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samwinchesterism · 1 month

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in re: “cas knows dean better than sam”

“cas sees dean as a whole person and sam just sees dean’s façade as his big brother slash parent” but like how and where. outside of your fanfiction. season and episode. scene and line. if it’s so obvious and apparent you should have at least 3-5 concrete examples right? “sam doesn’t know dean carried him out of the burning house” yeah but did cas? outside of a footnote in the angelic manila folder they gave him between seasons 3 and 4 so he could better manipulate him and sam into doing heaven’s bidding? like if you’re going to say “cas knows dean better than sam” than you need to show how cas succeeds where you perceive sam to be failing at the very least. but even your perceptions of how sam doesn’t measure up are so warped, blinkered, and moronic that it wouldn’t even be worth much if you could provide the textual evidence, but at least you’d have a semblance of a point. like say anything without going “as an eldest daughter…” “well my relationship with my sibling isn’t…” please say anything without fucking projecting your own self-pitying crybaby bullshit onto your little woobie dean and using the actual canon text of the show. I’m literally begging you.

like the thing of it all is and always has been that you’re so hell-bent on twisting the sam and dean relationship to fit into this narrow and almost entirely inaccurate mold which is the basis upon which you build the entire Destiel Mythos that you literally lose all sense of media literacy. you don’t even miss the forest for the trees, you miss the trees for like, the pretend invisible things you’re seeing in between the trees, the forest is a whole long way away from your current level of perception. because the Destiel Mythos is based entirely on the fact that dean is Not Seen and Not Appreciated and Not Loved and Cannot Be Himself until cas comes along, and that Family (read: sam) Is Only A Burden on Him That He Must Be Freed From In Order to Flourish, so you keep trying to warp the sam relationship into something that is only one dimension of it – and keep ignoring the ways in which dean is seen, loved and understood within it, because you need to keep lying to yourselves that there is a narrative need to emancipate dean from something that he has never wanted emancipation from because it is ultimately a net good for dean in the particular circumstances of their lives. it’s also profoundly unhealthy, codependent, evil and toxic etc. (a lot more dean’s fault than sam’s but I will nawt be getting into all that right now) but that doesn’t change the fact that sam and dean both know and understand and feel deeply that they are each other’s person – that they know the best and love the most in the world. but that – which IS true canon fact – is incompatible with the Destiel Mythos so it must be ignored and all good sense must be thrown out the window in order to do it.

anyway i digress there are two main categories of Bad Thinking that i will be addressing below

childhood/ “parent/child” / blah blah blah

every single thing people are saying in favour of the deeply stupid thesis in the title of this post is proof positive of the very silly form of ‘analysis’ I just described. a few things:

“wah sam didn’t know that dean carried him out of the burning house :( this means that dean withholds things from sam to protect him because he is a PARENT and sam can only know things about him in the context of him being a PARENT to him” – what the fuck are you on about genuinely. first of all reducing the sam/dean relationship exclusively to parent/child is in itself foolishness for so many reasons that I don’t have time for right now. but also, it’s clear that this is just something that happened when sam was a baby that just never came up. in the scene (1.09) where this is brought up, dean is mildly surprised that he or john never mentioned that detail and then states that sam knows the rest of the story (i.e. the actual traumatic stuff) just as well as dean does – which is true, demonstrably whenever they talk about it.

obviously there are some things that happened to dean in their childhood that sam doesn’t know about (or didn’t know about, until told in whatever episode they come up in). equally, there are things dean doesn’t know about sam’s childhood, e.g. the fact that he was so lonely he needed a zanna (11.08). or how dean didn’t remember that sam was friends with barry cook until he mentions it when they go back to their old school (4.13). or about the nature of sam’s relationship with amy pond (7.03). these don’t mean that ‘sam withheld these things to protect dean out of parental love’ lol, it’s just that there are details and events in each of their lives that the other happens to not have been told about.

similarly “sam didn’t even know dean wanted to be a firefighter L” girl did dean know sam wanted to be a lawyer? in 1.01 he’s pretty surprised that sam has a law school interview. the point here isn’t “neither sam nor dean know each other well,” these are minutiae that aren’t relevant to how well you know someone as a whole, and very poorly demonstrate the bad and inaccurate point that dean withholds things from sam the way a parent does a child (on a constant or regular basis). obviously the way they were raised, sam was deemed too young to know about certain things until he got older and dean had to keep that secret, but as shown in 3.08 flashbacks, most if not all of this is eventually revealed throughout their childhood when sam is still fairly young.

or possibly the dumbest one is that “wah sam doesn’t even know that dean reads books L” whenever that was he was also obviously joking because in more serious moments (e.g. 8.14) he admits that dean is smart/a better researcher than he is, literally remembers dean reading to him as a kid (8.21) so like. clam down

one of the extra annoying variants of this type of ‘proof’ covers things that are very clearly novel pieces of information about dean that dean, sam, and the audience are learning about dean in real time. like if you’re actually watching the show to comprehend it as it was intended to be comprehended, instead of funnelling everything through the Destiel Machine until it’s unrecognizable slop that fits neatly into your pre-ordained molds that Make Destiel Necessary In the Narrative (when it actually isn’t, at all) it’s abundantly clear. the top two worst offenders:

“sam didn’t even know that dean is good with kids :( he doesn’t even realize that dean raised him :(” first of all you people need to understand that parentification does not literally create a parent-child dynamic between siblings but I digress – this doesn’t make any sense bro. in 1.03 dean admits he doesn’t know any kids as an adult. dean being good with his own kid brother when they were both kids is to any reasonable person not necessarily linked with him being good with other random kids when he’s an adult. in 1.03 it’s clear that dean himself is a bit surprised that he’s able to connect w/ lucas so well because he’s clearly not dealt with a lot of kids since sam grew up. the whole point of this is that dean, sam, and the audience are all sort of seeing a new side of dean. who again is just 26. after this very early episode, there’s no question from sam that dean is able to connect w kids. sam being a bit surprised by this also has absolutely zero connection with him not understanding or realizing that dean looked out for him when they were both kids – sam is standing there at 22 years of age talking about adult dean and children – of fucking course he doesn’t mean himself are you stupid.

from the very first season, sam is very clearly aware of everything dean ~did for him~ when they were kids, see e.g. 1.21: “Dean...ah...I wanna thank you. […] For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And I don't know, I just wanted to let you know, just in case.”

and 1.06: DEAN: Well, I’m a freak, too. I’m right there with ya, all the way. (SAM laughs.) SAM: Yeah, I know you are.

and then possibly even more stupidly, the one where it’s like “wah sam doesn’t even know dean can cook :( he doesn’t even know that DEAN was the one making him food as a babe in arms :(” – when sam is surprised that dean made something fairly gourmet and from scratch literally the first time they have ever had a permanent living space with a functional kitchen. in this VERY scene (8.14), dean himself points out that they haven’t had a kitchen before and when sam remarks on the irregularity of him doing serious cooking, he says “I’m nesting”, clearly showing that this is a novel development because they now have a kitchen, and that it’s irregular relative to past behaviour – both of them acknowledge this. because real proper in-depth cooking and making box mac and cheese for sam until he was like 11 and old enough to be left alone are two different things, which sam understands because he’s smart, unlike whoever chooses to make this point. dean never showed significant signs of liking to cook before this, which is what the exchange is about, but he did have to prepare food for them both when sam was too young – of course sam knows he had to, there are childhood memories referred to (e.g. 14.11) where sam is mentioned to literally help dean do the cooking as kids lol (and yes, genius, sam says ‘I didn’t know you knew what a kitchen was’ or something to that effect, but if you think he’s being 100% literal there I have an oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you)

again, obviously there are pieces that sam doesn’t know about dean, e.g. when he’s talking about his response to mary dying in 1.03. but again, Sam is 22, dean is 26, the last time they were in regular contact was when sam was 18-20, these are things that happen when people grow up, they’re able to reflect and share on childhood experiences if they’re close with their siblings as adults. it’s clearly not something that 26 y/o dean wanted to hide from 22 y/o sam. yes sam didn’t know everything about how dean felt when they were young, but that’s equally true in the other direction, and it’s such an irrelevant point in this discussion when, crucially, sam does learn these things about dean mostly fairly early on in the series (i.e. when they’re really not that deep into adulthood yet). cas was also not magically blessed w/ knowledge about dean, he also had to learn whatever it is that he knows, but somehow sam has to know everything about dean from age 7 or it doesn’t count when it’s sam lol.

“sam doesn’t know the One True Dean / doesn’t see through his facades”

the next branch of defending this flawed thesis is invariably that sam has little idea of the fronts and facades that dean puts up and is content to just believe them, whereas cas digs deep and sees the One True Dean that stupid sam always misses. there is nothing in the text that demonstrates this is true. multiple times, we see sam being very knowing of the fact that dean puts up fronts and facades. sam is also knowledgeable of the way dean perceives himself, and – demonstrated in multiple episodes before such sam lines were very poorly recycled and regurgitated into cas’s dialogue in 15.18, but keep acting like that was the first time anyone ever showed that they knew the One True Dean.

Obviously there are times where sam teases dean when he’s being more touchy-feely than usual, but 9.99 times out of 10 (as a conservative estimate in case there's something i'm forgetting otherwise i would say every time) that’s very clearly coming from a place of knowing the real dean vs. the façade he puts up because that’s the whole joke. and it’s allowed to be a joke because they’re siblings and that’s what siblings do lol. esp since sam and dean have touchy feely moments at the end of like every episode.

examples of all of the above off the top of my head (there are more than these, but these are the ones I can think of):

2.02 (about John’s death)

Sam: “I mean this ‘strong silent’ thing of yours, it's crap. […] I'm over it. This isn't just anyone we're talking about, this is Dad. I know how you felt about the man.”

Dean: “You know what, back off, all right? Just because I'm not caring and sharing like you want me to.”

Sam: “No, no, no, that's not what this is about, Dean. I don't care how you deal with this. But you have to deal with it, man. Listen, I'm your brother, all right? I just want to make sure you're okay.”

2.03 (Sam to Dean, also about John’s death): “You know, you slap on this big fake smile but I can see right through it. Because I know how you feel, Dean. Dad's dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can't take it, but you can't just fill up that hole with whoever you want to. It's an insult to his memory.”

Note that Dean essentially admits that Sam is right in these two instances in 2.04 bc I know yall have stupid shit to say about john too that has nothing to do with how anyone actually felt about him in canon

3.07 (about Dean’s demon deal – also proven true in later episodes)

SAM: Dude, drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punch line. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid.

DEAN: I'm not!

SAM: You're lying. And you may as well drop it 'cause I can see right through you.

DEAN: You got no idea what you're talking about.

SAM: Yeah, I do. You're scared, Dean. You're scared because your year is running out, and you're still going to Hell, and you're freaked.

DEAN: And how do you know that?

SAM: Because I know you! […] Yeah, I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And, I mean, I can't blame you. It's just […] I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. 'Cause... (can't find words; tears in his eyes) just 'cause.

5.18 [Sam figures out what Dean is doing re: his plan to let Michael possess him, tracks him down, and eventually is the catalyst for Dean ‘making the right call’, which he predicts] – e.g.:

SAM: No, you won’t. When push shoves, you’ll make the right call

DEAN: You know, if tables were turned…I’d let you rot in here. Hell, I have let you rot in here.

SAM: Yeah, well…I guess I’m not that smart.

DEAN: I—I don’t get it. Sam, why are you doing this?

SAM: Because… you’re still my big brother.

8.14 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18 + sam intrinsically understanding the trials are a death wish for dean): “I'm closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. You have friends up here, family. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't – I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it. […] I AM smart, and so are you. You're not a grunt, Dean. You're a genius – when it comes to lore, to – you're the best damn hunter I have ever seen – better than me, better than dad. I believe in you, Dean. So, please – please believe in me, too.”

10.22 (understanding how much dean has ~done for him~)

SAM: I'm saving my brother.

CASTIEL: You told Dean—

SAM: —I know what I told Dean. Cas, look. I've been the one out there, messed up and scared. And alone. And Dean—

CASTIEL: He did whatever he could to save you.

SAM: Yes. I mean, it's become his thing. I owe him this. I owe him everything.

10.23 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18, x2 – from Sam to Dean): “You were also willing to summon death to make sure you could never do any more harm. You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That's not evil, Dean. That's not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for... some other way. […] You will never, ever hear me say that you -- the real you -- is anything but good.”

11.13 (Sam understanding exactly how Dean feels about Amara being his ‘deepest desire’, and confirming that it doesn’t make him a bad person)

Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I’m…

Sam: Means you’re what? Complicit? Weak? Evil?

Dean: For starters, yeah.

Sam: Dean. Do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She’s the sister of God, and for some reason she picked you and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you…I’m not.

Dean: You know that I want her ass dead.

Sam: Yes. Of course. And I know you’ve also probably beaten yourself up a hundred times over it, but where has that gotten us? (Long silence) Just how bad is it?

13.02 (Sam perfectly explaining Dean’s psyche to Jack)

JACK: Is that why Dean hates me?

SAM: Dean doesn’t hate you. It… Look, sometimes the wires in Dean’s head get crossed and—and he gets frustrated, and then he mixes frustration with anger, and—and fear.

JACK: Why would he be afraid?

SAM: Because Dean feels like it’s his job to protect everyone. And right now, we need to protect you. But we may also need to protect people from you.

14.03 [Sam assesses Dean’s psychological/emotional response to the Michael possession; end of episode, Dean confirms that Sam’s assessment was fully accurate]

14.10 [Sam is the only one able to snap Dean out of his weird Michael mind loop by using their code word]

14.11 [Sam figuring out that something is troubling Dean just based on the fact that Dean hugs him]

15.17 (self explanatory at this point)

DEAN: Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he'll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can't live like that, man! I can't live like that! I won't!

SAM: I know you feel like that right now, okay. I know you do. But you gotta trust me. My entire life, you've protected me— from Dad, from Lucifer, from everything. I didn't always like it, you know, but... it's the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It's the only thing I've ever known that was true. So please... put the gun away. Just put it away, and we'll figure it out, Dean, we'll find another way, you and me. We always do.

like maybe there are some cas moments w dean along these lines too. i don't know, i don't remember what the guy says or does anymore it's been too many years and he is not memorable. but the point is where and in what capacity and based on what metric other than the amount of bad fanfic you've read does cas exceed sam in these respects.

so basically just. genuinely, what are you people literally ever talking about. go watch the show instead of saying stupid wrong stuff about sam on the hellsites all day. or watch another show (please for the love of god watch any other show this one is absolutely lost on you and it’s such a stupid one too i'm embarrassed for you)

#sorry i wasnt gonna be able to sleep otherwise my blood pressure got too high #sam winchester meta #sam winchester #anti destiel #sam and dean #whatever else my tags are #haven't done this in a minute #i'm sorry for being a cunty sam stan (tm) in this but have you considered we'd be nicer if you ppl were less dumb #this is not proofread it's not real meta

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formulapai · 3 months

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THE MUSES BY YOUR SIDE PT1

a Lance Stroll social media AU

scenario: the “history of literature”’s student taking over instagram slowly attracts a driver, curious about beautiful words and dazzling writings. OR how to fall in love through poems and handwritten letters.

warning:

pai’s words: i studied history of literature while in uni (this is not the name it has where I live but from what I’ve read, it’s part of what I studied) and absolutely fell in love with poems analysis. also, i have an unhealthy obsession with myths so yeah.

romanticalliope made a new post!

liked by user1, user2 and others.

romanticalliope: 🖋️🪞🐈🎨

1. Putting words on words, explaining the explanation.

2. Went to the market, fell in love with mirrors and what they reflected. The sky, the clouds, my eyes, the seller’s kind smile, life passing by.

3. Gaia is learning about her Name and what it implies, carefully reading as she takes in the beauty of her own myth.

4. “Le Villi” Bartolomeo Giuliano.

user1: gaia seems to be enjoying her book ! can we know what it is ?

romanticalliope: Of course darling, it’s Pride and Prejudice ! She surely took a liking to it, as I did after reading it the first time. 🤍

user2: those mirrors are to DIE for, i need them plz

romanticalliope: They are, aren’t they ? I sadly didn’t take one home..

user3: Will we have another poem analysis soon ? I love them so much, it helps me a lot with understanding literature !

romanticalliope: I’m very grateful for your comment, helping all of you understand poetry is my main goal and I’m glad it’s working. An analysis will be out tomorrow ! 🤍

user4: Hey, random question but do you have a playlist ? I feel like you have divine music tastes 🥹🥹🥹

romanticalliope: Well, that’s a high praise, thank you my sweet. I don’t have a public playlist for now but will surely make one if people are interested :) 🤍

user1: YES PLEASE

user5: we are SO interested 🥳🥳

♥️liked by romanticalliope

romanticalliope just posted a new story!

seen by user5, user6 and others

user7: I WAS WAITING FOR IT OMG

user8: Thank you for this analysis!! 🥹🫶

romanticalliope made a new post!

liked by user9, user10 and others

romanticalliope: 🫐🕸️🐈📰

1. One of the Water Lily’s paintings from Claude Monet, in Paris. Undoubtedly one of my favorite paintings, it’s truly magnificent.

2. Matching Spider-Man Lego keychains with my friend. I’ll forever be enamored with my friends.

3. Gaia is disturbing my reading time as the sun is hugging us. Karma is the cat purring on my lap because it loves me, I guess.

4. The market in the morning, the scent of newspapers and mimosas surrounding us.

user2: the Spider-Man keychains omg 🥹🥹

user9: estie bestie would love them lol

user2: oh bestie while I 100% agree, I doubt Cassie knows about estie bestie..

romanticalliope: Ahah, I do know about Esteban :) and I bet he’d adore them too 🤍

user11: CASSIE SWIFTIE ???

romanticalliope: Confirmed 🥰

user5: I feel like you really like Impressionism, is it your favorite style ?? Also I LOVE this painting, still didn’t have the chance to see it IRL :(

romanticalliope: Impressionism is my favorite indeed ! I hope you’ll be able to see it soon, it’s truly something 🤍

romanticalliope made a new post!

liked by estebanocon, user 9 and others

romanticalliope: 🖋️🍂🔑🐝

1. A new tattoo, an illustration for Annabel Lee, Edgar Allan Poe. While I don’t particularly like this writer, this poem has changed the trajectory of my life and I felt it was only fair to have it engraved in me, forever.

2. Walking back from university and feeling leaves crunching beneath my weight, the smell of wet asphalt taking over my senses.

3. My friends and I going to the Lego store and standing in front of the keychains for a good few minutes, admiring the tiny persons.

4. A picture with Esteban, from 2016, baby face and all. For those not believing I actually knew who he was 😬😉

estebanocon: Nooon les deux enfants qu’on était ! On doit faire d’autre photos plus récentes 🤣 (nooo the two children we were ! we need to take more recent pictures)

romanticalliope: Invite moi dans le garage Alpine et on prend autant de photos que tu veux 😭 (invite me inside the Alpine garage and we’ll take as much pics as you want)

estebanocon: Bien compris 🫡 (understood)

user12: THE TATTOO OH GOD ITS SO PRETTY

user13: ESTIE 😭😭😭 A BABY

user14: I didn’t expect to see f1 related posts on this account 😬 not complaining tho !

user2: me neither !

user9: the tattoo is breathtaking, cheers to the artist !!

#lance stroll fluff #lance stroll x reader #lance stroll imagine #lance stroll #Lance stroll social media au #f1 fluff #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 social media au #f1 smau #f1 #Lance stroll smau

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sadnightforus · 6 months

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THE FATED STARS (PJS)

SYNOPSIS: Park Jongseong harbors the biggest crush on one of the most popular girls on the campus, you. You, being dared by your friend group to tweet and made a boyfriend application, initially started out as a joke, thinking that no one would applied it. Upon the tweet going viral and many applications being sent in, he decided that he would shoot his shot, even if he doesn’t know a single shit about what is the sun, moon, rising in astronomy.

GENRES: slice of life, romance, comedy

PAIRING: secret-admirer!jay x f!reader

STARRING: xdinary heroes’ gaon and jooyeon, aespa’s ningning and karina, itzy’s yeji, le sserafim’s kazuha, the whole enhypen.

WARNINGS: a lot of actual unhinged things going on, author is a bit too obsessed with astrology so you’re now forced to learn about it, cussing, some lame sexual jokes (I promised it’s lame), they all tell each other to give up and kts, reader is not jlo’s biggest fan because she’s a mariah carey’s fan. the whole band is so broke for some reason.

A/N: SURPRISEDDDD…. tried my hands on writing smau because too much angst kills me. I hope you guys enjoy it and if you want to be in the taglist, comment on this one.

STATUS: ON-GOING

FORMAT: SOCIAL MEDIA AU

UPDATED: EVERY TUESDAY-WEDNESDAY-THURSDAY

RELEASED DATE: 08 NOVEMBER 2023

END DATE: UNKNOWN.

ASTEROIDS

✭ INTRODUCTION/PROFILES

VICTIMS OF CAPITALISM | 7 DUCKLINGS

✭ MOST POPULAR ASTEROIDS

(001) - BOYFRIEND APPLICATION

(002) - FORM FILLED

(003) - PERSONAL OPINIONS & FAVORS

(UNCUT 003) - FIRST IMPRESSION MATTERS

(004) - CHART ANALYSIS

(005) - MEET UP (+ written)

(006) - SHE HATES ME

(UNCUT 006) - REPLY IF I SHOULD…

(007) - THOUGHTS ON ZODIAC SIGNS?

(008) - BANNED ON KAKAOTALK

(009) - KURT COBAIN’S FANSIGN

(UNCUT 009) - USERNAME CHANGES

(010) - LOSING TO IDGAF WAR

(011) - GOOD THINGS ARE COMING SOON

(012) - THE RECORD STORE HANGOUT (+ written)

(013) - TUMBLR GIRL ERA (SELF SABOTAGE)

(014.01) - BABY

(014.02) - BABY

(015) - SORRY (BUT I’LL DO IT AGAIN) (+ written)

(UNCUT 015) - THE IDOL, THE FAN

(016) - CONCERT ANNOUNCEMENT

(017) - PICKUP LINES TO USE FOR CONCERT GOERS

(018) - CONCERT'S PARADISE (+ written)

(019) - SYNASTRY AND THE SIGNS

(020) - THE COFFEE KISS (+ written)

(021) - ACCEPTING MY FATE

(022) - JEALOUSY? (+ written)

(UNCUT 022) - WHAT TYPE OF LOVER ARE YOU QUIZ

(023) - STEP UP MY GAME

(024) - THE DAY THAT YOU'RE FINALLY MINE (+ written)

(025) - I LET YOU INTO THE DARK SIDE

(UNCUT 025) - FREE CHART READING

(026) - AWKWARD ROMEO AND JUILET

(027) - COUPLE ANNOUNCEMENT

EPILOGUE 001 - TRUST FUND BABY

EPILOGUE 002 - GETTING A GIRLFRIEND IS EASY...

#kpop au #kpop fanfic #enha smau #jay park smau #enhypen smau #jay park x reader #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #enha timestamps #enha au #jongseong x reader #jay smau #park jongseong smau #enhypen social media au #xdinary heroes au #aespa au #itzy au #le sserafim au

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prettyboykatsuki · 2 years

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— EVERYTHINGS BETTER WHEN YOU'RE HONEST

★ tags ;; fem!reader (reader wears a skirt and generally performs femininity), friends to lovers, aged-up characters, professional athlete isagi, loss of virginity, sexually inexperienced isagi x sexually experienced reader, handjobs, oral (f!recieving) (isagi gets a dick kiss tho), themes of guilt kinda, unprotected sex / creampies, reader is sexually confident. little to no prep for penetration. an i love you and a single petname in there.

★ wc ;; 11.5k (im so...)

★ summary ;; you notice early on that isagi is always holding back something. the deeper into your relationship you go, the more you wish he'd let loose.

★ a/n ;; PLEASE READ BLUELOCK PLEASE. i love you isagi yoichi. pls let me have ur viriginity babies. title from the song pears by weston estate!

also, the little art exhibit is inspired by a real thing, the white gallery installation by studio 400

It was impossible to not know Isagi Yoichi.

After the existence of BlueLock was released to the public and demonstrated on national T.V. - the enigma of Isagi Yoichi bloomed like a flower to sports fans everywhere. With the looks of an average Japanese teenager but the eyes of a demon - he quietly proclaimed only one thing.

“We will—no, that’s not quite right. I will lead Japan to victory in the U20 World Cup.”

Post the incredible defeat of the Japanese U20 by Bluelock, Bluelock itself launched into reality TV and challenged U20 teams across the globe in order to hone their members' talents. In addition to the rigorous training and plenty of conflicts were a group of players informed only by their ego. A withstanding hunger to win, unlike anything the country had seen before.

Isagi Yoichi became the face of that ego. In less than a year, he fulfilled his promise at the U20 World Cup and landed a final crushing blow - putting Japan at the face of soccer for the first time in decades.

Of course, he wasn’t the only one. Despite Bluelocks philosophy, soccer is a team sport meaning there’s more than one face worthy of note. All of the players were talented with an almost equal spotlight in media and often took to interviewing together for the sake of publicity. It’d take an idiot not to notice that the Bluelock players were a cut above the rest though.

Whatever happened before the reality show set air created players unlike anything you’ve ever seen. As someone who only considers yourself a casual soccer fan at best, your own interest in Bluelock came as something of a surprise.

For better or for worse, you saw Yoichi Isagi everywhere. On the labels of sports drinks, on cardboard cutouts in front of equipment shops, on posters in bars, or on your kid brother's bedroom walls.

Through his media presence, you often felt he was unreadable. Likable, awkwardly charismatic, sometimes even playful.

But there was always something else there. In the way he spoke about soccer or about becoming the greatest striker in the world. You thought everyone got the same vibe.

But whenever you asked, “Hey, don’t you think that guys…kinda weird?”

You were met with the same dismissive laugh. Aren’t all celebrities weird? or Isagi’s the most normal on his team, though.

It always left you doubtful. Maybe you were misreading it after all. He did seem nice. Him being weird didn’t mean he was bad, but there was just something about him that you couldn’t get your mind off of.

It wasn’t about his play style or even related to soccer. There’s already plenty of analysis on that. In terms of game intelligence, he’s ranked exceptionally high. Fantastic spatial awareness. Average build and height but incredible stamina in order to be up to standard. But whatever you felt when you watched him couldn’t really be summed up by any of that, because there was often no reason to look at him above the rest.

It felt like a clever trick of the universe that you’d end up encountering him in the wild. That you’d go so far as to have him as your boyfriend and that you actually like him.

It was only because of that you could assert it so firmly, he’s a freak of nature among all else. A perfect fit for the demons on the Japanese National Team, a perfect descendant of Bluelock.

The first time you met Isagi wasn’t worthy of note. Your first truly important memory together was his confession to you, months later.

It happens in a tunnel in Shinjuku. A place you wouldn’t normally find yourself in. It’s not often you travel to Tokyo. You’re only here because you came to watch Isagi’s game, and Isagi told you Shinjuku is a fun place to explore.

He goes where the wind takes him, and you follow him in earnest. He said he found this place a little earlier with Bachira. The deeper you go, the darker it gets - and as a consolation, he tugs you along by your sleeve so you don’t get lost.

Somehow, after threading through different streets, you stop at what looks like an abandoned tunnel. There’s a little more light down here, but you can tell it’s not really a place where you should be trespassing. He seems non-plussed, a familiar smile on his face that has you following him anyway. You listen when he tells you to watch your step.

The sun hasn’t set completely, the world painted in a vibrant shade of blue. It’s cold, the early Autumn season has you tucking your chin into your hoodie to keep warm.

But you get down to where Isagi wants to show you. A place full of concrete and overgrown leaves that could only exist somewhere like Shinjuku. It’s dark, but all the lights of the streets pour down through different cracks. Just enough that you can still see Isagi’s face illuminated in it, something that makes your stomach twist. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you smile when he turns back to look at you.

“It’s in here,” He says, excitement bursting in his voice “Come on,”

You follow him into a tunnel, the walls around you both in a circular arch. You can’t see anything like that. But Isagi comes to your rescue, phone in hand. He turns the flashlight on as high as it can go.

All over the walls is artwork. Graffiti art, but art all the same. Particularly, flowers. They’re beautiful and vibrant, strangely detailed for street art - colored in bright shades of fuchsia, purple, yellow, and green. Everything is outlined in black, and there are tags hidden between leaves and in the empty space.

It’s beautiful. Beautiful in the way you find things beautiful, the messy coloring and hard lines. Done in a style Isagi knows you like, his flashlight shining up to give you a better view. With your jaw agape, you nearly forget who’s next to you until you hear his footsteps echo behind you.

His presence is comforting. A familiar but unfamiliar person, when you look back you can see him looking at you.

“It’s nice, right? Seemed like something you’d like,”

“We’re trespassing,” You say first, drowned by an emotion you can’t name “You’re a big-time athlete and we’re trespassing in a tunnel so you can show me art you thought I’d like. Ridiculous,”

Isagi shrugs sheepishly.

“We’ll be fine. You like it?”

He’s unbelievable.

“Of course I like it,”

“Nice. I knew you would.”

There’s a brief, silent moment where you’re too overwhelmed to say anything nice. You kind of want to shake the guy by the shoulders, to say something about how you’ve spent the last few months spending frivolous amounts of time with him. You want to say a lot of things. That he’s sincerely a weird guy, and you think he should cut his hair soon, and that you still have the piece of paper he wrote his number down on from those months ago.

But nothing really comes out as you stare at him and he stares back at you. His eyes are deep and blue but shiny. Visible even in the darkness, you let your gaze linger on his face.

“I’m glad Bachira forced me to give you my number,” He says, all at once.

“So that’s what happened,” You say with a laugh, hands in your pockets “That’s why the numbers are so shaky. Were you nervous?”

“Yeah,” He says honestly “I couldn’t remember the last time I even interacted with a girl. I didn’t even have friends who were girls in high school.”

“Did girls scare you?”

“Ah, a little.”

“Do I scare you?” You ask, cheeky. Interested because even until now, you can’t tell how Isagi really sees you.

“You don’t scare me,” He concludes, head in the clouds. He glances down at you “But uh, I guess it’s weird.”

You give him a look, curious for his explanation.

“Hm. It’s like soccer.”

“Don’t compare me to soccer, jackass.”

“I don’t have anything else to compare it to,” He says defensively, pushing his bangs back but not refuting you “It’s not that I’m scared of you. It’s a me thing.”

“I’ll let you use soccer to explain just this once,”

“Uh… it’s still pretty hard. I guess it’s just intense,”

“What is?”

“Liking you,” He says easily, before catching himself and having his eyes widen. You freeze, then grin.

“Oh?”

He covers a face with his hand. He’s so embarrassed he’s pink, but it suits him. You feel your heart do a nasty flutter. No matter how smug you pretend to be, seeing him like that leaves you nervous too.

“It was supposed to be a lot cooler than that,” He admits halfway through a sigh. You giggle.

“Is that why you brought me here?”

He looks away and you laugh.

“Mm, fine. No prying. Finish your thought first.”

“It probably wouldn’t make any sense unless you were in my head. But sometimes it’s like—I didn’t know I was capable of something like that until it happens.”

“You thought you’d never have a girlfriend?”

“I thought it would feel different than how it does,” He tells you, looking at your face “I thought liking someone would be less complicated I guess,”

“Why would it be complicated, though?”

“I always thought it’d make me nicer,”

It’s a sentence you feel in your whole body He’s like this sometimes. Not normally around you. On the field, you see it all the time. Moments where he becomes unreachable, that look in his eyes that you can spot from miles away - intensely focused and oddly serious. You know Isagi is the best, believe his word about being the best striker in the world.

The emotion behind that makes him strange.

“It didn’t make you nicer?”

He tilts his head to one side. For the first time, he’s really looking at you. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him this way. He’s sweet already. Nice, already. He’s gentler than every other athlete guy you’ve ever met, uncharacteristically kind. His other qualities are limited to when he’s playing.

Right now, he’s looking at you and only you. And he’s right, it doesn’t seem very nice.

“I really thought it would.”

He doesn’t offer you any more explanation than that before he goes back to his normal self. His expression softens and his eyes open up and he’s back to looking all friendly again. You’re not mad at that, of course not. But your curiosity remains, and you leave the door open for whenever you see that again.

“...You like me back right?”

You smile to yourself. He’s really, really something else. You reach your hand out and only grab his pinky finger to hold. His hands are bigger than you thought they’d be but warm all the same. His eyes widen as he looks between you, your heart thudding in your chest.

“What if I said no?”

“I’d never come back to Japan,” He says seriously.

“Shut up. You better come see your girlfriend.”

“Nice,” He says, pushing a breath out of his lungs he’d been holding “I can’t believe I got a girlfriend before Kunigami.”

“You’re so stupid.”

“It’s cause I didn’t finish high school,”

Long distance with Isagi isn’t as bad as you thought it’d be. Of course, it’d be better to see him in person. It’s just that he texts you so often it doesn’t feel like you’re that far apart.

You like opening your phone to his flood of text messages. It’s always the same with him. Pictures of whatever he’s eating that day, sleeping teammates, and sweaty post-workout pictures that are definitely thirst traps but probably not on purpose.

Your relationship feels like a friendship but not in a bad way. Just that Isagi has a strangely innocent way of approaching you, that always reads like a guy who’s never been in a relationship before.

You know for a fact Isagi is not innocent, mostly because you knew him before you were dating. Before you were even crushing each other in which a raunchy joke left his mouth, dirty to the point you had to smack him for indecency. You know he’s not innocent because he doesn’t even bat an eye when Shidou is going on and on about having sex with a goalpost or whatever he’s talking about.

But Isagi treats you like he’s an angel. Exceptionally polite, and exceptionally clean. Even when you tease him he’s censoring himself, diverting the conversation but not in a way that offends you.

Sometimes you catch him looking. That’s the reason it doesn’t bother you mostly. Sometimes, and just sometimes - you see him stare at you. Shirts that make your chest stick out, or shorts that ride too high on your legs. It’s hardly on purpose, but it happens. Isagi will call you before you get ready to run errands and in the process of getting dressed, he sees a sliver of skin he’s not really supposed to see.

Even through a screen and phone speakers, you can hear the soft hitch of his breath. When you’re both supposed to be doing your own thing, you’ll turn to see his eyes fixed on you when he thinks you’re looking away.

You always look away quick enough that he can keep staring. He’s a bit of a voyeur, you learn.

Today, your facetime call is more innocent than that. It’s about 2 weeks out before Isagi returns to Japan with the intent to stay there. Only 2 more weeks of long-distance until he’s home for good and you get to experience normal relationship stuff.

He’s set up on your counter while you make dinner. He looks tired but he insisted on calling. In a hotel room, he’s laying back in a sea of white sheets. His dark hair mussed on his pillowcase, blue eyes lidded.

“What’re you making?” He asks, voice thick with exhaustion. You glance at him, using your knife to smash the clove of garlic down on the cutting board.

“Chili garlic noodles,” You say simply. He groans.

“Ah…it sounds good. Our nutrition coach is so strict,” He whines, laying on his stomach “I want to eat meat,”

“I’ll grill you some when you get home,” You say smoothly.

“Promise?” He mumbles. You chuckle, looking at him for a minute.

“Yes, I promise. Come home soon.”

He rubs his cheek into his pillow, frowning.

“Soon, soon,” He repeats softly, then a little quieter “...I miss you.”

This comes as a surprise. You give him a look, a shade of pink running up his back to the tips of his ears. You giggle.

“That’s the sappiest thing you’ve said for the last 6 months,”

“...Ah, seriously?”

“It definitely is,” You say without looking up, chopping the garlic fine carefully “No one would guess we’re dating if they heard us talk.”

“It’s not on purpose, it’s just—well. I don’t know, ‘s kinda embarrassing.”

“You’re a perfect gentleman though, Isagi. Don’t fret,”

“That makes me feel way worse,” He complains lightly. This makes you laugh for so long you have to put down your knife just to hold your stomach. When you’re done, he’s smiling at you. He’s so handsome it catches you off-guard.

“You’re surprisingly timid. When I watch you play, you seem like a completely different person..”

“...You watch me play?”

“I liked you as a player before we started dating, stupid.”

This catches his interest, ears perking up.

“...So what do you think of me as a player?”

You pour the chopped garlic into the bowl with the chili and other ingredients, turning the stove on to heat oil to pour on top of it. He stares at you wide-eyed.

“You’re basically a genius as a player. You’re a really good striker, and your physicality has improved a lot since you’ve been on the national team but your predictions set you apart from the rest.” You say without thinking much of it. It’s not intended to be a compliment, but an evaluation. Isagi really is just that good “I think you’ll become the best and I like seeing you play.”

After that, he’s silent for a while. When you notice, you finally look up from your task to see him grinning from ear to ear.

“Ah… I’m so happy. What do I do? I could die happy right now.”

“Jeez.”

“Thank you, you’re the best. Ahhh… I have to become the best for real. I mean I had to before, but now I really have to.”

Before you get a chance to interject, a chorus of noise comes from the other side of the line. Your eyes snap up to where you find Isagi whose expression has immediately faltered. You don’t speak as you watch him sit up, face twisted into a look of apology. You give him a sweet smile that makes him relax a little.

There’s too much conversation for you to hear what they’re saying, seems like they’re just talking about their schedule. You tune out for the time being. Or you try too.

“Woah, woah—Isagi you’re talking to your girlfriend aren’t you?” A voice pipes up. A voice you know as Bachira. You’ve only ever spoken to him twice.

Isagi is always weird about letting you meet his teammates. You can’t pinpoint a reason for why, but you respect it either way. Of them though, he does sometimes let Bachira talk to you after a bit of pestering before shoving him away.

Before you know what’s happening, you see a bunch of chaos on screen like you’re being snatched out of Isagi’s hand. You can hear his voice in the back, suddenly fainter. It sounds like he’s cussing but the other noise drowns him out.

You end up in Bachira’s hands. Next to him is Chigiri, Nagi, Gagamaru and Rin. You know them as team members, but you’ve never officially met them as Isagi’s girlfriend. Put on the spot, you give them a polite bow as they stare at you.

“Uh,” You say awkwardly, raising your hand up to wave “Nice to meet you. I’m Y/N. And hi again, Bachira.”

“Hehe, hi!”

“Nice to meet you,” Chigiri says first. Nagi follows with a polite wave, as does Gagamaru. Rin gives you a nod but doesn’t say a word aside from that.

“So you’re Isagi’s girlfriend huh,” Nagi starts, looking at you curiously “I thought he was making it up.”

“Right,” Chigiri confirms, giving you a once over. You feel awkward “Isagi is pretty private about it.”

This catches your interest.

“Isagi is?”

“We’ve never even seen a picture of you until just now,” Gagamaru confirms. You can’t contain your surprise.

“Oh. Huh.”

“Do you know us, though?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. As players though, not as Isagi’s friends.”

“...You’re a fan?” The ever silent Rin says. It startles a little before you smile, sheepishly rubbing the back of your neck.

“I am. Have been since your game with the U20 league couple of years ago. Was really excited to see everyone together as major players on the national team. And congrats on your recent win against the Belgium National Team!” You say cheerily.

Surprisingly all of them get a little embarrassed, aside from Nagi who seems a little smug about the whole thing. They all give their thanks, once again other than Rin.

“I see why Isagi was trying to hide you,” Chigiri says first. You tilt your head in confusion.

“Isagi is so stingy,” Bachira says, nodding his head. You have no idea what they’re on about so you simply say nothing and keep constructing your dinner.

Before you can say anymore, you’re once again snatched from somebodies hands. This time though, you can hear your boyfriend speaking. His hand is cupped over the speaker so it’s muffled, but you can hear him faintly. He sounds like he’s cursing them over something. You can’t tell what.

When you turn to see his face, he looks agitated. Just barely there, but there still. You stand still as he walks off somewhere else, the noise of his teammate dying out as he goes into some room. You have no idea where but there’s, at the very least, a bit more privacy in it.

“Ah,” You say, as he comes into camera view again “Hi,”

He has that look on his face. The one you can’t really name, that’s oddly intense for a reason you don’t understand. It relaxes a little when he focuses on you, just barely. You give him a warm smile, leaning on your counter.

“Sorry about them.” He says seriously.

“Don’t be. They seem nice and I have to meet your friends eventually.”

“Ignore them, seriously. They’re dumbasses.”

It’s rare to hear him speak so crassly. You can feel the odd energy around him, surrounding him like a cloud of smoke. You should probably tell him it’s fine, but your curiosity is peaked by his reaction. Like poking a sleeping bear, you’re fascinated by an angry Isagi. It’d be good if he could be more honest with his feelings.

“They thought you were lying about me. Apparently, they didn’t even know what I looked like.”

“It’s not really their business.”

Interesting. You think Isagi is interesting at times like this.

“I didn’t know you were territorial, Isagi.”

You intend to say it as a joke, but a single look at him confirms it. Isagi is just so nice it's hard to believe. Instead of replying, he sighs.

“I miss you,”

“Mhm. I miss my boyfriend too, very much.”

He relaxes, his threatening aura disappearing just slightly.

“Your who?”

“My boyfriend, Yoichi Isagi. Best striker in the world and smartest player ever, do you know him?”

Isagi grins before giggling, face going flush again. Back to his usual self.

“Think I might.”

Isagi came back to Japan over two months ago. So far, not much has changed in your relationship.

The only thing is, you’re determined to make your boyfriend snap. Or at the very least, express his feeling a little more.

You’ve found yourself doing a lot of initiating in romantic milestones. This doesn’t bother you because after you do, he normally gets more comfortable doing the same. It’s a small price to pay for consistent kisses and bolder handholding. The issue isn’t really that, but the obvious way Isagi is dodging things he clearly wants to do.

So far you’ve only gone as far as a little making out in your single-bedroom apartment before Isagi’s excusing himself back home or to your bathroom. You’re not trying to pressure the guy but you have this sneaking suspicion the reason he’s stopping isn’t because he doesn’t want to - because on the occasion you’ll get into it, he’ll get into it too. Only after you moan does he freeze and stop altogether - pulling away like he just got soaked with cold water.

And you’ll watch him real-time turn the idea over in his head, the very obvious half mast in his pants that he keeps shifting to cover.

He’s a good, sweet guy so it’s not like you fault him for it. On paper, he’s perfect. Boyish and friendly, with nice hands and a bright smile, unafraid to express himself. He’s intuitive with your emotions - like he has a sensor built in for your different moods. He’s attentive, and his awkward bumbling when trying to be boyfriend-like adds to how much you like him rather than take away from it.

But now that he’s back and you spend so much time together, the fact he’s holding back a little becomes more and more apparent. You’ve tried to bring it up, and he obviously catches on to what you’re trying to say but feigns ignorance every time.

Isagi is a strange character. You’ve known that forever, and after nearly 8 months of dating - you think you know what to call it.

Isagi, even now, doesn’t like how he wants things.

But it’s different with soccer. You know Isagi to be a terribly unselfish person in his day-to-day life. Even if he bickers or argues with his teammates, he never gets into fights and always gives the last piece to someone else. Soccer is probably the only place he lets himself be anything else, lets himself be a little bit egotistical, or act in self-interest. It’s the exception to his rule of thumb, the lesson beat into him early.

And you think the way Isagi is, is what’s making him hesitate. You probably can’t say it outright, that it’s fine if he wants to be a little selfish over you or claim you like a possession if he feels like it. It’s even fine if he’s desperate because you like him and anything he does is bound to excite you. So far, confrontation has proved counterproductive so there’s no use in trying again.

Isagi responds well to pressure, so you’ve resolved yourself into giving him a little push so he gives in.

It’s a Saturday afternoon and you’re meeting Isagi for a date in an outfit you would consider risky. You stick to your athleisure when you’re out with him because your dates with Isagi are casual - but today you’re going to an art exhibit. The perfect time to show off a little.

You’ve got on a skirt that rides up when you walk and a top that’s revealing enough to show off parts of your body you’re not normally trying to. For you, it’s risky and you know that means it’s gonna stun your boyfriend quiet.

No matter what happens, you’ll give Isagi a push in the right direction.

He’s waiting for you outside of your apartment. Leaning on the decently expensive car he bought when coming back home. You always forget that he really has money, because he normally dresses and acts like he doesn’t.

He’s dressed casually as you’d expected. With a pair of loose-fitting pants and a mildly oversized Nike sweatshirt - he always looks a little soft. He got a haircut from what you can tell, hair no longer blocking his line of sight. You give him a wave as you descend down the front steps of your apartments.

He looks up from his phone, eyes locked before they widen. Your smile brightens as you approach him.

“Hi,” You greet, watching with a warm smile as Isagi slides his phone into his pocket. He reaches for your hand, grabbing it but not saying anything with his mouth open.

“Isagi?”

“Oh,” He shakes his head like he’s trying to stop thinking something before he focuses back on you “Hi,”

You giggle as he grabs both of your hands in his. You reach up to cup his face and he nuzzles against your palm before kissing it. Bemused, you stroke your thumb along his skin.

“You all there?”

“Yeah, you just—wow. You’re so… wow,”

“How poetic, Isagi.”

He pouts a little.

“You look…really nice. Uhm, like pretty and stuff,”

You lean up to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“And you look handsome as always,”

“Ah, jeez, really?”

“Really, really. Your haircut looks good.”

He brightens up at the mention of it, awkwardly rubbing his neck.

“I wanted to look a little nicer. I thought about styling it but it looked kinda dumb,”

“It’d look pretty sexy pushed back, I think. I’ll help you with it next time.”

“S-Sexy?”

“I think you’re pretty sexy, Isagi. I thought you knew that already?”

When you hint at past activities, Isagi is looking away from you. Hand covering his face - he looks up at the sky with silent resolve.

“Oh,”

You put a deliberate hand on his chest when you kiss him properly this time. Feeling him fluster is a tiny victory, his lips are soft like he’s just put chapstick on.

You deepen it just a little before pulling away entirely, leaving him dazed. It’s going to be a good day if it keeps going in this direction. Still, you decide you’d be better off not pushing your luck and push him away.

“Ready to go?”

He looks annoyed, not enough that it’s obvious. And not at you. He gives you a half-hearted smile and nods.

“Ready.”

The art exhibit is unexpectedly fun.

It’s one of those interactive art exhibits. You only found out after buying the tickets but it was a pleasant surprise. Isagi was probably more excited about it than you were. Surprisingly, he has a soft spot for creative stuff.

A certifiable film buff, manga enthusiast, and genuine procurer of art - he was ecstatic as soon as you two walked into what felt more like an amusement park than an art gallery. There were several rooms and each of them had different things to mess around with.

Interactive lights in one, a heatroom that responded to touch and body temperature depending on where you walked, and a room that could read your heartbeat and project the beat onto a heart on one of the walls.

It felt more like playing in an adult playground than it did an exhibit. It was so fun - you were having a hard time remembering what you were supposed to be doing in the first place.

The last room in the exhibit is full of climbable structures. You had to take your shoes off before going in. Starting from the center of the room out were large white structures, like a net you could climb into on a massive scale. The material it was made of was sturdy enough to hold up the weight of whoever was in it, but pliable enough that it would stretch and bounce with whatever movement happened within it.

You’re grateful you came with Isagi to this exhibit on a day when many people weren’t around. There are only a few other people in with the two of you, so you and Isagi have been moving around to your hearts' content.

Unsurprisingly, Isagi moves through everything with ease. Damn him and his athletic stature, he’s not even tired when you get closer to the top of the exhibit.

He offers to be behind you so you can catch up as a middle ground. You aren’t thinking anything of it when you agree to go before him.

You dig your heel into the link above you to give yourself some solid foundation to keep moving up. Climbing up like this reminds you of the playground you used to play on when you were young. Taking a deep breath, you let out a little hup as you adjust yourself and get a good distance above. When you reach the height you want, you turn yourself around to lean into the malleable material.

It adjusts to the shape of your body with ease. Leaning back, your eyes naturally search for Isagi. You stopped actively listening for him behind you, assuming it wouldn’t be hard for him to catch up to you.

When you turn around, you see Isagi. But, instead of coming up to sit next to you - his head is turned to one side. You can’t see his face clearly but there’s a clear blush tone painted on the apples of his cheeks. He’s standing stiff and still, a single hand reaching for you.

“Isagi?”

Your eyes follow the motion of his arm. His fingers pinch the very edge of your skirt, tugging down the material just slightly. You squint, leaning forward to get a closer look at him - balancing yourself so you don’t fall forward.

“Baby?”

“Oh, uh,” He won’t look you in the eyes. You can’t figure out why “Sorry.”

“You feelin’ okay?”

“I’m fine.” He says too quickly. You drop down from where you are to look at him closer and he flinches back. Retracting, you frown.

“You’re pale and sweaty. You sure you’re okay? It’s okay if you’re not feeling well. I had fun today no matter what.”

“No, no! I’m fine, I swear.”

“Isagi,” You say, firm but sweet. You grab his hand “Let’s go home.”

“But it’s—”

“No buts. C’mon. I’ll invite you in, so let's go.”

He sighs but doesn’t refute you, hand slipping gently into yours.

“Okay.”

Isagi has been acting weird.

He hasn’t been able to meet your eyes since you left the art exhibit. The drive home was eerily silent aside from the radio. He did accept your invitation to watch a movie inside, but he’s been sitting on the carpet in your living room with a healthy amount of distance between you two.

You’d understand if you spent the day messing with him, but the fun of the art exhibit practically ruined your original plans. So really, you’re completely clueless as to why your boyfriend is so stiff.

You sigh deeply, pouring a glass of water. Placing the pitcher on your kitchen counter, you pad back into the living room to give him the cup.

“Here,”

“Oh,” He says, not looking up at you “Thank you.”

This time you’re annoyed. You sit diagonal from him, one leg up with the other one laying flat, the soft furry carpet comfortable. Sighing, you press your chin to your knee.

“What's wrong with you?” You say bluntly. Isagi snaps his head up to you.

“Huh?”

You give him another displeased frown. It’s a little petulant but it’s hard to reach Isagi without using tactics like this.

“You haven’t looked at me since we left the art exhibit,” You point out. His expression drops, eyes immediately focusing on something else “And you’re being so weird right now. So what’s wrong?”

“I’m fine.” He insists, a wobbly smile on his face. You give him a flat look.

“Isagi Yoichi.”

“Yes, dear?”

That makes you laugh a little but you don’t give in.

“Can you please just tell me why you’re acting so weird, hm? Please?”

His expression becomes even grimmer for a minute before he readjusts. He sits criss-cross, elbows resting on knees while he clasps his hands together. He’s looking forward very seriously, and you don’t know what to expect as you watch him turn something over in his head.

He leans back this time, pulling up the collar of his sweatshirt to cover his face a bit.

“I saw…” He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes “I saw under your skirt earlier..”

You squint before the realization hits you. Oh. Huh. He did pull your skirt down at the exhibit so it was probably riding up and he caught a peek. A little embarrassing, sure, but nothing of note.

“...So?”

Isagi turns to look at you with wide eyes like you’ve said something unbelievable. You give him a look of confusion before giggling a little.

“....So??” He parrots, lost.

“Yeah. So. Do you feel guilty or something?”

He nods meekly. You grin.

“I mean, were you peeping on purpose?”

“No, no, of course not. I wouldn’t—”

His panic has you full-blown giggling. When he realizes you’re not angry, he quiets down. Simply watching you, he takes a deep breath.

“It’d be fine even if you were, so it’s whatever. Don’t be like that over something so small, I was really worried about it.”

“It’s not small,” He says firmly.

“Mm, really? It’s not a big deal to me though. You’re my boyfriend so you’d be the only one seeing my panties, anyway.”

This makes Isagi choke. You watch him with an amused grin.

“In fact, you can probably see it while I’m sitting like this too. I’m comfortable with you so I wasn’t thinking about it,” You say, teasing him slightly by spreading your legs “Even if I flashed you, you wouldn’t do anything about it, would you?”

It’s not something he can refute so he doesn’t. You think it affected him, the slightest bit of frustration on his face.

“It’s not like I’m not—yknow?”

“Not what?”

He rubs the back of his neck.

“It’s not like I don’t… want to.”

“Oh, I know. I figured but,” You cross your legs this time, delighted by him “I know you won’t.”

He’s silent for a while after that. You don’t want to pressure him, so you give him a warm smile.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to. I’m sure you have your reasons and for whatever you can’t tell me, so I’m not gonna be mad.”

He looks like he’s going to cry for a minute there but recollects himself.

“I’m sorry.” He says lamely.

“Don’t be. I was planning to seduce you today so in a way, my plans worked out.”

The shock on his face has you biting back a cackle, choking on his spit. He wipes his mouth, looking at you embarrassed.

“Seduce me?”

“Mm, I thought a little push might be good for you. But it looks like it had the opposite effect, you’re shaking like a leaf.”

“It…that’s not true.” He folds his hands in his lap “I’ve never…done this before.”

“I figured,” You repeat, nonplussed. You were Isagi’s first girlfriend after all “You don’t want to lose it to me, then?”

“Not that,” He says, pulling his knees up and hugging his knees “I just… feel bad. For looking at you like that.”

“Ah, I knew it.” You mumble “You feel bad for wanting to fuck me, don’t you?”

He swallows something in the back of his throat, looking up.

“It’s different.”

“You know you’re really easy to read. It’s fine, Isagi. Whatever you want to do is fine. I like you, so it’s fine. Even if it’s gross or really perverted. If I hate something, I would just tell you.”

He looks up at you, riddled with guilt so you sigh. For his sake, you might as well put yourself out a little more.

Instead of saying anything else, you crawl towards him on your hands and knees. His breath hitches, eyes locked on you. Adjusting so you’re in front of him, you stand on your knees and face him. He looks up at you, starry-eyed and a little afraid.

You really just want to shake him by the shoulders, but you refrain.

“Isagi,” You say, voice low and dripping with as much sexual desire as you can muster “Do you wanna see my panties?”

It should be just the right push.

His eyes snap down to your legs and thighs, where your manicured hands have the bottom of the skirt gripped in your hands. Two fingers in the tight material, you flutter your lashes at him. He looks shocked, stumbling over the right response before his hands fist at his knees. He looks down then nods hard.

“Uh...Y-yeah. Yes, I— If that’s okay.,”

Before he can retract too much, you pull up your skirt over the lower half of your tummy. You’re wearing a matching set, though it wasn’t with this intent. A cool wave of air hits your skin as you hold it up, giving Isagi a clear view. A pair of pretty, lacy panties are clinging to you. They’re thin and sheer, all black and snug.

His ears are a vibrant red, hands planted at either side of him.

“You’re looking so hard,” You tease, watching his desperate expression “You’ve never seen a girl's panties before? Or are you like this because they’re mine?”

He flinches at the latter half of your statement. It’s nice to know he wants you, at least.

“You like lace?”

He nods, mesmerized.

“You can touch,” You say encouragingly, glancing at his stiff posture “Be gentle, ‘kay?”

His hands shake when he reaches forward. Instead of letting him go in blind, you take a free hand on his hand. The palm of his hand cups the back of your thigh. You let him do as he pleases with the other one. His breathing is so uneven it’s the only thing you can hear. His nimble fingers are hesitant as they reach forward for you.

But he manages to touch you, a gentle finger against the edge of the fabric. He starts at your hips before traveling downward, lower and lower. He’s so tender, just like you thought he’d be. You feel your heart starting to beat fast at the feeling of his hand, the one on your thigh slowly getting tighter.

His finger curls in before he’s so slowly touching the seam of your lace panties. Just where you can feel contact, where your pussy is. You’re aching just watching him sate his curiosity, the way he’s observing you making incredibly horny.

He drags his knuckle down before he’s pressed right against your slit, underneath the cloth. He gasps as he feels it, a low noise slipping past your lips at the contact.

“You’re.. I-it’s wet.” He says, a tremble in his voice. You smile. Cupping his face in your palms, you lean forward until you’re close to him. He looks so hazy for you. You press your lips to his, deep and soft as the skirt flops over his hand. He hasn’t moved at all, so you rub against his knuckle wantonly.

“Mhm. I’m wet for you.”

“For…for me.” He says through a wheeze.

“Want to see your cock, Isagi.” You practically purr, turned on at his fluster. At him, in general. You hold his gaze while you say it, hand sneaking down to the front of his pants “To feel it. It’s lonely without you.”

“Holy shit…holy shit.”

“You wanna see it, right? Wanna see it stretch me out real nice. Don’t you wanna know how it feels?”

“I want,” His voice is thick with lust to the point it’s unrecognizable. He buries his face against your neck. Your heartbeat thrums “I want to… do what you want.”

Oh?

“You’re thoughtful even in bed, is it? You wanna make me cum, Isagi?”

He groans.

“Oh, please,”

“You’re so sweet. Makes me wanna take your virginity.”

“Take whatever you want.” He says, rushed. You chuckle.

“Even your credit cards? Your wallet?”

“Yeah,” He says easily.

“Stupid,” You adjust so either of your legs are on either side of Isagis's stretched legs “Kiss me,”

“Yeah.” He repeats, a little slower.

This much is familiar to you both. Isagi has gotten good at kissing. Though he normally holds himself back, keeping his hands steady. You wrap your arms around his neck, pressing your body up to his purposefully. Isagi makes a noise of approval as he feels your chest press to his. He hesitates only briefly as he sneaks a hand on your thigh, just above your knee.

His kisses are warm and familiar. Your hands tangle in his hair as you urge for him a little deeper, soft locks between your fingers. He likes when you tug at his scalp. His slow nipping kisses deepen until you’re breathing him in.

“Isagi,” You break away, out of breath “Stick your tongue out.”

He obliges easily. Before he has a chance to question it, you grab his face in your hands again and mirror him. The sudden contact makes his grip on you tighten before he melts into it. Tongue kissing him slow, he finds rhythm with you. You kiss like that for a while, spit and tongue and teeth. Kissing like that is turning you on, so you press your weight down on his body for more contact.

He’s surprised when he feels you. His eyes open to look at you, but you don’t want to stop kissing him so you leave it. Instead, you hold his gaze as you rub your clothed cunt over the hard-on in his pants. Normally even getting this far is some sort of miracle.

But right now, Isagi isn’t stopping you at all. It’s a success in your eyes. You can feel him respond to each of your slow grinds. Dragging your hips back and forth, Isagi’s eyes are lidded when he watches you.

“Mm,” You go harder, your clothed clit catching on the tip of his cock. You can feel how the fabric is soaking underneath you “Isagi. I wanna know how you feel.”

He pulls back in a pant, eyes closed. His forehead drops onto your shoulder with a soft thud.

“Feels so good,” He slurs, speechless. He’s so cute.

“You like when I grind on you?”

“It’s making me so hard.” He says, voice going high.

“What do you want, Isagi?”

“See,” He mumbles, twitching under you “Wanna see.”

Without another word, you pull back from him. Giving him a pleasant smile, you slip your top off of your body and let it fall to the floor. Isagi’s eyes grow the size of saucers, swallowing.

“Oh my god.”

You stand to your feet, hand on his shoulder to keep him sitting. Infront of him, you strip your skirt as slowly as you can manage. You’re only left in your lingerie and your socks. Isagi is looking up at you like you’re the sun. The exposure of your body has never made you shy, but the look on Isagi’s face is really giving you a run for your money.

“Take your shirt off,”

Isagi widens his eyes before breaking out into another blush. Ultimately he does what you ask. You watch the sweatshirt peel off of his body while he’s still seated underneath you. You forget how strong he is until he’s naked like that. He’s toned.

He keeps looking up at you from where he’s sat. You give him a glance.

“Do what you want Isagi.” You encourage. His brow furrows momentarily before he finds himself kneeling underneath you. You aren’t sure what to make of the position. Isagi’s hands hover over your body. Holding your waist, he rubs his cheek against your stomach before kissing it. You play with his hair. When he looks up, his eyes are full of desire.

“You don’t feel real.” He says in a mumble.

“I’m very real.”

He looks up at you. Eyes rimmed with hunger, hands holding you’ll fall away. Even still, he’s looking for permission. That conflict that he feels every single time he wants something.

“Tell me if you want to stop.” He says, masking the tremble in his voice. You smile.

“Course.”

“Then,” He looks at you seriously “Can we go to your room?”

You nod, reaching your hand out for him to take, he follows you to your bedroom. On the opposite side of the room, you shut the door behind you. Instead of asking him where he wants you- you flop onto the bed and open your arms.

“C’mere.” You say. He widens his eyes but does as you say, hovering above you. His arms rest on either side of your head. Warmth radiates off his body, hands hesitantly touching your face. He rests his face against your chest.

“We’re really gonna have sex,” He mumbles, with a flush. You can’t contain your laugh.

“You’re still like this, huh.”

“Of course I am,” He kisses you this time, in between his nerves with just a little more confidence than before “I get to… with you. Wow.”

“Touch me.” You all but demand. Isagi does an obedient little nod before he steels himself. His palms travel slowly downwards, drifting touches until he’s at your chest. He takes in a deep breath as he cups them over the lacy material. You can feel your nipples harden under the touch, and he must too because he lets out a little sound of surprise. He looks up at you for assurance,

You merely smile at him.

He keeps going, little by little familiarizing himself with your body. Distracted and clumsily, with no real expertise. Every now and again, he’ll catch himself drifting. He presses kisses to your neck and chest while he gropes you thoroughly and curiously. Isagi endears you at every turn. You’re no stranger to it but seeing him like this reminds you of how much.

You put your hand on top of his so he can squeeze tighter. He gasps a little but repeats after you, squeezing. You don’t have to ask him to touch you directly, a pleasant surprise. He doesn’t take off your bra nor does he fumble with it. He pulls the cups down until your tits spill. Every time you think he’ll stop being shocked, he gets red in the face and proves you wrong.

The cold air to your exposed chest makes your back arch slightly. You adjust so you can take your bra off completely, letting the strap slip over your shoulder. When it comes loose, Isagi pauses so you can toss it somewhere.

His eyes are so glued on your tits you can’t help but feel a little shy.

“Isagi,” It comes out a little whiny “Touch me,” You assert again.

“I can do what I want, right?”

You nod.

To your surprise, he trails kisses down your sternum. In between your tits, licking softly and biting even softer. You have no idea what he’s thinking, but you think he probably read up about it somewhere. The thought makes your stomach twist. Your sweet boyfriend away for months, reading up on how to please you. It’s something he’d do. Knowing that makes your teeth ache, like over-indulging on sugar.

His mouth closes around your nipple and a shockwave rolls through your whole body. A dull throb starts between your legs as Isagi focuses on just one. You bring his hand to your other one.

“Like this,” You say, showing him “Gently,”

He listens to your instruction well. A soft wave of pleasure settles over you as Isagi uses his mouth and hands to his heart's content. Mouth latched on your nipples, sucking slightly.

Isagi learns quickly, you realize. He tries something new and waits for your reactions and doesn’t push. He’s gentle but puts more pressure on if he thinks he’s losing you, focused on you and only you.

You moan for him. It feels good.

“Aah, Isagi.”

He pulls himself off slightly, eyes peaking up at you with a sense of satisfaction. Your skin is start to prick with that familiar desire, pooling in your gut. It’s vicious. He makes your head feel heavy with sin. You want to claim him unabashedly, a little eager to take something as precious as his first time. A flower you want to crush in your palm or snow packed under your feet - you take pleasure in breaking him down little by little. Delicate but yours to handle, you and Isagi have odd synergy.

Isagi becomes your center of gravity, your body pulled into him and his natural enigma. You want him and he wants you. That balance leaves your toes curling.

Desire drapes over your shoulders and weighs you. He’s pretty. Strong and toned muscles for his upper arms, a body built for athleticism. His hair is mussed in his face, sweat sticking slightly to his skin.

Before you can regain your sense, your hand is creeping towards his waistband. He stares at you as your eyelids droop, undoing the zipper of his pants and pulling them down. You lock eyes as you slide them down as far as you can reach.

His legs are so much stronger than you were expecting, thick and sturdy as you pull them down past his legs. Your eyes settle on the tent on his pants, wrapping your palm around his cock through the fabric. He hisses hard at that, shuddering.

“Fuck,” He grits, face twisted “Y-your hand.”

“Isagi. Stand on your knees for me,”

He looks confused for a minute, but eventually gets a hint. You prop yourself up on some pillows, urging Isagi forward until his bulge is closer to your face. Once he realizes the position he’s in, almost over your chest - his knees almost buckle. You can see him biting the inside of his cheek as you dip into his waistband.

You pull his briefs of slow, cock hanging heavy. Isagi is thick with a hard curve left. The tip is shiny and wet, pre-cum leaking from it slow. Your heart pounds against your ribs, instinctively staring hard. Isagi is holding his breath.

You blow on it teasingly, watching him squirm. He’s so sensitive. You crane your neck up, pressing a wet kiss on the frenulum with purpose. His throat closes, air coming out in a choked moan.

“Oh my god,”

“Can I use my mouth?” You ask. He shakes his head no instantly.

“I’ll cum f-for sure. Please don’t, don’t.”

You chuckle at his insistence.

“Okay, okay. My hand okay?”

“Yeah, please.”

You make a show of covering your hand with spit. Sticking your tongue out until they’re soaked and letting it drip down, sticky into your palm. Isagi looks like he’s going to fall out at any minute. You wrap your hands at the base of his shaft, slowly dragging your first until you’re cupped around the tip. He’s slick in your hands. You jerk him off slowly, not trying to overwhelm him.

Isagi is a mess over you. He looks good. Sweat is beading down his chest, falling down his body. His head is tipped back, mouth open as he tries to figure out what to do with his hands. He’s throbbing so hard in your palms. It’d make you feel guilty to make him cum like this, but god he looks good on the edge.

He fucks into the little hole you’ve made with your fist, unintentionally.

“Fuck, why d-does that feel so good,” He says, voice muffled by his own hand “Y-your hands are so fucking soft.”

“You’re so good to me, Isagi. Nobody better,”

“Ngh, y-you’re…” His thought is cut off by a smooth pull of your hands “Stop, please.”

You do instantly, watching as he catches his breath.

“How am I supposed to hold that in…?” He says, genuinely at a loss. You can’t help but laugh.

“Takes practice I think.”

“You should cum first.” He concludes seriously.

“Any ideas on how you wanna do that?” You tease.

“Thought I could give you head if you’re okay with it. I k-know I won’t be good right away but I—”

You pat his thigh to catch his attention.

“Stop freaking out and lay down between my legs.”

His blush intensifies. You get yourself comfortable as Isagi readjusts so that he can be laying between your legs. Propping yourself up with the pillows behind you, you spread out so that Isagi can be comfortable. When he’s ready, you smooth his hair back. He’s staring at your thighs hard.

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“Ah, a little?”

You nod at him, laying back and watching. He takes a deep breath first, his hands splaying over the tops of your thighs before moving along the curve. The skin on skin makes your heart pitter patter. Isagi is always staring at your legs, but it’s taken you till now to realize he has a thing for your thighs. He rubs his cheek along your inner thigh, squeezing the fat between his fingers hard enough that it aches.

His lips start at your inner knee, trailing up. Slow, wet kisses along the skin and tentative bit. Your breathing goes uneven, tension pouring into the room slowly like a billow of smoke. Isagi is so gentle but so wanting. His every touch is desperate and drunken. Everything you do is completely intoxicating to him, everything new and interesting.

You didn’t think it would turn you on to see him put in so much effort. Unrefined and needy, always whimpering but determined. Stimulated by the littlest things, but most of all by turning you on. It’s like he’s someone else, when he switches to your other thigh to repeat the action. The dull drag of sharp teeth on skin like softening something before eating. It’s hard to stay still when you watch Isagi partake in consumption, when he looks at you like a gift bestowed to him. A little greedy to be used by you. Even if it mean chewing him up and spitting him up.

You always knew he was dedicated. Always had that single-minded focus on his movements, never taking his eyes off you in any situation. Even when it was warranted, even when he was supposed to be looking at the scenery.

You think for the first time that you’re facing just how much Isagi wants you. And seeing him like that makes you understand why he was hesitating so much at first. The intensity of it is unbearable but exciting. You make him greedy and unforgiving.

His breath is warm when it fans your cunt, a soft moan leaving his lips as he takes a deep inhale of you. You’re embarrassed but he isn’t. He presses another soft kiss on your clothed cunt, lips wetted by the soaked material. He does it again and again, like he’d kiss you. The realization breathes new life into your lust.

“Pretty,” He mumbles, star-struck and tipsy on his own thirst “You’re so pretty.”

You help him by taking off your panties and he moves aside so that they’re tossed on the ground somewhere before settling back between your legs. There’s no barriers this time, nothing to keep him away from you.

His nose bumps your clit, tongue delving between your folds and collecting all the arousal in his mouth - swallowing slowly. The sensation makes your spine tingle, your body heat at a rapid increase. You tangle your fingers through his hair again, guiding his head to where you like.

“Little to the side.”

He nods against you, following your orders. You feel him right where you like it, the burning drag of his tongue as he suctions his mouth around it. It takes him a minute to adjust. His hands keep you company as he finds the right pressure and the right movements. The whole room feels like it’s melting around you. All the sensation in your limbs goes mellow, a softness to the feeling. Your senses are buzzing like the electricity lingering before a storm.

Isagi is salacious when he sucks on your clit. Throbbing against his mouth with each pass, flat and rhythmic - not to slow or too fast. Isagi learns your body like he’s memorizing, drawing a path to the finish line. Worked up to the point of delirium, you find yourself rolling your hips. Your hand is clamped in his hair, dragging him to you harshly. You find Isagi likes when you’re a little mean to him, a little rough. An adrenaline junkie at heart, he moans when you rut yourself against his face. He doesn’t stop even once, merely following along with you. Moving in tandem.

What he wants is written all over his face. It etched into his brow bone, drawn in the lines on his face. Please cum, over and over like a plea.

The coil in your stomach starts to grow tight as you stay like that. You can’t think about anything else, hands fisting hard in his hair. He moans against you, the reverb in your skin.

“Isagi,” You pant, mouth open. You force yourself to keep your eyes open, to look at him while it happens “Cumming.”

Your whole body feels like it’s unraveling as you finish on his face. Isagi doesn’t pause from you. His eyes are closed and his tongue is nudging at your entrance - face buried in your cunt and soaking himself in it. The sound of him slurping fills the room, echoes on the walls and in the back of your head. You can hear his audible swallow as he tastes you, halfway between curiosity and full-blown perversion. He’s somewhere far off as the after waves hit, tremoring inside.

You have to pull him off you to wake him up from his trance. The sight of his messy chin makes your heart pump. You wipe his chin with your thumb, pressing it to his lower hip. He’s confused at first but opens up anyways.

“Suck on it.”

His eyes go wide but he listens. Of course, he does, cleaning the arousal off of your digit. When he’s near done, you pull him up towards you and kiss him hard. For it being his first time, he did so well. You feel selfish all of a sudden. You want to keep him all to yourself.

“Isagi,” You say his name softly when you pull apart, a string of saliva between you “You did so good.”

“Ah, really? Then I’m happy.”

“You’re so good to me, baby. What am I gonna do with you?”

“...B-baby?”

“Yeah. That okay?”

“More than okay, I just…woah. I really…”

You look at him curiously.

“I really love you,” He confesses, words tumbling out of his lips so fast you think you’ll miss it “I was supposed to tell you when I got back but I kept putting it off and I know now seems like a bad time, but I really—”

When the realization settles, you’re grinning ear to ear. Not that it’s unexpected, the timing is funny and so very Isagi. You shut him up with a kiss, making him melt into you. His hand comes up on your waist.

“I love you too. Let’s make love, hm?” You offer, teasing. He flushes but doesn’t deny the idea. He’s sappy enough to like something like that you think.

“Will you call me by my first name?”

You look at him surprised before breaking out in a wider smile.

“Yoichi,” You breath out, dragging the last syllable out as he swallows “Come fuck me.”

“We don’t have condoms.” His voice sounds sad.

“It’s fine.”

“B-but—”

“You don’t want to?”

He looks at you grimly making you laugh.

“I’m telling you it’s fine. Just trust me. It’s better raw, anyway.”

Isagi hugs you this time, his face rubbing against your cheek with a frown. You can’t help but want to spoil him a little when you see him like this. No matter how famous he is, he’s really just a boy. The thought of that makes you happy.

“You say stuff like that so easily.”

“I’ve always been straightforward. Who asked who out, huh?”

“Point taken,”

“If you get it then, c’mon.”

You watch as Isagi stands off to completely take his pants off. You take a minute to admire him naked, all the muscles and tanning on his body. The callouses in different places and a few scars from injuries littering his skin. He’s not very hairy, but where it is - it’s fine and wispy. He comes back to you naked, the bed dipping under his weight.

He drags you down a little, letting you adjust to the new position. You find yourself comfortable on your back. The tip of Isagi’s cock is visible, weeping and hard over your cunt.

“Normally, I’d make you prep me but I think it’s okay. Just go slow, ‘kay?”

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm.”

He gives you a firm nod. Unsure of what to do, you watch as he spits in his hand to lube himself up. His eyes are mesmerizing a deep blue. Position himself at your entrance, you can’t tear your eyes away from his face. You’re so curious about his reaction. In a slow, slow thrust - you feel the tip start to nudge itself inside of you. The slick sound makes you shiver.

His expression is pinched as he fucks into you so slowly. Almost like he’s in pain trying to keep himself steady. Your walls accommodate him nicely, slowly stretching around until they take on his shape. Everything feels like it’s spinning around you - the world tilted on it’s axis for minutes at a time. Maybe just because it’s Isagi but his cock makes you feel unsually good. It feels different than the other times you’ve had sex. Holding in a breath, he pushes himself in. One inch at a time, it’s agonizing for you.

You sneak a hand between your bodies. Isagis holds the top of your thighs, just at the curve of your hip as he penetrates. Fucks you languidly and softly and gently, with a grip in his fingers like he’s going to lose his fucking mind. He looks about ready to break, gasping each time he pushes further.

“You’re so warm. Holy shit.”

“You almost inside?”

“Yeah, fuck.”

Your whole body feels like it’s molded around his cock - stuck inside of you. When his pelvis hits yours, you let out a sigh of relief. He feels so fucking good. Snug and thick, his cock is so hard for you. He twitches rapidly as steels himself, holding you for support. You rub your clit lazily as you watch him, blinking slowly.

“Yoichi.”

His cock twitches hard inside of you. You wanna milk him dry, seeing him like that. He looks at you.

“You can move.”

You let out a gasp when you feel Isagi pull out only to fuck into you hard. The force of it is unexpected, but not bad. He breathes raggedly. You put your legs up until your ankles are just over his shoulder, reaching for a pillow to put under your back so he can stay stood on his knees and you can rest your legs. His hair is framing his face as he looks down at you, breathing raggedly. He places a kiss on your ankle before saying another.

“Sorry, I can’t hold it, I want you so much.”

“S’okay. Keep going.”

You can’t keep control of yourself as Isagi pistons you. His thrusts are unexpectedly powerful, hips slamming in the back of your thighs every time he moves. It must be the core and leg strength. He thrusts like he’s practiced with something, makes you wonder if he’s ever fucked something on his own. It leaves you shivering, the intrusive way his cock stretched you out until there’s no longer any tension. Until you’re stretched around him completely so that he can fuck you as he pleases.

The shift from discomfort to pleasure happens before you can screw your head on straight. Isagi fucks you impatiently. He’s looking at you but you can tell that he’s trying so hard not to cum. Teeth digging into his lower lip. He’s whimpering for you. Whining a little at how it feels but fucking you all that same. It’s imperfect and inexperienced - but he’s trying so hard to do it right that it doesn’t matter. You’re so turned on by him that it wouldn’t register.

“Yoichi,” You call out if only to get his attention. You smile when he looks at you “Does it feel good?”

“Feels so good, fuck, I c-can’t.”

“You’re fucking me so good.”

The praise has a shiver running down his back.

“Oh my god.”

You can feel another orgasm coming in. Isagi fills you deep, scratches an itch you could never get to on your own. He drags along your sensitive walls at an angle, rubbing your insides raw. Every nerve in your body is burning up from the inside out, like a sparkler in July heat. Your nerves are more tender than ever and Isagi toys with each one. All you can think about is how good his cock feels, even through his inexperience.

It spreads through your body like blood in your veins, the bliss is so overwhelming it makes you motion sick. Your free hand playing with your clit twitches, the other one holding your chest to keep you occupied. Isagi moves you with each pound of hips, reaching the back of you.

“Gonna cum soon,” You pant.

“M-me too. I’m so fucking close, fuck.”

You reach your orgasm in a haze, Isagi’s never slowing in his gestures. He fucks you through it, your whole body going taut with tension like the snap of a rubber band. Your hands fist in the sheets as the tension in your muscles melt, spasming around.

You don’t get a chance to say anything much before Isagi is following in your stead. His orgasm must hit hard because he’s cumming inside of as deep as he can go. His hands are secured around your thighs, digging into them as you feel the hot twitch of his cock before unloading into you. It’s warm as it spurts out in thick coats of white, a pleasant feeling making your head spin.

Isagi is shaking above you, so you bend your knees so he can drop down over you. He nearly collapses on top of you, immediately snuggling up to you even while his cock is buried inside of you. You can’t believe he managed to last as long as he did. You press your lips to his forehead as he sighs in contentment over you.

“Naughty boy.” You tease. He whines.

“That felt so good I thought I was gonna die. Thank you”

“Are you thanking me for making you cum right now? You’re so stupid.”

“Stupid in love.” He corrects, picking his head up to give you a smile. Breaking out into a fit of giggles, you give him another long kiss. Ridiculous. “And it’s not just for that. Just for pushing me. You always consider my feelings”

“You can be whatever you want with me, Yoichi.”

“I’m so lucky.” He says sincerely, nuzzling up to you “My life is really great. It’s nice. Please don’t leave me by the way.”

You can’t help but laugh at how honest he’s being.

“Never. There’s still a lot left for you to learn, y’know?”

“You’re gonna get me hard again.” He warns, faux serious. You shrug.

“Not sorry.”

#writing tag #isagi x reader #isagi yoichi x reader #isagi smut #isagi yoichi smut #bllk x reader #bluelock x reader #bluelock smut #bllk smut #this is so self indulgent its unbelievable

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hazbin-but-good · 21 days

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another hazbin hotel rewrite/redesign?

yup! and i'm so serious about it that i made a whole blog for it. i'm a white queer ex-cath tran doing this as an art and writing exercise, so feedback from other creatives + jewish and/or racialized folks is especially welcome.

i'm putting this post and only this post in the main tags for visibility. also, not gonna link my main, but i do make my own original stuff, and i encourage fans and haters alike to do the same.

anyway, here's a mostly good-faith 1.7k-word essay on the original. i think it's pretty funny and brings up some less talked-about points. correct me on the facts, disagree with my opinions, and ask clarifying questions, but don't come at me with any piss-poor reading comprehension.

the hellaverse is garbage, and here's why

cw: strong language, stronger opinions, intersectional feminist critical discourse analysis

1. vivienne medrano, the person

medrano was born as a well-off white-passing latina (salvadoran-american) in bougieass frederick, maryland. while attending new york's top art school, she got popular on deviantart-tumblr-twitter by being a prolific multifandom fujoshi furry who's more into ornamental character design than storytelling. upon graduation, she leveraged her fanbase and industry connections to make the hazbin and helluva boss pilots, get helluva made for youtube, and get hazbin made for amazon prime.

like every woman online, she gets harassed for no good reason, and as a certified autist, i will defend her right to be dumb, weird, annoying, and bad with words. however, there are legit reasons to criticize her:

racism, misogyny, homophobia, fatphobia, some antisemitism, past transphobia, past ableism

shitty boss, bad friend

cowardly, vindictive, manipulative, thoughtless behavior

skeevy friends

sucks at taking criticism

in short, i think she desperately needs a PR person and someone to clean up her digital footprint.

2. medrano's art

incurious

inauthentic

noncommittal

creatively stagnant

overindulgent, and the indulgence isn't even fun

shallow and childish framed as complex and mature

bland and boring framed as shocking and subversive

to be clear, i'm at peace with the existence of suckass art like this; i just think the money, attention, and praise it gets are unearned and should go to more interesting works, of which there are infinite.

medrano's had the time, money, and social cache to grow as an artist, learn from the best, and take creative risks, but she hasn't. if she truly has nothing more to offer, she should let her collaborators take the wheel, but she doesn't do that either. instead, she keeps getting more and more resources to make the same baby bullshit, and that pisses me off. she could be the nicest person ever, and this fundamental arrogance would still make her art blow.

stop with the pointless guilt: liking medrano's work does not make you stupid or evil. however, if you stay in the kiddie pool of culture, if you refuse to engage with a diversity of art, if the hellaverse is your point of reference for anything media-related, you can't expect to have your opinions on art, media, or culture taken seriously. you have not earned a seat at the table. you gotta hit the books first.

i cannot emphasize enough how much incredible stuff is out there if you're willing to look further than what social media and streaming services put right in front of you. if you come away from this blog having learned about just one new artist or piece of art, i'll be a happy camper.

3. the hellaverse

a. empty and confused

hazbin and helluva's content and marketing has no clear target audience. the subjects are inappropiate for teens, but the execution is too childish for adults, and lemme tell you what i don't mean by that, first.

not inherently inappropriate for teens:

sex and sexuality

violence, including when it intersects with the above

politics and religion

not inherently childish:

animation (any style)

comedy

episodic writing and/or loose continuity

young characters

fun, happiness, optimism, the power of friendship, cuteness, tenderness, sincerity, etc.

what i mean is that these shows are literally about adult characters who fuck, smoke, drink, do drugs, go clubbing, work full-time, manage their own finances, and deal with stuff like bureaucracy, sexual violence, domestic abuse, marriage, divorce, late adoption, and family estrangement.

however, none of these "adult" things are given enough specificity to create drama or comedy. it's all too stock, vague, flat, weirdly sanitized, and thus utterly banal—pure aesthetics on top of bad saturday morning cartoons. it's exactly what i'd expect from a sheltered disney kid who needs to log off and get into their local gay scene ASAP so their only contact with things like poverty, policing, addiction, and sex work stops being facile movies and TV.

if the shows were aware of this and played with it, that could be amazing, but they're not. they give you the mickey mouse version of the world with a straight face and then play looney tunes sound effects to try to make you laugh and sad_violin.mp3 to try to make you cry. now that's funny.

b. old and tired

let's make like americans and pretend that the rest of the world doesn't exist. even within the confines of the USA, home of the hays code, the red scare, and reaganite propaganda, this neopuritan fascist state ruled by 1000 megachurches in a trenchcoat, the indie/underground animation scene has been doing crazier shit for decades. anti-war films in the 60's, bakshi movies in the 70's, the simpsons shorts and r-rated movies in the 80's, adult swim and MTV in the 90's, flash/newgrounds/youtube in the 00's, streaming in the 2010's—so what are we doing in the 2020's with this wet white rice drowned in expired ketchup? i feel crazy making this point because it's obvious if you've watched these things, but if you haven't, you're gonna be like "well, there's gotta be something new here". no! there isn't! in the words of jimmy "the scot" jordan, nothing, nothing, NOTHING!

c. ideological purgatory

actually, there is one thing in these shows i've never seen before: the presbysterianism. shout out some interesting or at least intentional presbysterian art in the comments, because the way these ideas are presented here is not compelling. it just makes the rainbow neoliberalism even more confusing and contradictory.

i guess the big presbysterian things are protestanism, calvinism, and, uh, big church government? presbysterians, get your shit together. get your brand down. catholics have BDSM and vampires, evangelicals have TV and corporatism; what do you have? celtic crosses? no wonder medrano has such uninspired ideas on divinity.

d. queer deficiency

when i look at a piece of art, i ask myself: "what does this give me that i can't get from the hunchback of notre dame (1996)?" if the answer is as limp as "uhh, gay people, i guess", i can probably look for my gay shit elsewhere and rewatch the hunchback of notre dame (1996) in the meantime.

but let's say that you have no standards. you've been waiting for ages for a show about gays by the gays for the gays, and by god you're gonna get it. this is it! here we go! time for some

generic twink obliteration

male sexuality as aggression and dominance displays

WLW (sex and chemistry not included)

a couple straight femdoms

and the stalest sex jokes known to man

...yeah, it's not very queer. and by "queer", i mean "questioning or subverting gender norms (including sexual roles) within a given cultural context regardless of creator identity and intent". i'm not a queer studies scholar so LMK if there's a more specific term for this, but whatever you call it, it's not in the hellaverse much.

there's not even any transness, literal or metaphorical, just ancient drag jokes. i guess the writers thought we would've been too controversial. so much for an indie animation studio that prides itself in the diversity of its staff both above and below the line, bakshi-style. i wonder how medrano, a bisexual woman, would've felt if told that a lesbian main couple in hazbin would be "too controversial".

4. spindlehorse and the vivziepop brand

spindlehorse toons underpays its overworked staff and keeps outsourcing more and more labor to even more overworked freelancers overseas to cut costs. a rainbow sweatshop is still a sweatshop, and just because these practices may be "industry standard" doesn't make them any more ethical.

the studio has also been repeatedly accused by current and former employees and contractors of creating a hostile and abusive workplace. AFAIK, it still has no dedicated HR person, and victims are too afraid of retaliation like blacklisting and online harassment to speak out.

this is exactly the stuff that unions exist to prevent. as i'm writing this, the IATSE (the parent union of TAG, which is the parent union of all US animation unions) is negotiating with entertainment industry executives for better working conditions, and if the execs fuck around like last year, it's strike time again. so watch this space, voice your support, and don't cross any picket lines.

i hope spindlehorse unionizes, but until then and for these reasons, i don't think you should give money to the company.

first of all, all content on amazon-owned platforms is ok to pirate, and all youtube ads are ok to block. everyone involved in making the episodes has (or should have) been paid upfront, so you're not taking the bread out of anyone's mouth.

next, let's look at the succulent offerings of the official vivziepop merch shop:

$10 pins and keychains

$15 sticker packs

$20 mugs and acrylic cutouts

$25 shirts

$30 metal cards (not even tarot)

$40 lounge pants

$50 mini backpacks

random $80 skateboard deck

forgive my latin americanness, but this is all stuff you can get made by a local metalsmith, print/sublimation shop, or just crafty people in your life. it's cheaper, customizable, and better for the environment to skip all the shipping and packaging. also, not painting your own skateboard is poser shit.

the hazbin website also has $15 pins, one $20 keychain, and $6 trading card packs. people are weird about trading cards, so if for some reason you wanna gamble for a mass-produced bit of cardboard, plastic, and tinfoil, at least bulk-order for all the vivziepoppers in your area so it's less of a huge waste. better yet, trace the designs and make infinite bootlegs.

at the end of the day, buying merch is not activism. your bulk order of trading cards will not save any wage slaves from getting evicted from their overpriced studio apartments. however, the shop links you to all the credited artists/designers, and more of your bucks will actually reach them if you buy their designs directly, then turn them into body pillows or life-sized bronze statues or whatever the fuck.

go through the credits of any episode of helluva or hazbin, and you'll find even more creatives you might wanna support. get jinkx monsoon's albums on CD. subscribe to actually good artist, animator, and composer gooseworx. lots of voice actors now have patreon, cameo, or self-hosted pages where you can write better lines for their characters and have them read it. these things may not look as shiny as Official Merch™, but we all need less plastic shit and more culture anyway.

#spindlehorse #vivziepop #hellaverse #hazbin hotel #helluva boss #spindlehorse critical #vivziepop critical #hazbin hotel critical #helluva boss critical #hazbin hotel rewrite #hazbin hotel redesign #helluva boss redesign #communism #degrowth

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anthyies · 2 years

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naruto is literally baby’s first test of media analysis & criticism and like 75% of the people who watch it fail it. if you don’t UNDERSTAND SASUKE you don’t GET IT

#esha.txt #sasuke #nart #sorry. i have argued with entirely too many people in real about sasuke

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uyuforu · 3 months

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Hi. How do I read a vertex persona chart? I tried to understand if I am supposed to read it as a natal chart or not when looking for the meaning on Tumblr. Let’s say I want to understand my fated career or lovelife how do I read when x planet is in y house in z sign? For example venus in 7th in scorpio is that the type of person I am meant to attract or live with or even be in a relationship? Or virgo mercury conjunct MC in 11th am I meant to work in a communication-skilled job? I gave random examples but I am very confused especially because I don’t know how to interpret it with the aspects. Thanks in advance.

First of all, when doing a vertex pc, make sure to put the asteroids you want: for example for your love life, put juno, briede, groom, etc...

Vertex PC is supposed to make you see about your fate, so if you add asteroids in certain topics, you'll see more about a certain fate. I'm gonna take mine as an example.

Vertex Persona Chart Analysis

This is Uyu's Vertex PC, I added love asteroids for examples on love life.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ My Rising is Leo here, and rising is all about appearance. Many people have told me before that whenever I enter in a room, I have people's attention, people stare at me. Some people told me I look like the sun, and this can explain why. Im destined to shine, or to look like I shine. This is the aura I have. (without any huge ego lmao, this is really compliments people gave me) Because the degree is 24 (Pisces) this could explain why I have "shiny eyes", some people think I cried but im just existing lmao. Pisces rising makes people look angelic, and some people have told me I look this way, I look very innocent.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ My North node is in 12H Cancer and 27° (gemini), I was destined to lead a spiritual path, and maybe on my feminine side. Cancer is ruled by the moon and moon rules over the mother in astrology, I did also help my mother having her spiritual awakening. The degree is like talking about it on social media, and this is what I do.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Pluto and Chiron in 4H Sagittarius, my parents divorced when I was a baby, and it caused me a lot of pain later, because I was far from my dad and he didn't take care of me much. I was also constantly around adults and never children my age, and it caused me developing a more mature side earlier than other children, and it was hard to make friends or feel comfortable.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Vertex in Capricorn 5H, could be destined to have children? Also the degree is Cancer, so it could totally be that. Destined to be a mother, a leader in my family.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Juno in 6H Aquarius and 20° (scorpio), girl, my FS is aquarius sun LMAO. He also has strong pluto/ scorpio influence in his chart, he looks very scorpio like. He has a stellium in 6H too.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Uranus in 6H Aquarius could be about being destined to have a non conventional routine, and mostly also a job. Aquarius Uranus people really pushed society to think outside the lines, and I can contribute to that with all that is part of working and having a routine. I do as I please.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ DC Aquarius 24° (Pisces), so my FS is Aquarius Sun and Mars and his Mercury + Venus are in Pisces, funny thing. But also, this could be a sign of me marrying a foreigner, someone who is living in a different country than me, someone away. It could also be meeting FS on social media. Moreover, the pisces degree could be a spiritual connection with him. And he is my TF. This placement also indicates that I date foreigners mostly, or people who are very different from me. Also could be meeting most of my partners online, and this is what happened.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Venus in 9H, most of my ex are from a different country than mine, I tend to be attracted to foreigners. I also love to travel.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Mercury in 9H, im veryyy good at learning languages, and it's a gift of mine that I really love. It was like this since I was 4 yo so one could say it's destiny lol.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ MC and Sun (in 10H) conjuncting veryyyy closely, could mean destined to have success in career, or become someone famous. I also have that in my NC, my Sun in Leo exactly conjunct my North Node in Leo both in 10H. So you know lol.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Sun and Jupiter exactly conjunct in 10H, meaning I can easily attract good contracts. I always have been lucky into finding contracts or jobs easily. It can also be natural luck in one's life. Like feeling lucky.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Saturn in 10H conjuncting Jupiter and Sun, meaning I can attracts long term contracts, or even good stable contracts when it comes to my job. But it can be also struggling about finding what I want to do.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Mars in 10H gemini, I can have a job related to social medias, talking too. Or doing a job in another language than mine. It can also be having a lot of drive and ambition about my job.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Moon Cancer 11H, I am meant to have deep emotions and accept my emotional side. I cry easily and I feel emotions very deeply. I can also romanticize life. In 11H, that means my emotions can be seen online or in the internet, but it also means my relationships with the others is what makes me emotional. I need to accept to show my emotions to the others. Because my Lovelock conjuncts it, I can have show people I love them easily. The Lovelock is in Aries degree, making me very physical about my love (kisses and cuddles).

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Amor conjuncts Venus in 9H in Taurus, I fell in love and met my FS in a foreign country. I also dated foreigners quite a lot.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Alma (represents Soulmates and TF) in 8H Aries with 3° (Gemini), I met my TF/ FS online and we talked first but I didn't want to continue. But since we met we are obsessed with each other? Can't stop thinking about each other type. In Aries, things went pretty quick between us. Which was scary, and since it's in 8H, im not surprised I was scared lol!

₊˚⊹ ᰔ Union in Libra 3H 23° (Aquarius) conjunct Groom in 21° (Sagittarius). I met my FS in a foreign country, and we first talked online before. We had love at first sight when we met. He was in the country to attend a wedding at that time (Libra).

Some good links for help:

╰┈➤ ✦ ; ✦ ; ✦

Hope it helped!

- uyu

#uyuans #astrology #astrology observation #astro observations #astro observation #astrology observations #vertex #astro vertex #astrology vertex #vertex persona chart #persona chart #astrology persona chart #Astrology vertex persona chart

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sarasade · 10 months

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The Dragon Prince & Queer Subtext - Fandom and Media Analysis of Sort

Lately I’ve been pondering about the ins and outs of Viren and Aaravos’s relationship and why they give off such a queer vibe. So I ended up writing this 2 and half Word document pages long little breakdown because why not.

I think what’s going on here is about the underlying elements of the story- subtext and how their relationship could be perceived through a queer lens. Note: my brain has marinated in queer subtext juices my whole life and I have no intent trying to prove my reading is the only right one.

That Sweet Sweet Gay Shit- A Fandom Perspective

There is a lot of queer subtext between them. Homoerotic subtext even. Their scenes together definitely activated the search function in my brain’s queer coded villain trope lexicon.

You know- mutual penetration with a phallic object (knife), sharing some kind of mysterious bond through blood magic, so, you know, bodily fluids are indeed involved, the classic slash fiction trope “we are close but we cannot touch” -gay pining because the mirror separates them. When Aaravos is shown for the first time in the mirror the camera does this Laura Mulvey Male Gaze 101 up-down pan shot of him from Viren’s POV. Something that’s usually reserved for female characters when male characters “check them out” in a movie. And then my personal favourite: Something that comes out of Aaravos enters Viren, comes out and then transforms into a creature with a toddler level intelligence- they made a freaky little metaphor baby together! Awwww!

And let's not even talk about the possession and Aaravos slowly taking over Viren’s body. The aesthetics of a toxic queer romance are all over their interactions.

No, Viren! Don’t express vulnerability as an intimidating male figure! Tumblr will babygirlify you!

Storytelling

So what about their interactions makes me perceive them in a queer way? By “queer“ I mean the broader concept of queer here; does the way the characters are depicted come across non-heteronormative and disruptive to gender norms.

I’m mostly talking about the season 2 here since they share their most intimate scenes together in that season.

1 Story Function

Aaravos and Viren’s interactions are supposed to have multiple purposes in the story: They move the plot forward, characterise both Viren and Aaravos, create emotional conflict and intrigue in the viewer etc. Viren observing Aaravos through the mirror is supposed to create mystery and spark the audience’s curiosity. Viren is a device through which Aaravos’s allure gets demonstrated to the viewer so of course their interactions come across pretty, hm, charged. Anyway there are layers of meaning here the audience can interpret in multiple ways both intuitively and through an analytic lens. The meaning naturally changes the more context we get. There are still three more seasons to come.

2 Gendered Tropes

There is a certain element of seduction present: Viren gives Aaravos more access to himself and his body little by little in exchange for Aaravos fulfilling his desires (for power). This could be read as having sexual undertones. Some of Aaravos’s first words to Viren are clearly something Viren wants to hear “How may I serve you?” Weaponising manipulation and seduction, where a character poses as submissive while having alternative motives, is something female characters traditionally do in stories. I don’t know about you but Aaravos’s character has a bit of a femme fatale thing going on if you ask me (haha!) There is something about him that defies gender roles that’s not just about his androgynous looks.

A traditional Femme fatale is often a tragic figure trapped in unfortunate circumstances. They are shrouded in mystery which prevents the audience from empathising with them or understanding their motives. The character often uses coercion to make their victim do what they want. And yes there definitely is an element of coercion and even a threat of violence present in Aaravos and Viren’s relationship. Their goals are aligned for now but what happens if/ when Viren decides to defy Aaravos? TDP makes me wonder (with horror) what it is that Viren has really agreed to.

3 How the Show’s “Camera” Portrays Aaravos

Even the camera emphasises him as an object of desire. Something he is from the story point of view as well. Viren desires access to Aaravos’s power after all. When the camera puts Aaravos on display in an objectified manner in the beginning of the season 2 it’s supposed to, in my opinion, heighten the feeling of Aaravos seeming harmless at the first glance. And by “objectified” I mean he’s portrayed without agency.

I joked earlier about male gaze and Laura Mulvey but I do actually think there is some truth to that. One of the biggest reasons behind me thinking Aaravos was a pretty pretty lady at first was how he was introduced in such a feminised way. And I wasn’t the only one. Just look at the comments under his TDP Wiki article. (Lots of het men being confused about their sexuality. Also shout-out to that one lesbian). This makes him appear less threatening so the story can build suspense around his true motives. It’s not evident that Aaravos is a completely sinister figure at first, at least compared to Viren who seems more like the main villain of the story prior to the seasons 3-4. Little did we know back then that Aaravos was the true alpha male of this whole sordid affair.

Aaravos in the mirror from Viren’s point of view, season 2, episode 3.

Why I’m not mentioning anything about Viren’s gender performance is because his story conflict is all about struggling with traditionally masculine gender expectations. Understanding how his character relates to hegemonic/ toxic masculinity/ emotional struggles men face in real life is a core part of understanding his character as a whole. That’s a broad topic and this post is long enough as it is so I’m going to leave it at that. (Maybe someone else has written about that already?)

4 The Audience Is Also at Aaravos’s Mercy

Aaravos’s submissive façade is supposed to fool both Viren AND the audience. The show plays rather cleverly with the audience’s expectations here. Slowly the roles are starting to flip until it’s clear that Aaravos is the one in control. Given Aaravos narrates the opening of the first story arc it raises even more questions: Is his control over Viren supposed to parallel his control over the whole world of the show? This circles back to the show’s themes of freedom vs destiny. It feels almost meta in a way how the story’s villain tries to gain control over the whole narrative.

5 Horror and Fantasy

The powerplay between the characters naturally creates a plenty of tension and it’s not unusual that this translates into something sexually charged in the audience’s minds. While this is the perspective I’m the most interested in, there are other layers to Aaravos and Viren’s scenes together.

For example this kind of breaking of bodily boundaries is common in horror as well. Aaravos is beautiful and mysterious but is also associated with repulsive things like larvae and blood and there is something very eerie about him in general. These kinds of emotional reactions of repulsion and attraction are essential to horror. The audience sees that everything isn’t definitely quite right about him but it’s also understandable that the audience (and Viren) find him fascinating. I think the key word for these scenes in the season 2 is “ambiguity“. Even if you aren’t invested in these characters this show would be much less fun without all the nuance their interactions have.

In a good story everything isn’t just literal. Especially since TDP is a fantasy story- A genre that’s traditionally been all about symbolism and intertextual references. I could go on and on about the genre traditions with similar flavour to what Aaravos and Viren have. Michael Moorcock’s classic sword and sorcery antihero Elric of Melniboné and his pact with the demon Arioch comes to mind.

Something Something Fandom

Viravos as a ship lives in the subtext but the subtext isn’t always black and white. Fiction uses metaphor and other storytelling methods to create meaning- To give a narrative experience. The queer subtext in TDP feels very elaborate to me and while I’m dissecting these scenes more analytically here my emotional reactions are the original source of that interest. No matter how much time passes I’m still a morbid teenage goth at heart and that part of me loves the dark fairytale aesthetics akin to TDP season 2.

I didn’t even touch on the element of Viren giving into a “forbidden desire” (literally his desire for power but- you know- multiple readings etc.) when making a deal with Aaravos. Something very typical to the horror genre as well. It’s a “deal with the devil” -sort of situation and those stories often paint the agreement as something corruptive and sinful and therefore transgressive. This post by Tiredsunrisesmeta got you covered on that. Also queer coded villains something something- Anyway, read Tiredsunrisesmeta’s blog for more.

Pictured: Yours truly

Last and Least

I remember when I saw a post here saying that “Viravos couldn’t be canon because it’d be too sexy.” and that’s just the funniest way to put it in my opinion. Their relationship feels a bit too, I dunno, mature? for this show. But what does “canon” even mean? Is a gay ship canon when two characters of the same gender kiss and declare their love? Get married? Have kids? Personally, I don’t want to see LGBT+ characters’ stories just copy straight romance tropes beat by beat all the time. I want something that feels authentic and what’s more authentic than Viren being a cringefail bisexual getting rejected by men and women and then getting his life ruined by the sexy femboy elf satan? Kinda iconic honestly.

#thanks for the canon mpreg tdp #viravos #tdp viren #viren #tdp aaravos #sarasade text #the dragon prince meta #tdp meta

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jq37 · 3 months

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The Report Card – Fantasy High Junior Year Ep 1

We're SO Back

School is back in session y’all!!!!

Fantasy High has returned to us after a long break and I am thrilled to come out of my recapping hiatus to bring back the Report Card for Junior Year! You know I could let my favorite chaotic high schoolers go un-analyzed!

This episode wastes no time in getting started so neither will I. Brennan makes what I think is a very strong narrative choice by starting us in media res at the end of a classic Bad Kids adventure. It is the summer between Sophomore and Junior Year and the party has spent the last four months hot on the trail of the dreaded Night Yorb.

We catch up to our Intrepid Heroes in the Red Waste and they’re trying to catch up to the Night Yorb which is a big, eldritch, manta ray like monster who threatens to plunge the entire world into darkness, creating a very slow (but still effective!) apocalypse! The Night Yorb is flanked by its groupies, made up of members of the many cults dedicated to it (collectively known as “Yorbies”).

As I said, the Bad Kids are hot on its trail, in (and on) the Hangvan. Gorgug (who has been leaning more into his Artificer vibes lately) has outfitted the top of the Hangvan with a solar lasso that can be used to capture and reel in the Night Yorb so that Fig and Adaine can defeat it with a magical sigil. I’m gonna quickly run down where everyone is and what they’re doing:

Adaine and Fig are both standing on top of the Hangvan in order to spring the sigil when the time comes. Adaine is also joined by Boggy and a new addition, Moggy the Doggy (aka, Mordekainen’s Faithful Hound), which is a very round, very cute, very invisible Pomeranian looking dog.

Gorgug is also up top with them because he’s manning the solar lasso.

Fabian is inside the Hangvan along with Baby (aka Wretchrot, aka Fig’s screeching blood imp who has no mechanical benefit unless she takes another level of Warlock as Brenan keeping reminding us) and Ecaf, a mirror with a sultry voice that Fabian is *heavily* flirting with, much to everyone’s discomfort. It’s tres Narcissus. (Also, ha, Face backwards. I see you Brennan).

Kristen is in the back with Fabian and Riz is driving, even though he is WAY too small to effectively be driving a Gorgug sized van.

The Hangman–Fabian’s trusty motorcycle/hellhound–is out in front of the Hangvan.

Also Squeem is on the roof with the others! Beloved, fan favorite Squeem!

Yeah, so this episode does a thing of pretending like we’re jumping into the last episode of an arc that we’ve seen every episode of and introducing characters in a very Sam Reich, “He’s been there this whole time” way even though it’s their first appearance. I think it’s very funny and it reminds me of that Community episode where they’re all flashing back to episodes that never aired. But anyway, I mention this so that if I mention a name and you’re like “Whomst?” it’s probably just a bit, you’re not forgetting a major character.

Anyway, we’re joining this chase already in progress which means our kids are hurt and down spell slots but their opponents are as well. The distribution is pretty uneven–Adaine is way less hurt than Fabian and Kristen for instance, which honestly checks out (curious how they decided on that though).

Because this episode is just one big battle sequence for the most part, I’m going to follow the precedent I set in the recaps for The Seven and just give the highlights in bullets and then do an analysis on where all the Bad Kids are right now at the end:

Murph comes in hot, using his first action of the new season to shoot his gun and doing 30 points of damage with a 27 to hit. New year, new Murph!

Siobhan invokes the corn cuties debacle from fight one and all the falling off the tables that happened. Clearly, a bit of Adaine’s oracle energy is rubbing off on her because the next thing that happens in that Fabian decides to jump on top of the Hangvan to cast Faerie Fire on the Night Yorb (which has shrouded itself in magical darkness), rolls the first Nat 1 of the season, absolutely eats it, and gets run over by Riz–narrowly avoiding going down. He’s ultimately fine–The Hangman comes and picks him up–but it’s not a very auspicious star from Master Fabian.

Emily and Murph have a cute moment of womping Brennan back to back by using Silvery Barbs to make him reroll two attacks on the Hangvan–one of which is a crit–and then giving each other the advantage on the next roll.

Kristen is a real pillar in this encounter–holding up the Circle of Power spell that allows her friends to ignore big chunks of damage that absolutely would have dropped them. But throughout the entire fight, her patron goddess, Cassandra, keeps trying to talk to her and Kristen keeps leaving her on read–we’ll get more into that in a bit.

Adaine comes in clutch with a Nat 1 portent roll to stop the NIght Yorb from resisting Gorgug’s attempt to reel it in further. Truly, the best time to roll a Nat 1 in this game. Divination Wizards are awesome!

We learn that “Don’t Speak of the Night Yorb” is more than just a silly bit when Fig realizes that saying its name makes it heal up which isn’t great because they’ve been *very* cavalier about invoking its name.

Squeem gets a big emotional goodbye with Gorgug on top of the Hangvan, heroically leaps off to fend off some Yorbies…and then rolls a 2 and totally faceplants. No! Squeem! Beloved fan favorite Squeem! They already had to revivify you once!

On the Night Yorb’s turn, Brennan does an attack and shakes so many dice that it sounds like maracas. It’s 61 points of damage and squishy wizard Adaine goes down, but everyone else stays up–large in part due to Kristen’s aforementioned Circle of Power. (Siobhan, describing how bad her saving rolls were zings two separate friends saying, “It was Fabian level nasty. I fucking Murph’d it.”)

Luckily, Fig and Gorgug are up on the roof with Adaine so she does not go sliding off the van when she goes down. They catch her before she can fall.

At this point the Van has sustained a lot of damage so Murph reminds the teacher that they have homework/Brennan that they have to roll for a mishap. That turns out to be the breaks blowing out. Now, all the Van can do is accelerate! It’s just like the movie Speed!

Two more characters who we totally know and have been here this whole time show up to help–Balthazar and Duggan McCann! A cool grizzled veteran and a centaur cowboy. Riz immediately starts doing cool guy banter with them because he’s somehow convinced them that he’s cool (which he is for the record, just in a completely different way lol). Unfortch, Baz almost right away gets eaten by the NIght Yorb. Who’s gonna take care of his litter (?) of parrots?????

At this point in the fight, everyone gets a ping on their crystals, reminding them that school starts in three days. This stresses everyone out more than the fight that they’re currently in.

Fig brings up Adaine with a Healing Word but she immediately has to do Wis save with the rest of the party. She and Fabian fail, but once again Fabian is saved by fear negating effects of his dad’s eyepatch. So Adaine starts to have a panic attack about the fact that she’s fighting the Night Yorb while standing on the roof of a moving vehicle which, real talk, very normal and valid reaction. In fact, probably concerning that she’s reached a point in her life where that *isn’t* the default reaction.

The Hangvan is coming up on a jump it’ll have to make to continue following the Night Yorb (and it can’t even try to stop because the brakes are cut). Riz fails the roll which means that the van is probably going to fall on its side. Adding insult to injury, a pillar of rock falls and is going to crash into the van, doing even more major damage.

Fig watches this, and almost dissociates, feeling the weight of the entire summer taken from them to do this quest. Feeling so so tired. Feeling the fact that even if they win, they’re just gonna have to go back to school and adventure some more. A piece of magic she’s been holding inside of for a long time flickers and she hears an enticing voice whisper in her ears. “If you would take me, you know what you would save.” She smells a sour, curdled scent and she knows that if she says yes, she can save her friends. Maybe there’s another way, but she just wants this to be over. “I’m yours,” Fig says.

There’s a flash of “lemony, yellow, creamy” light (hmmmm) and the rock stops falling. The Hangvan starts righting itself.

And then there’s a sick gurgle from Fig’s stomach.

Uh-oh, gang.

For those of you who are new to these recaps, every week, I give one PC Detention and put one on the Honor Roll for their in-game actions. We’re starting off hot this semester with:

Detention

Kristen Applebees for Being a BAD Friend to Cassandra

Like, OK. Faith is complicated. Kristen’s relationship with religion is complicated. Being a cleric is complicated. But notice that I didn’t say being a bad *cleric*. I said being a bad *friend*. To be clear, she’s also being a bad cleric, and I’ll talk about that later. But having understandably conflicted views on religion doesn’t make sliding in your Fantasy Airpods while the being who is essentially a lonely teen girl and who is keeping you and all your friends alive tries to talk to you NOT seem like a giant dick move. Come on girl, get it together.

Honor Roll

Brennan Lee Mulligan for Being a Great DM!

I realized as I was writing this that I’ve given Brennan Detention but never Honor Roll so he’s getting it today. It feels so good to have him back in the dome with the kids and he drew me back into the world, right away. I’m so psyched that we have a full season of this ahead of us!

CHARACTER CHECK-INS

Like I said earlier, because this is the first episode back, I want to really quickly check in with all of the Bad Kids and where they are, character-wise. I’m going to do this roughly from least concerning to me to most concerning to me.

-Adaine: Adaine seems like she’s living her best life. She has her frog! She has her dog! Her character art is so much more chill and she’s coming into her own. This season, I’m hoping we get to see more of her relationship with her sister (yes, I’m a predictable bitch. Sue me) and with Zayn (who is also living at Mordred in her tower) who I think has a lot of potential to be an interesting supporting character with more spotlight. But yeah, go Adaine!

-Gorgug: Gorgug is making his parents proud (not that they ever weren’t) by taking another artificer level. He’s not a 7/3 Barb/Art split. I love that he’s gone from calling himself dumb to taking on this very technical skill. He also apparently has a homunculus? Fascinated to see what that looks like.

-Riz: Now that his big investigation is over and he knows his dad is a cool secret agent, Riz has switched his subclass from Inquisitor to Arcane Trickster which means he’s got tons of gadgets and that he’s a ring guy now. Love that for him. He’s very much not a chill person though so I’m very curious to know what the next thing he’ll latch onto is. He the kind of guy who always need something going on, you know?

-Fabian: Fabian is a fancy, dance boy now (6/4 Fighter/Bard)! But that doesn’t mean he’s any less athletic. I mean, have you ever seen a male ballerina? He still is, however, a total disaster. And I mean that affectionately. I mean, his current love interest (?) is a mirror that is showing a fuzzy reflection of his own face. My guy, what are you doing? Although I will say, idk if that’s more or less toxic than him dating Aelwyn.

-Kristen: Kristen. GIRL.

OK, so first of all. There is nothing inherently wrong with getting super jacked and like, respect. But in this context it feels like a red flag. Like the kind of thing you do because you’re on the rocks with your girlfriend or if you’ve recently broken up. I will be *very* interested to know what Tracker is up to as she’d not mentioned in this episode. Last we heard, she was out doing cleric stuff for the Moon Goddess, right? Long distance can be hell on a relationship. (Also, idk how seriously we’re supposed to take this but Ally mentioned the one shot it happened in in this episode so Kristen was also totally trying to flirt with a college girl in that college visit oneshot. Brennan shut it down pretty quick, but it very much did happen).

Also, speaking of cleric stuff, Cass. I feel SO bad for Cass. Like, a god isn’t owed followers, but Kristen chose that role. She CHOSE it. This isn’t like a Helio situation. Cass wasn’t pushy. She specifically says in this episode that she doesn’t want to be pushy. Hell, she says in the episode where she’s introduced that if people don’t want her around she’ll go away. But Kristen chose to be her follower, knowing what the implications of being the sole follower of a goddess is. Cass is made in her image. That’s how deeply entwined they are. Her goddess is made in her image. In The Seven, we learn that Ost’s god hasn’t talked to anyone in years. Kristen has Cass coming in like a mom offering snacks mid battle and Kristen is leaving her on read! It’s honestly kinda hard to watch her be so blithely dismissive of someone so dependent on her even though it’s played off as kind of a joke. I felt like I was watching a loyal puppy get kicked every time they interacted.

And like, I said this before, Cassandra is made in Kristen’s image. But specifically, she looks like Sophomore year Kristen. Still all skinny and still in her tie-die shirt and shorts. There is a definite vibe of almost wanting to kill the part of yourself that embarasses you, you know? It feels like she's being mean to Cass but also to herself.

Also, mechanically speaking, it’s wild to be just ignoring the person you’re getting your powers from like this. Like, this is real Wizard behavior. You don’t have to answer to anyone if you studied for your magic but you absolutely do as a cleric. Does Kristen even want to be a cleric? It honestly doesn’t seem like it. She’s shown a pattern of behavior of chafing at every god put in her path, even the ones she literally made up. I thought Cass might be the end of her searching, but we’re right back on the Merry Go Round. The party absolutely needs a healer though so idk how she deals with that.

I saw the snipped clip of Ally’s interview about Kristen’s arc this season involving what happens when chaos stops being cute, and I can def see seeds being planted. Fascinated to see how they explore that because this feels like a real ticking time bomb of a situation.

Oh also, her Dex went DOWN????? GIRL!

Fig: I had a lot more to say about Kristen but Fig has to be last on the list for making a deal with a literal devil lol. Like, classic Fig though, right? This WOULD happen. Emily talked about potentially retiring Fig and getting reeled in by some enticing plot hook from Brennan and it feels like we might be about to find out what that is. I won’t speculate on it too much right now because we’re presumably about to find out but there were a LOT of yogurt themed adjectives when that magic activated which has me very split on whether this is about to be deeply concerning or deeply silly. Or both! It could be both!

Random Thoughts

I LOVE that we have a proper theme song now. It feels so fitting and I love the opening art and it’s all so cool. The show’s so profesh now!

Also, shout out to @caitmayart for making the new art! It has the quality of a professional and the extra love of a fan. It’s my fave D20 official art so far.

I don’t know when this feature was added but I love that there is a full transcript you can pull up and search and jump to that time in the video now. That’s gonna be SO useful for me.

One of my favorite things about Adaine is that she’s generally polite but occasionally she’ll just absolutely verbally decimate someone so casually and this episode she said to the Solesian Yorbie they encountered, “What movie theater were you assistant managing before you decided to become a Yorbie?” Brutal.

Also love how vehement she was about the fact that Brennan couldn’t touch Moggy, even when she went down. You are absolutely NOT gonna kill that dog Brennan.

“Object interaction, touch Gorgug’s foot.”

Fig asks Gorgug how they can heal a van and he says, “Take it to a shop for 3-4 days.” Zac, underrated comic genius.

I really can’t overstate how funny it is that Fabian spends most of this episode flirting with his own reflection. I’ve said this many times but something I love about Lou is that he’s not afraid to make Fabian deeply uncool, even though Fabian’s whole thing is being as cool as possible.

Kristen says she needs to have an intense conversation with Cassandra when the fight is over and what does that mean? Like a breakup conversation? Which I guess would kill her because then she’d have no followers again? I am, como se dice, concerned.

Also, just looking ahead, Tracker is also a cleric. A pretty faithful one from what I can tell. I have to wonder what her take on Kristen completely neglecting her goddess and church is.

I think it’s so funny that Emily was thinking about retiring Fig so she could just ride off into the sunset with her cool rockstar life and awesome girlfriend because Riz’s big thing last year was being worried all his friend would pair up and leave him so for him to accept it and then have his fears validated right away would be like, welp.

At a certain point, Murph has to roll damage and he rolls 45 out of a possible 50 damage. That’s crazy. Let’s see how long that luck holds.

#Dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 #d20 spoilers #fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #spoilers #the report card

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