#bad shit keeps happening & everything keep getting worse

[johnslittlespoon]

leaving bikeriders anon here again i’m going crazy over the back and forth constant neither of them saying anything out of nervousness of it all like of COURSE it would take them forever to actually get together there would have to be an honest to god crisis a completely off-kilter situation for them to get together they’re so bad at communicating. also have not been able to get the thought of them running into each other by chance at a bar across town and even though bucky showed up with people he just ends up at a table in the corner with gale the whole night. gale jokingly asks if john is even old enough to drink which turns into a whole thing where john suddenly has to prove to gale that he CAN drink and he IS old enough and is Definitely Worthy of gale’s attention. anyways!

HIII i'm still ON one about this too dw

exactly my goddd the back and forth would be physically painful to write/read honestly lol the flirtation and the sexual tension!!

ur so right smth absolutely wild would have to happen, or one of them would have to slip up, or there'd have to be an argument where feelings are blurted out in anger/hurt, orrrr, in relation to your idea at the end which i'm going clinically insane over bee tee dubs:

john is so offended by the insinuation that he's too young to drink even if gale's joking, made worse probably by gale throwing in a kid– "you old enough to be in here, kid?" with the corner of his mouth quirking up a bit.

john puffs his chest out and tries not to let the one beer he's had slur his words, goes "'course i am" all huffy, rolls his eyes, reaches for gale's full shot glass while holding determined eye contact and tips it back without a second thought, really has to clench his fist in his lap for a second when it threatens to come right back up, not used to anything quite so harsh.

it's not gale's intention to egg him on like that, john's just bristly, a messy college kid used to bulldozing his way through life, never turning down a bet or challenge, has maybe been watching a pretty girl hang off gale's other side on top of everything and wants to prove that he can be exciting and mature too.

john ends up drinking too much, taking whatever shots the others in gale's group pass him for their entertainment until gale shuts the next person who tries down with a pointed glare, slides the shot glass away before john can reach for it, says "alright, we're cutting you off" when john whines out a complaint, leaning heavily against gale's side.

the night ends with gale helping john out of the bar because john's friends leave long before he does. he gets john out to the parking lot out front, gets him situated on the back of his motorcycle, keeps a hand on his shoulder and asks where home is, and john's like, "oh, no, can't go home like this buck, dad'll gimme a shiner" and gale's jaw clenches hard, but it's not the time to get angry.

he's at a loss, because he's not gonna bring john home to an environment he's had a faint suspicion isn't the greatest since they met (however that might have been, that's shit for me to plot out later lol) but bringing him to his house seems like a bad idea, but he's also not sure what to do and john's friends don't seem the greatest to just leave him with a borderline stranger. so what else is there to do?

"am i gonna have to tie you to me, or are you gonna hold on tight?" he asks as he climbs on the bike in front of john, and john giggles out a "y'can tie me to wh'tever y'want," filter completely gone from how sloshed he is, and gale looks to the sky and says a silent prayer because jesus fucking christ. what.

i'm like 99% certain that alcohol would be involved in a feelings confession, probably that night when it slips out from john's lips, so drunk he doesn't even realize it. nothing would happen that night, because gale's trying to be a responsible adult and he wants to make sure john's not just saying shit, but he's also quite forward, so he'd bring it up in the morning after he's brought john a water and some painkillers, and john would go so red and he'd drop his head into his hands and whisper an "oh my god" because he can't believe he's slipped up so bad.

and then yk. feelings–talk ensues. john is so mortified, he wants to die. gale is so enamoured but trying to be realistic about things. etc etc i'll flesh it all out eventually when it's time to start writing it >:)

#leaving bikeriders au #<- for other posts set in this au/future fic <3 #i already know this au is gonna be stuck in my brain for a while #i'm not gonna be able to shake it loose till i finish the dog fic and then get to writing this one lol #buck x bucky #buckbucky #johnslittlespoon asks #johnslittlespoon brainrot

[soubiapologist]

i don't expect any of you to understand the reference but alice cooper. from riverdale. is a little like if a loveless character was really really really fucking funny

#in that she a darkly realistic portrayal of Your Yes Your 🫵🏻 Insane Mom #i have never seen a more.... i don't want to say ''realistic'' because riverdale exists in this like. absurd parody dimension both-- #on purpose and on accident but like. #nothing that EMULATES the FEELING of having a Crazy Mom who has no idea she's crazy #and thinks she's justified in literally everything she does and is just like. a complete fucking controlling nutcase who is making-- #literally everything worse by pretending she doesn't have trauma #of course it's also very silly but rvd also wants you to take it seriously so it's just like having an (AWESOME) aneurysm the entire time #you have to have a very specific sense of humour to enjoy rvd if you like like. #sardonically sitting around watching increasingly absurd things happen to characters you have zero investment in other than laughing at-- #because they just live these deranged lives that are beyond parody and just like bitching at your TV for fun with like a friend then i thin #--you might like it. #like you absolutely cannot get seriously invested in the plot or characters if you want to enjoy it it's hard to explain #but it's also like kind of like loveless in the way that the fandom was originally people doing Shipping and then getting increasingly-- #annoyed when it didn't do what they wanted and dropping off #and in the process missing out on the craziest train derailment of all time just like absolute complete lunatic shit #and it seems like it keeps trying to self flagellate for the first like. half #and in riverdale's case it's REALLY funny and in loveless's case it's really um. scary (affectionate) #also like 99% of the people who watch rvd seem to not understand that it's supposed to be insane and 99% of the people who read loveless-- #miss that it's supposed to be HASHTAG SCARY #like rvd also exists in this weird dimension where you're supposed to think it's funny and they're trying to piss you off on purpose #but they're also trying very hard to like Discuss Social Issues and it end up very funny because they're bad at it but GOD It's so sincere- #while standing next to the campiest insincere shit EVER it's so fucking funny #meanwhile loveless's tone problem is like yun kouga is just a crazy person. #i mean roberto is also a crazy person but yun kouga is like a tortured crazy person. and he's like. the guy who would make glee crazy-- #person. does that make sense. #no one is reading this don't worry about it. smiles.

[hella1975]

(hella you dont have to answer this, just wanted to say it) i know you ofc know that grief is a really complicated n fickle feeling but. it is, so i hope u can give yourself that space to grieve and do whatever it takes...but also please take care of yourself. and we're both creators of stuff so i really get the feeling, but i promise youre not destined for getting worse or stuck in that. something similar happened to me my senior year and even if you didn't know him that well, you're allowed that space to feel too.

ik my words prob dont do much, and i dont pretend to know better than you about your hometown or life or anything like that, but im here if u wanna talk. i love u <3

thank you for this my love. this is so kind and you didnt need to say anything but you DID and im so grateful for that. i promise im okay and im very good at being able to tell what episodes are temporary and what are more serious, so i know this one is temporary and is more shock/natural sadness at hearing the news that will peter off over time, so im trying to just. let myself feel it all for now and then put it to rest after a couple days. im sorry you can relate at all, i feel like it's such a specific, strange kind of grief to explain, when it's someone you know very distantly and technically have no 'right' to grieve, because like you said, grief is complicated, and it doesn't care what right you have to it or not. which is something im having to remind myself of and tell myself im not being selfish or self-centred for feeling upset by this. ive reached out to one of my irls and im going to tell her tomorrow bc i trust her to be good about this, so as basic as that sounds that's a pretty huge thing for me and im hoping it'll help even if it is just. talking it out. idk. but i appreciate this and i appreciate you, ily bestie xx

#as much as i do blame my hometown i think a part of that anger/blame is a coping mechanism #bc it's easier to blame all the bad things that happen IN that town ON that town if that makes sense #and im aware it lacks nuance to narrow shit down like that but it makes it bearable for me #to just blame everything on this vague broad 'hometown' idea in my head #instead of truly delving into it bc that WOULD make me miserable #im so sorry to even delve into this for anyone idly reading bc i know this is very serious but i need to put it SOMEWHERE #like im twenty and SIX boys in my year have died #two were drug overdoses and one got pulled out of the river so we'll never know which of those were accidental or on purpose #one boy had leukaemia another got killed in a hit and run the day before his eighteenth birthday #and now this boy. and he fucking hung himself like i cant get that out of my head of all the ways to go he chose that #and of those six boys two of them were my cousins and one was seventeen when he overdosed and we're pretty sure it was an accident #which makes it WORSE like he would have known when the drugs were already in his system that it was too much #and he was just a child. he would have been so scared. and they're all just dead now and they keep dying #and i just feel so helpless and like in me getting out of that town i left them behind? #idk. im venting now im not expecting any of this to be addressed by anyone lmao the problem with most of it is that it CANT be addressed #like what can you do? just keep on going until the next one #ask #delete later

[daz4i]

i am so angry about being alive it's not even funny anymore

#what's the point in any of this 😐 i will literally never be okay. i never have been okay. I've had debilitating anxiety since birth #it's not going to go away it's literally getting worse as i grow older and so is my depression #hate to hear ppl say it gets better when I've been gradually getting worse since i was like 13 #which is extremely funny. bc when i was 13 is when most of my suicide attempts took place #at least i was active and took initiative back then 🙄 i only became too tired to keep trying since #i don't want to kill myself i just want to be dead. I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm always feeling awful. nothing is worth it #even when i feel good it's like 1% of how bad i always feel. and it's not like there's much good to go around anyway #i don't understand now people don't constantly feel like losing their mind over how shit life is truly #there's this line in nlh actually. where yozo asks how come ppl don't constantly want to kill themselves. and yeah felt #i can barely distract myself anymore bc nothing is stimulating enough esp when I'm alone #and i don't. care enough. about anything. to want to stay alive. like i said nothing is worth it. idc if ppl would be sad sorry #i don't even know what I'm saying anymore man. idk why I'm doing so bad rn. it's been a tough week ig. #nothing actually happened but everything is just. less than average. a little worse than neutral. just enough to be grating #i don't want to kill myself but i wish i could #wish i wasn't a coward wish i didn't fear permanent damage or hospitals or even just pain i have no control over #nothing happened but everything sucks. existence is disappointing. i would like to stop #vent #suicide // #negative // #ask to tag #i genuinely don't know what to do now. i can't distract myself. i probably shouldn't fall asleep when I'm like that #(at least if i don't want to have nightmares like i did all week and for tomorrow to be even worse) #tbh i doubt i even COULD fall asleep like that lol my brain's working too fast as usual 😐 #sigh. sorry for the vent. trying to clear some of the dirt off my psyche

[pepprs]

ok well i had a second breakdown. and i feel a third one coming on

#purrs #i have been so mentally ill today. i keep thinking abt what my mom revealed to me and crying over it like omg. it could’ve been so so so #much fucking worse but what happened was actually pretty bad and has consequences that will impact me FOREVER. i was a newborn baby and my v #very first moment being alive in the world was one in which i was ********* my very first days alive in the world i was completely alone and #nobody wanted to see me or beljevei existed and everyone thought i was going to die and no one could touch me! epic and awesome and epic and #awesome and epic! literaly this explains everything that is wrong with me and has ever been wrong with me and will ever be wrong with me. #and there’s nothing online for adults who discover this shit abt themselves and then have to cope w the implications. no counselors that #specialize in this. like um they’re tearing the deck down on monday maybe i should go stand on it and let them take me with it bc clearly #every day of my life has been and will continue to be one in which i suffer the consequences. but also i am making a mountain out of this an #and i am sleep deprived and overworked and overwhelmed and about to get my p*riod and haven’t had counseling so im being insane over nothing #but i have ugly cried so hard today. like i was so little and some awful things happened to me and i can never get back what i missed and im #like this literally forever. it’s like this grief that takes my breath away #delete later

[lovecolibri]

.

#the way i keep finding fics that sound amazing but a quick search reveals L being mentioned literally 50-80 times and i have to hard pass #the last one every single mention i saw had her and ravi in the same sentence because they literally occupy the same space in the show #i hate it here #i just want some good buddie fun or buddie angst #but i can't get around her being forced into everything #because some people feel the need to defend some white woman side character whose personality and experience was changed #every scene she was in because they were just taking shit from other characters to give her something to do #since there wasn't ACTUALLY space for someone else on the team #but sure WE'RE the ones being weird about a side character 🙄🙄🙄 #anyway ignore me it's just happened to me more than once today and now i was robbed of two interesting sounding long fics #and i just want to scream #i will NEVER forgive KR for forcing this on us #having to navigate around 'girlboss bi-besties helps buddie get together' tay kay was bad enough but this is infinitely worse

[samwisefamgee]

Every day I grow closer to throwing my phone into the river and when I do I won’t fucking regret it

#i have been. dodging scams all morning #i don’t have any fucking money please just leave me alone #my friendships have been rotten to the fucking core #my mind poisoned #what the fuck is the point in having a smartphone when a fliphone still lets people contact me but doesn’t fucking make my life worse #not that I could afford a flip phone anyway. or service. why would someone want to scam me specifically when I posted my account overdrafted #you can SEE I don’t have money why do you BOTHER #SCAM SOMEONE RICH YOU FUCKIN MORON #alas that the desperate make for such easy targets for the heartless #it’s been so hard to keep going and every day for two months something has happened to convince me it isnt fuckin worth it like its ONLY bad #but god or fate keeps dangling juuuust enough hope in front of me that I keep going. it’s been like that for eight years #and I’ve fallen apart in that time completely. my hair is gone and my teeth will be gone soon too #my bones and joints will follow suit they’re already deformed and weak #the ringing in my ears only gets louder. i haven’t known the familiar peace of silence in years and it’ll only ever get further #and I’ll never afford the medical or psychological care to actually help those things #why bother??? I’ll keep bothering out of spite and stupid foolish hope but I still don’t fucking know why I bother when it never gets better #and it might not! hope is called hope for a reason sometimes shit just doesn’t work out #i could suffer on for abother year or five just to have it all fall apart even more. no payout #hell does exist on earth for some people. if I die and there wasn’t ever joy enough to outweigh everything then my hell was real all along #and I will have been fuckall stupid enough to suffer it for years instead of dying in high school like I planned. or college. or after. #so many times life pushed me to the edge and I crawled back just for things to get worse. every time #and still I hold onto my hope like it’s all that ever mattered. and if life turns out that way maybe it’ll be all that ever did #false ​hopes and a terribly misplaced heart #fate willing we all find peace

[dyketennant]

idk i think i should start masking again 🤠 (i mean the autism i already wear a face mask)

#vent #personal #dont mind me using the tags as a diary for a bit. i have a real diary but my carpal tunnel is not agreeing with writing with a pen rn #blah blah blah val's interests are annoying and weird. and it's all they really know how to talk about #because they are so busy constantly with two jobs + full-time uni + side gigs + life in general #that they cannot function without their Little Things and because of that all their interpersonal relationships suffer #yknow how it is #ive always been one of those people who talks a lot in class #especially since getting to college because now i really care and am excited about what we're discussing #(plus talking about it/engaging helps keep me awake and stimulated otherwise i'll go to the seventh circle of hell) #but i feel like especially recently but just in general. i just always say dumb shit. and maybe it's worse now bc my paranoia is spiking #bc of that class with my ex i have twice a week and i know they're probably judging what i say and making fun of me to their new friends #while i have to spend an hour and fifteen minutes trying not to look at the other side of the room and turning up music when they speak #i used to be better at socially masking bc high school was hell but then covid happened and it all went down the drain #and then my life got Worse and now it's like. sorry im annoying and bad at talking i know i am. i am also trying to not be like that #idk i think im just so spread thin that everything i ever do im doing poorly bc i just Cant. and im in pain constantly #and always running late or rushing or stressed or busy. like i haven't been not-stressed since. i dont even know. maybe when i was sick? #and even then i was stressed because Oh Fuck I Have Covid. yknow #wow my therapist is going to have an interesting day tomorrow it seems

[localdorkincombatboots]

Idk if I really did but I might've made a small impact locally. I did a lot of research and calling the LRC and getting other folks to call about a bill in my states house that would've banned street camping and opened up a world of hell on our homeless population and it took a little while but they removed the provision. Idk if I actually influenced it at all but I at least got multiple people to learn about and actively start using the LRC line and the provision specifically was removed so yay there's a small win at least.

#now if only the rest of the bad luck could stop happening cause my man recently broke his elbow and had a bad tear in his shoulder from a #fall on the ice and now he needs surgery #i dont know what to do #i could make another post but i feel like such dogshit having to make any of them especially with how many ive had to make but shit #literally will not stop happening always #hes still dying of cancer and its still getting worse and we still have no transportation and were still really struggling with how little #we make and bills keep getting more expensive and nothing ever gets any easier and its taken more than everything we've had for literally #years at this point and every fuckin time we turn around we get fucked with another goddamn problem or injury or death or what the fuck eve #i want to give up but thats not a option so i guess ill just cry #at least i mightve helped protect the homeless people near me a little bit let me have this one tiny win #jaye shut up

[boyywithluv]

.

#i just get to sit in bed and feel like shit while everything crumbles around me cool #and everyone just tells me im over reacting or theres nothing we can do #like that helps at all. like that makes any of this stop. #like that somehow makes me wanna k-ll myself less #im so tired of emtpy comfort with nothing to back it up. #im tired of draining myself dry just for the universe to tell me to fuck off in even wrose ways. #im sick of bad shit happening to me #why the fuck am i bothering to try anymore if its just going to be miserable #im tired of crying my eyes out every month and the most i get is a pat on the back before im left alone again #none of this is wroth it anymore #none of this is worth spending the rest of my life feeling like a machine. #it just keeps getting worse #vent #delete later

[kimmkitsuragi]

not to be like waah waaaah im so upset about my life while i have a nice and good life in general compared to so many people here but. i still feel like the art piece "here's the life i've always longed for". i keep thinking about my father almost crying talking to me on the phone at the election night. he kept saying he doesnt want me to feel like this country's fate is my only choice, and my life will not be ruined by these terrible people. but it feels like that sometimes. a lot of times actually. and i mean im trying to do things to change it really. but also im not trying hard enough. i get mad at myself for that. then i am mad that i live in a reality where i have to try so fucking just to have a chance of living in a decent reality. and what if i cant do it... i have to try harder i really have to apply myself i dont want to be a disappointment and a regret for my future self. i hope she is in a safe and beautiful place, not here. anywhere but here. please.

#yeah i cried while typing this keep scrolling #the thing is sometimes i think im just exaggerating everything in my head like. what's the worst that can happen right #but the truth is #I'm really really scared for this country's future. i dont know how bad it can be but it is already not good and still going worse #so. i dont think we are reaching when we panic about our future everyday #I know this is because I'm likely severely mentally ill but i cant live with this some days #the normal thing is obviously just. continuing to live #but the fact is that all this shit we've been going thru in the last year (before too. but especially 2023) #have pushed me to the point i was having panic attacks everyday lmao so like. yeah i guess it is fair that i want to gtfo of here #so compared to how ive been im really better #but still i dont apply myself the way i should. and it feels so bad because so many ppl worse off than me are pushing for their survival #everyday while im like waaaah wah i cant focus oh how will i get out of this country oh poor me wah :( lmao #girllll just work on it just do the things u must do. okay this whole post got way out of focus im just #writing my messed up steam of consciousness at this point idk #but. i cant help but say it's hard it's so hard to live everyday for me it's so hard to breathe sometimes #and i know that's a *me* problem. if i was not like this i could do so much #I should be doing so much #to get the life i want for myself. but it's so hard. i hope i wont die unhappy and full of regret #neg #🗒 #okay i dont even remember what i wrote here exactly but it's probably the saddest post I've done in a long time #dont know if anyone actually reads it it's so embarrassing when i think abt it 👍 i dont even know where this came from #it's not even a Bad day

[starlooove]

Whoever said batfam was getting too chummy ur right. I want them to stop being happy now sorry

#first of all dick needs to be shot out of the fucking sky #DO NOT LET THAT NIGGA KEEP THOSE POWERS #like he obviously isn’t but I wish he didn’t have em in the first place that was stupid #I think cass should get more mommy issues. maybe smth happens and cass ISNT ready for it #and shivas like ur getting soft #and cass who knows she doesn’t wanna be a killing machine and can’t help but feel a lil relief about this #suddenly thinks of what would’ve happened if it was an attack aimed at a friend and she wasn’t ready #IK the steph being insecure thing is overblown but also nobody ever addresses that the root of that insecurity was tim and bruce dude #THATS WHAT I WANT I want her to look back on it and actually conceptualize just how fucked up they were towards her #but at present everything’s so chill does she rlly wanna stir the pot? and then when things start going to shit does she wanna make it worse #and spirals into perfectionism to prove them wrong about shit they don’t even care about anymore bc they kinda suck smh #Tim needs relationship drama and I don’t just mean mean Bernard I mean in general like family friends all of it #I want him to be in a fucking tizzy and I want it to be bc he’s being like Bruce specifically #yj feeling he only ever talks about cases anymore him feeling like he can’t relate to Bernard bc there’s nothing there outside of RR etc. #the solution for this one is for Tim to man up and talk about his issues but he keeps tryna avoid it by doing MORE work stupid ass #and he lashes out at everyone which makes it worse. I cannot stress enough that his problems are his fault here bro ppl may encourage him #but he is absolutely doing this to himself no damsel in distress shit here #DAMIAN. tired of the hes arrogant and needs to be humbled thing I need Damian to struggle with the idea that the ppl around him think he’s #intrinsically bad and needs to be fixed. like that’s an issue I want addressed immediately. #not to be biased but I either want Damian on a new titans team hanging out with the old TT (like being babysat) OR getting civilian friends #last one is so dear to me that fic where Duke took Damián out to Gotham I NEED Damian to find some friends there and love them and shit #I’m watching mystery Inc again I need Damian with a friend group like that #DUKE. I only want good things for Duke but yknow 💔 he should struggle with the isolation that comes with being the Day guy but also from #dealing with Gotham’s press as Bruce’s only blk kid (I don’t trust dc for this) and I want him to interact with other blk gothamites and #heroes. I want him to speak with onyx and talk about Orpheus (who’s area she took over btw). I want him to talk with Jackson and Wallace #specifically about how it’s hard to bring up the topic of their personal public relations due to their skin color. nobody understands how #you can FEEL the air shift when someone’s racist and no one understands how difficult it is to react right #anyways I think Jason needs to find out bruce revived joker. and nothing specific for dick idk idrc rn. make him a supporting character for #Damian specifically actually 🤩 and honestly just make him say two words the whole run he’s had enough. love him tho #imma be honest I haven’t read enough about Babs from her perspective to know her like that so do what u will

[thebibliosphere]

I was already on a hair trigger today trying not to snap at a mutual for reblogging a "fuck authors who use Amazon" post, but, like, this shit is why some authors can only afford to use Amazon.

They don't have the $75+ to distribute through Ingram Spark. They don't have the $25 it takes to change your files if you need to update them after they've been accepted. They can't afford to take the cost of printing hit to their sales. They can't afford to lose an additional 40% of their income to retailer discounts.

And just so we're clear, Ingram isn't a vanity publisher. They're one of the largest print monopolies in the world. They're used by most mainstream traditional publishers and indie and self-pub authors alike. Amazon uses them when their print demand is too high.

My friend, whose work is published by Gollancz, is printed through Ingram, the same as mine. The difference is their publisher takes the hit for them. In theory. We won't get into dwindling advances here or how publishers are increasingly putting the onus of marketing and sales onto their authors or the fact that their editors can't afford rent or food while the executives get richer and richer.

So what do you do when the mainstream doesn't want you? What do you do when you're told if you can't keep up with the rat race, that you don't deserve to have your work published? What do you do if all you have is the ability to tell stories for a living, and no one wants you?

Well, you could die of starvation. I'm sure there are several people on here who'd be happy if that happened to me. (I know. Because they tell me. Often.) Or, you can shake hands with the devil, knowing it's a bum deal, knowing everything is fucked, but also knowing that every other aspect of this fucking industry is just as fucking bad.

There's no escape. It's relentless.

And you've got people out there posting things like, "Actually, I think authors who charge for their books are part of the problem."

And yeah, in an ideal world, I'd be making art for art's sake.

But we're not in that world. We're in the bad place, and you're actively making it worse. You're encouraging people to steal from people who are struggling just like you and calling it activism against billionaires or putting them in the same moral category as said billionaires as though we're not trapped in this system, same as you. Some of you are fellow fucking authors. And, like, my mind boggles at what it would take to stab a fellow creative in the back like that, but here we are.

Hell world.

#long post #vent post #publishing #author stuff I get #anyone clowning on this post gets put in the wood chipper

[suiana]

(yandere! foreign exchange student x gn! reader) (thanks for 8k 😍😍)

"can you stop being so annoying?"

"what?"

he stares at you with a raised eyebrow, pouting as he rests his cheek on his palm. with both arms propped up on the table, he reaches out his other arm towards you. obviously you back away in disgust at his affection... and you can't help but notice the way he narrows his eyes at your reaction.

he, as in, your annoying buddy. hiroto yamada, your buddy for the foreign exchange program which you were unwillingly made to participate in.

you knew bad things would happen when you saw the program, yet you were made to participate in it because you had joined the university wellbeing club. curse you and your past impulsive decisions.

honestly, things were fine in the beginning. apart from the fact that you had to socialize with others and waste your breath explaining things in the university... everything was quite alright. he wasn't too extroverted, liked to keep to himself as well...

that was until you started suspecting that he liked you.

you didn't want to believe it. there was no way. like, it's literally the absolute worse thing that could happen that would disrupt your peaceful school life.

so you pretended to not see the obvious signs he threw at you. you treated him like how you used to treat him, aka like a classmate you wouldn't talk to outside of class...

so it wasn't unexpected that he'd get frustrated. in fcat, it was actually a wonder that he managed to go for so long without shouting at you to stop ignoring the signs (he lasted 6 weeks).

eventually he confessed but... you didn't accept. duh. you didn't even like him that way! you didn't even treat him like a close friend so why would you fall or accept his love?

so you rejected him. understandable response.

but he wouldn't take it for an answer.

so he constantly pestered you in hopes that you'd finally give in and say yes. which is what led you to your current situation.

"you know, trying to act like my boyfriend..."

"but I'm just practicing for the future that will happen?"

he raises an eyebrow, seemingly confused as you roll your eyes at his reply. you make no move to explain yourself because you knew that he understood what you meant. he's a smart guy after all. he just likes playing dumb to get on your nerves.

and right now he's doing that.

you honestly wanted to just beat him up but that'll never work out in your favor. so you settle for the next best thing and that's to ignore him. and it always works.

turning around to face away from him, you plug in your ear phones and tune his blabbering out as you attempt to ignore him. it worked for a little bit but he always gets irritated the second you lose interest in him.

"hey pay attention to me..."

he whines softly, tugging on your shirt. you continue to ignore him, humming softly as you scroll on social media. oh this is a nice post-

but the second you move your hand to like it, he yanks the phone out of your grip and hides it in his bag. his face displays an annoyed expression, furrowed eyebrows and downturned lips.

you wanted to smack his face so bad. and you were just about to do that until he speaks in a chilling tone.

"you can't keep ignoring me. you know that we'll end up with each other. it's inevitable."

he mumbles before caressing your cheek. you shiver, eyes wide as your blood runs cold. shit! unconsensual touch! unconsensual touch!

but as much as you hated his touch, you couldn't move away for you were too frozen in fear. he always had a way of scaring you with his voice. and he loved to abuse it.

"you're really going to make me mad... so please don't keep resisting. it's not humourous or cute."

he mutters quietly before giggling as he lets go of your face. all you do is stare at him, still frozen in place as you gulp and finally look away.

god damn it. you really should've fought harder to get out of the exchange program.

#tw yandere #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere drabbles #yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere foreign exchange student #yandere foreign exchange student x reader #gn reader #suiana rambling #suiana brainrotting

[neverevan]

I know we all love the idea of Eddie keep flirting with Steve and calling him pet names, because he thinks he can get away with it.

But I've been thinking about Steve casually calling Eddie baby without even registering what he's doing.

Like they are standing outside the van with the hood open and Steve just tutting at him like "Eddie, baby, you really gotta get your transmission checked, this is like the third time this month" and Eddie's losing his shit, mouth hanging open in shock, but Steve has no idea and it just keeps on happening after that.

Next time it happens, they are all over at Steve's, having a movie night and Steve has El and Max passed out on him, making him unable to get up from the couch without waking them and he just whisper-yells to Eddie "Hey babe, could you pass me a beer? Kinda tied up here" and Eddie just blanks and says nothing, but gets a bottle from the sixpack on the floor and Steve says "thanks" like it's just how things have always been between them.

And Eddie's working himself into a frenzy. Has Steve got no idea about what he's doing to him? Because Eddie's been lowkey crushing on Steve since he got mixed up in the whole Upside Down business and it just got worse when he woke up at the hospital to Steve holding his hand and giving him the brightests of smiles that there was, rubbing his thumb over Eddie's knuckles, whispering a soft "Hey there sleeping beauty, how're ya feeling?" while being completely oblivious to the suspicious look Wayne was giving them. And sure, hanging out with him nearly every day didn't help the situation one bit.

But this. This is going to be the death of him.

And it just keeps on happening. Steve murmurs "goodnight baby" into the phone before hanging up, he shouts "babe, come here, you gotta see this" when Lucas ends up stuffing fifteen oreos into his mouth (which is a new personal record) and whispers "hey baby, I'm sorry, I know you'd rather do something else, but I promised Mrs Wheeler" when they're watching Holly's ballet recital, waving at her from their seats when her eyes land on them.

It all comes to a head when Eddie's stupid van breaks down in the middle of fucking nowhere, on their way back from Indianapolis, after going there to buy a special boardgame for Dustin's birthday.

There's not a single car or house to be seen anywhere in a ten mile radius.

"Oh this is just great," Steve hisses as he jumps out of the car to walk around and Eddie does the same. He pops the hood and watches as a small cloud of smoke slithers out of it.

"Shit" Eddie swears under his breath. It looks bad.

"See baby, that's exactly why I told you to get it checked! Because I didn't wanna get stuck in fucking no man's land!"

"Look, I'm sure if we just leave it to rest a little..."

"Rest? Eds, come on, you know that's not how it works. We gotta walk up to the next gas stop and phone someone to tow it."

"Fuck, fine!" Eddie grunted. "But it gets dark in like twenty minutes."

They both know that they can't handle walking out in the wild after dark. Not after everything and not with all the nightmares that still tormented them most nights.

"Then I guess we're sleeping out here tonight." Steve says, dropping his hands on his hips. "You have pillows or some shit in the back?"

"Got a couple of blankets, yeah."

In the end they lay down two blankets on the bottom of the van and bundle up some old jumpers Eddie keeps in there for pillows. They lie there, facing each other in the dark.

"Hey... I'm sorry about all this" Eddie whispers, like his voice could disturb anyone out here in the middle of nowhere.

"It's okay, I just wish you'd pay more attention to stuff like this. I mean shit, babe, what if it's just you out here, huh? What then?"

"Steve-"

"I mean, I just hate to think about how shitty it would be, to be out here alone, in the dark... plus I'd worry myself sick not knowing where you are, you know?"

"Steve."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not alone."

"No, no you're not alone" Steve agrees with a private little smile.

They settle into a companionable silence and Eddie's almost certain that Steve is just about to drift off, but he can't contain it in himself any longer; he has to ask.

"Hey Steve?"

"Mmh?"

"Why uh... why are you keep calling me...?" He can't bring himself to say it out loud without his face heating up.

"What?"

"Names." He settles, hoping that Steve would get it.

"Names?"

He's gonna make him say it, isn't he?

"Yeah like uh... baby."

"Oh"

Even in the darkness of the van Eddie can see how the colour darkens in Steve's cheeks.

"Does it bother you?" Steve asks after a beat and Eddie just sighs out a soft "no".

"Okay."

For a long moment it seems that this is all Eddie's gonna get, but then Steve shuffles a little closer and runs a finger along Eddie's palm before taking his hand into his own.

"It just felt right, you know? Calling you that. I dunno, it was like how it was meant to be."

"That sounds kinda romantic, isn't it?" Eddie's shooting for a joke, but Steve just sighs timidly.

"Yeah, it does, doesn't it?"

"Steve-"

"Eddie... can I?" He doesn't finish it, but Eddie knows he'd say yes to pretty much anything Steve could ever ask from him.

"Yeah" He breathes with a little nod and Steve scoots even closer, placing his other hand onto Eddie's cheek. He leans in and looks him in the eyes for an impossibly long moment, making sure he's got permission one last time.

Steve whispers a soft "baby" onto his lips before finally closing the gap between them.

#steddie #these two will be the death of me #steddie fic #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #fanfic #ficlet #fanfiction #my fic

[babyleostuff]

today was (not) a fairytale

fluff (+ a bit of angst) 𐙚 established relationship 𐙚 idol!mingyu x fem!reader 𐙚 wc: 1.6k

. . . mingyu forgets about your anniversary

mingyu was a busy guy, that was obvious. but one thing he was never too busy for was you. it didn’t matter if it was just a can you couldn’t open, or a spider that had to be killed - mingyu was always there for you, no questions asked. to be honest, you could call him and tell him you wanted a hug, and he’d drop whatever he was doing just so he could trap you in a bear hug for the rest of the evening. that was how whipped he was. 

and now he was late. two hours. 

at first you thought something had happened - you texted some of the boys to ask if they knew where he was, you called his mom - you even checked the latest news, worried to see any updates about a car accident. 

nothing. 

sitting at an expensive restaurant full of people by yourself was humiliating enough, but what bothered you even more was that it was supposed to be your anniversary dinner. mingyu never missed any milestones of your relationship, he even bought you small gifts on the date you had your first kiss. 

then it hit you - his location. quickly pulling your phone out of your bag, you couldn’t believe your eyes.

he was at seungcheol’s place. 

not bothering to call your boyfriend - it wasn’t like he was answering any of your calls before, so why bother - you called the oldest boy, fiddling with your napkin that you wouldn’t be probably using tonight either way. 

“hey, is everything okay?” seungcheol asked immediately. it wasn’t often that you called him, especially at such a late hour, so he figured something must have happened. 

“is mingyu with you?” you heard some shuffling in the background, and noises that sounded a lot like your boyfriend and hoshi. 

“um, yeah. you want me to pass him the phone?” you could clearly hear seungcheol’s confusion in his voice, but you weren’t in the “shitting rainbows and unicorns” mood, so you didn’t even bother with hiding your annoyance. 

“fan-fucking-tastic.” 

you couldn’t believe he actually forgot about your anniversary. you had been planning this date for such a long time now. getting a reservation at this restaurant wasn’t easy, even mingyu had to pull a few strings and flash a couple of polite smiles, so you could come here on the exact day of your milestone. you prepared matching outfits for god’s sake. how could have he forgotten? 

“tell him not to come back home tonight,” you said, and hung up the phone before seungcheol could say anything. 

you spend the whole ride home trying to keep your tears from falling. you didn’t know what was worse - sitting in a restaurant for two hours waiting for someone who was over at his friend’s house drinking soju, or that the love of your life forgot about something so important. 

the second you got inside your apartment you practically ripped off the dress you were wearing, suddenly almost disgusted by the feel of it on your skin. your shoes joined soon after, and not even five minutes after getting back home you got changed into PJs (for once not being mingyu’s shirt), and poured yourself a glass of wine. 

“happy anniversary i quess.” 

when you were about to turn off all of the lights in the living room for the night, you heard the door open and close with much more force than needed. 

“baby? baby, where ar-,” he emerged from around the corner, stopping right in front of you. you took in his form - hair tousled from the wind, his shirt from practice still on, and shoes on his feet, which never happened - mingyu never wore shoes inside the house. huh, he must’ve been in a real hurry to get here. 

“i’m so sorry, i got here as quickly as possible,” he said, a little out of breath. you had to stop the urge to laugh in his face because what the hell? 

“too bad you didn’t bother to show up where you really were supposed to be, mingyu,” you snickered, anger radiating off of you. your boyfriend knew he was in deep shit the second seungcheol shot him a worried look, and how he would make it up to you, he had no idea. 

“i know, baby-,” 

“don’t call me that. you don’t deserve it mingyu,” you pointed a finger at his chest. just then he noticed you got your nails done to match the design on his tie, and he could swear he died a little bit at that moment. “do you have any idea how humiliated i felt sitting there like an idiot, waiting for my fucking boyfriend who decided to go out with his friends on our anniversary?” 

“i called your friends, your family. i thought you got into an accident for fucks sake,” your voice cracked at the end of the sentence, as you finally felt something else than just anger. the thought of losing mingyu wasn’t something you wanted to think about on your anniversary night. “i was so excited for this, and you knew it,” you took in a shaky inhale, once again feeling the tears brimming in your eyes.  

it took everything from you not to hug mingyu, he looked so… sad, and just so defeated, and that wasn’t something you were used to seeing on your boyfriend’s face. 

“there are a thousand excuses on my mind right now, but none of them will excuse my behaviour,” he sighed, his lower lip trembling. please don't cry, please don’t cry. “i forgot,” he said, straightening his back a little. “i simply forgot, and nothing i do will make up for it.” 

tears clouded your eyes, and you couldn’t help when they started falling down your cheeks, probably ruining the makeup you put so much effort into. if you knew you’d end up crying on your anniversary night you’d use a waterproof mascara. mingyu hesitantly raised his hand, as if he was afraid you’d run away from him, but when he saw you didn’t move an inch, he started wiping off the tears of your face with a gentle swipe of his thumb, almost as if you were about to fall apart. 

“say something. no, yell at me,” he said, and put your hand against his chest. “you can even hit me,” mingyu said, pleading in his eyes. “please, just do something.” 

“i don’t want to yell at you,” you sniffled, wiping off the rest of the tears yourself. “and i definitely don’t want to hit you. i just-,” you looked at him and only then noticed the dark circles under his eyes. did his face get slimmer too? “when was the last time you slept?”

he looked a bit taken aback by your question, considering he was begging you to hit him like a second ago. “to be honest, i don’t know, but i took some naps in the practice room. that’s not import-,”  

“when was the last time you ate?” you interrupted him again. 

his eyes softened because there was no way he just stood you up on one of the most important days of the year, and you were asking him about his well being. “i don't know.” 

i don’t know. hearing those words from a person who inhaled food like a vacuum, and could never say no to a snack broke your heart. how did you not notice how exhausted he was before? 

“oh, mingyu,” you said, tearing up again. “why didn’t you tell me, i would’ve brought you some food.” 

“i know, but i didn’t want to burden you. i knew i’d be fine,” he said, voice gentle. “besides, that’s not important now. let’s talk about how big of an asshole i am,” he grabbed your face in both of his hands, tilting it more upwards. 

“how can you say it’s not important?” you murmured, nuzzling your face further into his palm. “i don’t think i’ve ever seen you without food for longer than an hour.” 

“hey, i don’t eat that much,” you couldn’t help but giggle at his words, and seeing mingyu’s face lit up at your, albeit quiet, laughter, you felt the anger leaving you for good.  

maybe you were too selfish? all you lived for for the past week was the date, but in the process you managed to somehow miss how exhausted your boyfriend was. yes, he did forget, but he was so overworked lately, you couldn’t really blame him, right? and it wasn’t like you were a saint either, you missed some dates in the past too. 

“whatever you’re thinking, drop it,” he said sternly. “don’t try to make any excuses for me. i forgot, okay? it’s all my fault.” 

technically you knew you had every right to be furious at him, hell - an hour you cursed him out with every curse word you knew, but maybe it wasn't the time to think straight, and just give the light of your life a second chance. “i don’t want to fight,” you said, wrapping your hands around his wrists. “and we still have,” you looked over at the clock, “two hours before midnight. we have the wine, and i think i have a pizza in the freezer.” 

mingyu shook his head in disbelief. “there’s no way you’re real.” leaning in, he placed a peck on your cheek, filling your chest with a warm, fuzzy feeling. “you look beautiful by the way,” he whispered, and put his forehead against yours. “i’m really sorry.” 

“i know, gyu. i know,” you whispered. “and mingyu?” 

“yeah?” 

“you can call me “baby” again.”

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