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#barbarian logic
archersartcorner · 11 months
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Drew and took these pics a while ago but never posted them!! The OG Zac PC, and the special lil guy that initially appealed me to Zac’s characters :)
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What a guy :-)
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munchymunchkin · 10 months
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ervona · 6 months
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the placeholder name Tav means literally nothing to me, it might as well be when you say band-aid but not as the brand it's like a cousin to me. but I am attached to the 'default' barbarian elf woman and I'm surprised not to see more of that... so far Isemay is the only barbarian elf woman I've seen!
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If you want to see a character permanently die around episode 30 then watch campaign 2. Just because I want to see something new doesn't mean I have an aversion to death in fiction.
Ah, so you are additionally hoping that Marisha should regardless play a new character because we've already had Delilah as an antagonist (if you want to see Delilah, just watch Campaign 1) and it would be good to see something new.
Yes, totally makes sense because it's all the same.
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werewolf-apologist · 11 months
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botw isn’t even a game to me he’s my brother in arms
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auroragoth · 2 years
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The night was too eventful for my poor boy, apparently!
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the-punforgiven · 2 years
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I love coming up with the stupidest possible ways to name new D&D characters
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Every time I play Baldur's Gate 3 I'm in a constant dilemma to follow my D&D logic and just do the main quest or follow my gaming logic and do everything but the main quest first
But at the end of the day I follow NO logic and end up being attacked by the entirety of the goblin camp cus I told Minthara "I'ma kill you now" basically
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starfleetsxvulcan · 8 months
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'Very well...' He holds a certain doctor closer to his chest to avoid any chance of escape or rescue. 'I shall ask you only this, do you want to learn how to backflip?'
An act of mercy.
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petrapalerno · 2 months
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Submitting to the Alien Barbarian: #1
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Alien x fem reader, a dom/sub erotic short.
TW/CW: rough consensual sex, primal play, knotting, breeding, aliens, dominance/submission, blood play, spanking, and violence.
MASTERPOST
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The heat radiating from the crowd, along with the smell of sex, hits you in the face as the door clicks open and the pilot bot dumps you unceremoniously into the dirt.
Your heart thuds in your chest, but it’s not because of the excitement you thought you would feel.
You’re scared shitless.
But this is what you wanted, this is what you signed up for. 
“Mates needed for Volkroth spawning season. All expenses paid for biologically compatible species.” 
You wanted someone to be rough with you, to be a fucking barbarian with you.
Maybe it was too much to expect an orientation before being dropped off at the spawning pits. You figured after the extensive medical testing, to ensure biological capability, that they’d ease you in.
You were so wrong.
Besides the chorus of fucking masses that surround you, there’s the guttural noises of males as they slam their fists into each other’s bodies.
Something you didn’t realize from the holo communication is that the aliens are fucking huge.
They tower over you as one purple brute rips the other male off a yellow alien female, who arguably looks like she’s having a great time. She even laughs as the male turns and clocks the attacking alien on the jaw.
His bones audibly snap as he crumples to the ground. You’re not sure if the breaking noise was his jaw or his neck—but you don’t think anyone cares.
They’re barbaric! They kill soldiers deemed too weak to fight, how could you want to mate a Volkroth? Your roommates disgusted face flashes in your mind as you wonder if the alien on the ground is dead or not. 
“If you’re too weak to fight, you’re too weak to carry on the bloodline,” the victor yells.
The last male standing drips with the perspiration of sex, his body slick and shining. Unlike the one you saw on the holo comm, he’s completely nude.
More importantly, the big beast has two massive cocks resting on one heavy set of balls. They twist around each other, almost looking like they’re prehensile. You must gasp, because you draw his attention.
You scramble to stand when the alien’s eyes fall on you. His thick black hair, falling free of his top knot, spilling over the four horns. There are two on either side of his head, that curl proudly away from his face. 
“A human?” He almost laughs as he says it. “I’d have thought you’re kind too soft, too exotic to be in the spawning pits with the rest of us.”
His voice is deadly smooth as he approaches you, a predator stalking his prey.
You’re frozen, even if your brain is screaming to flee, that you shouldn’t let this monster near you.
But there’s a broken part of your judgement that wants him to grab you by the neck and fuck you into the dirt.
So you stay still, stuck between two desires, your heart in your throat.
You crane your head up to look at him. He moves one very deliberate step closer. He’s so close now you can feel his breath on your face.
His golden eyes darken, and he licks his lips.
“You should run,” his voice is almost a whisper as it leaves his mouth.
The logical part of your mind wins, and you bolt. But you don’t have time to worry about where you’re running too. You feel his huge hand shoot around your midsection, pulling you back against his body.
His enormous cocks strain against your ass, the thin fabric of your jumpsuit doing nothing to protect you from the heat of his body. He brings his free hand up to your neck and squeezes rough fingers against the column of your throat. It sends sparks down to your weeping pussy and you squirm in his hold.
“I want you full and dripping with my seed, and only mine, human,” he breathes into your ear.
You bite back a moan. 
“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? You want a beast to breed you, to make you submit?”
“Yes,” you manage to eek out. The first words you’ve spoken on this planet are to agree to be some space barbarians plaything.
His hand rips the neckline of your jumpsuit, exposing your breast to the planet’s humid air. Your nipples pebble instantly as he drags his rough hand over the sensitive flesh.
The hand on your neck weaves into your hair, grabbing your ponytail and yanking your head further back until your cheek rests against his. His stubble rubs your cheek raw.
“How do you want it?” He asks.
“Rough,” You groan as his fingers pinch your nipple. You arch your back, searching for some friction as your hips lift. You want him to fuck you.
Suddenly, there’s a flash of pain and you yelp as his hand comes down hard, sharply smacking your tit.
“Can you handle rough, with all this softness?” His palms smoothes over the agitated skin of your red breast, the stinging melting into something blurred with an intense pleasure.
“Only one way to find out,” You say, with some shocking boldness. “Fuck me.”
His breath catches at your change in tone.
This is what you wanted. Your body is singing with joy. You want him to use you; You want him to fucking breed you.
You look back at the alien, and his brows are knit. A look of resolution crosses his face.
“I won’t share you,” he says before throwing you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
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NEXT PART
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commander-minkowski · 2 months
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something so poetic about gorgug being the one to figure out the shatterglass. the kid who's been told this whole season that he's lacking as both a barbarian and an artificer, triumphing in a situation that calls for both logical thought AND an understanding of rage
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hyperions-fate · 6 months
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The Palestinian Health Ministry has reported that 45 families have been removed from the Gaza civil registry. This is the spirit and logic of the Israeli state since its inception in 1948; it is the spirit and logic of genocide. All those who unthinkingly echo Orientalist talk of Arabs as 'savages', 'terrorists', and 'barbarians' are complicit in this extermination.
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onlowandhigh · 1 month
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Porter’s such a short sighted hypocrite in regards to multiclassing. Like yes, the smite damage is useable while raging and therefore technically useful to a barbarian, BUT there is more to the paladin class than that extra damage. By his own logic, he can’t fully apply himself to both those classes (unlike he could w fighter or monk). like yes paladin mechanically meshes better with Barbarian than artificer, cant deny that. But it still goes against that 'full potential' or 'throw yourself all in' bs he was spewing at Gorgug. I think he just personally dislikes the kid more than he actually cares about class compatibility. And even if he does care about optimization for fights, there’s SO MUCH MORE to adventuring than fighting. (Which frankly, I think a lot of D&D players forget as well)
I’m also SO curious as to what that level divy up is for him.
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friendly-alien-fucker · 3 months
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Cultural Differences
Warnings: non-sexual nudity, fluff
Pairing: yautja x gender neutral! reader
Summary: the beach episode, your yautja and you go for a swim and some shenanigans happen.
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For hunters who regularly, and quite literally, bathed in the blood of their enemies, yautia were surprisingly hygienic.
It was one of the first things you noticed when you agreed to explore the galaxy with your lover. They could be rolling around in mud, get beaten up and bruised with blood running down their mandibles, but they always returned home to you clean and smelling completely neutral.
It was pleasant, really. Seeing as you'd already made peace with saying goodbye to your sense of smell when you met them, having only known them as sludge-covered barbarians back then.
You smiled softly as you admired your body in the one-piece bathing suit and swimming trunks you'd picked for today. There were many things you didn't know about their species, in fact you still find yourself surprised by the gentler aspects of their society.
Mothers asking politely if their pups could touch your odd-looking dreads, elders stopping in their tracks to tell you you did a good job when they see the small rodent skulls you cleaned up and hung on your belt, or that group of overconfident youngbloods that promised to teach any yautja that decided your inferior strength was grounds to get touchy a lesson. 
Their species was full of unexpected kindness. And the reason you were getting ready for a swim today was proof of it.
Yautja Prime, their home planet, wasn't quite what humans would call idyllic. The atmosphere was dense and hard to breathe in, the ground rocky with little vegetation. You'd compare it with a desert, except unlike a desert, their planet had a vast amount of water, stored in vulcano-like craters.
Only problem is, the temperature there is just barely below the boiling point of water. Way too hot for any human.
So after complaining to your mate for the upteenth time, they decided to surprise you with a little trip to another, much cooler planet. Your concerns about deadly creatures lurking being quickly shut down when they told you it was a place often sought out by elders to relax after they were done hunting.
So now all you had to do was pack your few things and board the small freighter you and a few other Yautja would be flying to get there.
The thought unnerved you a little, being so close to a bunch of strange Yautja, especially since your mate would be waiting on the planet already and therefore couldn't protect you if something happened. But even through your innate fear, you knew those thoughts were stupid.
These were trusted elders, not only were their hunting days over, but they would never bother trying to take down a lone, unarmed human. Especially since you were basically trapped, with nowhere to run or hide, and therefore way too easy prey, if they could call you prey at all.
So you grabbed your small bag full everything you'd need on your trip and made your way through the long halls until you reached a much smaller ship.
Standing a little further off, you watched as different Yautja conversed with each other and walked on board, feeling your dread rise regardless of wether it was logical or not.
You tried to make out what they were saying, but despite living amongst their people for a while now, their language still only sounded like random clicking to you. You sighed.
"Okay?" a deep voice interrupted your solitude.
You flinched as a big hand grasped at your shoulder, quickly disappearing at your reaction. "Sorry."
It was another Yautja, seemingly a little older than your mate, adorned with battle scars and markings and missing a tusk. Their voice sounded stiff and robotic, like they learned their English from computer recordings, which wasn't too odd. Many youngbloods had started to learn human languages to aid the relationship between your two species.
Which made you silently wonder why this elder was learning it. Regardless, you bowed your head respectfully, and used your basic knowledge in ASL to greet them. Hearing their rapid clicks, you couldn't help but crack a smile.
"Heeelo, hello." They huffed, placing their hand on your chin to make you look up at them. When you faced them again, their mandibles were spread widely - something you've come to understand as a smile of their own.
"Ooman. I know your language, speak with me." They growled, and you nodded sheepishly. Apparently learning the best through doing is a universal experience.
And like that, your little trip seemed just a little less terrifying.
Nin'tui, as you'd gotten to know them, had shared with you stories of their greatest hunts, occasionally switching to sign language when their English wasn't enough. And while, as expected, the other elders on the ship were less enthusiastic about your stay, they didn't bother to complain. There were even a few who'd join in to chat about their own battles and the planet you were about to visit.
All in all, the trip was less unnerving than you'd thought, and a lot shorter too. Your sense of time wasn't the best up in space, but you could swear it wasn't longer than two hours until the ship gradually slowed, before setting down onto rich brown earth.
Once you set your eyes on the surrounding scenery, you couldn't get out of the shuttle fast enough. If not for your traveling companion, you would've probably been scolded for the amount of Yautja you almost tripped by running outside as fast as you did. But there was no helping it- blue skies! Brown earth! And, most importantly, air that you could actually breathe in!
And when your feet finally hit the ground you couldn't help but let out a long and joyous laugh. "Aaaaaah, I can't believe we're actually here!"
"Believe it." a way too familiar voice called from behind you, making you spin around to throw yourself at them in excitement.
Without flinching, they simply caught you, holding you high in their arms as you all but assaulted their face with kisses and thank you's. Or at least that's what the other yautja must've thought, muttering amongst themselves as if they were viewing something scandalous, a few stepping closer to get a better view of the strange ritual.
But your mate simply purred, leaning into your affection as their voice rumbled against you "You should wait to express your gratitude until you've seen the waters!" they laughed, and you shook your head as you gave them a last kiss between the eyes.
"I'm just so happy to be here! Just look!" you jumped out of their arms, gesturing towards the fields of flowers "this planet is beautiful! Almost reminds me of some corners of earth..."
You smiled at the thought, and they chuckled as they put a large hand on your back. "We should walk with the others, the waters are not far."
And so the two of you walked slowly behind the larger group of yautja, them slowing their pace to match yours as you cheerfully took in your surroundings. Beautiful was truly the right word for it.
Tall grass with taller flowers that swayed gently in the wind, going on for kilometers until reaching a distant forest, that you imagined to be just as wonderful.
After about 30 minutes of walking, elongated by your habit of stopping to sniff every alien plant you could reach, you finally made it to the lake. About 500 meters of fresh water that seemed to almost glow in the sunlight.
Standing in awe, you barely registered your mate sliding your backpack down your shoulders and throwing it to the side. It was only when you felt a claw tug at your shirt that you snapped out of it, matching their equally confused expression.
"Don't you want to swim?" They asked, and you chuckled at the misunderstanding.
"Oh, yeah. These are my swimming clothes." you explained, yet their expression didn't seem to lighten.
"No, no. Swimming." they accentuated their words, pointing towards the water as if you simply didn't hear them the first time.
You nooded, dumbfounded, "Yes. Swimming." but as they continued to stare at you like an alien (heh), you shook your head "just- here, come on."
You took their hand, leading them towards the water and to your relief they followed without complaint. At the edge of the lake, you grinned up at them excitedly, before taking a leap, splashing them with the surprisingly mild-temperature water.
Though as you came to the surface and brushed your wet hair out of your face, you were not faced with the annoyed yet amused expression you'd expected on your mate, not that you were registering their expression at all since seeing them stand there in all their naked glory practically fried your brain within seconds.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" you yelled, making them jump slightly and their mandibles flare.
"What?" they asked, way too calm for your taste.
"You're naked!" you whisper-yelled, and they simply nodded, before jumping into the water next to you.
"Yes. Swimming." They repeated your words back to you with a very deadpan expression.
"But- love, no!" you were furious as you tried to explain this to them "We're not alone out here there are oth-" but as you looked to gesture at the others around you, you were met with even more naked yautja, unashamedly bathing in the sun.
Blood rushing to your face, you try to cover it with your hands, glad to be able to stand at this point in the water. You felt a hand lay itself on your shoulder.
"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" your mate asked quietly, bending down to meet you eye-to-eye. "I didn't know you'd be bothered by this. You were fine with me disrobing, I thought..."
You simply shook your head at them, forcing yourself to be a grown up and pry your hands from your eyes. "No...no." you sighed "I'm fine."
"But a warning would've been nice, I uhm..." you couldn't help but grin at your own embarrassment "I-I guess I just didn't expect to ever see any nude yautja aside from you, you know?"
Thankfully they didn't seem to judge you for it though, as they simply looked at you with that ever present curiosity. "Humans arent nude around each other?"
"We are but....usually just around friends and family, you know." you bite your lip as you dare take another glance at your surroundings "and usually only around our own species."
You can see them nodding from the corner of your eye, "I understand." yet something still seems to bother them.
"You are free to do as you please, however... you always encourage me to partake in your culture. Perhaps you should try and see this as an opportunity to partake in mine."
Their words stung. They were said without pressure or malice, a simple suggestion- but it stung. They had always gone out of their way to make you the most comfortable, this trip was proof of it, and you liked to think you were doing the same for them.
But were you?
"But what if they'll look?" you asked, your face still a shade darker just at the thought. "Then let them look." they replied in earnest "You are very attractive. Let them see what they don't have."
And people did look.
Though, to your surprise, no more than they usually do. Seeing a human walk around and do human things could only get so exciting you guessed, and nudity truly was natural to them.
Over time and with a little coaxing you were even comfortable enough to briefly leave the water, if only to get your towel and wrap it around yourself.
Letting yourself relax in the sun that, even hours later, didn't appear to go any lower, you're interrupted by the low purring of your mate. Smiling, you turn to face them.
"Thank you for bringing me here," you begin, only for them to interrupt "Thank you for coming. And," they truly seem grateful as they incline their head "thank you for 'stepping out of your comfort zone.'"
You chuckle at the human idiom. "My comfort zone is wherever you are." you say earnestly, and they simply purr louder in response.
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I love these players so much.
Because the thing is, I know that Zac knows it would make the most logical sense to make barbarian the priority to make it more likely for him to get the MCAT and make his load easier.
but Gorgug absolutely would care more about the artificer classes, and would throw himself more into the artificer classes due to a combination of his own insecurities about his intelligence and also the fact that the artificer teacher was cool and encouraging and Porter. Kind of sucks.
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bonefall · 5 months
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Since you mentioned only cats and a few other distant animals are sentient, does this mean foxes are getting their sentience removed? Midnight can talk to foxes in the books and even convinces some foxes to leave a patrol of cats alone (the foxes are WEIRDLY violent and talk about eating the cats too lmaoo).
I assume Hollyleaf's changes mean the Fox Cub Incident is either being moved or just removed entirely, I always found that small plot point interesting in face of all those "Non-cat in clan" AUs. Seems like something that could be interesting if an "us vs them" argument was formed from it, especially if it was targeted against Midnight and calling her unholy yknow?
Yeah, that sapience is gone completely. In this universe, language is limited only to humans, cats, and some distant animals that are far outside the range of Albion (elephants, bottlenoses, some parrots, etc)
And Hollyleaf's story especially. Ngl to you, I don't like that fox idea. Or anything about Hollyleaf's Story. I think it was the worst possible route to take.
"Hollyleaf will be a mother to this evil creature to learn what it's like to love something that hates you. It is so sad to be your mom Leafpool (Squirrel-who?). Don't you feel like a shitty daughter now, Holly? Let's not ask any questions about the code btw, or how you were already filled with crushing shame from it. Or how it made you so disgusted about the idea of pregnant nuns that you flipped your shit and ruined the lives of your entire family. No, what really mattered about this situation was maternal empathy. Also here take the nearest male character we can find to ship you with, we accidentally made Cinderheart too gay when she was upset about your death lmao"
But, digressing, putting my distaste of that novella aside,
WC is profoundly xenophobic already with just the cats, and I think it was a CATASTROPHIC mistake to make it so every animal is secretly intelligent but speaks animal language. Now every conflict between cats and their predators is an ethnic dispute! You're chasing out groups of people perfectly capable of reasoning if you bridged the language barrier, but they're also ACTUAL PREDATORS.
AT BEST; It's the same uncomfortable situations that Zootopia and Lion King ends up tripping over. In Zootopia, predators are used as an allegory for oppressed groups... but predators are MADE to eat prey. A rabbit is RIGHT to be terrified of a fox, twice its size with a jaw made for catching bunnies. In Lion King, lions have divine authority to rule over their dinner/subjects, and chase out any animal based on their personal ideology... which just so happens to only be leveraged against rival predator species.
(Nerd preemption: yes i know about lion guard. I do not think diverse Lion Cops were the solution you think it is.)
Carelessly adding sapience to "natural systems" often ends up accidentally justifying bigotry. Bigotry doesn't MAKE SENSE, it's bullshit we made up and perpetuate through culture, but food webs are completely logical. The rabbit fears the fox because the fox eats rabbits. The lion hates the hyena because they compete for the same food. Gazelles don't happily submit to an overlord who is divinely capable of deciding who should live and who should die, it's just nature.
But it gets even worse-- because it's actually WORST CASE; the Erins saw that complicated moral problem and went, "don't worry! They're actually born evil! Foxes just talk about food and killing things :)"
like... my brother in cats, YOU gave them language in the first place! What was the fucking point if they were just going to be evil barbarians anyway?!? For ONE scene where Midnight could show off her Duolingo streak???
So to summarize,
It was an awful idea to start with
It was executed in the worst possible way
In a series that is already plagued with xenophobic sentiment, this somehow made it even worse and more direct
If it was completely nuked it from the story, the series would be immediately better with minimal change. Holly caring for what is essentially the clan cat-equivalent of an exotic animal like a chimp or a tiger cub would have done the same thing
There is not even a glimmer of an idea here that justifies the poison that full sapience does to the wider implications of the series.
Don't even get me started on the Badger Debaucle in TNP, which is actually in my top 5 for most vile things in WC
So if I don't explicitly say that a species in BB is capable of true language, assume it is non-sapient. Talking animals like Midnight and Rat Leader are magical individuals-- gods, curses, etc.
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