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equallyshaw · 2 years

Text

The Medicated Series: features OC's with medical issues such as depression, anxiety, physical disabilities such as MS or Rheumatoid Arthritis as well as any other autoimmune disease such as Crohn's, endometriosis, infertility, etc. (not an autoimmune but you get it).

I feel, as a person with a physical disability, that there is a lack of representation and have always wanted to see myself in y/n stories. Always have and always will.

In my writing, it will have inclusivity, not exclusivity.

Love you all, stay healthy and safe.

I'm starting off with rheumatoid arthritis since this is what I have, and have so much to say ! haha. Enjoy xx

Links for information regarding rheumatoid arthritis:

https://www.cdc.gov/arthritis/basics/rheumatoid-arthritis.html

https://www.arthritis.org/diseases/rheumatoid-arthritis

triggers/warnings: medications, disformity, and talks of depression/anxiety.

Cale Makar Medicated Series Master post:

Original Character: Eliza Nicole James, 23 years old. Brunette Hair, Blue Eyes, short and curvy.

Word count: 4k.

——

Today was like any normal day. My hands are stiff, my knees unable to properly move, probably shouldn't have had that Chinese food last night but alas, here we are. When I have something like Chinese, Mexican food, or pizza, my body goes into overdrive, and well, it wants to stop working even more so than it already does. I'll wake up with night sweats which is exactly what happened this morning, and now I am walking like a penguin trying to make coffee in my kitchen as well as some toast.

“Bad morning?” my best friend/godsend/caregiver Becca smiled from her computer in the little breakfast nook. I nodded, holding onto the counter with whatever strength I had. “Fuck.” I rasped, realizing I didn't grab my coffee creamer, “Here.” Becca said getting up and bringing me my coffee creamer and giving me a hug. Today was a rough one. My rheumatoid arthritis hasn't been this bad in a while. I go through periods where I'm up and then others are down and today I was down. I’ll need a shit ton of Tylenol to get through. Maybe the full 6 before 4 pm today when I get off of work.

It is currently 7:30 in the morning and i have to get to work by 10, since i have a physical disability, i am allowed to work 10-4 every day - most days. Some days I work less and others I can work a full 8 hours. But today might be only 6 if i can manage. But wait no, today we were having this hockey team come in and visit kids that had terminal illness’. I am a social worker working with kids who are like me or similar, where we will never get better. Never. Go figure.

Becca helped me back to my room to help me get started on my morning routine since she could see I was having a day.

“Okay pretty girl, what pants and shirt today?” she asked, looking in my closet as I sat down on my bed. I bit my cheek before responding, “anything that looks good. I don’t really have the energy or ability to decide right now.” I breathed , realizing that the brain fog was kicking in. When that happens, I tend to get dizzy, the inability to concentrate and sound a bit drunk due to my words slurring.

—

As soon as I walked in, I noticed a bunch of people with microphones and cameras and I groaned internally as I walked down the hall. Eric noticed me as soon as I walked past him and a huge group of guys, the hockey team I believe.

"Eliza!” Eric called after me, and I continued to trudge towards my office and once I walked in I noticed a Trenta iced coffee waiting for me and I smiled, I could cry happy tears right now. My body always could use so much caffeine at one time. I never did not have enough energy. Eric walked in and gave me a sad smile behind me, “Eliza, you should have told me how bad it was today. You didn't need to come in.” he said looking at my cane that i was sporting. I waved him off, taking a big gulp of my coffee as I sat down.

“Thankyou ric, i appreciate it so much.” I murmured and rested my eyes for a second. The energy to get from the outpatient pavilion doors to my office seemed like nothing to a ‘healthy’ person but for me, it was like climbing up mount everest sometimes. Eric sat down across from me, speaking into the walkie he sported sometimes for events. “We should be able to start in 15 minutes. Our star speaker should be ready then.” he said, talking about me and I groaned out loud. Eric took notice and leaned forward on his knees, inspecting me.

“I'll be fine, even if I stumble over a few of my words and they think I'm drunk.” I sipped some more coffee, preparing myself for the day ahead. eric gave me a hearty laugh, knowing full well the extent of my comments.

—

“Now, I would like to introduce you to our very own warrior, miss Eliza James.” Eric announced looking at me at the side of the stage and I smiled, handing him my cane as he met me. He gave me an inquisitive look and I shook my head, smiling. I began to walk towards the podium, walking almost perfectly now that the 3 Tylenol I popped in the car ride over were kicking in.

I looked out over the crowd that was filled with hockey players, media, doctors, therapists, and so many of the warriors themselves.

I smiled before speaking, “good morning and welcome to the Denver Medical Center, Hillside outpatient pavilion for our little warriors. Who, like me, face an uphill battle day in and day out. We are incredibly grateful for your support, especially during these trying times.” I paused, taking a shaky breath.

“I first came here when I was 12, not understanding what my body was going through. I remember the first day I woke up with the inability to move. I could not get out of bed for a month after that, barely functioning to be able to eat and sleep well. I did not know why my body was giving up on me, I was angry, I was sad, I was confused. How could a little girl who did everything right- be dealt this card in life? I went through many weeks not understanding what was happening until I came here, after a long few days of testing and blood work. It was the day after I turned 12 that the incredibly kind and understanding Dr. Hart - who is here today - told me what I had. And told me that I was not alone, that I'd never be alone. And she was right, after many months of fighting through pain and virtually relearning how to walk every morning again, how to hold a spoon, a pen or how to properly sleep, I came to this hospital and met people just like me. I met people like Martha, Phillip, James, and Piper who are all here today. Who I am so very fortunate to work with every day.” I paused, smiling at them in the crowd. “Without the help that I received many years ago, I wouldn't be standing here today. I wouldn’t be who I am, doing what I love. Without the many years of physical, occupational, and talk therapy that took up my youth.” I paused taking in a breath. “And finally, many people ask us, “how do we do it?” “How are you so resilient?” and I always respond, what other choice do we have? What other options do we have? And every day with the little warriors in front of us, people witness that being in pain and living with it is possible and maybe just maybe, we won’t have to be so resilient. Thank you.” I finished smiling a grateful smile.

What I didn't notice was how moved some of the hockey players were, and the tears that brimmed their eyes over the unimaginable. Yeah, it's unimaginable until you wake up one day with it.

I walked back towards Eric, with a smile on my face as he clapped happily for me. “You did so well!” he grinned before walking past me to finish the opening and then we could get around to the hockey players meeting the patients. As soon as he was finished, I walked over to the kiddos and said good morning to them.

Martha, my favorite little Irish dancer, jumped up and gave me a big hug, “How are we doing today M?” I asked bending over a little bit to face her and be on her level. “It's okay! I can bend my fingers more today than yesterday and my hand’s aren’t as puffy.” the 7-year-old beamed. “And oh my god that's makar!!!” she said in a smaller voice, and i peered over to look to see who she was looking at and not realizing who was who. I smiled, looked back at Martha and grinned, “Wanna go color?” I asked and she nodded excitedly as her mom laughed. “Always down to color anytime, any day.” she mused and I giggled understanding her excitement. I took her hand and began to walk with her towards the play area as well as the ‘playroom’ that was used for music therapy and art therapy. Which I help facilitate and run. Five minutes later the players all shuffled in and began to walk toward different kids and began to hang out with them. I was sitting at the coloring table with Martha rubbing circles on my deformed knee. Let’s just say it was bumpy and had no cartilage left, so I was literally joint on bone.

“Hi. is this seat taken?” a young voice asked to the side of me, Martha eyed me. That nervous little chick. I shook my head, “no not at all.” I said with a small smile, taking in the hazel-eyed dark blonde-haired boy. He smiled and sat down in between Martha and I. “So what are you drawing?” the hockey player asked. Martha didn't say anything. “She's a bit shy, give her some time.” I said getting a bit closer to the guy and he nodded looking back at me.

“My name is Cale, what’s yours?” he asked after a few minutes of coloring. cale. “Mar-martha.” the young girl said and Cale smiled. “You have a pretty name, Martha.” Cale mused and Martha blushed. So did cale. “And you are Eliza right?” Cale asked, facing me a bit and I nodded.

“Hey Shelley, I'll be back. I need to go speak to Dr.hart for a few minutes.” I said to Martha's mom and she nodded. Okay, you can do this. No falling now. I pushed back the chair a bit to give myself some room, hoisting myself up and putting my weight on the table. Cale and Martha eyed me, making sure I was ok.

I stood up, flexing my knees a bit and sighing. “You ok Eliza?” Cale asked concerned and I looked down at him for a second before nodding, “Just another day with these old knees.” I half-joked before turning on my heel and walking towards the hallway. Dr. Hart looked up from her desk, before getting up and meeting me halfway. “Bad day?” she asked and I nodded. She nodded, walking over to her desk and grabbing a doctor’s script. “10 mg prednisone. Now.'' She said handing me a doctor's order and I thanked her before heading down to the pharmacy, not without letting a social worker know and having them tell Martha that if I could - I'd be back.

It was a few hours later as I was sitting at my desk, going through some paperwork before I heard a knock on my door. I looked up and saw Cale and I motioned for him to come in.

“Hey- you forgot this.” he said moving the cane closer to me and my eyes went wide. “Oh my gosh! I will never go anywhere without this thing.” I said standing up to grab it. “Thankyou.” I said smiling as I reached for it and he nodded, “Here sit down.” I motioned toward the two seats in front of my desk. “How was Martha? Did she come out of her shell?” I asked and he nodded, grinning. “She's funny and spunky for a 7-year-old. She chirps like a pro.” he said and I laughed. “Oh yeah- keeps you on your toes.” I said and he laughed.

“But that's good. Things like this-” I said referencing the event, “make things sometimes less stressful. Even though when you grow up and don’t have the opportunity to do things like this, as a kid it’s what you look forward to. It takes your mind away from everything, even just for a little bit.” I said rambling before catching myself. “Sorry, didn’t mean to talk that much.” I said with my cheeks going red. He gave a smile, one that I couldn’t read. “All good, I like hearing you talk.” he said before catching himself, “I mean, I like hearing what you have to say. It’s eye-opening and raw. Which I think the dads in the group needed to hear. That things could change one morning and have it not be the same.” he said honestly and I nodded. “It still doesn’t get better, even 11 years later- my dad still gets upset and how he can’t help me in the way he wants to or ‘protect’ me.” I confessed. “13 years? Wow.” Cable said dumbfounded. “Yep, I'm still so young and it's daunting and honestly depressing thinking about the rest of my life. I never thought I'd get to 18 let alone 21. But here I am at 23.” I added and he took that in like a sponge. “Well I'm glad you’re here, it seems as though you are making an impact. And mean so much to these people. Is it true you helped start this wing of the hospital?” he asked very curiously. I nodded, “Yep, there was a room in the hospital next store where we would meet 2 times a week. Here, we meet every day if possible or we have rotating kids that come for therapy and to simply be a kid with others who are going through the exact same thing.” Cale nodded in awe.

Like yeah, it's one thing to be passionate, but it's another to feel the joy come after putting in the time and effort to help kids just like you. It’s more than rewarding.

“You ok?” he asked after a moment of silence. “Ye-yeah, brain fog is bad today and I also got some steroids so I’m in a funk.” I laughed and he did too. “I hate to be forward- but could I possibly get your number? Take you to coffee or whatever you feel comfortable with?” Cale asked and I froze. I looked him in the eyes, not registering what he was saying. “Uh- wait what?” I asked before realizing what I had said. “Could I possibly get your number?” he asked, feeling nervous. “Um, hmmm. That's a first.'' I said, chuckling and closing my eyes as I leaned back in my chair. “Nobody has ever asked me for my number before.” I said, reopening my eyes. Cale was taken back by that. She was gorgeous, down to-earth, and friendly, how could somebody not like her? “Here.” I said handing him my card with my email and work cell number there. “I just want to let you know, there is a very real possibility that I will cancel like I could wake up one morning feeling fine- and then bam as soon as I’m heading out the door, I have to go back to sleep or stay in because of something. '' I said, hoping he’d understand.

“If you do, there will always be another day. I promise.” he smiled a genuine smile that made my bad knees crumble as I stood up. “That's a very sweet cale, but you might be thinking differently when the time comes.” I said hoping he’d understand and I wouldn’t have get my hopes up. “Again- they’ll be another day. Or if you feel comfortable, I could always bring food or coffee over and we can hang out that way. I just want you to feel comfortable.” he said, hoping she’d get the message that he wouldn’t leave or ignore her. I nodded, “thanks cale.” and smiled.

“Now, if you don't mind- I'm outta here for the day.” I said, grabbing my laptop bag and cane, and heading out the door. “Wait, do you want me to help you?” He asked me as he followed me out. I shook my head, “I might look like I’m fragile but I can do a lot by myself.'' I said confidently and he nodded sporting red cheeks. We came up to the pavilion doors, meeting some of the hockey players that were waiting around. As soon as Cale walked up, they noticed me and smiled.

“Thank you guys again for coming out today, I assure you the kiddos won’t stop talking about this for months. It made their year.” I said smiling and they nodded. “Of Course! We had a really good time, I believe we are coming back in a few weeks to do this again.” a tall blonde and beautiful man said. mental note: gabriel landeskog. I nodded, “We will see you guys then.” I said before walking out the electric sliding doors.

“Bye James! Please don’t fall!” Eric joked/yelled from the counter, as Becca pulled up. I opened the door, and waved back to Eric, chuckling a bit. “I’ll try my very best for you, Ric!” I mused before getting in the seat.

“You wouldn’t believe what just happened.” I said as I sat down in the car.

“Ouuu tell me!!!” Becca said as we pulled away. “A hockey player asked for my number.” I said shyly. “Wait!!!!” Becca said, looking over and screaming at me. “Oh my god oh my god!!!! This is the best news!!” Becca exclaimed, causing me to laugh.

“Uh huh, just wait until he sees how many issues I have and then he’ll start running for the hills.” I remarked and she gave me a frown. “No, don't think that. He talked to you after hearing what you had to say spoonie. (autoimmune nickname) Don’t doubt yourself. You don’t realize how much of an enigma you are sweetie.” she said, grabbing ahold of my hand.

“Yeah right.” I said starting to get even more defeated. My phone buzzed in my lap, and I looked down to see a text from an unknown number.

“Text me a time and place, and I'll be there. No rush, just let me know whenever :)” the text read.

“He even put on a smiley face!!” Becca pointed out making a turn at the light.

Maybe just maybe, cale was giving her the time of day, that she deserved so very much.

—

It was a month later, that the team and orginization were going to be highlighting and honoring the kiddos from the pavilion. It warmed my heart to see how much the team was getting out of these little kids. So when I got a call from Joe Sakic himself, I was floored. They personally wanted me to facilitate the evening in whatever fashion I wanted and they’d provide anything and everything for us.

Martha and I walked hand in hand into Ball Arena, it was two hours before puck drop and we were going to see the team before the game started. Well, they were- I was just there as moral support for Martha.

Martha beamed as we walked through the tunnels, rambling on about seeing Cale again. Her and cale had become thick of thieves the few times he had been around. Sometimes on his own without the team, to see Martha and ofcourse me. We had been talking for pretty much the whole month and even had made it to two dates outside of my apartment, the other two were in my sanctuary. Cale had been so sweet and understanding, but it was only a matter of time.

Martha noticed Cale from down the hall and pointed at him, and began to get even more excited.

Cale and a couple of the other players were playing soccer, getting into the zone for the game, and relaxing a bit. “Martha, he’s busy. We will see him in a bit, ok?” I said leaning down to Martha’s eyesight and she nodded with a bit of a pout. “Were gonna go meet Sakic ok?” I said and she nodded as we headed towards Joe Sakic’s office with the nine other kids that could make it tonight. We walked past the group of players, with me attempting to keep them all in line, making sure they got to the first destination. They were like any other kids, they were excited to see the players and had to be reigned in in order for them to not disturb the players. We walked towards the office and saw the king himself, waiting outside of his office talking to my manager- Eric who wouldn’t miss this for the world.

“Hi, guys!! How are you doing?” he asked the kids as we got closer. All ten of them began to shout, and go crazy. It was a sight to see. I watched from behind them, taking in their excitement, and laughed at the whole ordeal. This is why I got into social work, to see things like this happen. And Joe Sakic was taking it all in like a pro, kneeling down and commenting on their jerseys and hats, etc. He was also quite the jokester too. After a few minutes of watching from afar, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Cale. I smiled widely, taking in his presence. “Hi Cale, how are you?” I asked turning around to give him my full attention. “I'm good, how are you today? Any surprises? I see you don’t have your cane.” he asked and I shook my head. “No, thankfully. It’s a good day.” I mused. “Well I am glad. You excited for the game?” he asked and I nodded, “This is actually my first in person game ever, so Martha promised me she’d show me the ropes. Her family being season ticket holder and what not.” I joked causing him to grin. Speak of the devil. “Cale!!!!!” Martha screamed jogging past the rest of the kids and Joe Sakic, and Cale opened his arms and kneeled to her height. Oh, how it would be lovely to kneel again.

Awhile later, the kids were running around or tempting to run around the locker room greeting all the players and having them sign their jerseys. I stood in the doorway leading into the hallway, feeling somewhat overwhelmed but kept telling myself to deal with it because who knows when this would ever happen again. I looked towards Martha who was in front of Nathan Mackinnon giving him pointers on how to not fall so much since the last game, apparently he kept falling. Nathan was enjoying this very much and played along with it, taking her notes and corrections very seriously. Even another player, Erik Johnson joined in with his so-called notes. Martha was a gem, everybody could tell. “You alright? Ever since we walked in here, you’ve been quiet.” Cale asked me as I stepped out into the hall for a brief moment. I was overwhelmed, overstimulated, and just wanted to find some coffee and a pretzel and call it an evening.

“Yeah-yeah I’m fine.” I said giving him a fake smile, which he didnt believe. “Im exhausted, I need to find some coffee and just chill. As much as I love all of this, it's overwhelming. Not gonna lie.” I confessed and he nodded. “Is there anything I can do?” cale asked, hoping he could ease some of the burden. “I’ll be fine, we will be heading to our seats shortly.” I said and he nodded. “Will I be able to see you tonight after the game?” he asked hopefully and I frowned. “Probably not Cale, I will be passed out as soon as the game is over. I know that’s not something you want to hear, but that’s me. I’m afraid.” I said and he shook his head, putting a hand on my arm. “How many times do I have to tell you, that whatever you can do is perfectly fine?” he said genuinely causing a chuckle to escape my lips. “Okay, ill text you though. No promises.” I said as the kids started to walk out.

“Pretzel time, Eliza!!!” Martha shouted causing Cale and I to laugh. “And coffee!” Shelley, Martha’s mom added and I pointed at her with a grin. “You know it!” I mused before turning back to cale. “Have a good game.” I said and he nodded and thanked me before heading back in the locker room.

“Have a good time, James!” I heard from behind me, seeing Bo Byram and I rolled my eyes laughing and waving him off.

“Now let’s see what all this hockey fuss is about, Martha.” I joked causing her to groan playfully and ramble about everything that had to do with hockey. It was time to make notes if I were to continue to see Cale.

What Eliza didn’t know was that she’d be seeing a lot more of Cale inside and outside of work in the coming months.

…

And I know cale wasn’t featured a lot here— but he will be :)

I hope you guys enjoyed it!! I can’t wait to dive more into there relationship.

Let me know!

Please like, repost, and if you want to - give me a follow to get many more stories like this and others :)

#hockey #nhl #calemakarimagine #coloardoavalanche #avalanche #autoimmunedisease #cale makar #colorado avalanche #romance #friendship #bo byram #Gabriel landeskog #fanfiction #Nathan mackinnon #erik johnson #cale makar m series

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equallyshaw · 2 years

Text

The Medicated Series: features OC’s with medical issues such as depression, anxiety, physical disabilities such as MS or Rheumatoid Arthritis as well as any other autoimmune disease such as Crohn’s, endometriosis, infertility, etc. (not an autoimmune but you get it) I feel, as a person with a physical disability, that there is a lack of representation and have always wanted to see myself in y/n stories. Always have and always will.

Links for information regarding rheumatoid arthritis:

https://www.cdc.gov/arthritis/basics/rheumatoid-arthritis.html

triggers/warnings: talks of pregnancy, medications. and angst. also SOFT. SOFT.

Original Character: Eliza Nicole James, 23 years old. Brunette Hair, Blue Eyes, short and curvy.

Word Count: 3.8k (will get longer over time, trying to adjust to this new format from a previous one)

Part Three:

—

Becca's POV:

I settled into the starbucks table, honing in on the atmosphere to pull me through an hour of work that I had to get done. I sipped on my cold brew, skipping songs in my playlist, hoping to find one that would get me moving. It had been a week since Cale and I had last spoken, and quite frankly I was ok with it. Yeah, not amused but alas, it is what it is. It was for the best. Right?

Eric and Becca were hitting up the groupchat and I rolled my eyes over there fullishness. I couldn't help but laugh at them for going after eachother, apparently my job was not needed. I'd go after them any day, though. I turned back to my notes and statuses, of what was still needed to be done and what had been done for the upcoming board meeting for the hospital. Things were going according to Eric's and I's two year plan. I was about to turn 24, and after graduating from University of Denver was I was 22, we set out to expand the program after years of me practically begging the higher up's as a patient and had gotten nowehere until I met Eric one day outside a board meeting, he had been moved by what I had to say and wanted to take the chance to expand the program. Here we are, working with some of the best children in the field. Like Martha who was my little irish dancer who never seazed to make me laugh and reconsider ALL of my decisions. Phillip, who knew how to say the right words when I have a bad day. Piper who constantly pushes forth the idea that being in pain doesn't need to hold you back and as a ten year, she is kicking it in Soccer and Softball. A fucking warrior. They inspire me each and every day, so how could I leave all that behind to go somewhere new that I didn't have any idea about. Who had no idea who I was and probably, would look at me differently because of what I have. I don't have the time or patience or the fucking need to do so. So, maybe my decision was made. Maybe, I do in fact turn down Joe Sakics' offer. But he's, Joe Fucking Sakic. How could I do that? I'd be a fool to do so.

Before I could move onto another topic of thoughts I was taken back, by the movement in front of me from a far. A group of three guys walked in, laughing at something. And you best know- me and the few others gave them the dirtiest glare. You just don't do that a 9 am on a Thursday. Common respect. They followed the train of glares and apologized, and I looked down not really taking in who they were.

I shook my shoulders, typing away at an email that needed to be sent. Coffee orders were said, but I didn't hear the names.

Until you know who, decided to walk up to my table.

I continued to type away, trying to ignore him but he would not move- ever after the two other guys had walked out. I sighed, taking out my airpod and looking up at Cale who had a soft smile on his face, with a eyebrow raised. I sighed, pointing towards the chair in front of me and he gladly took it. "What can I help you with?" I asked getting straight to it. But Cale didn't answer that, "How are you today?" He asked the one question he always started off all our conversations with. I hated how many fucking times a person would ask me that, and even though it was Cale- it got old real quick. Always having to tell people, but at the same time atleast somebody was asking.

"Im doing well actually, this past week has been great." I answered honestly and he nodded, cheeks turning pinker. "What can I help you with?" I asked again and he nodded, "Would you want to hang out again soon?" He asked and I shook my head. "Fat chance, Cale." I said heatedly. He was taken back, he had never been on the recieving end of my snarky tone before. "We need to talk, Eliza. We need to talk about things." He responded and I shook my head again. "I don't want to, it wouldn't be worth my time in the end. Even for you, I don't want to. This is a doomed friendship anyways." I spat trying to ignore those bubbling fillings inside of me. One's about how he actually might like me and one's of wanting to have him hold my hand again. Nervous tears filled me eyes, "Who said it was doomed?" He questioned trying to read my face. I looked away, trying to hide my nervous tears threatning to spill. "Hey.Hey." He said softly, grabbing ahold of my hand and bringing me back to the conversation. "I want to believe you Cale, I really do. I don't know if I am ready to open up to somebody again and be shit on. Hell, I really don't wanna be around a group of people who barely know me and fear that they will judge me. They all do Cale, and I know you will too." I rasped, pulling my hand away. Cale did not like that. "But im not going to. Why do you keep comparing me to somebody else? Why can't you believe me? I want you to believe me, when I say what I say." He said catching me off guard as I began to put my stuff away. I stared at him for a second, before sighing. "Believe me Cale, if I could I would." I responded before getting up from the chair and walking out towards my car. He quickly followed after.

You could if you really wanted to he thought, but brushed the anxiety away.

"Eliza, stop!" he said as I opened my car door. "No Cale, please just leave me alone." I said throwing my bag in but my feet wouldn't move me to actually get in the car. My body wanted something differently than my mind. I shut my door and crossed my arms. Cale stared at me with hopefuly eyes. "You know I can't do that, Eliza." He blurted. I looked down eating my own words, "Fine, we do need to talk but not here." I said and he nodded getting excited. "How about you come back to my place right now if you can and we can chat. If not, I am available this weekend at any time." I said. "Ill follow you right now." He smiled before opening my car door for me and allowing me to get in.

I gave him a weary smile before turning it on as he walked over to his.

"What the fuck am I doing?" I said leaning my head against the steering wheel.

I was meandering in my room when I heard my buzzer go off, signaling that somebody was here for me. I walked back out towards the kitchen and buzzed them in and thanked the front desk attendent Jasmine. I went back to my room and stared at the mess I had made this morning. Groaning I looked at all the medications I needed to get refilled, and one's that were good until the following month. Today I was going to refill my monthly medication container, so I didn't have to worry about it the following day. Yet, I hated doing this. It took too much time up, when I could be using that energy for something else.

I didn't hear the knock on my door, as I buzzed through the first week of pills. My phone started to ring with Cale's contact and I softly smiled, getitng off my bed and walking over to the door.

He was leaning against doorway as I opened the door, a smile appeared on his face as I did so. "Hi." I said sheepishly, opening the door further to let him in. He smiled, "Hi." he responded.

"Give me a few mintutes, I am in the middle of something right now." I apologized making my way back to my room as he took off his shoes and jacket. "What are you doing?" He questioned, debating if he wanted to come over to my room. He had never been in there, because we always spent our time together in the living room or kitchen.

"Just some arthritis things." I said walking towards the door and seeing him eye it. "Come in, I don't bite." I mused opening my door more and he walked in as I walked back to my bed. He took in my room that was covered pretty minimal despite having vintage antiques spread around, making the room feel cozy. This definetly adds up, he thought. She was an old soul, and this room matched her personality perfecetly; he thought. He took a one over before, looking at the bed filled with medication bottles.

"I know it's a lot." I smirked, as he sat down at my desk's chair. "Do you take these every day?" He questioned seeing all the pills in my hand. I nodded, putting them in the Tuesday's container. "Yep, everday for years unfortunetly. All pain or anti inflammatory medications, and then we have the oh so lovely steroid. Which my body loves, but I loathe to take." I said honestly, and he took it in like a sponge. He took my movements and my little comments under my breath in. "How long have you been taking all this?" he said inspecting the medicine bottles.

"This, this and this- 6 years. this for 2 years and this 1, since I was diagnosed." I said showing him each pill. He nodded, thankful that she was opening up. "Oh and cannot forget about this lovely thing." I mused showing him my weekly injection and he visibly cringed. I smiled softly, "It's not the best but it helps me with my energy." I explained.

"It gets boring after while." I confessed closing the last day of the month, smiling. "All done. Finally." I smiled putting it on my night stand next to my phone. I then proceeded to round up all the pills bottles and put it in my storage container that I put under my bed. "Hmm. Seems a tad bit lighter, think it's time to get some more." I mused standing up all the way. Cale smiled at me, and I think I felt a shiver run down my spine. A good shiver. "So, what did you want to say?" I questioned cutting to the chase as I sat on my bed. Butt went down first, then the legs kicked me back into the bed more, my arms doing as much as they could. Cale watched the whole thing and was amused, especially as I made fake grunts. I rolled on my side and put my head and rested it on my hand, facing him. "Comfy?" He questioned and I nodded, "Yes, now please continue." I said.

"First off I just wanna say, you do not need to open up to me right now. I will never force anything out of you. But, I just feel lost honestly. You know, im trying to build a friendship with you -

[there it is: friednship, not relationship]

- and I want to be there for you, if you want me to. I am trying here, that's all I want for you to know. Is that im trying, and I will never intentially try to upset you in anyway." he shared nervously. I nodded, sighing and rubbing my eyes.

"I know. I know im not making this easy on you, Becca told me and I can honestly see it when you speak to me." I paused, "I have not had the best time making friends Cale. People in college did not really talk to me. Only Becca did because we have known eachother since we were 10 years old. She's been through it all. The last time I opened up to anbody was a year ago and well once I opened up to them about the realities of Rheumatoid Arthritis, they dropped me. So quickly." I paused, barely whispering the last part. I knew if I kept talking, i'd start to cry. Cale sensed my hesitation and tried to speak but I stopped him. "You say you won't drop me or leave me, but I can't help but fear you will. And we could go back and fourth all day, but everyday I know and talk to you, that will always be at the back of my mind. That's why I never 'spoke' to anybody or tried to get to know any guy because once they realize that I may never want to have kids when Im older it's a turn off, or that they want to go hiking at Colorado's peak but I can't go because if I do, I may fall off the mountain. Or how I would love to go sky diving, yet once we hit the ground, I would probably break my knees. So yes we could go back and fourth all day, and you might say that none of that matters but to me it does. To me it shows all my faults, fears and turnoffs. I live my life very calculated, always watching where I put my feet so I don't fall or slip. Never run late, always up early so I don't have to rush. So Cale, yes I might be a great friend to talk to I won't be a great friend in doing things. I am so fucking weak, that doing the mundane things for you would be difficult for me." I confessed, tears slowly making there way down my cheeks. I looked down trying to hide them, but all Cale did was move out of the chair and sit down in front of me and pull my chin up. He wiped them softly, staring into my blue eyes.

I tried pulling away from him, but he held my chin in place, and made me look back up at him.He got closer, so close I could feel his breath, "Then show me who you are, I want to know and see it all." He muttered so clearly before doing something I had never had done. He kissed me softly, fearing he'd break me. I pulled back, my eyes continued to be closed and I was internally freaking out. "Hey." He whispered pulling me back in to look at him. I reopened my eyes to his soft and welcoming hazel eyes. He had a soft affectionate smile, which made me melt then and there. I shifted away from him, pulling away from his grasp, pulling my short legs out in front of me and folding them into a pretzel style.

Cale watched me as I scooted around, waiting for me to get comfy again. Once I was comfy, I scooted a bit closer to him and did something that was so not me. I placed my lips on his, and he slowly pulled me in closer so now my waist was paralell to his. The closest I could possibly get to him without straddling, which I knew for sure would be uncomfortable for me. We parted after what felt like a few minutes, resting our foreheads against one another. Catching my breath, because that was something again, I'd never done before. I touched my lips, smiling into them and Cale caught that.

He grabbed my hands and pulled them to his lips, before resting them in his lap. I looked up to meet his gaze and sheepishly smiled, very unsure what to do in this moment. "No one's ever done that to me before." I rasped out while blushing and his grew even redder as he smiled. "That was uh, my first kiss." I confessed. He smiled sweeetly, "I'm glad I was your first, Eliza." He said genuinly. "You know i've never had a boyfriend right?" I said getting anxious. He nodded, "Becca told me last week after you left the car." he said and I nodded and cringed at the outburst I had. "Again, people will look at me like im drunk. I promise you Im never drunk." I joked. He was amused by that.

"Did you like the flowers I got you?" he questioned and I nodded, "Fortuntly I am a sucker for expensive peonies." I gushed. "Well, I am glad you loved them. Now I know what to bring you." He mused and I nodded. "How was the infusion?" He questioned and I shifted in my seating for a second. "It went well, as always. This week has been good I think because of it." I smiled. "Well I am glad." He responded rubbing my hand with his thumb, soothing me. "Did you um, did you want to possibly come with me next time?" I questioned. Cale was taken back at that question, because it was so sudden. He nodded exctitedly, "Ofcourse, just tell me when to pick you up. I'll make sure to have coffee and breakfast waiting for you too." He said supportively and I smiled a wide smile.

My face ligting up like I had just won the jackpot.

"Well, thankyou. That means more than you'll ever know." I said looking down at his lips before flicking back up to his eyes. I couldn't get enough of this feeling, this blissful moment. One that I didn't want to pass or let go of. He looked down at my lips before looking back up at me. I sported a slight nod, letting him know I wanted another kiss.

He moved closer, and painstakingly moved at a snails pace it seemed before placing his lips back on mine. I shifted closer again and rested my hands on his cheeks, trying to be as close as I possibly could without literally being on top of him. He wrapped his hands around my lower back keeping me steady, and holding me close. I pulled away for a brief second, looking into his eyes. That were so welcoming and almsot charming. I unconciously smiled, seeing some small scars around his face from years of hockey. I traced them softly, taking in every inch of his face. I felt his thick eyebrows, which made me jealous. "Wanna donate me some eyebrow hair?" I joked, before rubbing my thumbs on his cheekbones. He blushed and chuckled softly.

"Anything for you." He said honestly, looking up in to my eyes.

geez, I could get used to that.

His eyes twinked as he gazed at me. I smirked, giving him one last kiss. One that left us wanting more, and so unfufilled. We pulled apart, and I shifted over to my right to get off the bed. Cale followed after me, as I made my way to the kitchen. Once I went to look at the time on the stove, Cale softly grabbed the base of my back and pulled me in close. Now it was his turn to stare into my eyes, one's filled with happy tears. One's that were captivating and inviting. The warmth they offered, was enough for Cale to swoon even more. Cale did not want to look away, but he did inspecting the little popped blood vessles in her cheeks. Her pale cheeks that held freckles from her many summers in the sun, the way her dimples appeared as she smiled, or the one scar in her eyebrow from many moons ago hid behind her soft brown eyebrows. He traced her jaw, putting his hands underneath and clasping behind her ears, and drawing her in once again.

"God, you are tiny Ms.James." He joked and I rolled my eyes as he grew more serious.

"I wish you saw you, from my point of view." Cale said vulnerably. I bit my lip nervously, as tears pooled my eyes. Cale could see the sudden change in my face and rubbed my cheeks with his thumbs, trying to comfort me. "Well Mr.Makar, that'll be something you'll have to show and remind me everyday." I softly spoke, fearing that if I spoke anymore I'd cry. He nodded, placing a soft kiss on my lips. I wrapped my arms around his back, holding onto this moment. He parted for a second, "I promise." he exclaimed before reconnecting his lips to mine.

—

I wrapped myself in a knitted blanket, taking in the sudden snow shower that decided to show up the following morning. I took the day off and opted to work from the comfort of my home. Which meant, that I could spend the day with Becca who still worked at home with the hospital system. After seeing everything that I had gone through, after getting her bachelors degree in Human Resources she decided to get a job through another local hospital because she saw how I was treated by doctors throughout the years, nurses, technicians and ER staff. She wanted to help change things or atleast make people better at having better bedside manners.

Becca had the biggest heart for me, and after all these years she has been the most faithful and paitient with me. She was my other sister, being there in the worst of times. Never complaining or geeting angry with me. She'll be an amazing mom, no doubt. Unlike me, who goes through a daily back and fourth with the idea. I just dont know, if I am cut out for it. I know i'll be an amazing mom emotionally, but physically I wouldn't and that makes me incredibly sad. I have always said, that I'd only have kids if the right partner came around. Other than that, no stork would be visiting me in this lifetime.

I sighed, sipping some of my hot coffee and setting it down beside me and pulled my laptop up. Today was Feburary 15th, and I had less than a month- not even to decide if I wanted to work for the Colorado Avalanche. I had been silently debating for the past few days but knew the answer would come mere hours before march 1st. My phone buzzed alerting me that somebody had texted me.

[Cale: Will you be around tomorrow morning?]

[Eliza: Yes! I have no plans tomorrow morning, why?]

[Cale: Would you wanna go get breakfast or brunch?]

[Cale: Or lunch or dinner, or even coffee. whatever you prefer.]

i smiled softly at his generosity.

[Eliza: I'm up for brunch anyday. :)]

[Cale: Awesome! I'll be over to pick you up around 11?]

[Eliza: I'll be waiting!]

[Cale: Can't wait, I hope you have an amazing day today. Hopefully you don't get too many annoying emails from Eric.]

[Eliza: lol, he sure has many already today. I hope you have a good practice. Make sure Nathan doesnt fall too much-- Martha needs updates. ;)]

[Cale: hahah yes! Ill be sure to remind nate about it :)]

I shut my phone off for a second, before opening up instagram to actually post a photo for once. Something I rarely did.

@elizajames: 🤍☕️💐✨

- 96 likes, 5 7omments.

@becca: love these, love you :)

↳@elizajames: love you to the moooooon and back.

@jessicajames: omg i want the flowers !!!!

@jessicajames: also the coffee seems delectable

↳ @elizajames: it is ! as always.

@becca: you should do photography or something

↳ @elizajames: omg omg go away lol

@ ElizaJames has followed. @ calemakar

—

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#cale makar #hockey #nhl #colorado avalanche #fanfiction #romance #friendship #rheumatoid arthritis #autoimmunedisease #cale makar blurb #cale makar fic #hockey fic #hockey imagine #cale makar m series

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