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spaceshipkat · 3 years

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i think so much of writing respectfully and inclusively is being aware of what you’re putting down on the page. what do i mean by this? what better author to focus on than sj///m, right? i’ll start with CCity on this, since it’s the one where it’s most obvious she’s trying so hard to fix her mistakes, but the problem always comes back to her fundamental misunderstanding of why and how her shit is problematic in the first place and what she must do to fix said problematic shit.

i’m sticking this under a cut bc, surprise surprise, i rambled 😌

take, for instance, Hunt: i think it’s pretty widely-accepted he’s coded as a MOC, (potentially an Asian-coded man) since he’s given “golden-brown skin” and “angular” eyes. sj//m was trying to be more inclusive by writing him in such a way that he shouldn’t be perceived as white, but what she failed to realize is two big things: 1) the fact he’s a slave of centuries who is constantly tortured, mutilated, and manipulated by his oppressors, and 2) the fact he lusts after and is demeaned by Bruce, a white girl. furthermore, Bruce constantly makes comments about how Hunt should fight back, shouldn’t allow himself to remain a slave, and taunts him into either disobeying Micah (the man he’s enslaved to) or killing for her. it’s made clear time and time again that Hunt doesn’t like that he’s an assassin for Micah, and yet there are so many instances of him wanting to kill or hurt someone for Bruce, which not only makes his characterization inconsistent, it plays into the problematic trope of the dark-skinned aggressor (a trope that sj///m seems to be particularly fond of, what with the Illyrians).

(on the topic of Hunt, a quick side-note: the idea of the “alphahole” that comes up again and again in CCity and that antis have critiqued up the wazoo (though not with the “alphahole” colloquialism until CCity came along, but i don’t think many antis actually use “alphahole” as anything but a joke when talking about her obvious love of the hypermasculine alpha male). sj///m is clearly trying to call out her past mistakes and work to rectify them going forward, but she completely fails bc she only succeeds at 1) mocking her readers, who are often fans of hers bc they like the alpha male douchebag sj///m is infamous for, and 2) making herself sound like an idiot when she calls out “alphahole” behavior while actively writing “alphaholes” and making them (possible) endgame love interests (i say possible bc it’s anyone’s guess if sj///m will actually subvert everyone and their mother’s expectations by making Hunt endgame). Hunt is an “alphahole,” even if he’s not quite as bad as riceman or rowboat and even if sj///m thinks she’s not actually writing an “alphahole”. with his aforementioned behavior toward anyone who’s mean to Bruce (aka wanting to kill them for her), he still falls under the “alphahole” category.

but i digress.)

another example of sj///m writing without being aware of what she’s actually putting on the page is her inclusion of queer rep. sj///m queerbaits quite a lot with Danika, thanks to lines she has involving Bruce and her relationship with Bruce, not to mention how many times others wonder if Bruce and Danika are “just” best friends and not actually lovers. we have Hunt wonder about it, after all, several times iirc. one that stands out the most is when he says that they have to be more than “just” best friends because Bruce doesn’t mourn Danika like someone mourns “just” their best friend, thus implying that Bruce is mourning Danika like a lover and/or spouse (bc obviously people can’t be torn to pieces over losing their best friend in a horrific attack, right?).

here’s some lines that have romantic connotations bc i am nothing if not a historian who likes citations:

page 38 of my ebook:

Danika just said it. “If he grabs his phone to check his messages before his dick’s barely out of you again, please have the self-respect to kick his balls across the room and come home to me.”

page 45 of my ebook:

But it was Danika’s added “Love you” as [Bruce] slipped out into the grimy hallway that made her hesitate with her hand on the knob.

It’d taken Danika a few years to save those words, and she still used them sparingly. Danika had initially hated it when [Bruce] said them to her—even when [Bruce] explained that she’d spent most of her life saying it, just in case it was the last time. In case she wouldn’t get to say goodbye to the people who mattered most. And it had taken one of their more fucked-up adventures[...]to get Danika to utter the words, but at least she now said them. Sometimes.

page 258 of my ebook (aka the line of Hunt’s i referenced above):

The silence pressed on [Hunt] enough that he asked, “Were you and Danika lovers?”

He’d been told two years ago that they weren’t, but friends didn’t mourn each other the way [Bruce] seemed to have so thoroughly shut down every part of herself. The way he had for Shahar.

[...]

Hunt turned in place as [Bruce] padded around the other end of the kitchen island, flinging open the enormous metal fridge to examine its meager contents. “No,” [Bruce] said, her voice flat and cold. “Danika and I weren’t like that.”

page 696 of my ebook:

[Bruce] swallowed, looking at the ground that was not earth, but the very base of Self, of the world. She whispered, “I’m scared.”

Danika grabbed her hand again. “That’s the point of it, [Bruce]. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.” She took [Bruce’s] face in her hands and pressed their brows together.

page 700 of my ebook (and i was torn on including this one, but it’s from Danika, so i think i should):

Danika had whispered, “I love you,” before fading into nothing, her hand sliding from Bryce’s.

page 703 of my ebook (also torn on this, but it does sound a little queer, so):

But it wasn’t okay. Not even close. What had happened, what [Bruce had] done and revealed, the Horn in her body, all those people dead, Lehabah dead, and seeing Danika, Danika, Danika—

Her breathless words turned into pants, and then shuddering sobs.

also, not for nothing, but the fact Danika dies without an actual male love interest to make Her Straightness Obvious kinda also implies she’s queer, but *sips tea*

furthermore, there’s the way sj///m writes Fury and Juniper: we see the two women together in one scene, in which Juniper is fetishized and goes to sleep with some random guy. for the rest of the book, they never interact on-page and thus we are never given the chance to see their dynamic, which would provide crucial context clues to what their relationship really is by the time this exchange happens between Fury and Bruce on page 494 of my ebook:

“And yet you can still talk to Juniper?” Bryce’s throat closed up. “I wasn’t worth the risk to you?”

Fury hissed, “Juniper and I have something that is none of your fucking business.” Bryce refrained from gaping. Juniper had never hinted, never suggested—“I could no sooner stop talking to her than I could rip out my own fucking heart, okay?”

“I get it, I get it,” Bryce said. She blew out a long breath. “Love trumps all.”

i’ve talked about this scene to death, but this is written in such a way that it can be read as “just” best friends or as two women in a romantic relationship, depending on the reader. the fact that Bruce “gapes” (which faerug also does to Mor, and which i talk about below) implies that being openly queer isn’t accepted in this world, that it’s not very likely you’ll see two women holding hands as they walk down the sidewalk or kiss at a romantic restaurant. it also implies that Bruce, no matter that she says about “love trumps all,” might not be as accepting as sj///m would like us to believe. maybe sj///m has never had a friend come out to her before, but if i came out to someone and they gaped at me (and i’ve come out to several people several times now, both about my sexuality and my gender, so i have some experience here), i don’t think i would be very happy with them/want to remain their friend.

on the note of queer rep in sj///m’s work, Mor is another fantastic example of trying to be inclusive through a response to criticism without sj///m being aware of what, exactly, she’s writing. Mor comes out because faerug all but forces her to by not shutting up what a good guy Azriel is and that Mor should just give him a chance. that right there is fucked on so many levels, not just because Mor is a lesbian, but bc she’s supposedly faerug’s friend. no one should ever force their friends to date someone they don’t want to (i’ve had this happen to me! i had to literally snap at my friend to get her to back off bc i wasn’t going to go to the dance with this one guy who ignored my every rejection and bought us tickets to winter formal, just bc he’s a nice guy and i might like him if i gave him a chance), but i don’t think sj///m could figure out how else to write Mor’s coming out scene, largely bc she has no fucking clue how disgusting the scene we’re given is. the problem with Mor being a lesbian is threefold: 1) she’s a woman who was tortured by her father and left to die bc she was no longer a virgin; 2) Azriel spends centuries lusting after a woman who makes it clear time and again that she does not reciprocate his feelings and yet he cannot take the fucking hint, so much so that sj///m has to now dangle Elain in front of him like a piece of meat to get him to let go of Mor; and 3) sj///m was obviously setting up Mor and Azriel to be an endgame couple in ac0maf, as evidenced both in canon and in her pinterest board:

even stans picked up on it, what with their vocal outrage over how Mor “led Azriel on” for centuries instead of just outing herself to a man she obviously does not feel safe around, and posts like these:

and fanart like this:

the tl;dr of this ramble is this: if you want to write inclusively and respectfully, you have to be 100% aware of everything you’re putting on the page. when people ask for advice on this kind of thing, my first comment is to always say they’re already on the right track bc they’re already thinking of this, rather than being unaware of problems bc a state of unawareness is where the problems begin to appear. Hafsah Faizal has talked about this before on her twitter (i wish i could find the tweet, but this is from eons ago), but if you write a character of color when you yourself are white, you have to be wholly conscious of how your white character talks to this character of color. if the character of color is constantly yelled at or ordered around or ignored by the white character, that’s a big problem. if you write a queer character when you yourself are straight, you have to be conscious of how your queer character comes out, is perceived by the reader, and is treated by the straight character. if the queer character comes out by comparing their bisexuality to forced prostitution, as is the case with Aedion and Lysandra in t0g, that’s a big problem.

the moment you share your work for public consumption, it no longer matters what your intentions are (something sj///m has a lot of trouble understanding, hence why she over-explains everything in her interviews and on tours, not to mention why she force-feeds us her opinion of her characters in canon so we’re forced to share the exact same outlook on them) bc all that matters is what you’ve put down on the page. your words, at that point, have no choice but to speak for themselves, and if they do any of the above, your work is going to come under warranted critique, and unless you learn from that critique and do more than half-assed jobs to write more inclusively and respectfully, you’ll run into the exact same problems that sj///m has with CCity.

#anti sjm #anti ccity #anti acotar #anti tog #long post #stans being stans #writing advice #writing tips #sorta

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rhysismydaddy · 4 years

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Naughty Neighbors pt. 3 (Elriel)

I think I might’ve actually died writing the first part of this not going to lie. Also don’t come for me changing the verb tense I’m well aware lol

Coming next week...

“I’m not taking you to bed while you belong to another man, Elain.”

“I don’t belong to anyone.”

“Maybe not your body,” he agrees, placing a wide hand on her chest, right above her heart. “But I want this to be mine. And you’re going to give it to me.”

______________________________________________________________

~Elain~

It’s Saturday night, the first day of what’s shaping up to be a truly unremarkable weekend for Elain. Feyre’s art show’s tomorrow, but that’s the most exciting thing she has planned.

She can’t remember the last time she’d been excited about something even was, actually.

Pushing that uncomfortable thought away, she settles further in the bath and sighs. Desperate for entertainment, she tries to focus on the pages of the book in front of her, but her brain won’t cooperate.

After another ten minutes, she resigns herself to an early night and gets out of the tub, slipping into one of her robes.

It’s only eleven, but she gets in bed, forgotten book on her night table. Closing her eyes proves she is actually a little tired, because she starts to relax and drift off to sleep.

But then she hears it.

A low groan sounds through the wall between her apartment and her neighbor’s, and her eyes go wide. She hears two people talk, then a feminine laugh. Which turns into a loud moan a second later.

Oh. My. Gods.

There’s a thud, then sexy, masculine laughter meets her ears.

Some shuffling sounds make Elain bury her head under her pillow,, the blush on her cheeks hot enough to melt the sheets away. This is so horrible.

But no amount of pillows could stop her from hearing what happens next.

The feminine moaning gets louder, then is joined by a loud banging directly on her wall. Was that his... headboard?

Good heavens above, he’s really going for it over there.

There’s a pause, then the banging gets even more intense. The woman’s moaning is closer now, and she realizes with a start what’s happening. They’d moved against the wall. Her wall.

Oh, he's dead.

She’ll kill him herself if she had to for subjecting her to this.

Except that’s not exactly what she feels like doing as she hears the asshole practically growl, “Fuck, baby.”

~Azriel~

Mor slaps my chest, giving me a strange look. “Fuck, baby?” she whispers incredulously. “That’s what you say when you get laid?.”

I just roll my eyes and mutter, “Shut up.”

“That’s the most embarrassing, male thing you could ever say. But keep going. The point is to prove you have better stamina, and we’ve only been at this for ten minutes.”

Barely repressing laughter, I wrap her jean-clad legs tighter around my waist and keep moving against her.

When she lets out another ridiculously loud moan, I say quietly, “This is so fucking stupid.”

“I agree, but I’m not the one whose whipped.”

In case it isn’t obvious, I really, really regret telling her about Elain.

As soon as she’d heard about Lucien “Shit in the Sack” Vanserra, Mor had been determined to help.

She’s my absolute best friend, the one who knows every sordid detail about my life, and tonight she’s made it her mission in life to help make Elain jealous.

She’s also a lesbian.

“So this is doing nothing for you?” I ask with a frown. I mean, if we were naked, this would be some of my best work.

She gives me a flat look, even as I continue fake-fucking her against the wall. “Not unless you change your name to Azriella and grow a huge pair of-”

“Okay, I get it. Laugh like I said something funny.”

Rolling her eyes, she does, and I force myself to huff a chuckle, too.

Gods, she’s right. I’m whipped. And definitely deranged. For a chick who isn’t even sleeping with me.

If my friends knew, they’d never shut up about it. Mor was the only one I’d told, and that was because she knows how it feels to have feelings for someone and not be able to do anything about it.

Plus, I’d been her fake boyfriend for years in high school before she came out to her parents, so she owes me.

Mor checks her watch and raises her eyebrows. “It’s been fifteen minutes. How long do you usually last?”

It’s my turn to glare. “Did you seriously just ask me that?”

“I’m just saying, I have a date in an hour.”

She groans, so I wait until that stops and ask, “With who?”

“That really pretty barista I told you about, so I don’t want to be late. Five more minutes seems good.” I nod, because it’s nice she’s doing this in the first place. “Make em count, champ.”

I think I’m going to kill her one day.

But I do.

And by the end, we’re both breathing hard and have made enough noise to wake the whole building. After a very obnoxious climax, I let Mor down. “You realize if she does ever have sex with you you’re going to have to-”

“It won’t be a problem,” I assure her, one-hundred percent confident in that fact.

She gives me a disbelieving look but just shakes her head and ruffles her hair. Once at the door, she turns and whispers, “She’s going to look out the peep hole, so I’m going to kiss the shit out of you.”

With that, my best friend swings the door open, turns around, and puts on an expression I’ve never seen before. It’s desire and satisfaction and something else entirely I don’t want to read in to. It’s disgusting.

But I act like the “champ” I am and don’t react, even as she pulls my face down to hers and kisses me.

Her nails rake down my bare back, and even though this does absolutely nothing for me, I wrap my arms around her and lift her clear off her feet to bring her closer.

Don’t get me wrong, Mor’s beautiful and all, but she’s my best friend, and this is giving me flashbacks to homecoming and prom and every other time we had to put on an act.

How long till this is over, exactly?

~Elain~

Watching him kiss that woman... Elain can admit it does strange things to her. Like makes her want to storm out and yank them apart, then scream.

She somehow refraines.

He finally lets her down, and the rage and frustration builds to an insurmountable level because she’s freaking gorgeous. The kind of gorgeous where Elain was tempted to go kiss her herself.

How annoying.

Turning on her heel, she stomps back over to her bed and flops down.

She’s hot and cold and her core is so tight it's almost painful.

Never, not once in her entire life, had she thought she’d be turned on hearing something like that.

But picturing him... doing that, and so close to her own bed... yeah. She’d almost come herself, and she was in a completely different room.

Gods, she’s pathetic.

And she can absolutely never see him again.

That’s beyond obvious.

Terrible liar she is, she knows it would be all over her face. What would she even say? Oh, hey neighbor. Heard you really give that woman a good time last night. So good, in fact, you almost got both of us off. High-five!

Nope. She’d rather move across town before running in to him again.

Even though the thought makes her strangely sad.

She falls asleep soon after, mind going back over every tiny detail she’d heard tonight until she’s surprised she can sleep at all.

~Azriel~

It’s Sunday morning, meaning I don’t have to work. Meaning I don’t have an excuse to see Elain.

But fuck do I want to.

I can’t hardly wait for the blush I know will pop up on her cheeks. I probably won’t have to even speak for it to happen. There’s no way she didn’t hear the amazing fake sex I had last night. She probably won’t even be able to look me in the eyes.

So I wait until I hear her get up and start shuffling around in her apartment.

Then, like the creep I am, I sit on the couch and wait for her door to open so I can go out and tease her until she slaps me or something.

But it doesn’t. I sit there until it’s four in the afternoon, and that’s when it dawns.

She told me herself she checks her garden on Sundays--a fact she knows I know--so the only reason she wouldn’t go...

She’s trying to avoid me.

A laugh bursts out of me.

Oh, Elain. Baby girl, that just won’t do.

I grab my laptop and look up the MOMA exhibits for this weekend, a probably-evil smile already blooming on my face.

~Elain~

Should I go out the window?

No, I live on the third floor.

But...

After looking at the drop down, she decides that’s definitely not happening. She’ll have to go the normal way. Which means she’ll have to walk by the door next to hers. Which belongs to him.

Gods, she was sweating already.

Which isn’t good, since the silk of her dress will definitely show it. Forcing herself to calm down, she grabs her clutch and slowly, quietly, opens the door.

Empty.

Before that can change, she hurtles down the hallway and stairs, breathing a sigh of relief when she steps outside.

It turns into a strangled gasp as she looks up from the cement.

Her neighbor’s standing in front of her, looking dark and alluring and inexplicably handsome in the twilight sky.

But that’s not why her breath goes a little shallow.

The dark jeans, boots, and t-shirts he’s worn every time she’s seen him have now been replaced with a black suit, crisply cut to his tall frame.

He looks so handsome she can hardly remember she’s supposed to be avoiding him.

But then the why of that statement comes rushing back, and her cheeks go pink. He looks pleased at that, even as his darkening eyes roam over her frame.

Her dress is floor-length, but the spaghetti straps and low back make it revealing. That, and the fact that the silk fabric clings to every dip and curve of her figure.

His eyes notice it all, all the way down to her heel-clad feet and back up to her softly curled hair.

“Elain.”

It’s just one word, and it’s one she knows well, but it’s somehow everything.

Now more than ever, she wished she knew his name. It usually seems like a little game, but now it feels like a whole in her chest. She wants to know him.

Wants to know how to say his name in a way that makes him feel like she feels right now.

“You look beautiful,” he comments, sliding his hands in the pockets of that damn suit.

“Thank you. You look nice, too.” Nice? More like devastating. He just shrugs. “Hot date?”

A small smile graces his full lips. “No, that was last night.”

“I’m aware,” she bites out, face starting to heat. Her body’s reliving last night, and she has to force herself not to press her legs together.

“Just wanted you to know how it’s supposed to be done.”

“How considerate.”

He steps close, so close they’re sharing air. “Did it bother you, listening to me with another woman?”

She sure as hell can’t tell him the truth, so she says breathlessly, “Not unless you count the nausea.”

Damn him for turning her into a liar. And damn him for smelling so good.

There’s an arm around her waist, a hand on her hip. He’s so close now that his lips brush her ear as he whispers, “Did it turn you on?”

A whimper escapes her lips, so she bites one to keep herself quiet as she shakes her head no.

“Elain, you are such a little liar,” he scolds, pulling away to smirk at her. “You’re blushing.” A finger runs down her cheek. She bats it away.

“We should get going,” he observes, checking his watch.

That gets her attention. “What?”

His lips twitch as he says, “The MOMA exhibit is tonight, right?”

“Yes, but-”

“Well, we should go then.”

Oh, gods above. He’s planning on attending? With her?

This is a terrible idea. But one look at his devilish smile tells her there’s no changing his mind. So she sighs and says, “We’ll have to get a cab. It’s across the city.”

“I’ll just drive, then,” he says, throwing her completely off guard once again.

“Wait a second. You have a car?”

He looks amused as he takes her hand and pulls her down the street to where a dark, expensive looking SUV is parked. “I do.”

“Then why do you walk to work?”

Opening the passenger door, he turns to look her in the eyes again. “Well, you know what they say. Best way to start the day...” is a quick lay, she finishes in her mind, cheeks going pink. “-is to see a friend.”

Oh, he’s such an unbearable asshole.

She ignores the little smile he gives her and climbs in the car, and soon they’re off. For a minute it’s silent, but then she asks quietly, “Why are you coming tonight?”

“I wanted to see you. And I’ve never been to a museum. Figured I’d have the best guide this way.”

Reasonable enough, she supposes. Even if the way he looked at her earlier told her seeing a museum had nothing to do with art.

She doesn’t have enough time to contemplate it, though, because he pulls up in front of the MOMA and parks, then they’re heading inside. She’s happy to see there’s quite a few people here, something she knows her sister will appreciate, too.

Said sister rushes over immediately and smiles. “You made it!”

“Of course I did.” When she eyes the man next to her, she says awkwardly, “Um, Feyre, this is... my neighbor.”

She really has to find out his name.

“Nice to meet you,” he says, extending a hand. “It looks like a good turnout.”

It was the right thing to say apparently, because Feyre beams. “I know! Hopefully they’ll all sell. There’s a surprise in there for you, Elain.”

Oh, gods. That usually meant something bad. Like being the subject to her sister’s very comprehensive photography exhibit three years ago.

“Anyway, you guys look around and have fun. There’s champagne in the back. Thanks for coming!”

Elain hugs her sister tightly before she can disappear. “I’m proud of you. This is great.”

Feyre rolls her eyes as she pulls back, but they’re a little misty. “Oh, shut up or you’ll make me cry.”

Then she kisses Elain’s cheek and turns to talk to more people coming in.

“Champagne?”

Turning to the man next to her, she smiles and nods. That sounds like an excellent idea right about now. He disappears, so she ventures to the first room.

It’s all landscapes, beautiful paintings of mountains and the night sky and beautiful pictures of nature. She’s standing in front of one, smiling, when he comes back. “That’s your garden, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” she says softly, staring at the piece in front of her with new eyes. The night they’d first met creeps into her mind, and she sees him in the painting, lounging on that cute little bench, cigarette dangling seductively from his lips.

“You look sad.” His voice is quiet and soft, and she turns to meet his gaze.

She has to look away, though, because he’s right. She is sad.

Thinking about that night makes her think about what could’ve happened. How different this last week could’ve been.

But she can’t tell him any of that, so she just turns to walk to the next room. The man next to her pauses, and she sees why as soon as her gaze goes to the wall.

Roses, carnations, lilies.

Tulips, orchids, peonies.

All her favorite flowers are on the wall, the paint blending together and creating the most beautiful collage she’s ever seen. They’re all over the wall--there has to be at least fifty paintings in here.

And in the middle of them all is the front of her shop.

It’s an almost perfect rendition to the door of The Archeron, with the glass walls and flowers almost bursting out.

The whole room’s been designed to look like the inside of her shop.

A tear escapes down her cheek as she looks at the art around her. Gratitude, love, and happiness almost erupt from her, and she notices something.

The man next to her notices it at the same time. “You feel something.”

“Yeah,” she replies happily. “I do.”

He smiles, and it’s not one of his usual little grins or smirks. It’s a full smile, showcasing all his perfect teeth. “So do I.”

The voice inside her head tells her he isn’t talking about the paintings.

And for a minute, Elain just stands there, flowers blurring in her peripheral as she stares at him.

“Please tell me your name,” she whispers.

He smiles again, taking a step towards her. And it’s just as he’s leaning down that he opens his mouth and-

“Elain!” Feyre bursts into the room with a wide grin. “What do you think?”

She practically jumps a mile in the air, but she recovers quickly and says honestly, “I love it. Thank you so much. It’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Excuse me,” her neighbor says in a low voice, eyes on something in the distance as he heads to the front of the store.

Feyre watches him go, and as soon as he’s out of earshot says, “Okay, now that he’s gone, can you tell me what’s going on? Did you and Lucien break up?”

Elain notices her sister doesn’t exactly sound sad at that prospect. “No, why would you think that?”

“Because you came here with him, and he looks like a villanous-”

“Prince Charming? That’s what I said!”

They laugh, but then Feyre smiles knowingly and asks, “You know he’s in love with you, right?”

The words clear a path through her chest, even as the heart inside swells. She suddenly can’t breathe, can’t form a normal thought. That’s... impossible.

“What? How do you know?”

“Because he just went to buy that painting,” she says softly, motioning to The Archeron’s door.

She shakes her head. “No, he didn’t.”

Feyre smiles, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Yes, he did.”

“Oh, gods,” Elain whispers, pulse starting to race.

“You like him, too. It’s obvious to anyone who isn’t you.” Feyre flicks her nose playfully. “So stop thinking so hard. Just do what makes you happy.”

They say goodbye, and Elain turns to leave, finding him by the entrance. They walk outside in silence, then ride home in silence.

Something’s different between them, and it’s created a tangible tension in the air that makes it hard for her to breathe.

It’s only when they’re in the hallway outside their doors that she quietly asks, “Did you buy that painting?”

His body goes a bit tense, but he looks at her and answers, “Yes.”

“Why?”

“I told you.” His eyes are warm, like chocolate and caramel and smoke. And they’re looking at her like she’s everything to him as he says, “I felt something.”

“Liar,” she accuses, stealing his line.

His lips twitch, but he doesn’t say anything, so they continue to stare at each other. She knows him so well already, but there’s one thing she’s still dying to figure out.

Just as she’s about to ask, he murmurs, “My name’s Azriel.”

She tells herself it’s the deal, the arrangement. She tells herself it doesn’t matter. She tells herself she’s just paying the price.

Elain tells herself all sorts of little lies as she steps forward, takes his face in her hands, and presses her lips to his.

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Wrote this in one setting sorry if it’s shit. Part 4

@wineywitch202 @astreia-oniria @keshavomit @zukos-simp @whimsyrhys @lameomclameo @thedarkdemigod @captainthefangirlofhp @elriel4life @queen-of-glass @courtofjurdan @nessiantho @texas-shaped-waffle-maker @stardelia @myshadowsingeraz @tswaney17 @illyriangarbage @nicerhero @fancycrowncat @sjmships @perseusannabeth @cursebreaker29 @girl-who-reads-the-books @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @superspiritfestival @studyliketate @over300books @justgiu12 @maastrash @a-bit-of-a-cactus @aesthetics-11 @bamchickawowow @b00kworm @poisonous00 @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @afifthofvodka @hizqueen4life @maybekindasortaace

#elriel #elriel fanfiction #sjm #elain #azriel #elain x azriel #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acotar fanfiction #acotar fandom #a court of mist and fury #a court of wings and ruin #a court of thorns and roses #a court of frost and starlight

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regolithheart · 4 years

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what do you think about the Nesta/Cassian/Mor conflict? also looking forward to your fics!!

Hi beautiful, sweet, innocent, Nonnie!!

Thank you for writing to me. Like I said, I could talk about Nessian all day and I am full. of. #thoughts. I could give you a short sweet answer, but it’s week six of quarantine, I had a brownie for dinner, and I don’t know what day it is. In the end, you’ll probably regret asking me, but lets just jump into it, shall we?

Unpopular opinion: I don’t like Rhys, Mor, or Feyre. So if you don’t want to hear what I have to say in regards to them, thanks for stopping by. No need to read further.

I’ve never loved Feyre, but I think that has more to do with the fact that I just don’t like main characters in a series. Would I have preferred to read Hermione Granger and the Prisoner of Azkaban? You bet your ass. I also don’t like Rhys for the same reason, but also I dislike Rhys more than Feyre and for additional reasons which we will get to later.

I hate that I dislike Mor, because I loved her so much in ACoMaF and for a hot minute I shipped Mor and Azriel because I am a sucker for the unrequited love trope. A real sucker. And maybe, maybe I could have overlooked the retconning of her being a lesbian (yes, it was a retcon. Fight me.), if it weren’t for the fact that it makes her look really really bad and makes her treatment of Azriel even worse. I get it. I do. Her working through being okay with telling the others any of her business is part of her personal journey, but being honest to someone you claim to love about not being able to love them the way they hope to be is different than telling them you can’t be in a relationship because you prefer the opposite sex. Listen, I obviously have thoughts about this, but that’s not what the question was about so I’ll move on.

Mor and Cassian’s relationship is a dangerous one. They both use each other as a crutch. From day one, Mor was using Cassian. Now, I don’t think she was doing it maliciously, but he appealed to her because he was already one of the most powerful Illyrians and a bastard to boot. Why do you think Mor chose Cassian and not Azriel? Sure, she wanted to own her own body. She wanted to decide who she gets to sleep with, but she decided she wanted to sleep with someone before going to the Autumn Court to stick it to Keir and the establishment. And what better way to stick it to them than to choose an Illyrian bastard. Because being the illegitimate son of an Illyrian lord is still ranked higher than being someone with no father and a dead mother. Mor knew exactly what she was doing when she chose Cassian. She is Rhys’ third-in-command for a reason. She aint no dumdum.

And for 500 years it was all good, right? Mor didn’t care who Cassian hooked up with because she knew they were no threat. But as soon as someone comes along that Cassian has feelings for, like true, legit, feelings, she cannot handle it. Because if she loses Cassian as a buffer then she really will have to be honest with Azriel (the horror). And so what does she do? She gets possessive. She outright hates Nesta and does not hold her feelings or tongue back. Now, some people are going to say that Nesta is the worst. She was horrible to Feyre growing up, she’s rude, she’s belligerent, and she can be a straight up bitch. Yeah. No argument there. We’ve all read the books. We have see the evidence throughout the whole entire series. But so is Rhys, so is Mor, so is Feyre, and Cassian and Amren. The only difference, is that a) they all have each other’s backs while no one has Nesta’s and b) we get to see everyone’s reasons and everyone’s POV except for Nesta’s. Feyre is an unreliable narrator, which is why I’m looking forward to seeing Cassian and Nesta away from Feyre in book 4 because I don’t trust her to tell me what’s going on for realsies.

Honestly, the scene that made me straight up get so pissed at Mor was in ACoFaS when Nesta shows up to the Solstice party and Elain gives Nesta her present. All of Cassian’s attention is pointed to Nesta and what does Mor do? She forces Cassian to pay attention to her by choosing that exact moment to give him his Solstice present. Not any other time before or after when Cassian barely even glances Nesta’s way, but during the what, five seconds, he’s looking at her? PLEASE! It’s so passive aggressive and I hate it. I hate it!

I think the thing that bothers me the most abut Cassian and Mor’s relationship is that it really is just a miniature version of Cassian’s relationship with the Inner Circle in regards to Nesta. But really, when I say Inner Circle, I mean Rhys. I hate how Rhys treats Nesta, thinks of Nesta, and dismisses Nesta. Does he have his reasons? Sure. Are they valid reasons? He sure thinks they are, but like I said before, he’s no angel and we got to hear his full story so until we get Nesta’s full story then I don’t need my inbox blowing up. And honestly, if it turns out that Nesta really is as bad as everyone thinks she is, that’s still not going to change my opinion of her. I mean, why have you even read this far if you don’t like Nesta? Has anyone read this far, period?

What I mean to say is that Cassian loves his family. He loves Nesta. The problem is that his family and Nesta don’t love each other and he will always feel torn apart over it. Cassian knows that Rhys hates Nesta. He can barely acknowledge her existence in front of Rhys and Azriel because they barely do. Yeah, his feelings are complicated right now. He’s hurt, and angry, and confused, and still loves her and can’t work out his feelings because he doesn’t have a safe place to do so. If there’s anyone he should feel comfortable going to to work out these feelings with, it’s Rhys, Az, and Mor but he can’t because he knows exactly how they feel about her, which is that they tolerate her at best. And even then, do they?

I don’t want Cassian to feel like he has to choose between Nesta or his family, but as the situation stands, he probably does feel like that. I mean, who knows. Maybe he’s already chosen his family over Nesta. It’s not like she’s making an argument on her own behalf. But we know Cassian loves Nesta. Even if he’s annoyed with her, or mad, or frustrated with her, we know that he honest-to-the-Mother loves her. But until everyone can heal, and understand one another, and accept each other, it’s a lose-lose situation all around. Notice how I didn’t say love, or even like.

Do I feel sorry for Cassian? Yes. Do I think he’s entirely faultless? Nope. Yes, he’s in a shitty situation, but honestly if he had a real conversation with Mor (and the Inner Circle) about his feelings about/for Nesta and confront her about her treatment of Nesta, he’d get different results. Do I think he’s terrified of having an actual, honest conversation? You betcha.

And yeah, we all know that Nesta isn’t making the situation any easier. But she’s hurt and suffering more than any of us really know. Do I think she's entirely blameless? Absolutely not. But I do feel that Rhys and Mor are extra judgmental of her because they already have their preconceived notions of her and anything she’s done contrary to that is ignored while everything she does that reiterates it is magnified. But here I am getting derailed again.

Nesta feels unloved. We can argue whether or not it is deserved another time, but the fact is that she feels unloved. Probably has always felt unloved. So every time Cassian choses to look at Mor instead of Nesta, it’s confirmation to her that she will never be anyone’s first choice. Look, the only man who said he loved her turned out to be abusive and assaulted her. And then when her father declares that he loves her, he gets murdered right in front of her eyes. Elain is the only other person Nesta knows loves her, and now she’s chosen Feyre and the Inner Circle over her (at least she has in Nesta’s eyes). You see where I’m going with this, right?

Except for the few dire times during the war--like when they’re legit in battle for their lives and emotions are running high--does Cassian let himself show Nesta that he cares for her. The only other times is when they’re by themselves. We know it’s because Cassian hides behind his bravado. But to Nesta, who probably has the worst opinion of herself, it probably means he’s ashamed to show it. Or he’s uncertain. I know we don’t have proof of this in the text, but I like to think I understand Nesta on a deep level, I can just imagine that’s how she’s feeling. Nesta pushes people away so that she doesn’t get disappointed when they decide to leave on their own accord. Nesta fought for Feyre, she fought for Elain, and she fought for Cassian. And in ACoFaS they all essentially turned their backs on her. And you wonder why she has so much rage in her frozen heart.

TL;DR (not that I blame you): It’s complicated and it’s messy and everyone involved has contributed to it’s tangled mess of jealousy, insecurity, selfishness... but I also place more responsibility on the two 500-year-olds than I do on the 23-year-old.

I’m really interested to see how it plays out in the next book(s), but I will tell you right now, I am on team Nesta Archeron and will be until my dying breath.

Also, if you made it to the end...

#anon ask #acotar #nesta archeron #cassian #cassian archeron #nessian #morrigan #listen don't blow up my inbox #because I have opinions #thoughts #long ass post #seriously come talk to me

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illyrian-lover-flower · 3 years

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What are your top 10 and bottom 10 ACOTAR characters?

Hello sweet anon, I first wanted to thank you so much (you brightened my day with that😊) and before we start I just thought to tell you that this turned out rather long, so I summarized it at the top and put my whole reasons under the cut😄

Positive:

1. Elain/ 2. Azriel/ 3. Nuala & Cerridwen/ 5. Lucien/ 6. Amren/ 7. Alis/ 8. Nesta/ 9. Cassian/ 10. Feyre

Negative:

10. Morrigian/ 9. Graysen/ 8. Rhysand/ 7. Cauldron/ 6. Attor/ 5. Amarantha/ 4. Ianthe/ 3. Luciens Brothers/ 2. Beron Vanserra/ 1. -

+ 1. Elain

Ok, so I just love this female. I love how Elain is not portrayed as the type of woman who does need a weapon to get what she wants. It is true that one might take her outstanding beauty as a weapon (it sure is) but she can achieve a lot of good things by just using her words and charisma, letting peace remain, before one might do the wrong step and start a war.

Elain is in my opinion though not only charismatic, but also really … yeah silent and well behaved. She does not need to be the centre of the party or a conversation, we have learned she enjoys the company of silence too and her language or the way she is, just speaks on another level. One might say she has a stick shoved up her ass, but I don’t think that this is the case, simply bc we have seen Elain act on her own emotions as well, she just seems to prefer to hold up that mask of her human days around her family, she can use curses too and also have dirty thoughts (her reaction to Azriel on solstice (this was no shock, fear or whatever one might claim!)) god forbid!

Something I also love about her is her seer ability, I am most of the time really intrigued by the future, so seeing her look into the still foggy realms of what is to happen, is really interesting.

+ 2. Azriel

This boy just deserves all the love this world has to give! One of the reasons probably bc dark and broody males with a whole wall of mystery build around them are my typ. But no, seriously – I think Az is one of the most misunderstood characters, mostly by his family.

Bc even though he has known the greatest part of his family for 500+ years, no one seems to understand him, his feelings or his wishes (Thank you Rhysand!) as everyone just assumes Azriel is Azriel and is just ok with being where his family is( Obligated to be the fifth wheel for the rest of eternity!😭)

Something which I also think the IC mistakes is his silence. It might seem as if Azriel barely has anything to say, but I guess it is more the other way around, as we have figured out that if he talks it is always well thought with deep meanings, at times even poetic from the bottom of his heart and often used to motivate or encourage someone. I just think he picks his words so carefully bc he is afraid to give away too much of himself and that everything he might say, or every thought he harboured, could be used against him, so that he would be wounded (THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THAT RHYSAND!)

+ 3. Nuala & Cerridwen

I just love both of them, so I was not able to put one of them on a fourth place.

Anyway, Nuala and Cerridwen are two characters who are also majorly underestimated. Those two have a quiet side which makes most of the people around them forget that they even exist, which is pretty noticeable from Feyres, Rhysands and even Nestas pov (though I am not gonna lean too wide out of the window with her since I haven’t read Acosf yet) Those two could literally plan to overthrow an High Lord and we would only know the moment it is too late,bc everyone seems to forget about their existence. Something I also love about them, is their whole character. We don’t know much about them now, but it already is noticeable that they accept people like they are, for they have no fear of Azriel, nor do they act around Elain as if she were made of glas.

+ 5. Lucien

Lucien is just an innocent bean who deserves all the love in all of Prythian! I might be an Elriel stan, but you might want to address the fact that not even one rooting for Elriel is oblivious to the shit show which took place in Luciens life. Undermined son, lover killed in front of his eyes, abused/used by his best friend and on top of that practically homeless. He knows that he can’t go back to the spring court yet, for things with Tamlin did not yet settle down, he also knows he isn’t also really home at the Night Court and god forbid if he ever thought of entering Autumn again! If it wouldn’t be for the Band of Exils (Thank god they exist) he’d be all lonely and without a roof over his head.

And this is something our sassy, witty fox does not deserve.

+ 6. Amren

Amren is just a character I identify with. She seems like as if she is only caring about her own stuff and only mind her business, while in truth she just doesn’t know how to express the love she feels for her family, as we know from her former past she did not even receive love, and just cares the most about her family.

Something I also love about her is her whole behaviour if one is to doubt her size. In my country I barely scratch the minimum of average height, so a friend of mine likes to make jokes about my size (much like Cassian about Amren), so seeing how she just shows him his place with a glare or some sharp words is just satisfaction to me.

+ 7. Alis

The kindness with which Alis treated Feyre in Acotar just sort of stuck to me and as I did not really find a character in Prythian, who was born there, who had the same kindness as her – she just stayed.

+ 8. Nesta

Nesta is a character I absolutely love, in Acotar I do admit I did not pay that much attention to her or Elain, but I just love how strong minded she is. She had been fighting for her own goal the moment she got spit out of the cauldron and she did not particularly stray from that. I also adore her for her strength – she wouldn’t even have been in the need to learn combat in order to hurt someone, as Nesta just analyses the people around her so much, so that she’ll know exactly what would feel to them like a gut stab.

The fact that Nesta is a huge bookworm and a dreamer in her own way makes her even more awesome.

+ 9. Cassian

Now you can just love this guy! He might have his ups and downs, but in the end he always worked his way out of them. Cassian just has such a big heart, that much like Nesta, he would do anything in order to protect his family and loved ones.

And while he is great to cheer one up, he might not be the brightest candle on the cake, but he would still go to the end of the world if it meant he could fight and protect those he loves. Something I also liked was that he is practically the one who started this whole thing with the females training while Rhysand just let the Illyrians do like they please.

+ 10. Feyre

As the main character we had learned a lot about her and I am happy that she is alive, has her freedom, is in love with her mate, has a child, a loving family and a really high title (*cough* High Lady). But what I think she could have done different was the way of how she treated both, Elain and Nesta, during their traumas.

Even though Nesta might not have shown her trauma that clear in the beginning, she could have still looked over the plates rim once it was almost tearing through one’s ears in a painful scream of help that Nesta was not fine. And judging someone straight out mad or considering it while you yourself have not even a real clue of how this whole Prythian thing works is just a big no-no. Elain doubted herself already enough, Feyres fear that she might have gone mad was not helping the situation.

And well Nestas story is one I can’t particularly dive into yet, but from what I have read (Acofas) she dealt with it the wrong way. It might have been that she and Nesta did not have the best relationship and she might have even wondered if she was entitled to bound with her sister on such a topic, but when Nesta pushed each of them away Feyre should have not moved away from her.

Feyre already did a lot for her, true, but Feyre knew herself how it was to have a trauma and she herself had pushed help, in the first months, away, but however I am overall just happy she got her happy ending.

- 10. Morrigian

I have criticized Morrigian already a lot, but I will just say it again.

First of, I don’t hate her. Morrigian is a character who I think has a lot to tell, as we know she kept the biggest part of herself a secret until now, but I just don’t like how she claims to trust the IC while in truth she refuses to tell them of her sexuality (the thing she seems to be afraid? of the most.)

I know the Azriel pining after her for 500+ years, was a lot of pressure on her back, but she could have also just told him she wasn’t interested or loved females (if she wouldn’t have been fine with telling Rhys). However I think she is going to be one of the more important side characters as I think her situation and everything that follows, pretty much sums up how gays/lesbians and other LGBTQ members feel now a days. And I think her journey is sort of supposed to help to overcome those struggles.

I at least hope she gets her journey.

- 9. Graysen

Graysen was an ass for breaking the engagement of like a toddler, that’s it – end of the song. If he would have told Elain he couldn’t trust her bc she lied to him – ok.

But the tune makes the music! Keep that in mind,Nolan!

- 8. Rhysand

Now Rhysand is to me a character who tip toes on a two sided blade.

I normally do like him, he is kind and caring and no doubt would die for the people he loves, but he has a very, very hard time separating work from private life. The example I’ll go with is the big bad magical solstice. He might have claimed that the kiss between Elain and Az could have invoked a blood duel, if Lucien would have notice, possibly even provoking a war between Night and Autumn (work) but his ulterior motive were Feyre and Nyx, no one blames him for that, but it is a private reason and excuse he should not use while speaking as the High Lord.

And again, when Az starts doubting the Cauldron with choosing the wrong mate for Elain, Rhys assumes it is just lust speaking from Az and commands him as the High Lord to stay away from Elain (low blow of assumption, but not my point) while he then offers to pay for the pleasure halls Azriel could possibly seek out (according to him). With what money would he have paid it, his own (private) while he was speaking as the High Lord, or the exchequer (work)?

You see my point? Anyway Rhys is a loving character, but he is just a bit troubled ruling an entire court (this huge) and having a family to take care of. Perhaps he is having it settled in a few years, but until then we will just have to wait and see.

- 7. Cauldron

I don’t really know if you can call the Cauldron a character, but I just placed it here as I hated how it had humiliated Nesta and Elain.

The bloodshed it caused was also nothing I ever want to mention again.

- 6. Attor

Now just the Rainbow and the attack on Velaris, just this, nu-uh man.

- 5. Amarantha

I hated her for killing innocent fae, enslaving High Lords or in general and setting up ‘riddles’ (games) in which the life of helpless fae was depending on a human who could barely safe herself with a bargain. Something I also kind of take personal is how she treated Jurian, I mean ok – he deserved a punishment, but like setting him in chains and having him barely at the minimum of survival would have been also fine.

- 4. Ianthe

Just the Suriel! This was when I took things personal! (I’ll add an 11 to the list above – I loved the weaver!)

- 3. Luciens Borthers

Luckily, most of those little shits got what they deserve.

I don’t grow up in a family very high in statues, so I don’t know how it is, but no matter if poor or rich – siblings should fight together instead of against each other! And most definitely not kill the female their brother loved!

- 2. Beron Vanssera

I hate him for having hesitated saving Rhys, watching how his sons treated Lucien and how he could possibly let anything as terrifying, as what had happened to Mor, happen. Also – it’s just the way how he treats his wife!

Someone really hadn’t drunken his ‘respectful juice’, for the last fucking Millenia!

- 1. /

I don’t really despise a character entirely, as I know each and every one has a bright and dark side of the coin (Still trying to find the bright side of Luciens father and brothers though)

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nomattertheoceans · 4 years

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The issue I have with the Mor situation is that sjm shoved that storyline in there and it makes no sense, when sjm gave no indication that being gay was ‘frowned upon’, that Mor feels uncomfortable telling them, especially when she really pushes the, “we’re a happy family” dynamic for the IC. It’s not fair just to have gay people or poc in a story just to tick the box

omg Non, I couldn’t agree more. I hated so many things about the way it happened.

(Hey, you know how my previous post about this was super thought out and organized? Well this one is the opposite. It’s just me rambling. It’s very raw and personal so I’m not asking anybody to agree with me. But it’s how I feel about this)

Making Mor a wlw was such an obvious afterthought. Not specifically about her being a wlw, but about the whole “The Inner Circle doesn’t know” and “I don’t want to be with Azriel”. Maas could have made her bi or pan and still keep the Moriel storyline. She could have had the Inner Circle already know, and have Mor come out to Feyre, without disrupting the entire storyline she had planned out.

I’m so uncomfortable with the fact that Mor decides to come out to Feyre only because Feyre was so insistant and nosy that it became too uncomfortable for Mor. Like,this seems obvious to say, but you should never be forced to come out before you’re ready.

But yeah, it basically destroyed the whole family dynamic of the Inner Circle. Honestly, Mor’s story makes me unbelievably sad. Like, that woman has been lying to her closest friends about who she is and who she loves, for 500 years. Five. Hundred. Years. Let that sink in. There was nobody she could openly talk to when the Wall came up and she lost Andromache. Nobody to support her in her grief at the time. And that’s so fucking sad it makes me want to cry.

It shatters the image of trust and unconditional love I had of the Inner Circle. Because if Mor doesn’t feel comfortable enough to come out to them in such a long time, then maybe they’re not such a great support system for her. And even if we love headcanoning that the boys already know, that doesn’t matter. She didn’t decide to come out to them.

It also kind of ruined Azriel’s character for me. I know this is very controversial (like, I’m not asking anyone to agree with me because I know most people love him), but now I don’t like him as much as I used to. The dynamic of Moriel in ACOMAF was very clearly a will-they-won’t-they. I wasn’t a big fan of it (I liked the idea of Cass, Az and Mor in an already established relationship), but it worked, it was a storyline that was established and was on-going. In ACOWAR, we see that his romantic feelings are actually completely unreciprocated, Mor tells us that she has made it abundantly clear to him many times that she’s not interested, and yet he hasn’t moved on. She tells us that she’s been sleeping with men to throw him off and remind him that she’s not interested, and that just makes me so uncomfortable. Firstly, because I personally think Mor is a closeted lesbian, but that’s my interpretation of the text. But even if you consider her to be bi or pan, it’s so messed up that she’s been clear for so long, and yet he still doesn’t leave her alone, and manages to make her so uncomfortable that she forces herself to have sex with other people??? Like omg that’s just awful any way you look at it.

Anyway yeah, you know what I would have liked? If the Inner Circle knew already, but Feyre didn’t. That would have meant so much. It would have showed us that they truly are a united family, but it also would have shown us that despite his love for Feyre, Rhys didn’t betray Mor by telling Feyre about that intimate piece of her before she herself chose the time was right. It would have been a meaningful moment of friendship and bonding between the two of them, and I’m sure I would have loved it.

She could have chosen to make Mor clearly bi or pan (not the ambiguous mess we got), and still go through with her romance with Azriel. But you know what, that would have required having more than one sapphic woman in the books, because once again, when you only have one token queer character, you can’t make them perfect. That is literally impossible.

And yeah I totally agree that it feels like she just tries to tick off boxes on the diversity list. Like, we can have a little representation, as a treat. But it’s gonna be written as an afterthought, it’s gonna be the bare minimum, and she’s not going to ask for sensitivity readers to review it, and that tells me that she doesn’t truly care about doing it right.

It would have been so easy to introduce more wlw storylines after the end of ACOMAF. Amren didn’t have any love interest. Elain and Nesta were also fairly open to any kind of love story. She didn’t have to destroy Moriel, she didn’t have to destroy the Inner Circle’s trust in one another.

But once again, she didn’t think it through. She probably didn’t think about what it meant for the relationship between Mor and the others, she probably didn’t realize how sad it was to have Mor mourn her one true love for five hundred years without ever finding love in that entire time.

I’m not going to repeat my other post, but again, I don’t think Maas purposefully did this, but the way she handled Mor proves that she doesn’t put much work into her representation, and that getting it right is not a priority for her.

Because she views her stories through a very privileged lense, she didn’t realize that for someone to feel uncomfortable about revealing such a big piece of their identity, the society where they live must be not accepting at all. Maas tells us that Velaris is like this enlightened society where everybody can be whoever they want to be, but the truth is, when I think about Mor, I can’t see it that way. Because Mor spent five hundred years not being who she truly wanted to be. And that tells you a lot about the world she lives in.

#Anonymous #Asks #omg I'm so sorry this is a complete mess of my thoughts #and it's so negative omgggg #but Mor is a sore subject for me #I love her so much and I hate what Maas gave us in ACOWAR #definintely gonna tag this as anti because it's much stronger than my other post lmaoooo #anti sjm #acotar #Morrigan #I tried to reread but it's kind of a mess #feel free to tell me what you think though I'm super interested!#sjm critical

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booksapphic · 7 years

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Opinions/Analysis of ACOWAR’s Queer Characters

Considering that I have been vocal about queer rep for this fandom, I wanted to discuss the four queer characters that we got in ACOWAR and go through the good and the bad for each. Please note that, especially in regards to Mor, I approach this from a representation standpoint, how the way queer characters and queer identities are discussed in relation to how queer readers will interpret them. Trying to discuss queer identities and characters from the character’s perspective would make this monster even longer than it already is, and I would prefer to leave those discussions to those from more abusive/homophobic backgrounds than my (healthy, more heteronormative than homophobic) background. @illyrianazriel has been discussing this pretty consistently, and I highly recommend this post in particular for a discussion of Mor’s queer identity as a character. Finally, please realize that I am only one person, and while I have tried to take into account the opinions of others I have talked to, it is impossible for one bisexual to speak for all bi/gay/pan people. This post is meant to be part of the discussion of queer rep, and I welcome other queer people adding your thoughts and opinions. (If you’re straight, please make sure that all engagement is respectful.)

I didn’t really have any issues with Nephelle or Thesan. They were both highly respected, in loving same sex relationships. Nephelle in particular was viewed as a hero, an idol, whose actions are meant to be emulated and upheld by both the heroes and the reader. My only issue with either of them was the use of “lover,” particularly in the case of Thesan. I find “lover” to have a very sexual connotation which is uncomfortable when queer people are so often simplified to just what they do in bed. I realize that “lover” was also used in regards to straight relationships, but because of the sex-obsessed view of queer people, it still makes me feel uncomfortable. Though Nephelle’s “lover” eventually becomes “wife,” I was uncomfortable that Thesan’s “lover” isn’t referred to even as “partner,” which takes away the solely sexual connotation. They mentioned that their relationship was ignored UtM for what Amarantha would do to him, and so it is understandable then that he isn’t “consort” or “husband” yet, but in the spin offs that are after ACOWAR, if he’s brought up in that, I hope that one of those other terms will be used. Additionally, it bothers me that in the ACOTAR universe, there is still no mention of same sex mates. The mating bond in this world is very heteronormative, but it would be awful for SJM to make a world in which all Soulmates who experience True Love are heterosexual. If anyone has any additional information from something she said on tour, etc., please hit me up.

While I (and many others) adored Helion, he very very narrowly escapes the “slutty bisexual” trope. Even our first contact with him in ACOWAR, the letter he sends accepting the invitation to the High Lord meeting–what should be solely professional correspondence–is said to be readable “between all the innuendo,” (293). Though he is mostly professional in the meeting itself, it isn’t long when meeting personally–without the “’swagging prick performance’” (450)--that he brings up sex. His sexuality is described to Feyre by Rhys as “Helion favors both males and females. Usually together in his bed” (450-451). While this alone would be enough to make him part of this negative trope, I believe it is avoided for a mix of four reasons. First of all, there are multiple other queer people in this book who are not viewed negatively (as above, with Nephelle and Thesan). Secondly, his sexuality, while joked about, isn’t insulted and is treated in a similar fashion as the jokes made about Cassian’s sex life in ACOMAF (this isn’t really possible to prove, per say, but it personally read as similar teasing to me). Thirdly, we are given proof of him being in love with, of having feeling and emotion for, a single person. It would have or could have been a true monogamous relationship if it was up to Helion, but the Lady of Autumn “’chose to stay’” (455). This removes part of this trope by showing that bisexuals can have romantic feelings for people and care about things other than sex. Finally, Helion is highly respected in the narrative/by the readers, perhaps only second to Rhys. This is shown multiple times. During the meeting of the High Lords, it is said that only three of the current High Lords were present for the last war against Hybern, being Beron, Rhys, and Helion (436). This in of itself sets Helion equal to Rhys in terms of experience, knowledge, and (at least political, if not magical) power. After the meeting, it is written in the narrative that “[Helion’s] muscled body was only a mask–-to hide the cunning mind beneath. I wondered if Rhys had picked that up from him” (452). Our Hero has this same trait–-a trait that the readers love him for–-and he learned it from Helion. Helion taught things to the Hero. I think that speaks for itself. Additionally, Helion is treated as a friend, invited to have dinner with the Night Court, as Kallias and Vivane are (459). Very specific battle plans are discussed between the Night Court and him, and he is intelligent and largely professional at the meetings. Then, in the final battle, it is said that “If Rhys[’s beast form] was a flying terror crafted from shadows and old moonlight, Helion was his daytime equivalent…. Together, my mate and the High Lord of Day unleashed themselves upon Hybern” (645-646). Once again, Helion is set as an equal to our Hero. Once again, this speaks for itself. Now, with all four of these factors at play, I would say that Helion avoids the damaging “slutty bisexual” trope. If one of these four were removed, I would argue he falls into that trope. As such, fandom should make sure that in the way we talk about Helion in the future does not remove the respect and complexity canon gives him. (I personally haven’t really seen anything that has made me uncomfortable yet, but if I do see an issue, I will call that person out on it.)

Now, on to Mor, by far the most controversial of the group. Her sexuality is told to Feyre as “I do find pleasure […] in both…. But I’ve known, since I was little more than a child, that I prefer females. That I’m… attracted more to them over males. That I connect with them, care for them on that soul-deep level” (589). I know there is currently a debate going on in the fandom over whether she is gay or bisexual, but I would like to say that this reads as bisexual to me. In fact, this is the only part of Mor’s queerness that I thought was well done: I, along with many other bisexuals I’ve talked to, identified with this description of her sexuality. I know that this is how I feel about my own attraction, and past that, it can be appreciated that there is a bisexual in media who is not viewed as “50/50″ like so many are, that can like both while still having a preference one way or another. Obviously this is a discussion that should be had among the bi and gay girls in this fandom but: people have called her lesbian. People have called her bisexual homoromantic. For the number of self-identifying bisexual women in this fandom who have said their attraction matches what is described here, I would call her bisexual. Though there are people who find the split between romantic and sexual orientations helpful, and there are bisexual homoromantic women in this fandom who identify with Mor’s description of her sexuality, I think that calling her bisexual homoromantic ignores the fluidity of sexuality that many bisexuals (myself included) feel. The discussion of labels is something that the fandom should continue to have, but in the fandom, if you are not bi/pan/gay, tread carefully when trying to name her sexuality.

That description was the only good thing about Mor’s coming out. Everything else was, as my gay friend and I said while discussing it, A Heterosexual Mess.

The scene starts off with Mor deciding to tell Feyre because Feyre got angry at her and Mor felt bad. That’s gross. No one should have to come out because their friend was shitty to them. No one should have to come out as a form of apology. No one should be coerced into coming out. And this might be a nitpick, but there is a line from this moment: “[Feyre] reached for [Mor’s] hand, prying it off her arm” (589). I know this was meant to be comforting, but a light caress on her hand to see if Mor was okay taking it would be a lot better than a straight person trying to force comfort on a queer person because They Are Understanding and Accepting. Later on in the scene, Feyre specifically says, and Mor agrees, that “’Rhys wouldn’t care–I don’t think anyone in Velaris would’” (592). But Mor continues to stay in the closet for the sake of Azriel’s happiness. All of these things put straight comfort and happiness over queer health. All of these things make it seem as if queer people owe something to straight people. And we don’t.

And then, at the end of the scene, Feyre says to Mor,

“I’ll stand by you no matter what. Until then… Your secret is safe. I won’t tell anyone–even Rhys.” “Thank you,” [Mor] breathed. I [Feyre] shook my head. “No–thank you for telling me. I’m honored.” (592)

A queer person thanks a straight person for not outing her, which would negatively impact at the very least her mental health and relationships, if not her authority and power over her past abusers. The straight person replies that she is “honored.” Honored for what? That her friend has been hiding herself because of a homophobic society for 500 years and can only admit who she is to someone she’s known a matter of months? (I know some people find it easier to talk about these things with people they know less rather than more, but it shouldn’t be a big enough deal for Mor to be scared about it in the first place.) Honored that straight people have to be told that people they know are queer because otherwise they’ll assume everyone is straight? Coming out is not “honoring” someone. It’s telling someone, anyone that you trust to not hurt you, something about yourself. Coming out is a product of a heteronormative society.

The fact that Mor has been hiding it for five hundred years is also disgusting. Considering that Helion’s, Thesan’s, and Nephelle’s queerness are all accepted, this would suggest then that the Night Court is homophobic while other courts/societies are not. There is no reason to make any place in fantasy homophobic. If you can write about a bunch of hot people with endless magic, you can write about a society where homophobia doesn’t exist. I was reading another meta about Mor earlier today by @my-name-is-fireheart, where she says that, with the Court of Nightmares being what they’re being, they would have made Mor’s life worse for her being queer. I don’t disagree. But then she says:

Realistically, I don’t know how Maas could have avoided Mor’s painful backstory given what we know of her family. The only answer is that Maas could have written Mor as out from the beginning, and…then what? Had the court of nightmares, in all its patriarchal glory, be okay with her as bi? Be fine with her preferring females? Be happy with a daughter who was LGBT? Sure that is all wonderful but…not realistic given who Keir is. So…the only way to really change Mor’s backstory is to change who her family is.

Yes, she could have written Mor as out from the beginning. She doesn’t need to change her family to do this. I’m not suggesting that Mor come out to her family while they still had physical power over her, but once she was in the Court of Dreams, she very well could have. It would just add another layer of hatred and resentment from her family towards her, her power over them, and her freeing herself from them. Also, you can come out to one group of people and not another. She could be out and free to the Court of Dreams, Velaris, and Prythian and not out to the Court of Nightmares. How would they find out? It’s not like she’s going to bring anyone she’s dating with her on her job (not until “dating” becomes “possibly engaged” or “married/mated” at least). Would she sit on the throne and make a proclamation of her sexuality? Maybe I’m the outlier in this community, but that’s certainly not how I did it.

And I know, I know that coming out is hard. And that, as Mor says, you want to keep people from “shaming me, hurting me about this one thing that has remained wholly mine” (590). But by doing that, you are still putting fear above happiness. You are still putting straight comfort over queer health. And I really wouldn’t want a young version of me seeing this rep and doing that. Because I did it for a long, long while, and it nearly destroyed me. I don’t want it destroying another young queer girl, just coming into her sexuality. The scars and the pain of being queer fade generation to generation, but I will do everything in my power to end that pain altogether. And that means starting here, making sure that the media that failed me does not fail others.

With everything, I fully expect one of the spinoffs to be about Mor, her coming out to everyone, and her finding happy queer love. With all the pain Mor has gone through, she cannot pushed to a subplot as part of one of the other books–or worse, be pushed to the side to make room for a heterosexual ship. (And honestly, if this scene is gone back on and she ends up with Azriel, I will throw a fit. Because all that says is, “if you try hard enough, you can be happy with a man!” which is even worse than not having this at all.) If you are going to spotlight a queer character’s pain, you need to spotlight their happiness as while. And for future books and future queer narratives, the best way to prevent this would be to create a world in which homophobia does not exist, or doesn’t exist enough to force a queer character to stay in the closet. Because while coming out is a product of a heteronormative society, queer pain is a product of a homophobic society. Queer people aren’t tortured about their sexuality because of their sexuality, but because of how others view it. Yes, homophobia is something that needs to be worked through, but as a straight author writing about writing narratives of queer pain and homophobic societies in a fantasy book, you are perpetuating the very thing we are working to get rid of. You are contributing to the problem, instead of helping to fix it. And you are the one who is going to have to look yourself in the mirror every day and determine if you can live with that.

*All page numbers taken from the US Target edition hardback.

#acowar #acowar spoilers #sjmaas #bloomsbury #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury #a court of wings and ruin #diversity #mine #also this monster is 2.6k words in case ya'll were wondering lol #that's longer than some fics i've written

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