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#at least we all know that eren armin and mikasa lived happily ever after and none of them were turned into really bad jokes
mabelancholy · 5 months
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I was one of the original whiners two years ago when the manga ended that the ending was kind of bad because WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF MIKASA, but now watching the anime, it’s like. No. I get it. I get it now.
No shit there wasn’t a budding romance between Eren and Mikasa during the anime/manga. Eren is dumb as hell (he admitted it!), so he won’t know how to go about it, and ever since he was a child, he was in fear for his life due to Titans, he trained for the most dangerous part of the military, watched his comrades die or turn into Titans, is a constant center of attention, whether it be good or bad even since he got the Attack Titan. Like, He Was Going Through It! That’s too much crap for his brain to handle. And when he saw how shit goes down after holding Historia’s hand? It was BOUND to get worse.
By the time Eren enters his “Villain Kirito” saga, we’re disconnected from him as much as he’s disconnected from himself. He’s like an automated robot doing pre-designed tasks for him, because Eren knows what’s going to happen, and because “future is set in stone”, he has no choice but to play his part. His spirit is broken, in a way, and we do get brief glances of his emotions coming through the surface like how he broke down in front of that boy he saved from robbbers on the street, crying about how he’s still going to murder him (and that kid does get mushed by Titan foot later on).
But the real, true moment of Eren being himself is when he contacts his friends, and then seals those memories away. We see him talk to Armin about Everything, and all the cards are laid bare. And his response to everything is just so, human. Because he is a human. Eren shows he never truly matured, he’s still a child looking at the whole situation in a childish manner (Kill all Titans -> Kill all humans beyond the walls, “Mikasa better mourn me for 10 years goddang it!!!!”, crying like a literal baby, saying he doesn’t really wanna dieeee uwaaahh sniff sniff). And you can’t really blame him, when you remember he didn’t really have a childhood, being thrown into the Titan business so damn young! But he did, however, realise that he can’t fix humanity indefinitely, but he can make it so his friends get to live happily ever after (at least those who survive). He admits that he’s an idiot, a slave to his version of freedom, and a ticking time bomb of rage, but he’s got the power and he has to do something with it, anything to make the world around him a better place for the people he cared about.
I was never an Eremika shipper because I wasn’t an AOT shipper in general (not even YumiHisu), but I’m literally not mad about it being revealed in the end that they were in love, despite 0 communication, despite the ongoing war, despite the struggle for survival and constant trauma, it was still a version of love. With how everything played out in the end, it does make sense to me. And an anime ending was so nice to show them being reunited in the afterlife! <3
(And no, Mikasa didn’t end up with Jean or Armin or anyone in either endings (there’s multiple evidence online, from lillies on Mikasa’s grave, to an indecisive sillhouette of the man and the child (I personally think it’s Armin, that he and Mikasa stayed as best friends and either adopted, or brought Historia’s child to the grave)), which I think is a further testament to Eren and Mikasa’s bond, which is sooooo AUGH! I’m a huge sucker for unfulfilled, sad, full of yearning yet getting none, so close yet so far away romances in fiction, so this one is definitely tickling my fancy.)
Maybe the anime did the ending better, maybe it was me who matured, maybe it was both, I don’t know. But I’m glad I’m able to enjoy this masterpiece to the fullest!
AOT is a deserved classic and one of the best pieces of media ever made. Big thanks to Isayama and all of the people working on both anime and manga production <3
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recentanimenews · 2 years
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Attack on Titan – 87 (The Final Season Part 2 Fin) – Their Best Shot
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Before we reach the end of everything, Attack on Titan takes a look back to a time that was never covered in previous episodes: the last time the Scouts (minus Reiner, Annie, etc.) were all together: when they first arrived at Marley’s biggest port. It’s great to see Sasha alive, Levi in one piece, Mikasa in her Sunday best making the cutest faces while eating ice cream for the first time…while Connie and Sasha chase a car to try to feed it a carrot.
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We know the gang is there to meet with the Azumabito and weigh their options concerning Marley. Ideally they can strike some kind of peace, and Hange makes it clear that’s the primary goal to start, no matter how difficult or dangerous it might be. They know there’s a “Subjects of Ymir Protection Group” making a big speech in the forum that will shake things up…it’s not much, but as Hange says, it’s their best shot.
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While everyone else is either focused on the political talks or being fish out of water in the technologically advanced city, Eren already seems distant, with a thousand-yard stare that’s more like ten thousand yards. The ever-protective Mikasa finds him looking down at a refugee camp on the city outskirts.
He can’t help but relate to these people from whom everything was suddenly stolen. Then, out of the blue (at least for her), asks Mikasa “what he is” to her. Rather than say he’s everything and she loves him, she goes the safe route, saying he’s “family.”
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Following that is one of the most purely joyful sequences in all of Titandom: when Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Connie, and Jean are invited to the tent of the refugee elders and their family. There, they get drunk and have a shitload of fun all night long.
When the booze runs out, they simply go get more, and bring more refugees to join the party. When Hange and Levi find them, they’re all passed out, with Eren naturally flanked by Mikasa and Armin, the three inseparable even in intense inebriation.
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Sadly, that’s the end of the fun and joy for both the episode and for Part 2 of The Final Season. Everyone gets over their hangovers and attends the forum, their purported ally, while voicing his resolve to help those Subjects of Ymir who have suffered as much or more than Marleyans, still considers the Subjects on Paradis to be “devils” and the “true enemy.” It doesn’t look like there’s much hope for peaceful negotiation, so Eren peaces out early.
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Mikasa recalls that this was the day Eren left them. As she stands on the boat in the present, headed back to the Marleyan coast to try to stop the Rumbling, she can’t help but wonder if all of this would have happened had she given Eren a different answer to the questions “what am I to you” and “why do you care about me so much.”
The answer, of course, is probably not. While I still doubt Eren meant the terrible things he said to Mikasa when they basically broke up as both friends and family, but as we see in his last talk with Historia, he believed there was no other way to stop the cycle of hate and revenge than destroying the rest of the world.
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Historia is understandably horrified by his position, and by his suggestion he can use the Founder’s power to wipe her memories to soothe her pain. But what probably haunts her most is that she, the “worst girl in the world” saved his life. Had she not, he wouldn’t be here preparing to commit mass genocide against her wishes.
Later, after Eren cuts off his own leg and stabs his eye to end up in a military hospital where he and Zeke meet, he asks his brother about the “forced behavior” of members of the Ackerman clan. Zeke assures him that Mikasa’s devotion to him wasn’t blood conditioning, but simply a level of love so intense she’d happily tear through legions of Titans for him.
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I wish Zeke’s words had come earlier, before Eren had already pretty much committed to betraying his brother and usurping the Eldian euthanization plan for an Everyone Else euthanization plan. After all, Eren is certain he’ll only live four more years, tops. But he wants to leave the world a place where Mikasa and Armin can live and be happy.
Unfortunately, Mikasa and Armin aren’t content to simply sit back and let Eren do this in their names; there’s no way they could ever be happy in a world that 1.) doesn’t have Eren in it and 2.) has had most of the world’ population wiped out by the Rumbling. But Eren’s got tunnel vision at this point. Unless anyone can get to him and give their best shot to convincing him to reconsider, this thing is happening.
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We see the beginnings of this as the largest joint fleet in human history assembles at the coastline. Their first volley of fire destroys several dozen Colossal Titans, but then the skin of the others begins to harden and that’s all she wrote; the 20,000-ton battleships being tossed into the air like plastic toys. The last line of defense, land-based artillery units, watch this nightmare unfold and abandon their posts.
As the camera pans up to the several-thousand-foot-tall Founding Attack/Founding Titan bearing Eren’s green eyes, the vow he made as a small child before an hour of scout training, when the vision of his mother being eaten still fresh in his mind, is repeated: “I’ll kill every last one of them.”
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And that’s it for Part 2. Mind you, Part 2 was not Part 2 of 2. I kinda figured that when I realized half of this episode was over and we were still in a flashback. Still, the stage is set for a Part 3, which may or may not be the final part of the final season.
Will this all come down to an epic lovers’ quarrel between Mikasa and Eren? If it does, how many cities will be leveled before it gets to that? I don’t know, but I do know the fact Mikasa should make in order to give her best shot at stopping Eren:
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By: braverade
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nueska · 3 years
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good riddance
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nightfall-kachiniko · 3 years
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How about mikasa with a Pregnant s/o? I hope you get better btw!
Ah thank you anon! I hope I do aswell! And I love mother kasa concept! :D
『Mikasa with a pregnant s/o』
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[ MAJOR! AOT SPOILERS UP AHEAD! ]
THIS CONTIANS MAJOR SPOILERS REGARDING TO 139 AND CHAPTER 138
- after you guys left the survey corps,she practically BEGGED you both to be parents. And all thought you wanted to, you wanted to spend some years alone with her.
- Ever since Eren passed away, your girlfriend never smiled the way she used to. But that all changed when you told her you were pregnant with a baby girl. This woman bursted into tears smiling a smile you hadn’t seen in a while. She picked you up and spun you around the room kissing you as you to began to cry tears of joy.
- You told her you were pregnant with a small version of her scarf, hinting at it. And as soon as she got it, she looked at you shocked, making sure you were serious, “d-darling are you serious..?” She said a small smile on her face. She looked at the small scarf and the baby clothes that laid in the box that you gave her as a gift, twirling around the outfit examining it.
-you gave her a soft nodd as you wiped away a tear, “Your going to be a mommy” you said with a smile. She put down the baby clothes and looked at you, still in shock. “Your not joking R-right!?” She said a bit more happier. “No I’m serious!” You said, beaming with a smile.
-she scoffed a bit as tears began falling down her face. Mikasa smiled as she picked you up, twirling you around, while crying tears of pure happily ness and joy. “T-this is all I’ve ever wanted” She said, kissing you while wiping away the both of yours tears.
- Throughout your whole pregnancy, all she would do would show you support in every way possible. She may be a bit over baring at time but this woman just wants to insure that your safe and well token care of. If you try to even pick up something, she’s scolding you, saying its dangerous and what if you fall or trip? All you’ll hear is, “y/n! Be careful dear! Let me take care of that.”
-Oh you best believe she gives you baths. One wrong move and you could get hurt, to her at least. Mommas wants to take care of youuuu ૮₍˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶₎ა! Plus, if you think she’s overprotective then, SHEESH BUDDY YOUR IN FOR A RIDE DURING AND AFTER PREGNANCY.
- This woman goes out her way to make sure you and the baby are safe. She doesn’t like you going out into town since a ton of people would crowd there and god for bid if someone knocks into you.. Let’s just say they are gonna get beat to the ground.
- For names, i think she’d like something unique, mystical even. I think she’d like something like a word that means a unique feeling, like the word Heriath; Homesickness for a home you can’t return to, or that never was. That’s my OC’S kid with her’s name anyways lol. Lacuna, Moira, jouska and others i think she’d like! You suggested if it was a boy that you wouldn’t mind naming the baby after Eren. She turned to you and smiled saying that she loved the idea of that, but, she couldn’t call him that without bursting into tears. You understood completely and was accepting of that aswell : D
— AND BOY OH BOY WHEN YOU WERE IN LABOR- Mikasa tried her best to stay calm. You both decided earlier on to have an at home birth with (just in case) a widwife to make sure you were okay. She held your hand and hugged you as you gasped for air, pushing as hard as you could. Mika would tell you things like “It’s okay baby.. your doing such a good job..” hike holding your hand, reassuring that you would be okay.
- When the baby came out, all you both could do was cry. I’d say if its a girl, she’d look more like mikasa with black hair and her Asian eye shape with your eye color. But if it was a boy, they’d look more like you with mikasa’s eye shape and mouth shape.
- She knows how sentimental of a moment you both as parents were experiencing, so she made sure you as the one who gave birth should hold the baby first. She kissed your head as you held the baby, caressing your hair.
- when mikasa held the baby, the first thing she did was wrap the baby in her red scarf. After Eren died, she turned the meaning of the scarf around. Eren showed her how to live, so she made a promise to show you how to live. And now that she has a baby, another piece of family, she vowed over her life to keep the both of you safe and sound.
- Her first words to your both’s baby was “I will always protect you, I promise you, over my life” She was so happy to be a mother. After all the chaos, she was so happy to finally live peacefully with the person who she loves the most.
- She has SO MANY DAMN RULES FOR WHEN ANNIE AND ARMIN COME OVER LMAO- No holding the baby standing up. All sharp objects aren’t allowed on you when touching the baby. No turning into a titan or she’ll cut off your face (these mainly apply to Annie LMAO) But after a while she chilled down. Annie was allowed to hold the baby ofc ofc.... Under MIKASA’S supervision ÙnÚ.
— the day your baby first walked, mikasa Litteraly cried at how big they had gotten and you had to calm her down like “Mika! Chill they aren’t even 1 yet and your already acting like they are going off to join the military!”
- Oh and speaking of military, your baby’s not going into the military- Hell n o. Momma mika would lose her shit even at the thought of her baby going out into gunfire. So if you wanted a military baby, sorry its not happening with her kid.
- The baby’s first words were “Muma” which was when they were referring to you. Everything this child does makes her so emotional. Litteraly even if the baby just picks up a spoon she’s almost in tears. She a proud momma dont let her down >:3
- I think our both’s baby would call her a unique version of mom. Like they would call Mika “Ummie” or “ummuma” But sometimes they’d just call her “mommy” so your momma and she’s ummie and mommy. (Lmao you call mikasa mommy too dont lie ;)
-OMI- YOUR KID AND ANNIE AND ARMINS KID ARE LIKE BEST FRIENDS. Your baby loves when they come over so they can see armin and Annie’s kid :D! AND OML- YOUR BABY LIKE LOVES ANNIE- She calls her “auntie awnnie” and always likes pulling at her bun while mikasa just stands and watches from the kitchen, eyeing annie down making sure she ant gonna touch her bby 😤
- Your child LOVESSSS Annie’s titan roar and everytime she comes over, they beg for annie to turn into a titan and do the roar. All you’ll hear is, “awuntiie awmmie! Titan! Titan!! 🥺” While annie rolls her eye with a small “fine” As she goes outside and transforms into her titan, roaring while your chid giggles. MIKASA HATES IT SO DAMN MUCH- SHE’LL ALWAYS SAY “You better be careful or I’ll kill you”
- of course, over the years Mikasa lightened up to annie and they are now best friends, but she cant help it... Over protective strong momma. but she wont allow armin to do it since his titans to big and dangerous ad trust me armin completely understands.
- Overall, she’s such a good momma. Always caring for you and her baby, making sure you both are safe and okay. She wouldn’t ever wish for a different life when she’s with you, and the sweet little one you two made <3
BRO THIS WAS SO LONG TO WRITE -
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aremie · 3 years
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𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐄 ❞ ( EREN JAEGER X FEM. READER )
𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 ;; Eren is dead, your friends are dead, Annie and Armin are probably starting a new life together, Levi and Mikasa are hiding together somewhere, and you are left alone. Left alone in misery, you try to bring Eren and your friends back to life by abusing the extent of your abilities.
𝗮 / 𝗻 ;; this is based on wandavision, some aot manga spoilers, ending is different, eren is crystalized, reader is twenty one here.
𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺𝗲𝗿 ;; reader has abilities like wanda maximoff, you have powers like chaos magic, manga spoilers, don't read if you don't want to be spoiled. Different ending from the manga, Eren is crystalized in this one, canon divergence. CHAPTER TWO here.
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IT WAS BLOODSHED everywhere and you can't seem to escape that. Its been two years since the departure of you and your friends. Jean and Connie turned into a mindless titan, Hanji was dead, Mikasa and Levi were MIA, Armin was nowhere to be seen, Annie's whereabouts were unknown and you were left alone.
You missed everyone but mostly Eren. You always dwelled into the past and thought what would have happened if you had just answered his question differently.
"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" Eren had asked you while you struggled getting up the rooftop. The two of you had snuck out of your rooms to look at the sky but the time was random.
You, Eren, Mikasa and the others had just returned from a mission that involved titans. It was hard to say the least. You almost died due to a titan grabbing your right leg and almost crushing it but luckily, Eren was right there and saved you from your near death experience.
"Mhm." You hummed while Eren took his time to put his head onto your lap gently. There was a comfortable silence between the two of you as you two both cherished the moment.
It wasn't until you felt Eren sit back up that you felt something off about him. "N/N?" He asked in a childlike manner. "Hmm?" You looked at Eren's emerald eyes, noticing the sadness in his eyes. "What's wrong, 'Ren?" you asked softly.
The distressed brunette glanced at you and then asked, "Do you think i'm a monster?" And after saying that, you responded quickly. "No! Why would you think that?" You scolded him in a way a mother would scold their child.
You reminded him of his mother Carla in that very moment. From the way your tone was to how your hair and clothing apparel was like. You had your hair tied loosely, hanging on your right shoulder, a simple knee-length cream-colored dress and black boots to finish the look of.
He wonders what you both are gonna do once the war between the titans and the marleyans are gone. He sees himself working as a doctor like his father and you would be the mother of his children. But unlike his father, he'd do everything to protect you and his children. The only thing keeping him from doing this was the ymir curse.
"Use your power on me." Eren bluntly said, not knowing how crazy he sounded until he saw the confused and outraged look on your face. "Eren, What the fuck—?!" You shrieked, alerting half the people that were asleep.
"No, you completely got it wrong. I didn't mean it like that." Eren immediately defend himself, not wanting to get scolded. "Then what do you mean?" you asked, getting more confused. He then grabbed and held your hand.
"Tell me what you feel." He said as you used your ability. You felt nothing but pain, sadness, confusion and anger. It scared you. It didn't feel anything like your lover.
"So?" Eren asked but it didn't feel like a question. Its as if he was pleading for you to answer while you shook your head. "I just. . ." You didn't know what to tell him. What were you gonna say? "I just. . . I just feel you." You answered, noticing the pain in his eyes. Was it the right answer? You asked yourself.
"Oh. Alright then." Eren responded with pain laced with his voice. You wanted to ask him if he was alright but you already knew what the answer would be so you just stood there silently, waiting for the sun to rise.
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YOU FELT NOTHING but regret. If you had just answered his question differently then he maybe have stayed with you or maybe run away together and then no rumbling. You always wondered what the outcome would be if you answered differently. Multiple scenarios coming in your mind but almost everything that had came into your mind was too selfish.
You knew that what he was doing was right in a way. He was saving Eldia but what did it cost? It costed him everything. In another life, he probably would have lived with you peacefully until the end of his time.
If you were in his shoes, you probably would have chosen the selfish route in which Marley evades and kills all eldians but at least you had your happy ending, right? You knew that your thoughts were incredibly selfish which was why you tried acting like a selfish person. You tried to be a better person for Eren.
Which was why when you went to find Eren ina crystal, you decided to let it go even if it was hard. You tried living your life the way Eren would have wanted you to.
But all the efforts you had made was destroyed once a certain envelope was placed on your porch. You of course, the curious person you were opened the envelope that involved a map in it.
You then looked at the map and noticed a red mark placed onto a certain place. You wondered the importance of the marked place. Filled with hope that Eren might have escaped, you decided to go to the marked place.
Your hope and happiness was crushed when you saw a demolished cabin. It would have looked decent had it not been demolished. You saw a blueprint of the house which left you wondering why it was demolished when it looked absolutely breathtaking.
Looking at the final piece that was in the envelope, you noticed a letter that seemed to be written two or three years ago? You hesitantly opened the letter and was shocked to find the continents in it.
To my beloved,
To my very dear [Y/N], It has come to my senses that the war is nearing its end and yet, we have no plans for our future. I found this cabin while you were still in bed, healing after a titan almost crushed your leg. I was wondering what our lives are gonna be once this all ends.
Looking at this cabin, i suddenly realized. I want to spend my whole life with you. To marry you, and to have children with you. I swore to myself that i will protect you until the end of my time.
But i knew that it would be quite impossible with the things that has befallen us both. I always try to look on the bright side even if i know that my wishes and yours would be too selfish for the world. I want my last few years to be spent with you. I want to be selfish for once and be with you. But i know i can't.
You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. From the way you supported me and believed in me, to the way you defended me when the world was against me. When i first met you, i knew you were the one for me. As cheesy as it did sound, it felt like love at first sight.
So as a remembrance once i'm gone, this cabin will be your home. For you to grow old with.
Adieu, my love. May you live your life happily.
Ever yours, E.Y. — 853.
It was moronic, quite funny actually. All your efforts of living a life without Eren had been crushed and all it took was a stupid letter that was written three years ago.
You, being overcome by severe anguish, had a breakdown, causing you to unleash your abilities to an extent for the first time, forming a new reality around you, transforming the entire village into a more colorful and happy place filled with sitcom vibes.
You weren't thinking straight when you did that. Hell, you didn't even know you could do that. All these years, Levi and the corps had been trying to hide out these abilities but their efforts were also ruined. Just like your Efforts of trying to build a new life were.
It took you a few minutes to calculate what had just happened.
As you stood up, still not being over the letter, you noticed the Cabin rebuilt as you were inside it. You were confused and scared about what just happened. Did you do this? How? What are you going to do now? All these questions popped onto your mind but all of these were interrupted once you heard a familiar voice outside.
All of your hopes were back as you immediately headed outside and saw the man you longed for. "[N/N], you're finally here!" Eren happily said while you looked at him in denial. You must be seeing things. You told yourself.
"[Y/N]? Are you alright?" Eren asked while tears were filling your eyes. You then nodded as you snapped your fingers as your hair color and clothing changed from disheveled and random to a more curly and elegant hairstyle and a more housewife-ly dress.
Upon casting the spell you had unknowingly made, you engulfed yourself in your new reality, where you and Eren would go on to live happily together, daring to harm anyone who would try to ruin your perfect life.
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tamhrayis · 3 years
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but arent u dissapointed for EM conclusion? u yourself believed eren would survive and then he just didn't. what saddens me the most is that he really could live. there was a way for that to happen (u believed it yourself). it hurts even more that some characters got almost disney ending meanwhile EM (main characters) got the saddest ending from all. i think they deserved better after all the sh*t they went through. their ending was cruel, but to me not really much beautiful. one is dead and the other one is alone without any alive family member. yes, maybe mikasa will be able to open her heart to someone else, but she could never love anyone as much as she did eren, lets be honest here. if yams really wanted to kill eren i think he could at least wrap EM conclusion better. the last time they physically talked to each other was when E said to M that he hated her. they could at least talk to each other before decapitation, or maybe after decapitation in paths - tell everything to each other, say a proper goodbye (maybe a hug? kiss?) and then eren dies. now when we know that mikasa really killed eren in 138, we cant even 100% say whether eren knew she kissed him.. this ending yams gave them to me doesnt seem satisfactory. if eren really had to die i think they deserved at least a proper confrontation and a goodbye. but i still think they deserved to live together. overall i dont mind the ending, but i dont like the ending EM was given. :(
Hi! Let me state my view.
I genuinely wanted Eren to survive and get a positive conclusion with Mikasa. I really did and I believed it. But I never let it blind me and think that what I want must happen (as many people in our fandom wanted their “endings” to be true).
To be honest, as much as I love EM and was sad over the fact that they couldn’t get together, I looked at the story from writer’s perspective rather than reader’s.
Yes, EM’s happy ending would be great and we wouldn’t grieve over it as we do now, but on the other side, Eren’s survival would be full of controversies both in AoT’s world and real life. I think people somehow degraded Eren’s role to just being a shipping tool in ship wars without actually taking into account what kind of person Eren is as a character.
He is very contradictory and controversial. Eren is a maximalist and a literal adult child that didn’t quite change from what we have seen from his first appearance in the story. Even Eren himself said that he was always like this, a boy who desperately sought freedom that doesn’t even exist on practice.
Eren was never actually free in a sense that he himself described it. He was a slave to his fate, circumstances and personal ideas. Eren couldn’t look beyond his ideas, but at the same time, he would scrap them for his personal happiness even if it was temporary.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that Eren was a bad person and he deserved to die like this, but that’s simply who his character was, a person full of tragedy. Eren couldn’t live in the present and enjoy his time with his friends and Mikasa. He literally lived in the past and future. Even if Eren actually survived, I personally doubt that he could be as happy as we imagine him to be. Eren had a strong sense of conscience and responsibility.
He never wanted any of this to happen, but he still went for it, because...That’s what Ymir, Eren himself and his fate wanted. As long as Eren was alive, he couldn’t escape the burden of responsibilities and decisions. Even in ch.138, Eren was still conflicted if he did the right thing by eloping with Mikasa.
Yeah, he probably could live under a fake identity or permanently isolate himself from society and live with Mikasa for he rest of his days, but it would be still nuanced, because his character itself is very flawed and nuanced.
Undoubtedly, Eren and Mikasa deserved their happily ever after, but the world they live in still wouldn’t be merciful on them.
Other characters got their own endings, but I personally wouldn’t call them “Disney endings”. Armin, Annie, Pieck, Reiner, Connie and Jean will need to directly face the consequences of rumbling and deal with all the mess Eren has left behind. Historia’s ending is close to “Disney ending”, but she also will need to deal with everything.
Levi deserved to have a peaceful life after everything he saw. Falco and Gabi had to have a normal childhood/teenage years after being child soldiers.
Mikasa got a tragic ending, but I would say...her ending is still full of mystery and I feel like there’s something that yet has to be revealed by Isayama himself. All in all, I think everyone got pretty much open and ambiguous endings.
However, what makes me positive is that no matter where they are, Eren and Mikasa are tied by the red string of fate and their love for each other isn’t bounded to specific place, time of dimension.
After all, it wasn’t a permanent goodbye. Mikasa still smiled and said “See you later”. The bird came to wrap the scarf, which means that Eren’s spirit isn’t dead.
They will definitely meet again someday and their reunion will be beautiful.
Note: extra EM CD drama will come.
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neptunetheplanet7 · 3 years
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𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐰𝐨 - 𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦
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;mikasa ackerman x fem!lesbian!reader
;modern au, band au
word count: 2.1k
warnings: swearing, floch’s bad flirting
bold italics is a text conversation
listen to the music masterlist
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disclaimer again!! i wrote this a long time ago. i know there are things that need to be fixed and things that don’t fit right. i plan to edit this story more in the future but today is not that day :)
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You took a shaky breath in as you stopped midway of putting a clean sheet on the bed Mikasa would be sleeping in. The room still had some of her old stuff in it, it's just no one ever came in here after she left. You looked around at all the items she left behind. Smiling fondly at an old picture of you two, you noticed a small figure crossed out in the background. Glancing at the rest of the photos on the shelf, you noticed that every photo had something crossed out.
After looking at each picture, you came to the conclusion the figure was Jean. She must have only taken the photos without him and did this to the rest. You frowned and walked back to the bed. Carefully, you climbed onto it and propped a few pillows up to support you as you leaned back.
For the first time in two years, you got a good look around the room. On the side of the room with the door, there was a large glass window overlooking the balcony above the living room. You always found it strange that she chose a room like that when she usually kept those blinds shut. Her bed was in the middle of the room with a tv mounted on the wall across from it. On the other side of her bed, there were a couple of bean bags below the bay window that looked out on the driveway.
You sighed and took out your phone, pulling up old texts with Mikasa. The last time you texted her was three months ago when you got too drunk at one of Reiner's ragers.
mikasa
mikasas pleasdse
come home
i miss you
i miss you so much
we all miss you so much
come home to me.
She didn't respond to that and you wouldn't know if she even looked at it. She turned her read receipts off for everyone after the first week of trying to contact her. The only time she had ever contacted anyone was two weeks after she left the house.
Don't look for me. Don't contact me.
You got a lot of your friends asking if you got the same message. She sent the same thing to everyone who tried to get in contact with her. You still didn't know where she was or what she was doing. The only thing you knew was that she was coming home the next day. You sighed. Suddenly, you didn't feel like cleaning anything else. You briskly walked out of her room and dialed the number of your best friend.
"Hey, Y/n! What's going on?" Sasha's cheery voice rang through the line.
"Hey hey, Sasha. I'm doing great. At least, I think I am. Do you wanna go somewhere? You can pick me up? Or I can pick you up if you like."
"I'll come to pick you up, honey bunny, don't you worry." You heard her struggling with her keys on the other side of the line and snorted at the noise.
"Need some help, Sash?" You grinned while skipping steps.
"Fine, thanks." She grumbled. "I'll be there in fifteen! You stay put!" She briskly hung up.
Sasha had been your best friend ever since Eren's nineteenth birthday party. She caught you and Eren coming back inside just as she was about to leave, with half the pantry in her arms. She asked for your number to make plans to hang out and chat sometime. You happily obliged, which was probably the happiest thing you had done that night.
You tossed your phone onto your bed as you walked into your room. Your room was on the first floor. You got first pick since you were the one who inherited the house. The house was big and beautiful. It was also on a lake. Perfect for the parties Eren and Jean loved to host. Perfect escape from paparazzi.
Your room had big glass doors that opened to the balcony that wrapped around the back of the house. You had a great view of the lake. The room was painted white. There was a black marble fireplace in one wall with a small wardrobe you used for storing memorable items to the band. You didn't need to use it for clothes since you had a walk-in closet in the big bathroom you partly shared with your bandmates. Jean liked to use the large bathtub.
You collapsed onto the bed and stared into the vanity mirror next to it. It was then when you realized you were still in your pajamas. "Oh shit." Your eyes widened as you hurriedly stumbled over to the closet, falling over once.
You grabbed a pair of baggy sweats and a big t-shirt. With duck socks, of course. The outfit didn't look much different than your pajamas but Sasha would probably be wearing something similar.
You threw your hair into the easiest hairstyle you could muster. You grabbed your boots and hopped up and down while trying to put them on while also leaving the room. "Jesus." You muttered.
Your phone vibrated, signaling that Sasha was here. "I'm heading out with Sasha! You're on your lonesome!" You called out to wherever Armin was in the house.
"Okay! Don't be back too late!" He shouted back.
You laughed aloud as you realized how much he sounded like a dad. You opened the front door and ran to Sasha's car. "Let me in!" You knocked on the passenger window as she reached around to find the button that unlocks the door. Once it was unlocked, you swung open the door and hopped inside.
"Nice outfit," was the first thing she said to you. You glanced at her outfit and scoffed. Your predictions were correct, she was wearing something similar.
"Gee, thanks." You gave a lopsided smile and rolled your eyes.
"Where to, honey bunny?" Sasha said, giving a mock salute while her other hand rested firmly on the steering wheel. You giggled and thought about it. You called her on such a whim that you forgot to even plan anything.
"Uh how about Brain Freezes? I could really use a catch-up with Connie right about now." You suggested.
"That sounds like a great idea! Turns out you do have a brain up there." Sasha snickered.
"Oh good one, because you're the real genius here, clearly."
After a lot of lighthearted banter, you arrived at Connie's workplace. Sasha aggressively grabbed the door handle and slammed it open, causing the bell to fall off its perch and land on your face. "Oops." You grimaced and bent down to pick up the bell. You rang it in front of her face.
"Sasha! Y/n! My two favorite customers!" Connie jumped up and down on the other side of the counter. "How can I assist you ladies today?"
"I'll have the usual." You gave a half-hearted smile, head still impaired from the bell. Sasha had quite the habit of accidentally hurting you.
Sasha snatched the bell from your grasp and started ringing it. She announced her very long order that you could barely keep up with, but Connie was used to this kind of thing, especially with her.
You noticed one of his coworkers scowling at Sasha. You didn't like Floch, to say the least. He was always inviting himself to your parties but he was rude to all of your friends at the same time. He noticed your gaze and smirked.
He strutted over to where you stood, pretending to become very interested in toppings. "How are you, Y/n? It's been a while huh?" He leaned over your shoulder in a way that workers shouldn't with their customers. You made a hasty effort to slip away from his presence.
"It really hasn't. I came here last week. I come here every week and you say that every time." You usually tried to be nice to Floch, but today you didn't feel like being nice.
"Well, even a day without you feels like an eternity." He flirted horridly. You stared blankly at him until he awkwardly cleared his throat and traded spots with Connie at the register.
Connie took off his apron and handed you and Sasha your orders. "Sorry about him. That guy really can't take a hint even if it's right in front of his face." He shot Floch a venomous glare. "Luckily, you guys got here right as my shift ended! Wanna get out of here?" His previous anger seemed to dissipate in an instant.
"Yeah, I do! Where should we go?" Sasha beamed with her spoon still in her mouth.
"Can we just drive around? I've got something I wanna tell you guys." You played with your spoon in the ice cream, averting eye contact.
"Sure thing, Y/n. Let's go." Sasha and Connie said in unison.
Sasha let you drive her car since she was preoccupied with her mountain of ice cream. Connie didn't have a car, he failed his driver's test every time he took it. You'd think he'd learn most of the material by now. "Hey, Y/n?" He asked from the backseat.
"Yeah?" You nodded to him.
"Are you gonna finish that?" He said, referring to your cup of ice cream in the front cupholder. You sighed.
"Go ahead." He thanked you over and over as he leaned over and snatched it.
"So, Y/n? What was it you wanted to tell us?" Sasha wiped her hands on her pants and set the empty container in an extra cupholder.
You gripped the steering wheel harder then relaxed. You took a shaky breath in. "Mikasa is coming home tomorrow."
Connie started choking on your ice cream. "I know, I had the same reaction." You quipped.
"Mikasa..is...WHAT?" Connie managed between coughs.
"After all this time? It's been two years. Tomorrow? That's so sudden! Are you even ready to see her?" Sasha's mouth was gaping open. You leaned over and shut it for her.
"Yes, tomorrow. I still have to get the house ready. I couldn't even make it through her old room without calling you. Jean told us this morning. I don't think we should be worried about me being ready to see her. I think we should be more concerned about her and Jean." You informed. "But, then again, she told Jean about her return first. Plus he's picking her up tomorrow at the airport. So based on that, I think they're on better terms."
"You don't think they'll get back together, do you?" Connie said, his eyebrows furrowing.
You snorted. "Of course not. You know Jean is with Marco now, and he seems pretty happy with him. They've been together for two years now, probably longer if I'm being honest."
"Then what do you have to worry about?" Sasha asked, confused.
"Are you joking? I mean, what if she has found someone? What then? What if she quits the band forever? What if we argue? She dropped off the map two years ago. Completely. She stopped responding to me, to all of us. For two years I thought she lost her interest in everything and went to live a new life, with people better than me. And now she's coming back, out of the blue! It's too much." You stressed.
Connie and Sasha made quick eye contact. "Y/n, I think you're reading too far into it. I doubt anyone could lose interest in you. You're too cool! Let's look on the bright side, she's ready to come home and you finally get to see her again," Sasha said in an attempt to lift your spirits. You smiled graciously. You really were lucky to have a friend like her. "Right, Connie?" She gestured to Connie who looked very deep in thought.
"Didn't you and Mikasa go out in high school?" You almost crashed the car from the shock of the question.
"Briefly, yes. But we weren't 'going out' so to speak. We just, like, made out a couple of times." You could feel your face grow hot at the subject. You thought you were over your crush on Mikasa, but after hearing that she was coming home, the familiar feeling was coming back.
"You're going red, Y/n. I think it was more to you than just a make-out." Connie grinned while Sasha wiggled her eyebrows.
"You're totally in love with Mikasa!" Sasha sang.
"Shut up, you two. I don't wanna get into the details right now." You couldn't even try to hide your heated face since you were the one driving the vehicle.
"Not right now? So maybe somewhere down the line, you will?" Sasha raised her eyebrows and broke out into another infectious grin.
"Whatever, Sash. Enough about Mikasa and me. I really wanna hear about you and Niccolo." You gave her a similar grin while she slowly turned red.
"Nice one, Y/n!" Connie cheered.
"You idiots should just shut it!"
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posted: 8/24/21
neptunetheplanet7© 2021
no reposts, edits, or modification to my work by anyone other than me.
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bitterepiphany · 3 years
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my thoughts on 139
part 1 of 2
***big spoilers for 139 and the manga***
so, i read 139.... and as much as, yeah, it's disappointing (imo), and yeah, it doesn't really make sense (again, imo), this is what isayama gave us, and there's nothing we can do to change it, despite our complaints. THIS is the ending we got, and ill be damned if i don't try and at least understand it
and a disclaimer: these are entirely MY opinions, if you disagree, that's fine! these are just my thoughts and analysis on the chapter and it's perfectly okay if you have different opinions about it. also, this is going to be quite long, just a warning
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so i'd like to start by saying that none of us actually know what eren saw back in chapter 90 when he kissed historia's hand. throughout the whole wfp arc we've seen eren (mostly) from an outside perspective. his true motivations have, for the most part, only been revealed to us through the reactions and perceptions of others. take chapter 123 for example, when armin figures out that eren is actually on their side by activating the rumbling, but then is confused as to why he tore down all of the walls, rather than just the one in shiganshina
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i guess the way i'm trying to rationalise it is through what eren is desiring to be the outcome of this situation. he cares for his friends. we know this. he loves them more than anything. it seems to me that he is aware of his friend's desires. the people of paradis are in an impossible situation. if they activate the rumbling, they kill off all the other humans outside of the island. if they don't, they all get massacred by marley and the other world forces. so here, eren is trying to give them a solution that doesn't mean (entire) world genocide. he knows that armin and his friends don't support the rumbling, but also understands the cost of the freedom he so desperately wishes his friends to have. so he comes to a compromise - set off the rumbling, make his friends the saviours of the world, and prove to the rest of humanity that they were wrong in thinking that all of the people on paradis were 'devils'.
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armin makes a good point here. did eren really have to go this far? and eren's lack of response is really answer enough for us. we don't know. it's not something for us to know. it just is.
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so enter the founder ymir. this is one of the only parts of this chapter that really make sense to me and i'm able to piece together in my head. ymir was in love with king fritz. that's something that has already been established. we've all wondered why ymir didn't just break the restrictions holding her as basically a slave to fritz when she was so powerful. and as much as it might seem cringey and boring, it was simply love. since she gained her titan power, ymir was (however superficially and non-genuinely) acknowledged. and after being a kicked-upon slave her whole life, being acknowledged and valued by the king would have been incredible for her. so it does make sense that she would fall in love with the only one who (presumably) gave her life any value.
and love makes us do stupid things. we hold onto the things we love, even if we know that it brings us more hardship than happiness. and that's what ymir was experiencing. she couldn't stop loving king fritz, even though it brought her pain. and that's tragic.
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ymir was a slave to love. love didn't mean freedom to her. enter mikasa. mikasa, who has never been a slave to anything in her life. mikasa, who has loved eren unconditionally, and has chosen to love eren, despite his urgings for her to forget him. now, i see the differences in ymir and mikasa's love as being the choice to love. ymir saw her love as restrictive and painful, and wished to be free from it. mikasa actively chose to love eren, despite everything, and was still 'free', so to say - proven by her wrapping the scarf around herself in 138, choosing not to forget eren, because she loved him. and it's quite poignant to me because it is her choice, and her choice alone that makes her do this.
so maybe ymir was waiting for someone who could show her that love isn't just the pain she's become accustomed to, and that love can be pure and freeing, rather than restrictive. maybe that's why ymir was standing and smiling as mikasa kissed eren, because she saw the pure love that mikasa had for him, and how she chose him freely. maybe mikasa was that person who showed her how love wasn't necessarily a bad thing. but again, it's not something we will ever know for certain, and as eren says:
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now that's just my interpretation of this whole 'ymir was waiting for mikasa' thing, and there are still some things that don't really make that much sense to me, but that's how i'm rationalising it.
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the power's of the founding titan have clearly taken a massive toll on eren. he now exists in all of time itself. as he says, he's just trying to reach an end goal, and even doing that is extremely taxing for him due to the past, present, and future he is experiencing all at once. and i believe that end goal is split into two different parts - eren helping ymir find mikasa; and eren trying to find the best possible outcome for his friends in regards to paradis' fate. he has seen the future, and that future meant the inevitable rumbling, so that was what he had to achieve.
i've always held the belief that eren is a 'slave to freedom', doing everything he can to achieve the freedom he so desperately wants. but now it seems that eren is a slave to the freedom of his friends, and the freedom of the founder ymir, rather than the freedom of himself. and honestly? that kinda contradicts what his character has been up to this point, but again, that's just my opinion.
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so eren made the dina titan eat his mum instead of bertholdt. i'm not quite sure why everyone is so caught up on this fact? yes, it's a horrible thing. but you can clearly tell that this was not an easy thing for eren to do. it explains why bertholdt was ignored after he came out of his titan, and wouldn't doing this give eren the drive he needs to have, the hatred that is necessary for him to 'keep moving foward'? i remind you all that eren massacred 80% of the human race; what makes you think he is going to stop his goals simply because he doesn't want his mother to die. but if his mother hadn't died, would eren be where he is today? i don't think so.
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these next few pages make me sad. now, this is just me trying to make sense of what happens, not me saying that this is a good thing that isayama did with eren's character. i think here, we see eren as something he tries hard not to acknowledge - human. i think a lot of us forget that eren is only a young 19 year old boy, who has the fate of the world thrust in his hands. did he ask for this? no.
no, eren is only trying to follow the path that was set out for him, but that doesn't mean he has to like it. he's so young, and he loves mikasa and the rest of his friends so much that it hurts him to have to make the choice to be away from them. while he does work for the greater purpose of freedom, and actively chooses to do this and make choices because of this, he is still bound to yearn and long for the things he could have had - just like the little alternate reality we got in 138 about living the rest of his life in peace with mikasa. like he says, he wants mikasa to live happily, but it hurts him to acknowledge that his death is the only way to bring that about (in his opinion, at least).
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here, eren is reminded of why he has made the choices leading up to this moment. freedom. that is what he is striving for. even if the founder's powers are messing up his head and making him unsure of why he even did all this, he did it for freedom.
now, i'm not gonna address the 'thanks for being a murderer for us' line. i can't explain that one. it just doesn't make any sense to me and i'm not gonna try and make it make sense. sorry.
i'm only allowed 10 images per post so this will just be part 1!
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New life from the darkness: Love me when I don’t
Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin/Attack on Titan Rating: Teen and up Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Hanji Zoë, Eren Jäger x Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert x Annie Leonhart Word count: 2157 Genre: fluff, humor, comfort
Eren feels down and his friends help him feel better again.
A/N: The choice between helping Erwin or Armin in this universe didn’t involve giving titan serum, because I needed Bertholdt alive. Something else happened, I don’t really care what exactly.
The dinner was quite peaceful that night. Everyone was silent and focused on eating, yet the atmosphere was comfortable and nice, everyone was chill. Alright, not everyone, Eren was the exception. He clearly was lost in thoughts, not really pleasant ones, judging by the way he kept stabbing his food, instead of eating.
“Eren, what's wrong?” Mikasa asked quietly, she was worried about him. When they met earlier that day, he seemed fine, yet suddenly he wasn't.
“Nothing” he answered, almost automatically.
“You don't look like it was nothing.”
“I'm fine, I promise” he looked her in the eyes and forced a smile.
“Oi, stop lying, brat. You look like someone kicked your ass and you spoil the dinner with that grumpy face” Levi spoke and Eren looked at him, his fist clenched with anger.
“Excuse me then, I'll go somewhere I'm not ruining anything” he growled through his gritted teeth, stood up and tried to walk away, but Mikasa's strong grip stopped him.
“Don't go. Finish your dinner” she said calmly.
“I'm not hungry.”
“Eren, what Levi means is that we're worried about you and we can't enjoy our time together knowing something is bothering you” Hanji said, trying to encourage young man to reconsider his actions. “You know that he's not really good with words” they added. Eren looked at Hanji, then at Mikasa, and sat down. “Good, can we talk about it now?”
“I don't feel like talking about it. There's no point anyway” he replied quietly. “We've already talked about it, Hanji-san, and I don't feel much better. I don't feel like a good kid.”
“I thought I made myself clear the first time: actions mean more than intentions” Hanji stated firmly. “Stop blaming yourself.”
“Care to fill us in?” Levi raised his eyebrow.
“Eren thinks we hate him for what he tried to do. Well, not Mikasa and Armin, but everyone else” they sighed. “And I don't know what to say to make him believe we actually care about him.”
“Oh? So you think you mean nothing to us and we've come this far to help you, only to prove that you're nothing but a dumb weapon, someone so useless that we don't have to pretend we actually need you?” Levi asked with his low, calm voice and Eren winced, unable to look him in the eye, his words were painfully true, that was exactly how the young man felt. “I know that feeling. When I first joined Survey Corps, I was perceived as nothing more than a weapon. I know Erwin needed me only to fight, I was disposable to him at that moment. Maybe it never changed, he just was good at hiding it. And honestly, if it wasn't for some four-eyed, annoying freak, I might have never come where I am today” he confessed.
“Awww, Leviiiii, that's so sweet” Hanji interrupted, looking at him with affection.
“But even the person you trust the most can disagree with you at some point. When we faced the decision whether we should help Erwin or Armin, Hanji had a very different opinion than me. We even had a fight about it. Do I regret my decision? Maybe, but that's my problem and my burden to live with. The point is that Hanji heavily disagreed with me, but not even once left my side. They were always where I needed them. And what I'm trying to say is that sometimes we can't accept what someone we care about is doing. Sometimes we can't agree with them. But it doesn't mean we stop caring about them. So just because you tried to do things we strongly oppose, it doesn't mean we hate you” Levi concluded, looking at Eren, who lifted his eyes sheepishly, seeking confirmation of these words in the rest of his friends.
“Is this really what you're thinking?” he asked quietly.
“You already know my opinion” Jean shrugged. “You're a huge jerk and an idiot. But you're our idiot and if we ever again have any chance to save your sorry ass, we'll gladly go for it.”
“We've been friends for too long to let a few mistakes ruin this relationship” Connie added. “I'm cool with you, no hard feelings.”
“You are an idiot indeed. But Armin trusts you with his life and if he can do that, then I guess I can try as well” Annie admitted.
“Honestly, we all trust each other with our lives. Even you” Jean pointed out. “You were a traitor, you did a lot of terrible things, but that's the past. If I had to fight by your side now, I could totally trust you to cover me and have my back.”
“I agree with Jean” Sasha announced, stopping eating only to say these words.
“Same” Connie agreed and Mikasa just nodded.
“Y-you trust me?” Annie asked shocked, her cheeks blushed and she hid her face behind her hair.
“Of course we do” Armin smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear. “You've changed and redeemed your mistakes. I don't see why we wouldn't trust you” he looked at her with obvious love in his eyes.
“Despite all that I did?” she asked, looking at Jean.
“I thought what I said was clear for the first time” he answered. “I personally can't forgive you or forget what you did and pretend nothing happened. But I can trust you, because since you're back, you've never did anything like that, you even helped us. Besides the others forgave you and I trust their judgement. We won't be best friends, but I can keep it civil.”
“Well said, Jean” Levi agreed with him. “I find it difficult to forget the past, but it doesn't mean I can't believe in you, Annie” he said and only Hanji knew how much it meant. The Female Titan murdered his squad, Petra, Oluo, Gunther and Eld were dead because of her and Levi couldn't simply accept that and pretend it was nothing. But just like Jean, he was willing to keep it down.
Suddenly Eren started to laugh. First he just chuckled, then fully laughed, even a little maniacally, finally he stopped and pressed his sleeve against his eyes. No one seemed surprised, they got used to it. He reacted this way to stress and emotional overwhelming. Mikasa pulled him close and hugged, leaning his head on her shoulder and hiding his face in the crook of her neck. She could feel him tremble with overwhelming emotions as he did his best to hide his crying.
“It's alright, Eren. It's alright. See? I told you they don't hate you. If we could forgive Annie, Bertholdt and Reiner, we can easily forgive you” she assured him, caressing his back and hair. “I know you're not used to care and affection from other people, at least other than me or Armin, but I promise you it's true. You mean a lot to all of us.”
“You are family. Sometimes the only one some of us have left” Hanji smiled, trying to reassure him about their point. Eren let go of Mikasa, his eyes were still glossy and her shoulder was a little wet with his tears, but no one commented it.
“Thank you, guys. You have no idea how much does it mean to me. I thought my fate was doomed and if I pushed you all away, it would be easier to do what had to be done. But you were so stubborn, you didn't let me do any of it and I'm forever thankful for that, because you saved me and the world from myself. I'll never thank you enough for that.”
“You can thank us by settling down and living happily ever after” Armin answered, patting his best friend's back.
“That can be arranged” Eren said, looking at Mikasa, who hid her face in her scarf. “But seriously, thank you. All of you.”
“Can we finish the dinner in peace? Without tearing up and being disgustingly kind?” Levi asked with irritation.
“Especially thank you, Captain—”
“Levi.”
Everyone looked at their captain with shock, even Hanji was surprised.
“What?”
“I've been thinking about it for a while and I decided that we're not really in military anymore. You don't have to call me "captain" then. Just "Levi" is fine” he explained his thoughts.
“Levi, that's... very kind of you” Hanji smiled with affection.
“Tch. Don't test my patience, four-eyes.”
“I love you too” they laughed.
“Please, get a room” Armin whined.
“But they are cute” Sasha protested.
“Enough!”
“Sorry.”
Eren smiled, looking at his friends — his family. He didn't doubt them anymore, this one dinner was enough to learn they loved him as much as he loved them. He wrapped his arm around Mikasa's waist and she covered his hand with hers, smiling lovingly at him. And to think he could lose all of it because of this stupid ideology he believed in... He didn't even want to think what would happen if he didn't have these people in his life. Fortunately he did and he was forever grateful for that.
“By the way, Armin, how was your date?” Jean asked, said man blushed with nervousness. Eren looked at his best friend with betrayal written all over his face. How did Jean knew something about his best friend that even he didn't know?
“Ah, so you took my advice?” Levi looked at him too, with amusement, while Hanji looked disappointed.
“I did. You were right, cap— I mean, Levi-sama. I should have done it a long time ago” Armin admitted. “We wasted so much time, fearing what if our feelings aren't mutual, only to find out they were, from the very beginning” he smiled affectionately at his girlfriend.
“Leviiii!”
“What do you want, four eyes?”
“You've ruined our fun! Me and Eren were supposed to take revenge on Armin for calling us out about our feelings, while being a coward himself” Hanji explained with a pout.
“Grow up” Levi rolled his eyes. “Shouldn't you be happy and proud, like you always are?”
“Oh, I'm thrilled, believe me. But I'm also disappointed that we won't have our fun” they answered, clearly having mixed feelings about it.
“Uhh... I'm sorry?” Armin said sheepishly, not quite sure what did they expect.
“No, don't be. It's fine” they waved their hand, emphasizing that it was no big deal. “I'm actually glad that I won't have to put any effort into it, because you did everything on your own. I'm even proud of you, I didn't expect it's possible without drastic measures.”
“Why don't you believe in him?” Annie spoke up. “Armin is capable of doing anything he wants.”
“Please, you've been in love for years and none of you said a word” Mikasa deadpanned. “We do believe in Armin, but we're just being realistic. None of us is particularly good at talking about feelings” as usual, she was speaking facts.
“Can't argue with that” Annie admitted, recognizing Mikasa's point.
“I have a different question. How and why did Jean know about it and I didn't?” Eren asked, he on the other hand couldn't get over it as easily as Hanji.
“Oh, I was so distracted after talking to Annie, that I nearly collided with Jean, so I told him the reason of my distraction. I would tell you, I swear, but you were working with Hanji-san and before you came back, we already left. Besides, you didn't tell me you were dating Mikasa at first too. I had to find out the hard way” Armin explained, reminding his best friend that he wasn't innocent either.
“Armin, you and her literally made me give up on everything I believed in and come back to you by telling me how much she loves me. Don't play dumb and act like it wasn't obvious” Eren stared at him, not believing in what he'd just heard.
“Alright. You have a point. It wasn't obvious to me, but I can't disagree with your logic” he admitted, realizing his mistake.
“Wait, but since you are together, let's call it officially, does it mean none of us has to hide anymore?” Eren looked at Hanji, who narrowed their eyes in a warning sign. Their deal wasn't valid anymore, but it didn't mean they wouldn't want to murder him if he said a word about them and Levi.
“It's not like you were particularly discreet” Jean pointed out. “But it would be nice if you kept your pda down.”
“Oh, don't worry, I'll make sure of it” Mikasa stated.
“You'd better. Otherwise I'll have to use drastic measures” Levi said and Mikasa narrowed her eyes.
“You know I'm not afraid of you. Especially now. What drastic measures you can possibly use?” she asked daringly, but he only smirked.
“Hanji.”
“Fair enough” she admitted, knowing well that while Levi might have been humanity's strongest, it was his partner who should had been feared, in fact.
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tundrainafrica · 3 years
Text
Title: A Free Spot
Summary:  
"While she was still a commander in the midst of a war, she had to shut out all raw emotion while she watched Levi take down titan after titan, as the airship took her further away from where she had wanted to be. She did too good of a job turning off her emotions then and her last memory of Levi had become a free spot in her mind.”
Slight AU! Levi sacrifices himself in Chapter 132 instead of Hange and Hange deals with the consequences years later.
Written for @levihanweek  Angstober 2020. Prompt: Free Spot
Link to cross-postings: AO3
Notes:
A part of me felt like Levi should have gone instead of Hange. That is, if one of them had to go. I'd still rather they both lived and got their happily ever after 
I’m in the middle of writing for the greetings and farewell prompt but it's really just not looking to good rn so I'd rather not share it for now. Hopefully, I manage to get the motivation to finish it up. I’m probably gonna write some fluff and domestic Levihan after this. These prompts are just too heavy haha. 
Either way, I had so much fun writing for angstober. I hope you enjoy and do tell me what you think!
You know Levi, it feels like my time has come. I want to act as cool as possible so let me go out like this...
It had been two years since the rumbling had stopped for good. Eren was dead. The Eldians and Marleyans had established a peace treaty and the survey corps was declared redundant, replaced with a special defense squad.
Mikasa and Armin willingly took over what was left of building the defense-oriented military. Having seen enough violence and loss to last a lifetime, one soldier slowly and quietly stepped down.
That one soldier helped build what became the new city of Paradis, but still felt the burden of responsibility. Disappearing from society and retiring to some farmland on the outskirts of central Paradis felt wrong although tempting.
That soldier had seen things first hand that most people would never experience, so it was easy to take on a job as a teacher. This was especially since most Eldians did not want a repeat of the last war and who better to teach the future generation than one who had experienced it at the front ranks.
The subjects taught were easy to pick up.
Math. Science. Languages. History.
Most kids would end up mastering the basics anyway and that was more than enough for most jobs. What most people from both sides had failed to master though, was how to empathize and how to critically think. They failed to learn how to talk things through or how to question orders.
How to talk things through. How to question orders.
That was what motivated the soldier-turned-teacher, to supplement lessons with anecdotes from the Survey Corps days. It was like living in one's dreams again. The anecdotes before and after lessons kept the students entertained and it also kept the memory of one important person alive.
Three months into the lesson, one of the students had turned out to be more invested than the others and had raised her hand in the middle of one of their story times.
"Did you marry Levi?"
Maybe the former commander did get carried away.
"The soldier I mean. The one in your stories,"  the young girl clarified.
“Lena, you shouldn’t have asked that,” another student muttered.
Lena jumped up and bowed her head in embarrassment. "I'm sorry… You always got so excited when you talked about him that I thought…"
Hange only realized then that for a second she had not moved from her spot. She put a hand to her face to see that it was wet. She hastily looked back at the blackboard and wiped her face with the collar of her sweater.
"What would make you think we married?" She managed to ask as she looked back at the young student. Most of the kids in the room were roughly twelve to thirteen years old. At that point, she was still figuring out what could be mentioned and what couldn't to a bunch of preteens.
Lena blushed. "My big sister talked about her boyfriend like that and now they're married."
"Well that story could wait another time. It looks like classes are done for the day." The teacher quickly gathered up her learning materials into one messy pile on the table, thanking whatever god existed for the timing of that question at least.
Some students protested but the teacher did not budge. The latter looked back again at the blackboard as she listened to the students pack up their things and file out of the classrooms.
As soon as the last student left, Hange quickly closed the door behind her, slid on the floor and buried her face on her hands.
Why are you crying? It's been fucking years.
She slammed the floor with her fists, letting the pain that shook through her wrists, act as punishment for that random bout of emotion.
How many stories has she told them?
They had started off as stories detailing the lives of the survey corps members who had given their lives to fight a war fueled by the hate of two nations. Somehow, the stories had shifted to her own relationships. She had talked about Moblit and Erwin, the values they had upheld for the greater good of humanity.
How had she described him for the students to think they married?
Before she knew it, she had started to talk about the strongest soldier with ironically, the most unwavering regard for human life.The one soldier who was probably capable of taking down fifty soldiers without so much as a scratch was the same soldier who would ask her privately after meetings, if she could think of a better plan which would cost less lives than the one they had thought up just a while ago. He was a soldier who would always voted on alternatives that could preserve more lives.
At that point, Hange could not even recall what words she used or what tone she kept. She started to treat those story times she promised the students after every lesson as a reprieve, a way to just imagine once again the past that she had missed, and the memory that made her relax the most was that of Levi.
It had been three months since she started teaching. She guessed that she had probably started bringing him up after the first month. It had occurred to her until that moment that she had never really implied his actual fate.
Did she talk about him in present tense?
Did she say something to make them think that he had survived?
You know Levi, it feels like my time has come. I want to act as cool as possible so let me go out like this…
Her chest constricted as she remembered how she felt saying those words. At that moment she thought she was going to die.
How to question orders. How to talk things through.
Levi had never questioned her orders or tried to talk things through in public, in fear of undermining her position.  At that moment, right in front of everyone, Levi had said, "No. You're the commander. They need you out in the field. I'm not letting you die."
He had made a good point as he prepared his gear. Although he was humanity's strongest soldier at that time, he had become a little more than deadweight due to recent injuries. Either way, everyone had enough fate in his skills then, to know that even with those injuries, he'd still have enough power to take down a few titans and buy them some time to launch the ship.
While she was still a commander in the midst of a war, she had to shut out all raw emotion while she watched Levi take down titan after titan, as the airship took her further away from where she had wanted to be. She did too good of a job turning off her emotions then and her last memory of Levi had become a free spot in her mind.
Levi is alive. Levi exists in all nighters back in the office. He exists in the late nights in the forest, injured and half asleep.
As she allowed herself to relive that moment of two years ago, the only moment Levi blatantly disobeyed orders, the dam of emotions she had kept closed somewhere inside her started to flow free. She poked a few holes into it, allowing herself a few tears as she carried herself home.
It felt like it took ages but Hange finally found herself inside her empty apartment. She locked the door behind her and slid down once again on the cold wooden floor. She neglected to turn on the lights. The darkness that slowly swallowed the room as the sun started to set, only reminded her that she was alone, alone to her own devices and her own thoughts.
Levi existed before but now he is dead.
The free spot in her mind started to disappear, replaced by what should have been the raw emotion at seeing him burn and fall into the deep ocean. The grief came in large waves and Hange drowned in the emotions she had failed to release a year ago.
She called in sick the next morning and the day after and she sat alone on her bed, only standing up to eat or use the bathroom.
By what seemed to be the fourth day, it was as if she were floating. The waves had receded and she was left to survey for any damage.
Did you marry him? Another burning question came up from within her.
Hange rephrased it, given her present circumstances. Would I have married him?
Would marrying him have meant experiencing a continuation to those late night trainings as new soldiers?
Would it have meant a sequel to those late night conversations in the commander's office over tea?
Would it have meant someone welcoming her home every night after a long day’s work?
Would it have meant someone would be sitting beside her at that moment, hugging her, while she was too paralyzed by emotion to even get up?
Hange shook as she tried to imagine how it felt like again to be hugged. She knew she could have easily called someone, Mikasa, maybe Armin for a little company. Levi though was the last one she felt completely comfortable crying to, the last person she had ever shown complete vulnerability to.
And without him, she was alone.  
The cruel truth was that that memory of Levi alive had overpowered her memory of his death. That sudden realization came as the memory once again became vivid, at a time where she had no more responsibilities of keeping soldiers alive in the midst of a battle.
Hange kicked her side table and watched as it toppled over, her belongings spilling out from underneath. She smashed her chair on top of the side table then the flower vase on the dresser.
The crown and the military had given her enough compensation to replace everything and that small afterthought was what only fueled her motivation to just release the pent up emotions. Everyone she had ever lost died for them anyway.
She went for the dresser to the side of the door and pulled out the drawers one by one, spilling out the contents on the floor before smashing them into the pile of remains of the furniture she had broken only a while ago.
She stopped at the third drawer when she saw the familiar green cloak and the wings of freedom insignia. At Levi’s last moments, she was wearing his cloak since she had expected to be the one to go.
As she spread out his cloak on the floor, she smelled traces of the familiar odor of titan’s blood. A year cooped up in the drawer had preserved the original scent. She buried her face on it and started to make out the scent of blood and sweat. At a certain point, she also made out the traces as well of the scent of old wood. The cloak had also started to adjust to the new world with no titans.
She threw the cloak on her still intact bed and sat cross legged on the floor.
Am I the only one who hasn’t moved on?  She let out a burst of laughter, and sprawled on the cold wooden floor.
The Titans are gone. The Survey Corps is gone. Everyone is dead. He’s dead.
                                              Free Spot
In total, Hange took a week out of work. She used that extra time to clean up and apologize to her neighbors after that breakdown.
Surprisingly, most of them had been understanding. Hange though did not want to use the excuse of being a shell shocked soldier to be a bother to anyone and had compensated all those who lived closest to her.
When she finally showed up back to the classroom, she was surprised to see all the students on their seats as if they had expected her to be back that day.
Of course, the substitute probably told them.
“You’re surprisingly behaved today.” Hange commented as she emptied her book bag on the table.
It was Lena who came out from behind her desk with a box and placed it on the teacher’s table.
“We heard you got really sick for a while so we got you a present which could maybe help you stay healthy,” she explained, still looking apologetic.
“Thank you.” Hange blushed as she started to untie the bow and opened the box underneath. Hange fought back a wave of nostalgia and the stinging sensation in her eyes as she opened the box to find a tea set, complete with a bag of black tea on the side.
“My dad told me tea is good for the body,” one student volunteered.
Hange put one hand to her mouth, as she felt her lips tremble. A part of her wanted to laugh and a part of her wanted to cry. She had told them enough stories to keep them busy for months but she had never mentioned tea. It was an irrelevant detail in the grand scheme of things, of course she wouldn’t. “He liked black tea. We spent a lot of our free time talking over tea,” she admitted as she traced the rim of the tea cup, holding it the same way she had seen him hold it countless times before.
For a second, Lena looked panicked. “I’m sorry we didn’t mean to… You don’t have to talk about it anymore. ”
“No. It was my fault. I’m sorry.” She stood up and put her hand on the head of the young girl. “It looks like everyone pretty much guessed what happened to that soldier huh?” She smiled, keeping her tone deliberately light.
A lot of the students kept a sullen look and Hange was sure someone had explained it to them or at the least, they had picked it up on their own.
“Well, that’s the reality of war. A lot of the soldiers don’t get to marry and have kids. Just so that everyone here could live in peace.”
That night, Hange emptied the contents of the gift box on her kitchen table.
Levi would have liked the tea set. Hange thought to herself as she allowed the black tea leaves to boil on the kettle. The smell of the black tea wafted through the air and Hange closed her eyes as she allowed herself to be brought back again to those many nights when he was the one who would serve her a cup of warm tea.
Did I add too much water? Did I add too much black leaves? Would he be disappointed?
She poured the contents of the kettle into the cup and watched the tea leaves settle to the bottom of the cup.
She positioned her hands on top of the teacup, attempting to hold the cup just like he used to. The heat right on top of the boiling water, almost scalded her palm and Hange gave up after a few tries.
I never really understood how you did it.
The warm malty taste of black tea in her mouth was nostalgic. Hange only realized then that she had unknowingly abandoned this luxury right after the war. It was as if her subconscious had been protecting her from a breakdown just like the one she just had.
The smell and the taste of black tea had always been about Levi who was long gone by then. As she caressed the intricate linings of the cup though, she also started to think of the efforts of the students who had thought up the present and saved up for it.
She looked back at the memories leading up to his sacrifice at the hands of the colossal titans. The pain was still there but it was far from excruciating. It was bittersweet. Somehow, she did not need to delude herself anymore. She just had to let that bundle of emotions and memories within her untangle themselves.
Levi was gone. To Hange though, he was still alive.
He was alive in the black tea she had allowed herself to enjoy once again.
He was alive in the anecdotes she had told her class in between lessons.
He was alive in every single person who was alive because of his sacrifice.
It’s the living who give meaning to the soldiers’ deaths. It's the living who keep the dead alive.
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hopeymchope · 3 years
Note
hey, sorry to barge into your inbox despite being a total stranger (and feel free to respond to this privately if you want) but i came across some of your s/n/k critical posts and i just wanted to say i agree SO much. and i wanted to thank you for vocalizing this opinion because i know both i and some others agree with you. i've personally felt that everything after chapter 80 was a mistake (because i thought the whole serum fight over erwin vs armin was pretty fuckin stupid too) and it's kinda funny (i guess) to see the ending 100% validate my opinion completely. i can't believe every character was done this dirty for the sake of a very poorly constructed "both sides are bad" scenario that was also in VERY poor taste considering the explicit allegories to n*zi germany and a literal race war. like what's up with the jews - sorry, the "eldians" - once ruling the entire world via a bloodthirsty empire and also being inhuman creatures? gee, that sure doesn't sound like every antisemitic conspiracy theory i've ever heard. and way to rationalize oppression, too. the entire point of an oppression narrative is supposed to be "hey, the oppressor's prejudices have no rational basis and are literally mistreating this oppressed group due to their own selfishness and cruelty," not "oh btw marley's fear/hatred of eldians kinda makes sense considering eldians once enslaved the entire planet and can turn into giant man-eating monsters." is*yama SERIOUSLY should've just stuck to writing glorified vore lmao.
and while all the characters were either killed, turned into plot devices, or both, it hurts that EMA and the main protag himself suffered this treatment as well. i still think pre-timeskip eren is utterly irreconciliable with post-timeskip eren and the fact that both fans and the author himself try to make it seem like "hey he was ALWAYS a batshit crazy psychopath from the start!" is sort of pathetic to watch. like yeah, lemme just ignore the first 80 chapters of character development for this guy. or lemme pretend that the author didn't spend the significant majority of the decade making eren the most empathetic character in the entire series. or let me also pretend that eren killing those human traffickers to save a 9 year old girl from being a child sex slave is somehow evidence/foreshadowing/etc of him eventually growing up to destroy 80% of the planet. like, what? not to mention he even rebuked himself for recklessly killing those two men like that in chapter 17...so am i supposed to ignore that too?? and don't even get me started on the "eren went insane and accidentally caused his mom's death." bro. BRO. i've watched the entirety of game of thrones yet i STILL have never seen this level of "edgy plot twist for shock value with no benefit or relevance to the story whatsoever" in any media to exist.
well anyway...sorry for ranting in your inbox like this LMAO i really just wanted to tell you that i agree with your opinions about both the series ending and the series as a whole. i doubt i'll ever engage with this cursed manga ever again but at least pre-chapter 80 s/n/k will always be a thing and i can pretend they all got reincarnated into a modern AU where eren and mikasa are happily married and living with their bff armin in a nice condo or something. they alternate between visiting carla and grisha or mikasa's family on weekends. yeah that sounds pretty good. if you made it this far then kudos to you and thank you for reading lol
Thanks a ton for the kind words of commiseration. It feels like there’s a plurality of people who are unhappy, sure... but it comes off as still being a minority, and even among that minority, it seems like most people are still fine with most of the timeskip so long as they stuck the landing. But I think they were much too far off-course pretty fast after the Timeskip started to really correct it very well. It was possible, but the writing was on the wall. The intentions were already clear pretty early on after the skip. 
That said, I try to keep this Tumblr mostly positive and DR-focused, yet I still absolutely had to rant about SNK 139. The more I thought about it, the more I disliked it... and this comes from someone who was already unhappy for a while, obviously, so. Yeah. Of course I was gonna dislike it on some level, but I thought it’d at least provide closure to the Timeskip arc, even if I do think the Timeskip arc feels at odds with everything else the series was for 3/4 of its run.
And HOLY SHIT I literally forgot about the Eldians’ history of apparently being horrible, vicious rulers of a sinister empire. You know why? Because I NEVER BELIEVED IT. I was so 100% certain that it was going to be outed as bullshit propaganda from Marley that I never once thought it was plausible, so I just... pushed it out of my mind as soon as I read it. After all, all that kind of talk about the arch-conspiracy of Jews has always been total bullshit from anti-semetic monsters, so why would I put any stock in this kind of talk being applied to the Jewish race of Attack on Titan? 
But now, at the end of the story... yup, I guess he never DID go back on that! So it was fucking true?! The Jewish people in this WWII analogy were apparently an evil master race at one point?! Oh. OHHHHH. Go fuck yourself with a shovel for that one, Isayama. 
And yeah, Eren... god, what a sad story. He becomes unrecognizable as the same character thanks to the Timeskip, the new characterization is never explained or justified retroactively - it’s just opposite day now, forever - and he dies accomplishing nothing. I don’t know what to say, except I do know how much I loved that character and this series before things went south. I didn’t even mind the backstory for the Titans and the horrible story of Eldians in Marley... because it seemed so obvious that it was setting up a battle against a hateful, technologically advanced foe that was beyond the darkness of anything they’d fought before, y’know? Marley, as it was set up in the flashbacks before the Timeskip, is Nazi Germany if the Nazis had tech and scientific horrors and numbers far beyond what the Allies had. And nobody EVER feels bad for killing Nazis, so this was obviously going to be a final battle to destroy the Marleyan military, with Zeke likely to serve as a Final Boss who has totally 100% bought the propaganda and who hated everything Eren stood for. It was all RIGHT THERE. Maybe it was just too easy to tell that story, because instead, Zeke is suddenly supposed to be a gray character (very hard to accept given his backstory), and we end with the “uwu both sides were bad bc war is hell” message that is really pretty fucked up, as you already correctly pointed out.
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theotherackerman · 3 years
Text
My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore
My Mind Turns Your Life Into Folklore
COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: Any recognizable elements belong to Attack on Titan.
NOTES:  January 2nd, Saturday
chapter six: the long way home
Levi saw the notification as he was still holding Mikasa’s phone.
He thought about erasing it for a moment but thought it wasn’t fair to Mikasa. She was an adult now, she had to make her own choices.
Besides, Levi hadn't been perfect in relationships when he was her age.
He would give the Jaeger boy this second chance but if Eren hurt Mikasa again, he would bury him where no one would find him.
No matter what Mikasa said.
He walked over to Mikasa and handed her the phone.
“Make whatever decision you’ll regret least, “ he told her before walking away.
Mikasa was confused about what Levi had said to her until she looked down at her phone. She had a text from Eren. Suddenly, she became very aware of her lyrics. The song was about Eren, there was no doubt about it.
“Do you see all these followers we have now? Look, the band’s instagram is blowing up! We didn’t even livestream from that one!” Sasha exclaimed, pulling her from her thought.
“We didn’t but it looks like someone posted the video Niccolo sent you on his band’s Instagram,” Annie said as she turned her phone around. “He tagged the band and all of us in it.”
The Restorationists would like to introduce @NoName to their biggest fans. Great song! Looking forward to your next livestream! Who thinks we should collaborate with this awesome girl band? @potatogirlsasha @ladyymirlangnar @historia_reiss @femaleleonhart @ackerman_mikasa
PING! Mikasa’s phone went off again. She looked down at the screen.
TXT FROM EREN JAEGER (2)
Eren had sent her two texts.
Did he watch?
What did he think of the song?
What if he hated it?
What if he thought the whole band was a joke?
Would the lyrics she wrote make him mad and not want to tell her the truth?
"I don't know about you but I'm exhausted," Connie said as he stretched.
"Really? I'm running on a post concert high!" Sasha exclaimed.
"It wasn't even a concert. It was one song!"
"Why do you have to ruin my fun, Connie? It was good and you know it!”
“I never said it wasn’t good. I just said that it was only one song.”
“You two argue like a married couple,” Ymir pointed out.
“We do not!” Connie and Sasha said at the exact same time.
“I’m with Connie though, I’m exhausted,” Jean chimed in.
BOOM!
Thunder cracked through the sky.
“Great, that’s all going to freeze on the driveway again,” Levi pointed out as he sat down on the couch. Sawney crawled up into his lap.
“I really don’t want to drive in that,” Connie said. “Levi….”
“Fine,” Levi answered already knowing what Connie was going to ask.
“And you say you don’t miss them,” Hange remarked as they picked up Bean from the floor.
Mikasa’s phone felt like it was burning in her hand. She wanted to look, she really did. However, she did not want to see the messages in front of everyone.
It would have to wait.
Eren could wait.
A few hours later, it had become an acceptable time to go to sleep. Mikasa excused herself from her friends and disappeared into her bedroom.
She finally clicked on the notification that sat on her home screen.
Eren Jaeger:
Nice song. I mean that. You’ve always been really good with lyrics. I’m still trying to get to your
level.
Eren Jaeger:
The bridge was my favorite. You should sing more.
Oh.
So he had heard then.
What did she even say to that?
Thanks for breaking my heart so we could get some of the best songs we’ve ever written?
No, that sounded stupid.
Why was it so hard to talk to Eren now?
Why was it so awkward?
Oh right.
Because he had gone and ruined everything because he thought she was going to run away from him.
She could write songs about her break ups, her friends’ break ups, and compose lyrics that exposed her soul for all to see.
Yet she could come up with a single reply to Eren’s text?
She wanted to chuck her phone at the wall in frustration.
She felt filled with rage again.
Why was she so damn angry anymore?
She knew why.
All of her problems led back to Eren.
She heard Armin tell everyone downstairs that he was also going to bed.
Mikasa took this moment to step out of her room.
“I need your help,” she said as she grabbed Armin’s arm and pulled him into her room.
She explained everything: the kiss at the club, the meeting at the graveyard, the song that she had written to lines with Eren in the moment, the DUI Eren had, going back to Eren’s house, the kiss at his house,how she had told Eren that Eren needed to go explain everything to her and Armin, the awkward conversation with Zeke at Eren’s house, and finally, she showed him the text messages.
When she was finished, Armin spoke.
“He doesn’t need to explain anything to me.”
“What? Armin, he hit you.”
“Only because I hit him first. That was only because of what he was saying to you. I stopped speaking to Eren because of you. He was hurting someone I love, I wanted to put an end to it. You would do the same if I said those things to Annie or if Annie said those things to me. You’re the one he needs to explain everything to, not me. If he tells you and you forgive him, I will forgive him too.”
Leave it to Armin to make her feelings into something logical. He wasn’t wrong though.
“What do I do then?”
“Whatever you want to do, Mikasa. It’s not up to any of us.”
-------------------------------------
Ymir loved Historia, more than she could ever express in words. She was actually really bad with words and she didn’t know how to get better at them. Her jealousy was a large part of her problems. Maybe it was because she had waited so long to confess her feelings to Historia. She had to sit there, watching the woman she loved date other people.
It was 1:00 am when she left her room. She had given up on trying to sleep for the time being. It wasn’t like they had had anything planned for the following day anyway. She should have been tired seeing as how they had started moving at 7:00 am on the previous day.
But sleep evaded her.
When she made her way downstairs, she saw Mikasa sitting in the sunroom. Mikasa’s headphones were plugged into the keyboard. Ymir watched as she played for a moment before going over and lifting the headphones off of Mikasa.
This caused Mikasa to jump, Ymir laughed.
“What are you doing up?” Mikasa asked as she removed her headphones completely.
“Couldn’t sleep. You?”
“I couldn’t either,” she responded before handing Ymir her phone.
There were two text messages from Eren on it.
“So are you going to reply?” Ymir asked before she handed the phone back.
Mikasa shrugged, “I’m not sure what to say. So I came here to write but none of the lyrics make sense. They’re all just....words.”
“Lyrics tend to be words, you know?”
Mikasa glared at her.
“Do you ever think you’re overthinking it? I mean, there’s not much being said there. He likes your lyrics, he likes your voice. Just say thank you and be done with it, simple enough?” Ymir asked as she sat down on the piano bench next to Mikasa.
“Do you think I should give him a second chance?”
Ymir shrugged, “that’s something you have to answer for yourself.”
“Would you?”
Ymir paused, wondering if her and Historia were in the same situation if she would forgive her.
The answer was simple, she would.
If Historia said awful things to her, then explained, she would forgive her.
Her love for Historia never had strings attached.
It had been unconditional.
She knew Mikasa was the same way with Eren.
She had seen the pain she knew too well when they had gone to high school together. She had seen how Mikasa longed to be the one dancing with Eren just like how she had longed to be the one dancing with Historia.
“I’d make him explain. Then go from there but staying up all night, that’s not going to help you. Go to sleep, wake up tomorrow with a clear head.”
Mikasa simply nodded before she turned off the keyboard.
Ymir sat in the sunroom for a moment.
She really should have taken her own advice.
She should go to bed and wake up tomorrow with a clear head.
So Ymir went back to bed.
After about twenty minutes of tossing and turning, Ymir got out of bed. She went into Mikasa’s room and collapsed on the empty side of Mikasa’s bed.
“Still can’t sleep?” Mikasa asked her.
“No, you?”
“No.”
“We’re a mess, aren’t we?”
Mikasa laughed. “We’re the same.”
“Why do we keep sacrificing our happiness for others? Why can’t I just tell her what I’m feeling and that I hate that she left for a few days? That I hate how easy it is for her to throw everything away. Why did I let her just brush my feelings off as a joke and continue acting like they were a joke all of high school? That I proposed marriage so many times as a joke but I was being serious? I want to marry her. I want a stupid white picket picket fence surrounding a stupid house where we live happily married. Why can't I just tell her that? Why can't I just say you hurt me and I don't think you want me as much as I want you?"
“Because you know it’ll hurt her too.”
Ymir grabbed the pillow from behind her head and smothered her own face with it.
“We’re stupid,” Ymir mumbled.
“That we are. Goodnight, Ymir.”
“Goodnight, Mika.”
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blehbleehhhh · 4 years
Text
In the End (ft. EreMika🖤)
Shout out to eremika-forever12 for suggesting the mini-series idea! (Don't worry, I'm still writing other requests) Aaaahhh how exciting!!! The idea behind it is that all the shifters lose their powers and only Eren develops severe memory loss. I was sent pretty much all the details to thread them together. Really hope you enjoy, please share and like if you do. Thanks❣️😬
"Eren? Can you hear me?" It happened again; a migraine attack so painful that it brought someone who tends to be exceedingly tough to his knees and took his breath away. Nonetheless, he could still hear her angelic voice trying to rescue him from the dark depths of his own mind. "Eren?"
"Maybe we should contact Hange?" He hears a second voice suggest over the ringing in his ears.
"No, she's busy tending to Levi. We can handle this. Besides, he always becomes more alert after the shock dissipates..." The comforting hand resting on his shoulder remains as Eren finally blinks his eyes open and hisses under his breath at the bright sun rise making his eyes throb in misery. And there she was surrounded by a seemingly heaven given glow, the admittedly stunning woman that has been with him since he woke up from his comatose state. She smiles sweetly and offers him a cold compress that was hurriedly prepared for those overly sensitive eyes. "You, um, mentioned that the cold compress helped last time." 
"Yeah," Eren mutters as he searches his strained mind to place where it recognizes her from. "Uh, thanks." He reaches for the washcloth in her hand and was surprised when he noticed a subtle blush arise on her cheeks as his fingers brushed against her skin, though he was even more surprised when the tips of his ears started to grow warm. Why do I get the feeling that she has made me feel this way before?
"At least it didn't happen outside this time. The last thing you need is to whack your head on the ground on top of all this." Armin sighs with relief as he retrieves a pillow off the chair beside them. "You may be here for a while, so you might as well be more comfortable, right?" He looks up at Mikasa and they exchange concerned expressions at Eren's groan of disapproval that he needs to move, undoubtedly because he knows it'll exacerbate his head splitting migraine. But he lifted his head sluggishly in the hopes of causing less nausea, making sure to keep his eyes closed the entire time while being guided back on a pillow. "Can we get you anything else?"
"No, thanks."
"A cup of caffeinated tea might help some," Mikasa suggests as she turns her head towards the tiny cottage kitchen. "And I don't think you ate anything last night."
"He got sick afterwards and threw it up, unfortunately. So, you add about twenty-two hours without any sort of nourishment to a sudden loss of the founding titan's abilities -"
"Wait," Eren interrupts their discussion as he pulls the cloth from his eyes and hisses again at the bright star shining through the living room window. "Say that again."
The two friends look to each other.
"Uh, sudden loss of the founding titan's abilities?" Armin repeats, hopeful that what had been said may have jogged his best friend's lacking memory.
"No, not that. When Mikasa was telling me I hadn't eaten in a while. I feel like you've said that to me before."
"Too many times to count. I used to have to force you to eat sometimes."
"Good grief, I'm losing my fucking mind." Eren says as he covers his eyes with the cloth once more, already on the verge of throwing up from even moving his body. And to think this one is mild compared to the migraine attack he suffered just two days earlier, where the trio were simply eating lunch outside and he was suddenly overwhelmed with head pain.
"No, this is great news. Maybe it's a sign your brain is trying to heal." Armin says.
"Could you guys help me up? The room is fucking spinning."
"Well, we don't want you doing the stairs until the room stops spinning. Are you good with the couch for now instead of the floor?"
"Literally anything is better than the floor, Mikasa."
"Yeah, that's a good point." Mikasa says as she and Armin slowly assist their severely weakened friend to a seated position then to his feet, making sure that they give enough pause between so he wouldn't feel faint. They're even more careful when helping him to lie down on the couch because they both know how easy it would be for him to get sick if he moves too quickly. When the pair finally stood tall again and she noticed that all too familiar shit eating grin from Armin, Mikasa couldn't help but smile. It has been seen on a few occasions now since Eren woke up last week with that small recollection of what his friend's names were and nothing more, where the blonde will sometimes tease her about how the dynamic between her and Eren has clearly changed for the better. The last time she saw that face was when they were youngsters and Eren was completely oblivious to how she felt, but Armin and nearly everyone else could see. He could swear that he has actually witnessed Eren flirting with Mikasa a few times now. After everything that has happened, it was originally very difficult to believe that he couldn't recall what tragedies were committed just to protect his friends, the only family he had left. But it was that moment after suddenly rupturing from the nape of his titanic self's neck, when the two friends flew to his rescue on their gear while he was falling limp through the sky and were greeted with a genuinely remorseful face before he fell into some sort of comatose state that bordered almost two weeks. Nobody was certain of the young man's fate until that moment, but many truly wanted the best for him despite feeling so torn with how he was behaving at the time. Which would come first, their duties as soldiers, or his friends? In the end, the pair decided that whether he was always a cold person or not is ultimately irrelevant because they wouldn't dare leave their friend alone in the dark to sink into oblivion again. That's why they vowed to take care of him after everything was over and even searched for this little cottage in a reserved part of the woods so he can rest in peace amongst nature that they all loved growing up. "You sure you don't want to try some caffeine, Eren?" Mikasa asks softly as she looks down at the only man she has ever loved, who now lies motionless on the couch with his incredible eyes shielded under a cold compress.
"Yeah." He mumbles under his breath.
"I don't know if there's much caffeine in that tea anyhow, Mikasa." Armin states as they turn to each other, his arms crossed over his chest.
"It's better than nothing, right?"
"No, seriously, I'm just going to try and sleep this off."
"Well, okay," Mikasa concedes as she briefly looks down at the floor. "You know the usual, one of us will check on you every hour to make sure you're alright. We'll both be outside today since it's so nice out. Oh, and -"
"If you do the stairs while you're dizzy without any assistance, I'll personally kick your ass across the cottage." Eren's frown curves up into a little smirk, his eyes still shielded under the cold washcloth as he playfully mocks Mikasa's voice. "I know, I know."
"Heh, hey, I think I said it a little nicer than that.."
"Ah, this is music to my ears." Armin smiles and completely ignores the daggers being thrown from Mikasa's death glare as he happily strolls by to leave for the beautiful, titan free world. Honestly, nobody ever thought they'd live to see the day.
"Sleep, Eren." Mikasa commands with delight to her voice and blushes softly at their exchange. She smiles when she turns to follow after their friend and closes the door behind her carefully so the young man inside has silence needed to rest.
"So," Armin smiles and raises an eyebrow as they slowly stroll to the bench surrounded by the overgrown front yard. "You mind telling me what that was all about?" He leans forward on his knees when they sit down and glances back at her with a knowing look on his face.
"What do you mean?"
"Ah, come on, we both know he was picking on you again."
"Oh, that.." Mikasa looks the opposite direction and smiles wide as her rosy cheeks grow warmer, still trying to process what just happened. "I really don't know to be honest. It went from him knowing our names to remembering little things and now..I'm not sure."
"Well, this is what you've always wanted anyway, right?"
"Yeah, but not like this. Not if he isn't himself."
"I was actually just thinking about how long it's been since I've heard him pick on you like that. Probably long before the war even started."
"So?"
"So, he's getting there, but it'll take a while." Armin explains, looking down at his hands as he cracks his knuckles. "Unfortunately, it's also possible that Eren won't be exactly the same, but he'll be close enough. You have to admit you thought that little back and forth you guys had was entertaining, I saw the look on your face."
"Yeah," She smiles slightly as she tucks her hair behind her ears. "I just don't want to get my hopes up."
"I think you should be fine as long as you let whatever you two are progress naturally."
"I don't know what else I can do. It's just weird to get used to, you know? Especially after the explosive past we've had."
"I know, but it looks like Eren will actually be more receptive this time. Hey, did you hear that thud?" Armin looks over his shoulder at her once more with a raised eyebrow.
"I did, and it didn't sound good." Mikasa says as they stand together and make a run for the cottage. But when she opened the front door to find Eren lying on the living room floor in a fetal position clutching his head in both hands, her heart leapt into her throat and she bolted to his side. "Eren?! What happened? Did you fall off the couch?"
"I feel fucking awful. All I wanted was to make it darker over my eyes with an extra pillow, but I ended up falling off the couch. It seemed like my damn legs stopped working."
"Alright, now can I get on the horse and go find Hange?" Armin asks from the doorway leading into the cottage. "He obviously needs to be seen by a doctor, Mikasa, look at him!"
"What? Uh, y-yeah, you go and I'll stay here."
"I'll return as soon as possible." Armin nods to her and they share a concerned expression as he throws on his jacket then carefully closes the door behind him in an effort to make smallest amount of noise possible.
"Hey, it's okay.." Mikasa breathes as she gently touches the back of her hand to his forehead. "I know you're probably tired of me asking you this, but can I perhaps get you anything?" She frowns when she registers a minor fever and was surprised that he didn't squirm away from her touch like he would have done in the past. A few strands of chocolate hair have fallen loose from the small bun at the nape of his neck and she briefly toys with pushing them away from his face. She sighs softly as she places her hand in her lap, ultimately deciding that it would be pushing the boundaries of their technically new friendship. He's still so handsome, even with his eyes closed.
"No, I'm just going to lie here until the worst of the pain goes away." He mumbles to the carpet.
"And if that's not a quick process?"
"I don't know." Eren groans in discomfort as his migraine throbs, lifting his head up slowly in the hopes that it won't trigger more pain. "But I do know one thing." He blinks his eyes open to see her sitting beside him looking just as concerned as she did in the dream he has been having for the last two nights in a row.
"What's that?"
"I could never get tired of your voice."
"Wait, actually?" She smiles as she remembers back to the day that everyone finally made it to the mainland, when Eren had wandered away from the group in search of a thieving child and she later discovered him in a camp where good people had lost their homes to war. When he looked into her eyes and asked in a most emotionally agonizing way exactly what their relationship meant to her. And she was totally blindsided by him behaving so out of character, that she fumbled her words and couldn't think of what to say other than to call him what she has always referred to him as; family. But that's not the whole truth. She has been crazy about him since they were young kids.
"Definitely."
"Heh, well, thank you.."
"Hey, can I ask you something just for clarification?" He asks with hints of being in pain to his voice.
"Absolutely, go for it."
"Did we - you, me, and Armin - meet when we were little? I keep having these, like, I guess you could call them flashbacks. And sometimes it's the three of us as little kids running through a town."
"Uh, well, we grew up in Shiganshina, it's a nice big town. You and I met under very unfortunate circumstances, and that's a drastic understatement. Then you met Armin when he was getting badly bullied in the streets and stood up for him."
"Unfortunate circumstances? What do you mean?"
"I-I.." Mikasa stammers and bites her lip as she looks away. She knew that he would eventually ask her about this. "We were awfully young, about nine years old. I'm not sure how much you remember about your father, but he was a doctor and my mother was heavily pregnant. Three truly horrible people found out that my mother and I are of Asian decent, so they broke into our home with intentions of murdering my father and selling us. But my mother fought like hell, so, they murdered her too..." She takes a deep breath and sighs sorrowfully as she finally looks into his eyes again. "Then you showed up at the door and saved my life by killing two of them, then you untied me. But there was a third guy that you weren't expecting who ended up trying to choke you out, and I killed him to save your life."
"Wow. Terrifying doesn't even begin to describe how that day must have been for you. I'm so sorry about your family." Eren grows silent for a moment simply trying to imagine what it would be like to lose everything all at once. He sifts through the memories flooding back into his mind. "I think you kind of sparked my memory, because in my head I remember walking somewhere with who I now assume to be my dad and hearing that your family was hurt. He wouldn't let me go ahead because it was clearly dangerous, but I honestly don't think I cared. All I could think about was helping whoever was inside."
"You haven't mentioned this before."
"I didn't think it would matter that much to you since you were already safe and that was my goal. Fuck!" Eren growls at a sudden sharp jolt of pain in his head as he snaps his eyes shut. This is certainly much more difficult to ignore than the dull ache he had this entire time.
"Oh my god, Eren! What is it!?" Mikasa panics and immediately sits up in order to cradle the back of his head with her hand, protecting it from bumping against one of the couch legs. It breaks her heart when his head hurts this much because she knows there isn't anything she can do to make it better.
"I'm fine! I'm fine!" He assures her, even though anyone with a brain could see how miserable he is. Eyes shut and shielded behind his forearm for extra darkness would be a major indicator. Hell, she gets headaches too. Eren groans in discomfort as he struggles with opening his eyes to hers once more, wincing noticeably with pain. "Mikasa?" He asks with plenty of unintended agony to his voice, trying desperately to ignore the sharp jolt behind his eyes for keeping them open against what his body wants.
"What is it? I'm here." She frowns that he's in so much pain, wanting nothing more than to hold his head in her lap.
"I think I remember you."
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ghostmartyr · 4 years
Text
SnK 124 Thoughts
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Have some faith, Reiner.
As if we’d ever forget Han Solo.
The only nice thing about what’s happening now is that it’s forced the right priorities on people. Despite Eren saying, way back in Trost, that people all uniting to face one enemy is too rosy an idea to have a place in reality, for this one island, in these final, traumatic moments, no one wants all these people to die.
With various faces painted on it, most of our main cast on either side has always been focused on one thing: survival. Now Eren rejects that entire concept for the protection of one group. In the barest of bones, that is what every single villain of this manga has always done. Of course the only option is to reject him.
And of course Gabi, who has always been compared to Eren, who has had the most traumatic series of experiences of her young life, stands up and starts fighting.
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(One in shadows, one in light. Winning all the high school book reports here.)
This is the best of Eren, in a child who has been ruined by this world just as thoroughly. Gabi will bring back her friends.
Eren chases after slavers to save a girl he doesn’t know.
Gabi runs into streets full of monsters and saves someone who hates her.
I’ve always enjoyed Eren as a protagonist (his dip into antagonist, not so much). In Trost, he takes on the burden of being a symbol of humanity’s hope, but I’ve always felt that his true symbolic nature is that he’s the one who lays claim to humanity’s outrage.
There are things in this world that are simply wrong. Righteous fury without limits is a satisfying reaction to that, and at the start of the manga, it’s something that all of Paradis has basically lost. They’ve grown complacent with their lot in life. Even when the titans invade, they don’t dream beyond reclaiming the territory that they’ve always known.
Eren’s status as a rage monster is very much a meme, and he’s very much more than that, but it has always been fitting that the main character is a bonfire that lights the sparks of the rest of the cast. Eren inspires motion. Before he has any touch of competence and plot magic, he talks and his comrades find themselves listening.
Gabi takes up that torch here.
Reiner is done (again. sorry, Reiner). The world is probably done. Gabi has spent this whole arc being some kind of done.
Gabi gets up, and goes to look for her friend. Falco follows her onto an airship; she follows him into hell.
Gabi gets up, and protects the girl who wants her dead. She faces down a titan with a weapon not meant for the job, and she wins.
Just like the young woman she murdered.
Sasha joins the Survey Corps after Trost. She comes face to face with a titan, and she falters. She fails to kill it, and it comes after her, and she’s scared. She wants to leave. She considers leaving.
Dot Pixis’ speech reignites her will.
Sasha stays, and a month later she saves her little sister.
Her little sister protects a pair of enemy child soldiers.
One of those child soldiers saves her life.
Paradis begins without a spark. Even the people who are signing up to be soldiers are mostly doing it so they won’t be seen as cowards, or so they can go further into the walls as Military Police. People who want to go outside and kill the titans are nuts. The Survey Corps is nuts. They’re a waste of taxes, and anyone who wants to join them is a suicidal idiot.
Enter Eren. Enter enough fury and impact that the fire can’t be contained in one person, and the sparks start spreading. The people who have been left to tend their own fires for years are given kindling. The people who don’t know what it’s like to not be freezing cold are given a taste of warmth.
For a series that begins in stagnation, a protagonist devoted to movement is going to inspire the most change.
Then he decides to commit genocide and ruin everything, but hey, look at how much that’s inspiring people to get along!
Eren, you’re a fucking disaster.
Niccolo basically hands us the series’ thesis on a silver platter, so I’ll refrain from trying to fit his quotes into anything resembling a paragraph.
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Niccolo is not Eldian.
Eldians are the one with the ability to literally transform into monsters. A physical manifestation of the horrors all humans are capable of if you take away their reason. That’s why the world calls them devils. They’re all a bunch of ticking time bombs just waiting to go off; why wouldn’t the world condemn, hate, and fear that?
Those ticking time bombs always take at least one more person willing to start the timer for them.
In the current era, Marley has been the force happily strapping bombs to children’s chests.
Niccolo hits on the truest point. From someone who is not Eldian, who cannot physically manifest the horrors all around them that could not exist without certain genetics--
Niccolo has a devil inside of him, too. He’s given in to it. He has been a monster, so lost in his despair that he’s willing to kill children.
The true enemy of this world is not titans. It’s falling prey to the demons every human carries inside. That is the universal human experience, and everywhere people fall in that fight, evil follows.
Titans exist because a man rapes a slave and has her children eat her.
That evil is a fault of human nature, not blood.
Niccolo and Gabi have been the monsters.
Unlike most titans, they have the option of coming back. They’ve had the fortune to live long enough that they can come back. Hell, it might be because she hits the bargaining phase, but even this chapter Gabi goes from suggesting killing Eren to talking to him and using his power for something actually useful.
-pats Gabi on the head-
Not bad, kiddo.
To the left, we have Jean and Connie.
Hell.
Connie’s simplest (as well as the most exciting, because he’s running off to Wall Rose territory with Falco, who has Ymir’s memories), and rather devastating. For four years, his mother has been a titan. Unable to move. She’s his only remaining family. Everyone else in his village, Connie spent their last night alive praying that they would die. He’s one of the three people left who remember Utgard.
Being trapped on a tower in the middle of the night, being hunted for sport by people he’s known all his life.
On Zeke’s command.
The man Paradis is forced to consider an ally. The man Connie is not allowed to touch. The man who is still, years later, turning people into titans. The man one of his closest friends ostensibly betrays them for.
After all that, his friends have someone who can save his mom, and they try to tell him no. Because that might hurt the feelings of their enemies. People like Reiner, for instance. The guy Connie still cries for in Return to Shiganshina.
Don’t worry about your mother, Connie. Worry about the feelings of everyone else.
Also Sasha is dead and this kid’s bestie pulled the trigger.
But seriously Connie, chill.
[chill not found]
Connie has, frankly, done a fantastic job holding everything together. The fact that he’s only snapping now speaks greatly to his character, and leaves me not too concerned about Falco. Connie ranks as one of the lowest on who’s left of people who would be willing to kill a child. Even if it’s for his mother, if Falco’s awake, I don’t think Connie can do it.
...If he can, the manga will have actually found a way to get even darker, which, if we’re being honest, I sort of thought we were beyond at this point, so flip a coin I guess.
Jean likewise has some of my favorite material in this chapter. He’s grown into a far better commander than he was at Trost, and having the terrain duplicated so well only emphasizes it.
But as ever, the true entertainment comes from Marco.
Who is also dead.
Yes, still.
“You’re not a strong person... so you can really understand how weak people feel.”
Jean is not wrong that destroying the rest of the world sort of fixes Paradis’ main problems. The issue is that it’s horrifically immoral, not that it wouldn’t be effective (until a civil war breaks out).
Because everyone spent all their time hating them, their only protection was murdering them all. And it’s all on one person’s decisions. They’re hardly involved, aren’t they? If they sit back and do nothing, it’s just karma, right? What could they possibly do at this point?
“But you’re also good at recognizing what’s going on at any given moment. You know exactly what needs to be done. I mean... most humans are weak, including me... But if I got an order from someone who saw things like I do... no matter how tough it was, I’d do my damnedest to carry it out.”
Jean’s right. They do reap the benefits of this horrible choice. No more complicated politics. Just a blank slate to do better on. Everyone on Paradis gets to live. Without putting too fine a point on it, that’s an argument we’re probably all familiar with, and here a character is, pointing it all out.
This fixes all their problems. Good, right?
No.
Because standing back and doing nothing while genocide is committed is fucking wrong.
That’s a question this series has grappled with from the beginning; which is more important, survival or doing what’s right?
In the start, we have a protagonist who is fully comfortable throwing his own life away in the name of doing what’s right. At the moment, he’s giving every appearance of being fully comfortable throwing away everyone else’s life in the name of keeping the people he cares about alive.
This chapter, we have Connie arguing for his mom’s life over someone more politically relevant’s.
Bringing back another fandom favorite, Serum Bowl pretty much locks these arguments in a cage and pokes them gently with an assault rifle.
Survival says Erwin. Armin doesn’t matter, except to Eren and Mikasa. Erwin matters to Levi in a way he doesn’t to them. What’s right falls to the floor except to be brandished like a machete against the other side’s wants. Hange has to swoop in and pick it up, and by then Floch’s involved and clubbing everyone over the head with his newfound fanaticism.
Once it’s gotten to that point, humanity’s continued survival still says Erwin.
It’s still saving a man’s life.
A man who will die without this intervention.
For the reason of bringing him back to life to suffer in everyone’s place.
It’s pragmatic, and it truly is best for humanity’s survival beyond the walls.
It is also deeply unkind.
Send these thousands of people to their deaths so  the rest can live. Eat each other. Die, die, and die until someone can live. Anything that promotes survival is, in fact, the right choice.
In the Female Titan arc, when Armin and Jean are watching the full extent of Erwin’s plan in front of their eyes, Armin says that Erwin might very well be evil for it, but given where they are, that’s a good thing. That someone strong enough to be that measured with their few remaining lives is in control--even if he’s committing a moral evil, he’s protecting something more important.
It is the preliminary version of Floch’s eventual conclusion.
They need a devil to ensure their survival.
Levi ultimately rejects that.
He doesn’t bring a man back to life so that he can bear their burdens.
It’s one of the smaller goods of the series. After a life of suffering through what is necessary, Levi chooses to release Erwin from it, even though he’s still tactically essential. Again and again people have discussed how much it would help if one more strategist was out Paradis’ table in these times. Levi’s decision is what prevents the most experienced from taking a seat.
Levi picks to be kind over making the choice that more properly secures survival.
Because the survival of what? More choices leading down the exact same road? The endless cycle of sacrifice that’s turned human bodies into resources instead of recognizing them as people?
Titanization at its core?
In the Serum Bowl, Levi doesn’t choose who he wants to survive. He chooses what. He chooses to recognize a man as human instead of a commodity. Something the two brats screaming at him couldn’t let go of. Something he couldn’t let go of.
Do you want to survive, or create a world worth surviving in?
Eren’s actions will destroy the world beyond the walls he always wanted to see. Indiscriminately. Some of it deserves destruction and worse. The parts that don’t will be swept away all the same.
This plan creates the world the First King told them they all lived in; there is Paradis, and nothing beyond it. The rest of humanity is dead.
Thanks to forfeiting all humanity.
And I guess if anyone on the island has a problem with it, kill them too. Also anyone who encourages anyone to have a problem with it. Just set up your secret task force, give the names, and keep those named living in terror for a century until one of them becoming a serial killer in response seems perfectly reasonable.
For those in need of the reminder, Karl is a douche.
Karl thought genocide was such a bad thing that he committed genocide over it, but it’s okay because his genocide was smaller.
Eren thinks genocide is such a bad thing he’s set up to commit genocide over it, but it’s okay because his genocide is going to be so big it’s going to end all genocides. Until Floch remembers he has a gun, probably. Which seems to be always. In which case this genocide will lead to a series of smaller genocides, eventually leading to not enough people being alive for genocide to be committed.
Curing the world of genocide once and for all.
Yay.
.
What I’m saying is that genocide is bad.
Full stop.
Genocide is bad.
-draws underlines-
-draws angry grrr face-
Bad.
Perhaps maybe these people should stop doing it.
For all the moral reasons, sure, but since we’re clearly beyond that point, maybe someone could just quietly suggest with the force of the world ending that maybe imitating the exact behavior that led to literally all of our cast’s problems is not the best move.
Also, Floch shouldn’t get to point a gun at Yelena’s head. Only Yelena gets to hold guns to people’s heads. She makes it cool. Floch makes everyone wonder why Floch still hasn’t died, only to remember that ah, yes, of course people like Floch don’t die.
BUT HEY, AT LEAST THEY KILLED ALL THE TITANS THAT USED TO BE THEIR COMMANDING OFFICERS. I’M SURE THAT’S NOT RELATED TO FLOCH’S GOOD MOOD AT ALL.
You know, it’s not that things are continuing to get worse. They are simply following the roadmap of horror we were handed in the brochure for this arc. None of this is new, it’s just now in play. So it’s not getting worse, it always was worse.
...Yelena, just take the gun and shoot Floch before you die. I feel like that’s the fastest path to something good happening.
Let’s see... points to all our kidlets being a dominant force against titans now. Them Trost Redux feels. Points to Jean realizing that Eren has power of friendshipped himself into villain status (allegedly). Points to Armin remembering how Pixis gave the humans of Paradis their first victory. Points to all of Sasha’s family because I like them.
Then that’s the chapter.
HOW YOU FEELING, ANNIE FANS?
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botaniia · 4 years
Text
127
Some 127 thoughts because I promised myself I’d jot these down for future reference before I forget what I initially thought of it
Overall probably one of my fav chapters in a long time because it gave us that sweet, sweet character interaction that I’d been looking forward to since the start of the alliance. 
Jean is the absolute real MVP here. Before he was an okay character to me, I liked him but not extraordinarily much, but this chapter moved him very close to the top of the list. What a beast. I commend Yams for giving him that emotional release
I’m so happy we got to see his internal struggles. I feel like in a way it mirrors his choice to join the Survey Corps. His thoughts were very similar back then as well. Very interesting to see that this longing for comfort, safety, and luxury is still with him after all these years
“I didn’t see anything. I didn’t hear anything” is an absolutely masterful line. Who’d a thunk I’d be broken already on page 2?
Hanji’s refusal to allow mass genocide is commendable. People have been calling her too optimistic, but I don’t think you can deny that genocide is ever a viable option. Saying that genocide is no option isn’t meant to be a solution to the question “what should we do”, it’s stating that there are things that shouldn’t be done. Hanji is right, you cowards
That said, Jean addressing what they should do then is also necessary. I wonder if Isayama saw any of the fandom discussion or if he simply predicted the nature of the discussions, because he nuanced every single point raised very well and gave a satisfying acknowledgement of the complexity of the situation.
“You can’t just massacre everyone! Like hell there’s a good reason to do that!” I want this printed out and framed on my wall. That expression is so powerful and shows us how Hanji ultimately wants a peaceful resolution to this. It tells us a lot about who she is and why she’s struggling with the current predicament.
That spread of everyone sitting by the campfire is absolutely amazing. The tension! The dichotomy between Jean and Hanji as they’re singled out in their own separate panel! The divide between Marley and Paradis with Onyakopon and Yelena in the middle! 
It was at this point I realised that I was only at page 11 and we were about to witness 34 pages of exactly what I’d been hoping for when the alliance formed. We knew confrontation was coming and did it deliver!
Interesting to get an insight into Magath’s thoughts. He always struck me as being less racist than most Marleyans, but apparently I overestimated the extent to which he was fair in his judgment of Eldians. Some major points:
Assuming that every Paradisian would be happy with genocide and would happily live in a world where only they were still alive. He may think more positively of Eldians than your average Marley higher-up, but he still has a prejudiced look on Paradisians. At the same time, he barely had any interaction with them. I’m curious to see how his vision could change when working side-by-side with them.
“In other words, you’re telling me you developed a sense of justice” are you projecting, my man
I did find the shade about letting Eren and Zeke make contact fitting. Must’ve been a shock for the gang that they were wrong and I can see why he’d question it
Jean calling out Magath will be the subject of my dreams for a long time.
Theo “we provoked you numerous times and then you attacked us back, ya demons!?” Magath everyone
We’re mentioning Eren’s mom now? Because you’re absolutely right, Jean. I always thought that it was wrong to call for some violent justice to be carried out against Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie when it’s really their superiors, the ones who chose to send them there, that deserve this treatment. The fact that Magath also had such a great involvement in the warrior project is something that deserved attention called to it, so this feels very nice
“You killed hundreds” “well you killed thousands” “okay but you enslaved our people” is exactly why it’s necessary to look past both sides’ past mistakes. Genocide is never okay, and the history shouldn’t be erased, but both sides have shit they can fling at each other. Both sides have wronged the other. There is no one who comes out on top morally speaking, so it’s pointless to argue that now. That’s what’s been bothering me about the “x is actually the bad guy here” talk in the communities, regardless of who x is. 
Sure, Hanji says she’s talking to Jean, but really she’s talking to Magath and throwing shade about the fact that he’s being bitter about the fact that the evil selfish Paradis devils are trying to stop the rumbling from destroying everything
“Would someone who’d change their mind because of that commit genocide?” are you projecting, Annie? Was there anything that could’ve been said to her that could’ve made her stop the initial attack on the walls? 
Annie slept for five years only to drop outta her crystal and absolutely obliterate the scouts with some harsh truths. She seems so reasonable at the moment and I can sorta admire her dedication to her father.
I want to marry Yelena for everything she said in her trip down memory lane because this was exactly what I had been hoping for this whole chapter and she just gave it to us like that
The panels are on-point. Framing the person she was accusing while also placing their primary victims in the background. Excellent artwork
You know you’re starved for content when just mentioning Bertholdt’s name got me excited. 
“Using the power you stole from Bertholdt Hoover” the rational part in me knows that no one had a choice on that day and the only outcome was his death, even if cool motive, still murder was applicable in the situation. The irrational part in me is cheering Yelena on for wording it like that.
It seems like Reiner and Annie know that Armin inherited the colossal and that Sasha is dead? If they hadn’t, they probably wouldn’t have just sat there staring when learning it for the first time. I’ve seen people annoyed at the fact that these facts were glossed over without much reaction out of the other characters, but I kinda get it. The chapter was already packed with details. Would an acknowledgement have been nice? Yeah, sure, it would’ve been extremely fitting in this conversation, and the fact that it wasn’t there definitely doesn’t do anything to diminish my fear that Bert will never be addressed again. But this chapter already deals with Jean’s anger over Marco’s death, so I get why it wouldn’t fit inside the same chapter. I also feel like Reiner doesn’t believe he has the right to be mad or sad about Bert’s death, exactly because of the things all three of them did. As much as I would have loved some acknowledgement, I think we can’t ignore that the lack of a reaction tells a lot about Reiner and Annie and how they have dealt with this issue in the past. I’m only hoping that they still interact with Armin in some way and give me the content I have been STARVING for. Just a drop, Isayama, please
Armin still looking like a kicked puppy when she says that though. He truly got the real Bert experience of getting orders to be the most destructive force in the assault and then getting to deal with the emotional aftermath, huh
The looks exchanged between the 104th and the kids... God damn, what a perfect page that is. Jean glancing down a panel after he was called out for nearly killing Falco. Gabi getting the true Braun experience of regretting actions she can never take back even if she wants to now. Someone save these children and shelter them from the worst, because I am not happy that literal 12-year-olds are still with the gang. Yams I beg you keep these kids away from combat, I will find out where you live
Yelena did all of that to sow hatred amongst the new alliance, so much effort to put into words what no one dared talk about in this awkward situation, and Jean manages to talk it away and turn it from destructive to constructive. What a man. Seriously, his character development and the guy he’s become are an inspiration.
“What was it again? Your close friend’s name you told me before?” and it was at that moment Reiner realised he should’ve pulled the trigger
It’s very telling that both Annie and Reiner are speaking so openly and so honestly about what they have done after years of secrecy and lies around their former soldier colleagues. In a way, I can imagine that despite the dread of having to tell Jean this, it’s at least something to finally be able to speak the truth. 
I gotta give it to Reiner that he did well speaking up and clarifying that he was the one who was responsible for the death. People always seem to either deem Annie as his killer or split the blame evenly between the three, but while Annie was obeying orders she couldn’t disobey and Bertholdt was doing nothing to prevent it from happening, at the end of the day Reiner is the one who decided that Marco was going to die. So I ain’t even mad that only he gets beaten for it.
Isayama’s expression game is on point for Jean especially this chapter. I can’t wait to see this animated, truly. If this scene were excellent already, this moment will define it. Everyone’s reaction to it is touching. Mikasa showing a rare moment of true grieving sorrow (though I have noticed that post-timeskip, she looks saddened more often than she looks determined) Armin looking like he had a clue that this was the case already, either through deduction or through Bertmin mechanisms (give us the memories, Yams) Connie’s stoic and bitter reaction (still tired of learning that the people who betrayed him are even worse than he thought, but not surprised in the slightest) Reiner and Annie looking pretty exhausted and done with themselves. Fuck. Good page.
“He said we still haven’t talked” narrative mic drop, hot damn
Jean could have easily used this information as a reason to leave the alliance. He so easily could have, and I don’t think anyone in the world would’ve thought it an overreaction. Instead, he was constructive and he remained calm for the greater good. He had more courage, more self-restraint than any other character in this group, and I seriously think this is the pinnacle of his character development. What a great guy.
“Jean that’s my line”
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At first I didn’t quite get why Reiner decided to “push his luck” with Jean and tell him that additional stuff, but after giving it some thought it is actually really obvious. This is the most desperate looking we’ve seen him in a long time, and I’d argue that this is even more emotional than what he showed when Eren first lured him into that basement. Marco’s murder was a tragedy and a traumatic experience. With his fellow warriors, he couldn’t truthfully express the guilt he felt over it because he was responsible and he couldn’t show any attachment to the island devils when he was the one constantly checking Annie and Bertholdt’s allegiances. Back in Marley, there was no one he could be honest to because why would a good honourary Marleyan have empathy for a Paradis devil? This murder has been festering inside Reiner’s mind for so long. He couldn’t tell anyone about it and there was no one to judge him for it. He couldn’t just let Jean turn this into something constructive, that’d be far too merciful on him. No matter which shape it took, he needed to confess what he had done and he can’t stress enough that he doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Not from Jean, anyway. But if he wants a chance at ever being able to live with himself again, he had to do this. Add to that that he didn’t know at all what to do anymore (something he literally states), I think it’s fair to say he was looking for some type of closure, even if he hadn’t a clue how to get it.
I, and I’m saying this as a big Reiner fan, have never been as satisfied with a turn of events as seeing Jean beat the living hell out of Reiner in the most visceral, most violent way he could think of in that moment of raw anger. Jean already showed so much restraint in this conversation, so you can’t even call this a rash decision. Reiner had it coming.
The fact that Reiner accepts it without any attempt to defend himself is pretty admirable in its own right, and is again telling of his mental state and self image
Despite the anger, despite the fact that he had probably hoped to see it happen someday, despite the absolute hatred for Reiner, Connie still decided to stop Jean. Despite his damage, deep down you can still see the person he was so many years ago, the person who wants to put an end to conflict.
Gabi, darling... I already liked her just because people unreasonably hate her, but this moment is so character-defining that I can’t help but love her for this. At the start of the Marley arc, Falco is a defensive person and Gabi an offensive person. While we’ve seen Falco forced to be more offensive, Gabi generally stayed on the attack even after her realisation. Here, she could have easily chosen to attack Jean to stop his assault, but instead she threw herself between Reiner and the kick. “Gabi is trash” people love to shout while she decides to sacrifice her own safety to prevent Reiner from being hurt any more. She, a regular human girl who is literally 12, defended an adult titan shifter built like a tank who could’ve easily regenerated from the damage and who clearly deserved the beating. And believe me, at her age a kick like that can be lethal if it lands in the wrong spot. This is the moment where she stole my heart. She has turned into the perfect candidate for the armoured titan.
People saying that it’s good that Gabi got that final kick: have you considered she’s not only, again, literally 12, but also deeply apologetic for what she did and likely a key player in defending Paradis in the future?
Falco is a gentleman and he’s a good kid
Annie caring for Reiner... I didn’t know I needed that in my life, but honestly the idea that she’s looking out for him now (compare to her kicking Reiner back on the first day of the mission) makes me unreasonably happy. They’re the two survivors out of a group of the only four people in the world who can understand what they’ve been through, please look after each other!
The manga has a habit of making the cycle of hatred continue when one character is already sorry about their actions towards the person who next adapts the cycle. It was good to see Jean take the mature option and choose to consciously break it. No one would’ve faulted him had he left that night, but he still came back. He still showed kindness to two children, one he had wronged and one who had wronged him. That’s why Jean is our MVP.
I can’t be the only one who sees some 845 Jean in the way he wakes up and yells at Reiner, right? Also, what a gorgeous contrast between gently shaking awake Gabi and assuring her everything’s right, and giving Reiner a very rude awakening
If there was ever a parallel to make me believe that Reiner may be getting some closure, it’s this one
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And despite all the tension and anger, I feel like we’re finally reaching a point where Reiner is finding closure. I’ve said this before, but his suffering only finds meaning if it leads to something, otherwise it just isn’t satisfying. He’s not gonna be forgiven by his former comrades. He knows this and he can accept this. But it’s off his chest and he got the reaction he deserved out of confessing his sins. At this point, I can only hope that this paves the way towards forgiving himself, because lord knows the guy deserves some peace of mind.
I’m walking the fine line between “Annie truly wanted to know where she fit in after all this and we are getting answers in the future” and “Yams is telling us very clearly that he’ll never answer this question”
Jean, my man, you got plenty of practice on everyone’s favourite punching bag, now go replicate everything you just did on Floch!
There’s gonna be lots of death next chapter, huh
Some other, more minor thoughts
Marco is still a cutie, even when in Jean’s conscience vision. 
Remember in 2013/14 when the fandom would get pissy over people finding Marco important and would say that Yams killed him just because he could? Remember when a few months ago even, people were still posting “Marco happened so long ago, Jean doesn’t care about him that much guys, get over it”? Remember when Jean remembered the ashes of his dead friend last chapter? Remember when Jean beat the ever-loving shit out of Reiner when learning he orchestrated Marco’s death? Yeah
Reiner looked unhappy about not being in a depression nap right now the entire chapter long
Need me that panel of Annie with her ring framed on the wall
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rosaline-kei · 5 years
Text
The Grief Of Mikasa Ackerman.
Disclaimer:I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.
Synopsis/Summary:  Mikasa Ackerman reflects back to the past when she pays a visit to the cemetery, remembering all the joyful times she had with her dearest friends, Armin Arlert and Eren Jaeger who had unfortunately succumbed to The Titan's curse—leaving the world, leaving Mikasa. (Mostly written in Mikasa's Perspective.) ((Contains some Manga Spoilers))
Rating: T
FF NET
AO3
— — — 
Death.
I didn't expect death to come and take the both of you so soon. Even when it was revealed that shifters like the two of you had less than 10 years to live, I remained in partial denial about that. Even after the war, when there was still time I had with the both of you in the peaceful land where the walls no longer confined us, I thought that time we had left would be long enough—or just enough. I was wrong, very wrong.
Five or so years later, and I am still not over it. I am still in pain. Yes, I am gradually getting better, but that emptiness still remains, and the darkness clouding my mind and even senses still comes and goes.
Eren... Armin…—I miss you. I miss the both of you so much.
— — — 
Dear Armin.
I miss you. When Eren left the world, a part of mine had as well. But, the other part was still there. You were still there. You were still there for me, you pulled me out of the darkness and taught me how to live happily again… just like how someone had, a long time back.
… I am sorry. Although I had apologised to you about this many times before, I still don't think that it is ever enough. I am sorry that I didn't help you out of your own darkness. You were Eren's friend too, you were in pain too. How could I have forgotten about that? I'm sorry. You reassured me that it was okay, that you didn't mind being the only one who played the role of a comforter in our friendship. But you never told me the reason why. Did you really think I wouldn't be able to remember? Did you think that I would've forgotten? I remember and I know that in a few years' time, you… would be gone too.
That's why it didn't matter to you. That's why you were so worried about me rather than yourself. You were afraid that I would feel like I have no one when there was still some people around me. Why, Armin? Why? Even till the end, you were still so kind to me. I was selfish, I should have comforted you more after Eren's death. You were selfish, for taking the role of being the only comforter when you had needed solace too.
I recall… when Eren told me that I was like a slave, that he had hated me since we were kids. And you had stood up for me while I remained in tears, in denial and in shock. You punched him in the face, something that I didn't expect for you to do. Then, he punched you back. It was painful to watch, I hate myself for being so frozen, to be unable to retaliate or stop the both of you from continuing the violent aggressive acts. I'm sorry that you got hurt because of me.
When the tensions had calmed after the war, I asked you about that—why you had stood up for me even though you knew the risks of getting beaten up—you only gave me a smile, which followed with unexpected laughter as you said:
"You always protected me from the bullies when we were kids. Even when Eren had got too angry at me for no good reasons, you stood up for me as well. I always wanted to return the favour. I wanted to protect my friend. I wanted to protect you."
I think I had nearly cried when you told me that.
I still remember the times when we were kids. When we first met, I remembered the awkward atmosphere between the both of us considering at that point of time, we were just Eren's friends—not the friends of each other. At most, we were just acquaintances then who were only connected because of Eren… but that was only in the beginning. Though, as some time went by when we were kids, before the fall of the wall, I began to enjoy your presence. I began to understand you more.
You were no longer just Eren's friend, you were mine too.
I still remember that day. Eren was sick, and his mother made me go out of the house so I can get fresh air and avoid getting his illness as well. I had insisted that I wanted to stay, so I could help take care of him. But of course, his mother didn't allow that— and I'm thankful, in a way. If she hadn't chased me out of the house, would I have still been able to connect with you—to be friends with you?
Though, when I saw you, I came across an unsettling scene between you and those rowdy bullies.
After I rescued you, we sat against a tree. You thanked me, I nodded in response—and the silence began. Eren wasn't there to stir up any conversation, and I didn't know what to say. But then, you broke the silence. I am still able to recall what you said. You began talking about how awkward we both were without Eren— and I hadn't expect for you to be so confrontational and direct back then. Regardless of the fact that you tried to initiate a conversation, I still didn't know what to say in response. But you did. You continued to talk and talk—about the outside world, about the ocean, the life beyond the walls. It was nothing new, you had told all these before to both me and Eren.
But, even when you kept re-telling these things, I never got bored… maybe it was because of the sparkle in your eyes that only ever appeared whenever you were ever so joyously exclaiming your dreams and hopes of travelling beyond the walls—the outside world.
I don't think I ever told you that— on how I liked your eyes sparkled with such innocence and excitement.
When I still remained silent, only giving nods when necessary, you gave up the conversation, ending it with a nervous and awkward sigh. I hadn't expected to feel so… guilty and dissatisfied. I didn't know why, even though I heard your stories over and over, I wanted to hear more. And I had felt bad of not keeping the conversation going just because I wanted you to talk more and more, so I can see those sparkling eyes.
Maybe you didn't notice this, but you always found new words and new things to describe about the ocean you spoke of. And your eyes always sparkle in the same way, yet they were always interesting and never got old.
They were always beautifully mesmerizing.
Then, I decided to start talking even though I still didn't know what to say that wouldn't bore you. Unlike you, I had no knowledge of the outside world, all my life I only knew about the land that we were confined in. So, all I could share was about the farm-like life I led before those brutal inhuman animals stole it away from me. Then, your eyes sparkled differently—they were excited and intrigued in me, my stories. I was surprised, of the fact that you had actually found my plain and ordinary farm-like life on the hills interesting.
We continued to chit and chat, and even played some games and so on. Needless to say, that was the beginning of our friendship.
… You know, Armin. I wished I could see that sparkle in your eyes once more. All I saw during the last few moments I had with you was nothing like that.
After witnessing the ocean with my own eyes, your eyes began to remind me of them. The ocean blue—its colour was the same as your fascinating orbs. I remember, the first day we visited the ocean after Eren left… just the two of us. You gifted me a seashell crafted bracelet that I still wear to this date—that I still treasure dearly.
"It's a reminder that I will forever be with you, too. Even when…" You had said, trailing off. Now, you were the one who didn't know what to say… or rather, you knew what to say—but you didn't want to hurt me. That was my wake-up call, my reminder that you were going to leave too. Now, it was my eyes that were like the ocean—actually, no. Rather, it was more of a flood or a flowing river.
On your last day, when you were having your last breaths… your eyes were no longer the reassuring and soothing blue that the ocean showed, they were dull and greyish—like how storm clouds would be before a sea-storm would erupt.
I miss you. I want to go to the ocean with you and Eren again. I want to enjoy the cooling breeze one more time with the both of you.
Granted, now times are more peaceful especially after Historia took her throne. She is a great queen. However, my heart is unable to find true peace. Is that selfish for me to say? Is that unfair for me to say? I just feel… I…
I just miss you, even till now I am unable to fully understand my emotions. They are an annoyingly complex thing.
But… don't worry about me. I still remember the promise I made with you before you left. I plan to keep it, Eren's too. That's the least I can do... right? I promised you that I wouldn't join you or Eren too soon.
It's okay. I'm… okay. I still have Jean, Historia, Connie, Sash—…
I still have Jean, Historia and Connie. We hang out every now and then… though it's a little hard to find a manageable time with Historia's responsibilities and all.
…I hope this doesn't sound rude, but it just feels... different, with them. Yes, I'm thankful for their company. Yes, I enjoy their company. But it is just different without you and Eren. I want all of us to hang out again. I imagine Eren childishly quarrelling with Jean, while you and I, Connie, Sasha and even Historia would watch at the side-lines, making quiet jokes. Knowing Sasha and Connie, they'd probably make ridiculous side bets…
I want all of us to be together again.
You were always the smartest, the bravest amongst all of us. Ask Eren, he would agree. You don't realize this, but you saved me many times—too many times to even count or list down. Armin, Thank you.
I want to live on so that I can remember you, the both of you. I'm not going to lie—it is hard. Some days… I do question myself if it is even worth it anymore. But I made promises. I plan to keep them.
I'm also sorry, for those times that I treated you differently from Eren. I don't recall if I ever told you this, but there was a reason why I never hovered around you as much as I had with Eren. It is not because I prefer him. That was never that reason. Unlike Eren, you were never reckless. You always thought twice, which saved you and many others from dire and deathly situations. I was confident in your abilities to live, to survive. So when I saw your body… all burnt up on the rooftop, I nearly lost it—no. I did, in fact lost it. I didn't care about the law or orders. I just wanted you to be saved. I didn't care about the consequences, you meant so much and too much to me.
… I don't even know what else I can say. I just wish you could respond. I wish I could hug you. I wish I could see you one last time.
Armin…I am sorry. I am thankful—thank you. You're my best and close friend and I…
I miss you.
— — —
Dear Eren. 
I miss you. When you first left, I didn't know what to do. I was lost. I lost you… and it hurt.
I don't know how many times I thought I had lost you back in our fighting days, but that hurt cannot be compared to how I feel now… because unlike before, I now know that there is no chance of you coming back… you can't.
But there was one exception, where this feelings of loss could be compared.
I remember that day, when you claimed to have hated me since childhood and had made remarks of how I am a slave, because I was an Ackerman. I felt so distraught, so pained… the agony I felt then was indescribable—as it is now, as well. I thought I had lost you, not physically but… emotionally.
To have someone who had a place in my heart for so long say that was… excruciating. To have someone who had a place in my heart to practically shatter it, was gut-wrenching.
Even though you were faking what you said in the end, that hurt never fully left. I don't know why. I had forgiven you after you had apologised that that you had to insult me in order for your plan of peace to carry on—to which, succeeded. You had to say all that, to ensure Armin and I would…
I don't even want to think about it, I'm sorry for bringing it up now. All that matters now is that we are free…we are at peace. Right…?
"I'm sorry for saying all those things back then. I didn't mean it. I had to say it because…"
You apologised when the war was done and settled. Armin and I forgave you by the end of that long conversation. So… why do I still feel hurt by what you said?
Maybe… maybe that hurt never left because after you said that, I began to realise how what you said was possibly true… since I was always hovering over you. And the insecure part of me—that I barely showed to anyone— believed that maybe that there was some truth in that supposed lie you spoke of. It's silly, I know.
I don't know what to think or feel… or how to even do such things. If I had more time to talk to you, maybe that insecurity would've been diminished… I barely had any time left with you by the time the war ended. It's unfair.
Though… I'm sorry. I am sorry for hovering over you, for being too protective. You… Eren… you were always reckless. Whenever you had a goal or an aim, you never hesitated to charge straight towards it regardless of the consequences or the risks that you'd knowingly take without a second thought. That worried me. That scared me.
Granted, I admired your courage… but the courage you showed was so perilous, dangerous. It always attracted unwanted conversations, unwanted people and unwanted conflicts.
I am sorry if I ever went too far to protect you. I knew that I could be clingy, I knew that you were annoyed at me for that—sometimes even enraged whenever I would put you or any close ones before myself. That was just a small price to pay to ensure your safety.
I wanted you to live a long and happy life, the same goes for Armin. I wanted the both of you to survive by the end of this… but I guess, happy endings aren't always possible.
The time I had left with you was so short, too short. But… I enjoyed it. I made the most out of it. You, Armin and I went to the ocean to have… fun, acting as if we were all immature, innocent kids once again.
I made the most out of it… I enjoyed it… but it was never enough.
Time went by, and soon it was days before you had to leave the world… then, Armin would follow. What a… cruel world, it even took Sasha.
You were growing weak, I could tell. No matter how hard you tried to disguise it, you couldn't hide the fact that you were growing weak— that your energy was beginning to deplete. I had grew up with you Eren, I had been by your side… how could I have not notice someone dear to me beginning to fade right before my eyes?
I was reminded of how the world is too much of a cruel place.
I remembered that when that day was approaching, you brought Armin away to a secluded area to have a farewell talk… I wonder what you told him that you couldn't have said in front of all of us. It didn't bother me though, whatever you said to him in private, after all… you two had a strong bond that I could never interfere with.
And then, when your closing day drew closer, it was my turn to be brought to another secluded area in the forest to have a little personal talk with you. Commander Hanji and Captain Levi told you to rest, yet you persisted. You could barely walk, yet you insisted. When we were walking to that secluded area, I kept thinking: What was so important that you had to bring me all the way out here? What did you want to say to me that you only wanted me to hear?
"Mikasa… I am sorry, for everything… and thank you."
You started off with that. It wasn't even ten words, yet it was enough to cause me to begin to shed woebegone tears. You still had some time… a little time. Yet, why did it sound like you were just going to disappear immediately right before my eyes? I wasn't ready for you to leave so early.
I was never ready.
It felt like yesterday when we were still kids confined within the walls, making the most out of anything. Do you remember the times we spent whenever the bullies were never there to pester us? Those were the most fun times. No troubles, just peace and laughter. It was just the three of us, being kids.
Unfortunately, we had no choice but to grow up fast, too fast. It was unfair—it is unfair. The world is unfair and cruel—but I guess I can't keep blaming the world like that, because it can be… beautiful, sometimes. I just wish we had more time. Time flies too fast, doesn't it? I guess, I just have to accept that—it's not like I can travel back into time.
Now, with the limited time you had then, I knew I had to make the most out of it. I wanted to go back to those days—not literally, but figuratively. Which, we did—we went to the ocean again, the three of us… remember?
As we strolled in the forest to the secluded area you were taking me to, we talked, and talked… and I began to realise how weak your voice even was. I grew even more worried that you might've just collapsed mid-way in our conversation. You noticed this, you noticed my worry. Then, you unwrapped the red scarf around me. I froze, my tears paused. I was caught off guard, shocked and confused.
"I can't believe you still wear this…" You had said. If it weren't for what you said next, my heart would've probably cracked more.
"But now, I understand why…" You had murmured as you re-wrapped it around my neck in the same messy, odd yet beautiful way you did during the first time. I wonder if you had did that on purpose for nostalgia's sake, or if you still didn't know how to wrap scarves around others. "While I still have the strength… let me wrap this scarf around you… And then, I will wrap it around you as many times as you want when we meet again."
After you said that, I began to burst out crying. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it. Was I being too much of an annoying cry-baby…? I don't know. It was just painfully heart-warming.
But what you did next, warms my heart. And every time I think of it… every time I remember it, it does briefly erase the hurt I feel about what you said back then—about hating me since we were children. Unfortunately that hurt, and that worry comes back after when my grief begins to overwhelm me. That… is still a battle that I am fighting. I ensure you though, I won't give up. If I want to live and win, I have to fight… right? You taught me that.
Your arms had reached out, and pulled me in for as much of a tight embrace you could provide. Your arms wrapped around me as I sobbed into your chest even more. It felt too much of a goodbye and farewell, too soon. What you did next, though, was much more of a surprise. You pulled away from the embrace just a little, before planting a light reassuring kiss on my forehead. I remember how my heart raced, I remember how that felt, how I felt. And till today, I do not understand that emotion.
What was I feeling when you did that? I don't know, and now I would never know.
"This isn't farewell or a goodbye," You whispered softly, "It's a 'see you next time'"
But I guess that's okay. That was enough.
The world can be beautiful place too.
That little peck of yours was perhaps just a display of thankfulness… Oh, Eren…
I should be the one thanking you.
Thank you for always being at my side. Thank you for showing me how to live with purpose. Thank you… for wrapping this scarf around me.
For everything, thank you.
I... I… what else do I have to say…? I don't know. I just… wish I could talk to you one last time. I wish I could see you again soon.
But, I know, I know… I made a promise to you during our walk in the forest—to live for myself.
I will admit, I am still fighting… some days are dark and painful… but there are still people who are here, who are helping me—and I'm helping them as much as I can whenever I can, whenever they need comfort too.
Eren…
I miss you.
— — —
Dearests, Armin and Eren.
I miss the both of you.
Truly, thank you to the both of you. I am sorry if I ever hurt you.
Slowly, I think I'm getting better… these days, Jean says I smile more genuinely. He misses you two too, even if he doesn't like to admit it. Connie and Historia too.
That short—… maybe I should address him more formerly now. You two always looked fearful or bothered whenever I would call him that whenever he was around. Captain Levi, he gave me some advice… a talk. He suffered through loss a lot, and assured me things would get better before giving me some coping methods. Of course, he assured me in a very indirect way. He was never one to express his care so openly. I remember that day when I first saw him smile after he had gotten punched by Historia, it shocked and even weirded me out. Putting that aside, I'm thankful for his advice. It helped.
Oh, and I would sometimes bump into Commander Hanji too. She would pay visits to us every now and then, or we would bump into one another around the cemetery and make small, comforting talks. Back in our military days, we were never that close… yet she seemed like an older sister to me whenever we talked.
We all have lost people that we love that we will never get back.
If you two are wondering about the events that are currently happening in my life, rest assured… its nothing new from all the other life updates I have told the two of you before.
Oh… but I did visit the ocean alone recently, I walked around its sandy shores before strolling over to the edge to let the waves hit me. It was refreshing. It was only when the sky began to darken as the sun set, I then noticed the long amount of time I had spent lingered around the coast—as if I was hoping to find something that was lost… and then I came to the realisation that that 'something' was never coming back.
It just isn't the same without the two of you, there.
I miss the both of you so much.
Armin… Eren…
The both of you will always have a place in my heart. I love the both of you... forever and ever... even after the end.
— — —
Mikasa heaved a heavy sigh before she gently placed down two mixed bouquets of flowers—lilies, orchids, blue irises, roses, alstroemeria, purple hyacinths, bellflowers and any other flowers she could find around town— on both Eren's and Armin's grave before murmuring a soft blessing to the both of them.
She wondered what they were doing now. She wondered if she would ever see them again, whether it be heaven, hell or a next life. She hoped she would.
"Mikasa, are you coming?" A voice called. She turned to meet Jean's eyes, before seeing some others looking towards her direction. Historia, Connie, Commander Hanji, Captain Levi and some other recruits—they had come to pay a visit to those who did not have the chance to stand with and next to them now—to those who could only be alive in their hearts.
"I'll join you all soon." Mikasa replied gently, a small smile spreading across her lips.
The others, knowing that she wanted to be alone, gave an understanding nod before they left. When they were out of her sight, she sat down in front of their graves as she brought her legs up to her knees, hugging them closely to her chest.
Tears began to fog in her eyes before she even knew it. She missed them. She missed Eren and Armin—Sasha as well, whom she had visited her grave earlier, giving the same blessings and flowers… feeling the same amount of grief.
The raven took a deep breath, fighting through her sobs and parts her lips to say something… yet nothing came out.
She didn't know what to say. She had too many things to say. All she could do was cry. Pathetic, she thought helplessly.
Then, she felt a relatively strong gust of wind blowing by, it felt soothing, it felt reassuring.
It reminded her of the gentleness of the ocean breeze blowing past her smooth silky raven hair when she was splashing water towards both Armin and Eren back then in their little childish game of a water fight.
She parted her lips once again, sniffs as tears continued to caress down her cheeks and says, "Till we meet again."
She had too much to convey that she would rather tell them directly, when it would be her time to go—the right time. For now, all she could do was keep her promise to the both of them.
Live.
— — —
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