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#bang chan fluff
sunshinelixie-lee · 2 days ago
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touch
*bang chan as your boyfriend*
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requested by @itsyaapollochild:
uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh turn this into something👀
rated PG-13
word count: 1.48k
warnings: this is so suggestive oml-- um... groping Chris's abs >//< and... intense making-out... >/////< ... AND USAGE OF THE WORD 'DADDY' BUT WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT OKAY-- and I TYPED THE WORD @$$ AND I UGGHH LSDKFKDF NEVER AGAIN EW
a/n: When I asked ppl to send in pics/gifs as a prompt, Faith sent this in. Expecting me to write a fluff with it. (-_-) It was very difficult. I'm also pretty sure this is the most suggestive thing I've written to date SDKFJSKDFJ
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[suggestive fluff]
There was a reason for your clandestinity. Chris could never ever be allowed to know. If he found out, he'd for sure never let you live it down.
True, the extent of your secretiveness came down to you lying on your stomach on his dorm bunk with a blanket over your head, but it was better than nothing.
You ran the video again. And again. Eyes glued to the screen of your phone as the fan-made edit of your boyfriend played on loop. Playing through your headphones, the sultry track accompanying the clips and pictures made a not-unwelcome buzz settle throughout your body.
Yeah, Chris could never see this. A) he'd probably explode into a million embarrassed, shy-boi pieces. B) he'd tease you incessantly after he finally got over said embarrassment.
Between the flashing transitions of the edit were photos and video clips of Chris being a daddy flashing his abs licking his lips demonstrating his stage presence. All of the media was edited with just enough contrast, reddish hue, grain, and reduced exposure so that the entire video gave off a painfully sexy vibe. You were hooked. You were so hooked, in fact, that you felt a little guilty. Almost.
You hit replay.
This time, you turned up the music in your headphones, letting the bass-heavy melody vibrate through your veins.
Later, you cursed yourself for doing it. If you had kept the volume lower--if you had left one headphone out--you would never have been caught. Instead, you were completely unaware as the closed door to Chris's dorm room opened. You were totally deaf to him as he called your name questioningly. You were undeniably taken by surprise when you felt the bunk bed shudder as he climbed the ladder and threw himself on top of you.
"Chris!"
you shrieked, losing your grip on your phone. Your headphones popped out as the blanket was tugged off your head by his sheer body weight. You scrambled to reach your phone, which was lying face down near the edge of the mattress.
Completely oblivious to the reason for your distress, Chris giggled. "Whatcha doing, babe?" he teased, digging his fingers into your sides. You shrieked again, trying to escape his grasp.
"Lemme go, " you gasped around wheezes of laughter. Your fingers brushed against the edge of your phone, but they only pushed it off the bed.
The hard thump it made on the ground below made Chris's eyes widen. He glanced from your face to your phone and back again before cracking up. "You klutz," he laughed, climbing off of your spread-eagled form and heading for the ladder.
You sat up, alarmed. "Where are you going?" you demanded.
"To get your phone, dummy," your boyfriend scoffed, his feet touching the floor.
"No!"
you all but shouted.
Chris froze, giving you a quizzical look.
"I-I mean, no thank you," you stuttered. "It's fine, I can just get it."
He rolled his eyes. "I'm already down here, you goof."
Despite your strangled protests, Chris bent to retrieve your phone. Like the considerate boyfriend he was, he even checked your screen for cracks.
You buried your face in your hands as his eyes widened infinitesimally. You hid your head under the blanket as his mouth opened to speak. Eyes closed, heart pounding, you waited for him to say something--anything. Though hopefully something not embarrassing. Instead, the only thing you heard was the bed creaking as he clambered back up the ladder. His hands gently pulled the blanket off your face.
"Baby," he said softly. Your eyes were still closed and his voice was
devoid of all emotion.
"Baby, look at me."
Reluctantly, you pried one of your eyes open. His face was pale, like all the blood had drained out of it, but one of his brows was cocked and a tiny smirk lay on his lips. It was annoyingly attractive.
"Yes?" you asked timidly.
Chris glanced at your phone again before turning it around to face you. He'd replayed the edit you'd been watching. And it was still going, flashing through clip after clip of him body-rolling and lifting his shirt.
"Is this why you had the blanket over your head?"
You decided that playing dumb was the wisest course of action. "What blanket?"
Chris's cocked eyebrow rose even higher. His grin grew wider. "Honey," he purred, "don't play dumb."
Shoot. He knew you too well.
You blushed lava red as he began to crawl towards you.
"What happened to shy boi Channie?" you demanded, averting your eyes.
Chris laughed out loud. "Oh, believe me, I was shocked at first."
"And shy?" you prodded.
His face turned a rosy pink. "Maybe," he admitted. Then the smirk was back. "But it's not my fault you make me feel so powerful."
You spluttered. "Powerful-?"
He nodded gleefully. "I mean, look!" He held up your phone. "You're even watching edits of me!"
You groaned, throwing yourself face down in the pillows. "You're making me regret it," you mumbled into the pillowcase. He let out another of his pure, crystalline laughs.
Then warm hands wrapped around your waist. Your eyes widened as he pulled you backwards to sit in his lap, your back against his chest.
"Why would you regret it?" he breathed against your ear. You could practically hear the grin on his face as a shiver ran down your spine.
His deep, husky voice made all thought flee from your head. "I don't know," you admitted in a whisper.
His hands traveled slowly from your waist to your hips. "You don't have to resort to watching edits behind my back, you know," he chuckled lowly. "Not when you have the real thing."
Your heart all but stopped as he nipped at your earlobe.
"Chris," you protested weakly. Your attempts to wiggle out of his grasp were weak and only half-sincere.
To your surprise, he let you go anyway. "What?" he said innocently. As if he hadn't been making your heart flutter like a small bird's. As if he hadn't been making your face heat like a volcano about to erupt. As if he hadn't just had his lips on your skin and his hands on your hips.
"What do you mean 'what'?" you exclaimed. "You just- you- I-"
"Spit it out, love," he smirked playfully.
You swatted at his chest, a pout on your lips.
His eyes stayed glued to the spot your hand had touched. Suddenly your cheeks felt hot again.
Looking at you from under his lashes, Chris took you by the wrists and drew you closer.
"Do that again," he teased in a whisper.
"D-do what again?"
In answer, he placed both your palms on his chest, effectively drawing you back into his lap. Once he was sure you were too shocked to move your hands from their spot on his body, his fingers left your wrists and traveled down to your thighs, one on either side of his hips.
"Comfy?" he asked playfully, brushing his lips against yours.
You gulped.
"Come kiss me, darling," he breathed.
Your breath hitched as you leaned forward to obey him. Your mouths brushed together once, twice, before linking in a frenzy. His hands, which had been so innocently resting on your thighs, rose to press you flush against his chest, burning against your shoulder blades. His lips devoured your own, teeth scraping with a somehow graceful lack of sophistication.
"Touch me," he ordered, the quiet words vibrating against your mouth.
"How do you want me to-?"
He cut you off, pulling out of the kiss to peel his shirt over his head, exposing his sculpted torso. You let out an involuntary gasp.
As if of their own accord, your hands traveled from his shoulders down to the defined muscles of his abdomen. Goosebumps littered the trail your fingers left, decorating his smooth skin. His eyelids lowered as he let out a low sound from deep in his throat.
You leaned forward again, connecting yourself to him in a feverish kiss.
"I'm so in love with you," he groaned into the kiss, lying back against the pillows and pulling you on top.
Your hands had minds of their own at this point, tracing his abs, his v-lines, his shoulders. The entire time, his body shuddered into your touch, his throat rumbling with deep, fevered sounds as he kissed you back just as wildly as you kissed him.
"I love you too,"
you hummed.
Warm and soft, his tongue stroked against yours, evoking the tightest feeling in your chest, making your face burn and your breath uneven. His fingers flickered over your back, the swell of your ass, the soft skin of your thighs.
"See?" he mumbled into the confines of your mouth. "Why do you need to watch videos when you can touch the real thing?"
You grinned, though your lips were still pressed against his. "Shut up and kiss me."
♡☂︎✿☁♡☂︎✿☁♡☂︎✿☁♡☂︎✿☁♡☂︎✿☁♡☂︎✿☁♡☂︎✿☁♡
ATTENTION SKZ WRITERS:
For those interested in writing for an exclusive collab event to promote your works, there is a link below! <3
{{{[[(never say goodbye, 너와 난 하나니까)]]}}}
♡pls reblog if you enjoyed♡
(skz writers event)
{masterlist}[request]
taglist: @danielol @oifelixcmerebrou @0x1lovebot @taecup-ontrack @grassbutneo
(requests are open and lmk if you want to be tagged)
-Xie💫
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thevampywolf · a day ago
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Infinity
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Genre: fluff, school
Warnings: none
Request: no
Member: Chan
You didn't expect your first kiss to be in an old abandoned warehouse.
Then again, you didn't expect to be kissing the human version of your dreams either.
***
"Why are we in here?" You ask in a hushed whisper, squinting in the darkness as you step clumsily over obstacles littered across the floor.
"Just come on," Chan replies, looking back to you struggling. The mysterious boy's face softens and he reaches out to slip his hand into yours.
You can't help but jump, your heart pounding suddenly. His skin is warm and soft, but carries the sort of roughness one only gets from working hard. His fingers fit perfectly around your palm, his touch gentle as he guides you through the junk of the warehouse.
"Okay?" Chan asks you, peering at you again to make sure you're not banging your legs into hazardous items.
You nod at him. "I'm fine. But tell me why we're here?"
Chan smiles at that, before pulling you up a set of cobwebbed stairs. Footprints are imprinted in the thick dust blanket though, footprints that look like Chan’s. You frown. He must come here often.
"You're so impatient," Chan whispers. "You'll see."
Pouting, you watch as Chan pushes open a small square panel; a ceiling door, by the looks of things. He climbs out of the building before reaching down for you, gripping your hand and pulling you up after him.
It's not until you stand up straight and look at your surroundings, do you realise why he woke you from your sleep in the middle of the school hall to bring you here. It's not like you were entirely hating the school residential ...
"Woah," you breathe, your boots snug against the roof as you turn around, staring at the sky.
From up here, the sky is a deep purple and flecked with clouds of pink as clusters of stars illuminate the night sky. You're sure you can see the entire Milky Way galaxy from up here, and your mouth parts in awe at the sight around you.
You turn then, looking for Chan only to see him sat on the edge of the roof, his legs dangling over the edge. He looks at peace, his fair curls tinted pink under the stars, face soft as he leans back on his arms. His school shirt is open and flaps lightly in the breeze, the black t-shirt he's wearing underneath hugging a toned body.
Looking away, you swallow. Your heart is pounding, your stomach churning with butterflies and you take a deep breath, shutting your eyes.
"Are you coming to sit down?" Chan asks, and you see him looking at you over his shoulder. "Or do you want to stand all night?"
Flustered, you walk to him and carefully sit down; you hook your legs over the edge and look up, a smile spreading across your face again.
"Why did you bring me?" You ask Chan, watching the way his mouth is curved up at the corners in a relaxed smile. He turns his head and sets his gaze on you, eyes shining with the reflection of the night lights glowing in the sky, the moon casting a silvery halo around him.
"I thought you'd like it," he replies simply, shrugging his broad shoulders. "And I didn't really want to be alone."
"Oh," you breathe, clearing your throat lightly before you look up above you again. It's almost like you're up in space with the stars, the sky looking so vast and endless that you feel really small all of a sudden.
You wrap your arms around your legs, not wanting to blink. You're so mesmerised by the sky that you don't even notice Chan shuffling closer to you, nor do you notice his gaze still on your smiling face.
"It's so beautiful," you whisper, your hair lifting off of your shoulders with the wind and making you shiver. "So so beautiful."
"Yeah," Chan hums, eyes glued to you. "It is."
Feeling his breath on your cheek, you turn your head to the side to see Chan’s face inches away from yours, his eyes wide and his lips slightly parted. He's so close that you can see a pulse throbbing at the side of his neck, and a soft cloud of his faint cologne surrounds you, making your stomach flutter.
You're not sure if you move first or if he does, but all of a sudden your eyes are closed and you feel like you're tumbling down a dark tunnel as your lips meet Chan’s. His mouth is warm and soft and incredibly hot against your own, his breathing rhythmic against your mouth as his lashes sweep over your cheeks. His hand comes up to cup your face softly, his thumb caressing your cheek and sending heatwaves through your body and making all your nerves tingle with shock and pleasure.
You're almost upset when he pulls away, before he leans his forehead against yours, the tips of your noses touching. He shuts his eyes slowly before a huge grin spreads across his face, the apples of his pink cheeks curving up in happiness.
"I love you," he whispers, and your eyes widen at his confession. You gulp, biting your numb lips as you search Chan’s eyes with your own.
"You do?" You ask quietly, and when Chan nods against you, you can't help but throw your arms around his neck. You bury your face into his chest and find that his heart is drumming like crazy against your forehead, and you smile into his fragrant t-shirt as his arms come up to return your embrace. He squeezes you tight and you feel his body deflating against your own as he sighs in relief.
"Thank God," you whisper against his chest. "I thought I was the only one falling."
Chan chuckles at that, his hand rubbing over your back with a gentle touch. "Don't worry I've been falling for a long time."
You look up at him then, eyes wide. "But if we're both falling, then who's supposed to catch us?"
"Well," Chan muses, pulling you closer to him. "We're just going to have to fall for the rest of infinity aren't we?"
You're not really sure what he means by that, but you let him slide his hand into your own, his fingers slipping into the gaps between yours. "Infinity," you nod, grinning at him, your smile widening as Chan smiles back at you. He squeezes your hand as he drops his head onto your shoulder, going back to look at the stars.
"Infinity."
---
Tag list ~ @koos-euphoria @es-kay-zee @ex-skz-me @raethethey @hugs4chan @hotmesshapa @manonblackbeak-trash @hendsernoodle @sir3racha @jl-micasea @nightshade-minho @water--gang @yourdaddychan @n-bokhari @stanskzseungmin @loving-unicorns106 @ateez-babygirl @dalamjisung @jisungsjheekies @freckledquokka @dinosdawn @cookiemonstermusic258 @strwbrryfroyo @gazelle-des-pres @qtieskz @airwaveee @rae-blogging @stigmvta @love-stays @necromancersupreme @visiblemisfit @jorgofthejungle @super-btstrash-posts @skzleeknow12 @jeetjisungjult (lemme know if you wanna be added or removed)
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sage-brownie · a day ago
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morning coffee
with Stray Kids
warnings: fluff, a lil humour i guess
- how you’d get your morning coffee with them ❁
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| Chan
we all know this man is a sleepy head, so he’d usually be the one to wake up to the smell of you making coffee. it’s only on his days off or when he has enough energy to spoil you that he gets out of bed first to make you some breakfast. you would wake up and to the smell of bacon and eggs and smile as you’d hurry to find him, only to nearly crash into him and spill the two cups of coffee he was bringing to the bedroom
“woah, woah, easy sweetheart” he’d chuckle
you would smile and gently take your cup from him, taking a sip of the warm caffeine, as he’d lean on the wall and do the same, watching you expectantly
“good?” he’d ask grabbing you by the waist
“mhmm!”
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| Minho
i don’t know why, but i feel like Minho would be nagging you to wake up. he would go on and on about how he made his very own special coffee and it would do you good to try it. but would you listen? of course not. instead you would constantly tell him to get lost
“just try it babe! it’s Lee Minho’s special morning coffee, the best coffee in the world guaranteed!”
and he’d just keep repeating that until you’ve finally had enough
“just put it on the damn table, Minho, i’ll drink it later!” you would groan
he would shrug and take a big sip from his cup and let out a loud satisfied sigh to make you jealous, making you narrow your eyes at him
“suit yourself, babe”
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| Changbin
i just keep on imagining Changbin being the one to receive the coffee. like, hear me out.
he would be nose deep into the pillow, snoring his morning away as you’d gently tip toe into the room with two full mugs of vanilla iced coffee in your hands. you would place both on the nightstand and get comfortable in bed before tapping him awake
“Binnie, you gotta wake up to start your day” you would whisper
he would slowly open his eyes and lift his head to look at you as you take a long sip of your coffee, savouring the sweet taste
“can i have some of that?” he would say groggily
“mhmm” you would wait for him to sit up before handing him his drink, watching as he too, takes his time in savouring it
“you like it?”
“very much”
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| Hyunjin
i fee like his would pretty much the same as Changbin. you would get up first and go make some coffee but Hyunjin would already be awake and would smell the beverage coming into the room. he’d pop one eye open just to make sure you got some for him too, but when he doesn’t spot his, he would sit up and pout
“Y/nnnnn, why don’t i have coffee?” he would groan
you would smirk at his childish behaviour
“so you are awake, huh?” you’d say placing your cup on the nightstand “relax you big baby, i’ll go get yours now”
but then you’d come back to see Hyunjin already sipping on your hot drink, a moustache forming on his upper lip. you’d narrow your eyes at him playfully
“what? your coffee was getting cold”
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| Jisung
you would already be sipping down your coffee while reading a book, when Han would lift himself from the covers, eyes barely open, in search for you
“Y/n?”
“i’m here, baby”
realization would hit him when he sees your relaxed presence, he’d stretch before his eyes would land on the swirling vapour coming from your coffee
“can i also have some of that?”
you would pick up his cup from the nightstand and hand it over to him, and watch him expectantly as he takes a sip and sighs in content
“this is amazing, babe thanks”
a/n: i’m sorry just the thought of Han waking up makes me want to….(ᗒᗣᗕ)՞ imagine him in a tank top too HJKDLSBXVS
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| Felix
you would wake up to an empty bed and frown that Felix wasn’t by your side, but the sweet smell of pancakes coming from downstairs would immediately reassure you that he hadn’t left for work yet. so you would quickly make your way downstairs to find him setting two cups on the dining table
“morning” you would say, wrapping your arms around him, and inhaling his scent
“morning, love” he’d mumble, turning around to embrace you completely “i made coffee, want some?”
you would nod into his chest as he’d lean back to grab your drink, before handing it over to you
“here you go, it’s your favourite”
you’d peck his lips as you smile and take a sip
“thanks”
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| Seungmin
at first i was thinking Seungmin would already be downstairs with his coffee and laptop open doing some work, but i was thinking…
you two would’ve already woken up a while earlier and would be in bed doing nothing but making small talk or whispering sweet nothings to each other (;´༎ຶٹ༎ຶ`)
“did you sleep good?” he’d say caressing your cheek
“mhmm”
and a lil more of that until one of you brings up the idea of coffee
“Seungmin, should we go make some coffee?” you would ask, drawing circles on his open palm
“yeah, let’s go”
you would head down first and work on the machine, as Seungmin arrives seconds later, wrapping his arms around you as you two begin to start your day
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| Jeongin
you would be half asleep when you catch his figure sitting upright on the bed, reading a book, using his phone, whatever feels best. you would then notice the temporary dip in the bed before a feeling of emptiness would surround it. you would yawn and reach out for the empty spot that was once occupied by your boyfriend
“Jeongin?” you would call, getting ready to get up and follow him
but he’d walk back in seconds later drinking his coffee, he would look up at you mid sip, and make a noise in recognition of your presence
“ah, Y/n” he’d start before pointing in the direction he had just come from  “you want some coffee?” 
you’d give him a thumbs up, too tired to release a ‘yes’ from your lips, and he would nod and hand over his coffee to you instead
“okay, you can have mine. i’ll go make some more, be back in five!” 
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masterlist
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banchian · a day ago
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to the boy i loved before // b.c.
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Bang Chan x Fem!Reader genre: university/neighbors au; angst to fluff, maybe a swear word or too just to be safe, Chris and you go through some heartbreak
summary — Love is a mess and your feelings for a specific boy in your heart comes to light after a date gone wrong.
a/n— This has been brewing in my notes for ages! It'll be part of an apartment neighbor universe I built with my friend (wherein skz are your neighbors 😂) Something cute before I write for Anti Hero/Marvel AU again ☺️✨ this isn't beta read too since I wanted to write my feelings through a fic. I hope you enjoy 💕
tags: @chanluster (bc Fia queen it's finally done!)
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Felix looks up from his phone, the sound of his roommate’s giggles making him pause his Tiktok binge. He can see Chris pace around from across the room. He studies his older friend, the happy giggly Chris making himself known the past few weeks. a very different side of Chris when he’s not producing music behind the four corners of his bedroom. Lee Felix smirks, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he watches Christopher’s thumbs glide on the rectangular device in his hands.
“Is it Bambi again?” He asks, almost laughing when Chris looks at him like a deer caught in headlights. Who else did he expect? Bambi— otherwise known as y/n, was their sweet neighbor next door. The newest addition to their little gang made of college students living under the same apartment complex. The apple of Chris’ eyes.
“I’m right, aren’t I?” Felix’s smile curls to mimic that of the Cheshire cat. His eyes squint with amusement as his senior stammers and stumbles; caught red handed. “What?” Felix scoffs, rolling his eyes playfully. “C’mon Chris, we’re not that blind. We’ve seen the way you look at her when she comes over to hang out. You look like Archie when he sees the steak Changbin brings on grill nights. All happy and googly eyed.”
“I— uhm, hmm— Ok. Point.” Chris sighs, slumping on the chair across Felix. He wraps an arm around Archie, their golden retriever, who’s happy to soak in his attention. the tips of his ears flushed red. Was he that obvious?
“If you like her so much, ask her out.” Felix suggests encouraging Chris to, in Hyunjin’s words, ‘man the fuck up’. The latter stammers, eyebrows raising as he opens and closes his mouth like a fish out of water. The thought hasn’t crossed his mind before— he’s been meaning to ask you out in ages, when he was sure he caught you sneaking glances and prolong stares during the weekly game night at their unit. He was pretty positive too, when he caught Hyunjin, Jisung, and Changbin gossiping about it like teenage girls that one time he went to grab a can of root beer from the kitchen. But, he allowed himself a small margin of error. If by chance, he was wrong and read all those signals wrong at least the pain won’t be as bad. Yet, the alleged affirmations by their close group of friends made him believe otherwise.
“Y’know that’s not a bad idea, Lix.” What could possibly go wrong.
“I’m sorry, Chris. I can’t.”
What? The Australian inwardly winced. From the mixed signals he was getting, he didn’t expect you to outright reject him. You twiddled with your fingers, eyes shifting as he scratched the back of his neck.
“It’s not that I don’t like you!” You blurt out, anything to dispel the growing awkward atmosphere. “I’d really love to go out and chill,” —Ouch. So you didn’t think this was a date. It was a friend date. “I have a date.” Double ouch. “My old friend is in town, so my brother arranged a small get together.”
Chris nods, there wasn’t much he can do. He pats the top of your head, a half smile on his face. “It’s alright, I can hang out with the boys.”
You pout at him. Deep down you’d love to hang out with Chan and the boys. Over the course of nearly a year living in the same apartment complex, Unit S315 has become a second home to you. For someone who had to move miles away from their hometown the unit and its inhabitants and frequent visitors became the home away from home. Even Minnie mentioned how she’d always find you at their unit instead of yours, joking how the two of you should just move in next door.
Maybe, you might also have a thing for the older owner of said apartment.
“You sure? I still feel bad about it.” Chris shushes you, hands gesturing in fast waves.
“It’s fine, Bambi. We can always hang out some other time.” He pats your cheeks unable to resist the cute pout you gave him. “Saturday? It’s UNO night.”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You nod. Cheeks warming up at how warm his hands are as he holds your face in his hands. From an outsider’s point of view, you were like a sweet young couple bidding each other goodbye before running off to do a day’s errands. Eventually, it was time to go. You bid him a quick goodbye before getting in the uber and promising a cake you can eat together when you come back.
So much for asking her out.
It was nearly 9 pm when Chris found you trying to unlock the door to your apartment while wiping your tears. He excused himself in the middle of watching Invincible to stretch his legs after being cramped on the couch with Jisung and Felix stuck on his side the whole afternoon. When he explained the situation to Felix, the latter was quick to round up the rest of the boys for an emergency Boys Night citing how they must be there for their newly rejected brother.
“Felix, you don’t have to. I’m fine.” He sighs, he didn’t want to make them feel burdened by his emotions.
Felix tuts at him, an eyebrow raised as he types out the last bit of text to the group chat. His lips pursed as he hits send. “Not on my watch, bro. We’ve seen what a broken heart does in movies.”
Chris didn’t think he would need it then but he’s always grateful to have Felix as a friend. He sends a quick text to him. He won’t be returning for the second half of the season. He wasn’t the only one who returned with a broken heart.
You curse as you drop your keys. You were already feeling miserable and the inability to simply open your apartment’s door was making you feel pathetic. The date went well. Splendid actually. It was as if nothing changed, the way old friends would catch up after some time apart over a warm cup of coffee and decorated cakes. It was going well… until the topic of love came around.
You felt another round of tears well up in your eyes remembering the conversation with your date. Changgu was your senior in high school all the way up to your 1st year of college when he graduated and moved back to your hometown. You would occasionally hear from him through his instagram posts and from your older brother. He was a dear friend, but he’s also your first love. His charm and kindness making your heart flutter when you were in your junior year of high school.
Changgu hands you a decorated envelope. You furrowed your brows as you took it, examining your embossed name at the back. ‘What’s this?’ You asked, curiosity laced in your voice. Changgu says nothing as he watched you open the envelope, eyes full of love.
“You’re… you’re getting married?” Changgu nods, taking a sip of his coffee as he did so.
“Soon. It’s an engagement party.” He laughs lightly. He sighs as if he reminisces the night he proposed to his fiancée. “We decided to tie the knot a few weeks ago but we wanted to make an official announcement.”
You looked at him— really looked at him for the first time since you got there. For the first time since you’ve known Yeo Changgu, he’s glowing. His eyes shining with so much love that it makes his natural brown eyes emit a sparkle that even puts Lee Minho’s to shame and Minho’s eyes are very pretty. Suddenly, your childhood crush was no longer the scrawny theatre kid back in middle school but is now a reliable man in love with a future that includes a married life waiting for him. Maybe, it was from the surprise of the news or maybe it was because his gummy smile and the love that radiates off him are so infectious that regardless of what you’re feeling, you smile alongside him.
“No way… Congratulations! But, why me? Aren’t families the ones to attend this and not your best friend’s younger sister?”
“What kind of question is that, y/n?” He laughs heartily. “We’ve known each other for so long. You’re like my little sister too. You’re like family to me.”
How can I not invite you to my engagement party?
“Hey, you ok?” You blink back your tears as a hand with your keys makes it way in your view.
“Chris?” You winced at how your voice cracked. “I-I’m good. It’s just- I mean, it’s the stupid allergies. Y’know how bad they are t-this time of the year. I’m fi-“ you couldn’t even lie to his face. His heartbroken expression tugging at your consciousness. The pain in your heart felt suffocating, yearning for the warmth and comfort of the carrot haired Aussie in front of you. So, you swallowed your pride, voice cracking as it fights the sobs making its way up your throat.“A-actually, no… I-I’m not fine.”
You felt the warm sleeves of his hoodie envelop you as you breathe in the smell of his faint cologne and the scent of laundry detergent. Chris holds you tight, hands automatically rubbing soft circles on your back as you wailed on his hoodie clad chest, the material absorbing your tears and heart break. He felt his heart break a bit with every uneven gasp as your shoulders shook and your hands curled tightly behind him; as if you were desperately clinging onto the only pillar of support while you try to get out every thought in your head. Why? Why did liking someone have to be so complicated? It hurts, It hurts. It hurts.
Chris was silent the entire time, waiting for you to air out your grievances. When you calmed down enough, he tugs you over towards the exit citing how he wanted to show you something. You stumbled as you allowed him to drag you outside under the vast milky way.
“I think this is a better place to talk than the hallway,” He spoke softly as he motions you to sit beside him. “What’s wrong, Bambi? Why’s my beautiful girl upset?” He coos, wiping away stray tears with his thumb.
And there it was, the gentleness you’ve come to love. You sniffed as the bottled up tears continue to trail down like falling stars down your eyes. So, you proceed to tell Chan the events that transpired. He listens to you pour out your woes like he always has, like a sponge that collects your sadness. He listens to you spill your heart out, all hiccups and sniffles as you voice out your jumbled mess of emotions.
“It feels so weird, you know? It feels like I’m abandoning someone I knew.” You sneezed into the fourth tissues that night. You put a fist to your chest, lightly pounding it to comfort yourself from the pain. “He was so special to me it feels so weird like my world is changing and I can’t do anything to stop it.”
Chris wanted to scoop you up in his arms as you ranted away. He made a mental note to buy some ice cream for you later and maybe a Legally Blonde marathon with Felix tomorrow night after doing some homework. He listened well, making mhms and it’s okays as you dwelled deeper into the grief of what you once knew.
“Do you love him?” You sucked in a breath as your mind whirls. Chris mentally winced at himself. He won’t deny that he felt a tad bit jealous of your attraction towards your older friend. Hell, he selfishly wanted it for himself. Stupid, why would you ask her something so obvious. She’s already crying her eyes out it’s obvious she lo—
“I… I don’t know.” You answered. Gone was the loud wails and sniffles of the past 30 minutes. You sounded like a mouse, small and scared. “I mean I do… I, I don’t know. I feel like I should . I’ve held onto it since middle school, but I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
You sigh into your hands, mind starting to throb. The feelings of second guessing greeting you again. Changgu asked you a similar question too, hoping for a peek of your love life. A lot can happen in the time you spent apart. It was friendly curiosity, one you can fulfill because between him and your brother, he was more of your secret keeper.
Do you like someone? You answered with a small smile as you sipped your coffee. Yes, you do. Only the person you thought about wasn’t the pretty man in front of you clad in a beige coat, it was the handsome Australian back at the apartment whose wardrobe only consists of black hoodies and muscle tees with matching basketball shorts and slides. The same cute neighbor you were crushing on months now; the same one you called your soulmate because of how well you fit like two clogs on a machine. The one who thought of you as a friend so you never dare tell him that you felt sparks that read into something more.
You gushed about Christopher from how you looked forward to getting the mail because it meant him greeting you good morning as he walked back Archie to their unit to how he looked like the bright stars when he smiles. How the curve of his lips felt like the sunshine and how amazing it felt when they were directed at you. Most of all you confided how much you love him for being him. The gentle and sweet best friend with a child like heart; the hardworking, reliable Chris Bang even if he stays up until 6 am to perfect a track he’s been working on.
“Why couldn’t I fall in love with you first?” It was so faint had his thoughts were a bit louder, had he not been paying attention he would’ve missed it. Your secret that slipped past the barriers of your heart. He felt his heart flutter a bit too wildly in his chest as he replays your secret in his head, as he admires you in the still of the night; moonlight casting an ethereal halo on your hair — all messed up and strands sticking out from the wind that played with it, the tears glistening your eyes as they pooled on your lower lashes. The shaky exhale of breath as your lips quivered from the cold. Were you a mess? sure, but Chris Bang thought you were the most beautiful person in his view. Even if you were a heartbroken confused mess.
And you are in love with him.
“Oh… Oh shit. I’m—“ Panic washed over your face. It took a minute to realize what you absentmindedly said. When you saw Chris, eyebrows raised and lips partially open in what you considered was shock, you knew he heard it. You start to curse anything that popped up in your head. While you have undeniable growing feelings for your neighbor, confessing while you cry over a past heartbreak was not in your itinerary. You hide your face in your hands, “I’m sorry.”
“What’re you sorry for?” Chris chuckles. His hands pries yours from your face exposing your tomato flushed cheeks. God, you must’ve looked crazy in front of him all messed up and make up smudged from all that crying, but Chris cared less. What mattered to him was that you felt the same as he did. A growing fondness that tiptoed beyond the line of friendship and into something more. You feel yourself tear up again from embarrassment and the overwhelming thoughts that piled itself one after another without much of a break.
He takes your hand in his, warm and a bit rough from the calloused skin of his palms. But they felt like home; the one you’ve been returning to the past 6 months ever since you’ve been comfortable to hold hands on more than one occasion. You feel his thumbs trace small patterns on yours, a trick to calm you down from the overwhelming thoughts in your head. Chris smiles at you all soft and gentle, his dimples coming out to greet you after a long night of processing emotions you needed to sort out. When he feels the silence stayed too long than it’s welcomed for he took it in his own hands.
“I like you too.”
It seemed to work. You paused. He likes you too. The cute Australian neighbor you’ve been crushing on for months; the one the younger residents will tease you with, the one Jeongin’s grandmother mistook as your boyfriend that one day you both went to deliver them some of Felix’s brownies and said you both should hurry up and get together. The same Christopher Bang who lives in your mind rent free after you send good night texts and little face time calls throughout the day likes you back.
You feel like you’re about to pass out. “You. Me?” You asked still in disbelief, “You like me?”
“I mean, I’d call it love but… that might be a bit too forward?” He giggles, ears turning a bright shade of red. He laughs when he feels you wiggle your joint hands. The air finally free from the tenseness.
“Chris!” You whined at him. Your brain stopped functioning awhile ago. Your actions now dependent on your emotions. He pulls you in his arms, gently placing your face on his chest. You can feel him laugh with the way it moves as if he’s trying to poorly mask how hard his heart is beating in his chest. He gives you a massive squeeze. The same happy ones he gives to Felix and Jeongin that’s like a release of energy. The same one he gives to his siblings, where he sways them a bit and goes Hmmmmm! before letting them go but this time he doesn’t let you go so you both sit there in the most comforting hug you’ve had since you got home.
“I know it’s a bit too fast. We can take it slow if you want.” He says. “I know it can take awhile to sort your feelings out. You’ve liked him for a long time, right? We don’t have to do anything or put labels if you’re uncomfortable with it. I’m happy enough that you like me back, but I want to give us a shot too. Will you allow me, love? Do you want to give us a shot?”
Chris is always so considerate. Ever the gentleman. You peeked from his chest so you can look at him properly. For the first time since you came home that night, you smiled. “I’d like that. Thank you, Chris Bear.”
“Anytime, Bambi.” He kisses your forehead before he repositions himself to give you a piggy back ride to your apartment. “Cmon, let’s get you home.”
Your snuggled against the warmth of his back as your eyes start to feel heavy, your energy all spent. His warmth surrounds you like a comforting blanket— like a teddy bear hence the nickname, Chris bear because Chris is basically a walking teddy bear. Minnie lets him in, an eyebrow raised as her eyes fall on your sleeping form clinging onto him like a koala. Chris tucks you in your bed, kissing your forehead as he wished you sweet dreams.
“If you get together before the engagement party, bring him as your plus one. I want to meet the man who charmed our little sunflower here.” You chuckled, thinking there was no way that would happen but somehow Changgu’s wish come true. You sent him a text 3 weeks later to rvsp two slots on the guest list.
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youn9racha · 19 hours ago
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What Ya Doin Step Bro?
Requested by: @ghazalestay
Pairing: step brother!Chanxstep sister!reader
Genre: fluff with an attempt at humor
Words: 2.1k
Warning: mentions of sex and virginity, bffs to step siblings? (is this trope even a thing? maybe?), reader lowkey being a bully to chan but in a best friend way, discussions of actual bullying and body image issues (but its very brief), just over all chaotic stepsiblings vibes
Extra notes: y’all thought it was that weird stuff huh ??? y’all nasties :| jk y’all do you,,,, still weird though. also i’ve been writing so many fluff nowadays,,,, this is getting concerning 🤨 i don’t want the softies and m*nors to come to me.. GO AWAY 😤😤 //hj. Also, i kinda made the reader have no siblings here so i hope that isn’t an issue lmfao.
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———————————————————————————
This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised. ——————————————————————————-
You screamed out your lungs, laughing, after “accidentally“ observing at Chan’s text from over your shoulder. You and Chan were best friends before you both became, well, step-siblings. Long story short, your mother and his father met up at some sort of match that you two per took in back when you were in middle school. One thing let to another and suddenly you found Chan living in the same house as you did, as well as his father. You’ve always found his dad as kind of a father figure, even before your mom has met him, so you were spared of the “evil stepparent” trope.
Nothing between you and Chan has changed, sure it was torturous at times, especially with his bad habit of leaving the bathroom floor wet for no absolute reason and other reasons, you both still pretty much are best friends who happen to be step siblings now. You both moved out, of course, but you both still lived in the same apartment as you are set to go to the same university. So you both are now best friends, step siblings and roommates.
Flash forward to now, where you are at the edge of your bed nearly falling off, while Chan gets his head off of your lap, looking at you confused. “What?!” He exclaimed at you, annoyed while simultaneously concerned over your suddenly loud reaction.
”Not this motherfucker here talking about liking getting called daddy, and yet is a virgin!” You exclaimef, still continuing your maniacal laugh. Chan blushed, realizing you have read his message from over his shoulder. He quickly locked his phone and chucked away his phone, “why did you read that of all things I’ve put up?! I was watching puppy videos on tiktok before this” He yelled back at you, looking at you struggling to breathe.
“You thought you were slick sending that in front of me!” You said through your laugh, “you are twenty-three, good sir, almost touching twenty-four, and your ass is acting like a fourteen year old!”
”Why are you spewing shit?! What have I done to you?!” He yelled in defense, all the while you didn’t show any sign of slowing down in terms of laughter. Chan grimaced at you up until you panted and wiped away your tears, indicating that your laughter has died down.
”You done, whore?” Chan questioned with an eye roll, making your smile villainously, nodding as you held onto his shoulder. “Tell me, who is she?”
”Why do you want to know?!”
”Because you’re my best friend and my brother?”
”No, its because you wanted to mock me for still being a virgin!” Chan said, not even looking at you in shame. He was sort of right about what he said, it was true that despite being in his early to mid twenties, he still hasn’t lost his virginity. It wasn’t for any purpose, he was just a nervous wreck. You would think that with his physique, good looks and charisma that he would pull up anyone with just simply glance from him. But it wasn’t the case, he was charismatic and did know how to talk to people, but Chan has always been territorial and didn’t just let anyone see his naked body.
It wasn’t for purity reasons, underneath that confident persona is an insecure man who doesn’t see what others do. You can even admit, albeit now weird considering he is now your stepbrother, Chan was a very good looking guy, and he can make his flaws flawles for sure. But you saw how he was mocked for his frail frame and weird body movements that he is able to do that not many can—which you obviously found yourself defending. But nevertheless, no amount of defense helped Chan’s self esteem. While you tried your best to boost him up, you understood how it wasn’t that easy.
However, you still enjoyed teasing Chan for being a late bloomer, not that you were any better though as you had lost your virginity just barely a year ago. But Chan couldn’t really bring that up as he knew you would say something smart back at him, making him defenseless. You could say he was waiting for the right one, but Chan wouldn’t mind to die a virgin, after all that body image issues he has gone through I think he’s good.
But he did ultimately found someone he could feel comfortable with. He has been seeing this girl from his cultural history class for a while now, and they both have been hitting off. You were so glad that Chan has finally expanded his horizons and opted to find someone to be apart of his life. He did show you pictures of her and you could admit she was gorgeous, but no amount of good looks fly by easily for you. While you were glad Chan‘s seeing someone, that didn’t mean you wouldn’t fight them for hurting him one bit.
You weren’t sure if its the sister or best friend, regardless no one is allowed to hurt your partner in crime. He has been your rock in your dark time, and you have been his, so you knew that if you were in Chan’s place, he would feel similarly. Well, maybe minus the straight up laugh at your face, since that that wouldn’t be needed.
“No, Chrissy, I won’t,” you spoke with a small laughter, making Chan scoff over your laughing and your nickname to him. He absolutely hates being called Chrissy, its a miracle that you were alive for calling you that. You suspect that he loves you too much to do so, but he would never admit that. “Yeah right, as if you didn’t make fun of me for not having sex,” he rolled his eyes opening his phone to look at the screen.
”And for actually liking getting called daddy, which by the way, I am disgusted by you, sir! I thought you were joking when you said you liked getting called that, now I can’t even look at you straight to the face!” You nudged him using your heel at his arm, teasing him. You hoped that that person, who began calling him daddy because he found him attarctive, on omegle doesn’t forgive themselves for unleashing something Chan didn’t know he kept in.
“And what about it?! It’s better than liking to get choked—“
”Hey! Quit kinkshaming me!” You protested.
“You quit kinkshaming!” Chan retorted back, turning his attention to you now. You both went back and forth and before he gets heated, he suddenly got a ringtone call. You both looked at the caller id, it was the girl from his history class. He pointed a finger at you, “this isn’t over,” he muttered at you in a threatening way before he answered the call.
“Hey,” his tone completely changed after he answered to which made you snicker, earning a side glance from the man next to you. You only sat back and observed your brother talking to his whatever the fuck he wants to be label her as. You weren’t interested as right now you felt as a thridwheel as Chan simply responded back to whatever the girl says to him. You rolled you eyes and got into your phone, as you were getting bored up until…
“Huh? You want me to come over?” Chan responded, which made you get up and get closer to his phone. Chan glanced at you, and attempted to push you away and give you the “get away from me” face as well as mouth you to stop, but he failed and immediately surrendered.
“Yeah, I just wanted to hang out with you more, since we haven’t been together,” the girl on the other line spoke in a specific tone, which made you and Chan glance at each other, to make sure if either of you heard her right. “And besides, I thought of a way we can both destress from our exams, would you like to partaken it…. daddy?”
You widened your eyes at her words used at him, which made your mouth open agape with a smile, in contrast with Chan, which he was a blushing, nervous mess. “Uh…” he looked at you, waiting for you to respond for him, to which you nodded, punched him in the arm and mouthed “go!”
”Y-yeah, I’ll see you there,” Chan laughed nervously. The ending conversation carried in the next few seconds, you still look at him with your mouth open. After he hung up, he looked down in panic. Not because of what he‘s about to do with the girl, but rather in fear of what you’re gonna say. He turned his head and he saw your villainous smile. “Oh no, (y/n)—“
”So she calls you daddy and is now inviting you to move onto the next step? Poor girl doesn’t know what she’ll get into.” You crossed your arms and shook your head as you speak. You didn’t mean to sound discouraging, if anything you’re proud of him of reaching a hard step, but you still wanted to push him over the limit. Chan twisted his face, “and what is that supposed to mean?”
”Chan, does she know you’re a virgin?”
The question you asked made Chan shuffle in his place as he got up from your bed, “oo would you look at the time? I must get ready—“
”She doesn’t know you’re a virgin?!” You asked, in a stern expression, which made Chan slump his shoulder down and sigh in shame, “no, no she doesn’t.” He confessed, but in a more embarrassed and muttered tone. He sort of expected you to laugh straight at his face, but he saw you maintain the same expression and position.
“Why didn’t you tell her?” You interrogated him even further and made him even more nervous with him scratching his neck, “I don’t know, I guess I‘m just scared that she’ll judge me or something,” he shrugs, pursing his lips after speaking. You looked at him with a pity expression, which Chan took notice, “no! No! Don’t look at me like that! You’re making me feel bad about myself!”
”Chan, you have to tell her,” You simply said, making Chan sigh, “I know.. I know.” Chan didn’t mean to not tell her, he already feels bad for letting her have high hopes in his abilities when in fact he‘s clueless. Granted he has watched porn in lifetime, but he knows that most of what porn showcases are mainly fabricated and acting. So now, he has to face the humiliation.
”I will tell her, but just know, if I get laughed at, it’s your fault,” Chan says, making you smile at him, “if she did laugh, I’ll beat her pretty ass up!” You said, resulting in a laughing Chan, a genuine one. Once he died down his laugh, he looks at you, “Thanks, sis,” he says in genuine thankfulness, which made you nod back and lifted two fingers up to your temples in salute, “it’s no problem, bro,“ you said, and as Chan was about to leave your room, you shouted, “don’t forget to send me update, stupid hoe!”
”I won’t!“
~~~
It was eleven pm, Chan left at seven, which was four ago. You haven’t gotten a call, or a text from him, which could mean anything. Did she make fun of him? Did she change her mind? Did HE change his mind? Was she understandable? As sheould be, or else she‘ll be six feet under. So many questions were being asked in your head, worried over your best friend. As you picked up your phone to at least text Chan, you suddenly got a notification from him.
Christopher 💥: hey !! i’m gonna spend the night at her place, so don’t worry about me :))
You looked at the message with a baffled expression.
(y/n) 🤮: tell me !!! what happened ??? did she do anything to hurt you
Christopher 💥: I’ll let you decide ;)
Later after he sent that text message, he sent an image attached; it was a picture of him and his girl, her cuddling into his chest and her head was placed onto his hickeyed neck. They both were presume to be naked, as both of them were covered from the chest up, but all in all, you know what it meant.
Your best friend/stepbrother/roommate has official dropped his v-card and lost it.
(y/n)🤮: OH MY FUCKING !!!! BANG CHRISTOPHER CHAN YOU BETTER TELL ME THE FULL DETAILS WHEN YOU GET YOUR ASS BACK 🏃‍♀👀
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fizzydrink698 · 3 months ago
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touch | chan
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pairing: bang chan/reader
word count: 7.2k
genre: romance, werewolf au, frenemies-to-lovers
warnings: swearing, dirty talk, hot and heavy making-out, reader is a capital-B Brat, blood (chan’s got those gnarly-looking claw-marks on his back and chest), yes this was entirely inspired by that wolfgang performance
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summary:
Then, he finally notices the first-aid kit in your hand, and he changes.
The corners of his lips turn up, twisting into a smirk. He raises his chin, one eyebrow arching at the sight of you. It’s a smug, quietly dangerous look from Chan that you’ve never seen before. One that sets your nerves on edge, has the hairs on the back of your neck standing up.
“Why?” Chan asks, and his hand drifts up to undo his top button. “Are you here to play nurse?”
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There’s something wrong with Chan.
You notice immediately, trying to stay discreet as you watch through the window at the boys as they wander out of the forest, stretching limbs, ruffling dishevelled hair.
You’re still getting used to the whole werewolf thing.
It had only been a few months ago that you had returned from a semester abroad to find that your life-long best friend, Felix, had been bitten by some sketchy creep at a beach bonfire.
There’s no…lingering guilt about not being there. Or anything.
You’re fine.
But Chan isn’t. That’s what you’re so focused on right now.
His expression is guarded, shoulders tense as he walks just a few steps behind the rest of the group. You watch Felix hang back a second, talking to him, saying something you can’t hear through the window. You see Chan shake his head, patting him on the shoulder, and when Felix says something else, he moves his hand to the back of Felix’s head, scratching it affectionately.
You know objectively that Chan taking in Felix was one of the best things to happen for him. From the little you’ve gleaned about werewolves, you know that packs work like a support network. A new family. It’s good for him.
It just…chafes a little that you’re not a part of it. It feels unfair that the only way to regain that position you once held in Felix’s life would be to get bitten too, suffer through the painful transition, disconnect from society, spend days and weeks and months of your life as a mindless animal ready to attack and maul any living thing in sight–
Chan’s limping.
You catch it. Just barely.
You don’t think anyone else has noticed. You think you only caught it because Chan hasn’t noticed you looking.
Hasn’t noticed you.
You were surprised when Chan approached you a few weeks ago with a proposition. It was a simple enough request – staying at their cabin while the full moon happened, house-sitting while they spent the better part of three days doing their wolf stuff. You could catch up on your schoolwork, spend a few days alone to collect your thoughts.
It was nice. Quiet. Maybe a little lonely. But still nice.
You just didn’t see why you were needed. And Chan didn’t really do much to make you feel wanted either.
The other boys like you, you think. Felix obviously adores you, and the others joke around with you and share smiles and try to give you teasing little compliments when they think they can break you down, make you blush. It hasn’t worked so far, but it’s cute that they’re trying.
But Chan’s different. So warm to his boys, so committed to the role as pack leader – but there’s something off in the way he acts with you. Being a wolf, being a leader, is so intrinsic to his being and it’s all meaningless to you. He has no authority over you. He has nothing in common with you.
And he’s intimidating as fuck.
The first of the group finally make it to the door, filing in as they laugh raucously about some inside joke Felix might catch you up on later.
“Is there anything to eat?” Jisung asks, eyes alight.
You scowl. “Why are you asking me? You think I waited around all weekend, cooking you guys dinner?”
You had made it clear from day one that you weren’t going to be some house mother to these guys, some kind of Wendy to their Lost Boys. You had your own life, and you were doing them a favour just by agreeing to stay in such an isolated cabin, miles away from the rest of civilisation.
But as Jisung’s face slowly turns guilty, his gaze shifting to the floor as he is undoubtedly recalling this same conversation, you can’t help but sigh. “…I tried following Felix’s cookie recipe yesterday. There’s some left in the fridge.”
Jisung’s face lights up, and you try hard to keep your expression neutral when he leans in and kisses your cheek. “Cute.”
You shove him away, scowl firmly back in place. “Only the burned ones are left. Fucking help yourself, asshole.”
Jisung just laughs, already heading for the fridge.
Hyunjin, who had followed right behind him, gives you a smile as he takes a seat at the kitchen counter, attempting to tease out a stray twig knotted in his hair. “Thanks for staying.”
You shrug. “Eh. I got some quiet time. Managed to finish outlining my dissertation. It wasn’t the worst weekend, I guess.”
Seungmin is the next to wander through, and you notice the rips in his shirt, the way his right sleeve hangs off his arm in tatters. Felix has informed you of the perils of clothing as a werewolf, how easily things can rip and snag when you don’t quite have the transformation under control yet. It’s hard to undress when you’re literally in the middle of turning in to a big scary man-sized wolf, you suppose.
Jeongin’s shirt is open, every single button apparently a casualty of transforming, seams along his sleeves and sides burst. He passes you by with a sheepish grin, hair mussed, shoulders straightened out just a touch at the sight of you.
Felix throws his arms around you as soon as he walks through the door, shouting his greeting in your ear. He’s practically vibrating, still on the high of adrenaline from whatever wolfy things he did this weekend. Chased deer? Howled at the moon, maybe?
“-so cool, he just pounced on this bear, you wouldn’t believe it. Our Jeonginnie’s getting so strong!”
You close your eyes, burrowing your face in Felix’s shoulder for a second as he recounts the weekend’s escapades in breathless excitement.
Definitely lonely, you think. This weekend has definitely felt lonely.
When you open your eyes, you catch sight of a pair of thick black boots, marching past you. By the time you glance up, you only catch the barest glimpse of Chan’s back retreating from you as he heads up the stairs in silence.
“What’s up with Chan?” You ask, blinking.
“Huh?” Felix pulls away from you to turn, following your gaze to the now-empty staircase. “Uh, nothing much. He always gets kind of quiet after we transform back. It’s kind of intense, especially for him. He’ll be fine.”
You think back to that limp, the way Chan’s body had faltered when he thought no one was looking.
These boys are tough. You know that they’re strong, resilient and heal supernaturally fast. You’ve maybe seen them hurt once or twice, with bruises or scrapes that heal up in about an hour.
You have never seen Chan, the great and fearless pack leader, hurt – and you have definitely never seen him limping like that.
It piques your curiosity.
“Just give me a sec,” you murmur, squeezing Felix’s arm. You turn to the rest of the room, barely sparing a glance at the way Changbin opened the snack cupboard with so much force that he almost ripped the handle clean off. “You guys eat. Maybe wash up a little. I don’t wanna use the phrase ‘wet dog’ but–”
Minho flashes you a grin, and throws up one long, delicate middle finger in your direction.
You purse your lips, blowing him a kiss, before turning on your heel and heading up the stairs after Chan.
His room is at the very end of the hallway. You pass by the bathroom on the way to it, and in a moment of inspiration, you quickly stop there to grab the first-aid kit you kept stocked under the sink.
Chan’s bedroom door is, of course, firmly shut when you arrive. You knock, gently at first, at least making the attempt at politeness. When he doesn’t answer, you try again even harder.
No response.
You resort to pounding your fist against the door. “Chan?”
“…Not now,” finally came the response, the irritation in his tone clear even through the muffling of the wood.
“Chan–”
“Not in the fucking mood.”
You blink at his terse response, before scoffing. Rude.
“Channie,” you sing-song, unable to resist winding him up just a little. “Channie, are you in there?”
“Leave me alone.”
You actually take a step back, staring in shock at the door.
You’ve only heard Chan use that voice on a handful of occasions before. Felix described it as Chan’s ‘alpha voice’ (even after you tried to explain to him that the concept of alpha wolves had already been disproven in science decades ago, “just ask David Mech–”) reserved only for the most serious of situations.
It was something only leaders had, a tone of voice that could bend the will of his pack members, force them to obey whatever he commanded.
Of course, with you not being a werewolf, that ‘alpha voice’ did jack-fucking-shit.
“Oh, scary. Chan’s all grumpy today,” you drawl, stepping forwards again. “I’m not leaving until you let me in, asshole. Now open the fucking door.”
There’s a pause. A long pause.
And then a sigh.
You’re already smirking when the lock turns, and the door slowly swings open to reveal Chan’s thunderous expression. “What do you want?”
“The pleasure of your company,” you retort, already trying to muscle your way in through the gap in the door.
Your shoulder makes contact with his side, shoving against it, and you jolt in shock when Chan reels back, wincing as his hands immediately flew to his ribs.
Oh, fuck.
Something was wrong.
You shut the door behind you, expression softening as you take in the sight of him.
His white shirt is streaked with dirt and grass stains, possibly salvageable with a long hot wash, nothing out of the ordinary. There’s a bright sheen of sweat covering his skin, clinging to the hair at his temples. His jaw is clenched, his nose flaring as he tries to breathe deeply. His whole body is tensed up.
He’s in pain.
You falter, unsure exactly how to deal with this situation now that you had forced your way into it.
“…What happened?”
Chan makes a face, turning away from you as he straightens up, pulling his hands away from his side. “Nothing.”
“Bullshit. You’re hurt.”
“It’s nothing. Leave it.”
“No.”
Chan closes his eyes, letting out another long sigh through his nose. “Has anyone ever told you how irritating you are?”
“Frequently. It’s one of my charms. What happened?”
His eyes open, and he fixes you with one long, appraising stare. “…You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
“The boy catches on fast,” you comment. “What was it? Felix said something about a bear–”
Chan actually chuckles at that – well, you can almost call it a chuckle. A sharp exhale of air that sounds amused as Chan rolls his eyes. “No, it wasn’t the bear,” he says, like it’s obvious.
“So, what was it?”
He falls silent again.
You frown, eyes narrowing at his stubbornness.
Well, two can play at that game.
You turn away from him, wandering over to his neatly made bed and dropping your rear onto it with a graceless thud. You sit there on the edge, legs crossed. You raise an eyebrow, challenging him.
The message is clear – you’re not leaving until you get answers.
Chan’s expression is unreadable as he eyes your new position. “…Get off my bed.”
You smile, and lean back, planting your hands into the soft sheets behind you. “Maybe if you tell me what’s wrong.”
He just stares at you, eyes burning.
You decide to change tactics. Voice softening, you tilt your head as you look up at him. “This is…this is how I show concern. OK? I’m concerned.”
Your words draw out the slightest hint of softness in Chan’s eyes, and you know immediately. Got him.
He swallows, and with a final sigh, he shifts his weight from one foot to another. “Jeongin…he’s getting strong. Maybe too strong. I was trying to help him transform back, and he…caught me.”
Your eyebrows shoot up, your eyes widening in shock.
He quickly clarifies himself. “By accident, obviously.”
“And the others…haven’t noticed?”
Chan shrugs, then immediately hisses at the pain of it, tensing again for a few moments until he manages to regain his composure. “…They noticed. I just told them I was fine.”
“Of course you did.”
Chan has a talent in persuading people. He’s got this raw charisma about him, the kind that could make you believe anything he wanted if he gave you enough attention, said just the right things.
“How bad is it?”
“I’ll be fine.”
“That’s nice. How bad is it?”
Your tone is sharp, sickeningly sweet. There’s something in you that takes a grim kind of pleasure in condescending to Chan, that enjoys disrespecting him when so many of his pack members seems to worship the ground he walks on.
It’s also the precise way to really push his buttons – which, of course, is a big part of the fun.
Instantly, his expression hardens, and his eyes are back to that burning kind of fury as he glares across the room at you.
Then, he finally notices the first-aid kit in your hand, and he changes.
The corners of his lips turn up, twisting into a smirk. He raises his chin, one eyebrow arching at the sight of you. It’s a smug, quietly dangerous look from Chan that you’ve never seen before. One that sets your nerves on edge, has the hairs on the back of your neck standing up.
“Why?” Chan asks, and his hand drifts up to undo his top button. “Are you here to play nurse?”
His tone is mocking, pointed – a perfect reflection of your own.
His hand travels down to the second button.
He’s trying to intimidate you, scare you into submission, send you running out the door.
You grip the kit even tighter in your hand, and watch as he undoes that button too.
“Oh, no. Not skin, Channie,” you remark, voice just a touch too strained for your liking. “Anything but that.”
He ignores you, moving onto the third and then the fourth, shirt gaping open to reveal more and more of his torso as his hands travelled.
This is starting to venture into unfamiliar territory.
But you hold your ground regardless, watching as more and more of his body became exposed.
It’s…it’s a nice body. Lean. Defined. Chan clearly takes care of himself. Works out.
You’re unable to resist following the lines of an emerging six-pack, fading and sharpening with each of his breaths.
You swallow. “…Chan, if you’re just trying to show off–”
He slips the shirt off entirely, and your words catch in your throat.
You stare.
He’s so broad. It’s one thing to see him under clothes, but it’s entirely different to see him stripped so bare, to see the meat of his shoulders and biceps, to see just how big he is.
And normally, your attention would be all over that.
But it’s not.
Because your gaze is caught on the marks on his chest, some still bleeding, some turned shiny and pink as Chan heals himself.
You rise up from the bed immediately, almost jumping to your feet, at the sight.
Chan pauses for just a fraction of a second at your sudden movement. “Wh–”
“Get on the bed,” you order him, no trace of humour in your tone. It is all business, all urgency.
Chan blinks at your words, mouth opening to respond.
“Now,” you snap, looking him over again. “They need to get cleaned out before they heal over, genius. Get on the bed.”
It takes a second for your words to sink in, and his expression shifts when he finally grasps what you’re trying to tell him.
And then, Chan makes the very smart decision to do what you say, brushing past you as he walks towards his own bed and slowly sits down with a wince. “…Go on, then.”
You nod, making your way back to the bed and climbing up onto the mattress, crawling around Chan to check out the damage to his back.
…Fuck.
You’re faced with scores of angry claw-marks, cuts still oozing blood as they decorate his shoulders, his ribs, even the small of his back.
“What the fuck, Chan?” You hiss under your breath, fingers fumbling with the zip of the first-aid kit as you scramble to open it.
“Is it bad?” He asks, his voice so fucking casual.
You can’t even form a response, thoughts too tangled up in the state of his back. You dig for the antiseptic wipes, not exactly ideal for the situation but probably the best thing you had for cleaning these wounds.
“This is going to sting,” you warn, barely giving Chan time to brace himself before you press the wipe to the first of the cuts.
He grunts at the pain, teeth gritted as he tries to bite back any more sound. Of course he’s trying to tough this out.
You’re silent as you try to fix up the worst of his cuts, making do with what you have. The best thing would be to get him under running water – less of a chance of damaging the skin that way.
But considering you had enough of a time just convincing him to let you help him, you doubt you’d be able to persuade him to leave the safety of his bedroom and chance an encounter with his packmates on the way to the bathroom.
So, antiseptic wipes it is.
You finish off the back, applying appropriate dressing to the worst of the cuts. The muscles of his back still tense under your touch, twitching under your fingers. As your panic slowly eases with each treated wound, it’s getting harder and harder not to notice the way he’s built, the grooves and dips of each muscle.
You swallow at the sight. It’s a…it’s a strong back, you suppose.
Gently, very gently, you run your fingers across the planes of his back, paying close attention to the way it shifts underneath. “Any…like, muscle pain? Tightness? Aches?”
“…No. Honestly, it doesn’t even hurt much now. I’ll be fine in, like, an hour.”
You nod, moving your hand away. You’ve seen the effects of wolf healing first-hand. “OK. I’m…I’ll do your front now.”
Chan pauses, before shifting backwards by just a few inches. You shuffle on your knees to his side, watching as he finally settles, before turning his face to meet your gaze. He holds it, very carefully, before slowly leaning back, expression neutral.
Leaving more than enough room for you on his lap.
This feels like another test, you think to yourself, as you eye him with suspicion. Another power-play, meant to throw you off.
You think Chan doesn’t like it when he’s not in control. He’s not used to it.
“What?” Chan says, breaking you out of your trance. “You said you’d do my front. Don’t you need to hurry, before they close up?”
There’s a layer to his tone, the barest hint of challenge, and it has you straightening up in seconds, ready to face him head-on.
Fine. If he really thought he could break you like this, he had another thing coming.
With all the grace and self-assurance you could muster, you crawl back over to him, swinging one leg over him to plant both knees either side of his hips, straddling him without even batting an eye.
“Stay still,” you demand, gripping his shoulder with one hand as you shift your weight around, trying to get comfortable as you hover just a few inches above his lap.
Chan is silent, and somehow that’s even worse than when he was trying to provoke you earlier. You can feel his breath ghost against your ear, hear the tiniest little noises he made whenever you reached a new wound.
And fuck, his chest. His shoulders. His abs. Everything. Just…there’s a lot to take in. If you’re not careful, you’re going to get distracted.
Swallowing, you dab at one of the shallow cuts near his collarbone and finally speak up. “I guess I should say thanks for letting me stay here this weekend. I managed to get a shit-load of essay-reading done.”
Chan hums, and you feel the vibrations under your fingertips. “Good. Thanks for looking after the cabin while we were gone.”
“I still don’t think it was necessary,” you can’t help but add, trying to keep your tone light. “I didn’t really do much.”
“…Felix is always talking about wanting to spend more time with you,” Chan comments, and you pause at his words. “And you get on well with the others. You’re a good influence. Having you here seemed…like a smart idea at the time.”
“Seemed like? At the time?” You repeat, picking up on the subtle implications of his words. “Are you saying it wasn’t smart?”
“There are always risks,” Chan states, non-committal, eyes flickering to look at you. Naturally, your faces are incredibly close in this position – no more than a few inches apart. “Complications.”
“Like what?”
“We always have to stay careful around you, especially around a full moon. You’re more fragile than we are.”
“That’s me,” you retort, sarcasm dripping from your every word. You bring your hand up to his chest to steady yourself as you move on to the next scratch. His skin is warm under your fingertips, smooth. “Delicate little flower that I am. Gotta handle me gently, or I’ll break.”
Chan hesitates before he answers, and when the words do come out, they’re very carefully spoken. “…I don’t know. Maybe you could take a little more.”
“No shit,” you say absently, finishing up the last of his cuts by his shoulder. All pretty superficial, guaranteed to heal in the next hour. “I’m tougher than I look, Channie. I can take a lot.”
Chan doesn’t respond, and when you glance up, you see that his eyes have fluttered shut. He’s taking slow, deep breaths – like he’s meditating, or about to fall asleep.
There’s the tiniest of scratches on his cheekbone.
Gently, very gently, you lift one hand to rest against his face – and his eyes snap open in panic to stare at you.
“You got a thing,” you manage to blurt out, pointing towards the scratch. “There. Just gonna…yeah, clean it. You don’t want something getting infected on your face.”
Honestly, a cut that small is probably not going to get infected – especially with how quickly Chan can heal.
But…well…
You’re a completionist.
Chan stares at you, and for a brief moment, panic starts to take hold in your gut. Have you gone too far?
But instead, he just says. “You’re not usually this…nice.”
“You’d be amazed how nice I can be when you don’t avoid my very reasonable questions.”
“You mean, when you get your own way?”
“That too.”
Chan laughs, eyes still fixed on you. “You’re a bit of a brat, aren’t you?”
He probably just means it innocently, but the way he says ‘brat’, the tone of his voice…
You take a deep breath, fighting back the flush that threatens to creep into your face. “Sometimes. It’s another one of those charms I was talking about.”
Chan doesn’t have a response to that. Maybe he wasn’t expecting you to agree.
You shift again, as your attention turns to the next set of scratches, and by sheer accident, your fingertips catch his nipple. You feel him tense under you, breath escaping him in one sharp exhale, and he hisses. “Careful.”
“Sorry,” you mumble, but you can’t help but examine this new piece of information about Chan with amusement. Sensitive nips. How unexpectedly…cute. “You OK?”
“Mm-hm. Just finish this up quickly,” he says, and there’s an edge of urgency in his tone, a desire to really see you end this as soon as possible.
It sounds foolish, but it’s really only then that you realise just how compromising this position is. Like, objectively, you had known the whole time that you had been straddling Chan – but it had still felt like a game, a competition, a statement.
The idea that he just wanted this over with should feel like victory, but you find yourself a little caught off-guard.
You’re so caught up in these thoughts that you don’t think through your next action. You’re so focused on reaching for that last wound snaking around his rib, just a touch too low for you to reach with your legs in their current position. You just need to lower them, then you can reach, then you can finish. Easy.
That’s why you don’t think twice before you lower yourself onto his lap completely, completely intent on just cleaning the cut and moving on.
And then you feel it.
Something in his lap, not quite pressing up into you, but certainly there. Interested. Insistent.
Chan is getting hard.
Your eyes snap up to meet his, watching as he swallows, struggling to hide the new flush in his face.
“Ignore it.”
“I–”
“It happens sometimes, after a transformation. Body’s still trying to recover, hormones are all over the place. Ignore it.”
“…OK,” you nod, giving him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he’s right, it does make some kind of logical sense that his body is still all out of whack from changing. Physiological reactions happen. Dudes pop boners for literally no reason sometimes. It’s fine.
Of course, you’d been around Felix several times after his transformations, ready with water and clean clothes and some good old-fashioned moral support. And never once had this happened.
You can’t help but comment on it – which maybe spoke volumes for your own self-preservation instincts. “I mean, it definitely can’t be the cute girl in your lap or anything.”
Chan stills at your words, and his response is definitely evasive. “…You’re calling yourself cute now, huh?”
“You say it like it’s not the objective truth,” you respond, gently dabbing at that deceptively deep cut on his ribs. He tenses with the pain, and in your new position, you can feel the way his thighs squeeze and harden, the way his breath cuts short. You swallow, feeling a little warm. “I’m decently attractive. I’m very aware of this. It seems you’re aware of it too.”
“What makes you so sure of that?”
You smile sweetly at the man under you, the picture of innocence. “Channie, your dick is literally poking me in the leg.”
To your surprise, he flushes at your words, quickly averting his gaze as he tried to keep his expression under control. “…It’s a wolf thing, not a you thing.”
You’re not so sure about that.
You don’t know what to do with this new knowledge. Chan – big, scary, pack leader Chan – finds you attractive. It fills you with a sense of…power. You have to fight to keep the smirk off your face, but there’s no mistaking the smugness growing inside of you with every passing second. “For a wolf thing, you’re very flustered.”
“Maybe it’s because you keep talking about my dick,” Chan mutters.
“You want me to stop?” You ask, only half-teasing. You’re not here to push any limits, make anyone feel uncomfortable.
And again, Chan’s response is evasive. “Are you actually capable of stopping?”
…Interesting.
Testing a theory, your hand returns to the cut on his side, and carefully, you press down.
Chan makes the tiniest pained groan, hand flying up to grab at your hip, squeezing. The sudden contact is enough to jar you slightly, pushing you forward along the slowly growing bulge in Chan’s pants. His grip on your hip tightens.
“You did that on purpose,” Chan hisses through his teeth.
“Keeping pressure on that deep of a wound is important,” you say, shrugging. “I’m sure you can handle it, big guy.”
He growls – a low, rumbling sound from deep in his chest – and you roll your eyes.
“Calm down.”
You expect Chan to respond immediately, but he doesn’t. He’s quiet – no, he’s silent. His eyes stay fixed on you, and you’re starting to find the attention a little…much.
“You’ve never been scared of us,” Chan finally notes. “Have you?”
You blink. “Not particularly, no.”
And you really haven’t. As much as you’re aware of the danger they pose, the strength they possessed – hell, just look at the marks Jeongin left on Chan, by accident – you still found it difficult to summon any kind of real fear of them. They were just…dorky young men. Loud. Funny, in their own bizarre ways.
“I trust you,” you add, quietly.
Chan stares back at you, eyes widening just slightly.
You tilt your head. “You seem surprised.”
“I just…didn’t think you liked me very much.”
“…You’re OK, I guess.”
Chan raises an eyebrow at you.
“What you’ve done for Felix…you know, makes up for your personality.”
You’re being a little meaner than usual – probably to compensate for the growing warmth in the pit of your stomach every time you looked too long at Chan’s naked torso, or thought too hard about what you could feel beneath you.
Chan doesn’t seem to even notice.
Instead, he suddenly tilts his head, eyeing you very intently. His eyes narrow slightly.
“Huh.”
“What?” You ask.
“You said you’re not scared?” Chan says, suddenly serious. Intent on something.
You’re somewhat wary when you reply. “Yeah. Of course I’m not.”
You jump, because suddenly Chan’s other hand slides around your neck. Not in a choking position – there’s no pressure at all, his palm is only covering the side of your neck, and his thumb is resting just under the corner of your jaw instead of anywhere near your windpipe.
It’s unexpected enough to render you completely silent for a moment, blinking at him in confusion.
And then you see the corners of his mouth turn up in that familiar smirk, and you feel the pad of his thumb press just a little more firmly into your skin.
“Thought I heard something,” Chan muses, vaguely, and it takes you a few seconds to realise…
His hand. His thumb.
He’s checking your pulse.
…Oh, stupid fucking wolf senses. Of course he could hear how hard your heart was beating – the one tell you couldn’t control.
It feels a little unfair, honestly.
He knows he has the upper hand now, and his entire body language changes with this information. He’s relaxed, open, ten times more confident as he watches you with that teasing smirk. “So, if you’re not scared, why–”
“Shut the fuck up,” you snap, fuming that he’s managed to one-up you with this stupid little supernatural advantage he has.
“I don’t think I will.”
The hand on your hip shifts just slightly, and his thumb presses into the dip of your hipbone, rubbing slow circles into the soft flesh there.
It’s irritatingly effective. You find your own thighs starting to twitch, core clenching.
Chan hums again, this time in amusement, and continues this movement. His other hand drops from your neck to rest on your other hip. It’s a strange balance – there’s no pressure there, his touch is so light but it’s almost…possessive.
The two of you are starting to drift a little close to the edge of something.
Chan is now unmistakeably hard, and you can feel him pressing up into your inner thigh – just a few inches off from your core. It’s taking a lot of willpower to stop yourself from shifting slightly over and getting that pressure right where you needed it. You’re glad you wore jeans today instead of a skirt – there would be no hiding the effect he was having on you without the extra layer of denim separating you from his lap.
“It seems like you’re done with that,” Chan notes, nodding his head towards the first-aid kit by your side, which has sat untouched for a while now.
You look down at it. “…Yeah, I’m finished. You’re all set.”
Despite your words, you make no attempt to leave his lap.
Chan notices, and his grip tightens around you. Not pulling you down onto him, but just…holding. Tightly.
There’s a moment of silence that settles between the two of you. You’re fixated on each other, like two opponents in a game of chess, regarding the other’s every move.
Being the first to give in almost seems like a defeat, an admission of weakness. But if you’re going to go down, you’re going to go down swinging.
Your hand snakes up into his hair, tangling itself in the roots and tugging his head up to meet yours when your lips come crashing down on his.
Chan groans into you, and that’s when he finally relents, squeezing your hips with his hands as he grinds you down onto him. The friction is enough to make you whimper, the embarrassing sound muffled but still painfully audible.
When you finally pull away for breath, Chan is already attacking your throat with kisses, insatiable. You imagine he’s this close to openly rutting up against you – and it’s that desperation that soothes your ego, allowing you to believe you’re saving face here. Does it really count as a defeat when Chan is so clearly the more eager one?
You barely get the chance to savour this thought, before one of Chan’s hands leaves your hip to slowly slide under your shirt, taking his time. He reaches your bra, and you feel him stroke the lacy edge of the cup.
You pause, still shivering with delight as Chan’s mouth finds the sensitive spot just under your ear, and gently mouths at it. “Chan–”
“Just let me know if you want to stop, baby,” Chan murmurs in your ear, breathy. His hand is still on the cup itself, and he makes no attempt to slip his hand underneath just yet.
“Of course I fucking will,” you bite back. It’s like a switch flipped in Chan the second you kissed him – suddenly so intent on taking control, on treating you like something delicate. Where’s the Chan from five minutes ago who wrapped his hand around your neck to prove a point, and argued with you over how his scratches needed treating?
It’s clearly time for you to flip that switch back.
Grabbing his chin firmly, you lifted his face back to yours to initiate another kiss. The hand on his chin slid up to cup his jaw, and you allowed him a few seconds to enjoy himself before you plucked up the courage to execute the first step of your plan.
You let your lips part under the pressure of his, and then suddenly nipped at his bottom lip, not quite drawing blood but certainly adding some pain to his pleasure.
Chan jolts back in shock, eyes blown ride as he reaches up and touches his bottom lip.
“Like I said,” you remind him, resettling your weight across Chan’s hips, ignoring the way he sucks in a breath when your movement sparks another delicious wave of friction. “Tougher than I look. Don’t start being gentle with me now.”
You accompany your words with a roll of your hips, dragging yourself across the front of his pants and this time Chan grips you hard enough to bruise.
You suppress a grin, and instead pat him on the shoulder, condescending. “I mean, unless you can’t handle it–”
Chan cuts you off, crushing his lips to yours, and the hand still on your hip slides around to slip down your jeans and grab at your ass-cheek. An embarrassing squeak escapes your lips, which only makes him even more smug when he murmurs. “Such a fucking brat.”
“Brat? What happened to ‘baby’?”
“Maybe if you start behaving again.”
You get a particularly strong urge to pout, but you figure that would only prove him right, so instead you do the next best thing.
You run one hand down his front, careful to avoid any lingering injuries, and find the button to his jeans. You manage to pop it open with one hand – a surprising display of dexterity, and you’re a little miffed that Chan isn’t suitably impressed – and you only fumble a little with the zipper as you tug it down.
You’re interrupted momentarily when Chan finally decides it’s time to slide his hand under your bra cup, and you bite down a whimper when the rough pad of his thumb brushes over your nipple.
Chan catches on, and focuses all of his attention on teasing that area, again and again. It’s a little embarrassing, how many sounds as he can draw out of you with just one fucking hand on your breast, but at this point, it’s getting a little too difficult to care.
You close your eyes, letting your head dip forward to rest against his, losing yourself in the feeling for just a little while.
You don’t notice that your hand has fallen completely away from his zipper, instead moving to grab at his thigh.
But, of course, Chan does. “Hm? Weren’t you trying to do something there?”
You open your eyes.
This bitch.
It’s probably a bit of a dirty tactic, but you can’t help yourself.
You drop your gaze, taking in a breath before biting your bottom lip. “I…uh…”
Chan blinks at this sudden change in your body language, and pauses. He doesn’t quite withdraw his hand from your breast fully, but his fingers start stroking patterns into your side. “You OK?”
“I’m fine, I’m good,” you make sure to clarify with him, before swallowing. “I’m just…a little worried.”
Already, Chan is settling back into his ‘leader’ role, preparing himself to reassure, to comfort. “What are you worried about?”
You try to keep a straight face. You fail miserably.
“You’ve been hard for so long, I’m worried you’re gonna cum in your pants the second your dick gets touched.”
You finally chance a look up at his face, lips pressing together as you try to contain your smirk.
And there it is, that fire in his eyes.
You definitely don’t have to worry about him going gentle with you now.
In the blink of an eye, Chan flips the two of you. Your back hits the mattress with a thud, and you barely have time to readjust before he’s got both hands on your hips again. Only this time, he’s lifting your ass up off of the bed, legs in the air, and in one smooth motion, pulls your jeans clean off.
Oh, that was hot.
That was…pretty fucking hot.
And now that your jeans are off, Chan has a clear view of just how much he’s been affecting you.
“Oh, baby,” he croons, sliding one hand up your inner thigh, coming to a rest at the edge of your soaked underwear. “Look at you.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
He just laughs, and your breath catches when he leans in. His hand moves away, and you feel his lips replace it, planting a kiss just off to the side of where you need it most.
It’s truly a sight, seeing Chan – shirt off, pants unbuttoned, shoulders tensing as he holds himself up by his forearms – between your legs.
You’re not going to beg this man.
Definitely not.
…But you might find it in you to ask politely.
“Ch-Chan–”
Suddenly, to your horror, there’s a knock at his bedroom door.
Chan jolts up, sitting back on his knees, looking down at you with pure panic.
The same thought runs through both your minds.
Shit. You didn’t lock the door.
Changbin’s voice comes through, muffled. “Hey, dude? You in there?”
Chan launches himself at the door, pressing both hands to it before Changbin can even attempt to open it. “Just a second!”
He turns back to look at you, hair mussed, eyes wide with panic.
You’re pretty sure the same can be said for you.
After a moment of blind panic, Chan has the sense to do up his jeans. You see the way his jaw tightens, eyes squeezing shut for a second when he has to dig his hand into pants to shove his erection down one side. It doesn’t do that much to hide what’s going on – and you feel yourself twitch at the thought of how fucking big Chan seems to be down there – but it’s better than nothing.
With one last futile attempt at fixing his hair, Chan lets out one last deep breath, and cracks open the door. “Yeah?”
You know you’re out of sight in your current position – with how small that gap is in the door, Changbin only has a narrow view of the far wall – but you still tense. Your legs quickly snap together, but you don’t risk trying to reach for your jeans to put them back on.
You hear Changbin speak once again. “Have you seen…oh, well obviously, you have–”
“What?” Chan interrupts, and you fight the urge to face-palm at how panicked he sounds.
“It looks like she’s patched you up,” you hear Changbin say, his voice slow, careful. He’s definitely picked up on something. “Did she say anything about going out? She’s not in her room, and the guys want to make dinner as a big thank you thing.”
It is so like the guys to decide to do something so sweet for you at exactly the wrong time.
“Nope. Not seen her,” Chan lies, forcing a shrug.
There’s a pause. A long pause.
Oh, shit.
“…Do you still have those headphones I lent you on the car ride here?” Changbin asks, sounding ever so innocent.
Chan swallows, and makes the mistake of looking behind him at the desk in the corner of the room. You spot the headphones resting there. “Yeah?”
“Can I grab them?”
“…Uh, don’t worry about it. I-I’ll get them for you now.”
Another pause, and you hear Changbin make one single step towards the door. Chan tenses, and pulls the door closer towards him, blocking even more of the room from sight. This time you do face-palm, as quietly as you can.
You see Chan staring ahead at what you can only assume is a Changbin who is slowly putting the pieces together, and there’s a long moment of silence before Changbin finally speaks. “…You know what? I don’t need them right now. You can just give them back tomorrow.”
Whatever Changbin’s expression is, it’s enough to send a pink flush up Chan’s neck. You hear him retreat back down the hallway, and Chan immediately slams the bedroom door shut, reaching for the lock and turning it. He even tries the handle again, pulling, just to make sure.
And then, finally, he turns to give you the most sheepish of looks.
You stare back.
And then your eyes slide back down to his jeans, which are still looking just as extraordinarily tight as before. Looks like Changbin’s interruption did very little to kill the mood for him.
And honestly, as the panic fades but the adrenaline still lingers – and this new sense of taboo, of getting away with something – you find yourself realising the exact same thing.
Slowly, you open your legs again, keeping your gaze fixed on Chan as his eyes drop to follow your movements.
Your voice is sweet, honeyed, only a little bit teasing.
“Weren’t you trying to do something there?”
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formidxble · 5 months ago
Text
𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆
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𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: fixing ties is a part of your job, so why is your boss acting like it isn’t?
𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 “𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆” 𝒃𝒚 2𝑷𝑴 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒄 𝒗𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒐
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𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: bang chan x fem!reader 
𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 13k 
𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: smut, fluff, slight angst, and established relationship || ceo!bang chan x secretary!reader
𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: romantic sex, dirty talk, (some) possessiveness, marking, oral (female receiving), praising, “sir” kink (? 👀), (some) begging, unprotected sex (remember to always stay safe!!!), creampie
a/n: this is a gift to all you who submitted ceo bang chan asks and to everyone who followed me! thank you so much for 500 followers. i’m a bit late, but thank you! <3 thank you all so much!
little update (061921): three steps back has been posted!! this is a prequel to this fic, but you don’t have to read it in order to understand this one!! 
three steps backˏˋ°•*⁀➷masterlist 
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taglist: @meow-minho @bxngchxn @dreamwrld​ @my-blueprint-haven @bobateastay @hyunsluvv @etherealeeknow @solistired @popisdead @arohabangtan @imagineinnie @happy-at-home @anna1126 @lattechans @yjunrecords @http-hyxnjxn @minaamhh @violethhj @changlix-mp4 @instachans @qtieskz @itsapapisongo @jisungcherry @healinghyunjin @asweeetdisposition @poutypoutybin @vogueinnie @fizzydrink698 @minniehohos
huge shoutout to @/popisdead for giving me an idea to put in the smut! you know what it is when you read it, l! 😌❤️
please don’t interact with this post if you are under the age of 18!
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here we go again.
being the bang chan’s secretary meant that you had to accompany him to every event that required a plus one— public events, soirees, sales pitches, all the like. for the longest time, people have linked you to him and that wherever he went, you were expected to be there. it was almost like clockwork and here you were, beside him again, as he talked to mister seo changbin, the company’s vice chairman and chan’s right hand man. you relax your shoulders slightly.
don’t get it wrong, you loved being with chan and getting to see all the wonderful event venues around the country. people in chan’s level and caliber always threw the grandest of parties and though it was tiring just following your boss around, it was still better than staying at home and fixing chan’s schedule for the week. you also get to meet other high profile names in the industry and the company’s investors, most of which are also in the party tonight.
the party was thrown by the company to celebrate another successful sale made by none other than bang christopher chan. everyone who’s here is here to celebrate chan’s leadership and his success as the company’s youngest CEO. and, not to mention, as changbin lovingly put it just now, “his cockiness”. you giggle beside chan, smiling sheepishly when he gives you a playful glare.
when chang— mr. seo excuses himself to go grab another drink from one of the waiters roaming the hall, chan turns to you with a soft smile, his eyes content. “enjoying?” he asks as he gently swirls the wine glass in his hand.
“trying to,” you tease. you stand up straighter beside him, aware that people have eyes on you. it was one of the complaints you had about being next to chan. he was the center of attention everywhere and because you were beside him always, people tended to stare after they give chan a bow or even if they were gazing from afar. you always had to look presentable and though it came with the job, it gets tiring after a while. chan raises an eyebrow.
“what’s wrong?”
“nothing,” you smile. “just a little uncomfortable. that’s all.”
chan hums as he blinks. he surveys the hall before nodding. “if you want, you can go talk to some of the people here.”
chan barely allowed you to leave his side during public events. since you became a staple of his public appearances, seeing him alone always rose some eyebrows. so, why was tonight any different? you scrunch your eyebrows, swallowing as you tilt your head. the side of chan’s lip quirks up as his eyebrows mimic yours. it takes a second for chan to realize why.
“don’t worry about me,” chan laughs. “it’s a company event, so, i guess i can let you go for a bit.”
you look around the hall, frowning to yourself when you don’t spot any familiar faces. how were you supposed to interact with the businessmen in this party and wouldn’t it be weird if you just slid in the conversation? chan senses your hesitation, sucking his lips in as he gazes at the area.
“there’s, um,” chan moves in closer, tilting his glass toward the direction of a small group, “hwang hyunjin. do you remember him?”
of course, you do. chan sent you to the man’s office to confirm a sale a few months ago. you tripped in front of his desk and he only stared at you when you dusted yourself off. it wasn’t the most embarrassing moment in your life, but it was up there on the list. you huff softly.
chan hums once more as he glances at you. “you can talk to him or“—he tilts his glass to another group— “to the people in the office.” he takes a quick sip of his wine before grinning. “get the latest office gossip, like who’s dating who, you know? just all that fun stuff that i don’t get to know.”
office gossip? chan’s asking for juicy office gossip? you can’t blame him. out of all the people in the office, chan’s not the go-to person to talk about office drama. part of you feels bad, but then again, why would he care about one of the interns getting dumped if he’s too busy making sure the company doesn’t go under?
you fight the urge to giggle as you nod. chan catches the smile on your lips and he shakes his head, a soft ‘tsk’ leaving his lips.
“go on,” chan shoos playfully. “go socialize.” you give him a quick bow and before you could say anything else, mr. seo comes back, a full wine glass in his hand once more.
you step aside to look at the two groups chan pointed out. you could play it safe and go to the group you see around the office or you could shoot yourself in the foot and go to the group of millionaires.
you look behind as you feel chan’s eyes on you. once your eyes meet, he raises an eyebrow as he takes a sip of his wine. maybe you could impress him by going to the other group. the thought makes you turn away from him, feet moving in the direction of hwang hyunjin’s group.
you realize that this was a bad idea the moment the blonde-haired man spots you walking towards them. he raises his glass to greet you, head tilted to the side in curiosity and amusement. when you get nearer, the chatter in the group dies down and your mouth grows dry. their stare burns your skin and you can’t help but feel out of place.
“miss y/l/n,” hyunjin calls out, opening his arm out to invite you in the circle. “what brings you to our humble group?”
humble is not a word in this group’s vocabulary, that’s for sure. you smile at them as you inhale through your nose. this is a chance to mingle with the country’s richest and though you were nervous, it wouldn’t hurt to make a good impression, right? transactions in the future should be easier if you play your cards right. so, you part your lips and hum, “mr. bang wanted to get insider information and sent me over.”
the group laughs, almost rhythmically, like it’s been practiced before. nevertheless, the air grows lighter and beside you, hyunjin cracks a smile.
“that bastard. always one step ahead of us,” one of the men laughs. the other men join in and the conversation picks up where it left off— something about the trends in the market. not the most interesting of conversations, but you were already here.  hyunjin keeps his eyes on you and he leans over to your side.
“thank goodness you didn’t trip this time around.” your cheeks flush red and you laugh the statement off as you shake your head. “i thought i’d have to relive it all over again.”
“it must have been a nightmare, mr. hwang,” you play along softly. hyunjin hums.
“a nightmare for you, a comedy for me.”
if this was bang chan, you would have shamelessly smacked him. the thought makes you realize how easy-going everything is when it came to your work relationship with chan. after all, the two of you have been working together for almost a decade. during that time, you’ve gotten to know chan in ways his right-hand man hasn’t and he’s gotten to know you in ways previous employers haven’t. the line between work and friendship has been blurred for a long time now, but none of you have complained.
“i’m happy my pain provided entertainment, mr. hwang,” you tease. hyunjin chuckles before finishing his glass of wine. behind you, you feel a set of eyes travel down your back. you ignore the feeling.  
despite your lingering thoughts of chan, you couldn’t help but admire the man beside you. just like your boss, hwang hyunjin is one of the younger CEOs in the industry. he was younger than chan, but definitely carried himself in a manner that exuded superiority and grace, like he was on par with the men he’s standing with.
it seems to be the case because one of the businessmen in the group calls his attention, bringing him back to the conversation he was part of earlier. you frown when you see how loose his tie is around his neck.
someone’s secretary isn’t good with ties.
“not a good look,” you remember chan saying. like second nature, you reach over to grab hyunjin’s shoulder, gently turning him to face you. your hands find their way to the man’s tie, sliding the knot up to tighten it. when you look up, hyunjin’s eyes are on you and so are the eyes of the men around you.
the group grows silent and both of your breaths hitch. you’re frozen in your spot, blinking as you see hyunjin’s cheeks turn bright red. his eyes scan your face, panicked and confused. your hands on his tie start to shake and as you’re about to apologize, you feel a hand land on your lower back.
“i’m afraid i’d have to steal her for a bit, hyunjin,” you hear behind you. you bite your lower lip as you lean away from hyunjin, settling into the familiar hand. it takes a second for the blonde-haired man to recover, but he laughs, rubbing the back of his neck as he forces a smile.
“go ahead,” hyunjin chuckles shakily. “i’m not about to steal your secretary from you.”
“i’d like to see you try,” chan laughs and as if on cue, the others laugh with him. you give hyunjin an apologetic look when your eyes meet and he responds with a quick bow of his head like it was his fault. you put on your best fake laugh, your heart beating in your ears.
once the men stop laughing, the jokes thrown out earlier dissipate into thin air. and as much as you’d like to believe that these men were all friends, you were knowledgeable enough about the industry to say that this was all for show— the bows, the greetings, the jokes, the laughs, them coming to the party to “celebrate” chan’s success, all of it.
hyunjin’s the first to speak again, moving away from you and chan to close the circle and get away from the awkwardness that has formed between the three of you.
you feel chan remove his hand from your lower back and he uses it to grab your hand. “let’s dance.” chan whispers in your ear. you wet your lip as he leads you to the dance floor and the crowd parts to make way for the man of the hour and his plus one.
chan has always made you feel like you were the only woman in the room and he does it again tonight when he circles around you, his hand not letting go and his eyes never leaving yours. chan grins as he closes the gap between you and you hear your own breath stop. your eyes trail down to his lips when he wraps an arm around your waist.
your heartbeat rings in your ear once more when you and chan start swaying in time with the music. “i thought you didn’t want to dance tonight,” you whisper.
“it doesn’t hurt to have a little fun, you know.”
you rest your forehead on his shoulder as you scoff internally. bang chan, the man whose head is always filled with work, even during events like this, now wants to have fun and dance with his secretary?
you could laugh, but instead you let him lead you on the dance floor. you and he have never done this and you wonder if he feels as nervous as you are. but knowing him, he would never show it, at least not right now.
as the both of you settle in the feeling of each other’s warmth, he mumbles, “you feel it too?”
you shiver as you lean back from his shoulder. you wanted to ask what he meant. was he referring to the way your heart skips a beat when you catch him staring from his office window or when he throws you a soft smile when he walks by your desk? or was he talking about the way his hand lingers for way too long when you give him his coffee or the way his hand subtly reaches out for yours when it’s close to his?
you weren’t stupid. of course, you’ve felt it. everyone in the office has, except for bang chan himself.
maybe it’s not insanity after all. your colleagues aren’t talking out of their asses and there’s a chance, no matter how small it is, that bang chan felt it too. whatever it may be.
chan clicks his tongue when you don’t answer, his eyes scanning your face as you struggle to come up with a coherent thought. he breaks the eye contact before looking around the hall. “everyone’s watching.”
you feel a quick pang of pain in your chest. bang chan, the youngest CEO of his family’s company and the smartest out of all the men in here, is the most oblivious man you’ve ever come across. heat creeps up onto your cheeks and you mentally smack yourself in the head. you were crazy for even hoping that you were both on the same wavelength. it’s just not possible, no matter how much you romanticize the whole situation. you swallow as you nod, hanging your head gently as the both of you continue to sway.
“don’t be shy,” chan chuckles softly. “you’re doing great.”
“yeah, right,” you mumble, playing off the embarrassment and the pain bubbling in your chest. you see a flash of worry pass chan’s eyes, but he doesn’t say anything.
the dance floor slowly fills up with the other couples in the hall, taking the prying eyes off of the two of you. for now. you let out a shaky exhale as chan’s hand squeezes yours.
“you also did great with hyunjin’s tie.”
you raise your eyebrows in surprise, letting out a soft, but nervous giggle. “i have enough experience with yours, sir.” chan snorts before rolling his eyes playfully. he spins the both of you around, wading through the other couples as smoothly as he could manage.
“my ties are of better quality, miss y/l/n. you, of all people, would know.” chan chuckles before his eyes leave yours. he pulls you in closer to him, inhaling softly when you collide with him. what that was for, you don’t know, but you’re close enough to feel his breath on your skin. there must be something in the air.
or maybe he’s just drunk. who knows, really?
“right,” you tease after a few beats of silence, “your ties are imported and his are...?”
“probably imported too,” chan shrugs. “he has the money.”
you scrunch your nose, pulling back from his embrace. “you have to make up your mind. you either talk about him behind his back or you compliment him.” chan tilts his head as he shrugs again, eyes filled with amusement. “you can’t do both.”
“i can do both,” chan mumbles. “i just did it, yes?”
you feel a set of eyes on the both of you, but this time you couldn’t care less. chan, with his charm, wit, and annoying smile, has managed to calm your nerves yet again. it makes you wonder if there was ever a line between friendship and work with the two of you.
you’re taken back to reality as you and chan sway in a comfortable silence, letting the orchestra take you to a world only the two of you knew. you sigh as you turn your head and rest your cheek on his shoulder. you inhale the scent of his cologne, the one you’ve come to know and love after all these years.
“hey,” you hear chan say after a while. you raise your head to meet his eyes before raising an eyebrow. “don’t fix anyone else’s ties when we’re together, okay?”
“are you jealous?” you taunt as you try not to focus on the fact that bang chan’s lips are right there, plump, red, and lonely. chan scoffs, his arm around your waist tightening.
“should i be?”
you laugh, throwing your head back dramatically as chan twirls the both of you around. when he stops, your eyes meet again and he gives you another grin. “you sound like you are.” his grin disappears as quickly as it formed, turning into a small, playful snarl.
“do i? that’s interesting,” chan teases, his shoulders relaxing ever so slightly. “i just,” he breathes, “don’t appreciate you going around the place fixing every man’s tie in here.”
you giggle, lightly smacking chan’s shoulder. “i fixed one, chan,” you snicker. “i fixed one tie. one!”
“that’s one too many ties, sweetheart.” the nickname travels throughout your body. it’s something he’s never called you before. you blush once more, turning your head away from him as you pretend to look at the other couples dancing. chan hums in front of you, unwrapping his arm around you to instead plant his hand on your waist.
“i was just doing my job,” you mutter. chan licks his bottom lip before he responds. your breath stops when you catch him taking in your facial features, but within a second, his eyes travel back to yours.
“i don’t think ‘fixing hwang hyunjin’s tie’ was part of the contract you signed years ago.”
“but fixing your tie is?” you retort.
chan grins at how fast you respond, shrugging playfully before twirling you around. the couples beside you gasp and giggle, your cheeks heating up at the sudden motion and attention. when you return to chan, he’s chuckling as he wraps his arm around your waist again, pulling you into his torso once more.
“you signed up for that the moment you were hired,” chan mutters, lips painfully close to yours. you swallow as your body starts to grow hot from the lack of space between the two of you.
for a moment, the people around you disappear and you could only focus on the way chan’s breath comes in contact with your skin. when he notices your eyes on his lips, he grins as he continues. “that means you’re only fixing my tie.”
you bite your lip when he leans in to whisper, his arm lowering to a place that you weren’t used to, “and the last time i checked, we’re still in a party thrown for me. in my company. in my house.”
your eyes widen when he pulls away, putting a small space in between the two of you. his arm loosens around you and you can’t help but long for its warmth again. your cheeks are flushed red when you part your lips to say, “chan, i—“
“don’t apologize,” chan interrupts, tilting his head as his arm comes back up to its previous position. it’s as if the words that left his mouth earlier were nothing important, like it wouldn’t keep you up at night. “just do better next time.”
you were used to hearing those words from chan, being his secretary. you had to admit that you  weren’t the best one for the job, almost always messing up the man’s schedule or just being plain absentminded while you’re sat on your office chair. you’ve lost track of how much you’ve put chan through, but it was always the same seven words he utters when he helps you clean up the mistakes. it’s a miracle you’re still his secretary, almost a decade after.
“as always,” you stutter softly, your breath betraying you when it hitches.
you see the couples on the dance floor dispersing and before you could move away from chan, he pulls you back into his chest to whisper, “let’s get out of here.” you raise an eyebrow.
“this early?” chan nods in response.
“in 10 minutes,” he turns the both of you to the direction of the back door, “i’ll be waiting for you over there.”
you blink at him as his words replay over and over in your mind. bang chan was the type to finish parties to the point that sometimes, you and he were the last people to leave the venue. but now, he wants to leave the party that was thrown specifically to celebrate him?  
“this is new,” you choke out. chan chuckles as he steps away from you, hand still not letting go of yours. he brings the back of your hand to his lips and gives it a soft peck. his lips linger on your skin and when his eyes come up to meet yours, he smirks.
“10 minutes.”
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when you look at the obnoxiously large clock on the stage at the end of the room, you realize that the minutes have flown by before you even started counting them.
meeting chan’s eyes from across the room, you knew that it was time to leave. he puts his wine glass on the table beside him, giving one of the businessmen a pat on the back as he excuses himself. when he disappears into the crowd, you clasp your hands together as you wonder what he had planned for the remainder of the night.
your eyes fall on chan when you arrive. he’s resting his back on the wall behind him and his shoulders are slumped, a stark contrast from the way he looked inside earlier. his hands are inside his pockets and the top two buttons of his black formal polo are now unbuttoned. he’s looking at the floor as he waits, his foot tapping to the rhythm of the song being performed in the other room. the echo of your heels in the empty room grabs chan’s attention and he raises his head to meet your eyes, a smile on his lips. 
“ready to go?” he asks.
“to where, exactly?” you hum, grabbing your phone from your dress pocket to give chan’s driver a quick text.
like the way your breath hitches, your movements halt when chan opens the back door for you. shouldn’t you be the one to open it for him and not the other way around? you motion forward with your hand and chan shakes his head.
“ladies first.”
“listen, i don’t know what you’re doing,” you start, “but i know you’re expecting something in return after this.” chan lets out an exhale through his nose as he smiles. “so, i think you should step out first.”
“maybe, i just want to do something for you this time,” chan shrugs. “have you ever thought of that?”
chan watches the way your cheeks heat up and before any of you could say anything else, you hear a honk outside. he’s the first to break the eye-contact, looking behind to wave at his driver. he turns his attention back to you with a cheeky grin on his lips.
“like i said, ladies first.”
you narrow your eyes toward him, but you step out nonetheless. behind you, you hear the door close and chan’s walking toward the car before you could blink. you follow after him, your heels clacking on the concrete. you overtake him as you near the car, your hand gripping the handle to open the door for him. his hand makes contact with yours, enveloping it as he does the same.
your eyes meet and it might have been because of the cold night air, but you see the color of bang chan’s cheeks turn into a light shade of red. you try to stop yourself from shivering when he grips your hand tighter to open the car door. your eyes don’t leave him as it opens and he motions for you to enter first.
you hesitate. wasn’t this your job?  
“y/n,” you hear him call, “i insist.”
you sigh, but don’t say anything else when you slip your hand out of his grip, ducking as you get inside the backseat. chan follows soon after, closing the car door and greeting his driver as he relaxes his back on the seat behind him.
chan’s driver turns to him as he asks, “where to, sir?”
he answers, “take us home, please.”
and with that, chan presses the button to slide the partition close.
the words that left his mouth almost give you whiplash. it was such a simple sentence, but somehow, your brain couldn’t comprehend it. you open your mouth as you turn to give chan a look. he reciprocates as he cocks his head to the side, chest glistening underneath the streetlights. 
“i apologize if that was a bit forward, but is it okay if i bring you to my place?” your boss hums, putting his arm on the curve of the backseat. “i figured we could work there instead of the office.”
you let his words settle into you the same way you lean back on the seat. your mind travels back to the calendar you prepared and submitted to him last sunday—a couple of meetings on monday and tuesday, a press conference on wednesday, and a celebratory party on thursday. and since everyone’s too hungover to function the next day, friday’s scheduled to be a lighter one, as requested by chan himself. you furrow your eyebrows, looking up at the ceiling to wonder, did you somehow forget the details you put on the schedule?
and not just details, but work? didn’t you and chan rush two days worth of tasks the previous nights so that the both of you can, as you quote him, “enjoy the party”? but, here you were, on the way to his house to work. again.
chan catches the look in your eyes. “it’s nothing heavy. i just need your help.”
“and why wasn’t this plotted in your official schedule?” you question, letting your eyes drift to his, an eyebrow raised.
chan’s eyes widen and he brings his forearm up to scratch the side of his head. “it’s...it’s really not that important to warrant a spot in my calendar.”
“but, important enough for you to ask for my help?”
the color on chan’s cheeks disappear and his smile drops the way his arm does to his side.  he scoffs softly. “if it’s work related, of course.” he shakes his head. “you’re my secretary. a part of your job is to heed every call.”
“is this what i have to do since you opened the door for me earlier?”
“‘this’ being?”
“staying up all night with you again. working.”
chan rests his elbow on the window beside him. “that’s never been a problem for you, y/n,” he pauses. “why is it a problem now?”
you weren’t one to complain, but was it such a bad thing to long for a break? sure, the party takes place inside the company’s hall, but you didn’t have to be hunched over a desk, reading through paperwork to summarize and report or make him coffee to keep him awake. you weren’t required to do things for him—to work— because the both of you were there to have fun, mingle, and socialize with all of the other hot shots in the industry.
you were hoping, even just for one night, that you’d escape work responsibilities, that chan would have something fun planned for tonight.
but, maybe you expected for too much from bang christopher chan.
his dry laugh interrupts your thoughts. “unless you’d rather be with hwang hyunjin on that dance floor?”
“hwang hyun— are you kidding me?” you exclaim, eyes wide, as you turn to him. “you’re picking a fight because of hwang hyunjin? i can’t believe this.”
you huff as you cross your arms in front of your chest, looking away from chan to gaze out the window. the previous topic of the calendar is thrown out and it joins the blur of the buildings moving past the car. never in your life have you despised a three-letter word until now, when memories of tonight are slowly overpowered by the word tie. 
you hear chan take a deep breath and you couldn’t help but wonder if the man is actually jealous. if so, you’d prefer he tell you, rather than going back and forth. but then again, you were perfectly fine sitting like this with him—silent and unmoving. it stays like this for a few good minutes, until, in the corner of your eye, you see chan’s knee start bouncing. if it weren’t for that, you wouldn’t—
“i don’t see the big deal,” you sigh exasperatedly. “it’s just a damn tie.” before your hands even fall to your lap, chan’s eyes are on you like they never left.
he turns his body to you, motioning with his hands as he frowns. “it’s not just a tie to me. do you know how close th—“
“so, you are jealous?” you ask, putting a hand on your forehead as your skin heats up. “you’re jealous because i fixed another man’s tie?”
he furrows his eyebrows, shaking his head, as he grips the curve of the backseat. “i—“
“chan, you’re not even wearing a tie tonight! what am i supposed to fix—oh my god!“
the air in the car grows heavy as you try and catch your breath. chan slowly lowers his head to gaze upon his exposed chest. the tips of his ears turn red and it quickly travels down to his cheeks and neck. he swallows as he rubs his nape, a sheepish grin replacing the frown he had on earlier.
it was moments like this that make you wonder if chan’s really the smartest man you know.
“i guess you’re right,” chan whispers. “i’m sorry.”
“you should be,” you say in disbelief. “god, chan, it’s not like i wanted to do it!” he raises his eyebrows, letting out a soft hum, as he nods at your words. you crinkle your nose as you continue. “it was an honest mistake that i”— you point to yourself—“wholeheartedly regret doing and before yo—“
“i just don’t like other men looking at you the same way i do,” chan cuts you off, volume higher than usual. “okay? that’s it.” your boss slices the air to, quite literally, cut the tension. “end of argument.”
absolutely not. not after what he just said.
chan shrugs as he turns away from you to rest his elbow on the window once more. your heart pounds in your chest as his words float around in your mind, attacking every single thought that had made its presence known. your mind becomes an empty void and when you come to your senses—one of them—your skin forms goosebumps.
and it’s not because of the ac in the car.
“help me understand what’s happening right now, chan.”
“y/n,” chan groans softly. “if only you saw the way hyunjin looked at you. his eye—“
“i tripped in front of him!”
“and that’s the charm of it all,” chan states as he turns to look at you. your eyes meet and your heart skips a beat. you blink at him and he sighs.
“you’re different from all of the other women in there. you’re a breath of fresh air.”
your shoulders relax, but your hands begin to sweat. your anger and frustration have now been replaced by confusion and the butterflies in your stomach, which have been reserved for the man in front of you, start flapping their wings as your cheeks heat up. you’re about to ask what he meant, but chan parts his lips and it shuts you up quickly.
“it’s hard to let our guards down. the industry’s full of competition, full of rivalry, so you have to have thick skin,” chan pauses to shrug. “the businessmen in that party don’t care about my success, nor do the media. they only care about what’s next for us, what’s next for the company, all that good stuff.” chan sighs, “you know what i mean.”
“because of that,” he clicks his tongue, “i can’t have friends, nor can i have relationships because i’m never sure why they’re with me.” chan laughs bitterly and you feel a bit of resentment seeping out as he continues. “is it about the money? the fame? corporate espionage? fuck if i know,” chan looks back out of the window. on his thigh, you see his fist clench.
it was at this moment that you knew that this was not bang christopher chan, but this was only chan beside you, the complex, but relaxed and soft-spoken man you were privileged enough to know and spend time with during late nights in the office. a side of him no one else saw, but for some reason, he was willing to share as you sat beside him on his office couch.
the silence that comes after is louder than anything you’ve heard at the party earlier. you decide to take the leap, reach out, and hold his hand.
“y/n,” he breathes out, stopping your hand. “you’re different, okay? you’re different because you’ve never made me feel that way.” chan runs a hand through his hair. “the men and women in the office tiptoe around me, like there’s eggshells or something,” chan hangs his head down as he taps his fingertips on his thigh. “but you, you barely ever do.”
your breath catches in your throat and you whimper, “chan—“
“i’m not finished,” chan jokes shakily, turning his body to you this time. “you’re not afraid to make mistakes when you’re around me, laugh at my jokes, or sometimes, you just sit there and listen to me ramble.” chan smiles to himself. “you tell me what’s on your mind, your opinions, your views and most of the time, that’s the highlight of my day, not”— he motions with his hands—“the sale i’ll be making in the afternoon or the press conference we’ve got planned.”
us, we. always the duo, you and chan were. but why does tonight feel different and why is the sparkle in his eyes more prominent than before? “hell,” chan rolls his eyes playfully, “you even answer back to me. not a lot of people get that privilege.” even if your eyebrows are furrowed, your lips part to let out a soft giggle.
“and it does infuriate me,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “but i’ll let you do it.” chan lets his eyes meet yours and you freeze.
“over and over again.”
you feel as if a strong wind blows in the car, knocking you back into the seat. you grip the side of your dress to keep your hand from shaking. chan’s stare burns your skin and you try your best not to melt into the car itself. he inhales, “whenever you talk back, it makes me feel human. it reminds me that”—he puts a hand over his chest—“i’m not perfect, that i make mistakes, and that i should let my pride down sometimes.”
“sometimes?” you interrupt. chan’s ears perk up when he hears you and he lets his shoulders relax, his eyes growing soft and a grin forming on his lips. 
“yes, sometimes,” chan snickers. “but, i guess what i’m trying to say is,” he sighs, “you make me feel human, not a business drone or ‘the most successful CEO of the year’.”
before you could respond or even make sense of the point, chan quickly adds, “and you probably made hyunjin feel the same way when you tripped. i remember you told me that he bursted out laughing as soon as you left his office.”
“yeah,” you deadpan. “thanks for that memory.” beside you, chan chuckles and the car slows down when the light turns red.
“anytime.”
and with a small smile on his lips, your boss at the other end of the seat looks back out of the window. in the corner of your eye, you see chan’s hand on the middle of the seat. you’re almost tempted to take it into yours as your mind travels to the words he uttered only moments ago.
there’s a reason why he’s awarded as the country’s most successful CEO. chan, as lovingly labelled by the media, is the industry’s Wolf, a title that was given to him during his second year in the position. and though many have come close, like the blonde-haired man in the party earlier, chan has never been overthrown by any other. sharp and smart, bang chan has done more than his father ever could, bringing the company to the international stock market and to other heights that only the other CEOs could dream of.
but, all these achievements came at a price. it’s lonely at the top, as they’ve said, and with bang chan, you saw that very statement come to life. chan, because of his reputation and riches, has closed himself up to make sure his mind and his company stays ahead and clear. that, of course, meant that he had to solve his personal problems on his own.
because who would the man on top run to when there’s no one else with him?
however, with his words, you realize that, maybe, you were that person for him. the person he can laugh and joke around with. the person he can talk to freely, ramble to, and spend time with. the person that allows him to be himself, no judgements, no pressure.
though, you’ve always felt some sort of tension between the two of you, it was enough to know that chan saw you more than just his secretary. you’d rather have him that way, than nothing at all. you turn to him.
you’re about to thank him, but chan’s voice rings out in the car as the light outside turns green. “and apart from all of that, you’re gorgeous too.”
“excuse me?” you choke out, eyes widening. chan turns to you, an eyebrow raised as he exhales through his nose. a soft ‘what?’ leaves his lips. “did i have too much to drink tonight?” chan merely chuckles at the question.
“you didn’t have any,” he responds. you shake your head as you shift uncomfortably in your seat.
it couldn’t be possible. was this a dream? first, chan became slightly possessive and now he’s calling you gorgeous like it won’t affect you, like you’ll believe him. the world must be punishing you right now, but if you close your eyes, maybe you’ll wake up in your apartment like it’s groundhog day. as you try and shut the world off, chan calls out your name and it brings you back to the car.
“do you want me to repea—“
“no!” you exclaim, leaning over to grab chan’s forearm.
chan glances at your hand, then at your lips. it’s through this subtle action that you realize how close the two of you are. he blinks at you while his cheeks become coated with a nice shade of red, but he doesn’t pull his arm away. “well, you heard me,” he utters. “i apologize if i don’t say it enough or don’t say it at all.”
you’re about to lose your mind.
“but, um,” chan uses his free hand to scratch the back of his neck, “you really are beautiful. hwang hyunjin knows it, changbin knows it, the staff in the office know it, and i know it.” chan pauses as his eyes scan your face for any reaction, to which you respond only with your mouth slightly opening.  
he huffs as he furrows his eyebrows, “i know it because i get to be with you everyday and i’d be stupid to deny it to myself any further.”
“and yes, it does bother me when men stare at you,” chan continues. your chest tightens and you couldn’t breathe, but it’s somehow the good kind, the kind that you don’t want to end, the kind that you could get used to.
“they see how much of a great woman you are, in the office and out of it. i’m glad they do, but at the same time,” chan pauses to remove his forearm from your grip. he wraps both of his hands around your wrists.
“you and i have been together for so long that i can’t see myself working with anybody new.” you blink. “what if they take you away? what if they offer you a higher salary or promise you more opportunities? or what if the—“
“chan,” you whisper, “just tell me what you want to say.” the man in front of you lets out a shaky breath and when he opens his mouth once more, a mess of incoherent words come out.
“just give it to me straight.” you plead. both of your eyes lock as his breath intertwines with yours.
you’ve only really lit one firework in your whole life.
how it goes is you strike a match to ignite a spark and while it travels down the incredibly long wick, it gives you ample time to run away and cower. the experience of running and waiting was thrilling, but what came after was underwhelming—the spark did not carry over to its destination.
but as chan presses his lips on yours, his hands tightening around your wrists to pull you in closer, you’re finally able to see the spark reach its destination after the 8 years of long, agonizing wait. the firework fires up into the sky, the black canvas being painted by a million different colors all at once. chan removes his hands around your wrists to cup your face.
now, you can say that you’ve lit two fireworks in your life.
compared to the absolute chaos happening inside of your body, the kiss is slow and gentle with chan’s lips, soft and plump, perfectly fitting into yours like a puzzle piece you never knew was missing. you tangle your hands into his hair to push him into you deeper and chan lets you, tilting his head to the side.
chan’s hand is the match that ignites another spark in your chest as it travels down to the side of your neck. your heart pounds louder when his hand settles on your skin, the heat from his fingertips combining with the heat that has formed on your neck.
you find yourself leaning back to the corner of your seat and before you could process it, chan’s on top of you. your skin forms goosebumps when his hand moves down to your waist. when you arch your back and push your torso onto his, you rip a soft groan from the back of his throat.
chan pushes himself off of you, his pupils dilated and his breath not being remotely enough for him.
“what was that for?” you whisper, your chest heaving. outside, you see his mansion come into view.
“you said to give it to you straight.”
but, fuck, you wanted more. you wanted curves, zigzags, waves, all of it. as long as chan’s lips are on yours again, you wanted it all.
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truth be told, you’ve never set foot in chan’s house. you’ve only seen the mansion through the car window, but you knew, one way or the other, you’ll be able to see what lies inside. of course, you were his secretary. heed every call, right?
you just didn’t envision that it’d be in this way.
“chan—“
you don’t finish your sentence as you’re gently pushed back onto the front door once it closes. chan’s on you like the way he was in the car, but this time, he’s closer, the distance almost non-existent as he puts his hands on your waist. goosebumps arise from your skin as his lips find their way to your neck. you’ve always thought you were stronger than this, but you’re already gasping for air when he starts peppering kisses down your skin.
“chan,” you breathe. he comes up from the side of your neck with his eyebrow raised and a small grin on his lips. “i thought we had work to do.”
chan hums nonchalantly in response and he merely dives back in your neck, closing the space between the two of you like you weren’t close enough. you find yourself tilting your head to give him more access and chan, being the smart man he is, notices this immediately. he grunts softly and you shiver, his lips latching onto the sides he hasn’t taken in.
you bite your lip, but as much as you were enjoying the attention, especially after 8 years of longing, you and chan had to work. knowing him, he’d value work over this in a heartbeat. you try and push him off of you, but he only tightens his grip.
“chan,” you whine, “this can wai—“
“no,” he mutters as he pulls you into his torso, “it can’t.” he hovers his lips on yours, his hot breath hitting your skin. “i don’t want to wait anymore.” you gasp when he squeezes your waist.
“i can’t. not anymore.”
though chan’s tone is stern, there’s longing in his voice like he’s a man who’s been denied of life’s pleasures for years and frankly, you feel the same way. he didn’t have to say anything else before you’re clashing your lips into his, your hands travelling to his hair and tugging on it. chan presses his body onto yours and you’re pushed back on the door again. you whimper.
chan’s clothed torso is hot against yours and its heat travels down in between your thighs. your wetness pools in your panties and before you knew it, he’s unwrapping his arm from your waist to lift you up. your legs wrap around his torso in an instant, like the both of you have done this before. he grins into the kiss, his hands finding their way to the curve of your ass as he starts walking to his bedroom.
even with his eyes closed and his neck craned up to keep his lips on yours, chan wades smoothly through his furniture and the both of you make it up the stairs with no problem. you should have been more concerned, but knowing bang chan, he’s got you. always have and always will, that much you know. he does, however, accidentally slam you onto his bedroom door. you wince.
“sorry,” chan mumbles. “won’t happen again.”
“excited?” you tease softly. chan chuckles against your lips as he reaches out to grab the door handle.
“very.” you feel a gush of wind hit your back as the door opens. his lips are on yours again as the both of you make your way in.
he lies you down on the bed, your hair splaying all over your shoulders and on the sheets behind you. when chan pulls away, he latches himself onto the skin behind your ear and you sigh as you put your hand on the back of his head. you arch your back into him when you feel his member hardening from below you and all he could do is chuckle, though a bit shaky.
chan runs a hand down to your waist as you spread your legs open to accommodate him. “you’re already so beautiful,” he breathes on your skin, “and you aren’t even naked yet.”
your breath catches in your throat, whimpering in response. it was overwhelming enough to learn that chan finds you beautiful, but to think that he’s thought of you unclothed? you could die happy now, as cheesy as that sounds. he comes up from your neck to press a soft kiss on your jaw. his free hand trails up the side of your body, fingers playing with the zipper located on the side of the dress.
“may i?”
the question rings out in the room and it echoes in the confines of your mind. such a simple, harmless question, but you feel blood rush to every part of your body. your legs close around his torso, your clit starting to throb at the prospect of being undressed by the man you’ve been hopelessly in love with. you nod and chan whispers a soft ‘thank you’ as he starts unzipping your dress.
as you feel your dress start unravelling with his touch, you inhale, taking in chan’s scent. it’s a combination of mint and lemon and it’s something you’ve gotten used to after years of working with him. it’s never been anything but cologne to you, but tonight it’s ambrosial and intoxicating. you let yourself drown in it, closing your eyes as chan’s lips continue to do their wonders on your neck.
the cold air hits your skin once chan fully unzips your dress and it brings you back to his bed, in his presence, in his hold. you whimper softly in his ear. he squeezes your waist, grunting as he presses a soft kiss on your shoulder.
“i can’t believe we waited this long,” chan whispers. you giggle before slowly slipping your arms out of your now loose dress straps. you don’t break the eye contact as you tug your dress down to your chest. the dip in between your tits catches chan’s attention and he breaks the stare to shamelessly trail his eyes down.
chan licks his bottom lip before he looks back up at you.
“we don’t have to wait anymore,” you reassure, reaching a hand up to swipe your thumb over his lip, glistening and swollen.
at your words, chan’s eyes dilate and darken. the color of his cheeks turn into a shade of red and as you’re about to tease, chan tugs your dress down your chest, exposing your breasts in all of its entirety. heat travels all over your body and your nipples harden under his touch. chan dips down to your chest like the bead of sweat trickling down your back and you can only moan when his lips start sucking the skin in between your breasts.
you whimper when he cups one of your tits, kneading it softly as he continues to suck on the skin. your hand finds its way to chan’s shoulder and you grip it as he pulls away with a soft pop. chan gazes up at you before smirking, your words failing you once again when he attaches his lips beside your nipple, nipping on the skin to leave another mark.
you moan his name as your hand latches onto the back of his head, pulling him into your skin even more. his teeth graze you and you arch your back into him, only to be pushed down by his hand on your waist. he doesn’t say anything once he pulls away, only going back in to leave more marks on your chest.
as if the marks weren’t proof of who you belonged to, chan utters, “mine.” you squeeze his shoulder tighter. “all mine.”
maybe, this is why chan’s called “the Wolf”.
your mouth falls open, his name falling off of it as his lips wrap around your nipple. the hand on your waist moves back up to cup your other breast. one of chan’s fingers plays with your other nipple and your hips lifts up to meet him, your heat making contact with his member. chan groans onto your skin, the vibrations travelling back down to where you ached for him.
“you say my name so prettily, babe.” the nickname shoots you straight in the chest and your heart aches. never in a million years did you think that chan would be on you the way he was now. the thought makes you whine softly. you feel chan’s hand move away from your breast. it follows the curve of your body and it slips in between your thighs, making you spread your legs even further apart. chan chuckles breathlessly.
you shiver when he presses his fingers in the front of your panties and you bite your lip when he starts rubbing, his tongue on your nipple following the motion of his fingers below you. as most new lovers, however, chan’s missing where you needed him most and you move your hips to help him find it. chan’s off of your nipple the moment you call out above him, chest slightly heaving as he looks up at you.
“can you move—“ you pant, “to the left?”
it takes a second for him to realize, the movement of his fingers slowing to a halt as he tilts his head. he blushes softly when he does and he chuckles. “i... just—“ he complies with your needs, but he’s still not—
“oh fuck. yeah,” you cry out when he finally finds your nub. “right there, chan. right there.”
“yeah baby,” he grunts, a smirk taking over his lips after. “i feel you.”
it’s amazing how chan’s making you see stars when he’s only rubbing you through your panties. chan notices this too, pecking one of the marks he left on your chest as he hums, moving down in between your legs. he inhales softly, fingers still making circles on your clit.
“god,” he groans. “you smell so sweet.” your wetness gushes out of you and you grip the sheets beside you, biting your lip as you feel his hot breath caress your folds. chan raises his eyes and he licks his lip when your eyes lock.
“i want to taste you.”
so simple, so straightforward, yet so obscene coming from the mouth of an executive. chan grins when you breathe a ‘yes’, your back arching when he hooks a finger on the waist band of your panties, teasingly taking his time as he pulls it down your thighs. you buck your hips up and chan snickers, “okay, okay. i got it.”
he puts your panties aside before he comes back up to your torso. his clothed member is dangerously close to yours and you’re almost tempted to grind yourself onto him. “let’s get this off,” chan mumbles as he tugs on your dress. “now.”
it may be the secretary in you or it may just be the lust that’s driving you at this point, but you’re scrambling to help chan get rid of the dress that’s clinging to your body. you shiver when it’s removed fully, the dress hitting the floor with a soft thud. chan looks down at you and he lets out a long breath like he’s been holding one in. you blush and instinctively, your hands try to cover your body. he frowns as he leans back down to grab a hold of your hands.
“no,” he mumbles before pressing a kiss on your lips. “your body’s beautiful. you’re beautiful. don’t hide from me.”
chan lets go of your hands and you let them fall down to your sides. “do you know how long i’ve wanted to see you like this?” he mutters as he kisses down your torso. goosebumps form on your skin. “especially when you wear those skirts.”
your heart pounds in your chest when he settles in between your thighs, kissing them before he dips down to press a kiss on your clit. your hand goes to his hair, your core clenching at the feeling of being empty.
“sir—“
“oh, that’s so cliché,” chan interjects, a playful smile on his lips as he raises his head.  the atmosphere in the room changes and you find yourself opening your eyes as you prop yourself up with your elbows. you raise an eyebrow as heat travels to your cheeks.
“i—“
“if i got off to that nickname, i would have had a hard-on every time you called me sir.”
you roll your eyes with a huff as you lie back down on the bed. “just get on with it.”
“wow,” he laughs softly, “my secretary’s ordering me around now?”
truthfully, you loved banter with chan, but not tonight. not when he’s there, in between your thighs, purposefully ignoring the sex that’s staring him straight in the eyes. always the tease, bang chan was. you’re just not having it tonight.
“i’m not your secretary right now.”
you hear chan inhale sharply and within a second, he’s on your core like a fiend craving a shot of his drug. your hand’s on his hair again, tugging on it as you moan incoherently. he licks a stripe from your hole to your clit, the lewd sounds of his tongue lapping your wetness ringing out in the room after. your hip bucks up when he starts sucking on your clit and he puts your leg over his shoulder in the process to give him more access to your folds.
“you’re so delicious,” chan groans. “better than anything i’ve ever tasted.” you moan out brokenly, pulling him back into your clit like your life depended on it. he chuckles against it and the vibrations allow an explosion of a million fireworks inside of you. your mouth falls open the way your legs do, your moans filling the room with the sound of chan’s full lips on your pussy.
chan smirks below you, obviously pleased by the way your body is reacting to him. it’s embarrassing, but that’s what he gets for taking his precious time with you. you know he won’t let this go any time soon, but you couldn’t care less. he pecks your clit before pulling away. your clit throbs at the loss of the friction, but chan makes up for it when he plunges two of his fingers inside of you.
the intrusion is sudden, but welcome, as your back flies off of the bed with a loud cry, sitting up as you grip his shoulder. chan mewls softly as he plants a hand outside of your thigh to support himself as he leans up to crash his lips into yours. you taste your juices on him when he swipes his tongue on your bottom lip and your wetness seeps out, dripping onto the sheets below you. his fingers continue their assault on your pussy, alternatively thrusting and rubbing your walls.
chan pulls away from the kiss and a string of your combined spit attaches itself on his bottom lip. he breaks the string by licking his bottom lip and you find it unfair how chan’s lips just continue to look immaculate despite how swollen and red it is. he simpers as he rests his forehead on yours, sweat starting to form on its sides.
“do you hear yourself, baby?” he purrs. “do you hear how wet you are for me?” for him, for him, for him. all for chan, all for the man you’ve loved for years now. your hand wraps around his nape, pulling chan into your shoulder as he continues to thrust into your heat. he groans as he bites down on the skin, the sound of your slick overpowering anything else in the bedroom. you feel the familiar coil starting to form in your lower regions.
your cunt clenches around his fingers when he curls them and your hips start to gyrate. “y/n,” chan moans, “you’re getting so tight.” you whimper his name as your wetness coats his fingers even more, the sound and the smell of your sex getting more and more prominent as the coil in your stomach threatens to unravel for chan.
“cum for me, baby,” he growls. “cum.”
chan wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you into him as ecstasy takes over the entirety of your body. you shake and tremble in his hold as he whispers sweet nothings and praises in your ear. his fingers slow to help you ride out your orgasm and he hums as your legs continue to shiver at his sides. he thrusts his fingers in once, twice, before he pulls them out, pulling away from the embrace to lick his fingers clean. he groans in delight.
you’re panting as you push chan onto the bed, getting on top of him before pressing your swollen lips onto his. naturally, his hands fall onto your hips as your lips move in sync. you run your hand down his clothed chest, the satin feeling supple against your fingertips. your desire, fuelled by the adrenaline surging through your veins, makes you whimper as you pop open the remaining buttons of chan’s polo.
every pop is significant to the way the both of you are letting yourselves go, baring your bodies and souls to each other after years of not being able to, after years of merely hoping. your heart pounds as you rip open chan’s polo, sighing as his torso shines underneath the light streaming inside the bedroom. chan pulls you back into his lips with a gentle hand on the back of your neck.
chan’s lips are soft on yours and you let yourself get carried away as you cup his face. chan hums as he sits up to remove his polo, lips not moving away from yours. he throbs in between your thighs and you gasp. chan takes this opportunity to slip his tongue to connect with yours and the both of you create a new language in the process.
“you’re so beautiful, y/n,” he whines as the both of you pull away. “you’ve always been so beautiful.”
you blush, your hand caressing his cheek gently as you utter a soft ‘thank you’. you share one more quick kiss before your hand moves down his torso to start unbuckling his pants. “let me return the favor.”
“no,” chan answers, reaching down to hold your wrist. “you don’t need to.”
“baby—“
he tightens his hold on your wrist as he pleads softly, “please. you always take care of me, y/n.” he leans up to mutter on your lips, “let me do that for you tonight.”
you weren’t strong enough to refuse the offer and you let chan raise you up from his lap, only to be lied down on the bed once more. you relax into the mattress as chan positions himself in between your legs. as he unbuckles his belt, your mind travels to the moment in the car and you can’t help but wonder—
“you meant what you said earlier, right?”
chan’s eyes are on you immediately as he hears your voice, his hands stopping. “of course, i did.”
“you didn’t just say that to get in my pants?”
chan bites his lip to suppress a laugh and he shakes his head as his hands resume their task earlier. “no,” he giggles. “if that was my plan the whole time, i would have just said ‘hey, i’m bang chan’ and your pants would have slid right off.”
you throw your head back onto the pillows as you laugh softly. “that didn’t happen when you interviewed me.”
“yeah, well,” chan mumbles, sliding out of his pants, “it’s happening now.”
“8 years after, but okay.”
“it’s still happening, so my point still stands,” chan shrugs, chuckling when he sees you cross your arms in front of your chest. “i’m sorry,” he laughs as he leans down to kiss you. “i’m kidding.”
“you’re so full of yourself, babe,” you tease.
your smile disappears when chan’s cock springs out of his boxers, thick and hard, with the tip red and glistening as pre-cum leaks out of it. the base is adorned with his veins, prominent enough to show up in the darkness. his cock twitches and your mouth opens, salivating at the sight of him. 
when you look back up, you let your eyes take in chan and you marvel at him, basking in the presence of a man whose body looks like it has been sculpted by the Gods up above. shoulders broad, muscles defined, your core throbs and tightens at the promise of getting to have him tonight.
it was here that you understood that you didn’t need to be swept off of your feet or be brought to anywhere else fancy when bang chan, in all of his glory, is no place you’ve ever been to. you’re more than willing to get to know him tonight and let him take you where he pleased.
“you’re about to be full of me in a second,” he jokes, smirking. his cheeks turn pink and you try your best to ignore the fondness brewing in your stomach. despite putting on his confident facade, you know chan is as nervous as you are. “lie back.”
you rest your back on the sheets below you, your legs opening to welcome chan in between them for the second time tonight. the feeling of his hands on the side of your body awakens something feral in you and before you can process the reaction, you buck your hips up onto him, your wet core brushing his hard cock. he groans as he pulls away, spitting on his palm before smearing it all over his member. you lick your lip before reaching up to hold his nape once more.
“ready?” he asks as he pumps himself, lining himself up in front of your core.
you feel as if you’re walking a tightrope when he asks you the question. one misstep and you’re falling into everything that encapsulated him, into everything that was bang chan. were you ready to let go and let him overwhelm you? after 8 long years, you finally let your foot slip and the next thing you know, you’re looking back up at chan, hand squeezing his shoulder as you say,
“ready as i’ll ever be, baby.”
it’s as if the gates of heaven opened when chan pushes himself in you, the both of your moans creating a melodic symphony that echoes in the bedroom. his girth parts your walls and the feeling burns ever so slightly. you whimper as you bite your lip, throwing your head back onto the pillows. a comforting hand rests on your waist as he stops at his thickest.
“you’re so big,” you choke out. he hums as he leans down to bury his face in your neck to smile against it. chan presses a soft kiss on your skin as he bottoms out, groaning softly when your cunt clenches around him. you put a hand on his back, pressing his skin as he pulls out fully. he pushes back in roughly, the sound of his balls hitting your skin echoing in the whole room. you claw at his back as you arch yours, gasping, and he grunts softly.
chan starts thrusting, his skin grinding against your swollen nub. “your pussy’s so tight, babe,” he moans. you sigh in response as your legs wrap around his torso, pushing him in you even deeper. you needed him, you wanted him, and you’re here to make sure you get to experience bang chan in ways you’ve never experienced him. it doesn’t matter how many he’s had before you. what matters is that he’s in you now, thrusting his cock and taking you to heaven.
“you’re so good,” you praise, voice cracking as a whine comes out. “you’re so good to me.”
“yeah?” chan breathes, a smug smile forming on his lips. his chest heaves as he continues to ram into you. his skin is hot against yours and you drown in the feeling and in his scent. “you’ve thought about this before, haven’t you?” you whine in response. “such a dirty mind for a refined secretary. ”
chan bites down on your shoulder before slowing his thrusts, raising his head from your neck. “turn around.”
it doesn’t register quickly, but once it does, you’re off of his cock to get on fours, planting your hands on the soft mattress and arching your back to expose yourself to chan. he groans behind you, hovering over you as he puts a hand on the headboard in front of you.
“tell me what you want,” chan whispers, pressing a soft kiss on your shoulder.
“baby, please,” you cry. “you know.”
chan snickers, pushing only the tip of his cock in. “i need to hear you say it.”
“chan—“
“tell me, baby. tell me what you want.”
“your cock, chan. please, i want it. i need it. i want to feel you inside me, please. pl—“
chan squeezes your hips before pounding his cock inside of you. you cry out his name, throwing your head back as your eyes close. you get lost in chan’s grunts, letting them wrap themselves around your body the way chan’s arm snakes around your waist. he pulls your body back into him, your back flushing against his chest. the sounds of your slick coating chan’s cock as he continues to ram into you rings in your ears and you feel your clit ache below you.
“god, baby,” chan grunts. “it’s like my cock’s made for you.”
you whine at his words, your hand making its way down to rub circles on your clit. chan growls softly, removing his hand from the headboard to hold your wrist.
“let me,” he mutters. “let me take you there.”
you weren’t about to say no.
the promise of an orgasm looms on you as chan draws rough circles on your clit. his thrusts start to syncopate from his rhythm and he pushes you back down on the bed gently. you bury your face on his soft sheets and you turn your head to the side as you moan and whine an incoherent mess of praises and curses. you grip the sheets as you spread your legs apart and your thighs start to shake as chan presses his fingers down on your clit.
“baby,” you rasp, tears forming in the corner of your eyes, “i can’t—“ 
chan grunts, “you want to cum for me again?”
“yes, please, please, pl—“
“gush on my cock, baby. let me feel you.”
it’s pure ecstasy when you do, letting yourself go in the pleasure of everything that was bang chan—his moans, grunts, breathing, cock, everything. you cry out into his sheets and grip them until your knuckles turn white. your legs try to close as your whole body shakes and just like the first time, chan takes you to a place you’ve never been, your vision turning blurry as he continues to pound you. your toes curl as you moan his name,  like it’s the only word in your vocabulary. behind you, chan whines softly.
“where do you want me to cum?”
you don’t respond immediately, body shaking in the aftermath of your orgasm. “inside,” you pant. “give it to me.”
chan cries, “jesus, fuck.” he loses his rhythm completely as he leans over you, his sweat falling on your back. “shit, y/n, baby, i— ”
he thrusts a few more times before he grabs your hips, pulling you into him with a groan as he spills his cum, hot and sticky, inside of you. your pussy clamps down on his cock as he grinds inside you to ride his high out, his hand finding its way to the dip of your back. he pulls out after a short while and you whine at the emptiness that comes with it. you do, however, feel both of your juices seep out of you, dripping down on his bed sheets.
“what a sight,” chan mutters behind you as you let your body fall on the bed. you giggle softly as you close your legs, the high wearing down as your body starts to feel heavy. you have a feeling you’d be sore tomorrow, but the both of you weren’t expecting many to come into work, anyway. so, you’ll end up getting away with it. for now. the bed dips beside you and chan pulls you into him, your back against his chest.
for a moment, you listen to his breathing and focus on the way his fingers lied on your stomach. your eyes start to grow heavy, but you hear chan whisper, “are you okay?”
“i am,” you respond softly, turning around to face him. once your eyes meet, chan smiles as he tucks a hair strand on the back of your ear. his hair is disheveled and wet with sweat, but still, chan looked as well put together as he always does. you lean up to kiss him, your lips moving slowly on each other. when you pull away, chan’s eyes are twinkling and he lets out a soft hum of satisfaction.
“so,” you mumble, playfully tapping his bottom lip, “are we still going to work tonight?”
chan groans, throwing his head back with a chuckle. “it can wait.”
“no. it can’t,” you tease, pressing a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. chan’s arms around your waist tighten as he pulls you closer.
“don’t use my words against me,” chan grins. he places his hand on the back of your head, lightly stroking your hair. your eyes grow heavy and the next thing you know, you’re wavering in between falling asleep and staying awake.
you do hear chan’s voice in the midst of all of this, a soft and gentle, “hey, i love you.” you feel him kiss your forehead before you blissfully fall into oblivion.
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you wake up when chan’s bedroom door bursts open, the door handle hitting the wall.
you raise your head, squinting as you watch chan come in with a tray of food. the aroma hits your nose immediately and your stomach growls softly. he gives you a quick, apologetic smile as he puts the tray down at the edge of the bed.
“good morning,” he greets, running a hand through his hair. he sits down beside the tray and he grins. your eyes travel down his figure, the black formal polo from last night is on his torso again, paired with the boxers, you could only assume, he was wearing last night.
friday, a new work day for the two of you. “good morning to you too, sir,” you mumble before rubbing your eyes. your chest stings from all of the marks from last night and you wince. chan lets out a soft hum, reaching out to hold your hand in his.
“did you sleep well?”
“yeah. thanks to you,” you tease. chan runs his thumb on your palm, inhaling as he looks up at you, cheeks pink.
a comfortable silence falls in the room as the both of you sit in each other’s company. it was overwhelming enough that you woke up in chan’s bed, but now he’s cooked you breakfast, plated it, and put it on a tray to bring to you. it didn’t even occur to you that he knew how to cook. you smile to yourself as you realize— you didn’t know everything about him yet. you part your lips to speak, but you didn’t notice chan doing the same.
“listen—“
“chan—“
“oh, you go firs—“
“no, you can—“
the two of you huff simultaneously, laughing at each other. “you go first,” you giggle. chan nods, coughing into his fist with a smile.
“about last night,” he starts, “i hope i didn’t hurt you too much.”
you look down at your chest playfully as you shrug. “it’s no big deal,” you hum. “i enjoyed it.” chan chuckles in response. he watches as you reach over to the plate, letting go of his hand as you bring the plate to your lap. “did you enjoy?” you question.
“yeah, of course,” chan responds immediately. “what’s not to enjoy? i mean, you were spectacular.”
“i could say the same to you, mister ‘no, i can’t wait anymore’.” you joke. chan’s cheeks flush as he scratches the back of his head sheepishly. you dig in your breakfast as chan does the same, the both of you eating in silence. you rest your back on the headboard and you watch chan. his hair is made already and he looks like he’s ready to start the work day. you bite your lip as you look down, your body merely being covered by the duvet. suddenly, memories of last night flood your mind and you sigh softly.
chan catches it immediately.
“y/n?”
“where does this lead us?” you ask, putting down your utensils. “you know, this—“ you motion between the two of you—“whatever this is.” you didn’t know what answer you’re waiting for, but you hope it’s positive.
chan thinks for a moment and the silence is deafening. he puts his hand on your thigh,   putting down his plate beside him. “we can tell the office that we’re dating or...” he trails off, looking up at the ceiling, “we can keep this between us for now.”
your eyes widen, coughing as you struggle to come up with an answer. you and chan were together now? chan mentioned the word already, right? his eyes grow worried and he comes over to stroke your back. “did i say something wrong?”
“no, god, no, i just didn’t expect—“
“that i liked you back?” chan furrows his eyebrows. “i think last night was proof enough, baby.”
you blush, covering your face in your hands. chan chuckles softly as he leans over to move your hands away. “we can figure it out as we go,” he hums. “you don’t need to give me an answer right now, okay?”
you nod, your mind in shambles. your breath hitches as chan presses a kiss on your wrist. he looks up at you, “once we’re done eating, we can start the day.” you blink at him and he merely laughs.
“are you even ready for today?” he asks, tilting his head to the side, a smile on his lips.
the question hits you in many different ways, your mind travelling back to the last words you heard from him last night. are you ready to finally be with chan after all these years? you scan his face, taking him in as his smile reaches his eyes. chan looked beautiful and you know you wouldn’t be anywhere else, wouldn’t be with anyone else because all you needed is in front of you and he always has been. both of you were just too stupid to admit it to yourselves.
you straighten your back, clear your throat, throw your disheveled hair behind your shoulder, and smile at him.
“ready as i’ll ever be.”
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changbinsgirlfriend · 18 days ago
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hand holding makes my heart 🥺🥺 so this is how i think different members of stray kids would hold their s/o’s hand.
( by the way i try and make all of these gender neutral because one i personally go by she/they pronouns and i also much prefer to read neutral fic so yea, i hope you guys don’t mind that <33 you can always request gender specific fics’s though <33 )
chan — he doesn’t grab your hand a lot i’m not gonna lie, he gets a bit shy tbh. like is he annoying you? do you wanna hold his hand? does it make you uncomfy etc (i can relate to this 😀) so it does have to be you who initiates the hold first but after that he will cling to your hand like a life line. l o v e s holding your hand it literally makes him so giddy so eventually he will sweetly ask you if you mind him grabbing your hand and when you tell him of course not, your hand is always gonna in his. walking down the street, holding hands, eating dinner, holding hands, in bed watching tv, holding hands. trying to tie your shoes, holding hands. what i’m trying to say is don’t let go of this mans hand he loves the contact sm. but i mean have you seen his hands, i would literally be clinging to them 24/7 if i could tbh. running your fingers over his veins while you sit beside each other. playing with his fingers when talking. yea.
lee know — an annoying whore. always pulls his hand out of your hold. but when you stop taking his hand he only gets worse, he will complain that you don’t love him anymore, throwing his arms about until you just grab his hands to shut him up. he tried to pretend that he hated it, but then when you gave him space it broke his heart. he loved having your hands in his. the way your face would light up and you would bring his hands to your lips and kiss his knuckles. he also likes to tease you about how much smaller your hands are than his. i feel like when you walk together he would obnoxiously throw your hands about, swinging them realky high to the point where you are nearly hitting people and he finds it hilarious. but there is also soft moments, like when he notices that you look anxious or sad and he will silently slip beside you and take your hand, holding it gently, showing that he is there for you and supporting you even if he doesn’t say the words.
changbin — i need to stop making everything i write about this man soft but,,, he loves holding hands okay 😔 it literally makes his face light up and he would literally cut off his own arm if it meant using the other to hold you for the rest of his life. he adores when you do it, rushing up to him and taking his hand, but he also always clings to your hand, it’s like a way of greeting. he just takes your hand, and drifts to your side. i feel like changbin is big on pda, and handholding is a very respectable way of doing that because he can’t exactly hug you walking down the street, or have you in his lap in a restaurant. so hand holding for you guys is reassurance and closeness. it also maybe is a way of showing to other people that you are his s/o,,, protective changbin movement rise. another thing, when he is shy, his hands are on you instantly. i also feel like you guys have a code, like you just say a word and the other knows to take their hand, yes you are that couple. i feel like i’ve spoken about hand holding while you sleep a lot in this post but i love holding hands when i sleep so, you two cuddling while holding hands at night, i think absolutely yes it makes me so happy.
hyunjin — i have SO much to say about me hwang hyunjin. because one after changbin this man is my fav/ bias wrecker/ kinda just shared bias at this point (this is reminding me i need to write a one shot about him but n e ways) yea, holding his hands. his rings. my head is S P I N N I NG. he seems like the kind of person who would slip his hand into yours like so mf smooth like he’s in a room com and like lace your fingers together and just look at you and grin. i’m gonna sob why am i so into this. but like, yea holding your hand like this. hyunjin always has your heart racing tbh <33 as i was saying, subtle hand touches are so his thing. slowly drifting his fingers over the back of your hand, gently caressing it until you grab it or he gives in, wanting to hold it. will get pouty if you ever take your hand out of his when he isn’t ready. classic side eye material so watch out. also fucking adores you playing with his rings, will literally be close to jumping up and down watching you twist them on his fingers and will demand you do it all the time. puts on his rings even on days where you stay indoors just so you do it. also loves to put them on you, giggling at how big they are. he also seems the kind of person who likes to sleep holding hands, like he doesn’t need to cling to you, but if your are laying face to face, lands locked and on the pillow between you. his heart will literally melt. bonus point if you would let kkami on the bed with you guys but dogs make me so anxious so 🚶‍♂️
han — prefers to cuddle tbh, but would happily hold your hand if that is not an option. def will hug you in really weird places and you just have to accept it, but that is not what this post is about SO. he gives me soft hand vibes idk why, so holding his hand is a treat if i’m being honest. i feel like he holds your hand really tight, like especially in social settings he will be grasping you like you are gonna disappear which ends in big apologies when he notices later how red your hand is. kind of person who likes to hold both hands, sitting together and facing each other while booth of your hands are clasped while you chat is his all time favourite thing to do, it makes him feel so close to you without having to be extremely intimate because i mean come on he lives in a busy dorm. likes holding your hand when he’s tired, like you could be doing something and he will come up behind you and take your hand and rest his head on your shoulder, leaning heavily into you while using you hand to ground himself. bye he’s so cute.
felix — ahhh, our very own tiny hands. tbh, pretty sure his hands are still bigger than mine so that’s how i’m gonna write it but we move. so he loves holding your hand because he finally had bigger hands than someone, and you love holding his hand because he always gets so happy when he sees your hand completely dwarfed by his. so are you feeding into his ego just a tad? definitely. do you mind? absolutely not he looks so happy. felix is a sweetheart so he would love to go on walks with you around the park while holding hands, swinging them gently as you do so. having picnics and laying side by side holding each other’s hands, it’s like a ritual for you two, same goes for star gazing. also not to be a bits nsfw but hand holding during sex is a must for him. you two also so paint your nails matching and always take cute pictures of you holding hands being absolute goals omg i need this. i just feel like felix loves holding your hand, like he will just drag you about by your linked hands while you are grocery shopping, literally running from isle to isle while you are giggling. lee felix would be the best boyfriend tbh,,, headcanons of felix as a boyfriend anyone? <3
seungmin — okay so i never realised how sweet seungmin was until i got his bubble, like i know he’s a cutie but he’s actually so sweet and caring and it makes my heart hurt omg. like the other day he was talking about how he wishes he could give back more to stay and i was in tears. so anyways so off topic, but i feel like in a lot of fics seungmin is described as kind of cold and closed off. but i feel like with a s/o he would be the sweetest angels and i will not take constructive criticism. at all. he loves holding your hand okay, pressing kisses on the backs of your hand and on each knuckle. holding it close to his chest like right over his heart. smiling so big whenever you take his hand into yours, like i mean that beautiful wide smile he has. i feel like his favourite way to sleep is him spooning you while your hands are linked in front of you, it just, yea it’s so cute. i feel like people would try and tease him for being an absolute sap and literally dropping his own phone if it meant holding your hand but he does not care, that’s the love of his life and he loves it. literally has to has you back stage at performances so you guys can hold hands before to help with his anxiety, will lay on your lap with your hands together resting on his chest while you talk to him, maybe even humming to him as he gets prepared. mmm i need a seungmin one shot now. anyone wanna see this scenario of you calming seungmin down before a show? <3
jeongin — like chan, he is very shy to take your hands at first, screams and shouts and giggles when you do it. but after a while he begins craving that affection and starts coming to you instead. he seems like the kind of guy who tries to be sly about it and gently brushes his hand against yours, using one finger at a time until you are finally holding hands. he’s just so,,, i love him. has definitely asked the other members for advice on how to hold a girls hand and they showed him some chick flick but we move. anyways, so idk how into pda i.n would be tbh, i think it depends on his mood but holding hands is definitely what he is most comfortable with. will hold your hand at totally random times when he needs some physical contact, like you could just be drinking some water and he will come over and take your other hand and hold it but say nothing about it. you just let him do it, finding the whole thing really sweet tbh.
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aboutapeachparty · 5 days ago
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Stray Kids | S/O is sore the morning after their first time (gender neutral)
reaction | hyung line
genre ➸ romance
disclaimer ➸ This is a work of fiction. I don't own any famous character(s) - like idols - and my writings are in no way meant to show these people’s real nature and/or offend them in any way.
Request:  Skz Hyung line reaction when their s/o is sore the morning after their first time? (Suggestive smut) (gender neutral) 🙏🏻✨
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chan.
When you wake up, you realize that something is wrong. Every movement hurt and your first urge was to get up, but you realize as you sit down that it didn't get any better. But because of your restless movements, Chan woke up. He slept on his stomach with his head turned to your side. When he opens his eyes, he smiles gently at you. "Good Morning." His voice was clear, but still calm. "Hey," you say, but you sounded a little pained with pain. It was immediately apparent to Chan that something was wrong and he immediately sat up. "Is everything okay? Do you regret it?" You had your first time last night and Chan was afraid he'd forced you to do something you didn't want. He wanted you, but he didn't want to overstep your limits. Did he push you to do something you didn't want? You immediately recognized his concern and you shake your head. "No, I have no regrets," you say softly and give him a gentle kiss. "But is there something?" You can’t lie to him. "Well ..." You start, but you were shy. You didn't want to burden him with your problems and in the worst case scenario he would feel bad too. "Come on tell me. You don't have to be uncomfortable." Clearly, Chan couldn't be fooled. "Well it feels sore here ... so down here." You point down at yourself and press your lips together. "Oh ...", Chan said and his eyes suddenly widened. And for a moment it became quiet between you. It was a little uncomfortable, but then Chan got up and got dressed. "Okay okay. You stay here and don't move. I'll go quickly and buy us breakfast." He packed panicked his things and looked for his wallet. "It's really okay, don't stress yourself." You try to calm him down, but he wasn't dissuaded. "No, I'll do everything for you today. I'm so sorry." Chan then kissed you and ran off.
minho.
"Ouch, ouch, ouch ..." You stumble back from the toilet and go back to bed. Minho was watching you with a big but evil grin. "Don't laugh like that, it's all your fault." You lie down next to him with a sigh and still feel the burning in your lower area. "But it was worth it, wasn't it?" He keeps grinning at you and you roll your eyes. "Let's see how long I'll be sore." You sigh and snuggle up in the covers again. "Sorry, I can't help it that he's so big." He winked and turned over to you. You roll your eyes, but you know that Minho wanted that confirmed. "Hmm right, I should find someone with a smaller dick." Now it was you who grinned and Minho looked at you with raised eyebrows. But then he smiled too and kisses the tip of your nose. "You will get used to him and then you will not want anything else," he whispered in your ear and you immediately get goosebumps. You look into his dark eyes and you miss the words. "But before that I can still be very gentle with you." His head bowed and his lips touched your neck, then your collarbone. His hands wandered over your body and you can feel your breath getting louder and louder. And Minho was just gentle ... very gentle.
changbin.
"That was nice," whispered Changbin and starts playing with your fingers. He kissed every single one of your fingertips and he smiled gently. You smile too but couldn't answer anything.Your naked bodies were lying against each other and you liked that afterglow, but the sex had left you with after-effects on your body too. "Are you okay?" He asked and immediately noticed that something was wrong. You nod with pressed lips, but in reality you couldn't fool him. "What's going on?" He asked further and his look was suddenly so full of worry. Changbin could seem so tough and hard at times, but he was so soft with you here. "I'm just a little bit sore down there. It's not that bad." You smile and want to convince him that everything is fine. But Changbin immediately feels bad. "What? Did I hurt you?" He leaned over you and examined your whole body. "No, everything is really okay." You run his hair and look him in the eye. And the next moment he became calm too. His hustle and bustle disappeared and his pulse calmed down. "Really?" His dark pupils found themselves in your eyes and he looked like a small dog to you at the moment. "Yeah really. It's just so new to me. I have to get used to you." You wink and laughingly give him a kiss. "I'll be more careful next time," he promised you and snuggled up to you again.
masterlist.
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soleilsuhh · 13 days ago
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stray kids imagines 𖥧 ° .* holding hands <3
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[ ‎܀ ] - chan holds your hand to comfort you. his touch is gentle and warm, a light squeeze as he listens to you, a steady clasp as he watches you breathe in and out, his thumb running over your knuckles. he doesn’t say a word; he’s simply there, holding your hand in his; a quiet reminder that no, you’re not alone and a soft promise that yes, it’s all going to be okay.
[ ‎܀ ] - minho holds your hand gently yet firmly while you balance and walk on a small wall. you ask what if i fall? and he replies without missing a beat, his voice light, i’ll catch you. and when your gazes meet, there’s an unwavering look in his eyes and you believe him. of course he’ll catch you. he always does. he always have.
[ ‎܀ ] - changbin reaches out and grabs your hand to pull you back to him. your back hits against his chest and he doesn’t let go of your hand, entrapping you in a back-hug and he presses a million kisses on your cheek, ear, temple until you’re a giggling mess in his tight embrace.
[ ‎܀ ] - you and hyunjin hold hands because you don’t want to lose each other in the crowd. he intertwines his fingers with yours in a secure hold, letting go only when there’s an obstacle in the way and your hands immediately finding their way to each other’s afterwards.
[ ‎܀ ] - jisung holds your hand just to play with it. sometimes he’d use his finger to write naughty words on the back of your hand and he tells you to guess what he wrote, a lazy half-grin on his face, a playful glint in his eyes. and when you get it correct, he lets out a gleeful little laugh as he nods and presses a kiss on your palm.
[ ‎܀ ] - felix holds your hand above your head, lacing your fingers together, while the two of lazily make out on bed, except it’s more of an easygoing conversation about everything and nothing, lips hovering over lips, over skin; your hushed voices filling the room, accompanied by occasional laughter and chuckles between languid kisses.
[ ‎܀ ] - seungmin holds your hand out of habit. it’s an absentminded gesture — at first, anyway; you’re deep in conversation and as he listens to you, he casually rubs his thumb over the back of your hand, fingers tracing the outline and the crevices between each finger before they intentionally glide along your palm. a smile forms on his face as a brief laughter escapes your lips. he knows it tickles and that’s precisely why he does it again.
[ ‎܀ ] - jeongin holds your hand under the table at dinner with family. it’s discreet and sweet and innocent; and it’s all silent stolen gazes and quirked lips as his fingers brush over the skin of your thigh while his hand lays flat on the back of yours. it lingers there for a moment before he gives you a little squeeze, promising more for later.
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sunshinelixie-lee · 2 days ago
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your vote pt.1
(pt.2)
like m8, stop procrastinating ch.4
a series by @0x1lovebot and @sunshinelixie-lee
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<< series masterlist >>
taglist: @danielol @grassbutneo @taecup-ontrack @oifelixcmerebrou @0x1lovebot @zenzedana
♡taglist is open♡
© 2021 copyright. all rights reserved. 0x1lovebot and sunshinelixie-lee.
♡☂︎✿☁♡☂︎✿☁♡☂︎✿☁♡☂︎✿☁♡☂︎✿☁ {{{[[(never say goodbye, 너와 난 하나니까)]]}}} ♡pls reblog if you enjoyed♡ -Xie💫
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thevampywolf · 18 hours ago
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Saturday
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Genre: fluff
Warnings: none
Request: no
Member: Chan
Your eyes snap open before they fall shut again, your body automatically waking you up for another day at work. It's still quite dark out, and you can't see much in your bedroom, just the hazy outlines of your husband's sleeping figure, the duvet bunched up around him. You sigh. You don't want to get up, it's freezing outside and you're all bundled up in a bubble of warmth with Chan’s arms tucked all snug around you. You just want to snuggle up into his chest and sleep for at least another three hours, exhaustion coursing through you like an inverted caffeine current.
Groaning, you smack your face into the pillow and will yourself to wake up, mentally trying to tell yourself to slip out of the comfortable bed and get ready for work. Your husband must hear your movement though, for he suddenly moves closer to you, his arms hooking around your waist and pulling you into his chest. You groan. Great. Now it's even harder to get up.
"Princess?" Chan mumbles sleepily, slowly blinking his eyes open. "What's wrong?"
"Don't want to go to work," you mumble, whining slightly as you hear raindrops suddenly splattering against your bedroom window. The cosiness of the atmosphere almost makes you cry, and you don't want to get up and leave the safe space of your bed.
Chan raises an eyebrow. "Work?"
"Mhm," you nod, yawning against his chest. "It's Friday."
At that, Chan starts to softly chuckle. The kind of chuckle that is quiet and ends up in his emitting tiny squeaks, the kind of chuckle that makes his face light up and his eyes crinkle up into crescent moon. The kind of chuckle that swept you off your feet the first time you ever heard it, the kind of chuckle that makes you feel like you've never been sad a day in your life. You can't help but grin up at him as you stare into his eye with a completely doting gaze, even though you're confused as to why he's so amused.
"Baby," Chan laughs, tightening his muscular arms around your waist as he kisses your temple. "It's a Saturday. You don't have work today."
Confused, you pull away from him. "What?"
Chan starts laughing again and he leans down to kiss you gently on your lips, his mouth soft and warm against your own. "It's Saturday, you silly baby. You don't have to get up. In fact, I forbid you from getting up because I need more cuddles."
As his words finally sink into your sleepy head, you can't help but grin. "More cuddles?"
"More cuddles," Chan nods, rocking you gently amongst the bedsheets. "Is my poor princess completely exhausted?"
"Think so," you murmur, eyes falling shut as your mouth curves up into a content smile. You give Chan a tiny peck on his chest before resting your hands above his heart, letting him cradle you in his strong yet gentle embrace, happiness flooding through you as you realise you don't need to get up. You can stay here for as long as you want to, here in the circle of warmth and sweet vanilla.
"Gosh I love you," Chan whispers as he rests his chin on top of your head. His nails ever so slightly slide down your back, just the way you like it, and you know it's his way of getting you to fall asleep again. Switching between drawing shapes on your back with your fingers and rubbing your skin with his palm, Chan presses his lips to your head and continues to pepper tiny kisses to your hair, your forehead, and anywhere else he can reach. "Go to sleep now, my love. I'm not going anywhere."
You hum in response, the gentle scratching on your back making your eyelids droop again and you can't help but feel like a tiny kitten curling up in Chan’s arms. His heartbeat is a rhythmic drum beneath your cheek, and with his soft breathing stirring your hair and his hands hot on your back, you fall asleep again, a huge smile painted on your features.
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Tag list ~ @koos-euphoria @es-kay-zee @ex-skz-me @raethethey @hugs4chan @hotmesshapa @manonblackbeak-trash @hendsernoodle @sir3racha @jl-micasea @nightshade-minho @water--gang @yourdaddychan @n-bokhari @stanskzseungmin @loving-unicorns106 @ateez-babygirl @dalamjisung @jisungsjheekies @freckledquokka @dinosdawn @cookiemonstermusic258 @strwbrryfroyo @gazelle-des-pres @qtieskz @airwaveee @rae-blogging @stigmvta @love-stays @necromancersupreme @visiblemisfit @jorgofthejungle @super-btstrash-posts @skzleeknow12 @jeetjisungjult (lemme know if you wanna be added or removed)
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chanluster · 8 days ago
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paris | m ; f ; a (teaser)
“You and Chan, jazz-filled corners, hidden history, and the city of love.”
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oneshot | exes to lovers! au | 1950s! au | approx. 40k words
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s u m m a r y >> heartbroken by your long-term boyfriend, shunned by the paparazzi, and disgraced in the eyes of cinema, you flee ironically to the city of love to find comfort. the comfort somehow arrives in the shape of film noir superstar, bang chan, the enigmatic man who taught you the art of acting, lust and love during your rise to fame. he asks you on a simple little date, and you could not refuse, leading to a path of neverending passion, pain and everything that comes with fooling around with your ex in the jazz-filled corners of paris.
w a r n i n g s >> actor! ex! chan, actor! reader, actor! ex! minho, keeping the gang as hollywood actors, reader is bitter and a slight bitch at the start, most of the sites i mention are real in paris (i did way too much research), my chan bias came out drastically, sexual tension galore, teasing, making out, fingering, oral (f. receiving and possibly m. if i’m feeling spicy), unprotected sex (stay safe!!), less sex more sad angsty lovemaking, phone sex, constant edging and cockblocking, chan is nothing but a d o m, reader is a brat, i promise there is fluff, but there is more angst methinks, overall planned to be an emotional rollercoaster (more to be added!)
p l a y l i s t >> here!
t a g l i s t >> @decembermoonskz @tenderfrailty @i-am-silver @sulfurcosmos @chrisishungry100397 @freckledquokka @kingkaithekiwi (send an ask or reply to this teaser if you want to be added! also tagging @hyuckworld​ or she’ll have my neck)
a u t h o r ‘ s  n o t e >> LMAOO HI I GUESS !! not really back but i got a sudden burst to revamp this and yeh hopefully i release it before my uni classes start officially :’) being away for so long made me realise how much i missed yall, so i decided to attempt this !! blame chan and the red lights mv it has such a chokehold on me but anyway i hope you enjoy the teaser and thank u alice for pushing me to post this <33
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“I HAVE THE WHOLE NIGHT TODAY, CHÉRIE.”
You nearly melted upon the doorway. Gripping hard onto the frame was your only option.
“Oh.”
Your eyes could not even trail upwards — a strange fear curled in your gut at the stare which would welcome you. Deep down, you knew that if you looked at him, you would collapse on the floor.
His leather shoes came into view as he took a step forward. “Now are you going to let me in,” you heard his whisper, “Or are you to spend the whole night avoiding my gaze?”
That comment had you tilting your head towards him, fallen into the abyss of his eyes. It could have been blamed on the moonlight behind you, but a twinkle danced in his irises.
You stepped aside. Let him inside your abode, the mess before cleaned up and settled nicely by room service, but the mess within you still reigning. 
Chan roamed his eyes over your lavish suite, and then stopped before your remaining macaroons, daintily sitting upon your table. 
“I’m surprised those haven’t been finished yet,” he voiced, a brow lifted in mocking. “Knowing you, I would have expected these to be gone by the first day.”
“Stop it, you!” Exasperated, you picked up the telephone, ordering two bottles of wine as you sat yourself down on the bed, hand gesturing towards the chairs. “Sit. I’ve ordered drinks.”
Obliging, the man gently settled in his seat, folding a leg over the other as he looked to the window view of Paris. “I expected more mess in the room, actually.”
“If you’ve only come here to insult me then you may leave,” you remarked, which earned you soft laughter from the man. The knocking of the door indicated room service, and you dashed towards the sound, gladly accepting the bottles of white wine and hurrying back to the table. Two glasses perched delicately upon it, waiting to be filled with alcohol. 
You poured Chan half a glass, then yours right to the brim. “Greedy,” he taunted, which only had you sticking your tongue out as you took the first gulp. Meanwhile, he only took a careful sip, a soft hum indicating his satisfaction.
“How long do you plan on staying here?” He asked, drinking more. 
“As long as my funds will allow me,” you answered a little too truthfully. “Jeongin is restless trying to get me an audition in the city for any big projects around Hollywood.”
You scoffed, already halfway through your first glass. “As if Hollywood wants me back after what happened.”
“You will climb up from this, ____,” the man assured you. “Did you not fight through the scandals when you were with me?”
“Yes, but this is so different,” you countered, pouring yourself a second glass. “With you, it was fun. I did not care the slightest because I knew that whatever happened, me and you were never going to be outcasts. The people loved us, Chan.”
You took in a long sip. “I guess the public liked Minho more as a charming playboy than a charming boyfriend.”
A harsh scoff was his answer. “That arrogant prick was still suspicious even when both of you were dating.”
A raised brow. “Since when did you follow the tabloids?”
“I don’t,” he said. “But I am not a stupid man.”
After a small silence followed, with you feeling down from Minho’s antics, you continued to your third glass, beginning to sense the wine coursing through your body. The effects began to kick in, a familiar rush running beneath your skin. 
“Whatever,” you mumbled. “So what if he cheated on me?” 
Chan focused his gaze upon you, watching you down your wine with more anger as he swirled his own drink. “You deserve better, chérie.”
Ah yes. The same proclamation Jeongin voiced this afternoon.
You deserve better than half-hearted fairy tales.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he remarked, you sighing as you drowned your anger with alcohol. “I’m serious, ____.” 
His answer was your silence, which he accepted as he took another sip of his wine. The pause ensued until you parted your mouth once more.
“I just want everything back to normal, Chan.”
You looked at him, vision a little blurry. “I just want to act again. I want to be in front of the cameras, and become another person entirely. Is that even normal?” Another glass down. “I mean, I am an actress, but recently the urge to be someone I am not is so tempting. Perhaps the lives of characters can be so perfect at times I become almost envious of words on a page. Is that normal, Chan?
“People do not fall in love with the actor. They fall in love with a persona they re-enacted. People never fell for me, Chan, they fell in love with what I perceived myself to be on the screen. That’s all I am to them, yet I never want to stop acting. Is that normal, Chan? Am I normal, Chan?”
The man listened, a hard look upon his face as he finished his second glass, feeling his chest tighten at your words. He put the glass upon the table, never breaking your stare. 
“I understand, darling.” He propped his hands on the armchair. “I used to think like this too, especially when my films were not as successful in the start. It was hard to get out of the pressure, but everyone has to hit rock bottom to experience the pure joy of climbing back up.”
The man then exposed a ghost of a smile upon his lips. “You want to know something?”
You raise your brows. “What?”
Unfolding his leg, he leaned in, legs spreading into a V. His curls nearly slipped through from the beret. “I never did fall for who you were on television, all those years ago.
“I fell for who you truly were. Not your characters, your scripted interviews, none of that superficiality. I fell for you.”
You cursed, low in your throat. 
And suddenly it was all too much; this man, seated before you, drinking wine with you, listening to you ramble as drunkards do. It was all too much. Too good, too beautiful, too precious. 
You did not know why tears threatened as you parted your mouth, staring at his eyes. 
“I really missed you, Chan.”
The man paused his drinking. 
Widened his eyes as he abandoned the alcohol altogether, instead drinking in the words that left your mouth. 
“You…” he slowly stood. Walked to where you lay, leaned back on the divan. “You did?”
You raised yourself slightly, edging forwards. Towards him. His gaze enlivened by the wine coating upon your lips. 
“So much.”
He inched closer, hands raising. They found refuge just under your jaw, upon the dip where your neck ran down. The anarchy on his face brought you to near ruination. 
“I really want to kiss you, chérie.”
A small whimper escaped you as you welcomed his touch, eyes heavy lidded. Still, you did not break his stare. “Wh-what is it…what’s stopping you?”
The man ran his tongue down his lower lip, and you had half a mind to capture it with your mouth. 
His thumb began caressing your cheek, sparking your insides aflame. “Everything.”
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hyunsuks-beanie · 19 days ago
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Tighter
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Pairing: Switch! Hyunjin x switch! fem. bodied! gn reader
Genre/Warnings: Smut; cursing; choking kink (Hyunjin); breeding kink (reader); cream pie
Word Count: 2.2k
A/N: Thank you to @uniquebeardragonturtle (https://uniquebeardragonturtle.tumblr.com/, sorry I couldn't tag you), for this request! Writing about Hyunjin having a choking kink was just so wholesome you so much fun, and I hope you like reading it as much as I liked writing it! Also, I made this gender neutral, but with a female bodied reader, so I hope you like that!
"Y/N, could you help me with this?," your boyfriend, Hyunjin, asks, turning to look at you with a pout on his face while holding his necktie. You giggle and walk up to him, placing the tie on his neck, and helping him tighten it. "You're such a kid," you softly say, a smile on your face. But instead of replying to you with words, Hyunjin does something you hadn't expected him to do. Not now anyway.
Hearing a low moan come out of his mouth, you look up at him, only to see his eyes shut tight. It takes you a minute or two to realize what is happening, and, to prove your theory, you tighten the tie around his neck. As soon as you do so, Hyunjin's eyes shoot open, as he moans your name out while looking at you, his eyes darkening. "Oh my god, the necktie's choking is turning you on!," you exclaim, surprised at having discovered a kink of his you never knew existed.
At your words, his demeanor changes completely, going from borderline lustful to bashful in a matter of seconds. "I-It's nothing like that, babe," he stutters, only to have you smirk and pull on the tie again. He looks at you with wide eyes, making you lean into his ear and whisper, "Gosh, I so wanna choke you and fuck you right now," he lets out a whimper at your words, causing you to pull back and face him. "But we're gonna be late for the dinner if we start now, and I don't want Chan and Minho to murder us," you giggle, taking his hand and leading him to the door, as he continues to pout.
Little does Hyunjin know about the devilish plan that's brewing in your mind.
After that incident, Hyunjin is surprised to find you acting as if you'd forgotten all about his choking kink. Too shy to ask you to choke him while having sex, he concludes that you weren't comfortable with the idea, and whatever you did that night was just in the heat of the moment. A couple days later, you show up at the company, bringing in food for the boys. "Hey Y/N, what's that in your hand?," Jisung asks, curiously eyeing a medium-sized box you are carrying alongside the bags of food. "Oh this? It's just some stuff related to work," you say. After having fed and chatted with the boys for a while, you get up to leave. "Come see me off?," you ask your boyfriend, to which he gladly agrees.
At the door, you hand him the package, making him give you a confused expression. "What do I do with this?," he asks. "It's for you. I know you're gonna like it," you smirk, biting your lip before leaning in to whisper in his ear, "Don't open it in front of the boys. And send me a picture, I'll be waiting." And with that, you're out of the building. Back home, you can't control your excitement, awaiting the picture from Hyunjin. "Will he like it? Will he think it's too much? What if the boys see it?," you continue asking yourself.
Your train of thought is broken when your phone pings, indicating a new message from your boyfriend. You tap on it, feeling yourself getting wet at the mere sight of him with a choker toy around his neck, his hand on the leash, and the top buttons of his shirt undone to give you a better view. You can't see his face, but you know he liked the gift. Smirking, you find your fingers dialing his number. He picks up on the second ring, and shyly asks you, "When did you buy it?" You reply with a simple, "A few days ago. Sorry it took so long to be delivered," before adding, "Did you like it?" He lets out a small whimper at your question, saying, "I got hard just looking at my own reflection, and had to jerk off imagining you choking me while sucking on me." Now it's your turn to moan, imagining his pretty self jerking off at the thought of you.
"Fuck, I can't wait for you to come back home. I don't know how much longer I'll last." You whisper through the phone. "Just wait for me baby, I'll be there in no time."
Waiting for him to come home feels like an ordeal to you, and more than once, you find your looking at that picture of him on your phone. Unable to control yourself or the wetness pooling between your legs every time you see the photo, you take your shorts off, hands quickly finding your core as you start pleasuring yourself. "Ahhh fuck. Hyunj-jin," you moan out, imagining him choking you as his mouth works wonders on your heat."
Unbeknownst to you, Hyunjin is leaning against the door frame, smirking as he plans to punish you later for being impatient. But first, he needs to thank you. And so, he backs up towards the front door, only to call out, "Babe, I'm home." He walks back towards the room slowly, giving you time to conceal the fact that you had been going off at the thought of him. When he enters the room, it takes everything in him to not pounce on you. You look so innocent sitting on the bed, legs spread out, eyes wide open, and hair sticking up in all directions, that it's enough to get him semi-hard. You get off the bed and walk up to him, kissing his lips softly. "How was your day, baby?," you mutter against his lips.
To your surprise, he takes your chin in his hand, looking you directly in the eye. "How about we talk later? Because I can't hold it in any longer. I need you, now." You try hard not to whimper at his words, sliding his bag down his shoulder, and taking the choker out of it. The toy goes back around Hyunjin's neck, but this time, it's you who clasps it, rubbing your clothed heat against him. You kiss him roughly, pushing him onto to bed as you straddle his lap. You bite his lips before shoving your tongue into his mouth, one hand on his shoulder, while the other pulls on the leash to tighten the collar. Hyunjin lets out a loud groan, enjoying the choking feeling on his neck, as you continue to grind against his lap.
All of a sudden, he pulls onto your hair, growling, "Don't tease me," and the look on his face is enough to make you cum then and there. Leash still in your hand, you stand up, quickly unbuttoning his shirt and taking it off him. Pressing your lips onto his chest, you leave a large lick across his torso, biting down hard enough on his abs to leave a hickey. Satisfied, you move to take his pants off, sliding them down along with his underwear. You almost drool at the site of his hard-on, taking it into your mouth after pumping it a few times.
Hyunjin throws his head back in pleasure as you begin bobbing you head up and down, licking and sucking on his member. You sharply tighten the leash without warning, making him let out a loud moan. Smirking, you speed up your pace, feeling him getting close.
Hyunjin pulls on your hair, making you look up. "W-want to s-see your b-boobs," he moans out, making you pull back to take your top off before returning your attention back. He feels himself edging closer to his climax, seeing your boobs bounce on your chest as you continue to suck on him. Feeling him close, you tug on the leash one more time, and that it enough to push him off the edge, as he cums into your mouth. Licking up every last bit of him, you look up, a satisfied grin on your face.
"You're amazing at giving head, babe," he says, kissing you hungrily, and getting a taste of himself on your lips.
Soon enough, you find your shorts discarded on the floor, as you lower yourself onto Hyunjin's dick, the man lying on the bed on his back. You hiss at his size, playing with the leash as you wait for yourself to adjust to his size. Seeing how much you are enjoying his kink, he pictures how you would look being choked. As if on cue, it's you who speak, while slowly starting to go up and down his dick. "You look so pretty with that collar around your neck, baby. How about we have you always wear this choker when it's just the two of us?," you smirk, to which he replies, "I don't think you'll be able to keep your hands off me in that case, babe," taking in a sharp breath as you come down all the way, making his balls hit your core. Smirking, you pull on the leash once again, making him groan in response, "Getting too cocky, are we now? Don't forget baby boy, I'm the one in-charge right now." "We'll see about that," he smirks in return, placing his hands on your hips as he starts guiding you up and down his length.
You moan at the feeling of his dick going in and out, holding his shoulders for support. "Aww what happened, baby? Weren't you the one in-charge?," he mocks you, speeding up the pace. "Look how well you take me," he smirks, making you moan louder as he hits your G-spot. "Like that, don't you? Like it when my cock slams into you." "F-fuck yes, do that again, Hyunjin," you manage to say. He continues his relentless pace, making you bury your face into his throat. You pull at the choker around his neck using your hand, before proceeding to leave a lock lick up his throat all the way up to his chin. Groaning in response, all he can say is, "I'm close."
"M-me too, ahhhh," you moan in his ear, "Fill me up Hyunjin, fill me to the brim." Riding out on your filthy words, Hyunjin feels himself coming undone, as he releases into you. The feeling of his warm juice inside you is enough to make you release as well, and you lay your head on his shoulder as you ride out your high.
You start to get up and off him, but Hyunjin's hands keep you in place. "Not so fast, love," he whispers with a devilish smirk, "I saw you going off at the thought of me choking you, so why don't we fulfill your fantasy too?" And with that, he flips you over, pulling himself out of you so fast that it makes you hiss in pain. "Aww, what happened? Did it hurt?," he asks you in mock concern, smirking when you nod. "Good," is all he says, eyes moving down to his cum seeping out from inside your pussy. "Look what a mess you made, baby. Seems like I'll have to fill you up again."
His words are enough to make you wet again, and you let out a moan, which is cut short abruptly when you feel Hyunjin's hand wrapping around your neck. Leaning in close to you, he says, "I don't need a collar to choke you, love. My hand is more than enough." And with that, he tightens his grip around your neck, shoving his tongue down your slightly parted lips, as his other hand makes its way down to your core, teasing you rubbing and pulling on your clit."
You arch your back in pleasure, and just like that, as quickly as it had started, his hand disappears. "All fours," he growls, letting go of your neck briefly. You quickly get into position, with his hand finding your neck again. His free hand moves to massage your boobs, pinching on your nipples, as he aligns his dick next to you. Without warning, he rams into you, hilt deep, from behind, making you cry out. That's his cue to tighten his grip around your neck, as his other hand moves from your breasts to your clit, rubbing circles onto it. He continues to move in and out mercilessly, and you grab the headboard of the bed to keep from falling.
Overstimulated from your previous orgasm, the both of you find yourself edging closer to your climax. "Want me to breed you again, baby?," Hyunjin whispers in your ear, biting your earlobe. You can only moan in response, almost feeling yourself cum at the mere thought of his juice spilling out of you. He hits you G-spot again, making the both of you moan as you ride your high together.
Pulling out from you, Hyunjin can't help but admire how his cum and yours drip out on the bed, a you fall over, face-first, into the pillows, exhausted. Smiling, he gives you a soft kiss on the cheek, pushing your hair away from your face. "Thank you for the gift, babe," he says, "I loved it." "I'm glad," you smile in reply, before adding, "I'll wear it the next time."
"As you wish, babe," he responds. "And I'll choke you tighter."
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youn9racha · 21 days ago
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Cold Face
Requested by: Anon
Pairing: Chanxfem!reader
Words: 4.6 words
Genre: Smut with a slight angst
Warning: jealous!chan (yes its a warning), dom!chan, sub!reader, fingering (fem receiving), oral sex (fem receiving), unprotected penetrated sex (wrap it up kids!!), edging, overstimulation, mentions of daddy.
Extra Notes: it feels like forever i’ve been writing lmfao, my bad its just if you checked my ella’s ramblingzz then you would know that i have started uni and i might disappear outta nowhere. but please don’t stop requesting, i can’t guarantee that i‘ll do it at a short time, but i’ll for sure work on it. also i want to thank you anon for the request. i’ll quit rambling and i hope you enjoy it !! also this is long as fuck wtf—
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This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised.
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“You really think you’re so funny, don’t you, baby girl?”Chan harshly whispered to you, as he pinned you into the bed using his hands to wrap your wrist and situated between your head, while you just looked down in shame and slight arousal with your legs shaking.
‘What lead up to this?’ some might ask, what lead up for the sweet, caring of a boyfriend named Christopher Chan Bang to get mad at his precious girlfriend? He loves his girlfriend too much and, more often than not, he lets his girlfriend off the hook, so why is he right now looking with full malice and lust at you?
Well, it started when you were at the company building. Intially, you brought snacks for him and the boys since they’ve worked so hard for their comeback that your gut was telling you that like they weren’t taking care of themselves, especially Chris. You were fairly really close to the members, but you were mainly close to the two members that is often seen producing with Chan, aka Changbin and Jisung, and putting an emphasis on Jisung, as you were the closest to him out of the two.
Despite his introverted semblance, it was safe to say that Jisung has warmed up to you pretty quickly, which satisfied Chan, as seeing you interacting with the rest of the boys, whom he affectionately dubs as his kids, in a positive way and being friends with them gave him a warm, endearing feeling inside him. Chan adores and trusts you and the boys all too much, at times you all jokingly get into fights into winning Chan’s affection. But all in all, Chan was all too happy to see his favorite people getting along.
That is until he saw how much you’ve been getting too involved with the rest of 3racha, better-or worse-yet the rest of the members. Chan isn’t typically jealous, and he knows that your eyes are only set on him and that you proudly proclaim him as your boyfriend. However, you’ve noticed how Chan would give you a certain glare, a glare you’ve never seen him give to you, everytime you were sitting too close to Jisung. When Jisung is out of sight and hearing, you would look at Chan with worry and ask him, “what’s the matter?” to which he would say either ‘it’s fine,’ or shake his head and shrugs it off.
With the days pass, and you keep getting closer to the members and start constantly ask about them. You would bring up any excuse to come up and see them, with the inclusion of Chris of course. However, you have noticed that the more you got closer to the member, the more cold Chan has gotten. He knew that you cared for the members, and he never really stops you from hanging out with them, but he saw how much you’ve been giving them more attention than usual, especially to Jisung.
You got on the elevator to the dance practice room, and once the elevator dings and opens up it’s door, you met up with two familiar faces stopping their tracks once seeing you coming out, with the face holders being Felix and Jeongin. Their faces brightened up upon meeting you as you got out the elevator, “(y/n)! Hey!” Felix exclaimed, as he squeezed your body with a tight hug. You groaned due to the tightness of his hug—he maybe small in frame but don’t underestimate his strength—and lightly giggle, “hey, Lixie!” You said warmly, as he pulled away from me. Your eyes met with Jeongin bright smile, which he extend his arm, “(y/n)!” he said, his embrace was magnetic as you pulled yourself into his arms.
After your greetings, you asked about Chan’s whereabouts, “hey, have you seen Chris? I got us all snacks and I want him and you guys to eat.” You said, picking up your bags, to which both boys’ eyes started sparkle. “Oh my god, you are god sent!” Jeongin excitedly said, to which you shook your head, “oh no, please, you guys work too hard, you deserve to eat.”
The two boys nodded and took the bags out of your hand. You resisted at first, but Felix reassured you that Jeongin and he can carry it, you lifted your eyebrow, “you don’t think I can carry it?” jokingly threatening them, the two young boys widened their eyes at your claim and quickly looked at each other nervously.
“N-no! I-t’s not like that!” Jeongin stammered, nudging Felix for him to speak for him to which he lifted his arm. “We just wanted to help you, its noth—“
”I was playing with you guys, I know you guys wanted to help,” You chuckle making both boys frown, “You’re mean,” Felix pouted, taking one bag from your hand while Jeongin took the other. You found the two boys adorable, they felt like your younger siblings rather than friends. You often played with them, mess around with them, and bicker each other like actual siblings, but it was with full platonic love and endearment.
Following along them, the three of you stood in front of the door of the practice room. You can hear music coming from the room, which could mean that they’re in the middle of practicing. Your guilt began increasing for interrupting their work, but your motherly instincts kicked in when you’ve noticed how much stress the boys were getting into. Particularly with how all of them having a sharp eye and being strong perfectionists, they would sacrifice anything to make their comebacks work the way they want it to be, even with essential needs being put on the line. You shook your head, knowing that, although it‘s not a good idea to interrupt them, it’s for their benefits, especially when you saw how excited Felix and Jeongin was when they saw your bag filled with food.
Felix pushed himself into the door, Jeongin following along and stopping at the door from sliding shut to make way for you. “Hey guys! Guess who came in with food?!” Felix announced excitedly, raising the bag of food. The room only had the group members and no staff was seen, your guilt senses have decrease, since you didn’t want to deal with them scolding you for ruining their unnecessary diet, but you could not care less.
The boys were elated to see you, with all of them, approaching you and hugging you, while Chan stood ther painting that smile of endearment seeing his favorite people at each other. That is that‘s what he likes to think that what he’s doing. While yes, it was a genuine smile of affection, but inside of him was something quite opposite. As bad as he feels for feeling like this, there’s this certain irritation inside of him he couldn’t explain, and it only occurs when he sees you close with the members. He doesn’t understand why he would feel something like this, typically he’s not the jealous type, but seeing you with the way the members touch you, feel you, smell you, look at you even, his thought view changed from something innocent to something unexplainably bad that he finds confusing.
His thoughts were interrupted when he felt a tight hug wrapped around his torso, he shook his head and looked at the source and sees you nuzzling into him. Those evil thoughts were later put at the side as he smiled softly, and hugged you back. “Hi, baby,” He said, kissing your forehead, as you smiled at him back. There was a groan of disgust in the background from the boys,
“Ew!”
“That’s enough, mom and dad!”
“We really didn’t need to see that!”
”I.N, cover your eyes!”
“Changbin, stop! I am an adult!”
And so much more, as you let go of Chan with a smile, looking at the boys, his arm still wrapped around your shoulder. You laughed at the dramatic bunch, while Chan just shook his head at their action.
They’ve unpacked the food on the ground, the aroma of it has replaced the smell of hard work and sweat, which made them let out an exaggerated “wow!” You and Chan held hands as you both walked at the group and sat down with them. However before he sat, Chan wanted to go get his water bottle refilled, he informed and then held onto your shoulders, “want anything?”
“No, I’m fine,” you smiled at him, as lightly caressed his fingertips, to which he nodded back. He got up and asked the boys the same question, to which all denied, and there he went out. You sat next to Jisung as you all began to feast. While waiting for Chan, you were listening to Minho’s and Hyunjin’s comedic bickering since both kept going back and forth on who’s messed up the dance. You were all laughing at them, you wished Chan was here to listen at their argument. “Why aren’t you eating?” Jisung broke out of your mini trance, and saw that you were barely eating. You didn’t realize that the food was untouched by you, as you were busy interacting with the boys and waiting for Chan.
“Oh, I didn’t realize,” you let out a snickered commented, hopefully easing Jisung‘s concerns. You looked down at your food, and picked up your chopsticks only to see a piece of meat floating in front of you. “Try this! It’s really good!” Jisung offered excitedly with his food placed in front of your face. To say that this action caught you off guard was an understatement, however you saw how Jisung held in an innocent look to his face, waiting for you to eat the piece of meat that is situated between his chopsticks. He put his head to the side, “c’mon, try it!”
After the mini encouragement, you gave in and leaned in to eat his food, to which you excitedly moaned at how good the food is as Jisung nodded at you with a smile. While the gesture was innocent from both ends, Chan did not see it that way when he walked in and sees you eating Jisung’s food. He held into his water bottle harshly and his face switched from a neutral faced to a cold one. Felix was the first to notice his presence, his face also began to switch from elation to intimidation from his end. “Hey, Chan..” Felix nervously said, which made you turn around smiling at your boyfriend. However your smile didn’t last long as Chan looked at you with coldness, he walked in silence and sat down next to you.
Everyone suddenly became silent seeing how the leader did not look pleased, as he quickly began munching down on his food. You broke the silent with a cough, “baby, are you okay?” You tried speaking to him. Usually, the boys would cringe at the way you called Chan a nickname, however with the tension that build in this room, it was a good idea for all not to showcase anything and just eat their food.
Chan, looking down at his food, simply replied with, “yeah, I’m good.” You looked at him confused then back at the members, whom all mirrored the same expression as you. You tried again, “are you sure nothing happened?”
“No, nothing happened,” He spoke after swallowing his food, he then looked up at you with a fake smile, “how about you let Jisung finish feeding your food and then meet me at the house okay?” He said, sarcastically as he dropped his chopsticks, making you and everyone else in the room jumped. You looked at him with an astonished face as he got up and left the room.
Of course, everyone, including yourself, have seen him get mad, however no one has ever seen him getting really mad at you like this, let alone get jealous, so it was a surprise for all of you to see how he is. You got up and left as well, going to find Chan before he leaves to resolve this. Meanwhile the boys sat still shocked about what happened, “do you think they’re gonna be okay?” Jisung broke the mini silence to ask as he felt guilty about all this. Minho responded with, “they’ll be fine.”
“How can you be sure? Chan has never been this mad at her before and I feel really bad! I don’t want him to think I was flirting with her or anything, I see her as my siste—“ Jisung began to ramble until Minho interrupted, “Hannie, we both know that Chan isn’t gonna leave (y/n) just like that, he’s a grown man, he’ll for sure talk to her about this,”
”Yeah, and besides we all know that Chan’s doing this to get her attention,” He added, which made everyone looked at him with a confused expression. “What do you mean?” Jisung asked.
Minho snickered, “c’mon, you guys haven’t realized that she starte to show up less for Chan and more for us? especially for pretty anime boy right over there?” he said, pointing at Jisung at the last sentence with his head. “It’s obviously clear that he’s jealous,” Minho was making sense despite being very nonchalant and eating his food. It’s like as if he’s been studying everyone’s moves, which could creep anyone out, but he used it for his benefit. They don’t call him Lee Know for nothing.
“How can you be so sure though, Mr. Lee?” Hyunjin scoffed at him. Minho looked at Jeongin for a second then back down at his food, “let us just say that if Chan used the ‘(y/n) is too tired to come and visit’ excuse, then you know they’ve resolved everything.”
”Minho, I am literally twenty years old, just say they’re gonna have hard sex and go,” Jeongin bluntly respond, which made everyone widened their eyes with surprise, except for Minho, who simply snapped his head up at him, and Seungmin, “I’m talking about them going on a road trip, you imbecile!”
“Oh, we all know that you meant something else,” Seungmin came in with defense. As the chaos commenced, Jisung zoned out into his thoughts. Maybe Minho was right, maybe Chan was just jealous and he just wanted your attention. But whatever assumptions it was, he hoped there’s a positive resolution for the both of you.
~~ ”Chan! Chan!“ You yelled out his name as you both walked out the building and onto the garage parking lot. Chan was walking ahead of you, ignoring your calls for his name as he went to where his car was located. As his walks was getting faster, you began running after him. His walks stopped when he reached his car and you held onto his arms, you flipped him around he looked at you. His face was stone ice at you, there wasn‘t a single emotion showcasing in his face, which terrified you. You backed away slightly in fear if you say anything that could trigger him. You don’t necessarily think he would do anything to hurt you physically, but it’s best with the small distance part to be on the safer side.
He didn’t say anything, so you opted to speak up. You sighed, “Channie, talk to me,” you were frowning at his lack of expression and response, “please tell me, what’s wrong?” your voice was hushed but it was screaming with sadness, you know he was upset, which resulted in you being upset as well. Your law of distance broke when you decided to held onto his arm, “c’mon, Channie, speak to me.” Your eyes were slowly spilling with tears.
He sighs at his sight of you crying, “just get in the damn car,” He spat out and began walking into his car, making you let go of him and following him. On your way back home, you still continued with your pleads, only to get no response coming out of him. After realizing that you won’t get anything, you sighed and looked away from him. You don’t see him, nor do you know, but Chan keeps looking at you then back on the road, it was like he was keeping an eye on you and examining you. He just inhaled and exhaled through his nose as his hands were on the wheel.
As you arrived home and got into your complex, Chan walked into the bedroom and you followed along, “Chan, please!“ Your pleads resumed, hoping this time you’ll hear him speak. You reached the bedroom door, expecting him to close the door at your face, he instead grabbed you and harshly pinned you into the door, after closing it. You gasped at his action, not daring to look at him.
“You wanna hear me speak? I’ll speak,” He said in a low voice, which gave you goosebumps. “Look at me,” He commanded, but you didn’t do as he says due to your intimidation. He held your jaw and forced you to look at him, which made you widened your eyes at him, “I said look at me!” He said, slightly louder. “O-okay” You stammered back at him.
“Good,“ he nodded, his hand was still in your jaw, making you look at him. You examined his face, his expressionless eyes had a dangerous cocktail in them, it was a mixture of both anger and lust, and you gulped with intimidation at him. To say that he looked mad wasn’t enough, he not only looked mad, but he looked even more attractive than what he is, which something bubbled inside your stomach after seeing his state.
“I’ll tell you what happened,” He lets put the fakest smile at you, which set even more fear and arousal into you, “I went to go get my waterbottle refilled at water cooler, and when I came back, I see my girlfriend, whom hasn’t been giving the attention that I ever so deserve and instead been giving to my friends, getting fed by my own best friend,” he ranted, and with every word, his accent thickened and your guilt risen.
You bit your lips to showcase your guilt to him and shook your head, “Channie, please, I’m so sorry, I just wanted to be friends with them, I don’t see them the same as you do, you’re nothing like them—“ Your words were interrupted by Chan’s hand moving to your neck and squeezing it, which made you let out a small whine, he smirked at your weak state, “I know that you’re sorry, and you were always forgiven,” he said, which made your eyebrows furrow, “but that doesn’t mean you’re not getting punished.”
Your eyes widened, as you knew what he meant, you gulped at his statement, before you can say anythin, Chan crashed his lips into yours. Your lips and his were battling along with your tongues against each other, with you letting a small whimpered, “chan…”
“That’s not my name,” Chan pulled away, not looking at you, it’s like he was waiting for you to correct yourself. “Daddy?…”
”That’s right,” He huskily said, with his hand letting go of your neck and taking you to your bed. He roughly began kissing you again, as you made noises into his mouth. ”Please…” You spoke through his mouth. He bit your bottom lips, which made you moan. His mouth and teeth began assaulting your lower face and neck, as you moaned out every touch he gave you. He pulled away from you and looked at you, “you’re enjoy this, don’t you?” He said menacingly, while you just pouted due to the lack of touch, “don’t give me that face, it won’t lessen your punishment,” He let out a scoff.
Chan slowly began stripping your clothes off of your body, while he stayed dressed. You begged for him to remove his clothing while he was busy removing yours, but he ignored your request. After undoing all article of clothing and left bare, Chan looked at you once more, “my dumb pretty bad girl,“ he muttered to hismelf as he began grazing his teeth onto your body once again, this time it was much harder in order to make sure you’re getting marked. It wasn’t limited to your neck, he keeps going down with bite marks and kisses from your neck to your chest, your abdomen to your thighs and back up to your collarbone. Your whole body was covered in red bites that‘ll slowly transform into purple-pink bruises by the time goes by, and your excitement just exhilarated.
His mouth went down once again, he tapped your legs, “spread your legs,” he said, which you complied. He was now face to face to your core and you were anticipating whether he’ll do anything. It was like he was observing your organ, which is exactly what he was doing until his tongue began situated itself in your slit. You moaned out at his action, putting your hands in his hair, which he pushed your hand away. Since he didn’t let you touch you, you resorted to touching yourself, resulting in him pushing away your hand again. Punishment one; no touching yourself or him.
Since you couldn’t touch yourself nor him, your hands were held onto the sheets after it flailing around cluelessly. His tongue was beginning to moving in rapid his speed, tasting every single bit of you. He moaned at the bitter yet sweet taste, enjoying the flavor of you, and with his voice, created mini vibrations. “Daddy… I’m gon—“ You breathed out, feeling the butterflies in your stomach started to fluttrr, until Chan stopped his tongue movements and took it out. You whined out at him, which he chuckled at you, “You may taste good, honey, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are not worthy of cumming,” He villainously said. Punishment two; no cumming unless being told to.
You pouted at the feeling of an orgasm disappeared, which Chan snickered at your pathetic state. His mouth was placed onto your mouth again, this time it tasted different. You tasted yourself, and you knew he did it to humiliate you, not satisfy you. Focusing on your tongue on his, you didn’t notice that his hands were getting dangerously close to your slit, until he inserted two fingers, in which instinctively made you pull away and started breathing heavily. His fingers curled inside you, then pulling it out, then back in, then repeating. As he was thrusting, you were moaning out with every time his fingers got in and out of you, while Chan was just huskily chuckled at how adorable yet pathetic you looked.
”Are you gonna cum?” Chan says, you opened your eyes and you see a smile. He saw how your toes curl, how your body was spasming, how your breathing was heavier, he knew you were getting closer. You foolishly nodded at him, and he took out his fingers before you get the chance of getting your peak. You whined out again, as Chan simply just licked his fingers to tease you. After licking his fingers, he finally began removing his clothes, “I know you want this,” he said while he took his shirt off. All you can do is look at him with a heaving chest while he was getting bare.
He was now out of his boxers and leaned down to look at you, “for a bad girl, you’ve been taking my punishments so well,” he smiled at me, while my head was moving from side to side, not sure where to place it due to your fucked out state. “I knew there’s hope for you,” He commented, as he kisses your lips once again, and you kissing him back. Your body wasn’t responsive only if Chan touches you, this is where your body works once again. His kiss moved from your mouth to your soft spot on your neck, in the midst of your moan, you said, “I’m glad, I’m all yours, dadd—Ah!”
You yelped as Chan inserted himself without warning, which made him groan as the feeling of your whole being put around his hard member. His thrusts were slowly started to get faster, making you scream out a bunch of whines and moans, “oh my god! daddy!” While he mainly he groans out a bunch of cuss words. With his fast pace and his whole member hitting the right spots, it was easier to say that you were getting closer to your peak once again. Chan knows your body language so he would know that you were ready to cum.
“Daddy… I—I—Fuck!” You cussed out, unable to speak due to your brain being clouded, but Chan knew exactly what you mean. He groaned, “let it out,” he says before hissing and panting a “holy fuck!”
After a few more thrusts, you finally came and your back began to arch due to the pleasure. However, Chan didn’t stop, he still carried on thrusting. “What?” You hushed, which Chan smirked at you, “You thought I won’t punish you?” He asked, then laughed at you. Your head shook againin confusion, as your body was getting overwhelmed, and realization also hit you. Punishment three; Overstimulation.
You yelped out as Chan’s thrusts were getting rougher and harder. His moans were getting louder, as he whimpered out a “I’m gonna cum…” His groans and grumbles slowly began turning into high pitched moans and whimpers, which indicates that he was close, along with you.
His thrusts became sloppy, your voices started to get higher, and his hand began holding yours, which ultimately made you both cum on the spot. He laid on top of you after he rode out his orgasm, both of you panting for air.
After catching both of your breaths, you expected to rest, however you sensed Chan’s lips getting into your ears as he whispered, “this isn’t over I hope you know that…” And you can’t be mad at that.
~~
—bonus ending—
The next day rolled around with Minho, Jisung and Hyunjin sitting around in the hallway, waiting for Chan to show up. It wasn’t like him to be late, but considering what happened yesterday, they all assumed that it was likely that he was still processing everything and still needed some time. However that changed when he texted them prior that he was gonna show up. Jisung was still feeling anxious about the two of you, whether not one or both of you got hurt. He also prepared an apology and an explanation for Chan, in case he wants to hear it.
They heard the elevator ding, and looked at the people that showed up. It was you and Chan. His arm were wrapped around your shoulders while your and his hand were holding each other. Your hoodie was up as you both looked at each other with affection, like you both never had a breakdown yesterday. You both walked out and looked at the boys in the hallway, you both let out a “hey guys!”
The trio masked a confused looked, but quickly faded away as to not cause a stir. “Hi!” Hyunjin placed a smile and waved at the two of you as you two stood in front of the seated men.
Minho looked at them with a questioning face, eyeing the both of you and studying your appearances. His brown eyes landed on your neck and saw the purple marks painted onto your skin, knowing exactly what were it caused by. “Damn, Chan, was it that serious?” Minho thought to himself.
“Hey! what happened to your neck?” The question was directed at you as he pointed at your neck which you pinched your hood under your chin to hide your bruised neck. “oh, it’s nothing, its just bed bugs,” you nervously chuckled as you became flustered, which made Chan bit his lips to prevent himself from laughing. Minho knew exactly what those bruises are. He knew they were hickeys, he wasn’t an idiot, he just wanted to tease you both. Hyunjin and Jisung caughts on, as they both looked at each other, mild disgust in their eyes.
Jisung shook his head, got up and looked at Chan, “Chan, look, I didn’t mean to do anything to (y/n), I have nothing b—“
“Hannie! It’s fine, we’re good,” Chan patted Jisung’s shoulder reassuringly to stop his rambling, “everything’s fine, ain’t that right, babe?” Chan looked down at you, while you nodded with a smile, “yeah, we‘ve talked about it, and we’ve resolved everything.”
Jisung looked slightly confused at the both of you, but then switched into a smile, “oh, okay, I’m glad,” he nodded at you both, which Chan nodded back. “Alright, I’ll see you guys in a few, yeah? I‘m gonna go…” Chan looked at you back then at the boys again, “we’re gonna go produce some more music, we’ll see you three around,” and there you and Chan walked away leaving a dumbfounded Jisung, a flustered Hyunjin and a smug yet disgusted Minho.
”I hate how I am correct,“ Minho grimace, as he drank his can of energy drink. “But on the brightside, they seem to be happy together again,” Jisung responded back with a shrug, “yeah, and getting my money from Changbin’s stupid ass,” Minho bluntly spoke as he drank through his drink, which made the boys chuckle. “I still can’t believe you made a bet with Changbin,” Hyunjin said, with Minho responded with a shrug, “I knew I was gonna win though, he really thought they won’t have make up sex, t-ha” Minho tsked and had spoke through the can again, “please,” before he went in with another sip.
Jisung was first to start walking, “while I’m happy for the couple, let’s get out of here, because I think they’re gonna be making more than just music,” he shudders at the thought, which made Hyunjin and Minho hurry themselves out before they witness anything. ~~
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lixesque · 2 months ago
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the colour of water
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➤ your goal is making your dream a reality. chan’s goal is avoiding his supposed dream career path. after fate and a couple of chance meetings bring the two of you together, you help each other in ways neither of you expected
➤ swimmer!chan x art student!reader (gender neutral), angst, college au, comedy, fluff, slow burn, suggestive & implied nsfw content; chan in swim shorts (yes that is a warning), some sexual jokes, jeongin being A Teenager, reader can swim, painkillers (to help with a fever), chan cries one time, one instance of making out, pancakes at the very end. i also have no clue how swim meets actually work
➤ 26.8k words (...my hand slipped)
➤ a/n: the banner for this fic was made by the lovely @huenjin​ —this is my fic for her collab, based off the k-drama run on! feedback on this fic is absolutely welcome—your comments, no matter how small or vague, mean a lot to me <3 i hope you enjoy reading, and be sure to show all the other writers in this collab a lot of love!
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
Ideally, you wouldn’t be stuck in a room with fifteen other people covered in charcoal. You can feel the tension in the air—the session is bound to end any second now and you’re not done shading your portrait yet. The nude model in front of you is sweating under the studio lights in the classroom, but she can’t move an inch because everyone has to draw her from their respective point of view. The air is hot and sticky, muggy and suffocating; nobody cracks open a window because sketchbook pads would be flipped everywhere and cause a mess.
Someone coughs, breaking your concentration and causing you to blankly stare up at the clock, past the semicircle of students sketching. You tilt your head from side to side to stretch your neck and examine the model’s chest. Just as you’re about to put your charcoal to the paper again, your professor stands, the movement catching your eye. “Okay everyone, time’s up.”
There’s several chair creaks as the entire class relaxes back away from their sketchbooks. You hear several exhales as people stretch and blink off the daze of the past three hours. You let go of your charcoal and massage your dominant hand absentmindedly.
“You can turn in your sketchbooks to me as you’re heading out,” Professor Kim calls over the growing noise. People are picking up their backpacks and beginning to chat with their friends as they exit the classroom.
“Hey.”
You glance to your right. Jeongin nods towards your hands. “You’re gonna get a cramp if you’re not careful.”
“Isn’t massaging sore muscles supposed to help them?” You stop rubbing, flex your hand and pick up your backpack. Immediately, a knife of pain stabs your palm, and you hiss. “Ow!”
“Told you.” Jeongin shoulders his backpack and stands. You scowl at him and pick up your backpack with your other hand, then gingerly grab your sketchbook. The two of you make your way to the door and pile the university-standard sketchbooks on top of the others.
Just as you’re about to exit out into the hallway, Professor Kim calls your name. “Y/N, could I speak with you for a moment?”
You nod in her direction. Jeongin slips past you with a “I’ll wait for you outside,” and you make your way back over to her desk.
Professor Kim smiles up at you. “I was wondering if I could ask you something. I have an opportunity you might be interested in.”
“Of course,” you agree easily. “Ask away.”
“I know this… is a burden to think about for most students, but I’m curious: have you thought about what you want to do after university?”
“After I finish this degree?” Your professor nods. “Well… to be honest I haven’t really decided yet. I’ve considered trying to get a Masters in visual arts, because from there I’d have a better chance of receiving job offers related to art, but I know I need a portfolio for that. I’d love to apply to the Masters program, but I have no idea what kinds of things they’re looking for in a portfolio, or… if my work would give me a chance to be accepted.”
Professor Kim raises her eyebrow at you. “You’re not sure you’re talented enough for them to accept you?”
You nod. “I’ve only ever made one comprehensive portfolio before now—to apply to this degree. I know I’ve learned a lot since my first year, but… I’m not sure if I’ll be able to apply what I’ve learned. In a way that will get me accepted into the Masters program, at least.”
Professor Kim examines you for a long while. “The opportunity I’m considering for you,” she says finally, “is for students who are interested in a Masters. I think that you’re talented enough to be accepted.”
Your eyes widen. Professor Kim wasn’t ruthless, but she wasn’t one to sugarcoat and give students false confidence when they weren’t doing their best. “You really think so?”
“I’ve seen the work you’ve completed in my class,” Professor Kim replies. “Of course, I can’t speak for your other professors, but I can see the drive in your artwork.”
“Thank you,” you mumble.
“I can put you in contact with another faculty member who helps students frequently with their portfolios,” Professor Kim says. “His name is Professor Yang. All of the students who had him as a mentor were accepted into the degrees they wanted to apply to.”
“I would really appreciate that,” you reply. “It would help me a lot; thank you so much.”
Professor Kim gives you a smile and turns to make a note on her laptop. “I’ll be sure to include you in an email I’m sending him. If I haven’t done that by the end of the week, or if Professor Yang hasn’t contacted you, let me know. He’s a bit… behind on technology.”
“I will,” you promise eagerly. “Thank you so much for this opportunity, Professor.”
Your professor gives you a genuine smile. “I hope it helps you, Y/N. You of all people deserve to thrive in an environment you’re passionate about.”
You thank your professor one last time and exit the classroom in a daze.
Being accepted into a Masters program was one step forward to your security—the knowledge of being qualified for a job and not having to worry excessively about finances. You knew that credentials did not always correlate to having solid job opportunities, but at least with credentials, you had something that was recognized by companies and agencies. It was hard trying to convince employers to hire you in today’s world without a degree, especially for a Visual Arts student. You needed the money and the job security; whatever it took to give you peace of mind and reassure you that you’re going to be okay, you wanted to do it. You’d spent too long worrying about money already.
You’d almost forgotten about Jeongin waiting for you in the hallway until you hear him calling your name from behind you, and you turn around.
He grimaces. “Was it bad?”
You shake your head, still in a daze. You’re aware that your cheeks feel warm. “She—she wants to help me apply for a Masters. She said I could do it.”
“What—” Jeongin breaks out in a massive grin and engulfs you in a big hug. “Y/N! That’s amazing!”
“Right?” You break away from him with a smile on your face. “Man, I can’t believe she thinks that of me. I feel so flattered.”
“I’m texting Lily and Seungmin. We should meet up at the café to celebrate this week.”
“Only if you’re buying.”
Jeongin shrugs. “Sure.”
You arch an eyebrow. “Really?”
“Hey, I’m not a complete mooch. I can treat people once in a while,” Jeongin defends himself as the two of you begin walking. “But only if you’re special.”
“Aw, thank you,” you coo at him, bumping his shoulder playfully.
Jeongin frowns. “Keep acting like that and I won’t buy for you.”
“But I was just thanking you,” you continue in the same tone, a grin spreading across your face.
Jeongin rolls his eyes. “Whatever. Come on, I have a feeling Professor Lee is going to be really nitpicky today.”
You nod, and the two of you pick up the pace, heading across campus to your next class.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
Chan stretches his fingertips as far out as they’ll go and reaches forward for one last stroke through the water. He taps the wall of the pool and surfaces, then hangs from the starting block on the deck by his fingertips, breathing heavily as his eyes find the clock on the opposite end of the pool. The timer’s still going since his teammates haven’t finished their lengths, and Chan hoists himself out of the water to sit on the pool’s edge next to the block.
“Chan!” His head whips towards the side of the pool, where his coach is standing. “Not so fast. Go swim down first.”
Chan nods and obediently lowers himself back into the water, pushing off from the side and doing an easy, slow back crawl down his lane to cool down from the drills. His eyes find the speckled tiles of the ceiling as his arms and legs propel him through the water, his heart rate steadily getting lower as he relaxes after doing his lengths. He closes his eyes and exhales, letting the sound of his heart fill his ears underwater.
Chan would be a fool to say he wasn’t grateful for the medals, the praises, the scholarship that had gotten him into this university. He was—is grateful. He’d been involved in swimming his entire life. The opportunity to continue it while he was going to school essentially for free was a blessing. He loves swimming, he’s good at it, and other people reward him for being good at it—what more could he ask for?
Chan’s fingertips touch the end of the pool and he turns himself around, repositioning himself against the wall to push off and continue his backstroke towards the starting end of the pool. His eyes find the ceiling again, and he exhales slowly. He’s content.
Right?
Take away all the medals, the scholarships, the praise—Chan would still be content as long as he gets to swim. Because he loves it. He doesn’t need other people to tell him he’s talented, or to be scouted for the Olympics, like so many of his teammates were hoping to be. He just wants to be in the pool.
He doesn’t want it to be his career.
Chan’s fingertips touch the wall a second time, and he realizes he’s reached the end of his swim time. He hoists himself out of the water, tugs the rubbery swim cap off his head. As he passes by his coach, he hears, “Good work today, Chan. With times like that, you’ll be scouted at the next meet.”
Chan offers his coach a smile, fighting the uneasiness in his chest. “Thanks, Coach.” He waves his goodbye and heads towards the showers. When the hot water hits him, Chan tilts his face upwards and into the shower stream, and his train of thought comes back.
Being scouted provides what every athlete in the world wants: a chance to represent their country at the national or even international level. When Chan had first heard of scouts, he was just like everyone else: a little bit intimidated, but very motivated and eager. That had all changed over the four years he’d been at university. He’d received several opportunities from scouts, but had always turned them down with the excuse that he wanted to finish his degree first. As time went on, he realized he had become less excited with the idea of being scouted. Being a competitive swimmer and making it a career was all… so regimented. And while Chan loves routine and standards, it always seemed that his teammates were so much more intense about shaving precious seconds off their time, or making sure they were practicing at least four or five days out of the week. Make no mistake, Chan’s in the pool frequently as well—but he’s just there because he wants to swim, not because he feels the drive to become better. The pressure gets toxic after a while. He can’t remember the last time he swam purely for the fun of it.
But at the same time… Chan doesn’t know what else to do. Swimming is the one thing he’s good at—he’d never taken the time to try out different activities when he was younger because he loved swimming. Had he known the only path forward with swimming would be so intense and strict, he would have tried to figure out what else he enjoys doing for a career. Now, with his graduation and the threat of being scouted looming over him, he doesn’t have a plan B.
“Bro, are you okay?”
Chan blinks the water out of his eyes. Felix is standing in front of him, looking rightfully concerned. He must have seen Chan staring up at the showerhead. “Uh, yeah.” Chan looks down and slicks his hair back. “Just… enjoying. The water.”
“You take it in whatever form you can get it, huh?” Felix smiles, and Chan cracks what he hopes to be a convincing smile back at him. “Alright, just checking in on ya. I’ll see you around, okay?”
Chan waves his goodbyes to Felix and finishes up in the shower. Maybe, if his schedule allows it, he’ll get the chance to meet up with Jisung and Changbin at the café later this week and take his mind off of swimming.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
You stare up at the board of menu options as you wait in line, the babble of students chattering around you disrupting your concentration. This café was always so crowded—a testament to its popularity.
“You know, staring at it harder won’t help you choose what you want to get,” Seungmin remarks from behind you.
You frown. “I know that. I’m just trying to concentrate. It’s so loud in here.”
“The menu hasn’t changed in forever and you still try to debate every single time about what you want to get,” Lily giggles from next to Seungmin.
Jeongin pats your shoulder comfortingly. “It’s okay, Y/N’s just a little slow. I know in the end they’ll end up ordering something basic.”
The cashier motions for the group of you to come up, and you’re delayed by indignance before your feet begin moving. After you place your order, Seungmin smiles playfully. “See? Same thing every time.”
You pout at him. “Shut up. I like what I like.”
The four of you move to the side to wait to receive your orders, you walking a bit ahead of everyone else. Just as you finish turning around to make another comment about your order, you see Jeongin’s eyes widen as he looks past you. “Y/N, look—”
Someone slams into your shoulder, and you yelp at the feeling of something hot and wet soaking across your front. When you look down, coffee is staining the front of your shirt, and you hold it out and away from you on instinct. The crowds of people around you all stop and stare. You think you hear someone laugh before trying to hide it with a cough. Great.
“—out,” Jeongin finishes lamely.
“Oh my gosh, are you okay?” The boy you’d just slammed into is staring at you with wide eyes, his hands up behind his head in a protective brace of shock. What he needed to brace for, you weren’t sure—after all, he wasn’t the one who got hot coffee dumped on him.
“I’m—I’ll be fine,” you say. “Sorry, I should have been looking where I was walking—”
“No no no, it’s totally my fault!” the boy replies, looking around. He meets the eyes of two other boys behind him, and one of them moves to the counter to grab a fistful of napkins. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s alright,” you assure him.
His friend who went to get the napkins passes some to you. “Sorry. Jisung has a bad habit of carrying coffee by the lid only.”
The boy who spilled coffee on you—Jisung—scratches the back of his head sheepishly. “Yeah. I definitely won’t do that anymore.”
“Do you have a change of clothes?” Jisung’s friend asks. He runs a hand through his hair, and your eyes glue themselves to his head: frizzy and curly dark locks, full lips. He’s dressed in slides, athletic shorts and a muscle shirt, and has a black duffle bag hanging from his shoulder.
“Uh…” You look down at your ruined shirt and sigh. “No. But it’s okay—I only have one more class today anyway. I’ll… figure something out.”
Some staff member emerges from the back with a mop for the floor, and you get ushered to the side with the boy who gave you napkins. He’s still staring at you and your ruined shirt, and before you can reassure him that really, you’re fine, he tugs his duffle bag so it’s in front of him, unzips it and begins rummaging through it. After a couple of seconds, he produces a black T-shirt and holds it towards you. “Are you sure you don’t want this? It’s clean.”
You hold your hands up automatically. “Oh no no no, I can’t take your clothes.”
The boy shakes his head and extends the shirt towards you further. “I don’t mind, seriously.”
You stare at him. “You’re just… giving me your shirt?”
“It’s the least I can do since Jisung spilled coffee on you and ruined yours,” he insists. “You can return it after you use it if you want. I have five others exactly like this at home; I don’t mind.”
You hesitate for a couple of seconds, then take the T-shirt. Realistically, you didn’t have many other options. “Okay. Thank you.”
The boy grins, dimples appearing on his cheeks. “Don’t mention it.”
“I’ll just…” You trail off and motion towards the restroom. He nods and you walk past him and through the doors.
You get changed quickly and stuff your ruined shirt in your bag before slipping the black shirt over your head. You’re pleasantly surprised by the scent: mint, orange, and… was that vanilla? You were fully expecting a headier, salty smell—you’d subconsciously pinned the guy as someone who frequented the gym, like so many boys at your school.
When you emerge, Lily, Seungmin and Jeongin are all waiting for you. Jeongin holds up your order. “We got your stuff.”
“Where’s…” You trail off, looking for the boy who’d given you his shirt.
“Your saviour? He left with his friends after you went into the restroom,” Seungmin finishes for you. “Come on, we can still hang out here now that you’ve got clean clothes.”
You nod and follow them to a table they’d picked out, but the whole time you’re sitting with them, you can’t stop thinking about the boy with frizzy dark hair and dimples. How were you going to return his shirt if you didn’t know anything about him?
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
True to her word, Professor Kim includes you in an email she sends Professor Yang, discussing which students he’s going to mentor. Professor Yang contacts you separately and asks you to meet him during his office hours with a couple of samples of your work, in a couple of days’ time. You spend the next forty-eight hours enlisting Lily, Seungmin and Jeongin to help you pick out your best pieces. It made sense to include your best friends in the process—they’d all known you since you’d started university together, and seen both your highs and lows in art. You trust their opinion when it counts, and in this moment, it definitely counts.
Armed with four works of art, you go to your appointment with Professor Yang. When you pass him your works for his review, he takes his time, looking at every work for close to five minutes each in complete silence before setting one aside and looking at the next. His lack of reaction to any of your works makes you nervous, and you bounce your leg in lieu of speaking up. Finally, Professor Yang sets your works back on the table and leans back in his chair. “Of course, like all the students in this department, you have talent.”
“Thank you, Professor,” you mumble quietly.
“But”—Professor Yang holds up one of your paintings for you to look at, one of a field with flowers on a stormy day—“you don’t capture motion very well. I can tell that doing landscapes and still life such as this is what you’re comfortable with, that it’s easy for you. To be frank, you won’t be accepted into a Masters program if there isn’t diversity in what you submit in your portfolio.”
“Oh.”
“An artist must be able to portray motion,” Professor Yang explains earnestly. “Sports photography is a much simpler medium because all you have to do is move with the subject and make sure the camera’s in focus, then click the shutter button. Once you do that one thing, the art is all there. Painting something that is in motion is much harder, especially if you do not have a photo for reference. With landscapes, you can sit for as long as you need to make sure you get the details right. You don’t have that kind of luxury with painting objects in motion.”
“Right.”
Professor Yang seems to notice the way you’ve drawn in on yourself, and leans forward a bit. “How badly do you want to be accepted, if you apply for a Masters?”
“Very badly,” you admit. “It’s my passion—I want the opportunity to continue it.”
Professor Yang nods and leans back in his seat again. “Professor Kim told me you’re doing very well in her portraits class. I have a great deal of confidence in her choice of students; are you willing to learn and improve your work?”
“Yes,” you reply immediately.
“Good.” A satisfied smile spreads across Professor Yang’s face. “I haven’t seen much of your work, but if we continue to work on your ability to capture motion, and I see what else you’re capable of, I think you have a good shot at acceptance.”
You can feel yourself brightening. “Thank you so much! I’ll be sure to work hard so that I can improve.” As you think about it more, a question rises in your mind. “...How exactly should I practice capturing motion?”
Professor Yang nods slowly, thinking over his options. “I’m close with some of the faculty members that coach sports at the university. I can talk to them, and hopefully one of them will allow you to sit in on their practices. You can start with sketching the athletes first, just to get an idea of how they move.”
He stands, and you get the indication that your meeting is over, so you nod and stand with him. “Thank you so much, Professor Yang. I won’t let you down!”
“Y/N, the only person you’ll let down if you don’t get accepted is yourself,” Professor Yang reminds you. His phone rings on his desk. “Go on, I should take this.”
You nod and exit his office, letting the door click shut behind you, and make your way outside to the quad. When you arrive, you immediately spot Seungmin, Jeongin and Lily sitting on the grass, and when you reach them, you fall down dramatically and wave in greeting.
Seungmin chuckles. “How’d the meeting with Yang go?”
Lily speaks up before you can respond—you’re too busy letting the rays of sun warm your face. “I think it went well, it’s Y/N after all.”
Jeongin rips a handful of grass out of the earth. You notice his eyes are downcast. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that. Yang is like a wolf in sheep’s clothing when it comes to critiquing art.” He glances towards you. “He tore you apart, didn’t he?”
“He said I need to learn how to capture motion in my drawings.” You sit up and move so you’re facing all three of them. “He’s going to see if I can watch some of the student athletes’ practices to sketch them.”
Lily hums understandingly. “Honestly that critique isn’t too bad. Motion is really difficult.”
“You do it really well though, Lily,” Seungmin pipes up.
Lily beams at him. “Thanks, Min.”
Seungmin coughs and turns his head away from her. You think you can see his ears burning bright pink. Jeongin snorts. “I think you broke him.”
Seungmin shoves Jeongin. “Shut up.”
Jeongin snickers before turning to you. “Any idea of who you’ll be watching?”
You shake your head. “Professor Yang didn’t say who he was close to… just that they were involved in sports at the school.”
Jeongin nods slowly before looking back down at the grass and grabbing another fistful. “Right. Well, hopefully it’s not something too difficult.”
“Hopefully,” you agree.
Lily glances at her phone, and her eyes widen. “Oh my gosh. Y/N we have class!”
“We do?” You check your own phone and yelp at the time. “Shit! Okay, okay.” You stand up and Lily helps you collect your paintings to put in your bag. The two of you sprint across campus to your respective classes, leaving Jeongin and Seungmin to stare in amusement at the two of you.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
You end up arriving late to your class, and your professor asks you to help clean up at the end of the lesson. After you finish washing paint brushes and putting away canvases, you head to the front of the building to head back to your place. Just as you step outside the doors, you stop and stare in dismay at the weather. It’s stormy. Not an awful downpour, but the rain was definitely steady enough that your paintings in your bag would be ruined. You frown at the sky as you debate under the overhang of the roof.
You check inside your bag once again. The paintings were dry now, so if you held them against your body… and kind of hunched over…
You readjust your bag, determined to at least make it to the covered bus stop. It wasn’t too far. You could do it. Determined, you step forward and into the rain, tensing at the cool wet feeling of raindrops seeping into your shirt. You frown at the ground, not looking up more than necessary. You hear someone yell something, then the splat-splat-splat-splat of shoes on the wet sidewalk—and then the rain stops. Confused, you look up.
There’s a large black umbrella over your head. You find the hand holding it, and follow the arm to the person beside you.
Your eyes widen in recognition. It’s the curly-haired boy who gave you his shirt the week before. “You—”
His eyes widen too. “Oh—hey.”
“Hey.”
“Need a hand?” He glances towards the bag you’re clutching to your chest.
“I, uh, I just need to get to the bus stop.” You point vaguely. “It’s not too far, I’ll be alright.”
“I’m going that way too,” he responds. “I don’t mind—the umbrella’s big enough for two people.”
You look at the weather around you again, then purse your lips. “If you don’t mind, then yeah, I need a hand. Just—just until the bus stop, I don’t want to inconvenience you.”
“You’re not inconveniencing me.” He smiles reassuringly at you. “What’s in the bag?”
“Uh—paintings.” You adjust your hold on the bag again. “They’re dry, and this bag isn’t exactly waterproof, so…”
The boy nods in understanding. The two of you continue walking in silence, and you gnaw on your lower lip before speaking again. “Sorry I took your shirt.”
“I gave it to you.” He sounds amused.
“I know, but—I don’t like owing people. Even now, with you helping me like this… I should pay you back. Somehow. It’s only fair.” It’s the only way that you know kindness works. You do something for someone else, they do something for you in return.
The boy shrugs. “An act of kindness doesn’t always have to be transactional.”
You furrow your brow. “Right, but… I don’t know you. Why would you be kind to me when I’ve given you no reason to be kind?”
“Because I want to do kind things for people,” he responds. “No other reason needed.”
“But still… I’ll feel uncomfortable if I don’t give you your shirt back, at least,” you explain. “You should give me your number… so that I can give it back.”
You’ve reached the bus stop now. The boy turns to face you. “Will giving my shirt back make you feel like you don’t owe me?”
“I think so.”
The boy nods and produces his phone from his pocket. “I get that. Feeling like you owe someone isn’t a great feeling. How about we exchange numbers? So it’s fair.”
“Ha-ha.” You swap phones with him and create a new contact, adding your number under the name Text for Missing Shirt. He passes your phone back to you just as your bus pulls up. “Well… thank you, for the umbrella.”
“No problem.” He smiles at you again.
“I should…” You take a couple of steps towards the bus.
He nods. “Yeah. You should.” He takes a couple of steps backwards away from you, and waves. “See you around.”
You wave in return and get on the bus. When you find a seat, you pull out your phone to look at his contact name: Text for a New Shirt. You smile. It’s a cute nickname, but you still don’t know his name.
Once you step off the bus, the rain has lessened significantly. You make your way to your apartment, still pressing your paintings to your body in an effort to preserve them as much as possible. When you get inside, Lily is waiting for you.
“Did your paintings get wet?” she asks you.
You shake your head. “Remember that guy who gave me his shirt last week? He came out of nowhere and shared his umbrella with me.”
Lily raises her eyebrows. “Ooh, how romantic. Did you get his number?”
You snort. “I did, but it was because I wanted to give him back his shirt.”
“Sure.”
“It’s true,” you sigh. “I’m serious.”
“Y’know, I saw him the other day,” Lily remarks. “He was heading out of the music department, with the guy who spilled coffee on you. I don’t think he recognized me.”
“Huh. So he’s…” You frown. “A music student? He seemed like he was involved in sports.”
Lily shrugs. “He might be. You can use a duffle bag and not be involved in sports.”
“Yeah…” You shrug as well. “Who knows? I guess I can ask him when I give him his shirt back.”
“Or when you go on a date with him, since you have his number,” Lily smirks.
You frown at her. “I’ll go on a date with him when you realize Seungmin likes you back.”
“He does not!” she screeches. You snicker. “I’m telling you, my crush is one-sided! Unrequited! Destined to fail!”
“You don’t know that unless you ask him out!”
“And risk rejection? Never!”
You laugh. “You seriously can’t see it, can you? He’s infatuated with you, at least. He turned pink when you called him Min today.” And thousands of other times when Lily let her affection for Seungmin creep to the surface.
You hadn’t expected that your friends would be locked in some kind of slow-burn mutual pining situation—you thought they’d be smarter than that. When Lily had confessed to you that she thought Seungmin was cute, at the end of last year, you’d assumed it was just that—a one-sided crush. But then, not even a week later, Jeongin had let slip the fact that Seungmin just couldn’t stop talking about Lily. Ever since then, you and Jeongin had become the extras, the unofficial third and fourth wheels to Seungmin and Lily’s slow-motion romance. The two of you had suffered countless nights of hearing each of them pine after the other, with you finally snapping one night and telling Lily that Seungmin liked her back.
For a second, she’d believed you, but when she’d asked him out in a roundabout way and he’d said no, she became convinced Seungmin didn’t like her back. You didn’t blame Seungmin for not understanding what Lily was trying to ask, as her wording wasn’t clear and direct. He just needed to be told, point-blank: “Hey, I like you. Do you want to go out on a date sometime?” If Lily was the one asking, you were sure he’d say yes. But she was too worried about being direct with her confession. You understood her concerns, but it was maddening to have to listen to her wax poetic about Seungmin whenever he wasn’t around. It had to come to an end at some point.
Lily sighs. “No. I refuse to make the first move. I can’t stand having my heart broken by him.”
“I’m pretty sure Seungmin would rather have his art torn to shreds by Yang than break your heart.”
“But that terrifies him.”
“Exactly!” You hold a hand to your head. “Please. Go on a date with him before Jeongin and I plan one for you ourselves.”
Lily blushes. “You wouldn’t dare.”
“We just might,” you sing as you head off towards your room. You shut the door without waiting for her response, and stare at the black t-shirt folded on your bed. You suppose you’ll have to wash it before giving it back. Maybe you’d make an effort to actually look decent the next time you see him.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
Professor Yang emails you at the start of a new week, saying he talked to the different faculty members about letting you sketch their athletes. The coach of the swim team seemed to be the most eager to have you sit in on the practices, so Professor Yang had forwarded a copy of their training schedule and events to you. He said the coach would be expecting you sometime this week, and if the schedule didn’t work out, to let him know.
You take a look through the training schedule, and see that there are open training slots six days a week. You find that a bit intense, but then again, these were varsity athletes. They could probably handle the schedule, and they might not have to come in every day—they did have classes, after all. You choose a date at random that fits with your schedule and email Professor Yang to let him know, then carry on with the rest of your day.
When the day to visit the pool rolls around, you ensure you have a blank sketchbook and the pencils, charcoal, and other materials you need to get your sketches done, and make your way to the Athletics Centre on campus. When you arrive, you wander for a bit until a receptionist points you in the direction of the pool. You thank her and hurry off towards the doors, tug them open and step inside.
The whole room is light, hot, and spacious. The full-length swimming pool has divided lanes, and there are several boys that are hanging out by the pool’s edge. You spot a man who seems to be a bit older than the other boys on the bench and cautiously make your way over to him.
The man is poring over a dry-erase clipboard. You cough a little so as to not startle him, then speak up. “Hello, um—”
The man looks up, and his brow furrows a bit. “Hello.”
“I’m, uh, Y/N,” you introduce yourself. “Professor Yang contacted you about letting me draw some of your athletes?”
The man’s face lights up at the mention of Professor Yang’s name. “Ah yes! I’m Lee Minhyuk, the coach. Nice to meet you, I’m honoured you chose to draw our athletes.”
“I actually didn’t choose—” you bite your lip to stop yourself and reword your thoughts “—I’m very grateful you’re letting me sit in on your practices.”
“Oh, it’s no problem at all,” Coach Lee assures you. “Is there anything in particular you need my athletes to do?”
Your eyes drift over to the group of boys by the poolside. A couple of them had noticed you talking with Coach Lee and were watching with vague interest. “Not that I can think of, no. I need practice capturing motion in my drawings, so I was hoping to sketch one of them as they… do laps or something?”
Coach Lee laughs. “Of course.” He turns his attention to the group and raises his voice. “Chan! Come on over here.”
One of the athletes raises his head and makes his way towards you. You can feel your heart drop to your stomach at his appearance: frizzy curly dark hair, full lips. He isn’t wearing a black sweatshirt like the last time you saw him—instead he’s donned very tight black swim shorts that reach just above his knee. There’s nothing about his body that can be left to the imagination: his chest and abs are well-defined, and you suspect from looking at his shoulders that his back is quite built as well. You can feel your lips parting and snap your mouth shut quickly, feeling the burn of a blush in your cheeks.
Your mystery saviour—Chan—reaches you and Coach Lee. “What’s up, Coach?”
“Chan, I’d like you to meet Y/N. Y/N, this is Bang Chan. He’s our best swimmer here—if you’re looking to draw someone with good form, he’s your guy.” Coach Lee turns to address Chan. “Y/N’s an art student. They need to practice capturing motion in their drawings, so their mentor directed them to us in order for them to work on their sketches.”
Chan makes a small o with his lips and nods. He extends a hand to you. “Nice to meet you, Y/N.”
You take his hand and shake it. His grip on your hand is firm but gentle. “Nice to meet you too, Chan.”
“You’ll have more time to get to know each other after training, if you want,” Coach Lee says. “But right now my athletes need to practice. Y/N, are you alright with sitting up in the stands to sketch? Chan will be in lane three today.”
You nod, glancing back at the rows of metal seats. “That should be okay.”
“Do you need me for anything before I start swimming?” Chan asks.
You shake your head and very quickly do a once-over of his body to… check his proportions. “I shouldn’t have any problem sketching you when you’re in the water.”
Chan nods. “I’ll be on my way then. Nice meeting you, Y/N.”
With that, Chan turns around and heads back towards the pool. You watch him walk away, and yes, his back is just as built as his front. You try to shake yourself out of your daze—after all, you’d drawn nude models before. Why is seeing Chan in swim shorts any different? This is still an assignment, related to school. You can be professional about this. You have to be professional about this. Your Masters acceptance depends on it.
With renewed determination, you turn and climb a little ways up into the stands. After getting yourself settled, you pull out your sketchbook and a pencil before looking at the water. The boys had begun swimming, and you find the lane marked with a three at the end, scanning the water for Chan. He’s about three-quarters of the way down the lane by the time you find him, and your hand rests on the sketchbook as you watch him.
How Chan manages to propel himself through the water so smoothly is beyond you. You watch his arms as they rotate through the water, the tips of his fingers always reaching the highest and furthest distance above and in front of him before reaching down into the water and pulling. He didn’t seem to be rushed or floundering—his movements aren’t hurried or short, like you’d assumed they’d be. He’s graceful. You didn’t even know it was possible to be graceful in competitive swimming.
You blink, remembering your sketchbook on your lap, and adjust your grip on your pencil. You watch Chan—thankfully, since his strokes through the water were nearly identical to one another, you wouldn’t need to worry about trying to recall back to one particular moment. You choose a moment in his cycle where his hand is reaching forward but hasn’t penetrated the surface of the water yet, take a mental photo, and duck your head down to begin sketching. You glance up every now and then, watching Chan for a couple of seconds before continuing your sketch.
You’re not sure how long the practice lasts for, but when you break out of your daze at the sound of Coach Lee’s whistle, you have three semi-detailed sketches of Chan in different positions. As you make your way down to the pool’s level, the boys all get out and file towards the showers. Chan is at the back of the line, and he catches sight of you and breaks away from the group to come over to you. “How did your sketching go?”
“It went alright for a first try, I think,” you reply. “Would you like to see?”
Chan tugs the swim cap off his head and nods, so you open up your sketchbook and turn it towards him. His eyes widen as he looks at the drawings you did. “Wow.”
“They’re, um, not finished, obviously,” you say hurriedly, suddenly bashful about letting him see your work when it was still incomplete. “But with more practice, I think they might be decent. You’re a beautiful swimmer—it’s hard to give your movement justice, but I’ll do my best.”
The tips of Chan’s ears flush pink. “Ey, no no no. I just really like swimming. But you—you’re really talented, Y/N. I think your sketches are great.”
You smile. “Thank you.” Your eyes fall on the towel thrown around his shoulders, and you sigh in disappointment with yourself. “I’m sorry I don’t have your shirt.”
Chan shrugs and rakes a hand through his hair. “It’s all good—we didn’t know we’d be seeing each other.”
“Still—I feel bad.”
Chan tilts his head. “Do you want to arrange a time to meet up so that you can give it back?”
You nod. “Yeah, that would be good. What does your schedule look like?”
“Uh…” Chan trails off and looks around the pool. “I’m kind of busy with… all of this, but I should be free on Friday afternoon. I can text you a time once I look at my schedule, but I have to check my phone, which is… in my locker.”
You nod. “That works for me. I should probably let you go shower now.”
Chan smiles. “I don’t mind.”
You smile back at him and turn, walking towards the exit. You get about halfway there when you hear Chan call your name.
You turn. He’s still standing where you left him. “Are you… coming back? To do more sketches?”
“Uh… I think I should be,” you call back. “This is the best time for my schedule so I’ll probably be back here at the same time next week?”
“Oh, okay.” Chan pauses. “I don’t mind if like—you want me to come in at other times to fit with your schedule. I tend to hang around the pool a lot anyway, it wouldn’t be a bother.”
You smile. “Okay. Thanks, Chan.” Chan waves, and you wave in return before continuing out of the pool; you make the decision to drop by Professor Yang’s office to give him an update and to see what he thinks about your schedule going forward.
Ten minutes later, you receive a text from Chan with a couple of different dates and times that he’s free. You choose one at random and text it back to him, which gets you a smiley face in return. Since you’re just arriving at Professor Yang’s door, you can’t respond to him. Just as you raise your hand to knock on the door, it opens, and you’re face to face with… Jeongin?
You’re so surprised you can’t find your words. Jeongin meets your eyes, and you notice that his face is red, his eyes watery. Is he upset?
Before you can ask your friend what’s going on, he frowns, avoids your gaze, and brushes past you, clearly not in the mood for conversation. You don’t notice that the door was left open until you hear Professor Yang’s voice from inside. “Y/N?”
You blink back to reality and step inside the office, leaving your worries about Jeongin outside. “Hello Professor. I know we didn’t have a meeting time scheduled, but I just wanted to drop by and say that I finished my first session.”
Professor Yang hums. “Good. I’m glad. And you’re going to continue attending those practices?”
You nod. “I was wondering how long I need to attend them for, just to get an idea of… timelines.”
“Until I see you’ve improved,” Professor Yang replies. “If I see you’re making no progress with the swimmers after a month or so, we can try to arrange for you to sketch a different sport. Does that sound agreeable?”
You nod. “That works. Thanks again for setting this up for me.”
Professor Yang smiles. “It’s no trouble at all, Y/N. You deserve to have your talents nourished—I don’t believe you’ve ‘peaked’ in terms of artistic ability yet, but what you’re showing now is promising enough for me to want to help you.”
“Thank you,” you reply. “I’ll leave you for now, then.”
Professor Yang smiles at you, and you step back outside, glancing in the direction you’d seen Jeongin walk off in. He was nowhere in sight, and you wonder what he was doing in Professor Yang’s office.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
You don’t try to ask Jeongin what happened in Professor Yang’s office—not that he’d given you much opportunity to anyways. You barely saw him in the next week. Seungmin told you he wasn’t feeling well, and when you texted him a get well soon message, his replies were short and somewhat curt. You didn’t hold it against him, though. People behaved differently when they were sick.
Jeongin’s absence meant you were stuck third-wheeling with Lily and Seungmin, which wouldn’t have been that bad if they weren’t so oblivious to each other’s feelings. You had to sit through all the secret glances, the wistful sighs they thought the other didn’t hear, the awkwardly shy moments that would arise whenever one of them initiated physical contact with the other. Sure, it was endearing to a point, but you also couldn’t believe they couldn’t see it. They must have some idea that the other person liked them as more than a friend. The mutual pining was almost too much for you to bear.
You were incredibly relieved when the day arrived for you to meet Chan, because it meant that you could escape your best friends’ sappy slow-burn antics. The night before, you place Chan’s shirt by the door so you remember to take it. It smelled like your laundry detergent now, since you washed it, but it was in one piece.
Now, as you sit waiting for Chan, you check your texts with him to confirm the time and place: 3 o’clock in the main quad. It was 3 o’clock. You glance around before taking a seat on the bench. You are in the main quad, unless your university had unearthed a different main quad that you didn’t know about. And Chan is nowhere in sight.
[3:03pm] hey, i’m on a bench in the main quad, if you’re looking for me
You bounce your leg nervously. Did he ditch you? Purposefully not show up? He didn’t seem like the type of person who would do that, but then again, you barely knew anything about him.
[3:12pm] is this a way of telling me i should keep the shirt? lol
[3:20pm] i don’t think i got the dates mixed up… did i?
[3:25pm] maybe we should reschedule for another time? or i can give you back the shirt when i come to your practice
You check the time on your phone again and sigh. 3:28pm. Chan clearly wasn’t coming. You stand and frown, looking down at your bag. “You’re causing me a lot of trouble, you know,” you remark to no one in particular. “Got my hopes up for nothing.”
“Y/N!”
Your head jerks up, and you catch sight of Chan. He’s running towards you from across the quad. Running. Nearly in a full-out sprint. To see you.
Other students give Chan odd looks as his pace slows to a jog the closer he gets to you. When he finally reaches you, he rests his hands on his hips and rocks from side to side on his feet. His chest is heaving, and after a couple of seconds of silence you find your words.
“Did you run all the way here? Where were you?”
Chan nods. “Athletics. I—lost track of time. Sorry.”
You stare at him. “You ran here from across campus?”
Chan nods again but doesn’t respond, and you realize his hair isn’t frizzy and curly, but rather slicked back away from his forehead, the dark locks wet. He smells slightly like chlorine—had he jumped out of the pool and ran to see you? “Yeah. I wasn’t even sure if you were still here, but I’m glad you are. And I’m sorry for making you wait.”
“It’s okay. Do you… want to sit down? Running that far must be tiring.”
“It’s a bit different than swimming in a pool, for sure,” Chan laughs as he sits down. His breathing had evened out by now; you couldn’t believe he looked fine when he had just run across campus.
“You could have texted me, and then walked. Or I could have met you halfway,” you say.
Chan nods. “I guess I could have… it didn’t really come to mind. I was just thinking about the fastest way to get to you.”
“You miss your shirt that much?”
Chan laughs. “Sure.”
You laugh and open your bag, rifling through it to find the shirt. The more you search, the more your brow furrows. “Wait.” You go through the contents of your bag one more time, your movements getting more frantic. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me.”
“What’s wrong?”
You turn shamefully to Chan. “You’re going to hate me for making you run. I can’t find your shirt.”
“It’s not in your bag?” Chan’s voice is more amused than anything.
“No, it’s not. What on earth did I do with it?” You think back to the night before: you had definitely put Chan’s shirt by the door to remember taking it. And this morning, you had woken up (late), breezed through your routine and… left. Without taking Chan’s shirt. You smack your forehead. “Ugh, I’m stupid. I put it by the door last night to remember to take it, but I woke up late this morning so I forgot to actually put it in my bag before I left.”
“Hey, it’s all good.” Chan shrugs. “Like I’ve said, I don’t mind if you keep it.”
“But I mind. It’s not mine, it’s yours.”
Chan shakes his head and smiles. “You can do whatever you want with it. You could even sleep it in if you want.”
“I’d only sleep in someone else’s shirt if I was dating them,” you tell him. “That’s a thing that couples do.”
“It is?” Chan’s brow furrows. “Huh. I did not know that.”
“You didn’t?” Your eyebrows raise in amusement. “How did you not know?”
Chan shrugs. “I haven’t dated anyone before.”
“Really?” You sit back on the bench. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Do I look like someone who dates a lot?”
You glance at him. “I mean—I get the feeling a lot of people think you’re attractive.”
“Really?” Chan looks down at his body in surprise, like he’s evaluating his physical appearance for the first time. “I haven’t really thought about that. I mean, I guess… people might flirt with me sometimes, but I haven’t dated.”
“Why not? You don’t have to tell me, but I’m just curious.”
“I haven’t found anyone who catches my eye, I guess,” Chan replies slowly. “Plus, swimming takes up a lot of my time.”
You nod. “Makes sense.” The two of you sit in silence for a couple of seconds before you sigh. “I seriously can’t believe I forgot your shirt. I feel bad for cutting your practice short for no reason.”
“Oh I didn’t have practice. I was just swimming because I had some free time.” Chan shifts on the bench, making you look at him. “Hey, speaking of swimming. How’s your sketching going?”
“Oh, that?” You glance towards your sketchbook in your bag. “It’s going alright, I think. I mean, I’ve just been adding more detail to the three sketches that I did of you last week.”
“Is it for a project?”
“For a portfolio, yeah. I want to apply to a Masters program, but I need more practice drawing different types of things. I usually do portraits, still life… stuff where the subject isn’t moving.”
Chan’s lips form an o as he nods. “That’s really cool. I mean, I don’t know much about art, but it’s sweet that you have something you’re passionate about.”
You smile. “Thanks.”
“Can I…” Chan ducks his head to stare at his lap, apparently bashful. “Is it weird if I ask to watch you as you sketch?”
You cock your head to the side. “Watch me… as I draw something?”
“Yeah. Like, just to get an idea of how you work.” Chan plays with his hands a bit. “That sounds really weird now that I say it out loud, sorry.”
“I mean, it’s better than hearing I’m an artist and immediately asking me to draw you,” you reply. “I’ve never had anyone ask to watch me as I work, but… I could try it out.” You stand, grabbing your bag and putting it over your shoulder. “Come on.”
Chan stares up at you. “Right now?”
“Yeah. Unless you have plans—I’m free.”
A slow smile spreads across Chan’s face. His dimples make an appearance. “Okay. Let’s go.”
You walk with Chan by your side. You didn’t have a destination in mind, but your feet take you to the edge of the campus, where a river flows and gurgles quietly in the late afternoon sun. It’s a place you’d discovered towards the end of first year, but you hadn’t returned to sketch here since last spring. You’d become too occupied with assignments in class to draw for fun.
You plop down on the grass and pull out your sketchbook as Chan settles down next to you, and stare across the river to the trees on the opposite bank. “I haven’t been here in a long time.”
“Why not?”
You shrug as you open your sketchbook and pull out pencils. “Haven’t had the time.”
Chan hums next to you, but falls silent as you put your pencil to the paper. You begin roughly sketching the edge of the river, the stones and the grass, the way the roots of the trees are entangled in the earth and each other. Your vision zeroes in on your sketchbook as you draw, and you forget that Chan’s next to you until you feel the warmth of his body as he leans in to look. “Wow.”
“It would be better if I had my paints with me,” you mumble. “When I sketch it in pencil you can’t tell what season it is.”
Chan’s shoulder bumps yours as he shrugs. “You’re still talented. If I tried to draw that, it would end up looking like stick figures. No pun intended.”
You snort as you sit up to stretch your back. “I don’t think you’re that bad at drawing.”
“You haven’t seen me draw. Swimming is the one thing I know I’m good at.”
You glance at him. “You’ve been swimming for a long time, huh?”
“Yeah. As long as I can remember.”
“Wow. Have you ever… tried doing anything else? Or finding out what else you liked?”
“I thought I didn’t need to.” Chan laughs drily. You detect some bitterness in his tone. “But I guess I was wrong. All the people who swim with me want to go to the Olympics. They don’t just swim because they love it, they swim because they want to become world-famous and be known for their athletic ability. I just… like swimming.”
You look at him again, confused. “But you’re a great swimmer. I don’t know much about swimming but… shouldn’t it be a good thing that you have the possibility to get paid for something you love doing?”
“You’d think that,” Chan sighs. “I know it’s not like this for everyone, but I find that if I’m forced to do something I love over and over again, even when I’m not in the mood for it… it kind of ruins the fun of doing it.”
You nod slowly. “I get that. I guess… sometimes painting isn’t as fun as I originally thought it was. It’s easy to do something when you don’t know anything about how to do it, and it’s so much harder to do the thing you like when you know how to do it. Or what you’re supposed to do to make it good.”
Chan nods. “Yeah.” He looks down at your sketchbook again. “You said you did portraits too?”
You blink. “Uh, yeah. A couple.” You flip through the pages of your sketchbook absently.
Chan sticks out a hand to mark a page. “Can I see that?”
You open it to the page he chose; you’d done some doodles a while back to practice facial features individually. You had sketched different types of eyes, noses, and lips.
“Wow.” Chan shifts so he’s closer to you and leans in to look at the page. His shoulder presses against yours. “Those are so detailed.”
“I was just messing around. I didn’t have a reference.”
“A reference?”
“I wasn’t looking at someone’s face while I was drawing, so I couldn’t check to see how accurate or consistent I was.”
“Oh. I guess it’s easier with a reference, then.”
“Yeah, way easier. Like, if I was going to draw you, for example, I could just look up at your face whenever I needed to, like—” You look up and fall silent as your eyes meet Chan’s. His pupils are warm and dark, watching you sincerely. His shoulder is still pressing against yours, his face centimeters from yours. You swallow. “Like that. I’d look at whatever part of your face I needed to draw.”
“So if you needed to draw my lips, or if I could draw and I wanted to draw your lips…” Chan trails off as his eyes fall downward on your lips. Your eyes fall to his lips as well. They’re pretty. Full, pink, soft. Kissable. You feel your own lips part slightly as you stare at his mouth.
Chan hasn’t moved away from you at all. The warmth from his shoulder is now a heat that fuses the two of your bodies together, and you realize that if either he or you leans in, your foreheads would be touching. Then, it wouldn’t be long before your lips touched. You could kiss him right now. He could kiss you, if he wanted to.
You close your mouth and bring your gaze back up to his eyes. “I’d look at your lips.”
Chan blinks and pulls back from you a little bit. “Right.” He smiles. “It must be nice, getting to stare at pretty people all day.”
You smile back at him. “I hope you’re including yourself in that. I always make sure my subjects are attractive.”
Chan’s ears burn bright pink as he scoffs. He shifts away from you to bury his head in his arms. “I—hey, that was really smooth.”
You laugh, bumping his shoulder as he giggles. You find yourself missing his warmth.
Maybe it wasn’t a bad idea to keep his T-shirt for a little longer.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
The next week or so passes uneventfully. You attend another one of Chan’s practices, starting rough sketches of him in different poses and adding more details to the ones you already had. It was truly fantastic to watch him swim—he moved through the water with such ease and relaxation. You could tell he was in the water because he loved it, not because he wanted to improve his times or become a better athlete. It didn’t stop him from finishing first every time, though.
The rest of your classes are mundane as usual. Jeongin was back on campus now, with the same positive attitude as always. You figured you probably shouldn’t bring up the run-in with him at Professor Yang’s office—it really wasn’t any of your business. The two of you shared glances whenever Seungmin and Lily had some sweet moment that neither of them were aware of. One time, Seungmin held Lily’s hands after she dropped something, and both you and Jeongin swore he held on to her for longer than necessary. Lily had gushed to you about the incident afterwards, about how it was so sweet of him to be worried about her like that, how nice his hands felt, and how it made her crush on him so much worse. You responded by reiterating to her that he liked her, and she immediately shut you down. It was incredible how stubborn she was being.
One day, after you finish your last class and check your phone, you see someone’s texted you. Your brow furrows at the contact name: Text for a New Shirt. You open the text and laugh, because it’s from Chan. You’d forgotten to change his contact name.
After fixing Chan’s contact name in your phone, you check to see what he asked.
[3:45pm] Chan: are you free this evening?
[4:35pm] i just got out of my last class! sorry for not responding earlier
You’d barely stepped out of the classroom when you feel your phone vibrate with a new text.
[4:37pm] Chan: it’s all good, no worries
[4:37pm] Chan: i was thinking we could meet up, if you want more practice sketching me
[4:37pm] you’re free now?
[4:38pm] Chan: yep! i’m in the pool, as usual lol
[4:38pm] are you texting me while you’re in the water?
[4:40pm] Chan: oh yeah i forgot to tell you, i’m secretly aquaman. electronics obey my will to stay dry, so i’m actually texting you from the bottom of the pool
You snort as you step outside and make your way to the Athletics building.
[4:42pm] i’d say don’t drown, but since you’re aquaman, you clearly don’t have to worry about that. i’m omw
When you arrive at the pool ten minutes later, Chan isn’t in the water. He’s sitting in the stands beside the pool, a towel around his neck as he looks down at his phone. You snicker. “What happened to texting me from the bottom of the pool?”
Chan’s head whips up to look at you, and he smiles. “Oh right. Y’know, I’d been in there for too long. My fingers were starting to get wrinkly and it was hard to type.”
“Right.” You sit down next to him. “How’s your day been?”
“Eh.” Chan shrugs. “Had some classes, did some swimming… It was alright. How was yours?”
“Same as usual, I guess,” you reply, staring at the pool. “Not too eventful, other than classes.” You glance over at him. “Do you want me to sketch you now, or…?”
“Oh yeah, the sketching.” Chan stands up and tosses the towel to the stands beside you, leaving him in his swim shorts. He makes his way over to the side of the pool and lowers himself in before turning around in the water and facing you. “Do you want me to do anything?”
You shrug. “You can do… whatever you normally do? I just need you to be moving as I sketch you.”
Chan nods and positions himself against the side of the pool. He takes a deep breath before pushing off, swimming down the length of the pool with a butterfly stroke. You watch him intently, analyzing how he moves through the water.
After Chan does one lap of the pool, he pauses against the wall and glances at you. Then, he does a slow front crawl over to the side, in front of you, and crosses his arms on the deck so he’s holding himself up. “How’s it going?”
“Good.” You set your pencil down on the bench. “Getting lonely in there?”
Chan smiles softly. “It would be a lot more fun if you were in here with me.”
You look down at yourself—you’re fully dressed, definitely not preparing to cannonball into the pool. “I’m not exactly equipped for swimming right now. Not everyone can be Aquaman, you know.”
Chan shrugs. “True, but you can go swimming without anything on.”
You arch an eyebrow. “What are you implying, Chan?”
“I—hey!” Chan waves his hands at you in denial, a light dusting of pink across his cheeks. He can’t meet your eyes, instead choosing to look down at the deck. “Hey, hey, hey, hey! I’m not implying anything! I’m just saying that—for some people, it is possible to go swimming without anything on!”
The fact that you managed to fluster him pleases you more than you’d admit. “But you said ‘you’. As in me. So you can’t blame me for thinking you’re implying something.”
“If I wanted to see you naked I wouldn’t ask you to skinny-dip,” Chan mumbles. Your eyes widen and you let out an exhale of laughter, and Chan stares at you like a deer caught in headlights. “Oh my gosh, you heard that, I’m so sorry. I’m just gonna—go. I’m just gonna—yeah. See ya.”
Chan sinks underwater, bubbles popping on the surface as he presumably collects himself below the surface. You let out a full laugh at his actions. “I can’t sketch you if you’re hiding from me, come back!”
It takes several seconds before Chan pops back up from underwater. He’s holding himself up by his fingertips on the deck—the only part of him visible to you is the top of his head and his eyes. “That was awkward.”
You shrug, still smiling. “It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.”
Chan sighs and hoists himself up so his arms are crossed on the deck again. There’s a healthy blush on his face from his embarrassment, but you choose not to comment on it. He meets your eyes. “If your sketchbook wasn’t in your lap right now I’d splash you.”
You hold your sketchbook up like a shield. “I’m so grateful for you,” you tell the paper. Chan snorts, and you peek out at him from behind your shield. “Are you going to splash me if I come closer?”
“No.”
You set down your sketchbook cautiously and approach the side of the pool. You crouch on the deck beside Chan and eye him suspiciously. “Are you sure?”
Chan extends a pinky finger. “I’m sure.”
You reach out with your own pinky, but quick as a flash, Chan cups his hand and tosses upwards towards your body, sprinkling you with water. Your mouth drops open indignantly. “Hey!” Chan cracks up, and you frown. “That’s it.” You reach over and grab his arms, pushing him off the pool deck and pressing momentarily on his head so he sinks beneath the water.
Chan only stays underwater for two seconds before reemerging. He has a massive smile on his face. “Sorry, sorry, I couldn’t resist.”
You pout. “This is the worst betrayal ever. Just when I thought you’d be nice.”
Chan rests on the side of the pool for a second, then hoists himself out of the water. You watch him as he walks over to the stands and grabs his towel, then looks expectantly at you. “Come here.”
Your eyes narrow. “You won’t push me in or something?”
“No, no. I promise I won’t.”
You sigh and stand up, meeting him halfway. Chan examines your face before reaching up with the hand that’s holding the towel and carefully dabbing at your skin. Your heart skips a beat at how soft his touch is. You meet his eyes; he’s watching you attentively, making sure he’s getting every part of your face that got wet. Then, when he’s finished, he gently takes your wrist and dries your arm as well.
You notice he has an eyelash on his cheek. “You could have dried yourself off first.”
“The towel would have been wet and of no use to you if I’d done that.”
You nod. “Hold still.”
You reach up, your fingers brushing the side of his face. You see his gaze soften, his lips parting slightly as you brush his cheekbone with your index finger, capturing the eyelash. You hold your finger in front of his face. “Eyelash.”
“Oh.” Chan stares at your finger for a long while before blowing the eyelash away. “There. Made a wish.”
“What’d you wish for?”
Chan shakes his head and bites his lip. “Can’t tell you. Otherwise it won’t come true.”
“Right, right.” You stare at the pool for a bit. A thought creeps into your mind, and you smile mischievously. “Hey Chan, about earlier?”
“Hm?”
You make sure you’re closer to your sketchbook before you speak. “Doesn’t looking at things underwater make them appear thirty-three percent bigger?”
You’re pretty sure your laughter can be heard outside the pool when Chan kicks at the water. The blush is back on his cheeks in full force, and you think he looks pretty when he’s embarrassed.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
You attend Chan’s swim practices regularly as the weeks go on. Chan also lets you know he’s free several other days in the week at the same time as you, so the two of you meet up. Chan always swims for around half an hour while you sketch him before stopping and resting on the side of the pool. The two of you spend more time talking than swimming and sketching, but he wasn’t about to admit that to Coach Lee or Professor Yang, who think that the two of you are spending time together to improve your chances of getting into a Masters program and Chan’s swim times.
Chan secretly looks forward to these sessions, because they help him forget about his worries. But sometimes, real life creeps up on him. Like now, when Chan is floating on his back in the pool and you’re absently sketching in the stands. The deadline intrudes on his thoughts like someone dropping dye into water. It colours his thoughts and taints how calm he feels. He rightens himself and frowns, then swims over to the side of the pool and crosses his arms on the deck.
You, of course, hear him begin to swim and look up from your sketchbook. “Done for today?”
Chan shrugs halfheartedly. “I guess so.”
You nod and look back down at the sketchbook. “I guess you were in there for longer than normal… you barely even swam.” You look up. “Something on your mind?”
Chan thinks it’s incredible how you can notice something’s off without him having to say anything. Your attentiveness makes his chest swell with some emotion he can’t pinpoint as he struggles to find his words. “There’s a… swim meet on the weekend.”
You nod, allowing him to think through his thoughts for a second before asking, “Is this swim meet special, or different than the other ones you’ve had?”
Chan nods. Coach Lee’s words echo in his head from his last practice, and he recites them to you. “This is one where a lot of scouts will be present. The person who comes in first overall… it’s nearly guaranteed they’ll be asked to join an agency when they graduate.”
“And you’re worried because your graduation is so close,” you infer. “Would being signed to an agency be good or bad?”
“I don’t know,” Chan sighs. “It’s supposed to be what I want. Everyone here on this team wants it. But…”
Chan trails off, and stares at the tiled deck in front of him. He’s never spoken about his swimming worries with anyone before. Would you judge him? Think he’s being stuck-up or selfish for turning down a solid career opportunity just because it’s not what he wants, even though he was nearly guaranteed to achieve it? What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he be happy with doing what he loves, what he’s good at, for a career?
“Chan.”
Chan blinks to focus. You’re touching his arm, crouched in front of him on the pool deck. “Got a lot on your mind, huh?”
“Yeah,” he sighs. “Sorry.”
You smile gently. “That’s alright. Do you want my advice?”
“Yeah.”
“If you have to convince yourself that this will be good for you, it probably won’t be,” you state. “Like, yes, sometimes we have to tell ourselves that completing tasks we hate will be good for us, but… that’s for stuff like doing laundry or taxes or short-term goals. Not for career choices. You don’t want to be stuck with a job you can already see yourself disliking.”
Chan stares up at you for five long seconds. “You’re a genius.”
You snort, but Chan can see the corners of your mouth twitch up. “Oh please. No way.”
“No, you really are,” Chan says earnestly. “That makes so much sense.”
“You really think so?”
“I know so.” Chan kicks and hoists himself out of the water, then turns and sits on the pool deck with his legs still in the water. “Thank you, seriously.”
“You’re welcome.”
Chan keeps his eyes on the ripples across the surface of the water. “Do you… want to come to the meet?”
“Am I allowed to go?” The surprise in your voice is evident.
“It’s technically open to the public, but not very many people know about it unless they’re involved in the sport.” Chan can feel his body getting warmer, his heart doing gymnastics in his chest as he opens his mouth again. “And… I’d probably feel better about swimming if I knew you were there.”
He’s never asked anyone to watch him swim before. He’s not even sure why he asked you. All he knew was that he wanted you to see him compete and be there no matter what the result was.
“Hmm, alright.” Your tone is light, agreeable. “I’ll need practice drawing other people in action, so…”
Chan sighs. “Don’t tell me you’re going to the meet just to watch everyone but me.”
“I might,” you tease. Chan sticks his bottom lip out in a pout, and you laugh. “Kidding, kidding. I’ll be there for you.”
Chan feels himself brighten at your words. I’ll be there for you. Not for anyone else, or to draw—for him. He liked the sound of that. “Great. You can bring your friends too, if you want. Just as long as I know you’re watching me.”
Chan could have a thousand pairs of eyes on him at the meet, but now that he knew you were coming, that didn’t matter. The scouts didn’t matter, his coach didn’t matter, his teammates didn’t matter.
What mattered was you.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
Chan makes sure to send you the details of the swim meet times as soon as he gets his phone out of his locker. On the day of the swim meet, as he’s arriving at the recreational centre that’s hosting the event, he feels his phone buzz with a text. Chan checks his lockscreen, and smiles when he sees your name in the notification bar.
[1:43pm] y/n: hey chan, i know you’re going to be busy competing in a little bit, but i just wanted to say good luck! whatever the result, i’ll be there for you 🤍
Chan feels his cheeks warm as he stares at your second sentence. You’d never sent a heart emoji to him before. Did that mean something?
Did he want it to mean something?
Chan blinks as someone slaps his back in greeting. He looks up to see Hyunjin standing next to him. “Hey dude, how are you feeling?”
“Not bad,” Chan smiles. “How are you feeling?”
Hyunjin shrugs. “Y’know, pre-competition butterflies.” His eyes land on Chan’s phone. “Good luck texts? Saying your last goodbyes?”
“Something like that, yeah.” Chan glances down at his phone and types you a quick response, telling you to wait for him after his events are over. He shuts his phone off and tosses it into his bag, then turns to Hyunjin. “You ready?”
The next half hour or so is a blur—there are so many different universities attending this meet, so the change rooms are bustling with activity. Chan gets ready and is whisked away to his first event. He doesn’t even have time to look in the stands to find you in the crowd before the swimmers are signaled to climb on their starting blocks, and then the event begins. Chan’s body goes on autopilot, driving him through the water so quickly he barely even realizes he’s finished when his hands tap the wall. He looks up at the timekeeping board to confirm; he’s in first place. At any other meet, he would be content; but today, he frowns.
He has a different plan for the outcome of this meet.
Chan has five different events he needs to compete in, and for every single one, he makes sure to slow down. He doesn’t want to come in last place—that would raise too much suspicion. But if he takes a little bit longer on his turnaround times when he reaches the end of the length, and makes his strokes a bit slower than usual to make it seem like he’s tired… he might finish in second place.
The next three events go according to plan—Chan finishes second in all of them, and smiles inwardly at the surprise on his competitors’ faces when they realize they’ve beaten him. Just before his final event, he glances at the stands one last time, just to see if he can find you.
And find you he does—you’re up towards the back of the stands, sketchbook held to your front, biting your bottom lip. Chan smiles and raises his hand in a small wave.
You see him and smile, waving back excitedly. Chan’s heart skips a beat at the look on your face, and his smile grows even bigger. He’s giddy; your excitement is infectious, and he damn near giggles when you give him a thumbs-up.
Someone blows a whistle, and Chan has to shake the smile off his face as he takes his place on the starting block. His cheeks feel warm and his limbs are coursing with newfound adrenalin at the knowledge that you really are watching him. The second whistle sounds, and Chan starts.
Usually, when Chan swims, his mind goes blank. He doesn’t focus on anything but the feeling of the water, his breathing, and the tap of his fingers against the walls to indicate he’s done his length. Today, while he’s swimming, he’s thinking of you. The way your gaze softens when you smile at him, how you’re always beside the pool when he swims. You make Chan feel calmer, more at ease. The lengths of the pool blur together, and time collapses in on itself until he feels his fingers touch the end of the pool. Chan stops, hangs from the pool deck, and looks into the stands.
You’re watching him. Cheering for him. Chan feels his chest swell again and he breaks out in a massive grin. He’s not sure, but he thinks you lock eyes with him, and your smile grows a little wider too.
It’s not until Chan’s out of the pool that he remembers to look at the timekeeping board. His name is at the top, but he doesn’t mind. It was worth it if it made you smile like that.
As Chan is heading back to the change room, eager to get his phone from his locker and text you, Coach Lee pops up into his field of vision. “Chan! What happened today?” His tone isn’t friendly or cheerful. Coach Lee is genuinely confused. “The first and last races were what I expected of you, but the other three? Did something go wrong?”
Chan forces a reassuring smile on his face. “I’m not sure what it was, coach. I just… couldn’t push myself enough, I guess.”
Coach Lee blinks in surprise. “Chan, what’s going on? This isn’t like you. I’ve had to field several questions from scouts about your times today. Everyone was expecting you to finish first, but it’s Hyunjin instead.”
“They want me instead of Hyunjin?” Chan frowns. “Aren’t the scouts supposed to only extend offers to the people who came in first from their schools?”
“Well… they’ll take Hyunjin because he came in first, but they want you, Chan,” Coach Lee sighs. “You’re more reliable with your times than Hyunjin—at least until today.”
“I think you should tell Hyunjin he got the offers, and tell the scouts I won’t be accepting any of their offers, no matter what they promise,” Chan says. He can feel a weight lift off of his chest as he speaks. “They can take Hyunjin or anyone else, but I’d prefer to not sign to an agency right now.”
Coach Lee stares at him for a long while. He’s understandably speechless, and it’s not until Chan stops in front of the door to the change room that he speaks. “Very well. I have no idea what prompted you to make this decision—are you sure you won’t regret it?”
“I’m sure,” Chan replies firmly. “Thank you for understanding.”
He tugs open the door without waiting for his coach’s response, stepping into the change room and exhaling in relief. He did it. He wouldn’t have to worry about scouting, or becoming a better swimmer. The path in front of him was totally clear now. He could do anything he wanted, and the idea was freeing.
Chan opens his locker and pulls out his phone, turns it on and opens his messages. He clicks on your name and texts you to meet him outside of the recreation centre, then gets changed as fast as he can and makes his way out of the venue. After navigating his way through the hallways, he finds you by the doors, sitting on a bench outside.
Chan calls your name. You turn, smile, and stand up, coming closer to meet him halfway. “Hey! Great job on your events.”
Chan can’t respond for a few moments. He’s too caught up in the way you’re looking at him, like you mean everything to him. He wonders faintly if he’s looking at you in the same way.
“Chan?”
Chan blinks. “Oh. Uh, thanks.”
You tilt your head inquiringly. “Did you get the agency offers?”
“Yeah. But I didn’t accept them.”
Your eyes widen. “Really? Why—why not?”
“Because of you.” Chan notes the way your eyes widen even more and adds, “Like, not because of you. Because of what you said to me. About not doing something if I have to convince myself it will be good.”
“Oh. Wow.” You look around, as if the answers to your questions can be found in the air around you. Chan thinks that your expression is adorable. “But that—won’t that impact your career? Your future?”
“Maybe,” Chan agrees. He knows that there should be a part of him that is worried about what to do for the future, but at the moment, he’s strangely calm. “I’ll figure something out. Maybe you can teach me how to draw.”
You smile. “Maybe.” Your eyes widen. “Oh right! I talked with my mentor today. He says I’ve improved enough on my motion, so I don’t have to sit in on your practices anymore.”
Chan’s heart twinges. He knows he should feel happier for you than he does. “So you’re… not coming to see me anymore?”
“Well, no.” You’re rummaging through your bag as you speak. “So, I have this for you.” You produce a black T-shirt—his T-shirt—from your bag. “I finally remembered it.”
Chan stares at his shirt. He can’t bring himself to reach out and take it. “I told you that you could keep it.”
“And I told you I don’t like owing people,” you reply, still holding the shirt out for him to take.
“You don’t owe me,” Chan insists. “You never owed me.”
“Chan. Please, take the shirt.”
Chan shakes his head. “No. It’s yours now.”
“Chan—I didn’t know you when I took this from you. It’ll always feel like a favour to me, something I have to repay. I know you said I don’t have to, but for my own peace of mind, I need to.”
You sound sadder now, your eyes downcast towards the concrete. Chan still doesn’t reach out to take the shirt. “But you know me now.”
That makes you look up at him. “What do you mean?”
“I mean”—Chan shuffles the weight on his feet and grips his duffle bag tighter, like he can steady himself with it—“I think we’ve gotten to know each other better over this past month. I want to keep seeing you, hanging out with you. And if I take that shirt back… I’ll feel like there’s no reason to see you anymore. Like this—whatever this is that we have—will disappear. I don’t want that to happen. So,” he takes a deep breath in, “if you want me to take the shirt back, I need you to promise that you won’t pretend there was nothing between us. Don’t forget about me, about… us. Can you promise me that?”
You stare at him for a couple of seconds. Your gaze is soft, and Chan wonders for a second if he had crossed a line, forcing you to create a connection with him when you didn’t want to. Then, you nod. “Yes.”
“Okay.” Chan reaches out and takes the shirt from you. His fingertips brush against yours in the process, and he wishes he could reach out and take your hand. He’s not entirely sure what’s stopping him, but he doesn’t. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you,” you deflect. “The shirt didn’t smell like you anymore anyways.”
Chan smiles. “Maybe one day I’ll give it to you as a gift.”
“Or you could just tell me where you got that cologne from,” you suggest.
“Hmm, nope,” Chan replies lightly. “I’ll keep it a mystery so you only get to smell it when you borrow my clothes.”
You giggle, and Chan feels his heart flutter. He thinks your laugh could easily become his favourite sound. “In your dreams, Chan. I’ve told you before: I’ll only borrow clothes if I’m dating you.”
“Right, right.” Chan refrains from saying anything else. “Do you have a way home?”
You nod. “I have to wait for the bus.”
He smiles. “Get home safe, Y/N.”
You move to walk past him, but as you do, you reach out and pat his shoulder. “You too, Chan. Great job today.”
Later on that night, when Chan goes to put his shirt in the drawer, he catches its scent. You were right—it no longer smelled like him. Instead, it smelled like you—warm, safe, comforting.
Chan glances at his phone. It was something he’d been doing all evening, ever since he’d gotten home from the meet. He wonders if you got home safe. He wishes he had asked you to text him when you did, just so he could have an excuse to talk to you again. He’d take any excuse to talk to you, to experience everything with you. And just before Chan falls asleep, a thought crosses his mind that makes his eyes blink open again.
Wasn’t that love?
Chan doesn’t have enough experience with being in love to answer that question, but he secretly hopes it is.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
The week after Chan’s meet, you catch yourself walking in the direction of the Athletics building. It was odd, how the habit of walking across campus was so ingrained in you after a short month. Even when you shake yourself out of your daze and turn back around to head home, you feel a tug in your chest, like your feet wanted to walk towards the place you no longer needed to go.
It was sad, not seeing Chan. You hadn’t realized how much you were around him until you stopped seeing him, and now there was a kind of… hole in your chest. A small rip in the stocking that you knew would get bigger if you didn’t mend it soon. A longing to return to the familiar. Chan had become familiar to you, and it was so strange to leave the familiar behind.
You keep your promise for the next week. You don’t forget about Chan—you’re not sure you could forget about him if you tried. You find yourself looking for him in every person who wears black clothing, everyone with dark hair, everyone with a duffle bag. But you never see him.
Your friends can tell that your demeanour has changed. They don’t comment on it, but you catch the little glances between themselves, the nudges to get you to brighten up. And you do try. But then you remember that you wouldn’t be seeing Chan, and then you wilt again.
Jeongin pulls you aside one day and asks if you could help him set Lily and Seungmin up on an outing—in your absence he’d witnessed so many more instances of pining, and he was rightfully fed up with having to third wheel in an oblivious idiots-to-lovers trope. Both of you decide to invite them separately to a café just off of campus, and then not show up. It wasn’t ridiculously elaborate, but it was as good a scheme as any to ensure Lily and Seungmin spent time alone together. You needed to start somewhere.
On Sunday, the day of the surprise date, you text Lily after she says she’s arrived at the café to apologize, citing projects as a reason why you can’t meet her. After confirming with Jeongin that Seungmin had arrived at the café a little bit after Lily, you head out to spy on their outing. Jeongin was already at the café, having found a bench that’s hidden from the windows by some bushes, and when you arrive, he motions you over and pulls a pair of binoculars out of his bag.
You snort. “You came prepared, huh?”
“This is a monumental day. I want to make sure I can hold it over their heads forever, which means I have to capture every detail of their lovesick bullshit.” Jeongin holds the binoculars up to his eyes and looks through the bushes. He makes a retching sound. “Gross. Seungmin’s staring at her like a puppy already.”
“Let me see.” Jeongin passes you the binoculars and sure enough, Seungmin’s got stars in his eyes. You swear you can see him blushing. Lily has a healthy blush on her cheeks as well, and she can’t stop smiling. “Sheesh. They’d better thank us for this afterwards.”
“Seriously. I swear, if Seungmin rants to me one more time about how Lily’s too good for him, I’m going to smack him upside the head.”
You pass the binoculars back to Jeongin. “Are we going to be spying on them the whole time?”
“You spy on people?”
The new voice makes both you and Jeongin flinch, and oh no, you know that voice. You turn. Dark frizzy locks, full lips. Same dark clothing, same duffle bag. “Hey, Chan.”
Chan has an amused smile on his face, and you realize how peculiar you and Jeongin must look: crouched on a bench behind bushes, binoculars in hand, peering carefully through the foliage. “Hey Y/N.” His eyes drift over to Jeongin. “Who’s this?”
“Oh, uh, this is my friend Jeongin,” you introduce. “Jeongin, this is Chan, the athlete Professor Yang had me sketch.”
Jeongin does a once-over of Chan. “Oh, right. Hi.” Without waiting for your response or Chan’s, he stands up. “I just remembered… there was this charcoal thing that I needed to finish. It’s due next week—I’d better go work on it. I’ll probably get too sick of watching our lovebirds anyway.” He glances at Chan one more time. “Nice meeting you.”
“You too,” Chan replies. Jeongin collects his bag and heads off down the sidewalk, leaving you slightly befuddled. You hadn’t heard of this project of his before. Was it just an excuse?
Chan sits down on the bench next to you, effectively stopping your train of thought. “You still haven’t told me who you’re spying on.”
“I don’t spy on people.”
“Mmhmm.” Chan raises his eyebrows at you. “Sure. But today I just happen to catch you hiding behind a bush with a pair of binoculars? What a coincidence.”
“I’m serious!” you say. “I don’t spy on people regularly, you just happened to catch me the one time I was doing it. Our two friends have been into each other for so long, but neither of them wanted to ask out the other. Jeongin and I just set them up on a date, and we wanted to see how it was going.”
Chan makes an o with his lips. “Did they know it was supposed to be a date?” When you shake your head, he nods. “I see.”
The two of you sit in silence on the bench, and after a little bit, you speak hesitantly. “I’ve never seen you off campus before. Are you… around here a lot?”
“Not really, no. I just decided I’d go for a walk since I didn’t have training. It’s kind of wound down since the meet—we usually have a bit of time to relax after a competition like that.”
“Oh, I see. I haven’t really… swam, in a long time, so I don’t know what it feels like to do it competitively,” you ramble. “I just swim for fun, sometimes. Haven’t really got the chance to since I’m in school.”
“Do you want to swim now?”
You look at him. “What do you mean? Is anyone else going to be at the pool?”
Chan shakes his head and offers you a dimpled smile. “Technically it’s not open right now, but… I know where the keys are kept.”
You glance back towards the café one more time. Seungmin and Lily are holding hands now, Lily telling a story while Seungmin is staring at her intently. His gaze is soft, caring, sweet. You smile. “Okay. Let’s go.”
“Wait, really?” Chan’s voice is laced with surprise. “You really want to?”
“Why not?” You shrug. “It’s better than staying and watching these two. I’d just end up third-wheeling anyway.”
Chan beams at you as he stands. “Great, come on!” The smile on his face is contagious, and you find yourself smiling as you follow him back down the street towards campus.
Lily and Seungmin could have their moment to themselves. You were going to have yours.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
You feel like a secret agent when Chan leads you into the recreational centre—there’s not even employees at the front desk. After rummaging behind the counter for a bit, Chan produces a spare set of keys, then unlocks the doors to the rest of the complex, and the two of you slip into the pool room. You listen to your footsteps echo against the walls and the ceiling as the two of you approach the stands. The water of the pool is like glass, smooth and untouched, a perfect reflection of the speckled tiles ceiling. Staring at the water makes you realize something. “Do you have… something to swim in?”
Chan shakes his head. “Nope. Do you?”
You’re both whispering, like you’re worried the room will record your conversation. You shake your head. “No. Won’t we… get in trouble for this?”
Chan contemplates for a second. “We might get in trouble. But honestly?” He glances at you. “I actually don’t kinda care.” You giggle at that, your laughter ringing off the walls and causing Chan to grin as well. “I’m serious! If I get to hang out with you, I don’t care.”
“So you like breaking the rules, huh?”
“I like hanging out with you,” Chan corrects you, walking over to the shallow end of the pool and sitting on the side. “Even if it means breaking into the pool and swimming with our clothes on.”
You smile and join him on the side, removing your footwear and taking the first step down the stairs that lead into the water. The water is cool and refreshing, not freezing like you imagined. You take a couple more steps into the water. “The temperature is nice.”
“Yeah,” Chan agrees. “Maybe they keep it a few degrees colder when I’m swimming so I move faster.” He lowers himself into the shallow end of the pool, dunking himself so his shoulders are underwater before standing back up.
You try to not let your eyes linger on the way his black T-shirt clings to his biceps and his chest, instead choosing to look down at the water in front of you. You make your way down the last couple of steps so your feet are flat on the bottom, then copy him and lower yourself further until everything up to your neck is underwater. Chan watches you the whole time. There’s a smile on his face, and his eyes are soft enough to make you ask, “What’s up?”
Chan shakes his head, the smile not leaving his face. “Nothing.”
You run your hands through the water, feeling the ripples through your fingertips. Your shirt floats up away from the part of your body that’s underwater, gathering at the surface. You reach down and play with it absently.
At the sound of splashing, you look up. Chan’s begun swimming towards the deeper end of the pool. He’s still facing you, but treading water so he’s moving backwards. “Wanna go deeper?”
You take a couple of steps forward before pausing. “Will you make fun of me if I don’t use proper technique and doggy paddle instead?”
Chan bites his lip, but it doesn’t stop a smile from spreading on his face. “No.”
You furrow your brow. “You’re already smiling at me; I don’t have a good feeling about this.”
Chan giggles, still treading water further backwards into the deep end. “No, no, no, I won’t laugh at you.”
You sigh and take more steps forwards, feeling the bottom of the pool begin to descend as you get closer to the deep end. When you get far enough down the edge, you begin swimming over to Chan, and as soon as you start to move, his face breaks out in a big smile. You pout as you swim closer, and Chan giggles. He actually begins laughing so hard he has to swim over to the side of the pool and hang on to the deck. You shout at him accusingly. “Hey!”
“I’m sorry—it’s just—” Chan tries to inhale and control his laughter, but continues cackling until his head is tilted upwards towards the ceiling. The back and top of his head is wet, his eyes scrunched shut and mouth open in glee. “It’s just—you’re so cute! You’re so cute, I haven’t seen anyone doggy-paddle in years, oh my gosh!”
You feel your cheeks burn as you finally make your way over to the wall he’s clinging to, hanging on to the tiles with your fingertips and scrunching up your face in disappointment at him. “Don’t make fun of me.”
To Chan’s credit, he does sober up somewhat. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” He giggles again, resting his forehead against the tiles and shaking it like he’s in a daze.
“You must be excited to see me struggle,” you sigh.
Chan shakes his head before looking at you. “I’m excited to be swimming with you.”
You feel your lips part in surprise as you really examine Chan. His hair is half dry and half wet, his T-shirt floating up in the water around him. His face is flushed from laughter, his eyes sparkling as he stares at you earnestly. It reminds you of the way Seungmin was looking at Lily earlier.
As you stare back at Chan, there’s a soft tug in your chest coupled with the realization that you want him to keep looking at you like that.
You offer him a soft smile before looking at the line where the water meets the side of the pool. “Well, at least I can provide comic relief.”
“Hey no, I think you can swim.” Chan pushes off from the side of the wall and treads water. “How about we have a race back to the shallow end?”
You laugh at the notion of racing him. “You’re a competitive swimmer, Chan! You’re obviously going to beat me.”
“I’ll give you a head start,” Chan offers hopefully.
You sigh with a smile on your face, and move along the wall so you’re at the very end of the pool. “Fine. And I’ll actually do a front crawl this time, to make sure you won’t laugh at me.”
Chan grins. “Okay. Deal.”
You adjust your position on the wall so you’re facing the shallow end, and Chan raises one hand in the air (how he managed to continue treading water while doing that was beyond you). “Ready?” You nod, and Chan brings his hand down. “Go!”
You push off from the wall, stretching your arms forwards as far as they can go and kicking so that you move as fast as you can. The seconds pass as you swim, and you suddenly understand why Chan likes swimming so much—all you have to do is feel the water around you as you glide through it. Swimming with clothes on instead of a swimsuit provides much more resistance, but it also means that you can really feel the water around you. You’re in your own bubble, your senses flooded in the best way possible.
You risk a glance forwards instead of to the side to breathe, and you see the wall of the shallow end in reach. Just a couple more seconds—
A pair of hands grab your waist, and you shriek and splutter in surprise. “Gotcha!” Chan yells triumphantly from beside you.
He starts to pull you backwards, but you wriggle free from his grasp and lunge for the wall. Chan lunges at the same time, but he’s just the tiniest bit too slow, and you end up touching the wall before he does.
“Ha!” You turn around triumphantly and grin at him. “I win!”
“Barely!” Chan protests, his hand still against the wall as he stands in front of you.
“Only because you’re a cheater,” you return. “If you hadn’t held me I would have won by more.”
“Held you? How exactly did I hold you?” Chan has a mask of innocence on his face.
You scoff. “What do you mean, how? You know exactly what you did.”
“Oh you mean”—Chan’s hands leave the wall beside you and dip underwater to find your waist. He steps a little bit closer to you, backing you up against the cool tiles of the wall—“like this?”
Your shirt is floating up and away from your body, so Chan’s fingers are brushing against your bare skin. Goosebumps erupt all over your body at his touch, and you can feel your cheeks warming again. You can’t meet his eyes, so you stare at the way his shirt clings to his body. “Yes.”
Softly, hesitantly, Chan calls your name.
You find it in yourself to meet his eyes. He’s staring at you with that same look in his eyes—fond, gentle. His eyes are warm and dark, searching your face for how you feel. “Can you… keep looking at me like that?” Your voice is barely above a whisper.
Chan sinks lower so that his head is just above the water. “Like what?”
“Like…” You shrug minisculely. “Like you like me.”
A small half-smile blooms on Chan’s face. “Okay.”
Time loses meaning as you gaze into Chan’s eyes. You have no idea how long you actually stay like that for, but it’s long enough for the water to feel cold around you, save for where Chan’s fingers are attached to your skin. His expression doesn’t change—his eyes remain soft as ever, his cheeks dusted pink as he looks at you. You take in every detail of Chan’s eyes, his nose, his lips, the way a lock of his hair is dangling down against his forehead, and you take a mental picture. Not to draw, this time, but just to keep in the back of your mind. For safekeeping.
Eventually, you reach up and brush the stray lock of hair away from his face, then let your eyes fall to the water. “Thank you.”
Chan lets go of your waist and takes a step back, and just like that, the bubble the two of you had built for yourself pops. “Oh, no worries. If you ever need someone to look at you like that again, you know where to find me.”
“I know where to find a cheater,” you say pointedly. “I don’t know who else you’d be.”
Chan sighs and smiles at you. “Well this cheater only let you win by a little bit. Swimming with clothes on is a bit different.”
“So you admit it! You did cheat!” you gasp, standing and pointing a finger dramatically. “And swimming with clothes on isn’t an excuse for being slow.”
“Hey, I’m used to swimming with next to nothing on,” Chan reasons. “You can’t blame me for being slower. If anything, blame my clothes.”
“Well, if you wanted to be faster, you could have taken your shirt off,” you suggest.
Chan raises an eyebrow at you. “You’re right.” He reaches up and grips the collar of his shirt, tugging it up swiftly over his head and oh, you’d somehow managed to forget how nice his body was. You can feel your eyes widen as Chan tosses his sopping wet shirt over to the side of the pool, then puts his hands on his hips and smiles at you. “Race me again?”
You scoff at him in an effort to delay the heat creeping up your neck to your cheeks. “No way. I prefer to quit while I’m ahead.”
Chan reaches up and runs a hand through his hair as you make your way over to the steps. “Are you sure it has nothing to do with me not wearing a shirt?”
You shake your head furiously, looking down at the steps through the water as you begin to exit the pool. “Accept your defeat, Chan.”
“Okay, okay.” You can hear the smile in Chan’s voice as he moves through the water, then hear him hoisting himself up on the side. When you glance over, he holds his hands up in surrender. “I accept my defeat.”
You smile at him. “Good.” You look around, suddenly remembering that you were in fact, just in a pool and now dripping wet. “Any idea of where towels are kept?”
Chan’s mouth falls open in realization. “Damn it.”
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
Chan doesn’t see you for the rest of the week. The two of you had completely different schedules for classes, and were on different parts of campus at all times. Since your mentor had decided that you were finished with sketching him, he didn’t really have a reason to see you anymore.
Every day he wished he did.
Chan thinks about you a lot over the following days. He thinks back to that Sunday in the pool, watching you swim with him and smiling at the memory of your doggy paddle. He remembers the feeling of your skin beneath his fingers, the way your gaze softened and your lips parted when he moved closer to you. He’d lost track of how long he’d stared into your eyes for, but he’d only stopped because you looked away first. Chan could stare at you for the entire day, if he had the chance.
Chan still doesn’t know much about being in love, but he’s sure that the amount of time he spends thinking about you isn’t normal. He catches himself wondering what it would be like to kiss you, what your lips feel like on his own, what it would like to hold you in his arms and not let you go. He daydreams about how your hands would feel in his, fingers interlaced just because he wants to hold you like that. About saying cheesy things that would make you laugh, but also fluster you, because you’re cute when you’re flustered.
He’s never felt like this about anyone, but he feels the need to tell someone. And since you caused him to feel like this, he needs to tell you.
Chan finds himself at your doorstep two weeks after you swam together, with his heart in his throat and the electric pulse of adrenalin in his limbs. The setting sun warms his back as he works up the nerve to move his arm. He inhales, and then knocks.
Five long seconds of silence. The door creaks open, and Chan is faced with someone who is… not you. A girl wearing a jean jacket, a purse hanging from her shoulder like she’s just about to leave. “Yes?”
“Uh, hi,” he lets out. “I’m, uh, here to see Y/N?”
The girl at the door’s eyes widen and she glances backwards into her home quickly before turning to him again. “Oh right, you must be Chan. Y/N’s… uh… they’re in there, but they’re sick today. I’m their roommate, Lily.”
“Oh.” Chan’s filled with a different kind of nervousness now—why hadn’t you told him you were sick? “Is it okay if I come inside?” Lily nods and steps back, letting Chan inside. He looks around quickly before turning to Lily. “I know I showed up unannounced, but I won’t be very long. I just wanted to come see them.”
Lily nods. “Normally I wouldn’t leave my sick friend with an unannounced guest, but… Y/N’s talked about you a lot. I remember you from when your friend dumped coffee on them. Plus… I have a date, so I don’t want to be late.”
Chan smiles at the memory of how the two of you met—it felt like so long ago now. “Thanks, Lily. Enjoy your date.”
Lily gives him a smile, and then she leaves, closing the front door behind her. Chan turns and surveys the apartment. It’s small—not cramped, but definitely standard for student housing. He doesn’t see you in the kitchen or living room, so he makes his way down the hallway to find two bedroom doors. One of them is open, and Chan sticks his head in to confirm that the room is empty before crossing over to the closed door. He knocks twice, and thinks he hears a murmur from inside before opening the door.
Chan finds your bed immediately—it’s piled high with blankets and duvets, across the room from your door. Pillows are stacked to give you something to lean back on, and Chan gives himself a second to take you in.
“Lily, I told you, Seungmin’s gonna think you’re great,” you mumble. Your speech is slightly slurred, a consequence of your tired state.
“I hate to break it to you, but I’m not Lily,” Chan replies, approaching you slowly and standing beside your bed.
Your eyes crack open, and you stare at Chan for a few seconds before your mind seems to click the details together. “Chan?”
He smiles at you. “Hi.” Your eyes shut again and you pull the covers up just a bit to hide the bottom half of your face. “How are you feeling?”
“Embarrassed,” you mumble. “And like I’m floating a little bit. I took painkillers… a while ago. Can’t remember exactly when, but I don’t think they’re working yet.”
“Why are you embarrassed?” Chan can’t help but smile in amusement.
You let out a heavy sigh. “You’re supposed to see me when I’m attractive. Not when I feel like I’ve been run over by a bus.”
“You’re still attractive.” Chan knows he’s not just saying that for the sake of comforting you. “Can I sit down?”
You hum, and Chan gently seats himself on the side of your bed. He reaches up and rests the back of his hand against your forehead, and his eyes widen. “Wow, you’re hot.”
You smile. “I guess being sick made me more attractive, huh?”
“No—I mean—you have a really high fever,” Chan explains, stifling laughter at your words.
“Oh.” Your smile disappears. “I guess I do feel pretty warm.”
Chan frowns. “How long have you had the fever for?”
“Dunno… a day or two?” you muse. “I thought it was just a cold, but… guess not.”
Chan bites his lip. “Okay, hang on. I’ll be right back.”
He leaves your room and enters your bathroom, finding a small towel and soaking it with cold water from your sink. He wrings it out and comes back to your bedroom, sitting down closer to you on the bed. “I have a cold towel here. Can I put it on your forehead?”
You give him a small nod, and Chan carefully, gently, presses the cold towel to your forehead. You let out a soft sound of satisfaction and tilt your head into his touch. “That feels good.”
“Good,” Chan replies. “Not too cold?” You shake your head slightly, and Chan removes the towel from your head and gently wipes the rest of your face down, cooling your skin slightly. When he finishes, he folds up the towel and hangs it over your headboard. “You should rest.”
“Can’t,” you sigh dejectedly. “Not for too long, anyway. I need to finish my portfolio.”
“Your health comes before your projects.”
“But it’s important,” you protest weakly. “All those paintings—they mean something. I need to make them mean something.”
Chan doesn’t have a good response for that, instead choosing to look at your face again. You look so peaceful with your eyes closed. “Are the painkillers working now?”
“Mmmh.” Your eyes open wide enough to meet Chan’s, and you smile tiredly. “You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
Your eyes slide closed again, and Chan can see your whole body relax back into the mattress. “Looking at me as if you like me.”
Chan’s heart crawls back up into his throat and grips his lungs. “I do like you.”
The confession comes out as a throaty whisper and hangs in the air as Chan watches you. When you don’t react for several seconds, he turns away from you and sighs. Carefully, he eases himself up to stand, moving as slowly as he can.
“Wait.”
Chan looks back towards you on the bed, frozen in place. Your forehead is creased in concentration as you move under the covers for a couple of seconds, fumbling slowly until your hand emerges from the soft blankets. You stretch your fingertips out towards Chan. “Stay with me. Please.”
Chan reaches out and takes your hand in his, your skin feverishly hot and sweaty against his. He sits back down. “Okay.”
The crease in your forehead disappears, and you exhale in hazy relief. You don’t say anything else, but your breathing slows until your fingers go limp in his.
After watching you for a couple of seconds, Chan realizes you’ve fallen asleep. He sighs and turns away from you, taking a good look around your room for the first time. There’s art tacked to the walls, sketchbooks and miniature easels on your desk, coloured pencils and palettes with dried paint everywhere. Your room is a whirlwind of art, colour jumping out at Chan from the white of the paper and the walls. He looks over to the table beside your bed, a single sketchbook open. He blinks, and stares at the page.
It’s a sketch of him. Not one of the ones you’d done while he was swimming, but a portrait of him in the water. He’s smiling, one lock of his dark hair hanging down against his forehead. The water of the pool around him is deep blues, indigos, even some purple around the edge of the drawing. It looks calming and relaxing.
It looks the way he feels around you. Comfortable, at ease. He hopes you feel the same way about him.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
Your eyes open slowly. There’s sunlight streaming in from the gap in your curtains, but it doesn’t feel as irritatingly bright as it did the day before. You stretch under the covers before sitting up carefully. Your head doesn’t feel heavy, your limbs aren’t lead anymore.
How long had you slept for?
Your eyes land on your phone beside your bed, and you check the time. You were missing class. Somehow that fact isn’t enough to make you leap out of bed and get to school—you’re not even sure if you can leap. Then you notice a text notification.
[1:43am] Chan: hey y/n! i know you’re asleep as i’m sending this, but i hope you feel better soon! be sure to hydrate yourself and to get something gentle to eat. let me know when you feel okay, because i want to see you… it’s been too long since we’ve talked
You stare at the text for a long while, the gears grinding in your brain. In all honesty, you didn’t remember too much from yesterday. You’d felt sick in the morning, had lunch—Lily had suggested you rest. You’d taken her advice, gone to bed, watched a movie, and then taken painkillers right before Lily had left for her date with Seungmin. And then… your memories were all muddled, like someone had stuffed cotton balls into your head. You remember talking to… someone. Not Lily.
Chan?
Your eyes widen in delayed mortification. How had Chan known that you were sick? You hadn’t texted him, but you had definitely talked to someone when you were drifting in and out of consciousness.
“Hey, you’re sitting up.”
You look up from your phone. Lily’s leaning against your doorway. “Yeah… I guess I am.” You clear your throat. “Hey, did you… tell Chan I was sick? He texted me.”
“Nope.” Lily grins. “But he came by last night, just as I was leaving to see Seungmin. He wanted to see you, and since he wasn’t a total stranger, I let him in. When I got back, he was sitting beside your bed, holding your hand.”
Your embarrassment is like a fever, starting in your cheeks and seeping its way throughout your face and down your body to the tips of your toes. You’re uncomfortably warm, but you wish it was because you were still sick instead of this. “He was here? Why don’t I remember any of it?”
“Probably because you were so out of it,” Lily suggests.
You’re too consumed by your thoughts to answer. Chan saw you while you were sick? Did you do anything stupid? Did you say anything stupid? You hope past you managed to keep their mouth shut—the idea that Chan could have heard you say something embarrassing, maybe something about him, was enough to make you want to hide in bed for the whole day.
Lily’s phone dings, pulling you out of your thoughts. She looks down at it and smiles. “I need to get ready. Seungmin’s gonna come with me to class. Are you okay by yourself?”
You nod. “I think my fever’s gone. So, are you and Seungmin finally together now?”
Lily blushes. “I—well, he did kiss me last night, so—”
“What? Lily, what have I been telling you? It’s about time!”
Your friend laughs. “Okay, yeah, fine. You and Jeongin were right.”
“We’re always right.”
“And hey, now that I’ve realized that Seungmin likes me, you can go on a date with Chan!” Lily gives you a cheeky smile as she leaves your room.
The idea of hanging out with Chan, of going on a date with him, makes your cheeks burn again. “Oh, shush. Not when he’s just seen me while I feel like the plague.”
“Pretty sure he’d still date you,” Lily calls back teasingly. “See ya!”
You hear the front door close and look down at your phone, sighing at Chan’s contact name on your screen. Hopefully he wouldn’t tease you about anything you’d said. You send him a text thanking him, apologizing for being such a mess, and asking when he’s free to meet up. His response comes almost immediately, telling you not to worry about him, and to just suggest a time when you’re feeling well.
You glance at yourself in the mirror. You did have a fever just the day before—you didn’t want to rush anything and become sick again. You suggest a time in the evening for the following day, and Chan agrees to your suggestion, asking you to meet him in the main quad on campus—the same one where you’d tried to give his shirt back the first time.
The next day, when you’re going to meet Chan, you decide to put a little bit more effort into your appearance. You run your hands over your clothes as you walk, smoothing out the fabric. You didn’t really need to, but you were nervous. Seeing Chan was making you nervous.
When you arrive at the bench, Chan’s already there. His black duffle bag is between his feet, and he’s bouncing his leg, looking around the quad. When he catches sight of you, his face breaks out in a smile, and he waves at you. You wave back and continue walking until you reach him. “Hey.”
“Hi.” Chan pats the bench next to him. “Take a seat. Are you sure you’re feeling better?”
You nod. “I promise.”
“Good.”
Wind rustles the leaves on the trees as you sit in silence. Other students are walking by, some in couples, some in groups, others by themselves. You purse your lips together. “I’m sorry I don’t remember more of your visit. The fever really must have made me seem crazy.”
“You weren’t crazy, you were just tired and sick.”
“Lily said you were still with me when she got back from her date with Seungmin.”
Chan nods. “It didn’t feel right to leave you alone. You slept most of the time, but… I wanted to be there if you needed something.”
“Thanks.” You glance at him. His head is tucked downwards, his ears just the lightest shade of pink. “Why did you come to visit me in the first place?”
“Oh, I uh, wanted to tell you something. But when I learned you were sick, it… didn’t really seem like the right time to tell you.”
“Well, I’m not sick anymore.” You shift so that you’re facing him a bit more on the bench. “What did you want to tell me?”
Chan turns to face you completely and gazes at you. A small smile is on his face, like you’ve just done something he found cute. “Do you remember any of what we talked about?”
You shake your head slowly.
“And what am I doing right now?”
You examine his face a bit more closely. His fond expression makes your heart settle a bit. “You’re… looking at me as if you like me.”
Chan nods. “I’m looking at you like this because I do like you. I really, really like you. And what I wanted to tell you was this: I can’t stop thinking about you. But I don’t know if you have feelings for me in the same way I do about you. I wonder if you also want to hold my hand, hug me, or kiss me. Because I—I want to do those things with you. I want to be around you all the time, Y/N. Do you…” Chan trails off and swallows. “What do you feel?”
A smile grows on your face as Chan speaks. You search his eyes, his beautiful brown eyes that are staring at you with hope and a little bit of nervousness, before letting your gaze fall to his lips. His soft, full, pink, kissable lips. You reach forward, and lightly let your fingers graze against his jawline. Chan’s eyes widen, but he remains silent, hopeful, ever observant. You lean in, watching as his lips part slightly.
When you kiss him, what you feel isn’t fireworks or butterflies in your stomach. It’s the comfort that comes with the familiar. The reassurance of knowing he’ll be there for you. The warm hope of a good beginning to something great. What you feel for Chan is complete adoration, total fondness, absolute ease.
You feel like he’s your home.
The kiss is sweet, short, and fleeting—you pull back after a couple of seconds to see Chan’s eyes open slowly. His lips are still parted, and he stares at you with sparkling eyes. You smile. “That’s my answer.”
Chan looks down at his lap for a second, then back up at you. He seems adorably stunned. “Then can I keep doing it?”
“What? Looking at me as if you like me?”
Chan shakes his head, his cheeks becoming tinged with pink. “No, just liking you.” He can’t meet your eyes, too shy to face you as he continues speaking. “I don’t have to try when I look at you as if I like you. Because I don’t need to try to like you; I just do.”
“Would you stop if I said no?”
Chan shakes his head again. “No. I don’t think I could ever stop liking you.”
You can’t stop smiling. “Then go ahead, because I like you too.”
The reality of your confession seems to finally hit Chan, because a wide smile spreads across his face. His dimples appear on his cheeks. “Really? You do?”
You laugh. “Yes, Chan. I like you.”
Chan giggles, his face alight with happiness. “Thank goodness. I mean—that’s a relief.”
You laugh. “It is, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Chan brings his hands up to touch the back of his head and his ears. He’s still smiling, and you take another mental picture of him; the sun’s setting on his face, and he looks the happiest you’ve ever seen him. “It really is.” He turns to you. “Do you… need to go anywhere? I feel like I have to get up and move around, or something.”
“I could go for a walk,” you agree.
“Okay.” Chan’s beaming at you as he stands up. “Let’s go!”
The two of you walk for an hour, all around campus and by the river, then off campus to your place. You’re so close together that the back of Chan’s hand brushes against yours several times. After it happens for the fourth time, you take his hand in yours, feeling his fingers grip your skin gently. Like he doesn’t want to be too forceful, but he doesn’t want to let you go.
You don’t want to let him go either.
That night, you finish your portrait of him that you’d started two weeks ago. You fill the paper completely with your watercolours, and you realize that what you feel for Chan feels a lot like being underwater—it surrounds you completely, putting you in your own protective bubble.
You wouldn’t have it any other way.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
You don’t actually see Chan in person for another week, but you text all the time. He sends you good morning and good night texts, and reminds you to take breaks in between preparing your portfolio. You do the same for him, reminding him to rest and take breaks in between his practice schedule.
At the end of the week, you finish your portfolio. After sending it to Professor Yang to look over, you text Chan about it. An hour later, he turns up at your door, all smiles, with a blanket folded in his hands.
“I was thinking we could go stargazing,” he suggests bashfully. “Just so you have time to… relax.”
“Right,” you agree. “Not so I can spend time with you.”
Chan pouts and you crack up, only sobering up to apologize and take his hand to walk with him. He takes you to a secluded part of campus, lays out the blanket, and the two of you spend hours beneath the starlight, looking at the constellations together and telling stories. When you get cold, Chan gives you his hoodie, and you inhale the scent of mint, orange and vanilla.
Finally, when Chan drops you off, he kisses you on the cheek, and you feel your skin burn pleasantly under his lips. You offer him a shy smile, and he wishes you goodnight, telling you to keep the hoodie. You wear it around the house for the next week, until it doesn’t have the scent of Chan’s cologne on it anymore and you have to return it.
You send your portfolio off to the universities of your choice, and try not to think about it. Ultimately, you fail, and check your email obsessively over the next couple of days. One afternoon, you’re watching Chan swim when your phone buzzes with a notification.
Y/N, congratulations! You’ve been accepted into the Masters in Visual Arts program. You are able to confirm your offer by clicking on the link below. We look forward to seeing you on campus!
“Chan!” You stand suddenly, your voice a shrill shriek of excitement. “Chan come here!”
Chan stops doing laps and swims over to the side of the pool, his brow creased by your excitement. “What’s up? What happened? Are you okay?”
“Chan, holy shit! I did it!” You beam at him. You can feel the excitement bubbling in your veins. “The Masters program—I got in!”
“You—” Chan blinks, then breaks out in a wide grin. “You got in? That’s fantastic!”
“Yeah! Look, look, look.” You come over to the side of the pool and show him your phone. Chan reads it, then without speaking, hoists himself out of the pool. You step back from him to avoid getting water on you. “What are you doing?”
Chan stands properly and spreads his arms. “Giving you a hug,” he replies with a goofy smile on his face.
“But you’re soaking wet!” you laugh, stepping back towards the stands. You turn and place your phone on the stands, just in case.
“Y/N,” Chan whines. “I want to congratulate you! Please?”
“Wait,” you insist, holding a towel towards him. “Dry off first at least.”
Chan sighs, and reaches forward. Instead of grabbing the towel, he takes hold of your wrist and very gently pulls you towards him, reaching out with his other hand to pull you into a hug.
“Chan!” You yelp at the feeling of his bare skin soaking your shirt, the warmth from his body burning into yours. Your cheeks feel hot, because you can feel everything as he’s holding you against him. You start to giggle because it’s all so ridiculous. “Hey!”
Chan nuzzles his face into your shoulder, giggling mischievously in a way that is not so subtle. “Yes?”
“You—” you have to break off in laughter as his hands connect behind your back, pulling you even closer to him “—I’m trying to stay dry!”
Chan lifts his head from your shoulder and stares at you with innocent quizzical eyes. “I can’t let you know that I’m proud of you?”
“No—you can, it’s just—you can’t do it when you’re dry?”
“Hmm, not this time.” Chan gives you a cheeky grin. “It’s a special occasion.”
You sigh, but can’t find it in you to be actually mad at him. “Fine. I’ll let it slide this time.”
Chan smiles fondly at you and presses a wet kiss to your forehead. “Good. Because,” his tone softens, and he makes sure you’re looking into his eyes, “I’m really, genuinely proud of you. You deserve that spot, and you’ll do so well once the semester starts.”
You smile at him. “Thank you, Chan. Your support really means a lot to me.”
Chan finally lets you go, and you step back from him, taking the towel for yourself. “Did you give me a hug just because you were hoping I’d take my wet clothes off?”
A blush colours Chan’s cheeks. “No,” he squeaks out.
You raise a teasing eyebrow at him. “Mmhmm. Sure.”
Once you’ve dried yourself off as best you can, you toss the towel to Chan and pick up your phone. You send a screenshot of your acceptance to your group chat with Seungmin, Lily, and Jeongin. The first two send congratulatory messages in response right away, and you respond to both of them.
It’s not until you’re back home that you notice that Jeongin never responded.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
The next day, as you’re walking to class, you spot Jeongin coming from the opposite direction. You wave to him, expecting him to give you a sunny grin and a wave back, but Jeongin does neither of those things—instead, he frowns, looks down at his phone, and spins around in the opposite direction.
Your brow furrows. That was the worst fake reason to not come to class you’d seen in a while. Instead of stepping inside your classroom, you follow Jeongin, back down the hallway, into the stairwell. He’s already halfway down the stairs when you call his name.
Jeongin sighs and looks up at you. “What?”
You frown. “Are you not coming to class?”
“Why do you care?” Jeongin mumbles bitterly. “You can skip with me, seeing as you got your Master’s acceptance.”
You blink. “So you did see my message yesterday.”
“Yeah.” Jeongin looks down to his shoes, kicking slightly at invisible pebbles. “I did. Congrats, or whatever.”
A small seed of unease plants itself in your chest. You shift your weight before speaking slowly. “I… kind of thought you would be happy for me. You were happy when I told you that Professor Kim wanted to help me.”
“Yeah, I was.” Jeongin sighs. “I didn’t think you’d actually get in.”
“Well, I kind of thought my art needed improvement, too.” You laugh, but it’s a shaky exhale. “But Professor Yang helped a lot, and now I’m in!”
Jeongin stiffens up at the mention of your mentor, his shoulders tensing, jaw set. “Yeah. He really did help you, didn’t he?”
Your friend’s voice is a cold knife dipped in poison, his dripping, chilling sarcasm tearing through any ease you have left in your body. The seed in your chest grows bigger, and when you speak, you’re quiet, unsure. “Why are you talking about him like that?”
Jeongin’s eyes, when they finally meet yours, are darkened wells overflowing with venom. “Because he”—he spits out the pronoun like it’s the bitterest substance to enter his mouth—“invests all his time on students who don’t actually need help, or his connections. You could have gotten the Masters just fine by yourself, but no, he made it seem like you needed his help to get in. My father took the time to ensure you got everything you dreamed of and more, while I had to fight tooth and nail for him to even consider me for a Masters. You took my place, Y/N. He replaced me with you and I hate him for it.”
Your mind is reeling at Jeongin’s rant, and somewhere in your head, the pieces click. Jeongin exiting Professor’s Yang’s office, eyes red and puffy. Jeongin looking down at the grass, saying that Professor Yang was brutal when it came to critical comments on art pieces. They even had the same last name—why hadn’t you understood sooner? “Professor Yang is your father?”
Jeongin exhales and drops his gaze, turning to rest against the banister so he’s not facing you. You can see his back quaking with anger. His fists are balled up at his sides, his knuckles white. His voice trembles, loud and vehement in his anger. “Yes, Y/N, he’s my father. He helped you when you didn’t need it and wouldn’t help his own son. And he didn’t just help you get accepted, he was your goddamn wingman!” Jeongin roars the last word at the wall, his voice a wounded snarl that makes you flinch. “He essentially set you up, and with Bang Chan of all people! A guy who has everything, who’s successful and has the world at his fingertips. And, you’re dating him now, so I guess I’m the fifth wheel. How on earth are you going to keep up a relationship with Mr. Perfect when you actually start your Masters? There’s no way you can maintain a relationship and get good grades in school.” Jeongin turns back around to face you, his lips curled maliciously in a sneer. “Look at me. I’m single, and I can’t even get into the program. What makes you think that trying to balance your career and your love life will work out?”
You become aware of your hands shaking—you’d been stunned into silence by Jeongin’s rant, too shocked to try to speak. When you open your mouth, your voice is just as shaky. “I—I don’t know. I’ve never tried… doing that.”
Jeongin laughs spitefully. “Trust me, it won’t go well for you. You’d be better off breaking up with Chan—he’ll only distract you when it comes time for you to focus and do your best.” Jeongin shoulders his bag and continues down the flight of stairs, out of the stairwell, leaving you with tears budding in your eyes and your hands clasped in a knot of anxiousness.
Your mind spins for a couple of seconds as you try to sort through what Jeongin had told you. His last words keep repeating in your head, but you try to shake them off. Chan wouldn’t distract you intentionally. He knew that getting into the Masters program was important to you and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize your chances at success.
An awful voice whispers a cruel, chilling suggestion: what if you got distracted yourself?
You hated to admit the voice had reason, but it was true to some extent. You’d never tried to balance schoolwork and a partner at the same time, and you weren’t sure if you could do it. Would you be so focused on spending time with Chan that you’d lose track of your priorities? You didn’t want to do that. A Masters degree meant so much to you—it was a chance at good job offers, some form of security that you would need if you were going to be successful in life. The more you thought about it, the more you listened to the voice and acknowledged that it had a point, the more you doubted your ability to balance both your love life and your future career. You’d heard stories of couples that had to take time apart to focus on school. Some of them ended up getting back together, others didn’t, but in all cases the couples found that it helped them focus on their studies and boost their grades.
Maybe that’s what you needed to do. Take some time apart. Just so you can ensure you’re able to get good grades at a time when it matters most.
“Y/N?”
You blink back to focus and look down the stairs to see Chan. You feel your heart soar and then crash, because he’s here to see you and this kind of excitement is exactly what Jeongin was talking about are two thoughts that hit you milliseconds apart from each other. “Hi Chan.”
“Is everything okay?” Chan’s brow is creased with worry, and he steps closer to you, gauging your expression. “I thought you were still in class—I was planning on surprising you, actually, but I guess you’re… done early? Or…”
Chan trails off, and all you can do is stare at him, the tug of sadness weighing you down. “Chan I… I’m worried.” As soon as you start speaking you can’t stop, the emotions from bearing the weight of Jeongin’s rant overflowing and spilling out of your mouth. “I can’t stop thinking about you, and I should be thinking about my Masters. I’m worried that I’m going to get too distracted, and that because I can’t stop thinking about you, I won’t be able to focus on doing well in my Masters and getting a job and being stable and secure in life.”
Chan listens, then gently reaches out to take your hand. Your fingertips graze against his as he speaks softly. “Y/N… you know I’d never do anything to distract you from achieving your dream.”
“I know, but I can’t guarantee that I won’t get distracted. I’m worried that I’ll prioritize spending time with you over doing well on my studies. And you mean so much to me, Chan. You really do. But this degree does as well.” You slip your fingers out of his.
Chan’s eyes are shining. He rubs his ear with one of his hands a couple of times before speaking. “So you’re… are we… breaking up?”
A tear finally makes its way down your cheek, and your heart cracks in half at his question. “No, please, don’t say that. I don’t want to break up with you. I just… want to make sure I can get good grades without being distracted. I don’t want to end us, but I just… want to pause it for a bit.”
Chan stares at you, his eyes dark and sad and full. It hurts to look at him, but his response hurts you even more. “Okay.”
You blink. “You’re… okay with that? With everything I just told you?”
Chan takes a deep breath, then speaks. “I understand where you’re coming from. Focusing on your career is important, and I want to support you every step of the way. Even if supporting you means taking a step back from you. I can… I can do that for you.”
You can feel your heart shatter, because you know you’re hurting him, and somehow, he’s okay with it. “I’m sorry.”
Chan offers you a sad smile. “I’m sorry too.”
You once heard somewhere that a thing can only hurt you for as long as you love it. And as you stand with Chan in the stairwell, you fear he’ll be hurt because of you for a very, very long time.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
Chan is not a selfish man.
It’s one of the things he prides himself on—putting others before himself and ensuring they were secure first is his form of safety. If he can take care of people around him, he feels at ease. So when you tell him you want to take some time apart, because it will help you succeed—Chan agrees. Because he wants you to succeed, whether or not he’s actively part of your life.
Chan trusts you. He trusts your decision, because you know yourself best. But he can’t help but notice that as you’re suggesting something that should help you succeed, you don’t look very happy. And that causes him to worry about you.
The first day after your… suggestion, he walks by the river where he watched you draw. He wonders if you’d been back there to sketch since you’d been there with him. He pulls out his phone, and he gets as far as actually opening his text conversation with you, fingers hovering over the keyboard to ask you just that, when the concern hits him like a freight train.
He shouldn’t.
Not he can’t or he won’t—he shouldn’t. It wouldn’t be good for you. And Chan wants what’s best for you.
But as he exits out of the app, he can’t ignore that he wants to.
The next couple of days are some variation of the same cycle—he sees something that reminds him of you, goes to contact you, then stops himself because you said he shouldn’t. Every single time, he wishes he did. He knows the longer he waits, the more stilted and awkward it will be when he does finally crack and text you. Or maybe it won’t be. Chan’s never gotten to this awkward phase in a relationship before; he hasn’t gotten this far in a relationship at all. He doesn’t have the strange finality that comes with a bad breakup, where he knows he can’t, shouldn’t, won’t text you. If it was a proper breakup, at least he’d know that you absolutely didn’t want anything to do with him.
But you didn’t word it like that. It’s taking time apart, not I don’t want to see you again. Chan doesn’t know if he’s crossing the line by texting you. And so, he creates a rule for himself: If you don’t text him, he won’t text you. Taking time apart was on your terms, after all. It’s only fair, out of respect for what you want. And whatever you want, Chan wants.
It’s not until the fourteenth day after your… suggestion, when he’s sprawled out on his bed, staring at your contact name for the nth time that week, that he wishes he could have been more selfish.
Next thing Chan knows, he’s walking down the sidewalk on your street. He won’t be forceful, he won’t even knock on the door, but he just… needs to see you. To check if you’re really okay, if your decision to take some time apart truly was helping.
He’s about three houses away when your front door opens. Chan freezes, then ducks into the driveway of the house he’s closest to, seeking cover in the large green shrubs your neighbour has on their lawn. He peeks through the green foliage, hoping no one else is around to wonder what on earth he’s doing.
You exit the house, Lily by your side. She says something Chan can’t hear, and you laugh. A big, loud, happy laugh that makes Chan’s chest ache in want. He wishes you were closer to him so that he could pull you in for a hug, kiss your forehead and tell you that he loves your laugh. You begin walking away from him, chattering away with Lily about something you were clearly excited about. Chan waits until you disappear from his sight before standing back up and turning around, heading back the way he came.
You looked happy. And if you were happy, then Chan should be happy for you.
But Chan is unhappy.
If he’s honest with himself, he’s been unhappy since the day you suggested taking time apart. He’s disappointed in himself, for not being more assertive, for feeling so selfish about this whole thing. Why couldn’t he be content with just knowing you were happy?
He knows the answer is because he wants you back. But admitting it makes him feel wrong, because he’s not supposed to be selfish. He doesn’t know how to be selfish—speaking up for what he wants was never something he learned.
The ugly claws of selfishness grip him tightest when he sees you four days later, eighteen days after you said you wanted a break. You and him are both in the café, the same one where Jisung spilled coffee on you all that time ago. He’s waiting for his drink, you’re just entering the place, but he sees you and wants you and misses you even though you’re right in front of him.
You meet his eyes and give him a small smile. Hesitant, like you don’t know what the limits of this whole situation are either.
It also kind of makes him feel like a stranger. And he hates that.
You don’t come over, you don’t initiate conversation, so Chan follows his rule again: if you don’t initiate it, he won’t either. He gets his drink and leaves, a lump of sadness swelling in his throat. He feels selfish, and it feels awful, but by now, he realizes he can’t shove it away by will alone. He can only feel it and wait until you come back.
Or until he asks for you to come back. Whichever he’s brave enough to do first.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
It’s been twenty-one days since you’d talked with Chan. Not that you’re keeping track or anything.
Your grades and performance in class are decent, but they’re no better than before you decided to take a break. Which leads you to the conclusion that Chan hadn’t been a distraction at all. If anything, you were more distracted now that you shouldn’t see him. You’re not sad—you don’t spend your time crying, missing him and wishing you hadn’t said what you did. But you do feel… hollow. Like something’s just slightly off-balance. Like he’s missing from your life.
But he doesn’t message you. Doesn’t try to contact you. So you don’t either.
Would he think you’re selfish for changing your mind, for asking him to come back? Would he not like you for putting him through three weeks of radio silence, just to text him out of the blue and say “actually, I’ve changed my mind, please come back”?
He might. He’s not obligated to come back to you either. It’s a pill that’s a lot harder to swallow than you’d like to admit.
On the evening of this twenty-first day, you find yourself by the river, the same one where Chan watched you sketch. The burbling of the water over rocks is white noise in your ears as you doodle a face, the setting sun casting a shadow of your pencil across your page.
The setting sun also signals to you that it’s time for you to finish up, so you pack up your sketchbook and tuck it back in your bag, then stand. You turn back around towards the sidewalk, to begin walking home, and you freeze.
Frizzy, curly dark hair. The duffle bag. Those beautiful brown eyes, now wide with panic. “I—uh—hi.”
It’s so strange to finally hear his voice after three weeks. “Hi.”
Chan seems unsure, fearful of making the wrong move. He grips at his duffle bag strap for a bit before blurting, “I wasn’t watching you. I mean—yes, I was watching you—but I only stopped for a second—to see if it was really you. Not like—spying on you.”
You nod, and go with the only script that seems like it will fit for the moment. “How have you been?”
It’s not the right script. You know as soon as the words leave your mouth that it’s too impersonal—it doesn’t address anything. But you’re not sure if Chan wants to talk to you about… the things that need addressing. You were the one that pushed him away, after all.
He swallows. “I’m… fine. How… how are you?”
So he’s going with the script. You look down to the grass. “I’m doing okay.”
“That’s good.”
You nod. You can’t think of anything else to say to him without breaking from the script, which hurts, so you settle for, “I’m actually just finishing up, so I need to… get back home.”
“Oh.” Chan takes an awkward half-step back. “I guess I should let you go, then.”
You nod and move past him, heading back down the road on your way home. Your heart is sinking, because that wasn’t how you’d wanted the interaction to go at all. But now that you’ve ended the conversation, you can’t just turn around and keep talking to him.
It’s quiet for five long seconds, and then everything happens at once. Hurried insistent footsteps behind you, arms—his arms—brushing past your waist and around your middle, stopping you where you stand. The warmth of his body pressing up behind yours, solid and soft all at once. Mint, orange and vanilla when you inhale.
“Wait.”
Chan’s voice is wrought with desperation, the single syllable puncturing your heart and rooting you to the spot. He inhales shakily. “I’ve never been selfish about anything, so I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know anything about how this is supposed to work. Can you… not let me learn how this is supposed to work? All I know is that… I want you with me.” His hands cling to you, pulling you back against him just a tiny bit tighter. He buries his face in your shoulder. “Please.”
Chan is crying. His tears are hot on your shirt, his torso shaking against yours with muted sobs. You feel him exhale a hot breath against your skin, another “please” whispered, a cracked plea for you.
There’s a lump in your throat as your hands find his forearms. Gently, carefully, you rub his arms until he loosens his grip, allowing you to turn around and face him, to see his red tear-stained face. You reach up and wipe away his tears with your thumb, cupping his face in your hand. He leans into your touch, his eyes dark and watery as he waits for you to do something, anything. You swallow the lump in your throat. “Okay.”
Chan smiles as more tears spring to his eyes, and then he’s pulling you in for another hug, pressing kisses to the top of your head as you bury yourself in his embrace. You hold on to him just as tight, and you hear him whisper “thank you” as he begins to rock the two of you side to side. And then it’s quiet, and all you can hear is the steady rhythm of his heart.
“I was worried I would lose you forever.”
You lift your head to meet his eyes. “You could never lose me. Not even for a moment.”
Chan smiles again. His eyes are warm. “So we’re back together now?”
You nod. “I won’t just get distracted by you. You’re going to be the center of my focus now.”
“I like that,” Chan admits shyly. You giggle, and he steps back from you. “You said you needed to get home?”
You nod. “Would you like to come with me? We could… watch Netflix or something.”
Chan nods and takes your hand, interlacing your fingers with his. “Okay.”
Getting back home is quiet. The two of you don’t speak the entire way back to your place. Chan’s hand stays glued to yours, his thumb running over the back of your hand comfortingly every so often.
It’s not until you’re actually in your room, with Chan sitting on your bed with his back against your headboard, that you speak up. “I think Lily’s out with Seungmin. She told me to not expect her back tonight.”
“Oh.” Chan nods as you sit next to him, the mattress dipping a bit. “So we can… watch Netflix all we want?”
“Yeah.” You raise your eyebrow at him. “Or something.”
When the realization hits him, it’s adorable, because you can actually see it—a deepening blush from the tips of his ears down his neck and up to his cheeks. His mouth opens and closes a few times, and then he giggles. “Oh. Right.” Then he sobers up, and his eyes fall on your lips. You look at his lips too.
The kiss is different this time. It’s familiar, yes—same scent, same feeling of his soft lips against yours. But Chan lingers more. His breath is warm against your skin in between each time his lips fit against yours. His kisses are drawn-out, languid and loving. Every brush of his lips against yours causes you to melt, and your head relaxes back enough to rest against the wall. One of his hands reaches out and slides up your neck, fingertips resting against your jaw as he kisses you.
Your hands reach forward, finding the front of his shirt and bunching it up in your fists, making him lean further into you as you shift on the mattress again, turning your torso so that you can face him completely. Your knee nudges against his thigh as you move, and Chan’s other hand finds your hip, his fingers dipping beneath the hem of your shirt to rub back and forth over your skin. There’s a soft noise in the back of your throat, and Chan pulls himself back, making your eyes flutter open.
His lips are swollen, slightly redder than they were a minute or two ago. His cheeks are flushed—he looks a bit dazed, his eyes half-open and heavy-lidded. “It might be more comfortable if we were lying down,” he murmurs.
You nod and scoot yourself down on the bed, laying on your side so you’re facing Chan. He mirrors your actions, and you watch as his shirt rides up a couple of inches, exposing the tiniest sliver of skin to your eyes. You can feel that your shirt has done the same as you lean in to capture his lips in another kiss. His hands find your skin again, and this time you copy him, letting your fingertips wander up the side of his body, just a little bit underneath his shirt.
You let your nails graze against his skin, and Chan shivers—something you wouldn’t have noticed if you weren’t touching him. His jaw slackens as his kisses become more open-mouthed, and then his hand leaves your side. He reaches over and across you to change the angle of the kiss, his forearm planting itself next to your head as he shifts his weight up over you. His legs tangle with yours, hips resting half on top of you as his kisses grow more insistent, roaming from your lips to your jaw with quiet hums. Warmth washes over your body, and you reach up with both hands to find his torso again. It’s not long before he gets the hint and pulls away from you. Once he rids himself of his shirt he leans back down to you, pressing his lips to your neck. Soon your clothing joins his in a pile on the floor.
It’s impossible to name all of Chan’s qualities—attentive, gentle, and caring come to mind immediately, but there are so many more things he makes you feel, so many more he shows you as he kisses you, as his hands hold you like you’re a masterpiece. You’re creating your own masterpiece in your head, but this time instead of using paints or charcoal or pencils, you use Chan. Every sound he makes, every inch of skin you feel under your fingertips, every movement goes on your canvas. He’s your masterpiece, just as you are his, and you’d have it no other way.
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
Sunlight streams in through the curtains as you crack your eyes open. You stretch your fingertips out, only to be met with a mattress and sheets. Your brow furrows, and you open your eyes further to confirm that Chan isn’t next to you. There’s a note next to your head.
Come into the kitchen, I’ve got something for you
You smile and sit up, rolling off the bed to root around in the pile of clothes on the floor. You find shorts and a black shirt and tug them on, the scent of mint, orange and vanilla enveloping you as you step out of the bedroom.
Chan hears your bare feet padding on the hardwood as you enter the kitchen and turns around to face you from the stove. “Good morning.”
You smile sleepily at him. “Morning.”
“I, uh,”—Chan gestures towards the stove, and you register the sizzle of batter in a pan, the warm syrupy scent drifting towards your nose—“made pancakes for us. If you want.”
You cross the kitchen and reach out for a hug, and Chan almost pulls you in, then stops and holds you at arm’s length. “Are you wearing my shirt?” You nod, and he grins before finally connecting your bodies. “You’re so cute.”
“Thank you for making pancakes.” Your speech is muffled since you’re speaking against his skin.
Chan hums. “It’s nothing.”
You pull back to stare at him. “No one’s ever made me pancakes before. It’s something.”
“I guess you’re right,” Chan allows. You take a step back to allow him to turn and flip the pancake that’s currently cooking, and he nods towards a plate of warm, steaming pancakes beside the stove. “Those are ready, if you’re hungry.”
You oblige and take a pancake, putting it on its own separate plate before sitting down at the table. You drizzle the right amount of syrup, cut off a piece and pop it in your mouth. Your eyes widen. “Wow.”
“Good?”
“Yeah.” You tear off another piece of pancake, putting it in your mouth and damn near moaning at how good it tastes. “Wow, I love you.”
A couple seconds go by before Chan chuckles. “Me or the pancake?”
You grin and stand up from the table, coming over to Chan and taking his face in his hands. You press a kiss to his lips in between every word. “I—” kiss “—love—” kiss “—you.” One more kiss, just in case.
Chan’s staring at you in adoration again. “I love you too, Y/N.” He kisses you once more before commenting, “You taste like syrup… I might have to kiss you again to make sure there’s none of it left on your lips.”
You raise an eyebrow at him. “You should do that, then.”
Chan reaches up to cup your face and pull you in, smiling at you. “It would be my pleasure.”
◇─◇──◇─────◇──◇─◇
copyright 2021 lixesque, all rights reserved
730 notes · View notes
fizzydrink698 · a month ago
Text
ease | chan
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pairing: bang chan/reader
word count: 2.5k
genre: romance, historical fantasy au
warnings: steam (literally), sexual tension you could cut with a knife, great appreciation for chan and his shoulders, idk the thunderous mv made me feel things
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summary:
He didn’t take long to melt under your gentle attentions, letting out a small sigh as you massaged his scalp, fingers occasionally sliding down to his temples to slowly ease away the tension built up there.
“You’re good at this,” he remarked, eyes drifting to a close.
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part of the six month anniversary drabble event!
prompt: “can i do your hair?”
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“He’s occupied at the moment. Specifically requested that no one disturb him.”
The guard to the bathhouse wasn’t budging. In a way, you wanted to commend him for being so committed to his orders.
If only that thoroughness wasn’t directly stopping you from doing your job.
“Chan also ‘specifically requested’ I go straight to him the moment I got news on the Haeju mission,” you told him, standing firm. “And guess what I have?”
“If it’s urgent,” the guard replied. “I can pass on the information.”
You frowned, eyeing him carefully. From his accent, he was local to the area. Young enough that his hair and beard were still entirely black, but certainly older than the men he guarded. Old enough to have a wife, maybe a child or two.
He was loyal to the Thunderous cause – all the locals were, that was why this town was chosen as the base of operations.
But that potential family was a weak point. It made him susceptible to the promise of money, of enough funds to keep his children fed through the next winter.
With enough gold, someone could buy any sensitive information he had.
“…No. No, it has to come from me,” you stated. “Now, let me in.”
“I already said–”
“I heard you. Let me in.”
The guard, by this point visibly irritated, opened his mouth to bark out another refusal – when a familiar voice from inside cut him off.
“Who is it?”
You tried to hide your smile as the guard reluctantly turned, opening the door to give Chan your name.
Chan’s response was almost immediate. “Is it about Haeju? Let them in, quick.”
It was hard not to be smug as you marched past the guard, head high as you entered the bathhouse.
To your surprise, the room is almost completely empty. You knew Chan liked his privacy, but it was rare for a person to bathe alone – especially someone of his status.
And yet, there he was. Sitting up in the bath, eyes fixed on you.
He was certainly a sight to behold. While there was enough soap and oils and fragrances in the water to turn it cloudy and obscure the lower half of his body beneath it, he was still very much naked. His skin was flushed from the heat of the water, and it seemed he must have been reclining before your arrival, because there were still droplets of water trailing down his chest, gleaming in the light of the torches.
You swallowed, taking great care to keep your composure. You knew Chan wouldn’t take well to being ogled so openly.
“Did something happen in Haeju?” Chan demanded, voice tight with worry.
You stepped forward on impulse, hands up as if to physically assuage his concerns. “My sources all say the mission went well. Perfectly, even.”
“And Felix?” Chan asked. With his shoulders bare, you could see just how they looked when tensed.
“He’s safe. But there was a close call on the Gyeonggi-do border with some royal soldiers. They got away safely, but they won’t be back for another week. They’re sticking to the backroads, just to be careful.”
Chan took in this information with a quiet nod, relaxing just a little. He sighed, finally, and ran a hand over his face. “I never should have sent them so far west, not alone. Something could still happen.”
“Felix is careful. He’ll be alright. And if he’s already in Gyeonggi-do, the worst is over.”
“True,” Chan admitted, still sounding troubled.
With your report over, you technically had no more reason to be here, interrupting Chan’s personal time.
But he hadn’t dismissed you yet, and you found yourself reluctant to leave.
“It’s not like you to use the bathhouse so late at night,” you noted.
“I thought it would…I don’t know, relax me? If I got some time alone.”
“Has it?”
Chan paused, before sighing. “No. Honestly, with nothing to distract me, it’s just made it worse. My thoughts keep racing.”
You glanced around the room, more for show than anything else. You’d already given the place a once-over when you first entered. “No attendants? Talking to them might help. Even if it’s not Thunderous-related.”
Chan laughed. “It’s hard to think of anything in mu life that isn’t related to Thunderous. But no, I…”
Chan trailed off, and the flush of his cheeks deepened.
“I’m still not used to attendants seeing me bathe. I wasn’t…brought up with this. Being around people in public baths is one thing, but…well, it’s different. It’s different when people are fully-clothed, I think. More embarrassing.”
You blinked, before raising an eyebrow at him. He didn’t catch on immediately, not until your hands reached up to the first tie of your jeogori, fingers making quick work of undoing the knot.
Chan’s eyes widened, cheeks burning, as he stumbled to correct himself. “I-I meant…”
Second tie undone.
“I didn’t mean…you don’t have to…”
Third tie. Fourth tie. Your jeogori was already sliding down your shoulders, revealing the thin linen shirt underneath.
You allowed Chan to flounder for just a few seconds more, enjoying yourself immensely, before you took mercy. “I know. But it’s very fun to tease you sometimes, Leader Bang.”
He made a face at your use of his official title. “…Yes, well, shouldn’t leaders be shown respect?”
“On the contrary, I think all great leaders need to be teased, just a little. For their own sakes,” you argued, smiling, as you undid the final knot. The jeogori slipped off easily, falling to the ground with a muted thud. Its absence was an immediate relief, in the heat and humidity of this steam-filled room.
It also didn’t escape your notice that the shedding of your jeogori was a good indicator that you intended to stay for a while – that you wouldn’t be making any kind of polite, hurried exit without Chan’s dismissal.
And still, Chan had not dismissed you.
“You might be right,” Chan said slowly, changing the subject of conversation. “About how talking to someone here can help. With relaxing.”
“I’m glad to hear it. It’s nice to know my prattling on has some benefits.”
Chan’s lips quirked up into a half-smile. “I just…I like that you talk to me like a normal person.”
“Good. I’m not about to stop now,” you grinned.
Then, a thought crossed your mind. Carefully, gently, like you’re trying not to spook a horse, you took another step forward – and made a proposition.
“If you don’t mind…can I do your hair?”
Chan blinked in surprise, lips parting just slightly. “Uh…what?”
“It’s something I used to do for my family. Combing it through, talking to them, easing their worries a little. I haven’t…” you paused, looking away as you swallowed thickly. “I haven’t done it for a long time. I…miss it.”
Your quiet confession was not lost on Chan – especially considering how rarely you showed this vulnerable side of yourself – and after a few moments…
“…Alright. If you’d like.”
You smiled, before quickly rolling up the sleeves of your shirt. “OK. Let’s get to work.”
There was already a place for you to sit at the edge – purposely built for the use of attendants for exactly this task. You claimed the seat immediately, quiet as you waited for Chan to adjust his position. With every movement, the clouded water sloshed dangerously close to the edge, threatening to spill over.
His head was warm as he slowly – almost nervously – leaned back into your hands. You reached for a nearby jug to douse your hands with warm water, and then you begin.
Your hands are careful, gentle, as you run them through his hair. He would need a moment to get used to something so intimate – and you knew him to be nervous enough to back out at the first sign of embarrassment.
So, you stayed slow, soft, wetting his hair as best you could before reaching for the oils.
He didn’t take long to melt under your gentle attentions, letting out a small sigh as you massaged his scalp, fingers occasionally sliding down to his temples to slowly ease away the tension built up there.
“You’re good at this,” he remarked, eyes drifting to a close.
“I have enough practice,” you replied, simply.
In truth, your attention was entirely taken up by the vibrant colour of his hair as it slipped between your fingers. Under the light of the torches, it seemed to burn a countless number of shades – reds, oranges, such a stark contrast to the startling blue flames he and his Thunderous cohorts could summon.
“I’m curious. Has your hair always been this colour?”
Chan’s eyes remained closed as he answered easily. “No, I actually had dark hair when I was young. It turned like this when my powers came.”
That was an interesting way to phrase it – as if to him, his powers weren’t his own, they were something else outside of him, something strange and foreign that came to him – not something he’d had inside his whole life.
“It’s a lovely colour,” you commented, slowing as you admired the way it looked twisted around your fingers. “Very vivid.”
“Thank you,” Chan responded, and you’re almost surprised at the absence of any bashfulness, at any embarrassed rejection. That was how deeply he had relaxed under your soothing hands.
You fell quiet as you continued to massage him, watching him loosen, hearing his breaths slow and deepen as time went on. You’d have to be careful he didn’t fall asleep entirely, and slip under the water.
It was to your surprise, then, that Chan spoke up suddenly.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“…How do people see us? The Thunderous?”
You took a moment to consider your answer, turning thoughtful. “I think…they see what you do. How you want to defend them, how you work with communities, you’re not trying to lord over them. I think any hesitation to support you comes from fear of the king, not from any apprehensions about you.”
“The royals always call us ‘rebels’,” Chan said, with a sigh. “We’re not rebels, we never were. I wish they saw that…we’re just trying to help the people that need us. We’re not after the throne.”
“You’re not rebels,” you agreed, reassuring him.
“And the townspeople, they don’t…they don’t think we’re burdening them? Staying here?”
“Oh, here? In this town? They love you,” you said with a grin. “They’ve almost doubled our food supplies just with donations.”
Chan’s eyes snapped open, alarmed. “They shouldn’t’ be giving us their food-”
You hushed him with a look. “It takes a very brave man to tell a farmer what he can and can’t do with his crops. Especially in this town.”
He sighed. “Still.”
“They want to support you,” you tell him, your hands easing over his head. “They see how you lead. You’re doing well. You’re smart. Careful. Capable.”
Chan’s gaze stayed fixed on you. His expression was unreadable.
You just gave him a small smile. “Let’s get this rinsed.”
You were both silent for the next few moments, as you used the jug to rinse his hair, hands a little firmer on him but still taking great care. Soon enough, you’re done, hands stilling on his head as you took a moment to look him over. Taking a chance, you allowed yourself to run your hands through his hair one more time, fingertips brushing his ears, trailing down to the nape of his neck. You paused again, before continuing on, parting your hands to smooth across his shoulders, resting them gently.
Despite your concerns, his shoulders were loose – not a hint of tension, as if they welcomed your touch.
“Done,” you said, softly, still reluctant to pull away. “Want me to comb it too?”
“…Yes,” Chan answered, voice just as quiet as yours. “Please.”
You picked up a wide-toothed comb, perfect for detangling, and got to work.
Fortunately, your thorough attention to detail with the oil allowed the comb to pass freely through his hair – barely encountering any tangles or knots at all. In fact, you wondered if this might be just as soothing as your hands, the way it glided along so smoothly.
Chan’s next question made you pause.
“Why did you decide to join us?”
That…that wasn’t an easy question to answer.
Silently, you moved the comb away, and pushed yourself up to your feet.
Immediately, Chan was alarmed at your sudden withdrawal, already turning to face you–
When he found you knelt by his side, holding up the comb. “Sorry. Just needed to get to the front.”
Chan blinked. “…Oh.”
“I didn’t mean to panic you,” you continued, that teasing edge returning.
Chan scowled, even as his face warmed. “I wasn’t panicked.”
Your smirk was undeniable as you carefully reached up to start on Chan’s parting. As you worked, the hand without a comb in it found its way to Chan’s shoulder again, allowing you to steady yourself on him. Your grip was firm, curved around the bulge of his muscle there.
There was a simple answer to Chan’s question, an answer that countless people gave – that you had seen the proof of his and Thunderous brethren, seen the bright blue flames they could conjure and use to keep people safe from harm – but you could tell that wasn’t an answer Chan was looking for.
“I like what you stand for,” you said quietly, not missing the way Chan’s eyes caught on you. “You protect the weak. You fight against injustice. You work hard, with the best of intentions.”
You slowly lowered the hand holding the comb, attention turning away briefly to set the comb on the side. The hand on Chan’s shoulder remained.
You turned back, and made sure to look Chan right in the eyes.
“You’re making the world a better place than how you found it.”
Chan stared back, stunned into silence by your words, even if just for a moment.
“…Thank you,” he finally murmured, voice heavy with emotion.
The moment drew out between the two of you, silence settling in as you stared at each other.
Before Chan’s eyes lowered, gaze dropping to your mouth, and your breath caught in your throat.
One second passed. Two.
And Chan cleared his throat, thrown suddenly back into self-consciousness, quickly tearing his eyes away.
You stared after him for a second, still trying to process what had just happened, the moment the two of you had just shared.
Chan had been about to kiss you.
Still, able to read the room and see the tangle of thoughts that were now brewing in Chan’s head, you rose to your feet.
“I’ll leave you to finish up,” you said, gently, before turning on your heel.
There was a new energy to your step as you walked, pausing only to bend down and retrieve your jeogori. You glanced back to Chan one last time as you opened the door, catching the way he stared after you, eyes burning.
You smiled at him, returning his look, before letting the door shut between you.
Your smile only widened as you walked away, jeogori thrown over your arm, the night air refreshingly cool against your skin.
Seducing the rebellion’s leader would be easier than you thought.
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taglist:
@buntrsh @liz820 @sunnyville36 @sleepylixie @healinghyunjin @randombutyeah @aliceu @laikaya @the7thcrow @woofwoofbangbang @lynx-paw @im-questioning-my-existence​
475 notes · View notes
sulfurcosmos · 2 months ago
Text
Lover of Mine
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university!au - fluff, angst, crack humour (kind of. i’m not very funny 🥴)
music major!bang chan x english major!reader
description: she doesn’t hate him, she just... doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. “it’s bad for my heart”, she claims. and she succeeds for a whole year until her clown of a friend felix, decides to take up music production as a summer extra credit unit knowing absolutely nothing about writing lyrics or composing. now who else to ask for help other than a creative writing major who specialises in poetry, and the best music production student on campus?
general warning: my characters swear quite a bit. it’s probably in every episode sksksks. so um... yes.
A/N: do let me know if you would like to be on the taglist or something! i'm a new blog so i've got like...2 followers 😭😂
p.s. pay attention to the timestamps in the chats and tweets ✌🏻
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episode 1 - pilot (meet the gang)
episode 2 - clownlix
episode 3 - the awesome threesome
episode 4 - there goes the ship
episode 5 - lock and key
episode 6 - starbucks date?
episode 7 (part 1) - somebody else
episode 7 (part 2) - lino’s new hoe
episode 8 - late night rendezvous
episode 9 - when hannie met jinnie
episode 10 - hyunjin memes
episode 11 - welcome to the foresome
episode 12 - a series of unfortunate events
episode 13 (part 1) - never too busy for you
episode 13 (part 2) - i found you
episode 14 - the crash...
episode 15 - ...and burn
episode 16 - stop acting like my therapist
episode 17 (part 1) - hyunjin’s off switch
episode 17 (part 2) - apple slices in the parking lot
episode 18 - d*caf
episode 19 - lost in the rain
episode 20 - you want me to romance you?
episode 21 - felix’s kink
episode 22 - game night
episode 23 - rekha and minho
bonus episode - the art of flirting
episode 24 (part 1) - aren’t we already dating?
episode 24 (part 2) - hyunjin’s pollen allergies
episode 25 - why is love so difficult?
episode 26 (part 1) - confusion
episode 26 (part 2) - frustration
episode 27 - not in the same way
episode 28 (part 1) - ilysb
episode 28 (part 2) - bros and bro wives
episode 29 - pretty man with pretty freckles
episode 30 - football highlights
bonus episode - changbin’s tinder disaster
episode 31 - can i be him?
episode 32 (part 1) - basic love songs
episode 32 (part 2) - can’t get you outta my head
episode 33 - road to spotlight
episode 34 - sunflower
episode 35 - almost
episode 36 (part 1) - serial rick roller
episode 36 (part 2) - yellow
episode 37 (part 1) - afterparty
episode 37 (part 2)
episode 37 (part 3)
episode 38 - aftermath
episode 39 - lovely jisung
episode 40 - how to say i love you
episode 41 (part 1) - devdas
episode 41 (part 2) - lino’s favourites
episode 42 (part 1) - i love you
episode 42 (part 2) - stay here darling
episode 43 - idiot watch
episode 44 (part 1) - bright lights and rainy nights
episode 44 (part 2) - 24 hour flower shop
episode 45 - felix’s project
episode 46 - john legend’s wife
episode 47 (part 1) - corona borealis
episode 47 (part 2) - felix’s parents
episode 48 (epilogue) - lover of mine
thank you! (interview with the 8some)
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lover of mine extra blurbs
ask my muse - search the hashtag for all the asks ^^
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changbinsgirlfriend · 24 days ago
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okay so it’s 2am and i was reading imagines for skz and i saw like a ‘what it would be like to bath with stray kids’ thingy and i was like oh cute, turned out it was smutty and as a borderline asexual with no sex drive i was kinda sad so i decided to make my own :)
( by the way this is no hate to the author and i know that lots of people enjoy smut, i just personally am i fluff fan. so i hope you all enjoy this! <3 )
chan — okay so it’s so chill. like he would light some candles, turn the lights off and set up whatever show you guys are watching together on your laptop so you can watch it in the bath together. he’ll sit behind you with you between his legs and your back pressed to his chest and he will be super soft, giving you a massage and kissing your shoulders and whispering really sweet things in your ear like how much he loves you and how proud he is of you.
and as we know from when he washed felix’s hair, he is very good at what he does and would so have you lie back and give you a whole head massage while washing and conditioning your hair (and trust me i work at a hair dressers it is not as easy as it looks 😧). he would also so try and braid it while it’s soaking wet. just loving the closeness of it all.
lee know — okay so i love lee know i really so, but i feel like he would be so fucking annoying if you tried to bath with him. like he would complain that it’s uncomfy and how much he hates having baths and that you two should have showered together. but eventually with a lot of persuasion he will mellow out and relax in the tub. you can definitely speed up this process by playing with his hair and putting on some chill music.
i also feel like he’s so tried to bring sooni, doongi or dori into the bath with you guys and it was literally a traumatic experience because like, it’s a cat in water and since then you refuse to bath with him. all in all, probably stick to showers with lee know.
changbin — changbin, my angel, the loml. baths with him are everything. i know that he isn’t usually a bath person, but for you. he’s willing to sacrifice an hour of his days because it makes you so happy. he also begins to secretly enjoy these baths, but only with you <33 so, he’s a big bath bomb fan i just know it, you guys probably have a stock of them for you weekly baths and know so much about them that the members definitely tease binnie. so yea, you set the vibes, the bath bomb in, soda to the side and a movie set up to watch. it’s literally the softest date ever that is so intimate and private but feels perfect for the two of you seeing as you can’t really go out much due to the (then) dating ban.
as for in the bath, i think it depends on the mood, sometimes he will sit behind you like with chan. but other times he likes you actually sat on his lap, your face pressed to his neck while you play with his hair and he can just hold you, his face pressed to the crown of your head planting kisses along from the crown to your lips. massages are a big yes on both sides, you both deserve them and the oils from the bath bomb makes it feel even better. he also has definitely sang to you in the bath a couple times when telling you about a new song he was working on and you ask to hear it. okay so as always, my changbin one is so drawn out but i will drag myself away and onto the next. would anyone be interested in my making this a full length drabble tho??? let me know <33
hyunjin — i’m torn between baths with hyunjin beings super romantic or the most messy experiences you ever have. but i’m gonna go with romantic because i’m in a fluffy mood. so he loves a good bath, so when you get involved it just gets even better, and the bath in the dorm is quite big or that’s what hyunjin and chan said, so i’m laying you two could probably sit side by side, still close because i mean, you gotta cuddle. and he has his head on yiur chest and yiy are just playing with his hair, stroking it, twirling it, twisting it idc you are in heaven because his hair is gorgeous. and he definitely lets you wash it and his shampoo is definitely like ross scented he just gives me that energy.
anyways, baths for you guys are reserved for chill nights only so you are high probably exhausted. eyes heavy and limbs stiff, so the water helps you both relax and just enjoy some time together when you can. lots of kisses, on the lips, on cheeks, him trailing down your neck, but never making it anything more than it was, just showing your love for one another through gentle caresses as you murmur quietly about everything and anything.
han — again, idk how i think baths with han would go. i feel like he would sit there for like two minutes and proceed to get really bored and start complaining. so if you want him to sit with you, you better have some entertainment planned or he’s gonna be climbing out in seconds. also, he seems like the type to bring food into the bath. like you guys would just bring in snacks and chill eating crisps and stuff because one why not and two it keeps jisung distracted.
if he’s feeling sleepy tho, he would definitely be down for cuddles in the bath, like you sideways over his lap with your arms around his neck and he will have his hands on your waist or under your thighs keeping you in place even though you had no intention of moving in the first place. all in all, sleepy han is cuddly han.
felix — ah, lee felix is a dream. truly. he loves bathing you you sm it’s his favourite thing in the world. and he makes it perfect. candles, check. your favourite bath bomb, check. bubbles, check. face masks and hair masks, check. a playlist of all your favourite music, check. maybe even some sneaky champagne. it’s like every pre teen girls sleep over but with your best friend/boyfriend. so yes, a classic pamper night with felix that usually happens on a sunday. this bath session can take from like an hour to five depending on how far the spar treatment goes but you absolutely adore every second.
sitting on his lap while applying face masks on one another. trying to kiss even when your skin is tight and giggling uncontrollably the whole time. helping each other wash them up with a wet cloth even though they could do it themself. omg i want a pamper night with felix rn ahhh. he also takes this time to praise you the entire time, literally showering you in compliments until you are red in the face. he just loves to treat you and make you feel special. you guys also have hundreds of bath photos together (appropriate of course 🙄) that you adore sm and probably have e v e r y w h e r e.
seungmin— okay so hear me out, acapella in the bath. his voice is fucking beautiful, pair that with a bathroom because they always have the best acoustics, you just booked yourself a free day 6 live performance tbh. and seungmin isn’t so big in pda, so i feel like i’m the bath he is more comfortable, having you sit beside him and holding hands, tracing his hand up and down your arm or along your sides. even having a little tiny make out session maybe.
but yea, sweet little singing moments, maybe him even teaching you a few harmonies (this is very self indulgent because i love to sing even if i’m terrible 😍) but if you tell anyone about these soft moments with him he will block you on everything. he also so brings out pet names during this time, like usually he tried to stick to your name, especially around other people. but in the bath, he’s throwing out angel and making you 🥺
jeongin — i.n, my beloved baby bread. so he is so shy about bathing with you so it’s probably only happened a handful of times because he’s very shy about being intimate with you with his things around even though even they know better than to interrupt you in times like this. but sometimes when he craves that closeness he will take your hand and lead you to the bathroom where a hot bubbly bath is drawn and instantly your heart just flutters because he’s so mf sweet and for what.
so for how you guys sit, i’m seeing sitting in opposite sides of the bath with just your feet touching so you can be face to face. occasionally leaning across to kiss each other sweetly while you talk. (if you have seen friends when monica and chandler bath together this is how i’m picturing it). so he probably isn’t big on cuddles in the bath but i think he would love washing your hair. he finds it really fascinating and also loves when you return the favour. i can also see baths for you guys just being and excuse to get some privacy, often gossiping about the members and giggling while you soak.
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