#attached and just hhh after today I’m scared we’re drifting apart which is just great

[tiredsadpeach]

If you only going to text me to say goodnight, why text me at all

#like I guess I appreciate it but all day something felt off and then for our only real conversation being saying goodnight twice... #like we didn’t even have a back and forth talk today not a real one anyway #asking each other how we are is the minimum yknow and we did that sure but :/ something felt so off #and I don’t mind if he’s busy and everything or if he’s upset and stuff but he was just mass tweeting regular shit like #I’m not gonna make an effort if he’s not going to especially today because I’m stressed and no on my period #but y’know he wouldn’t know that because we didn’t really talk lol #like I’m never gonna force him to talk or anything and idk if he was trying to bait me into replying to a tweet or two but I don’t wanna #‘talk’ through tweets sure it’s fun every now and then but idk I would like to have a more private talk in dms #you got surprised when I didn’t say ‘I love you’ when we said goodnight right then but you didn’t say it either why should I say it first #we’ve barely talked all day and I lowkey think you’re mad at me and you expect me to say it first #I’m glad you and your crush are having a good time you deserve that happiness and I know you’ve been stressed and that’s why I’m venting #on here instead of twt because you don’t deserve that added stress but I’m also allowed to be hurt #I just don’t feel good and I haven’t all day and I’m working on this video that he probably won’t even watch because he doesn’t want to #spoil the thing it’s about for himself so he’ll probably for get it exists by the time he actually watches the special because he isn’t even #close to finishing the last season and has lots and lots of other shit to do on top of that and I don’t WANT to be upset that he may never #see it but I can’t help it he’s the person I’m the absolute closest to he’s the only person that knows about my d/g so like I’m very very #attached and just hhh after today I’m scared we’re drifting apart which is just great #I didn’t mean to shut down like that last night it’s wasn’t your fault I was already in such a weird state but also when you started tweetin #like that it just made things worse if you know it’s a trigger why do you keep doing it hhhh #I can’t lose you man if I lose you it’s like I’m at square one again friends wise and I’ll relive 2017 again and I can’t do that I don’t #think I’ll make it the second time around hhh I’m close to my other friend yeah but not as close as we are because I’m always scared I’m #still in love with my other friend and if I lose you I lose the new twt friends I made because why wouldn’t they choose you over me you’re #so cool and nice and funny and interesting and way less awkward and that’s okay I’m fine with being not as idk paletable to people it’s my #charm at this point like I’m just Too Much and until I get therapy there’s nothing I can really do about that