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angelguk · 7 years

Text

phases - yoongi scenario

Min Yoongi (Suga) - BTS

words - 1634

genre - angst, idol!au, breakup!au

prompt - “Not all love is gentle. Sometimes it’s gritty and dirty and possessive; sometimes it’s not supposed to be careful or soft at all. Sometimes it feels like teeth.” - Azra T.

Gentle

It’s cold. So unbelievably cold, you thought, as you wrapped the soft fabric of your coat around your shivering figure. The night sky was already looming ahead as you sprinted down the street, pearl white snow engulfing your boots with ease and eagerness. Your heels skidded and slithered but by the grace of the gods you managed to keep your feeble balance alive as you ran.

But what was chasing you? A man? No. A vicious rabid dog? No. Thugs carrying guns larger than your boss? No.

It was of course a simple frivolous thing that kept you running; past glass buildings reflecting nay blue skies, past hordes of people laughing and hugging each other with arms intertwined like the ivy leaves in your grandmother’s garden, past shops proclaiming an end to acne with flawless faces plastered on their clear windows. That simple thing that kept you running was love.

You could feel a furnace burning within your lungs as you willed your legs to pump faster and faster despite not having used them like this since you’d graduated school three years ago. But all you could think about is his short blond hair and warm brown eyes buried beneath icy façade. And that smile - that is when he smiles – which was often in your presence – gummy and absolutely adorable. And his peach toned lips which looked stunning against that snowy skin of his. You ran faster, tumbling down a street where you remember holding his hand for the very first time and later where your first kiss coincidentally happened.

Finally, when an eternity passed within yourself, you bend around the corner and breathe. He was standing there; alabaster snowflakes falling into his now grey hair. It’s for the new comeback that they’re having and you can’t help but remember fondly the nickname the other members gave him. But there’s something in his look that shakes you as his gaze finally falls on you.

Tucking a hand into the very depths of his periwinkle blue coat he turned to face you, not minding the people around you, in front of the café where we first meet. You could feel something amiss in his gaze and it causes a dam to swell and threaten with your eyes. You don’t know what to say because your throat was clogged up with words you can’t figure out; they stick in your throat, burning and acidic.

He doesn’t say anything either, he just stands there barely a meter away from your body looking at you – and you pathetically think, maybe his memorizes you. Because you were memorizing him. Every curve and every feature. Your body comes alive when it remembers the imprints of him all over your bare skin, like a lingering ghost. Yoongi stays staring impassively, brown eyes flickering rapidly as he looks at you one more time before slowly, slowly twisting away from you. You don’t see the wave of regret and remorse that crashes into his eyes when he turns – only the finality of his back speaking words unsaid.

That is when the ache begins, and it doesn’t stop even when you get home and drown yourself, uncharacteristically, in bottle after bottle of burgundy wine. Not when you crash into the sheets of your frozen bed. Not when you wake up.

Because he is gone. And you are now alone.

Tender

Over time, the ache doesn’t lessen, but you get used to it. Get used to feeling the strings of your heart tug forlornly when one of their songs happens to play on the radio. You don’t change the station but instead wait patiently until his part happens. And then you get the satisfaction of hearing the voice you dream about day and night before the feeling of pain overtakes your fragile body and you feel like punching your hands through every wall in the prison of your mind.

You go to work every day but now your heart is too preoccupied for you to really feel inspired like you used too. And you avoid the boys – all of them. Once or twice their manager has stopped you to ask where you’ve been and why the boys haven’t seen you around. He mentions Jungkook misses you but you’re too tired to care. Eventually the abrupt meetings with their manager stop because it’s been nearly a month and a half since your last meeting with Yoongi. And the boys are busy anyways – or so you hear. Booked for America, working on the last instalment of The Most Beautiful Moment in Life and performing all around Asia.

You wondered how Yoongi is doing of course. Whether he was sleeping right and not spending too many lengthy hours bordered up in the studio. Or what new lyrics he managed to pull from the crevices of his brain.

Or whether he thought about you.

You keep shoving that thought to the back of your mind but it has this ability, this power to creep up on you and pounce upon you at the strangest moments during the day. You remembered yesterday’s attack when you were out with Hanbyul and Taemin after they’d dragged you out of your office and insisted on barbeque for lunch. All throughout the outing – despite the good food – you couldn’t help by remember how you and Yoongi used to fight over who ate more meat in one sitting (it was in fact a tie because when meat was involved both of you were carnivores with appetites the size of a mansion.)

Your enter day was then ruined by thought of him. And you hated yourself for that, because even though he shattered you, you still loved every atom which made up his body. Sometimes you’d hope he’d coming knocking on your door again, asking for you back. Which wasn’t going to happen. Because he was going out with Solmi.

When you first heard of their relationship via a friend of yours the only emotion you could force out of your body was numbness. Your head didn’t spin with anger and jealousy nor did your heart scream out in pain. You just remained as frozen as you were when Yoongi left you deserted in the snow.

Maybe that was a sign you were finally getting over him.

Maybe.

But you didn’t think it was because you still thought about him, occasionally. Until the day you saw a photograph of them – Bangtan that is – plastered against a soaring skyscraper in Seoul. You didn’t think of him as Yoongi that day; but as the rapper Suga. Nothing more.

Maybe.

Fond

Everyone knew he missed you. It was as if his whole body was a beacon of despair signalling out to all beings, except you, of how miserable he was. On stage of course he didn’t show it; instead becoming the lethargic cheeky Suga they all loved, but when the glaring lights of the stage dimmed he thought of you.

About your smile and your bright dazzling eyes and the way you somehow always made him feel like he was needed. He’d always felt loved but never needed.

The boys tried to cheer him up – especially Jimin - but after a while the only thing that could stop him thinking and thinking about you was his music. Once he’d been in the studio late one night, trying to produce something good enough for the album - without critiquing his self too much – and he could swear he’d felt the heat of your body against his and your arms sliding down his chest while you whispered in his ear, urging him to eat something.

At times he felt guilty for keeping you late at night when you had classes in the morning but truthfully the room felt too empty without you there, simply breathing. Yoongi couldn’t sleep for the first week after you’d broken up. At all. He would stare at the white washed ceilings, with his bare arms exposed to the gaze of the moonlight, and run his fingertips up and down his own arms imaging they were yours.

Overtime the insomnia and the endless hours of practice caught up with him and he crashed for a whole day straight. His manager didn’t bother him and neither did the boys because they sort of, maybe, understood the turmoil that was shifting in his brain. Solmi didn’t notice, of course, since he only saw her when they needed to do a promotion together or a public outing. The fake relationship was never what he wanted in his music life, the focus should be on what he created and not whom he kissed, but this would help her gain attention in the public which she’d been generally lacking. He thought he was doing the right thing – hell he hoped he was doing the right thing. And his manager had personally requested he go through with this to help her. It was a good thing to help build someone’s image right? Especially when you already have your own.

The announcement of his relationship with Solmi did attract some hate but he was used to the negative comments by now; he didn’t even remotely care. But now and then, he’d sit alone in his studio, after a shoot with Solmi, and wonder if you were jealous. Not that he wanted to cause you pain but he just wanted the reassurance that you still wanted him. Because he wanted you - like hell. Every minute, every hour, and he hated that he hadn’t seen you in over a mouth. How had he managed to survive? Thank the countless stupid photos of yourself that you’d left on his phone. But as he stared at a picture of you smiling wider than the screen, he came to realize just how much he actually missed you.

a/n: this was my first post on my old account. it’s the “full” version as i only posted the gentle part.

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