#attempt at humor | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crowleysaziraphale2003 · 3 days

Text

Here's another fic from my AO3! I'll also be posting non-GO writing soon! :)

This one is supposed to be silly and light hearted, if ever it comes off as insensitive, let me know. For the record, I hate the prison system, please know that 🤍

The silliness and playfulness is taken from my own, two and a half years long (so far), relationship. My partner got me into Good Omens, and I will always be grateful to him for that. He's also just the best tbh and I love him so much ❤️❤️❤️

CW for swearing, neck kissing (briefly) and brief NSFW implications (nothing happens nor is implied to happen, just some suggestive flirting).

Bon appetit! 🫶

Crowley and The Mysterious Case of The Disappearing Sunglasses

It was a sunny afternoon, and a certain demon and angel were peacefully gardening together. At least, until something rather weird happened.

It had started out with a kiss. Aziraphale hadn't joined Crowley for while, instead opting to recline leisurely in a deckchair, sipping wine and reading. He would pause every now and then, to look up and inquire about Crowley's progress with the garden. That aside, they hadn't interacted until Aziraphale had brought his baking, alongside a glass of cooling lemonade, out to him on a tray. That's when Crowley had decided that perhaps, it was time for a well-earned rest.

Instead of sitting on the chair next to Aziraphale's, he'd decided to sit on his lap. Not that Aziraphale was complaining. Not at all, unless kissing him had counted as complaining, anyway. The thing was, just before he'd kissed him, Aziraphale had removed Crowley's sunglasses, which he'd been wearing not to shield his emotions, but his eyes, from the glaring sun. This was not an uncommon occurrence; Aziraphale frequently removed Crowley's glasses before they kissed, if Crowley didn't do so himself.

But this time, when they'd broken apart, the glasses had been nowhere in sight. The garden was officially a crime scene-the sunglasses had disappeared under mysterious circumstances.

Aziraphale, former angel, was a key suspect in their sudden and mysterious disappearance. Given that he was of an unusual, unpredictable nature, Crowley had to resort to using a variety of investigation tactics. Tickles, first. This had only succeeded in getting them both breathless and slightly distracted.

Time for a new tactic: holding his book hostage.

"Crowley!" Aziraphale had whined. "Give it back, now!"

Crowley wasn't about to crack under the pressure. "Nah," he'd responded, with a cheeky grin. "Not until you tell me where the hell my sunglasses are! These are my only pair nowadays!"

Aziraphale had raised an eyebrow at him in response. "Can't you miracle up or buy a new pair?"

"Nuh. Not allowed that many miracles since having retired, and there are no shops around here selling sunglasses.

Aziraphale frowned. "It's a tad odd that they don't sell them around here."

Crowley stared at him as though he lacked brain cells. Which perhaps, in his own way, he did. "We're in bloody England! What do you expect!? Give me my sunglasses back!"

"Give me my book back!" Aziraphale pouted.

"Nuh-uh!"

"I swear, Crowley-!"

"You started this!"

Aziraphale took a deep breath. "You give me no other choice," he replied, his face stoic. A sudden rain cloud appeared over Crowley's head, soaking him in seconds. Crowley gasped.

"You bastard!" he said, throwing the book onto the porch. "Come here, you little shit!"

"Absolutely not!"

That's how they ended up chasing each other around the garden.

Ten minutes later, and they had stopped. Right. Time for yet another interrogation tactic. "Angel," Crowley purred into Aziraphale's ear, "if you give me my sunglasses back, I'm sure we can find another way to...unwind."

Aziraphale blushed. "I know you, you wily old serpent. You're trying to tempt me to get me to give them back," he said, pausing. "It might work."

Finally!

Crowley sat on his lap and started to kiss Aziraphale's neck. "My angel," he murmured. "Look at you, you're gorgeous. So pretty, so good."

The perpetrator cracked. "Fine," he admitted. His breathing was heavy, yet he didn't even need to breathe. That's how his interrogator could tell he'd got him. "Check your plants."

Crowley fell off Aziraphale's lap. "What?!" he exclaimed.

"Check your plants," Aziraphale repeated, smiling now like the deviant, the criminal, that he was.

"Angel!" Crowley shouted, with no real maliciousness in his voice.

Right there, on his prized sunflower, the tallest one, sat his sunglasses. They must have been miracled on while they were kissing. The worst part of all? He hadn't even noticed. The next investigation, he decided, was going to be a murder investigation.

Aziraphale bolted indoors, Crowley hot on his trail. Oh, he would pay for this...

"No kisses for the rest of the day? Crowley, that is so unfair!"

"That's your sentence. You must serve it."

After a bit of tempting on Aziraphale's part, he was bailed out of his cruel sentence in less than an hour, with a strict warning to not do that ever again. He didn't re-offend, so Crowley decided he was reformed. Good. Couldn't be dealing with all that.

18 notes · View notes

delicatedarknight · 4 months

Text

Tim: so why should we select you?

Guy A: I'm rich and handsome

Dick: Bruce is literally a billionaire. are you saying you are more rich than him?

Jason: and handsome? Don't make me laugh you look worse than our family dog.

Guy A: ex-xcuse me??

Damian: you are excused. Now get out

Tim: and what about you?

Guy b: I can protect him

Damian: protect?? dad??

Dick: [scoffs] It's like saying you can protect Batman.

Guy b: but he ain't Batman though

Jason: bitch he might be

Damian: where did you even find these people Tim?

Jason: seriously? imagine saying u can protect Batman

Dick: nah bruh imagine flexing money and looks on Bruce

Tim: ok guys this is the last candidate for the day

Tim: so what makes you special?

Clark: I can cook for him

Jason:[snorts] What if you can cook for him? How can it help our Bruce?

Clark: I'm sorry I'm not as rich as him but I can cook, clean, and care for him

Dick: have you brought anything to claim your statement.

Clark:[places the pie] I brought this Kansas special apple pie-

Damian:[already on his second slice] ae-ets gsoo ghuuud

Jason, Tim, and Dick fighting for the last piece

Clark: uh..soo

Damian:[clears his throat] You are selected.

Dick: Definitely

Jason: prepare your vows

Tim: btw who recommended you? Because you have a really ordinary background

Clark: oh it was Bruce

[collective HUH from batkids]

Clark: [snickering] It was to get approved by you guys

[collective even louder HA]

Clark: [laughing] That's because we are already dating

[collectively yelling WHAT]

Clark: [changing into Superman] hate to leave like this on our first meet but Metropolis needs me

[collective screaming]

#superbat #batman #bruce wayne #clark kent #superman #superman x batman #damian wayne #jason todd #tim drake #dick grayson #robin #my dumb stuff #attempt at humor #dc fluff #humor #batfam #batfamily #protective batfam

8K notes · View notes

cmorris-art · 11 days

Text

Dan vs Phil Shuffleboard – All or Nothing

Largely inspired by this tweet

#dan and phil games #Dan and Phil #Dan vs Phil #danandphilgames #phan #phanart #dan and phil art #dnpgames #dnp art #dnp #fanart #animation #animatic #attempt at humor #I made this in a day #all or nothing

247 notes · View notes

coolbattlegirl · 4 months

Text

Sato just wanted to carry egg Malleus for a little longer…

#twisted wonderland #twst spoilers #lilia vanrouge #twst mc #twst of #sato yuu #yuu Sato #my art #attempt at humor #my favorite moment in chapter 7 #can’t believe that was an option lol #the wording is a bit different but the point remains the same #trying to get back into drawing #I’m a bit rusty

230 notes · View notes

wangxianficrecs · 16 days

Text

Wei Wuxian, worst supervillain by antebunny

Wei Wuxian, worst supervillain

by antebunny (@antebunny)

G, 3k, Wangxian

Summary: Lan Wangji has never met a worse supervillain. He finds this rather remarkable considering that he has, during his tenure as Hanguang-jun, fought quite a large number of villains. Certainly some of them, like Wen Ruohan’s two successors, Wen Xu and Wen Chao, lacked style, as did Su She and Jin Zixun. But what they lacked in style, each and every one of them made up for in sheer villany. Even Wang Lingjiao didn’t hesitate to kick a puppy she saw on the street. The Yiling Patriarch, on the other hand. Well. Mojo's comments: Adorable. Excerpt: It’s on a stormy night that Lan Wangji finds the Yiling Patriarch leaning against the side of a building, deep in some alleyway, clutching his side with one hand. His breath comes out in erratic bursts, and his sopping wet hair runs down his face and his back like ink down a brush. His silver eyes are dull when he sees Lan Wangji land lightly on the paved ground, clear umbrella held above his head, moonlight filtering through the plastic. They barely register shock, or fear, or anything else. The Yiling Patriarch slowly pulls his hand away from his ribs, lets both of them hang by his side. Black liquid drips off his hands like ink onto paper. “Have you ever seen blood in the moonlight, Lan Wangji?” The Yiling Patriarch asks. “It appears…” He lifts his hands. Raindrops pelt his palms, rinsing away the dark liquid. “…Quite black.” Lan Wangji looks at him. The Yiling Patriarch tilts his head back, closes his eyes. He lets rain pelt his face as well, as if it could wash him away. “No one at the prison died,” he says. “There’s that, at least,” the Yiling Patriarch murmurs after a pause.

pov lan wangji, modern setting, secret identities, superheroes/superpowers, fluff, attempt at humor, light angst, tooth-rotting fluff, crack treated seriously, superhero lan wangji, supervillain wei wuxian

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

121 notes · View notes

blurredbuddie · 6 months

Text

Lucy: I think kissing Buck made me gay.

Eddie: Same.

262 notes · View notes

thehylianidiot · 1 month

Text

Happy Ides of March!

#fairy tail #zeref dragneel #attempt at humor

62 notes · View notes

ixiot-ghostrebel · 9 months

Note

Hi! Can i ask for a reader x caelus HSR? Not romantic though, more like found family siblings that is just goofing around the universe as everyone else who trailblaizes with them either chuckle or face palms

Coming right up, anon! You got it :D

Caelus & Reader on The Astral Express

You both are trashcan goblins together. With your combined power, will and friendship, you give both Dan Heng and March 7th a run for their money, and scare every Silvermane Guard there is in Belebog.

That is not a joke, by the way—March 7th is constantly wondering how you two manage to pull this off while Dan Heng is sipping away at Himeko's coffee contemplating what sin he committed to be damned like this.

You and Caelus love to talk about a bunch of crazy things that make no sense without context. You both did this once on Herta's Space Station and some of the researchers nearby thought they were going insane just listening to you two talk.

You both met after Himeko invited Caelus onto the express. Like two peas in a pod, you both surprisingly have a lot in common. You showed him the wonders of comedy while he showed you the wonders of eccentricity. It was amazing!

Between the two of you, March and Dan Heng are definitely the two that facepalm, while Himeko chuckles at your antics. Welt is in the middle, because of course he is (/nm /endearing)

And that's it! Sorry if this was short anon—but I do hope you like it!

Ghost Rebel Side Notes: N/A

✦ Check out The Ghost Rebel’s Blog Description & Info Page to See if Their Mailbox is Open! ✦

#honkai star rail x reader #honkaistarrail #honkai star rail #honkai x reader #honkai caelus #caelus #trailblazer #hsr caelus #caelus hsr #caelus honkai star rail #caelus star rail #caelus x reader #platonic #platonic relationships #attempt at humor

179 notes · View notes

babygirl-diaz · 23 days

Text

For The Hope Of It All

The universe was playing three-dimensional chess with Buck, while Buck was still trying to figure out the rules of checkers and losing miserably. That’s why he was currently nursing the same bottle of beer in his hands like it was a wounded comrade. Figuratively kicking himself in the head wasn’t enough- he should have brought steel-toed boots to this pity party. Not only did he commit a symphony of fouls today while playing basketball, but he also sent Eddie flying through the basketball hoop. Okay, maybe not, but he did cause Eddie to trip and fall. Tripping Tommy, now that was a plan. Tommy was trying to steal Eddie away with his shiny helicopters and even shinier smile. Buck groaned and buried his head in his hands, “Stupid, stupid, stupid,” he muttered. “Now Eddie will never ever talk to you again and you will die alone in this loft.”

As Buck continued his one-man comedy show of muttering, groaning, and kicking himself on the head, the doorbell rang. He wasn’t ready to entertain anyone right now so he yelled, “Go away!” at the door.

“Not gonna happen, pal, not until I get a heartfelt apology. A beer. And maybe a foot massage. And hopefully my lost shoe.”

Buck’s heart sank when he realized it was Eddie on the other side of the door. Great. Just when he thought things couldn’t get any worse, the universe played its hand- that was poker not chess, right? With a sigh that could rival the wind, Buck dragged himself out of the chair and went to the door, where he found Eddie giving him an unamused look, that looked like a cross between a disappointed father (a look Buck was very much acquainted with) and a slightly annoyed babysitter.

“H-hey, Eddie,” Buck greeted him with an awkward wave of his hand.

Eddie’s response was nonexistent. Instead, he limped past Buck into the living room. He put his hands on his hips and let out a deep sigh as Buck slowly closed the door behind him, trying to avoid Eddie’s wrath.

“You’re like a human-size wrecking ball, you know that?” Eddie finally said, turning to glare at Buck.

With a dramatic sigh, Buck made his way over to his friend and stood in front of him. “Look, I’m sorry about what-”

“No, shut up!” Eddie interrupted, holding out up hand like a traffic cop. “I’m gonna do the talking and you’re gonna do the listening.”

Buck could just nod in response. He was going to get hell from Eddie today. He just knew it.

“Right,” Eddie said, nodding in satisfaction. “I’m sorry about today. I know you didn’t mean to trip me up.”

That’s not what Buck was expecting. “Ed-”

“I told you to shut up!” Eddie chastised him again. “But everything you’ve been doing this week-” he paused and shook his head. “-you’re a grown man, Buck, we both are. If you had a problem with me, you should have come to me and talked about it.”

“I didn’t- I don’t have a problem with you.” Buck mustered the courage to retort, despite the death stare Eddie was shooting his way.

“Okay, then what was today about?” Eddie asked.

"Today was the day I discovered my hidden talent for making myself look like a complete idiot,” Buck replied.

Eddie’s features softened and he cracked a small smile. “That you do,” he said jokingly. “But why?”

With a sigh, Buck confessed, "I was jealous."

Eddie seemed taken aback by that. “Jealous? Of what?”

Buck's face twisted into a comical grimace. "Of you and Tommy!"

Eddie gave Buck a bewildered look, his eyebrows creased in confusion. "What? Why?"

“Isn’t it obvious? I don’t like you spending time with him,” Buck tried to explain.

Confusion turned to realization as Eddie’s face softened once again. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” Buck looked down at his hands and found them far more interesting all of a sudden.

Eddie's voice trembled as he spoke, his hand resting gently on Buck's shoulder. "Evan," he said.. "You are more than my best friend. You are my confidant, the person I trust with my life. When things go to shit, you’re the one I run to for support and when things go right, you’re the first person I want to share it with. Hell, I ‘ve made you the legal guardian of my kid in case something happened to me because I know you will always love him like he was your own." He paused and chased Buck’s eyes to make him look at him. “You’re irreplaceable, Evan. Never doubt that.”

Buck listened intently to Eddie's words. He couldn’t believe it. "Eddie," he began, eager to respond.

“How many times do I have to tell you to shut up?”

“Maybe you should make me,” Buck challenged him without even thinking about it

Eddie looked visibly taken aback by that and Buck was about to laugh it off but then he decided to be brave.

“What?” Eddie asked

“The real reason I am jealous of Tommy is because I thought he might whisk you away and I may never get to tell you what I really felt about you.”

With a gulp, Eddie's Adam's apple bobbed up and down. “What- what do you feel about me?”.

With a simple phrase, Buck professed his love: "I love you."

Eddie's breath audibly caught in his throat, he removed his hand from Buck’s shoulder, and his expression indicated that he was mentally processing what Buck had just said. “Y- you love me?”

Buck immediately missed his touch and looked down at his own hands, “I do.”

“Since when?”

Buck’s head snapped up and he said, “Since the time you told me I could have your back any day.”

“That was when we first met…” Eddie pointed out like he couldn’t quite believe what Buck was saying.

Buck affirmed with a nod. “It was. I’ve been in love with you since.”

Buck felt a pang of longing when Eddie retreated from him. Eddie rubbed his face, a contemplative expression crossed his features, “I don’t know what to make of that, Buck.”

“You don’t have to make anything of it,” Buck assured him, although his heart was breaking. “You could just ignore what I said and we could go on pretending that I never said that.”

Eddie nodded and said nothing. He took another step back before turning on his heel to leave.

Buck wanted to let out an agonizing cry. He didn’t know what he had expected. Maybe he thought they would have a chance. But he was oh so wrong.

“See you around, Eddie,” Buck said after him, his voice tinged with sorrow.

In a sudden shift, Eddie halted. Buck heard him take a deep breath before he returned. This time with determination written all over his face, which Buck initially interpreted as a sign of an imminent punch. But much to his surprise, Eddie grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him forward, initiating a passionate kiss. Buck let out a surprised sound and kissed Eddie back. The kiss turned heated pretty quick and Buck slipped his tongue inside Eddie’s mouth and mapped it out. He kept walking Eddie backward until Eddie’s back hit the wall. As they kissed, Buck's mind raced with conflicting thoughts, oscillating between exhilaration ("Holy shit, we're kissing!") and apprehension ("Holy shit, he might come to his senses and walk away soon.")

Buck moved away from Eddie’s lips and kissed along his jawline before burying his face into Eddie’s neck. He pulled Eddie close and experimentally thrust against him, causing the other man to moan.

But then the haze lifted and Eddie moaned before gently pushing at Buck’s chest. “Buck, Buck, stop-” he rasped.

Buck stopped and pulled away to look at Eddie. Their foreheads pressed together as he released a series of short, shallow breaths. "I thought you wanted this..."

“I don’t know,” Eddie admitted, clutching onto Buck’s shirt.

Buck nodded and pulled away. “Are you and Marisol still together?” He asked.

“No,” Eddie replied. “We broke up a week ago.”

Buck said nothing to that. He instead turned around to leave.

“Buck?” Eddie called out to him, sounding so vulnerable that it almost broke Buck’s heart.

Buck got to the stairs and turned around to look at Eddie. “If you want you can come upstairs with me,, or the decision is up to you.” He shrugged.

Eddie looked conflicted. He bit his lips and looked between Buck and the door like he was trying to figure out what to do.

When he looked at Buck again, Buck raised an eyebrow, “Well?”

Eddie smiled and rolled his eyes before moving towards the stairs. “I can’t go up there,” he said, pointing at his leg.

Buck got the message and leaned down to pick Eddie up in his arms. Eddie may have let out a little squeak before he wrapped his arms around Buck’s neck. Buck smirked and carefully carried him up the stairs. “What did you even have for lunch?” He teased.

“You’re an asshole,” Eddie told him and rolled his eyes.

***

As the morning sun peeked through the blinds, Buck's eyes fluttered open. He glanced beside him and saw Eddie, sleeping soundly. A tender smile spread across Buck's face as he admired Eddie's peaceful state. He couldn’t believe that the man he loved was finally in his bed. He propped his head up on his hand and took in Eddie’s features. His hair was a mess from where Buck at pulled them the previous night. His lips were swollen from how hard Buck had kissed him. There was a look of contentment on his face with his mouth slightly agape as he snored softly. Buck’s eyes traveled further down to Eddie’s nipples. The nubs were red and swollen from how much attention Buck had given them. If Buck pulled back the sheets, he would probably see how his cum still leaking out of Eddie. They had established that they were both clean and wanted to really go for the title this time.

Don’t be such a creep, Buck. Buck told himself as he continued to admire Eddie. His Eddie.

“Were you watching me sleep?” Eddie’s amused voice brought Buck out of his thoughts. Eddie’s voice was also heavy with sleep which started to get Buck hard all over again.

“I- I kinda was, I guess,” Buck replied and scratched the back of his head.

“Of course you were, creep,” Eddie teased him again and looked over at him. “Like what you see?” His voice turned seductive.

“More than you’ll know,” Buck replied and rolled on top of Eddie, pinning him to the bed again and kissing him.

“You’re making me breakfast after this,” Eddie told him.

“Maybe in an hour… or two,” Buck replied, kissing him again.

#evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #911 abc #fanfiction #angst #fluff #attempt at humor

37 notes · View notes

delicatedarknight · 3 months

Text

Bruce: what makes you good for my son?

Kon: what is there that I lack? I'm perfect for your son

Jason: I would say he lacks common sense

Dick[sighing]: describe why you love Tim?

Kon: he is a huge coffee addict, the Robin costume looks ugly but I guess those are the things that make him look hella attractive not to mention he has a great as-

Bruce, Damian, Jason & Dick [ready with their weapons on Kon's neck]: be careful how you finish that sentence

Kon[flying out of the window]: HE GOT A GREAT ASS

[An hour later]

Metropolis reporter: today's breaking news Batman and the Robins are chasing after Superboy while throwing profanities. Oh wait we see Red Hood let's ask him about the situation

Reporter: Red Hood what brings you all to the metropolis today?

Red Hood: oh it's just a family outing to promote tourism to Gotham not like we are trying to make Superboy disappear from the face of the earth and bury him somewhere. Now now where did our Superboy kid run off to now?

Reporter:

[In Kent house hold]

Kon: Dad...you know I love you soo much right?

Clark[sighing]: what did you do this time?

Kon: Dad you gotta protect me they are coming for me

Clark: they who?

Kon: the bat fa-

[Window breaking and batfam entering]

Kon[already using Clark as human shield]: they are here dad

Bruce: Clark stay out of this

Clark[confused]: what did he do for the whole bat family to chase after him

Damian: ask him yourself

Clark: so what did you do?

Kon[shyly grinning]: I complimented Tim's ass..

Clark: I mean I see where you are coming from..I mean Bruce also has a great ass..but that's not the point now.

Dick: guess it's time to end the whole Superman bloodline

Jason: deviation in the plan now it's both dad-son duo

Clark: Can I say something before I die?

Bruce[with kryptonite]: you may speak

Clark: Bruce I always wanted to tell you something, you look really beautiful, and last Thursday, you looked amazing in those black undies.

[Collective batfam screaming and fighting]

2K notes · View notes

sunflouwerhabit · 9 months

Text

IT’S FINE TO FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT (‘TIL IT’S TRUE)

sunflouwerhabit on ao3 | complete | 141k

Harry Styles @HarryStyles_KE

hi again! so, i wanted to apologize one more time for the whole “helogogjs good gksdjid” thing, and also say that i didn’t just accidentally open your DM’s when i wasn’t paying attention earlier. i sort of had a question about a tweet you posted yesterday? like. the whole “rent a boyfriend” thing? is that something you were serious about? and if so, how does one come to hire you to be their boyfriend? i’m, um, asking for a friend

*****

Harry dreads an impending visit to his hometown, where he’ll be forced to reunite with a newly engaged ex-boyfriend, a childhood best friend turned near stranger, and a family who never understood just how desperately he needed to leave.

In the midst of it all, a ludicrous Twitter proposition brings him to Louis.

*****

*****

we are now live from the bughouse.

#fic post #ao3 #larry fanfiction #fanfic #fake relationship #fake dating #pining #attempt at humor #fluffiest fluff #happy ending #writer louis #corporate harry #chicago #ohio #i will always be midwest trash

115 notes · View notes

crowleysaziraphale2003 · 22 days

Text

A fic from my AO3, which I both wrote and posted on the same train ride, about eight months ago. Aziraphale asks Crowley what the 'J' stands for. Enjoy! :)

Just A J, Really

"Crowley?"

The demon in question glanced up from his newspaper. He was sat-although sat was never really the right word, was it, not with Crowley-on the sofa in bookshop, opposite to Aziraphale.

"Yes, angel?"

Aziraphale lowered his book down onto his seat, next to him. "What does the 'J' in your name stand for?"

Crowley shot him an incredulous look. "Aziraphale. We've been through this already, in 1941. It's just a 'J'. Really."

Aziraphale thought for a moment. "Well, surely it must mean something!"

"Believe me, it doesn't."

Undeterred, Azriphale looked him straight in the eyes and asked him, "Are you embarrassed of your name, dear? Because believe me, I've been there. I hate that there's such a kerfuffle when people are trying to pronounce my name, hence the whole, 'Mr Fell' thing, of course."

Crowley raised a sceptical eyebrow at him. "Kerfuffle?"

"Yes, it's a word, dear."

"Right. Yes. I know that, Aziraphale. You just use such odd words sometimes, is all."

Aziraphale shrugged, smiling. "You still haven't answered my question."

"Yes, I have."

"No, you haven't."

Crowley scowled at him. "Don't go there," he growled. "It's just a J. End of story."

Aziraphale sighed, but his eyes were bright with mirth. "Whatever you say, darling. But just know that I will hereby be mentally referring to you as, 'Anthony Janthony Crowley.' It has a nice ring to it."

"Ngk. Idiot," Crowley responded affectionately, sitting up in his seat for once and picking up his newspaper. "Whatever. Call me what you wish."

"I will."

Crowley pretended to look at his newspaper, feigning a casual demeanour.

"So, angel," he enquired. "Angels don't generally have them, but you are retired, at the end of the day. Do you have a first or middle name?"

Across him, Aziraphale paled.

"Let's not go there."

27 notes · View notes

turbent · 15 days

Text

Zutara and yuezula stay bringing the fire nation and southern and northern water tribes together. Like these two ships could bring world peace fr!!!

#zutara #yuezula #attempt at humor #a poor one #atla #avatar the last airbender

34 notes · View notes

youchangedmedestiel · 5 days

Link

Chapters: 3/3

Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 5,187

Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester

Characters: Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Jack Kline

Additional Tags: Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Everybody Lives, Jack Kline is Not God, Saileen Mentioned, Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Established Relationship, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Kissing, Boys Kissing, Neck Kissing, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Attempt at Humor, Deansturbation, Masturbation, Teasing, they are so gone for each other, They try to resist it though, because of that silly game they are playing, Smut, Two Endings, Don't be afraid to tell which one you prefer

Summary:

Dean and Cas waited 12 years to finally be together. So, they think they can resist each other, but do they? (Please, read the notes at the beginning for better understanding)

Notes:

I got this idea from this pic (coming from this post on x):

25 notes · View notes

yoke9494 · 1 year

Text

Ran, baby fever, and Pixie.

Bonten crack

Pregnancy scare

Ran's a spoiled brat.

Sanzu likes the word coochie.

Rindou is done....

______________________________

Kakucho fiddled with the blue and pink boxes as he waited on the other side of the bathroom door. He wasn't sure why he bought so many? He's never been in this position before but when someone who he considered as his friend asked him to get her a pregnancy test... He panicked and returned with 6 different boxes, all different brands.

"What are you doing?"

Sanzu walked up and peaked at the boxes. "Oh shit! You gonna be a daddy?"

Kakucho shook his head. "No. Its has nothing to do with with me. Its for.. uh." It wasn't really his business to tell? Then again you're always with Sanzu so maybe it's his kid?

Sanzu snickered. "Oh... It's for Ran huh? One of his many one night stands then.. What is this, like his fifth kid?"

".... I really hope it's not Ran's."

Sanzu opened one of the boxes just to see what these things were all about. Before he could get the wrapper off the stick a yell came from the bathroom.

He knew that scream!

Without thinking Sanzu kicked open the bathroom door and drew his gun.

You both locked eyes and let out synchronized screams. His eyes traveled down to between your legs.

*Gasp!* "Why are you bleeding so much?! Did you push too hard and break your coochie?!"

You gave him a dead panned look. "I started my period, dumbass!"

(Sanzu) "Oh." *Snort* " Good for you?"

"Hell yeah it is! That means I'm not pregnant!"

It finally clicked into Sanzu's dazed brain. "Oh... OH!!! Fuck yes! No baby!"

He held up his hand for a high five. You couldn't leave your man hanging.

After that he giggled and ran out of the bathroom. Probably going off to announce to the whole mansion you weren't knocked up. The person who could have been the father would probably faint with joy... Well if he hasn't drank himself unconscious by now.

Kakucho finally walked in, his eyes shifted away from you sitting on the toilet to the unused pregnancy test on the bathroom sink.

"Sorry for making you go to the pharmacy Kaku. It was just a false alarm."

Kakucho shrugged his shoulders. "S'fine. Better to start keeping these things around for other "guests". Since I'm sure you learned to be more careful now.."

"Oh, totally. I'm going on the damn pill after today..."

"Good..."

"Mhmm.. So, you mind getting out so I can clean up and change?"

"Shit!" Covering his eyes like he wasn't just standing next to you while still on the porcelain thrown. "Sorry!"

He fumbled for the door knob before he closed it shut.

You shook your head and laughed. There was no such thing as privacy around here.

If it was Mikey, Sanzu, Ran, or Takeomi they'd just watch. Mochi wouldn't even bother to be involved. Kokonoi and Kakucho were the only ones who respected your privacy.... Sometimes.

---------------

On the other side of Bonten's HQ, Sanzu ran into the sitting area to find the Haitani's already there.

"Y/n's not pregnant!"

Sanzu not being able to contain his excitement, started shaking Rindou who grabbed onto Sanzu's shoulders in return and squeezed like he wanted to hurt him..

"Are you sure?! You better not be lying you pink fuck!"

Sanzu shoved the younger Haitani off of himself and drew his gun once again. He was beyond trigger happy today...

"You've been touching my coochie Haitani?"

Rindou slapped the gun away from his temple. "She's not even yours you obsessive fuck. Are you positive she isn't knocked up?!"

Sanzu eyed him for a second. "What's stuck up your ass? And yes, she's having a blood bath on the toilet right now. I thought her pussy fell off."

Sanzu looked around the room. Rindou grabbed a glass from the coffee table and slammed down the rest of the amber liquid. A nearly empty bottle of whiskey sat at the edge.

"Didn't we just buy that shit yesterday?"

"Fuck!"

Sanzu's gaze shot up to Ran. He stood in front of the two with a sad looking face. That's when Sanzu noticed the small outfits he had in each hand.

In the left was a tiny purple dress, complete with a small headband that had a huge flower attached to it. In the right was a brown bear onesie that had a red bowtie connected to the chest.

"You mean... I'm not going to be an uncle?"

Rindou ran his hand down his face. "For the last time.. No. Go dress up your own kids and stop poking holes into my condoms, you sick fuck."

Ran clicked his tongue and slumped down onto the couch. " Your swimmers suck limp dick Rin. And for your information, your nieces and nephews are all already too big to be wearing this cute shit."

He grabbed the clothes and threw them at Sanzu. "Knock her up so I can have a baby."

Sanzu made a face of disgust. "Like fuck I'm getting my partner in crime knocked up. Do you know how stupid we'd look torturing someone with a brat strapped to our chest? Go make another one somewhere!"

Ran sighed. "I don't want another one of my own. I only like them when they're tiny and babbling nonsense. When I get tired of it I can give it back."

Takeomi walked in and threw his box of condoms at Ran. "What the fucks your problem Ran?! I think I got one of the strippers from last week pregnant!"

"Ooop- I'm out!"

Ran used his daddy long legs and tried to run out the door. Takeomi wasn't having it.

"Get your slim Jim, Pocky stick, stick bug from bugs life lookin ass back here you lanky Slenderman bitch!"

The two passed you and Kakucho in the hallways. Ran gave you a quick glance over his shoulder and flipped you off as he ran from Takeomi.

"I'm disappointed in your ovaries woman!"

You and Kakucho looked at one another. "See, it was his doing! I say we just get him a puppy or something.. That or you let me kill him."

Kaku shook his head. "No to the killing part, Rindou would get depressed and either kill himself or you. I passed by some pet shop a few days ago. They had puppies... Let's go before Ran pulls a Jesus and gets some virgin pregnant."

"Ran's too evil to pull a Jesus. He's going to Criss Angel a bitch pregnant instead."

------------------

The pet shop was small but you could feel the relaxed atmosphere before you and Kakucho even opened the door.

Of course your shopping companion went straight to look at the colorful fishes leaving you waiting by the counter for someone to help you out.

"Sorry to keep you waiting! It's just me today so I apologize ma'am."

The cutest guy you've ever seen walked in from some back office with a few cat food bags stacked in his arms. Black and yellow hair with sandy colored eyes.

' Adorable.. '

He set the bags down and gave you a smile. It was like your brain quit working.

"Can I help you find something or just looking?"

You wanted to throw some cheesy joke about already finding what you wanted if you could take him home... Damn, you hung out with Ran too much...

' Oh right! Ran's dumbass.. '

"Uh.. actually I'm here to adopt a puppy or cat. Whatever really?"

The guys face lit up. It was their goal after all to find all the animals a forever home.

You learned the guy's name was Kazutora as he introduced you to the many animals up for adoption. Big, small, fuzzy, and scaly. All cute but none of them screamed ✨Ran Haitani ✨.

When Kazutora was in the middle of introducing you to a spotted bunny named Daisy. You had to stop him..

"I'm going to be real with you. The guy I'm buying for... Well I need an animal who will basically be acting as a baby for him. A plus if the animal wouldn't mind being dressed up in cutesy clothing..."

You noticed Kazutora's shoulders kind of dropped. "Oh.. shopping for your boyfriend?"

You had to swallow down the vile that shot up to the back of your throat. "Gross! Fuck that. He's more like an annoying coworker. The guys lonely and gets on all of our nerves so I figured a fur baby would satisfy him."

His light returned! Kazutora thought for a second, he looked unsure... "There is one. She likes to dress up but."

He motioned for you to follow him to the last animal case. It was huge! It took up almost more than half of the shelf's space! Maybe you should just get Ran the bunny?

When he stopped and looked down you had to hold back the dolphin laugh you wanted to spit out when your eyes landed on the animal.

A small tea cup Chihuahua sat on a large doggie bed that was decorated with small pillows that looked like they came from a doll house. It's huge but lazy eyes were glued to a small TV... Yes a TV in the showing case!

"So.. uh. This is Pixie.. She's the only animal we have who likes to dress up."

You couldn't take your eyes off of her and her purple sweater. If this wasn't Ran in mini dog form.

"Kakucho! Get your ass over here and take a look at this!"

Kazutora jumped back at your sudden yell. You looked up at him and apologized but his eyes traveled up to the figure standing in back of you.

"What do you think Kaku? Kazutora here says she likes to dress up."

Kakucho made a weird face that made his nose wrinkle. "We're getting that bastard a rat?"

You snorted while Kazutora gasped.

"She's a tea cup Chihuahua Sir. Her name is Pixie."

Kakucho looked at Kazutora with furrowed brows. "Why Pixie?"

"Uh.. well I wanted to name her Tinker Bell after the fairy from Peter Pan because she likes attention and gives attitude when she doesn't get her way.. but my boss suggested Pixie because she seems to not like the color green."

Kakucho let out a chuckle before looking down at you. You were making faces at the thing while it just looked at you with bored eyes.

'It even looks like him...'

"We'll take her."

Again Kazutora seemed unsure. "Uhm.. Are you sure?" He brought you both over to a dog food aisle. He didn't want Pixie to hear him. "I'm going to warn you two now.. As you can tell she's pretty spoiled and mean." Kazutora lifted up his long sleeve and showed you the many tiny bite marks he had. "This is from when I tried to wake her up from her nap."

You and Kakucho shared a look. You both smiled and spoke at the same time. "She's perfect."

----------------

Rindou clicked his tongue from beside you. He hated this.. Ran had asked you and Rindou to baby sit on your day off. He was on assignment and couldn't take his baby girl with him.(It broke his heart) Rindou tried to get out of it but Mikey roped him back in.. Nobody wanted the responsibility of looking after Ran's pride and joy.

"You know...I really regret not knocking you up now. Pushing around a baby wouldn't be as humiliating as this."

You looked down at Pixie who was having the time of her life being pushed around by Rindou in her doggie stroller. Wearing a bright pink dress with a white flower attached to her collar, along with a small matching sun hat.

In Ran's words. "A classy lady look."

You pulled out one of her treats from her designer brand doggie bag so she could nibble on something. They were stupidly expensive, each treat bag could put food on a struggling families table for a month.

"She's not that bad. At least Ran stopped fucking with everyone's condoms. I was scared I'd have to start hiding my birth control up Sanzu's ass or something."

"Speak for yourself. Look what this rat did!"

Rindou held up his hands. All fingers and thumbs were wrapped in bandage's.

"That's because you're rude to her or Ran."

"It shits in my fucking shoes."

"Pixies craps are no bigger than a mini tootsie roll. And her pee puddles only need one sanitizing wipe. Stop being a bitch."

All the younger Haitani did was roll his eyes and continue to push. Why did you both have to come to the dog park when this rat's feet has never touched grass let alone dirt. He hated this damn dog and he hated you for getting it...

#tokyo revengers kakucho #tokyo revengers #ran haitani #rindou haitani #sanzu haruchiyo #kazutora hanemiya #bonten x reader #bonten #attempt at humor

294 notes · View notes