#bad used to be like: i dont have a crush! i just want it to be Very Clear that skeppy is my bff before he's anything to anyone else >:(

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for throwing away a birthday gift my friend got me because of who they are hanging out with?

I (now 19f) had a birthday a few weeks back. My friend Jane (20f) had gotten me a gift but hadn't been able to give it to me yet. Jane posted on her story that she was eating dinner with Alice (I think 25f?).

For this to make sense and so I dont get a ton of INFO comments, let me go into detail about Alice.

Alice used to be someone I went to for advice. She helped me with school, she gave me advice on crushes, was just overall like a big sister to me. When I was 10 I know my mother trusted her enough to have her babysit me (the thing with Alice is she has always been so mature, literally everyone has always thought she was older then she was which is why I dont know for sure if she is 25). I thought she would always be a good sister-like figure in my life.

However, I got in a relationship with Mark and it was like all hell broke loose. Mark says she is jealous because they used to have a thing (everyone thought they were together but they claimed they never were, Mark says she liked him but he turned her down but had fun flirting at the time). Alice told me she was concerned because of the age difference, which made no sense to me because she talked to someone who was 10 years older then her when she was 21/22. Alice also made negative comments about Mark that were extremely rude.

It really felt like Alice was trying to break me and Mark up! Mark is older than Alice and said that she always has done this when he dates anyone and thats why he hasn't dated much (the last girl he dated was Alice's friend and they stopped being friend's after they had broken up, I remember this because Alice was upset her friend made her choose between them or Mark when Alice had been friends with Mark since she was a very young kid).

We didn't invite Alice to the wedding because she didn't like our relationship (why would I want you there to celebrate if you don't even care for us?). We also didn't invite her because Alice and Mark stopped being friends for a year or two before we got together and it would have been awkward for Mark. I told Jane that I didn't want to hang out with Alice and encouraged Jane not to as well.

And I thought Jane hadn't, but now I see she still is. Jane said that Alice isn't a bad person and just because I'm not friends with her doesn't mean she plans on stopping. Jane told me that Alice still cares for me and if I wanted to talk to her I could, but I don't want to. Jane went on and we started arguing, and I dont remember what all was said by us, but then she cursed me out. In response, I threw the still wrapped gift in the trash.

Jane isnt talking to me anymore. Mark says its probably a good thing since she wasn't a good friend. At the time I felt justified but there's a pit in my stomach and I wonder if I went a bit too far? AITA?

#aita #am i the asshole

[horrorwebs]

why are men literally the fucking worst

#theres a guy in one of my uni friend groups who has a crush on my friend also from the friend group #and she feels so so uncomfortable plus she hasnt done ANYTHING thatd give a hint that she likes him back. bc she doesnt #and now she doesnt feel ok around because hes so attached to her and so so needy and its like. well. way to fuck it up dude. fuck you #he has been acting so strange lately and not in a good way. strange awkward and needy and like. possesive. #her and i also have another friendgroup where frankly i feel much better with and she does too. and its like. well the guy is always like #butting in but now really being part of anything? like its not like he comes over to the grouo to be with all of us hes just sort of . there #talking only to her or sometimes me but its like not nice its weird and annoying #ALSO HES SO PATRONIZING TOWARDS HER ITS AWFUL #AND hes like. a bit older.... where its not like. the weirdest age gap i dont think so. but it IS a bit weird considering some of the things #he has said. like the other day he made a comment about how my friend 'well shes so young like people her age sometimes dont get [x]' like? #if you think she is SOOO young and SOOO out of touch with people your age well why the fuck are you asking others if you have a chance w her #get away from her really #sidenote: today she was telling me and a different friend about this problem and my other friend said it was really uncomfortable and bad + #that he used to think the guy had a thing for ME BEFORE??? and i dont know if he also thought -i- had a thing for him but please god no. #even the hypothetical made me feel super uncomfortable. also i used to feel like that a bit like he might like me and it was bad and gross #so i dropped a comment that let him believe i was a lesbian i think? also got much colder towards him . like. thats what you get fucker #about the lesbian thing i meant that he told me about a friend of his that had it hard coming out as a lesbian and i said like oh yeah being #like that was hard for me also. finding out i was not straight was tough etc . #dont remember if i said the word lesbian i dont think so but i did say i like girls and i didnt mention boys at all so i hoped itd be enough #also people dont really -get- what being asexuas means + didnt want to tell him im ace + techically i Can like boys bc romantic attraction #is undefined to me but i was definetely not going to tell him that bc 1. im much more prone to like a girl and 2. not trying to get his hope #up. #so anyway it was gross to realize other people saw it too so i mightve actually not been insane to think he had a crush on me but it was bad #and also. i really need for my friend to be comfortable in class so i might have to kill him who knows. well see #spikeposting #personal

[lesbianraskolnikov]

i need to draw my new guy but im so shy and scared

#im still in improvement mode #the pro and con about him being a book is he can look almost like anything minus what we have #what if im wrong.. Just kidding i would be right but what if i do it bad. sad! #This is really funny. but i do have scopophobia severe and it travels to fictional crushes #ALWAYS been like this its so weird-funny #floyd.txt #i think i dont have a specific style right now but at the same time i do miss drawing like i used to #i want to be silly. !!!!!

[silenthillbunni]

🤕🩹💊

#ughhhh sighhh im so tired #last night i started getting gallstone attack feelings #i took one of those painkillers i got for it but nothing #then i got such a bad attack ughhh. i even took another pill (idek if u can bc theyre strong nd yk.. precaution necessary) but it did nothin #so i've just been in pain for like 14 hours. idk how i managed to doze off to sleep nd then wake up nd then doze off again several times #it was just so awful skskks #i didnt even do anything different yesterday so i have no idea what triggered it #guess i just gotta cut down on everything like coffee nd the two small squares of chocolate i have :') #guess i just gotta stick to oatmeal nd brown rice nd crushed tomatoes lmaooo i wanna throw up just thinking abt it #but that pain is so awful and i just cant deal w it #it's so frustrating that i have to wait so long to even get a date for the surgery #it's been over a month now and i havent heard anything?!?!??? #at least gimme a date so i can know how long i need to keep this up T-T #im so tired of this i just want my health to go back to the way it was before #i wanna exercise for real and i want real food!!!! i cant even use spices bc it's too much... 😔 #and like i realize now that i think the gallstones have affected my bodily function for quite a while #i wasnt able to take iron or magnesium supplements or vitamins and stuff bc my body reacted so weirdly to it #i just dont wanna deal w this pain or be scared of what i eat. or eat bland boring food constantly. or not be able to work out #just wanna have the surgery </333 it's so hard to have to sit and wait for it sigh

[salsflore]

#my friend got mad and stormed away bc i joked abt missing and wishing a friend were with us bc if she was then i wouldnt have to be the- #-one to listen to her rambling abt her crush and whatnot #maybe ive been too rude in the way i went about it but now that i think abt it ive been ridiculously patient with her #shes always bringing me out my class and to the bathroom to talk abt her crushhh and her love lifee and she doesnt consider- #-my feelings at all ! do i even want to hear about it ?! do i give a SHIT ??? #whenever SHE makes me feel awful i don't say anything. she just brushes it off with a sorry my bad loll #but the moment i express my frustration shes like fuck you la >:( #ive been telling her how i feel ive been telling her to stop it stop bringing me into your drama stop talking to me abt him #and yet! #she knew my prev. crush was talking shit about me yet she never told me until i asked her abt it ?! she didnt give a shit when i was- #-in the middle of taking a TEST and she was like um i dont care help me with this #dudeeee #youre so frustrating the world does not revolve around you and your love life shes the type of person to think shes cool for being 13 and- #-dating a 16 yr old baby NOOO!!! #i am so tired so so so tired i feel out of place with my friends all the time i hate everything #to clarify shes not 13 anymore but she sure! does act like it...

[readymades2002]

something difficult about writing/storytelling but only in short disconnected bursts is that writing anything longform is very difficult. there isn't as much time to practice long-term character development or subtlety (implying character instead of immediately clarifying) when its not really meant to go anywhere but a notes app. its a little frustrating...i'd love to do something more longform though. i've considered maybe just doing some short writing scenes in my various original universes a lot recently mostly because i just havent had time to draw anything fancy recently </3 maybe that would be something...

#briefly talked about it with a coworker today bc i mentioned my brother makes music #and she got excited because she paints and she showed me some of her work (beautiful btw!!!) #and said she hopes he pursues music and doesnt get his heart crushed by retail like we do #we still make things but ive been thinking about it...it really is like #i feel like ive had less TIME to make things but ive also developed more interest in my own ideas #and in constructing them on their own terms. its hard to describe and even harder to share because its #not churning out fanart for a response i guess? #i dont know. i do feel more satisfied with what im planning but theres less to share #anyway i promised her i'd show her my art sometime so essentially i have to flee the country now #she does lovely work she paints pictures of pets and it seems so nice. she seems so happy with it! #its like...i love it. im a little jealous of it. i feel so much pressure to Do Something New with my art #try to craft scenes and settings (i think setting is such ann important part of storytelling but i have so much trouble drawing it!) #and try new compositions and poses and just not have everything look the same all the time #its led to a lot of work im proud of but its also hard to create under those expectations... #i wish i could find a niche and settle into it comfortably. i think fun character drawings could be that for me #but its...it frustrates me to post those because it feels like if its easy and i like doing it and how it turns out then im not trying #okay i think im done now. sorry for these rambling introspective posts lately lol im #trying to warm back up to posting so i can use this website again (despite how very very bad it is)... #i want to see my frieeeeeends <//////3 i want to be here without running away <///3

[arthur-r]

tonight is my last night sleeping in my bed. possibly for the rest of my life. and my last time in my room possibly for the rest of my life. and i want to just get a good night’s sleep to be ready for a long day tomorrow but it’s really not working out like that.

#my family is still up in the air maybe selling this house within the next month #in which case i will never be in this room ever again. otherwise i will be back for the holidays so there’s still a month of this bedroom #if we sell the house in the spring instead (only rational option there’s no way we can empty it in time) #especially since i will not be in this house whatsoever until after that sell date. my mom all by herself can’t empty it all #anyway i’m struggling a bit. saying goodbye to my home of 14 years???? #i’ve been through a lot in this place and most of it is bad memories but like. every good memory i have is from here too…. #and everyone i know irl is staying local i’m the only one who’s leaving. one irl friend is going to the same school as me but we had a fight #within the past month and i don’t think we’re ever going to recover because she just kind of never treated me like a person #so i’m starting from scratch and it’s really.. like fuck i want to get out of here but i’m also not at all ready to actually leave #i’m just going to miss all the stupid little things so much. even my online memories are tied to this place #like the woods down the street where my deer friends live and the ditch i fell into back in the day and all the places i’ve gotten lost #and they’ll be right here waiting for me and i’m SO excited for college i am but why does it have to feel so sudden???? #i dont know how anyone does it.. and all my friends are going to colleges in their hometown so i don’t even have anyone to compare with #i found out today that if we keep the house through the winter my mom is planning on using my room as a guest room and office. and of course #that makes sense and everything but now i have the most crushing guilt for not cleaning it up well enough. i thought it would be okay and #i’d just have to deal with it when i come back and i didn’t know she wanted to use it and she’s going to box up all of my things without me #and i feel guilty that i didn’t do that and i feel scared and upset because it’s my things and my room i don’t want it to change #i’m just really anxious and sad and scared and i don’t know what to do. school is going to be good but none of this feels real or normal #and i just feel sick and scared and i don’t know what to do. waking up at 8am and leaving at 9am and moving in at 2pm and that will be it #my mom and sister are staying for a couple days and that will be good i hope. i dont know i feel so conflicted about everything #and i’m tired and sick and angry and overwhelmed and i just want to take a week off and come back alive again #and i guess that’s what i’m about to do.. after i move in there’s eight days before college starts and all i’ll be doing is moving in #(and welcome week activities. and a lot of sleeping. but hopefully i’m gonna get a rollator through a loan program and that will help a lot) #anyway here’s what’s going on. i’m going to maybe try to sleep i guess. but if anyone has advice or encouragement about moving to college.. #now is the time i really need it. it’s just so strange and conflicted and everyone i know has been telling me i just need to get out of here #and myself included i really want to get out of here. but how can i start anew when everyone i’ve loved is shattered. and what have you #think i have to listen to that song for long enough to remember how badly i want to leave…. #i’m just really not feeling well. i’m angry that i never got to have the childhood i deserved #because now i’m leaving and that means it’s officially over…. i’m just really not feeling well. i think i’m running out of tags…. #i hope you all are well. i’ll be around in the morning maybe.. i’m not sure. hope everyone has a good night

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#oh god. i found a lab i want desperately to join #i mean. it prob wont happen bc it feels like she must have some clout. or maybe im just extremely dazzled by her work lol. but like #hhhhhh i wanna join so bad. it looks so perfect. except its in the uk. and i kinda want to get my phd in the us #bc ive experienced the uk uni system and they do not do it like the americans lmao #American colleges try to absolutely crush the life out of u and thats the kinda pressure i crave... bc i have issues #but oh god i would love to go back to England and be in the lab. and be in the lab. and be in the lab!!!! #im gonna have to read all her papers and send her an unhinged email. oh god. please please please make it a perfect fit! #but if i go back to the uk id be even further from home than i already am. like im 10hrs travel away now and its abt 24hrs travel to get #back and forth to English. but whatever its prob not gonna happens so why think abt it now #hhhh but i really wanna go back to England. i could use the trains and actually visit places. not like last time. im a little better now #at least compared to then. for what thats worth #ugh. tomorrow ill read all her papers and then email her. and i wont jinx it. dont jinx it. #logically u know u can't actually jinx things but like my brain doesn't quite believe that. so ill pretend to be casual abt it while trying #to will the univse to let me have this. pls #ugh i need to sleep #unrelated

[star-ocean-peahen]

So! My little cousin was talking to me about her crush (because she looks up to me for some reason???) and she asked me what I thought of boys romantically, and because I've never been asked that question before, I got excited.

I thought. I thought! that I could be So Normal, in this moment, just two girls talking about crushes, but then my hopes came crashing down on my shoulders when I told her my first crush was a Lego. And then began running through the list and realized my crushes are nigh-incomprehensible to a middle school girl excited about boys for the first time, because they include a decaying purple corpse responsible for the death of his younger brother, a pathetic whiner of a pretty wizard, an elf boy with terrible self-esteem in a skirt, etc. The most """normal""" crush on the list is a popular superhero, and even that one gets the label of """normal""" only because most of his fanbase is attracted to him??????

;_; I thought I was so normal for having crushes........but it turns out I never was........

#and dont even get me started on the girls #at this point im not even sure if these characters ARE crushes or if im just attracted to them because i project onto them #i DO tend to shy away from attractive people and characters i can't relate to.................... #and i DO tend toward characters with bad self-esteem who are recovering from abuse or mistreatment and share my birth order.............. #im normal i promise #oh oh i DID think i had a crush on a guy in like fourth grade but that was just because he wanted to talk to me about ninjago and i didnt #know anyone else who wanted to talk with me about it #i met him again recently and my brain tried to convince me i liked him but then he used the r slur and it went nooooooo #which was. i dont even think he was doing it maliciously because he has adhd???? #anyway. my brain tries to convince me i have a crush on EVERY dude i get along with so STFU brain you dont get a say in this #but then................do i actually have crushes at all................ #idkkkkkkk #personal

[waywardsalt]

made some tier lists of zelda characters based on how hot i think they are

#loz #legend of zelda #im not tagging all of those games or characters you cant make me #i just. found these character rankers on tierlist #couldnt make my own bc you need to login for that and to make a login for it you need a twitter and thats gross so i just found some #did these with my friend. hence the moon #didnt rank link properly bc i dont want to and i left out some characters due to lack of interest and template limitations #i dont like tingle. i dont like him #anyways free story #when i was in 7th grade (obviously) that was about when i got ph and had that special interest sparked and so i had a crush on linebeck #like bad. obviously. anyways i got out of middle school and into high school and after 7th grade thought #'ah i dont actually have a crush on linebeck hes just my favorite zelda character so i like him a lot as a character and stuff' #but yeah no im down bad for linebeck 7th grade me was right #my post #salty talks #lmk if you want the specific templates i used linked #these arent 100% consistent between each other and i think thats great. im not changing them

[oatbugs]

babes i am having an anxiety attack and some realisations i wanna see if anyone else has this fear . in tags

#does anyone else have like a super intense fear of sounding manipulative #like i need smn to tell me if they do bc i dont wanna be alone bc like if im worried abt it does that mean im a bad person bc #why are u so worried abt it why is it even a possibility . but then at the same time . ughhh like i realised why #my ex used to tell me i was manipulative or guilttripping them or w/e when i was trying to talk abt any of my feelings #or like stuff they did that made me feel horrible or my wants and needs and when i needed them to stop doing smth/qhen smth made me #uncomfortable. id just get called some form of manipulative. and now im like . holy shit im acc rly afraid of sounding manipulative and #maybe thats why . and like it wasnt just my ex but it was their social circle ?? so it was more than 1 person basically #which made the fear 1000x worse but like ik im not but what if i am without knowing it #but also even if i Sound manipulative i am going to have an anxiety #and i just told me crush abt the whole situation w not meeting up etc making me feel a bit . not good and the entire time i was #expecting them to call me manipulative or smth and they didnt and they thanked me for communicating but i still am here #having a panic attack !!!! heart goes brrrr #personal

[munamania]

i dont want to go to my stupid screenwriting class bc even though this prof Finally Actually gave me Some feedback. i dont like him. i dont think he likes any of us either he just likes talking about himself. anyway though she should be there today at least <3 and my other bestie and maybe i can get away with working on another assignment during class

#if he tries to make us share our scripts again. like i know that's the point but it doesnt feel like a good 'writers room' and im #scarred from when i volunteered and he was so shitty to me. i KNOW it was a bad intro to my script i didnt like it. was getting a feel for #it. but also at that point i was so crushed from his bullshit. i shouldnt have been but yk. #anyway did i tell u she apologized to me for missing class and i was like lol u dont have to apologize to me #and she was like ohh i just thought it might have been kinda sad not having a buddy. very roundabout Aw did u miss me #also i have another friend in that class. obv not the same dynamic but. yeah #film girl saga #for context for my first tag. like i was so in a haze i could barely get to writing. and i was so fed up with getting vague non feedback #from him so i was like im gonna throw myself into this and try to get actual feedback from the class #and some ppl did comment but it was the end of class so mostly crickets so i was mostly just trying to force him to actually #fucking say something and he goes. yah youve got something coming there. youve got words on a page #the way i wanted to go full katniss and claw his face in that moment. #i dont even think it was like that bad bc when i took it to my other prof he had stuff to say. but even without external validation EYE #believed in my story. i still like it and my characters and stuff. whatever

[violencebian]

sighs

#-jinx #best friends. am i right #''you can always be in a poly relationship with us if its okay with our crush :)'' #bro we have had this discussion. i think because of my jealousy issues i could not mentally handle an open or poly relationship. #stop. going for my crushes. #''when is it my turn to be happy'' uhm everytime uve tried to steal a crush from me lol #r we forgetting the part where ive been rejected by everyone ive tried to ask out. #u think i live some glammed up love life but i dont. #im just some idiot who thinks i have a chance when i dont #every crush ive had uve been like ''damn theyre hot maybe if things dont work out...'' #EVEN W FICTIONAL CRUSHES #bro i have told u how defensive i get over one of them and how uncomfortable it makes me when people try to like. #do what i do and say what i say about her. like u KNOW ppl wanting to date her makes me uncomfortable or calling her hot or whatever #and now ur ACTIVELY FLIRTING WITH AND TRYING TO DATE ONE OF MY CRUSHES #yet you are SO POSSESSIVE OVER ME. #you wont even let your sibling touch me unless you're touching me also and you have said my hands are ''just for'' you #so. hypocritical. make it make sense #i feel bad bc like this is my BEST FRIEND right but idk.. theyre making me feel crummy but i feel like im being selfish #vent

[thefunniestguy]

Watching romance is both great and awful bc- it's so cute when it's well done !! It makes me so happy !!! I get immersed and it makes me feel like I'm the one falling in love !!!!! And then the episode ends and I sit wondering if I'll ever know what they feel like-

#YES this is about heartstopper #even if i did fall in love !! what if i fall for a girl ? as an afab person my parents woulllld kill me #but idk if i CAN feel romantic attraction #i want to !! i want to so bad !!!! #i wanna kiss girls ! guys ! everyone in between !! idc man i just wanna kiss !!!!! to fall in love !! #is it a matter of the right person coming along ??? timing ?????? or is there /never/ going to be a right person?? #a lot of this did in fact stem from nick saying smth along the lines of 'i love liking you' and i realized #i for sure use the word 'love' too lightly and frequently #i always mean it tho..??? i love everyone. just platonically ofc #but theres times where ive told a friend i love them and then made it all awkward- #even when adding '/p' its awkward and weird and idk aaaaaaaaa #is that bc i dont get the weight of love ? bc i dont understand what it can mean outside of platonic ??? or just bc im ??? ???? ?????????? #idk bestie idk aaaa #BUT if i have crushes on actors and canonmates does that mean im NOT aro/cupioromantic ???? #sexuality is a hellhole of confusion hhh this is why ive cried so many tears over nick #finn's fun #simon says #im both very much finn and simon rn so theres a huge mix of. me as finn remembering how desperate i was for love for a while #(which i regret and genuinely shouldnt have done- i was a wad to FP and donked it up. i needed to just apologize and work on being better) #and as simon i just. miss betty . memories from as simon are the main way i feel love romantically <//3 but it sucks bc betty isnt here #(not that if i find a betty ill immediately be in love or want to date- ofc not /srs) #vent

[capaldiera]

it's soooooo embarrassing that my mum knows i like twelveclara. and she was in the room for last christmas which is embarrassingly close to being explicitly romantic. keep that shit more unsaid please

#and also the magician's apprentice party scene which is super fun and the first time i watched it and she was there i was just openly enjoyi #ng it. well now i want to die. esp bc she probably thinks the pretty woman thing for clara. well no i equally care abt missy. #me.txt #im not used to this shit usually what happens is i care about gay pairings and either it doesnt look that gay or mum will just not react #to it bc she is homophobic and would rather not think about that #or maybe more likely knows i dont want to hear what she has to say. i do appreciate that #wait actually i think half the problem is she probably thinks i have a crush on twelve 💀💀💀😟😟😭😭 #well i do but she doesnt need to know that. prolly thinks he's not a dyke n all #also i am just currently thinking that some moments are a little Too open for my tastes. #Also i was talking to mum once about twelve's possible face blindness (and she'd seen the when do i not see you scene and when he couldnt #tell clara was like 80 or whatever #and she was like oh in the kdramas i watch they love to have the guy be faceblind but he can only recognise the girl. mum im trying to talk #about my favourite doctor who and also fucked up hetbait. not your vaguely hallmarkish romances #okay they are not like hallmark they are more creative and also better. she just says she likes them bc they're like chaste. and she started #watching them instead of hallmark shows #anyway. time to go home and watch before the flood and under the lake and she'll probably be there #the problem is that mum likes romances that are nice. and she probably thinks twelveclara is kind of nice or maybe that i think it is #mostly its slay and fucked #it should feel a little bit like being queerbaited (kind of bad but so good and like you may be insane but also you're deeply correct)

[sleepintro]

yk sometimes i wish i hadnt changed schools and moved here. maybe i shouldve studied in my old school itself any maybe suffered. that way id have less people to miss and grieve. ..

#idk how long all this is gonna last #probably not long but i dont want to be pessimistic today #i want all of us to still be friends years later #maybe not all that close but still talking #like whenever i think abt any of the friends ive ever had my chest just feels like its crushing itself and i cant breathe #or were any of them my friends either way? like what if they dont care what if they never cared? #what if all of it was just them pretending bc they were too nice to say anything? #what abt the friend(s) i have right now? are we friends? does she actually like me? do i like her in some other way? am i a bad person? #do any of them. actually really care #what if i end up all alone? #god i just want to be loved #rena.posts #vent