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anodyne-sunflower · 9 months

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Love me like you do (Chapter 31 END)-Balem series

A/N: Guys...guys, I actually did it. 4 and a half years later but I fucking did it lmao listen, this was always the ending I had in mind, but a little shorter than intended, but it is what it is and I am just happy to have finished it for anyone still interested lol fucking hell...even if no one reads it, I'm proud I even came back to finish. Not beta read because I'm too worked up to care about grammar.

Mood Music: my own cheers and tears

***

Blades of grass thread between your toes, cold and smooth, dotted by the dew of morning that provides a sense of relief to the heat around you. You spread your arms in the warmth of the atmosphere, eyes closed and head tilted back to let your very being breathe in the day.

Your chest rises and falls with every hardened breath, inhales just as strong as the exhale to take in the sunrise. And oh, is it one with earth. The view brings a smile to your face, feet taking one, two, three steps until the field is open, long stalks of various plants tickling your skin, over your bare feet and ankles, the tallest reaching your shoulders that peek over the red cloth of your dress.

It’s Summer, you think. Must be. For the heat is grand and the sunrise is wanting.

It’s big, orange, burning yellow and bright along the horizon of where you stand. You take the view in, lips quirking into a grin, reminiscing of Summer’s past, where earth has given you joy as a child.

This is much the same. A grand sun, backdropped to orange and yellow hues, signaling the day’s start. But in contrast, there is snow. Falling from above, in delicate flakes, hitting your bare shoulders, melting over collarbones and you hold your hand out, collecting them into your palm.

Snow in summer....not of earth, and it makes you smile. “Just like home...”

***

“I don’t know what to say...”

His forehead came to rest on yours, eyes closed as he urged you to say what you both wanted. “You do.”

You do....

The very idea of that made you laugh, inwardly of course, because you were more than aware a certain Primary would frown upon that reaction. “I don’t, Balem. I don’t even know where to begin...”

His eyes pierce into you, steady, eerily calm but you’ve known him long enough to gauge the swirl of fear in them, tinged with an urgency that begs you to choose him. To desire him like you once did—still did. “You come here, expecting—expecting what? That I allow myself to be yours again? That I turn a blind eye to the world you literally create for yourself? You’re asking me to live with the fact you...you...”

“I am what I am, little bird. And I’ve never claimed to be more. I have given you my very existence, earth be damned...” His eyes flicker down your features, lingering on your lips, hand raised by his side to touch but he doesn’t dare to do more than merely hover there, waiting, pleading for your acceptance. “I don’t want it, I don’t yearn for it, there is little here I care for and I’m currently in its presence.” Balem’s gaze softens, that sheen of hesitance there, so unlike his usual self that makes you question so much. “I have promised you. I will never take from this planet, there is no bargain here. I ask nothing in return, but if I must,” and it’s then you hold your breath, solid in your chest as he begins to kneel.

The very sight is unimaginable, a man with so much to his name, his worth so grand you’re of very little consequence to him in the grand scheme of life...yet, he kneels. Before you.

The hand he had stretched out now moves forward, gripping yours in a tight hold, fingers threading through your own. His palms are cold, you notice, and all at once, you wish to warm them.

“If I must yield to you,” and he squeezes, so softly, but the touch burns all the same. “Know that I do so with every intent of my...” a breath. “My heart.”

“Balem—“

“Come back with me—to me, Y/N.”

His words pierce you, throughout your entire soul, so strong they make you squeeze his hands back in response. You’d be foolish to deny the way your heart seeks him, willingly beating in earnest of a love you hold. There is no consequence to your emotions, that much you’re plainly aware of, but it is morality that whispers in your ear. Softly kissing the idea that he can never change into your mind. That he can gift your worlds and still hold many more in his grasp.

Then again, has he ever asked more from you than your love? Such a simple notion in reality, to give yourself to someone so fully but to him...to him that must be the only concept that eludes him in life. In all his centuries of living, he’s never once flirted with its grasp.

Until now.

Until you...

Enough to gift you the entirety of earth. To ask nothing in return, to kneel...if you had the presence of mind, you’d have smiled at the action, because you’re more than aware he’s never kneeled for a single person in his long life.

Morality speaks of truth, and in that you find one thing; you do love him. No matter the actions of his life, his business, his past indiscretions, you still loved him. You knew deep down the profound nature of your feelings towards him would never change, and your time back on earth had proven that. How often can a person admit such things? How often can anyone say they’ve been faced with this decision, it’s unlikely, that’s for certain.

However, seeing him before you, kneeling, lips brushing over your knuckles as he closes his eyes in preparation of your answer...you realize one inevitable fact; yes or no...you love him.

And what more should matter?

***

Gentle footsteps sound behind you, and with little more than a turn of your head, you see Mr. Night by the entryway.

"Are you ready?"

Have you ever been? You'd be lying if you said some small part of you never hesitated...

***

Your eyes move to the deed in your hands, the tablet smooth, so small yet holding a power far beyond your own importance. I have Earth, you think softly to yourself, and what do I do now?

"Come back with me..."

Balem's urgent whispers bring you back to the moment. You glance up to see him standing closer, his hand outstretched, shaking so slightly you'd almost miss it.

"I beg you."

You swallow, pained--grateful, in a very wrong way, but that warmth sweeps you in its grasp. Come back with me, he keeps asking, but your hands remain tucked at your sides, one tightening around the tablet...

***

"I am." You say it so matter-of-factly, pulling the corners of your gown up to pack yourself to the entryway. Your bare feet feel content with the grounds of the garden, always your favorite place amongst this monstrosity of a palace, and it's only when you near the golden doors you slip them back into your heels, a stark, vibrant red. They glitter against the fading sunlight, and you take one look back at the vast gardens. "I am..."

***

"Okay..." It's so soft when you say it. So soft Balem seems taken aback, a line drawn between his brows as he nears you, frightened in his own right.

"Say it again..."

You look to him, somewhat moved by his own surprise. Perhaps he truly did not come with expectations, "Okay..." Only a desire to see you off in a way that would honor his old promises, honor his own feelings for you. It settles a confidence in your heart, one that makes it a little easier to know deep down... you've made the right decision. "I'll go back with you." The affirmation feels like a heat radiating through your being, waking your muscles as you slowly reach for his hand that remains ever so pleading to you. "I'll go back." You say more pointedly, threading your fingers through his pale ones, his cold palms soothing to you. It's a memory of a softer time... when you could pretend the ethics behind all of this didn't matter.

When you could pretend, just for a moment, you were both normal human beings...with nothing more than love between you.

Balem's fingers tighten around yours, fearing you'd let go at any moment. As if you'd change your mind, and he'd be left just as heartbroken as before. His eyes glow with adulation, but wary of how far his own feelings could take him.

"Little bird..."

***

Snow still falls around you, and only when you reach your palm out do you realize it's ash. You stare towards the refinery in the distance, smoothing your thumb across the flake and watching it dust your fingertips.

There is beauty in the world around you, gardens elongating down the pathways, the windows, the arches...and then there is darkness. It's never too far, is it?

But a smile still comes to your face. Perhaps guilty, perhaps content. In the end, you pay it all no mind. You knew...you knew not everything in this universe can be saved. Maybe not even yourself...

"Little bird."

But what is happiness, if not a selfish thing.

"I'm coming."

You slip through the doorway, fingers finding Balem's as he gracefully smiles at you, pulling you closer and pressing his lips to yours in a subdued kiss. You feel his desire in it, feel the urgency to move all of this along.

To find that end that catered to both your hearts.

"In here, my lord." Mr. Night pushes the doors to the throneroom open, Balem's white and gold cap sliding effortlessly across the tiles. A man resides on the high steps, dresses in robes, and beckoning you both forth.

"Would your majesty place his hand forth, signifying the bond."

Your eyes drift to the machine floating before you both, Balem moving his hand with no hesitation towards it. You watch in awe as a light shines from it, a mechanism arching over his finger as it burns an elaborate ring across it. His eyes never stray from yours, a pride glowing in them as he lifts his hand to show the imprint of his devotion.

"Your turn, little bird." It's said gently, almost humorously, so unlike him that it actually makes you laugh. Maybe he still thinks you'll turn heel and run, or maybe he's so engrossed in a moment he can't believe is actually occurring.

But you know this is what you want--what you asked for.

A devotion dressed in chaos, in uncertainty, yet...in perpetuity.

You lay your palm across the machine, watching as the glow of the ring etches into your skin. There is no turning back, and you remember the words, the vows, you both whispered to each other this morning while lying in bed. They were meant for this moment, but Balem had asked you to only repeat them to him and only him.

For anyone else's ear need not know what you mean to each other.

So even when darkness takes over the day, when your rings shine in each other's tangled hands, do you dare to say them to him again.

"I, Y/N, take Balem Abrasax," his lips pepper down your neck, one hand slipping under the end of your gown to lift it up, "to be my husband..." your breath hitches in your throat, "I enter into this union," his lips slide to your chin, halting there before he brings them to your own, "being of sound mind..."

"My beautiful little bird." His achingly devoted words get kissed into your lips, and you moan softly from the urgency of it all. The vows sing inside your head and you wonder, very briefly, how your heart could change you so much.

All for one man...

"Of my..." But in the very end, your illusion of what perfection was, what being good was...seemed so irrelevant in his arms, "own volition."

***

A/N: holy fuck I actually ended this series....fuck me, thank you, all of you, for ever having read this at all lol like...what?! It's so cheesy but fun to write and share and I realize many of you probably aren't around anymore but to those who ever stuck around and wished or hoped for an end, I hope this is something.

Thank you. Truly.

#balem abrasax #balem abrasax x reader #lmlyd #love me like you do #balem series #omg #balem x reader #jupiter ascending #Jupiter ascending fanfiction

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