Tumgik
#bang Chan
huiracha · 3 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
SKZ’S MAGIC SCHOOL FEAST ♡
2K notes · View notes
chrisbangz · 3 days
Text
Tumblr media
looks like he could kill you…is a cinnamon roll 🥰
1K notes · View notes
christakisbang · 3 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
698 notes · View notes
briankang · 3 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
cinnamon roll just too sweet to eat 💕
1K notes · View notes
dreaming-medium · 1 day
Text
No Contact
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader
Word Count: 7.6k
Tags: ANGST with a happy ending, amnesia, memory loss, grief, pining, yearning, hurt/comfort
Summary: It was one of the worst car accidents the city has seen. You weren't supposed to be in that car, but you were. When you lose your memories from the incident, Chan is ordered to stay away for your recovery's sake; but it takes a larger toll on him than anyone could have imagined. Until one day, he just can't take it anymore.
A/N: inspired by this post. Angst ahoy <3 I had too much fun writing this. Maybe I like writing emotions. Enjoy <3
—————————————————————
No contact. That’s what Chan was told was best for you. That’s what was going to help your healing process. 
No contact whatsoever. No texts, no calls, no little surprise visits. No fucking contact. None. 
He was told it would just hurt you if he talked to you— that he would just make it worse. That you would only become more confused and upset. It would be absolutely detrimental for him to see you.
Hell, it might even make you worse. 
It’s killing Chan slowly. Every single day feels like torture for him. The days get exponentially worse. He feels like a hollow shell of his former self, like the wind goes through him when he steps foot outside. It feels like his shoulders are permanently sagged forward. 
But the worst part is that you don’t even know it. You don’t know how he’s collapsing inwards like a dying star. 
It was one of the worst car accidents the city has seen in years. A friend was driving you home that night; Chan had begged to be the one to pick you up, but no, you said it was fine, the friend was heading that way anyway. Why make the unnecessary trip?
You told him he needed sleep. Always putting his needs before your own. You always did. 
He should’ve put up more of a fuss. He should’ve put his foot down. He should’ve already been outside the house in his car with the passenger seat warmer on by the time you left that stupid party. 
He should’ve gotten out of the car and opened the door for you and had a cold bottle of water waiting in the cup holder. He should’ve kissed you on the cheek and asked you all about your time. He should have been there.
But he wasn’t. 
A drunk driver slammed into the passenger side of your friend’s car at a speed that you shouldn’t have even survived.
Miracles do happen, though. But what a price to pay for a miracle. 
For as long as he lives, Chan will never forget the sheer panic and terror he felt when the call came in from your mother. You were already at the hospital undergoing emergency surgery.
He was the last to know. 
After all, he wasn’t your emergency contact. He’s only your boyfriend.
Was. Was your boyfriend. Was? Is that the right word? He isn’t. But he is. There was no breakup. 
Is that what he’s going through right now? A breakup? 
You’re not on a break. But what is this? What is this loss? This severance is so horrible. 
It’s fucked up. It’s a fucked up, amnesia induced breakup. 
Memory loss is a funny thing. Doctors scratch their heads and shrug their shoulders without any answers. The brain is a tricky thing. 
Chan did what he was allowed to in that hospital. He sat in that stark white room under those harsh LED lights and he waited until you were awake. He even waited much longer after that because only two visitors were permitted inside your room at a time— and he wasn’t about to force his way in and kick one of your parents out. 
He let your sister go in first. He even let your cousin go in before him. But when it was finally his turn… 
He never got to see you. 
“The last five years?” Chan asked with a tight throat. Did he even have any more tears left to cry? How is there any liquid left in his body?
“She says doesn’t remember anything, Chan.” Your mother’s voice was just as hollow as his. “She was asking about her freshman roommate.”
A doctor stood in between him and your mom. “It’s best if we don’t throw everything at her at once. Amnesia victims rarely never get their memories back, but we’ve found that it needs to happen organically. Seeing her will overwhelm her and that could stunt the healing process.”
Chan’s mouth opened and closed several times but no words came out at all. His heart may have stopped. 
Does that mean…?
No…
“He can’t see her at all?” Your mother asked quietly. “Not even to visit? He doesn’t have to mention he’s her boyfriend, he can just say that he’s a friend, or a coworker, or—“
The doctor cut her off. “No contact. Not until we’re a bit through recovery and she’s starting to get her memories back.”
Chan was suddenly in a chair. 
When did he sit down? The Doctor’s hands were on his shoulders and he was looking down at him with a sympathetic stare.  
“It’s not forever, son.”
Chan was only able to nod. His mouth was so dry, the back of his neck felt clammy. His head was spinning.
Books often speak of moments as ‘Earth-shattering’. Of moments so catastrophic that the planet stops spinning on its axis and time stands still.
He gets it now. 
The doctor spoke a few more words to your mother before walking away. She looked down at Chan sadly. 
Your mother sat on the chair next to him and wrapped him up in a hug. His world was falling apart around him. You were slipping through his fingers. He couldn’t even see you.
Hot tears poured down his face while he sat there with his head in his hands. Why does it feel like he’s losing you? Why is this the only way? Why are these the cards that are being dealt?
Why didn’t he pick you up from that fucking party?
“She loves you, Chan… she’ll come to her senses, I promise, I promise.”
It’s been two months, one week, two days and eight hours since he’s talked to you. That long since he’s known peace. Since he’s known any sort of comfort. 
You’re the last thing he thinks about before he closes his eyes at night and the first thing he thinks about in the morning. No matter how many times he wakes up and feels the cold bed next to him, it never dulls the ache in his chest.
It’s not a healthy mindset, he knows. And it’s not that you were codependent on one another, that’s not it at all. You were just… ripped away from him. 
Food has no taste. The sky isn’t as blue as it used to be. Clouds don’t make fun shapes like they did with you by his side. The stars are still in the sky, he thinks, he hasn’t had the guts to look at them. 
God, you love the stars so much. You always talked about how pretty they are— how absolutely breath-taking you think the universe is. Chan would simply listen, he would always listen. All he ever wanted to do was listen.
How is he supposed to look at anything the same way? How is any day supposed to be normal when half of his life is suddenly missing. What’s the point of making music if you’re not there to listen to it?
5:00 PM is the hardest hour to get through. You don’t open the door to his apartment when you get off work. You don’t tell him about the things that happened during your shift. 
He can’t leave little snacks out on the counter for you to eat when you get home like he used to. 
Mice would get to it before you did. 
His lonely apartment is slowly losing your smell. He could spray your perfume, sure, you keep a bottle at his place, but it’s not the same. You somehow made the scent sweeter by letting it linger on your skin. 
All of your old toiletries are still there where you left them. Your spare toothbrush has been bone dry and untouched since 9:28 AM that morning. Your shampoo bottles are still half full and waiting for you on your shower shelf.
It had rained a few days before your accident. You had started a puzzle on his dining room table that day– you told him it was the perfect rainy day activity. It was a picture of different comic book covers. It’s now collecting dust. Unmoved and unsolved. 
Just like him.
It was a battle and a half to throw away your leftovers from two nights before your car accident. He felt like he was throwing away your normal life, your tiny domestic traces. 
He didn’t want to cleanse you from his life, but you were washing away. Your ghost was eroding with time. 
Your spare car keys are still hanging on the key ring. Your rain coat is on the third hook draped right over your work bag. Even your phone charger is still plugged into the wall on your side of the bed.
Did you know you forgot to put your favorite gold earrings on that night? You left them on the nightstand. They’re still there, don’t worry. Right next to the glass of water you drank half of. 
Do you even remember them…? He got them for you for your first Christmas together. 
There are so many signs of a life interrupted integrated so deeply into his. 
You’re a clock whose hands stopped suddenly at 1:24 AM. 
This sort of haunting is unbearable. You’re not a phantom in his life, though. You’re something so unattainable that he had once but it was taken away with empty promises of return. 
It’s like you’re a shiny diamond hidden away beneath lasers and traps like in those stupid, cheesy spy movies you love so much. 
Do you know what he would give to watch one of those with you in his arms right now? 
Chan feels like he’s banging on the glass of a one sided window, screaming for you to remember him. Meanwhile you’re on the other side only staring into a mirror, trying to pick up the pieces from before. 
Your mom sends him updates on your condition all the time. He knows that you started working at the local library about three weeks ago. 
You had worked there in college before graduating and getting your last job. It was one of your favorite jobs you ever had. That library was so special to you. 
To him too. 
It’s the library where he first met you. 
The same library Chan finds himself in front of now. 
He shouldn’t go in. He can’t go in. He absolutely should not go inside. 
Bang Chan you should not and cannot go inside this library. Under no circumstances should you step foot inside this building where your other half is working. 
Absolutely not. 
The door emits a soft ding when he opens it. Electronic. Quiet. Peaceful. 
There’s a certain type of silence that sits in a library. It’s closer, thicker— warmer. It’s an expected silence. They’re supposed to be quiet. 
Chan can hear his sneakers take every step on the carpeted floor. There’s no one sitting behind the front desk; that’s where you usually were. 
His eyes look all around, but there’s no sign of you anywhere. A few people toddle around the shelves. 
There’s more soft beeping coming from the self checkout. That’s new. They didn’t have that when you worked here years ago. You probably hate it. 
On the day he met you, you were wearing a pair of dark green pants and a black long sleeve shirt. Your hair was clipped behind your head and pieces were falling over your face. 
Chan was only in the library to look for the bathroom. He was on his way to lunch with a friend, but he just had to stop somewhere. The library was the closest option. 
When he had heard the sound of books falling, he investigated and found you in the center of the carnage, the glasses on your nose sat crookedly and you rubbed your head. 
Your eyes met. He was a goner. 
How disgustingly poetic that he finds himself here now. Where he really shouldn’t be. He was quite literally prescribed a restraining order against you. 
Chan meanders around with his hands in his pockets, the silence getting louder and louder the further he gets inside.
Maybe you’re not working today? 
No one is anywhere to be seen. He’s checking down all the aisles but he doesn’t see you anywhere. 
Maybe it’s for the best that you’re not here. He’s not supposed to see you anyway. He’s breaking the doctor’s rules by doing this anyway. 
He needs to leave. He needs to get out of here. 
His feet stop in front of the very aisle where he saw you for the first time. 
Empty. 
You-less. 
If he thinks hard enough, Chan can picture you in front of him, laughing quietly with the most adorable, embarrassed blush on your cheeks. 
What a moment. 
Is it possible to spend eternity in that moment? Obviously internal clocks can be rewound, paused, flipped every which way; can he go back to that day? Can he go back to the day where every single poem suddenly made sense?
He would take any day, really, any day that had you in it. Birthdays, holidays, late night dates, Hell, he’d even take a day where he only saw you when you dropped off a drink for him in his studio. 
Anything, he would take anything just to see your smile bloom on your face while he watches.
“Can I help you find something?”
His breath catches in his throat, it feels like he’s physically punched in the chest. That voice. That beautiful, melodic voice. He hasn’t heard it in person in months, only in videos he had on his phone. 
Slowly, Chan turns to face the source of his favorite pitch. 
His throat immediately tightens. 
There you are. You. Beautiful you. 
Standing right there. Looking at him like a complete fucking stranger. 
“I…” his voice is hoarse. Chan can feel the tears in his eyes begin to form. He didn’t think this through, did he?
You’re staring at him expectantly, waiting for him to say anything. You’re waiting, come on, Chan. Speak up. Say something. 
Looking up at the shelf, you look back down at him with a smile. “A history guy, hm?”
No.
“Yeah.”
You giggle. “I always had a thing for History.”
He knows. 
“Really?”
“Mhmm.” You respond with a grin. 
Specifically Ancient Rome. He knows. 
You continue. “Specifically Ancient Rome.”
Chan nods and clears his throat. His palms feel so sweaty. His chest is almost panting. Every single cell in his body just wants to lunge forward and wrap you in a hug. 
He wants to bury his face in your neck and sob while you hold him. He wants to tell you that he missed you so much. He wants to tell you how your pillow is losing the scent of your shampoo. He wants to tell you that he’s been DVR-ing your favorite show so that you can watch it later. He wants to tell you about his day. He wants to kiss you until you’re breathless. He wants you to hear the new song he’s been working on.
But—
“If you need anything, let me know.”
You start to walk away.
Chan feels his heart physically break. It’s happening again. He’s on the other side of that one way mirror. It’s happening again! No, no please. 
His eyes widen, the words get caught in his throat. Fuck, Y/N, please!
“W-Wait!” he says quickly. 
You turn around with a curious look. 
“The Odyssey,” he blurts. “Where uh… where can I find it?”
Your eyes light up. “Oh, I love The Odyssey.”
He knows. You collect different translations of it. 
“I collect different translations of that book, here I’ll show you where it is.”
With a little hop in your step you lead him towards all the classics. 
He watches you like you’re an oasis in the desert— maybe it’s because you are. You’re what he’s been crawling towards for two months. 
You lead him all the way to the shelf where the Odyssey lives. Your nimble fingers reach forward and grab one of the copies. 
Green nail polish. You still paint your nails green. You picked that habit up a year after he met you. 
The memories have to be there, Y/N, they have to be. Chan bought you that first bottle of green nail polish as a joke on Saint Patrick’s Day. 
Y/N, please. 
“This translation is my favorite,” you whisper and hand him the book. 
Chan smiles sadly and takes the book from you, unable to meet your eyes. He knows if he gazes into those gorgeous eyes that he’ll lose it. He’ll fall to his knees and cry. 
“Thank you,” he whispers back. 
You stand there for a moment, he can feel your eyes on his face. He always has been able to tell when you were looking at him, it’s a little, secret superpower. 
From foot to foot, your weight shifts. 
You only do that when you’re confused. Why are you confused? Y/N, are you confused?
“I’m sorry…” you start, sounding so unsure. “You remind me of someone…”
It feels like a defibrillator was hooked up to his chest. Chan’s eyes widen and he finally looks up at you. 
You’re looking at him so carefully. He can see the gears turning in your head. Your tongue pokes out of your lips and wets them. 
Y/N, please. 
“I just… I can’t figure out who. Do I… do I know you? I was—” You stop yourself. 
Fuck. Fuck! What was he supposed to say? Fuck! 
Chan wants to scream. He wants to grab you by the shoulders and cry that he’s your soulmate, that he’s the person that knows you better than anyone else in this world. 
Yes, you do, you do know him. And he knows you. He knows how you take your coffee, what movies make you cry, what color jell-o is your favorite. 
He knows that you never wear matching socks and you always lift your feet when driving over railroad tracks. 
He knows that when you were 6 you ran into the corner of a cabinet and that’s how you got that scar next to your eyebrow. 
Chan knows that your entire life you wanted to be an author but you’re so scared of failure that you decided not to chase after it. 
He knows everything. 
“I just have one of those faces, I guess.” It comes out of his mouth so strained. 
You stare back at him so carefully. Do you see right through him?
“Maybe,” you say slowly. You don’t believe him. He knows that tone. You absolutely do not believe a word he’s saying. “Are you sure?”
Chan swallows, he grips the book in his hand tighter. The lump in his throat almost doesn’t go down, more tears prick at his eyes. 
“I would never forget a face like yours,” he chokes out. 
Your eyes widen and you blush, looking to the side with a smile. You always were a sucker for cheesy compliments. 
After thinking for a second, you reach into your pocket and take out a little slip of paper. 
“Here,” you say after scribbling something down. Holding it out, Chan sees it’s your phone number. He has it memorized. “If you ever need more books to read… or find… call me.”
Chan takes the paper with a racing heart. He gives you a smile, his dimples showing. “I think I will,” he whispers to you. 
Another few moments pass of you just staring at him before you nod and giggle nervously. “Well, I gotta get back to work, so..”
Chan nods and moves to the side. You walk past him. 
Your perfume curls around him like a blanket and he craves that sweet serenity he finds when he holds you close and breathes you in. 
Three steps after you pass him, you turn around. “Oh, I didn’t catch your name.”.
“Chan,” he answers softly. 
“Chan,” you repeat. It goes right through him. 
Your voice. Your sweet, beautiful, melodic voice. Finally, he heard you say his name again.
“I’m Y/N,” you whisper to him with a friendly smile. 
“Nice to meet you, Y/N.” Chan has to physically force the word ‘meet’ out of his mouth. 
“You too, Chan.”
And with that, you were gone, retreating back into your fortress of papyrus. 
—————————————————————
A bad idea was going into the library that day. 
An even worse idea was texting you the day after to ask how your day is going. 
And then an absolutely fucking idiotic move was asking if you wanted to go to dinner with him. 
And the worst part? You said yes. 
So, now here Chan was, standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom getting ready for what you thought was a first date, but to him was just a dinner date. 
How is he supposed to do this? He’s not, that’s how. 
Chan fiddles with his bracelet right before his phone rings. 
His heart drops when he sees the caller ID, your mother. 
“Ah, fuck…” he whispers before grabbing his phone. Of course you were going to tell your mom, you tell your mom everything. 
“Hello?” he asks warily into the phone. 
“Hi, Chan,” she says slowly, she sounds nervous, why does she sound nervous. 
“How are you? Is everything okay?”
“It’s Y/N…” Her voice lowers. Chan’s heart drops. “Before you panic, she’s okay! It’s um.. she’s getting ready right now… for a date…”
Chan isn’t moving. Yes, he knows you are. He knows it. But words won’t form in his mouth. 
“Channie.. I’m starting to wonder if that doctor isn’t right.. I can’t stand the thought of her finding someone else when you’re waiting for her… I tried to talk her out of it but she just seems so floaty and happy. God, I feel sick to my stomach.”
His jaw clenches. Now or never. 
“It’s with me,” he blurts. 
Your mom goes silent. Then a huge sigh comes out of her mouth. 
“I wish I could say I’m angry,” a little laugh follows it. “I think I’m only angry that you didn’t say something.”
He tells her everything, down to the way he pretended not to know you. 
“Well, you’re going to have to tell her eventually.” Your mom sounds unsure, herself. 
“Or maybe she’ll remember me.”
“What if she doesn’t?”
Chan sits down on the edge of his bed. His eyes are staring at the wall, unfocused. 
She’s right. What if you don’t? 
“Then, I’ll just … do it all again.”
Silence greets him on the other side of the line. Another tiny laugh comes from your mom. “I always knew you two were perfect together. Just like two magnets, you always come towards one another.”
—————————————————————
“I’ve never eaten here before,” you say with a chipper smile on your face from across the table. 
Yes, you have. 
“Really?” Chan asks, taking a sip of his water. 
“I pass it all the time and always wondered how the food was.”
He looks back down at the old menu. 
This restaurant was more than special to him. It’s where he took you on your first date. It’s an old fashioned burger joint with the greasiest, most delicious French fries in town. 
The first time you guys came here, you talked and talked until the place closed. And even after that, you drove around and talked until it was late. 
“I’ve been here a few times, it’s really good. The milkshakes are some of the best I’ve ever had.” Chan’s sweaty hands fiddle with the menu. 
He’s more nervous now than on the first date. 
“What’s the best one?” you ask with a smile. 
A small laugh comes out of his nose. “The peanut butter one.”
It was your favorite. 
“Yeah but then you can’t have any,” you say so nonchalantly, looking down at the menu. 
His eyebrows knit together. “What?”
“‘Cause of your allergy.”
He stops. 
You stop. 
He has a peanut allergy. Chan has a peanut allergy. 
His lips purse like he’s going to say something but you beat him to the punch. 
“I’m sorry,” you blurt out. “I… I don’t know why I thought that.” Your hands grip the menu a little tighter. “Maybe I’m thinking of someone else?”
Chan shakes his head. “No, no, it’s okay. I… I do have a peanut allergy. Maybe I said something before?”
You stare at him for a long second before looking back down at the menu once more. “Yeah… um. Maybe.”
He definitely did not say something. 
Dinner continues on. Chan listens to you talk and pretends he’s never heard your stories before and he tells you ones he knows he’s said before. 
The entire time, you were beaming at him, just like you used to before the accident. Your face never loses its constant happy glow. He’s not sure that the muscles in your face know how to frown.  
You’re the last two people in the restaurant. The staff doesn’t seem to mind. Maybe they recognize you both. Maybe. 
A lull dips into your conversation. Both of you know you should leave. Neither wants to. Especially the broken man sitting across from you. 
Chan takes the last sip of his drink. The bill has been paid for about an hour at this point. You’re looking down at your lap with a pink flush on your cheeks. 
You bite your lip and look up at Chan carefully. 
“Are you… are you sure I don’t know you, Chan?”
He stares at you. Did you know that you always bite your lip like that when you’re confused? 
“I just… I really feel like I know you. There’s just…” you pause, trying to find your words. He knows you want to tell him about the accident. He knows you want to say it but you don’t want to weird him out. 
What the fuck is he supposed to do? What is he supposed to tell you? 
“Something happened to me a little while ago, my brain’s been… fuzzy since then,” you explain shyly. “I know you said you don’t know me but I just… I can’t help feel like that’s not true.”
Chan’s jaw clenches, his knee bounces anxiously underneath the table. His head turns to the side in his typical nervous tick. 
Your mother’s words echo in his mind, his tongue suddenly feels like it’s swelling to the size of his mouth— making him unable to speak. Should he tell you? Is it now or never?
“I don’t mean to make it weird, Chan.”
He licks his lips and opens his mouth. 
Your phone rings. 
A sigh of relief comes from deep within Chan’s chest. 
Reluctantly, you pick up the phone and hold it to your ear. “Hello? …. No, I didn’t know…. Yeah, of course…. Sure… Yeah, see you tomorrow.”
Just as quickly as you answered the phone, you hang up. 
“Sorry,” you mumble. “Someone called out of work for tomorrow, they need me to come in.”
“Do you need to get going?” Chan asks, looking down at the time. It’s well past 10 o’clock. 
A sad smile crosses your face. “I mean… probably.” The time on your watch flashes back at you. He can tell you don’t want to go home yet. 
“Come on, Y/N, I’ll walk you home.”
Chan’s already standing up from the table, picking his jacket up off the back of his chair. You watch his movements and slowly get up, your movements screaming reluctance. 
—————————————————————
It’s three dates later when the two of you are walking down the street towards your house. It’s only a few blocks from here, but you both decide to take a tiny detour through the local park. 
“I have to say I’m a little excited to meet your friends,” you giggle. “I hope that’s not weird.”
You already have. 
“It’s not weird at all. I’m sure they’d like you.” Chan nudges your arm with his elbow, his hands staying in his pocket. 
“Changbin sounds like a blast.”
He was your favorite before.
“The two of you…” Chan thinks over his words carefully. “The two of you would definitely cause some mischief.”
And you have. 
A tiny lull of comfortable silence falls over the conversation. 
Both of you meander towards the swings. A cold wind blows through the air but neither of you react to it. 
With a tiny giggle, you sit down on one of the swings and hold onto the chains on the side. 
You are just so… you. You’re just your authentic self. Amnesia or not, you haven’t changed a bit. It’s so charming.
“I can’t remember the last time I went on the swings.” You start to move your body back and forth, not too much but enough to get the tiny thrill the toy brings. 
Chan walks up and stands next to you, his hand coming out and grabbing at the chain of the swing next to yours. 
The brightest smile stretches over your face. 
God, it really doesn’t take a lot to make you smile, does it? He guesses that means it doesn’t take a lot for him either since he smiles when you do.
He can’t help it.
He watches you move back and forth, the cold breeze kicking up a bit more and blowing dead leaves across the sidewalk. 
“What’s wrong, Chan? Allergic to swings?” you tease. 
He rolls his eyes with a smirk. “No, I just far more enjoy watching you have fun.”
Your cheeks flush. If he didn’t know you, maybe he would’ve chocked it up to the cold. But he knows the difference between your blush and the elements now. 
“You’re a smooth talker, Bang Chan.”
“It comes easy with you, Y/N L/N.”
Another laugh from you. 
“Shameless flirt.”
He puts his hand on his chest in mock hurt. “Ouch! I just speak the truth, that’s all. Not my fault I like seeing you blush.”
Every word that comes out of his mouth feels so natural. If he really thinks about it, he’s in a weirdly unique situation. Not many couples get to start over, to feel those butterflies again. But here he is, his palms starting to get sweaty as he imagines kissing you. 
Would you call it a first kiss? Maybe. 
It has been four dates. It wouldn’t be.. inappropriate to kiss you, would it? The two of you kissed on your third date a few years ago. 
He wants to kiss you so bad. 
Should he? Shouldn’t he? God, why is this so hard?
Chan reaches out and grabs the chain of your swing, pulling it to a very gentle stop. 
“Uh oh, fun police,” you tease and look up at him with a grin. 
Looking down at you, Chan allows his eyes to look over every detail of your face that he already had memorized. You haven’t changed at all except the new scar on the side of your forehead from the accident. 
It’s the same eyes, same nose, same chin that he fell in love with so long ago. 
The same asymmetrical eyes that you’re so self conscious of but he loves. Your hair is wind blown and splayed every which way. It adds a childish charm to your features. 
Very carefully, Chan moves his free hand down to cup your cheek. His warm palm soothes your ice cold face. He hears your breath catch in your throat at his touch. 
His thumb swipes over your cheek, fingertips run down the soft lines of your jawline. Eventually his thumb ends up under your chin which he tilts up. 
Your eyes sparkle. They somehow capture the light of the lamps around the playground. But they’ve always done that. 
You’re always so enchanting.
Is this a good idea? 
Is kissing you the best option? 
But does he even have the strength to stop himself now?
Almost three months without feeling your lips on his has been torture, and here he is, with you in his hands and there’s still this nagging feeling that he should stop. 
One look into your eyes quells that anxiety. 
Your eyes keep flickering down to his own lips, the shaky breath you let out is hot against his fingers. Everything feels warmer compared to the air outside. 
He can’t take it anymore. 
Chan leans down and presses his lips to yours. They’re warm and slightly chapped.
But, my god, he’s never felt anything this heavenly before. It’s like his entire body unwinds. Like a fire was lit inside his stomach. 
He moves his hand to the back of your head and keeps your lips pressed against his. Your head tilts to the side slightly. It’s just like he remembers. 
It’s just the first kiss, he can’t let himself get carried away. He can’t. 
He can’t let his fingers wind through your hair. He can’t melt into your touch on his cheek. He can’t let himself drown in your lips. 
But he is. 
He’s letting you consume his very soul in one kiss. 
How can something feel so healing yet hurt so badly at the same time? It’s like you’re ripping open a wound and bandaging it at the same time. 
No matter how hard he tries, he can’t bring his lips away from yours. Your hand slides down to caress his jawline with those soft, manicured fingers. 
Your lips open and close over his like mirror images. The feeling shoots straight down into Chan’s gut. It’s like the first time for him all over again. 
Those butterflies are going insane in his stomach. Your scent kicks up in the wind and he can’t help but take a large breath through his nose. 
God, he can’t stop himself. It feels too good. 
His hand moves from the back of your hair to cup your cheek and bring you closer. 
He immediately stops. 
Why is your face wet?
Chan pulls away from the kiss and looks down at you with concern written all over his expression. 
You’re crying. Why … why are you crying?
Your eyes open and you look at him confused. 
“Chan?” you whisper. You’re confused too. What?
“Why are you crying, Y/N?” he asks with a thick voice.
Your eyes widen and your own hand comes up to swipe at your cheeks. Sure enough, you’re met with tears. 
“I… I don’t know,” you say so quietly. “I-I’m not sure.”
Chan starts backing away, your eyes snap to focus on his. Your hand shoots up to grab at his to keep him there. You’re still so confused. 
Emotions are flying through your eyes. It almost looks like someone is clicking a light switch on and off in the back of your mind. A lightbulb is flickering in your soul like a dying neon sign in an old shop window. 
Every muscle in your face is twitching.
What’s happening?
“Channie—“ your own voice cuts off by a sob. 
Chan’s heart jumpstarts. You haven’t called him that… not in two months… that’s what you and your mother called him before the accident. 
Are you…? Are you remembering? What’s happening?
Please. 
Slowly, your hand falls from his. 
Chan stays there, unmoving like a statue. What’s happening inside your mind right now? It looks like you’re reaching and reaching for something that you can’t quite put your finger on. 
He's watching you struggle. It’s like when you can’t remember a word. It’s right there. It’s on the tip of your tongue.
You gulp, your eyes leave his and you look down at your lap. The dirt crunches under your feet as you shuffle your shoes around.
Chan swipes his thumb over your cheek, brushing away the tears. He’s biting back his own. 
“It’s okay—“ “I’m sorry—“ are both said at the exact same time. 
He knew it was coming. He knows you. But you don’t know him. Not anymore. 
But you do.
“It wasn’t the kiss. I—“ 
“It’s okay, Y/N.”
You know him. 
“Chan, I really loved the kiss.”
Chan. Not Channie. 
He brushes his thumb over your lips. “It’s okay,” he repeats gently. “You don’t have to explain.”
His other hand comes up and tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. Your eyes slide shut at the sensation. 
Your bottom lip quivers and you pull it into your mouth and bite it. With a tight swallow, your throat bobs. 
“It happens sometimes,” you whisper. “It’s from the accident I had.”
Chan continues to soothingly rub your skin with his thumb. Slowly, he kneels down to be in front of you rather than leaning over. 
The dirt is cold on his knee. It seeps through the fabric of his pants. He couldn’t care less. 
“You don’t have to talk about it,” he whispers back to you. 
You shake your head gently, your hands folding in your lap. “No, no. I… I want to tell you. I need to tell you. It’s been happening more and more whenever I’m around you. It’s like every touch, every word you say bounces around my brain and makes me feel the worst case of deja vu.
“Every time I’m with you I feel like I’m trying to recall a dream I had last night but I just can’t remember what it was.”
You’re rambling. You only ramble when you’re overwhelmed and scared. 
“Chan, every time I’m with you it feels like some part of me is screaming to be let out.”
Your eyes open and you stare right through him. Chan feels his heart squeeze and almost stop completely. Despite your best efforts, the tears keep coming. 
“I was in a car accident a few months ago. I had such a severe concussion that I lost the last five years of my memory.” 
How is your voice so even?
Chan’s jaw clenches. Fuck fuck fuck. 
He knows. Yes, Y/N. He knows. Fuck, does he know! If anyone fucking knows, it’s him. 
“I—“ he starts but you cut him off. 
“Please,” you choke out and take a deep breath. “And since then I’ve been getting bits and pieces of my memory back. Sometimes they’re in large chunks, other times they just … come back.
“When I try to think about my life before the accident. There’s this… person there. Someone important. Someone so, so important that it physically hurts me to think about how I don’t know who it is. They’re a constant. And I love that they’re a constant.”
Your hand comes up to clutch at your jacket right over your chest. 
More tears come out of your eyes. The whites get more pink the more they flow. 
“But I know them. I do! I know them like I know the back of my hand. I-I know they love music. I know they take milk and sugar in their morning coffee. I know they don’t get enough sleep at night.”
Louder and louder your voice gets as you grow sadder and sadder. The sobs between thoughts wrack your chest. 
Him. You’re talking about him. 
Chan’s hands hold your face gently. His thumbs can’t keep up with how much you’re crying. 
Nothing has ever hurt this bad. 
You know him. You just don’t know it’s him. 
Nevertheless, you continue. “I remember that they have the most obnoxious phone alarm in the morning. I remember the passcode to their phone is 032518. I know that they have this one black sweatshirt that I love to steal even though it’s their favorite.”
Chan’s own eyes begin watering, he can’t stop it. You know him. You know him. You’ve remembered him this whole time and you didn’t even know it. 
You reach up and grab one of his hands and place it on your heart. Underneath your jacket, he can feel your heartbeat thudding violently against your chest. 
That same heartbeat he’s been dying to listen to while you play with his hair and tell him about your day. The heartbeat he would give anything to hear as he falls asleep. His throat gets tighter and tighter. 
“I’ve been surrounded by bits and pieces of a ghost and no one wants to help me. No one will tell me anything, and I’m so confused, Chan. I can tell that there’s something that everyone is avoiding telling me.”
A gust of wind picks up through the playground. It nips at his cheeks. It’s now he realizes how many tears are falling. 
A sob tears from his throat. 
You grip his hand tighter. 
“Tell me It’s you, Chan.” You’re begging. You’re actually begging while keeping his hand pressed against your heartbeat. 
“Tell me that you’re the person that I see in my dreams. Tell me you’re the one that loves when I draw hearts on the bathroom mirror after I shower. Please tell me that you’re the one that loves the smell of lemon cookies but can’t stand the taste.”
Oh, god, Y/N.
“Tell me that you’re the one that wanted to pick me up from the party that night but I said no.”
He breaks. 
He breaks right down in front of you. Every single ounce of self control leaves his body and he grabs you out of the swing, yanking you towards his body and holding you against his chest.The emotions that were being kept at bay came out like a raging storm. 
He falls backwards into the dirt, you come crashing into him. Your arms wrap around him at the same time he wraps around you. 
Chan buries his face in your neck, one hand on the back of your head and the other firmly around your waist. 
Wails leave his mouth as he holds you to him. They’re deep and come from the very depths of his soul. The wound that’s been open for months is bleeding.  
Every lonely night. Every dinner where he cooked for two instead of one by accident. Every long day he came back to an empty apartment. It’s all coming out. 
You’re crying just as hard as he is, both of your hands gripping the back of his hoodie like a lifeline. 
Your body in his arms is like a piece of a puzzle. Like he’s the dusty one sitting on his dining room table and you finally came in and finished it. 
Weeks and weeks of grief come crashing down on him. He can’t lie anymore. Not to you. Never to you. 
“It is me,” he cries into your neck, his hand running over the back of your head, feeling your hair slip through his fingers. It’s just like he remembers. “It’s all me, Y/N, It’s me.”
Your cries get louder, your body starts shaking in his arms. 
“I’ve missed you, Y/N,” he cries harder. “Fuck, I’ve missed you so much. I missed my girl. Oh my god, I’ve missed you.”
Chan can’t pull you close enough, he can’t get you close enough to his body. You shift around and press yourself into him. 
“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry I didn’t pick you up that night. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m so sorry you got hurt.” 
Every ounce of grief is surfacing and clawing its way out of his throat. 
“I’m sorry I had to lie to you these last two weeks. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I was so broken without you. I broke the doctor’s orders. I needed to see you, Y/N.”
Despite how hard he has you gripped against him, you manage to pull away slightly. You sit up in his lap and look down at his red, tear soaked face. His eyes are puffy and his chest is sputtering with sobs. 
Both of your hands cup his cheeks and swipe away the tears the same way he did for you only a small bit ago. There’s a sad smile on your face. 
“Please don’t apologize, Channie, it’s okay. I forgive you.”
Channie. You called him Channie.
He cries harder and buries his face into your chest. Your arms immediately come around him and keep him there, fingers threading into his hair. 
You’re still crying. Both of you are. 
“I know you were just doing what you were told to,” you whisper into his hair. He can hear your voice reverberate in your chest. 
All he can do is cry. 
Months of build up led to this moment. Endless days of going through the motions just for the next to be as dull and tedious led to him falling into you in the middle of a playground at night. 
The only thing you do after that is hold him. You press kisses to the top of his head and whisper that you forgive him over and over. 
Each one adds a stitch to the wound, shutting it.
You’re finally in his arms. You’re finally back where you belong. 
“I missed you,” he says again, his cries dying down. He doesn't know what else to say. There's so much he wants to tell you, but everything dies on the tip of his tongue.
“I missed you too, Channie. My heart missed you so much.”
He sniffles and looks up at you. You pull your sweatshirt sleeve up and wipe away his stray tears gently. 
“Every day it just felt like something was missing. It was you. You were missing.”
Chan can’t find any words to say. He just stares at you. 
"I don't care how long it takes to remember, or even if I never do. I need you by my side for it, Chan."
His eyes sparkle at you for a moment but he leans up and captures your lips with his once more. It feels even better than the previous one.
The two of you relish in the contact, holding each other close and clinging to the closeness of it all.
It's taking everything within Chan not to start crying again. He's worried than any moment now, he'll wake up and this will all be some cruel dream.
But when you pull away from his lips, and he opens his eyes-- you're still there. You're still in his arms and smiling at him like you always did.
The burn is soothed.
“If you think about it,” you start with a tiny smile. “We’re lucky— in a way.”
His entire face screws up, even more confused. “Lucky?”
“How many people get to say they fell in love with the same person twice?”
Chan blinks twice before it feels like his entire body thaws. 
You and your glass half full attitude. He’ll never fucking get enough of it. 
His arms wrap around you again, bringing you down into his chest. You let out a breathy giggle 
“You’re never leaving my sight,” he breathes out. “Never again, baby, never.”
“I don’t ever want to, Channie. I never will.”
525 notes · View notes
thevampywolf · 2 days
Text
𝐀 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐥 𝐌𝐚𝐧
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
☆ Genre: Idol!Chan, angst, fluff
☆ Warnings: None
☆ Request: No
☆ Characters: Chan, Y/N (Changbin, Hyunjin, Han)
☆ Word Count: 3k
Tumblr media
He wasn't depressed.
Chan clicked onto the left button of his mouse. His hand moved slightly with the small device as he located the new folder he had just created, and he right clicked the mouse before pasting a file into it. His laptop screen was dark as it started to transfer his file, and Chan could see his reflection painted clearly in front of him. Dark rings hugged the skin below his eyes, and his brows were so tense they almost appeared to form a single, harsh line across his forehead. His lips were swollen and chapped from chewing them, and seeing his own face looking back at him, Chan couldn't help but bite his lower lip again with perplexity.
Chan looked down at his hand on the mouse as he waited. He wiggled his dry fingers; pain shot through the middle of his wrist and up into his forearm like a fiery shooting star. He winced and removed his hand before pinching the bridge of his nose as he exhaled slowly.
Now that he wasn't focusing on his work, Chan could feel everything that was wrong with himself and his environment. At some point unbeknownst to him, the triangular lights above his bed had switched off, as had the two round ones on either side of his TV. He was in complete darkness bar the glow from his laptop, and it was suddenly very uncomfortable. Alongside that the man felt as though the entirety of his back and shoulders were slowly being pulverised beneath a sledgehammer; Chan thumped the curve of his shoulders with his fist - a feeble attempt at trying to remove the throbbing pain. It didn't work, and he slumped back against his chair, his head falling backwards in mild annoyance.
Chan loved his work. Or so he constantly told himself … he enjoyed the process of creating something out of nothing; but most of all, he enjoyed how it distracted him from everything around him.
And with a mind that worked overtime like his, Chan needed a distraction whenever he could get one. Perhaps it was a not so positive quality of his - he didn't really want to acknowledge that part of himself - but on most occasions, Chan would much rather shove all his ailments to the back of his mind and lock the door after them before they seeped out again. He was prone to getting too caught up in the intricate web of his mind; he wasn't sure if it was due to a lack of self control, or if maybe some part of him enjoyed torturing himself with the possibilities of things that he knew deep down would never come to pass. Either way, Chan didn't particularly want to deal with his brain at all.
Perhaps he was a little depressed.
Chan blinked slowly as his file continued to load. It was a large file - larger than he had initially participated. He had been working on it for hours on end, and even though he was somewhat satisfied with the outcome, Chan wasn't exactly happy. These days, it seemed as though everything to do with his work that had once filled the emptiness inside of him had started to not be enough. There was a hole inside of him, and as the days went by, Chan was beginning to feel hollow and unsatisfied.
Of course, that only made him work harder. Chan wasn't the biggest advocate of admitting things to himself, and he wasn't about to accept how making music didn't feel the same to him anymore. Even listening to it had begun to feel like work, rather than pleasure. It irritated him - and so he was trapped in a continuous cycle of working, hating it, and working harder.
Chan was snapped out of his mental darkness when a loud, high pitched cackle sounded from outside his bedroom; a fit of giggles followed, and the corners of Chan's lips turned up at the sound of Y/N laughing over Changbin’s laughter. A muffled chaos broke out as Hyunjin and Jisung joined in, and Chan's smile grew at the sound as he slumped back against his seat.
A bubble of annoyance aimed at himself popped inside his body. He really should have listened to Y/N and joined in with them instead of being cooped up inside his bedroom the entire evening. But he had shut her out as per usual, and told her he wanted - needed - to work. He had expected her to leave; but Y/N had stayed outside of his bedroom, telling him she would stay until he had finished. If she couldn't convince him to stop working, perhaps she could stay and show him how silly he was being.
It was nearly one in the morning, and Chan's eyes stung as he stole another glance at the list of files on his laptop.
He really despised himself sometimes. He didn't understand why he found it so difficult to push his work aside. Perhaps it was pride; he told himself it was because he was the leader, he had to set a good example. He had to keep working otherwise things would crumble. But no … perhaps it was because he knew joining in with his friends would bring the vulnerability out of him.
And he couldn't let that happen. He had to be strong. He had to be a pillar of support for the people around him.
He couldn't show his weaknesses. He didn't want to.
But Y/N … there was something about her. She didn't exactly push his boundaries. But she always managed to draw the softness out of him without her even realising it. Whenever Chan was around her, he could feel the tough exterior he was trying to build around himself starting to melt. With her, he didn't have to pretend to be strong all the time. She never expected him to, either.
And that terrified him. His feelings for her confused him at the best of times; he never understood how it was possible to feel so strongly for another human being. A part of him thought it was something that he wouldn't ever experience, that love wasn't written in the stars for him. And he hadn't expected to find it in Y/N out of all people; it hit him out of the blue like an episodic wave, and it swept him completely off of his feet.
He wasn't used to it. He wasn't used to his feelings being reciprocated.
In return, Chan kept pushing Y/N away. It constantly surprised him that she was still by his side despite how aloof he had been towards her. Other people would have given up on him by now, but not Y/N. She was always there with her pearls of wisdom and her sweet, warm smile.
Chan closed his eyes as her familiar face rose in his mind. Why did he do this to himself? Why couldn't he surrender himself fully and accept her help when he needed it? He was too stubborn, too proud to admit that he wasn't invincible - perhaps he thought accepting help was a sign of weakness, something he was too good for.
Chan rubbed the back of his hand over his cheek. It came away wet, and he sniffed, drawing the cuffs of his hoodie over his fingers.
In truth, the man was sure he was losing his sanity day by day. All his years of holding everything in, all his worries, his problems, everything he had bottled up inside of him was starting to have negative effects on both his mind and his body. The figurative bottle was too small; it seemed as though the lid was starting to pop off, and everything that Chan had pushed away was beginning to trickle out of him, and he couldn't stop it.
Another bubble of laughter erupted from beyond his room, and unable to keep himself away any longer, Chan shut his laptop. He pushed his seat back and groaned inwardly as he stood up; he clasped his hands over his lower back and stretched backwards as much as he could. The man's pace was slow as he crossed the small distance from his desk to his bed, and he fumbled around before switching on his violet lights again. He shuffled to the door of his bedroom.
Chan smiled softly as he leaned against his dooframe. Changbin, Hyunjin, Jisung and Y/N were sitting on the floor, huddled around the table in the middle of the room as they played a card game together. Pizza boxes were stacked on the side; Chan's stomach rumbled as he stared at them. He suddenly wished he hadn't refused his friends’ insistent offering of the food earlier on.
Y/N spotted him first. She slapped a card onto the table and looked up in triumph; Changbin roared and Y/N's mischievous eyes softened as she caught sight of Chan watching them all with his usual loving expression.
“Look what the cat dragged in,” Y/N grinned at him. “Finally left your man cave?”
Chan rolled his eyes at her teasing just as Changbin’s cackles filled the room again, accompanied by Jisung's guffaws and Hyunjin's chortles. It was like a zoo, and Chan couldn't help but chuckle at the familiar sound around him.
“Ha-ha,” Chan said, folding his arms across his broad chest. “What are you guys doing?”
“She was waiting for you,” Changbin replied loudly as he pointed to Y/N. “And we were … “
“... Not waiting for you,” Jisung offered helpfully.
It made the little group start to giggle again, and Chan shook his head good naturedly at their antics. He swivelled his gaze onto Y/N; she was already watching him, her brows furrowed as she surveyed the hollows beneath his eyes.
“Are you still waiting for me?” Chan directed his question towards her quietly.
Y/N set her cards down onto the table. “Depends on if you've finished working or not.”
The side of Chan's mouth turned up in a half smile. He tilted his head to the space behind him, signing for Y/N to follow before he retreated back into his room.
Y/N carefully shut the door behind her as she ventured into his bedroom. Chan was rubbing his face with his hands, and he dropped them when he caught her looking.
“Do you want some pizza?” Y/N broke the silence first.
Chan's eyes lit up. “Is there some left?”
Y/N nodded. “I saved you some.”
“You did … ?” Chan wondered out loud.
Y/N smiled. “Of course I did. You forget I know you, Christopher.”
At that, Chan looked towards the ground as his lips spread into a touched smile. “Yeah. I guess you do … “
“So … do you want some?” Y/N asked him again.
Chan chuckled. His eyes sparkled when he looked up again. “Later.”
Y/N watched the man carefully as he began to walk towards her. She tilted her head up when he stopped a few inches from her, and she couldn't help but notice the awkward tension to his limbs. It was as though he was holding himself back, his stance rigid as he looked down again, and Y/N's eyes grew softer as he blinked up at him.
She reached out and gently curled her fingers around his. They were cold; it surprised her. She had never known his touch to be anything other than warm. But his hand was as cold as it was rough, and Y/N's heart fluttered with sympathy for him as she pulled him into her. The small movement seemed to be exactly what Chan needed - he immediately melted into her, his body sinking while Y/N wrapped her arms around him tightly. Her hand was soft as it cupped the back of his head, and he buried his face into the crook of her neck, his arms secure around her waist.
“You're so stupid,” Y/N whispered to him. She smiled when she felt Chan chuckling against her collarbone; he then sniffed, and she wasn't surprised when her skin grew wet with his hot tears a moment later. “What am I going to do with you?”
“Throw me in the bin,” Chan mumbled through his silent tears.
It was Y/N's turn to be amused. She giggled at his comment and tightened her grip around his shoulders. “No. Never.”
A moment later, Y/N slipped her hand back into Chan's and she led him to his bed. The two of them sat at the end, and Chan dropped his head against her shoulder again as she curled their hands together in his lap.
“Don't say I told you so,” Chan's voice was heavy as he stared into their distant reflection on his TV. “But … I should have listened to you.”
Y/N's lips twitched. “Oh yeah? About which part?”
Chan groaned and Y/N laughed under her breath as she squeezed his fingers. They had begun to warm up, and she turned her face to drop a kiss onto the man's temple.
“What's wrong with me?” Chan mumbled. “Why am I like this?”
“There's nothing wrong with you,” Y/N tutted. She slid one of his arms around his back, pulling him closer to her. “This is completely normal, baby. Everyone goes through times like this … you know that.”
“I know … “ Chan sighed. “I hate it. I hate everything.”
Y/N sighed. “I know.”
“It just feels like everything is going wrong,” Chan continued a moment later, sitting up again. “It feels like … like time is passing by so quickly, and I have so many things I want to do, and I don't have the time for anything, and when I do have the time, I can't do anything because all I can think about is work … I don't even know if this is what I want anymore.”
Y/N smoothed his curls away from his forehead. “What do you want?”
“I don't know,” Chan breathed. “Just … not this. I feel so heavy all the time. And I can't show the kids I'm feeling like this … “
“Why not?” Y/N asked softly.
“Because … I'm supposed to be the strong one. I'm the leader.”
At that, Y/N couldn't help but smile. “I think it's important for fathers to show their kids their vulnerability. Because then the kids know it's okay for them to be vulnerable too.”
Chan looked up at her. “You said that as if I'm actually their dad.”
“Well you are, aren't you?” Y/N said happily. “They're your kids. You're their dad.”
“You know that means you're their mum, right?” Chan chuckled. He shuffled a little closer to Y/N and kissed her cheek. “Our kids.”
Y/N snorted with quiet laughter. “Sure. Whatever makes you happy.”
“You make me happy,” Chan whispered.
“I do?”
“You do,” Chan nodded. “Can't you tell?”
Looking into his eyes, Y/N smiled softly. “Sometimes I really can't tell what you feel towards me. You always push me away.”
At that, Chan sighed. He leaned forward and slid his arms around her. He was quiet for a while, his breathing stirring Y/N's hair as she rested her cheek against him, her hand running up and down his back.
“I don't mean to,” Chan murmured a while later. “I … get scared sometimes. You're the only one I feel like I don't have to pretend around … and that confuses me.”
Y/N pulled away a little, frowning up at him. “Is that why you keep working instead of talking to me?”
Chan looked guilty. His nose and cheeks were pink, and his hair a dark cloud of frizz over his forehead. “Maybe.”
“Christopher … “ Y/N groaned. She squished his cheeks in her hands. “I knew there was something else going on. Every time I think I'm getting somewhere with you, it's like you run away and I'm at square one again. It's confusing for me too.”
“I didn't realise it was affecting you too,” Chan's voice was muffled with Y/N's grip on his face. It made her giggle and she leaned forward to kiss his nose. “I'm sorry, baby. I don't mean to do it … I'm just … “
“A scaredy cat?” Y/N grinned.
Chan sagged against her. “Yes.”
“I already knew that,” Y/N teased him. It made him frown goofily and she started to laugh again as she hugged him close. “Christopher?”
“Hmm?”
“You do know that I really care about you, right?” Y/N said quietly. He looked into her face as she spoke, his pupils moving slightly as he registered her words. “I care about you so much. And so do the kids. You don't have to sit in here on your own all the time because you're scared of showing your true feelings, you know? You're safe with us, baby. You're safe with me.”
Chan shut his eyes. His lashes shone with unshed tears, and Y/N caressed his cheekbones before sweeping his fingers over his closed eyes.
A second later Chan's stomach rumbled again. Much louder this time, and it caused his eyes to snap open in embarrassment.
Y/N burst into a fit of giggles. The sound was comforting to Chan, and he closed the small space between them by suddenly closing his lips over hers in the sweetest of kisses.
He smiled gratefully at her when he pulled away again, his forehead against hers. His nose bumped against hers and Y/N stole another kiss from before closing her hand around Chan's fingers.
“Come on. Looks like you really need that pizza,” Y/N grinned. “We got lava cakes too.”
Chan gasped. “You got lava cakes? And you didn't tell me?”
“Would it have changed your mind if I had?” Y/N grinned as she got up from the bed.
Chan chuckled. He rubbed the nape of his neck, flushing profusely. “Maybe not.”
Y/N was about to reach for his door handle when Chan's arms slid around her waist. She smiled and dropped her hand, letting the man hug her from behind, his chin warm on top of her head.
He squeezed her tightly. “Thank you, baby.”
Y/N peered up at him. “What for?”
Chan shrugged, his cheek dimpling as a shy smile crossed his face. “For loving me.”
Tumblr media
Enjoyed this? Support me by leaving me a like, a reblog, and tip me if you fancy ~ :]
Tag list ~ @dalamjisung @ateez-babygirl @waverzzzzzzzz @smutdumpskz @hotmesshapa @chanssmiles @leand125 @foivetimesacharm @dprkbyn @raethethey @super-btstrash-posts @sleepyleeji @ka-ni-ma @straystaychan @mylifesupsidedowm @armystay89 @shut-up256 @leelixpie @hanstan34 @blackfangedreaper @suhomylife @kannaexe @kookie9704 @notastraykid @strayfoxxchan @elizalabs3 @jdopes-recorder @forever-in-the-sky2 @peachygiku @chansducky10 @shakalakaboomboo @jisuperboard @zandra-42 @you-make-skz-stay @whyyougottadothatbro @skzcoffeemachine @where-is-innie @rizzshimura @miin17 @nappynapnaps @prettymiye0n @lost-leopard-beanie @retiredfactoryworker @chnbngs (let me know if you wanna be added or removed)
426 notes · View notes
Text
you're my baby, say it to me
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY | ☕
warnings: mentions of menstruation, panty grinding, aftercare <33
a/n: I just needed a soft chan for when I am going through it during that time of the month. This is purely self indulgent :((
Soft Channie who sings your favorite songs while you rest. The strumming of the guitar like soft kisses. Soft Channie who makes your favorite drink, perfect amount of cream and sugar, to ease your cramps.
Soft Channie who massages your feet while you talk about your latest TV show, all the drama happening between your favorite characters. Soft Channie who listens intently, pressing his palms into the palm of your feet, telling you how cute you look when you talk about your interests.
Soft Channie who cautiously grinds on top of your panties, knowing even the slightest stimulation will help your menstrual pain. Holding his shirt between his teeth, he slowly thrusts his hips into your soft, clothes cunt.
Soft Channie who lets small, pathetic whimpers leave his lips, careful not to push you too far or thrust too quickly. Soft Channie who is desperate to cum, his tip swollen and red against your fabric. Your clit poking through ever so slightly, to brush against it.
Soft Channie with impatient beads of cum forming at the tip. The shaft of his cock pulsating faster. You grab his face and force him to make eye contact, knowing it will be the end of him
Soft Channie who pours himself on top of you. Covering and coating you entirely. Soft Channie who apologizes again and again for making such a mess, kissing and cleaning you profusely.
338 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
real and questionable cinnamon roll archetypes
263 notes · View notes
anassson · 3 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Bang Chan – 6th Anniversary | SKZ'S MAGIC SCHOOL FEAST 🪄
275 notes · View notes
skzonthebrain · 2 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Stray Kids React to Seeing You Scared When Facing a Phobia
"Different scenarios where you have become frightened by a phobia and Stray Kids step in to calm you down in their own individual ways."
Tumblr media
Pairing: bf!Stray Kids x reader
Genre: Stray Kids Reactions | Fluff | Comfort
Word Count: Roughly 200-300 words per member
Y/N: HAPPY 6 YEARS WITH STRAY KIDS!! (It's a day late, but still doesn't change the fact it's been 6 years!) I am so proud of the people the boys have blossomed into, their achievements and the success they continue to grow into. I hope you enjoy this little gift from me to you, and I hope you all have enjoyed your SKZ anniversary! 💕Apologies for being late, I spent over 3 hours looking for gifs last night (I'm picky what can I say) and then woke up this morning wanting to change the topic to be more focused on the emotion of fear.
CONTENT WARNINGS UNDER THE CUT
Masterlist | Taglist
Tumblr media
Content Warnings: 18+ MDNI, bits of angst around fears, pet names: baby, jagiya, angel, love, kitten, pretty
Bang Chan: "I'm right here"
Tumblr media
The moment Chan notices your worried eyes darting around the room and the slight shake to your posture, his demeanor would completely soften.
Chan is a natural protector, it's in his DNA. The moment anyone needs him, he has an overwhelming desire to provide the comfort they need. So you can only imagine how seeing you frightened makes him feel.
It's like his body refuses to do anything else, until there is a smile present on your lips once again.
He'd lower himself so you're face to face, blocking out the world from view to remind you that he is here, he is present and nothing could harm you while he's here.
"Hey...It's alright baby, I'm right here, okay?"
He would glue himself to your side - hand in yours - making sure you feel the warmth emitting from him at all times until he knows for certain you're feeling safe enough again.
'You're safe I promise. I'm not going anywhere.'
Even then his eyes remain on you, monitoring for the slightest chance you might need him again.
Lee Know (Minho): "You know what I do when I'm scared..."
Tumblr media
Minho is observant, he sees the early warning signs that a combination of worry and fear are creeping into your eyes.
He will stare at you intently, waiting for the moment you realize he's watching you. He catches your eye, giving you a small smile to try and reassure you it's okay.
But when that isn't enough and you start to panic, he has already taken long strides to be by your side.
'You doing okay kitten?'
He'd draw you into him, wrapping an arm around your waist to hold you steady. His goal of making everything okay clear in mind.
"You know...when I get scared, I picture whatever I'm scared of wearing or doing something silly."
He'd let out a chuckle with you as you take in what he has said and imagine exactly what he suggested.
Suddenly you don't feel so scared anymore, but it doesn't mean Minho will stop hovering around you, just incase.
Seo Changbin: "Come here pretty"
Tumblr media
Changbin looks at you with a pout upon noticing your nervous fidgeting, a quiver on your lip as you begin to work yourself up and lose yourself into fearful thoughts.
"Come here pretty."
He would call to you, arms open wide inviting you to find comfort in his arms, and you'd give anything to move to him, but your frozen in place.
Changbin's pout would grow deeper as you turn away from him embarrassed that he is seeing you this way.
His large arms would encircle you from behind, tugging you closer to him as he morphs himself into your shadow. If you were worried about facing your fears, you won't have to worry about facing them alone.
"I've got you, you can do this. I won't let anything harm you."
He'd whisper reassurances in your ear, holding onto you tightly and giving you the strength you needed to face anything that comes your way.
From the position he's in, it also gives him the opportunity to glare at anything that threatens you, because the moment he's finished checking on you to ensure you're feeling safe again, he's hunting down whatever got you this scared.
Hwang Hyunjin: "Talk to me, angel"
Tumblr media
Hyunjin had already sensed you weren't your usual self, hand in yours as he tried to support you.
Feeling your hand shake in his as you began to feel a sense of dread descend on you, he would quickly rush to stand in front of you taking your other hand in his, cradling them gently with his thumbs rubbing comforting circles over your knuckles.
He'd keep you at arms length, the space between you connect by your hands in his as he grounds you to his gaze, the world around you slipping away into slow motion as you focus on him.
"Talk to me, angel."
He'd encourage you, guiding you away from the situation to take a moment to relax before engaging on what was scaring you again.
"If you aren't ready, we don't have to do this. Just know I'm here for you always. You don't have to do this alone."
Hyunjin would never want you to bottle up your feelings or have to face things on your own. Sometimes these things take time and Hyunjin would remain patient until you were ready to face your fears again.
Han Jisung: "I've got your back."
Tumblr media
Jisung can feel the worry rolling off of you in waves and taking a deep breath, he pulls you to the side and holds you steady in front of him with a firm grounding grip to your shoulders.
"Hey baby. Take a few breaths for a second. It's going to be okay, I promise."
He would rub your shoulders, massaging away the fear as a warm soothing smile graces his squishy cheeks.
Jisung watches you intently as you begin to relax in his hold, focusing on your breathing and calming yourself down.
Jisung is no stranger to anxious thoughts, and he knows sometimes it's better to pause and clear your mind before spiraling out of control.
Once he sees you have sufficiently calmed down, he would fall back into his joyful nature to bring the mood back up, providing you strength through humor.
"I've got your back. They've gotta go through me first remember!"
He'd smirk at you playfully, but there is a sincerity to his words and despite his teasing attempts to lighten the mood by flexing his muscles to appear intimidating, you know he meant it. He'd defend you no matter the cost, even if he was scared himself.
Lee Felix: "We have each other."
Tumblr media
Felix lets in and out a few shallow breaths trying to prepare himself for what you're both about to face. He's nervous, and thinking of the worst case scenarios.
When his arm begins to shake, he realizes it's not him who is causing it, but you from beneath it who's knees are begging to buckle.
His priorities would shift, his focus on wanting to make you feel at ease overpowering his own doubts of what's ahead. And knowing that he isn't the only one who is scared provides some comfort to him.
He would use his arm around your shoulders to tuck you safely into his side, allowing you to seek comfort against his heartbeat, as he would take comfort from feeling the warmth of you against him.
"My love, I know it's scary, but we have each other."
His grip would tighten on you as he wraps his arms protectively around you. You worries melting away as you breathe in his scent.
"I'll be with you the whole time, and at any moment just tell me and we can stop."
Attaching one of his brightest reassuring smiles to his words you finally feel at ease, ready to face your fears together.
Kim Seungmin: "Mind if I go first, jagiya?"
Tumblr media
Seungmin doesn't shy away from tough situations, nor is he scared of facing his fears, but he knows how nerve wracking it can be if you give in to your thoughts.
He can see you nervously fidgeting in front of him, an excuse to remove yourself from the situation on your lips ready to spill out, but Seungmin knows that if you don't face your fears now, you won't ever.
Seungmin wraps his arms securely around your waist from behind you, twirling you around until you both have switched places.
"Mind if I go first, jagiya?"
He would give you a thoughtful smile, rubbing your hips soothingly as he judges your reaction.
Your nerves settle a little at the reassurance of Seungmin going first, but when they are still present Seungmin will press a delicate kiss to your forehead.
"Everything is going to be fine. Watch me closely, I'll show you how it's done."
With a flirtatious wink you watch Seungmin tackle your fear with confidence and watching how easy it is for Seungmin, you realize that you can do this too.
Yang Jeongin: "I'm going to be with you the whole time."
Tumblr media
Jeongin hates seeing you like this. Weary eyes and clinging onto his arm tightly as you try to prepare yourself to face your fears.
He's never been known as the go-to person of comfort before, others in his life stepping into that role so he hasn't experience this feeling of being relied on before.
He would scan his brain, trying to think of anything that could help, but his heart seems to lead the way, his hands yearning to soothe you.
He finds his hand gently brushing the back of your head in a comforting manner.
"I'm going to be with you the whole time."
He finds himself falling into the role naturally, pushing a few strands of hair out of your help seeking eyes with his free hand.
"I know you're worried baby, but think of how proud of yourself you will be once you conquer this. I'm proud of you for even coming this far."
He'd give you a fox like grin of encouragement, pressing a few kisses into your cheek, his love evident for you in his eyes.
Allowing you to take a few deep breathes, he interlocks your hand with his, reminding you that in times you can't guide him through life, he will step up to guide you in return.
Tumblr media
© skzonthebrain 2022 - 2024
'Which members' reaction is the reaction you would want when facing your phobia?'
Taglist 🏷️
@stayconnecteed @starlostastronaut @juskz @jabmastersupriseee @cotton-candycloudz @bangchansbae @maknaeswrld @stellasays45 @idkwhatto-namethis @rylea08 @luvyev @moonlight-the-writer @stepout-09-15 @silverstarburst @kayleefriedchicken @tinyelfperson @thegingerthatwaited @ireneloveschan @softhyunieeee @staywing @hyunjinvoid @crabrangoongirl25 @igetcarriedawaywithyou @softkisshyunjin @itzlexiemcheart
Thank you for letting me tag you! 💞 If you have not been tagged properly please ensure your username is correct and you have an age identifier in your bio or pinned!
If you want to join the taglist click on here and if you want to be removed from the taglist, please send me an ask.
332 notes · View notes
bangrista · 3 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
chan and hyunjin hearts 🫶
204 notes · View notes
huiracha · 2 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
6TH ANNIVERSARY ♡ SKZ’S MAGIC SCHOOL FEAST LEE KNOW & BANG CHAN
401 notes · View notes
chrisbangz · 22 hours
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
BANG CHAN ✦ SLBS SKZOO DAY — Day 1: Wolf Chan
433 notes · View notes
christakisbang · 3 days
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
766 notes · View notes
mo-notmoe · 2 days
Text
Tumblr media
Happy 6 years with Stray Kids!!!!!! ❤️‍🔥🍾
We'll stay as long as you like!
210 notes · View notes
httpdwaekki · 1 day
Text
sleepy cramps | b.c.
summary: your cramps wake you up but channie is there to help.
wc: 1.1k
warnings: i tried to keep it gender neutral, however!! periods and cramps are mentions so read at your own risk.
a/n: omg ash knows how to post at a normal time when she's not sleep deprived *gasp* crazy right? you guys know the drill not proof read too many pet names blah blah. i have realized that i apparently need alot of comfort in my life because that is all i write LMAO. anyway! i hope you guys enjoy and as always, drink water, eat something, and take ur meds. <3
p.s. pls send me some requests i really wanna try and branch out but i have no ideas, okay love u bye. <3
my library
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
(pictures are not mine! credit to owners!)
“baby?” you hear a familiar aussie voice call out. “i’m home!” you hear him take off his shoes and set his bag down. “baby?” he yells once more, keys jingling as he places them on a hook by the door.
you let out a grunt, hoping to signal to him where you were. you were currently bundled up half asleep in your shared bed, facing the door. you were exhausted from the day and your period, and barely keeping your eyes open. 
the hall light flicks on before a figure appears in the doorway. you lift up your head a bit, giving him a sleepy smile before settling back into your warm cocoon of soft blankets and plushies.
he smiles before making his way to the side of bed, squatting down to eye level with you. he lifts his hand, lightly stroking your cheek with his thumb. “hi pretty.” your cheeks warm.
“hi bub.” you mumble. “you sleepy bug?” he asks softly. you nod, a yawn escaping you as if emphasizing your drowsiness.
he smiles, leaning forward to place a soft kiss to your forehead. “alright bub, give me 10 minutes to get ready for bed then i’ll come lay down okay?” you nod once more, sleepy smile still present on your face.
he moves,  placing a kiss on your lips before standing to his full height. “i’ll be right back!” he yelled, running into your en-suite. you giggle before relaxing into your cocoon, sleep welcoming you quickly.
once chan finished in the bathroom, he came out to find you curled up, now facing his side of the bed, soft even breathes escaping you.
he coos before making his way to his side of the bed. he lifted the sheets, sliding under them before gently pulling you to him, body melting into his.
he wraps his arms around you, “good night my sleepy baby, i love you.” he whispers, placing a kiss on your temple, before relaxing, letting sleep take over.
this didn’t last long however, chan lightly awoke maybe an hour later, to you stirring in your sleep, light whimpers escaping you. after hearing the first whimpers leave your mouth, he was very alert. he quickly looks over your body trying to determine what’s bringing you distress.
he catches a glimpse of your face, which is contorted in discomfort. he places a hand on your cheek once more, trying to gently wake you. “baby wake up.” he whispers, lightly tapping and stroking your cheek.
after a few seconds you finally wake, only to let out a yelp in pain, curling into the body beside you. “hey hey, baby, what’s going on?” he said kissing your head, rubbing your back.
“period.” you managed to get out, trying to curl further into yourself. one arm wrapped around your lower abdomen, the other one clenched into a fist against your forehead.
you start holding your breath unconsciously, praying the pain will subside. chan notices and gently taking your fist in his.
“breathe baby, breathe,” he says calmly, opening your fist to slot your fingers through his. you let out a jagged breath leaning your forehead against your joined hands, “squeeze my hand if you need to jagi but, you gotta breathe baby.” his thumb stroking the back of your hand.
you take a deep breath, trying to focus on anything over than the stabbing pain in your abdomen. “doing so good bug, just breathe.”  his other hand coming up to smooth the crease between your eyebrows. 
your breathing evens out slightly as the pain lessen a bit. a moment of silence passes before you sit up, hands still entwined. chan follows you, rubbing small circles on your back. “did you take medicine earlier?” you nod your head. “right before you got home.”  he hummed, understanding.
 “i’ll be right back, okay?” he whispers, thumb rubbing the back of your hand. you nod slightly, focusing on your breathing. he leans over, placing a kiss to the side of your head before getting up and making his way into the bathroom.
you grab a pillow behind you hugging it as you wait for him to return. a few moments passed before he reemerges with your heating pad in hand. he rounds the bed, plugging in the pad before sitting next to you.
“i’m gonna move this quick, okay?” you nod, moving your arms. he grabs the pillow, placing the heating pad in it’s place. “thank you.” you mumble, leaning on him, placing your head on his shoulder. “you’re welcome bug.” he kisses the top of your head before placing his there.
you sit there for a moment before you feel the guilt slowly creep up, the lump forming in the back of your throat. you turn your head into his shoulder as tears start to stream down your face.
“hey, hey, jagiya, do you want more medicine? what can i do?” he asks, placing a hand on your thigh, rubbing soothing circles. you shake your head, before moving to put your hand in your hands.
“i’m sorry channie,” you cried. “i know you’re probably exhausted, and shouldn’t have to deal with this.” you feel him move in front of you before placing his hands on your face, lifting it. “i am your boyfriend, it is my job to take care of you when you need me. and right now you’re in pain because of something you can’t control.” he pauses, looking into your eyes, gently wiping the tears running down your cheeks.
“i will always take care of you, doesn’t matter, time, place, if i’m tired or not, i will always help you. understand?” you nod, moving into his lap, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, shoving your face into his neck.
he wraps his arms around your torso pulling you impossibly closer. “i love so much, jagiya. okay?” you nod your head quickly. “i love you too, more than you know.” you say into his neck, placing a kiss on his skin. 
you both stay like that for a moment before chan pulls away slightly. he wipes your tears once more before placing a kiss on your lips. “let’s get you to sleep, hm?” you agree, moving back into the mattress.
you watch him make his way to his side, getting comfortable under the duvet. once settled, he opens his arms for you to lay down. you giggle before quickly laying on him, making sure your heating pad was still in the correct position.
you place a kiss to his jaw before settling into his chest, duvet pulled to cover both of you. “thank you, i love you so much.” he places one last kiss to your head. “ you don’t have to thank me, i love you so much, good night my sleepy baby.” you smile, feeling at peace. “goodnight, channie.” you place a kiss over his heart before both of drift off once more.
do not repost
*feedback is always appreciated as are likes/reblogs!*
217 notes · View notes