#at least it wasnt so bad i woke up like screaming/yelling out again

[rowanwhitethornisbae]

Faking It Chapter 6

Hey! I know its been a while so click on the master list if you want to catch up or even start. Im going to try to start updating more frequently in the next few months. Thanks to everyone for reading!!

TW: Language, drinking, sexual references, blood

Faking It Masterlist

Aelin woke with a start to the sound of her phone ringing.

"Shit." She swore, quickly realizing she must've fallen asleep after her conversation with Fenrys. She hung up on the call, silencing that obnoxious ringing as she sat up in bed. Aelin hadn’t bothered to check who it was, but she knew she'd figure it out if she went back downstairs.

It was probably Lysandra, calling to make sure Aelin wasnt already passed out drunk somewhere. It wouldn't be the first time. Groaning internally, she picked herself up off the bed. Despite her falling asleep, the duvet covers looked unruffled. Still, she fluffed the pillow briefly in an attempt to ease her own discomfort at sleeping in Dorian's room.

With one last look to confirm that the room appeared undisturbed, Aelin closed the door shut behind her. She made it halfway down the staircase when the exhaustion hit her. It was a familiar feeling, like when you were abruptly waken from sleep to attend a six am practice at school. Still, she clung extra hard onto the railing for a moment in order to gain her bearings once again.

As her eyes finally focused, she could make out the throng of high schoolers in the living room below her. Her eyes adjusted to the colourful lights as she scanned the area for a familiar face. She saw Lorcan first, and then Rowan beside him, the latter scowling. At first it didn't seem odd, Rowan was always scowling at something. She took another few steps down the stairs, and with closer examination, realized something was wrong. 

She tracked Rowan’s glare across the room, landing on her ex-boyfriend and the guy who’s bed she’d just fallen asleep in. “Shit shit shit!” Aelin said to no one in particular as she hurried down the stairs. She reached Rowan at nearly the exact second that Chaol and Dorian did. 

“Hey guys.” She said, slightly out of breath. Chaol gave her a once over and his brows furrowed at whatever he saw. 

“Pull your skirt down A.” His voice was full of unjustified disdain. “You look like you just got railed in a bathroom.” 

Aelin glanced down at herself. Her skirt was in fact, extremely ridden up, and half her ass was falling out. In her haste to prevent a fight she had forgotten to check her appearance. She knew she should pull it down, what Chaol said was completely logical. And yet, they were broken up, who the hell was he to tell her what to do. 

Aelin shot him her sweetest simpering smile. “Maybe I did.” 

He bit out a harsh laugh, and she felt Rowan’s body tighten beside her. “Who the hell - “ Chaol started to say, but was cut off by his mouth falling open. 

Aelin, tired of hearing her ex speak, had taken action into her own hands. From the left of Rowan, she placed her right hand on his far cheek and spun her body around smoothly, bringing her lips to his. 

For a moment, he didn't reciprocate the gesture and Aelin’s heart began to race. Just as she began to pull away, his arm came around her lower back, and he started to really kiss her. Her other hand tangled in his hair as they stood intertwined. 

The rest of the room seemed to fall away, the music becoming faint and the lights dim as she kissed him. Someone coughed from beside them, pulling Aelin out of her daze. Slowly, she extracted herself from Rowan and turned back around to Chaol. He was staring at them, looking as though he’d just been slapped. 

Aelin delighted in the feeling of power flowing through her veins. She tucked her hands behind her back, and realizing her skirt had ridden up even further, she pulled it down. There were lines that even Aelin wasn't willing to cross to prove a point. 

To Dorian’s credit, he looked incredibly amused with the entire situation, and was clearly trying to stifle a laugh. Chaol’s expression was pretty funny, Aelin noted. 

Unfortunately, it didn't last forever. Aelin recognized the exact second when he went from shocked to angry. Everything about him changed; his eyes, his posture, the way he held his hands. He was on the offensive now, and all Aelin could do was brace herself for the coming verbal assault. 

“You whore.” He spat. 

Un-original. Aelin thought to herself. He really needed new material. 

“I always knew you were fucking him on the side.” Chaol’s whole body was trembling with anger, and even Dorian had the good sense to look unnerved. 

Aelin didn't dare look at Rowan or Lorcan. “Chaol.” She said calmly, “lets go somewhere else to talk about this.” She was quickly growing un-easy. Aelin had wanted a reaction. Yes. But she wasn't expecting the look of pure hatred shining in Chaol’s eyes. The usually soft brown had darkened to a near black, making him look unhinged.  

He ignored her soft request completely. “How long Aelin?” He asked, his voice suddenly deadly soft. “How long did you wait after fucking me before you were back in his bed.” 

Suddenly Aelin felt a little ill. “It wasn't like that.” She hated how quiet her voice sounded. 

“Then what was it like huh?” 

“Please Chaol,” she half begged. “Can we just talk somewhere else?” 

“Why?” The expression on his face had turned evil. “You don't want the whole room to know that you're a fucking whore.”

He yelled the last word, but luckily it got lost in the music. 

“It’s pathetic really,” he turned back on her. “Your constant need for male validation.” 

He gave her outfit a once over, and Aelin found herself wishing she’d worn something more conservative. 

“You are worthless.” He spat the words again, shaking his head with faux-disappointment. “You’re parents probably killed themselves to get away from you.” 

Aelin barely had time to process the words before Rowan exploded. His fist connected with Chaol’s cheek, sending the latter flying backwards. He hit the ground hard, people and plastic cups scattering in his wake. Rowan was on him in an instant, pummelling his face into the tile floor. Blood leaked from Chaol’s face, seeping onto his shirt and the floor. 

Aelin didn't even hear Lorcan swear and run over to Rowan. She was too focused on trying not to scream. Lorcan threw his arms around Rowan, attempting to pull the thrashing high-schooler away. Rowan fought in Lorcan’s arms, before eventually slowing his efforts. 

Dorian, swearing under his breath, knelt beside Chaol. The room was spinning, and Aelin’s head fucking hurt. She stumbled through the room, trying to find the exit. There was a loud roaring in her ears, and spots danced in her vision. 

Fuck. What if she fainted at a high-school party? Aelin would never live that shit down. 

“Oof.” She grunted as she slammed into a wall. Aelin groped about blindly, searching for a door. She nearly collapsed with relief as she found one, and threw herself in, shutting the door. She barely had time to lock it before she was vomiting, most of it landing in the toilet. 

“Fucking hell!” A voice exclaimed loudly. Aelin allowed herself to finish retching before she turned to face her latest stroke of bad luck. Could she not be alone for five fucking seconds?

The male beside her was clearly just finishing up washing his hands, as he was still holding a hand towel. “Aelin?” He asked, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise. 

“Cairn.” She grumbled in reply, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Aelin had never really liked Cairn. He hated Chaol with a passion, envied her ex-boyfriend for getting the captain spot in sophomore year, a spot that everyone thought was going to Cairn. 

Despite the poor timing, Aelin had been meaning to track Cairn down to talk. Far be it for her to give up this perfect opportunity, vomit and near panic attack aside. She slowly pulled herself into a standing position and nudged Cairn away from the sink so she could splash some water on her face. The cold helped centre her again, and Aelin let herself take a deep breath. 

Cairn was watching her with a look of apprehension, as if watching a slow motion car crash.

“I heard about your bet.” She said in a monotone voice. 

Cairn’s jaw tensed, but that was all the physical reaction he showed. 

“Im not going to try anything.” He said softly, surprising her a little. “I have a thing about vomit.” 

Suddenly Aelin was thankful for the small nearly invisible chunks of throw-up left on her shirt. 

“Am I supposed to thank you for not being a dick?” She asked him

“I didn't ask you to. You thanked me enough with that show out there. I just won 200$ off a bet I made a year ago.” 

“A bet on what?” She asked, unsure of if she really even wanted to know. 

Cairn smirked. “Who would throw the first punch?” 

Aelin couldn't help the way her whole body tensed. “You seem to be betting a lot lately.” 

“I had a thousand dollars on you and me getting together at this party A.” He shrugged as if the loss of that kind of money didn't matter to him. “You owe me.” 

She decided to ignore the last part of the comment. “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” 

He arched an eyebrow. “You’re going to fuck me?” 

Against her own wishes she bit out a small laugh. The joke wasn't even funny, and slightly offensive, but the look of hope on his face did enough. 

“No. I’m just going to let you tell people I did.” 

He opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. “And why would you do that?” 

She tried to hide how much she had riding on his response. “Your going to let Rowan on the football team. Or at least a try out.”

Cairn laughed, a real laugh. “Chaol will murder me.” 

She tapped her foot. “You get a thousand dollars and can tell everyone whatever you want about me.” She paused. “Just nothing too humiliating okay?” 

His answering grin was borderline wicked. “Deal.”

The shook hands briefly. Aelin didn't really mind Cairn telling people about the two of them, it would either be dismissed entirely as a rumour or forgotten soon there after. Besides, she had more important things to worry about. 

The door handle turned and she spun around. “I’ll leave you alone then.” Cairn said, nodding at her. He had stepped mostly out before he paused once again. 

“Sometimes Aelin I wonder if you and me are soulmates.” 

She nearly choked on air. “What.” 

He just smiled, a softer smile than she’d ever seen on him. “We’re just more alike than you think.” With that he left, closing the bathroom door behind him. 

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Cryptic fucking prick. 

Aelin took a few moments to finger brush her hair and straighten her clothes before exiting the bathroom. God high school parties were awful. She just needed to get to the front door without bumping into anyone of note, call an uber, and get the fuck home. Not too bad right? 

She managed to get about halfway before someone called her name. Aelin didn't bother to look around, just kept elbowing through the crowd as if her life depended on it. 

“Aelin!” The voice was louder this time, getting closer too. 

She had just made it to the threshold when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Choosing to ignore it, Aelin flung open the door and half collapsed onto a step, praying that whoever it was could take a hint. 

Unfortunately for her the weight shifted on the wooden porch and Chaol Westfall took the seat beside her. 

She got up to leave immediately, despite her exhaustion, but he reached out a hand. 

“Please.” He said. “Just hear me out. It’ll be quick.” 

Aelin did. But only because she was pretty sure she would collapse if she didn't rest for a little longer. 

“Aelin I'm really fucking sorry okay. I crossed a line.” 

She didn't bother to reply. Aelin couldn't count the amount of times they’d had this exact same conversation. He said something shitty, she walked away, he apologized a day later. 

For some fucked up reason she always forgave him. Aelin didn't have the energy to make tonight any different. She wanted to be on good terms with Chaol, even if that meant taking a slight hit to her dignity. If she had any left. 

“I mean I know you’re not sleeping with Rowan so everything is okay.” 

She whipped her head around to look at him. 

“Is that the only reason you’re apologizing?” 

He gave her a once-over. “I mean yeah.” He paused. “You weren't fucking him so there was no reason for me to get mad.” 

She shook her head, mad at herself for being surprised. “God Chaol. Each time I think you can't be an ever bigger dick, you prove me wrong.” 

She moved to stand leaning slightly on the railing. An Uber was parked along the curb, evident from the odd looking U on the windshield. She stumbled towards it and rapped on the window. 

“Are you Yrene?” The man in the driver’s seat asked. 

Aelin nodded, sliding into the back seat. She closed the door behind her and rested her head against the head rest, fighting off sleep. 

“I am.” 

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@camilamartinezdunne

[ra-ttdrp]

All the broken puzzle pieces

Dr. Ra:

I look over what Tulsix was able to send me overwhelmed, I was so tired but sleeping would just bring on the Infectious nightmare and I'm forced to drug myself further to numb the worms. The worms naturally keep my body functioning so it makes me far more sicker again then if they we're working in there to keep me alive. A few days of constant work on it, visiting the babies for more blood going towards Nala (and Dathan's) poisoning. Checking on Gwen's recovery, hearing Marcellus complain though his condition wasnt as bad as everyone's else. I still had to come to his beck and call. I twitch having been caught walking down the hall to go see test results in another lab. He demanded when Caelus could be treated next. Its been a few days... I still wasnt sure.. it was..ready. I decided not to update the first machine, instead make a new machine. We might need the old machine for .. for..

I try to remember what Infection was left.. somewhere..

I felt so numbed to them now I couldn't even remember.

(Marcellus): "WHEN is Caelus going to be wok-"

(Michael): "You complain more then my granddaughter.." He tisks at Marcellus coming back from visiting Gwen.

(Marcellus): "Michael! Enough games! Where is he!?"

(Michael): "You cant visit him and get infected again you know..."

(Marcellus): "What about Nala.."

(Michael): "There is no point, both are frozen and can not speak to you."

I inch away to the door feeling like I can leave now. Michael stops me to discus the research on the baby's blood. How it seemed to be positively effecting Dathen. I almost got a complement for 'making them'. But he wont give me the credit for improvement and just betrays on about the small amount of hybrid wraith in Dathan did not prove the blood could help Nala. After seeing Marcellus's DNA structure get completely changed he questioned my methods, reminding me Nala had to be RESTORED in a complete and whole manner and not in some botched way.

"Of course sire, yes sire I understand.."

I say trying to blink away any amount of focus of me being here right now.

(Michael): "AND those names.. what we're you thinking?! UGH just get out of my sight and get back to WORK!"

I wake up from my zone out picturing dirt at his scream and dart for the other room.

Sterling came back from the Trydien sector to bitch about the lost General women, Korra being gone for so long meant there is no political puppet to dangle in front of them so he wanted to get her from Tulco but learned from Uriah she was gone.

(Sterling): "Is Gwen the only who can make her hybrid trydien race?! We need those creatures nullified if she cant then give us the Declension Serum. They are just as powerful as Bain Ones."

(Borin): "We dont know if that caused the Infection or not..its dangerous..no one is allowed to use it.."

He shoots me a look and I stand there feeling more pained at them talking about my greatest 'success' / failure.

(Sterling): "We've used it for years, it did not cause that...whats the point of holding those planets if your just going to leave us with it. Isnt your son the 'king' of Ingnitcore then why is it MY problem to keep them from ripping it apart?!"

(Borin): "I dont have the time to set Nash up there if I did I would have taken care of them far better then you can and have. Get out."

(Sterling): "I'm warning you right now, my Prince if you dont act we'll loose it...."

He leaves rather begrudgingly. I guess I cant ask his help on the job, he wont be sticking around if he has to go back there.

(Peli): "I could take Nash..."

(Borin): "No stay away from that little freak..."

He hushed back at her, much to her surprise.

He then yells at me much like Michal about how I'm not doing enough or something and another.

"Its true, I haven't been able to look at Gwen's..results as much dealing with..Caelus's recovery. But I dont see much promise with her memories. You know that."

I add in, knowing he spent all this time on it. My 2nd option wouldnt be much. Well it would be if I told him the truth.. I know that's Perry's venom. So they we're there..so close..

SO. close.

(Borin): ((I think she did it to herself, its VERY selective memory loss..too selective to be natural. OR you did it..I dont believe she could make something I cant crack...))

"And I can?" I cant mindtalk this weak.

(Borin): "I taught her what she knows!" He counters back and hovers back near Gwen who woke up gaging in pain again, hugging herself if that could help the bandages keep her together in more.

I think..what Perry did wasnt meant for her. It was way to strong. He must have loaded it for Bane.. like a nuke.

(Peli): "Its nothing, nothing your stupid father is going to shut up and let you rest.. dont wake up.. go back to sleep baby."

(Gwen): "N..no I.m...o..kay.."

I stare at her trying to make myself feel ok with withholding what I knew about that. Her insides we're probably going to liquify....

*twitch*

I take a deep yet labored breath cause my lungs without the worms keeping healthy feel like a 80 year old man who smoked his way out of a paper bag. The guilt was to much, I grab Gwen's blood samples and take it to a further away lab to try to stop the liquification. I slack off my research on Caelus's cure a few more days to accomplish this. At least the machine was being worked on, it was on a ship so it could be easily thrown into the sun just in case I also wanted the two way transfer to become a one way transfer..somewhere to be destroyed forever but I wasnt sure yet how to accomplish that. Break it into something compacted like dart yet I had a sickening sort of feeling to that for some reason. Then of course there was general transporter error.

Some day *is too drugged out and overworked to know the day of the year details* ;)

I'm on the Infected hive trying not to puke blood in my hazard suit trying to stay in attention for a meeting.

I prattle on my progress of the machine, well the hybrids building it cause I cant really do the manual labor, at least I got out of that. I was however doing the panel's myself that would be installed last by them when the time came.

(Soren): "How much gunk can you put on that one drone?"

"Oh..you'd be surprised how much..."

I couldn't remember now, how many on Xero...

He looks at me disgusted and focuses on the King trying to be very impressive.

(Soren): "Who goes in first?"

(Michael): "I will only risk Caelus's life if I must... if anyone goes in the new machine it will be Julian.."

"Will you allow me to try to break the buffer so there is no sacrifice?"

(Michael): "Do you think that's wise when this is the most important run though..if he turns out human it will be far better then any alternative."

"Of course.."

I try not to panic, I dont want to even imagine what the drone would be like with..all that.

My health decline for the last few days was now too apparent. The King ordered the only Lyratsian he had trusted, Dr. Quasar's specimen clone from the Safar Zoo to look over more calculations for Julian strain machine. Since whatever he did to himself to have infection full control must have went over my head and been some Lysterian secret.

(Quasar): "I am SO honored for another chance your majesty."

(Michal): "Just get on with it.." He shoos her away and I would have liked to see such a famous scientist at work checking the machine but .. passes out smacking into wall on the way down.

[prettyblfan]

Coffee Shop Boy

Chapter Four

~

Today started a little differently for Sorawit than his Monday and Tuesday had.

It began when he spotted none other than his brother Bun down stairs preparing the coffee shop. This was rare in two senses one being Bun almost always worked the early morning shifts at the hospital so Sorawit almost never saw him in the morning, and the second being the rare occasion he had the day or morning off he definitely wouldn't be spending it doing this.

"P'Bun?" Sorawit called out, the confusion in his voice very evident.

"Ah Sorawit you're awake, if you want you can go back to sleep i can take over for today." Bun said stopping what he was doing to smile at Sorawit.

This was weird. Definitely weird. Bun was broken.

"P'Bun are you sure? Did something happen at work?" Sorawit questioned cautiously.

Of course it wasn't bad that Bun was home during the mornings, quite the contrary this was good for him between working at the coffee shop and the hospital he almost never had a break. The worrying thing is that Bun loves doing what he does so he'd never be home willingly.

"Umm, everything's fine just thought I could do with a bit of a break" Bun hummed brushing off Sorawit's questions.

Sorawit wasn't buying it. Not one bit.

Could most things get past him. Yes. But definitely not this.

In the end Sorawit decided not to push any further and rather than returning to his bedroom he opted to instead help Bun set up, after all there was still a small chance That would show.

Speaking of That Sorawit pondered briefly about the text that he had sent him last night.

You see it was only when he woke up this morning that he had seen not only That's message but also the message he sent.

Sorawit: Night That sleep well 😴 💓.

'Why did he send him a heart???'

Sorawit screamed internally as he forced himself to stay focused on wiping down the surfaces.

This wasn't a big deal, nor was it weird.

So, Sorawit had no idea why he was freaking out over something so small. He had sent hearts to practically everyone, like Bun and Nam so why was That any different.

Sorawit tried to reason with himself but in his heart he still felt very unsettled.

How was That any different?

~

Being so absorbed in his thoughts, yes his thoughts, 4:30 had finally rolled around. And to Sorawit's disappointment? there was no sight of That.

The table by the door was left usually empty.

"Are you waiting for someone?" Bun asked teasingly as he poked Sorawit on the cheek.

"No." Sorawit replied quickly.

Why was he expecting him to turn up in the first place. That had said yesterday he most likely won't make it.

"You were staring at the door so intensely, so it looked like you were" Bun continued only to be met with no responsed.

Sorawit pouted.

That was strange. 100% strange. Why is it that he managed to make Sorawit feel so... weird.

*Chime*

Sorawit head whipped around to the door, his heart pounding. That made it. Sorawit forced himself to breathe as the door opened further.

"YOU!" Bun yelled out pointing towards the men in the door way.

And so it was like that Sorawit's hopes had vanished, none of the men standing in the door way was That.

They were all well dressed men. That in itself was very apparent, Sorawit had no idea what brands they were wearing he just knew they had to be expensive.

"P'Bun" Sorawit called completely baffled, how did his brother know these people. Sorawit was pretty sure he knew all of Bun's friends, it wasn't hard he didn't have very many as he rarely focused on anything other than work.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Bun questioned glaring intensely at the trio in the door way.

The man in the middle and objectively the most handsome made his way to the centre of the coffee shop smiling playful as the men that came with him remained by the door.

"Well you're open right?" The man replied raising his eyebrow teasingly at Bun.

Now Sorawit was completely and utterly confused. His eyes flickered between the two before it finally clicked, or he had atleast made a reasonable guess.

Judging by his brother's hostile nature this was the man that had picked a fight with him on Monday.

"Not for you!" Bun huffed making his way over to him.

"Why?" The unknown man briefly paused before continuing, his eyes gleamed with something Sorawit couldn't really identify.

"Aw Bun~ are you still mad about your suspension, remember it's only temporary" The well dressed man smiled.

Sorawit could practically feel the ridicule in his tone, he quickly glanced at Bun. The tips of his ears were red and his body had completely stiffened.

"You got suspended?" Sorawit questioned.

None of this made sense. There was no way in hell that Bun would ever be suspended.

"Get out!" Bun yelled glaring at the man infront of him before shooting Sorawit an apologetic look.

"This is a really nice place you've got here, you know what I think we might stay for a coffee right M" The man completely ignored Bun's outburst making his way over to a table and sitting down.

"If you keep on teasing him a vain might pop." The man known as M spoke as him and the other man sat down.

"Sorawit you should head up stairs and study I'll handle this shift today" Bun sighed as the man seemed to pay no attention to his words.

"P'Bun, you sure" Sorawit asked raising his eyebrow questioningly in the direction of the men sat in the corner.

"Umm, go" Bun replied picking up the note pad used to take orders with.

"You better explain later" Sorawit warned playfully.

Bun nodded with a light smile before making his way over to the table to take their orders.

Sorawit didn't really want to leave Bun alone with men like that but Bun didn't leave any room for argument.

And maybe a small part of Sorawit couldn't wait to text That. Like a really small part.

As he was heading up the stairs he heard Bun yell.

"Tan don't push your luck"

Tan... Wasnt that the man Ploy was talking about before. Sorawit paused before reluctantly continuing up the stairs, he knew for a fact that his brother could hold his own but he'd have to remind Bun to stay away from this Tan guy. He seemed like bad news.

~

Pouncing on his bed Sorawit grabbed his phone smiling brightly as he opened his contacts.

His fingers lingered on the call button.

'Would he even answer, maybe I should just text him' Sorawit thought as he rolled over onto his back staring blankly at his phone.

Ring~Ring~Ring~

The loud noise of his phone startle Sorawit to the point that his phone had dropped flat onto his face. Sitting up and grabbing his phone Sorawit stared at the caller ID looking completely surprised.

That had called him, That had called him first.

Sorawit answered the phone without hesitation.

"Sorawit" That called, his voice echoing from the phone.

Sorawit flushed, That had never really called his name before, even if he had this time felt different.

"Yeah." Sorawit responded softly.

"I didn't think you'd answer" That said just as softly.

'This feels strange'

"Well my brother is at home today, so I didn't have to help" Sorawit replied.

"You have a brother?" That questioned.

"Umm i do, he's older" Sorawit said.

For some reason this whole conversation made Sorawit feel queezy. Maybe it was because That's voice was a lot softer than usual, whatever it was it was definitelythrowing him off.

That rarely talked so softly to him.

"You couldn't come today?" Sorawit asked.

"Umm i worked late yesterday and I had something to do this morning." That said before yelling out to someone in the background.

"Tell Por that I'm not doing it I don't take orders from him, he can asked Pued if he's so desperate"

"That?"

It was moments like this that reminded him how long he'd exactly known That, since they spoke to each other so comfortably it made him feel as if he had known him forever. But in reality he had only known him for two day, so of course they were still getting to know each other. It was just that Sorawit hated not knowing these little things.

"Sorry" That said letting out a sigh.

"Are you busy you seem busy, we can talk later if you want." Sorawit asked.

"It's fine just tired... honestly I'm slightly surprised that you haven't bombarded me with questions yet" That teased with a light laugh.

"What's the point you never answer them" Sorawit spoke his tone completely sour.

"I answer at least one of your questions, so what's today's one" That said.

"Where do you work but you have to also include what you do as well, I won't let you rip me off with these hardly detailed answers" Sorawit responded, the corner of his lips pulling into a soft smile.

Sorawit likes That a lot. Apart from Nam he hadn't made very many close friends since moving here, so That was a very nice addition. (Friend, I mean okay Sorawit😂)

"Haha, I work as a security guard at The Mist" That laughed keeping his response short even despite what Sorawit had said.

Sorawit huffed before mumbling into the phone upset.

"And, I said no short answers"

"And... I've worked there since I moved here umm" That paused struggling to find anything else to say.

Just as That was about to continue a voice in the background cut him off.

"That Por said he wants to see you now. In his office"

That sighed before speaking to Sorawit, the annoyance was clear in his voice.

"I'll call later"

And just like that before Sorawit could even complain That had hung up.

'What was he going to say' Sorawit pondered.

Sorawit glanced at the time on his phone before getting up and making his way over to his desk.

He let out a huff before pulling out his text books. He couldn't help but think every time he got close That would pull away intentionally or unintentionally.

Glancing away from his books he quickly sent That a text.

Sorawit: Are you free this afternoon. Let's hang out 😊

~

Did I take my sweet time yes, yes I did but don't worry, actually do worry as since I've now officially started school again these updates might be a bit slower but I shall try to procrastinate less. No promises ☺

But any how we love Bun and Tan going from enemies to lovers as well as both Bun and Sorawit falling for shady men and being kinda of oblivious about it. 😂

I loved this scene.🥰

Trigger Warning ⚠️ i don't proof read that throughly so feel free to point out mistakes and correct me.

#boys love #tan x bun #manner of death #that x sorn #tat x sorawit #thatsorn #tatsorn

[pbandjesse]

Welp. Today was my first day at this new job. I'm not sure what to say really. It wasnt a bad day. But it was like. Great. 

At least I slept well. I fell asleep easy and woke up feeling pretty good actually. I was a little tired but just normal tired. I laid in bed a little, James came and laid with me for a little, but soon I wanted to be up and dressed. 

I felt really cute today. My hair needed to be washed but that was alright. 

I spent the morning hanging out. I had breakfast and played a little animal crossing. James and me were hanging out and decided to do things at 930. Keeping each other on task. He went biking and I went to work in the studio. 

I wanted to keep experimenting with beading. I got a box of bigger beads and that was fun playing with. I did a video of that. I also decided to do a 30 days 'til 30 photo thing. I should have started yesterday but that's alright. I am doing 30 days of toys that have stories or memories attached to them. So far people really like them! Feels nice. 

I did some stretching. And soon James was home. He got a shower and I was getting ready to leave. I got my bag together and said goodbye and off I went. 

The school was really nice. I was given very good directions and found the place easy. Though I couldn't find a doorbell, someone did come get me. And the day started off well. Everyone seems really nice. I got a tour and some orientation. They didnt seem 100% sure where I was going to be, what grade or whatever. But today they put me with 1st grade. 

The kids were great. Every kid I met today was super nice and they were fun. But I'm not sure if I will stay in this job. That's kind of over the top. But I felt very uncomfortable with the way the classroom was running. And it stressed me out. The teacher in the room make some comments to the woman in charge kind of implying that they didn't want me there. And the afternoon was off. I don't even know.

At 3 though I was alone and in charge. We went and had snack and then the kids asked to go outside. This was the big problem. I told the kids to get their jackets. And we went out and were having a good time. When all of a sudden a woman came up and was yelling about one of the kids not having their jacket. And I'm like? What? And then her and the kid run away to the front door and my walkie wasn't working and i had to get the other kids and once i did the parent was screaming at the guy in charge and then me about the kid getting sick because of me. And I'm like. He had a jacket. And she was like but it's not his coat! And i was just like. I'm sorry but that's what he put on when I said put on jackets so I'm sorry? But she just kept yelling and so I just was like. Okay I'm taking the kids inside now.

So basically for the rest of the afternoon I felt pretty awful. I tried to not be upset in front of the kids i still had. I drew with them. And played legos. When i just had one kid i let her draw on my tablet. That was fun. And soon we were in the cafeteria waiting for pick up. 

Once all my kids were gone i went to talk to the supervisor and he made me feel a little better about the whole thing but i still felt shitty about it. I didn't want to upset a parent. And its my first day. I'm trying my best. I don't know the kids yet. I'm trying to learn them too. He said it would be alright. And honestly i was just happy i got to go home early. I cleaned up and headed out. 

When i got home James was making us pizza. I had some packages to open. But I just sat on the couc and cried for a few minutes. But soon I was calm again. 

I opened my packages. Was excited my last Christmas gift to James came. A really beautiful gold kettle. 

We had dinner. And i went and took a shower. 

We are both really tired. James keep falling asleep sitting next to me. I am going to try to just sleep i think. 

I hope tomorrow is better. I don't know what will happen. But I'm going to try my best. 

Sleep well everyone. 

[futurewriter2000]

Euphoria - pt. 6

A/N: I don’t know what to say about this one. Just to say I know how real fear feels and it’s worse than I described it but the angsty fight could be angstier.

XX

It didn’t take James long to notice something was continuesly on your mind. 

In two days you seemed to wear baggy clothes and he couldn’t understand why. They weren’t his T-shirts. You returned all of them. They weren’t Remus’ either but when he asked around you didn’t have a new boyfriend as well. They seemed quite oversized, covering all of your body and barely leaving an inch of skin in sight. 

You kept being alone, distant. He could remember you always talked to everybody, never afraid if somebody new or old approached you. You always kept a smile on your face and whenever somebody came close, you put your book down and started up a conversation. Now? Now when someone sat next to you in the common room or in class, you just kept to yourself, nodding and simpering when they talked. 

You didn’t eat in the Great Hall anymore. He couldn’t know if you ate anything at all and he couldn’t know if you were starving yourself from your baggy clothes. 

From your perspective it was quite different. You didn’t bother with James and Remus anymore, or anyone from their friend group. They were the least important thing on your mind. All you thought about was how to not see Mulciber. How to avoid him at all costs. Every day. From the minute you woke up to the second you fell asleep. It terrfied you. It put a knot in your stomach and you walked with an odd, terrifying feeling inside of you. 

Class- dorm. Your only destinations. No Great Hall, no courtyard, no walk by the lake and definetly not library.

There was nothing wrong with you. There wasn’t. There truly wasn’t. - You kept telling yourself that. One thing you did know. You were constantly afraid. 

James was now contemplating whether he should go walk to the girl, curled up in a corner of the sofa near the fire, looking so damn adorable with the big-baggy sweater he hated and adored at the same time on you. Your eyes were gently reading the pages of the book meanwhile your fingers placed with a necklace- wait! 

He narrowed his eyes at the necklace and...and it wasn’t the necklace he gave you. It just wasnt the gentle pink heart- rather a stunning amethyst stone, hugged by thorny silver vines. 

What- why? - questions kept running through his head and he kept getting angrier because of it meanwhile you were just sitting there, reading. 

“Hey.” 

You looked up to see James standing in front of you. There was a frown on his lips and eyes looking directly at yours. 

“Hi?” you questioned with a quirk of your eyebrow. 

“Uhm... why... I mean what... what are you doing?” he kept stammering, sittig down next to you and ruffling his hair. 

“Reading.” you replied and showed him the book. 

“What are you reading?” 

Confused with his sudden decision of caring, you decided to answer quick and clear. “Book.”

“What kind?”

“Autobiography.”

“About?” 

“Henri Charriere.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” 

There was silence for a while as the two of you just watched each other for no appearent reason except making the air more awkward. 

“Okay, so you know I’m full of shit.” he said, ruffling his hair again and leaning back. 

“Pretty much.” you kept at your quick and clear answers. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, leaning elbows on his knees and looking at you with concern in his eyes. 

“Nothing.” you said, opening the book again. 

“I’ve known you all my life, (y/n). I know when something is wrong.” he raised his voice a tone, showing you he was serious about all of his words. 

“There is nothing wrong. Now leave it.” you raised your voice as well, closing your book with a big thud and glaring at him. 

He threw his head in front, forcing a defeated smile on his lips and getting up. “You know... every time you said something you didn’t want to tell me but deeply wanted me to figure out on my own, you got angry. You’re doing this just now.” 

“Well, I can’t see why would you care anything about me.” you snapped, still glaring after him. “First you were all about loving me and the next was talking rubbish of me to the whole school, not even looking at me after!” you gritted your teeth with force and fury.

“That’s because I was ashamed!” he shouted. “I was drunk that night, more than I was ever drunk in my life and that was because of you!! YOU THINK I CAN TURN IT OFF LIKE A SWITCH?!?! I can’t! I’ve been trying but guys have feeling too, (y/n) and that day I felt like my heart is going to squeeze itself into disappearance.” his eyes were glistening and his hand was digging into his shirt, at the place where his heart was. 

“You told everybody I was a slag.” your eyes began to water as well. You uncovered yourself and stood up, facing him your back. “You told how easy I was! How anybody could have me if they wanted! You threw me out there like I was an object!” you turned to him.

“YOU SLEPT WITH MY BEST FRIEND!” he shouted, coming closer to you and letting tears fall down his cheeks. 

This was the first time you saw James cry. 

Never. Never in all the years you have known him, James never cried in front of you. No matter how hurt he was, no matter how much it pained him, he never cried in front of you. Not a tear. 

But when he said it- how he said it; with a low voice that cracked at those last two words. You knew now. You hurt him more than he ever hurt you. 

“And all the time I wished that I wouldn’t know. All the time I wished and still wish that it wasn’t him but it was. It had to be the usual cliche best friend, roomate. Hadn’t it, (y/n)?” he kept looking at you with so much disappointment that now all the fear you always felt was covered with all the shame James made you feel at this moment. “So yeah. I spoke rubbish of you. It’s not something I am proud of but I was drunk. I was drunk on my arse, drowning my sorrow in it and feeling a bit over-prideful when I had too much in my system. I realized what I had done the following day when I woke up on a toilet. Have you realized what you have done?”

That question made you shot your head up so fast, you could feel something crack. “How dare you ask me that?! You broke me James! As much as I love you, you broke me everytime you decided to shout and yell at me for things I could not change or have any effect on! Tense and on edge everytime. Shouting at me for the smallest of things, insulting me as well! Have you ever realiyed how you have treated me in the past months of our relationship?!” you shouted and before he could reply you cut in first. “I didn’t want to cheat on you! Especially not with Remus! But he was there at the wrong place at the wrong time and everything between us was so messed up-”

“I DON’T CARE!” he shouted. “I don’t care how messed up it was between us! We always loved each other! We had more good memories than bad! Of course, we fought! Couples do that. Of course, you were tense and on edge almost every month before you got your period. You were horrible to me when you felt off and you started fights as well! You insulted me! You shouted as well! The fights went both ways and just because the last month was a bit off that doesn’t mean you get to walk away from this relationship!”  

You stood there and stared at him. He was right. He really was but the fire in you kept going and you couldn’t calm down. “I-I can’t this-” you grabbed your book and started storming away.

“Where are you going?!”

“I’m leaving!”

And everything was clear and fine until his hand grabbed yours and he pulled you to him. You crashed into his body and you heard the first few words but after that it squeezed you tight in your chest and you couldn’t breathe. The vision was black, only words echoing in your ears :

‘Such a pretty little doe with such a pretty little face.’  

‘You know I always fancied you... always thinking what you could do to me if I was your man- not that arrogant Potter boy.’

‘It’s aways the most innocent ones that are the wildest.’

His voice continued to echo in your ears meanwhile all your vision was dark. You were in a library, he was touching you, kissing you. You were frozen in your seat.

“Leave me alone!” you shouted at those malicious green eyes- slicked white hair and a grin that kept cackling. “DON’T TOUCH ME!” you screamed, feeling different hands around your but shoved yourself away from them and falling on the ground. “Don’t touch me!” you turned around on your back and started crawling away, your vision getting clearer meanwhile the cackle was still in your head. Your eyes kept themselves wide and at the boy in front.

It’s James and he was staring at you. Staring at your frightened eyes. 

You quickly got up from the floor and started backing away, feeling sickness in your stomach. “Leave me alone.” your voice trembled, your eyes looking away. “Leave...leave me...don’t touch me. Leave me. Don’t touch me. Leave me.” you kept telling to yourself and making your way to your dorm. “Leave me. Don’t touch me.” and when you were up in your dorm, you stormed into the bathroom and cleaned yourself the same day as you did when that- that monster put his hands on you, sobbing. 

And James? James was terrified and furious.

Who touched you?

#james potter #james potter imagine #james potter x reader #remus lupin #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin x reader #marauders #marauders imagine #marauders imagines #maruaders x reader #mulciber #mulciber x reader #mulciber imagine

[dadzawa-adopt-dabi]

fear quirk.

(thanks to @Ry-wolf for the idea)

dabi gets hit with the fear quirk

it works through touch and is activeted in minutes

its from a vigilante that him and shigaraki ran into while out.

it may have also been the “aww mommy and daddy didnt love you enough, so you became villians?” that set both shigaraki and dabi off like bombs.

shigaraki decays the other villian on the spot after dabi gets hit. dabi goes to give him a hand kicking ass and ends up getting touched.

“ive been hit with his quirk we need to go” dabi tells shiga as he gladly sets the guy on fire after getting shigaraki out of the way.

person had been monologing about his quirk. so they know it causes fear and halucinations. if dabi is about to be seeing scary shit and probably his dad he wants to at least be home when he does.

shigaraki gets his phone and lets kuroguri know the need a portal back. “any idea what your going to see”

dabi shifts and hunches into himself further. the leauge knows his home life was shit. that his dad hit him but he hasnt told them how bad it got in that house.

“probably my dad, i dont know what else will pop up, maybe him beating my siblings or mom. not much else scares me these days” he says as a portal appears and they step through it.

“anything compromising you want to tell me now dabi?”

“dabi isnt my name but i dont want to go by anything else. and no. i dont wanna talk about my family... if...if i call out for anyone dont worry about it.”

shigaraki walks with him as dabi heads to his room. that just as much confirmed his suspiscions for who dabi used to be. 

“anyone you want here when you come out of this? we dont know how long that assholes quirk lasts.” shigaraki asks with a raised eyebrow as dabi gets a set of quirk cancelling cuff out of his closet.

“dont look at me like that, theyre not kinky cuffs there dont set your home on fire because your having shitty dreams cuffs.” dabi clacks them as he feels some panic building. “ ...i want you guys here and...” he wants his boyfriend. hes going to be seeing some shitty things he dosnt talk about and the league is like a family but he wants his boyfriend. 

but hawks is a hero and even if shigaraki and the league have been a little more hero friendly and picky about what they are doing these day he hasnt brought hawks home.

shigaraki grins a little. “your boyfriend maybe?”

dabi jumps. maybe its the quirk but maybe hes just scared of what hes going to see. “i can exp-”

shigaraki rolls his eyes. “its fine. we can have that conversation later.”

dabi sees a flash of orange and blue out of the corner of his eyes and makes a split second decision. “yeah, yeah i want him here. please. i think this shits going to paralyze me too” he gulps and lays down as his limbs become heavier and harder to move. “do- dont leave right a-awy please. im scared, i cant do this.”

shigarki sits on the floor next to the bed. “were all going to be here when you come up, youve done this when it was real and a hallucination is only a pale imitaion of that fear”

“sure looks and sounds real,feels real, give me something else to think about”

“when you come back you get to introduce the leauge to your boyfriend”

“thats going to be a disater. how are you even going to get him here?”

“ill think of something. truss him up and drag him here like a big turkey if i have too.”

shigaraki leaves when dabi starts screaming and dosnt respond to his reassurances anymore. “ going to get hawks now,ill be right back with your chicken.” he comments knowing dabi cant hear him but it makes him feel better anyways. he wouldnt want to be left alone if his brain started spamming him with his dad either.

kuroguri is already waiting and mr compress is next to him.

“he wants his boyfriend when he comes up?” compress asks shrugging on his jacket.

“yeah i should be able to handle grabbing him”

kuroguri opens a gate for the 2nd time. “hawks wont know we are there in good faith though so it will be safer to send you bot.”

shigaraki would argue the point further but another terrified scream cuts him off.

“fine. in out with as little stress to the overgrown chicken as possible. if hes not home we grab a feather a blanket or something. something big enough he notices and calls dabi.” he struts through the gate and compress follows right after him. they end up right in front of hawks in his living room.

“holy sh- dabi said i wasnt meeting you yet” hawks jumps about a foot in the air as they come through the mist.

“he knows im here, you have to-” another scream this time for hawks specifically cuts shigaraki off.

hawks dosnt give shigaraki or mr compress time to explain themselves before he shoots forward and through the portal back to the base.

mr compress looks at shigaraki and shurgs a little. “at least we know he loves dabi enough to go into what very possibly could have been a trap.”

going back through the portal, kuroguri needs a raise for playing taxi for everyone shigarki decides, they see him streaking down the hall where dabi is yelling and stuttering excuses to no one.

“hawks, he got hit by a quirk. he cant hear you or see you.but he said he wanted you here when he ‘woke up’? ” shigarki says when he skids into dabis room a moment later. the entire league is in there and sitting on or around the bed.

dabi yells for hawks again and keigo gets up on the bed to lay beside him. he grabs his hand and tells him hes there.

hawks reassures dabi every time dabi calls out for him. a few hours pass with everyone waiting for dabi to stop before he lurches upward in the middle of a scream for shouto. hawks squeezes the hand he still holds.

“you had your boss kidnap me its okay im here.” 

shigaraki snorts. “less of a kidnapping and more of hawks shooting through a portal because he heard you scream for him. that could have easily been a trap.”

dabi shudders and turns to hide his face in hawks neck. “dumb fucking chicken, thank you.” he shivers through the remaining panic for a few moments then gets up and starts introducing hawks to his OTHER family.

#fear quirk #bnha #mha #dabi #dabihawks #dabi is touya #dabi and shigaraki are close #dabi has ptsd #shigarki fetched a whole ass birb #Shigaraki #takami keigo #hawks #todoroki touya #leauge as family

[opheliaoblonskya]

hello hello hello everyone! i’m coco, this is my baby ophelia, and we’re both extremely happy to be part of the group!!! this is ophelia’s official intro post so feel free to check under the cut for more info on them! @westmerestarters​

MAJOR TW FOR DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE

agender, goes by they/them pronouns, first discovered non binary identities a few years ago and went from “huh, that’s neat” to “it me” within a few months lmao

their father was originally from the soviet union, grew up poor, immigrated to the states, and made it big as a writer. poetry, essays, plays, short stories, and even full on novels, anton oblonsky was a literary darling, and married cleo harris, a celebrity stylist, rather young. after barely two years of marriage, ophelia was born. they were to be anton’s only child.

while both of ophelia’s parents doted on them, they were the apple of their father’s eye in particular. he spoiled ophelia rotten, showering them with things he could’ve never dreamed of having as a child, but now with his lucrative writing career at his side, he was able to fully provide for his family, so much so that cleo was able to quit her job.

naturally, ophelia adored their father for how much he spoiled and openly adored them, and never feared hearing the word ‘no’ from anton. cleo often had to step in to be the disciplinarian in the family, which created some tension between her and her overly indulged child, but for the most part, the oblonsky family home was a happy one.

this would fall apart when ophelia was only five.

understandably, cleo was growing tired of having to be the ‘bad guy parent’, and had grown to resent how easy going and frivolous anton was. this of course caused arguments, and whenever ophelia stepped in and it was clear that they had heard it, anton would try to remedy the situation by showering them with more gifts, which in turn lead to more arguments. it was like a cycle, and cleo was determined to put an end to it. she filed for divorce.

during the proceedings, the two agreed on shared custody of ophelia. they would spend one week with anton, and the other with cleo. of course, ophelia much preferred being with their father, who’s spoiling had gone into maximum overdrive as a way to make up for the divorce. cleo was nowhere near as indulgent, and the young ophelia grew to resent their mother, blaming her for the falling apart of the family and their father’s misery.

just months after ophelia’s sixth birthday, which had of course been a truly lavish affair, the divorce was finalized. by then ophelia was getting therapy, to help cope with the change, and despite the therapist’s best efforts, ophelia still laid the blame squarely at their mother’s feet. but the worst was still yet to come.

when ophelia was seven, during the week they were with anton, he woke them up, told them they had the day off school because he had called in, and that they were going to do whatever ophelia wanted. of course, they were utterly ecstatic, and the day was spent devouring ice cream and candy of all kinds, watching cartoons, and playing games. it truly was the best day of ophelia’s life.

but it would quickly become the worst.

anton told ophelia to play outside for a bit, while he cleaned up. still bouncing off the walls from the massive amount of sugar consumption, ophelia happily ran around in the yard, playing on the brand new play set that anton had bought just for that day. they were so preoccupied, that they almost didn’t hear the loud bang that came from inside.

they tried to get inside, but all of the doors were locked, and no matter how loudly they yelled, they were getting no response from anton. confused, and getting a little scared, ophelia went to the neighbor’s, and asked them for help. the neighbor’s called, but when they got response they called the police instead.

the rest of the day is a blur, perhaps an attempt of ophelia’s mind to shield them from it all. but one thing they remember clear as day is the body of their father, lying in a pool of his own blood, in the middle of the living room. they had managed to sneak past the police, wanting to see what was happening. and of course, they got their wish.

the death was ruled a suicide, thanks to the presence of a long letter that anton had left behind in his study. cleo was contacted immediately and rushed to her child’s side, weeping profusely. the last year of her marriage to anton had been tense, but she never doubted for a second that he was a good man who loved her and ophelia. and now he was gone.

ophelia was different after that. now in their mother’s care, they had become quiet, withdrawn, and despite how tense and strained their relationship with their mother had been before, they were now terrified of being separated from cleo. they got another therapist, one that specialized in helping grieving children, but it was very slow going. at the reading of the will, it had been revealed that anton had left everything, his wealth, his properties, even the rights to his numerous literary works, which at the time of his death was just shy of a hundred, to ophelia. it turned out that he had made the change the day before his death, and that half of his fortune, which included ongoing royalties, would be used for ophelia’s education and other parts of their care, a type of posthumous child support, while the rest would be put in a trust fund.

of the things that had been left to ophelia, what caught their attention the most, was their father’s journals. he would spend hours scribbling away in them, and no one, not even his precious ophelia, had been permitted to read them. they desperately wanted to do so now, but cleo got to them first, and had them placed in a safety deposit box, away from ophelia. this resulted in a screaming match, a tearful ophelia demanding to have what remained of their father’s essence, and cleo insisting that they were too young to see what was in those books, and that when they were older they could read them, but not now.

as time wore on, ophelia remained ever devoted to their father and his memory, lashing out at anyone who would dare besmirch his name and/or work. when cleo remarried, to anton’s lawyer no less, ophelia reacted very negatively, threatening to sabotage the wedding if they were made to go. they were made to go, but were under heavy surveillance by the bridesmaids (ophelia had been made the maid of honor, which made their stomach roil), and aside from having a generally negative attitude, did no harm to the event.

when ophelia’s first half sibling was born, they were determined to remain indifferent, if not totally icy and aloof, towards the child. it wasnt until after they had laid eyes on the newborn, that they felt their heart soften. in a hospital bathroom, ophelia cried for the first time since their father’s funeral. they were 12 years old.

with extensive therapy and family counselling, ophelia found themself able to let go of their previous animosity towards their mother. they began to see and understand why cleo was so frustrated with anton, and wrote an immense letter of apology to their mother. they were also fiercely protective of their half siblings, and thoroughly adored them.

but of course, there was still a hole that had been left behind by anton’s death. and part of the way they chose to cope was by consuming all of their father’s work. they would pour over his writing, studying it all endlessly. if there was an english assignment of some sort, then you can be sure that ophelia would write about something their father wrote. it wasn’t long before they too started to dream of becoming a writer.

after ophelia graduated, they were finally permitted to read the journals that their father wrote in and kept. after talking extensively with ophelia’s therapists, cleo finally opened that old safety deposit box, and gave ophelia everything they had dreamed of. they devoted every waking moment to reading those journals, desperate to further understand their father. and one of the first steps they took was going to russia.

they had of course heard many stories from their father about russia, and most of anton’s work was either set in russia, featured russian characters, or at least had russia in the background in some way. but of course the russia he had been most familiar with was the one of the soviet era, and even after a number of trips back, the shadow of the soviet union still clung to him and his work, and ophelia was determined to see modern day russia for themself.

they followed their father’s steps, hunting down every place mentioned or alluded to in his writings, trying to understand and feel what their father understood and felt about the place. it also inspired them to start journaling, chronicling their time in russia and the steps they were taking to understand the man their father was.

while in russia, they came up to the part in the journals where anton started to talk about his divorce and depression. he waxed lyrical about the intense, deep, gut wrenching misery that plagued him, and how the only way he could keep it at bay was by caring for ophelia. but as they started to grow up, he started to panic and worry more and more. his own father took his life when he was very young, and his mother never remarried. how was he supposed to know how to be a father from that point on? he had tried to give ophelia everything she could ever want, materially and emotionally, but there was still a part of him that felt that it would never be enough, because he had never seen what he was supposed to do next. the anxiety strangled him to the point where sometimes he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

his last entry was on the day before he died. “if nothing else, ophelia will know how much i love her.”

ophelia spent a week indoors, grieving their father all over again, and finally seeing why their mother had been so adamant in keeping these journals away from them. no child would be equipped to deal with everything that had been written in those notebooks, least of all one that had been as vulnerable as ophelia had been at the time.

when they returned home, they hugged their mother and cried.

another thing they did after they returned was go to college. despite his literary success, ophelia’s father never went to college, with his formal education stopping when he was 14 so that he could work and support his ailing mother. he would go on to teach himself, but the world of academia always gripped his imagination, and ophelia was determined to do what their father couldnt.

double majoring in english lit and russian lit, minoring in journalism, and applying with their mother’s new married name to avoid any awkwardness, ophelia dedicated themself to studying and writing, wanting to create the ‘perfect debut novel’. during this time they remained secretive about their father’s identity, particularly after they started to study his work in class. they would go on to get a masters in all of their subjects, and get a job at the new york times.

while in new york, ophelia was contacted by an established, and well-respected broadway producer and director, who wanted to adapt one of their father’s plays for broadway, but needed ophelia’s permission to do so. intrigued, ophelia agreed, provided that they be involved every step of the way. they were going to make sure that their father’s work was going to be well represented.

after countless long days going from the office to broadway then home, ophelia saw their father’s first ever play, which also happened to be the one that was the least adapted and staged for whatever reason, on broadway. it was set in a town called westmere, a place that ophelia’s father had mentioned in his journals, but that they had never gotten around to visiting. but after opening night, they knew that would change. once the play had it’s full run, ophelia resigned from their job, packed up, and went to westmere, to see what it was about the town that had so entranced their father.

and there you have it! didnt expect to write that much but oh well dfjignfdifjnfdij feel free to dm if you want to plot something!!!

#westmereintro

[truthbehindthemysteries]

~I Will Always Catch You~

A/N” One shot fic request: Fainting in Enobaria’s arms.

_________________________________________________

People knew very well not to underestimate Enobaria for how much a beautiful mysterious danger she was. - After all, she had not only a reputation for how she was the victor of the 62nd Hunger Games but the fact that she had f a n g s – teeth filed sharp enough to resemble deadly incisors. Anyone who got to close would see how intelligent, blunt, dangerous, fierce she was. No one knew she had a heart of gold deep down. No one knew she could be soft, gentle and vulnerable. Except you. Everyone loses a piece of themselves to these vile games that prey on the lives of young children , forcing them to fight to the death until one one them remains standing, bathed in riches that others could only dream of. All at the mercy of a capitol who punishes them for others long ago committed.

You and Enobaria were in a close relationship. Growing up in District 2 { one of the wealthy districts who are close to the Capitol in wealth, loyalty, etc. }, You two had been best friends whose mothers were best friends, father's worked together. You two went to the same school and could go to each other about anything. Well that was of course after the fact that she stood up to a bully for you. You had something happen to you that gave you an injury that needed time to heal, someone had made fun of you and wouldn't seem to stop. Enobaria being … well, herself? Formed a fist and landed a punch so strong to the boy's jaw that he had to have surgery to get his jaw back in place. A dangerous serious process that if went wrong, he would never be able to use his mouth again and have to be fed through a tube.

Not long after that, sexualities were questioned and accepted but you two are together, happily in love, each other's rock when the other wants and needs even if they might not realize it. Anyway, it was the morning of the day where You, her and the other victors of previous games would find out the next tributes for each district for this years Quarter Quell. Now remember when I said that these Games take a piece of someone. It isn't something you can get past after all, just a young child thrown into dangerous situations and made to fight, hurt, k I l l other scared ones like you, hardened into little soldiers by ones older using you for their own greed, for their own e n t e r t a I n m e n t. Ones meant to love and care for you, protect you and keep you safe. Lets just say that you like anyone else had developed PTSD and panic attacks. There you and Enobaria were, sitting on a luxurious couch of a house you two shared together. Soon enough, President Coriolanus Snow himself showed up on the screen and started to speak,

“Ladies and Gentleman, this is the time in which we will begin the 75th Hunger Games, where specially, we'd also have the Quarter Quell.” Anywhere around, people had their eyes glued to the screen, you and Enobaria among others who watched with bated breath, not out of excitement like some might by unease, a want to get this over with and try to live life the best possible in p e a c e. As if that could ever be completely achieved in the world in which they lived in. Amongst the cheering, President Snow continued,

“It was written in the charter of the games that every twenty-five years, there will be a Quarter Quell. Now on this , the 75th anniversary of our defeat of the rebellion, we celebrate the third Quarter Quell.” A drop in your stomach seemed to happen as you started into those eyes shown on the screen, you had a bad feeling about this. Not that you didn't seem to have them at times and always turn out to be right but those cold eyes as they addressed the nation, seemed to stare into the souls of everyone he made suffer. What you heard next was enough for you to intake a breath, rushing to your head resorting in a dizziness that had you fearing the idea of standing. You just might collapse, others would cry and unleash anger.

“As a reminder, that even the s t r o n g e s t cannot overcome the power of the Capitol. On this, the third Quarter Quell game, the male and female tributes are to be reaped from the existing pool of Victors in each district.”

You could barely focus on Enobaria's hand tightening in yours as she arched upward to look into Snow's slow smirking face with a look so murderous one would shiver and fear for their life. Feeling the beginning of a panic attack, you felt the pain as it got harder and harder to breathe. It came out in pants as you tried to calm it, slipping your hand from your girlfriend as it clutched at your chest. Moving forward on your knee's , you fell to the ground in front of the couch, your hands at your fall. Your body felt numb as you tried to catch your breath, panic inside your body like the rapid fluttering of a hummingbird's wings.

Immediately you heard Enobaria yell your name then you felt her arms encircling you as she helped you the best she could to get you back to reality, to her where it was s a f e. “Y/N!”, came her serious worried voice. A strangled choked up noise seemed to happen, not even realizing it was your own tears spilling down your cheeks, voice not able to form the words they so badly wanted to express. Eyes blurry with wetness, you felt her cup your cheek, “Y/N, sweetheart, look at me please. Come on, show me those beautiful eyes.”, she began to slowly and gently speak. You looked up weakly at her as she wiped the tears from your eyes, seeing love for you in hers despite the anger she was feeling, the murderous anger that was barely contained. You really were her anchor bc she would put it aside so long as you were safe, happy and alright.

“How could- I thought that we- that's not su-”, you tried to speak but you would choke up, cough and tear, your voice would crack. She rubbed at your shoulders, shaking her head from you trying to speak more. If you continued to get out of control with your breathing, your heart would only race faster. You were weak and dizzy enough, she didn't want to see you pass out bc if you did, that wouldn't be anything good. You were relatively good with taking your anti-depressants but bc of the ptsd that you had experienced from your own games – you often had nights where you woke up screaming, where you would flinch at any beginning of violence, anything that reminded you of all that you went through like anyone else and you would be inconsolable. The only ones who could manage to bring you out of it IF NOT Enobaria were any of your family still around.

“i will not let anything happen to you, I promise you. You know I have always stood by that. Try not to think on it now and just lean on me baby, im here and I am never going to leave you. Breathe with me.. come on , that's it.. in and out.” and she started to do it with you as your hands remained comfortingly and gently on you as you kept your eyes on her, intaking a breath and releasing it after holding it for a little bit, getting air back into your lungs. Making your body go back into a stable state, you and her stayed like that for what seemed forever but may have only been a half hour, hour? When it seemed like things could be okay at least for the moment, you felt her arms around your waist, her hands clasping at your hands tightly “Come on, lets stand okay, lemme get us some water.”

You nodded, afraid to speak, any moment you felt like you could cry. Not just from anger, so much anger it could rival your girlfriend but unlike her, you didn't have fangs that could sink into another's throat with enough strength to rip it out, causing the unfortunate person to choke on their own blood and die. Maybe thats what Snow deserved. You felt your hands balling into fists at the mere thought of how someone could be so heartless, without remorse or pity. It made you sick to your stomach and you had enough of those kind of feelings what with having panic attacks. Hoping the water would help as it sometimes did and should, you kept your mouth shut, not wanting to spill any contents in your stomach onto your clothes and the floor as Enobaria helped you stand.

Still feeling slightly dizzy, you almost wondered if you should say something but you urged that you dealt with this before, feeling weak and dizzy. You only ever fainted if it got really bad and always someone was there. The only times that someone wasnt was a rare occasion but any unlucky person who came upon you with dark intentions would regret it, you were so protected. A darling of District 2. As you made to follow her into the kitchen, everything went black as you fell. Unconscious to the scream as Enobaria immediately caught your fainting body in her arms, worry on her face as she gently tried to shake you awake but only receiving no answer from you.

Not wanting to immediately jump to conclusions, she held you protectively in her arms as she went about the process of getting you medical help, refusing to leave your side. For those who suggested, one glint of her fangs in the light was enough for them to hold their tongue lest they want it ripped out. While they did the work to help you, she in a corner not to far from you , paced back and forth, w a I t I n g until she saw your beautiful eyes again. When you finally did flutter your eyes open, it was after the doctor's left you both to have some privacy, telling Enobaria that the reason you had fainted was not only from a possible slip up in taking medication, dehydration and stress, they advised you get plenty of water, rest, stay active in the medications and do anything relaxing to get rid of the stress. Maybe start talking to someone, it could help get the stress off your shoulders, as they say.

Once the door closed behind them, your { e/c } eyes seemed to flutter open, your lips parting to crack , “en..” you coughed, “enobaria?” She immediately rushed to your side, sitting down beside you and taking one of your hand in both of hers. “How are you feeling? “ she ended up scoffing, “Stupid question..” she looks at you, “i'm right here.” You smiled weakly, memories of what happened flashing before your eyes and tears started to well up. Immediately sensing the change in your, she cupped your face, 'Keep calm for me babygirl, im right here. Whatever happens, it's you and me always right? As we promised.”

Your heart raced but you forced it to slow, to even out and calm yourself down. You slowly nodded, clenching your throat as you swallowed, “Forever.”, you muttered softly, lovingly, with no hesitation. “Scoot over.”, she muttered as she stood, moving to remove the blanket a little from you. You weakly tried to move, an adorable frown forming on your face as you looked up at her, “Won't they sa-” She shook her head as she lied down beside you, gently pulling you into her arms so you could cuddle into her, the blanket over both of you now, “Just them try and stop me from holding the woman I love.”, You felt butterflies in your stomach, she was always so good to you – what did you do to deserve someone like her, Enobaria, the fierce badass everyone was scared to come into contact with but realize there was another side to her. A good side so worthy of the truest of loves, something you two found together. Like a home. She caresses your face, making you look at her, as if you wouldn't choose to willingly anyway,”

“Wherever you go, I will follow if you wish and anytime you fall, I will always catch you.”

You nodded, closing your eyes as you felt her arms encircle you more, holding you against her chest and your two’s legs entangling together under the blanket. Resting your head against her chest, you and her breathed together, your eyes closing shut once more and hers following suit not long after you. At some point you would be discharged to be able to go home but until then? You would find peace in the arms of the woman you loved. Everything would figure itself out one way or another. One day Snow would realize the wrongs for which he has done and pay for them accordingly. Taking one day at a time, you would make sure that you would be okay, that the ones you loved would be okay.

You would always say that you never deserved someone as fierce and dangerous as Enobaria who was sweet and romantic and cuddly deep down but truth was maybe it was the other way around with her feeling she didnt deserve you. Sometimes people didnt even approach her for the reputation she had but you weren’t like the others, You didn’t treat her like she was a monster to hold at arms length for fear of being ripped apart. You broke down all her walls and made her f e e l. She could never thank you for that, having someone as angelic as you but every rose has it’s thorns and she knew that together, you two could accomplish anything. Not just the best but the worst of times.

#warning: medical #warning: panic attacks #enobaria #the hunger games #hunger games #soft fluff #angsty sadness #one shot fic requests

[ashenious]

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#ashen ramblings #text post #personal #tag talk #i would very much like to noooooooooot have nightmares anymore #i wanted to actually go to my early class today #like since its the last in person meeting class #but that didnt fucking happen #what does well rested even mean #its been like #6 years? 7? #since i slept well last #even fucking anesthesia didnt make me feel well rested!! #or sleeping whenever i was tired for 3 weeks straight #granted then i was having fever dreams cause of the pain meds #but still!! #could my brain just stop making such fucked up things in my dreams #its stressful and i hate it #at least it wasnt so bad i woke up like screaming/yelling out again #today anyway #bah

[blueyesandleatherjacket]

Ghost of you, 15/?

Volume: 1.

Number of parts: 15/?.

Pairings: Human!Nine x Rose; Human!Ten x Jack; Clara Oswald x Olivia Baxter (OC).

Synopsis: "She felt it, it was time to speak about the weight on her shoulders. Something she had never done before."

A/N: I've started writing this fiction last year after I had a particularly weird dream (as usual) and after I wrote the prologue, I've put it aside to work on other stuff. I've gone back to it not so long ago and decided that it would be the fiction I would post next, after not posting anything for a while. I must have watched I am legend and Game of thrones way too much to come out with something like this but I hope you will like it. I am not a scientist, nor did I have a particular knowledge of sciences. I do my researches on the internet like everyone to make sure everything is as close to the reality as possible. I have a literature degree only. Writing is what I do and it makes me explore next fields, and learn new things.

“'Cause I'd rather feel your pain than nothing at all.” - Three Doors Down.

CHAPTER 15:

Amy woke up slowly. She was wrapped into a cocoon of warmth and well-being. She didn’t remember when was the last time she had felt so well. She stretched her body. She was taking all her time. She didn’t want to lose this precious well-being she hadn’t felt in ages. There was someone lay by her side. She rolled on her side and cuddled into the warm body beside her. She heard a smile and someone wrapped an arm around her. She must be dreaming but that dream was pleasurable. She liked it. She lazily wrapped her arm around that person. She didn’t know what she had expected but certainly not to be so close to a woman. This surprised her beyond words and she reluctantly rolled away from the unknown person she liked cuddling into. She couldn’t let herself go that way. The other woman reacted by trying to soothe her but Amy was too sleepy to be calmed down so easily. She needed to clear her mind first. Moaning, she pushed the hand away and rubbed her eyes. She stretched her body and looked around her. She wasn’t in her office but she wasn’t in her house either. It was a room she didn’t know. Had she done it again? Had she drunk until she had a blackout and been brought home by some stranger? There were pictures on the wall facing the bed. Pictures of a couple. Great, the woman she was with was married. She would have to deal with another cheated husband. She knew well that she didn’t have any control on herself when she was drunk. It was only a way to mute her pain. She was doing this when it was too strong, when it was suffocating her. She focused on the pictures on the wall. She wanted to see what the man she would have to face in the near future – because fate always made sure she faced them – looked like and the last pieces of the puzzle clicked together. It was Maxence Spitz. She remembered how she had ended up here. She had watched Rose work with Maxence for a while and the scientist had taken her into the private parts of the lab. They had had a quick lunch and they had settled down here. After a quick shower, they had lain down in bed and, reassured that she wasn’t alone for once, Amy had fallen asleep rather quickly. How much time had she slept? Had Rose watched her while she was asleep or had she slept too? It felt weird to be here, in this bed, with the wife of the man supposed to be her boss at the moment. But it was the start of a friendship. “How long have I slept?” A certain time according to her croaked voice and the feeling of being rested. She hadn’t felt this way in a very long time. It was before… “I’d say eight solid hours.” “Eight hours?” “You needed that sleep.” “And you?” “A couple hours.” Amy looked up at Rose. She was sat against a pile of pillows, glasses on her head and a book on her lap. She was reading and marking pages by folding their upper corner. Probably a book about her current researches. She looked as exhausted as before though. “You don’t look like someone who’s slept.” “Never said it was a good sleep.” “Do you have nightmares?” “I’m not the only one.” Rose looked away from her book to stare at Amy. Those whiskey eyes were clear on the meaning of those words. Somewhen during the night she had dreamt of this event and she must have screamed and cried and struggled against the sheets. “Sorry.” “Don’t be. I know what it is.” If there was something nice about Rose, it was that she wasn’t asking questions. She was giving her the time to consider the eventuality and if she wasn’t talking, she wouldn’t insist. She would wait until she was ready. “We all have our demons. You know mine already.” “But you don’t know mine.” “You’re not forced to talk to me.” “You’ve been comforting me, that’s the least I can do. You’re also the only one to care about me here.” Her voice was sad when she evoked this lack of friends in her surroundings. Rose was the first one to ever hold a hand out to her in this place and it felt amazing to have someone like her so close to her. Somehow, it felt easier to make friends in such a situation. She hesitantly snuggled closer to her new friend. “In my hometown, I’m known to sleep with married women,” she chuckled. “It only happened once but you know how people are.” “We all do mistakes.” “When my pain was suffocating me, I was going to a pub and drinking until I couldn’t feel it anymore. Once, I was taken home by a woman and I woke up in her bed. Only to be caught by her husband a couple hours later.” Amy fell silent after this admission. She was waiting for the judgement to come. People always judged a woman that was sleeping with someone married or that was having relations with another woman. But Rose didn’t say a thing. Instead, she pointed to a picture on the wall. A younger version of her and Maxence together in a park. Maxence had his arms around Rose and he was smiling brightly. Rose was just as happy on this picture. “This was the day we admitted our feelings to each other. It was one month after I broke up with Liv.” “You mean…” “Olivia Baxter, our doctor. We’ve known each other since forever. I’m totally bi. Not gonna judge you on this one.” “We didn’t…” “No.” Amy was relieved to know this at least. A friend that wasn’t judging her and that hadn’t let her make another mistake. Finally someone open minded. “Not enough alcohol in this building for us to be drunk. And I’m faithful.” “I used to be,” sadly murmured the therapist. She sat up and stared at the wall before her. She felt it, it was time to speak about the weight on her shoulders. Something she had never done before but Rose was offering her the trust and friendship she needed. It was all new but she knew deep down that she could say anything to this woman. She would listen and never judge. Hopefully. As a way to prove it, Rose took her hand and gently squeezed it. “The virus was already out when it happened. It wasn’t as bad as it is now. We could go out and have fun. And that’s what we did, my husband and son and I. There was a fair in our little town and we’ve spent the day there. It was a long and amazing day. My little boy, my William…” Her voice trailed off and she stopped speaking for a couple minutes. The anxiety was strangling her again. Rose didn’t say anything, she just stroked her hand with her thumb. A way to reassure her, to tell her that she wasn’t alone. After all, she was going through a loss too and she knew what it was. There was nothing to say at the moment. She could only listen. “We let him eat too much sugar and he was sick. I was driving so Bob, my husband, could deal with our son. He was blaming me for buying so much candy floss and so many sweets and I was trying to argue that our son’s happiness was the only thing that mattered. Every kid experiences sickness because of sweets at one point. But this argument signed our end. It distracted us.” She closed her eyes as the memories flew into her mind. She could see herself driving, her husband turned to watch William who was complaining about a belly ache. Two parents arguing and a sick child. She was looking for a place to stop the car so they could get out and breathe some fresh air to make the nausea disappear. And this man came out of nowhere. She brutally steered to avoid him and she lost the control of the car. No matter how hard she was trying to get the control back, the car kept sliding on the road and her husband was yelling at her and it was disturbing her. What had to happen happened. The car left the road and collided with a tree. The shock was so violent and so sudden that the airbags didn’t work. Her head bumped against the steering wheel and she thought it was over for her. “When I woke up, I was in the ICU. They waited until I was transferred to the light cares unit before telling me the truth. They haven’t suffered, they say. The collision killed them both instantly.” This was the last straw. Amy burst into tears and Rose wrapped her arms around her. She hugged her tight and rubbed her back while she cried all the pain that was still hurting her heart.

x

Zachary was worried. He had watched Maxence working and entering all the formula he had written on the wall on his personal space. Zachary had transferred the data to Tegan for him to approve of them. He would have to talk with Rose to be sure this was exact and to use those formula for their researches. But that wasn’t the reason why Zachary was so worried. After he was done, Maxence had cleaned the walls and instead of pacing around his cage, he had lain down and closed his eyes as if he was gonna sleep. At first, Zachary had thought he was doing it out of habit – a habit from when he was human – or because he was simply bored and wanted to look at the ceiling like he was often doing. Allegro was watching a movie in his cell. There was nothing to worry about for him. However, for Maxence, things were getting complicated. His brain seemed to have switched to a standby mode. A sort of sleep that wasn’t really sleep. He was just lying there with his eyes closed. Zachary was keeping an eye on his vital signs. His brain activity had reduced to the minimum, to the very minimum. If Zach didn’t have the other information under his eyes, he would think that the man was dead or about to be. Maybe he was dying. Zachary wasn’t very qualified on this field but he was clever enough to understand that something was wrong. The vital signs weren’t good at all. He entered an alert on their interactive group work. Someone needed to come and do a check up on him. Just to be sure that the fake cure given to him wasn’t having any effect on him anymore. Just a precaution not to lose him all of a sudden. Tegan was busy with the hacker and the maker of this fake cure at the moment and he wouldn’t be able to come before he was done. Rose had gone with Amy a little moment ago and they hadn’t come back yet. Jack and Clara were checking new formulas with Martha. Liv was probably getting some rest somewhere. All the qualified people of this team were busy elsewhere. Zachary hoped they would see the alert before anything happened to Maxence. That could be really bad. Allegro, on the other hand, was perfectly fine. All the effects of the ultraviolet were gone since they had turned off the lights and he hadn’t had any other fit of anger. Another check up was supposed to be done on him. If he was getting three negatives in a row, he would be able to come out of this place. It would be a relief but he wasn’t putting his hopes too high. He was bored in this cage but he was also very safe. Zachary was often chatting with him whenever he was having a small break. “Any good zombie movies to recommend to me?” It was just yesterday. Allegro was in a quite good mood and he wanted to joke. A zombie movie really was the easiest of jokes in the current times. That was why Allegro had asked for this. “What makes you think I’m a fan of zombie movies?” “You’re quite young. Young people love scaring themselves with those sorts of movies.” “Sorry to disappoint you, I’m prefer comedies and anime series. I love a good documentary too.” “Still a kid inside.” “What’s the point of growing up if you can’t be childish at times?” “I like your philosophy but I unfortunately have seen too many horrors to find my innocence again.” Just like Jack, Allegro had been a soldier before. When his contract with the army was over, he hadn’t renewed it. Instead, he had started looking for small jobs that were less stressful and that didn’t require traveling that much. That’s how he had ended up being a security member of this lab. Not a bad job during the good times. “You’re locked in there for a while, why not bringing back all those memories from your childhood? I’m sure the cartoons you used to watch are still available.” “How old do you think I am?” Zachary chuckled. He knew how old Allegro was. He was gonna turn forty soon. On normal times, some of his colleagues would have organised a small surprise party. Just to celebrate this special day. This lab could be such a perfect place sometimes. “Old enough to listen to those songs no one knows on Jazz FM.” “I like this radio. It’s relaxing.” “More a fan of Beethoven, me.” “That is surprising.” “I like rock music. I wish I could have gone to a Maiden concert. I guess it’s a dream that will never come true though.” “You can’t know. They maybe will find a cure that will save this world.” “It will take a while before people start trusting other people again to gather into public places.” “There’s this band I really like. A French band. It’s quite special but it’s really good. Ever heard of Indochine?” “If that’s not about this part of the world, then, I don’t what it is.” “It inspired the name. Listen to it. It’s really nice.” That’s how Zach had ended up on YouTube to listen to that French band while Allegro was taking a nap. Old school, bit weird, but very good. He really liked the music. Some of their songs were bringing energy and good vibes. It certainly was appreciated. “Are you watching one of those cartoons again?” joked Allegro. “Nope.” “That seems entertaining.” “It is. That’s the band you’ve told me about. I don’t understand half the lyrics but their music is nice.” “You can’t understand them. There isn’t any sense to their lyrics most of the time.” “Not sure about it.” “That’s not what’s causing you to be so anxious though.” “No. I’m keeping an eye on Maxence’s vital signs and they haven’t been good for a couple hours. I’ve entered an alert but no one has seen it yet.” “Is this that bad?” “If there wasn’t this information on my screen, I’d thought he’s dead. He hasn’t moved in hours.” “And no one had come? That’s weird.” “They’re all busy. T is on the hacker case. Rose is with the therapist. Jack and Clara and Martha are busy with some new formulas. I have no idea where Liv can be. And there’s nothing…” He was interrupted in his explanation by the striding sound and the red alert on his screens. Maxence sat up straight suddenly, gasping for air. He tapped the wall for someone to help him. Zach was powerless but thankfully, he saw Liv, fully dressed into a hazmat suit, running straight to his cage. She had seen the alert, he thought with relief. Maxence was coughing now. He still couldn’t breathe. He fell down the bed, on his hands and knees. Liv tried to talk to him but he wasn’t listening. All he wanted was air. She placed an oxygen mask on his face. He greedily breathed in that pure air finally reaching his lungs. “Breathe slowly, Maxence. Very slowly.” He wasn’t listening. He was too focused on taking as much air as he could. He was feeling better now that he could breathe again. He looked up at Liv and saw the sadness and fear in her eyes. She pressed her fingers on his ear briefly and pulled them back. The tip of her gloves was covered with a crimson sticky fluid. Blood. He touched his face, his ears, his nose, his mouth and his fingers were covered with the same blood. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t good at all. “We’re gonna have to make you go through another scan.” She had seen his latest results and they were bad. Jack had created an alert about it earlier this week. Zachary’s had made an echo to this alert and was telling them that the situation was getting worse. Maxence was fighting the virus and it was slowly killing him. Liv cupped his cheek. “You have to stop fighting. I know you don’t want to, but you have to. It’s important. You’re dying, Maxence.” Dying. The word echoed in his mind. Wasn’t he already dying? Wasn’t he dead since the moment he had been infected? He wanted to get better and he needed to be himself to find that cure. He couldn’t be himself if he stopped fighting. Rose wanted him to fight. So he had to keep fighting. Whatever it caused him. “I’m serious, Max. You might not hold on until we find that cure if you don’t let the virus win.” He shook his head and put the mask back on his face. Liv was amazed to see how aware he was of his surroundings. She knew it was because he was fighting but it was still a shock to see it. “Rose will understand. Nightwalkers don’t die from the virus unless they get involved in fights. You can’t be both. You’ll get back to your real self, but not now.” He pushed the mask away once again. His breathing was much better. He didn’t need it anymore. He gave it back to Liv. She would probably have to destroy it now. She wouldn’t use it on someone healthy. Or she would keep it for him if he was having another fit. “You can let go. It’s okay.” He didn’t want to. He refused to. He didn’t want to abandon his friends, his team. He wanted to help them as much as he could. Even if he had to die for this. He shook his head and Liv took her hand away from his face. “I’ll always be there to save you like you’ve saved me if you keep fighting. I won’t let you die.” He was surprised by the sudden change of speech from the young woman. What was making her change her mind so quickly? There must be a reason for that. “You never gave up when I was in troubles,” she murmured. “So I’m never gonna give up until you’re better.” Next thing he knew, she was hugging him tight. The plastic of the suit creaked. It was rather unpleasant to feel this against his skin but it was the first time he was given a hug in forever. So he hugged her back. It wasn’t the same as hugging Rose but it was okay. He liked it. Finally someone wasn’t afraid of the nightwalker him.

x

Tegan quickly walked to the public workspace where Camden and Donna were working. Camden had asked for him to come because they had found a clue for the patient zero. Even if it was good news, he wasn’t pleased to be interrupted in his rest. He had sorted things out with Colin and made him lock away in an empty area of the lab with guards to be sure he wouldn’t run away. It was also for him to be fed and taken care of if there was any problem. This was a solved case. While he was resting after Liv healed him, there had been this alert from Zachary that was causing him to be anxious. So anxious that he was on the edge of panicking. That was why Liv had insisted on him resting. She would check on Maxence and keep him updated. His head was pounding and his face was painful. Colin had quite a punch and doing nothing to protect himself had been a clever but dangerous move. He was paying for it but that pain was highly satisfying knowing the result. He had remained on the couch of his office for a moment before another mail came. A mail from Camden requiring his presence immediately. He had sighed and made his way there. He couldn’t refuse any clue when it was for a cure that would save Maxence. “I hope that’s not a deadlock. I’m not in the mood for fake hopes.” Speaking was hurting because it was using too many muscles that were bruised and sensitive but he couldn’t avoid this conversation. It was too crucial. Donna opened her eyes wide when she saw his face and Camden raised an interrogative eyebrow. This place was rather interesting in the end. The interactions between the scientists seemed to be highly charged. More than in a usual lockdown situation. There were personal matters interfering. It was fascinating. “What has happened to you?” “Bad moves while training.” “I’ve studied biology. This is not an accident.” “Whatever. This is not what brings me here, right?” “Jack and Clara will tell you I’m a very curious man.” “He is,” confirmed Donna. “And I never give up until I have my answers.” “That’s also true,” sighed the red-haired woman. “Well, look for all the answers you want and give me what I’ve come for.” Tegan sat down on the chair facing Camden and pushed the cardboard boxes that were in front of him. He folded his arms on his chest. He wanted to go back to his couch with an ice pack and an aspirin. But he was as curious as Camden and wanted his answers. “As a scientist, you must know what the Xeroderma Pigmentosum is.” “Yes. An extremely rare disease that makes every patient unable to bear the UV lights.” “And did you know there were researches to find a cure?” “Just like every cancer on Earth, there always has been researches for Xeroderma Pigmentosum. Get straight to the point.” Camden gathered a couple of papers that were scattered in front of him and pushed them toward Tegan. The neurologist took them. He didn’t understand where Camden was going but it was because his pain was distracting him. “We’ve found out that the most important researches were done by someone called Myrtle Appleton. Here, in England.” “However,” continued Donna, “she was sacked from the lab she was working in because she was using unconventional methods. It was a couple days before the virus hit the world officially.” “But she didn’t stop her researches. She has done them clandestinely.” “So, you’re telling me that this Myrtle Appleton was running experiences secretly and that one of these experiences might have gone wrong and provoked this whole mess?” “Yes.” Tegan put the documents down. He hadn’t even read them. His mind was focused on something else, something that didn’t please him at all. He jumped to his feet and left the workspace. He made his way to the empty part of the building where Colin was locked. Their paths kept crossing and Tegan really, really hated it…

To be continued...

Ghost of you © | 2017 - 2018 | Tous droits réservés.

×××

In the next chapter:

Colin was outrageously relaxed for someone who had been sacked and locked away. Tegan was resisting the envy of throwing him out of the lab and letting him see how he would survive out there. It was a chance that it hadn’t done it yet since Colin was gonna be really useful if he accepted to speak. Tegan wouldn’t get inside his prison. It would be playing Colin’s game. He would just do what he had to do by staying outside. One black eye was enough for him. He observed Colin. The scientist was laid on the desk of the room and watching the ceiling. He had a smirk on his face. He didn’t seem bothered at all by the whole situation. He was annoyed to have been caught but he was living it quite well. And this was infuriating Tegan. How could this mad scientist be so happy with himself when he almost killed a man?

×××

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English version:

AO3 || FF || TS || Wattpad.

#doctor who #ninth doctor #rose tyler #tenth doctor #jack harkness #doctor x rose #ficandchips #dw fic #ghost of you

[wishing-it-was-better]

Getting over the double betrayal

Oh goodness. So, I'm back to using this as a vent as No one really follows my tumbler. Thankfully.

First of all, facts.

My husband has been diagnosed with BPD. A huge portion of that is he makes connections with others extremely easily, and if we aren't intimate every night he starts to feel like I don't love him, and abandoned.

In the beginning of our marriage communication was shit. We had been together on and off for 6.5 years, and never quite learned how to talk things out. So when we were having issues he'd talk to his friends about them. Ok, no biggie. I understood. I had a miscarriage and started to pull away from sex.

Well, a year into our marriage a friend introduced us to this fun chat app (can't remember the name) and we joined a few chat groups. Made friends, etc.

Well, one morning I woke up and was looking in one of our mutual groups and I had noticed he was flirting with another member. Now, I don't mind flirting as long as it stays that. Just flirting. But something bugged me. So I grabbed his phone (He was still out) and I went through. It was one person, but he had started a sexual rp with them. I was devastated. So I got ready for work, his phone in my hand, and when I was ready I threw it at him, told him he was busted, and left to go to work. On my way to the car I called my Best friend Darcie. I was balling, asking why. Why would he. She was very supportive and caring.

I kinda rugswept it. We talked, he deleted the app, handed it over whenever I asked. It felt like things were getting better.

Hubby was unable to hold a job for long because of his BPD. So I supported him a majority of the time. I didn't mind it. I felt good knowing I was taking care of him financially and that he was there for me when I needed support. Well, it bothered him so he started looking for some game developer/writing work via discord. He made friends, introduced me to some, and let me look whenever I wanted. Well, I eventually I no longer felt the need to be so obsessive. This would be about the beginning of 2017

Dumb me.

We have a group of friends who live an hour away. They came and grabbed him for a few nights of guy time. I was chill. These are all friends who have been there since high school (at this time over 8 years).

I went to play games on his computer and there is some unread messages from another game developer. I had spoken with this other guy, and knew my husband occasionally helped with some pixel art, or game code, so I clicked.

They had been sexting (Pics included this time) for over a month. I flipped. Seriously. I called him, and yelled and screamed and told him to stay away for a bit so I could figure out what I wanted to do.

That's when the doubts started kicking in. It was another guy. Did he regret marrying a female? Was I not good enough?

I spoke to some family. One aunt said that experimentation is normal and I should let it go. I called hubbys mom, and she was pissed. She kept saying she didn't raise him that way. Called Darcie again, and she was supportive and tried to mediate things.

Well, once again I let him come home. At this point we had been married almost 2 years, and been together for 9. I didnt want to fail at keeping him happy, and saving my marriage, you know?

Communication started to get better, we talked more. He discussed issues more, and I expressed my stress more. I have sciatica and ptsd, and my health started to get worse so I went to part time. It was hard financially, but I felt better.

Then he became suicidal. That summer was spent missing work to get him to the doctor, he was on watch, etc. It was hell for both of us. I started to get warnings from work about my attendance. He was officially diagnosed with BPD, depression, and anxiety. So I was learning how to deal with everything on his side.

Then I broke in September. I had been diagnosed with PCOS which destroyed me because having a child is someyhing I yearn for. I started having extreme anxiety. I would pull to the side when driving because of panic. It continued to get so bad I went to the ER.

It was the compilation of everything. The infidelity, work, my diagnoses, his BPD, everything. I ended up being diagnosed with Panic disorder, anxiety, ptsd, and depression.

October was the official beginning of my medical leave by my doctor. HR was calling constantly and harassing me. It got to the point where I was frequently suicidal. I have never been ashamed of it. I would tell someone how I felt because I felt if I didn't, and I was alone I would kill myself.

Well. We were figuring out meds for both of us, and our communication was shot. January I finally quit work because I was having panic attacks every time I left the house.

Come February. We have a friend over, hubby is half asleep, and my anxiety is off the rails. So I try to calm myself down and ask to see his phone. He hands it over, no questions asked.

All his messages to Darcie are deleted. Best friend Darcie. Darcie who officiated our wedding. He fessed up and expressed about a month ago they sexted. He expressed he was feeling lonely, and abandoned. I confronted her. She claimed I was abusive. I told her she was lucky I was handling things well enough to not kill myself. (Totes regret that btw) She blocked me. I outed them to everyone. Friends, family, everyone. I was so angry.

March was hard, instead of trying to work things out he kept leaving. I was having panic attacks, our friends were getting tired of our shit. I had a doctora appointment where i was also diagnosed as Bipolar. On the day I come hoke with that news he leaves for his friends saying he needs to think. Fucking great support there. He planned to be gone the end of March beginning of April. I said ok, as long as you are here for Easter, and our wedding anniversary. He agreed.

We talked a lot. A LOT. I explained what he made me feel like when he cheated. How he stole my best friend from me. He expressed how he felt like a butler and i was never there for him. I reminded him that the agreement was if he wasnt working he would take care of the house while i was at work. I also tried to express why I pulled away from sex.

Well he needed more time so he didn't come home for Easter. I missed my grandmother's birthday because of the panic and anxiety and everything else. I was on bad terms with my mom, so she had no clue about anything going on for the last 3 years. My sister's were giving me shit for always canceling, and I finally told everyone to fuck off. Well, it's April 4th. Our wedding anniversary.

Instead of coming home he is trying to convince me that we should just Move in with Darcie and her husband (They are poly, and her husband was totally ok with her doing what she did) so he can have sex whenever he wants. After all her sex drive must be amazing. And he went on and on.

I made plans to kill myself that night. I was about to carry them out when I realized I didn't have anyone to care for my cat. She's my baby. So I called a friend, explained I was going out of town. She said sure, but she was going to take me to dinner. And I couldn't do it. So instead I went to the ER. Was admitted to a psych ward for 7 days.

Husband came home once he found out. Apologized up and down. Said he had said those things to hurt me because he was in a spiral himself.

Well. Things are better. Much better. I have learned I deserve to be happy. I deserve to smile. I deserve to not have to worry about his fidelity.

He is seeking counseling, so am I. Once we have a few sessions it's on to Marriage counseling. He has promised to let me know if Dacie ever tries to contact him.

I found out the other month that she believed I was saying I was suicidal to keep him. Bitch, I wasnt faking. Fuck off. She actually unblocked me via Facebook and it caused a panic attack. Ended up blocking her instead. Muahaha.

Anyway. People tell me it's not worth it.

I think 10 years is at least worth trying. We are at the lowest of our low right now. I will do my best to bring myself up, and him along with me. If it happens again after all of this, I can agree it won't be worth it. But he know he needs to up his game and has been.

He's doing great in researching his BPD, separating himself from potential situations, talking when things bother him, and he comes to me when he wants to talk about things that bother him. It's hard, but it's working. He's reading up on how to help me heal, and understands that I won't be over this for years.

I will never forgive her though. Ever.

[donghyxns]

Royalty! AU | kim donghyun (2)

character: kim donghyun

genre: fluff

bullet scenario

i love donghyun ok + this is extremelyyyyyyy long

“you want me to work for you???”

he looks at you dumbfounded

“yes? if you want your brother to get better, you have to work with me”

he looked at you as if you were trash

you sigh

you knew it was going to be hell

but your little brother was everything to you and he needed to get better

“okay, i will work for you”

he claps his hands “i will send seongwoo to your house to gather all of your belongings”

shOOK

“I start now??” 

“of course, now go get me a bottle of water”

you look at him like ‘bitch tf i just got here idk where the fricken kitchen it’

he sighs at your expression before standing up

“come on i will show you around the castle”

when he said casTLE HE WASNT KIDDING

LIKE U KNEW IT WAS BIG

BUT NOT THAT BIG WTF

u walked at lEAST 2 miles 

at the end of the tour, donghyun turns towards you

he had a smile on his face

it lowkey confused you??

like wasnt he evil or something wtf????

he leans down to eye level, “good night, sleep well because im going to put you through hell tomorrow”

THATS WHY HE WAS SMILING

THE HECK DUDE

the next morning comes too soon

you are given a schedule of where you are supposed to go by the other maids

at 4:30 AM, you have to go to donghyun’s room to wake him up

why cant he just get an alarm clock?

his room was huge

but then again what in this castle wasnt huge?

even as a servant, your room was huge

you walk over to his gold and silver bed

your heart is beating fast for some reason????

okay then

you shake him slightly

“prince donghyun, it is time to get up.”

you hear a groan before you are pULLED INTO HIS BED

WHAT

EXCUSE ME

you are lowkey freaking out

but at the same time

you want to stay

it was so so so warm

and he smelled good

what the fuck dude

after laying in his arms for like 45 seconds and lowkey enjoying it

you get out of his grasp and pull the covers off of his body

he was only wearing boxers hECK

“donghyun!!!! wake up!!!!!” you yell into his ear

nothing

you slap his bare chest a good 5 times

nothing

you walk over to the large windows and pull open the blinds

you turn your body to see if he was awake

bOY HE WAS AWAKE ALRIGHT

he was standing behind you

like literally 2 inches away

looking down at you with sinful eyes

“prince donghyun?” you mutter out

he licks his lips before biting his bottom one, “dont call me prince, sweetheart, call me dadd-”

oKAY 

you pushed him away

“breakfast is in 25 minutes, you need to get ready”

“whats the rush baby girl?” he laughs

BYE

you literally run out of there

what the heCK kind of prince is he

for the rest of the day you dont really see him

you are busy with washing dishes

mopping the floors

cleaning windows

basically boring shit

when it is 9 PM, you retreat back to your room

he said that today was going to be bad

but honestly it wasnt that terrible

a little boring but thats all

before you can get into your bed and finally go to sleep you hear a soft knock on your door

you give a slight groan before walking back to the door, pulling it open

IT WAS KIM DINGDONG

“yes, donghyun?” 

he rubs the back of his neck before giving you a package, “here is the medicine for your brother. it should cover like 2 months or something.”

ur shOOK

u didnt think he would give the medicine to you so fast

“oh, thank you!” 

he smiles, “i also put a big heater in your house again so he wouldnt get sick again”

you feel tears welling up in your eyes???

this was so kind??

donghyun’s face shows immense worry when you start to cry

“_________? what’s wrong?”

he hugs your head to his chest in a comforting way

you could hear his heart beating extremely fast

“this is just so nice, thank you donghyun”

he pulls you away and looks you in the eye

he leans down and kisses your cheek softly before pulling away

THIS MAN IS EVIL LET ME REMIND YOU OF THAT

HE CAUSES WARS AND SHIT

AND YOURE OVER HERE FALLING FOR HIM BC HE KISSED YOU ON THE CHEEK?

honestly, same tho

he literally bounces so fast out of there

once he pulls away from the cheek kiss he gives an awkward ass smile and RUNS down the hallway

what a bby

you thought that the next day would be kinda cute

since you know

HE FREAKING KISSED YOU

but no

you went to wake him up

he woke up almost immediately and then told you to get out harshly

ngl it kinda hurt you

today was the day you were scheduled to be with him

you were serving his breakfast, lunch, and dinner

all three meals he thanked every servant except you

you were there beside him during archery practice

he said nothing but, “servant, get me water!”

you were pissed, confused, and hurt all at once

the final straw happened when you were getting him ready for bed

he looked at you with sharp eyes and said, “why are you just standing there? do something, you useless servant!”

you literally didnt think through the situation at all

you threw your water bottle that was in your hands at him

“why are you being like this all of a sudden?!” you scream

his face is dark

“just last night you kissed me and were being a decent human being! what is wrong with yo-”

“I don’t want to lose you, okay?!” he yells back

what????????

#brand new music scenarios #produce 101 scenarios #kim donghyun scenarios #kpop scenarios #produce 101 #broduce 101

[randoms-world]

The alpha's girl

(Staring=wyatt Oleff, finn wolfhard, Jack Dylan Grazer, Jaeden Martell, Jeremy Ray Taylor, chosen Jacobs, Sofia lills, jay Ryan, james McAvoy, andy bean, bill Hader, james Ransone and Jessica Chastain)

(chapter one=first day)

Charlie's pov

I woke up early as today was the first day at my new school and I was so nervous about it, for some reason my wolf angel was over existed about it but I just ignore it. I got dressed as soon as I got out of the shower

I made my way downstairs and saw my mother making breakfast but since I was so nervous I wasnt that hungry. I smiles and grabbed an apple "so mum but I'll just have this apple, nerves are making me lose my appetite" I say and she understood. She went to say something then my farther walks in and he handed me a set of car keys "surprise sweetie" he says and I walked outside to see te car I always wanted. I recently got my license and have been basically begging for this car "dad thank you so much!" I yelled and I hug him. I don't know if i was just seeing things but i swore I saw mum flinch when I said dad

I got into the car and I drove to school but on the way I saw a girl and boy running so I caught up with them "hey need a lift?" I asked. They both let out sighs of relief "yes, thank you so much" the boy says as he and the girl got in the back and I started driving again. I talked to them along the way turns out they got to the same school as me so at least a know two people there, we finally made it and I parked at the front "I guess I'll see ya around jack and annie" I say. After i got there numbers they walked off and I went to the office to get my time table and locker number/combo then I wait for the kid they have showing me around. After a minute a boy walked over "you must be the new girl, my names finn" he says and we shoke hands "my names Charlie" I say and finn started to show me around, since he was showing me around he got let off his first lesson. He is definitely a funny guy and he would talk about his girlfriend who he is definitely in love with "anyway let me hear about you" he says "well I recently moved here with my parents and I have a father who is so protective its annoying, don't get me wrong I love that he cares but he never let's me do anything" I say. Finn nodded "well you can consider me a friend" he says and I smile, wow not even my half way threw my first day and I already have 3 friends "thanks finn" I say as the bell goes. I checked and saw that i had pe so i went into the girls changing rooms and saw annie with another girl "oh hey annie" I said as I started changing into my workout gear

Annie smiled "hey Charlie, this is my best friend mea, mea this is Charlie she's the girl that gave me and jack a ride to school" she says. I smiles and shoke hands with mea "well it's very nice to meet you Charlie, thanks for getting annie and jack to school" she says "that's fine, I will always help if its needed" I say. We head into the gym and since i was new i didn't need to pay attention to the teacher so i went onto the treadmill and popped in my headphones and started to workout not noticing the boy staring at me from the other side of the room. I stepped off the treadmill and felt I tap on my shoulder so I turned and toke my headphones out "hey um sorry to bover you but I'm Zach" he says. I don't know why but I got bad vibes from him "ahhh hi zach" I say and tried to use body language to say that I wanted him to leave me alone but he didn't get the message. After 5 minutes I just looked at him "sorry zach but your beginning to make me uncomfortable so can you please leave me alone" I asked and he just grabbed my arm. He went to say something but the teacher and a few students came over "zach hood get your hands off her or face detention, again" the teacher said and zach let me go. He walks away with his head do and I trun to see jack, Annie, finn, mea and another boy "hey guys" I say and the second I made eye contact with this new boy angel screams 'mate !' So I get very shy. The boy smiled softly and he walks closer to me "hey don't be afraid, that prick won't every lay a finger on you again" he says and I smiled looking into his beautiful brown eyes "Charlie I would like you to meet wyatt Oleff" I heard annie say. Wait a minute why dose that name sound familiar "so your name is charlie, beautiful name for a beautiful girl" wyatt says making me blush. I learned that their all werewolves as well including the teacher which was a surprise to me mainly because they say that wyatt is the alpha of their pack. I wanted to know how he is an alpha if he's so young but I didn't wanna intrude to much so i stuck with what I got and it was fairly cool if you ask me. Finally I have actual wolves I can hang out with and not be trapped with my creepily over protective farther "so Charlie......" finn went to speak but they all sniffed and growled. I was a little confused especially when wyatt pulled me closer to him and kept his eyes on the door to the lunch room we're now in as its lunch time for us all now. I went to ask what was wrong then i saw my older brother walk threw the doors and when he spotted me and looked very angry and he stormed over but before he could make a move jack, finn and another boy who's name was jaeden got in his way "move out of the way mutts, I'm taking my sister home" he says. I let out a small whimper and I snuggled into wyatt "no way in hell are you taking her" Jaeden said and after a little while my brother just smirks "father will be very disappointed in you" he says and he walks out. Oh God no no no "hey look at me please" wyatt asks softly and I looked up at him "nun of us are gonna let him or anyone hurt you" he says "wyatt's right Charlie, your our friend now and we'll protect you" Annie says. I smiled knowing I actually have friends to look out for me "thanks guys" I say and it's then that Jack's eyes saw my wrists so I quickly covered then "Charlie why?" He says in a quite voice. Of course everyone was confused but then they all turn to me "hand me your wrists love?" Wyatt asked calmly and I do as he says and his eyes go show 3 emotion's sadness, anger and worry.

#wyatt oleff #finn wolfhard #jack dylan grazer #jaeden martell #jeremy ray taylor #chosen jacobs #sophia lillis #jay ryan #werewolf #fanfic

[marshmawo-blog]

so i just woke up from a really horrible dream and this was probably the worst dream ive had in a while but i still want to write it down somewhere

this is going to be long so im sorry mobile users y_y also i know this probably wont seem very bad for other people but. im still putting it here

so

i dreamt me and my whole college class (basically all my friends) and a literal acre of farmland of other kids my age that ive never seen before were in like..... sort of a farm? but for people? and all of us were in cages or corrals that were just bolted into the ground, which was just dry dirt. The cages/corrals were also Super small and could only fit four people and the four people were really squished and shoulder-to-shoulder at all times.

i was put into a small rectangular corral with three of my friends, k, c, and m. C was to my left, K was to my right and M was next to K, so i couldnt see her very well or talk to her.

our corral was made out of metal and dirt and was out in the open and we had nothing other than what we were wearing to keep us warm so everyone talked about being really cold a lot but the people keeping us there always told us to shut up and be quiet or they would take us to this “punishment room”.

me and k, c and m were all pretty good and abided by their rules for the most part until m said something, which i didnt even hear, and she got taken away and i never saw her again. the workers hovered around us a lot after that and wouldnt tell us what happened to M. i was obviously really freaked out and cried, and C and K kept trying to tell me it would be okay and that she would come back eventually.

and then i got to find out what that punishment room was about.

so late at night, the people who were keeping us there would pick people at random to take to the punishment room to do things to them that i dont really feel comfortable saying, but they would do things that we werent comfortable with. and they took C one night and he came back shakey and scared and he had marks all over him and me and K had to comfort him.

After C was taken in they wanted to take me in but K and C got angry and yelled at them to stop because it wasnt fair because i hadnt done anything wrong but they just laughed and said they didnt care and took me anyway. i dont really feel super comfortable saying what they did, even if it was just a dream and it wasnt real but i still feel so sick and uncomfortable 

in the morning after they took me back they decided they wanted to take K. he hadnt done anything but they decided they wanted to take him away and so me and C never saw him again.

after this, C would tell me about all the times he and K had together as kids (because from what i know, they went to the same primary and secondary schools i think?) and he seemed really sad and seemed to know that he’d be taken next.

the next morning they came to take C to the punishment room and he refused at first saying he didnt want to go because it was daylight and anyone could see but then he got angry saying it wasnt fair that they did all that to us, it was wrong and it hurt. 

the people got so angry at him, yanking him out of our tiny corral by his arm, yelling and screaming at him. they took him away and that was it. i was the last one left.

i sat there for a while just thinking about everything that happened until this worker came up behind me and told me it was my turn to go now.

so that was it. the whole dream or at least what i can remember. i feel really queasy and sick and i just wanted to write this out

#mawo #mawo dreams #??

[bookishplays-blog]

TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THE HELL HOILDAY LAST YEAR

OH MY FUCK OK SO

this is related to the post i made abt the music association thing and the Hell Holiday is basically the reason i cant listen to mix tape anymore i swear to god this fucking holiday made me lose years off my life expectancy-

backstory: i went on a school trip to france prior to the hell holiday. i was the only responsible kid on said trip and saved all my money so when we were on the way back home i was deadass the only kid who had more than £10 left for food. anyway, this one girl who hung around with us had no money left so i bought her food and a drink and she was so grateful she told her parents who invited me to go to this adventure park place with them in the summer. me, being a broke ass bitch who, at this time, didn’t mind said girl and had ALWAYS wanted to visit said adventure park, said yes and packed to go.

from the start, it was a fucking shitshow. i stayed with this girl for approximately six days, three of which were in the adventure park, three at her house. the first day, we went to the cinema, where she proceeded to ignore me, speak over me and yell at me the whole day. her parents were strict to the point where we were sent to bed at eight o'clock. DURING SCHOOL HOLIDAYS. the second day went no better, with me getting my period, her being overly snide and dismissive, refusing to talk to me, taking complete control over everything, not packing for the trip and then yelling at me, confiscating MY headphones when i listened to music. but i figured, hey, she’s probably just antsy bc she’s bored.

BOY WAS I WRONG

on the car journey to the adventure park, she refused to talk to me. WE WERE IN THE CAR FOR TWO HOURS AND SHE SPOKE TO ME NOT ONCE. TO THE POINT WHERE EVEN HER PARENTS COMMENTED ON IT. and just when we FINALLY arrived, she dragged me straight off to go swimming.

as i mentioned, i was on my period. i bleed extremely heavily, and although i won’t give out my age, i’m a fairly young teen. this was the first time i’d ever used a tampon. repeat. I WAS YOUNG, ALONE, UNFAMILIAR WITH MY SURROUNDINGS AND JUST LEFT TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE A TAMPON WITH ZERO SYMPATHY AND AN ORDER TO HURRY UP. being so inexperienced, i did it wrong, so i had to leave after half an hour to redo it. except i found out they locked my back in their locker, which would’ve been fine except i was bleeding everywhere and locked in a toilet cubicle?? anyway the girl eventually found me, yelled at me, got my bag and yelled at me when i went back out to the pool.

this got no better throughout the day. we were given bikes to get around with, and her parent SPECIFICALLY ASKED ME TO LEAD HER SINCE I WAS MORE EXPERIENCED WITH ROAD CYCLING. the MOMENT this bitch’s parents were gone, she yelled at me and forced me to go behind her, which would’ve been fine except this hoe was in high school and could barely ride a bike, so we spent half an hour on a ten minute ride because of how much she stopped and started. one time, she stopped and started so rapidly that i accidentally rammed into her. she screamed at me despite me apologising profusely, checking her over and offering to go ahead so it wouldnt happen again. (spoiler; she said no)

you know how i said i was on my period? this is VERY important. i’d like to stress through the whole holiday that this girl was rude to me whenever i was in pain or tired or lethargic, all things to do with being on my period. evenings were spent with her ignoring and yelling at me, then complaining that i was too quiet and rude. she did a bunch of other nasty shit to me, which i’ll elaborate on later, including the part where she abandoned me in a forest.

now, i was visibly upset, and her parents were genuinely so sweet to me. they made an effort to include me, to buy me drinks and to hold a conversation with me. her parents were the best part of that fucking holiday, even if they did make us go to bed at eight o'clock.

the night of the first day wasnt that bad, apart from a few awkward conversations about phone charging arrangements. but overall, i woke up feeling like maybe it wouldnt be so bad. BOY WAS I WRONG. this was when i was at the peak of my instagram friendships, and i had two best friends, people i’ll call Tara and Anya (not their real names). tara and anya were the reason i survived that fucking holiday i stg when this bitch made me cry (which was often) they were always there. THEY ARE VERY IMPORTANT LATER IN THIS STORY.

next day, still on my period, things went a tad better. me and the girl did archery - a disaster, by the way, with her mocking me and calling me names - and we went swimming again, which went marginally better. unfortunately, evening activities were fucking SHIT. this bitch screamed at me for having a period and taking painkillers, telling me i could just stop if i wanted to, then bagsied the first shower home despite the fact i was bleeding and had a tampon that i needed to change. our room had the only shower and there was no fucking way i was going to use her parents’ bathroom (besides, she locked me out of our room so i couldnt get fresh tampons anyway). i ended up removing my tampon very quickly (and since i actually inserted it properly this time, it hurt like a bitch and i cried).

however, wifh zero access to the room with all my period products i had to sit in a pool of my own blood, practically crying, for ten to twenty minutes while she showered. i repeat. I, A SCARED YOUNG TEEN IN AN UNFAMILIAR SETTING, HAD TO SIT IN A POOL OF MY OWN BLOOD BECAUSE THE GIRL I WAS STAYING WITH WOULDNT LET ME USE THE BATHROOM FIRST. and when i did finally get to use the bathroom, she made snarky comments when i took sanitary products with me.

evening entertainment was a shitshow. she ignored me, took my money, ignored me some more and then mocked me for calling my mum. i ended up faking sleep early just so i didnt have to listen to her. and yet that was one of the better days.

THE NEXT DAY, I GOT LOCKED OUT OF THEIR FUCKING CABIN.

we decided to race to this beach area before meeting at the fencing complex. unfortunately, i had never been to this park before, as i said, so i got hopelessly lost. i decided to cycle to the main metro area in the park because thats where fencing was. i hoped they’d meet me there. they didn’t. i’d left my phone inside. i cycled there and back to the cabin at least four times looking for them and crying before eventually giving up and sitting outside the cabin, where a cleaner ended up taking pity on me and letting me in. i proceeded to run indoors and cry for a straight half hour, while my friends tried to console me.

i was inundated with angry texts. her only response when i told her what happened was “you wasted fencing.” as a poor girl who had always wanted to try fencing, this made me even more upset.

we did end up going to the beach place after they returned, but the girl made me row her everywhere and complained when i asked to swap. we went swimming again, and i was so cramped up that i swam for maybe half an hour before getting out and sitting on the poolside, reading and talking to my friends. this girl, whose parents had told me explicitly that i could sit by myself if i didnt want to swim, screamed at me for wasting the water. i cried again.

now we get to the part where she FUCKING ABANDONED ME IN THE WOODS.

i went back to the cabin early, and her parents decided to show us a clubhouse area. they left straight afterwards, leaving us to our own devices. we messed around a bit, and then she said to me, and i quote,“stop following me.”i didnt know the area, where to go, or what was available to do. so i sat down and texted tara and anya, who made me laugh. until this girl fucking upped and left, not before calling me slow and stupid, and left me. alone. in the woods by myself with nobody there.

I WAS LEFT IN THE FUCKING WOODS ALONE AT SEVEN O CLOCK AT NIGHT.

luckily, my gay ass remembered the way back because there were some pretty distinctive paths and bushes on the way there, so i returned safely. her parents asked me where she was, and i lied and said we decided to split up.

she didnt come back after half an hour, so her dad borrowed mg bike and found her. she then said I left HER and then pretended to be sick and ignored me all night. (in case ur wondering how i knew her bitch ass was faking, she was perfectly fine after dinner.)

the final day, the day of leaving, we walked around a bit, and i spoke mostly to her mum. i had a pounding headache, and she took notice and dragged us inside in the shade. her parents truly were blessings, as i said. the hoe ignored me, per usual, screamed at me, per usual, and at breakfast after she made me very uncomfortable and asked very personal questions about my financial situation. when we FINALLY left, she called me ungrateful for reading on my phone and staying inside when she went to get snacks. when we got back to her place, she totally ignored me and went outside, leaving me alone to wait for my dad to pick me up.

when i left, she didnt even say goodbye, despite me getting her attention many times.

in other words, that holiday has made me distrust her completely to the point where when i was asked if i’d be okay sharing a room with her on another trip after, i flat out said no and chose the only other people (homophobes who all ignored me) to share with instead.

on the bright side, that holiday made me talk to my friends so much that i ended up becoming super close with my current squad, so theres that.

[dont-follow-me-im-scared]

5 years today

Five years ago today I was withdrawing. At a college football game as a beer maid. I was sick I felt weak and I was shaking. Then this cold took over and I woke up in the lobby with beer and vomit all around me. Couple bystanders watching and three girls down beside me calling 911. I had passed out, started convulsing and vomiting up foam. Of course I was I didnt have my shit. I wont go into detail about what it was on this post but maybe some other post. I was rushed to the hospital where I told them the truth about why I was feeling like I was. They put Benadryl in my IV and I passed out probably 10 minutes later. I remember dreaming I dont remember what I dreamt but I smiled. In real life. I hear my moms voice go she must be having a good dream because she just smiled. I opened my eyes and saw the look on my mothers face. She was terrifyed. She knew for a long time I had a problem. Id drop down to 89lbs I never ate I hardly slept and when I did id sweat so much the room reeked of the toxins in my system. I was stealing money thinking they never noticed I had stolen my mom credit card and maxed it out. I was bad. But that face saved me in that moment. I thought I do not want my mom to have to bury me. I'm crying now just imagining what I had put her through and how much worry I had caused her. The next two weeks would be the hardest id been through. I was going to have to fight to save my own life and save the person I use to be. There was lots of screaming yelling and crying. I didnt eat for 3 days and what I could eat after that were instant breakfast drinks. But when we had gotten home from the hospital i handed my exhausted looking mom my keys and said im not to go anywhere alone for two weeks at least and we will take it from there. Withdrawls were a fucking nightmare. I thought a couple times I was actually going to die. I was going through 2 packs of cigs a day. I was constantly changing clothes because the sweats. I would never want to do anything like that again. I'm a firm believer in youre always an addict. Its always there. That want. Even now some days im sitting in my bathroom alone or crying in the shower after a rough day and think my god itd be amazing to have that high right now. But it wouldnt. It would lead to what it did and I have more to risk now. I'm 5 years clean. 4 years ago I was sitting in a park with a gun, letters written to the people I loved explaining why I did what I did and how they werent at fault. I was sobbing and shaking. I felt like I was in such a deep hole and I had fucked up so much there was no way to fix what I had done. Then this homeless man had walked by and said 9 words. Someone loves you even if you dont think so. That and a Sleeping With Sirens song that was playing in the moment something clicked. Getting sober wasnt easy and that was something I wasnt use to. Things usually came pretty easy to me. So I made the decision to keep fighting. I did it for a reason right? I needed to find that reason. Now I sit here on my couch in my house drinking coffee watching Netflix while my adoring husband and child are sleeping. Im safe. They are safe. I'm usually happy but thats a skill im currently working on as well. Life gets better. As cliche as it sounds it does. You have to want better for yourself. You have to want to value yourself a little more despite what has happened. Heal. Breath. Cry. Embrace the suck. Because in the end even when there isnt an end in sight the future holds something you've always wanted. Just fight to get there. "Someone loves you even if you dont think so"

#soberity #parenting #it gets better