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#awkward teen memes
misspoetree · 2 years
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KinnPorsche + Text Posts: Porchay Edition
[Character Editions: Pete Part I & II | Tay | Vegas Part I & II & III | Tankhun Part I & II | Porsche Part I & II | Big | Kinn Part I & II | Kim | Chan | Macau | Pol]
[ Themed Editions: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | ? ]
[ Episode Editions]
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misssclumsy · 5 months
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Snapchat install Kiya tha cringeness se wapis uninstall kar diya
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lovelywingsart · 1 year
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a V3 + Metalworks for the Valentines Day kiss prompt meme, please!
I'm having fun with these, thank you~ uwu
Valentines Kissy meme addition~
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//Hmmmmmmmm very first non-sex related kiss, maybe? ouo//
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lily-chen-supremacy · 2 years
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me every day, trying to keep it together and not have a mental breakdown:
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villian555 · 4 months
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You are Link yes, but Link is NOT you. He is his own character, as much as some of you want to pretend he isn't at all:
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He is sweet, honest, has insecurities. Has worries. Cares
As fun as "manwhore tarzan gremlin" Link can be in fan content, far too many people treat that as canon just because of popular memes or fanart. When in reality, he's more like. a serious and awkward teen who makes an occasional joke every now and then.
It sometimes feels like people forget he's meant to be a loyal knight and a hero
Just because YOU don't care about anything or Princess Zelda, etc, doesn't mean that Link also doesn't care.
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verysium · 4 months
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PLEASE DO BLUE LOCK ICKS IM BEGGING🙏😭🌹
😏 coming right up anon. gonna channel my inner critic and not hold back on any of these.
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RIN
brother complex. not much else to say except that he needs to get a life. not everything is about metaphorically crushing your older brother's dreams and brooding in the dark hate of retribution.
competitive but only because he is a desperate whore for external validation. ignores everyone but craves the attention of a sole person named sae itoshi. was defeated by isagi once and has never let go of it since. has a one-track mind that is impossible to derail. stubborn when he wants to be.
probably a virgin and will continue to be one until his late 30s.
has not known a single day of peace ever since sae ditched him for the popular girlies. as a result, he has developed a very concerning case of social awkwardness. his idea of a conversation involves a brick wall and thirty minutes of you staring at his resting bitch face. constantly looks like that one grumpy cat meme. judges you for your poor decisions but then gets aggressively defensive when you point out his own mistakes.
reeks of so much teen angst that even metallica can't save him. the problem is that he has nothing to back up his emo persona. his insults lack creativity and, unfortunately for him, phrases like "lukewarm" and "half-baked" and "hell" do not make his words carry more weight. uses the f-word but in the most embarrassing context that it makes you facepalm and internally cringe.
SAE
zero social awareness. this boy's head is empty. the lights are not on up there. there are no picture frames or furniture. the curtains are drawn, and there is not a sliver of clouds or sunshine. cannot read body language and does not know what a filter is.
the source of all of rin's stress. he is the original trauma projector, creator of generational cycles. not even subtle about it. "turns out i was wrong. i thought japan was incapable of ever giving birth to decent forwards." sir....with the way you worded that, you knew exactly what you were doing when you gave rin false hope.
swears but it's even worse than his brother. literally called his elders a "fatso and bob cut duo" and "insect turd." i mean....there is a line between what is considered a legitimate burn and what is a first grader making up insults in his coloring book.
has a horrible haircut and no fashion taste. i already talked about this previously, but it was so bad it deserved a second mention.
a freak but tries to justify it rationally. like what do you mean you can tell a person's athletic ability from their buttock size? just admit you have a kinky fetish already.
somewhat of a coward but i'm gonna give him some leniency due to his tragic child genius backstory. tbh he's just an eighteen-year-old boy who needs a goddamn break.
KAISER
alexa please play clown music. this man sets himself for failure and then wallows in self-pity when he actually fails. like what did you expect? you knew what was going to happen the moment you challenged isagi like that. it was most definitely your fault you got violently humbled.
has a borderline god complex (currently calls himself an emperor but has not evolved into a deity yet.) unfortunately, he does not stand on business. cue the dramatic meltdowns when he realizes there is an actual gap between his ability and his reputation. if you're going to lie, at least make it believable.
insecure and mentally unstable. he probably cuts and re-dyes his hair every single time shit happens. no wonder his locks get shorter every time.
lazy when it comes to anything that is not football and expects others to do it for him. demands princess treatment wherever he goes. unfortunately, not all of us have servants with no self-respect like ness.
"it is not enough that i should succeed, others should fail" type of person.
does not wear shoes and even if he does, it's sandals. put them grippers away.
NAGI
a literal sloth who has so much potential but uses none of it. has no intrinsic motivation of his own, so if he's going to do anything, it has to be you behind the wheel, making sure he gets put to work.
does not have a close relationship with his parents, and so he has no sense of community, holidays, or traditions. no fun at all if you want him to do things like christmas shopping or birthday celebrations.
rots in bed all day and then has to nerve to ask you to carry him around. your back better be strong because his 190 cm body is not going to be light.
not loyal (need i say more.)
REO
second male lead syndrome. also known as that one popular guy who's always picked last.
acts like a victim but then when you realistically tell him to how to change his situation he refuses to do so. you cannot ask for advice and then take none of it to heart. no wonder you're still not over your ex.
"i can fix him" mentality. no, you can't. you are a seventeen-year-old child, not a licensed therapist and nagi isn't even all that.
NESS
touch-starved to the point he will stay in a toxic and abusive relationship in order to gain some scrap of affection. just because you were the black sheep of your family does not mean you can lose all sense of personal dignity.
probably stalks all the people he hates. has a burn book like regina george from mean girls. cuts out and glues little pictures of kaiser all over his bedroom. doodles hearts all over it with glittery gel pen. isagi's face and name are scratched out of every team photo.
delusional and prone to mood swings. medicated but at this point, he is beyond saving.
ISAGI
a home wrecker. has ruined more relationships than he can count on ten fingers yet still manages to smile like he's some angelic saint.
solves jigsaw puzzles for a living (not very cool if you ask me.)
has some unresolved anger management issues. probably repressed all his negative feelings when he was younger, so it all comes out when he's on the field. unfortunately, his twilight-sparkle-friendship-is-magic agenda is not going to work if he keeps cussing out his teammates like that. but then again, he is the main character, so i guess his plot armor makes up for his pitfalls.
says that he's a good guy but then holds personal vendettas against rivals he doesn't like. boy was so ready to throw hands when #kaisagi was trending on the internet. but when you actually think about, he's similar to kaiser in more ways than he'd like to admit.
BAROU
has the worst case of high and mighty "holier-than-thou" attitude. isagi put his ego in check, but it still peeks out from time to time.
he was the ugliest baby when he was born. i am not going to hold back on the child barou slander because it is true. no, he was not a cute and lovable bundle of joy. he looked like a demonic gremlin.
he needs to take more risks in life and try cross-dressing. simply imagining him in a maid uniform will not suffice. it needs to be made into a reality.
with how nit-picky he is, i doubt people can realistically stay within a 1-meter radius around him. unless you are a clean freak yourself, his constant complaints will start to get annoying after a time. even if he does have good intentions, he needs to let people have a little breathing room sometimes. a messy room is not going to kill you.
BACHIRA
this boy's brain is smooth. no folds. no gray matter. no intelligence either. his pencil and eraser have been left untouched since day one. if he wasn't crazily good at football, he would be unemployed and homeless in the future. not even a mcdonald's wants him.
one of those people who will do the literal opposite of whatever you say. you want him to stop talking? well, now he's never going to shut up. you tell him not to step on a pile of dog shit? well, now he's going to walk right into it. you want him to quit running around and act normal? well, now it's his life's mission to make you as annoyed as possible. please pray for your hair follicles because at the end of the day, you're not going to have many left with how much he makes you want to tear your hair out.
has the cerebral capacity of a toddler. if he thinks monsters are real, he's going to think anything is real. super gullible when it comes to any form of scam, ploy, or trickery. the only way he would not be fooled is if he's also played the same prank before.
SHIDOU
a brazen pervert. says the most out-of-pocket things and refuses to apologize for them. sometimes it comes out a little too sleazy for your liking.
"to me a goal is fertilization! a shot is the seed and the goal is the egg!! and the birth of that joy i call an explosion!! my genes are gonna knock you up!" let us give ourselves a moment of silence to digest this quote. only shidou ryusei would come up with a sperm and egg metaphor to describe football. (i guess protection means nothing to him.)
has no empathy. if you dislike him or cannot keep up with him, you're a literal nobody in his books. no sportsmanship. no compassion. no self-awareness.
you cannot say "balls" to him in a serious tone without him misinterpreting it as something dirty. that alone should tell you enough. stay the hell away from him.
where do men get the audacity? right here. from this little bastard. he invented the term "shameless slut." boy was getting off during the u-20 arc and on live TV too. no wonder sae said he was disgusting.
and finally, he comes from a long line of cockroaches. he's even got the antennae to prove it.
i think this might have been a little excessive, but i have no regrets about it. you're welcome anon ♡
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woso-dreamzzz · 5 months
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Kid
Arsenal Women x Teen!Reader
Summary: You join Arsenal Women at age sixteen
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Moving to England hadn't exactly been your plan when you started to play football.
To be honest, there hadn't been a plan at all, seeing as you were four when your parents first signed you up for your local academy in Sweden. It was just an excuse to keep you out of the house, so your parents didn't have to take time off work to look after you when school finished.
It helped that your school was partnered with the academy so a representative would come and walk all the academy students there and back.
Football may have been a convenience but it was clear to everyone that you were somewhat of a prodigy. Linköping Fc signed you as soon as they could, forcing you to make the move from your tiny town to the city.
Your parents were more than happy to finance the move - the kind of parents that happily parent from a distance but brag to all of their friends about how smart, how talented their daughter was.
You were happy to be rid of them.
You were even happier to get the callup for the National Team for the World Cup.
Your chest thudded in your throat when you received the call. You hadn't thought you would get the call-up, not when you were so young, so you had been at a café with some of your school friends when your phone rang.
You had picked it up absentmindedly and almost passed out from shock when Peter revealed he wanted you on the team.
The World Cup came and went and the bronze medal you won stayed with you. You had flat-out refused to give it over to your parents, who wanted to put it in the trophy cabinet in a house you no longer lived in.
The high of the World Cup bled into the high of getting a call to sign for Arsenal.
You hadn't even really thought about it.
You just accepted.
Which was how you had gotten here, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet as you waited for Stina to lock her car and walk in with you.
●~●~●~●~
You couldn't help but look at your jersey in awe. Your number combined with your last name on the back of an Arsenal jersey felt like a dream come true.
"There she is," Amanda said when you finally wandered into the meeting room, free from media duty. She pushed out a chair that was clearly meant for you at the table she was sitting at.
You sat in the seat awkwardly, suddenly feeling shy and awkward.
"This is y/n," Amanda said to the others, presenting you to them like you were someone really exciting.
"Hi, y/n. I'm Jen."
You didn't tell her that you already knew who she was, who they all were. You just sat there and let everyone introduce themselves to you because that was the polite thing to do.
"Hi."
"You're young, aren't you?" Asked Kim, even though you knew that she probably already knew that.
You nodded though. "Yeah." Your voice was barely above a whisper. "I'm sixteen."
"But she's a superstar." It was nice of Amanda to butt in. It saved you from having to speak.
"I think we know that," McCabe said with an eye roll," I think we all saw that match-winning goal against Australia."
You winced slightly as you snuck a glance to McCabe's other side where Catley sat, the very defender that you megged before scoring your goal.
Your eyes widened in horror when she made eye contact. "Sorry." You looked down at your lap, hiding your shaking hands under the table.
"Don't sweat it, kid," Catley replied with an easy grin," No hard feelings. It was a good call." She smirked at you. "Though, the deer in headlights look you had after it went in was pretty funny."
Laughter rang out through the group and you relaxed marginally, groaning at the reminder. Everyone you knew had sent that picture to you and you knew for a fact that it was still circulating the internet as a meme.
●~●~●~●~
It was easy to settle into life at Arsenal.
You were still shy and awkward off the pitch but you fit in well with the other girls and Lina, Stina and Amanda were always ready to sweep you away when they noticed you getting too overwhelmed.
Somewhere along the way Catley became Steph and McCabe became Katie.
You weren't really sure when that happened but it was a welcome change from when you first joined.
"Come on, kid. You've been studying too much," Katie said as an arm dragged you away from your laptop to where the others were playing FIFA.
You were dumped between Less and Vic while Lina laughed.
"She's always studying."
You rolled your eyes. "Just because you don't have to go to school anymore, doesn't mean that I don't."
"Online school isn't really school," Cloe said before swearing when Gio scored another goal," It's like...school without the deadlines."
"Except the deadline is before Christmas," You replied with a huff," I have essays to write, Katie! Let me go!"
"Don't let her go, girls," Katie said from where she was curled up with Caitlin.
Alessia mockingly saluted as she bracketed you in her arms while Vic pinned down your legs.
"Less! Vic!" You squawked as you tried to wiggle away from them.
Their holds were unrelenting and made even worse when Kyra popped up out of nowhere, digging her fingers into your side and tickling you like you had personally offended her or something.
"Stop! Stop!" You laughed, tears running down your face as Kyra remained unrelenting. "Cait-Caitlin! Caitlin, help!"
Caitlin looked at you thoughtfully, humming to herself before giving you a faux look of sympathy. "Sorry, y/n, I can't. You see, I'm still holding a grudge against you for grabbing that bronze medal." She winked to let you know she was joking.
"Oh, come on!"
●~●~●~●~
It took you nearly two weeks of being in London to meet the ACL squad and it was only because Kathrine slid in for a tackle at the wrong time and hit your ankle.
You hadn't even been on the ground for that long but it was enough that Jonas sent Gio to take you to the physios to get it taped up with an extremely apologetic Kathrine following after you.
"I'm so sorry," She was saying when Gio shepherded you into the room," I'll make up for it. How does one of those big jelly baby packs sound?"
"I'm not allowed to eat them," You replied," Stina said that they'll rot my teeth."
"Fine, fine, I'll think of something. How about dinner? I'll buy you dinner for your cheat day. Just tell me when."
You rolled your eyes, having no intention of doing so but still nodded.
"What's up with all this commotion?"
You had to admit, seeing Leah Williamson in person made you feel a little starstruck and you immediately retreated into yourself.
Gio jerked her thumb at Kathrine. "Kuhl hurt the kid and seeing as we need the kid, Jonas wants her ankle taped."
"My ankle's fine," You said stubbornly but allowed a physio to usher you onto the bed between Goldie and Wienriother. You gave them both one of your trademark awkward smiles as you let the physio pull off your boot and socks.
You didn't want to look at your ankle, already knowing it was bruised by the way that you saw Goldie wince sympathetically at you while the physio moved away to grab some ice.
"That looks nasty," She said," Does it hurt?"
"Not too bad."
"I'm Teyah, by the way."
"y/n."
"I know." She smiled at you. "It's nice that there's someone younger than me and Naomi now."
You looked down bashfully. "Happy to be of service."
Next to you, Weinriother laughed. "Don't mind Teyah, she's just glad no one will call her kid anymore. I'm Laura, by the way."
"And I'm Beth!" She leaned over Laura to shake your hand before indicating to where her girlfriend was being worked on. "That's Viv, she's a little prickly sometimes but if you ever need some peace and quiet, I'm sure she wouldn't mind you sitting with her."
You nodded, still feeling a little awkward even though the tension had disappeared.
"You're living with Stina, right?" Leah asked," How's that going?"
"Good," You replied, focussed on the way that the physio was moving your ankle," She lets me play music on the speakers while I study."
Leah laughed. "I live right round the corner. If you ever need a break, feel free to pop in. I reckon I'm more fun than Stina anyway."
●~●~●~●~
You hated asking for help.
You hated it even more when you had to ask for help on schoolwork.
You were smart. You knew you were smart. If there were two things that a lack of parents in your life gave you, it was excellent football skills and the ability to solve your own problems.
But this maths section in your textbook was causing you more pain than a Katie tackle in training ever could.
You glanced around the room. The media room was almost always empty at this time of day - the two and a half hour window between morning training and the gym session.
Almost everyone lived close so headed back home to rest before coming back. Stina had asked if you wanted to head back home with her but you decided not to, needing to finish your maths homework.
Lina had asked if you wanted her to drop you off on her way to her own place as well but you didn't relent.
You hunkered down in the media room with your textbook and, after just over an hour, your eyes stung like you hadn't slept in three days.
You glanced around again and finally swallowed your pride.
"Frida?" You asked the least intimidating person in the room," Can you help me?"
She looked up from her phone. "What is it?" She dragged your textbook towards her. "Oh! I can help!"
Despite her optimism, within a few seconds, it became clear that Frida could absolutely not help you. The more she read through your problems, the deeper her frown got until she was holding a pencil between her fingers and mouthing the question to herself as if that would help her understand.
She looked positively ill when she looked up at you before she cleared her throat. "Lia? Do you know how to do fancy algebra?"
Lia, from across the room, sighed as she approached. "I used to be quite good at algebra," She boasted," What's the problem?"
"Algebra," You deadpanned, shoving the textbook and your notepad at her," Help."
To her credit, she got further than Frida did, jotting down her working out before falling at the last hurdle - just like you did. She frowned. "Give me a second."
She rewrote all of her work but still ended up stumped at the same place as before.
"Kim? Jen? How were you at maths in school?"
Kim and Jen tried to help as well but it was like the blind leading the blind. You were going around in circles.
"When are you going to need this in life?" Kim said, drawing a line through her most reason equation and sighing.
"Unless you want to be an engineer, never." Jen sighed and flipped the book shut. "You don't want to be an engineer, do you, kid?"
"I'm happy playing football."
●~●~●~●~
If you weren't doing schoolwork at every spare moment, it was safe to say that you napping.
Back at National Camp, it wasn't uncommon to find you curled up in bed or with your head in Frido's lap while everyone watched a movie.
It seemed that your need to nap every moment you weren't occupied had carried over to England.
It got a little embarrassing the first few times you had been caught napping in the communal space. It was even worse when you woke up to Viv staring down at you with an unreadable look on her face, taking in your form curled up under your travel blanket.
You had smiled nervously as she stood in front of you, unmoving.
When Beth appeared through the door a moment later, Viv shushed her sternly and tucked your blanket up over your shoulders again, taking a seat nearby with a book.
Beth, it seemed, hadn't been able to keep her mouth shut about it so your constant naps had just become an expected thing and, after Leah had accidentally woken you up and gotten yelled at by Viv for it, the team tended to just leave you alone.
You were slightly delirious and warm when you woke up from your nap, eyes fluttering open and then shut again.
The low murmur of chatter let you know that contrary to when you started your nap, you were now no longer alone.
You were still quite confused, brain still thick with sleep, but you could recognise Sabrina's Canadian-accented English so you gathered that the keepers had finished their morning practice and had found you asleep in the media room.
You also recognised that your head was now slightly elevated so one of them must have moved your head into their lap while you slept. That was nice. Sometimes you would wake up with a crook in your neck from sleeping on the beat-up sofa that Leah swore she was one bad back away from replacing herself.
Your eyes fluttered open again, blearily blinking.
Across from you, Naomi laughed. "The kid's awake."
"I'm not a kid," You said stubbornly even though you were," You're not that much older than me."
"Still older," Naomi replied.
Next to her, Sabrina laughed.
That meant that Manu was sitting with you, your head in her lap. She laughed as well, jolting you slightly as you clutched your travel blanket tighter around your body.
You yawned.
"How long until gym?"
"Hour and a bit," Came Manu's answer.
You hummed and yawned a second time.
"Don't tell me you're going back to sleep," Sabrina said.
"Fine. I won't tell you."
●~●~●~●~
You spent the first few matches stuck on the bench.
You were young and not as experienced as your teammates so it made sense that you would be stuck there for the time being. Besides, it made you feel a little bit better that Kyra was stuck on the bench as well so you had someone who acted younger than you to muck around with.
"Chin up," Laia said with a grin, an arm thrown over your shoulder as she walked onto the pitch with you for warmups," You're starting today. Aren't you excited?"
"You look more excited than me," You replied a little sourly," I...I feel a little sick if I'm honest."
"You'll do great."
"So long as you tie your boots correctly and don't trip," Noelle said in way of greeting.
Your cheeks lit up in flames instantly at the reminder of training a few days ago when Beth had snuck up behind you and made a stupid sound in your ear. You had jumped into the air in shock and your laces weren't tied correctly so you tripped over your own feet and went tumbling to the ground in a way that made you look clumsier than Alessia.
"Don't be mean," Lotte chastised as the four of you passed a ball around," y/n knows how to properly tie her laces." She sent you a teasing smile and a shrug. "Besides, I'm sure she'll have some of the older girls lining up to make sure they're done properly."
You huffed as you kicked the ball back to her. You spun on your heel. "You're all mean," You declared," I'm gonna warm up with Vic and Less."
●~●~●~●~
The ninety minutes of your debut match were gruelling.
The ball went back and forth between the teams. Every shot that went in was equalised quickly. Everyone was growing tired, especially when five minutes of extra time was awarded and Katie was one dirty tackle away from earning herself a yellow card.
You took a moment to catch your breath, pulling up your socks before breaking into a sprint.
The opposing team's defence was in shambles and you could see their goalkeeper getting antsy.
A long ball from Katie fell neatly into Alessia's feet and she began her run.
You followed after her quickly as the opposing defence broke their line. It was carnage for a moment as you both approached the box.
The goalkeeper came off her line ever so slightly as the defence mobbed Alessia, who passed quickly to you.
Your foot moved automatically as you chipped the ball over the goalkeeper's head and into the back of the net.
Your instincts got you the goal so when your brain finally caught up, you were sporting the same look on your face as the one you had when you won against Australia.
The final whistle rang out as you stood there in shock.
Half a moment later, the team crashed into you.
Less made it to you first, pulling you in for a tight hug before everyone else converged on you.
You felt a bit like a dog, with the amount of head pats you were receiving but the blinding smile on your face more than made up for it - especially when Viv meandered over and gave you a hug and congratulations.
"Come on, l/n!" Katie cheered as she dragged you through the victory lap. "Party tonight! I'll pay for the drinks!"
"She's sixteen," Lina reminded her.
"I didn't say we had to go out to a pub! It's legal for sixteen-year-olds to drink at home! What do you say, kid?"
You laughed. "Good luck getting Stina to agree."
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om m.list ━ brothers (part 1)
[back] | [part 2]
➳ edit 7/11/23: i hit 100 links on here, so everything posted on/after this date will be found in part 2!!
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cupping their cheeks
awkward/embarrassing situations they've been in
sleeping/waking up with them (includes dateables)
dancing with them (includes dateables)
how they confess to you
"you were mean to me in my dream" (includes diavolo)
choosing the 'parent' tiktok trend (includes diavolo & barbatos)
chill mc (includes barbatos & simeon)
mc's afraid of bugs
mc doesn't celebrate their birthday (includes dateables)
rejecting them
rejecting them alt version
calling them by a pet name
when they hurt your feelings
coming out as nonbinary
mc w/ braces
seeing you in cute pjs
mc's afraid of needles
reactions to teaching diavolo wap
when you have a nightmare
wanting to cuddle you
teen delinquent!mc
holding their hands
reactions to you crying
comforting you when your dreams are insulted
hardworking mc
sharing their birthdate
sharing their birthdate alt version
calling them your whole world
using their shampoo (includes diavolo & simeon)
how they act on vacation
'losing interest' tiktok prank
defending you from a creep
coming out as ace (includes solomon)
when they're jealous
when they see snow
catching you sleeping
when you have art/writers block
"would you still love me if i were a worm"
waking them up to ask if they're asleep
at your wedding
burned-out mc
'the ick' prank
slow dancing with them
comforting a heartbroken mc
their morning routines
going on a boba date with them
seeing mc all bundled up for the cold
using kisses as leverage
picking them up from the airport
them as seasons
how they give you the ick
touching their horns/tails/etc.
slow learner mc
mc w/ glasses
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before you
falling asleep in front of them
valentine’s day with the obey me boys
explaining the dentists to them | part 2
mc on their period
mc isn’t playing therapist
"i didn't want to be here"
you're dating someone?!?!?
mc’s brothers
carving pumpkins with them
nowhere to go for the holidays
mc with type 1 diabetes
when they (try to) surprise you
when they turn into toddlers
having a hard time in the human realm
comforting you after a loss
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chaotic/feral mc texts (includes dateables)
photo not loading
adult twins are cringe
pride month?
deleting everyone cute
mc craving sweets during that time of the month
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obey me boys as funny tweets | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | pt 5 | (includes dateables)
the brothers at university
pet names they call you (includes dateables)
om characters as wikihow memes (includes dateables)
obey me bros + pinterest nails
“he wants to order”
things not to say when someone comes out (includes dateables)
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D&D(evildom) Beyond! - 6.5k, oc!mc
“Leviathan, Abel, what were you doing?” Lucifer prompts, and the two share a look.
“We were playing Dungeons and Dragons,” Leviathan begins slowly, “which, now that I’m looking–”
“–Our opening scene was awfully similar to this,” Abel finishes.
“Wait, are you saying you think we’re in your campaign?” Satan asks, eyes wide, and Leviathan nods.
“I mean, it makes total sense,” he says with budding excitement. “Like, I’m obviously supposed to be a ranger, Abel’s definitely an artificer, and Lucifer’s a total paladin. This is so cool, it’s like my dreams are being brought to life right before my eyes!”
my new neighbors are demons *not clickbait* - 1.3k
I love your writing ❤️❤️❤️
Can I request a shot with MC’s neighbor sort of just moving in and seeing the shenanigans of MC’s life that is the three realms.
Chaotic lessons from Solomon.
Accidentally catching MC using magic through a window they forgot to close.
Talking to Dia and Barbatos and Dia missing all social cues and taking everything literally.
Either be MC x Mammon or platonic with all
But also the brothers as they waltz into MC’s home whenever they are or are not in their home.
I can also see luke and mc bringing this guy extra sweets they baked
I’m sorry, I know this is a lot. I just thought your writing would match this perfectly.
come hell or high water - WIP; fem!reader
“Let’s get one thing straight,” he barks. “I don’t like you, nor do I respect you. This whole program is utterly ridiculous and I fear Prince Diavolo is a fool for suggesting such a thing. You’re just a lowly human, got that? You’ll always be nothing, especially to me, The Great Mammon.”
If he was looking for tears or offense, you were afraid that is not what he’d receive. You’d been playing the court since you were young, so these insults were nothing new to you. Actually, it was almost a relief for him to underestimate you because of your status as a human, and not a woman. Men were so dreadfully pigheaded sometimes, and you were sick and tired of having to play the good girl card, only smiling demurely instead of sharing your mind as you wished.
“Not going to say anything?” Lord Mammon snorts, and you cock your head at him.
“My apologies, Lord Mammon,” you say, “for I had not realized you were done speaking. I’m afraid I wasn’t listening all that closely.” Lord Mammon gapes at you, but you’re not finished. “Furthermore, I don’t know what the women down here are like, but I assure you, a few brash curse words and scowls thrown my way is not enough to scare me.”
(A Regency AU. Sort of)
mc on her period - 1.5k; fem!reader
“MC?” he asks, stepping closer to you. You manage a weak smile though you think it may have come across as a painful grimace. “Are you sick? Why are you huddled on the couch with like-” he pauses, eyes flicking over you, “-five blankets?”
You’re still not super used to any of them, what with you only having been in the Devildom for a few weeks, but you figure there’s no need to mince words. Demons could handle a bit of vaginal bleeding, couldn’t they?
“I’m on my period,” you say, and he winces. Maybe they couldn’t.
Sticks & Stones - 13k
“MC seemed off today, right?” Satan asked, looking at his brothers.
“For sure.” Belphie agreed, and it was quiet for a moment.
“I was going to ask why they were wearing your jacket, Mammon, but now I’m more worried about this,” Leviathan remarked, and Mammon smirked a little, but it was overshadowed by concern for his human.
“To be honest,” Asmo dabbed at his mouth daintily with a napkin. “I’ve been noticing it for a little while now, not just today.”
“As have I.” Lucifer seemed more serious than usual. “It is our duty as MC’s hosts to make sure that their time in the Devildom is satisfactory, and if they’re feeling down, it would be a good idea to know why.”
“Because we’re their hosts,” Mammon mocked. “Lucifer, we’re all worried about them, so ya can admit it too.”
* * *
You had been feeling a little low in terms of yourself, and the brothers decide to remind you if your self worth.
Are We Really Sure Crazy Equals Genius? - 2.5k; fem!reader
anon ask: can i request a obey me fic where female mc is super badass but also kinda crazy? like she has a gun or something idrk? thanks xx
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adamworu · 1 year
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‘When’s the White Haired Anime Boy Going to Appear?’
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For awhile, I often wondered about the phenomena of ‘When is the white-haired anime boy going to appear?’ posts during the heyday of Eva content on tumblr (2013-14). If you were around the Eva fandom on tumblr, or new to the show around that time like I was, you were probably bewildered too. It’s part of what got me into the show other than the character struggles and interesting worldbuilding.
Sure, you could chalk it up to people wanting to see more of Kaworu’s cute, but awkward mannerisms coupled with cryptic, though nonthreatening words. The bath scene of episode 24 is heavily quotable. There was also the influx of ‘headless’ memes (see: Pop Goes My Heart!).
But Eva was watched during many people’s adolescent years. High and low years. Critical years.
Evangelion itself is no stranger to struggles in formative years.
(talks about abuse under the cut)
I’ve always read Shinji as an audience surrogate because of how he’s at the center of these issues. Many of us have a Gendo: We hate them, yet we seek their validation, because unfortunately, they’re all we have. And yet they’re so emotionally cold and self-serving. 
Much of the series sees Shinji in less than optimal environments. His father is cold and distant. While Misato takes him in, she also makes him (and Asuka) fight angels due to her issues with her own father. Shinji and Asuka’s relationship within the household isn’t the greatest, either. They’re both emotionally damaged kids who can’t really properly sort through the baggage due to their environment. They’re mainly shouldering the burden of adult issues during their early teen years. 
They’re face to face with the open horrors of war. 
Kaworu comes in toward the tail end of the series. He asks nothing of Shinji but the narrative hardly portrays him as the sudden, immaculate savior. They get to know each other, and due to his deep traumas, Shinji is of course wary because being open means getting hurt again. So he puts his guard up. The more they interact, the more they both get to know each other. 
‘Why am I telling all this to Kaworu?’
This is less of a wariness of who Kaworu is and more of Shinji realizing he spilled part of his heart about his strained relationship with his father. Shinji realizes that he feels open, but not vulnerable. Kaworu feels the same way, replying to Shinji’s answers with ‘I think I may have been born to meet you, Shinji-kun.’
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I sound like a broken record saying this but, Kaworu isn’t just his own person. He represents an ideal. This is a point I’m totally partisan to. That tinges of kindness can and do exist, even when one’s world is hell. 
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On that end, I believe that, at least in the original series, that Hikari is Asuka’s Kaworu. Asuka’s guarded persona manifests as being proud and somewhat brash, but it’s a product of neglect. This worsens when she comes to understand in her environment that her accomplishments mean next to nothing. That she’s replaceable. 
The adults in Eva, even the adults of the adults get away with murder and seeing that as a victim of abuse drives a visceral rage I haven’t felt in years. And I’m sure this ire, this rising embitterment stirs in you too, if you ever lived in such an environment.
A lot of us were forced to wade through toxic environments for years while growing up. Had our share of bad relationships that still leave marks to this day.  A lot of us are victims chasing the closure that will sadly, never come because many of the people who hurt you walk away when they have much to answer for. Even if they do answer, is there any guarantee that they’ll be genuine?
When Shinji is with Kaworu and when Asuka is around Hikari they’re far less guarded. For the latter, we see a side of Asuka not seen before: one that’s tender. One that doesn’t feel burdened and otherwise ignored.
And that too, could describe that someone in our lives. The world doesn’t feel as daunting. You realize your worth and that you can be yourself when you’re around them. The barriers come down slowly and you stop saying sorry. You don’t feel as if they’re demanding that that happens. It simply just. Does. The people you hate or ignore your grievances seem insignificant in your life, even if for a moment. 
When we ask ‘When’s the white haired anime boy going to appear?’ what we actually mean is ‘When is our support system going to appear?’
I know that one day you will find your Kaworu. You deserve better than an apology. You deserve peace.
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fnifegames · 1 year
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introducin... SMALL TOWN EMO, a "gay boy" game for GameBoy!!! 🧷💀
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do u like: PIXELS, FANFIC, TROPES, LAZY WRITING, 2007 MEMES, NOSTALGIC CRINGE AND WALKING SIMuLATORS? THEN CLICK hERE TO PLAY OUR DEMO!!!! 🔥
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Small Town Emo is a queer GameBoy game made in GBStudio by Fnife Games! Play as "Ken" an emo teen with an awkward gay crush on his best friend, Fergus.
🦇🌈FEATURING...🌈🦇
1.275 hours of "gameplay"!
Play in 4 mind-boggling colours!
8 mouthwateringly hilarious collectible memes!
97% pure walking & talking - no pesky action!
Priceless minigames, including "bullet hell" and "pimple popper"!
Engaging cutscenes - poorly AND quickly drawn!
Immersive simulated MSN Messenger sequences!
Hand-picked, faithfully recreated fanfiction tropes!
Complete linearity, only the vaguest illusion of choice!
DEMO OUT NOW @ ITCH.io 🥀
thx bye
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Note
AITA for getting upset at my friend? Tw misgendering
This happened months ago but it made me uncomfortable and still does. I (late teens, ftm) was in my freshman year of college and was going stealth as much as I can pre-t (ie fully socially transitioning and not letting anyone know my deadname etc), I’m a very “chill” trans guy in that my ideal “end” of transition is just going full stealth, I don’t talk about being trans much, etc, the “““respectable””” trans person in all of those shitty memes. However, when my parents came up for parents weekend, I invited my friend (late teens, non-binary) out to lunch with them, their parents, my parents, and me. My friend, let’s say A, is…. More loudly trans. Dyed hair, statement fashion etc. and doesn’t try and hide their transness, dare I say what 2014 tumblr users call “cringe” (which doesn’t invalidate their transness in the fucking slightest, they/it pronouns for this friend or I’ll have your knees also cringe culture is dead be free etc. please don’t interpret this as me shitting on A). This is how A presents and while it’s not for me, it’s for them, and I’d be weird to have a problem with it.
However, my parents aren’t keen on the whole trans thing, they consistently misgender and deadname me and have refused to make attempts to change that because I’ll “always be their daughter” and they…. Aren’t great about my friend. I warned A going into the lunch that my parents are mildly transphobic and will use she/her and my deadname, and to try and avoid a whole Spectacle, I asked A to also refer to me as such. A asked if I was out to them and I’d told them that I’d come out but they had simply refused to change their perceptions of me. A, who I think thought they were doing a righteous thing, decided to correctly gender and name me for the entire lunch, which created a really awkward environment, especially for A’s parents who hadn’t met me yet and now had one person with two completely different names and pronouns depending on who was talking about me. While nothing awful happened, I was still upset A didn’t respect my request to just let it slide under the table, their heart was still in the right place but I ended up being seriously annoyed with them for ignoring my ask. One part says I shouldn’t be mad that someone deadnamed and misgendered me, on the other hand I specifically asked them to.
AITA for being upset that they gendered me correctly?
What are these acronyms?
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orionscelt · 1 year
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Finally put together a character sheet and some details for Tristan - bunch of info under the cut.
Date of birth: 7th of January Nationality: British (English/Scottish) Blood status: Pureblood Height: 6’0 House: Ravenclaw Wand: Hawthorn , dragon heartstring core , 12 ½”,slightly springy.
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Boggart: Public ridicule. Patronus: Sparrowhawk Polyjuice: Metallic blue , lake water and Iron. Amortentia: Pear , green tea, rain.
Best subject: Study of Ancient Runes Favourite subjects: Charms, Potions Favourite teacher: Professor Sharp (ex colleague of his father, he really enjoys talking to sharp out of class about his and his fathers adventures at work - what he was allowed to hear at least ). Worst subjects: Divination ( he has 300 better things to do than stare into a ball for an hour). Transfiguration ( his mind wanders constantly and more often than not the results are a tad disastrous). Least favourite subject: Divination Least favourite teacher: Professor Binns , self explanatory. Quidditch: Keeper - mostly plays casually , usually he's too busy to play official matches so acts as a reserve. 
Best friends: Sebastian Sallow,  Ominis Gaunt , Amit Thakkar , Samantha Dale
Clothing style: Muted blue , green and brown. Practical and warm - scuffed muddy boots, a navy blue pea coat with a bronze trim, his house scarf. Yule Ball: 1890s formal dinner jacket with a white waistcoat and periwinkle ascot tie.
In no particular order~ Traits: Dependable, Humble, Curious, Analytical, Too trusting, a lil Socially Awkward, will misinterpret things if people aren’t straight forward with him. Likes: Researching sites of ancient magic, swimming, keeping pet beetles on the windowsill next to his bed, cricket, quidditch (keeper) , horses, cider, Edinburgh rock (sweets), morning tea with his Ravenclaw roommates,  buying his friends gifts. Dislikes: too much noise, people staring, his friends being passive aggressive or indirect... dugbogs.
Favourite Beasts: Unicorns and Nifflers
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Residence: Coombe , Oxfordshire.
Father: Gowan Sterling  Mother: Laith Sterling (maiden name Knox) Paternal grandparents: Graeme Sterling - Agnes Sterling
Both parents are aurors (as well as his ex-auror grandmother) - His mother; a particularly stubborn and headstrong witch continued her job after Tristan was old enough to be without her; his grandparents have looked after him for most of his life. Much to his parents dismay; after still not showing any evidence of any magical ability in his early teens he was assumed a squib, so was sent to an academy in Oxford in hopes of a successful career in the muggle world. He receives his letter on a trip with his classmates to London. Fig happens to be an old classmate of his grandfathers.
His grandparents run their farm where they mostly grow wheat , trees and a small range of magical plants tended to by his grandmother. He’s particularly close to his grandfather.
Future Occupation: Ministry of Magic Independent researcher/ magi-archaeologist
✨bonus dumb meme i can't get out of my drafts✨
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callmewrinkles3 · 1 year
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New Romantics - DR3 x Fem!OC
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Masterlist
Summary: Having her friend turn up at her front door is unexpected, but it turns into Em getting to see her first two Formula One races in person, including seeing Dan win in Monaco. It’s what happens after that win that’s going to change her life.
World Count: 6.5k
Warnings: smut 18+ only! (PIV sex, oral (m and f receiving), thigh riding, fingering, handjobs, tattoos as a form of foreplay).
A/N: Monaco 2018 won the poll so we have delivered! Let us know what you think.
May 2018
If you asked Em why she kept texting Dan even though they rarely saw each other, she couldn’t fully tell you. He was sweet and their constant texts and memes were fun, and he was a good guy to hang out with. The whole wanting to sleep with him thing was a little awkward, but she decided to just keep her distance and be his friend. He was worth having a friendship with. But the one thing that didn’t change was how she acted with him. It didn’t matter to her what his job was or that he had a Wikipedia page and verified social media accounts. He was constantly busy but their texts kept flowing, calling him Dimples and sending photos of the coffee shops she worked from or songs she thought he’d like.
In return he sent the same, but from his side it was photos of racetracks and testing days to her. She grinned at him and his friend Max squinting into a sunny selfie in Barcelona, discovering the gangly teen was some kind of wonder kid. The only thing that had changed in their texting routine was that she had stopped trying to text when he was in the car. Instead her brand new Sky Sports subscription had the F1 channel on whenever he was driving. She’d learned how it all worked even though she’d never watched a race in her life. It was for Dan.
Even with their near daily phone conversations they didn’t get to see each other in person. She’d run into Blake in the hallway or on the stairs in his rare moments home and has an a chat, Blake telling her Dan said hi. Their friendship survived on FaceTime and texting and it was fine. Her heart didn’t flutter every time she saw his sleepy face on the phone screen. There was just no time between his schedule and travelling and her clients for them to be in the same city for more than a few hours.
Em hated it. She hated the fact that he was always away, just like she hated how she and Blake had gotten dinner twice since they met because of how he was working and it sucked. But it was worse with Dan, somehow. She watched races with rapt attention when he had the DNF in Bahrain, she’d been up at ridiculous times in the morning to see him win in China. She’d been on the couch watching when Max drove into him in Baku and she hated that she wasn’t there for her friend. Em stared at her phone, willing a direct flight to Baku to emerge, but there was nothing. By the time the connecting flights would get in he’d have to leave. It wasn’t fair.
Dan didn’t sound the same over texts and he didn’t want to FaceTime with her so Em knew there was something really wrong. The next few days he barely replied to her messages and by Friday night she was so worried.
Saturday morning she knew he was at least in the UK, and Em kept typing “do you want to get coffee?” over and over again, trying to convince herself to send it. But then there were three soft knocks on her front door. She nearly missed them but Em couldn’t mistake the curly hair she saw out of the peephole as she checked before opening the door. He was there with two bags in his hands, water running down his face from the rain outside. In one hand he had a bottle of red wine, the other a bag from the bakery he’d bought stuff from her before. That’s how she knew things were complicated.
She never expected Dan to come to talk to her about his work, she’d needed him to explain how so much of it worked time and time again. But here he was on the first Saturday in May, apologising that he hadn’t even texted to make sure she was home. They both felt out of place. Dan had shown up without even sending a text and Em felt like a disaster. It was a busy week, her apartment needed to be cleaned, and she was still in her pjs. He’d only ever seen her dressed up for something going on or at least with foundation on when they were on FaceTime. Instead she had a messy bun and an oversized t-shirt on with a pair of cycling shorts showing half of her thigh tattoo.
“I’m sorry, I should have called-“
“You’re fine, it’s good, come in. The place is a mess, ignore it. I’m gonna get changed.”
“Emmy, you’re fine. I’m the one who turned up at your door. Point me at your coffee, I’ll make some while you change?” 
It wasn’t much of a difference but she brushed out her hair and put a bra on, joggers and a hoodie making her feel semi human. By the time she was back Dan had two coffees on the coffee table, massaging his shin after hitting it. There was a slice of lemon drizzle cake beside her coffee, and a stack of papers in front of Dan.
“What’s going on? I’m really glad you’re here, I wanted to see you, but this doesn’t seem like you. What’s up?” She asked after small talk and Dan talking about how his win in China felt. And that’s when he opened up, taking her hand in his large, warm one and squeezing while he spoke.
Red Bull didn’t feel like somewhere he could stay anymore. His contract was nearly up, and he knew they were going to make Max the number one driver over him. He was better than being a number two, he’d put so much work into everything and getting it right. He didn’t want to give up. There were teams out there who wanted him. Ferrari had reached out to Blake about maybe wanting him.
“Not that Ferrari is gonna happen. Seb’s warned me about what it’s like there. But if Ferrari want me?”
“Let me get glasses.” It was noon, it was Saturday, it was socially acceptable to drink. She stood up and pulled two vaguely matching wine glasses from the cupboard, setting them down and opening the bottle of - of course Australian - red that Dan had brought with him. He raised an eyebrow.
“This conversation needs alcohol. You’re the one who brought the wine. What do you want to do?” She took a sip and frowned, Dan looking at her.
“I will find a wine you like. Don’t tell Mike about the cake, yeah?”
“What cake?”
“Exactly. What do you think I should do, Wrinkles?”
Em rolled the question around for a moment before she realised there was one thing she needed to know before she could help him.
“Why are you asking me?”
They were friends, yeah. Good friends who texted every day and FaceTimed and she congratulated him. She was the first person he called after he won in China, something she never expected. But she knew nothing about the ins and outs of Formula One. She didn’t know the way that world worked, and she didn’t know what Dan was potentially moving towards. He had to make the decisions for himself or he’d never forgive her. Em couldn’t think of a much worse fate than Dan blaming her for the demise of his career.
“You…this sounds shitty. I know it does. But Blake and Mike have a loyalty to my career, not just to me. To me making the most money and making things secure. And yeah, Red Bull can give me a load of money. But you don’t have that. You don’t treat me any differently because of my job. You don’t know the politics and the ins and outs of everything, and that means I can trust you on it. You know me, Emmy. And right now I need someone who will look at just me and believe in me to give me advice, not someone who gets the big picture.” He squeezed the hand he was still holding as he spoke, Em squeezing back just as hard.
“Ok. What do you want to do?”
“Christian expects—“
“No, Dan. What do you want to do?”
“Huh?” His brow furrowed in confusion, making Em smile.
“What do you want to do? Not what I want to do, not Christian or Blake or Michael. What do you want to do? You’re the one who will be in that car. Will you be happy as a number two at Red Bull? Or do you want to see what else is out there?” She was sincere as she spoke, Dan’s eyes brightening as he listened to what she was saying.
“Will you still be there? If I change teams and make the wrong decisions and fuck it up, will you still be there?”
“I’m not going anywhere. You’re one of my best friends already, Dimples.”
He squeezed her hand to pull her into a hug on the couch. Em melted into Dan’s arms, holding him tightly and feeling the strength holding her to him.
“Come to a couple of races? Everyone comes to Monaco anyway, you need to be there. But come to Barcelona too. It’ll be fun, and you can see exactly what my job involves. I’d love to show you around the place.”
“I can’t just-“
“Please, Wrinkles? I think you‘ll have fun. I’ll make sure you have space in the garage to watch the races.
She couldn’t argue with Dan, nodding and agreeing. Barcelona was a dream. Blake met her at the airport with a hug, laughing as she got off the flight with her carry on and nothing else.
“I got you a Red Bull hat. Figured you’d need to wear something team gear wise.”
“Fair, fair.” She had the hat on the entire time she was in the paddock, her pass firmly around her neck. Dan introduced her to his coworkers, the mechanics and everyone who was on his side of the garage. He also introduced her to the other driver, Max, barely in his twenties and looking so young even to Em.
“Nice to meet you.” She shook his hand and he grinned, looking even younger.
“You too. I gotta go.”
It was nods to the bosses who were there, Em trying to stay out of the way as she put a set of headphones on and listened. Watching Dan cross the finish line was exhilarating, especially in fifth place.
“Next podium is for you, Wrinkles,” he said the next morning as she got ready to fly back to London.
“Get it for yourself, Dan.”
“I have enough. This one will be for you.”
She’d planned on working out flights and staying in Nice to save money, but Dan rejected that straight away. He’d invited her, he was paying. Em didn’t know how to say know to him really. She’d try but his eyes would light up and he’d smile widely and she was a goner when he did something like that. Instead she nodded and agreed with him. Blake appeared at her front door with the envelope containing her flight and hotel details. He didn’t know how close she and Dan had become, how much time they spent talking at ridiculous hours of the day and night.
“Dan said you’re coming to Monaco too?” He was almost surprised and Em nodded.
“Yeah. He told me all his friends come to Monaco, he wants me to be there too.” Calling each other friends felt stupid but it was mostly accurate. Mostly. Not that Em hadn’t stared at the way his undershirt had clung after the race, sweat soaked but looking so good.
“I’m glad! It’ll be nice to have you there, it was fun in Barcelona. I think this year it’s just his parents coming over. He deserves having support at a race.”
It was a full week in Monaco, flying out on the Wednesday before the race and staying for a few days after. Dan had promised to bring her across the border into Italy so they could get really good pasta and she was a sucker for that opportunity. Her clients knew that she was going away and once her out of office was on it was time to go. She couldn’t wait. Dan met her at the airport and they waited for his parents to arrive as well. He made sure she was comfortable with everything going on, Em pulled into a hug from his parents and introducing herself as “I’m Dan’s friend. I live beside Blake in London.”
Her paddock pass hung around her neck as she was there every single day for media and practices, watching the well oiled Red Bull machine get the two identical cars ready to go out. The one thing she didn’t expect was for the flirting that she and Dan usually did over FaceTime to get even more explicit in person. He kept a hand on her waist in hospitality when they were alone, keeping his hand there when he introduced her to his team principal and his wife - and laughing at how Em forced herself to stay calm while being introduced to a fucking Spice Girl.
“You should have warned me!” Em whispered harshly when they were apart, looking at Dan’s grin.
“I drove the car at their wedding, she’s just Geri. I’m assuming that was a big deal?”
“I cried when she left that band. Sobbed, Daniel.”
Whenever they were beside each other for meals his hand was on her thigh or her back, watching as she had conversations with his friends. Scotty was a snowboarder dating another driver’s sister, so he spent part of the week with Dan and part of it with his girlfriend. Every night she had dinner with the group, hanging out with them and talking about what was happening. Joe gave her a crash course in what the Monaco Grand Prix meant and how Dan should have won two years before but had lost thanks to a bad pit stop.
“So if you’re not on pole you’re probably not going to win?” She asked, Joe nodding seriously.
“You can but it’s hard. There’s not a lot of overtaking space.”
She stood in the garage as the qualifying took place, watching the screens as Dan drove his car like a madman. He slipped into pole position after topping all three practices and Em wrapped him in a hug. She could feel the pride bursting out of her chest, watching as everyone else hugged and congratulated him.
“Told you, I’m winning this race for you tomorrow,” Dan murmured as she grabbed her bag to head back to the hotel.
“Dimples…”
“Seriously. When I’m on that podium I’m gonna tap my chest three times. When you see that you know it’s because I did it for you. Understand?”
“Do it for you.”
“I won China for me. This is for you.”
Em hugged him farewell before saying goodbye to everyone else, wandering the narrow streets back to her hotel. Everywhere she looked there were beautiful women, models wearing short skirts and fancy clothes while she was there in her Primark best. She felt so out of place, even in the paddock when she had her pass. Seeing the kind of girls Dan could go home with should have smothered her crush. Why would he choose her?
But then he did.
She was sandwiched between Blake and Grace for the entire race, holding Grace’s hand the whole time as the three of them and Joe stared at the screens. She watched as Vettel kept coming closer but Dan held him off, the radio she listened to clear that Dan’s car wasn’t driving how it should have been. He shouldn’t have held anyone off. But then she was getting pulled across the pit lane and to the wall by Michael, grabbing the metal railing and climbing to wave Dan in with everyone else. He’d fucking won. He did it.
The rest of the evening until the party was a blur to Em. She cried hearing the Australian anthem ring out over the podium, Grace and Joe holding onto her as Dan thumped his chest three times and grinned at her. He made the other drivers drink from his shoe and she groaned at the sight before he was back down with them, making sure she was coming to the party that night.
She could have blamed everything on the emotion of the win when it started that night. But it wasn’t just that. It wasn’t even mostly that. He’d been complimenting her and smiling at her most of the week, giving her the biggest hug in his champagne covered race suit as he lifted her up with his arms around her waist. She murmured how proud she was of him and he squeezed tighter. The grin he gave her from the swimming pool on the yacht as she snapped photos of his team in it with him because to quote the commentator, this was his redemption day. She got to watch him do it, but it was all him.
They made it to the party in a packed club, shots handed to each of them quickly. One of Max’s mechanics started trying to flirt with her but Dan saved her from that mess and pulled her onto the dance floor. At the start it was like the second night they’d met in January, friends dancing together. But drinks were flowing and she was pretty sure that Michael shot champagne into her mouth from a water gun at one point. The crowd made her move closer to Dan, and closer again. His hands went from high on her waist to further down, fingers clasping her hips. 
She could feel how he brushed down slightly, right on the tops of her thighs and her body began to come alive. He moved so slowly, not letting his hands rest where Em knew he wanted them to until her fingers caught the curls on the nape of his neck. As soon as she dragged her nails lightly against his skin Dan moved his large hands, cupping her ass with them and pulling her against him in the dark corner they’d moved to.
Em stared into his eyes, tipsy but sober enough to know exactly what was happening and what she wanted and she could tell Dan was the same. All she wanted was to feel how his hands were against her without fabric in the way, how he’d touch her in bed. It wouldn’t take long to find out.
“Can I kiss you?” It was nearly sweet the way he asked, pushing a kiss below her ear to show his intent. She was so lucky the music was blaring, drowning out the moan she let out at his kiss for everyone except Dan. His eyes darkened as he looked at her while Em nodded frantically and pulled his head to hers to kiss him deeply. The moment he stopped he pulled her closer so he could get a better grip, continuing to make out with her. Once they were hidden away they didn’t need anymore words.
Everyone else in the club was too drunk to notice what was going on. She shouldn’t have expected anything else from a party with a free bar in Monaco, where trays of shots were passed around the room as if it was water. Em was so grateful for it because nobody was watching as the man of the hour hid in a dark corner and pulled her ever closer to him, hands tugging on her hair as he kissed her deeply. She didn’t want Dan’s coworkers commenting or Blake and their friends watching what was happening, that she was in Dan’s arms so quickly. But all of her doubts disappeared as his lips touched hers and she felt the way he wanted her. Every single touch lit her body on fire, his hands roaming her body keeping her close. She had never been the girl to ask someone to go home with her, never really even been the girl who went home with anyone. The moment she felt a bulge against her she pulled Dan even closer and forced herself even higher on her tiptoes in her heels.
“I want you, Dan. Can we get out of here?”
The decision about where to go was easy. Blake, Michael, and his parents were all staying in Dan’s apartment, her hotel room was just her. She had no intention of explaining why she was in the same clothes as the night before to them in the morning. Instead they half walked and half danced down the street to her hotel, Dan holding her hand and twirling her. Nobody paid attention to them except as drunk tourists, and Em wanted to scream “HE JUST WON THE MONACO GRAND PRIX WITH A BROKEN CAR” to the world.
It didn’t feel quite real that he was there with her. The most handsome man she’d ever seen had his arm around her, had asked her permission to kiss her, had nearly begged her when she asked if he wanted to leave the party with her. She was a normal person, his world was sparkly and shiny but he was there with her. Once they reached her room Dan gave her space to get the key out and open the door, but as soon as it was open he took control.
Any other night she would have been on her knees as soon as they were in private. She hadn’t stopped thinking about how good he smelled even when he was so sweaty, the way she wanted to lick up the side of his neck and taste all of him. But instead he had her half pinned against the wall, carefully undoing her dress zipper so he could pull it down. Her fingers got his shirt and jeans off, leaving Em in her underwear and heels as Dan kicked off his shoes. She felt nearly self conscious as he looked her up and down, eyes darkening with lust before he ran open mouthed kisses from one collarbone to the other via her breastbone, fingers lightly pinching at her nipples to make her moan for him.
“God you’re so pretty for me, Baby Girl,” he murmured. Em reached to pull him closer, arousal spinning through her. 
“Dan, please. Please.” They twisted around so Dan could back her onto the bed, raising her legs and looking at her with hungry eyes.
“So pretty. Can I taste you?” Em didn’t trust herself to speak, nodding frantically. Dan knew exactly what she was offering, slipping calloused fingers around her thighs to spread them wide, taking in the damp spot showing on her underwear. He slid them slowly down her legs, heels dumped somewhere in the room before his fingers finally moved in and and touched her. And then Em was lost in sensations. She couldn’t tell what was going on, Dan’s fingers entering her as his tongue lapped against her clit, alternating flat and pinpoint strokes while she groaned against him. It never felt like this before.
He took a break and pushed kisses to her thighs, tongue tracing the outline of her tattoo. Em propping herself up on her elbows to see Dan’s flushed face. His beard was damp with wetness and she blushed.
“I’m ready, you don’t need to keep doing that.” It was like the atmosphere changed for a moment, Dan’s expression clouding before clearing.
“But you didn’t cum yet.”
“It doesn’t always happen. I’m having fun.”
“Oh Baby girl, no. Not happening. Plus, I won today. My prize is to get to taste just how good you are. I’ve been thinking about getting to lick this tattoo since that day in your apartment.” He didn’t give Em a warning before diving back in, determined to make her see stars.
The orgasm was quick and unexpected when it happened, that knot in her belly releasing as she chanted Dan’s name. Her hand pulled on his dark curls as he didn’t let up, keeping her pushed against him. Finally when she was slightly back to Earth she looked down at Dan between her thighs, self satisfaction on his face.
“Good?”
“You know it was. I want to return the favour.”
“It wasn’t a favour, Emmy. Plus, if I see you on your knees in front of me this is going to be over embarrassingly quick.” Dan leaned up to kiss her, pulling himself up to settle his hips between her thighs. She could taste herself on his lips, but more importantly it was Dan and he was right there with her.
“Are you sure?” He sounded uncertain and Em cupped his cheek, pulling him in for a lingering kiss.
“Please fuck me, Danny. I want to feel all of you.” He didn’t need any more encouragement to move, lining up and sliding oh so slowly into Em. She was wetter than she’d ever been, her body taking Dan easily. He kissed her deeply as he bottomed out, holding her so tightly she thought for a moment she might bruise.
“So good. You’re such a good girl for me, Baby, so perfect,” he moaned, Em letting out a whimper at the praise. “Did you like that?”
She nodded, unable to find the words.
“So perfect for me, Emmy, you feel so good. I’ve wanted this for so long. Wanted to kiss you and take you home and wonder if you taste as good as I think you do. So pretty and perfect for me.” He began to move, fingers flicking against Em’s clit and all she could do was hold onto his shoulders as he thrust into her.
“More, Dan, please, keep going.” She’d never had more than one orgasm in a night before but she could feel the second one rising through her body. His lips left open mouthed kisses along her collarbones and chest as his fingers brought her closer.
“Gonna make you cum for me. So perfect on my dick like this. You feel so fucking good, Em. So good.” His words and his thrusts and his movements pushed her over the edge, a wordless cry between her lips as she came. Dan’s groan followed, sweaty curls collapsing into her shoulder as he found his orgasm.
He slipped out of her and the sudden fear of “did I just ruin my friendship” ran through Em. What was she supposed to do? But instead of freaking out Dan rolled over onto his back, an arm hooking around her waist and pulling her over to him, out of the wet patch to a dry place on the bed.
“Can I stay here tonight?” He whispered, brown eyes looking right through Em.
“Yeah.” He pushed a kiss to her forehead and tightened his arm around her, Em getting comfy with her head on his chest, one of her arms across his body to hold him tight as they dozed to sleep together. The one thing running through her mind was that the man everyone would want, the man who’d accepted a trophy from royalty just hours before, was in her bed and had been the most generous lover she’d ever had in her life.
She definitely hadn’t slept enough when Dan woke her up, fingers trailing over her ass and up her back and down again on the other side so she’d shiver. There were quiet kisses against her forehead until she moved, looking up at Dan grinning.
“Hi.” The simplicity of the statement made her giggle, Dan following as he kept a hold of her.
“Hey. What’re you doing here?” It was supposed to be an innocent question as she smiled, Dan stopping moving for a moment.
“Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go for round two? At least?” He had his charm turned up to eleven, but the question had to be asked.
“What are we doing, Dan?”
“Hopefully getting at least another couple of orgasms?” He tried joking, but Em’s face made him stop. “We can pretend this didn’t happen and I can leave. Or we can hang out while you’re in Monaco, be friends with benefits? You’re a good friend, Emmy. This is just a bonus that we can chalk up to being drunk last night.”
She was going to hell for this. But he was warm and comfortable and she still felt so good thanks to how he’d made her cum before they’d fallen asleep. But somehow, for some magical reason, Daniel Ricciardo wanted her. He wanted her and she was going to take full advantage for as long as she could. The man who could have anyone he wanted wanted her.
“We have till Wednesday. Let’s take advantage of it.” It was a timeline. A stop for them. But if he made her feel like that again it’d be so worth it.
“Sounds perfect.”
Em reached up to kiss him, her hand roaming down to feel his morning wood harden even more in her hand, thumb rubbing circles over the head with his precum.
“Fuck, Em. Fuck yes.” Dan was groaning against her chest, Em moving down the bed. She looked up through her eyelashes to see him stare at her in wonder as she placed open mouthed kisses up his length before licking a stripe along the visible vein. As Dan gasped she smiled before opening her mouth to swallow down as much as she could. Dan’s hands were in her hair but he wasn’t pushing her, careful to let Em take him at her own pace. Her hand was around what she couldn’t swallow easily, jacking him in time to her movements.
“I’m gonna cum, Baby. I’m so fucking close, I can’t—“ Em swallowed as far down as she could, gagging slightly on Dan as he came with a shout, salty liquid spurting down her throat. She stayed like that until she was sure he was done, pulling off him with a smile. Dan wiped the involuntary tears from her eyes, pulling her up to him.
“You are amazing, you know that?” He reached for a kiss and Em tried to dodge it, but he pulled her tight. Nobody had ever wanted to kiss her after she’d gone down on them, not even her ex. But here was Dan, fingers already exploring while he caught a thigh between her legs.
“Coming from Mr Monaco?” She asked, watching as the memory of the day before hit him.
“I won fucking Monaco for you!”
“For you.”
“You’re just gonna keep arguing with me aren’t you?”
“Always.”
He cut off what was going to be her next argument with a kiss, pulling them both sitting up and settling Em on his thigh. Her clit hit off one of the muscular ridges that was covered with his boat tattoo, making her gasp.
“I want to watch you cum like this, Baby. Grinding down on my thigh like the desperate girl you are. You’re gonna look so pretty just like this.” She gasped, Dan’s hands on her hips making her move and the friction was so perfect. He was right there bouncing slightly, Em’s head thrown back while his mouth moved from nipple to nipple to keep them pert and tight.
“Daaaaan. Ugh so good.” The sensations were overwhelming, but her movements were cut off with Dan’s phone ringing.
“Stay quiet, Baby. Keep going and once this is over you can cum your pretty brains out.”
She leaned her head against his chest, hips searching for that friction she needed as he answered.
“Yeah…Mate, yeah I know we’re all getting brunch. I’ve got time…None of your business where I ended up. I’m safe and everything is good. Yeah. I’ll be at the apartment in a little while, I know you’re all leaving later. Em’s staying till Wednesday though, gonna show her Monaco cause she hasn’t been here before. Cool. See you in a while.” The phone was thrown across the bed and Dan’s fingers went straight to Em’s fluttering clit, her pussy clenching around nothing as her orgasm was so close.
“So good for me Baby. So so good. So proud of you for staying quiet. Gonna cum for me like this?” She followed her orgasm, desperation in every pore as Dan’s skilled fingers brought her to completion. She knew he was staring as she threw her head back but she couldn’t care. Dan was all around her, and desperation made her so happy to keep going.
She slumped against him, Dan holding her up and pushing kisses to her forehead. Neither of them wanted to move but the phone call meant they both had to. Unfortunately.
“I need to ask something kind of awkward,” Dan began, Em looking at him as she regained feeling to her body after the last orgasm. “We…I forgot about a condom last night. Do we need to do something about birth control?”
“We’re good.” She saw his brow furrow and smiled, pressing a kiss to the creases between his eyebrows. “I’m on the pill, Dan. Have been for years. My alarm will go off any minute. We’re probably better using a condom next time too, but we’re good.”
“Thank God. I didn’t think, I’m sorry. And I get tested regularly you don’t need to worry.”
“It’s been a while since I had sex so I’m good. We’re all good?”
“Yeah. And now we have to go have brunch with everyone. Mum and Dad are flying home tonight, and Blake and Mike are heading back to London. It’ll be just us from this evening?”
“Sounds fun.”
She just about managed to get dressed, Dan trying to seduce her back to bed but Em insisted they needed to at least pretend to be normal. She wasn’t going to be the one everyone was waiting on. It was separate cabs to Dan’s, arriving at the same time and going up in the elevator. Once she was in everyone pulled her into a hug, Em returning them.
It was the six of them for brunch with multiple people stopping by their table to congratulate Dan and introduce themselves. One of them, Cyril, shook his hand and Em got the feeling she was seeing something she shouldn’t have been watching. But Dan was sitting beside her, his shoe running up the back of her calf. The brunch place was fancy, mimosas for everyone except the two extremely hungover men at the table, Blake pointing his fork at Em.
“Why are you not totally hungover? I definitely saw Mike shooting champagne at you from those stupid water guns.” He was wearing sunglasses inside and Em wanted to laugh.
“I left early.”
“Oh?” The implication was clear in his voice.
“Not like that! It was crowded, I’m not a fan of super busy places. I’d rather chill out and go back to my hotel room.”
“Fair.” It was quiet until Grace spoke.
“Did you enjoy the race?”
“I did!” She had a real smile on her face thinking about the week she’d had. “I’ve only started watching since Dan and I became friends, but it was a lot of fun. I’m going to Silverstone too, so it’ll be fun to see another one.”
“You need to come to Melbourne next year. Albert Park is great in the sun, and it’d be good to spend more time with you.” It wasn’t a request, more a confirmation she would.
“Yeah, you’ll come. Once the dates are announced put it in for work, you can take the time. Have you ever been to Australia?” Blake asked, Em shaking her head.
“I’m a freelancer, that’s not an issue. But I’ve never been. Considering I spend too much of my time talking to ye I feel like it’s something that will be fixed sooner rather than later.”
The rest of the meal was idle chit chat, talking about anything and nothing. Dan kept playing footsie with her, his hand on her back running fingers up her spine when he could get away with it. They spent the day relaxing with everyone before all going out to the airport together.
It was hugs and a promise to knock on Blake’s door when she got home on Wednesday, and an invitation from Grace and Joe to visit Perth anytime. She and Dan waved them all through security before going back to his car, getting in and Dan running his fingers up Em’s thigh.
“So I was thinking we go back to your hotel room, get your stuff, and check you out? Stay with me until you go back?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
It was simple to go back with Dan, watching as he drove through the narrow streets. The streets that he was now king of, because he’d won Monaco and Em couldn’t help but laugh at it.
The next two days were filled with laughter and joking and orgasms. Tuesday Em had awoken to Dan eating her out, an orgasm before she was even fully conscious. From that they got on his Vespa and he drove them to Italy. He explained how he’d lived in Northern Italy when he first moved to Europe as a scared teen, and he’d built a knack for knowing where a good hole in the wall with the best pasta was. And it was true, they ate plates of good food and laughed while eating, Dan paying the bill and talking to the Nonna who ran it in halting Italian.
“Hidden skills, Dimples,” Emma joked, Dan smiling.
“My Nonnas and Nonnos are all from Italy, I had to learn. Plus moving here it really helped.”
“Maybe you can teach me a little?”
That night Dan wouldn’t let her cum until she got out the entire translation of “where is the best pasta”.
Wednesday was weird for both of them. They’d been in their flirty bubble, joking and fucking, but she was leaving. Her little bag was packed, ready to go. Dan dropped her to the airport in Nice, and she couldn’t read his expression. Had she just ruined one of her best ever friendships?
“Text me when you land, yeah?” He asked, arms around Em in a final goodbye.
“I will. And tell me when you find the next song you think I’ll love but I actually hate please?”
“You love my music taste!”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll talk to you soon Dimples.”
“See you at Silverstone if not before, Wrinkles.” Em went through security, sitting waiting for her flight back to London and already missing their little Monaco bubble. Once she landed she texted Dan, getting a little k back in response. The nerves continued to grow with his lack of texts over the next day or two. But it’d be fine. He was going to Canada, the time difference didn’t really help. That’s what Em told herself as the near hourly texts moved to almost daily, but it didn’t help that wonder. Had she ruined a really good friendship for three days of excellent sex?
--
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eobarried · 9 months
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ok let’s talk about miguel o’hara because it needs to be done. i want to clarify that this is not a hate post or anti-miguel in any sense, but it is a critical analysis of his character and role in the spiderverse. if you don’t feel like you can read this right now, i suggest you like it/save it for later and read it when you feel like you can with an open mind
especially for anyone who’s a miguel enjoyer (i consider myself one as well) because if you really love his character, it’s important to understand why his character was created and what a great narrative tool it is! anyway-
miguel o’hara is, allegorically, a bigot. 
now - let’s unpack and clarify that. miguel is allegorically a bigot - his character is used to represent a certain, specific type of bigotry we see in real life. notice how i’m saying “bigot” and not “racist” - because despite the memes, i don’t think miguel’s hatred of miles is rooted in antiblackness. i think it’s rooted in something a little more complicated, which is why i’m using the term bigotry. but this can be a little confusing, so let’s start from the beginning. or, at least, the most important part.
the canon.
i want you to really think about the word used here - canon. hearing that word should break the fourth wall for you, just like hearing “he’s got hammerspace!” should have earlier in the movie - or discussions different characters have surrounding their distinct art styles. it’s meant to break the fourth wall and draw attention to itself. specifically, the use of the word canon here is meant for us to take a step back from the in-universe events (treating the characters as “real” people and looking at events logically) and instead think of the spiderman story and mythos.
spiderman, as a story, has been told over and over again. we, as an audience, are deeply familiar with this story, as we’ve seen it as a live-action blockbuster in no less than three separate franchises. that’s not even mentioning all the cartoon adaptations, and of course the comic runs. adhering to a specific formula surrounding the story makes sense. when someone walks into a spiderman movie, they have certain... expectations. that no matter what version of spiderman this is, that they follow certain story beats and adhere to certain rules as they follow along in their journey. miguel, when explaining this to miles, focuses on said story beats (which i’ll get to in a second), but there’s something that’s way more important than specific plot points that we need to address here.
and that’s theme. 
theme (if you’re not an english literature person), is basically something you take away from the story. it’s usually a moral, idea, or concept that can be applied to the world around you, and helps you learn more about yourself, society, culture, or history. all stories have themes - usually they have multiple. so let’s get into it.
the original spiderman comic was notable in several ways. the thing that made spiderman so popular and successful is that he was the first (notable) teenage superhero that wasn’t a part of a greater team. spiderman wasn’t a sidekick that was written in to appeal to an audience of children. he was a teenager himself - but he was no less competent or strong than the (mostly adult) villains he fought. 
and not only was spiderman a kid - he was the kid. he was a nerd. he was an older white teen, yes - but he represented the type of person who would go out and buy a comic book more than any other hero at the time. before he became spiderman, peter parker was just kind of a geek. at the time (the 60s) this still identified him as an outcast. peter was socially awkward, not good with girls, he didn’t have many friends, and he was bullied consistently. the only thing he was good at was science, basically. we can connect peter’s original portrayal to many legitimately marginalized groups - specifically those that might be autistic and impacted by ableism. to those kids reading that comic, they saw a hero that represented them.
and how does peter represent them? what does spiderman teach these children by reading these comics? the original spiderman is the story of a man who, by chance, was granted the opportunity for greatness - to become an integral part of his community. spiderman uses his skills (both those granted to him by the spider, but also those that he inherently has, such as his skills with science and engineering), in order to prove his worth and merit. it’s lonely, the road he has to walk - he can’t tell his friends and family who he is, lest they become victims like uncle ben - or lest they betray him. he can only rely on himself and his own knowledge in order to protect his community. the themes we draw from spiderman are this: luck can strike at any time, but you need to use your own strength and intelligence to pull yourself up afterwards, no matter how hard things get. no matter how many people you lose.
that’s what miguel believes spiderman is about. this original spiderman story is that of the american dream. of a youth who is ostracized by society (for whatever reason), but is still able to use their own merit to overcome the obstacles placed in front of them and the grief and pain they face on their path to greatness. it’s a hard and lonely path, but miguel values anyone who has the bravery to face it.
so why does he hate miles?
because he didn’t do it alone. because miles doesn’t believe in the traditional american dream.
if you want to read more about that, check out my analysis comparing spider-society and visions academy over here (it’s not as in-depth as i would like it to be, but it gets the job done) but basically: miles believes that every person deserves greatness. he states it very clearly when talking to his dad about how he won the lottery to go to visions: he just got lucky. he feels as if he took an opportunity away from someone else. why is it just given to him, when anyone else at brooklyn middle is just as deserving of an amazing education? when these resources should be put to use to uplift his whole community, not just miles alone?
miles brings that same energy as a spider-person. he’s not just an anomaly because his spider was from a different dimension. he’s an anomaly because he had a mentor. not only a mentor - he had a whole clan of spider-people there for him. while peter b parker and the crew weren’t always very good allies for miles, they still wanted him to succeed. each spider-person was an outcast - not in the same way as miles, but they were eager to describe what miles needed to master in order to keep himself safe as a crime-fighter. although they weren’t always supportive, it wasn’t because they were “gatekeeping” - it’s because they were worried miles might hurt himself. to them, he hadn’t put in the work on his own, and because he hadn’t proven himself as a spider-person in isolation, they thought there was no way he could be successful as a spider-person during a very high-risk mission.
however, miles proves them wrong. it’s true that miles has to pull upon his own inner strength, but he also pulls on wisdom from those that mentored him - his father, his uncle aaron, peter parker, and peter b parker. as well as love and support from his community. miles became spiderman - but not in isolation. he had help, and support, and love - always - that helped him succeed.
because spiderman - in all universes - represents success in america. in the original comics, spiderman is able to overcome his status as an outcast in order to help his city. he now has great power - a potential allegory related to wealth and social or political status. he uses that power in order to protect the community he loves (nyc) as they can’t all protect themselves.
now let’s bring it back. miguel. right.
miguel has already made his mark as a spiderman. although we know he broke canon, it wasn’t related to him becoming spiderman. we can assume that miguel still went through serious struggle and trauma to get to where he’s at. and now, through thematic analysis, we know that becoming spiderman represents success in america.
so, miguel’s dislike of miles, thematically, connects to how older generations may believe that younger generations “have it too easy” or “don’t put in the same effort.” it’s the (mainly capitalistic) ideal that in order to succeed, it has to be in isolation, without outside help. we can infer that miguel is not only upset that miles didn’t do things “canonically” - but that he is afforded success that miguel doesn’t think he deserves. miguel believes that in order to succeed in america, one needs to do it on their own, and suffer in order to succeed. no “hand-outs,” no support, no community outreach. it’s a very rigid capitalistic standard - which is why i called it “bigoted.” miguel is still a marginalized figure - and it’s important that miguel is the one stating the viewpoint, not a white spiderman. because this isn’t a white vs black storyline. miguel’s dislike of miles is specifically a sort of generational, inter-community bigotry.
for someone who hasn’t experienced it - think of it like hazing. you join a new sports team. the senior players say “you carry the equipment out and clean everything after the game.” you ask “why? can’t we all just do it together? aren’t we supposed to be a team?” and they say “no. you’re the new guys. hard work builds character. deal with it.”
alright. so we took a look at canon through a meta-story lens. now let’s pull it back even further.
so, miguel’s ideology. he adheres firmly to canon, a series of events that cannot (or, should not), change. if we apply that to our lives, that sounds a lot like predestination. destiny. fate. let’s call it predestination for now - you’ll see why in a minute.
now, a belief in predestination makes sense. it can bring a lot of people comfort, thinking that horrible events are out of their hands, and often times it can be harmless to believe in predestination in these instances. for example: someone who blames themselves for not being able to say goodbye to a loved one who died suddenly. if this person believes in predestination, it might ease some of their pain and guilt to know that there was nothing they could do - that it was the will of some higher power that their loved one is gone, and that there was nothing they could do to prevent it. some individuals might find comfort in knowing that they are not to blame for the work of the universe.
however, predestination can also be malicious. thinking that things are the will of the universe, or the will of god... that’s been used for some pretty fucked up stuff in the past. in a more moderate (and topical) example - royalty. many kings used the concept of predestination to explain why they deserved the crown. their bloodline was chosen by god himself - that’s why they’re powerful (compare to spider-people and their success. if they are also predestined for their spider-bite, doesn’t that make them akin to monarchs?)
in more nefarious examples, predestination can be used to subjugate and oppress others. predestination was used in ancient indian society in order to justify the caste system - utilizing the hindu concept of karma to justify why certain members of society were mistreated and oppressed. in a more american sense, predestination was often used as a way to justify both slavery and segregation. originally, slavers tried to justify that god wanted black individuals to serve as slaves because it was his will. later, when divine intervention fell out of fashion, they attempted to use eugenics to justify that black individuals were simply born inferior - that it was just science, and that there was nothing they could do about it.
that’s the other reason it’s called canon. the original usage of the word was to refer to the books of the bible that the church recognized as legitimate. it ties back to faith and religion. 
now, religion, faith, and even the belief in fate itself - are not inherently bad. miguel’s belief in predestination doesn’t make him a bad or bigoted person inherently. however, the way he forces other to believe and adhere to it is. it’s very likely that miguel became so attached to the canon in order to justify why his wife and daughter died - in order to remove his own accountability for their passing and instead place the blame on some higher power. this belief snowballed out of control, however - and now influences his jealousy and distaste for miles and his way of life.
because forcing a canon - a story - on miles, is wrong. when miguel tells miles that his father must die, that he has to adhere to canon - that’s a horrible thing to say to a young black boy. to tell him that in order to be successful as a marginalized individual (to be spiderman) that he has to lose the last black male role model he has? it’s heinous! it’s akin to telling miles that in order to succeed, he has to cut ties with part of his culture. which does happen to young marginalized people in america. they are told that in order to be successful, they have to leave their culture, community, and support system behind.
it’s especially sinister when looking at it from the point of view of storytelling. when looking at it from that angle, miguel is basically telling miles that in order for his story - the story of a young black boy - to be profitable, he has to go through even more trauma and loss. it’s similar to what his guidance counselor mentions when discussing how miles should write his college entrance essay - that he should lie, and emphasize that he struggles while growing up, and that his support system was unstable. it’s the traditional story of a struggling black boy - which i discuss more here when talking about earth 42 miles and his inclusion in the spiderverse.
miguel’s bigotry is centrally tried to his idea of what american society expects of marginalized individuals who were able to achieve their dreams despite it all. a story of pain and struggle. one where they were able to - only through their own strength and intelligence, and maybe with a little bit of luck - pull themselves up, and quietly work towards their own success.
miguel’s belief in the american dream and predestination not only influences his treatment of miles, but also his creation of spider-society. now, let me be frank: miguel, in this franchise, is not supposed to represent someone who created systematic oppression. he’s simply one of the people who believed in bigoted ideals and allowed those ideals to influence his decisions. because when miguel created spider-society, it basically became an elitist isolation chamber. spider-society is located in a huge tower on miguela’s earth. the tower is so tall and imposing on the utopian landscape, there’s no way that miguel is able to properly support his own community as spiderman - he’s not worried about what happens to his own community. especially once we learn that a good portion of them live underground, where miguel can’t even see them. even if he wasn’t occupied with anomalies at all times, there’s no way he could even connect with nueva york around him.
the same can be said of all the spider-people in headquarters. they’re not even in their home dimensions. how can they possibly support their communities when they have isolated themselves as far away as they could literally be? it parallels how successful individuals often treat their communities in reality - what do wealthy people usually do at the first sign of their wealth? they build a huge mansion to get away from it all. many times in our capitalist society, wealthy and successful people abandon the communities they should be supporting. 
miguel represents that. he is a successful, powerful person, who decided to focus only on other successful, powerful people like him. marginalized people who achieved the american dream on their own. people who, instead of uplifting others, instead tear down those who don’t fit into their “mold.” who are successful in their own right, but don’t hold the same ideals and values that they do. who aren’t the model example of marginalized success in the eyes of the (white) american “audience.” 
miguel is a product of a great problem within society. while he partakes and perpetuates bigotry, that doesn’t mean that he’s irredeemable. the narrative shows that miguel is a broken man. if we think about to the end credits scene from itsv, where he calls his dimensional travel bracelet a “goober” - he wasn’t always so hateful. he wasn’t always like this. he can un-learn his bigotry and he isn’t completely lost. the way that he discusses his ideas - it’s clear that he knows that there are flaws in them, just as other spider-people consistently point out. he can be changed and improved - just like our real leaders and role models can be changed and improved. miguel is not without saving - but it’s important to remember that he does need to be saved. 
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tarysu · 3 months
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My tachihara michizou head canons + with s/o shit idk what to call it help (first time tumblr user)
it is currently fucking 3am in the morning on a Wednesday morning. Sos send help !! (The brainrot is hard)
and yes pls ignore grammar mistakes or spelling mistakes, I’m writing this w very little brainpower and I want to feed ppl Tachi content cuz I’m sick of HOOWWW little Tachi content we have
here’s a lovely the rock TACHI illustration I did at the brink of my extinction (If the TACHI fandom disappears, that’s probs bc I died or smt)
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He’s definitely a VERY polite and well mannered gentleman out of mafia atttire/persona. The kind of guy that greet you every morning with coffee/tea prepared when you enter the headquarters.
He still acts like a silly little teen boy (19 , I still hear that TEEN in him). Having to miss out on many opportunities in childhood, this fucker loves to fuck around during games.
He’s Tachihara! THIS FUCKER LOVES GUN FIGHTS. Take him to a lazed tag and he’d be winning all the time.
it takes time to get Tachi to open his heart, like DEADASS a long time. Having to work as a double spy for the hunting dogs, he mustn’t let emotions get to him during missions. Romantic relationships are a no no for him if it’s going to interfere with his workload. BUUTTTTTTT if he can reasonably squish in love between his chaotic schedule, it takes a hefty amount of work to get to him.
His sleep schedule is..smt. Very fucking sad tbh, considering how busy he is. And even during his break holidays or weekdays he still can’t sleep! His sleep schedule fluctuates too much due to a lot of things. He’s an over thinker (me 2 Tachi 😕🙏)
buddy his music taste also fluctuates so hard, the next thing he’d be listening to is rap then to Romance songs. Bros Spotify hops from freek-leek by Pete Pablo to lovesick by laufey.
ok s/o time!!
First time dating Tachi would be the cutest thing, he isn’t used to any affection! Given that his family barely embraced him with love, he’d find it difficult to respond to affectionate gestures. He wouldn’t even know what to do when his lover hugs him!! Sure he’d hug back, just a little awkward tho.
As months go by, dating Tachi for a long time means his lover gets to see a silly side of him! Out of his mafia persona and professional personality. He wouldn’t be Tachihara, he’d be just silly michizou. Cracking up the stupidest jokes on earth, like lobotomy Kaisen humor .
he’d be embarrassed to admit it but this motherfucker would be checking his phone all the time, seeing if there’s a message from his partner . Sometimes he’d be disappointed if it was just Teruko spam messaging him a bunch of gojo: “nah I’d win” memes.
he likes it when his partners runs their fingers through his hair while being cuddled. He feels warm and safe, tone able to see tachis vulnerable side is like a 50/50 win win.
sorry not sorry but he will not hold back when playing games like Fortnite or cod (I just see him as any regular guy that would play that shit), even if his opponent is his partner. Blud will pull up w the “where you go I go” ahh Typa shit on his partner just to piss them off (playfully ofc) and win that victory Royale on Fortnite.
When his partner is upset, he’d do the zestiest and goofiest acts to cheer them up!
he loves his partner a lot, he has always been afraid of loving someone due to rejection. Being rejected his whole life made his mentality develop a defense mechanism where he follows his head over his heart, rejecting his own personal feelings. (It’s 3am babe!! Idk what I’m typing atp.
it is 3:27am this is how much I can feed u w my virgin brain sos send help 😕😕🔥🔥🔥🔥☝️☝️☝️☝️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️✌️
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freckliedan · 4 months
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Hi!!! I just wanted to talk about how Dan and Phil as a brand is so relatable to neurodivergents in the way that they've been treated recently. So DnP built their careers off of being "weird" and "quirky" and socially awkward. That was Their Thing. Dan spoke for years about being violently bullied (quotes such as "being punched in the head by dickheads" stand out as a pre-BIG example of just how violent it got at times), Phil had the Why I Was a Weird Kid series, they both were frequently talked about as being "weird" and "awkward" by other YouTubers - they WERE the "weird" ones of the vlog group. The ones that awkward teens could relate to. Unfortunately, this got the attention of the #imsoquirky crowd who talks like they're experiencing all of these things while also being the same people who would mock me for my autism.
And that's the crowd now saying Dan is too old to be posting catboy photos or saying that the two of them "give the ick now, idk why." And I just can't help but notice how much I relate to that as an autistic and ADHD person. So many times over the years, I've made "friends" who were slightly into my interests, but then got weirded out by how hard I went into them. I think what we're seeing is the same thing happening to Dan and Phil. Drawing cat whiskers on your face to answer questions? Well that's "so cute and quirky"!! (/s). But actually playing as Catboys in JRPGs, dressing up in cat ears, making animal noises (which the two of them always did but ig this group overlooked), etc? Well that's "too far" and "so weird."
I think Dan especially got hit with this because he has more subscribers. When he talks about being bullied, most people can relate to that. But then when he goes and honks a horn in a game repeatedly (which tbh I've done before myself, very ADHD coded of him) or talks about hiding behind vending machines to avoid talking to people, that is suddenly "too annoying/weird" for some of the audience that got into him for his "relatably weird" content.
Sorry this is such a long ramble, but basically Dan and Phil have accidentally become the perfect examples of how kids with autism/ADHD/social pragmatic disorder/nvld/dyspraxia *insert other neurodivergencies that can cause atypical socialization* are treated. People might find your initial "quirkiness" relatable because everyone feels awkward or socially anxious at times, but it's when they see that you are Actually Just Like That and it's not to be #relatable that they turn on you and start saying that you're "too much" and "too weird."
Dan and Phil were the "weird" ones of the British vlog scene, and those of us who tuned into the younows or watched their older videos knew this, but someone who only subbed after watching a meme review or the two of them playing undertale might have assumed that they were the "right" kind of quirky/weird.
This is probably incoherent, but I hope you get what I mean.
this isn't incoherent! just such a well thought out ask i don't have anything to add. there's really specific ways i'm comfortable talking abour dnp + neurodivergence & neurodivergence in general so it's not something i've ever done super in depth posts abt!
i've actually gotten a few really lengthy asks like this over the last few weeks, so this is to you and to my other askers: i really appreciate that folks want to share their ideas with me but sometimes i genuinely don't have enough to contribute in response to add on to what's being said! and that makes it pretty impossible to answer asks like this.
so this is to everyone: feel free to @ me in the replies on your posts! (doing that leaves things cleaner than @ ing in the body of a post, which in my experience means folks are more likely to engage, if that's what you're looking for). especially loop me in about dnp + neurodivergene or dnp + gender!
this isn't a promise i'll rb or even see things, this website's functionality is shit, but like. it's actually way easier for me to see and support than if yall are sending me essay length anons, and this way i + others can find more people who share the same opinions as us! make ur own posts & ppl will follow u i prommy
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