showed us Abigael hurting herself directly. It was graphic and kinda unnecessary imo. I think the story itself, of having Abigael’s sides fight each other is interesting but the way they approached it was very careless and if they continue being so adamant about showing us how broken abi is, they need to actually be careful how they handle this.
Things that just don’t make sense:
Did no one tell Maggie about Jordan being cured ? I’m so confused 😭
Mel. Again, is no one ever going to talk about the fact she never finished her phd in season 1 ? Or didn’t have any teaching experience. I know it’s a small things that’s probably never going to be brought up but it’s been nagging me djdhd
At the end of the episode when they go back to putting the egg, suddenly the air isn’t toxic anymore and it’s small but i realised right away and just haven’t been able to get it out of my head.
Same with Josefina and the book. Mel was right there. Couldn’t she have taken it ? 😭
Why did Harry and Macy took the portal to Paris ? Why just not orb.
I’m still confused by the whole demon trying to kill the witch side of Abby to be honest. Like I’m not sure how hurting her physical body is going to do anything ? Isnt her demon part gonna die too then ? Parker’s made more sense because it was like a sickness, you could say the magical cells were killing he humans ones or something. But here ? I’m confused.
Talking about demon abi, ... why this ugly ass dress. I understand the reason for different noticeable clothes but why does it need to be this ugly. Abigael Jameson-Caine is too fashionable for this.
The entire book of shadow thing like ? Did we just forgot Mel presented the book to Josefina the episode before ? Are we just erasing that from our memories ? What’s happening.
How they gonna freeze the therapist and then just leave a note like is she not supposed to unfreeze ? Maggie is just gonna be gone ? And with a sudden note on her laps ? What.
Remarks & speculations
Hacy. I don’t dislike the couple don’t get me wrong. I think they’re sweet. But the show focuses too much on that relationship. Macy barely feels like she has a story outside of it at this point. At least Harry has the whole white lighter thing but again the reason he wants to be mortal is Macy so ... if just feels like the show continues to centre these two characters toward each other first. However it was great to see Macy happy. But again like The sisters had one hug and then that was if.
I’m really sad we didn’t actually see Macy and Josefina interact. Or that we won’t see her reach them a bit more about her magic and the whole new side they don’t know about.
My babies in the tomb. I’m just really wondering what the deal with the perfecti. Are they so big on duality, good and bad that it’s to an extreme that is dangerous ? Abigael in some ways I can understand. She’s the demon overlord. She’s powerful. Her demon form tried to go after TCO. But Jordan ? Was he just a collateral damage ? Did they judge him bad because he was with abi ? Because he was cursed ? Or is it a plan they have that involved isolating TCO ? (I doubt it but still a possibility). I mean he was probably out there cause he was helping abi but then it being strong questions about the perfecti’s moralities and visions of the world. Cannot wait to see more.
Abigael was ... broken to say the least. Kudo to poppy for that, Abigael looked absolutely exhausted. You could feel the fear and exhaustion in everything she did. And I feel bad for her because she’s not only mentally exhausted but physically too. She can’t sleep safely. And I don’t know if everyone realised the level all this must have reached for Abigael to be ready to give up everything. Because she is different from the sisters on this, she grew up as a magical being. That has been her entire life. What has been defining her since birth. For her to be so ready to give everything up so she could finally just find some peace ... she’s literally at her limits.
Talking about abi. We know the sisters are gonna try to help Jordan in episode 13 but does that mean they don’t realise Jordan is gone until then ? So it’s easy to assume 312 will also have abi/jordy mostly and in the tomb. Speculations - if the synopsis of 312 is indeed about saving Jordan from the tomb and not something else - is that they’ll realise on site than Abigael is stuck too and will help her as well. Unless she does something good to help jordan and because of that they decided to get her out too. That could connect both story and have a start on the redemption.
Also while abi is gone are the demons just gonna wait around ? Like the fact they all just willingly followed her rules doesn’t seem realistic but even less when the girl is no where to be found.
I just want Mel to get a proper storyline. And Macy too. Maggie I feel is actually the best written one development wise out of all of them.
I think they brought the storyline of Harry being worried about his age and waiting to be mortal too early. He has a good ten years on Macy anyway. And they barely started dating. There are already a lot of things going on and I genuinely feel like they should have left that for next season at least.
Highlights
Maggie in therapy. “You seem like you have a lot of demons” “are you under a lot of stress” was genuinely funny. Maggie is so naturally funny I really love her for it.
Mel saying there isn’t another shoe to drop and demon Abigael saying hold me beer.
The dogs that does math. Don’t ask me why it’s just funny.
Josefina using her powers after realising she still has them
Macy’s face when Harry told her about becoming mortal as if he isn’t constantly talking about it djdhd
Abigael’s soft “jordy”
Celebrating later, running now
The entire witch ceremony at the end.
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maulusque · 3 years
Text
guess who just learned a whole lot about burns for a smut fic
it me.
so anyway now i have Ideas about how clone medics would treat blaster burns and they Definitely aren’t all going to make it into the fic because the blaster burn is honestly supposed to be an excuse for one character to undress the other
TW: burns, description of how severe burns affect the body (clinical, not graphic) and burn treatment
So, let’s assume that damage from a blaster bolt is basically a burn that is very small in terms of surface area, and whose depth depends on whether or not it was a direct hit, any armor you were wearing, the power of the blaster, etc. So you get 3rd and 4th degree burns that are like an inch square, which you don’t really see in the real world that often. I think any blaster bolt that comes into contact with a person is going to inflict AT LEAST a third degree burn (which means the epidermis and dermis are destroyed, basically the whole thickness of the skin), but usually would be deeper (4th degree), destroying muscle and bone and whatever else is in there. You’d only get away with a second degree burn if the blaster bolt just skimmed you and didn’t actually hit. Skin around the blaster wound would be white or black.
A skimming shot (2nd degree burn) would actually be the most painful, because once you get to 3rd and 4th degree burns, the nerve endings are destroyed so you don’t feel any pain. Which means that when you get shot with a full-power blaster bolt, you might feel a momentary flash of pain, but then nothing, and if the shot doesn’t immediately down you, you’d probably just keep going, and you might not even notice. Which. Imagine the angst potential of a clone trooper being shot 3 or 4 times and just. not knowing. Clone troopers who keep fighting despite being riddled with blaster bolts, right up until they collapse dead, never even knowing they were shot. Oof.
On the other hand, a weaker shot, say, one that hit a weak point in your armor or came from an underpowered blaster, might dissipate slightly on contact, meaning you’d still get the deep wound that wouldn’t hurt, but there’d be a small area of 3rd and 2nd degree burn around the opening, which would hurt like hell. A painful blaster wound would be a good sign, since it means it isn’t as deep.
Treating blaster burns wouldn’t be quite like real-world burn treatment, because real-world burns, especially severe 3rd and 4th degree burns, tend to cover a lot more surface area of the body than a blaster bolt would, because the things that tend to burn you that badly are not tiny and focused like a blaster bolt. Which means a blaster wound is probably less lethal than severe 4th degree burns, so yay for that i guess. Bacta patches, as well as the ability to cover the entire wound site easily without risking damage to delicate tissue, would greatly reduce the risk of infection.
Treatment involves excision (removal) of dead tissue, and usually for 3rd degree burns, skin grafts. 4th degree burns tend to need amputation- but I’m not sure if that would apply in a situation where the burn is deep but very small- instead of burning your fingers down to the bones (don’t go look at the wikipedia article for burns unless you want to see that), it’s just one small area of your body, with living tissue all around it. And since Star Wars has Magic Healing Juice, clone medics probably don’t need to go around performing amputations on everyone who gets shot in a limb. 
I think that burn treatment in the Clone Wars would be somewhat like this:
-in the field, slap a big ol’ bacta patch on it, to protect the wound and help stabilize the patient until further treatment can be performed (bacta would help the body handle the sudden physical trauma, as well as actively fight off any infectious microorganisms). Most blaster burns would probably heal okay with just a bacta patch (see: Rex on Saleucami), but really won’t heal properly without actual treatment. (Although Rex seemed to be just fine the next day, despite the nerve damage that immobilized his arm. My personal theory is that Kix used some sort of mega bacta patch, a step up from the standard. The little blinky lights on it indicate that it has electric components for some reason, so my interpretation is that somehow that bacta patch has Extra Features (tm) that allow it to regenerate nerves)
-once there is more time, the patient can be treated for reals. Removal of dead tissue could be accomplished by a medic with a scalpel, but it would also be interesting if there was a patch or ointment of some kind which was applied to a wound which would just, dissolve the dead tissue without damaging the surrounding tissue. Perhaps it involves some sort of microbe. Sort of like those tanks of tiny fish you stick your feet in and they nibble all the dead skin off your toes? Like that, but microscopic and for wound care. 
-the medic would then apply a burn patch, which is essentially a specialized bacta patch. The patch not only applies bacta to the wound, but also contains a pre-generated skin graft, so that as the wound heals, it incorporates the skin tissue from the patch into the healing wound site. The patch is not meant to be removed or replaced. Eventually, once the wound is healed, the top layer of the bacta patch is shed like dead skin flaking off a sunburn. These patches were developed specifically for the GAR, and can only be used on clones, since the skin tissue is generated from clone stem cells. The burn patches greatly speed up and improve burn treatment, since clone medics don’t have to go back in later and perform a skin graft, and subsequently monitor the healing of two wound sites, which would greatly increase the chance of infection. 
-Nerve regeneration does not always occur with the standard burn patches, and if it does, is not always complete or perfect. Many clones, therefore, have small numb patches at the sites of old blaster wounds. They may also suffer chronic cutaneous pain at those sites. Unlike in the real world, treatment for this would exist, but would not be available to clone troopers since clone trooper healthcare sucks.
-Nerve-regenerating treatments, like Rex received on Saleucami, are expensive, and are only used when the nerve damage is severe enough to be disabling (e.g. Rex’s arm). The special patches are particularly costly, and normally Kix would have waited until Rex was back in the medbay in order to apply a slightly less costly treatment for his nerve damage, but since they weren’t able to transport Rex and had to treat him in the field, and the nerve-regeneration treatments become less effective the longer treatment is delayed, Kix used the Mega-Healing Patch right away. 
-so post-engagement med-bays would have the following procedure: blaster wound patients who are well enough to move on their own (which is more of them than you might expect, since they’re not bleeding out or immobilized by pain), would line up in the med-bay, probably along a wall or in a designated area. Medical techs would go around, removing armor and blacks around wound sites and cleaning the area with water. They would then apply debriding ointment (the dead-tissue-eating stuff), and move on to the next patient while the microscopic pedicure fishes do their jobs. The patient would be checked every ten minutes or so to see if the ointment has finished removing all of the dead tissue. I think it would be cool if the ointment fizzed as it worked, due to the microorganisms releasing gasses as they metabolize dead tissue, and once the ointment stops fizzing, you know it’s done.
 Once that is done, the ointment is gently removed, and a burn patch is applied. The patient is assessed for further treatment, paperwork is filled out, painkillers given if the wound is less severe (and therefore painful), and the trooper is free to go. Troopers would probably be talking to each other and cracking jokes, singing songs, or complaining about being bored. Most of them aren’t even in pain. Medics aren’t at all reluctant to physically hogtie a trooper to prevent them from moving since it’s easy to forget that you’re wounded and start roughhousing with your brothers.
-improperly treated blaster wounds, i.e. ones that only received a bacta patch instead of a burn patch, would take much longer to heal, would leave a more noticeable scar, and would cause the skin and muscle of the healing wound to contract, which could be painful and limit mobility, depending on the location of the wound.
-which is why it is common practice to check your squad-mates for blaster wounds they may have missed after engagements, and it’s not uncommon for a medic to menacingly track you down like “I know you got shot, i saw it happen, now get your ass into my med bay before i write you up for clinical stupidity”
so ANYWAY there’s my Clone Wars Medical Headcanon of the day, happy new year. I’m going to go back to writing my smut and if anyone can guess the pairing i will be VERY impressed
MORE under the cut because i fell down a bit of a rabbit hole lol
OKAY so dehydration is a big concern with burns because the skin is what retains fluid and severe burns obviously damage your skin. Fluid leaks from the burn area, since the skin is no longer present to contain it, and this leads to loss of electrolytes and dehydration, and can be lethal. From my brief google foray, it seems that it wouldn’t be a huge concern for blaster wounds, since the surface area that is burned is very small. However, multiple blaster wounds would probably be dangerously dehydrating. Clone troopers in standard blaster wound treatment (i.e. the guys sitting around bored while the debriding ointment fizzes) are probably fine with oral rehydration, meaning that someone shoves a bottle of rehydration formula at them and makes them drink it while they wait. 
Patients with more severe blaster wounds are probably kept hydrated intravenously.
There are also potential complications during or after wound healing that are very interesting! Fluids continue to leak from damaged tissue while the wound is healing, and if the surface heals before the deep tissue, can lead to edema (basically, accumulation of fluid in body tissue) can occur. Edemas get worse with rehydration. If the wound doesn’t heal quite right, it can form a compartment, which is a closed space of muscle tissue, nerves, and blood vessels, surrounded by a fascia, which doesn’t stretch. If fluid is leaking into the compartment, the pressure can compress capillaries and nerves, which is called compartment syndrome. Troopers would be told to look out for the symptoms after they are released from medbay. Symptoms include:
-severe pain, out of proportion to the wound, which does not respond to pain medication
-paleness of skin
-weakness or, in severe cases, paralysis of limb
-prolonged capillary refill time (takes a long time for capillaries to refill with blood)
This would have to be surgically treated. 
3rd degree burns in real life can take months or years to heal. Due to Star Wars Advanced Healing Juice, and clone trooper genetic enhancements allowing them to heal faster than standard humans, this time is reduced to weeks or even days (again, see Rex on Saleucami). 
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