#at this point he’s gonna take the next person he likes to meet cassian before proposing to test them

[sapphicmsmarvel]

acotar x reader: one day at a time

Tw for death: 

Reader loses somebody and their friends are there to pick up the pieces. A lil sprinkle sprinkle of az x reader bc that's MY BABYYYY

Lotsssssss of acts of service within the group. 

Also bc im a petty asshole i included a snippet of one of my racist aunts who said some wild shit to me at MY SISTERS FUNERAL and just basically dissing her. (literally why would you stare at my poc best friend who's just trying to support me. This bitch stared at MY GIRL?? MY BESTIE???? NUH UH NOT ON MY WATCH BITCH). 

Said best friend was just like “she’s never seen a brown person before marie it's fine.” 

NO ITS NOT. IDC IF THIS IS MY SISTERS FUNERAL WE’LL MAKE IT A DOUBLE FUNERAL. 

I'm petty. 

soooo this is born out of grief for my sister. My sister passed away on 03/11/21 and this is very much catered to my grief and these are my comfort characters so naturally i'm gonna write about them when it comes to helping their loved one grieve. 

and yeah this is gonna be based around the reader's sister dying. what can i say. I'm on brand. 

also reader is feyres childhood friend that got turned into a fae with nesta and elain. i feel like that’s just the staple with my fics. 

---------

When you got notified of your sister's death, it was actually a pretty good day up until that point. Sunny day with clouds, a wonderful brunch date with Mor, adorable children at the studio with Feyre. Afterwards, the two of you began walking back to Feyre’s, content on playing with Nyx for the evening before retiring to your own home. When you walked up, Feyre looked at you and told you about how the Inner Circle were having a meeting inside the office. So you two quickly joined them. 

When you walked in, Rhysand held out a letter, “this was a letter delivered to you.” 

You made a face and grabbed it, “okay, so why are you all staring at me like that?” 

“This person walked into the Spring Court and dropped it on Tamlins doorstep.” Cassian said. “They dropped it in the middle of night, just when he wasn’t prowling like a creep.” 

“What the fuck?” You asked as you analyzed it. 

No name but yours and a pisspoor address. 

Lady Y/N L/N

Night Court

“We didn’t know if it was a…” Azriel trailed off, realizing how silly what he was about to say was. “Hence, why all of us are here.”

“We’re also just nosey.” Mor shrugged, her nose wrinkling. 

You snorted, and tore into it, “you could’ve opened it.” 

“It’s your mail. We may be protective bastards but you still have a right to privacy.” Rhysand drawled. 

Feyre stood next to you as you pulled out the paper, your eyes tracing over it. 

“It’s from my dad.” You said recognizing his handwriting. 

Then, it all went to shit. 

Your big sister was dead, the woman you fought with a lot of the time but yet would take a beating for. Your big sister who helped guide you through life, who would always be there even if she was pissed off at you for some inane reason.

Gone.

You just froze, not knowing what to do. You’re pretty sure Az asked you a question, then Cass, then Rhys. Then you felt Feyre’s hand on your shoulder. 

I need to leave. 

I need to go before I hurt someone. 

You just wordlessly handed the letter to her and winnowed away. 

You didn’t go to your apartment, you didn’t go to the townehouse, you didn’t go anywhere they would find you. 

You went to the middle of the forest. You just picked a random point to lose it.

And you did. 

You didn’t remember much of causing the damage. Only that you managed to stop when Azriel’s arms wrapped around you. You just kept screaming. “I know, I know. It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here.” He said, his lips against your hair. 

His shadows wrapped around your hands, cool wind kissing away the raging inferno of your cuts. You collapsed, taking Azriel to the ground. 

He just held you as you sobbed. You felt his own tears hit your neck. He usually did a better job masking his emotions, but it was you crying, you who he had a deeper bond with. So he let his emotions run free.

“Y/N!” Feyre called into your mind. Your shields were down and you didn’t even notice.

“Az has me, i’m sorry I-” 

“Don’t apologize. I would’ve done worse if I found out…” Her voice trailed off. 

“I’m sorry I ran off.” 

“Do not apologize.” She said sternly, “After you and Az are done come back to the River House. You can sleep at our house tonight. Guest bed is currently being made up.” 

She left your mind before you could respond. You breathed in the smell of Az. 

Azriel brought you back to Feyre and Rhysand’s home. Rhys had trouble with touch, but never with you. He brought you into his arms instantly. You tried not to let the tears surface again, but it was quite hard when a brotherly kiss was pressed against your head. 

“We got you, Y/N.” He whispered against the crown of your head.

Nuala and Cerridwen made you your favorite food. Which prompted you to start crying again. The twins looked so panicked that it almost made you laugh. Elain made your favorite cookies, which again kept the tears going.

“I don’t know why I’m crying over this.” You said helplessly, you managed to laugh during that. 

Feyre and Elain hugged you from both sides. 

You retired to the guest bedroom, you found a pile of fluffy blankets and your favorite candy. As well as a bouquet of your favorite flowers with Mor’s handwriting scrawled on the note. Amren left you a bottle of your favorite wine too. 

Eventually, after some more tears, there was a knock at your door. You called out for them to come in but saw Nyx. 

The little guy was walking even more, speaking full sentences. It’s insane to you that he grew so fast but it has been 5 years since he was born. 

“Go on like we practiced.” You heard Feyre encourage from behind the door frame. 

“Hi, Auntie.” The little guy mumbled. Holding a glass of water. “I have something for you.” 

“Yeah buddy?” You smiled despite the shitty day. Your nephew made everything better. 

Rhysand walked in behind him, as did Feyre. Rhysand lifted him up onto the bed while Feyre handed you a cup of hot chocolate. 

You were just glad Nyx wasn’t holding the hot drink. 

“Here’s some wata.” He said, his small hands handing you the glass. 

“Oh thank you.” You said earnestly and took a sip. You set it on the table. Then you laid back down and faced him. “Just what I needed.” You were genuine. 

“Auntie, are you sad?” Both Feyre and Rhys froze at their sons question. Clearly, he was going off script. 

You sniffed, “yeah, Nyxie. I’m really sad.” 

“I love you.” His eyes were so big, so genuine. You were going to cry for a whole new reason. 

“I love you more.” 

“Nuh uh.” He said, as a typical toddler wanting to argue no matter what. 

You huffed a laugh and opened your arms. “Come here.” 

He crawled into your arms with no hesitation. You were careful of his little baby wings as you held him close to you. 

You loved this kid. 

Feyre settled in behind you on the bed, Rhysand joined on the other side with his son. 

They held you as you drifted off into a dreamless sleep, hoping to see your sister one last time. 

————————

When it came to planning the funeral, you had to go out to your family’s cottage to help. You said you could go alone, but frankly, good luck telling Nesta and the Valkyries to stay behind when one of their own is in pain. 

So when you saddled up to your family with three warriors behind you, they were scared a bit to say the least. 

Emerie held your hand during the funeral discussion as Nesta watched the director to make sure she wasn’t insensitive to you. Gwyn stood guard behind you. They were protectors, they were not gonna leave one of their girls to deal with this alone.

Eventually, the funeral was planned. The rest of your chosen family came out and surprised you. You sent a notice to them of when the funeral was and told them they didn’t need to come because you knew how busy they were. 

When they showed up on your family’s doorstep to surprise you, you started crying again. 

——-

The day of the funeral, it was the entire inner circle crammed into the living room of the cottage of your mortal family’s living space.  

You felt bad cramming two males with wings into that small space, especially with so many other people. But Cassian and Azriel assured you that there’s nowhere else they would be. 

You slept sharing a flimsy mattress with Elain, since the other two sisters were with their mates. But Feyre and Rhys slept close. So did Nesta and Cassian. Both women facing your general direction. 

Azriel did not sleep. He wanted to be there in case you woke up in tears again. 

Amren slept sitting up against a wall, she wouldn’t admit it but she wanted an eye on you. She only trusted hers. 

Mor was curled on the other side of you. You were sandwiched between her and Elain. 

Emerie and Gwyn slept down by your guys’ legs. Emerie’s head on Mor’s thigh. Gwyn hugging Elain legs in her sleep. 

Azriel chose not to mention what happened when your dad came downstairs in the middle of the night to check on you. 

It was as if he wasn’t sure if you’d really be there. He just lost one daughter, he didn’t want to lose another. 

He nodded at Azriel who nodded back. Assuring him that you weren’t going anywhere. That you always had people watching out for you.  

As everyone got ready, it was a somber moment. Elain did your hair, Mor did your makeup, Amren set out your jewelry and Feyre handled your clothes. They didn’t want you doing anything. 

Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie let your nephew and niece play with their swords. It was the one thing they seemed interested in so they let them do it. 

Rhysand was currently trying to get your dad to accept a check from him and Feyre to pay for everything plus anything else your parents need during this time. Your father was refusing. Rhys spoke bluntly. “Your daughter is my family, please let me take care of her family.” 

Your dad didn’t. But Rhys hid the check in your dads night table. He felt yucky going into their room but did it to make sure they got the check. 

On the way to the funeral, Azriel had offered his arm for you to take, which you gratefully did. Rhysand got the door for you. Az led you in. The overprotective bat boys acted like your body guards, which you appreciated, however you couldn’t help but giggle a little bit at it. 

Nesta told you before the funeral to let her know if you wanted her to intervene to keep some relatives away. 

One of your (racist) aunts kept telling you how you’re responsible for your sister's kids. Then when she saw Azriel, Cassian, Rhysand, Amren and Emerie, she just stared. Before you could intervene, Elain and Gwyn stood in front of them. 

You almost wacked her so hard it was going to be a double funeral. You had prepared them before that some relatives were racist. They didn’t give a rat's ass. 

Oh and then everyone in your party including you were Fae. That also did not help. 

Hence why you lived in Velaris, away from all the bigotry.

During the service, Feyre sat on one side of you, Amren on the other side. Feyre clutched your hand and Amren even held out her hand for you. She always had a soft spot for you. Mor’s makeup didn’t last long throughout the service which is why she did bare minimum on your face. 

Afterwards, you left pretty soon after the service was done. You just had to leave the building. You guys went to a pub in your funeral attire. Azriel sat next to you and Nesta on the other side. Rhys refused to let you pay. But you knew he was trying to get you riled up. It was working. 

He was incredibly happy to see the fire return to your eyes. 

At that moment, with your family, you knew you were going to be okay. 

Just have to take every day one step at a time.

#acotar #acofas #acomaf #acowar #feysand #acotar x reader #nesta x reader #nesta x cassian #feysand x reader #azriel x reader #cassian x reader #elain x reader #emerie x reader #mor x reader #morrigan x reader #gwyn x reader

[cosmicdreamt]

"-Yeah. Let's just say that life finds way to keep you tangled for a while. Think we are do to meet up again now that I am free again." There was a tired tone to his voice. Relaxing after a long shift. Cassian had made it a point to give Neff a proper call. He never did hang with texting for too long. It had been some time he saw her in person. "Tell you what. You hungry? Gonna make a stop to bring some food before crashing at your place. Got room for something spontaneous, Neff?" There was an inviting tone that seeped through him. Relaxing he maybe. But what's the harm in a surprise call AND meetup? Had to keep the woman on her toes with him after all. (Cassian!)

Unprompted || @amalanexus feat. Cassian

Boy did she understand how easy it was to get caught up in things. There's always something going on - bills to pay, grocery shopping to be done, appointments to be made, work to be done. There was never actually nothing going on, was there? Just moments of peace between then and the next wave of things to do.

And she knew he was spontaneous but...

"Oh! you wanna come over?"

That was a surprise, even for him, not that it was a problem - she always had a spare guest room after all. She just wasn't expecting him to be willing to make his way over so quickly.

"You don't wanna rest up a bit first? Seems like a lot just to come see me."

She knows she'd need at least a few days of recovery before she felt like being social, but that's also why she was the introvert attracting so many extroverts in her life.

"Well....I suppose you'll be resting up at some point anyway. We both know I'm planning on taking it easy since it's the weekend. I guess a snack and some company wouldn't hurt."

#⋡☆《asks》—tarot readings #⋡☆《ic》—dreamcatcher #⋡☆《main》—enter the dreamscape #amalanexus

[safirefire]

#at this point he’s gonna take the next person he likes to meet cassian before proposing to test them #I don’t even like eris this is just so funny #acotar #acosf #acosf spoilers #eris #cassian #nesta #mor #nessian #source: phineas and ferb #safirefire

[unhealthyfanobsession]

Another jealous!Cassian please! 🙏 Modern Au. Nesta is secretly getting sparring lessons to impress a certain Illyrian (maybe from Balthazar?). Cassian owns the gym. This exchange: "Nesta, please tell Cassian not to fire me. He's getting suspicious." --"what makes you think that?". "Ummm maybe because at this morning's meeting he told everyone there's no sex allowed in the training ring???" 🔥🔥🔥

Oh anon this took a truly delicious turn that I personally am obsessed with so I hope you like it too!!!

That stupid, arrogant, prick! It was this monologue that got Nesta out of bed every morning lately. The reminder that her boyfriend was a stupid, arrogant, prick.

Protect her, please! Protect her?! Nesta Archeron? As if she was some little kitten and not a lioness with claws. Long claws. Sharp claws. Claws that she was going to dig into his fucking neck after another few lessons.

Maybe some people would have found it cute. Would have smiled and curled into their boyfriend’s big strong chest when they made the comment Cassian had.

A little over a month ago Nesta had tried to convince Cassian to skip a workout and stay in bed with her all day. And he- the stupid, arrogant, prick- said that he had to stay big and strong so he could protect her.

HAH!

Sure, waking up at 5am to train with Bal every morning so she could sneak out of the Judo gym that Cassian owned before it opened had been tiring, but man would it be worth it the next time he pulled that macho shit on her and she just flipped him right onto his admittedly very muscled back.

“You have to tell Cassian we’re doing this. He’s going to fire me.” Balthazar wasn’t in his gi. He was wearing sweatpants and a too-tight T shirt. Which pissed Nesta off because she assumed it meant they wouldn’t be having a lesson that morning. And here she was, stretched out and suited up at the ass crack of Dawn on a Saturday.

“What? Why would you say that?”

“Oh I don’t know, maybe because at the meeting before the gym closed last night he told everyone that the training ring wasn’t for having sex in before the gym opened. He was fucking pissed and I don’t think he’d be any less pissed if he found out it was his girlfriend I was sneaking in here every morning. It was a fun idea but it has to stop.”

“Ugh,” Nesta grumbled. “I’ll deal with this. Go.”

So she sat down on the middle of the training ring. Stripped off her gi and sat there in bike shorts and a sports bra until her bear of a boyfriend walked in the front door with a stupid, cocky, knowing smile on his face.

“How long have you known?” She glared daggers at him.

Cassian laughed, jumping into the ring with her. “Nesta Archeron wakes up before 10am on a Saturday? Less than a week after I offer to be her big strong protector?”

“You set me up!” She accused.

“I’ve been trying to get you to train with me for a year. Drastic measures had to be taken, my love.”

Nesta rolled her eyes. “You didn’t have to terrify Balthazar like that.”

“No,” Cassian admitted. “I didn’t, but it was just so fun.”

“He thinks you’re in a jealous rage.”

“Maybe I am,” Cassian smirked, moving closer to Nesta, slipping his hands around her waist and running his calloused thumb across the bare strip of skin between the bottom of her sports bra and the top of her shorts. “Maybe I’m so jealous I’m going to challenge him to a duel for your hand.”

Nesta scoffed, grabbing his wrist how Bal showed her and twisting backwards. When that was done, she hooked a heel behind the soft spot at the back of his knees and used her angle to wretch backward. Cassian stumbled and fell to his knees, but it wasn’t the full take down she was hoping for. “I’ll fight for my own hand, thank you very much.”

“Challenge accepted,” Cassian grinned, reaching up to grab her forearm and set his other hand on her thigh, pulling down so that she fell hard on her side.

“Ow! That’s illegal!” Nesta sat back up.

“You aren’t wearing a Judogi. Everything is illegal.”

“Fine.” Nesta talked across the room and grabbed her gi. Muttering and swearing under her breath the whole time she put it on.

They bowed, half mockingly, but even in this petty match, Nesta knew Cassian would never ignore one of the fundamental components of the martial art he loved so much.

Nesta gripped Cassian’s jacket. He gripped hers. The initial struggle lasted long enough, and Nesta held her own well enough, that Cassian gave her an approving nod.

“Good, Nes. He taught you well.”

“Well enough to beat you!” She pulled back hard, attempting a throw that had taken Balthazar down, but Cassian was bigger. Quicker. Steadier.

“He can’t even beat me,” Cassian smirked, easily grappling and kicking one leg out from under her so that she landed flat on her back and was completely pressed under him. “So I don’t see how he could teach you to. You’ll have to train with me if you want to win, love.”

Nesta growled, kicking her leg out. Cassian caught it quickly. “TIMER!” He yelled and a very smug looking Azriel appeared out of absolutely fucking nowhere like the weirdo shadow boy he was.

Nesta knew he was watching the clock until Cassian had held her down for twenty seconds, achieving Ipoon and winning the match.

Nesta flailed and used every move Bal had taught her to slip out of a hold, but it was no use.

“Sorry Nes, I’d normally let you win since you actually are doing really well,” condescending prick. “But the stakes are just too high here.”

Stakes? What stakes?

“Twenty!” Azriel called out. Cassian grinned, pressed a kiss to Nesta’s temple, and let her up.

“Thanks brother.” Cassian walked over and took something small and square out of Azriel’s hand.

“Cassian what are you-“

“Now now Nes, don’t be a sore loser. You agreed to this.”

“Agreed to what?” Nesta turned to glare at Azriel who raised his hands in mock surrender as if to say you’re the one dating the crazy man don’t look at me.

“We were dueling for your hand, remember?” He grinned and Nesta almost fell backwards as he dropped onto one knee and popped open the box he’d taken from Azriel. “And I won.”

Nesta stared. Stared down at the ring. THE ring. The one she’d sent Gwyn months ago. How long had this bastard been planning this!

“I love you,” Cassian said. “Nesta Archeron I love everything about you. I love how pissed off you get when I offer to protect you. I love your glares every bit as much as your smiles. I love that right now I am on one knee, proposing to you, and you’re still just pissed off that I beat you and thinking that you will pin me one day too,” he smirked, “to the Judo mat, but I’m not going to train you unless you marry me so you’ll never get that satisfaction unless you say yes.”

Nesta paused for a minute. A smile tugging on her lips. “Well I guess I don’t have a choice, then.”

“No,” Cassian slipped the ring onto her finger and stood up as quickly as he could to wrap Nesta in his arms and kiss her, “you don’t.”

“Hey Cass?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” she murmured against his lips. “And I’m gonna kick your ass.” Nesta grabbed his jacket, pushing on his knee instead of pulling this time, and he went right down. Point to Nesta. Just how she like it.

#nessian #drabbles open #nesta archeron #acosf #nessian fanfiction #cassian #nesta and cassian #a court of thorns and roses #sarah j maas #a court of silver flames #a court of mist and fury #acotar #azriel #balthazar

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twenty

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: sorry for the wait yall this month really kicked my ass,, but also we reached part 20!!

tw infertility discussion

***

Gwyn: isn’t he beautiful <3

In the freezing February air outside the tea house, Nesta clicks on the picture attached to Gwyn’s text. It’s a distant shot of a man in his mid-thirties hunched over a library desk while working, unaware that there’s a camera on him. She’ll give it to Gwyn, though—he is a little handsome.

Emerie: the stalker levels are through the roof, gwyneth. seek help.

Gwyn: no i’m gonna marry him

Nesta doesn’t know whether to laugh or be concerned, but she types out a brief response before her thumbs fall off from the cold: Will give my opinion on him later. Got to go.

Gwyn’s crush will have to wait, Nesta thinks as she finally puts her phone away and pushes her way inside the exquisite tea house. Immediately, blasting heat thaws her frozen fingers and toes, and farther inside she spots the table she reserved for three. Right now, only one person sits at it.

Nesta grits her teeth and approaches the round table, heels clicking softly on the parquet floors. Elain doesn’t look up from the menu she’s reading. “This place would be nicer to visit in the spring,” is her only acknowledgment of Nesta.

“I like the winter,” Nesta answers simply, taking her seat across from Elain. She likes how the ice creeps over the garden outside until everything looks frozen in time, and she likes how the colorful flowers and trees become dulled by white snow. Not that her sister would understand or care.

“Of course you do,” Elain mutters, setting down the menu with all the careful elegance of a debutante. “I’m only here for Feyre, anyway.”

It almost saddens Nesta that she doesn’t feel hurt or offense at the words. She thought she would care more about Elain’s opinion than she actually does. “Where is Feyre, then?” she says, looking pointedly at the empty seat between them. “I thought she was coming with you.”

“I’m right here,” a breathless voice says, accompanied by the sound of hurried footsteps. Feyre appears, looking flushed from exertion and the cold. She sets her bag down and joins them at the table, scooting her seat all the way in. ��Sorry I’m late. What did I miss?”

“Nothing,” Nesta bites. “I was just about to order.”

“So was I.” Elain smiles breezily.

Feyre glances between the two of them, clear concern on her face, but she covers it up and says, “I’m so glad we’re doing this.”

It was Feyre’s idea, of course. After Nesta told her off for never being interested in what she wanted to do, Feyre actually listened. She asked if Nesta wanted to hang out, and then let Nesta fill in the rest of the details on her own terms.

Which brings them to the tea house. Unfortunately for her sisters, however, Nesta doesn’t really know where to go from ordering tea and biscuits.

“How is school going?” Feyre asks her after their drinks arrive.

Nesta sips from her tea, already bored. “It’s been fifteen minutes and you have yet to say anything of substance, Feyre. It makes me miss being alone with Elain and her mood.”

Feyre looks taken aback, and Elain levels a glare at Nesta. An unsurprised, of course you have to ruin everything like this glare.

So Nesta clarifies, “That wasn’t an attack. I just hoped that after driving out here, I would get something better than shallow small talk.”

“And how do you know it was shallow?” Elain steps in harshly. “How do you know she isn’t actually interested in how you’re doing at school?”

Nesta slides blunt blue eyes to Feyre. “If that’s the case, then I commend you. Personally, I wouldn’t give a shit if I was in your position.”

To her surprise, Feyre snorts. She looks resigned when she says, “No, you’re right. I don’t care about what’s going on at school, not if you don’t. What would you rather we talk about then, Nesta?”

Without hesitation, Nesta says, “Ask me something you really care to hear the answer to.”

Elain shuts her mouth and sits back at that. Feyre twists her lips, thinking her next words over carefully. “How is your therapy going?” she finally asks in a cautious tone. “What do you talk about there?”

Remembering that she’s in a formal setting, Nesta stops herself from crossing her arms. She settles on wrapping her fingers delicately around her teacup instead. “We talk about whatever I feel like talking about,” she answers honestly. Although lately her conversations with Lana feel more restrained than usual.

“And what’s that?” Feyre urges.

Nesta shrugs, fitting apathy onto her face like an old mask. “Recently? Childbearing.” But it isn’t her favorite topic of discussion, not at all.

“You’re pregnant?” Elain jumps in, leading Nesta to throw her an unamused look.

“No, idiot,” she says. “My therapist just has the idea that if I end up being infertile it’ll screw me up, mentally and emotionally and whatever. She thinks I should deal with that baggage now instead of saving it for later.” She rolls her eyes thinking about it. How many times does she have to repeat that she doesn’t care about her body’s reproductive abilities until Lana gets it?

Feyre chuckles, confused. “Why would you be infertile?”

Nesta forgot—she didn’t want her sisters knowing anything that has to do with her health. She even made Cassian keep her doctor visits secret from Feyre. But that was months ago, and the sisters are… not exactly in a better place now, but looking for the way there. Nesta thinks she can tell them without any severe regrets. “I have endometriosis.”

When she’s met with silence, she adds, “You know, with the tissue growing on my ovaries and stuff. It might affect all the babies I don’t care to have in the future.”

Elain is the first to speak. “You always wanted to be a mother.” Her voice is soft, almost mourning. It irritates the hell out of Nesta.

“No, I didn’t,” she snaps back.

“You did,” Elain insists. Feyre still hasn’t said anything. “You took care of our cat, Mittens, until the day she died. You taught Feyre her alphabet. You raised me when Mama and Papa were too busy to do it. You never carried dolls around in strollers or anything, but you loved being a mother.”

“I don’t remember any of this,” Feyre says, blinking. “I’m sorry, can we go back to the endometriosis part?”

Nesta sips from her tea, the bitter taste a welcome distraction from Elain’s words. “What about it?”

“How long have you known?” Feyre demands.

“It isn’t cancer. And I’m getting treated, obviously. I’m fine.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Nesta sighs, setting her cup down. “October. Cassian made me go to the doctor because he was worried about my periods, we had a big fight about health insurance, and now I use my salary from your boyfriend to afford medication so I don’t feel like dying every month. Is that everything you wanted to hear?”

Feyre only stares at her, for once revealing no emotion. “I keep forgetting,” she says finally, “that we’re not at a place to share things like that with each other. I keep being surprised every time I realize how much of your life you keep from us.”

“I don’t,” Elain huffs under her breath while she tears a croissant in half.

Nesta is still watching Feyre. “You remember how bad my cycles were? I would cry loud enough at night to wake the house.”

Feyre flinches at the memory, and Elain goes still.

“But no one ever woke up,” Nesta says. They never talked about it before, and she has no desire to keep speaking about it now. If they start to tally all the hurts they’ve dealt to each other, Nesta fears they’ll be here for hours. Worse, she fears she will lose.

She reaches for a lavender macaron and delicately pulls it apart, studying the cream filling inside. “Did you know they make these using the lavender flowers from the garden outside?”

“I hate lavender,” Elain says.

Spying her chance to shift the subject off herself, Nesta goes for it. “Because Azriel smells like lavender?” She pushes one half of the dainty cookie past her lips, chewing. “It’s an interesting cologne choice, I agree.”

“Wait, what are we talking about now?” Feyre looks around, unaware that they’ve moved onto another topic.

Elain’s innocent brown eyes turn into daggers pointed at Nesta, betrayal written across her face. Nesta feels no pity for her—especially not if they’re going to sit around judging each other for keeping secrets.

Feyre’s eyes widen and she turns to Elain. “Is it about your,” she lowers her voice and whispers, “crush?”

Nesta raises a skeptical brow. She doubts whatever Az and Elain have stops at just a crush.

“No, it’s not,” Elain answers determinedly. “God, do you have to bring men into everything, Nesta?”

“I think you’re projecting.”

“Quit it,” Feyre snaps at the both of them. “Or I’ll grab my things and leave.”

Do it, Nesta almost dares. But she has a feeling that Feyre means it, that she won’t submit to being taunted, so Nesta reins the words back from the tip of her tongue. After all, this tea is expensive.

The sisters take a moment to settle, and Feyre is the one to restart the conversation. “Either way,” she tells Nesta, “it looks like counseling is going really well for you. I’m glad.”

“Yeah, it really gives your skin a certain glow,” Elain drawls.

Nesta doesn’t rise to meet her sarcasm. In all seriousness, Elain and Feyre could probably use a therapist themselves. It might make Nesta’s interactions with them less headache-inducing.

“You should visit one day,” she throws the suggestion out without thinking.

“What, like a therapy session?” Feyre says.

Realizing the implications of her terrible idea, Nesta forces herself not to backpedal. “Yes,” she makes herself grit out. “If you’re interested, that is.”

Elain and Feyre share a glance of hesitation and concern. It’s a glance that grates on Nesta’s nerves, but she keeps her mouth shut and waits for a response.

Feyre answers first: “We’ll do it.”

Elain looks more doubtful, but seems to realize that refusing to go would paint her in a negative light. We can’t have that, can we? Nesta thinks wryly. She reaches for some macarons and starts stuffing them into her purse. “Sounds good. Great.” It is not at all great. Having her sisters in the same room as her and Lana might just be terrible enough to ruin Nesta’s next month or two.

“I’ll text you the details whenever I feel like it,” she tells Feyre and Elain as she rises out of her seat. Likely not for as long as possible.

“Where are you going?” Elain demands.

“I’m leaving.” Nesta pointedly drapes her coat over her shoulders, picking up her purse. “I have plans for the rest of the day, sorry.” Plans to get home and rate Gwyn’s work crush on a scale of one to ten. Maybe she’ll rewatch a sitcom if she has time.

“But it’s only been an hour,” Feyre protests.

Did Feyre think they would be spending the whole day together? Nesta wants to shudder at the mere idea of it, but she somehow… feels bad for her sister. “Maybe another time,” she promises vaguely. To provide some sort of reassurance, she adds, “I had fun today. Thanks for pulling this together.” The words are hollow, fake, and she’s probably a hypocrite for not being able to return the same sincerity she demanded from Feyre. But honesty isn’t going to get Nesta very far today, so this false politeness is the best she can manage.

Elain looks somewhat relieved, and Feyre looks disappointed but unsurprised. “Alright.” The girls nod at her. “Get home safe.”

She turns and leaves as soon as she’s given the green light.

A stale scent greets Nesta when she enters her apartment, reminding her that she hasn’t been around in days. In her defense, the winter months are easier to bear in Cassian’s heated cabin than in a poorly insulated basement.

Flicking the lights on, Nesta books it to the thermostat, her teeth nearly chattering out of her body. After turning the heat as high as it can go, she climbs beneath the covers of her bed without bothering to take her coat off. She doesn’t take out her phone to text the groupchat like she promised she would. She doesn’t even get her laptop to turn Netflix on. Rather, her focus is caught on the framed picture of her and Cassian sitting atop the dresser.

Everything was okay as she stepped out of the tea house. It wasn’t until she was inside her car that it came upon her: the whirlwind of emotions that had stayed so carefully hidden while she chatted with her sisters. All throughout the drive home, her mind kept returning to that one topic. Children.

Elain said that Nesta used to genuinely enjoy playing substitute mother when they were children, and she was right. But that was all fun and games, like playing teacher. What Elain left out was what happened after their actual mother died and their father went into debt, leaving all three girls in need of a parent figure. Nesta wasn’t a mother then—or at least, not a good one.

Now, she stares at the picture full of smiley cheeks and windblown hair, remembering the night that she realized she wanted to hold Cassian’s hand in hers.

She can’t imagine Cassian not wanting kids. They’ve never discussed it, but it’s so obvious to anyone who’s ever met him: he has too much love to give away to not one day end up with a whole brood of children. The thought makes Nesta’s stomach churn.

***

“Thanks again, guys.” Cassian shakes hands with his team as they file out of the conference room, all of them dressed professionally while he lingers in his hoodie. As soon as the last worker is out the door, he pulls out his phone, ready to shoot Nesta a message. She met up with her sisters alone today for the first time in a year, and he can’t wait any longer to find out if their brunch ended in a fight or not.

He clicks on his phone to find two texts from his brother, sent not too long ago.

Rhys: You’re in the office today for the monthly check-in, right?

Rhys: Don’t leave after the meeting is over. I’ll be there in an hour to introduce you to the new guy heading the Milan project.

Cassian frowns, confused. Rhys and the new guy are coming all the way up here to meet him? He didn’t know he was that important to the project.

While he waits for his unexpected guests, Cassian texts Nesta twice, and only receives a single short response saying she got home safe. Resolving to call and have a real conversation with her later, he gets up to change into the spare buttondown and pressed slacks he keeps in a locker in his office. If Rhys wants him to play the part of company boss, then he might as well look the part.

He’s adjusting the cuffs of his dark-colored shirt when the door to his office opens without warning, and Rhysand strides in followed by a stiff-looking young man.

Cassian eyes the stranger up and down first, trying to get a read on him the way he’s seen Nesta and Rhys read others. He doesn’t come up with a single thing, as usual, but he hopes he achieved his goal of looking intimidating.

“Cass,” Rhys greets him with a subdued nod, in full CEO mode. “This is our new hire, Keith O’Connell. I snagged him from right under Vanserra & Co.’s noses.” His near-violet eyes gleam with pride. “He’s going to be working out of Milan for us starting this summer.”

“Sounds good to me.” Cassian smiles lazily, and this is something he doesn’t need to fake—confidence. He reaches out to shake Keith’s hand. “Hi. I’m Cassian Madani.”

“Good to meet you.” The other man shakes back, but his grip is too tight, like he’s trying to break Cassian’s hand. Try-hard, a voice that sounds like Nesta tells him. Uses arrogance to cover up his insecurity.

Cassian takes it all into account as he pulls his hand away, seeing Keith through clearer eyes. His dark brown hair is slicked back with copious amounts of hair product, and a shrewd black gaze takes in every detail of the office. He stands like he’s attempting to seem taller than he actually is.

A typical white-collar worker looking for a way up the corporate ladder, Cassian concludes. Nothing he hasn’t seen before, but there must be a reason Rhys is so excited about him.

“Keith is starting here at your branch next week,” Rhys is saying when Cassian refocuses.

He blinks, unsure if he heard correctly. “What, all the way out here?” Away from Velaris in this modest mountain town?

“We agreed it was best if you two work together as closely as possible while preparing for the summer launch. Since you can’t come to Velaris, that means Keith comes here.”

Cassian looks at Rhys in astonishment. He thought that once he rejected the Milan position, he’d cleaned his hands of the job for good. Clearly he was wrong. “Just how involved am I going to be on this project?”

Rhys grins back at him. “You’ll lead from home base, of course.”

Cassian glares. Rhys responds with a look that says they’ll talk about this later.

Keith seems to find the idea of working alongside another person as distasteful as Cassian finds it unexpected, but he says anyway, “I can’t wait to start working together. I have a lot of ideas for the Italian outpost that I think you’ll appreciate.”

“I’m sure I will,” Cassian hums. “When do you start again?”

“Next Monday.”

“Then we should talk then.” Cassian gestures out the door. Keith looks taken aback, likely having expected more out of this meeting. But Cassian can’t meet with this guy until he gets a hold of what the fuck is going on. After shepherding Keith out of the office and shutting the door after him, he turns to Rhys with a raised brow.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Rhys warns. “Your role in this project is serious.”

“This project isn’t even part of my job description. What am I supposed to know about international business conductions?”

“You know enough to keep an eye on that O’Connell kid for me.” Rhys leans against Cassian’s desk as if it’s his own and crosses his feet. “He’s an asset to the company, but he also worked for our competitors up to a couple of months ago. I can’t trust him to manage this thing on his own, and I don’t have the time or resources right now to watch over him myself. That’s why the duty falls to you.”

“I manage security,” Cassian states, in case it wasn’t obvious. “What about Az?”

“Az has his own things to handle.” Rhys waves him off. “Just do what I tell you to, will you? Pay attention to O’Connell for the duration of the Italy venture and make sure he doesn’t steer our ship off course. You’ll get paid triple for the extra hours.”

“I don’t need triple,” Cassian grumbles, but Rhys is no longer listening. He’s typing on his phone and already heading for the door.

“Feyre and I are having dinner here before heading back home,” he calls over his shoulder. “See you later; I believe in you!” The door shuts after him, leaving Cassian alone.

“Yeah, yeah,” he replies to the empty room.

Cassian leaves not long after Rhysand does, having no excuse to linger. Outside, he’s greeted with a surprise leaning against the hood of his truck.

Nesta pushes off the hood as soon as he catches notice of her. “Long day?” she asks.

He laughs for the first time all afternoon, the sound surprised and genuine. “I was just thinking about you.”

“That’s why I’m here. I heard your thoughts.” There’s a light in her pale eyes that only burns whenever she looks at him. It’s the same light that powers her ability to make jokes and let her guard down around him in a way she can’t with most others, and Cassian is especially grateful for it today.

Nesta reaches out and takes his hand into hers. He watches the way their palms fit together in endless fascination, his brown fingers a stark contrast against her white ones. He squeezes once and looks back up at her. “How did meeting your sisters go? You never told me.”

The light flickers so briefly Cassian wonders if it’s a trick of his eyes. But then Nesta is there again, at full brightness. She squeezes his hand back. “Take me home. I’ll tell you all about it.”

***

a/n: i love writing stuff related to cassian’s job i’ll just be throwing random words in there and calling it business jargon

tagging: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @frosted-crackers @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog

#a favor #ncssianwrites #nesta archeron #nessian #cassian #nessian fic #nessian au

[aelingalathyniusrailme]

I am so fucking sick of the “just say you hate elain and go” argument . Like I know I shouldn’t let it get to me but whenever I see people comment that on legit thought out theories it makes me so angry - like e/riel want absolutely no growth or character development for elain outside her relationship with az... yet for some reason we are the misogynistic ones??? These people have wrapped their whole personality up in this one single ship and it’s exhausting to witness like aren’t they tired???

(this got really long and went in a completely different direction but I think it’s kind of entertaining so)

i’m with you babe. elriel, putting it nicely, sucks. elriel stans are a whole other level of awful. i’m pretty sure they are some of the most hypocritical people I have ever come across and that’s saying something.

im gonna say there is not one theory about elain, from them ofc, that doesn’t involve azriel. I mean anyone with half a brain can see how these two would destroy each other.

basically their relationship would go:

get together, sex and honeymoon phase,

wedding

oh what’s that uh oh looks like trouble in paradise, elain suffocating, azriel’s self hatred sky rocketing

resentment.

lucien and gwyn are laughing from the sideline, look at these two idiots and what they could of had instead they’re miserable.

but because azriel thinks he should be happy and elain has no balls they’ll stay together until ultimately the ic has an intervention. but bc they are stubborn as fuck they will convince the ic they are fine.

then elain goes out because she has to get away from azriel. where does she find herself. a bar. who else is at said bar. lucien. it takes elain 3 shots before she goes up to him. he’s also a little tipsy but no where near as bad as she is. he’s a little hesitant of her but they end up having an amazing night and elain is smiling for the first time in like years.

she finds herself going out more and more. and she and lucien are hanging out all the time now. it’s been a few months and elains like shit he’s hot.

boom. hook up and some hot ex mate sex.

it’s the next morning elains like shit shouldn’t have done that, but then why did it feel so good

now on azriels side it doesn’t even occur to him that something could be going on with elain. he feels so much more relaxed now that she’s gone so often.

azriels at the house of wind hanging with nesta and cassian. feyre winnows in and azriel feels a strange pull and who does he see?!?

holy shit it’s gwyn. he hasn’t seen her in years and she looks absolutely radiant.

she’s been gone training females to become valkyries. her eyes are clearer and she has her broad smile but it seems easier.

their gazes lock and azriel feels a bolt of electricity go through him. he ignores it like an idiot and goes home

he and elain had another fight, he’s pissed and needs to work off his anger.

azriel goes to train at the house of wind and who does he see. that’s right gwyn. she’s like we have got to stop meeting like this. and for the first time in years azriel smiles.

gwyn would never admit it but when azriel and elain got married she felt this sudden urge to leave. she didn’t know why but she followed it and it took her all over the pyrithian, the other countries even the human lands.

but now she’s back and only plans to stay for a month. uh oh. rom-com much

suddenly they are having a conversation, azriel points out the constellations and they end up lying next to each other looking at the stars. you guessed it they fell asleep.

cough and woke up cuddling cough

but bestie vibes only right 😏

over the next month they are hanging with each other non stop. for the first time in so long azriel is having fun and looking forward to the next day.

but not tomorrow because gwyn is leaving. oh shit. what will happen to our favorite pyrithian love square

the day before gwyn leaves elain and az both say to each other “i’ve got something to tell you” but elain goes first and she says “I want a divorce” and azriel is stunned but she’s not done “i’m sorry but i’m in love with lucien” azriel expects to feel jealous but instead he feels light and he goes “i’m in love with gwyn”

oh my goodness gracious. and they both smile because they want the other to be happy. and so az says go get your read head and elain says go get yours.

love confessions. mating bonds. happiness everywhere. and yes hot fucking sex

they both end up with their respective redheads and all is right in the world. the end.

gwynriel and elucien are inevitable and elriel is just an obstacle in the way.

#gwynriel #elucien #azriel #elain #gwyn #lucien #acosf #I got a little carried away

[musicallibrarian93]

Inside Azriel’s mind (moriel/elriel/gwynriel)

Okay so I know this is a hot topic atm, and tbh I can see it going either way. However, I think I’m more partial to Gwyn right now and like all the fics I’m writing atm are Gwynriel supporting, but like I said it could go either way. 

Anyway I kind of wanted to get into Azriel’s head a little bit, so here is my analysis. 

Azriel had an awful childhood, didn’t believe he was worth anything. Gets taken in by one of his mothers friends and slowly starts to build up some kind of family. 

He meets an extremely kind and beautiful girl (That’s Mor btw) and he’s besotted with her, as anyone who has met Morrigan would feel, and possibly around the time he was plucking up the courage to say something and perhaps start to feel like he was worth more. Mor decides that it’s Cassian who she wants to sleep with. 

Now, regardless if you think what Mor did was right or wrong (btw she’d entitled to do whatever she wants, and I personally think she chose Cassian more out of panic and wanting to get out of her predicament rather than to hurt Azriel) it still hurt him. He was bound to take it personally, no matter the intention behind it, and I think this is where a large part of his feeling of worthlessness comes from. 

We get told Azriel has been pining for Mor for 500 years. I think this is BS. I believe he loves her and she’s family to him but he’s more in love with the idea of family and relationship, which Mor and the rest of the IC represent to him. However, Azriel being Azriel and not confronting his feelings may just take it at face value and think he’s in love with her (Idk this is a grey area). 

In addition, Azriel is a freaking Shadowsinger, he knows to some extent that Mor is/ has been involved with females. He would respect her privacy and never out her, but he knows for sure that she’s attracted to females. Mor herself says in ACOWAR, that it confuses Azriel when she sleeps with males. Why would it confuse him if he thought she exclusively liked males?

In terms of Azriel’s pining for Mor, it’s split into two possible paths. 1) I think an element of Azriel’s self-loathing could be that Mor has kept this secret from him? Like maybe he feels like because Mor doesn’t want to share that with him yet, that she views there relationship in a different way than he does. Or 2) (which I find more likely) He’s protecting Mor’s secret from everyone else? So when he beats up Eris at the High Lord’s meeting, maybe that’s his way of saying, ‘I stand with you/ will support you no matter what’ - but it’s coming across as romantic feelings because apparently being territorial is the only way an Illyrian can show they care. 

Anyway, Elain comes along. We know she’s described as the most beautiful Archeron and we know that the two have numerous moments where they are fascinated by one another. That scene where he realises she’s a Seer. Gorgeous. When he gives her Truthteller. Stunning. Arguably there is some kind of connection between them. I believe during ACOWAR is when Azriel starts to see Elain in same way he's been seeing Mor, or at least thought he’d been seeing her. Here is this misunderstood, lost soul that he gets on with really well, and it’s the first time he saw a future with anyone. He’d been telling himself it was Mor but maybe this whole time it was supposed to be Elain? 

Az sees a very strange situation arising. Rhys and Feyre are mates. Nesta and Cassian are mates (You cannot tell me Azriel didn’t know about this way before ACOSF). But Elain is mated to Lucien. That doesn’t fit the pattern. He says himself that he doesn’t understand how that turned out. Thinks the Cauldron got it wrong. And I think a lot of his attraction for Elain stems from a ‘this is what was supposed to happen’.

Then we meet Gwyn. Glorious Gwyn. Their history is so interesting. We know that he’s the first one to show up at the temple and they talk about in ACOSF how Azriel just killed all the Hybern soldiers. Which was strange because he normally brings them back for questioning. I’ve already seen theories about this being the mating bond and I would not be surprised. We know that when Rhys’s parents met, his father misted the men who were handling her so it’s not unlikely. But Azriel at this point is a little lost. His brother has just returned after 49 years, he doesn’t know if war is coming, he’s apparently pining for Mor and everything is up in the air. So I think anything he might have felt (i.e. the pull of a mating bond) would have been pushed deep down. Rhys talks about how he’s seen Cassian throw up after killing someone but that it doesn’t seem to affect Az in the same way, therefore Azriel is good at pushing down his feelings. Shocking I know. So upon seeing Gwyn for the first time he doesn’t even register what she might mean to him. 

Fast forward to ACOSF and Gwyn sees Azriel in the training ring. Cassian notes that she stiffened, perhaps because it’s the first time in 2 years she’s seen the male who killed a room full of soldiers who were attacking and abusing her (this is more likely) or maybe she feels something too (I think it’s possible and I wouldn’t put it past SJM to be like -that was a clue- but it seems tacky and dismissive of her trauma) 

Azriel sees Gwyn grow and train. And I think there’s a part of him that’s like ‘damn this girl is cool’. And we all know what happens on solstice. With Elain and Azriel, I really would have loved it if we saw that kiss but I can’t shake the feeling that at this point they’re both just a little bit upset that all their friends are in relationships and they’re not. I know there’s more to their relationship than that and that Azriel can’t bear the scent of her mating bond but I think they’re both quite lonely at this point. 

Having said that I don’t think anyone acted wrongly on solstice. Regardless if Elain has strong feelings for Azriel she is well within her rights to kiss him and at this point Azriel isn’t flirting with Gwyn, his obsessive pining for Mor seems to have gone so he’s well within his rights too. And Azriel is damn hot. Good on them. Rhys also isn’t in the wrong, I made another Tumblr post explaining this :).

Azriel was hung up on Mor, Elain helped him see a different future. Or that a different future was possible so when Rhys forbids it, Azriel has found himself unattached, I guess, for the first time since he was 18. I don’t want to dismiss his feelings for Elain and say that he only used her but I think she was instrumental in making him realise what else he deserved. 

Azriel and Gwyn then flirt and Idk about you but that must have felt quite thrilling to him. Unashamedly flirting with someone, not worrying what someone else might think. Anyway the next morning Elain gives him back the necklace, whether she saying ‘I shouldn't be doing this’ or ‘I don’t want to do this’, it’s clear that for whatever reason she wants to forget what happened. And Azriel intends to return it but decides to give it to Gwyn. Now I know this is gonna cause tension somewhere but like I don’t completely hate him for this because he doesn't give it romantically, If anything him giving it to her triggers the romantic thoughts, and he gives it anonymously. 

We know that Gwyn and Azriel get closer after solstice, all the little. flirty bits with the ribbon. Ugh so cute. And we don’t know anything about Elain and Azriel’s relationship during those 3 months leading up to the Rite so for all we know they’re just getting on like they did before. But I think Azriel is enjoying flirting and being close to Gwyn. It’s a easy-going relationship so far without heavy demands and questions of fate, it’s just pretty normal. Yes they have a history to work through but we don’t know if they’ve confronted that between them. (BTW I would like to have a full version of ACOSF from Azriel’s perspective cool ) But I think regardless if Gwyn and Az are mates, they’ve found people they can just be themselves around and that’s kinda beautiful. 

In summation, Azriel is a complex individual. It might be that he doesn’t end up with either Elain or Gwyn, although I find it unlikely because the bonus chapter sets that up for some kind of love triangle. But I hope I made sense, I know it’s like word vomit but oh well :) I love Gwyn and Elain and I do not want them fighting over a male. That’s tacky and they’re both better than that. Personally I would love see Elain go on her own journey and heal and find her indepence. (I’m gonna make a post about this). But yeah I just want them all to be happy :) 

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #acosf #azrie #azriel #shadowsinger #spymaster #elain #elriel #seer #gwyn #gwyneth berdara #gwynriel #mor #moriel #truthteller #nesta #cassian #nessian #rhysand #feyre #feysand #high lord #high lady #sarahjmaas #head canon #Velaris #sjm #lucien

[spaceshipkat]

part 4 of my ac0sf recap will cover chapters 61 - 80 (the end)

part 1 covering the intro - chapter 20 can be found here

part 2 covering chapters 21 - 40 can be found here

part 3 covering chapters 41 - 60 can be found here

chapter 61: one test remains, one Nesta gave herself, so she runs down the 10,000 steps. Nesta and Cassian are either fucking or “lovemaking” and they alternate bedrooms. she gets down to the bottom step and opens the door, but she feels herself drawn back into the house, not into the city. a Starfall party is gonna happen in the house that night. Cassian is waiting for her at the top of the stairs dressed in his “courtly finery” and they kiss. he tells her the party already started but is “nearing its peak”. Nesta watches the stars fall and cries from the beauty of it. Viviane is pregnant. Nesta laughs and Amren says it’s not a sound she ever expected to hear from her. Nesta falls to one knee, bows her head, and tells Amren she’s sorry and Amren is surprised. Nesta says more and finishes with “losing your friendship is a loss I can’t endure” and Amren smiles, and tells Nesta that Nesta made the house sing with happiness, and it turns out Nesta Made the house. here’s the caption and ending of the chapter. 

chapter 62: spring arrives. they’ve gone months without an attack from Briallyn, but Cassian warns that most armies don’t attack in winter. a “rare red star” (that we know is alien from k0a) shoots across the sky and riceman seems “unusually contemplative” in the aftermath. faerug is two months from giving birth. Cassian and Azriel continue to train Nesta and co as a unit, and she wonders if she’ll ever actually face combat. the Blood Rite is only a few days away. Eris sends a letter to Cassian and Nesta that they need to meet. they find him in a forest clearing in the Middle, though Nesta is distracted by the mountain aka the UtM mountain. Eris asks if she’s ever seen it and she says no. they talk about the three mountains (Ramiel, the UtM mountain, and the one that holds the Prison) and Eris says why no one ever wondered if there was something carved beneath Ramiel the way there is the other two mountains. no one knows who carved the palace/court that Amarantha lived in UtM, but it wasn’t Amarantha. Eris says this: 

“My father went to the continent again last week. He came back seeming normal, without the glassy-eyed aloofness my soldiers displayed. He did not invite me to accompany him, or explain what he discussed with Briallyn. I can only assume the fallout is approaching, though, and wanted to warn you. It was not something I could risk putting in writing. But for now…for now, it seems as if the world is holding its breath.”

chapter 62 continued: the world is evidently waiting for Nesta to find the Harp. Nesta blinks in surprise, realizes too late that they haven’t told Eris they have the Harp, but he sees that and guesses correctly. Cassian asks if it matters and Eris says yes bc the Night Court now possesses two items from the Trove. Eris asks if this is what the delays have all been about, the NC biding their time to learn the Trove’s secrets and use them for their own gain. Nesta asks what they possibly have to gain, and Eris counters with what did Hybern have to gain by getting the Cauldron. Cassian says they have no interest in conquest and they aren’t going to use the Trove, to which Eris laughs and says he’s not comfortable with the NC having 2/3 of the Trove and other Made items, to which Nesta stiffens but Cassian says that riceman has his own plans and Eris can’t possibly think that he’d tell Eris all of them but assures him they don’t involve using the Trove. Nesta gets horny over Cassian’s smooth courtier’s voice. Eris says he assumes they’re going after the Crown now and Cassian says they’ll tell him what he needs to know and try not to forget to do so this time. Eris carries the Made dagger on his belt and says that they’d be stupid to go after Briallyn directly. Eris asks what they’ll do when they have all three Trove items and points out they can’t destroy them and hiding them probably wouldn’t work. Cassian asks what he’s going to do to stop them. Eris says that if they fail to get the Crown, they risk Briallyn using it against them, that she could make them expose everything, and repeats that they should not go after the Crown. Cassian says we’ll see and implies the Made items can protect them against the Crown. they kind of undo everything they did at the ball but don’t seem concerned by it. Cassian and Nesta fly away and Nesta says he did well and Cassian says he pretended he was Nesta. they fly for hours and then land on a bridge over the Sidra and Cassian says he thought they would walk a while, holding hands. Nesta asks what Cassian thinks Eris will do, and he says sulk and then think of a new way to insult Cassian. she says that Cassian playing courtier gave her some ideas, and he says it did the same to him. he kisses her and she says people are looking and he says he doesn’t care, he wants them to know they share a bed. Nesta asks if it undermines her rep as a warrior to be seen with him, and he counters with does it do the same for faerug when she’s with riceman, and Nesta says it’s different for them bc they’re mates. Nesta seems to know what Cassian is gonna say and isn’t surprised when he implies they’re mates, and he says that she doesn’t want to be, and she says that the word doesn’t really hold any meaning with her. he asks why she’s frightened, and she says she isn’t, and he asked if being seen with him spooked her, and she doesn’t answer. here’s the excerpt. Emerie is at her kitchen table when Nesta arrives, Mor having winnowed Nesta there. Nesta makes it two steps into Emerie’s shop before she starts to cry, and Emerie helps her into a chair and listens as Nesta tells her everything that happened. a knock sounds on the door an hour later and Gwyn comes in to hug Nesta, brought by Mor, who nods at Nesta and winnows away. Emerie says she’s surprised Gwyn left the library and Gwyn says that some things are more important than fear. Nesta spends the night at Emerie’s house and decides she’ll talk to Cassian tomorrow and explain everything. Nesta wakes to “a male scent” in her room that isn’t Cassian, Azriel, or riceman. down the hall, Gwyn screams and goes silent. she tries to reach for her power, but they knock her out. 

chapter 63: as per the bargain, Cassian waits until the next day to look for Nesta (and doesn’t seem upset by the bargain at all), asking riceman to winnow him up to Emerie’s shop. before they even enter it, though, riceman knows they’re not here, and the magic that was there is too strong to belong to an Illyrian except on one night when Illyrians possess an “ancient, wild power”. there are signs of a struggle. riceman says that Devlon just confirmed that the Blood Rite began at midnight. Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie were kidnapped to participate in it. 

chapter 64: Nesta wakes up and feels a lot of pain. she looks around and finds male Illyrians around her with wings bound (as per the Blood Rite requirements). she realizes she woke before the others bc she’s Made and therefore different. her magic isn’t there bc of the Blood Rite’s spells. she knows she’s in a lot of danger bc she’s a woman in just a nightgown. she knows she needs to find Emerie and Gwyn. a male Illyrian wakes up and looks like he wants to rape her and then notices a knife embedded in a nearby tree. Nesta runs. Cassian asks to be winnowed to them so he can save them, but his family is against it and riceman tells Cassian to explain to faerug why: anyone who takes someone from the Blood Rite will be executed, as will the person taken from the Rite. Azriel says that his spies informed him Eris has been captured by Briallyn. Cassian and Azriel have to go after him bc riceman can’t risk it and explains the suicide pact. Cassian says they should let him die and faerug says they can’t bc he could reveal everything under the Crown’s control, and asks what he knows and Cassian explains what it is, and faerug wonders if the Made dagger will offer some immunity against the Crown. while Azriel and Cassian go, Amren says that she’s going to have a long talk about the bargain bw fey///sand to fey///sand. back in Nesta’s POV, she’s running for the knife in the tree but the Illyrian rams into her and then they both go tumbling down into a streambed a hundred feet below. turns out she stabbed him in the throat while they fell and he’s dead. she takes his clothes, puts them on, and pulls the knife free before leaving to find Emerie and Gwyn. 

chapter 65: Cassian once told Nesta about the three sites where participants of the Rite are placed. Nesta isn’t sure where to find Gwyn and Emerie and remembers that Cassian won’t be able to come for her bc of the rules of the Rite. any wounds would heal at a human rate bc the Rite saps all magic. the charm on the bracelet she made with Gwyn and Emerie is glowing, telling her to go north, and apparently she Made the charms into beacons when her wish was to always be able to find their way back to each other. as she runs north, she knows she needs to find food, water, and shelter bc it looks like snow is coming. someone shoots an arrow at her and then tells her to get up when she falls. Cassian and Azriel find Briallyn’s stronghold. 

chapter 66: the male Illyrian is smaller than the other but he has a bow and arrow and tells Nesta to give him her weapons. Nesta asks if there was a female where he came from and he calls Emerie a “cr*ppled bitch” and say she left her to the others bc Nesta is “better prey”. Nesta pretends to acquiesce to his demands and then throws the dagger at his groin, and he screams in pain. as he screams, she charges him and knocks him down, then pulls the knife free, steals his bow and arrows, and runs in the direction he came from, leaving him there to bleed out. she finds a group of Illyrians filling canteens at a stream and talking to each other, and listens in but doesn’t hear anything about any women where they came from, and then hears one of them say that Emerie escaped but would have made good entertainment. turns out Emerie went down the river but may have died in the rapids, so Nesta goes looking and finds Emerie clinging to a tree. Nesta strips to cross the river for Emerie. Nesta uses Emerie’s nightgown to tie her to Nesta’s body bc Emerie is unconscious, then crosses the river again, covers Emerie with the dry clothes, and then gathers wood to make a fire. Nesta holds Emerie for skin to skin warmth. she makes a plan to survive the night, help Emerie, and then find Gwyn. Nesta starts looking for a cave and a male Illyrian shows up and says “the entrance is here” and even though she is barely clothed, she senses no lust or hatred in him. the Illyrian points out the cave and says it’s big enough to fit inside, and that they won’t survive the night on the ground. he says that bc she’s not scaling a tree, it’s clear she has someone hurt with her, but she doesn’t say anything. he says he saw the man she killed, wonders who dropped weapons here, and that he has no quarrel with her, and will go to Ramiel by a less traveled path. he’s spending the night in the cave and invites her to do the same. she says so he can steal her weapons and he says no bc he knows who she is and wouldn’t be so stupid. she says it’s the Blood Rite and that he’d be forgiven, and he says faerug would not forgive him for killing her sister. he swears an oath on someone named Enalius to not kill Nesta or whoever she’s with. she counters with not to harm them in any way either, or have anyone else do the same, and he swears to that too. she asks for help carrying Emerie. we learn the guy’s name is Balthazar, and he gives Emerie his wool cloak to lay beneath. they sit on either side of Emerie to keep her warm. Nesta says that, by dawn, Balthazar needs to be gone, and he says he’ll be glad to bc the beasts in the forest might scent Emerie’s blood and come looking. she asks why he isn’t out there killing everyone, and he says bc he wants to reach Ramiel and become Oristian, but if he finds someone he wants to kill he will. they hear snapping branches and a howl, and Balthazar says they’ll be patrolling all night, but many Illyrians forget that. Balthazar offers to take first watch and Nesta says fine but she doesn’t sleep at all that night. Illyrians scream all night as the beasts hunt. Balthazar says she’ll find plenty of clothes today, says good luck, and leaves. she sees that countless bodies lay scattered around, many half-eaten. back in Cassian’s POV, they’re unable to find Eris in the lands surrounding Briallyn’s castle. Azriel asks a human merchant if he’s seen a male fae and he says yes, he saw one with red hair dragged into the castle the night before last but that he’s to be taken somewhere soon. Azriel says they’ll wait here until night and then follow them with cloud cover. Azriel and Cassian don’t talk about the bargain fey///sand made. Cassian knows he’d feel if Nesta died bc of the mating bond. Nesta looks through the bodies for clothes and supplies: two canteens, another dagger, and someone’s half-eaten rabbit dinner. when Nesta returns to the cave, Emerie is awake and asks after Gwyn, and Nesta dresses Emerie in better-fitting clothes and uses the charm to find Gwyn is to the south, which hadn’t changed since yesterday. 

chapter 67: Emerie explains that she’d been attacked and chased by the Illyrians, leapt into the river as a last-ditch escape, and knocked her head on a rock. they pass many other Illyrians as they head south. some of them are solo and ignore them, while others are fighting in packs. a day passes and they find another cave to spend the night in. Emerie takes first watch and Nesta sleeps, and in the morning more beasts killed more Illyrians. it starts to snow. Emerie smells fire and they think it might belong to Gwyn bc the charms also tell them to go that way. they see Gwyn’s nightgown but no Gwyn, and they see a group of Illyrians around a fire but no Gwyn, and then Emerie is captured. Cassian and Azriel are still watching the castle but Cassian wonders if Briallyn knows they’re here and are waiting for them to make a move. Azriel can’t tell if Eris is even still alive. Cassian says they should break in and Azriel says the castle is too well-protected. one of the Illyrians says that Nesta and Emerie are stupid females for falling for the nightgown. Nesta demands to know where Gwyn is and they say they haven’t seen her, they only found the nightgown lying somewhere. one of the Illyrians who captured them is Emerie’s cousin from that day in her shop. Nesta asks if he sabotaged the Rite with weapons, and he says he wouldn’t call it sabotage and neither would some nameless “she” who Nesta suspects is Briallyn. a monster attacks before the Illyrians can make good on their threats. Nesta shouts at Emerie to run and grabs their weapons, and Emerie grabs a sword, and then hears a female voice shout at them to come her way. Gwyn is waiting for them in stolen clothes and leads them far away. she says she woke up before the others, and Nesta wonders if it’s bc she and Gwyn aren’t Illyrian, and Gwyn explains everything she’s been up to. she also lead the monster to the Illyrians holding Emerie and Nesta. Gwyn says they really came looking for her, and Emerie says of course bc that’s what sisters do. 

chapter 68: as night falls, Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn climb a tree with no caves to be seen. they use a rope Gwyn found to tie them to the tree so they can rest. Gwyn asks Emerie what she knows about the Rite. they trade watches to sleep. in the morning, sun shines and Gwyn climbs the tree to find that Ramiel is days away to the northeast, leaving them a day to climb it should they reach it. there’s a ravine with a wooden bridge they can reach first if they run, so they run. they see six Illyrians, who sprint toward the ravine when they see Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn, and the three of them give chase. Nesta decides they need to intercept them to make it to the ravine first, and then they fight the Illyrians. they kill all six. Cassian says he and Azriel have been sitting on their asses for four days. Azriel points out a lot of spying is waiting for people to do anything, and Cassian says that’s why he quit spying, and Azriel says spying suits him. Azriel reassures Cassian that they trained Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie well. someone leaves the castle and the fly into the sky to watch. they see that Briallyn snared Eris with the Crown, and Azriel points out that he’s still carrying the Made dagger. if he’d been under her control, she’d have taken it from him. Cassian calls him a traitor and Azriel says they need to follow them to see who they’re meeting with. Nesta and co haven’t reached the ravine before another group of Illyrians shows up with bows and arrows. they keep running even as arrows rain down, and Emerie reaches the bridge first. Nesta makes it across with Emerie, but Gwyn was shot in the thigh on the other side. she yells at them to cut the bridge and she stands up but can’t make it across the bridge in time, so Nesta ties the rope they have around the tree, then around one of her arrows, and shoots it toward Gwyn. Gwyn wraps the rope around her waist and yells at them to cut the bridge. Nesta cuts the bridge while Gwyn runs across it, and then as the bridge falls the rope around Gwyn catches her. the Illyrians behind her fall to the ravine. Emerie and Nesta pull Gwyn up to the top of the ravine, the Illyrians on the other side yelling at them. they remove the arrow from Gwyn’s leg and bind it, but she’s slowing their pace. they encounter no one else and by the time night falls they’ve made it to the foot of Ramiel, but Gwyn isn’t doing well. Nesta wakes up before dawn, then makes sure Gwyn is still alive and the wound isn’t infected. Nesta says that only twelve have made it this far in the Rite, and that they’ve already become Oristian. Gwyn says they should keep going when Nesta suggests hiding instead of climbing it, and Gwyn says so rather than try and fail they’d rather not try at all, and Emerie says not if it costs Gwyn her life. Gwyn asks if it’s really living to take the safe road, and that she’s tired of hiding in the library and that she doesn’t want to take the safe road, she wants to take the dangerous one with Nesta and Emerie. Emerie says they call it the Breaking for a reason, Nesta says they haven’t eaten in days and they’re down to the last of their water. Gwyn explains what happened with her sister, how and why she was beheaded, and tells them how she was gang-raped. then Azriel arrived and killed everyone, followed by Mor and riceman. Mor healed her and brought her to the library. she says working with Merrill helped her recover. she says she saw Nesta appear at the library and knows that Catrin, Gwyn’s twin, would’ve been the first to sign up for the training, so Gwyn did, too. and then Emerie starts talking about what happened to her, about her dad beating her so badly she once broke her back. he beat her mother, too, and when she died made Emerie dig her grave. she came to training bc she knew her dad would’ve forbidden it. Nesta then explains why she came to the House of Wind and who she was before it. Nesta says that neither of them failed anyone, and Gwyn says that she didn’t either, and they decide to climb Ramiel. 

chapter 69: Eris and the caravan head east for three days. they see that Eris isn’t chained and rides beside Briallyn, but they don’t see the Crown. they enter a forest that Azriel says he’s never been to but reminds him of the Middle. Eris’s caravan halts by a lake and Azriel and Cassian land to begin tracking on foot. Eris says “Over here, Cassian” and Cassian turns and Eris holds a knife to his ribs. Nesta and co climb the mountain. Nesta wonders if the Breaking also messes with their minds bc she can’t turn hers off and Gwyn and Emerie look haunted. they rest a little and then keep climbing. at nightfall, Emerie says it looks like they’re 2/3 of the way up. Gwyn says she needs to rest, her leg bleeding. Emerie also twisted her ankle. she says that the Pass of Enalius isn’t too far ahead and that if they can make it it’s a clear shot to the top of the mountain. Nesta tells Emerie to let Gwyn rest. Gwyn spots Bellius, Emerie’s cousin, and other Illyrians making their way up the mountain. Nesta tells Gwyn to get on her back and they climb up the mountain. back with Cassian and Azriel, Eris holds Cassian with the dagger to his ribs. Cassian says that he always knew Eris was a lying bastard but this is low, and Eris says he’s disappointed in riceman, who didn’t even bother to look into his mind. Azriel says that Eris is a “dead male walking” and Eris refers to Mor as “the Morrigan” which clues Cassian in that Eris isn’t himself bc he never refers to her like that, and Cassian tells Briallyn, wherever she is, to let Eris go and come play with them instead, and Eris removes the dagger from Cassian’s side and Briallyn says that she’s already playing with them. back with Nesta, they reach the Pass of Enalius and Emerie says she’s standing where none of her ancestors ever stood before. they keep climbing but then fall back to the Pass of Enalius. Nesta says she can’t carry Gwyn anymore and Gwyn says so they rest a minute and then keep trying. Nesta says she can hold the Illyrians off while Emerie and Gwyn keep climbing. Gwyn refuses to leave her. Nesta hugs Gwyn and then knocks her out, and asks if Emerie can carry her the rest of the way, or at least until dawn. Emerie gives her all the weapons and Nesta tells her to take the canteen and lies that she has enough. Emerie says Gwyn will never forgive Nesta for this and Nesta says she knows. Nesta ties Gwyn onto Emerie’s back and Emerie asks her to come with them again, and Nesta says to consider it a repayment of a debt for being her friend, and Emerie says there is no debt, and Nesta insists there is. Emerie goes and Nesta turns to face the approaching Illyrians. Cassian knows that with Eris in Briallyn’s grip there’s little choice in doing anything, and refuses to consider himself or Azriel becoming locked in the Crown’s grip. the party that Eris and Briallyn traveled in has vanished, and Cassian wonders if they were even real. Briallyn removes her cloak and reveals there’s nothing there, and Koschei says it’s an animated kernel of magic and they’re by his lake. Nesta sees that Emerie is on the straight path to the top of the mountain and then gathers her weapons and shield. 

chapter 70: Bellius sends the others through the pass toward Nesta first. Nesta fights them and wonders what she could have done with her sword in her hand, and then tells us the meaning of Ataraxia. 

chapter 71: Azriel asks Koschei where Briallyn is. Koschei says he spent so many months preparing for them and now they don’t want to talk to him, and Cassian tells him to let Eris go and then they’ll talk. he hopes they can’t tell that the dagger Eris holds is Made. Azriel’s shadows seem to give a warning and he tells Cassian to run and then grabs Eris and flies into the sky, but Cassian is held in place, and Koschei tells Briallyn she can take Cassian now bc there’s plenty of time before dawn, and she emerges from the trees. Koschei says to tell Vassa he’s waiting. Briallyn says she has need of Cassian and then tells Koschei to winnow them. back with Nesta, she’s exhausted but only Bellius remains. Bellius tells her that the Illyrian god, the first of the Illyrians, fought against enemies right where Nesta stands. he says that Enalius, the god, died after three days, climbing to the sacred stone atop the mountain to die. he says it’s why they do this ”stupid thing,” to honor him. Gwyn and Emerie both touched the stone and were winnowed away by its magic. Nesta says it looks like Bellius didn’t win, and he says he never wanted to win, only wanted this, and then attacks her. 

chapter 72: Nesta knows she only has to hold Bellius off until dawn, when the Rite ends. they fight and snow begins to fall. he knocks her sword and shield away and then starts cutting at her. he asks if Nesta honestly thinks she can beat him and she says yes, dodges a strike, and then smashes her hand into his nose, and says this: 

And Nesta hissed, “Because my mate taught me well.”

chapter 73: they launch themselves at each other again. after more fighting, she falls and can’t get up, and Bellius approaches, but before he can kill her he’s killed by Cassian. Cassian helps her up and then says he’s going to cut her throat. in Cassian’s head, we see him trying to break free of Briallyn’s control. Nesta tries to break through to him, but then Briallyn says he’s hers and Nesta turns to see Briallyn. 

chapter 74: Briallyn stands on the pass. Nesta launches herself away from Cassian when his arms loosen, but he remains still as a statue. Briallyn reveals that her plan was to nab the “maimed one” (Emerie) after having Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn brought to the Rite. Briallyn says she saw how much Nesta cared for Emerie when they were connected via the Harp ages ago. Briallyn wanted Nesta here so she doesn’t have magic, and Nesta says she was worn down days ago, why didn’t she come sooner, and Briallyn says she was waiting for Cassian. Nesta can see that rage is in Cassian’s eyes now, breaking through the glassy veneer. she says she had to use Eris to draw Cassian to her. when Eris’s soldiers came to capture him, he tried to help them, but they took him. Briallyn says that Bellius was a “hateful brute” just like Cassian. she told Bellius to hunt Nesta down but not kill her, and surmises she wasn’t precise enough in her wording to Bellius. Nesta asks why Briallyn is doing this and why she doesn’t want peace, and Briallyn says what she wants is the Trove, not peace, and that Cassian is the only person who can make Nesta summon the Trove. Briallyn says that once she has the Trove she’ll leave Cassian and Nesta unscathed, and Nesta scents the lie, and then Cassian breaks the control to say “Don’t” and Briallyn makes him close his mouth again but the glassiness isn’t in his eyes anymore. Nesta says no and Briallyn says she’ll have to try to convince her, and Cassian attacks her and Nesta has no strength to fight back. Cassian pleads with his eyes for Nesta to stop him. Briallyn says that it’ll kill him to kill his mate. Nesta says that if she’s dead Briallyn won’t get the Trove, and Briallyn says there’s others in the NC as “delusional” as Nesta. Cassian is ordered to kill, but Briallyn never specified who, so he tries to kill himself and Nesta “erupted with the force of the Cauldron.” the entire world shakes as Nesta does so, and then she attacks Briallyn and sucks her life from her until she pretty much vanishes. 

chapter 75: Cassian lies facedown on the ground and Nesta runs toward him and he reveals he’s alive and she starts to cry. Cassian says Nesta Unmade Briallyn. Nesta calls Cassian her mate and then they kiss. Mor and Azriel appear. Cassian asks after Eris, and Azriel says he’s safe in the Hewn City and the Made dagger is back in their possession. Mor says “It’s Feyre”

chapter 76: the river house is silent and Mor says faerug started to bleed a few hours ago. Mor takes Nesta to faerug, whose legs are covered in blood. she’s pale and barely breathing and riceman is scared. Madja says she turned the baby but he’s stuck in the birth canal. after faerug says to do it, Madja says they could cut the baby out but it and faerug would die. Elain appears and takes Nesta’s hand and they start praying. Madja gets the tools and tells riceman to go into faerug’s mind to take away her pain, and faerug says no goodbyes. then Madja swears and riceman screams. Cassian and Azriel pull riceman away from faerug. Cassian sees Nesta wearing the Mask, Crown, and holding the Harp, and she moves toward the bed with her eyes full of silver fire, and riceman lunges for her but Nesta holds up her hand to stop him and he does. Nesta plays the twenty-sixth string. 

chapter 77: the twenty-sixth string is Time itself. Nesta stops it as faerug “took her last breath.” Nesta walks through the frozen-in-time room to stop by faeurg. Nesta tells faerug she loves her. Nesta says that if she’s shown how to save faerug, the Cauldron can have its magic back. time resumes. Nesta says she gives it all back again and again and light flows from her to faerug (idk man). light keeps flowing around faerug and, as the light fades, Nesta is marked with another tattoo bargain with the Cauldron. 

Yet Cassian could have sworn a luminescent, gentle hand prevented the light from leaving her body altogether.

chapter 77 continued: riceman rushes to faerug, who looks healthy again, and she turns to Nesta and says she loves her, too. then the baby starts to cry. Madja says that it appears faerug now has Illyrian anatomy. she also tells faerug to feed him. riceman falls to his knees in front of Nesta and thanks her, weeping. she hugs him. 

chapter 78: Gwyn and Emerie are waiting in the parlor of the river house. Gwyn says she should never forgive Nesta, but Nesta just hugs her and Emerie and says they won. Mor took the Trove back to the place Nesta summong them from. Nesta asks how Emerie and Gwyn are healed and she says the stone did it. Nesta asks Emerie if her family will punish her for what happened to Bellius, and Emerie says that deaths happen in the Rite. the book waxes poetic about Nyx, fey///sand’s baby. Cassian holds the baby and he and faerug coo over him. riceman is still pale and shaken. Nesta walks in and looks at Cassian, silently requesting something, and he gives the baby to faerug. they go outside and Cassian asks if Nesta’s magic is really all gone. Nesta says she gave it all back but some of it’s still there and she thinks something or someone else stopped it from giving it all back. she also made some changes of her own. Cassian realizes it’s the Mother, who would have seen Nesta’s sacrifice and saved some magic for her. he asks what changes Nesta made. she said she changed herself a little so she can survive a birth. Cassian is shocked and asks if she’s ready to have a baby and she says no, she’ll be drinking her tea for a while yet. she says she wants a “disgustingly ornate” mating ceremony, and Cassian says they’ll never hear the end of it from Mor and Azriel. she gives him a biscuit instead then and says it’s part of the ceremony, to offer the mate food, and Cassian laughs and says his options are a stale biscuit or a frilly ceremony, and she says yes. he says they’ll make a coronation of it and she says she already has a crown. Cassian starts to think about everything they have to do and Nesta says they’ll think about that all later, and then tells him “I love you.” 

chapter 79: two days after Nyx’s birth, Cassian goes to meet with Eris in the Hewn City. Eris says he can’t stay long and Cassian says “good”. they want to know what Eris told Beron. Eris says that Beron knows Cassian “assisted” him when he was kidnapped. Cassian wonders if Beron tortured him and Eris explains the lies he gave him in answer. Eris tells him to not pity him. Cassian asks why Eris left Mor in the forest that day. Eris says that Cassian isn’t the person he wants to explain himself to. Eris says that Beron might be stupid enough to try to ally with Koschei. Cassian goes to leave, then stops. 

chapter 80: as spring blooms, faerug and Nyx are well enough to leave the house, and they go on walks around the house with riceman or Mor with them, both really protective. Cassian and Azriel are too. one day, Nesta, faerug and Elain all go on a walk. we learn Nesta and Cassian have sex a lot and he calls her mate all the time. Nesta, Gwyn, and Emerie told Cassian and Azriel everything that happened, and the two of them made lists of what to fix during training, which doesn’t stop even though they’ve passed the Rite. Gwyn says she might leave the library to come to the mating ceremony in three days. Nesta wants an outrageous party but not a big crowd, and so the temple is done up and riceman promises it’ll be what she hopes for. riceman gave Cassian and Nesta the House of Wind, since it decided it liked Nesta more than anyone else, as a wedding gift, with the library still belonging to the priestesses and the house being used for formal occasions. faerug painted Nesta holding the line at the Pass of Enalius as a gift. Nesta had let riceman see some of the Rite but had no idea it had been to give faerug ideas for a painting. now, Elain, faerug, and Nesta go to visit their dad’s grave so they can show Nyx and vice versa. faerug says “Your grandson, Father”. faerug had asked Nesta if she wanted to go with them that morning, and Nesta had said yes. Nesta lingers by the gravestone and tries to think of something to say, like an explanation or apology, but nothing comes. she says she’s going to live the rest of her life deserving the love of the people who love her. she leaves the carving she took from the cottage at the gravestone. she says “thank you” to him and hears Cassian flying overhead, making sure she’s all right, and she thinks “busybody” but blows him a kiss. then she turns and joins her sisters, who beckon to her from halfway down the hill. 

#anti sjm #anti acosf #myth and kat read acosf #spoilers #acosf recap #long post

[andorerso]

let the cat out of the bag

Modern AU. M-rated, no smut but lot of references to sex. Super silly!

It starts after the first time they sleep together.

They aren’t dating, they aren’t even friends – but he’s the hot classmate she always had a thing for, and when they’re paired up for a project that leads her to invite him up to her apartment to prepare, she can’t hold herself back anymore.

It’s clearly mutual; she hasn’t picked up on it before, but it’s hard to ignore it then. Cassian is giving her signals, flirting even, and she doesn’t think too much of it before she kisses him. His response is pretty enthusiastic, and it isn’t long before their clothes disappear.

Studying blissfully forgotten – for the time – Jyn has the pleasure of enjoying the best sex of her life. And that’s all it’s supposed to be. They both agree that neither of them has time for a relationship, but that doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy the hot sex between them every once in a while, and hot sex, it is. A quick discussion in bed to make sure they’re on the same page, and they move right onto round two. Then three and four.

Truthfully, they don’t get any studying done that night.

Then between rounds three and four, Cassian gets up to get a quick snack for themselves from her fridge while she goes to use the bathroom. She finds him scratching her cat’s ears when she emerges, totally unaware of the incredulous stare she’s giving him.

“Hey, cute cat,” he says, his lips quirking up into a smile when Mimi arches her body towards him, butting his palm with her head. She’s purring, and Jyn feels like she’s in a different dimension. “What’s her name?”

“Uhm.” Shaking her head free of confusion, she says, “Mimi. She usually doesn’t take to strangers like this.”

That’s an understatement. Mimi looks like a harmless floof, and it usually lures unsuspecting victims into underestimating her, which is a big mistake to make. She has a vicious streak; many a guest and even friends have ended up with nasty scratch marks for daring to try and touch her. Bodhi is terrified of her to this day and jokingly calls her Jyn’s “doppelganger.”

“She’s you in cat form,” he told her affectionately. Jyn rolled her eyes but he wasn’t too far off.

Mimi doesn’t like strangers and she doesn’t trust them. She isn’t a particularly affectionate cat to begin with, not even with Jyn – who is undoubtedly the only person she seems to tolerate.

So it’s a shock, to say at least, to see Cassian rubbing Mimi behind her ears and his hand not being bitten off. In fact, Mimi’s eyes are closed in contentment, a low purring sound reverberating through her tiny body. Jyn almost feels a little jealous – but of who, she isn’t sure.

Cassian looks up at her with a quirk of his lips, eyes sparkling in amusement.

“Guess I’m special then.”

Then it goes on.

Jyn brings Cassian home one night, pushing him to the sofa and crawling into his lap without much preamble, attaching her mouth back to his. She grabs his cock, not in the mood for foreplay, and hears Cassian hiss in response. But just as she’s about to take off her shirt, Mimi jumps up on the couch and meows loudly.

Jyn breaks away in surprise. It isn’t like her cat to be so needy – but as she blinks at Mimi in confusion, she realizes she isn’t groveling for her attention.

Of course.

Cassian laughs in amusement, like this is all funny, and reaches out to give Mimi an affectionate pat on the head.

“Hey, Mimi. Missed me, did you?”

What the fuck is going on.

Jyn stares at them both incredulously. She’s just trying to get some good dick, goddammit, and here is her own cat, usually a grouch, being a cockblock because she decided she’s just as putty in Cassian Andor’s hands as any other girl.

He really has a certain effect on the female population but this is ridiculous.

Jyn clears her through loudly, drawing Cassian’s attention back to her.

“Sorry, do you wanna keep playing with that pussy or mine?”

“Jesus, Jyn.”

Surprise etched on his face, she feels a momentary thrill of satisfaction at having scandalized him.

“Too much?”

“No, that’s… that’s fine, just – not in front of your cat.”

“Come on, she can’t understand you.”

“It’s weird.”

As they’re talking, Mimi puts her little paw on Cassian’s shoulder as though she is begging for his attention, like the desperate little whore she is. Jyn gives her a glare. Traitor.

“You just like her because she likes you.”

“Yeah, so? I must be doing something right here.”

“I’ll show you something right,” she murmurs somewhat menacingly, then kisses him again, pushing his chest until he’s lying fully on his back. Perfect.

Maybe she’ll suck his dick now. She would bet he won’t be thinking about her cat then.

Satisfied with that plan, she reaches for his jeans and promptly undoes his zipper. He gives her a weird look and glances sideways at Mimi who’s now sitting on the armrest, watching them curiously. Jesus.

“Uhm, Jyn? Can we move this to your bedroom? I don’t want your cat to see my dick.”

She rolls her eyes but stands up, landing him a hand. “Why not? I walk around her naked all the time.”

“And I’m sure she’s very traumatized from that,” he jokes, earning himself a punch to the chest. As she turns around, his echoing laughter follows her all the way inside her bedroom.

Jyn complains about it to Bodhi a few weeks later, grumbling about how her own cat likes her fuck buddy more than she likes her. It’s some sort of karmic joke for sure.

“I swear he’s the cat whisperer or something,” she groans.

Bodhi hums noncommittally. His expression is too neutral which is… worrying.

“Maybe Mimi is onto something.”

She blinks at him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that she literally hates everybody but you.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Jyn protests feebly. “She’s just not a fan of people.”

“But somehow, she likes this guy,” Bodhi goes on, ignoring her intervention. “Think maybe she’s picking up on your feelings?”

“You’re reaching,” Jyn tells him firmly, ignoring the way her heartbeat speeds up for some reason. “I don’t even know him.”

“You know him plenty well from what I understand.”

Jyn rolls her eyes again.

“It’s not gonna happen, Bodhi.”

“Sure, okay,” he agrees like the good sport he is. She can tell he doesn’t agree but he isn’t the type to push. “But I’ll tell you this – your cat is smarter than you.”

And Jyn punches his shoulder.

She’s literally riding Cassian when there’s a distinct high-pitched meow from the other side of the door. Jyn stops bouncing on his dick, turning her incredulous stare to the closed door of her bedroom. Cassian laughs.

“Oh, you gotta be kidding with me.”

“Ignore it,” he tells her, grabbing her chin and tilting her face back to his.

“But –” she begins but can’t finish as Cassian gives her a searing kiss and rolls his hips up to hers. Fuck it. Ignore it, she will.

In the end, the noises they make are louder than Mimi’s anyway.

When Cassian is leaving that night, Mimi runs quickly to his feet, a ball of white fluff as she circles his legs, purring. And wailing. Wailing, it seems, to stop him from leaving.

Jyn buries her face in her hand, embarrassed beyond belief, but Cassian is, of course, incredibly amused by all this. She almost wonders if he actually likes Mimi more than her.

“Hey, what is it?” he asks as he crouches down and gives Mimi another good rub under her chin. Jyn’s heart gives a strange beat at the sight. “Wanna come with me? I don’t think Jyn would like that very much.”

“Take her,” she deadpans, dedicated to ignoring the weird fluttering in her stomach. “She clearly likes you more.”

He stands up, smirking at her. “We have a connection. Don’t be jealous.”

“Of who?” she retorts, her tone sarcastic… though, it could have been a serious question.

Cassian doesn’t answer but his smile widens. Almost like he sees right through her act. She can’t tell if it thrills or makes her uncomfortable.

“Goodnight, Jyn.”

He leans in to kiss her cheek, her eyes fluttering shut at the unexpected gesture. She keeps them firmly closed even as she hears him bend down to give Mimi one more affectionate rub before grabbing his coat.

At the sound of her closing door, Jyn’s eyes open, her breath leaving her chest in a whoosh. She stares at Mimi with unconcealed resentment as the cat blinks up at her in innocence.

“This is all your fault.”

So.

Maybe she’s catching feelings. Whatever. It’s fine.

It’s just her stupid cat’s fault – seeing them together, seeing him so in tune with her, it’s messing with her head. Mimi is a pain in the ass but she’s Jyn’s baby, and she’s never met anyone who actually liked her and wasn’t mildly scared of her.

That’s all. If she doesn’t see them together anymore, she’ll be fine.

The next time Cassian comes over, Jyn has locked Mimi in the kitchen with fresh water and plenty of food to last her the night. The little devil has nothing to complain about. But as soon as Cassian arrives and they start taking their clothes off, scattered along the hallway, Mimi begins to scratch at the door, wailing tragically. Jyn pretends she doesn’t hear but Cassian does not.

“Hey, isn’t that Mimi?” he gasps, out of breath as Jyn is kissing down his bare chest.

She glances up at him with a pointed look. “Are you here to see her or me?”

Then she swirls her tongue around his nipple which renders him speechless for a moment.

But he doesn’t give up. “Doesn’t she want to come out?”

Jyn pulls away now, straightening to look at him. “She’ll be fine. But if you don’t have your fingers in me in the next five minutes, I won’t be.”

With that, she pulls him towards her bathroom, and Cassian doesn’t resist any longer.

It doesn’t last though.

She manages to stop them from meeting a few times when Cassian comes over, always getting straight to business, then throwing him out the door the minute they’re done. She feels a little bad about it, honestly – but they agreed on no strings attached from the start so she doesn’t owe him anything. Besides, she makes sure to treat him really well while he’s still here so he has nothing to complain about. She’s a thorough lover.

Still, Mimi gives her the stink eye every time she lets her out of the kitchen, and Jyn realizes she can’t keep this up forever. Not if she wants to continue seeing Cassian – and well, why wouldn’t she? It’s been a few months since they started sleeping together but the sex hasn’t gotten boring yet. She’s prepared to hold out until it does, or until one of them finds an actual relationship. (Which is more likely to be him than her but alas. That’s fine too.)

Yet, the ever-rising threat of catching feelings for Cassian almost makes her reconsider. Maybe it’s better to cut her losses now. She can’t – wouldn’t – get rid of Mimi. If one of them has to go, it would have to be Cassian.

That’s what Jyn is thinking about when Cassian comes over that night and Mimi runs to the door to greet him. She had hidden under the couch the whole afternoon, refusing to move no matter how much Jyn tried. No treats, no food, no toy got her to come out. She waited until the knock on the door came and sprinted straight to Cassian’s legs.

His face lights up in a smile like he’s actually missed the stupid cat too. Jyn can only watch in horror as he crouches down to greet her like an old friend.

“Hey there, buddy. How are you today?”

It’s not like she’s gonna answer you, stupid, Jyn thinks, but she’s aware that she’s being a bit nasty. It usually tends to happen when feelings are involved.

“There you go,” he murmurs, rubbing Mimi’s chin. “Good girl.”

Jyn’s face flushes at that, remembering other times she’s heard him say those words.

“Don’t call her that,” she chokes out, voice a little strained. Cassian looks up at her, his gaze darkening with lust as their eyes meet, but he doesn’t answer. He stands abruptly, walking over to her without a word, and kisses her.

It’s a hard kiss, not something to ease them into it, just getting straight to business. Jyn doesn’t mind but her head reels from the sharp turn as he breaks away to bite her earlobe, his hands groping for her breasts. Her breath and legs are getting a little shaky. With a quick maneuver, he lifts her up, her legs locking around his waist as he carries her into the bedroom.

He goes down on her without even taking off all of her clothes, and right then, Mimi is the farthest thing from her mind.

For the first time since they started having sex, they fall asleep together.

Usually, Cassian takes a shower, gets dressed, goes on about his business. Jyn doesn’t mind, it’s the arrangement they have.

But something about tonight has been… intense and exhausting – in a good way. She could barely feel her limbs by the time they finished, and when Cassian collapsed next to her, breathing heavily, she didn’t say anything. Let him catch his breath, she figured. But the warmth radiating from him was so reassuring and comfortable that her eyes quickly fluttered closed, and she must have fallen asleep after that. When she wakes, it’s after midnight, and though she distinctly remembers resting her head against Cassian’s shoulder, he’s now gone.

Bitter disappointment unfurling in her stomach, she sits up slowly. It’s for the best. She doesn’t need any more confusing feelings. But god, her sheets still smell like him, and she admits to herself that maybe she has a little crush and it isn’t just because of her cat.

It’s a thought she regrets as soon as she walks out of her bedroom. Because there, in all his glory, stands Cassian – petting her cat.

And seeing him half-naked, hair a mess, smile soft and mellow, stroking a purring Mimi is an image that she knows she won’t be able to get rid of. She can’t take back her confession now. The longing she feels as she stares at them is undeniable.

“What are you doing?” she whispers to make her presence known, her voice still sleepy.

Cassian looks at her but his hands never leave Mimi’s head.

“I’m petting your cat.”

“I can tell. You’re supposed to be petting me,” she says, but it’s quiet and lacking the exasperation she usually feels in these moments.

“I already have,” he points out, matching her tone. The smile on his face is gentle rather than smug, in contrast with his words.

“Cassian,” she begins, taking a deep breath before biting the bullet. “You can’t do this.”

“What?” he asks, and he seems genuinely confused.

Jyn gestures around with her hands. “Be nice to my cat.”

His eyebrows rise high, looking more confused than before.

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s just – it’s not helping me a lot.”

“With what?”

“With my crush on you,” Jyn groans, giving up on fighting it. What the hell, she might as well see what he thinks. Maybe he feels the same.

And if not – well, she’s only losing the best sex of her life. She can deal with that, probably.

Stunned silence follows. Then he lets out a chuckle, his eyes sparkling in amusement.

“I’m sorry, am I so irresistible petting your cat that you’re literally asking me to stop being nice to her?”

Jyn grumbles. When he put it like that…

“I’m not asking you to kick her in the head. Just stop petting her, maybe?”

“Okay.” He nods a few times, stepping away from Mimi who meows once in outrage. Without taking his eyes off her, Cassian moves closer. “Then I have a better proposal for you. How about you let me take you out on a date and I keep being nice to your cat?”

“I…” Jyn pauses. Oh. She was hoping for this but she didn’t let herself believe in it. A slow smile unfurls on her lips. “I think Mimi would like that.”

Cassian, now close enough to touch, winds his arms around her neck, her hands going around his waist.

“And you? Would you like that?”

“Yeah.” She smiles up at him shyly. “I think I would like it too.”

And when she looks at Mimi, Jyn swears she looks a little smug

#rebelcaptain #dailyrebelcaptain #therebelcaptainnetwork #my fics #i wanted to put in the prompt but i can't link nor put in the picture #because it doesn't show up in the tags that way #sigh #ANYWAY super silly but i enjoyed this #mimi the cat

[booksimp]

Begin Again - Azriel - Part One

Synopsis: Azriel and Alora broke up six months ago. Alora still isn’t sure exactly why Azriel shut her out, and she can’t stand to be in the same room as him. With Nesta’s help, Alora has been avoiding Azriel at group events since the breakup. Inspired by “Into You” by Julia Michaels. 

 “So he’s gonna be there then?” I whisper into the phone, trying to keep my voice from breaking.

“Actually, the asshole’s already here. I’m sorry, Alora. He was supposed to be away for work until next week.” 

Nesta’s voice is hushed, her irritation obvious. I sigh, my breath creating a cloud of ice in the air around me. I stop walking and turn on my heel, heading back the way I’d come. I had been walking to Feyre and Rhysand’s baby shower, gift for their little one in hand. But Azriel, my ex-fiancee, has decided to make an unscheduled appearance. I scowl to myself and shove the wrapped parcel into my coat pocket. Rhys and Feyre are some of my dearest friends, and I was really looking forward to being there today. 

“It’s okay, Nesta. I’ll just give Feyre her gift later. Can you tell them I’m sorry, something just… came up?”.” 

I sigh again, hating that I have to miss their big day and even worse, lie to them about it. Though I’m sure they see right through it, since Feyre knows every dirty detail about the breakup. 

Nesta has been acting as my personal Azriel detector since he and I broke up six months ago. I’m beyond grateful for her help, but I know the responsibility of it is starting to wear on her patience. 

“You know you’ll have to be in the same room as him eventually, right?  You guys have a lot of friends in common.” Nesta says frankly. I flinch slightly, but I know better than to take her words personally. Nesta is nothing if not painfully forthright. 

“I know. I just can’t be in the same room as him and Mor right now. I can’t see how he looks at her.” I pause to shudder, flashing back to the night I’d found them dancing at Rita’s,  a mere six weeks after Azriel and I ended. She was all over him, and he was grinning like a fool. I hadn’t seen him smile like that for quite awhile. I suppose I should be happy he found his smile again, even if it wasn’t with me. 

“I’ve been thinking of moving back home to San Diego.” I blurt, as if getting it out faster will make it easier. Nesta is one of my best friends, but she still scares the shit out of me. I know she’ll like the idea of me leaving about as much as a bull loves the color red. 

For a few beats, Nesta is entirely silent. I chew my lip nervously, bouncing on the balls of my feet as I wait for my turn to use the crosswalk. I’ve lived in Chicago for three years now, since I moved here to pursue a career in publishing. I met Nesta and her sisters almost immediately. Soon after, they introduced me to their friends, and we’ve all been inseparable ever since.

“You’re not actually fucking serious, are you? You can’t just run away because that idiot broke your heart. This is your home.”  Nesta growls, and I hear a door shut from her end of the line. Oh shit, she really has something to say if she felt the need to find a more private venue. Nesta isn’t one to hide her outbursts. Seeing as I’m not in the mood to get my ass chewed and spit back out, I retreat. Strategically, of course. 

“I’ll let you get back to the baby shower. I have to go anyway.” 

Nesta snorts, and I can hear the scowl in her voice. 

“Okay, coward. We’ll talk tomorrow, I’m coming over.” 

I roll my eyes and pocket my cell phone. If there was ever a way to describe Nesta, its ‘Tough love’. I walk the three blocks to my apartment in a huff, trudging through ankle deep snow all the while. I take my frustration out on fluffy piles of snow, kicking at them as I walk. By the time I’m locking the door behind me, my socks are soaked and I’m shivering despite my massive winter coat. You can take the girl out of California, but you can’t take California out of the girl. 

I take a burning hot shower, dress in my warmest pajamas, and I’m curled up in bed in no time. I’m halfway through White Christmas when a text pings on my phone. 

Azriel: Nesta says you’re moving back to SD. Can we talk? 

Instantly, I’m cold as death beneath my plethora of fluffy Christmas blankets. That all too familiar pang in my chest returns in full force, so insistent that I can’t seem to catch my breath. Without meaning to, I’d read the text in his voice. I haven’t heard his voice in months, but it haunts me, a ghost I can never exorcise. I hear it in my dreams, in crowded rooms, in the harmony of some of our favorite songs. A second text pops up. 

Azriel: Please, Alora. I know that you’re seeing this. You can’t keep shutting me out. I’m sorry, okay?

I scoff indignantly, my vision going red. I can’t shut him out? Him? I spent months trying to get him to talk to me, to tell me what was so obviously eating him up inside. Instead of letting me in, he pushed me as far from him as possible.  And then, there was The Mor Incident. I knew he’d had a massive crush on her in college, but I thought it was long over. How naive of me. 

For weeks after I moved out, Azriel tried to contact me everyday. He would text and call constantly, and ask our friends to get me to talk to him. At first, I was too hurt to respond.I needed my own time and space for a while. And when I saw him with Mor, I decided he’d never get a response from me. I knew what I needed to know.  If anyone deserves to be iced out, it's the man who proposed to me and changed his mind about it like he was changing his order at starbucks. 

Azriel: Talk to me. What can I do? 

I grind my teeth and explode up out of my bed, too angry to even sit still. I pace my bedroom, my stomps probably heard by my downstairs neighbor. What can he do? For shit’s sake, if only he’d asked himself that question six months ago. A deluge of memories flood through my mind, dragging me beneath their frigid depths. Our one sided battles, where I begged and pleaded for him to let me in, and he refused. The nights he slept on the couch, or at Cassian’s. But the one that hurts the most, is the last one.

“Jesus christ, just talk to me! Please, Az. I just need you to talk to me.” I plead, tears running freely down my cheeks. 

Azriel keeps his back to me as he hurls clothes into a duffel bag, the muscles of his shoulders tensed to the point of breaking. 

“There’s nothing to talk about, Lora.”

His voice, that deep, melodic voice I love so much, is empty. Devoid of all feeling, all the love that used to shine through in every word he spoke to me. My chest feels like he’s cracked it open, and scraped me empty. Stolen all the warmth, all the joy. The fireplace crackles nearby, and yet I don’t feel a lick of its flame.

“There’s everything to talk about! I don’t even know why you’re leaving. You’ve been in  pain, but you won’t tell me why. You won’t let me help.” I’m yelling now, but he still hasn’t so much as looked my way. A dark, heartrending thought creeps in.

“ Are-are you leaving me?” The question comes out in a broken whisper. I can hear the heartbreak in my own voice, and he curses under his breath. 

Finally, he turns to face me. His face is nearly as empty as his voice, save for the deep purple circles beneath his eyes. Those gorgeous, hazel eyes that are filled with a nameless agony he refuses to share with me. His hair is more tousled than usual, his shirt wrinkled, shoulders slumped. He looks like a man defeated. 

“Fuck baby, of course I’m not leaving you. I just- I need some time. To clear my head.” 

His eyes finally meet mine for a second, and he reaches for me. His fingers barely brush my cheek before he yanks them away, fisting them at his side.

I’m close on his heels as he storms into the living room, towards the front door. 

“But you are, Az. You’re choosing to leave instead of talk to me. We’re supposed to be partners, remember? We're getting married, Az .” I’m desperate now, my voice climbing an octave for every step he takes away from me. 

He stops with his hand on the doorknob, looking over his shoulder at me. But he refuses to meet my gaze again. Like he can’t bear to look at me. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t.” 

His words hit me like a punch to the stomach, and all the breath leaves my body. A trembling begins in my hands. I feel untethered, like a boat abandoned at sea. 

“You don’t want to get married?” I rasp, hugging my arms around myself. Cold is seeping into my bones, my chest. I don’t think I’ll ever be warm again. 

Azriel struggles for words a few moments longer, a battle raging in the eyes I love most. He turns to me again and I see the tears building in them. I search his face for an explanation, silently begging him. Stay. Please stay. His voice is thick with emotion when he speaks. 

“We can talk about it later. I’m gonna stay with Cassian tonight.” 

He turns towards the door once more, but I can’t stop myself from asking the question that's been buzzing in my head for weeks. 

“Is that really where you’re going, Az?”My voice is clipped, cold to my own ears. He pauses, confusion clear on his face. 

“Are you sure there’s not someone else you’re seeing when you ‘go to Cassian’s’ ?” I demand, placing a hand on the dining table to my right.

 If he gives me the answer I’m expecting, I may well need the support. Azriel’s face goes blank with shock, and he leans back against the door, not able to stand on his own. 

“Jesus, Lor. I’m not fucking cheating on you.” He spits out, as he hoists the duffel bag over his shoulder. 

My relief is short lived.

He wrenches the front door open, and the ancient thing groans like it might very well come off its hinges. In that moment, something snaps inside me. 

“If you walk out that door, you might as well be leaving me. If you walk out right now, we’re done.” 

I expect the words to finally wake him up, to reach where he’s hidden himself away, and bring my Azriel back. The Azriel that planned a picnic for our first date, or ran through the ER with me in his arms when my appendix burst. The Azriel that asked me to marry him, then made love to me under the stars. 

But wherever that Az is, he’s far, far away.  

“I need to go. I’m sorry, Lor” 

After a moment of hesitation, he walks out the door. The sound of it closing like that of the lid of a coffin, sealing me inside.  Alone.

 I stay up all night, waiting for him to come back. Praying that he comes back. I lay alone in our bed, the sheets suddenly frigid and too abundant. All the extra leg room is a slap in the face. I watch the flames in the fireplace dying as the sun rises. Until all that’s left of that once roaring fire are embers. I watch until those too burn out, and go cold. 

I blink, the sound of another message breaking me free of the torturous cycle of  memories. I wipe traitorous tears from my cheeks and retrieve my phone from where I discarded it. 

Nesta: Hey, I might’ve let slip to Elain that you were thinking of moving home. And of course she told Lucien, who told Azriel. Apparently, he wasn’t pleased. I’m sorry, Lor. 

I sigh, type a quick reply and check the time. 9:58pm. Jesus, today has felt like a lifetime. I look around my apartment, at how dark and empty it's become as night has fallen. When I moved in, a week after Az left, I couldn't bring myself to decorate it. Because that would mean that this is home now, and not the house Azriel and I bought together. It would mean that the beautiful victorian in the suburbs was as gone as the life we could’ve lived in it. So, six months later, boxes sit in the corners. The walls are bare, the fireplace unlit even on the coldest of nights. And every night since has been glacial. Suddenly, the loneliness is nearly suffocating. I can’t spend another night just staring at the solitary wasteland my life has become.

All of my friends are together already, and he’s there. So going out alone it is. 

I blast music as I get ready in a rush, effectively drowning out every unwanted thought. I go a little heavy on the eyeliner, hopefully concealing any evidence of tears. I slip into my newest dress, gifted to me by Feyre on my birthday. It's the perfect balance of elegant and sexy. A lovely slip of wine colored silk, skin tight and just the right amount of revealing. Looking at myself in the mirror, I smile for the first time all night. 

Half an hour later, I’m shooting whiskey at Rita’s, scouring the dance floor for my next conquest. Probably not the healthiest coping mechanism, but I digress. The vast room is dark, the only lights being flashing rainbows of color timed to the music. Thick smoke snakes around the dancers, thanks to a mixture of incense and hidden fog machines. The scent of patchouli, sweat, and alcohol tickles my nose. Peculiarly enough, it's not a bad combination. 

As I’m scanning the crowd, nursing a glass of scotch, a pair of unusual green eyes catch my gaze. He’s easily six feet tall, dark haired, and moderately handsome. He’s sitting with his friends, but no longer paying attention to the conversation. Instead, his eyes are shamelessly undressing me, lingering on my exposed legs. When he eventually meets my eyes again, I give him a slow, inviting smile. It only takes him a few moments to cross the bar, and sit on the stool beside mine. 

“What’s a beautiful woman like you doing alone on a saturday night?” 

I barely restrain an eye roll at his creative opening line. Instead, I lean closer and give him an obvious lookover. He’s definitely fit, his tight black shirt revealing a broad chest and toned abdomen. But I can’t help but note the lack of tattoos and scars. Once I’m done comparing him to Azriel, I meet his eager eyes again. 

“I’m not exactly alone now, am I?” 

The man smirks, and places a hand on my thigh. 

The next morning, I hurry my house guest out the door as soon as he wakes up. He tries to get my number, but I carefully maneuver my way out of that one. The sex was good, but not that good. 

I shower and dress, then scarf down a quick breakfast. As I’m drinking my second cup of coffee, I finally look around at my sad excuse of an apartment. It's not that the actual space isn’t nice. The hardwood floors are new and shiny looking, the walls a neutral gray, the countertops a gleaming marble. But like last night, it's overwhelmingly empty. 

I take a deep breath and decide today is the day. Hesitantly, I walk to the closest box and start cutting away the packing tape. Each stroke of the scissors is like another nail in the coffin of my old life. I ignore the tears that burn in my eyes and keep cutting. With my heart racing and eyes closed, I reach my hand in and grab the first object I touch. I take three deep breaths in an effort to center myself, and look down at what’s in my hand. 

“Oh for fucks sake.” I exclaim, my heart squeezing painfully. 

The cellophane wrapped bundle of blank wedding invitations glimmers in the morning sunlight, like the fangs of a poisonous snake. Beautiful, but deadly. With a cry, I hurl the invitations across the room. They land with a satisfying thunk against the far wall. I plop down next to the box, letting my head fall into my hands. The wound in my chest is raw and throbbing, an ever present pain. 

Of course it had to be the wedding invitations. It couldn’t be something easy, like a throw pillow or a bunch of CD’s. 

I lean my head back against the wall, and let my eyes fall closed. Would this ever stop hurting? Would there come a day where I wake up, and I don’t reach for him? 

 I’m staring at the box like the dangerous, wicked thing it is when a knock at the door rescues me from my own pity party. 

“Thank fuck.” I mutter to myself, eagerly jumping to my feet and practically running to the door. Nesta had said she’d be coming over today, and I thank my lucky stars at her timing. At least this way, I won’t have to unpack my old life alone. Nesta will help me. I’ll cry, she’ll make me laugh, and we’ll get drunk. Very drunk, knowing us. Maybe we’ll call Elain and Feyre. They’ll spend the night, and tomorrow will be easier. I’ll start looking at apartments in San Diego. As I’m opening the door, I take my first easy breath in days. 

“Thank god, Nes I need-” 

But it isn’t Nesta on the other side of the door. It's Azriel. 

“Hey, Lora. Can I come in?”

#acotar #azriel #sarah j. maas #the night court #rhysand #fanfic #azrielfanfic #smut #acotarsmut #acotar fic

[highqueenofelfhame]

acowar reread thread

so i think i’ll update this post every few chapters unless anything super major happens that i want to immediately react to, that way you get my commentary but i’m not totally flooding and flooding and flooding your feed with a super super long post. i think i’m going to edit it under the cut and reblog it every time it gets updated and i’ll also number every update so it’s easy to find where i left off. if you guys prefer the other way i’ll transition back to the other way for acofas.) this is super fun i’ll start doing this for more books if you’re interested, including books i read for the first time. (after acofas, crescent city is next and it’ll be my first time reading it!)

UPDATES UNDER THE CUT.

1) chapters 1-5 I’ve read up through chapter five and so far my favorite thing is just how DONE feyre is with literally everyone in the spring court. the amount of times she’s had to like look away and not roll her eyes is just hilarious, her dry inner monologue, she just made a comment about having to remind herself to laugh and not strangle tamlin while they were dancing at the summer solstice and it just is so funny to me. 

i miss rhys. but the few times they’ve spoken through the bond is enough to tide me over. he told her he loved her once and i sighed out loud. i’m such trash for this bitch. 

feyre hijacking the summer solstice ceremony is COMEDIC GOLD. like you kNOW ianthe was fuming and furious and trying to save face the best she could but like hats off to feyre man. her character development from book one to where we’re at in book three is fantastic. she’s not a simpering little girl anymore, she’s a bad bitch and she kNOWS she’s a bad bitch and it’s just.. fucking great. 

i also, as much as i don’t want to, feel for lucien A LOT. i think a lot of his behavior is heavily influenced by how he’s been treated by tamlin for most of his life and i feel genuine remorse from him and the fact that he can like tell something is up but isn’t saying anything just shows, to me anyway, how much remorse he’s genuinely feeling. 

also alis knowing that something is up is just a testament to how attentive she is as a faerie and a friend and i really love that about her.

“I was the nightmare” YAS BITCH. FUCKIN YAASSS.

2) chapters 6-10 feyre is so goddamn clever. the entire time she’s bringing down the spring court she’s witty and fierce and clever and really just iS THAT BITCH, HUH? 

i don’t like jurian but the fact that he still has compassion within himself for his kind despite being literally insane for being just AWAKE and aware for like 500 years is... nice and pleasantly surprising because i feel like you wouldn’t think that of him being that he’s siding with hybern so that he thanked feyre when she tried to get the children of the blessed out of there... i don’t know why i’m bringing this up, it’s just something that stuck out to me and that jurian also vouches (to feyre) about rhysand’s character and how decent of a person he found him to be. it’s just very interesting and i feel like speaks leaps and bounds about rhysand as a person. 

feyre pushing tamlin to explode again... just CHEF KISS. like she really thought of everything. she thought of everything to internally make his sentries doubt him and then completely hate them by orchestrating the ianthe vs sentry debacle. she made herself seem very compassionate and kind and and showed tamlin and ianthe for what they were by doing genuinely so little. like all she did was make them show their true colors on their own and it didn’t take tOO much manipulation. idk feyre is just incredible in the spring court. 

forcing ianthe to hurt herself and molding her mind to make her think she’s always afraid is so much better than just outright killing her.. (if i remember from my last read, it doesn’t hold up, but the thought is there and it’s genius) I also think that this shows a lot about feyre and her character because despite everything she couldn’t just leave lucien alone with ianthe and the unwanted advances. she stayed and fought for her friend (and by extension her mate) even when lucien wouldn’t really fight for her and so feyre is just a fuckin real one like... she’s the kind of friend that you want in your corner. 

killing the hybern twins: glorious. such badassery from lucien and feyre both. 

and i think it’s nice that she let lucien come along with her on her journey back to the night court despite maybe not wanting to but i also think that she knew if she left him behind he could get in serious trouble or wind up dead and so again, i think it says a lot about her character as a person. 

3) chapters 11-15 i’m kind of reading and recapping every 50 pages or so which typically ends up being 4-5 chapters and it’s a good system so far so we’re gonna keep it up! 

the first thing of like, real substance to comment on is lucien saying his father will kill feyre for wielding his power but feyre just responding with “he can get in line.” like her sass is sO GOOD In this book, especially in the spring court chapters.

uhhh big fuck you to eris, i don’t know why people want him to have a redemption arc, he is literally a fat sack of shit that deserves to burn and i’m not sorry for saying so. he’s abusive and cruel and doesn’t deserve like, anything at all. although i will say good on him for balking a bit when feyre revealed she’s high lady. 

CASSIAN AND AZRIEL SUPERHERO LANDING ON THE ICE AND KICKING ASS!! I remember vividly the relief i felt when cassian showed up and was able to fly and i still felt so much victory when it happened again. it’s one of my favorite moments of the book so far and just really gets me. also feyre just dropping the “I’m high lady of the night court” bomb is DELICIOUS and i can’t get enough. i read it like six times. because you know as soon as the illyrians yielded to her that the autumn bitches were like “shit.”

“My love.” kILLS ME. you guys, i’ve only read this book once but i’ve reread their reuniting multiple times because it’s just so soft. rhys is so goddamn soft. he loves her so fucking much. i want rhys to call me my love and lick my tears away. goddamn. 

something i think about a lot is how in acotar when tamlin had feyre alone after months of torture he just tried to fuck her despite knowing things weren’t safe. however, knowing she was home and safe, rhys didn’t try for that immediately. like yes, they kissed, but there was so much conversation before they fucked that it just, says a lot about their relationship. tamlin also always demanded to know everything about feyre’s visits as soon as she was back, not even bothering to kiss her hello but rhys was like ‘that shit can wait’ AND THEY’RE ABOUT TO GO TO WAR. rhys loves her so wholly that he wanted to make sure she was okay before he ever bothered to ask about the spring court and how everything unfolded the last few weeks. idk i’m trash for rhysand, y’all. let’s make that a shirt.

the way that rhys threatens lucien, “i won’t bother to explain it again, and i will rip out your fucking throat.” is so sexy. like how casual it was, so sexy.#ripmythroatoutrhysand

amren being a bedtime story but irl is just a cranky aunt lmao.

nesta’s ferocity is, yes, frustrating, but also so heartbreaking to me. for a very long time i had a really rough relationship with my sister and i can see my own sister in nesta (who, by the way, would murder me if she found out i said this so, kara, if u see this, i love u endlessly and i love nesta with my whole heart) especially nesta’s behavior more so in acofas which i’ll talk more about when we get there. but i just, i feel for her man. she’s been traumatized and life as she knows it has been ripped away from her and some people respond to trauma with bite. and i know it doesn’t make it right or okay but it still just makes me feel for her.

cassian and nesta’s banter just gODDAMMIT SLAYS ME. i cannot wait for an entire fucking book of this shit and an entire book of their back and forth. i think nesta loves him and doesn’t know what to do with it because she’s scared so she’s acting like a cornered animal. like nesta is a snake that will strike when cornered and threatened and i just god i can’t wait for their book. 

elain... broke my heart a lot more than i remembered. as someone in the midst of my worst depression i find myself able to relate to that hollow and empty feeling like...all too well and it struck a cord and i almost cried at how empty she was. 

4) chapters 16-29 there is the whole meeting at amren’s apartment and cassian defends nesta, saying that he understands her actions, her snark, why she is the way she is, and it just honestly reinforces my love for cassian. i don’t have much to say about it but that i just really love the respect that he has for others. more cassian things: feyre brings up again how even broken and literally bleeding out and on the ground with his wings completely shredded he was still crawling toward nesta and reaching for her and trying to get to her. “because i can’t stay away.” fucking cracks my heart open every time. 

i love everything about the first family dinner back together. i love all the banter, i love that nesta sat in and even contributed to dinner conversation a little bit. lucien being so uncertain of the dynamic is hilarious. amren like opening herself up in a way to nesta and telling her that they’re the same, and to make sure her eruption is felt across worlds, i love it. i’m marking a lot more from amren than i thought i would. cassian at one point, he points to az and says “don’t try to blend into the shadows” and it actually made me chuckle to myself because hE DOES THAT. and it’s funny that cassian calls him on it. 

i don’t think nesta gets enough credit (for like anything, we all been knew i’m a slut for her and stan her with my life) but even as broken and angry as she was she did still offer to help explore magic that she doesn’t want and got as a result of trauma so that she can try to help. she isn’t completely useless. and i like that she has backbone and isn’t just a pushover little bitch. (that isn’t directed toward elain. like i previously mentioned, i’m finding that i relate a lot to her in her current state.) i just mean that i’m glad she sticks up for herself and doesn’t just like, do what people tell her to do. ya know?

rhys being so open to feyre pushing back on him about things like, again man. tamlin erupted and got angry, rhys is like “hell, i deserved it.” just, the differences in their relationships and the toxicity that comes from tamlin and the devotion rhys has for feyre is (say it with me) DELICIOUS.

i also like that just because feyre is high lady that the IC doesn’t just like flop over and bend down and take shit (i’m looking at you, spring court.) like cassian isn’t afraid to be like “you pissed me off by sacrificing yourself.” because he cares. LIKE, AGAIN WITH HIS DEVOTION. his loyalty is just so pure. it isn’t blind but it is pure and i just, god i love it. 

also everyone forgets that azriel has a dry ass sense of humor and i don’t see any of y’all writing it into your fics. “In order to fly, you’ll need wings” he said drily. IT’S DELICIOUS. dry humor is some of the best. and i like that feyre is learning more and getting to spend more time with him. 

5) chapter 20-27 this one will be a bit of a dump because i accidentally read too much today so far to try to catch up from my lack of reading yesterday so... oops. 

“Let’s see what names you call me when my head is between your legs, Feyre darling.” ugh. i wish a mans would say that to me. not really. i wish rhys would say that to me and only rhys. maybe rowan. or aaron warner. or cassian. or -- you get it. 

amren is SO FUCKING FUNNY without doing it on purpose. like genuinely hilarious. “she’s fine. stubborn as an ass, but as you’re related, i’m not surprised.” rOAST THEM. also amren makes nesta almost smile and she makes her laugh all in the span of like ten seconds AND nesta almost smiles when amren brings up cassian. coincidencE? i tHINK NOT.

again with rhys soothing her nightmares. like god it’s so good i dont even have to say anything else abt it.

feyre realizing that the bone carver is her and rhysand’s son. SO GOOD. like SERIOUSLY SO GOOD. and this doesn’t matter at all rn but i think that rhysand’s son has the potential to be more powerful than even him but that’s a thing to get into for another time.

EVERYTHING THE BONE CARVER SAYS ABOUT NESTA. also that it’s directed at cassian is very interesting and i think the bone carver knows they’re mates. like i wonder if cassian is seeing what feyre sees: his own son. WOULDN’T THAT BE INTERESTING. “How she calls to you.” also the comment about “what did you wake that day in hybern, prince of bastards?” what did cassian wake. the wording here is interesting and i have... a lot of questions. does anyone else just also really fucking enjoy the bone carver as a character? like he’s excellent i’ve never read anything quite like him.

“nothing about nesta could frighten me” UGH MY NESSIAN HEART CAN’T FUCKING TAKE IT.

also cassian stepping it later when nesta is furious with rhysand about the flying. like, one when he sighs and says she’ll never fly again is just... funny and adorable but how nesta was charging for rhys and he casually stepped in front of her and he talked her down. “It was amren’s fault, of course, but no one believed me. and no on dare banish her.” like just babbling a bit to bring her back down to earth. absolutely fascinating and delicious that it worked, wouldn’t you agree? ;)

court of nightmares is always a pleasure. fuck eris. 

also later at the town house when amren and mor and rhys are kinda going at it a bit and cassian gets nesta’s attention and nesta sidles over to him without questioning it... like. god if they aren’t endgame i’ll never read an SJM book ever again and i wholeheartedly mean that.

so i’ve seen the posts about amren being an angel i’m not sure if you guys have but yeah i think that’s a really solid theory. i think she very well could be a biblical angel because she mentioned that according to some they were perfect, that they laid waste to twin cities (sodom & gamorrah if this theory is correct) and she also mentioned yielding her grace and that she would fall. she also says she was a messenger and soldier assassin for a wrathful god ruling a young world and all of that, in my opinion, lines up with a lot of what is in the bible and what christians believe to be true. so i really really like this theory, i doubt it will ever be outright confirmed, but i think this is going to be my canon tbh. 

elain is.... out of her mind. it’s fucking weird everything she says is so cryptic and odd. like it’s just weird. i don’t think she’s insane and i can’t remember exactly where elain’s storyline goes in this book but like... rn it’s just weird and cryptic and a little unsettling and also interesting that she only really responds directly to azriel because everyone else she kinda ignores but she talks to him. interesting. 

6) chapters 28-49 clearly i accidentally read A LOT so we have a lOT Of ground to cover. 

NESTA WAS TOTALLY CHECKING CASSIAN OUT AND THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THAT.

azriel has fucking jokes, man. page 303 (hardcover us edition)  “That pine tree wasn’t there a moment ago.” “Judging by its size, i’d say it’s been there for ... two hundred years at least.” feyre even notes that he has a dry sense of humor and it comes out more when they’re alone. i can’t get enough of it. i wish he talked more. 

“Cassian finished the muffin, licking his fingers. I could have sworn nesta watched the entire thing with a sidelong glance. He grinned at her as if he knew it too.” i just love nessian so much i’m going to point out all of their cute reactions this is turning more into a nessian reaction thread SUE ME.

I think that nesta has a lot of regret and guilt over her life.over how she treated feyre because it comes out when nesta brings up to feyre that she didn’t know she couldn’t read (and again at the high lords meeting when she says they would have starved if it wasn’t for her.) i think she feels deeply and just doesn’t know what to do with it, doesn’t know how to express it. 

When they almost get taken in the library, and cassian gets there and nesta “launches herself at him.” my heart. she was scared and she didn’t care she was just so relieved. like fuck me up that’s the shit i like.

nesta asking where cassian is the moment they get back from the battle in adriata and she was worried and scared for him. later when she does see him i think this is when the mating bond clicks into place. it’s page 398 and she says “You didn’t come to -” and then cuts herself off. they have a really fucking intense moment. cassian takes her hand and laces their fingers and they don’t really say anything for a beat until he says “Next time, emissary, i’ll come say hello.” but his voice is low and rough when he says it. “The world seemed to go utterly still at that interrupted sentence, nothing and no one more so than cassian.” i think this is when it clicks for him. maybe not for nesta but definitely for cassian. 

RHYSAND RIPPING TAMLIN’S ABILITY TO SPEAK AWAY LIKE YES WE STAN A MOTHERFUCKING KING. fuck tamlin. fuck eris. and fuck beron. also nesta defending cassian in the high lords meeting (page 438, because beron calls him a bastard.) again, i’m just saying, she’s defending her fucking mate i can’t deal. feyre also exploding in the meeting and rhys just being like “You’ve proved your point, my love.” SO DELICIOUS. “I made her high lady because i love her. her power was the last thing i considered.” like fucking hELL that is how you treat your woman.

after the meeting, helion being like “You handing eris’s ass to him will be my new fantasy at night, by the way.” DELICIOUS. fucking hilarious. 10/10 recommend helion as a high lord and a mans we love to see it. 

also cassian being so concerned when nesta starts to have that feeling about the cauldron being used before the wall gets shattered.he didn’t doubt her feelings for a second, i mean no one did, but he was completely unyielding when he sensed her fear and immediately looked for any sign of an immediate threat.

nesta saying she’s never worn pants and cassian saying “i have no doubt you’d start a riot if you did.” he’s thinking bout that ass. also cassian giving her a quick lesson in defense before they yeet off to the human lands to see graysen and his family. IDK I REALLY LOVE NESSIAN OKAY?!

7) chapter 50-the end. i accidentally finished the book. oops. 

super intersted in nesta’s powers and if she is a witch. i can’t remember acofas at all and if nesta’s powers manifest in that book but i’m eager to see if the fracturing of the cauldron didn’t effect whatever powers she took from it. i think that could also be part of what ultimately is wrong with her on top of all the trauma. 

nesta helping cassian after that first battle when his wrist is hurt. she didn’t take no for an answer and helped him and it was just really soft until mor showed up and cassian pulled his hand away. i’m conflicted about what it means to be totally honest. what it means for his feelings for nesta and what it means where mor is concerned. i don’t love how morrigan treats nesta and cassian’s... relationship? but i don’t dislike mor. i think she’s dealing and coping and has her reasons that we will likely find out about. 

“Only you can decide what breaks you” is something i’d like to get tattooed. i dont really have anything else to add to it. 

i was sobbing during rhys’s battle speech to everyone. i dont rlly have anything else to say about it other than i’m emo. 

nesta saving cassian. again i don’t have shit to say about it other than like it makes me so emotional.  she just started blinding screaming, hoping that he would come. i can’t even begin to think what his death would have done to her.

the bone carver smiling at feyre before he did hits a very specific piece of my heart and i’m not sure why or what but i had chills all over my body. 

cassian telling rhys to let him return the favor/repay the debt. HURT. another thing i cried over. like shut the fuck cassian AIN’T NOBODY DYIN TODAY. 

tHE Nessian moment to end all nessian moments when they would die together. like big fucking wow. you can’t tell me they’re not mates. that they don’t love each other despite how complicated all of it is. like cassian is so soft in the most unique way for her because he knows she bites and he lets her and he bites back and i just think it’s what he needs.

“tell the high lord to leave out a cup for me” AMREN SHUT UP. like fucking christ i teared up then too because i really really love her character. she’s unique and funny and dry and cranky and i just love her so much. 

i’m tired of rhys sacrificing himself. there, i said it. i cried like a fucking baby and of course he woke up being a snarky little shit.

i love the end of this book. i don’t know what i’ll do with myself until january when the next one comes out. i’ll probably go back to the other format for my next read through because it’s easier and less longwinded and i think you guys liked the other way better. anywho, thank you for coming along on this lil journey!!

#acowar #acowar reread #acotar #acomaf

[moprocrastinates]

Sit By My Side, and Let the World Slip:

||| Chapter Two |||

Chapter Rating: T

Summary: Jude Duarte would never, ever, call herself stupid.

But sitting on a stool at her favorite bar with a Blue Moon halfway to her lips and eyes glued to her best friend as he flirts with people, smiles with his whole face, and runs his hand through his stupidly messy curls when all she wants to do is do that herself?

Yeah, she’s pretty stupid. Pretty stupid for him.

(Read on A03!)

Jude Duarte would never, ever, call herself stupid.

But sitting on a stool at her favorite bar with a Blue Moon halfway to her lips and eyes glued to her best friend as he flirts with people, smiles with his whole face, and runs his hand through his stupidly messy curls when all she wants to do is do that herself?

Yeah, she’s pretty stupid. Pretty stupid for him.

(Now that she’s really thinking about it, there might have been a few more times she was called stupid. Most notably, there was that one bully in her third grade class who called her that at recess after she’d tried to stop his dictatorial reign over the slide for Taryn, but Cardan had helped her push him into the thorn bushes upon seeing Jude’s tear streaks glistening on her face, and, well, nobody ever called her names after that.)

It’s kind of pathetic, really, that she’s just staring at him like this. It’s not like he’s perfect, but still. His arms are crossed in that suave masculine way, lithe, slender biceps coming close to pushing against his sleeves as he chats up this beautiful girl, and when he smiles, a set of white teeth reveal themselves, dauntless and inviting in a way that Jude herself has yet to define. The blue vest he wears clings to him in a way that should be outlawed, the white sleeves underneath puffy and luminescent against his skin, and unruly, dark curls atop his head bounce when he tips his head back to laugh.

Jude can hear his laugh from all the way across the bar, and if she were a better person, her heart probably wouldn’t twist so much when his beautiful smile presents itself to the girl.

But yet, here she stands, just generally being a mess about him.

She’s sure she looks like an idiot— her mouth has got to be pretty much wide-open, and she might have very wide eyes at the sight of the girl Cardan’s currently flirting with wrapping her perfectly manicured hand around his bicep. He smiles at her, easy, and Jude’s heart flips.

Again—pathetic.

The Bomb’s there, like she always is. Liliver doesn’t skip bars nights like Jude does, mostly because the emotional toll of her job can be a bit much, and, according to her, there’s nothing better than not remembering her job and the way some people take her to task for the way she does it. She likes to drink her problems away, and Jude, being the good roommate and best friend that she is, follows along, breaking up Liliver’s self-provoked fights and paying her tab when the girl is too inebriated to do it herself.

But this time, instead of drinking her weight in whiskey, Liliver is pressing the line of her body into Jude’s side, eyes curious but wary. Jude can tell that she’s concerned from the way her whole face is pinched, and her two front teeth are tugging her bottom lip a little into her mouth.

“Rough night?” She asks, curious, soft, dark hands pressing another cold beer into Jude’s own.

Jude didn’t even notice her beer had gone a little warm, but thankfully Liliver did. She’s going to need more alcohol after this.

“Just a little bit.” She mumbles and takes a healthy swig of her beer, managing to wince only slightly at the taste.  “It hurts a little. That’s all.”

Liliver’s eyes are sympathetic. “I know, Jude,” she says, and leans forward, wrapping an arm around Jude’s shoulders. Her mouth ends up near Jude’s cheek, and the breath tickling it reminds her of Cardan’s eyes, warm only when directed at Jude.

It’s then that Jude notices the dilation of Liliver’s eyes, the way her lids are drooping closed, and how her body gently sways in time to the music.

"“You is kind. You is smart. You is important!” She announces, pushing her forehead into Jude’s shoulder. An errant finger pushes into Jude’s cheek, steadily growing rosier in the din of the bar.

Of course—she’s drunk. Drunk Liliver always quotes The Help when she’s drunk; it’s her favorite movie. (When she’s sober, her favorite movie is Die Hard, although Jude’s pretty sure The Help is her real favorite.)

“Okay, Lil,” she says, gentle, putting her bottle down on the counter beside them. “We’re gonna take an Uber home now, okay? You’ve had enough.”

“Okay,” Liliver slurs, “The Roach wasn’t here anyway, so it was a night wasted.” She giggles a little at her own pun.

Jude snorts and rolls her eyes, fond, and she presses a hand to Liliver’s shoulder, guiding her towards the door.

As she’s heading out, she meets Cardan’s eyes over the head of the guy he’s chatting up.

“Headed out,” she mouths. “Close up our tab?”

He nods, waves a little, brows furrowed in what is very clearly concern, and Jude can’t help but want to push her thumb in the middle of them to smooth out the crease.

The Uber arrives quickly, thankfully, because Jude’s not sure she can support a flailing Liliver without more than two hands. Once they’re in the car, however, Liliver mumbles again into Jude’s shoulder: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important,” and Jude, a little selfishly, thinks she’s right about all of them.

Well, except the second one.

Except when it comes to one Cardan Greenbriar.

She’s pretty stupid about him.

*******

But just because she’s pathetically stupid about Cardan doesn’t mean that she shows it.

In fact, she’s pretty good at hiding her feelings, especially when he drapes his arm over her shoulders to pull her closer in the booth that they’re sharing with their friends, or when he presses a kiss to her temple after she schools a couple guys at the bar in pool, or even when he holds her hand in the movie theater after Jyn and Cassian hug and die and she just can’t hold in the tears anymore.

But her feelings are building up, and if she doesn’t tell him soon, she’s probably gonna explode, and it isn’t going to be pretty.

But then again, it’s Cardan, and her feelings are always explosive around him, mostly because he likes to argue every single point she ever makes about literally anything, and he’s just so wrong that she has to correct him, which leads to more bickering, and yeah, her competitive streak is a little debilitating to her personality, sue her. She still has friends.  

However, it’s Cardan, and she can never back down from one of his challenges.

It’s a Saturday night, and they’re all at the Court of Shadows, the dingiest, most neon, and cheapest bar in town, nursing drinks and watching as Vivi absolutely crushes Taryn at darts, when Cardan drops his head to their table with a loud thunk.

“God,” he groans, the sound muffled with his arm in the way. “I’m way off my game tonight.”

Jude arches a brow at him. “Your game?” She pokes him in the shoulder, and he shifts towards her, grumbling. The movement brings him closer to her, his next words almost a purr that Jude furiously ignores.

“The girl I’ve been making eyes at all night just left with another guy,” he says, and takes a long, slow sweet sip of wine. “And here I thought I wouldn’t be going home alone.”

She knows her heart’s going to clench before it does, but she ignores it. Instead, she says, “Well, the night’s still young. You have plenty of time to get someone else to go home with you.”

Cardan’s looking at her when she lifts her head up from where she’s been seriously focused on peeling the label from her beer bottle. “You’re awfully positive.”

“Well, there’s time!” She protests. “It’s not like I’m never positive!”

Her best friend gives her a look, eyes dancing with something she can’t quite name.

“At least I’m realistic,” Jude mumbles. “But you could still get one! Everybody wants to flirt with you! They practically line up for their turn!"

His chuckle is a little dark. “But I don’t want to flirt with everyone.”

Huh. Jude sobers a moment. “You mean you just want to flirt with the cute ones?”

Dark eyes meet hers for a fleeting second. “Ideally, yes. A good conversation to go along, too.”

“You can’t completely get to know a person in one conversation. You’ll have to meet up again— hence the phone number.”

“But what if I just want a conversation?"

“Then flirt with someone, and get their number to continue the conversation post the first impression!”

“It’s hard to get a phone number, Ju-de.”

“No, it’s really not, Car-dan.”

“Then why haven’t you gotten one?” He asks, and she freezes.

Literally everyone in this room knows why I haven’t gotten anyone’s phone number, Cardan, but you’re so blind you can’t even see that you’re the reason why.

Carefully, she dips her eyes down to her bottle, forcing her fingers to peel at the label instead of yanking him towards her for a kiss. “I’m the designated driver,” Jude says, prim, and Cardan scoffs. It’s a haughty thing, and Jude still wants to kiss him for it.

“Yeah, right. You probably couldn’t get one number. You’re still not over Locke.” He says, and immediately, once his words register, a mixture of fury and annoyance bubbles in her stomach.

How. Dare. He.

I am SO over Locke. I’m over him because I realized my feelings for Cardan will NEVER go away, so I’m just going to pine forever and then die!

“You wanna bet?” She snaps, sharp and increasingly bitter, and Cardan looks slightly taken aback. His eyebrows do that thing she hates, furrowing like he’ll never understand why what he’s just said has caused her to react in such a way.

“Sure.” He leans forward, big brown eyes searching hers. “I bet you can’t even get one number tonight. No, wait, I bet you can’t get an actual number from someone tonight.” Cardan’s eyes glint under the dim lighting of the bar, and Jude really, really wants to kiss him.

But she can’t, certainly not now.

“Deal,” Jude says, and sticks her hand out. They shake, and Jude does everything she can to suppress a shiver at the warmth his big hand radiates onto hers.

“Alright, Princess, take your pick.” Cardan gestures to the entire room, and almost immediately, Jude sees him.

He’s sitting in the back, head down, eyes glued to his phone. If anything, he looks bored as hell, and she thinks that he’s playing Flappy Bird. She smiles.

Already, she’s kind of fond of him. Anyone who still has Flappy Bird on their phone is someone worth talking to.

“Found him!” Jude smirks at Cardan, whose eyes are wide in a way that seem to say, Already? But before he can say anything else, she’s off, striding across the bar with a sense of purpose she didn’t have before.

She flops down beside the guy just as he lifts his glass to take a sip of his drink, eyes still on his phone.

“Hi there!” She says, and he promptly chokes on his beer.

“Hi…?” says the guy, tentative, and his fingers clench white around his glass, almost as though he’s readying to run. She leans closer to him, and, after a beat, he does too, clearly still wary of her.

“So listen,” Jude starts, before quickly realizing she has no line prepared.

For someone who considered herself quick-witted, she was surely falling flat on her face now.

“So, uh, are you Google?” She pauses, watching his face, and when he furrows his brows at her, she finishes: “Because you’re everything I’m looking for.”

She should’ve known better than to use one of Liliver’s terrible pick-up lines, because almost immediately, the guy bursts out laughing.

It’s a nice laugh, too—hearty and warm. If she weren’t already stupid in love with Cardan, this guy would certainly have more appeal.

“I’m sorry!” He wheezes, hand on his chest as he struggles to catch his breath. “I, uh, I know you’re hitting on me, but I’ve just been stood up, and that’s simultaneously the funniest and the worst line I’ve heard. Ever.” His chuckle makes the corners of her mouth tick up.

“Well, yeah. I stole it from a friend, but now that I’ve used it, I’m not sure how she ever got laid with that one.” Jude grins at him, sticks her hand out. “I’m Jude Duarte.”

The guy smiles back at her. “Garrett Larkin. People call me Ghost.”

It’s quiet for a beat, not uncomfortably so, and Jude’s thinking of something to say when he speaks. “So why did you come over to my table, Jude?” He asks, smirking at her. “Feel the need to rescue the dude in distress?”

“If by in distress, you mean ‘playing an app that was all the rage a couple years ago and dramatically dying at every underpass,’ then yeah, I was definitely rescuing you.”

Garrett snorts, derisive. “Well, like I said. Stood up.”

She’s not surprised when a pang of some emotion hits her stomach; she likes Garrett, and already, she wants to see more of him. “Well, my friends and I are over there,” she jerks her thumb behind her, feeling the interested gazes of her friends (oh god, Cardan!) on her as she does. “If you want to come and hang out with some pretty dorky but pretty awesome people, you’re more than welcome too. I think Vivi and Heather could probably help you beat your high score on Flappy Bird.”

Garrett’s eyebrows furrow, and then he’s grinning at her again. “Yeah, uh, I’d really like that. Thanks, Jude.”

She beams at him. “No problem, Garrett.”

“So, is there anything I need to know?” He asks as they stand up, making to head over. “Maybe like why that dark-haired guy is watching us so intently?” Garrett nods his head in the direction of her friends, and she doesn’t need to glance over to know who he’s talking about.

“Oh,” she mumbles, as a feeling of utter shittiness washes over her. Garrett, concerned, looks down at her, and she sighs.

“Look, I’m in love with him.” Jude says, and Garrett nods like he understands. “But it’s not reciprocated, and to make him feel better about not going home with anyone yet tonight, we made a bet that I couldn’t get anyone’s real number either. So I came over to you to prove a point.”

This time, Garrett watches her, eyes unreadable.

“But, uh, I’m an asshole, and once I got talking to you, I couldn’t play you like that. That’s rude, and terribly, terribly mean, and I promise I was going to give this speech to you earlier, but we got to talking—“

“Jude,” Garrett interrupts, and she stops, refusing to look up at him until she feels a gentle poke on her shoulder.

All of her panic deflates out of her almost instantaneously when Garrett smirks down at her.

“I believe you.” He says, and relief floods through her. It’s then that he reaches toward her, palm out. “Give me your phone.”

She does, and she literally cannot believe her eyes as he programs his number into her phone.

“I know a thing or two about unrequited love,” is all he says, and from there, it’s easy: Garrett folds into their little group of delinquents as though he’d grown up with them. She introduces him to her friends, and Vivi and Heather take an immediate liking to him. Taryn is the only one who is a little bit more wary (she’s always been the most suspicious of them all), but by the end of the night, she’s laughing at something Garrett has on his phone, touching his arm and blushing furiously, and Jude thinks, yeah, this might be all right.

Just before closing, she plops down into the seat next to Cardan, who, for some reason, is staring hard at his phone. She nudges him with her elbow, and he only scowls harder.

“Are you mad because you didn’t get a number?” asks Jude, and Cardan’s head whips towards her, unruly curls pressed closer to his head than they had been earlier that night.

He pauses, eyes meeting hers, and she is struck by the sheer depth of emotion she sees there. But the emotion’s gone before she can think much more about it, and he’s a little grumpy when he tells her yes.

But for a second, she thought he might have been ready to say no.

She wonders why, yet doesn’t say anything to Cardan as he leads her out of the bar.

Still, Jude doesn’t see the way Cardan hesitates before putting a hand on the small of her back, and clenches his fingers a little before releasing them. She doesn’t see his heavy sigh, his hard swallow, or the way his eyes fixate on the back of her head.

(Oh, what he would give for her to see his face.)

She misses it all.

#did i read this over? no #no beta we die like men #jurdan #jurdannet #jude x cardan #jude duarte #cardan x jude #cardan greenbriar #tfota #the folk of the air #tcp fic #the cruel prince #twk #the wicked king #qon #queen of nothing #holly black #moprocrastinates #my writing

[drethanramslay]

Chapter 1

Pairing: Cassian X MC (for this chapter)

Warning: Light swearing and check out this post to know how we are gonna go about this mini series 😊

Word count: 3K

Taglist: @choices-love-affair @miyakokurono @openheart12 @trappedinfandoms @noboundariesplease @nooruleman @madampugzalot @sekizincimektup @dailydoseofchoices @choicesfanaf @choiceskaavya @junggoku @flyawayboo @whatchique @vampiregirlsblog (let me know if you want to added or removed from the taglist 😊)

Songs: Heartless by The Weeknd

I love parties.

What is not to love? The free buffet of food, drinks and woman can make a guy’s day. I had got off work and was hella tired but, at the same time, I was in a celebratory mood. I had just returned from the Caribbean, finishing another WITSEC case, with the witness returned to his family. The reunion was so emotional and the mom made me sit down and eat with them.

There was so much love there and it made me feel like an outsider. I’m still unfamiliar with ‘love’ as a concept. Be it, familial or romantic. It’s foreign to me.

My mom died from a robbery gone wrong when I was just 8 years. My dad raised me after my mom died. He used to be so busy and I think I know why. He was grieving and he threw himself into work so that it could reduce the burden on his heart. But, he didn’t make me feel neglected. He loved me and I often used to think of him as a superhero. The Sunday’s where we would play ball in the park are one of the many good memories I have of him.

He passed away when I was 13 years and it was the worst phase in my life. I don’t know why, but nobody was ready to adopt me or foster me so I was thrown into an orphanage.

It was hell on earth.

The kids there were so primal and aggressive. Regular fights would break out and I swear they were so crazy that it seemed like one of the kids would die. I had to sleep with an eye open all the time.

It was a very dingy and dark place. Water supply and living accommodation sucked. But at least, the school I went to was good. At the age of 15, I swore to study so hard that I could get out of the country.

I mean, Kenmare had its pretty sites and wonderful views but when it’s dark, all the monsters come out.

I got into the army as soon as I graduated high school. It wasn’t much but at least I didn’t have to go to bed with an empty stomach. I started saving up money by doing odd jobs so that I could collect enough to get into a university in the States.

So, I slogged my ass and got a scholarship to Boston University. I packed my bags and never looked back at my fucked up childhood. I worked on re-inventing me. I was no longer the scrawny and scared 16 year old, but I was the 20 year old heart throb, Cassian Keane.

I always wanted to get into law enforcement. Think of it like a tribute to my mom. I don’t remember much but I can remember some memories. Like how she loved baking and singing songs as she worked in the house. I do remember that she loved me so much.

But, the one thing I’ve learnt is that, you should learn from the past but not hold on to it. I wouldn’t have ever moved on if I kept on crying about how life treated me.

Just shove it in a safe and don’t open it.

As the lift soared to the terrace level I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head of all the thoughts running in my head.

The lift dinged and I opened my eyes.

Show time, Keane.

——————————————————————————————————–

It was a high profile party. I did see a couple of actors and CEO’s of various companies. They were all chatting animatedly and drinking expensive champagne in crystal flutes.

A band was playing lively music which could be heard through the speakers and the entire terrace was decorated with fairy lights. I was on the 60th floor and I could clearly see the sun glinting over the the bay, making the water sparkle and glimmer.

In short the area was sophisticated as fuck.

And I couldn’t help but feel out of place. I usually play off all my discomfort with my nonchalance but still no matter how much I pretend, I know that this is not my scene.

I took the overpriced whiskey which the waiters were serving and my eyes roamed around the party, observing the people, the place and the closest exit. It had become like a second nature. Observe, map the area and stay alert.

As my eyes wandered, it locked on to the most gorgeous blue eyes I had ever seen in my life. She was standing there chatting with a friend. Her luscious shiny brown locks fell over her shoulder as she laughed at something the other person said.

She was wearing a red number, which fit her like a second skin, making all the curves prominent. She had a great ass, not gonna lie. And her skin… It was caramel in colour and under the setting sun, she looked exotic.

In short one of the most beautiful creatures God had made on this earth. I just couldn’t take my eyes off her.

I could see the friend leaning in to tell something to her and at that moment her cerulean eyes met mine.

And it seemed like the world stopped.

People disappeared until it was just me and her.

She gave a confident smile and I swear my heart dropped.

She headed inside and I followed her, like a sailor to a siren.

It wasn’t really hard to find her among the crowd near the bar. Almost all eyes were on her, stunned by her sphere of prettiness. You really needed to be blind to ignore such a beauty.

By the time I reached her, I could hear the sleazeball of a bartender shamelessly hitting on her. The jealousy that I felt made me uneasy but, I shrugged it off.

What would I know about that anyway?

I saw the discomfort and the scowl on her face. She was struggling to keep him at bay so I decided to step in.

I mean, who doesn’t love a knight in the shining armor?

Smoothly cutting in, I spoke in a playful voice, “Did I hear that right? The barkeep’s giving away drinks for a kiss? Sounds like something the whole bar would want to know.”

The barkeep’s face turned red. “It’s not an open invitation.” He replied curtly.

“Or a welcome one for that matter.” The beautiful woman responded, her eyes swirling with anger.

“Then it’s only fair her drink should be free of cost to make up for the..” I leaned forward on my elbows and gave him a chilling stare. “…inconvenience.”

Grumbling he gave me the drinks and went back to his work. I turned to look at her, and gave her lopsided grin.

“You know, I don’t need saving.” She said as she leaned on the bar. I knew that she was going to say that.

I lifted my hands in fake surrender. “I just came here to get a free drink.” I had perfected the art of flirtation and with a little smoldering gaze,any woman could fall for me.

She giggled and took the glass from me, her fingers tracing the ridges if my knuckles.

“I must say, you’ve got great taste in uisce beatha. Most people around here think Irish whiskey is something they put in their coffee.” I said as I took a sip of the smokey whiskey.

“Thanks, I know. That’s why I ordered it.”

I chuckled lowly and shook my head at her feisty nature. She was something, all right. Clinking my glass to hers, I said, “Slainte. Here’s to you knowing exactly what you like.”

She flipped her hair over her shoulder, and looked at me and I swear, it felt like she could see through my soul.

“It makes things much more efficient. There’s no point in wasting time when you know what you want.”

With that, she waved a waiter over and took a honeyed cream puff off their appetizer tray, grabbing a second to hold out to me.

“For example, I love sweet things.”

Smirking, I took the puff on a napkin and pulled it towards me. “Thanks. It seems you live in the right place. Though I’d prefer some hole in the wall fish n’ chips over the fancy stuff any day.”

And that’s the truth. The amount of money spent on this overrated cream puff could get me some delicious take out and cheap beer.

She bit into the pastry slowly, letting the tiniest bit of cream coat her lips before you suck your bottom lip to remove it. My eyes flickering on to the luscious red lips which were teasing me and slowly arousing me.

God, I want to bite that lip.

“I prefer finding the best of the best. The challenge makes it more enjoyable.” She gave a catty smile.

She is one vixen.

“Sounds like I could learn a lot from you.” I spoke in a husky voice and I saw her eyes dilate.

“Maybe. But right now I was hoping you’d tell me your name.” She asked, as she twirled her finger around the rim of her glass.

“Cassian. What’s yours?”

“Adira.” Her name just rolled out of your mouth like honey.

“That’s a beautiful name for a beautiful lady.” I took her hand and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles. I heard the sharp intake of her breath.

She is so responsive… Wonder how would she responds when I have her naked underneath me…

“Well, Adira… it was lovely to meet you. I’ll let you get back to enjoying the rest of your night.”

I wasn’t actually going to vanish but, gotta keep the ladies wanting more.

But what she did next, surprised me.

She snaked an arm out, and slid her dainty fingers through one of my belt loops, using it to pull me closer to her. I raised an eyebrow and she just smirked.

“Not so fast. I’m not letting you go without a dance.”

Giving her my signature lopsided smile I help my hand out to her. “I’m starting to get the feeling that I couldn’t refuse you anything. Lead the way, Adira.”

——————————————————————————————————–

The phone rang at an ungodly hour and I groaned.

I reached all around and finally found it amidst the tangled sheet. The bed was empty and it wasn’t much of a surprise but it kinda made me crave her.

She was amazing and the sex we had was mind blowing. I think she is the first person to step a foot inside my house. And she definitely was the first person to whom I submitted.

There were so many 'firsts’ last night and that just made me wonder if that was the end of our story.

Maybe I might drop a text…

“Yup?”

“Hey Keane. We have a new case for you. How long will you be here in?” Tomas spoke into the phone.

“Is there coffee and donuts from 'Dunkin Donuts’?” I said as I sat up, rubbing my eyes and eyeing the alarm clock on the bedside table.

4:45 am.

“Obviously Cassian. What do you think I am? An immature?"I swear, I could hear Tomas roll his eyes through the phone.

Smiling, I headed to the washroom to get on with my morning chores.

"I’ll be there in ten.”

——————————————————————————————————–

I got my steaming hot cup of coffee and poured two spoons of sugar in them before stirring.

“What you got there, Marshall Keane?” A bright eyed police officer eyed my cup. “Is it Irish coffee?”

I threw my head back and laughed at the stereotype. “It’s black coffee. Rookie, just because I’m Irish doesn’t mean I am every stereotype you have seen in your life.”  I patted his back and headed towards my office.

It was definitely an upgrade from my cramped up desk. I could sit back and kick up my legs without anyone saying anything. I had my space and I could relax without anyone, figuratively and literally, breathing down my neck.

And I could see it in Tomas’s eyes, the itch to promote me. My back to back successes in the recent cases and the huge underground drug bust I led, it was no surprise. I just knew that he would give me a promotion and I honestly, could not wait.

I loved my job and took it very seriously.

I found Tomas standing in, through the window and I entered. “Good morning, sir. What’s up?” I asked as I leaned against my desk.

“Well, we found a person who witnessed the murder of Sean Kelly by the O'Connell’s.” He said as he turned towards me, face grave.

“Shit. Is the witness okay?” I said as I picked up the file he had kept on my table.

“Yeah… I made Miss Lockhart familiar with the gravity of the situation. She is going into WITSEC and this is your case. This witness could help us in cracking the case wide open and we can finally arrest Killian and Maeve.” As he stepped out of the office and I fell in step with him.

I opened the case file and found what all they had got on the redheads. It wasn’t much but it was a start.

“Your witness is in my office and you are the lead in this case. You both will be shifting to Nantucket for the summer until the heat dies down here and we can get enough evidence. Then, we will get her to testify.” We turned and walked down the hallway to his office and I saw Nwosu grumbling in his office.

“What’s up Nwosu’s ass?” I asked with an amused grin.

“That would be the witness. She cussed him out in front of the entire precinct. She is a feisty one, I’ll give you that. I will just check upon the living accommodation for the two of you.” Tomas said as he headed in the opposite direction. I chuckled as I knocked on the door.

“Miss Lockhart. This is US Marshall Keane. I will be working your case with Tomas.”

As she opened the door to his office the smile that was playing on my lips died down when I saw my witness.

It was Adira.

“Cassian? You are a US Marshall?” She exclaimed.

I immediately shut the door behind me and she looked as if she had seen a ghost.

“Shit. Adira I thought I would never see you again… Are you okay?” I asked.

“Y-yeah.. I just changed into the clothes they gave me and I- I dyed my hair platinum blonde.” She said as she consciously ran her hand through the silky short locks.

“You look magnificent.” I smiled at her, as I took in the floral dress and the new hairdo.

“And you look hot in that uniform. You almost make me wish I had stayed back for a round two.”

Crossing my arms, I leaned against the wall. “I was hoping you would have stayed back for much more.”

A pretty blush dusted her cheeks. She looked up through her eyelashes. “Your mouth is nothing but trouble, Cassian Keane.”

I was going to respond but the phone rang, breaking us from our reverie. I ran my hand through my hair, and patted the man bun, trying to get my cool together.

“Okay Adira. I have been assigned lead on your case. It’s my chance at a huge promotion. Tomas is my supervisor and if he found out we knew each other…”

Adira’s eyes widened. “He would take you off the case?!”

“Yeah. If we were involved in any way, I’d be considered compromised. And who knows when I’d get another shot at this.” I have her my best puppy eyes expression, hoping that she understood where I was coming from.

“I know this is a lot to ask but, can you keep our history a secret?”

Her eyes turned cold and suddenly it looked like I was looking at a different person. “I don’t think it will be that easy.”

My eyes widened. The hell?

“You purposefully hid the truth from me and now you want to act as if what we had was nothing? Don’t you think it seems a little too convenient from my view?”

“Adira- Fuck it was everything to me but your life and my job is on the line! Can’t you understand?” I said.

She rolled her eyes as she looked down on her manicure, bored. “Fine. I will believe you. I will keep your secret, but you owe me.”

Tomas entered the office with a cheerful grin. “Everything good? Did you both get acquainted with each other?”

With glimmering blue eyes she sent a smile towards Tomas’s direction. “Yeah.. Feels like I have known him for a long time.”

A startled choking noise emerged from me, which I quickly covered up with a cough.

And at that point, all I could think of was, how truly fucked I was.

How the hell am i going to survive this summer?

hello hello we back at it again😎

the first two to three chapters will be similar to what pb put up so that we can get a feel of the premise

like, comment and reblog:))

#choices #playchoices #choices stories you play #choices stories we play #choices wabr #choices witness #witness: a bodyguard romance #cassian witness #witness mc #wabr #cassian keane #Cassian x OC #cassian x mc #adira Lockhart

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Seventeen

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: 70% of this fic is written on my phone lying on my side in bed while using swipe typing bc im too lazy to type out words and it shows

TW: discussion of SA

***

Nesta has an easier time adjusting to a third person in the cabin than she thought she would. Maybe it’s because Azriel indeed minds his business, and half the time Nesta isn’t aware he’s there at all.

Cassian seems to be more irritated by it than anyone else—not his brother, of course, but the fact that he and Nesta no longer exist in their own little bubble. Which is how he ends up at Nesta’s apartment with an overnight bag, sprawled out stomach-down on her mattress while she gets ready for bed.

“TV show or movie?” he asks, clicking through her laptop. Shows are Nesta’s thing and movies are Cassian’s; she feels generous enough tonight to say, “Movie.”

“Thank god,” he mutters, typing something on the laptop. “There’s a Turkish horror flick that I was saving for you.”

“Where do you even find these films?” Grabbing her hairbrush, she flops onto the bed beside him and starts brushing out her brassy locks. Before he can answer, Nesta’s phone buzzes from the stool she uses as a bedside table. Feyre’s name flashes on the screen.

Nesta frowns, but picks up without a second thought. “What is it?”

“Nothing serious,” her sister replies. “Just checking in.”

Before Cassian, Nesta didn’t very much understand the purpose of “checking in” without reason. Now she empathizes with Feyre a little. “I’m fine,” she says.

Deciding she can do better than that, she adds, “Cassian and I are about to start a movie.”

“Is it his choice? I’m so sorry for you.”

Nesta peeks over to where Cassian is still intently searching for his obscure movie and smiles a little. “I like Turkish horror,” she replies.

Cassian overhears and grins approvingly.

“Well, I’m looking at wedding dresses with Rhys so he can prepare for when he inevitably proposes,” Feyre says. “In case you wanted to know.”

Nesta did not particularly want to know, but she doesn’t say this. “Sounds fun. Is that it?”

“For what?”

“This conversation.”

Feyre sighs over the line. “Yes, I’ll let you go now. Thanks for picking up.”

The bar is in hell, Nesta thinks. Mostly because she put it there, but she still feels embarrassed to be congratulated over such small things. “Thanks for keeping it short.”

She’s about to hang up when she hears a male voice speak up in the background, and Feyre interrupts, “Wait—before you go, can you tell Cassian to call Rhys back? He wants Cass’s help picking a new team leader for the Italy project.”

Nesta has no idea what that is, but she says, “Sure, fine.” They say their goodbyes and hang up.

“What’d she want?” Cassian says without looking over at her.

“She said Rhys wants you to call him about the Italy project.”

Cassian turns toward her, half sitting up. “Really? What for?”

“Something about picking a team leader.” She returns to brushing her hair. “Why? What’s the Italy project?”

“Something I thought we put aside for good,” he grumbles. “It’s a year-long overseas project in Milan. Rhys thinks it’s gonna bring in a shit ton of money.”

“Sounds big. What do you have to do with it, though?” She’s never heard of Cassian being involved in Night Court’s international operations, even though he takes on more work than the usual employee.

Cassian shrugs, going back to movie searching. “He wanted me to be the one leading the team, and I guess he still feels petty about me turning him down. Honestly, choosing team leaders outside of my department isn’t even part of my jurisdiction.”

Nesta hesitates. “He offered you the job? When?” She didn’t know this.

“On New Year’s.”

“And you turned it down?”

“Yeah.” Cassian clicks on a link that looks like it’ll plant fifteen different viruses in Nesta’s laptop. “Found the movie,” he says.

“Why would you do that?” Nesta demands.

“The movie?”

“The job offer! Why would you turn down such a big opportunity without even telling me?”

Cassian laughs in confusion. “Are you angry right now?”

She’s astonished at his nonchalance. “Cassian,” she says. “It’s Italy.”

Italy with the art and history and seaside beauty—it’s on their top five places to see before they die.

“It’s Milan,” he says like there’s a difference, “and it’s an entire year away from you.” He shakes his head, sitting up to face her. “Are you out of your mind?”

She goes still. “Don’t tell me you said no because of me.”

“Of course I said no because of you.”

“It’s your dream job!” she bursts. “Traveling, exploring, being on your own—”

“Those are our dreams. I made those plans with you. The hell am I supposed to do all the way in Italy without you?”

“You sound codependent,” she retorts.

He narrows his brows. “Like you wouldn’t do the same thing in my position?”

He’s right, of course. Nesta would do the exact same thing for him. But Nesta and Cassian are not the same, and they both know it. “You can’t make that comparison,” she sighs.

“Why not?” he demands.

“Because—” She struggles to put it into words. “I would give up a long distance job for you because it would be worth it. You’re worth it. It doesn’t work the other way around.”

“Again: why the fuck not?”

So he’s really going to make her spell it out. “Because you’re a good boyfriend. You’re affectionate and caring, you always go the extra mile for those you love, and you come with all these free perks. It’s a great deal. And I’m not anything terrible, but I’m the bare minimum compared to you. Why would you give up Italy for the bare minimum?”

Cassian looks at her in disbelief. “I don’t even know how you can say so many wrong things in a row.”

“He’s blinded by love,” Nesta mutters to herself.

“First of all,” he holds up a finger, “I don’t know where you learned to compare yourself to me, but I don’t like it. You make it sound like I need to be paid back for every half-decent thing I do, and that is not the case at all.”

“Of course you think that,” she says. “You wouldn’t be a good person if you didn’t.”

“Then let me be a blunt person.” He puts a hand on her knee and looks her in the eye. “You will never be like me. Very few people are; you can’t take it personally.”

“Oh my god.” Her eyes might roll out of her head.

“But you’re not the bare minimum. Not even close.” He states it like an undeniable fact.

“How so?” she challenges.

“Like how Elain told me about this boy who broke her heart in her high school, and how the next day he walked into class in a leg cast. And how she just knew you had something to do with it, and you two had a huge fight about it that lasted a week.”

Nesta does not enjoy that memory being brought up. Elain called her a psychopath for the incident, and to save her feelings, Nesta (rather unconvincingly) said it had been an accident.

“I didn’t push anybody into a creek,” she maintains the lie. “Sometimes people just fall down there.”

“To be fair, you’re a lot more stable now than you were then. Now when people hurt those you care about, you find sneakier ways to hurt them back. Don’t you?”

“I do not,” Nesta defends.

“Really? Because Eris texted me earlier saying you’ve been ignoring him since New Year’s, and he’s starting to get worried that you have something heinous planned for him. I asked him why he would ever think such a thing of you.” Cassian leans forward and rests his chin on her shoulder. “Why would he think such a thing of you, Nesta?”

Cassian looks pretty well off from here, doesn’t he? She remembers Eris’s smug face. Did you know Rhysand’s parents found him sleeping in the streets?

“Because he said a bad thing,” Nesta says, looking down at her fingernails. “And I have an unfortunate reputation at school for getting back at people who say bad things.” Like the time Brian O’Connell made jokes about a rape trial the class was studying, and then couldn’t find an internship at a single firm the following summer.

“And what did he say? Because I can’t imagine he would directly insult you. He actually likes you, ass that he is.” His face is warm so close to her neck.

She looks away. “I won’t repeat it.”

That seems to be all Cassian needs to get an idea of what Eris said. “And how long are you planning on holding it against him?”

“Forever.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Nesta meets the eyes that haven’t left her face this entire time and snorts. “What’s your point?” Seriously, she’s starting to redden at how close he is.

He buries his face in her neck, his stubble rasping against the sensitive skin there. “The point is that you also do a lot for the people you love. Just in a different way.” He pulls away to look her in the eye. “Don’t do anything to Eris, though,” he says. “Not that I care for him or his shit opinions, but whatever you have planned isn’t worth it.”

Nesta wants to scoff in disbelief at the sincerity on Cassian’s face. He’s always choosing kindness, even at the worst moments. “So that’s your argument?” she says. “You won’t go to Italy because your girlfriend has a bad temper and a taste for revenge?”

“That’s my final argument, Your Honor.” He takes her hand. “Forget Milan, will you? One day I’ll take you to Portofino.”

The longer Nesta knows Cassian, the more she finds it useless to hide from him. Which is why she lets him watch the thoughts flit across her face as she considers his words, deciding whether she believes him. Deciding whether he’s right to give her so much devotion.

“Fine,” she finally says. “You’re right.”

A slow smile spreads across his face as he realizes he won. Wrapping his arms around Nesta’s waist and legs, he hauls her into his lap and shifts around until they’re both comfortable. The movie is forgotten for now.

“Out of curiosity…” He noses at the nape of her neck. “What did Eris say about me to make you so angry?”

When Nesta doesn’t answer, he says, “I’ve already heard everything that could possibly be said. The shit that used to get me when I was eighteen doesn’t have the same hold on me a decade later.”

She lets herself relax into his hold. “It was about the time you spent as an orphan.” Technically, he’s still an orphan, but it was different back then. “I didn’t like the tone of his voice.”

Cassian’s answering hum is a low rumble against her shirt. “Did you know my biological father was from Italy?”

Nesta perks up at that. “No.” She assumed he was entirely Algerian, even though he and Azriel probably look ethnically ambiguous to most. “Isn’t that all the more reason to see Italy someday?”

“Not at all,” he says. “If I could pretend that half of me didn’t exist, I would.”

She can’t think of a response that doesn’t involve a question, so she doesn’t reply. She waits for Cassian to speak on his own terms.

“I went to Italy once,” he admits. “For less than a day while my brothers were partying in Monte Carlo. I was young and stupid, and thought I would never be complete if I didn’t know who my father was.”

“Who was he?” She doesn’t know why she’s whispering.

“No one worth remembering,” Cassian says, his arms unconsciously tightening around her. “I put some dots together and realized how he and my mother must have met, how he must’ve—forced himself on her, and I decided that I didn’t care about bloodlines at all. I never returned to Italy after that.”

Nesta’s hands want to reach out and touch him, soothe him. But her muscles are suddenly very cold, and she can only stiffen. “And what about now? Do you… not want to go back?”

“It’s just a place to me,” he says. “Nothing special, nothing terrible. But I like the way it sounds when you talk about it.” His eyes sparkle. “I’d like to pretend it’s my first time going with you.”

“Alright, then.” She nods. “One day, we’ll go together. It’ll be our first time.”

***

Cassian refuses to let Nesta leave bed the next morning, dragging his heavy mouth across her body whenever she tries to get up. She’s about to surrender to him altogether when her phone starts vibrating loudly, insistently.

Breaking away from Cassian’s attempt at cuddling, she answers without checking the caller ID. “Yes?” she croaks sleepily.

“Where the hell have you been?” Emerie demands.

Nesta shoves Cassian away despite his protests, untangling her legs from the sheets. “At home,” she says, getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. “Am I supposed to be somewhere else?”

“We haven’t seen you in two weeks,” Emerie says. “Gwyn thought your boyfriend’s weird family killed you.”

“That’s not what happened,” Nesta assures, pulling her shorts down and sitting on the toilet. “I just needed some alone time.” People are all around her these days, it seems. Her body still can’t quite adjust to it.

“Well, have you had enough—are you peeing?”

“Yeah.” She wipes and flushes the toilet.

“Well, clear your day and kick your sorry boyfriend out of your place. I can’t remember the last time I went out.”

“Why does everybody always want to go out?” Nesta says as she washes her hands. “What’s wrong with staying in, being safe, never leaving the house?” She dries her hands on a towel and returns to the bedroom, where Cassian is now sitting up and checking his emails.

“You’re preaching to the choir, but this actually wasn’t my idea,” Emerie says.

Nesta and Cassian alert at the sound of a knock from the front door. Nesta never has uninvited guests.

“Hold on a second, Em,” she says, jogging up the short set of steps to the door. She opens it to the sight of an exasperated-looking Gwyn.

“Jeez, next time send a text that you’re alive, will you?” Gwyn says, shoving past Nesta to enter the apartment. “Do you know how worried I’ve been—” She halts midsentence, one foot hovering above a step as she realizes that Nesta isn’t alone. As she sees Cassian in her bed, bare-chested and highly amused.

“Hey.” He raises a hand in greeting.

Gwyn pales.

“Hello?” Emerie calls over the line.

“You girls both share the same brain,” Nesta sighs. “Let me call you back, Emerie.”

Gwyn whirls around just as Nesta hangs up. “That won’t be necessary,” she says quickly, looking embarrassed. “I’ll be outside. I’m sorry.”

She hurries out of the apartment even faster than she came in, ducking her head to hide her face.

Nesta tosses her arms up in the air. “Great,” she says to Cassian. “Your abs scared her away.”

“But I didn’t do anything—”

She shuts the door behind her as she follows Gwyn outside, barefoot and all. She barely notices the freezing cold air or the awful press of damp grass beneath her feet as she catches up to Gwyn and grabs her elbow. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Gwyn jerks suddenly, yanking out of Nesta’s hold. Her breathing seems a little shallow, and she looks even more embarrassed for it. “It’s nothing. I just didn’t know you had someone over.”

“Cassian? He’s cool, you don’t need to be weird about him,” she tries to reassure Gwyn. “Though I did use to tell him that not everybody wants to see him shirtless all the time.”

“It’s not that,” Gwyn says, waving her off.

Nesta gestures to the apartment. “Do you want to come back inside, then? I’m sure he has clothes on by now.”

Gwyn clears her throat uncomfortably and looks down. “I’d rather not. I’m—I don’t like being around men.”

Nesta pauses, not sure if she heard right. “Like, in a ‘check the backseat of your car before getting in’ way, or…?”

“No, like I can’t be alone in a room with a man without feeling sick. It activates my fight or flight, it’s weird.” She’s carefully stiff, like she’s ready to be met with humiliation.

Nesta remembers that Gwyn has never told her about her therapy sessions before, but she knows they’re more intensive than her own weekly conversations with Lana.

“Not that I think your boyfriend is a bad person,” Gwyn adds when Nesta doesn’t respond. “He looks really nice. He sounds nice, too.”

But Nesta doesn’t care about any of that. Unsure of what to do next, she reaches out and awkwardly pats Gwyn on the arm. “Good thing you’ve never been to the cabin, then. Cassian’s brother is staying…” She trails off when she realizes none of this is relevant. “Why are you here so early?” she asks instead.

Gwyn eases up a little at the change in subject. “I missed you. We’ve barely talked since Christmas.”

Nesta didn’t realize people would take such notice to her absence. “Yeah.” She flushes. “I do that sometimes. I’ll send a message next time I go into hibernation, though.”

“You’re freezing,” Gwyn suddenly scolds, noticing how Nesta’s goosebumped arms are wrapped tightly around herself. She unzips her red hoodie and shrugs it off. “Go back inside and get dressed.” She flings the hoodie around Nesta’s shoulders before Nesta can protest. “Meet me at my car. We’re hanging out.”

Nesta knows that a last minute change of events is not the end of the world, even if it sometimes feels like it. For Gwyn and Emerie, she can bear the discomfort of unexpected plans, same as she does for Cassian. But she at least has to know: “How long will we be out?”

“You can come home after lunch.” At Nesta’s face, Gwyn adds, “Lunch will be at two and shouldn’t take more than an hour.”

Looking her friend up and down, someone who has such an easy time understanding her, Nesta nods in satisfaction. She turns around to go back inside.

***

They end up at the library where Gwyn works, in the stacks of the long-abandoned encyclopedia section.

Emerie takes a loud sip from the huge McDonald’s soda she snuck in. “So all this show was because Gwyn didn’t want to work her shift alone?”

“I just have some last minute cleanup to do,” she hisses for the third time, shoving an old book back where it belongs. “Go to the porn section if you’re so bored here.”

“Oh, I definitely will,” Emerie says. “But I’m glad that we’re congregating now, even if it’s in the most depressing part of the library. I have a present for you girls.” She hands Nesta her drink so she can dig around in her purse.

Nesta personally has no complaints. The library is quiet, it smells of paper and old ink, and it holds all her favorite books. It’s almost better than staying in.

Emerie successfully pulls out a handful of folded and wrinkled papers from her bag, smoothing them out as best she can. “One for each of us,” she says, passing the papers around.

Nesta takes her paper and stares at the header. Gwyn is the first to speak. “Pole dancing classes?”

“Why?” Nesta says.

“Well, I originally offered them to Justinian and Isaac but they said no—”

“It’s really not for me,” Gwyn interrupts, trying to pass the registration form back to Emerie. “Sorry.”

Nesta doesn’t give her form back.

“Look,” Emerie says. “I get the hesitation. We’re a handful of boring bitches who hate having fun. But don’t you think that has to change at some point?”

“I’ve known you guys a month,” Gwyn retorts. “We’ve only been boring bitches for a month. This is too much.” She turns to Nesta for help.

Nesta is still staring at the paper. Dancing—on a pole, yes, but it’s still dancing. “I’ll do it,” she says.

Gwyn looks betrayed and Emerie looks elated. “Really?” She hops up and down. “That’s two against one, Gwyn. You have to do it, too.”

Gwyn’s cheeks are turning red in frustration. “You can’t just force this on me—”

“Gwyneth,” a sharp voice interrupts their conversation. Nesta spins around to find a young woman with dark skin and bleached white curls heading in their direction, a stack of books in her arms.

She halts before Nesta and glares. “No food or drink in the library.” She looks pointedly at the 32-ounce in her hand.

“It’s not mine.” Nesta shoves the drink back to Emerie.

But the librarian has turned to Gwyn, who hides the dance class form behind her back. “And what are you doing here?” she demands.

“Just putting up a few books, Merrill,” Gwyn answers quickly.

“While socializing?” the woman named Merrill sneers.

“We were just asking for help finding the romance section. Is that a problem?” Emerie crosses her arms and steps forward, letting a little of her beautiful deadliness slip into her stance. It’s the deadliness of someone at the top of her law class, someone who will graduate in a few months with all the power she could want in the palm of her hand. Nesta gets a rush from playing the lawyer game, too, but she’s never had the kind of ambition that Emerie has. Emerie is a shark sitting around in a small pond.

Merrill is not impressed. She snatches the styrofoam cup dangling from Emerie’s hand and tosses it in the nearby trash can. She turns back to Gwyn. “Hand your badge over and clock out.”

“But I’m not done yet—”

“Now.”

“Okay,” she squeaks. She pulls her ID badge off her neck and hands it to Merrill.

Nesta gapes in disbelief. Before she can speak up, Merrill says, “No loitering in the library. If you don’t have anything you need to check out, leave.” With one final judgmental look, she turns down an aisle of dusty books and disappears.

Gwyn makes a face at her back.

“That woman is not old enough to be acting that misanthropic,” Emerie says after Merrill is gone.

“Whatever,” Gwyn mutters. The registration form is still in her hand. She crumples it into a ball and throws it into the trash. “Let’s get out of here.”

Nesta stares at the trash as Gwyn turns to leave. “Coward,” she says.

Gwyn’s head snaps toward Nesta, her auburn hair swinging. “Excuse me?”

She shrugs. “You heard me.” Emerie’s eyes bounce back and forth between the girls.

“I did,” Gwyn says. “I was just making sure this wasn’t coming from the woman who would sooner bite someone’s head off than do something she doesn’t want to.”

“Girls,” Emerie snaps before Nesta can bite back. “It’s just a stupid dance class. I thought it would be fun to do together, but it doesn’t matter anymore.” Taking Gwyn by one arm and Nesta by the other, she starts steering them out of the stacks like a stern mother. “Now let’s go eat. I’m fucking hungry.”

Gwyn’s mood from the library doesn’t recover, even as they sit down for lunch at the local diner. Nesta thinks Gwyn might actually be sick when the male waiter winks at her while taking her order, and it’s not until long after he’s gone that color returns to her face. When their food arrives, Gwyn only picks at her plate.

“What’s wrong?” Nesta finally has to ask bluntly. “You look pukey.” Did the coward comment affect Gwyn more than she let on, or was it Merrill’s attitude that threw her off?

At Nesta’s words, Gwyn becomes even more pallid. “I just don’t feel great today,” she murmurs, looking around like she’s seeking a way out of the diner. “Sorry guys, I didn’t mean to be such a buzzkill. Maybe I should go home early.”

“Absolutely not,” Emerie says. “If you’re going home, we’re going home with you.”

Gwyn bites her lip, trying to decide if she wants that or not. But something about her antsy demeanor is too familiar to Nesta, because she says, “If you really want to be alone, do you mind driving me home first? Emerie’s car is a mess.”

“You just need to move around a few papers,” Emerie protests.

But Gwyn nods distractedly, already gathering her things. “Sure, no problem.” They pay the bill and go their separate ways.

During the ride home, the sky that’s been gray all day finally breaks open, unleashing a spattering of rain over the town. Nesta watches it sprinkle while Gwyn drives in silence.

“Why are you scared of Merrill?” she eventually asks. “She doesn’t look much older than you.”

Gwyn snorts, but there isn’t much heart to it. “Merrill is my superior, but I can handle her on most days.”

“Just not today?”

Gwyn eyes Nesta warily from the corner of her eye. “No, not today. Or this week.”

Nesta chooses not to push. The dull metal of the cars surrounding them glints under the rain, and they arrive at a red light.

After a minute, she takes a breath and blurts, “I’m not always like that around guys, you know.”

Nesta watches her closely, remembering how ghostly she seemed around Cassian, then the waiter. “Keep going.”

Gwyn stares straight at the traffic ahead, her fingers turning bone white on the steering wheel. “I’m just going through a hard period. Everything upsets me and I don’t know how to think straight. It’s like my brain accidentally traveled to the past and now it’s stuck there.” She sounds shaky, breathless, and it makes Nesta wonder what exactly her mind is experiencing.

Nesta knows what it’s like to be unable to move on. Her own brain has only recently started looking toward the future. “Where are you stuck, specifically?” she asks hesitantly. Maybe she can help Gwyn navigate her way out.

Gwyn’s chin quivers. “In a dark room.” Her lips form a tight line. “Being held down. I’m outnumbered.”

Nesta’s stomach turns. “How far back is it?”

“Two years,” Gwyn whispers. “Lately I can’t even look at anything without—remembering it. Thinking about it. Every time I feel like I’m moving past it, I end up being wrong.”

The light turns green, and Nesta puts a hand on Gwyn’s knee in an attempt to ground her. “Drive,” she commands softly.

Gwyn presses down on the accelerator, but Nesta can feel her leg trembling beneath her hand. She squeezes her knee hard. Even with the dark parts of her own past, Nesta has never felt what Gwyn is feeling right now. So she tries to stick to what she knows.

“It’s like you said,” she says carefully. “You’re going through a period where your brain isn’t being friendly to you. It’s horrible, but you can live with the knowledge that it’ll be over eventually.”

Gwyn shakes her head, holding back tears. “It doesn’t work like that. Once it goes away, it’ll just come back again. And it’ll be like that for the rest of my life.”

“You’re right.” Nesta doesn’t have a solution for that, and she hates it. “You’ll never forget. You can be at the peak of your life and still remember all of it. But,” she says slowly, “whether you reach a point where it barely fazes you, or if you keep crippling under the weight of it decades later, you’ll still be normal. You’ll be a perfectly normal human.”

Gwyn lets out a tearful laugh at that. “What does that even mean?”

Shit. “It means…” Nesta tries to explain herself better. “In case you’re worried that there’s something very wrong with you, I’m here telling you that there’s not. There will never be anything wrong with you.”

Gwyn eyes her skeptically as they turn onto a residential road. “Even if I never get past one nightmare I lived years ago? Even if that nightmare defines me until the day I die?”

“That won’t happen.” Nesta’s tone is simple, factual. “But yes, even then.”

“Really? You’re not gonna tell me to live for the better days or whatever?”

“Does that sound like something that would help you? Because I can say it if it does.”

Gwyn snorts. “No.” But her limbs are steady and her eyes are clear on the road. She clears her throat. “Thank you for listening. I think I might feel a little better now.”

“Was it because of what I said?” Nesta tries not to be too hopeful.

“I wouldn’t give you that much credit,” Gwyn says, crushing her hope. “But I’m glad I told you. It makes things…a lot easier for me.” She exhales deeply.

“You know my plate is mostly empty these days.” Nesta pats her knee. “That means I’ll always have room to help carry your shit.”

They pull up to Nesta’s apartment, and Gwyn parks at the curb. “Give me your dance class thing,” she says suddenly.

Frowning, Nesta pulls the wrinkled paper out of her purse and hands it to Gwyn.

Gwyn smooths it out on the steering wheel and grabs a pen from a cupholder, clicking it. “If you’re going to help carry my shit, I guess I have time for pole dancing now.”

“But that’s mine,” Nesta protests as Gwyn starts filling out the form.

“It can be both of ours,” she says, writing Nesta’s name under hers.

“Really?” Nesta grins with an excitement that she doesn’t easily feel. “You’re going to do it with us?”

“Why would I let you do it without me? So I can become the third wheel in our girl group?” She gives Nesta a look that says No way in hell.

Nesta rolls her eyes. “That would never happen to you.”

“Sure,” Gwyn drawls. She finishes the form and folds it in half before pocketing it. “I’ll give this to Emerie as a gift.” She leans over to peck Nesta on the cheek. “Now get home. Love you.”

Nesta turns red at the words and coughs. “Thanks for the ride,” she responds, getting out of the car.

“Say it back!” Gwyn calls after her. But Nesta shuts the door in her face and waves, pretending she can’t hear her. Gwyn mock-scowls at her through the window, but lets her off easy and drives away.

That’s enough feelings for today, Nesta decides. Even if her chest is swelling with emotion for her friend. It’s a sweet hurt that lingers long after she returns to her empty apartment.

***

a/n: i’m back in my no plot, just vibes era

taglist: @hellasblessed @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes

#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #ncssianwrites #a favor #nessian fic #nessian au

[theladyofdeath]

V O I D { F O U R }

Chapter 4. An ACOTAR fanfiction.

Nessian. Elriel. Feysand.

Previous chapters:  Fanfic Masterlist

Nesta walked into the spare bedroom. A desk sat against one wall, covered in her father’s old junk, a twin bed against the other.

Nesta felt like a zombie.

Like a ghost.

She was moving, she was speaking, but she had no idea what was going on around her.

She tossed a duffle bag on top of the twin bed, figuring she’d leave everything else in her car until it was needed.

She sat and stared at the wall.

Her sisters were out, her father had said. At a party.

They seemed to be enjoying their new school. Nesta was happy for them. They deserved it.

She glanced at her phone. It was only 9:30. No texts or calls from Tomas.

And yet, she felt more alone than ever. Tomas was a stupid prick, but he was all she allowed herself to have for years.

She left him.

She should be happy.

Should be celebrating.

But she felt more alone without him.

Nesta fell back against her grandmother’s old quilts and stared at the ceiling fan, spinning rapidly in circles.

What was the point of it all?

She had spent her life doing everything she could to reach perfection, had ended up with Tomas, and lost everything.

She didn’t know who she was anymore.

Could barely remember the stupid, naive girl she had been before him.

He constantly had made her feel like she was unworthy of him. But if she was unworthy of Lucifer himself, who the fuck would she be worthy of?

Nesta closed her eyes.

His face was the first thing to pop into her mind.

Stupid.

Idiot.

No personality.

Worthless.

Her eyes opened, once more.

She watched the ceiling fan, counting the seconds as they passed and the tears as they fell.

~~~

“I’m glad you came.”

Feyre spun around. “You. You’re following me.”

Rhys’ eyebrows lifted as he looked to the plastic cup in Feyre’s hand, then back up to her eyes. “How much have you drank?”

A laugh sputtered from her mouth. “Who said I’m drunk?”

Rhys couldn’t help but laugh, quietly. “I didn’t say you were drunk, although your slurred words say otherwise. Let me see your tongue.”

Feyre gave him a dramatic sigh before sticking out her tongue. It was as blue as the punch itself.

“I’m….just gonna take this,” Rhys said, taking her cup and giving it to Azriel behind him.

Az looked at the cup, blinked, and went to throw it away.

“You’re no fun,” Feyre said, pouting.

“How about I give you a ride home?”

Her smile faded, eyes growing wide. “Oh, no, I can’t go home. My dad would kick my ass.”

Rhys looked over his shoulder at Cassian, who was dancing around the fire chanting something under his breath.

Looks like Feyre wasn’t the only one who had drank a little too much.

“I’ll take you somewhere safe, okay? But you’re too drunk to be here. I know some of these guys. They’re assholes.” He held out his hand and almost felt surprised when she took it.

Five minutes later, they were rolling down the backroads outside of Velaris. Feyre had her window rolled down, her head sticking out, hair flying wildly, screaming at the top of her lungs.

Rhysand had one hand on the wheel, the other holding onto the back of her shirt, worried she was going to fall out.

She was a wild stallion, free from all boundaries.

She fell back into the truck, laughing uncontrollably as the back of her head hit Rhysand’s lap.

He kept his eyes on the road. “Who are you and what have you done to Feyre Archeron?”

She was looking up at him when she said, “you like me.”

He blinked, putting his other hand on the wheel, too. “Yeah, I haven’t been too good at hiding that, have I?”

Feyre laughed. “No. No you haven’t.”

He glanced down, just for a second. Her hair was splayed across his jeans, her eyes wide and slightly glazed.

“You are pretty,” she said, toying with the strings of his hoodie.

Rhysand snorted. “That’s quite the compliment, coming from you.”

“You smell like beef jerky,” she said, a giggle sputtering from her mouth.

Rhysand laughed, shaking his head. “Thank you? I think?”

“Not a compliment,” she slurred, patting his abs before slowly turning her face.

She began to fumble for the button on his jeans, and it wasn’t until she was working on his zipper that he swerved across the road, thankful no other cars were present.

“Uh, what are you- shit,” he breathed, stepping on his breaks.

As he pulled off onto the side of the road, Feyre’s hands were inside of his boxers.

“My mouth wants you,” she said, eyes glazed over.

Rhysand hesitated, the tips of her fingers brushing along his manhood.

It was safe to say that he’d never been in a situation such as this before.

Rhysand took her by the arms and sat her up, taking her hands in his. “You, Feyre darling, are incredibly drunk. Trust me when I say that you’ll regret that in the morning.”

“No, I won’t,” she promised, blue eyes big, pleading.

Rhysand rubbed at his temples.

He’d be a liar if he’d said he didn’t want her hands around him, her mouth on his skin. He’d be lying if he’d said he hadn’t dreamt about it since he’d met her.

“Sit back and relax,” he said, zipping back up his jeans. “We’ll be back at the apartment in a few minutes and you can lay down.”

“Will you lay down with me, Rhysaaaand?” she crooned.

Rhysand couldn’t stop his grin. “Let’s just get you home first.. Okay?”

She groaned. “You’re so boring.”

“I know,” he sighed, pulling back onto the road.

Feyre’s eyes began to drift closed as he sped down the road. Once he pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex, she was out.

Rhysand picked her up out of her seat and carried her to Cassian and Azriel’s apartment, cradled against his chest.

Once inside, he laid her down on the couch and covered her with his blanket, slipping off her boots and setting them on the rug.

He sat in the armchair in the corner and fiddled with his phone, glancing at her every few seconds, until he too fell asleep.

~~~

Elain was panicking.

She had looked for Feyre everywhere and hadn’t seen her.

Mor was dancing with her date by the bonfire as Elain pushed her way through the crowd. “Hey!” she yelled, over the music. “Have you seen my sister?”

“Rhys took her home!” she called back.

“What?” Elain yelled, eyes wide.

“Don’t worry, he’s not going to try anything,” a voice said from behind her, deep and soothing.

Elain spun around to find another one of Mor’s friends watching her with his hands stuffed in his jean pockets. His dark brown hair was almost hanging in his eyes, which were bright and full of something Elain couldn’t quite put her finger on. He had a tattoo snaking up his arm, random designs that seemed to have no significance.

Elain realized she hadn’t said anything in return.

“He’s not like that,” he continued. “He just wanted to make sure she was safe. She had a lot to drink.”

His eyes were clear. He was one of the few that wasn’t drunk.

Elain nodded, nibbling on her lip. She still felt uneasy.

“Wanna go for a walk?” he asked, almost too quiet to be heard above the music.

Elain looked at Mor, who winked at her, before nodding. “Sure.”

She tried to smile, but it must have come off half-hearted.

“Sorry if I snuck up on you,” he said, keeping a healthy distance away, once they had gotten far enough from the music that he could be heard without screaming.

They began their walk down a line of cars as she said, “No, I’m sorry I’m acting weird. I just hadn’t even realized I’d lost Feyre. I should’ve been paying attention.”

He nodded, and when he said nothing, Elain sighed, “Alright, I know you want to say something, just say it.”

He raised an amused brow. “Feyre can take care of herself. And Rhys is a good guy. I promise you have nothing to worry about.”

Elain bit her lip. “Not to be rude, but I don’t even know you.”

“But you know Mor,” he said. “Do you trust Mor?”

Elain nodded.

He smiled, softly. “Then there you go. Azriel.”

Elain blinked. “What?”

“My name. Azriel.”

Elain couldn’t help but smile. “I’m Elain.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” he said, hands still in his pockets as they walked. “You’re new to Velaris?”

“Yeah. It’s been really great. I love it here.”

His hazel eyes shone. “It is a beautiful city.”

“Have you always lived here?”

Azriel shook his head. “No. I grew up in a small town up north. Moved here when I was eleven. Foster care system.”

Elain raised hers brows, and he shrugged.

“It’s okay. It all turned out okay,” he said, offering her another small smile.

“How long have you known Mor?” she asked, then.

“Since middle school,” he said. “Feels a lot longer than that, though. I met them all in middle school. Sixth grade. Mor, Amren, Cassian, and Rhys. We’ve been together ever since.”

Elain then said, “I haven’t seen you around. Do you go to VHS?”

Azriel breathed a laugh. “You ask a lot of questions.”

Elain’s cheeks turned a bright shade of red. “I find myself to be very curious.”

He nodded, that smile still gracing his mouth. “I graduated last year.”

“Ah, so you’re a college man,” she said, lifting a brow.

He laughed, a quiet, genuine sound. “No, I’m actually a mechanic.”

She noticed how he rubbed the back of his neck. “Really? That’s awesome. Hard work.”

He shrugged. “I like to think so. So, you know, if you’re ever having car problems…”

“I’ll come to you,” she promised.

He nodded his head in thanks as Elain stopped by a bright yellow convertible. “Speaking of my car, here she is. I think I’m going to head home. Explain to my dad how I lost his youngest daughter.”

Azriel pursed his lips to keep from laughing. “Want to give me your number? I live with Rhys. As soon as I get home, I’ll send you an update.”

“Really?” She asked. “Oh, that’d be great!”

He handed her his phone and she put her number in, adding a smiley face emoji next to her name.

He gave her a smile as she got into her car.

He watched her drive away, wishing she hadn’t left at all.

~~~

Cassian stumbled through the front door, Azriel right behind him.

Mor had taken them home considering Rhys had abandoned them earlier in the night. Speaking of Rhys, he was sleeping in the armchair, sitting upright. Feyre was sound asleep on the couch, where Rhys usually slept, drool falling onto his pillowcase.

“You okay?” Azriel asked, in the threshold of his own room.

Cassian nodded, barely able to walk a straight line. “Yeah, I’m good. Goodnight.”

“Night,” Azriel said, before quietly shutting his door behind him.

Cassian went into his room and flopped himself down onto his bed.

His head was a blurry mess, his eyes barely able to stay open.

His phone began to ring and he searched all of his pockets before finding it in the inside pocket of his jacket.

“Hello?” He slurred into the receiver a minute later.

“...are you drunk?” It was his sister's voice.

Off.

Her voice sounded off.

“No,” he lied.

She snorted. “Please tell me you’re not driving.”

“Already home.”

“Good,” she said, then said no more.

Cassian was instantly on alert, even in his drunken state. “Hey, you okay?”

“Sorry to call so late,” she said, and he realized she was crying.

He sat up in his bed, the phone pressed against his ear. “Cece, what happened?”

“Cass, dad is dead.” The words came out quietly, quietly through her sob.

Cassian blinked, the words not fully registering.

His father.

He hated his father.

He was dead?

“What?”

“Overdose,” she said. “I found him when I got home.”

“Fuck, Cece,” he said, running his hand down his face. “I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you call me sooner? Where are you now?”

“Back home,” she said, ignoring his first question altogether.

“I’m coming to get you,” he said, rising to his feet.

“You’re drunk,” she said.

“Me and Az are on our way,” he promised. He heard her sniffle from the other side of the phone. “We’re on our way, okay? I’m coming. I love you.”

“I love you,” she replied, and he knew she was still crying.

His heart broke. Not for his father, but for his baby sister.

Cassian said goodbye before hanging up the phone and hurrying across the hall, knocking on Azriel’s door in pure panic.

His little sister had seen too much in her sixteen years. She didn’t deserve to find their bum of a father dead in their own home. She didn’t deserve him, at all. She deserved better. So much better.

Five minutes later, Azriel and Cassian we’re headed across town.

And Cassian found himself suddenly sober.

~~~

Chapter 5 coming soon.

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[layce2015]

John Wick Chapter 2 (John Wick x Reader)

Chapter 5: The Bowery King

Chapter 1 / Chapter 4

You and John were walking along the streets of New York but you kept looking around, nervously. Both of you found out that Santino put a bounty on both of you and to say you were terrified was an understatement. You had no idea who was a normal citizen or a highly skilled assassin, it could be the beggars on the street or the taxi drivers or just a random person that would pop up and pull their gun on you and your husband. John, on the other hand, was pissed especially when he heard you had a five million dollar bounty for your capture. 

You and John stuck together like glue while you took in your surroundings and began to wonder who was an assassin or not. So far it looked like nobody was grabbing onto you guys but it didn't take long for some people to try and get the jump on you two. It all was like a blur, they all happened so fast.

Like there was this guy, who looked like he could be a Sumo wrestler, meets up with you guys in the park area. John fights him a bit then Sumo guy pulls out a gun and fires but you and John dodge them. John goes and punches him at several points of the guy's body, like his neck and crotch area, but nothing seemed to bother him. He jumps up and shoves John towards a glass sign while you run at Sumo guy and kick the back of his knee.

He falls to one knee and you go and pull out a gun and start to fire. But the guy grabbed your gun and moved it over, so it wouldn't aim at him when you fired. You go and punch him in the neck but it didn't hurt him and he stands up, picks you up and throws you towards a bench.

John yells as he runs towards Sumo guy and grabbed his arm, throws it over his shoulder and breaks it, making the guy yell. He shoots the guy a couple of times but the guy glares up at him, stands up and knocks John down. Sumo guy starts to loom over him until you run up and jump on his back.

He growls and tries to get you off of him while you pulled off your knife bracelet, popped the blade out and started to stab him, repeatedly, in the shoulder. The guy tries to get you off of him but he couldn't so he settled on grabbing your knife and yanking it out of your grip. He throws the knife to the side, landing next to John, while you pulled out a gun. You aimed it at the top of his head and fired.

The guy stopped moving and falls over, you fall on top of him then you start to stand up. You take a few deep breathes as you get up and put the gun back into your holster. John gets up, picks up your knife bracelet, and goes over to the Sumo guy and dig in his pocket for anything and found some ammo. He pockets it then looks over at you, impressed, as he hands you the bracelet. You smile and nodded at him as you put the bracelet back on and you two started to walk away when you heard Sumo guy staring to groan.

Seriously? You thought as you and John turned around and both of you shot at him at the same time, killing him. You let out a sigh then both of you exchange a look then continued walking.

Another time, you and John walked past a woman with a violin when you felt someone grabbed you from behind. Before you could say or do anything, the violinist places a hand over your mouth then pulls out her gun with her other hand and shoots at John. He falls forward from the impact while you pull the woman's hand off of your mouth and bite down on it.

She screams in pain and you elbow her in the stomach. You spun around and away from her just as John goes after her and they began to fight. The violinist then shoots him on his side and John yelps in pain then grabs her arm that was holding the gun and knocks it out of her hand. He flips her over, grabs her arm and breaks it, making her scream in pain. He kneels down, places his arms around her neck and breaks it.

He gets up and then stumbles back and clutches his side while you run over to him. You place his arm around your shoulders and help him towards the station.

John groans as you two walk in the bright white subway station. He leans against the wall and looks down at his bullet wound to see it was bleeding. He looks over at you, you had bruises and scratches on your face and blood running down your nose and the corners of your mouth. You give him a concerned look but placed your hand on his back and you helped lead him along the subway station.

But as you guys walked on, you started to feel like you were being followed. You looked over your shoulder and saw a guy staring at you, intently, before you look ahead and see a man sitting at a table also staring at you and John. "Shit." You whispered then you turned around and pulled out your gun and fired at the man that followed you. John goes towards the man at the table as the man pulls out his gun.

The guy fires and misses John but the bullet grazed the top of your shoulder, which caused you to miss the headshot you had on the other guy, only hitting him in his shoulder. The guy runs up at you and the two of you struggled while John was fighting the other guy.

The man grabbed John and was trying to put him in a headlock when John noticed a pencil on the table and grabbed it and stabbed it in the man's arm. The man screamed as John gets him off of him but then the guy grabs John by the waist, so John stabs him again with the pencil. 

You knocked the other assassin away from you and turned just in time to see John taking his attacker's head and laying it on the table. Then he stabs the pencil in the guy's ear, and this made your eyes widen in shock, giving the other assassin an opportunity as he grabs you from behind.

You yelped then pulled out your knife and stabbed him in his side. He screams and you flipped him over your back and had him land on his back in front of you. You go to stomp on his head but he grabs your foot and shoves you back. You fall on your back and the guy gets up but John grabs him and stabs the pencil in his neck. You start to sit up as John goes over to a pilar, places the pencil at a spot then shoved the guy against the pencil, making him stab him in the back of the neck.

The guy's body flops forward and John drops the pencil then goes over to you. He helps you up as you said. "Okay...Note to self: make sure to keep pencils away from you when you're angry." John chuckles under his breath at this as he looks at you. "You know I wouldn't hurt you." He said. "I know...just trying to diffuse the tension, is all." You said as you wink at him then both of you start to run again.

Both of you make it to this open and crowded area where there was a fountain in the middle of it. Both of you look around and continued to walk on when the water in the fountain started to die down and on the other side you guys see Cassian.

He was glaring right at you two and John pulls out his gun and starts to fire just as the water in the fountain started to rise up. The people around you began to scream and run as John fires a couple more shots then grabs your hand and the two of you began to run.

You guys make it in the station and run down the stairs then try to walk among the people, discreetly. Both of you look up and to your left, you see Cassian in the upper balcony. The three of you walk along as John pulls out his gun, which had a silencer, and fires at Cassian. He was able to dodge the bullets and he began to fire his gun at you two while you pulled your gun out and aimed it at him and fired.

He tried to fire at you but you guys kept missing each other until you and John made it down the stairs and towards the subway train, which started to leave. Two more assassins began to come at you but you shot one a couple of times while John shoots the other one before they started to fight hand to hand. John was able to knock him down then stab him in the chest.

You look around then across the aisle you see Cassian coming. "John." You whispered and he looks up to see him as well. He gets up and stands next to you just as another train comes up. 

The doors open and John leads you inside the train just as Cassian boards it as well. You could see him just on the other side. The train was crowded with people, so you guys were unable to do anything but got a bit closer to the middle of the train. 

The train stopped every few seconds and more and more people started to get off, which was clearing out the battlefield. You kneel down, acting like you were fixing your boot but really you were getting your knife that was still in there. You grabbed the handle and slowly pulled it out while John and Cassian pull out their knives.

You slowly stand up as you glared at Cassian, who was staring between you and John. The three of you stare down at each other, wondering who was gonna make the first move. Then Cassian goes to stab at you but John grabs his arms and holds it as best as he could. The two men struggled until Cassian shoves his knife in John's thigh. John holds back a scream while you gasped then you, quickly, reach over the side and stab Cassian in the leg. 

He, too, holds back a scream of pain and turns towards you, as you pull your blade out of his leg, but John pushes him back and starts to fight him. You stepped back as the men knocked the knives out of each other's hand then punch and kick each other or flip each other over their shoulders.

You jumped and stood on one of the seats as Cassian starts to push John back across the aisle. You jumped back down then got onto Cassian's back and wrapped your left arm around his neck then stabbed him in the shoulder with the knife in your right hand.

He grabs the arm around his neck then starts to walk backwards as he slams you against a pole. You let out a grunt and pulled the knife out of his shoulder just as he grabs the back of your shirt collar and flips you over and slams you on the ground. You let out a groan as he pulls out another knife but John runs at him and the two struggle for the blade.

That is until John got the upper hand and pushes Cassian up to a pole and has his knife aimed at Cassian's chest. He tries to fight John but John shoves the knife in him then shoves himself against the blade, to make it go deeper. Then he sets Cassian on one of the benches but leaves the knife there. "The blade is in your aorta. You pull it out, you'll bleed, and you will die." John tells Cassian then he stands up and helps you up before turning back to Cassian. "Consider this a professional courtesy." He said and the two of you walk off of the train.

You and John walk down the stairs and head into the station when you see two men glaring at you two. "Oh come on!" You whispered, exasperated. You were tired and it seemed never ending with these assholes. John grabs your hand and both of you began to run. You run down the escalators then to another part of the subway station as you hear a man ramble on about something.

"We say things, we see things. The things you see are nightmares, man. Like this one time..." the guys said as John goes over to him and places one of his coins in the guy's cup. The guy stops talking then looks up at you two. "Take us to him." John said to the homless man then he starts to sit down, you follow him and sit down next to him. "Tell him it's John Wick." John said to the homeless man.

Then he gestures for you to lay down and you do as he pulls up this blanket, that was next to the homeless man, then drapes it over the two of you and lays down next to you. The homeless man then grabs the tarp and puts it over you two and sits back down as the two assassins run up.

"You know, they just...They put it in everything! Hey, man. You got a quarter?" The guy asked the two before he shoots both of them in the head. The guy lowers his gun and pockets it as two of his accomplices come up and drag the dead assassins away.

John opens his eyes and sees that he was in a large underground type room. He also realizes that he was on a cot and an IV was attached to his hand. He sits up and pulls it off and turns to the side of the cot, he grunts and groans in pain then looks down to see his white shirt was partially unbuttoned. He moves the shirt aside to see that his gun wound on his side was bandaged up. 

He let's out a sigh then quickly looks up and sees you were in the cot next to him. He gets up then walks over to you and sits on the edge of your cot and takes your hand in his, holding it tightly. He felt extremely bad that you were pulled into this. This wasn't the life he wanted to give you, he wanted to give you the life any husband would want to give to their wife.

A home...

A family....

You deserved so much better than what you were going through now. You deserved a better life...a better husband.

John was afraid when you found out about his life as an assassin that you would leave him. He would've understood if you did, what sane woman wouldn't! And if you did leave him, he would've been heartbroken but he would've understand and let you go.

But...here you were, staying by his side, learning any way to protect yourself and help him in any fight that you could. Even after the kidnapping that happened almost 2 weeks ago, you stood by him.

He didn't deserve you....

As he sat there, thinking, you start to wake up and see John sitting on the edge of your bed. You also realized he was holding your hand so you squeezed his hand, letting him know you were awake. He looks up at you and you give a weak smile towards him. "Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes." You said, teasingly, and he chuckles a bit but turns his head away from you.

You give him a concerned look towards him and asked. "John? What's wrong?" He looks back at you, his eyes full of guilt, then begins to speak. "I am so sorry for dragging you into this. I didn't intend for you to get hurt. I..I..." He stops, not knowing what to say so he looks down.

You sit up and place your finger under his chin and, gently, pull up his face so he can look at you. After giving him a soft but stern look, you began to speak. "John, stop feeling guilty, okay. I am your wife, you are my husband. And there's nothing...NOTHING....going to keep me away from you. I'll always be by your side. I love you." His eyes dart to the side then you said, softly. "Hey..."

He looks back at you and you give a soft smile. "For better or worse, right?" You said, reciting those vows you two made years ago. “For better or worse.” he repeats, nodding, and your smile grew bigger then you lean up and kiss him, he gladly kisses you back. Unfortunately, the kiss doesn't last long as you hear footsteps coming towards you two. Both of you pull back, reluctantly, then look over to see at least three homeless looking guys coming towards you two.

Moments later, after straightening up your clothes and putting on your jackets, the homeless people began to lead you through their living area then up to a fire escape that leads to the roof. There were cages with pigeons inside of it as some people were by them and taking care of the birds.

But these guys take you and John to one particular person, known only as the Bowery King. "As I live and breathe!" Bowery King exclaims as he turns to face you and John. "John Wick. The man. The myth. The legend. You're not very good at retiring." He said to John. "I'm workin' on it." John said and the King smirks then he looks over at you. "That means you must be the famous Mrs Wick." Bowery said and you nodded at him. 

"Your husband doesn't remember, but we met many years ago, before my ascension..." he said then he turns away before he continues. "When I was just a pawn in the game. We met and you gave me a gift, the gift that would make me a king. You don't remember, but there I was, standing in an alleyway. I didn't even hear you comin'. You gave me this." Bowery said to John as he walks back over to you two then pulls back his collar, revealing a long scar between his neck and shoulder, your eyes widen at this then you looked between John and Bowery King.

"Gift from the boogeyman. Perfect for every occasion." Bowery said as he pulls his collar back up and glares at John. "But you also gave me a choice. Pull my gun, shoot you in the back, and die. Or keep the pressure on my neck...and live. And so you see, I survived. No one sneaks up on me anymore, thanks to you. I am all-seeing and all-knowing." Bowery said. "Then you know why we are here." John said. "Santino D'Antonio, yes. Yours and your wife's contract went wide, John. That's bad for your health." Bowery said then he looks over at one of the men.

"What's the number up to now, Earl?" He asked and Earl hold up ten fingers with both hands then holds up two fingers with his left hand. "$12 million! Damn! It's Christmas. We're going to Applebee's after this." Bowery said. "We need your help. You have eyes begging for change on every corner in the city. I'm thinkin' you can find Santino. I need you to move us. Underground. Get us to him." John said. "How sweet it is! The boogeyman begging me for help. Well, of course, John. Yes, John. Whatever you'd like, John. Would you like a back rub with that, John?" Bowery asked, sarcastically.

"You're going to help us." John said, somewhat threatening. "Why the fuck would I do that?" Bowery asked. "Because I'm the only one that can help you." John said and Bowery chuckles before he let's out a loud laugh at this.

"You're gonna help me out? That's downright upright of you, Mr. Wick. You sound positively magnanimous." Bowery said as he leads you two back into his lair. You entered in a locker room to see lots of weapons inside of the lockers and Bowery points them out to you and John.

"But look around you. How much help does it look like I need?" Bowery asked as one of his servants takes off his jacket. You give a side glance to John as Bowery continues. "It seems to me that the real question, Mr. Wick, is who in this cruel world of ours is going to help you?" Then he leads you and John into his office.

"There's a storm coming. Not just for me. For all of us. For everyone under the table." John said to Bowery as he goes to behind his desk and sit in his chair. "Yes, killing someone who has a seat at the high table does create a problem. But it's your problem, baby. After all, none of my people sent Gianna D'Antonio to the hereafter." Bowery said. "That being said, Santino has her seat now. And he wants the city. When he's done uptown, you think he's gonna stop at 14th street?" John said, questioning. "We'll just have to take care of ourselves." Bowery said.

"Oh, yeah? For how long? And how much blood?" You asked him and he raises his eyebrow at you. "Look...You kill Santino, the Camorra, and the high table come for you. I kill Santino, they come for us." John said, gesturing between you and him. "And you're willing to put your wife through that?" Bowery asked. "Whatever it takes." You said and Bowery looks between you two. "He's offered seven million for your life, John, and five million for her capture. Twelve million is a lot of money, Mr and Mrs Wick." Bowery said, raising an eyebrow at them.

You and John exchange looks and, almost like having a silent conversation between you two, you nod at him and John turns to Bowery. "So I guess you have a choice. You want a war? Or do you wanna just give my wife and I a gun?" He asked. Bowery chuckles then shouts, in an over-the-top voice. "Somebody, please! Get this man and this woman a gun!"

"Kimber 1911, .45 ACP." Bowery said as he opens up a couple of cases revealing two guns. Then he grabs a magazine clip from one of the guns and holds it up. "Seven-round capacity." He said then he picks up the other clip. "Five round capacity." He said. "Twelve rounds?" You said, questionable. "Twelve million dollars gets you twelve rounds. That's a million dollars a round, baby." He said to you, smiling. John sighs at this then both of you grab the guns and load them. "Let's go." Bowery said.

"Your descent into hell begins here, Mr and Mrs Wick. He's at the museum. Earl will guide you two. Do be careful on your way down." Bowery said as he leads you two to an elevator. You and John get inside the elevator, Bowery raises a finger and points at John. "Oh, and remember, you owe me." He threatens. "You don't want me owing you." John said as the elevator doors shut.

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