#bake with emi | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

Tumblr has a low social media market share in South America.

emzurl · 1 year

Photo

You ever have something hit you so hard you have to drop everything to get it out there?

Here's some Great British Bake Off x My Hero Academia I couldn't shake off 🧁

#mha #bnha #my hero academia #great british bake off #great british baking show #endhawks #enji todoroki #keigo tamaki #shouta aizawa #emi fukukado #bakugou katsuki #nemuri kayama #fanart #my art

3K notes · View notes

simdreams · 8 months

Text

i cant be the only person that wants to jump off a cliff when I see something for sims 3 that has 43 presets and it's unrecolorable excepting paintings and some specific deco, this is........................................... I cant

#txt #emi rants #whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy #no but do you know how easy is baking a blank multiplier in 95% of the time

96 notes · View notes

jayasikpo · 2 years

Text

Mono Mono, the Lagos Afrofunk and Rock band that made Lagos Funky.

Check out this podcast about Lagos Afrofunk and Rock Band MonoMono that Rocked Lagos in the 70's on music in my ears podcast website.

Summary Joni Haastrup founded Mono Mono in Lagos after touring Europe with Ginger Baker”s Airfoce II band. Haastrup skipped another leg of European and American tour with Ginger Bakers second tour ensemble the SALT band to fulfil his ambition of running his own show and performing his songs with his band around clubs and venues in Lagos. Other notable members of the band include Baba Kenneth…

View On WordPress

#Candido Obajimi #Capitol #EMI #Ginger Bake #History #Joni Haastrup #Ken Okulolu #Lagos #Mono Mono #Music #Nigerian

0 notes

rheya28 · 4 months

Text

Lucio's Market [Restaurant, Grocery, Teaching Kitchen] ♥ The Sims 4: Speed Build // CC

Lucio's Market is where culinary passion meets community connection! Nestled in the heart of Anchorpoint Wharf, this venue seamlessly blends a fully stocked grocery store, a dynamic teaching kitchen, and a cozy restaurant—all under one roof. [Lot Can be set as a restaurant, generic, or retail]

Market In Lucio's Market, you'll discover a curated selection of fresh, locally sourced ingredients, handpicked for their quality and flavor. Kitchen Step into our state-of-the-art teaching kitchen, where cooking enthusiasts of all skill levels can embark on a culinary journey led by our expert chefs. Restaurant After a satisfying cooking class, savor the fruits of your labor in our inviting restaurant area. Our chefs take the spotlight, crafting a menu that showcases the artistry of local ingredients.

Note:

♥This lot has been semi play-tested. ♥To make the Grocery part of the build functional, you can turn this into a retail lot. There are also grocery mods available such as SS realistic cooking mod and the Bulk Grocery Mod. Please keep in mind that I did not follow any requirements for these two mods as the grocery part of the build was made simply for aesthetics and storytelling. You are welcome to make adjustments! [I will be building a much bigger grocery store in the future, which im hoping will be more functional] ♥We do not have a teaching kitchen venue option in the sims 4, however, the gameplay can be achieve with some imagination! You can turn this into a generic lot and simply have your sims cook/bake together on different stoves simultaneously (I suggest making a club and setting preferences!). Also I've added a chef's station in the kitchen where you can hire a chef who can act as the "teacher". (Warning: considering there are plenty of appliances in this kitchen, a fire or two will most likely happen lmao) ♥Lastly if you want this lot to function as a restaurant, simply change the venue lot type in build mode. I would recommend downloading LittleMsSam's lock mod to lock the testing kitchen's door. This will prevent customers from using the kitchen appliances!

♥ Please make sure to turn bb.moveobjects on! ♥ Please DO NOT reupload or claim as your own. ♥ Feel free to tag me if you are using it, I love seeing my build in other peoples save file ♥ Feel free to edit/tweak my builds, but please make sure to credit me as the original creator! ♥ Thank you to all CC Creators ♥ Please let me know if there's any problem with the build!

♥ SPEED BUILD VIDEO 00:00 Beginning 00:02 Intro 01:25 Speed Build 16:38 Photos

♥ Sim Featured in video Courtney Ajak & Tiara Robinson by @aashwarr Emi Grey by @jaxplaysthesims

♥ LOT DETAILS Lot Name: Lucio's Market Lot type: Restaurant + Generic lot + Can be retail Lot size: 30x20 Location: Archorpoint Wharf, San Sequioa

♥ MODS: TOOL MOD by TwistedMexi

♥ CC LIST: Note: I reuse a lot of the same cc in all my builds, specifically cc's from felixandre, HeyHarrie, tuds, and Pierisim so if you're interested in downloading past, present, future build from me i suggest getting all their cc sets to make life a little easier! other creators include Sooky, Charlypancakes, Sixam, Thecluttercat, Myshunosun, awingedllama, peacemaker.

Awingedllama: Blooming Room plants

Lilis Palace: folklore (only deco jars)

Severinka: Grocery Store pt 1 (cash desk, display island only), Grocery Store pt 2 (all), Grocery store pt 3 (Shopping cart and basket only), Grocery store pt 4 (all)

Around the sims 4: Bulk grocery

FelixAndre x Harrie: Baysic, Harluxe, Orjanic, Kichen

Bbygyal123: Abstract Prints

FelixAndre: Berlin pt 3, Chateau, Fayun , Kyoto , Florence , Grove, Shop the look, Soho

Charlypancakes: Chalk

Thecluttercat: Dandydiary pt 2, Helloo horse, Sunny Sundays

Harrie: Brownstone, Brutalist, Coastal, Klean, Kwatei, Octave, Spoons

LittleDica: Rise & Grind, Delicious kitchen

Myshunosun: Harbalist Kitchen

Peacemaker: Pointless Renovation

Pierisim: Auntie Vera, Coldbrew, David Apartment, Domaine Du clos, Mcm, Oak House, Winter Garden, Woodland Ranch

Max20: Poolside lounge pack (floor pattern only)

S-imagination: Cottage kitchen (Decorative bag with scoop only)

Sixam: Home Improvement, Hote Bedroom

Syboullette: Boulangerie (chalk board only)

Taurus Design: Lilith Chilling Area (sul sul sign only)

Tuds: Cross, IND, NCTR, SHKR

♥Tray File: x ♥Origin ID: Applez ♥Twitter: Rheya28__ ♥Tiktok: Rheya28__ ♥Patreon: Rheya28 ♥Youtube: Rheya28__

#ts4 #sims 4 #thesims4 #sims #thesims #showusyourbuilds #sims 4 cc #sims 4 builds #sims 4 screenshots #builds #simblr #the sims 4 build #build #rheya28

745 notes · View notes

whorekneecentral · 2 years

Note

Mick telling angie she’s a good girl, you think he’s speaking to you and your reaction is when he realises your praise kink 😈

this one is for my wife emi @daydreamingleclerc <333

The house smelt like a bakery when Mick got back in from taking Angie on her walk. “Baby?” He calls, venturing into the house after unclipping Angie’s leash.

You were in the kitchen, taking a tray out of the oven. “Oh hi,” you smile, the counters lines with pans and trays; cookies, cupcakes, cakes and pastries.

Mick swears he wasn’t gone that long; he’s wondering when and why you baked all of this. “What’s this for?” He asks you, sneaking a cookie off a counter.

“Seb mentioned the girls were having a bake sale at school and Hanna has enough to do with the baby so I offered to make stuff.” You tell him, turning off the oven.

You had your back turned to Mick when Angie comes running over with her leash, reminding Mick to put it away. He leans down to scratch the spot behind her ear, taking the leash from her; “good girl.”

You turn around way faster then you should and Mick notices how your eyes have lit up. You soon realize he was speaking to Angie, your cheeks go red.

Mick was quick to put two and two together, letting Angie run off to the living room. “Did you think..” he trails off but you shook your head, “no! I was just... I thought you were talking to yourself,” you chuckle, lying though your teeth as you pack the cooled off cookies into a bowl.

“Oh,” he hums, stepping behind you and his arms wrap around your waist. “Because you know,” he whispers, peppering kisses along your neck, “you are my good girl, aren't you?”

You swear you could feel your heartbeat in places you didn’t even know you could feel it. After letting out a shaky breath, you nod.

“I want an answer sweetheart, I know you can answer me.”

“Yes Mick.”

Mick smiles, “good girl.”

#mick schumacher #mick schumacher smut #favs <3

493 notes · View notes

femmefatalevibe · 9 months

Note

hi lovee

What can I get my friend for her 16th birthday?

Hi love! I think it depends on her interests, of course. Some general ideas are below:

Costume jewelry (brands like Mejuri, Oma The Label, Justine Clenquet, Shashi, Adina Eden, and Emma Pills all have different aesthetics and offer options around the $50 mark)

Cosmetic cases

Spa sets (facial sets, face masks, etc.)

Perfume sampler set (get one at Sephora where the giftee can purchase a full size of their favorite if you can)

Nail polish/manicure set

Silk hair ties/pillowcases

Blowdrier (I love my Conair Infinity)

Crown Affair hair towel

Cute phone accessories (phone cases, phone charms, etc.; I would check out String Ting/Urban Sophistication)

Emi Jay clips

Fancy snack samplers (Sugarfina, Baked By Melissa, etc. style)

Plush slippers (Nordic Peace has a lot of fun ones)

Bala Bangles/Alo Yoga mat

Card case/Airpod case

Cute reusable water bottle or mug

Hope this helps xx

#gifts for her #teen relatable #16th birthday #sweet 16 #birthday gift #bday gift #friend advice #femmefatalevibe #q/a #product recommendations #gift giving #gift ideas #friend gift

37 notes · View notes

gentlebeard · 2 months

Text

15 QUESTIONS FOR 15 FRIENDS

Tagged by @soupbtch & @xoxoemynn - thank you danny & emy ❤️

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? no, my parents just liked my name

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? ... yesterday - twice! and it's all @edsbacktattoo's fault because the newest chapter of their fic "the tolling bells" absolutely destroyed me in the best possible way. EVERYONE PLS READ THAT FIC, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL!!! (jams, babe, ily but i'm still so 🥺 about it all)

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? nope, not really planning on having any either

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED? i played basketball, volleyball and badminton when i was younger. rn i'm trying to get back into running

DO YOU USE SARCASM? oh, she's everything to me

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? their hands and eyes and whether they have a kind vibe or not

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR? blue

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? nah, fuck scary movies. i CANNOT do horror. give me all the happy endings pls. (the only way i'd ever watch horror is to get into someone's pants sdjhsajkdjk)

ANY TALENTS? i play several instruments, i can cook and bake, and i guess i can edit videos a bit 🙃

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? germany

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? i'm in two different bands, so lots of rehearsals, lots of concerts, lots of shows

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? no 😔 i wish i had time for a dog

HOW TALL ARE YOU? 161 cm / 5'3"

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? all languages, art, music

DREAM JOB? i never really had a dream job. but i always wanted to do something with language and writing. which i am doing!

no pressure tags: @edsbacktattoo @ofmd-ann @sherlockig @bizarrelittlemew @cahootings @endevouring-to-surprise @agaywithcoffee @darkinerry @kiwistede @stedesearring @rainbowcrowley @spirker and whoever would like to do it!

#this was a great distraction thank yooouuu #tag game #❤️

13 notes · View notes

toastedcrumbs · 2 months

Text

About me!! TW:ED

Hi!! I'm Nana, I'm an enby (f presenting) highschool student/ballet dancer, I love kpop and working out (I hear Chloe ting cheering my fat ass up during workouts in my dreams LMAO)

Got my ana/ortho ass reported at the end of 2023 and I'm back on my weight loss journey cause those 20 pounds aren't gonna disappear by themselves!!

My interests!!

Kpop!! I'm a big multistan lmao I love so many groups and soloists, Korean and global!!

I LOVE BAKING AND COOKING FOR OTHERS!! Making other people happy AND getting rid of junk food around my house?? COUNT ME IN!!

Ballet is basically what my life is rotating around rn other than my crippling ed XD, I've been doing it since I was 3 and other than motivating my glow up, it literally distracts my goofy brain from thinking about food and eating

Working out: I love love love working out!! Burns calories and gives me a good mood boost 💕

My fav safe foods ⭐

(to clarify, I also eat other stuff but this is what I can eat in normal amounts without feeling bad about myself)

EVERYONE HAS DIFF SAFE FOODS, this is just my list!!

Sunflower seeds!! Ironically I hate oil but seeds are my fave lol

Black coffee w sweetener (yes I'm a pu$sy that can't drink straight unsweetened black coffee 💀)

Frozen grapes!! (They might be straight up sugar balls but at least they have fiber and water)

Sf chewing gum!! I don't think I need to explain it

Rice/Corn cakes ( I found some that were 6CALS EACH at a supermarket!)

Fruits and veggies in general but with some criteria: Small, fresh (no freeze dried stuff or whatever), Cooked w no oil/the least oil possible (for veggies)

Chicken breast deli slices (it's literally 63kcals per serving!!)

Unsalted air popped popcorn is the GOAT!!

STATS

(Not exactly sure about them, my scale got tampered with)

Hw: ~45kg (after a meal)

Cw: ~40kg

Gw: 39kg

Gw 2: 38kg

Gw 3: 37kg

Ugw: 36kg (THAT WAS MY LAST YEAR'S BEST!!)

Uugw: 35kg 💕💕

Workout regiment

~2hrs of various yt workouts!! 2x/day (Gainsbybrains,Pamela reif,Chloe Ting, Emi Wong and Eylem Abaci,kpop workouts or whatnot)

min 6k steps a day on weekdays, 8k min on weekends (I don't give myself a maximum,the more the merrier, I usually use a treadmill at 6-7km/hr)

HIIT full body training/tabata 2-3 times/week for 30min-1hr

I mainly train core,abs and full body (cause I do ballet already)

I SUPPORT RECOVERY, I DO NOT RECOMMEND ANYONE TO BE IN MY SAME SITUATION!! For those who are in my same place, I honestly hope you succeed at whatever you want to do!!

Stay safe💕

#pinned intro #pinned post #ed not ed sheeran #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #pro a4a #starv1ng #🕯️as a 🪶#i wanna lose weight #orthorexx #ana bllog #anami4 #ed behaviour tw #manifesting 🕯️🕯️🕯️#🕯️as a feather #ana trigger

13 notes · View notes

kaitoutrixie · 10 months

Text

Mysterious Joker Spidersona OC: Kaitou Rosetta Spider

This is a request drawing by @spyderschaos

I haven't watched Spider-Man Into The Spider Verse or Across The Spider Verse. But I've been seeing everyone's fun spidersonas, and I came up with this idea of a spidersona OC for my favorite anime series.

For those who don't know, Kaitou is the Japanese word that means "Phantom Thief"

Secret Identity; Emi Sasaki

Age; 19

Hair Color; golden bronze brown with dyed light pink on the right side of her head.

Eye Color; light blue

Full-body Picture; (made on the online dress-up game "Soft vs. E-Girl" on Doll Divine)

Home Universe; lives in the anime world of Mysterious Joker, a world full of different types of phantom thieves.

Rosetta Spider Character Info; Unlike other spiderman/woman, Rosetta Spider is a wanted phantom thief who uses her spider powers to steal treasures around the world. Emi dreamed of becoming a phantom thief after meeting one as a little girl. Emi debuted as Kaitou Rosetta Spider at the age of 18. Born in Japan, Tokyo. Emi lives on her own, which makes it easier for her to travel across the world. Rosetta Spider respects the phantom thief code of never killing anyone or causing unnecessary harm to others to steal treasures. Rosetta Spider would offend steal treasures that are spider themed.

Family Background; Both of Emi's parents worked as archeologists, and sometimes they would bring Emi along to their excavations. Her parents died in a plane crash when Emi was 11 years-old.

Spider Powers Origin; When Emi was 10 years-old, and her parents brought Emi to an excavation site. Emi had secretly stuck off on her own, which led her to find an ancient enchanted ring that gave Emi her powers after she accidentally cut her finger on it. Although Emi doesn't need to be wearing the ring to use her powers, the ring does transform her into her phantom thief attire. Emi never told her parents about the ring or her new powers. She wears the ring on her right hand ring finger. But the ring is hidden under her gloves while in her phantom thief attire.

Kaitou Rosetta Spider's advance notice card; Front Back

Rosetta's Powers;

Spider-sense (a precognitive ability that warns her of impending danger)

enhanced strength, stamina, and agility

cling to nearly any surface by her hands and feet.

Healing Factor (she can heal faster then an average person)

able to produce spiderwebs from her own wrists, by applying a small amount of pressure to the base of her palms. The webs are capable of supporting Rosetta’s weight as she swings from building to building. The web is super sticky, can tied people up like rope, and also hold heavy objects up to 178 kilograms.

She can project light pink transparent diamond-shaped shields (same as Rarity's powers from Equestria Girls), which can also project multiple diamond shields and form a dorm. They can even be stood on or used as a flotation device.

Other Skills;

Sleight of hand (a collection of dexterous hand movements designed to manipulate objects and deceive spectators)

Lock-picking

Master Of Disguise (able to disguise as anyone and even mimic other people's voices)

Stealth Mastery (sneaking around quietly and carefully that no one notices)

Cooking & Baking

Acrobatics

Singing

Likes;

Exploring new, abandoned, and ancient places

Meeting other phantom thieves (even if they end up becoming her rival/enemies afterwards)

Mysteries/Local Legends (she would sometimes investigate the local legends that catch her attention. Sometimes she would invite other phantom thieves that are her friends/rivals to investigate with her)

Fairy Tales (Her favorite one is Sleeping Beauty. And sometimes she would steal fairy tale related treasures for fun)

Stealing treasures that have a legend around them (She would sometimes investigate to see if the legend is true or not)

Mexican food (favorite being burritos and nachos)

Seafood (favorite being sushi)

Apple Desserts

Dislikes;

Bullies

People who would purposely hurt other people to get what they want.

Super Spicy Food

Bacon and BBQ

Tea and Coffee

People who don't take her seriously or ignore her challenges/advance notices.

Allies/Rivals; (some Mysterious Joker spoilers here! I won't be adding their pictures though)

Kaitou Joker - a phantom thief who's known as the "Miracle Maker". Rosetta met Joker when they were both trying to steal the same treasure. Joker is one of the few people who knows Rosetta's secret identity. He discovered Rosetta's identity on his own. Joker was very confused, shocked, and curious about Rosetta's spider powers when he first found out about them (especially her webbing ability).

Hachi - a ninja who works with Joker as his phantom thief apprentice. Hachi met Rosetta the sametime as Joker and also knows her secret identity. Hachi sees Rosetta more as a friend then Rival. And Rosetta would sometimes help Hachi in the kitchen when she visits Joker.

Kaitou Silver Heart - a world famous phantom thief that Rosetta looks up to. And is the person who taught Kaitou Joker, Kaitou Diamond Queen, and Kaitou Spade how to be phantom thieves. Emi met Silver Heart during her first year as a phantom thief. Silver Heart knows of Rosetta's secret identity and sees her as another one of his apprentice, teaching Rosetta some phantom thief skills and tricks from time to time. Rosetta would vist Silver Heart at his place to hear about his adventures.

Kaitou Diamond Queen - the granddaughter of Kaitou Silver Heart. Queen lives with Silver Heart and she met Rosetta when she came to visit Silver Heart one day. Rosetta and Queen get along like best friends. Queen is one of the very few people Rosetta told her secret identity to. Queen enjoys hanging out with Rosetta. Sometimes Queen and her phantom thief partner Roko (who is a talking dog) would join Rosetta in investigating legends involving treasures.

Kaitou Spade - a phantom thief Rosetta met through Kaitou Joker. He sees Rosetta as a worthy rival and gets along fine with her.

Rose - a witch who is the twin sister of Kaitou Shadow Joker (Kaitou Joker's rival). Rosetta met Rose after helping Shadow Joker save Rose from Professor Clover. Rose and Rosetta took interest in each other powers, and became friends right away.

Enemies; (also has spoilers here)

Professor Clover - a lunatic + psycho who wants to steal every treasure in the world, and will try to get it by any means necessary.

Devil Fang - an evil organization who put out a bounty on Kaitou Joker, Kaitou Diamond Queen, and Kaitou Spade.

Dr. Neo - a space researcher who is overly obsessed with aliens. Rosetta mainly finds him to be annoying.

The Anti-Phantom Theif Organization - an international police force created in Japan for the soul purpose of fighting and arresting phantom thieves around the world. The only known members so far are Police Inspector Dogusaburo Oniyama, who is the head of the organization, and police officers Ginko Kurosaki and Momo Shirai. Rosetta really doesn't see them as her enemies, she just sees them as Officers who are decided to their jobs.

29 notes · View notes

iroha-painter-missing · 1 year

Note

Fuyuhiko finally finds Iroha again.

Iroha was with her little cousin, Emi as she was baking.

68 notes · View notes

chaotic-neutral-knitter · 2 months

Text

tagged by @bizarrelittlemew and @krakenteacups! thank you!!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? no, but someone is named after me (accidentally) (it still counts though) 😌

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Tuesday

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? nope! never will.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED? high school cross country and tennis. I did run a half marathon a few years ago, but got injured and I haven't run much since.

DO YOU USE SARCASM? yes but I have a compulsive need to explain inside jokes to people who weren't there for it and that also extends to clarifying whether or not I'm being sarcastic in situations where it may be ambiguous, so uh, yes with conditions lol.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? height! I am one of the shortest people in my extended family so I thought I was short my whole life and then I moved out of the midwest and I'm slightly taller than average here and it's WEIRD. every time someone older than me is shorter than me a part of my brain is still like "wait that's illegal"

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR? very pale hazel-y green

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? happy endings.

ANY TALENTS? compensating for my terrible short term memory by being VERY good at optimizing/streamlining/self-checking processes. this is very useful for all the pipetting I do. predicting murder mystery plots (solely based on story pacing, not clues) so well it irritates my partner. interpreting between friends with different communication styles.

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? wouldn't you like to know, weather boy

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? writing, knitting, getting my partner to watch shows I have already watched, d&d, baking, spinning (sort of).

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? one cat and two step-cats.

HOW TALL ARE YOU? 170 cm / 5'7''

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? biochemistry, writing/English,

DREAM JOB? recently went through a whole personal crisis about defining myself by my career and realized I really just want a job that is emotionally neutral. if my job is tremendously personally important to me, that's very stressful! I just want to go to work, be useful, and then go home to the rest of my life. what I'm actually doing isn't that important. what I like doing is solving problems for other people, and you can do that in a lot of different ways. currently I'm doing that with recombinant protein engineering, but like... when I worked at a soft-serve ice cream shop in high school I was also pretty happy solving the problem of "not having ice cream" by serving people ice cream. the only issue with that job was that they only paid me $7.25/hr.

I'm tagging @emi--rose @neonpigeons @oatmilktruther @triflesandparsnips @veeagainsttheday @chocolatepot and @werewolf-transgenderism (sorry if you've already done it and I missed it!) and anyone else who wants to!

#my nonsense #tag game

8 notes · View notes

lovesosweeet · 5 months

Text

better left unsaid // cth

chapter twenty four

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

september 10, 2018 los angeles orion

I’m walking Duke when Macy calls me. She hasn’t ever called me before, so I assume it’s urgent and pick up as quickly as I can.

“Hello?”

“Orion! Guess what!?”

I don’t want to guess incorrectly, so I pretend I don’t have any idea, but I’m pretty sure I know why she’s calling and she’s happy. It’s a specific version of happiness I’ll never get.

“What?”

“I’m cancer free!”

I should be happy for her. I should be jumping for joy, ecstatic that my friend has gone back into remission. She can resume her normal life and she can go back to school. Macy has her happy ending sitting right in front of her. Macy, a sweet, happy, intelligent person that I care about has great news to share, and all I feel is jealousy.

Why does she get to be in remission? Why does she get to follow her dreams and I don’t? I could ask the same of everyone else in my life. What did they do to the universe to let them have a life? Why don’t I get to have one?

I like to think I’m a good person. I try my hardest to be one. Why am I the one dealt a case of terminal leukemia? What did I do to deserve this?

I can’t think on it too much. Even though she can’t see me, I do my best to mask my negative feelings and even put on a fake smile.

“That’s great, Macy, I’m so happy for you!”

What is it with me and being able to so easily lie now? I’ve never been someone who’s able to hide what they’re feeling, and now I can pull a white lie out of my ass while multitasking and I can lie to the person who normally sees right through any bullshit I front with. I have been lying to Calum since the day I found out I might have leukemia. Now I’m here lying to Macy. To be fair, it’s good news and I’ll acknowledge that, but to say ‘I’m so happy’ is a far lie.

“Thank you,” Macy says. Her voice is so joyful and sunshiny. I can picture her smile, eyes almost shut from how much she’s grinning, a dimple indented on her right cheek. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to come over for a celebratory dinner tonight. If you’re feeling up to it of course. It’s just my parents and me, but you can bring Emelia if you want.”

I nod and then remember we’re on the phone and she can’t see it. “Yeah, sure, I’m happy to. I’ll see if Em is available.”

“Awesome, see you at 7?”

“Absolutely. Bye, Mace.”

“Bye!” She singsongs, and then I end the call.

To: emi✨ hi, good news to share! macy is cancer free!!! we’ve been invited to her parents’ apartment for a celebratory dinner. tonight at 7. wanna join?

From: emi✨ UM HELL YEAH I WANNA JOIN that’s such good news!!!!! i’ll come over when i get out of class at like 3:30 and we can bake her a cake!! need me to stop and get any ingredients?

To: emi✨ nope, pantry is well stocked, and sounds like a good plan!

I try not to think about how jealous I am of Macy. To keep myself occupied, instead of turning left to go home with Duke, I turn right so we can do another, longer loop around the neighborhood.

–

Emelia knocks on the door before opening it, right at 3:29 like she’d predicted. Emelia and I have that in common. We’re always on time, occasionally to a fault. She has a key after the flu fiasco, so she’s now able to let herself in and out whenever she’d like.

I’m just in the kitchen doing some dishes when she walks in, and I’m a bit caught of guard when she walks in with a bundle of hot pink balloons.

“She likes pink, right?” Em asks, wrangling the balloons under the pendant lights above our island.

I laugh. “Everybody likes pink.” I don’t know Macy’s stance on the color, but knowing what I do know about her, she’ll just be thrilled about the balloons regardless of what color they are.

“I know you said we didn’t need anything for the cake, but I saw these fancy sprinkles at the store so I bought them.” Emelia sets her bags down on the island and digs through them. Once she finds the small tube, she holds it out to me. They’re a bunch of rainbow stars of varying sizes, and some of them are metallic. “Aren’t they fun!?”

I shake my head at my best friend. “Yes, they’re fun. You do know I have a huge stash of sprinkles, too, right?”

Em rolls her eyes and tosses the tube of sprinkles onto the counter. “I can’t let you take all the credit for the cute sprinkles on the cake.”

“You get to take credit as the mastermind behind the cake! Is that not enough for you?”

“It’s never enough. You should know that by now!”

Without me even asking, Emelia helps me dry and put away the dishes I had been washing. After we’ve gotten everything put up, we start making a new mess, getting out all my baking supplies and flipping through cookbooks to find a recipe. While we’re getting started on the cake, my phone starts to ring, and I grin when I see it’s Calum Facetiming.

I don’t check with Em or give her a warning before I answer the call, propping my phone up on the counter. Calum’s face fills the screen and Em and I wave to the camera as the connection starts.

“Hi, babe!” I say. It’s so good to see his face. We haven’t Facetimed in several days. He looks the same, but still, I could stare at him all the time and never get tired of it.

“Hey, Cal,” Em says, nodding to the camera.

“Damn, Emelia’s there,” Cal curses. “Guess we can’t have Facetime sex.”

I instantly shoot a death glare at my boyfriend. He’s joking, but I don’t find it funny.

“Calum Thomas Hood!” I scold him.

“Cal, you’re not even the only one in this room,” Michael’s voice sounds out through laughter, apparently not too far away.

“Listen, long distance is hard. No shame in whatever works for y’all, but I’d prefer not to hear about it.” Emelia holds her hands up in surrender, and then I glare at her, which just makes her giggle.

“How’s Minnesota?” I ask, trying to do a 180 from whatever embarrassing conversation Calum and Emelia are trying to have.

“It would be better if you were here,” Calum says. He has a fake-flirty tone, again, trying to put on some kind of show for Emelia.

I show him my middle finger before I disappear from the frame, going to grab my measuring cups from across the room.

“Hey, I’m not gonna Facetime you if I can’t see your face!” Cal pouts.

When I reenter the frame, I just glare at him. “I’m sorry, I’ll just stop everything I was already doing and let you shoot shit with me.” My tone is heavily sarcastic and I can hear Michael laughing again in the background.

“What are you guys doing?” My boyfriend asks. “Baking?”

I nod, grabbing a whisk from the counter and holding it up to show him. “We’re baking a cake!”

“Oh, Cal, wanna see these sick ass sprinkles I found!?” Emelia asks excitedly. She doesn’t wait for his response and runs back across the room to where we’d put all of the sprinkles and decorating tools. She slides in her socks on the hardwood and almost wipes out on her way back to my phone. Calum snorts at her near accident and just watches patiently while she gets close enough to show him her sprinkles.

“Those are some very cool sprinkles, Em.”

She beams at him. “They were only $12!”

Her price makes me do a double take and Calum goes, “WHAT!?”

“Em, $12 for sprinkles is outrageous.”

Emelia rolls her eyes. “You guys are lame. These are worth at least $25 if I’d bought them at Erewhon.”

“That’s doesn’t mean that $12 is a good price!” I look at her sprinkles, which are cute, and still don’t think that her money was well spent.

“What’s the cake for? Just because?” Calum asks as Emelia steps away.

I go to start talking, but Emelia does it for me.

“Macy is cancer free!” She yells, tapping around on the oven to preheat it.

“What?” Calum asks.

I shoot an annoyed look at Emelia. I hadn’t told Calum about Macy’s cancer. Sure, she could have cancer regardless of me having it, but coming up with a cover story about how I found out and all that felt like too much. Emelia mentioning it now makes me look like I’ve been lying to Calum.

I have been lying to Calum, but I don’t exactly want him to know that.

Emelia must understand what my glare means and she mouths ‘sorry’ to me from across the room.

“I guess I must’ve forgotten to mention it,” I say. It’s not believable. I don’t forget things. Calum knows I don’t forget things. “It’s just kind of weird news to share over the phone, I guess.”

I watch Calum’s face go through a few different expressions before he settles on just being completely unreadable. Wonderful. I glance over at Em nervously and she’s giving me a thumbs up.

“Macy has — had — cancer,” I explain. “That’s why she’s on the gap year.”

Emelia runs back over next to me and pops her head into the frame again. “She’s cancer free! Yay!”

Calum nods. “I wish you’d told me.”

I feel bad. Of course I feel bad. I feel bad about everything. Nothing in my life is going how I want it to. I lied to Calum about yet another thing and he’s staring at me as I get caught in this one.

How long will it be before he catches me in all of the others?

“I’m sorry, Cal, I know I should’ve mentioned it.”

He smiles at me while a hint of hurt flashes in his eyes. “It’s okay. Will you tell her I’m happy for her?”

I nod and give him my best apologetic smile. I’m relieved that this topic seems to be forgettable, or at least forgivable. “Of course.”

“What kind of cake are you guys baking?”

“We haven’t decided yet. We were just looking through our cookbooks.” I grab my phone and hold it up so that he can see where Emelia is flipping through a handful of cookbooks. “What are you guys doing today?”

“The usual. We have a few radio interviews before soundcheck later.”

I nod. “Sounds about right.”

“Do you know what today is?” Cal asks.

I try to think through all of the important dates in my life. It’s not anyone’s birthday; it’s not a holiday, and it’s not our anniversary. I come up empty handed. “No, what’s today? Should I know?”

Calum smiles. “Nah, not unless you’re staring at a calendar. It’s three weeks ‘til San Diego!”

I smile back. I am excited to see Calum, but I’m nauseous already at the thought of telling him the truth about what’s been going on here at home. “Oh, wow! Already? I should probably get Eri a 5SOS shirt ordered so he has something to wear to the concert.”

“Y’know, I hadn’t thought about it, but we probably should offer merch for kids.”

Emelia snorts from across the room. “Your guys’ shows are a child’s worst nightmare.”

Calum recoils and makes a face, apparently offended by her comment. “What does that mean?”

Em walks back over to put her face into the frame. “They're so loud, dude. Even if you’re sitting in the assigned seats it’s packed and sweaty. Not to mention, you guys cuss and parents probably wouldn’t love that. And you talk about getting drunk and high. Honestly, I’m surprised Penny and Gloria are chill with bringing Eri.”

I roll my eyes. “Eri knows what it means to get drunk and high and he loves their music. He will also probably bring his headphones so it’s not quite as loud.” My moms are very much in the belief of teaching kids about the world so that they can make choices while fully understanding their consequences. I didn’t need them, but they bought me condoms when I was in high school and let me drink wine at dinner while I was still underage.

“And worst comes to worst, we can bring him backstage and he can watch from there,” Calum chimes in.

“Okay, so Eri can enjoy a 5SOS show, but most other kids can’t.” Emelia grabs a cookbook and holds it in my face. “You good with a salted caramel chocolate cake? I wanna get started.”

“Macy will love it,” I tell her, and she nods before she starts gathering the ingredients she will need.

“How’s Duke?” Cal asks. “I wanna see my son.”

I pretend that hurts my feelings. “Wow, so your girlfriend isn’t good enough for you.”

“Yeah, I really just called to see him.”

I pout. “I can hang up right now, you know? If you’re just gonna hurt my feelings.” I move to pretend like I’m pressing the button to end the call, and Calum perks up into action.

“No! Of course it’s so good to see you! But, Duke can’t update his stories every day, unlike my most beautiful and lovely girlfriend who is addicted to updating her stories.”

“Well, you know, Mr. ‘you-should-make-your-profile-public’ — if I go public, your beautiful and lovely girlfriend won’t update her stories as much. I’m gonna need you to pick a side.”

Calum rolls his eyes. “You could update just as much. People love you. I love you.”

“I love you, but I’ve seen enough subtweets to know how your ‘adoring’ fans feel about me.”

“O, when’s the last time you looked?” Calum asks.

I sigh. It’s been a minute since I’ve searched my name or my ‘ship name’ with Calum. The unfortunate Tweets when I had looked, roughly 9 months ago, were quite sufficient to make it something I never do again. It wasn’t even a lot of them that had forced the habit, but the handful I’d seen were awful enough that I have no desire to try to check again. I’d been drunk when I looked, but I remember the horrible Tweets as if I had been stone cold sober.

A handful of people telling you to kill yourself is far more than necessary, and I don’t want to put myself through that, especially not now, when dying is already at the front of my mind.

“Cal, please.” I look at him with pleading eyes, begging that he drops this as I gaze at him.

“They don’t hate you as much as you think they do,” Cal says. “I promise.”

“It doesn’t matter. I don’t need that kind of shit in my life. I can’t handle it. As much as I wish my skin was tougher than it is, it isn’t. I love you and I’m not going anywhere, but your fans are too much for me to invite into my life beyond running into them occasionally in public.”

Calum sighs.

“And don’t worry, they’re always very sweet whenever I actually meet them!” I tell him. “Hell, look at Macy! We’re friends now. I like her far more than I’ve liked a lot of people I’ve met in a long time. We’ve met tons of sweet people who love you, but the ones who I encounter online are rarely the ones I’d like to invite into my head. I can’t read shit that says that I’m only after you for fame everyday. I’m sorry, I just... I can’t.”

“You know very well that very few people think you’re after me for fame.”

I want to scream. “Cal, it’s SO clear I’m not after you for fame. Anyone who says that is literally so obviously after me for no reason. If I was after you for fame, I’d have a public profile. I’d be posting you every second I could on my very public profile and I’d try and show you off all the time. I’d beg you to post me on your own profile.”

Cal sighs again. I can tell he wishes he hadn’t opened this can of worms, but he did, and I’m not dropping it at this point.

“Calum, I’ve had to ask you, numerous times, not to post me. For the record, that’s not how I’ve interacted with any of my exes. I’ve had to ask to be posted, because for anyone who isn’t in a position of fame like you are, posting that shit is important, but, you’re a rare case, and I want to respect that. I feel like I’ve tried my fucking hardest to respect that. But you didn’t ask this question, so pretend I didn’t say it, and now I’m rambling, and…”

Emelia glares at me from across my kitchen island. She’s motioning at her neck like ‘cut it out’ but I can’t. Calum opened this door. Calum opened this box. I’m going to close it in a way that makes sense to me.

“I’ll shut up now.” I close out my speech, my cheeks tinging hot pink with a nervous flush.

Calum just sighs again, silence following the huff of air. I can tell he’s trying to scientifically determine what’s the best response.

“O,” he starts. “I’m sorry.”

Then I sigh. “Calum, I’m not trying to get you to be sorry.”

He huffs. “No, but you’re trying to make a point, and I want you to know I fully understand your point. I just know that there are plenty of fans who would love to get to know you better.”

I raise my eyebrows at that. “Really?”

Calum breaks out into a grin, and Emelia gives me some kind of knowing glance. “Baby, I promise you that literally every other fan I meet is asking about you.”

I roll my eyes again. “They just want to know if you’re single and they have a chance.”

He sighs again, this one with a layer of frustration. “No, Orion. They’re asking if you’ve decided where you want to go to law school and if you’re joining us on tour anywhere.”

My breath catches. Law school has essentially, unspokenly, gone off the table for me. I, obviously, haven’t told that to Calum yet. The thought makes my stomach and heart drop. It sucks, knowing I’ve spent my whole fucking life leading up to something that isn’t even worth trying to make happen now. Paying to take the LSAT, studying for it, applying to schools… as much as it would fill my time and give me purpose, it’s pointless.

I’m never going to become a lawyer. I’m not going to graduate law school. I might graduate from undergrad, maybe, but putting in the money and the time to try to get my JD is ridiculous. It’ll just be debt my moms take on, and I don’t feel like doing that to them. They’ll already be mourning their daughter. The last thing I need to do to them is give them an extra $100,000 of debt to deal with after I inevitably die a ridiculously young death.

I haven’t even been taking any of my classes this fall. I didn’t want to set myself up to fail, and since I had not idea how I’d handle chemo, I just deferred until spring. Calum has no idea about that. He still thinks I’m taking 15 credit hours, studying for the LSAT, doing my workstudy at the library, and taking care of Duke.

Instead, I’m barely scraping by, making sure Duke at least eats twice a day and goes on a walk whenever I’m able to muster the strength to do so. Right now, on my brief break between chemo, I’ve been able to take him out for real walks every other day or so, but our outside ventures mostly consist of peeing, pooping, and heading straight back inside.

“I mean… they could just follow Em. They’d see me there.” I finally reply to him after moments and moments of silence.

Emelia comes back over next to me to insert her face into my phone’s screen. “Yeah, I mean, I wouldn’t be mad about the extra followers. Just send ‘em my way. O might not wanna use y’all for fame, but I’m not opposed.”

I elbow her in the ribs gently. “Stop, Em. I’m defaulted to associate with you.”

“I disagree,” Cal chimes in.

“Yeah?” I ask him. I don’t believe him at all, but I’m intrigued to hear what he has to say on this topic.

“Orion, again, nobody who really pays even an ounce of attention to us has negative shit to say about you. Hell, I don’t agree with it, but nobody who has issue with any of the other girlfriends has anything bad to say about you. And, yes, before you ask, I have done extensive research into that. They see you for who you are. You’re an angel.”

I can’t help but let out a scoff and snort simultaneously. “Sounds like my cue to hang up,” I say through laughter.

Calum looks fed up with me, but I know he isn’t truly mad. “O, can you just let people like you?”

“I could if I didn’t know your fans.”

As soon as I say it, I regret it. Calum’s fans are awesome. They’ve done incredible things to push them to success. They’ve done so much to push them to number one. They’ve streamed nonstop. They’ve sold out their tours. They have loved them through shitty relationships that were far too public to ignore. Sure, they might not love me, but that doesn’t mean they’re not amazing to the people who they actually care about.

“O,” he says and trails off.

“Cal, it’s fine. I’m sorry,” I apologize. “I get it. I do. You know I do. I just really, really don’t think I could handle going public. I don’t think they’d take it kindly, but if there’s anything they really want to know about me, they’ll find it out through you. You’ll have the important shit to share and they can see it then.”

Calum and I continue to catch up, and we finally are able to drop the conversation about me going public for the time being, but I have a feeling it’ll pop back up eventually, since it continues to do so already. Emelia and I bake the cake, and we look at the final product with pride before we take it upstairs to Macy and her parents’ apartment a few hours later.

We knock on the door, heart-shaped chocolate cake in hand and hot pink balloons floating above us. When Macy opens the door, her eyes start to tear up and then I’m following suit, trying to hold my tears in.

“Oh my god, you guys,” she says, pulling us into a hug carefully so as not to mess up her cake that’s in Em’s hands.

“I’m so, so happy for you, Macy,” Emelia confesses from the confines of Macy’s embrace.

“Me too,” I add. I’m trying not to cry, but really it’s a mix of happiness for Macy and sadness for myself and my own fate.

There won’t be a day when Macy and Em show up to my apartment with balloons and a decorated cake to celebrate my lack of cancer. It won’t come. Ever. There won’t be a day when I don’t have to face Calum knowing that the person he claims to love most in this world is dying.

Macy ushers us inside, introducing us to her parents who are slaving over a steak dinner. She promises that there’s a cauliflower steak in the works for me, but I don’t care. I will probably eat a few bites of mashed potatoes before I’m full, but I will happily down a few glasses of red wine.

“Cal said to tell you he’s happy for you, by the way,” I tell Macy while she, Em, and me are hanging out on the couch, waiting for dinner to be ready to eat.

“Oh?” Macy asks. Her eyes dart quickly between Emelia and myself.

I nod. “He kinda found out today.”

Macy looks uncertain still but nods. “About me?”

I nod again. “Yeah, someone,” and I glare at Em. “Let it slip why we were baking a cake.”

Macy nods. “Oh, makes sense. Definitely tell him I appreciate it. I still can’t believe that he knows who I am.”

Emelia snorts a laugh at that. “He’s really not that special.”

I shoot her a death glare. That’s my boyfriend she’s talking about.

“I just mean he’s just a normal dude!” Em defends.

“He’s a normal dude who happens to care about Macy and anyone else that I love,” I clarify, trying to remedy the weirdness Em introduced.

“I mean, he’s also an internationally famous musician who has a song in the top 100 streams of all time on Spotify and has broken records with each album he’s released and is a member of one of the most successful bands in the past decade but… yeah. He’s just a normal dude.” Emelia has an obnoxiously sarcastic tone that it takes everything in me not to smack her for.

“To be fair, O,” Macy starts, noting the fact that I look annoyed by the way Em explains it. “He is incredibly successful and is notably famous.”

I sigh. I don’t mean to downplay Calum. He is incredibly successful and incredibly talented and, I guess I should admit it, famous. He’s far more important than I’ll ever be. I’m proud of him, even though I met him in the midst of all of his success. Even during the time I’ve known him, he’s become so much more successful than anyone else I knew before hinm could ever dream of.

“He’s so famous that anyone who dates him isn’t good enough, I’m well aware.”

Both Emelia and Macy groan loudly at that.

“Oh my god,” Emelia says.

“You’re literally by far the favorite 5SOS girlfriend,” Macy says.

I look to Macy incredulously. “Yeah, right.”

Macy looks shocked at that. “No, I’m serious. I don’t wanna say anything bad about the others because, y’know, I’ve met them and they’re sweet and nice and all, but, like… you do some digging around anywhere and you’re the only one nobody has dirt on.”

A small sigh comes out of me. “Just because there’s no dirt doesn’t mean they like me.”

“Orion,” Macy says.

I just breathe out another sigh.

“They love you. I swear. I mean, obviously they’re dumb if they don’t, but I promise, every single 5SOS fan who knows who you are loves you.”

Maybe they tolerate me now. I just saw far too many comments when it first became public knowledge that Calum wasn’t single anymore. Given what I’d read, I can’t believe that any of them even remotely like me.

“She’s not wrong,” Emelia adds.

I shoot her a look of disbelief. I thought she was on my side.

“You know I don’t give a shit about being loud about knowing them. I have a public profile everywhere, and I follow so many 5SOS stans. None of them have said anything bad about you in a long ass time.” Emelia grabs her phone from her pocket and opens the Twitter app, but I push her phone out of my line of sight.

“I don’t wanna see.”

“Girl, I’m gonna strangle you,” Macy says playfully.

Before I can reply, Macy’s mom pops over into the living room. “Dinner is ready!”

The dinner is wonderful. The food is delicious, the company is kind, and I am so grateful that I got a chance to be a part of Macy’s special occasion. When I get back to my own apartment after a few hours in Macy’s apartment, I find myself sinking to the floor on the inside of the door, sobbing silently to myself.

I’ve been trying my hardest to stay positive, but I know it’s worthless. Everything is worthless. It doesn’t matter what I do. This life is over for me. My life is over. It doesn’t really matter what I do each day. I have no future. I have no point in trying to mend or maintain relationships beyond making sure that the people I love are happy without me.

That might be the worst part… knowing that I’ll leave behind a mess of sadness and chaos. My moms, my brother, my friends, Calum, Calum’s friends… they’re all in for so much devastation. I don’t know if I can handle how much sadness I’ll be dealing to them. The thought alone makes me choke back the loudest sobs.

I can’t believe I have to do this to Calum. He doesn’t deserve this.