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stwbrywhiskeysour · 2 months

Text

Leave a Light On

Pairing: Jackson!Joel x F!Reader Summary: A single light flickered throughout the empty room, casting your shadow against the wall. Joel's raspy voice, filled with sadness, whispered a final goodbye.

Words: 6.5k Rating: E (Explicit, 18+ Only MDNI) Content Warning: Jackson time, Establish relationship, No age is mentioned, May contain spoilers to TLOU Part II, Dark/Sensitive topics, does have an happy ending, angst, fluff, Implied MC death, golfing, torture, gun violence, knife violence, graphic descriptions, horseback riding, first aid, explicit language, explicit violence, Typical canon violence, grief/loss, depression, dark thoughts, suicide attempt, smut at the end, fingering, oral F!receiving, P in V, unprotected sex, creampie, cuddling (+ If I forgot any, let me know)

“Baby?” Joel cried as he clutched your lifeless form against his chest. His body swayed back and forth, stroking your blood-stained hair. “Stay with me, baby. Please, stay with me.”

His winter coat was soaked in red while he held you. The bitter cold seeped into his bones as he remained unbothered. His face streaked with tears, clinging to any hope you would awaken and return to him.

JACKSON || A FEW HOURS AGO

The sun began to set on the horizon. Vibrant hues of oranges and pink scattered across the sky. A wicker basket sat next to you, filled with freshly picked vegetables. You took a deep breath, savoring the earthy scent in the greenhouse. You glance out the window as a shadow passes by. As the figure moved away from the greenhouse, you let out the breath you were holding.

The lights flickered on as you eagerly awaited for Joel to arrive. Seconds turned to minutes, and you wondered where he could be. Julie, the other worker in the greenhouse, noticed your uneasiness. She stood up and placed her hand on your shoulder in an attempt to console you.

“Hey, I’m sure he’s on his way. Maybe he stopped home for something?” she reassured.

Joel had never missed a night walking you home. It was the highlight of both your evenings. You would share stories of each other's past and what each other did throughout the day. You especially loved the little spark of excitement that would flash through his eyes when he would talk about Ellie. Joel rarely spoke to anyone outside of Tommy and Ellie. And, since you came into his life, you could barely get him to shut up. However, you cherished those moments. They allowed you to witness a side of him that very few see.

You looked up at Julie and smiled softly, a hint of sadness in your eyes. “Yeah, hopefully,” you responded as you bent down to grab the basket. You walked towards the door and waved. “I’ll see ya later.” You left and made your way towards the pantry before heading home.

The winter storm caused the wind to blow the snow harshly around you. You pulled your coat tighter against your body, trudging towards Rancher Street. A light in your peripherals caught your attention. Your pace slowed as you turned to face the house belonging to Maria and Tommy and stared towards the window. An unsettling knot grew in your stomach. You looked towards your home and back to theirs. Unable to shake the feeling, you jogged towards their door.

Three hard knocks were all it took for Maria to crack the door open. Her hair was disarray, and she had dark circles around her eyes as if she had not slept in days. She looked shocked that you were standing at the door.

“Has Tommy come home yet?” you asked, not allowing Maria a chance to greet you.

“No, he-” she stated, voice filled with concern, “if you’re here, neither has Joel.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, shaking the snow off your hair and shoes.

“Fuck. I sent a group hours ago to bring them home. I just thought they had gone to the Bison,” she said as she opened the door wider to allow you to enter.

“Do you know what area they were patrolling?”

“Uhm, yeah, it was around the old ski lodge,” Maria stated, walking through the house. You followed closely behind her. “You can’t seriously be thinking about going out there in this.”

You looked at her with a determined face mixed with concern. She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Can you at least wait til the storm is over?”

“Maria, I-”

“Of course, you can’t,” she said as she walked up to a desk drawer and grabbed a map. She laid it out on the table and circled the area they were patrolling. “They should be around this area.”

You nodded and traced your finger from the gate of Jackson to the area she had circled, making a mental note of the path to take. The lodge was near a small town, and you thought if you could make it there, you would be able to track their prints in through the snow.

“Awesome. Can I take this?” You asked. She nodded and grabbed your arm as you walked past her.

“Wait,” she said. Her grip on your arm tightened. “There were reports of a large horde near the town. Stay away from there. Bring them home, safe. okay?”

‘Well fuck, there goes that idea,’ you thought as you looked up at her. You smiled. “Will do. Thanks, Maria.”

Maria waved at you while you jogged down the street toward the stables. Once you got to the large barn, you grabbed a saddle from the wall and placed it on the back of the black stallion you had named Beauty. You put your head against his muzzle and softly petted his mane.

“You ready, ol’ boy?” you whispered. Beauty neighed as you swung your leg over his back and grabbed his reins. You began to trot towards the wooden gate.

Jesse noticed you on horseback coming out of the stables. He called out to you. “Hey! Where are you going?”

“Open the gate, Jesse,” you said sternly.

“Maria said no one was to leave during the storm.”

“Open the damn gate.”

Jesse looked over at the other patrolman, shocked. They shrugged at him and casually walked over to the lever, pulling it open for you. Just before it was opened completely, you galloped out into the storm, not looking back. The wind whipped through your hair as you urged Beauty to gallop faster.

-- -- --

You rode through the woods, avoiding the town. Because you were not paying attention, you almost caused Beauty to trot off a cliff. He neighed loudly, bucking upwards, knocking you off. You land on the ground hard. You groaned as you got up.

“Easy there,” you stated while you reached for his reins, “easy boy.”

Sighing, you peered across the snow-covered field. A large mansion sat in the middle of a fenced area. Bodies of infected piled along the perimeter of the exterior gate. A shiver went down your spine. “Surely, Joel and Tommy didn’t do that,” you whispered. The wintery air caused a misty cloud in front of your mouth as you spoke. You petted Beauty before telling him to make it home safely and smacking him on the rear. You watched him gallop in the distance.

Taking a deep breath, you descend the cliff. As you crept closer to the building, you noticed dark figures moving across the large bay window. You twisted the door handle, and it creaked open. The warmth of the house greeted you as you slowly entered the room. You heard muffled voices and a loud gunshot that echoed off the walls. You gripped your knife tighter. A familiar voice rang through your ears that caused panic to set in.

“Tommy!” the voice screamed. The voice you came to know so well over the past few years, the voice that was filled with so much love for you, a voice that you could instantly recognize anywhere, the voice that belonged to Joel.

“Put him against the wall,” a young female demanded. She couldn’t be much older than Ellie but ordered the men around as if she were their leader. You inched silently into the room, eyes glued on the two men who grabbed Joel by the arms and shoved him against the large window. His right leg was extended out in front of him, bleeding. “Joel Miller.”

“Who are you?” he grunted, trying not to show emotion.

“Guess.”

“Why don’t you say whatever speech you’ve got rehearsed and get this over with,” Joel bit back. His eyes darted over her shoulder, locking with yours. Fear and shock shot through him as he struggled against the men who held him. You glanced around at the group, quickly trying to assess the situation.

The girl walked to a golf caddy near the sofa and pulled out one of the iron clubs. She nodded approvingly and walked in front of Joel. She brought the club up to her shoulder.

“You stupid old man. You don’t get to rush this,” she growled as she swung the club. It made an impact on the side of Joel’s face. He screamed in agony, blood splattered across the room. His vision blackened as he fell to the ground. The eyes of the girl sparkled with a twisted satisfaction.

You watched in horror as the men drew Joel back against the window, and she raised the club again. Filled with rage, you grabbed one of the men closest to you. Your left hand slid across their face to cover their mouth while you made a horizontal cut across the middle of their neck with your knife. Blood spewed down his body, and his body twitched as you pushed him away from you. His body crumbled to the ground with a loud thud. You ran up to the next person and stabbed them in the neck, puncturing their jugular.

The sound alerted the others, and they turned to face you. You slung your rifle around your body and held it firmly in your hands. Your index finger pressed the trigger as you meticulously aimed and fired at the group. A person came up from behind you and kicked your legs from underneath you, knocking you to the ground. You yelped in surprise as they shoved your face onto the cold floor.

“Get the fuck off of me,” you growled, fighting against the person holding you down, “I will fucking kill you.”

“Well, well, well. Who do we have here?” the girl spoke, stalking up to you. She grabbed you by your hair and pulled you to your knees. You gasped in pain, breathing heavily. “Girlfriend?” she asked as she looked over at Joel. She shook her head. “No. Wife?”

“No, don’t!” Joel rasped out.

She let out a dark chuckle. His desperate plea fell on silent ears as the girl taunted you. Her grip on your hair tightened as she turned you to face Joel.

“This is so much better than what I had planned. You took my father from me; I’m going take something from you,” she sneered, pulling her knife from its holster. Joel struggled against the grasp of the men who held him. His eyes filled with a mix of fear and anger. The moment she took her knife out, his movements ceased. He watched dreadfully as she scrapped the blade down your sternum until it rested just below the hard bone. She pushed your shoulders forward. The blade pierced through your abdomen with a squelching sound; you gasped in pain as you felt the sting of it entering your body. Blood trickled down as you started to sway. The excruciating agony intensified when she dug the blade deeper into you before pulling it out and shoving you away. You fell to the ground, clutching your stomach in a horrible attempt to stop the bleeding. Your eyes locked with the tear-filled ones of Joel. You struggled to catch your breath, and your vision kept flashing black.

“What the hell is this, Abby?” a man yelled while entering the room, “You’re done here.” She groaned in protest. You were unable to pay attention to the words being spoken around you. The words were fading into silence as darkness started to engulf you.

With every ounce of strength, Joel pulled himself across the floor. “Darlin’?” he whispered, reaching his hand out towards you. Abby noticed his movements and kicked him hard in the stomach, knocking the wind from his lungs. She huffed and left the house with her group.

You gasped for air, feeling the weight of darkness pressing against your consciousness. Tears streamed down Joel’s face as he scooted himself closer to you. Memories began to flood his mind. He remembered the first time he met you, how strong you were when you fought alongside him in the spore-filled tunnels. He remembered how you yelled at him for being so careless with a child who didn’t even know how to swim. He remembered how he fell in love with you the day he met you. He tried to stay awake, staring at your beautiful face as the memories faded.

Your eyes met his once again. Desperate to speak. You rasped, “I… I…. lo…. love….” you choked on your blood, coughing harshly as it pooled in your mouth. Your body convulsed, and your labored breath came to a sudden stop.

“Baby?” Joel whispered as he tried to pull you closer to him. “Baby, please.” -- -- -- --

“Baby!” he cried, clutching your lifeless body against his chest. He swayed back and forth, stroking your blood-stained hair. “Stay with me, baby. Please, stay with me.”

His winter coat was soaked in red while he held you. The bitter cold seeped into his bones as he remained unbothered. His face streaked with tears as he clung to any possible hope you would awaken and return to him.

A loud, pained groan erupted from across the room. Tommy shifted uncomfortably against the floor as he regained consciousness. His head throbbed in pain from the hit he received. His palms flattened against the cold tiles, and he lifted himself, stumbling backward and hitting the console table. He gazed at the room and noticed the bodies scattered across the floor in puddles of blood.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered, just before his eyes landed on his brother, who was sitting on the ground clutching your limp body to his chest. His leg extended in front of him with a belt tightly fastened on his thigh, acting as a makeshift tourniquet. Joel buried his face into the divot of your neck, whispering apologies in a broken voice.

An audible gap erupted from Tommy as he realized the body Joel was holding was you. Tears threatened to fall as he watched Joel cry out in grief once again. Tommy knew that Joel would never recover from losing you; hell, he never recovered from losing Sarah twenty-some years ago. Unsure of what to do, he whispered Joel’s name.

Joel’s puffy, bloodshot eyes lifted from your neck and met his. Tommy took a step back, horrified at the appearance of his brother. The side of Joel’s face was bashed in as if someone had taken something long, hard, with a flat end and hit him across the face with it multiple times. Blood oozed from the wound, and a mix of blues and black colors surrounded it. His left eye was almost swollen shut, and blood caked his face and hair.

“What the fuck happened?” Tommy asked.

Barely above a whisper, Joel rasped, “Tommy?”

He had forgotten Tommy was there. His entire focus had been on you. Making sure nothing happened to you, and he failed. Nothing mattered to him anymore.

Tommy knelt in front of him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He noticed a significant amount of blood covering both of your jackets. With a concerned face, he saw the small cut from the blade on the fabric of your clothes. “Let me see her,” he said softly.

Joel nodded and placed you gently on the ground next to him. He unzipped your jacket, pushing the flaps to the side. He lifted your shirt slowly. The dried blood caused the fabric to stick to your skin. He pulled it up just below the band of your bra to reveal a tiny stab wound on the upper middle quadrant of your abdomen, centimeters below the hard bone of your sternum. Your breath was shallow. So shallow that Tommy nor Joel noticed your chest rising and falling. Tommy placed his hand over the wound, pressed down hard to try and control the bleeding, and immediately blood covered them.

Joel was not paying attention to Tommy. He stared at your calm, peaceful face. His mind was filled with memories and thoughts of you. He pushed a strand of hair that fell on your face, lightly touching your cold cheek as he placed it behind your ear. He noticed your face showed no signs of distress and no pain. You were just there, on the cold floor, unfazed by what occurred around you.

‘You’re so beautiful,’ Joel thought as he ran his fingers through your hair.

Tommy’s hand began to tremble. He was unable to control the bleeding. He leaned down and placed his ear just above your parted mouth, hoping for any sign of breathing. Tears began to fall down his face when he felt nothing against his cheek. He mouthed, “No, no, no,” as he said your name shaking you.

Coming out of his trance, Joel watched Tommy shake you. He saw the tears in Tommy’s eyes and immediately knew something was wrong. He didn’t want to believe that you were gone. How could he move forward without you? How could he move on? What will he tell Ellie?

Joel shouted your name. He shoved Tommy away from you and placed his hands down on your wound, trying to believe if he was the one putting pressure on it, it would stop. When it didn’t stop, he started to weep.

“Please, not her. God, please, no her,” he sobbed. He felt as if he failed you. He had failed: as a protector, a lover, as everything. His heart shattered into a million pieces. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault. I’m so sorry.”

Tommy found himself void of words, unable to move from where he stood. He wasn’t sure why this happened to you, why they attacked you, of all people. He had so many questions running through his head. He glanced around the room again, trying to piece together any information he could find. He noticed a patch that was on the jackets of the bodies. He knelt and removed the patch with his knife. The patch was a yellow triangle with a wolf in the middle. The words W.L.F. are located at the bottom. He quickly pocketed it before going back to Joel.

“We should probably head back,” Tommy stated as he looked at Joel. Joel had his hands firmly pressed against your stomach, desperately trying to stop the bleeding.

“NO,” Joel shouted. Tommy grabbed onto his arm, pulling him away from you. “I- I can’t leave her. I can’t-”

“She’s gone.”

“No, no, no,” Joel repeated, shaking his. He pushed Tommy away and tried to go back to you. Tommy grabbed him, stopping his movements.

“I’ll come back for her,” Tommy promised, “When the daylight comes and the storm is over, I’ll bring her home.”

Joel sniffled. He knew Tommy was right. They had to leave, or someone would come looking for them, just as you did. Tommy left the room and returned with a large white sheet. He slowly draped it over you. Joel took it and tucked the sheet under your sides. His hands trembled with every tuck. Blood started to stain the middle of the sheet as it settled across your body. Suddenly, the room felt colder than it had before.

Tommy helped Joel to his feet, wrapping his arm around his middle. They began to walk towards the door, grief heavy on their hearts. Joel stopped for a moment and looked back towards you. He started at the white sheet that covered your body. The light flickered throughout the room, casting your shadow against the wall. He whispered a final goodbye.

As he turned, a gust of wind blew through the open door. It caused the sheet to flutter, uncovering some of your features. His heart sank, feeling a part of him was left behind in the room. Joel sighed sadly, finally looking away from you. They left the building carrying the weight of your absence on them.

-- -- -- --

Jesse walked along the ramparts with a snow shovel. He scooped the snow into its blade and tossed it over the exterior wall. He noticed two dark figures stumbling in the distance. The dense snow made it difficult for him to identify them. He reached for the binoculars and peered through them. One of the figures was held by the waist, their leg dragged behind them, leaving a red trail in the snow.

“What the hell,” he said into the wintery night. “Open the gate!” He shouted but received no response. He glanced over the edge to an empty area. “Where the fuck did they go?”

He ran down the steps to open the gate. Laughter erupted behind him as Dina and Ellie exited the stables. Jesse stared at them in disbelief, eyes darting down from their faces to their interlocked hands. “You gotta be kidding me,” he scoffed, “you were supposed to be on patrol.”

“We are-” Ellie got interrupted.

“This town depends on us. We can’t just be fucking in the stables anytime we want!”

Dina’s face turned bright red. A loud bang on the gate startled them, and a voice shouted just beyond it.

“OPEN THE DAMN GATE!”

Ellie looked at Dina. At the same time, they both stated, “Is that Tommy?”

They ran over to the gate and opened it. The wooden doors creaked, pushing the snow to the side as it opened. Tommy dragged an unconscious, injured Joel inside Jackson. He shifted his arm around his waist, trying to adjust, but Joel slid right out from his arms and landed into the snow. Joel landed face-first into the powdery snow. Ellie immediately ran over to him and lifted him back up with the help of Tommy.

“What happened?” Ellie asked as they reached the clinic. Tommy knocked on the door. An elderly lady appeared, her glasses hung low on her nose.

“Do you realize what time it is?” she said, her voice filled with sleep. She glanced at Joel and gasped. Immediately opening the door, she gestured for them to come in. “The first room on the left is empty,” she said as Tommy and Ellie walked to the room. They laid Joel down on the bed. The lady began to cut his pant leg, revealing the bullet hole.

“Jesus, Tommy. If you don't tell me what the fuck happened right now. I swear, I’m going,” Ellie demanded, clenching her fist tightly.

“That’s it, out!” the lady demanded as she pointed towards the door. Everyone looked at her in shock before muttering and walking out. Dina took a seat next to Jesse. Ellie quickly realized that you were not with them and was unaware of Joel's condition. Her heart started to race, conflicted about whether she should leave or stay with Joel.

Dina’s eyes softened as she watched Ellie’s expressions rapidly change. “I’ll go get her,” she said to Ellie, squeezing her hand.

“She’s not home,” Jesse said softly.

"What do you mean she's not there?"

"She took off hours ago, right before the storm got bad."

Tommy's eyes darted to Ellie's as Jesse finished his sentence. "Ellie, I need to speak to you... Alone."

"I'll be at your house if you need me," Dina told Ellie as she and Jesse left the clinic. Tommy took a seat and rubbed his hands across his face. He sighed loudly as tears threatened to fall from his eyes again.

"There's no easy way to say this," he whispered. His voice trembled. "Kid, she came looking for us. I don't know exactly what happened, but I do know. When I woke, it was too late. She was-" Tears ran down his face, "she was already gone."

"She's gone?" she muttered, tears forming. Her heart sank as she tried to comprehend what Tommy had said. The room felt heavy around her; her breathing became erratic. Everything felt as though it was caving in around her. Her vision tunneled. She violently shook her head; her face went stone cold and void as she stared at him. Just above a whisper, she asked, "You just left her there?"

"Ellie, I didn't have a choice. T'was just me and Joel," he said. "Once the storm settles, I'm going back."

"I'm coming with you."

-- -- -- ---

MEANWHILE || AT THE MANSION

The light flickered throughout the room. Your eyes fluttered open as you desperately gasped for air. The sheet covering your body clung to your face as you inhaled. Shakily, you reached up and pulled it off. The blood rushed back through your body and up to your face. The room spun as you held your head in pain.

You groaned loudly, sitting up. You tried to keep a steady breath as you attempted to stand. Clumsily, you bumped into things while you walked towards the bathroom. You dug through the cabinets, looking for a first aid kit. The blood on your hands smeared the white doors as you opened them. A small red box lay beneath washcloths. You grabbed it and placed it on the counter.

You caught a glimpse of your reflection and were startled by your appearance. Your hair was matted with blood and sweat. Your eyes were bloodshot, and your face was sickly pale, reflecting the trauma you had experienced. Your hands shuddered as you opened the kit.

Among the bandages and alcohol pads, you find a sewing needle and thread. Tucking your shirt under your bra, you tried to thread the needle with blurry vision. After many failed tries, you got the thread through the eyelet and placed it on the counter. You poured water over the wound, soaking the top of your jeans.

With a deep breath, you pierced the needle through the skin, pulled it through the other side, and secured the suture with a double knot before making two more next to it. As you focused on the sutures, the pain intensified. Beads of sweat formed on our foreheads.

After the last stitch, you slumped to the floor. A wave of nausea washed over you. You could barely keep your eyes open. They started to close until you could not fight them anymore and fell into a dreamless slumber.

-- -- -- ---

JACKSON || MONTHS LATER

Darkness surrounded the streets of Jackson. Snow covered the pavement. The white sparkled in the moonlight. The brisk winter breeze bit anyone who dared to be out in it.

A single light flickered from a bulb attached to a familiar house on Rancher Street. Its soft glow illuminated Joel as he sat skillfully strumming away on his guitar. The beautiful melody flowed through the air, stopping passersby as they listened. He sang no words, only allowing the vibrations of the chords to do the music.

His mind was flooded with memories of the past, the battles that were fought, those who have died, and each heavy decision was made. With each note, tears dropped and landed on the curve of the guitar. He played as if it would be the last time his calloused fingers would scrap against the strings.

The last chord strung, he leaned the guitar against the house next to him. He grabbed the pistol from the table and held the cold metal. A sense of finality washed over him. You were no longer here. Ellie never forgave him, and with you gone, the wedge between them grew. He had nothing left, no reason to be here anymore. He contemplated if Jackson would be better without him.

Taking a deep breath, he placed the cold gun against his temple. His index finger brushed against the trigger. His eyes closed for the last time, picturing your face.

“Whatcha think you’re doing there, cowboy?” a feminine voice stated. Hesitantly, he opened his eyes. They land on a familiar silhouette as they ascend the steps. The features of your face appear more prominent as you step into the light. Joel’s eyes widened.

“You’re… You’re not here,” he stuttered. His hands shook as he lowered the gun to his lap. “You can’t be here. This isn’t real.” He shook his head, attempting to remove the image of you. However, no matter how hard he tried, you stood there unmoving, with an amused look, staring at him. Joel’s heart pounded in his chest, questioning his sanity.

He stared at you in wonder. The snowflakes glimmered in your hair, and the bitter cold caused your nose and cheeks to turn pink. He tried to find an explanation. Was this a hallucination? A figment of his imagination? There's no possible way you could be here.

The feeling of longing engulfed him as he stared at your beautiful face.

“Why don’t you come and find out?” you smiled. He hesitated for a moment, unsure if he could trust his senses. But the genuine warmth in your voice convinced him to stand. He grabbed his crutch and took a step towards you. His eyes flickered with a mix of fear and excitement. He reached out toward you, afraid that you would disappear. His warm palm lands on your cold cheek.

“Easy there, cowboy. You look a bit unstable,” you chuckled, leaning into his touch. He released the breath he was holding and pulled you into his arms. He buried his face in your hair, inhaling the familiar scent of the honey soap you used to use.

“Baby,” He mumbled into your hair. You could feel his heartbeat against your face as he held you tightly. His grip filled with longing and relief. “You’re really here.”

“I’m really here,” you replied with a voice filled with love and reassurance. All the doubts and fears vanished from him as he held you. His hand moved to your chin, tilting it upwards. His teary eyes met yours for the first time in months. He leaned down. His nose touches yours.

“You’re really here,” he whispered again. You could feel his hot breath linger on your lips. He closed the gap between you, pressing his lips against yours in a gentle kiss. He nipped your bottom lip, forcing you to open, and slipped his tongue inside. He moaned in your mouth before breaking away to catch his breath. He started to kiss along your jawline, sucking on your pulse, leaving a wet, red spot. Your hands clung to his brown jacket.

“Joel,” You mewled as he nibbled at the soft skin. His scruffy beard left red marks across your neck. “Let's get out of the cold.”

He mumbled in protest, but you pushed him gently towards the door, grabbing his guitar.

You helped me into the house and up the stairs. One of his arms dangled over the crutch, and the other around your waist. As you guided him through the house, his light touches sent shivers through you. His weight felt comforting and electrifying, making you yearn for more.

You made your way to the bedroom. Joel let go of the crutch. A metal clunk echoed off the walls as it hit the ground. His eyes met yours, filled with desire. Without a word, he pulled you closer. His lips brushed against yours in a tender yet passionate kiss. His hands lifted your shirt slowly up your abdomen, fingers lightly touching your skin.

“Baby,” he groaned as he tossed your shirt to the floor. He hobbled towards the bed, pushing with him. The back of your knees hit the frame, causing you to fall backward. Your back lands softly on the blankets and shifts upwards, allowing Joel to climb onto the bed. He towered over you. You could feel the heat radiating off his body. His lips trailed down your neck while his hand explored every inch of you. Your heavy breathing filled the room.

Joel tugged at your jeans. The tip of his fingers traced lines down your thigh as he pulled them off. Flattening his palm, his hand grazed your inner thigh. He kissed down your sternum, stopping just above the bandage that wrapped around you.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, kissing it. “so fucking sorry.”

“Oh hush, now,” you stated, shifting your legs a little higher on the bed. He kissed down your stomach and stopped just above the warmth of your core. He looked up at your face. You propped yourself up on your elbows. As his hand covered your dripping cunt, your head fell backward onto the bed.

“So wet. This all for me, darlin’?” he purred. His index finger slid through your folds, which caused you to gasp. Pleasure coursed through your body as he teased your entrance. His touch was electric, and you find your back arching in response.

You could feel the anticipation building as he went lower on your body, nibbling your thigh. The mixture of his breath and the roughness of his beard against your skin heightened your senses. You yearned for more. He pushed his finger inside, coating the digit with your slick before sliding it out.

“More,” you mewled, voice filled with desire as you begged. The hunger in your eyes fueled his own as he eagerly obliged. He pushed another finger in, curving them to hit the rigid sweet spot that he knew would cause you to scream his name. Each movement of his fingers sent waves of pleasure through you, building an insatiable hunger within you. Your hips instinctively arched upwards.

He leaned in and stuck out his tongue. He licked through your folds, up to your clit, circled it, and before moving down to his fingers. The taste of your slick sent Joel over the edge. He moved his tongue back up to your clit and flicked it a few times before sucking. Your hands grabbed a fistful of his hair as you ground your core against his face. His tongue danced skillfully around your clit. The combination of his relentless fingers and the tantalizing flicks of his tongue pushed you closer to the edge.

“That’s it, baby. Cum on my fingers,” Joel growled into your thigh, catching his breath. “Yeah, just like that.” He pumped his fingers faster, pushing you to your limit. You gripped the covers, and your back arched higher. Unable to hold back any longer, you screamed his name. Your walls tighten around his fingers. “That's it, baby.”

He slowed the pace of his pumping until you came down from the euphoric high. He pulled his fingers out of yours, dripping with your slick. He brought them to his mouth and licked his fingers clean. “Been too fucking long, you taste so good.”

He shifted higher up on your body, peppering your skin with kisses. The leg of his jeans rubbed against your bare cunt as he kissed you softly. His hot breath sent electricity through your already sensitive body. As you caught your breath, you could feel his throbbing cock pressed against your leg, aching for release. He whispered in your ear, “I want to feel you around me.”

You stared deeply into his eyes before trying to shift him off of you. The last thing you wanted to do was to hurt his leg. He peered down at you, confused, but pushed you harder against the bed.

“Darlin’, what are you doin’?”

“Would you just lay on your damn back,” you grunted as you squirmed to get free from his towering form. You moaned as he rubbed his covered thigh against your cunt. He chuckled at your failed attempt to get him to move. You looked up at him with big puppy dog eyes. “Come on, please?”

“No.”

“Joel, come on, your leg.”

“I don’t give a shit about my leg right now,” he grunted. He pulled his pants down. His cock bounced as it sprung free from its confines. His eyes burned with desire as he buried his head in the crook of your neck. His large hands grabbed your legs and placed them around his waist. His cock lay against your fold, and he rocked forward, allowing it to rub through your folds, hitting your clit repeatedly. You groan in pleasure. “You ready for me?”

You nod frantically. He looked down at your blissful face.

“Of course you are. Such a good girl.”

“Please, Joel.”

He chuckled as he pushed his cock inside you. He grunted loudly at the feeling of you around him. Your head hit the pillow, shutting your eyes as his cock stretched you.

“God, I missed you,” He moaned and looked at you, “Eyes on me, baby.”

He wanted to watch you come on him. He didn’t want to miss any more moments with you, especially this one. He firmly gripped your hips, thrusting his cock deeper inside you. You screamed his name as he hit that spot only he knew about. With each thrust, he enjoyed the way your moans grew louder. Your breath grew heavier. He knew you were only his.

“Ah! Fu-Fuck!” Joel grunted. His thrusting became more ragged and forceful. The bed frame knocked against the wall. The sound of slapping skin echoed through the darkened room. Your screams muffled as you pulled the pillow across your face. Joel grabbed it and tossed it to the floor. “I want to see you. Fuck, you feel so good.”

Tears threatened to fall as the pressure inside you became too much. You desperately scrape your dull fingernails across Joel's back.

“You can take it. Just a little bit more,” He moaned, “Such a good girl”

You screamed as you came around his cock. The tightness of your walls sent him climaxing with you. His cock pulsates inside you, coating your insides white.

“Fuck, I missed you,” he panted, collapsing on top of you. You could feel his cock softening until it slid out of you. His come seeps out of your weeping hole.

You ran your fingers through his soft hair while you kissed his shoulder. You smiled widely as you both basked in the afterglow. Slowly, he rolled off of you and pulled you flush against his chest. He whispered sweet words of affection in your hair. You attempted to get up, but he pushed you back down, trapping you between his arms.

“I’m not ready to let you go just yet,” he muttered as he planted kisses along your shoulder blades. The warmth of his embrace enveloped you, making it impossible to resist. Your eyes begin to get heavy. You heard Joel chuckle, and then the cover was placed on you. He nestled you under his chin.

The sound of his steady heartbeat lulled you to a blissful sleep. You felt loved and safe, wrapped in his embrace. Whatever tomorrow may bring would be tomorrow’s problem. Right now, you were right where you belonged.

-- --

originally posted: 27/11/2023 on @pamasaur previous account. Support/MDNI banner by @cafekitsune Tags: @pedrostories, @kelbellsficrecs @fhatbhabie (ily) @cool-iguana

#joel miller x f!reader #Joel Miller x You #joel miller x female reader #joel x f!reader #joel x female reader #joel miller #joel tlou #tlou fanfiction #joel miller tlou #the last of us #joel miller fic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #tlou fic #tlou fandom #Fic-Leave a light on #StrwbryWhiskeySour writes #Pedrostories

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comradekatara · 2 months

Text

okay, so I did just spend the entire day watching NATLA. I had no choice but to watch this all in one sitting with my friends because I knew that if I attempted to watch it alone, or in increments, I would simply never get past episode 1. and I was right. it, of course, sucked so bad. I intend to write an actual, articulate review of the show as a whole when I have time, but for now, here is a list of the notes I jotted down on my phone (including some quotes from my friends as we watched), cinema sins style (pluses indicate details I actually liked, however minuses are far more frequent; points I considered especially significant are bolded).

– NO COLON to signify the central tension of the entire show!!!

Episode 1:

+ Love Aang’s eyebrows, just a very cute kid in general

+ opening fight scene kind of serves

– Sozin does NOT

– This clunky exposition is so strange considering they clearly already assume we are familiar with the entire show

– What’s going on with Kyoshi (ie, where is Roku)

– Where is Katara narrating????

– Hideous fonts

+ AANG SO CUTE <3 (he’s giving Dewey!)

– He can just fucking fly without his glider I guess?

– Airbenders saying wow at airbending (ding!)

– Aang’s uggs

– Sky bison…… L (update: I lowkey came around on Appa, but only bc Momo was so fucking busted he looked incredible by contrast)

– Gyatso’s mustache L (update: many such cases going forward)

– What’s going on with the accents???

– Aang cannot fucking act for shit I’m so sorry to this adorable baby boy

– Depicting a literal genocide as an action scene. Fucking awful

– Aang actually trying to head back during the storm defeats the whole point of the whole inciting incident of his entire arc????

+ Waterbending Avatar State sequence in the storm actually looks cool

– I hate White Sokka

– I hate shein Katara

– They do NOT act like siblings

– I hate White Sokka

– Where is Katara I miss you baby girl

– ZUKO’S SCAR IS AWFUL

– Katara has no agency or passion or rage or emotion whatsoever?!!?!?

– Acting is SO BAD

+ Clunky exposition works for Zuko because he does have a propensity for monologuing all his intentions

– Sokka, however, does NOT

– How can Sokka be “the last man” of the Southern Water Tribe if there are like. Dozens of other guys only ever so slightly younger than him just standing around.

– Kanna just saying Katara’s monologue because Katara is a nothing

– WHY DO FIREBENDERS KEEP ATTACKING AT NIGHT

– Clunky ass exposition “he had to grow up fast” give me a fucking break

– Who the fuck is this white guy

– Katara has no motivations at all?? She’s just chopped liver I guess

– The cadence of every actor is so bad

– They can’t decide whether they want to be the cartoon or their own thing and instead they’re just nothing

Episode 2:

– KANNA JUST GIVES HER THE SCROLL?!?!? KATARA DOESNT GET TO SHOPLIFT. OR DO ANYTHING

– MILF ALERT!!!!

– I hate you straight nepobaby suki

– She’s so fucking weird

– White Sokka has a bad face and a good body. He should have a strikingly beautiful face and a scrawny, malnourished body. L

– Aang being afraid to airbend makes no sense

– Where is Sokka’s fucking Kyoshi Warrior feminization!!!!

– Sexist ass show

– STOP IT KYOSHI STOOOOPPPPP #NotMyKyoshi

Episode 3:

– This one rebel leader guy is giving Katara more than Katara

– Why are the colors so bland

– Sokka being scientifically minded makes no sense bc that trait (which, um, is actually quite crucial to his character) hasn’t actually been established at all up until this point (or retained beyond this one episode)

– This guy is giving jock who happens to be good at engineering, when Sokka should be a NERD who HAPPENS to be good at FIGHTING

– Azula and Mai are NOT GIVING

– Azula should present as sure of herself and incredibly poised. It’s actual crucial to reflecting how she has been shaped by abuse

– And Mai should be razor sharp (both physically and figuratively) and not give a fuck about any of this!!!

+ Katara hitting herself in the face was funny

– Redemption for beautiful Jet (my friend: “I love seeing a beautiful man die”)

– Freedom Fighters are GIVINGGG

– How can Kya “watch the sun rise every day” if they literally live in the South Pole

– They don’t understand Sokka’s daddy issues AT ALL. The simple fact that he’s actually communicating them is egregious

– The first time Katara actually gets angry is for Jet. But not even for the right reasons.

– The first exchange that Katara and Sokka have that makes any sense is in ep THREE (of 8)

– “Sokka was right. You are the bad guy.” WHO WROTE THIS 😭😭

– Jet is only going after the corrupt and collaborators…. So, um… he’s literally right???

+ The fight between Aang and Zuko is actually SO GOOD and understands their dynamic (sidenote: they’re the only kids who are actually giving their original characters at all)

+ Aang reading Zuko’s diary is so fucking funny

+ I love you Danny Pudi <3

Episode 4:

+ I love the interior of Bumi’s palace. Statues of Flopsy

– Omashu is in India now I guess and also everyone in the world lives here

– Bumi’s hat!?!?

+ The nomads sound like Fleet Foxes

– Katara and Sokka are literally switching roles in this tunnel

+ This one Earth Kingdom soldier is really serving.

– The fact that he’s ostensibly framed as in the wrong here though is INSANE

– Zuko is supposed to be ten here 😭 that’s a grown ass man with a BA in Econ

– Sokka’s necklace is plastic

– Katara and Sokka being like “we never used to fight at home” ……. WTF!?!?

– KATARA WOULD NEVER SAY THAT TO SOKKA SHE WOULD BEAT HIS ASS INTO THE GROUND EVEN IF HE WAS RIGHT

– Adults keep being so mean to Aang :((

+ Zuko’s hair is great

+ I like that Bumi gave Aang his bison whistle(?)

– Bumi’s anger is….interesting

Episode 5:

– Canonically 13 year old Zuko is also a grown ass man

– “How was I supposed to know she was a Fire Nation soldier” ummmmmm maybe due to your INSTINCTS and CONSTANT PARANOIA

– They keep alluding to escapades offscreen without actually depicting any of their grounded bonding moments so we have no reason to care about any of these characters whatsoever or their relationships with one another

– Sokka good with kids and names??? Preposterous

– Zuko kinda gay asf

– Zuko calling someone an idiot and Sokka never once does . Sounds fake

– Oppressed peoples are just a mouthpiece for oppression instead of real human beings

– Instragram ass makeup

– Aang isn’t having any fun

– Aang feels like he has no agency whatsoever because he only ever does what the adults around him tell him to do and never does anything of his own accord. Let him have a sillygoofy time!!!

– Constant clunky exposition and no understanding of its own narrative… it’s truly like if ATLA … was LOK.

+ JUUUUNE

– Hitting on Iroh for #feminism

– “I always thought I was spiritually attuned. I don’t know how he got in here though” is actually so Katara. Finally an actual Katara moment

– Wan Shi Tong goofy asf Guardians of Ga’Hoole ass CGI monstrosity

– What is with Sokka’s fucking white people references (all you need is love, bye bye birdie, etc). White devil I need him dead

– Sexy Kitsune for the furries

– Fox accuses him of making jokes to deflect “What? I don’t do that” WELL. HE DOESNT IN THIS VERSION!!! (Alluding to a character trait that they don’t actually depict is crazy. He literally says everything he’s feeling at all times in this and barely ever says anything witty. It’s like they’re TAUNTING us.)

– Kya sounds like she’s from the Upper East Side

– Why won’t they let Katara DO anything!!!

– Too economical with their storytelling leads to no real depth whatsoever

– Putting Katara’s flashback in Book 1 undermines the whole point of TSR

– I HATE YOU WHITE HAKODA

– If Sokka is so bad at ice dodging in this then why did they give him the mark of the wise ??????? None of this scene makes sense

– Why is Sokka CRYING (he doesn’t DO that)

– Koh looks so bad

– Aang doesn’t actually know how to fight Koh he’s just such a wooden actor that he happens to get away with it

– First Roku mention????? Lmfao

– Gyatso talking to Aang is so wack but at least he’s being nice to him

Episode 6 (aka the best episode by far):

+ Zuko just drawing an eye on the page is so real actually

– Azula’s flames aren’t even blue

– And she’s not mysterious or imposing at all!

– I HATE the makeup in the show

– The pacing is AWFUL and STUPID, no consideration as to WHY information is revealed when it is narratively/thematically

+ Okay he’s really giving Zuko lmfao

+ Ken Leung has made Zhao feel like a real person (but no one else is doing that ???)

– Low-budget fantasy C-dramas have costumes one million times better than this.

– What is with Iroh’s obsession with boats

– Quirked up old man Roku

– Zuko flashbacks don’t read as significant because his scar is nothing and he’s the same age

+ Aang and Zhao scene is great

+ I’d follow Zhao into battle

– Other friend: “This is the best episode so far and it’s because Katara and Sokka aren’t in it”

+ Blue Spirit mask actually looks like a theater mask

+ Using the original Blue Spirit theme!!

+ This episode actually slays

– Their commentary on narrativization is solely relegated to Zhao and no one else gets to participate in this thematic conversation, not even KATARA

+ I love the sassy gay scribe

+ LADDERS SCENEEEEE

+ Zuko canonically having good handwriting is so real

+ Aang and Zuko conversation is great

– Why does Aang keep assuming Zuko is compassionate and wounded when he hasn’t displayed any compassion, remorse, or pain

– Iroh stepping into the Agni Kai goes against his whole character

+ Ozai kind of rules tho

– WHY IS ZUKO ACTIVELY FIGHTING OZAI!!!!!!!!

– Zuko’s backstory makes no sense

+ Zuko’s thotty little collarbone

– Ozai’s scene here undermines the whole point of Zuko’s banishment

– Such bad dialogue it’s crazy

– How do the 41st division not know why they’ve been on this boat for the past 3 years when every piece of dialogue in this show is otherwise expository as fuck

– What’s the point of Gyatso leaving. They don’t explain it at all

Episode 7:

– The NWT is so grey and underwhelming. My favorite location in the whole show. Can’t have shit in Netflixworld.

– BECAUSE AANG JUST HAS VISIONS OF THE FUTURE NOW I GUESS

– PAKKU AND YUE LOOK SOOOOO BAD

– Yue looks like a Euphoria character in a party city wig

– This isn’t how Azula fights!!!

– I hate what they’re doing with Azula so bad

– Mai sucks too

– Their journey doesn’t feel earned at all because they didn’t hang out or learn anything or do shit

– Why is Yue in the kitchens if she’s a princess

– And why is she WATERBENDING

– Why isn’t she repressed!!!!! She shouldn’t BE “ordinary”

– Why is Sokka explaining his duties!!!! He doesn’t SAY SHIT!

– Why isn’t the guy playing Hahn playing Sokka and vice versa (I’m so fucking serious)

– YUE’S A FOX????? WHAT

– All the offscreen battles where we’re supposed to assume character development actually happened. Sure.

– Hahn being nice and respectful to Sokka makes no sense

– MILF Yugoda! (How would she know Kanna. Update: I guess that doesn’t even matter here )

– THEY DONT UNDERSTAND YUE OR HAHN OR WHAT PATRIARCHY IS. AT ALL

– Kuruk is too serious and Roku is too playful. It should be the reverse. Playing into racist tropes :/

– His eyes are way too blue I’m sorry to this man

– They all look like they know what iPhones are.

– Yue is so annoying . L

– This whole Yue Sokka scene is the most annoying thing I’ve ever fucking seen in my life. And entirely antithetical to their whole deal

– “My friends” this “my friends” that, except they never actually hang out. They just keep calling each other friends but they never actually show it in a believable way.

– They want to be edgy but they actually never fucking shut up about the power of friendship like we are all five years old. I think when they said they were “appealing to a Game of Thrones audience” what they really meant was just that they are also bad, incredibly misogynistic writers who depict sensitive topics without any care or nuance.

– I actually like the Fire Nation boats

– Zhao is working with Azula??? She wouldn’t KILL THE MOON

– Azula would never ask Ozai to do things she would wait for his command at all times!!!

– Since when is Sokka wise and emotionally mature enough to hold this conversation with Katara, and why isn’t Katara being impulsive. This fight is so planned out; all the excitement is lost.

– Her completely blank expression as Pakku humiliates her. I hate you SHEIN KATARA!!!!!!

– This fight is so dull and lame whereas in the original that fight scene literally changed my life as a kid????? #NotMyKatara

– “The Legend of Aang” EW

– Why isn’t Aang waterbending at all. Book 1: “talking about water in completely abstract, hypothetical terms”

Episode 8:

– Iroh telling Zuko how to break into the North Pole is undermining the one moment where he actually demonstrates his intelligence as an independent person

– Stupid ass liberal feminism I hate you

– So they are sexist but also not. Makes sense

– What the fuck is with this moon backstory shit. Who needed that

– Zhao going to the Fire Temple instead of Wan Shi Tong’s Library for info on the moon completely undermines the point about the role of knowledge in imperialist conquest

– Kuruk looks like a Star Wars force ghost

+ THEY KILLED MOMO (kind of made me laugh a lot, so… points for that I guess)

– But they could only feature him for all of five seconds bc they don’t have the budget to constantly animate his mangy rat ass

– Why is Yue helping MOMO instead of ACTUAL HUMAN BEINGS

– They want me to believe that White Sokka has compassion for that little rat when I simply do not believe that this man cares for anyone or anything or even has a soul.

+ Zuko and Aang’s situationship/chemistry is crazy. They’re both kind of slaying actually

– That said, the kid who plays Aang is not a very good actor, he’s just adorable and has big ears and a Dewey voice. And the kid who plays Zuko has the easiest acting job in the show because Zuko is actually so over the top and dramatic that overacting feels authentic to this one character in particular (and no one else).

– Bending fights look stupid and feel thematically insignificant

– This red filter looks so bad

– Why do they keep dragging out fast paced scenes to explain everything so that they’re now boring af

– Hahn is just……. Okay go off woke feminist king. Sure. Why not

– All the exposition is so clunky and slow and undermining the actual point of the scene

– Not only is this not visually interesting, it also doesn’t translate tonally, and the primary actors can’t pull it off

– So NOW Iroh kills Zhao. Okay

– Zhao wouldn’t respect a teenage girl this much, even if she is the princess

– Koizilla looks bad :(

– RIP Ken Leung the Cunt Slayer. 5ever in our hearts </3

+ It’s actually so funny that Ken Leung apparently didn’t even know what he was auditioning for because he was by far the best actor in this show and nearly singlehandedly redeemed it. I love this guy so much.

– Me: “This isn’t a show. This is a farcical simulacrum of real art.” Friend, far more concisely: “This is a fucking joke.”

– Katara and Sokka barely even seem like they care about each other. Look at how they massacred by boy (and girl)

– Yue and Sokka alluding to fucking offscreen WOULD be a slay if they weren’t both annoying as fuck…

– Oh so NOW Katara talks Aang down from the Avatar State. Yeah. I buy that.

– “You’re not just the Avatar you’re my family” really? Because you’ve barely even talked

– The sequencing and pacing of the Siege of the Noth was nonsensical.

– “My daughter always made her own choices” NO SHE FUCKING DIDNT!!!!! THE WHOLE POINT OF HER CHARACTER. WAS THAT SHE COULDN’T!!! Shallow fucking libfem bullshit they MASSACRED my girl!!!!!!

– Why is Arnook comforting Sokka when Sokka should be comforting HIM

– Also Sokka would never express his insecurities to Arnook in the first place. NOT MY REPRESSED KING????

– Why is Sokka giving emotional support and Katara giving tactical support -_-

– They really think that “Gotta let go of the past to have a future” is such a fucking smart line they used it twice

– Conquering Omashu wasn’t a STRATEGY it just happened CONCURRENTLY because their imperialist regime is incredibly powerful … This show doesn’t understand its own politics at all.

– Azula has no poise or swag smh

– Aang doesn’t even know about Sozin’s comet because Roku didn’t tell him…

– It’s crazy that a show written in the 2020s is actually SO MUCH more sexist than a show written in the 2000s.

– TDLR; I hate you capitalism, I hate you Netflix, I hate you White Sokka, I hate you SHEIN Katara, I hate you heterosexual nepobaby Suki, I hate you girlboss Yue, I hate you visibly insecure Azula, I hate you whatever is going on with Mai, I hate you CGI Momo, I hate you wack ass pacing, I hate you clunky, idiotic dialogue, I hate you complete and utter lack of consideration into what made this show great in the first place, I love you Danny Pudi, I love you Ken Leung.

Which, in fairness, is all pretty much exactly what I expected this show would be. But at least actually watching it did indeed verify all my assumptions (although what they did to Katara specifically was even worse than what I had assumed, dear god), so I will be writing up a more in-depth review soon so that I can actually try to unpack why this show is such a dumpster fire, and how that reflects larger trends in media. But for now, all I can say is, I can’t believe I sat through 8 hours of this fucking garbage knowing it would be bad and it was. I’ve been saying this show would suck ass since the second it was announced, and yet it somehow managed to still prove worse than even my incredibly pessimistic expectations. A soulless, shallow, offensive work of profit that cannot even attempt to justify its own existence. I need to kill White Sokka with hammers.

#natla #‘’spoilers’’ under the cut #lmfao #in the immortal words of bloodbenderz: ‘it was bad’

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waterfire1848 · 6 months

Text

I've been thinking about doing a dragon AU kind of fic so I made some dragon Fire Nation family headcanons

Ursa is the only one with no dragon form. By the time Azula comes into the picture she knows exactly how to survive with a family of dragons though.

Azula, Zuko and Lu Ten destroy everything. Almost every object in their room either has burn marks, teeth marks or claw marks.

Just as kittens use their claws for everything so do baby dragons. The only difference is that kitten claws are retractable and dragon claws are not. So many servants, Ursa and the Gaang find this out the hard way.

Both Zuko and Azula agree horns are the worst part of being part dragon.

When they were younger and had trouble walking and staying close to Lu Ten, Azula and Zuko would grab his tail and use it to stay close to him.

Dragons can’t fly until they’re at least six years old. Azula was so determined though that she attempted to launch herself off the roof when she was four only to be caught by her mom.

Sokka was the first person to invent a device that helps with broken dragon wings.

During the final Agni Kai, Zuko went between his human and dragon form with ease while Azula was caught in between the two unable to commit to one or the other.

Zuko’s burn isn’t as noticeable when he’s a dragon cause he has red scales.

Dragons are fully grown when a person is in their late teens or early twenties. Fully grown dragons are the size of Raw and Shaw, teenage dragons are about the size of a sky bison, kid dragons about the size of a tiger and baby dragons about the size of Momo. Appa is a little bigger than both Zuko and Azula and totally has fun with this.

#dragon #dragon!azula #dragon!zuko #dragon!ozai #dragon!iroh #dragon AU #I don’t know #azula #zuko #iroh #Ozai #Ursa #Lu ten #avatar the last airbender #dragon Azula #dragon Zuko #dragon Ozai #dragon Iroh #dragon Lu Ten

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tightjeansjavi · 3 months

Text

Slow Hands | Chapter 10

“the lone moose”

A/N: disclaimer before we get into this chapter, this is a very emotionally/mentally heavy chapter that might not be suitable for everyone. The main topic of this chapter and the next is focused around Joel’s attempted suicide and Tommy’s C-PTSD. This content maybe triggering for some, and if that is the case, please do not read if you feel triggered. Warnings will be marked appropriately. Take care of yourselves first. And as always, a huge thanks to my beta @angelofsmalldeath-codeine 🤍

~word count: 6.9k~

Summary: the wolves of Jackson are lurking

Pairing | Joel Miller x f!reader

Warnings: !DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT! thoughts of suicide, semi-graphic depictions of attempted suicide, brief moment of stigmatizing suicide (Tommy’s reaction) canon-typical violence, graphic depiction of an injury, semi-graphic depictions of childloss (and the trauma that comes with it) angst, grief, guilt, anxiety, heavy topics, anger, overwhelming emotions, C-PTSD responses, fear responses, no age gap, readers nicknames is Beanie (coffee beans) +18 minors DNI! PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANYTHING!!

Slow Hands Masterlist

Two days had passed since Joel and Ellie took the steps together to make up. Joel already had a visible pep in his step, and a lightness in his eyes that Tommy hadn’t seen in his brother for over 20 years. Joel’s back still ached, but the pain was subdued.

Patrol was long and uneventful. The two brothers only had a handful of evidence gathered to present to Maria, but neither would give up hope. After untacking Tex and Timber, Joel and Tommy turned both horses out in one of pastures just outside the stables. Tess was grazing alongside the fence when Timber and Tex went to greet her.

A wave of melancholy washed over his features as he watched Tex and Tess nuzzle one another affectionately. He thought of you, of course.

“Hey, Joel?” Tommy asked alongside him with his arms resting along the wooden fence. “Y’wanna have a drink with me real quick at the Tipsy Bison before y’head home?” He rasped softly.

“I’d love to, but I promised Ellie we’d have a movie night tonight. Can’t go and let her down, y’know? How about tomorrow?” Joel suggested with a grin.

“Ah, movie night with the kiddo. Hey, I think that’s great that y’all are movin’ forward. Tomorrow sounds good.” Tommy responded with a genuine smile. It was a relief that he and Joel were growing close again. He missed his brother terribly.

“Yeah, and Beanie as well. I let Ellie pick out the movie. Think she said we were gonna watch Curtis and Viper 2.” Joel stifled a chuckle as he glanced down at the toe of his boots.

“Aw shit, that’s a good one! Well, you enjoy yourself, okay? Adios, big brother. See ya in the mornin.’” Tommy reached over and gave Joel a side hug before he pushed himself off the fence.

“See ya in the mornin, Tommy.” Joel mumbled to himself with a smile slowly creeping over his lips. Truthfully, he was rather excited for this movie night with you and Ellie. He couldn’t picture a better way to spend his evening than with his two favorite girls.

“Hey, Tex? Y’keep a good eye on your gal tonight. Y’hear? I’ll see ya in the mornin’, pal.” He spoke softly as his horse lifted his head from where he was grazing. He let out a snort in response as his tail swished away at the pesky flies.

The weight of Tommy’s letter in Joel’s pocket felt ten times heavier than when Joel first had written it. He thought about making a quick pit stop at the Tipsy Bison to give it to him, but tomorrow was a new day. He’d give the letter to Tommy first thing in the morning.

Ellie’s carved wooden fawn was tucked away in the inside pocket of his flannel. He brought it on patrol to show Tommy, and because he liked having a piece of his baby girl with him. Tonight he’d give her the gift, and to you, his precious star, something that twinkled like the night sky; matching charm bracelets. Two golden hearts dangling from the chains. Appearing brand new, untouched. The names Peggy carved into one, and Steve into the other. Lovers from the past, and now lovers in the present.

He couldn’t wait to see the look on your pretty face when he would present the bracelet to you. He said one last goodbye to the horses. He’d pass by your home en route to his own as he usually did every evening after patrol. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until he noticed a figure looming in the distance. He squinted his eyes through the harsh rays of the setting sun. He approached the figure with cautious steps.

As far as he was concerned, no one ever hung around your home like this. It raised suspicions immediately. His boots crunched under loose dirt as the figure stopped their pacing and seemed to pause in thought.

“Cody?” Joel’s tone ran cold, edged with a sharp suspicion as his footsteps stopped a foot away. A balmy breeze sifted through his salt and pepper streaked tendrils.

The younger man looked around for a moment as the gears in Joel’s brain began to work on overdrive. He knew Cody, or so he thought. He believed Cody was a good man. They shared many meals, conversations—

“Have y’seen Beanie around by chance?” Cody asked casually as he ignored the obvious suspicion that Joel was facing.

Joel’s hackles raised on instinct as he watched Cody lean up against your fence with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Haven’t seen her since this mornin.’” Joel responded flatly. He knew right then and there that he had to play this cool for the time being. He didn’t need Cody knowing that he was onto him.

“Right. Well, thanks anyway, old man.” Cody muttered the last bit as he turned on his heel to walk away.

“What’re you doin’ hangin’ around her place anyway? Y’know I could have you—”

“Reported? Yeah, sure you can. What would you even report me for, Miller? Cody scoffed. “All you had to do was not get yourself involved. Coulda just kept your nose out of things, but that’s not how you play your game, right?” He turned to face the older man once more just as a distinctive crash was heard from inside of your home.

Joel moved quickly, but Cody was quicker. Stronger, and trigger happy.

Cody was pouncing on the older man like a predator does to their prey. They tousled in the dusty dirt before Cody had him pinned down. His fists rained down on Joel’s face and the pained groans only seemed to spur Cody on further.

“Just had to go and get yourself involved with that fuckin’ cunt, huh?!”

Joel tried to fold his arms over his head to block out the swift punches to his face. Cody was ruthless, and Joel wasn’t as strong as he once was. Years ago he would have snapped Cody like a toothpick, but his age was beginning to catch up with him and this was the result.

Through gritted teeth Joel attempted to use his weight to throw Cody off of him, but it was no use. “I’ll fuckin’ kill every last one of you. I’ll rip you limb from fuckin’ limb and scatter your remains to the wolves—”He growled.

“Yeah? And how do you propose you’re gonna do that, Joel? Y’ain’t the one with the upper hand here, old man! You’re not takin’ this from me! Imagine how proud he’ll be when I not only bring in the moose, but your precious Beanie too.” He sneered conceitedly.

That’s all Joel needed to get a second wind of adrenaline coursing through his veins. He growled between his teeth as he used what little remaining strength he had left to force Cody off of him. He was reaching for his concealed pistol tucked in his belt loop under his shirt, when Cody kicked it from his grasp just as the two men inside of your home came rushing out.

“Jesus! fuck, Cody! What the hell are you doin?’ This wasn’t part of the plan!” The one man, a burly fellow with scarred tissue from third degree burns that covered nearly half of the left side of his face yelled urgently. Through the rushing of blood, and pain stabbing every inch of Joel’s face, he recognized this man too. He recognized the man next to him as well, smaller in stature, but stocky. Alex and Oliver.

“Fuck the plan! I’m not gonna waste this opportunity!” He sent the heel of his boot right into Joel’s gut causing him to double over into the crimson speckled dirt with a pain ridden grunt. “Well?!” He threw his hands up in the air. “Was she in there or not?!”

Alex and Oliver slowly looked over at one another before their shoulders simultaneously slumped inward. “No, but—”

“FUCK!” Cody snarled out of sheer frustration. He couldn’t let him down. He was told he couldn’t show up empty handed. It wasn’t an option.

Just as Joel’s fingers weakly grasped the handle of his pistol, that lay only a short arms distance away, Cody sent his boot right into his face. There was a sickening crunching sound of bone matter and cartilage being crushed as Joel’s body stilled. He was knocked out cold from the impact as blood leaked down his face and soaked into the dusty earth beneath him.

Neither men moved as Cody began to pace in contemplation. He paid no mind to the consequences he would face for his actions.

“Cody, we need to get the fuck outta town right fuckin’ now! If anyone sees—”

“And show up empty handed?! Fuck no.”

“Cody, she wasn’t there. We have no fuckin’ clue where she could be. C’mon, let’s just go back and regroup before someone shows up and finds Joel layin’ in a pool of his own blood.”

Cody ignored his counterparts as he continued to pace in a tight circle. He suddenly stopped when the lightbulb went off in his sick mind. He turned towards the two men, with a smirk that could only be described as sinister, “Angie.”

Ellie was curled up against your body with her cheek pressed gently into your shoulder. Her eyes flickered towards the windows in the family room. She watched the last bit of sunlight dip behind the horizon as a warm summer breeze blew through the beige curtains.

Joel should have been home by now.

She waited with alert ears for the sound of the front door to squeak open any minute now. It never came.

She shifted against you before your gazes met. “Beanie, he should have been home by now.”

You understood full heartedly that this movie night was important to Ellie. This was the first time that she and Joel were going to be spending some quality time together after everything they had gone through. This was a big deal.

“Kiddo, I’m sure he’s on his way now. Maybe he and Tommy just got caught up in something?” You wanted to reassure her and yourself that Joel was in fact on his way, and maybe he was just running late.

“Beanie..he—promised. What if he’s ditchin’ me? God, this was so stupid.” She went to bury her hands in her face, but you stopped her.

“Ellie, he’s not ditching you. He would never do that to you. He loves you. I’m sure he’s just running late is all.” Your own fears began to crawl up into your subconscious. What if something was wrong? What if something had happened?

Ellie wanted to believe you, she really did, but her own fears were making an appearance as well. It didn’t help the fact that her last conversation with Joel had been about his suspicions of Lucas..

“I’m gonna go check the stables, okay? You stay here. Lock the doors.” Ellie was up from her spot on the couch before you could even attempt to stop her.

“Ellie,” you started, voice wavering from the building nerves, “be careful, okay?”

The teen looked over at you with a small, yet confident grin, “Always am.” Her face twisted back to a serious one as she tucked her gun in her hoodie pocket. Joel surely would have scolded her if he had seen it.

You listened to the soft click of the door opening and closing. Your eyes drifted over to the unoccupied spot on the couch where one of the pillows was smashed down. Joel’s spot. .

Please. Please just be running late.

Please be okay, Joel.

Tommy found himself reminiscing on the good ole days as he nursed his glass of beer. Condensation dripped down the outside of the glass like tear drops on cheeks. The noisy chatter that encircled him was drowned out by his thoughts. Joel had always been the protector, the planner, the guardian. And as a young boy, Tommy viewed Joel as his hero. His own beacon of light through the darkness. And when Sarah died? It all changed. He was angry. At the world. At himself. And now, here in this peaceful community, he was getting to see those small glimpses of the old Joel that had laid dormant for so many years.

The Joel that he knew and loved so deeply.

He left his glass half empty as he said his goodbyes to some of the patrol guys, and the barkeep before he walking towards the door.

He was heading in the direction of the home he shared with Maria when he noticed a mass laying just outside your home. He thought that his brain was playing a cruel trick on him, and the approaching dusk might have also played a role in what he was seeing.

Gravel and dirt particles crunched beneath his heavy boots as he started his approach. As he drew nearer, he was able to make out the outline of a body. And, oh—god

Tommy remembers the moment he heard the shot ring through Joel’s house as if it had happened just yesterday. While he gathered supplies in the garage, his big brother was upstairs with the barrel of a revolver pressed against his temple.

How could Tommy not have known? How could he have missed the signs? The indications that Joel was thinking of taking a drastic measure to end his life. How could he have missed it?

“Joel!” A younger Tommy Miller yelled in fear. He threw down the tool box in a haste. Tools of all shapes and sizes clattered to the concrete in a harsh crescendo.

“Joel! Please, no. Please.” He chanted weakly under his breath as his feet carried him up the staircase. He stumbled on the top step as a wave of nausea made its presence known.

“Joel!” He yelled again, more desperately than the last. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing his brother so soon. He couldn’t. Not when just days ago they laid Sarah to rest. He couldn’t do this without Joel.

Sweat pooled at the back of his neck the closer he drew to the ajar opening of Sarah’s bedroom. He held onto the wall for support as his knees began to inevitably buckle from the dread crawling up his throat.

“Joel.” He croaked, “please. Please be alive in there.”

With a shaky breath, and through a mess of tears, Tommy pushed open Sarah’s bedroom door.

“I missed.” Joel murmured in disbelief. Disappointed that he couldn’t just do one thing fucking right. He couldn’t just follow through with his promise. His final wish to be with his daughter. His baby girl.

His palms trembled as his dull brown eyes flitted down to the revolver still in his grasp. He paid no mind to the blood slowly trickling from the right side of his head. Just a graze. Missed completely.

“Joel, what the fuck did you do that for?” Tommy wasn’t sure if he should laugh, cry, yell, all of the above? “You’re bleedin’, brother.”

“Oh.” Joel responded flatly. He brought his fingers up towards the right side of his head. He hardly flinched when his fingertips dragged through the flowing blood. He brought his hand back down to his eye level, fingers soaked in crimson. Then, the ringing started. Tommy’s voice started to sound fuzzy from the right side. “I flinched, Tommy. Thought I could do it. I was so sure—”

“Joel. Stop it, please.” Tommy nearly begged his brother as he cautiously moved in closer.

“I wanted to die, Tommy. I ain’t have anythin’ left to live for.” He refused to make eye contact with his brother purely out of shame.

“Killin’ yourself ain’t gonna bring Sarah back, Joel. Its fuckin’ selfish that you—” His words were bitter, jaded, sharpened with intent to harm. “I fuckin’ need you, Joel. I need my big brother to keep us alive. Is he still in there?” He pointed to Joel’s chest, symbolizing his heart.

When Joel finally brought his chin upwards to face his brother, the look on his sunken features shattered Tommy right down to the core. A broken man, father, brother. The same man that helped Tommy with his homework. The same man that taught him how to ride a bike. The same man that Tommy viewed as his hero. Where was he now?

“He died along with her.”

“Joel!” Tommy felt his voice get lodged in his throat at the sight of his older brother laying motionless in the crimson stained dirt. Panic began to swell and fester like an untreated wound the second his eyes landed on Joel’s handgun just an arms length away.

“No. No. Please— what happened, Joel!” He sank to his knees alongside him. “We were just—talkin’ about how much you were lookin’ forward to the movie night with Ellie and Beanie, remember? You said that you would see me in the mornin’, dammit!” He yelled, slamming one of his fists in the dirt before he took a shaky inhale. “Remember?”

He wouldn’t hurt himself, would he? The thought flashed through his mind briefly. He remembered finding Joel in a pool of his own blood after Sarah died. Tommy brushed away strands of Joel’s hair that were congealed together with blood. His brows furrowed intently when he found there was no bullet hole in Joel’s skull before he pressed his middle and pointer finger right against Joel’s pulse point.

Please. Please. Please still be in there, Joel.

When the faintest pulse was detected, Tommy let out a visible sound of relief. His big brother was alive, but Tommy knew he had to act fast.

“S’alright, big brother. You’re alright. Gonna get you fixed up.” He murmured to himself just as he heard approaching footsteps.

“Tommy?..” It was Ellie. Her voice wavered at the sight of her uncle and father on the ground. “J—Joel?!” Her eyes were wide with oncoming tears brimming when she locked in on Joel’s unmoving body.

“Tommy, wh—what the fuck happened?!” She blinked away her tears just as Tommy stood up from the ground. “Is he fuckin’ dead, Tommy?!”

“Ellie, I don’t know what happened. I was on my way home and—found him like this. He’s alive, kiddo. He’s alive, but we gotta get him to doc right away.” Tommy never felt like he was all that great at taking on the protective role, but his niece needed his comfort and reassurance that everything was going to be okay.

Ellie wasn’t listening to a word Tommy was saying. All she could focus on was Joel’s bloodied face and still body. Her emotions were consuming her entirely before she felt Tommy’s warm embrace wrapping her up. She let her tears soak into his shirt as she clung to him for dear life.

“Ellie, I know you’re scared, kiddo. But I need ya to be strong for me, and for Joel. We gotta get him to doc right now. I need you to help me carry him okay?” He spoke in a soft tone, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “He’s gonna be just fine. Your old man has always been a fighter.”

She squeezed her uncle tightly before pulling away from his embrace. She wiped what remained of her tears away on the sleeve of her shirt. “I’ll—I’ll take his legs?” She questioned rather than suggested. Seeing Joel like this, bloodied, weak, on the verge of—

“Ellie, he’ll be okay.” Tommy firmly reassured her again. He bent down over his brother and gently hoisted him up under his armpits while Ellie lifted him up by his legs.

Joel felt like dead weight, but his brother and daughter’s determination helped them power through the dull ache and strain in their muscles.

Tommy hated hospitals just as much, if not more than his brother did. The pungent stench of bleach, the droning hum from the overhead fluorescent lights. It was unappealing, cold, and overall a dreadful experience. But out of all of the late night visits to the ER after another bar fight, this by far was the worst of all to see his brother unconscious, dried blood crusted on his skin. Yet appearing peaceful while Doc checked his vitals and any signs of internal injuries

Ellie was seated next to her uncle nervously fidgeting with her fingers. Her leg was bouncing up and down frantically, until Tommy gently placed his palm over her knee in an attempt to soothe her.

“Well, he might have a bit of bruisin’ to his ribs, and his nose is definitely broken, but it’ll heal. There’s a chance he might be concussed, but I won’t know that for certain until he wakes up.” Doc said while tucking his clipboard under his armpit.

“I’ll stay here till he wakes up. Don’t want him wakin’ up alone.” Tommy said with a slight nod in Doc’s direction.

“I’m staying, too.” Ellie was defiant, of course. It was in her nature, and she couldn’t fathom not being by her dads side—

“Ellie, I’m gonna go and find someone to walk you home, okay? One of the guys on patrol..maybe a couple, given the circumstances.” He needed to make sure his niece got home in one piece, first and foremost.

Ellie clenched her fists, lips pressed tightly together as her eyes met Tommy’s in an intense stare. He could see residue of dried tears on her cheeks, and fresh ones beginning to brew like an oncoming storm. “Tommy,” she started, voice low, yet stern. “I’m not fuckin’ leaving him. I’m not. You can’t—”

“Ellie, I know you want to stay here with him too, but somethin’ about this ain’t right. You and I both know that there’s been some suspicious activity happenin’ as of late. Joel is goin’ to be okay, kiddo. He’s as stubborn as a mule.”

Her lower lip wobbled under the bright fluorescent light. She wanted to be angry at her uncle for telling her what she needed to do, but he was right, and there really wasn’t another second to waste. “Don’t you dare even think of leavin’ his side, Tommy. Don’t you dare.” She wiped her eyes along the back of her hand before making the final decision to get up from where she was sitting.

“I won’t, kiddo. I promise.” Tommy reassured her.

She walked over to the right side of the bed where Joel was lying and gently ran her fingers through a few stray curls that were stuck to his forehead. Dried sweat, dirt, and blood littered his hair and face. She leaned down, whispering something while she pressed her lips to his temple, squeezing her eyes shut.

Please don’t die.

Tommy left the room to give Ellie a bit of privacy. He flagged down a nurse in the hallway and quickly explained that he needed someone to ensure Ellie safely got home. It was decided that two patrol members would escort her home.

When Tommy returned, he was with Jesse and Liam waiting outside the open doorway.

“Ellie?”

Her head snapped in the direction of Tommy’s voice as she quickly wiped away the remnants of her tears.

“Jesse and Liam are gonna make sure you get home safe. Okay, kiddo?”

“Sure.” She muttered. Agreeing with her uncle didn’t mean that she had to act happy about it. Despite her feelings, she made a point to hug her uncle before she left the room.

Don’t leave him. She reminded him.

Sunlight warms his skin, birds chirping in the high treetops, a soft breeze rustles through his hair, kissing his temple. He knows this place, where he stands. It’s—

“baby girl?” He chokes out, stumbling forward in an uncoordinated motion.

She’s there. She’s alive. She’s got daisies in her curls.

“Dad?”

He nearly drops to his knees right at the spot where he and Tommy dug her grave all those years ago. He stops in his tracks as she turns around to face him. She’s wearing the same clothes that she died in, except there’s no blood. No bullet wounds. She’s untouched. Bright, glowing under the rays of sunlight.

“Are you really here? C-can I hold you? Are those daisies in your hair? Baby girl, I’m so sorry.” The words tumble past his lips like an avalanche of word vomit. His heart lurches in his chest, leaping from the confines of his ribcage.

Sarah’s feet carry her swiftly to her father before she’s wrapping her arms around his middle, hugging him tightly with her cheek pressed firmly against his chest. “I’m really here, dad.” She squeezes her eyes shut.

Joel’s arms wrap around her immediately, hugging her to his chest as tightly as he can, he’s trembling, tears blurring his vision, dripping down his cheeks and landing softly on her head of curls. He pulls away only to gently cradle her face in his strong, calloused, gentle hands.

She’s here. She’s alive. His baby girl.

“Dad..you—you remembered our favorite spot?” Her smile is beautiful, radiant, full of life.

“Of course I did. Our hikes, the fresh air. We—we loved it out here. I—I never forgot. Baby girl, I haven’t forgotten you. I—I think about you everyday. I’m so sorry. I miss you..I miss you so much.”

Her hands come to rest against the patches of his now graying beard. “Dad, you don’t have to apologize. I’m okay, I’m happy. I miss you too, dad. I miss you so much, but Ellie, she needs you. I’ll always wait for you, I promise. I’m always going to be right here.” She drops one of her hands from his face to then point to his heart. “I’m always with you.”

His face falls as his thumbs gently stroke her cheekbones. He’s not ready to leave, not yet. Not so soon. Too soon. He needs more time. Time. Time. Time.

Ellie.

“You—you would have loved her, baby girl. She reminds me so much of you. Her smile, her laugh. I see you in her. She’s—she’s my blessing. My second chance..my light in the darkness.” He sniffles, leaning down so he can press his lips to her forehead.

“And she needs you more than ever now, dad. She needs you. You have to forgive yourself, okay? Please promise me that one day, you will forgive yourself, dad. Promise me.”

“I promise you, baby girl. I promise. Daddy loves you, okay? He loves you so much.” There’s so much more he wants to say, so much more he wants to tell her, but there’s not enough time. He knows it.

“Dad, I love you so much. Tell Tommy I miss him too, okay? I’ll see you again one day, when the time is right.” She hugs him one last time as he buries his face into her mess of curls, holding in his sobs as more tears begin to fall.

“When the time is right, baby girl.” He murmurs.

—

“Well, brother. Guess it’s jus’ you and me now, huh?” Tommy wants to laugh, but he can’t. His emotions are all fucked. Everything is so fucked.

“That kid of yours really loves the hell outta ya. You’re like two feral cats.” He continues, forcing himself to stand and walk over to his brother's bedside. “And I know how much you love her.” He murmurs as he glances down at the nightstand where the contents of Joel’s pockets are laid out.

The two charm bracelets, the wood carving of a fawn for Ellie, and a folded piece of paper now tarnished with blood and debris.

“One of these for Beanie?” He asks while gently picking up one of the charm bracelets. “I’m so happy you listened to my advice and went to her coffee shop. I jus’ had this feelin’ that you two would hit it off.”

“You love her, huh? Like..really love her? I’m glad, Joel. I’m glad that you’re finally allowin’ yourself to love, and be loved. If anyone in this fucked up world deserves that, it’s you.”

He sets down the charm bracelet alongside the other before he picks up the wood carved fawn. One of the delicate ears had broken off during the fight, but it was fixable. “Ellie is going to love this when she sees it. You’ve always been..a giver, Joel.. Always thinkin’ of others before yourself. Puttin’ your heart out on the line. I know it hasn’t been easy for you, but I’m so grateful that you met Ellie when you did. You saved her, but she saved you just as much. Turned that cold heart of yours into somethin’ good again.”

He placed the fawn down gently before he eyed the folded piece of paper. “Y’still writin’ those letters? Have they been helpin?’ Y’know, I thought about writin’ a couple myself.”

Something in his gut tells him that this letter..is meant for him.

He swallowed the lump rising in his throat as he reached for the piece of paper and picked it up with trembling fingers. He sees his name written on the outside, and his vision goes blurry with tears. “You..were gonna give this to me tomorrow when we said we were gonna meet at the Tipsy Bison?”

He slowly sinks down along the side of the bed, unfolds the letter and begins to read it silently.

Tommy, this is the third letter I have written thus far, so hopefully this comes across the way I have intended it to. Ever since we were just two little boys scraping our knees up on the playground, telling each other secrets, and holding each other tight when mom and dad would argue into the odd hours of the night, I always found myself being protective over you. I ain’t even sure if it had anything to do with age, and more to do with the fact that it’s been instilled in me since birth that I'm a natural protector. I’d do anything to keep you safe.

I’ve never told anyone this, but the day you told me that you wanted to join the army, and make a difference in the world, I wept. I soaked my pillow with my tears that very same evening cus’ I realized I couldn’t protect you anymore. You were eighteen, and ready to take on the world. Selfishly, I didn’t want you to go, and I know that war changed you. I know what it did to you, and you were no longer the little boy hiding under the covers from the thunder and lightning. You were molded into a man right before my eyes, but you’ve always been my little brother, and ain’t nothin’ gonna change that.

I know you blame yourself for the night that we lost Sarah. I still remember the grief in your eyes. You tried so hard. So fuckin’ hard, and I’m so sorry for what I became after she died.

A stray teardrop fell along the thin paper as the word ‘died’ began to blur from the sudden moisture.

You literally had to pry her cold body from my arms because I refused to let go. Even when we dug her a shallow grave near the woods she loved to hike in, you had to stop me from crawling into that goddamn hole with her.

24 hours. 1 day since the outbreak. 1 day without his baby girl

“She’ll be happy here, Joel. She gets to rest in her favorite place.” Tommy murmured as he set the shovels down next to the grass covered earth that would soon be dug up to create a shallow grave for Sarah to finally be laid to rest. The younger Miller brother hid his grieving behind a stoic face. He didn’t want Joel to see how much pain he was in. He wanted to be the strong one for once in his life, especially since he blamed himself for Sarah's death. If only he had been there sooner. If only he had acted quicker, maybe she would still be alive.

Joel was unmoving as he held his deceased daughter, who had long since grown cold and stiff in his arms. She was wrapped in a sheet, as Joel couldn’t bear to see her unmoving eyes any longer. He had shed his last tears, as he watched his brother begin to dig a shallow grave. As the minutes ticked by, Joel was realizing that after Sarah was to be buried, he no longer would be a father, and the thought made him feel queasy. What did he have to live for if he was no longer a parent? What was the point?

“Tommy..” Joel croaked, “I–can’t let her go.” He choked up as the weight of the world was beginning to press down on his shoulders. He held Sarah close to his heart where his chin came to rest upon her covered head. “Tommy, we–”

“Joel, we have to let her go. Brother, please. She’s gone, and there’s nothing we can do to bring her back. I’m sorry.” He was. If he could go back in time and take Sarah’s place, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

Joel’s eyes began to glaze over with fresh tears as he began to frantically whisper to Sarah as if she could hear him from the other side. “S’okay baby girl. You’re okay. Daddy has you, and he’ll see you soon. I promise. I’m coming for you, baby girl.” He pressed a firm, promising kiss to her covered head before he slowly lowered himself onto his knees along the edge of the hole in the dirt. He could feel stomach acid rise up his throat at the thought of the earth, and mother nature consuming his baby girl. He wanted to go with her.

Tommy watched with a heavy heart as he watched his older brother gently place his baby girl into the shallow grave. His own tears began to silently fall as images of a newborn Sarah flashed in his mind. He remembered the pure joy and love that radiated from Joel the moment he got to hold his daughter for the first time. No parent should ever have to bury their child.

As Tommy willed himself to begin shoveling the dirt he dug up into the grave, he watched in horror as his grief-stricken brother nearly had crawled into the hole. He dropped the shovel in a haste as he grabbed ahold of the underside of Joel’s shoulders and yanked him back.

The soul-shaking, torturous, anguished sound that cascaded from Joel’s mouth, was one that chilled Tommy’s blood. It could only be described as a grieving parent refusing to let their only child go.

Tommy still has nightmares of it.

I’m sorry I put you through that. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t just fuckin’ pull myself together for both of us. I know how scared you were, Tommy. I was scared too. I was terrified. I was supposed to be the big brother then. The one who had all the answers. Who could come up with a plan at the drop of a hat to keep his little brother alive. Instead, you had to fill that position. You stepped into that role because I gave you no other choice. If you didn’t force me to leave that spot where she died, I would have rotted there with her. I never thought for a moment about the pain that you were feeling. I lost a daughter that night, but you lost a niece, and a brother all in one night.

48 hours. 2 days since the outbreak. 2 days without his baby girl.

It was Tommy’s idea for him and Joel to return home to gather up as much food and supplies they could get their hands on. Joel was apprehensive, but Tommy reassured him that they wouldn’t have to stay long. So, Joel reluctantly agreed. Their neighborhood was dead silent with no signs of life to be found. The bombs that the government had dropped only impacted the major cities, and left the small neighborhoods untouched from their destruction. It would have just been another day if it weren’t for the familiar bodies scattered in the street. Both Tommy and Joel avoided looking at the deceased body of Nana Adler as they crossed their front yard.

“I’m gonna grab what I can from the garage, and then I'll meet you inside? Grab a couple of backpacks and stuff it with clothes, and anything else you think we might need. Okay, Joel?”

The older Miller brother could only meekly nod as a non-verbal response. He was too focused on remembering that he had stashed a revolver in his office drawer for safe keeping. At least it would be quick.

Tommy was unaware, clueless to Joel’s plan to end his life. He knew his brother was mourning, but he never had thought about the drastic measures he would take to be reunited with Sarah.

As Joel ascended up the stairs, memories of his life before the outbreak leaked into his mind. A five year old Sarah running down the stairs to avoid bath time after playing outside all day. Sticky with sugary sweet syrup from a popsicle, and dirt and twigs stuck in her head of curls. Joel patiently demanded that she needed a bath. Well, Sarah had other plans of course and Joel would have to catch her first.

He could hear her gleeful giggles now; almost sweet music.

Soon, baby girl. I promise.

His footsteps were soft, and undetected as he padded down the hall to his office area. His hand grasped the handle as he slowly turned it and pushed the door open with ease. Everything was right as he left it. Blueprints for a new project he and Tommy were working on. A school paper from Sarah that she had left for him to proof read. A stale cup of coffee. Tommy’s note tacked to the corkboard that Joel kept from when they were kids. A life preserved in time. He reached for the note as he gingerly plucked it from where it was pinned. He folded it carefully before slipping it into his pocket. He wanted to have a piece of his brother with him, always.

Joel didn’t feel nervous as he opened the file cabinet drawer that contained his concealed revolver. He greeted it like an old friend as he grasped it firmly in his palm. The coolness of the metal diffused his clammy skin. He could do it here, he thought silently. No, he wanted to be closer to Sarah. To be comforted by her familiarity. So, he left his office and went straight to her room.

As he brought the barrel of the gun to his temple, he felt calm. He felt ready. More ready than he had ever felt in his entire life. He felt sorry for leaving Tommy to fend for himself, but he knew that his brother would survive, and he’d be better off without him anyway.

As his finger hovered over the trigger, he observed Sarah's untouched room. From the crumpled sheets along her bed where he had tucked her in for the very last time, her discarded backpack, her posters, trophies from soccer, and all of her photographs. Photos of her and Joel. Her and Tommy. She was the happiest kid ever, and that’s how Joel wanted to remember her.

As his finger gradually applied pressure to the trigger, he flinched. The bullet missed, and grazed the right side of his temple. His right ear was profusely ringing as he dropped to the carpet like a bag of bricks. He could faintly hear Tommy’s shouts and footsteps racing up the stairs as blood slowly trickled down his face.

Tommy, I was selfish. I was selfish for wanting to take my life and leave you to fend for yourself. My baby brother. The same brother I swore to protect till my last dying breath. I was a coward, Tommy. A weak, selfish, pathetic coward. I wanted to take the easy way out. The cheap way. I just hope you still don’t hate me for it. I hope you don’t hate me for putting you through the trauma and pain of almost losing me too. Sometimes I wonder if my attempted suicide triggered your thirst for blood. As if I am the direct cause for the carnage you partook in when we joined Tess and her raider group. Sometimes I wonder if all those times that we murdered people, that you pictured me on the other end of the gun. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the brave big brother that you always believed me to be. I’m sorry that even over twenty years later, I’m not me. I’m not the Joel that you looked up to. I’m not sure if I'll ever be that version of myself again, but I am ever-so grateful that I am still your brother. Your flesh and blood.

I hope that one day you’ll be proud to be my brother again. Till then, I'll always have your back.

-Your big brother, Joel. The one that held you when things went bump in the night.

Tommy isn’t even aware of how much time has passed while he reads Joel’s words over till they're practically burned into his brain. He doesn’t feel the shifting of the coarse sheets, or see Joel’s fingers twitch at his side.

“Tommy..” Joel croaks, voice hoarse and barely audible.

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a-field-of-dragonflowers · 1 year

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Finally finished Hestu, my first “big” needlefelting project without a kit/pattern.

#Hestu #needlefelting #breath of the wild #legend of zelda #crafts #botw #for my next project I think I’m going to make some baby sky bison from ALTA

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jksprincess10 · 1 month

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Something in the shadows || 3. Consuming

Summary: When a girl is found by Ellie just outside of Jackson, covered in what seems to be scratches from a beast, the community realizes that the infected might not be the only monsters out there.

CWs: Dark!Joel, monster!Joel, werewolf!Joel, NOT an omegaverse fic, fated mates, DUBCON, murders, gore, dark and horror themes, overprotective!joel, explicit smut, FMC without a name and a physical description (it's you baby), unspecified age gap, no y/n.

(2k words)

Dividers by @saradika

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Divider by @saradika

Tommy was talking, but he wasn’t listening. His brown eyes were focused on his boots, on the crunching sound of the snow beneath his weight, reminiscent of the sound a neck makes when it breaks. Sleep had found him surprisingly fast after he fed the beast and after he drank himself to sleep.

But he still had that eerie feeling of things not being quite right.

“You listenin’, Joel?”

“Yeah.” He lied and repeated some parts of what Tommy said. His brother seemed satisfied.

They walked deeper and deeper into the woods to check on some traps. The beast within him grew angry and excited, as he got closer and closer.

Human flesh and blood replaced the flesh of an animal. The girl, her body twisted, half-eaten. The beast gloated as it got reminded of his victim. Its hunger was sated, but for how long?

“Fuck. There’s more.” Cursed Tommy.

Joel looked away. “We can’t bury her. S’too frozen out here.”

And so, they burned the flesh. Flames and fumes licked the sky with a vague smell of meat. After their job was finished, Tommy and Joel went back to the Jackson community. Maybe it was too early to drink, but the men needed something to forget the horrible sight. The tipsy bison was a staple. The inside was warm and inviting, the walls lined with dark-colored wood and decorated with various hunting trophies. The stools and the bar were both solid and handmade by some men’s hands, who weren’t drunk yet.

The liquid swirled with the movement of his cold hand. His gaze was empty, and silence filled the space.

“I don’t think it’s a matter of what is doing that anymore, but who.” Tommy’s voice was thick with worry, and his brother frowned.

“What do ya mean? That thing can’t be human, surely.” Joel cleared his throat and downed his drink.

“Don’t ya think we would’ve seen it by now on our patrols…”

“We don’t really know what’s out there anymore, Tommy.” The beast was worried. It wanted to be let out, to claw off his brother’s face. It didn’t want to risk being taken away from her. He changed the subject. “How’s the kid?”

“Your nephew is great. Why don’t you come and visit some time soon? It’s like he doesn’t exist for you.”

“Wow, so you’re the girl living with the Joel Miller? What a hunk.” The older woman asked, her hands still working the knitting needles effortlessly. The women around giggled like schoolgirls.

But she felt her cheeks heating up, filled with something close to jealousy. “Huh… yeah. His girl… Ellie. She’s the one who found me.” She didn’t know how to describe the relationship between Joel and Ellie, but they made it clear that he wasn’t the girl’s dad.

She had hoped being around people would be good for her, that it would maybe bring out some memories. But she could only grasp some glimpses from a past she wasn’t sure was real in her dreams and nightmares.

The women hummed and tried to ask her questions about her upbringing. But thankfully, Maria, Joel’s sister-in-law, she had learned, changed the subject, and called the women too nosey.

The circle of women in Jackson met once or twice every month or so, and Maria was the one who invited her. Even though it was nice of Tommy’s wife, she didn’t think she would come back next time. When it was finally over, she felt like she was breathing for the first time. Being around those women was suffocating. The cold winter air tickled her lungs as she walked back to the modest house she shared with Joel and Ellie. It was still empty, Ellie had probably gone to spend time with the animals of the community and Joel was on patrol with his brother.

Joel crossed her mind, and she bit her lip, remembering the moment they shared last night in front of the fire.

She threw some wood in the hearth and got a fire started to warm up the house. While she admired the flames that started to form, she thought of the way he looked at her. Like he wanted to eat her. He wanted her, she had the evidence of that yesterday. And she wanted him. Shame and desire twisted in her stomach as she remembered the thoughts she had while touching herself.

But he was so closed-off. She wanted to know more. She would collect every piece of information she got about Joel and would keep it locked tightly in her memory. It occurred to her that she had never been in his room, and she was curious. Now that she was alone… maybe a little peak wouldn’t hurt.

The old stairs creaked under her weight. In some ways, it felt like this house was alive. Stories of befores and afters she didn’t know of filling these walls. Joel’s bedroom was the first door. She twisted the knob slowly. The room was lit only by the small window, uncovered by dark blue fabric curtains. The first thing she noticed was how big the bed was. It was messy and undone, yellowed pillows thrown haphazardly, a thick blanket with a motif that reminded her of the shirts he usually wore, but in a dark blue color. Above his bed was a cheesy painting with a fall landscape and abstract horses. The bedframe was made from dark wood with intricate details. She wondered if Joel made it himself. There was also a simple drawer cabinet of a similar style. It was dusty, left untouched. She couldn’t resist trailing her finger in the dust, leaving her mark on the wood, similar to the scars that she adorned. There was a single framed photo, that was visibly too small for its frame. It was visibly old and had been folded in a wallet, but there was a girl smiling. She had beautiful curls and beautiful teeth. She wondered who she was. The last objects that would give any clue to who Joel was, were a small block of wood and an old knife. On her way out, she also found an acoustic guitar by the door.

She collected her thoughts and made a mental list:

1. Joel liked cheesy country décor.

2. Joel liked horses.

3. Joel carved wood and played guitar in his free time.

4. Joel lost someone who mattered to him.

Joel couldn’t deny that his brother’s words stung like hell.

“Listen, M’still trying to figure life out without Sarah. I don’t know how to do that whole uncle thing.”

“I know Joel, but please, won’t ya just… try? S'been over 20 years.”

He had come here at first to find his brother, but he hadn't expected to step foot into a new familial situation, which he wasn't ready for.

“M’sorry, Tommy.”

The glass was emptied and abandoned.

His voice called and she climbed down the stairs, acting like she hadn’t been snooping in his room. Joel’s face was still red from being outside, and she could see the sparkle of melted snow in his grey curls.

“You’re here early.”

“Yeah, patrol was rough.” He cleared his throat and slipped off his heavy boots. “How was the… women circle?”

“Fucking terrible. I think I’ll enlist on the laundry tasks and forget any other social activities.” She joked, and she swore she could see the hint of a smile on the man’s lips.

“Understandable. They always need more hands at laundry.” His heavy coat hung, he approached her and delicately took her wrist. She jumped a little at his unexpected touch. “Let me see how those scars are healing up.” She could smell alcohol on his breath.

She agreed and rolled her sleeve, unveiling reddish raised lines that curled around her arm. His cold hand on her bare skin made her shiver. His eyes darkened, and he let go of her when the beast inside of him threatened to come out.

“Good. Let me know if they hurt.”

“T…hank you, I’ll go see if they need help at laundry.”

“Alright.”

When she left, his steps led him to the bathroom, where he could use a warm bath. The luxury of hot water was something they could afford here, and after 20 years of simply surviving, he didn’t think this would be possible to live this comfortably again. The water was steaming when he laid his aching body in the tub, most of his body under the water while his head rested against the tub’s border. His muscles relaxed.

He closed his eyes, a dangerous thing he avoided. It would go in two directions:

Thinking about the people he lost or thinking about devouring her.

Her skin still burned with the ghost of his touch as she walked to the common area where people of the community did the laundry and other tasks that would help everyone else. She offered her help, and they guided her to the room where they would wash articles of clothing by hand.

She scrubbed until her skin was raw and wrinkled from being submerged water. She scrubbed until it was dark out. She scrubbed until she was met with a shirt that resembled one of Joel’s and she was forced to go to the place she now called home.

When she arrived, Joel and Ellie were already sitting at the table and eating a meaty stew that made her mouth water. The girl was ecstatic to see her, and she got up to greet her at the door. The smile she gave her stirred something warm in her being, a feeling of familiarity.

Ellie hugged her tightly. “Joel was about to come and pick you up.”

“Not true.” He said gruffly from the dining room.

“Sorry, I guess I didn’t see the time pass.”

She got rid of her outdoor clothes and boots and joined them with a lighter heart. Ellie talked about her day, and she did too, not holding back on how nosey the women of Jackson were. It ended in laughs and giggles. She even heard Joel chuckle.

“You’re very popular with the women of Jackson, apparently.” She finally concluded with a pinch of jealousy.

“Don’t really care.” Joel mumbled. Something in him groaned her her her I want her.

It soothed her for a bit.

She wished Ellie and Joel goodnight before disappearing into her bedroom. She felt very warm and fuzzy after her dinner, and she shed her superficial layers of clothing to replace them with a t-shirt she found in her drawers and clean panties. She tossed the heavy blankets and slipped under them.

Her thoughts wandered to Joel again. How he touched her skin so delicately, how he looked at her with big, dark eyes.

Until she fell asleep, and her dreams turned sour.

The bodies, they were so many of them. Disfigured, torn open, but still talking.

Help us

Remember us

The voices chanted like one, the corpses’ mouths wide open, swallowing her whole. When she woke up, she was already mid-scream, and she felt a weight on her. His big thighs on her waist, his hands shaking her awake, his eyes, scared.

“Joel.” She breathed.

In the faint moonlight peeking from her curtains, she saw the golden skin of his bare chest, his naked strong thighs, and his dark boxer briefs that left little to the imagination.

Joel’s hand brushed sweaty strands of hair away from her forehead in a tenderly gesture that felt oddly domestic. She swallowed with difficulty, and he followed the movement of her bare throat.

“Heard you scream. Wanted to make sure you were okay.” He looked down at her body. Amid her trashing, she had gotten rid of her blankets and the soft skin of her thighs was exposed. He wanted to bury his face in it. He wanted to bite and mark the skin.

“It was just a nightmare.” She followed his gaze and felt heat rushing to her face. Arousal spread in her panties. She wanted him naked. On top of her. Just like this. Before she could think about this rationally, she wrapped her hands around his thick neck and pulled him down. She heard his breath get stuck in his throat like he forgot how to breathe. Their lips brushed slightly, until he moved off her with a clearing of his throat. He feared what he would do to her if they started this.

“You should sleep. I’ll stay here until you fall asleep.” He sat beside her on top of the covers, and she turned to the opposite side to hide her disappointment. “You know, I get them too. Often.” He murmured softly.

“What kind of nightmares?”

Opening up was hard. But he slowly opened the door. Just a tiny crack, one from where she could peak inside his soul. “Revisiting the night I lost my daughter all over again.”

“I’m sorry, Joel.”

So it was true. The girl she saw was his daughter.

“I dreamed of the corpses. They asked me for help and for me to remember.” She shared in return.

“Sleep. I’ll be here.” He promised.

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #something in the shadows #monster!joel #monster!joel miller #werewolf!joel miller #werewolf!joel #joel miller smut #joel miller story #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x yn #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x foc #joel miller x f!oc

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auteurdelabre · 3 months

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I don’t know if you take requests but I love your writing and I’m dying for a slow burn in post outbreak Jackson. Joel and fem reader strangers to friends to eventual lovers. Reader is in love with Joel from the beginning and is like him strong silent type but with a heart of gold. Lots of pinning and then a surprise when it turns out Joel pines for her too and Tommy and Ellie know that he loves her. Maybe some jealousy thrown in before soft dom Joel to sub reader smut. Then a snippet of them together after confession of love so you can hear what other towns folk think about them. Anyway, if you don’t take asks that’s totally cool and I look forward to reading whatever you write! :)

EDIT: I DID THE DAMN THING.

rating: 18+

words: 4.1k

a/n: I hope you like this @ashleyfilm.

Joel’s Eyes

The autumn chill of Jackson City winds around the sleepy hamlet nestled snugly within the Wyoming landscape. The open window allows a breeze to ruffle the blankets on the end of the bed, your body moving rhythmically over his. He holds you by the hips, fingertips dimpling your flesh as you ride him; thighs spread wide and whimpers falling like snow over his body. His dark eyes stay fixed on you, his smile gentle as he encourages you to keep going.

“That’s my girl,” he murmurs. “You keep goin’, baby. Just like that.”

It’s been three years since Joel and Ellie arrived and set up their permanent home. A snug rancher with a garage for Ellie to convert to her teenage heart’s content. Three years since his lie to her that still sat somewhere wedged behind his sternum, but a lie he could ignore over drinks at the Tipsy Bison or hours spent carving in his shed out back.

It’s been eleven months since you arrived with your brother and his husband to Jackson. Living in the Denver QZ was nothing compared to the wide-open spaces of Wyoming. The food was plentiful, the community kind and warm.

Your brother Anthony gripped Hank’s hand a little tighter as they were shown one of the available houses on Magnolia Street. A sweet little spot with two bedrooms and bright windows. Maria and Tommy mentioned that there was another space for you as well if you wanted to look at it, a one bedroom one street over. You’d been thrown at the concept, having lived with your brother your entire life.

You didn’t want that to change. You didn’t trust the bright endless sky above you. Didn’t trust the neighbors that smiled without sharp fangs. It didn’t feel quite real to ask for bread and not have to give a part of yourself in return. You were wary of everything.

The first night you watched the moon rise from the window of your very own bedroom with its soft bedding and firm pillows. Despite the comfort of your surroundings there was an ache, a loneliness you couldn’t understand.

You were out of the house most days, feeling like a burden to your brother and his endlessly patient husband. It made you seek out Maria and ask where you could volunteer your time in a quiet voice. You needed to give back to this place that gave you plentiful nutritious food and a warm bed.

She’d been eager to show you the different spots in town; the kitchen, the old church, the textile room, the library. You wanted to see everything, barely speaking, and all big eyes on the landmarks she pointed out with Tommy’s hand in hers.

“These are the stables,” she told you as you ambled after them. “They get taken care of by those that do the patrols.”

You nodded as you glanced around the large space, eyes falling on the different colored horses inside. Many were leaning over the wooden gates, eager at the new faces and hoping for a treat. One with a diamond pattern on its forehead intrigued you into reaching a hand out to pet it. It huffed warm air along your bare palm, its whiskers scouring lifelines for a nibble. A husky voice accompanied shuffled boots in your direction.

“New patrolee?”

“Nah just showing her around,” Tommy’s voice replied.

You glanced over your shoulder to see a broad-shouldered man with warm but serious eyes and dark curls threaded with grey that fell just below his ears. The minute you saw him it was like Cupid himself came down to spear you brutally between the ribs. A sharp sting that sent you backwards a step, the breath knocked out of you.

A sensation wholly new to you overtook your body. The nerves that had been choking you suddenly dissipated, leaving you warm and strangely calm.

Joel gave you a sharp nod before heading into a pen marked “Glimmer”. Your eyes stayed on his frame until he receded from view. The mere sight of his soulful eyes had made your breathing come out in tiny huffs that gave Maria an amused pause.

“That’s Joel,” she offered casually, though her glance to Tommy was anything but. “His brother.”

“Oh.”

You didn’t offer more than that.

But you did come back to the stables the next day and the day after that. You brought in feed and mucked out stalls. You did this all with the same solemnity that was in your nature. You met new people but rarely offered your smile to them. You didn’t trust that it would be accepted or handled with care.

But there was no Joel.

It wasn’t until you’d been doing it a week that you saw him again. He was guiding Glimmer into her pen and he looked exhausted. You had always kept to yourself out of the way, but something about Joel’s presence carried your feet in his direction. It made you hover near the pens and hold out your hand for the reins.

“I’ll take her,” you offered quietly.

Joel moved by you, his eyes not casting in your direction, his attention all on the horse. Immediately you felt the sour sting of public humiliation. A teen girl had entered the space after Joel and she saw the altercation.

“Don’t be upset,” she said. “He’s like that with everyone after patrols. He’s just tired.”

“Thanks,” you muttered, cheeks still warm.

“I’m Ellie,” the girl said, brushing a hand down the horse’s ribs with a playful tilt of her lips. “Who the fuck are you?”

Ellie was funny and warm and she was Joel’s daughter. She told you bits and pieces of their past and you didn’t push for more. You were quiet and thoughtful and Ellie told her you reminded her of Joel. This though amused and then delighted you, stuck on the idea of some invisible connection between you and the taciturn man.

You didn’t know why you felt drawn to him, you simply did. Not for the protection he could bring, not because every woman in town seemed besotted with him, not because he was handsome. But because from that first day there had been something in his eyes that called to you and that you desperately wanted to answer. A feeling of peace that you hadn’t felt in years. Safety.

When you passed him in town you thought you saw a lingering glance in your direction, but you knew that it was an idea nursed in delusion. This was a one-sided affection but you didn’t mind. After years of bad relationships in the QZ and the terror of travelling, having a harmless crush felt fun. A concept that was foreign and yet welcomed.

So you watched Joel Miller from behind the pens when he brought Glimmer in after patrols. You watched him when he and Ellie ate in the dining hall together, Ellie cracking jokes while one corner of Joel’s pouty mouth curled into a smirk. You watched him help building the new homes in town and if your eyes connected it was always you who looked away first with your pulse spiking.

It was three months before you spoke to Joel again, this time a simple “excuse me” when you bumped into him at one of the movie nights. The film had ended and you’d been making your way through the crowd before he stopped suddenly in front of you. Your hands flew to his chest, warm and taut under your fingers. He responded with a soft grunt, hands coming to grip your elbows. His touch was fleeting before he was nodding and shifting past you into the crowd while your heart hammered in your ribcage.

It was five months before he spoke a full sentence to you. “Can you put her away?” in response to Glimmer. You’d nodded, still not trusting yourself to speak in his presence after the first interaction. When his fingers brushed yours to pass you the reins you felt it tingle through your entire body. You couldn’t look in his face, convinced he would see the way your pupils had turned heart-shaped because how could they not have done so?

You tried to find reasons to bring up Joel in conversation with your brother and Hank, desperate to learn more about him from someone other than Ellie. Did they know Joel Miller? Neither of them did. Anthony let a small smirk cross his features when you asked, but it was Hank that answered.

“Don’t run in the same circles,” Hank shrugged. “I hear he’s tough though.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, good with a gun too.”

“Hmmm.”

That night you waited until the rest of the house was asleep before thrusting your fingers between your thighs. You brought yourself to a muffled yet toe-curling orgasm at the image of Joel, gun raised, protecting you.

It was six months of living in Jackson before Ellie had Joel’s hand in hers, dragging him over to where you sat eating breakfast in the dining hall alone. You’d been trying to covertly watch Joel while eating your pancakes and the ever receptive Ellie had obviously had enough.

“I thought it was time you two actually talked,” she said with an eye roll before stomping off. You felt your cheeks heating up, convinced that now everyone could see your obvious feelings for her Dad. Joel looked equally thrown, his eyes going everywhere but yours. Finally he cleared his throat, nodding at you.

“I’m Joel.”

“I know.”

You winced at both the breathy tone and the blunt of your reply. You introduced yourself, swallowing when Joel’s lips curled into a small smirk, his eyes finally landing on yours.

“I know.”

Then he’d walked off, sauntering away back to his table and your clamped your thighs together tightly under the table. He knew your name? You immediately inflated at the thought that he’d asked around about you before remembering that Ellie had probably told him. She was one of the few people you interacted with here in Jackson. Keeping to yourself felt safer. But being in Joel’s eye line felt safest.

It was eight months when Joel sat next to you at the bar top of the Tipsy Bison. You had a bottle of something sickly sweet and potent in your grip. It was your third of that evening and you had moved from pleasant buzz all the way into the beginning stages of drunkenness.

Earlier that night Anthony and Hank had looked at you across the dining table with painted on smiles.

“Maria was saying that they’ve done a lot of building. You could probably get your own place if you wanted,” Anthony said it kindly, not insisting one way or the other. Hank smiled warmly over the dining table, but you saw the hope there in his eyes. A home for just them and you wanted to give them that. They deserved it.

You’d nodded emphatically, telling them of course and that the idea excited you when in truth the concept terrified you. Being alone all the time? You knew you were safe within this haven of a town, but there were still the nightmares.

But in that fear there was a thrill of the unknown. Of having a place to call your own. But who to share it with? You’d had the built in company of your brother and Hank. You knew next to no one in this town. No one made you feel safe except for the man you barely spoke to.

Your conversation with them drove you to the Bison, needing a distraction from your distress. When you glanced up to see Joel Miller sliding into the barstool beside you it had taken all your drunken self control not to confess that his eyes were the most beautiful things you’d ever seen. Dark brown, like warm molasses that you desperately wished would drip over you.

He ordered a whiskey, hands folded on the gleaming wood of the bar. He tilted his face in your direction as he waited to be served, a light smile on his lips as he spied the three empty bottles in front of you.

“You doin’ okay?”

“Mhmm.” You nodded at your sweating bottle, fingertip tracing over the trail of a fallen droplet.

“Don’t see you around the stables much anymore.”

This surprised you, having assumed that Joel didn’t notice you one way or another. Up this close you could see the freckles on his neck, could smell the wood from his carvings (thanks Ellie for that info), and whatever scent made him uniquely Joel in your olfactory opinion.

“They moved me to kitchen duty.”

“Oh.”

He brought his drink to his lips and full of liquid courage a thought bubbled forth and turned into a question thrown at his feet.

“Why’d you ignore me the first time I talked to you, Joel?”

Joel’s brow quirked at that, not seeing the connection from one conversation topic to the next. Your cheeks burned at the memory of him walking by you, not even sparing a glance. Joel turned his broad body towards you, hand dangerously close to yours resting atop the wood bar top.

“When was that?”

“That first day in the stables. I said I’d put Glimmer in the pen.”

Joel looked thoughtfully into middle distance, brows drawn.

“I didn’t even know you said anything. You talk so damn quiet.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t mind it,” Joel told you quickly, his body twisting away as he continued drinking. “Everyone else is so loud around here.”

As it to emphasize such a statement a loud braying group of men guffawed over cards. You and Joel exchanged an amused look before going back to your respective drinks. The secret moment made you feel warm.

You’d excused yourself quickly after that, tilting the remaining dregs of your beer into your mouth and then stumbling out of the bar. You’d just stepped out the door preparing for your journey home when you spotted Anthony looking harried.

“I was looking for you everywhere,” he said with concern, jogging over to you. “Since when do you get drunk?”

“Decided to try it out,” you slurred, a sloppy grin bleeding across your face. “I like it.”

Anthony laughed before slipping an arm around your waist. You leaned into him, breathing in the crisp night air deeply as you two stumbled towards home.

“Why’re you here, Tony?”

“You left so quickly earlier,” Anthony replied in a soft murmur, pressing a chaste kiss to your temple. “I just need you to know that there’s no rush about the m-“

“Get your hands off her.”

You’d both turned, startled by the snarled shout coming from behind you. Your bleary eyes took in Joel’s hand whipping out in front of him, gripping Anthony’s sweatshirt in his hand and hauling him away from you. With a drunken slur you tried to catch his attention, but Joel had already pressed Anthony up against the wood side of the building.

“Joel!” you shouted. “What’re-“

“She’s drunk,” Joel barked into Anthony’s face. “And you’re here tryin’ to make a move?”

“No!” Anthony shouted eyes wide with terror.

“You don’t get to touch her,” Joel growled and for the first time since you arrival you saw the ruthless killer people whispered about in his wake.

Anthony was up close to see the narrowing of Joel’s eyes, the baring of his teeth and he could only grip Joel’s wrist in supplication.

“She’s my sister!”

Joel’s gaze widened and then darted over his shoulder to yours for confirmation. All you could do was nod miserably as you watched Joel lower your brother to the ground as if he weighed nothing.

Before you could say anything to either party Joel had mumbled an apology and taken off into the night, his long legs slicing through the air. You expect Anthony to be furious or at least scared, but as he brushes down his sweater he’s smiling at you.

“What?”

“So that’s Joel.”

“Yeah,” you shrugged with embarrassment. Anthony was almost laughing.

“He likes you.”

Your head rose abruptly from where you’d had it hung over your sternum. “He doesn’t.”

“He does. He was all protective of you.”

“He doesn’t,” you insist unsteadily even though everything in your body is coming alive at the idea. “That’s just Joel, I think.”

But Anthony doesn’t let up. He teases you mercilessly about it for two weeks. Two weeks in which you have replayed that moment over and over in the confines of your bedroom. You don’t get to touch her. You don’t get to touch her. You don’t get to touch her.

And at the end of two weeks and no sign of Joel you found his address from Ellie and marched to his house.

You give a sharp rap on the door, shocked when it flies open and a grumpy looking Joel takes up the entire doorframe. He looks like he’s been recently awoken and it makes your core twitch. Seeing Joel all sleepy and soft makes you want to curl into him.

“Hi Joel.”

His sweet molasses eyes land on you, widening in surprise. The irritation there flees immediately and is replaced with gentle surprise.

“How do you know where I live?” Joel asks in a quiet rasp with his brows knitting together.

“Ellie.”

You’ve never been a loud talker and now with Joel’s beautiful face in front of you, this moment is no exception. Joel leans forward a fraction, ear tilted towards you.

“Wassat?”

"Ellie."

"Oh, a' course."

He gives a breathless chuckle as his dark eyes scan over your shoulder, surveying the neighborhood to see if you're alone. He rocks back on his heels, reminding you of a chastised child.

"Look, I'm real sorry about what happened with your brother," he says and observing the way he's bracing himself you think he assumes you're here to dress him down. The thought takes you by surprise before amusing you.

"Why did you?"

Joel stares at you a beat, acutely surprised by your sudden confidence.

"Was worried he was a stranger," Joel finally mutters. "And I didn't like some strange guy touchin' you."

You're shocked to see pink rising to his tanned cheeks. It makes you feel bolder; it makes you take a step towards Joel on his porch. It makes you speak a little louder, a little bolder.

"Why?"

His gaze drags from the ground, taking its time to travel from your feet to your eyes.

"You mean it ain't obvious?" He exhales slowly, looking defeated. “Cuz… your mine.”

You feel as your body jerks to life at this simple statement. The possessiveness in his tone, the desire, the hope all mixing into one incredibly potent cocktail.

“I mean, I want you to be mine,” he amends quickly, licking his dried lips nervously.

You can't help reach out a hand to touch his chest, palm flat. You feel his heartbeat there, fluttering like a trapped bird in a strong cage. Joel swallows, his gaze going from your hand back to your searching eyes on his.

"I didn't know you liked me," you say in a hush to his sternum. "I didn't-"

"The day you got here," Joel confesses in haste. "The second I saw you...Somethin' just... clicked."

Your heart sings, making your pupils grow large in your eyes as you stare up at Joel. His large hand cups your cheek, thumb dragging over your bottom lip. You hold in a shiver as his eyes shutter.

"Haven't been able to get you outta my head since then."

"I felt it too," you say quickly, your hand sliding up to his shoulder as you step closer to him. "The moment I saw your eyes."

Those very eyes dart back and forth between your own, looking for guile, looking for deception. When they find none, they shine again with that sweet warm cinnamon color gazing back at you.

"I'm not a good person,” he says in a voice that sounds tired and broken. A voice of regret and life lived. His warm hand drops from your cheek and he takes a step backwards into his house, away from your touch. “I've done a lot of terrible shit.”

You grip his hand in yours, guiding it back until it cups your cheek again. He allows this, even welcomes it. He stands watching as you nuzzle into his palm, eyes closing as you bask in the warmth of his touch. Joel feels his feet stepping forward again, drawing near to you and this feeling you bring out in him.

You open your eyes and reach up above his shoulder. He allows your fingers trap one of the curls below his ear, testing the smooth texture, seeing the browns and grays mixing together and reveling that you’re finally touching Joel Miller. He has your face in both his hands now, holding you delicately.

“I don’t deserve ya,” he whispers.

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"Well I says I want you," you say smirking a moment after hearing it out loud.

You've always been so quiet and serious. Right now there's almost a levity in how you look at Joel and he finds he likes it. A lot. His face breaks into a broad grin and you're amazed at how it transforms his face from austere to boyish. It makes you sigh, angling your body closer to his.

"I wanted you the second I saw you, Joel. I can't explain it." Your hands lace behind his neck. 'Being around you makes me feel-."

"Safe," he finishes for you.

When you nod he does the same, eyes scanning yours. You take a moment, hearts beating in tandem before he pulls you into his arms, mouth pressing to yours. The kiss is everything you’d hoped; warm and soft and sweet. It wraps you up in a cocoon of safety built with lust and comfort.

And now its eleven months and you live in your own home. It’s a street over from Joel’s and you take turns staying over at each other’s places. You also take turns cooking every night but it’s always done at Joel’s kitchen, often with Ellie offering unsolicited opinions from her space at the table where she sketches and makes retching noises when Joel kisses you. When you all eat together each night in the Miller kitchen there’s lots of laughing and shared stories and and if Ellie’s getting on Joel’s nerves he makes sure to kiss you heaps just to gross her out.

Despite how they first met, Anthony is one of Joel’s biggest fans with Hank following close behind. The three of them go fishing some weekends, coming back singing drunkenly with a chest full of fish. It makes you laugh with your whole body.

Maria and Tommy are the first to say what was already known during your first dinner together with them, “Fucking finally. You know how long this asshole was pining after you?” much to a red-faced Joel’s chagrin.

The first time Joel takes you to bed everything is slow slow slow. He wants to see your face, wants to make sure you feel good. He won’t chase his pleasure until yours has been sated first and often more than once with his tongue, his fingers, his cock. When he groans his release it rumbles through his chest and echoes through into your ribcage. It makes you feel connected, like one body, one set of lungs, one heart.

When you first walk into town with Joel’s hand wrapped around yours the people don’t seem particularly shocked. Joel and you make sense to them, so similar in your quiet intensity, your serious dispositions. But when you’re behind closed doors and secret smiles are shared between you and him, the warmth of the moment invades your heart.

It makes you whisper “I love you,” into his jaw as he sheaths himself between your legs. It makes him murmur “Fell in love the moment I saw you,” in your ear. And it makes you cry when a few years later you feel your belly swell with new life.

And when your child is born you thank the entities above for giving her Joel’s eyes.

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original answer to the ask:

I love reading requests but unfortunately I can't do them all! I kinda just write what the muses tell me to. Plus this sounds like a big, long story (which honestly sounds beautiful) but I have so many WIP's that I don't think I would get to this one. However, I might take this and adapt it into a short story for you if you want? (And if I can!)

fuckin' muses, eh?

#joel miller tlou #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller the last of us #joel miller fic #soft!joel miller #soft!joel #joel x reader #smut #light smut #short story #one shot

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jungle-angel · 7 months

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Home is the Warmest Place (Rhett Abbott x Reader)

Summary: You and Rhett know that despite your hardships of the past, your home is everything to you

Warnings: Mentions of breastfeeding

Rhett lay fast asleep on your bed with one arm curling around one of the twins who lay all swaddled up in his blue blankie, peacefully asleep in the circle of his father's arm. Tatum's soft little whimpers drew Rhett from his deep sleep, his gravely groan following the heaviness that had filled his whole body.

"Alright my little ghoul," he groaned. "I think you're wantin your momma."

Very carefully he picked Tatum up and cradled him in his arms. The day had turned to a dusky blue sky as the snow kept falling, the thick forests and the Abbott land completely covered in white. Rhett calmly rocked Tatum in his arms, but it was clear that his baby son needed to feed soon, his tiny pink tongue poking in and out of his mouth.

"You hungry buddy?" Rhett cooed to his tiny son. "Yeah, I know that look, that's the 'I want momma's boobies look'."

Rhett felt a hotness beginning to bloom in his chest, the sight of his tiny little son in his big arms filling him with a feeling of pure love that he held for you and the rest of the kids.

He headed downstairs, following the tantalizing smells coming from the kitchen, only to find Amy and Hannah playing happily on the living room rug while Tanner managed to stay asleep in his little wicker sleeping basket.

"Hey darlin," Rhett greeted happily, kissing your cheek and making you giggle. "Whatcha cookin tonight?"

"I'm cooking that roast that your dad gave us two weeks ago," you informed him happily.

Rhett groaned, his eyes nearly rolling to the back of his head. Royal had gotten some beef butchered a few weeks before the snow had hit, the freezer filling almost to the top with the beef, elk and bison meat he had gotten on the hunt with Thomas Rainwater and one of Wes's uncles. You and Rhett had planned on doing a store run after the fervor of the Thanksgiving holidays had died down, but the birth of the twins had come much sooner than expected, leaving the drop-freezer in your pantry sparse and almost empty. The rib roast had been somewhat of a lifesaver along with the fact that Cece had told Royal to clean out or else he wouldn't be getting any until he did.

"Did he wake up?" you asked, looking up from the potato pot boiling on the stove.

"Yeah I think he's hungry," Rhett answered.

"Mind watching the potatoes?" you asked.

Rhett nodded and carefully handed a still whimpering Tatum off to you, carefully placing him in the curve of your arms before you were off to the big sectional in the living room and opening your shirt to feed him.

"Daddy, Daddy," Amy chirped. "Can I try the potatoes?"

"Nope, not yet doodlebug," he told her. "Daddy's gotta take the meat outta the oven first."

Amy made a little pouty face before she zipped off to the living room to peer into Tanner's sleeping basket.

Out of the oven came the roast, filling the whole house with its savory smell, the herbs, the spices, carrots, pearl onions, celery, red wine and garlic all mixing together. As soon as Tatum was full and good, you put him into the sleeping basket next to his brother, the two of them fitting in perfectly as you placed a crocheted blanket over the two of them.

You took care of plating the food while Rhett loaded a few more logs into the woodstove so that it would burn through the night and warm the whole house. Dinner was eaten with the girls chattering away, the boys asleep in their basket, the dogs in and out of sleep near the boys and the cats probably lurking about the house. You felt Rhett's hand clasping yours under the table, holding it tightly as he leaned in and kissed your cheek.

"I love you," he whispered.

"Love you too," you whispered back.

#rhett abbott #rhett abbott x reader #amy abbott #outer range

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sass-squat · 1 year

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Part 1 of the Linked Universe Winged Au! Starting the series off with the bird man himself, Sky!

Next >>>

In my headcanon, I believe that the people of Skyloft have a relationship with their Loftwings that is similar to the Air Nomads and Sky Bison in ATLA. Just like how the Sky Bison were the original Airbenders and the companions of the Air Nomads, the Loftwings were the ones that taught the people of Skyloft how to fly and remain as their "other halves" to this day.

This idea was taken from the canon dialogue in Skyward Sword that states, "Skyloftians consider themselves to be one half of a pair until they are made whole by the Loftwings. When a Skyloftian is young, they meet their bird companion under the Statue of the Goddess. Having a Loftwing and being able to ride it separates the kids from the adults."

This sign of a Skyloftian child turning into an adult is shown as the kid meets their Loftwing counterpart and begin losing their baby feathers. As they grow up, their feathers will gradually molt and be replaced with colors the same plumage as their Loftwing counterparts. Afterward, their Loftwing will guide and teach them how to fly with the help of their parents.

Now you may be wondering, if the people of Skyloft have wings of their own, why do they still ride their Loftwings? Well one reason would be because the children on Skyloft still aren't able to fly for the first several years of their life. As a parent who may have one or more children, having a Loftwing to ride on would be a huge help rather then struggling to carry children and fly at the same time. There are also other circumstances to consider such as carrying large loads such as groceries or furniture, flying far distances, and combat that are all made easier with the help of a Loftwing.

Now back to Sky, seeing as his Loftwing is known for its bright crimson feathers and is modeled after the Shoebill bird you can expect the same characteristics to be shown in his own wings for this au. Despite his poor running stamina, he's a VERY strong flier, if not the best out of all the Links due to growing up in the sky and having a giant bird teach him all the tricks. However, as shown in Skyward Sword, "Loftwings cannot fly during the nighttime since they have a terrible night vision, and only those which have been specially trained can fly in the dark." Sky has most certainly had special training to fly in the dark due to his history at the Knights Academy so he is capable of flying in the dark, but I do believe that his night vision is worse than other Links.

Anyways, that was a lot, so kudos to those who made it through all that lore dump! Let me know if you want to know more and who you want to see next! 😊

#my art #linkeduniverse #linked universe #loz #loz link #legend of zelda #skyward sword #lu sky #winged au #LUWAU #Linked Universe: Winged AU #god I need to write a fanfic about this I have too many ideas and lore for this #would any of you be interested in that?#im currently working on Wind next but if any of you have ideas or recommendations for birds for the other Links im open to suggestions!

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mydarlingdyke · 4 months

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come into the water

an ellie x fem reader drabble

A new yet cold day settled in Jackson, Wyoming. The frost decorating the trees and hanging on the windowsills made its home there for what seemed an eternity; no signs of melting whatsoever. The bite of the chilling breeze on people's faces only reinforced the seemingly permanent beauty of the winter wonderland the town had come to be, the only refuge from it being the glowing embers inside homes, the comforting warmth of hugs and kisses and the consoling burn in your chest from downing a glass of your preferred brand of whiskey.

Yet the only thing Ellie needed to feel enveloped in the warmth of spring in the midst of a snowstorm was to see you. Your bright smile could easily light up a room, melt an entire year's worth of snow from a mountain. Your aura shone like alpenglow, reflections of soft spring colors and summer warmth. You reminded her of the wildflowers she saw on patrol, the vast blue sky over her head, the scent of marshmallows burning at a campfire, the warm waters of the lake the kids would bathe in in June.

She thought of you in every waking moment of her solitude. And this morning wasn't exempt from the way she pictured your smile, heard the laughter that bubbled through your chest, felt your soft fingers against hers when you'd pass her a cup of hot cocoa you made for her. Ellie's mind was racing with you and you only as she sat at her desk, turning on the lamp Joel had fixed for her and opened her journal. Endless scribbles of plants, people and places were etched on the pages, small notes and diary entries complementing them. The graphite markings became softer, however, as she reached the most recent pages.

Everything was, actually. Softer traces, softer words, softer edges... And what a coincidence it was that their contents revolved around nothing else but you. Small doodles of your nose from every possible angle she could recall, trying to capture the way your eyes would shine when you smiled, failing miserably at capturing the soft glow of your skin, or those sweet dimples on your cheeks.

Slowly, but surely, she began to write.

do you wanna be my baby?

are you waiting to touch me?

Ellie had always been bewitched by you. From the second she saw you at the Tipsy Bison, helping out by serving bottles of chilled beer in a hot, summer day. You became friends almost instantly, but the ache in her chest was always present. That weird, aching feeling that wasn't unpleasant, but it sure was annoying. Countless days she'd fantasize about kissing you, holding you, just yearning to feel you against her skin. And when she did, yet only through friendly hugs and playful shoves, her mind would be replaying that moment over and over for the rest of the day.

you look so good but i keep my hands

til you come into the water

Gentle, glowing, welcoming. You were, in her eyes, a lively pond full of fish and colorful aquatic vegetation, brimming with life and sound. And she was... So afraid. Afraid that if she basked in your warmth for a little too long she'd become obsessed, completely neurotic when you were not around. Like a drug, some kind of escape from the cruel world you both lived in.

She held it in for as long as she could. The desire to touch you, to breathe in your scent, to fully immerse herself in you. Because she was also afraid you'd think badly of her if she warmed up to you the way she wanted to. That you'd find her weird, maybe even disgusting. Did you even like girls? She'd never seen you with a guy around town. She'd never heard you speak of a guy in a romantic way... But she wanted to be sure. She wanted to hear it from you.

maybe I'm the same as all those men

writing songs about their dreaming

Ellie was the type to write down her feelings instead of openly talking about them. She would sit on her desk at the end of the day, worn out pencil in her hand, and vent about anything and everything; a behavior that contrasted her usual extroverted self. It'd been taken out of habit, not having anyone to really express her emotions to when growing up— except Joel, but she never opened up to him like that.

So that's why sometimes her words on paper would accidentally rhyme. They'd have a rhythm, felt like they're made to be sung or recited. Usually, those lines were about you. About your hair, or the wrinkles around your eyes when you smiled, about how your voice sounded like a lullaby... It reminded her of all those love songs she heard in those cassettes and vinyls from the old world. She'd borrow them from Joel, or just straight out came over to sit on his chair and listen to tunes about unrequited love, broken hearts, secret love affairs, tender love confessions...

She wondered why these melodies wouldn't resonate with her, why they didn't seem to tug at her heart strings like they were supposed to. She asked herself what was so special about love, about that fuzzy feeling in your gut that those songs described; why people seemed so eager to throw themselves into a flaming volcano, to break every rule of nature, to literally carve their hearts out and wrap them in a bow like a gift for someone.

After meeting you, she understood all that perfectly.

so would you tell me if you want me

'cause i can't move until you show me

Ellie was not just yearning, you see. She was burning. Burning for you. The heat was enough to melt her fingers off when she wrung them in anxiety every time she caught a glimpse of you out and about. Her lip was cracked from the amount of times she'd unconsciously bite down on it, trying to hold herself back from spilling out everything that her heart was holding onto. Desperately, silently, so eagerly swallowing her words into the fiery pit that her ribcage contained.

The warmth that radiated inside her was so unusual, so foreign, it would paralyze her. The urge to touch you, to be engulfed by the flames of your glory, the desire to breathe in the sweet scent of your hair and skin... All of it, turning her to stone. Unable to fulfill her wishes. For how could she? How could she dare approach such a divine creature? It's not like she knew how to either way... She had to be taught. Taught how to explore your delicate curves, how to fly across the pink sky of your mind, how to take care of the gentle flowers and how often she should water them?

She'd be your devoted pupil, for sure.

I didn't know I had a dream

I didn't know until I saw you

For the longest time, Ellie was alone. She had felt alone, before she met Joel and finally came to Jackson. And maybe after that she allowed herself to breathe in fresh air, explore other possibilities of life that don't involve running and hiding. She allowed herself to love, to care, to laugh, to enjoy. And maybe that was what led her to experience this amount of infatuation for you.

You were the only one capable of giving her peace. Only one glance and her day was made. Only two laughs were enough to make her smile for the rest of the night. Only three words out of your mouth were all she needed to feel like life was worth living after all. Could an ocean be set aflame? Could her usual turbulent waters be tamed by a single ray of sunshine peeking through the clouds? She liked to think it could.

And if only you knew. If only you knew how her heart ached tonight, how her heart had been aching since she met you. You showed her the beauty of living, a concept so unknown to her before. Something she never really had the time to think about. But that when she met your pretty eyes for the first time, all those years ago... It would be the only thing on her mind for the rest of her life.

so would you tell me if you want me

'cause i can't move until you show me

Little did she know, you were lying awake in your bed that night, a million thoughts plaguing her mind. Not the usual worries that would cloud your skies, or the frustrations that would pluck the flowers from your pretty garden, or the sadness that would dampen your fluffy clouds; just a small whirlwind of chilly air that grew bigger, and bigger, until it made snowflakes fall in the middle of April. Beautiful, white snowflakes that when melted would water your flowers, brighten your skies and whiten your clouds, all of them carrying a single name.

Ellie.

#ellie williams #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie x reader #ellie x fem reader #tlou #tlou2 #tlou ellie #the last of us #the last of us part 2 #lesbian #wlw #wlw fanfic #mydarlingdyke #mydarlingdyke works

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oneatlatime · 5 months

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The Desert

Alternate title: Gimme Appa back.

"But I believe, Aang can save the world." no pressure kid.

I had completely forgotten about these two chuckleheads. For once the 'Previously On' segment is useful rather than spoilery.

Ok Aang is going to get the world's biggest pass this episode, because he's in the suckiest of all situations. But even so, how exactly was Toph supposed to come and get them, when she was both actually blind for once and the only reason the library hadn't drowned them yet?

Aang has something of a history of running away. Does going after Appa count as running away from his friends?

Zuko's theatre kid tendencies are genetic.

The way Iroh said "What Now?" you know he was actually saying "fuck's sake."

Zuko's hair seems to grow very quickly. I thought that I could use his hair growth to measure time passing but this is not tracking. He barely had a buzz cut in The Chase and now he's fluffy.

Two things: a) this guy has eyes greyer than Aang this episode. b) He's cocking his hands like that ridiculous Henry Cavill scene from Mission Impossible where he cocks his biceps.

This guy's spear has piercings. And is coming out of a Dragon's mouth.

I don't know that I'd call these guys legendary. They're zero for two against an Avatar in Drag and two starving refugees with three functioning arms.

Doesn't Katara ever change out her water? Or even use it up and have to refill it?

I said it last episode, and I'll say it again: why did five people, a lemur, and a ten tonne sky bison travel into a desert famous for its desertiness with only a single water pouch between them? Admittedly, if they'd brought extra water and left it on Appa, they'd be having the same problem, but still...

Is a kids' show actually going to go there?

They actually went there!

Honestly if you're dying of dehydration in the desert, eating strange plants is absolutely the way to go. I'd rather trip my way into the afterlife than just shrivel up and die.

I love the way Aang's glider shadow moves over the dunes. Another one of those tiny details that the animators could have left out, but they didn't!

Sand benders must get crazy high speeds if Aang can't spot even a trace of Appa from up high. He wasn't Appa-napped very long ago.

Everyone go watch the scene where Aang blows up the mushroom cloud. Go right now I'll wait. And pay attention to Sokka's mouth. It does the wave.

His mouth does the wave and his arms do the worm. Someone really had fun this episode.

Zuko breaking the world record for highest number of Fire Nation wanted posters. Despite being the only person on that board who's unquestionably loyal to the Fire Nation. What a nice reward he got for his loyalty.

How is that one wrestler dude's hair so shiny?

Why, other than plot convenience, would Zuko and Iroh be at the Ice Spring?

I see now that the left hand shadow is Sokka with a Momo on his head. But for just a second I thought it was Ramona from Scott Pilgrim.

There are some really beautiful colour gradients in this desert.

"We won't survive without Appa." Well yes, but you have to try.

If this is a normal desert they're going to freeze their butts off overnight.

No comment. Just vibes.

Hey this is a Katara episode! Toph is blind, Sokka's zoinked, Aang's given up, so it's Katara time baby!

This episode has no business being this pretty.

"Sokka. I was there." I'd be very surprised if Katara's voice actress doesn't have an idiot older brother. That line was delivered a little too perfectly.

I'm not going to comment on every Sokka is high joke, but rest assured I'm finding them all hilarious.

Those drinks cost a gold piece each. Where did they get five gold pieces from?

Colour me shocked. The chuckleheads actually had a good idea for once.

Colour me shocked again! I vaguely predicted this!

Zuko. Honey. How are you this dim? He's so very good at missing exactly what's in front of him.

"Gold?"

Big muscles. No brains.

Very pretty. The sand texture is good too.

Well that was mean.

Passive aggressive glider deployment. Also how low is that cloud if Aang can reach it to bend it?

Aang is not shining this episode (understandably) but Katara is going from strength to strength. I NEVER would have thought that she was someone who could keep her cool under pressure like this. Happy to be wrong!

I have no idea if Sokka is going to remember or be aware of this epic trip he's on, but this is probably the best time he's had in months. Certainly since Yue died. He deserves this. Bad timing, but he needed a break.

"You must forgive my nephew. He is not an initiate, and is dumb as shit and incapable of reading the room."

Why is there a flower shop in the middle of the desert? What clients do they have? Obviously it's a front for this pai sho secret society thing, but why did they pick such a nonsensical front?

Toph has so much personality that it's easy to forget how tiny she is. Like a little gargoyle.

Sokka talking like a Greaser was the thing I didn't know I needed.

Poor Katara. Now you know how your brother feels every time he has to save your bacon from your weekly prison break.

I am losing my mind over these colours. Especially after The Library.

"I have a natural curiosity." I'm going to start using that.

Oops they found the circle bird nest.

Hey showrunners, you're going to take Momo from me too? You sure you want to do that? After last episode? Don't give me a pretty sunset with a latte swirl. Give me back Appa, put down Momo, or I'll sic Toph on you.

I do like Toph as a piece of artillery.

Turns out a combined Appa and Momo -napping is what it takes to get Aang to break his no killing rule. I now know how to defeat the Fire Lord.

The Audacity. Going to Ba-Sing- however the hell that's spelled. The sheer audacity. But then what? What's the plan after they get there? Just live the rest of their lives?

Rejected Mortal Combat guy.

You ever have one of those days where you do only your top lip?

Whoever made that door, and that lock - good job!

Nothing to see here, just making a delivery of two giant planters in the middle of the desert. The Owl decided to spruce up his entryway.

Y'all are fucked. Y'all deserve it. Aang has completely lost control. He's spent the whole episode losing it more and more and now he's gone completely off the rails. Has he ever zipped into the Avatar state that fast before?

Never underestimate the power of a woman who's fed up with everyone's nonsense. Just so fed up.

Well that was sad.

Badass name of the day: Malachi Throne, voice of a character whose name I don't recognise.

Final Thoughts

This was Katara's episode. I'm not going to forgive not getting Appa back, but Katara actually keeping a level head for once was an unexpected delight.

This episode was pretty unrelentingly heavy in the A-plot, which is why I don't understand why Sokka and Momo tripping worked so well. It did work, and I very much enjoyed it, but it should have stuck out like a sore thumb and it didn't. The beat up Sokka quota fulfillled from within by chemicals was a nice creative touch.

I am very happy to see Iroh take the wheel, although I'm not convinced there's a long term plan here beyond get food and shelter. Which, fair enough, goals tend to be short term and immediate when you're in dire straits.

This episode really stomped all over Aang. And then stomped some more. I was surprised how negative and shouty he was at the beginning, but by the end I was surprised how long it took him to lose it. Apart from his staff and his clothes, Appa really is all he has left from before he got frozen. That sandbender punk was rotten to the core.

So I guess we're going to the earth kingdom capital regardless of the eclipse information. Is the rest of the season going to be getting there? I also can't help but notice that it's where Iroh and Zuko are headed as well. Zuko could actively run in the direction opposite to the Avatar and he'd still end up tripping over him. The earth Kingdom is ginormous. And yet, like every two episodes Zuko runs into the Avatar. Is it fate? Is it plot convenience?

I should dislike this episode. It's 24 minutes of our faves getting beat down and not finding Appa, with a b-plot of Zuko being more oblivious than usual. I should dislike it, but I don't. This is definitely going on the rewatch list. It was a very pretty episode, which helped. Beyond that I can't put into words why I liked it, but I did!

#atla #avatar: the last airbender #avatar the last airbender #The Desert #Dessert?#Desert is one of the words where the longer you stare at it the less it's a word #Like Sausage #Sew-sahhj

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