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#at least i'm studying something
effen-draws · 1 year
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Here's a very messy doodle for the third chapter of the swap fic!!
Kim kinda gets a hug in this one:-]
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amethystina · 28 days
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I catch myself thinking about Who holds the devil when my mental stability is falling apart. Your story helps me to stay afloat.
Thank you
I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling and, if I could, I would definitely give you a big hug. But, since that's not possible, I'm glad that I can still offer some comfort through my fic.
I've said it before, but knowing that my writing can give people hope, stability, or even just a distraction is the reason why I post. I will always write, but I choose to post it online because, just maybe, it can brighten someone's day.
And so please remember that. Even if I might not be able to update as often as I used to (due to my own health problems) I will always keep posting as long as there are people like you. As long as people enjoy what I do, I'll continue to share it.
I do it for you 💜
And while I don't have any snippets and such that I can share to maybe help you along, here's a simple sketch I just finished of Yo Han, on the subject of "You want to fuck that old man so bad it makes you look stupid."
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As I said to my friends:
Benefits of drawing: If I want to know what Yo Han looks like in the black Henley outfit I gave him in Who Holds the Devil, I can draw it
Downsides of drawing: I now know what Yo Han looks like in that black Henley outfit
... and now you all do too. You're welcome.
So yeah. Hang in there, darling, and do whatever you have to do to get through the day. I'm so glad that my writing helps. And even if I don't know you — and even if it may sound cheesy — please remember that I care about you. And, if I could, I would take all the pain away.
Take care 💜
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bytebun · 1 year
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hey don’t cry. 10 million blorbos from your shows, okay?
#commander cody#obi-wan kenobi#uh. i guess implied#codywan#star wars#bytebun draws#ok on twitter sometimes japanese artists i follow will caption their au posts with 'delusion for those who can accept anything'#(and then explain the au) (or at least that's what google translate tells me)#that's how i feel about this one.#can't imagine a universe where this guy would sit down to play mario cart w his bf's family after an obvious crying jag#but like maybe he watched legally blond or something & got rlly moved#abt the main character finding her own path with an identity separate from her partner without losing the core elements of her personality#and self-expression. and also winning at the law. you know?#au cody can have elle woods as his blorbo.#in my au where he's doing law things re: clone citizenship#but also fuck stylizing crying genuinely hard. idk if i can get stylistically simpler than the first pic & still convey the precise emotion#that i want. i'm cheating there with like some actual shading instead of hard lines... more studying required#it's like difficult to draw people crying bc/ it's one of those emotions that changes the whole shape of your face... the invert of a#beaming smile. the tears aren't the important part... that's why the 'stoic guy sheds single tear trope' is so funny#they're out there w their plastic immobile faces and a fake tear when the important part is all those scrunched up microexpressions#someone trying rlly hard not to cry has the deeper mouth corners & tense brow-eyelid combo & that wrinkle near the nostril#unfortunately all of these lines are also the only indication of old age in most anime lmao so its so so hard to figure out how to draw em#shld do some ch*insawman or g*lden kmy studies probably. those guys r pretty good at funny looking faces
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bonni · 28 days
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I. already kind of regret choosing to write a huge paper about play therapy as an alternative to ABA. almost all of the research I have found into play therapy treatment has presented it as something that should be provided in addition to ABA for supposed behavioral benefits, which is fucking asinine. the number one goal of child-centered play therapy is to cultivate an environment of self acceptance, and ABA is completely antithetical to that. if I have to read one more fucking article that talks about how play therapy did or didn't have an impact on the amount of eye-contact a child made at home as if anyone should give a shit about that I'm going to kill us all with hammers
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mars-ipan · 14 hours
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they're so GROSSSSSS (<- desperately wants what they have)
alt color under the cut:
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raininyourblackeyes · 11 months
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My cousin, a published writer, a well-known poet in my country and a literature professor, for whom I've always been no.1 support ever since her first attempts at writing in high school, told me that I must stop writing as a hobby because that's her thing and since I'm writing fantasy mostly my writing could never have any important artistic value anyways.
#what happened was that i was feeling really down these past few days#like mental health dead in mariana trench#and i went to visit her because she lives like 10 minutes away and has a cat i can play with#but yesterday morning a friend of mine made a fanart (i guess i can call it that) of a fanfic i am writing for the five of them#she sent it to me and said she's also working on an actual painting on a camvas of her fave scene from my original story#and i was so surprised and exicted#that's actually a too mild description#and when i was visitting my cousin i showed her the pic of the drawing on my phone and explained it to her and she just said ....ehh..#and started texting someone#i was sitting there feeling stupid and thinking wow you could have at least praised my friend's art sytle or something#and when i was getting ready to leave she asked me if i was aware my writing has no artistic merit and fantasy is trivial literature#so i should just stop wasting time on that and focus on developing my art style more for her future poetry collections#i do the art for her book covers#and added how we already have an established writer in the family so i should focus on my role - becoming a good pharmacist#and she knows how much i hate that i'm studying pharmacy like it's the no.1 cause of me hating the direction in which my life is going#finished it off by saying she feels like what she's doing in going to be really great and important on a large scale one day#and how she wants me to continue being her shadow that follows and supports her#i left went home and started at a wall for hours#i just feel so dumb for getting excited over a silly drawing of something not more than 5 people will ever read#i genuinely hate the idea of people reading anything i write so most likely writing will just remain a hobby for me#and now i feel like the most stupid person on earth and am this close to deleting all my word documents from both my laptops
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da-proti-toku-grem · 6 months
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not feeling very juhuhu hahaha today :(
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brynnmclean · 9 days
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Re: the beginning / prologue bit of Banishers, I was thinking about it this morning, but the Nightmare shapeshifting to impersonate Antea and singing "three blind mice" to taunt Charles, Antea, and especially Red-- the three Banishers who are trying (and failing) to figure out what her deal is-- is Very Good.
Also I've watched a few playthroughs now and I feel like so many people don't hesitate outside the meeting house like I did, so they miss the Nightmare outright singing "Run, Red, run... Run, Red, run..."
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chipped-chimera · 5 months
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Going to have my consult with a clinic tomorrow to see if they think I can get into this medicinal cannabis study - please send me good vibes, I'm super sick of having these anxiety drops and fighting bad thoughts every goddamn evening when my meds wear off and I'm running out of anxiety treatment options 😞
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studentbyday · 3 months
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y'know there are some things i think i've gotten over, but in (rather frequent) moments of insecurity, i realize i'm so not over them. the bite of their memory still frustrates me and makes me bitter and somehow, despite me having had *no control* over the outcome, makes me feel guilty and inadequate.
it's really stupid.
i'm hoping that writing this down will help me realize how ridiculous this is and that the fact that i did not get what i want and felt i deserved does not mean that i need to break myself even further to prove my worth.
guilt and feelings of inadequacy (and loneliness and dread and uncertainty/anxiety and anger and any other feeling that leaves me bitter) or a desire to prove myself worthy to others (which is smth i can't control) should not be my main motivator for getting ahead. my motivation should come from a place of gratitude for having the opportunity to do so. do it for the joy of expanding my brain, for the joy of a job well done, for the hope that doing something in line with my goals rather than nothing (since i clearly can't do everything) will change how i think and feel about myself for the better (no more depressive episodes! state changes!!!)
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talentforlying · 3 months
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thinking today about how i initially wanted to title this blog "sin-eater" instead of "sinnerman" because that is, fundamentally, what constantine is: a consumer of other people's sins, absorber of blame, voyeur of the lowest moments in peoples' lives. except his goal isn't the bestowal of absolution or redemption, it's exposure.
those who see him approach the feast know he's there for a reason — they know what he eats, and why, and he wants them to know what you've done. moreso, he wants everyone to know that you owe him. he'll take up your consequences, he'll eat your just desserts and swallow, but you and everyone else will always see them in his eyes when you look on him. he is not your redeemer, he is consequential. he's a fucking testimony. you might forget when you're dead, your family's eulogy might come out squeaky clean, but it doesn't matter. the sin-eater keeps the score.
most recorded tales of sin-eaters describe that they're paid for their services; the act is his payment. to taste of sin freely and without shame, and be judged not for the dishes at his own table but for his apathy towards the size of the platters he's offered. the chance to establish himself as perennial guest at the banquet rather than host. who knows — maybe if he borrows enough from those worse than he is, when the time comes to partake of his soul, the sins of his own may disappear amidst the heap; unwitnessed, forgotten, and inconsequential. after all, who in their right mind would take up the burden from the most prolific of sin-eaters?
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linguenuvolose · 5 months
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I applied for a new job today 😩
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kyouka-supremacy · 4 months
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( •_• )
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disdaidal · 11 months
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I got accepted to a school! 🥳✨ I should be starting my studies as a playgroup supervisor on August.
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non-un-topo · 1 year
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Spending hours trying to figure out why I feel so irritable and sensitive today and I’m only realizing now it might have something to do w being invited to a birthday party full of an entire family I’ve never met and like seven very small children and the person inviting me assuming I would love that. I want to support her bc I like her and she’s family now, but I cannot---I will not---go to another family event and be pushed into the kitchen doing dishes with the women or cooing over someone’s baby who just stares at me and whines when I try to mask and say hello.
#my period ended so it ain't that.#maybe i'm a horrible person. i just want to be left alone for seven solid days. and i certainly do not want to be forced-#-to interact with children. they scare me. real bad.#maybe this also has something to do with my readings for this week and the fact that we're going to be discussing 'womanhood'.#like the subject is 'what IS a woman to you?' and i am not really looking forward to listening to 15 cis girls tell me-#-how awful it is and how much pain they themselves endured while entirely not acknowledging the existence of trans women#or gnc women.#why am i so irritable jfc.#every time i talk like this to my partner they give me that look lol. the look that's like 'uh huh. i know a trans person when i see one.'#and i'm like shhhhhhh. no. don't say that. shhhh. i don't want to be. i hate myself okay and my family scared me out of it.#wish i could fucking shapeshift. wish i was just fucking born with a dick and a flat chest. actually i wish i was two people.#so i could decide from day-to-day and not have to worry about irreversible changes.#how much of my alleged transness is just internalized misogyny? <- this is a question i ask very very quietly to myself#because i think it's what my mother thinks. and most of the world.#how do i learn to be comfortable AS a masculine woman? i have no one to look up to who can teach me or show me it's okay.#i have transmasc friends who are elated to go on T. i'm scared that they will make me want to do it again. why tf am i scared of that...#irreversible changes. society. literally everything. fucking hell............#no one talks about this particular experience of gender. no one talks about the in-between and the immense fear. at least no one to me.#why am i even taking gender studies in university if every class is full of cis women who don't even know the terminology of transness#or of gender-expansiveness...#i think i've become a very sour person in the last few years.#need to vent through writing or something. like through fanfiction.
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signawyvern · 4 months
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Is it a thing that some languages are inherently easier to understand than others or is that just me having a bias towards languages more similar to English (my mother tongue) and finding it really hard to distinguish tones and several sounds I didn't grow up using
#my theory is it's a bit of both#like i find russian and greek really easy to understand just because they're like 90% consonants#and all the consonants sound really different from each other (mostly at least. sh vs sch are the same to me.)#so the words are all really long and the vowels are pretty simple and distinct#and so someone says a word and there aren't really any other possible words it could be#vs. in english if someone says a word quietly or something then there are usually a few options for which word it is and you just need#context to figure it out#not that russian and greek don't have words like that but i think it's less common#german's pretty easy too imo#but something like french sounds a lot more subtle#the consonants aren't as pronounced and it's harder to distinguish vowel sounds as well#obviously i'm hopeless at tones#but i think japanese is similar to how i've explained russian and greek above#i could be wrong i haven't studied it at all#don't know other examples really of non-western languages#and then for sounds i didn't grow up with then like i can do the arabic kh and the russian kh/hebrew and scottish ch#really easily and decipher them from other similar sounds#not sure why exactly but yeah#i can mostly do the arabic kh from speaking french like your mouth does some similar thigns for those sounds#it's close to the french r#i should clarify upon rereading my tags: i know japanese doesn't use tones#i was just thinking of eastern languages#mine#languages#linguistics#yeah so like watching tv some languages i pick up odd words super quickly and other languages i never learn a single word#i think this is a factor#foreign language tv i mean
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