#basically he's ace and questioning whether he's bi and/or aro!

[aq2003]

i haven't seen anyone post the excerpt onto tumblr yet so here it is (src)

(image description under the cut)

[image 1 id: a photo taken of one of the pages from the padawan novel (transcribed below):

"Oh, I know!" Obi-Wan smiled at the warning, touched that Casul didn't want Obi-Wan getting his hopes up. "I can't form attachments like that, anyway." Couldn't he, though, if he didn't go back? Was that something he would even want? It had always been so forbidden, even thinking about it was like holding his hand right next to a lightsaber blade. He knew some of his friends had dabbled in physical relationships—suspected Siri would have been open to it, had he ever wanted to—but it had always seemed like an obstacle, not a temptation.

"And besides," Obi-Wan said, rushing to change the subject for himself more than anyone, "I would never want to be in a relationship with a leader. Too close to politicians or royalty. I'm sure if I ever fell in love, it would be with someone calm. Peaceful. Easy to get along with."

"So you want someone who doesn't challenge you."

Obi-Wan laughed, then shrugged. "I don't know what I want, if we're being honest."

Casul mirrored his shrug. "Not many choices around here. I don't think love is in my future, either, and I'm fine with that. As long as I have the Power to keep my family safe, that's enough for me. Though I will admit I've been curious about kissing and why Audj and Zae-Brii enjoy it so much. So if you're ever curious, too, let me know."

/end id]

[image 2 id: another photo taken of one of the pages from the padawan novel, continuing the passage (transcribed below)

Obi-Wan blushed. "I will. Let you know, I mean. Not that I will do that, right now, with you. Or anyone." Would he ever get to a point where kissing someone felt like anything less than a betrayal of himself and the Jedi? And if he did get to that point, who would he want to kiss? The Lenahrans were confident and charismatic, which attractive. But he couldn't imagine just...kissing any of them.

Maybe he didn't want to be with any of them but rather to be more like each of them.

Or maybe he wanted to kiss all of them. Not Mem, though, because he had a feeling that would upset her very much.

He wasn't going to kiss any of them, regardless. Everything on Lenahra seemed simple and felt impossibly complicated, and that would doubtless make it all worse.

/end id]

#obi wan kenobi #obi wan #padawan novel spoilers #star wars #obi-wan kenobi #stars war #basically he's ace and questioning whether he's bi and/or aro! #i'd never thought i'd see the day where obi-wan of all legacy characters could b confirmed queer but HERE WE ARE and it's SO GOOD #i adore how natural this all feels to me i can't wait to read this book #asexual #aromantic #bisexual #edit: please do not clown in the notes if you feel like going 'but wait this is nothing' please consider it from the aspec perspective

[badass-queer-couples-battle]

Sword gays showdown, losers bracket (Round 1)

Propaganda:

For Adolin Kholin:

HIMBO SUPREME!! Fights with a giant-ass fantasy sword. Unlike everyone else, he does not have superpowers, but he is REALLY GOOD AT SWORD!!! Best duelist in the kingdom, doesn’t want to go to war, just wants to be a jock. He’s still really good at war tho. Once took on a 4 on 1 duel in the most epic chapter ever written and won (ish). Befriends the sword. Her name is Maya. Befriends everyone he meets, actually. One character really wants to hate him, but can’t cuz he’s just genuinely a nice dude.  Super supportive of his girlfriend, knows she’s a girlboss. Talks to his dad’s horse. Probably bi. 

His church lets you pick One Thing to train yourself in, his is magic sword fighting (and hes only second to his father in it) on book 2, chapter whitespine uncaged, he fought basically (his friend helped but was super unprepared)  4 on 1 with an unfair judge and WON

He's almost canonically bi Loves his wife *SPOILERS* Loves his sword so much he resurrected her immortal soul

Omg he LOVESS swords so much. Which sword? Any and all. He talks to his sword before duels, he brings like 30 different blades on a mission and when prompted starts info dumping about what each of them is useful for. His ideal date - sword training his fiance. He is THE sword guy. And also him and Shallan are so bi4bi <3

For Liu Qingge:

Warning for spoilers, He’s the War God of Bai Zhan Peak basically the original sword gay in the world of SVSSS, whether or not you ship him with Shen Qingqiu, Luo Binghe or neither the point still stands that he’s a draw his sword first ask questions later kinda guy. Also SQQ basically canonically calls him a pretty boy, what more do you need 

He's one of the best swordsmen in-universe! According to the author, he's not interested in a relationship so he's canonically aro and possibly ace as well!

#sword gays showdown #adolin kholin #liu qingge #the stormlight archive #stormlight archive #the scum villain's self saving system #svsss #scum villain's self saving system

[justhugsplz]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

@iiiflow thank you for tagging me :) <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

105,626

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Tatort Münster (technically Doctor Strange too, but it's a Münster/Doctor Strange crossover and I'm not in the fandom apart from that)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Entangled: Mit seiner freien Hand riss er sich seinen Schal vom Hals, knüllte ihn zusammen und presste ihn auf die Wunde. Der helle Kaschmir saugte sich mit beängstigender Geschwindigkeit voll. Faser um Faser sickerte das dunkelrote Blut durch den Stoff, erreichte warm Boernes Finger und breitete sich darunter unaufhaltsam weiter aus. Boerne war das gewohnt. Sollte das gewohnt sein. Doch dieses Mal war es Thiel, der unter seinen Händen wegblutete.

Hat mich gefreut: Thiel ist in Gefahr, Boerne geht dazwischen.

Väter und Sohn: Thiel ist alleinerziehend. Und damit völlig überfordert. Bis Boerne ihm zur Seite springt, und sie zusammen überfordert sind.

Leer: Thiel kommt an dem Abend erst später in die Gerichtsmedizin, was Boerne zu viel Zeit zum Nachdenken gibt.

Perché non lo chiede a me?: Thiel verschluckte sich fast an seinem Wasser. Was hatte Boerne da gerade gesagt?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I would second @iiiflow: I try very much to. If I don't respond I just haven’t found the energy yet. The thing is … I love to know that someone felt something, laughed, cried or was excited while reading the fic. And I think it’s amazing when people take their time to tell me about it. Sometimes the feeling is quite overwhelming because I'd like to give them an adequate response and then I'm suddenly missing the words to do so. Especially if there are several comments waiting for a response. I guess I'm overthinking this a bit too much and should just write what comes to my mind first :D

I love reading people's comments, but I get very nervous about writing back. I haven't responded yet to those on my most recent story and two older ones, I'm gonna try to write back soon.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would be Nachbeben, a story about Boerne struggling with cocaine consumption. It's a very open ending, one I liked a lot. My beta reader thought it was too cruel, but the comments I got were really reassuring that it was the right ending.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Hat mich gefreut (my first story, what does that say about me? 🙈). Several of my stories have a happy end, but this one is probably the angstiest before the end, so it's all the sweeter :)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thank goodness no, everybody is so kind <3

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I dabbled once for Mein Herz in deiner Hand, but I don't think I could do it again. I still can't tell whether it was good or not, and I feel like a colorblind person trying to paint. I'd rather explore aro/ace/queerplatonic themes :) (not that they're mutually exclusive)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I've written one, and I would it's pretty crazy: Tatort Münster/Doctor Strange. It's basically the 2016 Doctor Strange movie with the Münster characters: Boerne goes on Doctor Strange's journey, injuring his hands, going to Kamar-Taj and learning magic. With the difference that he does end up with Thiel ;)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so, no.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet either.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Oof, that tough. Either Thiel/Boerne or Crowley/Aziraphale.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Secrets We Keep. It's a Tatort Münster Vampire AU. I love it and I have like 30k of plot in my head, but I have so many WIPs I don't know if I'll ever get to it. I would love to though.

16. What are your writing strengths?

My beta reader says my strength is creating detail and immersing the reader through that.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

It takes me really long to write. My first drafts are not legible, they're not really first drafts at all, more like sentence fragments with multiple alternatives for nouns, verbs, chunks etc. I just keep narrowing it down and editing and it somehow slowly morphs into the final version. Not sure if that's the best approach, it's definitely a time-consuming approach. I could never write a story in 90 minutes or even 120, or at least not one I'd feel happy with.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I included some dialogue in Italian in 'Perché non lo chiede a me?', and I tried to imply what was being said through internal monologue, for readers who don't know Italian. I think as long as you ensure that readers can follow (unless the point is that they can't), dialogue in another language is fine.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Does it count if I never finished or published it and wasn't really in the fandom? In that case it would be Lucifer, I am just in love with that character (pre season 3) and I have so many ideas, but I've never written anything more than tidbits and brief outlines. Other than that, Tatort Münster. That's the first fandom I was really in and wrote full stories for.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Oof, also a tough one. There are several fics with concepts that I really like, but I think I'll have to say Leer. I got the idea in the evening, wrote through the night and published it the next morning at like 4am. It's the only fic I've written like that, normally I need weeks for one-shots or even single chapters. It was kind of cathartic to write, and I've re-read it a lot.

Tagging @khalaris @cavallettas-world and @keinbutterdieb if you'd like to share!

I know I have more tags and asks waiting, thank you for those too, I'll try to respond to those too soon!

#writing #fanfiction #tag game

[scientific-tricorder]

It's Pride Month, so here's a list of canonically and semi-canonically queer characters in Star Trek. (In order of characters' first appearance; exact quotations/references under the read more)

Special shout-out to any and all joined Trill for being trans.

Canon

Data (The Next Generation): Aromantic and asexual ("In Theory", "Phantasms")

Jadzia Dax (Deep Space Nine): Pansexual ("Rejoined")

Mirror Kira Nerys (Deep Space Nine): Bi/pansexual ("Crossover")

Mirror Ezri Dax (Deep Space Nine): Bi/pansexual ("The Emperor's New Cloak")

Seven of Nine (Voyager and Picard): Bisexual ("Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 2")

Hikaru Sulu (Kelvinverse films): Gay (Star Trek: Beyond)

Michael Burnham (Discovery): A-spec ("Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad")

Paul Stamets (Discovery): Gay ("The Red Angel")

Hugh Culber (Discovery): Gay ("The Red Angel")

Mirror Philippa Georgiou (Discovery): Bi/pansexual ("Will You Take My Hand?")

Jett Reno (Discovery): Gay ("Through the Valley of Shadows")

Raffaela "Raffi" Musiker (Picard): Bi/pansexual ("Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 2")

Beckett Mariner (Lower Decks): Bi/pansexual ("We'll Always Have Tom Paris")

Andarithio "Andy" Billups (Lower Decks): Asexual ("Where Pleasant Fountains Lie")

Adira Tal (Discovery): Trans, non-binary ("The Sanctuary")

Gray Tal (Discovery): Trans ("Anomaly")

Zero (Prodigy): Non-binary ("Lost and Found")

Christine Chapel (Strange New Worlds): Bi/pansexual ("Spock Amok")

Semi-canon:

Q (Various): Bi/pansexual (Article)

Beverly Crusher (The Next Generation): Bi/pansexual (Article)

Julian Bashir (Deep Space Nine): Bi/pansexual, a-spec (Video)

Elim Garak (Deep Space Nine): Omnisexual (Bi/pansexual) (Article)

Phlox (Enterprise): Bi/pansexual (Article)

Keyla Detmer (Discovery): Queer (Article)

Exact quotes and references:

Data: "With regard to romantic relationships, there is no real me." (and "In Theory" in general); "I have no sexual desire."

Q: "There’s no question in my mind that when I play [Q], I love Picard." - John de Lancie

Beverly Crusher: "Bev would have slept with male or female" - Gates McFadden

Julian Bashir: "I don't think Bashir had a very overt sexuality…he certainly had a stunted sense of sexuality…I don't think that he put the…platonic side [and] the physical side together. So he could fall in love across…the board...because he's falling in love with both sexes." - Alexander Siddig (edited for brevity and clarity)

Jadzia Dax: The entire episode of "Rejoined"; "Terry Farrell says Jadzia Dax was pansexual." (Article)

Elim Garak: "It’s about being omnisexual. That basically his sexuality is something that can happen with anyone." - Andrew Robinson

Mirror Kira Nerys: Shows interest in men and women

Mirror Ezri Dax: Kisses/in relationship with Mirror Kira

Seven of Nine: Hand holding with Raffi, their relationship throughout second season; "Oh, Seven is canonically bi, don't you worry." - Jeri Ryan (Twitter)

Phlox: "I was trying very hard to suggest he had a polyamorous relationship with the boys as well as the girls. I do tell people I was the first gay character on Star Trek, whether you were aware of it or not." - John Billingsley

Hikaru Sulu: Shown with husband

Michael Burnham: "You've never been in love." (This is probably the vaguest one, but the discussion is about romantic love, and if a fully grown adult like Burnham has explicitly never experienced romantic love before, I think it's safe to say they're somewhere on the aro/ace-spectrum)

Keyla Detmer: "[S]he maybe is starting to accept herself in her own queerness, whatever that means." - Emily Coutts

Paul Stamets: "[I]n my universe, and pretty much any universe I can possibly imagine, I'm gay."

Hugh Culber: "I'm gay, and so is [Culber]."

Mirror Philippa Georgiou: Shown with male and female sexual partners

Jett Reno: "My wife is Soyousian."

Raffaela "Raffi" Musiker: Hand holding with Seven, their relationship throughout second season

Beckett Mariner: "Oh, I'm always dating bad boys. Bad girls, bad gender-nonbinary babes, ruthless alien masterminds, bad Bynars..."

Andarithio "Andy" Billups: "[I]f you're planning on tricking me into intercourse, think again. The only lady I love is two decks tall, and pumped full of dilithium;" "You need to accept the fact that I'll be a virgin for the rest of my life."

Adira Tal: "Um, 'they,' not–not 'she.' I've never felt like a 'she' or–or a 'her,' so I would prefer 'they' or 'them' from now on."

Gray Tal: "Transitioning, it's like, I had bigger things to think about. But, if I get another chance to remake my body, then why not get rid of all the things that aren't totally me."

Zero: "Not a robot, nor a he, or she."

Christine Chapel: "He and I are on the same page. Casual, no attachments, this is just for fun, zero commitments." "[Y]ou said the same thing about that gal on Argelius II."

#Star Trek #Queer Star Trek #Trekking across the universe #Not bothering to tag characters since there's so many #Star Trek creation #Tell me if I missed a character #If you're here to argue that XYZ doesn't count - I kindly suggest you remove yourself to the nearest airlock #Tricorder log

[probablylisteningtohamilton]

The evolution of my pronouns/gender/sexuality

(I’m starting when I learned what the LGBTQ+ was so around 4th grade?)

She/Her - Female - Hetero

She/They - Demigirl - Bisexual

They/She - Demigirl - Pansexual

They/Them - GenderFluid - Omni

Any pronouns - GenderFluid- Pan

They/He - Transmasc - Bi

He/They - Transmasc - Asexual Neptunic

She/He/They - Pangender - Demisexual Omni

They/It/He/She - Pangender/Questioning - Demisexual

He/They/It - Transmasc - Demisexual MLM(?)

He/It - Transmasc - Abroromantic Ace-fluid

Any non-fem pronouns - Transmasc - Ace-spec Aro-spec abro(?)

Mirror Pronouns - Transmasc (?????) - Demisexual Omni(??)

CONTENT WARNING FOR THE REST OF THIS POST: OPEN DISCUSSION OF GENDER IDENTITY, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, AND SEXUAL ACTS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

I am now onto the reason for this post:

I’m having a crisisssss

Whoop de fucking do

Basically- I thought I preferred non-feminine pronouns??? Bc I would cringe when someone deadnamed me and called me a she, right???

But this kid at school called me my preferred name, referred to me as a she, and I didn’t even notice till she turned and asked if I used she/her pronouns—

AND THEN SOMEONE ELSE CAME UP AND REFERRED TO ME AS A HE AND SHE ASKED AGAIN BC SHE FELT BAD AND THE WORDS “Oh, I use all pronouns!” JUST ROLLED OUT OF MY MOUTH WITH NO THOUGHT BEHIND THEM???

And I was thinking about it and it’s like “well I mean he/him pronouns are cool but like idrc either way??”

WHICH SENT ME INTO A DIFFERENT HEADSPACE OF

“Does that mean I’m not transmasc bc I don’t really feel like a boy either??”

AND LIKE

I DONT EVEN KNOW

WHAT MY SEXUALITY IS AT THIS POINT

THE IDEA OF DATING ANYONE WHO IDENTIFIES AS FEMALE LEAVES ME FEELING SO UNCOMFY

I HAVE A NONBINARY PARTNER AND THEY MENTIONED AND I COULD CALL THEM MY GF AND I GOT THAT “I JUST GOT PUNCHED IN THE GUT” FEELING.

Ok but real talk:

The idea of being called a female makes me dysphoric

The idea of having tits for the rest of my life and not getting top surgery makes me dysphoric

The idea of bottom surgery makes me dysphoric

Being called a male makes me dysphoric

But also the term nonbinary makes me feel uncomfortable?

Like am I just broken do I have a problem-

And on the sexuality aspect of things?

-I find men attractive physically and romantically

-I find nonbinary/genderqueer people attractive physically and romantically

-I find women attractive physically but I would never want to date one

But also I really don’t give a fuck about your assigned gender nor do I really care how you present yourself (men in skirts? Sign me the fuck up/hj), but the idea of dating someone who identifies as a female makes me so oddly uncomfortable?

And the idea of sex also makes me uncomfy in certain ways?

Like theoretical sex (smut, hentai, fanfics) are cool I suppose, but actual sex? God no. Please keep it at least 20 feet away from me at all times.

But also if I had partners who wanted to fuck each other while I was present? Go for it I guess?? Just don’t expect me to join, yknow?

The act itself doesn’t make me uncomfortable, the idea of being part of the act does.

Either way.

My best bet for my gender is either pangender, bigender, or genderfluid? (Open to more suggestions!!)

As for my sexuality?

I think I’ve established the point for myself that I’m asexual to a point, but the fictional retelling of it isn’t a problem? So greysexual? Recipro-asexual?

But the hard part is my romantic orientation-

Uranic is up there pretty close to the top of my possibilities list, but I feel I could still be abro possibly since femininity isn’t the thing I’m not attracted to, more whether or not the person is a female or not.

Im also not referring to whether or not someone has a pussy before you ask, more like “even if you have a dick, if you identify as a female, I want no part of that”

Anyways there’s my crisis, if you’ve read this far, go get a drink of water, you deserve it^^

#gender stuff #mmm crisis time #haha #I’m fine what do you mean #we love to see it #i’m gonna shut up now

[pluviophile-imagines]

Could I ask what your sexuality headcanons are? I love comparing mine with other peoples’!

Ok second half of this; this is just like. non-students who i Actually have thought about HJBAFV not at all a comprehensive list. Again disclaimer i write all these chars as bi in my fics, also i am bi myself so the vast majority are also bi, and also leaving a lot of these vague so u can imagine ur favorite ship or urself or w/ever

ok lets start this off with Aizawa. I think....... hes another one who's rlly unlabelled, doesnt super care to think it through and define it, but calls himself gay bc his interest in women is very, very rare and it's just way easier to say than explain all that. Definitely do buy into the idea that he had a crush on Oboro in hs but i do NOT buy into the easermic agenda sorry. Definitely not someone who goes looking for dates, but doesn't say no if someone asks him and hes interested (also im not gonna give her a whole section but i saw a hc a while back that the Ms. Joke stuff is literally that shes a lesbian and hes gay and shes fucking with him and i love that so much i just wanted to put it out there)

on the topic of the erasermic agenda: Hizashi's pan and knew it before HS, had a sudden & intense crush on Aizawa for the first month they knew each other and then immediately got over it in favor of a similar sudden, intense, and then immediately fading crush on Midnight. Hizashi and Aizawa r just rlly good friends imo; maybe they messed around for a bit in their twenties but it never went anywhere serious. He dates around a lot, not even necessarily to settle down just to have some fun

Midnight is aro/ace but does get in qprs & gravitates towards women wrt that. Most people dont read vigilantes but theres a woman in that, Kazuho, who i imagine she's been in a long-term qpr with; her relationship with aizawa and hizashi leans a little more towards a qpr than a normal friendship, too, but it's not rlly defined that way

All Might is married to justice queer but v much not interested in relationships. He and that one guy from the first movie are ABSOLUTELY exes and i won't hear otherwise; it's the only relationship he's ever had, and they broke up bc he had to go back to japan. He was heartbroken but did eventually get over him; his lack of romance afterwards is from genuine disinterest and not being hung up on his past. I can see him finding someone else in his later years, after he's retired. Definitely feels like he's not worthy of it tho

Hawks is bi but unfortunately didn't get to figure that out until like Now in the timeline...... if youll let my dabihawks history shine through i think dabi was the reason JHBASFGJHB he was basically brainwashed by the commission to become a hero so he didnt have time to Figure That Shit Out; he knew he was into women bc that was easy & what the commission expected from him but then he started this undercover assignment and met dabi and realized Oh...... Fuck. Hawks is hard tbh, bc i think between the control that the commission has over him and his own convictions as a hero he doesn't pursue any romance (tho he does get crushes or find people attractive) and most of his flings are done to keep up his prettyboy act, not out of genuine interest in being a fuckboy. Can't imagine him having a relationship until well after canon but I do see him being interested eventually

Onto the villains, Shigaraki is unlabelled but probably would call himself queer if asked. Definitely admires women more but isn't very interested in romance; AFO actively encourages him to pursue the things interested in so imo if he were he'd talk abt it more lmfao. I kinda see him as demi as well, not the type to fall immediately but requiring a friendship beforehand; tho unlike Bakugo as i said in my last post I dont think it happens suddenly but rather slowly. Y'all know im a big fan of shigaraki being absolutely whipped for his s/o so i do thing hes a big piner, tho he's also pretty bold and unashamed of his affections. I'm a big fan of him falling for a member of the league or a civilian; definitely can't see him falling for a hero unless the hero was already halfway to turning sides already. I think he's also attracted to intelligence and someone who pushes him to think more abt his ideology...... maybe im just projecting at this point JSHDFBVAJKSHD but my point is that the gender of his partner is definitely the least of what he considers/notices

Dabi is bi and, here's my bold take, demisexual; not interested in sex unless its with someone he loves. Absolutely doesn't even think abt romance for most of the years where he's on his own. He's got revenge to plan. By the time he joins the league that hasn't changed much, and he's demi so he's not interested in sleeping around, plus he rlly denies any attachment to people at all. As I said in that other ask tho I do rlly like the idea of him with Magne, so I think they have a fling for a bit before her death :( it's one of the things that leads him to isolate himself further, unfortunately, even from Jin and the other League members with whom his relationships aren't romantic. I can see him dating someone post-canon bc i think hes gonna be redeemed lol. It could be someone he knew before but they probably didnt date again bc he was v guarded; i think magne was rlly the only person he dated

Magne is pan and heres the kicker: I think shes t4t, which led to a little moment just before she and dabi got together where he was like "she wouldnt be into me :/" but she was into him anyway so all was good. She got around in her circles, mostly casual stuff tho she yearned for something more serious.

Spinner's bi & trends towards women but does occasionally get things for men and they're almost always intense. He thought he was straight for a while even once he joined the league and then suddenly got a crush on Shigaraki (around the time of MVA) and realized otherwise LMFAO he's definitely a hopeless romantic type, the whole mutant prejudice thing makes it rlly hard for him and i can see him being rlly happy with another mutant-type; i feel like as he matures he starts to gravitate towards them

Toga is canonically pan to my understanding, iirc her interest in Uraraka and Deku is the same (and romantic) in canon tho i might be wrong. Poor girl just needs therapy. I like the idea of the two of them becoming her friends over her being involved with them but i totally can get behind her having a thing with Uraraka (and maybe Tsu) at some point post-canon (presuming she gets redeemed), tho I think a qpr between the two/three of them would be longer lasting. And again presuming she gets therapy i can see her settling down with someone, gender irrelevant

Jin is unlabelled bc he hasn't much thought abt it, definitely had a thing for dabi and for hawks which does make me sad on both counts. I think he likes women slightly more abstractly/aesthetically and gets crushes more on men,. The dabi thing fades as they get closer and start to view each other as brothers. In his later years he doesn't rlly care about romance, I think he enjoys the experience of crushing but doesnt like dating people; his found family in the League is far more important to him. But i can see him falling head-over-heels for someone quite suddenly and having a bit of a whirlwind romance. Also someone for whom gender isn't much of a factor

Mr Compress is also queer and also hasn't rlly thought abt it. Definitely leans more towards women; he's like 30 but i like to think he also goes for older partners, 10 or 15 years his senior KJBADSJFHB idk he just has that Vibe with the way he calls himself an old man etc. A lot of the league i cant see sleeping or dating around much, i feel like they prioritize each other, but I do think mr compress gets around more than the others. i can see him having a bit of a fuckbuddy who he catches feelings for

Kurogiri is fun; as Oboro I do think Aizawa's crush was reciprocated, tho he wasn't around long enough for them to act on it :( he's bi, tho kurogiri isn't supposed to have personal interests. I like to imagine the brainwashing isnt as good as AFO wants it to be tho so I like the idea of him falling for someone anyway. I also like the idea of the heroes managing to undo the nomufication and I 100% can see him, aizawa, and someone else (someone he was involved with as Kurogiri) ending up in a triad as a result of aizawa and the third partner helping him through the aftermath of all that shit

Lady Nagant is a manga-only minor character but im in love with her so imma talk abt it. Shes bi and leans VERY heavily towards women, probably spent years questioning whether she was rlly bi or a lesbian before finally having a fling with a guy that she genuinely enjoyed. Has only ever been in long-term relationships with women and I v much think she has a gf at home who stayed even when she was arrested 🥺

Finally imma talk abt Natsuo bc i love that boy. He's one of the few unmarried chars with a love interest and he canonically has a gf. I do see him as IDing straight in canon ngl, but the kind of straight where he might actually be bi but his preference leans so heavily towards women and he grew up in a bad home so he just doesnt rlly think abt it bc hes v happy with women anyway. In shiganatsu thoughts shigaraki is the first man he has a thing for; i rlly can see the two of them in a triad with a woman specifically, who helps the two of them find each other and is the one who initiates bc its definitely a weird situation for natsuo

#ask.🌧 #anon #pattering on the roof #char.🌧 multi #again these r just the ones ive thought about so sorry if i didnt bother with any chars u care abt ajkhsfbgsjdhfb #thank yall for asking LMFAO any excuse to ramble abt this shit #it does impact the way i write these chars #obviously #bc this is meta more than anything else and so is fanfic lol

[saltyaro]

[Image description: The cover of the 5th book of Aromantic (love) Story. It features a drawn woman in a red tank top, a white skirt that hides her heels, and red high heels shoes. She has her hands on her hips and looks confident.]

You know what I forgot to do? That review on the 5th and last tome of aromantic (love) story. For those who weren’t aware yet, I’m not going to keep the suspense going on any longer: yes, it is safe, no, the heroine doesn’t end up as a straight woman. That’s already a victory in itself, so now all of you can go ahead and buy it if it’s available in your country ;) 

The actual review is under the read more, it’s not spoiler free so!

So, Futaba (the main character) tried dating to see if she’s able to develop romance, or not. The person she chose to do so with of course knows about it, and they’re actually both trying it to see if they can understand romance. Futaba still can’t imagine romantic attraction outside of sexual attraction, which frustrates her, because she *knows* allo aces are a thing so obviously, sexual desire isn’t necessarily linked! The viewpoint of her (straight dude) partner-in-crime is...well, not surprising at all, actually. His opinion is that romantic feelings are born of, on one hand, wanting the other person’s happiness, while also wanting to possess them and keep them all to yourself. 

This is, well. A very Straight Man™ way of seeing things, but, on the other hand, this point of view isn’t limited to them. (I promise, I’m not going to ramble about how it’s scary that society puts such a violent feeling as the most beautiful and important. Not on this post at least)

Fun note, at least for me, you have the classical “guy is sick, girl brings him medicine” except...Futaba gives him the medicine and just. Leaves. I love her. Well, she ends up going to his apartment, but that’s where her being aro really stands out. Usually, in a basic romcom, everyone’s flushed, and it’s annoying. But Futaba is aro, so she isn’t embarrassed, she just sees someone she cares about being sick and wants to help. She’s very natural and stoic about the whole situation. It may seem like a detail, but honestly I find that so important!

She explains that, when she was a teenager, she avoided men as much as possible (to avoid romance) and I relate. So fucking much. I don’t know if any of you did the same, but with my parents bugging me about boys, I just avoided them as much as possible (with a few exceptions). I didn’t feel unsafe around men yet back then, so I know that’s not what it was. 

She explains she was afraid of creating misunderstandings, and ended up not using the world “love” at all because of that. I relate to that so much too, I’m trying to heal from that, and I think it’s important, really important, for us as a community, to learn to separate love from romance. Anyway, this kind of struggle that just...hinders your vocabulary options is really a shame, and I’m glad to see a character mention it (and not be shamed for it!).

Are you ready for some Hetero Bashing™? Because Futaba reunites with her friends and they talk a bit. The Straight dude (Kyosuke) asked Futaba to think about marrying him, and she’s a bit “huuuuuh” so she talks about it to her friends. Friend 1 is like “well, you don’t need to be *in romance* to get married. I have friends, a straight dude and a lesbian, who got married by necessity” and Futaba expresses that she never thought such a thing would happen to her, she never thought of marriage being an option for her. Friend 2 they says that it’s the contrary for her, impossible to avoid the idea of marriage and children, despite not wanting either, because it’s been so ingrained in her head. “you know, the “to perpetuate the specie” argument, like having descendance is every human’s mission...”

And the friend 1 says “ah...the perfect exemple of a notion made by straight people to validate their point of view!” and I love that?? I mean, in general, even in the larger queer community, we’re dancing around the argument, finding proof that there are non-straight animals in all species, and all. She then adds “If reproductions is *that* important...then rich single people could have a ton of kids using articifial fertilization and bingo, they’d have contributed to society’s well-being!” Friend 2 is like “uuuuh, that would raise ethical issues” to what friend 2 answers: “Personally, I kinda reaaally don’t care for lessons of morality from a society that considers sexual minorities and childfree people as useless. If we consider that humanity will necessarily go extinct one day, then mating to reproduce is nothing but a useless cycle”. I really like that take which’s why I *had* to share it despite it being so long to read haha. 

Futaba is surprised by her words, so friend 2 explains that friend 1 is worried that a straight guy is going to steal Futaba from them, and she doesn’t want to be abandoned. Friend 1 is bi but that’s a very aro sentiment here tbh. 

(Straight bashing, over)

You have the usual meeting with the family...god, how realistic is that, you see your aunt and uncle you haven’t seen in maybe years and the only thing they’re interested in, is whether or not you’ve found a romantic partner. I swear, I got annoyed for the character cause it’s so true. She’s bothered (and I am too) by her grandma’s affirmation that everyones gets married someday. I hate that, it really, really annoys me that I supposedly can’t be free to make my own decisions! But she also knows that it would be useless to explain to her grandma that her words are paternalism, so she lets her be. Because she means well, and maybe that’s the worst thing about amatonormativity and its assumptions...that the people upholding those mean well. 

The manga also touches (rapidly) on Futaba feeling of guilt for not being sincere with her family. Her parents aren’t pressuring her to get married, but she knows that seeing their only child, still single, and over 30, is sure to make them worried (especially given she’s not exactly wealthy). I can’t express how much I love seeing a character like that, she knows what she wants, but there’s still this lingering feeling that keeps you from feeling totally at ease, regardless of how much confidence you’ve got. It’s only natural and nothing to be ashamed of. 

I think one of my favourite moments of this book - maybe of all the serie? is after Kyosuke’s friends remotivates Futaba by, basically, telling her to do what she always did, fight out of spite, even if that means to accept to sometimes take hits (this happens throught the phone). Kyosuke says to his friend, that he would never have neeb able to say such things to him, and his friend answers that love blinds him, and prevents him from seeing what she really needs. To that, Kyosuke doesn’t answer, and his friend understands immediately and says “That look...maybe you actually nurture this self-deception.” 

And I love this moment because, for Futaba to be happy, she needs to be single, and free. From him, and his expectations of romance, because even though he knows, rationally speaking, that she won’t ever feel the same, he still wants her, and still wants to be the one at her side - when no one should be. Not in a partnership way anyway. He’s actually choosing to ignore the rational part of him because he still hopes for her to make the difficult choice, and stay at his side, because it’s not really that he wants her to be happy but rather, that he wants to be the one to make her happy, which is of course, extremely selfish and possessive. I love that it’s just laid here, without ambiguity. What’s great also, is that the straight dude in romo realizes what he’s doing, even if he tries to ignore that. Later in the manga, Kyosuke thinks to himself that he couldn’t help but hope that she would concecede, yield, and accept him, despite knowing that’s not what she needs, and knowing that’s not the way you build a positive relationship. I...don’t know if alloro usually know they’re doing such things? I don’t know what’s worse, to be confident you’re not doing that shit when you’re doing it, or to keep on doing it even though you’re aware. 

On a sidenote, I really, really like that she got boosted by the least expected person? They don’t like each other, they’re more or less at each other’s throat most of the time cause he’s sexist and unsentitive, but in the end, he was touched by the anger in the beginnings of her work, and it built a sort of...professional trust between the two of them. Like, those characters won’t ever be friends, but there’s still that little place of trust between them, it’s a delicate portrayal of ambiguous relationships. 

Basically, what ends the manga, if the end of Futaba’s own manga (the romantic comedy). And I really like the outlook she has on it, at the end of her 2 years and a half of work. Even though she didn’t want to write such a thing, in the end, she met a lot of people thanks to it, and, through challenging her own vision of relationships and romance, she finally managed to complete her certitude in herself and who she is. I think that’s a lovely parallel. 

It also ends her questions, and she rejects Kyosuke (I usually can’t help but laugh when a Straight man gets rejected in fiction I’m an asshole I know). Their conversation is really lovely after that, and challenged the expectations of partnership. Kyosuke asks her if she would have accepted his proposal if, like one year ago, he didn’t feel anything towards her. And her answer is no. She did think about it, imagining their marriage as a fake straight couple, and how she knew that, while it would have asked concessions and sacrifices from both of them, they could have been happy.  But what she needs isn’t some stability based on renunciations, but ton confront reality, so she can live in agreement with herself. 

Also, the moment after her choice, loneliness and worry strike her, and she acknowledges that feeling, because it’s okay, it doesn’t mean she made the wrong choice. It will pass. 

The younger guy who’s also in romance with her, interestingly enough, resolves the situation in a very mature way. He asks her if she’s found her answer, when they’re about to part ways (he’s no longer her assistant), and she says that, yes, she doesn’t feel romance - and he thanks her, for having endured his weirdness all this time, and bids her farewell. And we then have his thoughts - while his decisions, to act that way, was difficult for him, he did so because it was the right thing to do and he realized that insisting would have bothered her. That was nice. The situation is weird for Futaba too, because, as his senior, she kinda felt responsible for him, protective maybe? And she’s a bit overwhelmed by how much this kid’s grown. 

There’s an epilogue of sorts, and we can see that Futaba decided to entirely live while being true to herself, which also means making some changes. 

To conclude: I really liked this serie! It’s nice to see a woman over 30, finally embracing herself - despite having gone through doubts, even at her age - after making sure she was right about her feelings. She’s, well, asexual I think, but it’s the aro part that matters to her, and really has an influence on her life, the ace part is more of an afterthought. It’s also nice to see a nonamorous aromantic woman! Aro women are already hard to grasp in our amatonormative and migogynistic society, so a nonamorous one probably even more so. 

It was overall a really nice experience, I’m not going to say everything was perfect, and her aromanticism is the topic of the story, but Futaba is also her own person and this is never downplayed in favour of talking about her identity. Definitely something too rare and, as such, very enjoyable. 

#my post #Aromantic (Love) Story #Aro representation

[demigodsanswer]

hey, I’m the previous anon, and I didn’t mean to imply that aro ace representation is inherently lesbophobic!!! I wanted to get your thoughts on how rick’s seemingly lesbian coded characters go into the hunt, as ive seen people criticizing the hunt as sort of a catch all for any female character that doesn’t really have a logical progression forward in a heterosexual relationship! I’m sorry if it came off that way!!! ace representation is super important, and so is lesbian representation!!!

Sorry for implying that. I just wanted that statement out there because so much of the discourse of today has been twinged with aphobia. 

Originally my response was going to be a longer conversation about authorial intention v. death of the author, and this question of: do books belong to their readers or their writers? (so let’s do that now, I guess). 

 In the age of Twitter this conversation is very different. I can argue that Ophelia in Hamlet is not insane, and what is Shakespeare going to do about it? Say something to me? Probably not. But I could tweet at Rick that I think Percy is bi, and he could tweet back “no he’s straight” (this has not happened, that’s just a hypothetical). What happens then? Is Percy canonically straight, because the author said so outside of the text, or, because it’s not in the text, does Rick not have any more authority over that headcanon than I do (Please check out Lindsay Ellis’s video on Death of the Author for a better exploration of this question.)  

My bi Percy example, though, is not a perfect 1:1 example with the Reyna situation, because bisexuality is a marginalized identity, while heterosexuality is not; in contrast, lesbianism and asexuality are both marginalized. That dual marginalization is what’s led to so much tricky discourse (and aphobia.) So what was Rick’s intention and how much weight does it hold? For me, I consider ace!Reyna canon because it’s basically made canon in The Tyrant’s Tomb (although RR generally seems to have an aversion to outright stating labels in his books? Like, he’s never said Apollo is bi, or Nico is gay, even though those things are made clear in the text and on his twitter), and because asexuality is marginalized, and any explicit representation of it, whether in the text or on twitter is important. 

I stand by my initial post (although I have added the correction that Reyna is a romantic ace, not an ace aro), because it’s the closest I’ve gotten to articulating my feelings, but I don’t think anyone is all the way there yet. 

I think the progression of how the Hunt (and the role of the oracle) has changed over the books is very interesting. Because it starts very clearly as this place of refuge for girls escaping patriarchal confines. Bianca joins to escape motherhood; Zoe joins to escape Hercules; Thalia joins to reclaim her agency from the gods by rejecting the prophecy. 

Reyna joining the Hunt is a very interesting case, because I don’t know that we get such a clear reason for it. My best interpretation of it is that she joins to escape the social pressures to have a sexual relationship (a pressure real asexual people experience all the time, and a pressure that is the result of the patriarchy.) In that case, her reasonings do follow that of the other Hunter’s we’ve seen - she joins to escape patriarchal expectations. (I think Calypso would have been the best person to join the Hunt, but thats a different conversation.) 

There is also your interpretation, which is valid, because, with the exception of Bianca, the three women who join the Hunt have all rejected or been rejected by men (Hercules, Luke, Jason, and Percy respectively). And it can be both. Like, his intention could have been the first one, but there are implications that lead to the second one. As much as I think Rachel becoming the oracle made sense and was well foreshadowed, it did leave open a clear path for Percabeth to get together that was so wide I recognized it as an 8th grader. 

Where this becomes a problem with Reyna in particular is that before The Tyrant’s Tomb (although I guess a case could be made for Blood of Olympus), she doesn’t seem to want to join the Hunt. It’s unclear what she’s escaping and/or gaining by joining. She seems to have a lot going for her at Camp Jupiter, and, given what RR has said about romance amongst the Hunt, it cannot be romantically motivated by Thalia (although, I don’t think that would have been a good reason for her to join). 

Not sure where any of this is going. It’s all complicated, and I don’t think any of us have the right answers. 

#that was long and ended without a so what because i don't know what the so what is #thanks for coming to my ted talk #Anonymous

[askanaroace]

[screenshots of a tumblr post: @multishipper-baby asked: Hey, I have a question! Can I identify as a bi aroace if I'm gray-romantic? I know it's still in the aro spectrum, but I don't want to make other aroaces uncomfortable and use a label that's not mine

/end ask

@biaroace answered:I’ll start off by saying that I cannot control what you or anyone else calls themselves. However, I will say that I personally wouldn’t be comfortable with someone aro/ace-spec [a-spec for short] using “bi aroace” for the sake of brevity alone (and this goes for any other flavor of oriented aroace). 

“Why? Ace-spec people call themselves ace all the time. How is this any different?” That’s because the dynamics of the ace community are very different: asexuals are prioritized within their own orientation. They don’t have to fight to be recognized within their own label. They don’t have to question whether a post employing the term “asexual” includes them or not. They aren’t hesitantly listed off fifth in a list of possible definitions at best and outright excluded at worst whenever someone asks “what’s an asexual?”. Rather, those were the plights of a-spec people. 

I believe that’s the very reason a-specs made their own terms, and adopted the terms of the dominant majority (aro/ace) as shorthand. It’s perfectly justifiable! It’s admirable, even! But to transfer this practice onto oriented aroace labels would be a grave mistake, because as of now, we hold nowhere near the influential power aces and aros hold within their own communities. If anything, it is a-specs who are prioritized over us. A-specs who are taken as being the more “acceptable” meaning of bi aroace (as opposed to us weird oriented aroace heathens with our ~non-romantic/sexual unspecified attraction~). A-specs who are the face of our very orientation despite employing it as a mere shorthand. You’re not sticking it to the big man by claiming “bi aroace” as an a-spec person. You’re repeating exactly what was done to you. In order to help us be rid of this dynamic, I encourage you to leave “bi aroace” to oriented aroaces and instead use the equally cool alternate shorthands provided by your very own aro/ace-spec communities. For instance, bi-grayro ace could act as a neat shorthand for you (plus it’s got the same amount of syllables!) :>

Finally, I’d like to thank you for having taken the time to send this message. Your mindfulness as an ally is greatly appreciated, and I hope my response cleared things up!!

/end answer

@babyferrettails reblogs with: Yes! I’m sick of people saying that someone who uses an “orientation+aroace” term to describe themselves are probably grayace or grayro. It completely undermines oriented aroaces which is unfortunately the norm in the community already. @biaroace I’m glad you took the time to type this up it explains it really well!

/end reblog

@aceexplorations reblogs with: So I️ understand where you peeps are coming from. I️ really do. But as someone who would like to identify as a lesbian aroace but can only get up the courage to identify as an aroace who desires a long term relationship but only with other women, I️ really don’t mind people who are aro/asespec identifying as a label-aroace.My reason is this: At the moment you never hear of ANYONE identifying as label-aroace and as a result anytime anyone does people, all people, question how that is possible. The more people use the label the faster others will get used to hearing it. And as long as people remember to include an explanation for how someone who is aroace and not aroacespec can be label-aroace I️ think getting people more familiar with the label can only help.Plus, I️ don’t believe in telling somebody how they should or should not identify. They should do whatever makes them feel the most comfortable.

/end caption]

Yeah... I'm actually incredibly uncomfortable with this push to limit who can identify how, especially in this context. I’m tagging @multishipper-baby to make sure he can see multiple perspectives on this, and thank you @aceexplorations for speaking up as well.

For one, the orientation+aroace format was something people were using before "oriented aroace" came about, and there are still people who identify this way who do not specifically identify as an oriented aroace. It'd be one thing if it was a natural progression of the term changing to mean something more specifically, but forcefully trying to push people out of a term that has been open to them before "oriented aroace" became a named, defined thing does not at all sit well with me.

For two, there are many reasons - all extremely valid - why some choose to verbally identify, identify only as, or in many cases shorten to aro/ace when they are aspec. For example, can be easier than getting into an even more detailed explanation and so plain exhaust them less. It could even mean that they feel more comfortable setting boundaries in not having to discuss personal matters that may make them uncomfortable. We've long been pushing that aromantic and asexual can absolutely be umbrella terms and that you don't have to identify as aspec or some certain aspec term if you don't want, aren't comfortable with, don't prefer, or are unsure where you otherwise stand. To limit that now after we've worked really hard to make these terms open and welcoming to folk who are constantly wondering if they belong... I can't tell you how many times I've seen demia folk asking if they're welcome in the community, and graya in particular was hit extremely violently by exclusionism (at one point, basically dying out as a known label and only recently being talked about again).

For three, it’s long been the tagline of the queer community (perhaps particularly for nonbinary and aspec people, but I am currently most involved in those communities) that labels are, first and foremost, for ourselves. Do we feel a connection to labeling a certain way, even if it’s merging or stringing together multiple terms? Does it help us communicate how we feel? Does it bring us a sense of relief to use the term? Then we should use it (excluding instances of cultural appropriation or other harmful actions)! I am not seeing a reason here why it harms either oriented aroaces or non-oriented aroace orientation+aroaces to both be using the format orientation+aroace.

Finally... I'm sorry, I'm just not at all understanding the point of limiting who can identify as an orientation+aroace. When we're creating strict and limiting turns, we have to ask ourselves: why? What purpose is this serving? Does it help more people than it hurts? Is it unnecessarily leaving people out/making people feel unwelcome and/or invalid?

Honestly, I understand the argument so little, I can’t even make a point against it, nor figure out what the heck question I should be asking. The aspec spectrums simply do not exist in some sort of hierarchy as you are implying. Some folk may have more visibility than others (due to the size of the community, how long they’ve been pushing for education - not due to a particular in community effort to maliciously destabilize ourselves), and it’s true that right now there’s a lot of valid discussions going on about how people need to be careful with their words (stop saying aromantic when you mean asexual), but nobody was gatekeeping orientation+aroace until these ideas on your blog started coming up.

I saw someone trying to argue that they wanted oriented aroace to have full ownership over orientation+aroace because they wanted it to be immediately clear to people that they were specifically aroace and not graya, to which, I’m sorry, but I have to call bullshit. Orientation labels honestly say very little about us and the true complexities of our feelings, and they work well that way!

For example, someone who identifies as bi may be someone: with a strong preference for one gender over another, someone who’s only attracted to a specific amount of genders, someone who’s attracted to multiple genders but may not even include one of the expected binary genders, someone with no discernable preference for one gender over another, someone who’s attracted to all genders but considers gender an important component of their attraction, etc. Someone saying they’re bi doesn’t tell you anything beyond the fact that they’re attracted to two or more genders!

Aro and ace have long been this way as well. Even aroace is as well! There are so many details and intricacies to our feelings, desires, repulsions, aversions, preferences, wants, etc. that no label could possibly encompass all important aspects of our identity! At some point, there’s gotta be a breakdown where we realize that labels are a quick summary of how we feel, not the end all, be all of who we are or how we’re allowed to feel.

Aspec people calling themselves aromantic, asexual, or aroace all know there is a tradeoff to not outright specifying the spectrum part of their identity, and they are making the choice for themselves that they are okay and comfortable with what that entails. It should not be up to us to try and shame them out of that. As aspec people, we are not taking anything from each other by using our own community’s terms!!! It’s a difficult amatonormative, sexnormative, heteronormative world we must navigate. Our terms and our community should make it easier for us to navigate these minefields, not create more minefields to trip each other up in.

I’d be completely fine if “oriented aroace” itself was a term to specifically be defined in a strict manner. I am not okay with the bold claims that oriented aroaces somehow own the pattern of merging together identity terms in non-standard ways to describe themselves, specifically owning oriented+aroace, of which I have an incredibly hard time believing they invented.

So far, I’m not seeing how it harms us to keep orientation+aroace something open. However, I am hearing from people who are hurt by trying to make it more exclusive.

#gatekeeping #identity policing #exclusion #excluding #community discussions #aroace #oriented aroace #anti graya #anti grayro #anti grace #anti acespec #anti arospec #anti aspec #identity #yikes i didn't want to believe it when shades of grayro mentioned it #but this leaves me feeling very gross

[gneumatics]

Hey hope I don't offend anyone but I wanna ask a question. Do you think it's a bit unnecessary and harmful by grouping nearly every single person into the LGBTQ+. Like things like demiromantic and demisexual seem to be an extension of other sexualities and people who are those ones are not really obressed or at risk of death like gay or trans ppl. I'm technically demiromantic but it doesn't impact my life and I'd rather more obressed or shamed ppl get the pride since I'm straight and get no hate

Well, that’s a bit of a loaded question but I’m going to assume you’re asking it in good faith.

Short answer:

I’m queer and I believe that queer is an incredibly inclusive identity and political ideology that anyone who doesn’t fit into the dyadic cis-allo-hetero-patriarchy can opt into.

Therefore, my products are for anyone who can identify as queer, i.e. anyone who isn’t cis dyadic hetero (both romantic and sexual). The only reason I don’t call my collections ‘queer pride x’ is because I already have a ‘queer pride x’ with the queer chevrons.

I have demi friends who id as queer and I have demi friends who don’t. The important thing is that the umbrella is open to anyone who wants it.

Long answer:

The idea that you can only have pride if someone is trying to hurt you is.

Uh.

Problematic.

Playing Oppression Olympics like this - saying that you must experience so much aggression to be able to show pride in your identit(y/ies) - is directly cribbed from the terf playbook, and therefore you should be careful about whether or not you want to pick this particular hill.

Terfism as a movement comes from Political Lesbianism, which saw lesbians as the most important - and therefore most oppressed - identity. Therefore terfs see lesbians as the most oppressed minority, which means that any attention given to any other identity is ipso facto an attack on lesbians. Later, this mindset transitioned to straight up trans-antagonism and transphobia (for obvious reasons: lesbians are women only!!! -> Trans women are men trying to trick poor innocent lesbians into sex!1!! -> All trans people are fake!!!1!1!11!!) that gave terfs the name.

Now, if you go up to any random lgbt person and tell them that only lesbians are important, at best you’ll be gently corrected, most likely you’ll be laughed at, and and at worst you’ll be at the business end of some very pointed remarks/violence.

So terfs shifted their targets to be ‘acceptable’ which is to say, people not in the then majority-used acronym LGBT. So the aces and aros (and all aspec folx tbqh), the nonbinaries, and if we’re really honest, the bis have always been acceptable targets to terfs.

This is because if a younger lgbt or queer person gets convinced that this group or that identity isn’t really lgbt and that giving them any attention is at best a waste of time, energy, and/or resources and at worst a direct attack on more deserving minority groups (particularly lesbians), then it’s much easier to expand the focus.

If the demis aren’t ‘allowed in the lgbt’, why should the other aspecs? If the aspecs aren’t lgbt, then the bi people aren’t really either, are they, if you think about it, right? The same escalation occurs with the gender spectrum too, from gnc non-lesbians ‘appropriating lesbian terms’ (even if the terms in question were never lesbian specific) to all nonbinary folx (these two often happen concurrently) to all trans people.

This is called radicalization and it is how the terfs went from a movement with little online presence outside of the spaces that made for themselves to getting terf ideology spread by well-meaning blogs that don’t realize the movement behind that catchphrase they just reblogged.

Back to my original point, people are allowed to have pride even if they are accepted and not “at risk of death”. My gay friend is allowed to wear a rainbow pin even though his whole family

has supported his relationship with his husband and the closest thing to oppression that he has experienced, by his own words, was minor bullying by kids in middle school that stopped after the school stepped in.

Having pride is not contingent on how many times you personally have been insulted or bullied or attached. It’s not even dependent on how many people who share your identity have experienced any of those things. If you don’t share the whole experience of the Cis Straights, then you don’t have to be one of them. If you’re not one of them, then you’re one of us.

For some people, being hetero demi is basically straight (like you!) and that’s absolutely fine! But not everyone feels that way. And to say that everyone like you has to share your experiences and opinions is insulting - both to those others and to yourself.

If you don’t want to buy my merch, that’s fine. But don’t take away the option for others.

#queer #demi #gatekeeping #terf rhetoric #im not saying that liyahhblogs is a terf but i do discuss terf rhetoric in this post #liyahhblogs

[iamchrissi]

We leave only a mark

AroAce!Natasha for the world

“He's friends with a member of the World Security Council. You know, the guys who basically rule the world? Yeah, he's friends with one of them.” He looks at her, desire to impress and desire for sex written all over his face, and Natasha plays along, let's herself gasp as though she is excited about this. “I saw him once, after a meeting. Looked like a regular guy, white hair and all, but, you know... rules the world.”

He's also a member of Hydra, and probably recruited the CEO of Mikros Engineering into it, as well. Which explains at least some of the tech Hydra has, and why Michael Mikros doesn't seem afraid of AIM.

Natasha quickly leaves the party after that. She gives Mikros a fake phone number, bats her eye lashes a bit more, and resists the urge to roll her eyes as she feels his eyes on her ass. She doesn't really like jobs like this, job that rely on her sex appeal, but she doesn't hate them, either. She's good at them, good at making them see a woman for the night, and as long as they only see that, they don't see a spy. And it's easy, so, win win.

“You know, there's a queer cafe in town. I go there every now and then, I could take you too, if you wanted.” Laura says one day, walking a fussing Lila around while Natasha is trying to feed Coop some mashed potatoes.

“I... I don't know.” Natasha says. It's... not something she's ever thought about, really. Not about Laura being bi, the giant bi pride flag that decorated the wall being something of a tip off about that, but about... being out to strangers.

Natasha's body is a weapon, and her sex appeal is part of that. An important part. Once people know that she's not into sex... well, most of them either stop seeing her as human, or they want to fix her. As though being ace means she is broken.

“You don't have to, of course. But everyone knows you as Clint's sister anyway, so that wouldn't be a problem. And the people there are really nice. Clint's been there a few times, too. You could go with him, if you wanted.” Laura tells her, walking in a small circle now. Lila seems to calm down a bit.

“I... maybe. I think I'll... need time for that. But maybe.” Natasha says, trying to concentrate on Coop, and on getting the food into his mouth. It's more difficult than it seems, given that Coop doesn't really seem interested in eating.

“But thank you for offering.”

She used to wonder, if being ace was something that was done to her. If it's just another part of her that the Red Room broke. If, had she never been a Black Widow, she wouldn't be ace.

At some point, though, she decided it doesn't matter. It's part of who she is. Like that wry sense of humor that still surprises her sometimes, or the way she builds herself layer over layer, or the fact that it turns out she wants to believe in doing the right thing.

Natasha changes her hair, her name, sometimes even her eyes. She changes her accent and her nationality and her loyalty, but she can't change that. Being ace is part of her. She decides she's proud of it.

Stark gives them all rooms in his tower. Well, technically speaking, it's the Avengers Tower now, but Natasha doesn't think it well never not be Stark's. She's pretty sure everyone else knows it, too. Maybe Stark will realize that someday, maybe he won't.

“Look, I've got you everything you could ever need.” He says, pointing at her rooms. They are full of tasteful, expensive furniture, which means that it was definitively Pepper who got everything, not him. Natasha raises her eyebrow at him, and he sighs.

“Bed, wardrobe, bathroom, kitchen, books, weapons storage... hell, I even got you a fully stocked naughty cupboard. Condoms, Lube, whatever you need... I promise I won't ask about anyone you bring up here!” He points at a black cupboard. Natasha rolls her eyes.

“I won't use any of the stuff.” She says, stifling a sigh. The bed looks comfy, she will admit that. Not as nice as the bed she has at the farm, but she is willing to admit that that's probably down to the fact that the farm is home, and this will never be. She's biased. But this... this is Stark trying. So... it's not terrible.

“You're the hottest woman I know, of course you'll have the opportunity to use it. But, like I said, I won't ask. It's a rule. Pepper insisted. Any partners that are brought to the rooms are not talked about unless you bring it up.” Stark tells her, looking somewhat sincere.

“That's not...” Natasha starts, but then shakes her head. She's not in the mood to explain asexuality today, and really, she doesn't know Stark enough for that yet.

He doesn't seem to have heard her anyway.

The trainers taught them about sex. Mostly about how to use it to get what they want. How to seduce, and how to pretend to be seduced. How to fake attraction and desire, even when the target was disgusting. How to pretend to consider a ninety year old hot.

They didn't teach them about their own sexuality. It wasn't important. They weren't people to them, after all. Just weapons. Weapons don't have desires, Weapons simply function, or they don't function. Then they get fixed.

When she was a little girl, Natasha thought that desire was a male thing. That's what the teachers talked about, that men would want pretty girls, and that it was their duty to make them want them. That good little dancers could make anyone want them.

She was twelve when she was told about seducing women, and thirteen when she realized that Warwara wasn't just friends with Galina.

She wasn't sure what she thought about that. Maybe she was jealous, because they were so close. Because they trusted each other in a way nobody here did. Because they could trust each other like that.

Maybe she thought she was superior to them, not distracted by love like this. Not having to deal with feelings. Or loyalties to anyone but their trainers.

She thinks it was both. She's not proud of the latter, but at thirteen, being the best, the most focused, was still important to her. These days, she's just sad. She knows how they died, can still see Warwara curled around Galina, Galina's blood all over Warwara's hair, a knife sticking out of Warwara's back.

They were children. All of them. The trainers wanted to turn them into weapons, but they were children, too.

“Want to go on a date?” Maria asks, straight forward and precise as always. Natasha appreciates that. She can read innuendo, and implications, but she likes it when she doesn't have to. She likes it when things are clear.

“No. I'm aro ace.” She says. Direct and clear. No ambiguities or possibilities for misunderstandings. She knows that Maria likes it that way, too. Something about being the deputy director of a huge secret organization. Or possibly just something about Maria. Her friend nods.

“Okay. Want to be my wing woman?” Maria asks, and Natasha smiles.

“Sure.”

Clint and her teach themselves how to knit during a long, cold mission in Belarus. They are mostly waiting for their marks to make their move, and are stuck between hiding in their safe house and staking out the human traffickers.

They've been working together for three years by now, and Natasha's been to the farms a few times, enough that she feels almost as though she's part of Clint's family. Almost. She's an assassin after all, a Black Widow. THE Black Widow. She doesn't have a family.

They make scarves. It's the easiest pattern in the book they've brought, and they figure they can use them immediately.

“The blue will look cute on you.” Clint says, looking at the tangled mess in her lap. She picked out the color so carefully, but apparently, knitting takes more practice than she'd thought, because what she has so far just doesn't really look good.

“I actually thought about giving this one to Cooper, but the way it looks... probably the next one, instead.” She says, almost shyly. She's held Coop, has babysitted him, she knows that Clint trusts her with him, that he approves of her caring about his son, but it still feels... weird, to talk about Clint's family like this.

His eyes light up, and it makes Natasha feel warm inside. Wanted. Not sexually, not like all those men who ogle her whenever they have a chance, but as though Clint really wants her to be part of his family.

“He'd like that. Even if the scarf is a bit tangled.” Clint says, smiling genuinely, and Natasha knows that he means that he likes it, too. And that he is touched by the gesture. She smiles.

“And yours? Purple is definitively your color.” She teases. It's true. Clint has always had a thing about purple, though the shade he's using isn't really... him, somehow. Which is strange, because he wears all sorts of different shades of purple. It just doesn't feel right for him, she thinks.

“It's not for me.” He says, but refuses to elaborate.

When they leave, he hands her the scarf, and she realizes it's not only purple, but white, gray and black too, arranged like the ace pride flag. They've never talked about it, she'd never brought it up and he'd never asked. They don't talk about it now, either. But she grins, and he smiles, and that's enough.

“Are you lonely?” Nick asks. Natasha looks up from her book. The question is kind of out of the blue, really, especially given that Nick knows where and more importantly with whom she is going to spend Christmas.

“No. Why would I be?” She asks in return, fixing him with a searching look. Nick doesn't do personal questions, not really. Not usually. Not when he is most likely going to show up for Christmas, too.

“Do you...” He stops, shaking his head. It's awkward, and he knows it. “Do you want to date someone?” And, okay, this is not something Natasha ever thought she'd talk to Nick of all people about. She knows he cares, but dating? Really?

“Nope. I'm good. And ace.” She tells him, and he nods. He won't ask what that means. Whether he knows, or is just going to look it up later, she's not sure, but it's not like he'd say either way.

“Are you lonely?” Natasha asks. She doesn't think so, but if he's asking her... he doesn't have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, either, as far as she knows. And Natasha knows a lot.

“To busy to be lonely. And I've got people.” He smiles, that rare smile that he reserves for her and Clint and Laura and the kids. She smiles, too.

It's Sam who drags them to the bar. He says something about doing normal people things, and about letting go, and Natasha thinks that it might be what counts as a bonding exercise for him.

She's not good with bonding stuff. She usually just... makes sure she can trust a person, and then... sort of acts as their friend until they catch up. Which usually takes ages. She thinks she's copying that from Clint. He'd essentially acted as though he was her brother more or less from the moment he had decided not to kill her.

Steve has caught up, finally. It took fighting Nazis to get there, but he's realized that their friends. And Sam is a friend too, sort of. She's looked him up, has memorized his file and picked up a lot through his reactions to things, but she doesn't really know him yet. So... bar.

It's an old bar, not ugly but with character. Two exits, Natasha notes, plus the way through the kitchen. A few people, but not too many. She can keep an eye on them, and the bartender. It's nice. And judging by the way Sam looks at her, he knows that that's what she would appreciate about this place. She allows herself to smile.

“Nice place.” She says, and Sam grins. Steve nods. His hair is a muddy brown, just like hers. She had insisted. No point in getting recognized as two Avengers and Falcon. Not when the fall of SHIELD is still so fresh in people's mind.

They order their drinks, talking about all sort of things, none that are important. The alcohol doesn't really affect Natasha, whether that's due to her being Russian or due to her being a Black Widow, she's doesn't know, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't affect Steve, either, and Sam is drinking a beer. It's... nice. Not like going out with Clint or Laura, or Maria or Coulson, but... nice.

“See those guys over there?” Sam asks after a while. “They're cute. And they've been staring at us for a while.” Steve looks over immediately, and Natasha sighs fondly. Subtly is not his strong suit.

“They look... nice?” He says. The question mark is obvious in his voice. Natasha chuckles. The group Sam is referring to is composed of three men and two women in their late twenties, all of them conventionally good looking.

“None of them catch your eye? Both of you could do with a distraction, you know.” Sam says, and Natasha knows he's teasing them, but she somehow answering honestly feels right, anyway.

“Nah.” She says, taking a sip of her drink, preparing herself for questions and judgemental idiots. “Not interested in sex.”

Steve stares at her. She wonders if she should explain things to him. She's not Stark, she knows that queer people didn't pop up in the last twenty years, but asexuality isn't commonly known even today, so...

“I'm asexual. It's a sexual orientation, like straight, gay or bisexual. It means I'm not sexually attracted to anyone. There are asexuals who like to have sex anyway, but I'm not one of them. Honestly speaking, I'm the cliché asexual. I prefer cake.” She explains, feeling slightly self conscious. Which is stupid. Steve doesn't do judgy about stuff like this, she knows that.

“I know what asexuality is, I looked it up when I woke up. I just... didn't realize I knew another asexual.” Steve says, and wow, Natasha had not expected this to be where this conversation was going.

“Wait, you're both ace?” Sam asks, looking genuinely interested, and maybe Laura is right and Natasha actually does have pretty good instincts when it comes to friends.

“Well, I'm demi. And biromantic. Or panromantic. Haven't really figured that part out, yet. But... definitively on the ace spectrum. I... I never knew anyone else that was on the ace spectrum, too.” He seems relieved to say it openly, and suddenly Natasha can't help but think of how all those conservatives thought that Steve was the perfect icon for the rich, white and straight. Oops.

“So... what you're telling me is that nobody here is straight. Nice.” Sam says, grinning at them. Natasha smiles. She's pretty sure he's been trying to flirt with both her and Steve since he met them, so...

“Bisexual?” She asks.

“And proud.” He says with a grin. Steve's grinning, too. Natasha smirks.

#natasha romanov #clint barton #laura barton #sam wilson #steve rogers #maria hill #nick fury #marvel #ace natasha #hill is a lesbian #also sam steve and laura are all bi #chris writes #natasha

[grantairelibere]

Modern Amis (and co.) Coming-Out Headcanons

(I don’t even remember how the subject came up but @beatlemaniacinthetardis and I were taking about the Amis getting together at someone’s house and telling each other stories from when they came out of the closet. We stayed up way too late last night coming up with these so we felt the need to share) 

Bahorel comes out to his family when he goes downstairs in the rainbowest of rainbow shirts, announces that he’s going to Pride, and just sort of stares at each of them until they understand.

Courfeyrac realizes he’s gay in his preteen years and it takes him like a year to work up the courage to come out to his friends (Enjolras and Combeferre) and family (mom and dad). When he tells them they all just go “sweetie, we know”. Enjolras and Combeferre bake him a confetti cake that says CONGRATS in edible glitter. Courfeyrac cries. 

Feuilly doesn’t really have anyone to come out to, since he has no living relations and he went straight into a job at a young age. He kind of...forgets to, to be honest, so he’s not out to his co-workers. They only find out when Bahorel comes to get him from work one day and he kisses Feuilly hello.  

Like in canon, Cosette grows up into a pretty girl who loves attention. She’s very meticulous about the way she looks and is like nice when she notices guys checking her out. One day, though, a pretty girl smiles at her and does the checking-out thing and Cosette is like oh no when she feels her heart do the THING. She tells papa later that evening, and he’s amazing and supportive because, well, he’s Jean Valjean. He joins her marching in the Pride parade the following summer. 

Enjolras’ coming out doesn’t go so well. He’s pretty much known he likes boys since forever ago, but only tells his parents at the end of high school. His parents are cold and arrange a Nice Girl for him to marry at the age of 25 or whatever. Enjolras fights with them on it, but when they continue to stand firm he decides they don’t deserve to be in his life anyway. He moves in with Combeferre, who he came out to years ago.

Joly and Bossuet, who have basically known each other since birth, come out to each other before anyone else. They then make a pact to come out to their friends and family on the same day. Bossuet’s parents don’t take it so well--his dad is pissed, and his mom tries to push him to go back to church. His friends, too, say “yeah that’s cool” but he can tell every time he says something that even approaches the subject of his sexuality that they’re weird about it. Joly’s, on the other hand, went well. His friends start teasing him like “yeah man I bet you thought you had appendicitis the first time you saw a guy you liked” and stuff, but they’re cool with it. Joly’s family ends up pretty much adopting Bossuet, too. Bossuet’s parents come knocking for him one day and Joly’s four younger siblings work together to slam the door in their face. (Bonus: since those two have a hivemind, they tell each other about being poly the same day.)

The subject of their combined affections, Musichetta, was a total badass about her coming out. She told her parents straight up that she was poly/pan. They were not sold on the idea, but she told them to accept her as she was or she’d leave without a second thought. It takes them a while to get used to the idea, but Chetta answers whatever questions they have. They grow to understand her, and come to love Joly and Bossuet once the three of them start dating.

Jehan has a hard time with it all. They WANT to come out, to family and friends alike, but they want to understand themselves before they try and explain it to anyone else. They tell this to the Amis who are all just like...you don’t have to ever figure it out. It’s alright. No matter who you are or what you do or who you love, we’ll be here to support you. Jehan cries really hard because they’ve been so confused for so long and their found family is saying that it’s okay to be unsure forever because who needs a title anyway? The greatest of group hugs happens that day, Jehan smiling in the centre of it. (Bonus: shortly after that, Jehan asks the Amis to start saying “they/them”. Grantaire buys a ton of neutral-looking clothes with gross flower print that he knows Jehan will LOVE. Enjolras falls in love with R a lil bit more since he knows he doesn't have all that much money but he spent a bunch of it for Jehan to be happy and comfortable anyway).

Combeferre comes out to all his friends shortly after he meets them, but he never comes out to his family at all. He knows they’re homophobic, and a) he doesn’t like to start fights, and b) he decides that they don’t deserve to know. In an act of silent rebellion, he secretly gets a part-time job as a sales guy at a boot shop for drag queens. Courfeyrac’s the shop’s #1 customer. (Kinky Boots AU someone back me up here)

While Marius is almost entirely on the straight side, but every so often he’ll meet a man who sets his little Pontmercy heart aflutter. Courf is one of those guys and when they end up roommates Marius kind of...”aksdjasgkdhdh Lord save my poor bisexual soul”. But then he meets Cosette. He doesn’t tell her for ages because he’s terrified of what she’ll think, but eventually he works up the courage. She laughs because hey she’s bi too!! From that point on, they point out attractive people of various genders to each other while they’re on dates. (Bonus: one day, Marius and his grandfather get into an argument about politics over dinner. In a moment of passion, Marius stands and yells “LONG LIVE NAPOLEON! ALSO, I SOMETIMES LIKE BOYS!” His grandfather faints into his chair.)

Eponine never really had friends, so she has no frame of reference for what romantic attraction feels like. When she meets Marius, she figures instantly that what she’s feeling is romantic love. Shortly after, she meets Cosette and feels the same way. Now she’s confused. And then she meets the rest of the Amis and feels the same way about ALL of them. It’s very strange to have a crush on everyone, she thinks. With Grantaire and Jehan’s help, she comes to understand that what she’s feeling is, in fact, platonic love. And god, is she relieved to know. The only family members she tells about being aro/ace are Gavroche and Azelma. Azelma is like “I think that might be me too” and Gav is like “sweet, more lovely ladies for me”.

FINALLY, Grantaire. He’s never really given a shit about what gender his lovers were, and never given a shit about who knows about it. He doesn’t know or care whether or not his parents know. But oh, god, then he meets Enjolras, and can no longer imagine loving anyone else of any gender. When the Amis share their coming out stories, he just snorts and says ‘does it count if you’re only attracted to one person?’ and he accidentally stares at Enj as he says it and the Amis collectively suck in a breath because if they didn’t know who he was talking about before, they certainly do now.  (Bonus: Everyone braces themselves when Enj stands up and goes to R, thinking Enj is going to try and start shit, but they start applauding when instead Enjolras grabs Grantaire’s face and kisses the life out of him). 

#SORRY FOR THE NOVEL #grantaire #eponine #marius #combeferre #jehan #musichetta #joly #bossuet #enjolras #cosette #feuilly #courfeyrac #bahorel #bahorel x feuilly #j/b/m #les mis modern au #enjoltaire #exr #marisette #THIS IS A LOT OF TAGS FUKC #amis #les mis headcanon #sh*t priscilla says #thank u Hayley for helping w this and listening to me scream #beatlemaniacinthetardis #long post

[phdna]

How do you reconcile wanting more male-male friendships that are openly affectionate and also wanting more representation? Because I love Steve and Bucky as friends, but I think representation matters and I never know if I should or shouldn't ship them... (And would your answer for this depends on whether we're talking about MCU or comics?)

I don’t have much time now so I’ll be ultra quick in my answer. I hope that’s fine. It’s just that this question has been in my inbox for a while now and I think it’ll be rude if I don’t answer it now. I wish I had more time!

So, first of all, I’m really not the best person to ask about this! You see, you really ought to be asking people who are directly affected by representation, in this case, people who identify as LGBT+. I usually write down my sexuality as quoisexual/quoiromantic, though for the past months I’ve been wondering if I���m not grey ace/aro. But either way, this is not a major part of my life and so I wouldn’t call myself LGBT+ and by default am not a good person to talk about this kind of thing.

However, while I encourage you to find other people to ask this to (more than one, btw, because naturally, no person can speak for an entire group), I’ll still answer this ask, so as long as you remember this is a personal opinion you should take with several grains of salt.

I’m a huge fan of close platonic relationships, regardless of what genders are involved. BROTPs are one of my favorite things in the world. I love to see women being there for each other (still mourning the end of Peggy and Angie), I love to see men and women loving each other without being love interests (Steve and Nat and Steve and Wanda are personal favorites), and I love to see men openly caring about each other with no “No Homo” tags attached (Steve and Sam and Steve and Bucky are a given, but can we also talk about Tony and Rhodey, please?). All these things are rare. Female characters are sorely lacking in the MCU (and in the world in general), and usually the ones that do exist hate each other or simply don’t interact. Everybody also knows that if a man and a woman get along in any meaningful way, they’re secretly soulmates, or are at least up to some casual making out, right? - well, Hollywood is pretty sure that’s how it goes, anyway. But male-male friendships are weird in the sense that there’s plenty of them to pick - but far too few are actually… well, loving. Loyal, sure. Interesting, definitely. But affectionate? Openly emotional? Nah.

Now, some of this comes down to the general rule that men aren’t allowed to have feelings. (Which is complete BS and one of the reasons why men also need feminism.) I think fiction has to acknowledge this to some extent. For the past several decades, men have been taught to not express emotions except for violent or sexual ones, and well… it’s hard to imagine a bunch of guys in modern day America not being emotionally repressed to some extent. So that’s a factor that comes into play when writing a script. That being said, using that as an excuse to have muscly icebergs of testosterone parading around as human beings is simply lazy writing. I don’t really expect the Avengers to go all “LET ME HUG YOU AND TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU”  to each other, or even to want to do that, but if you have to tell me “Oh they actually care about each other” for me to see it, then this is being done wrong. One of these days I’ll make a post about it, but an easy example is Steve and Tony. In Avengers and AoU, we’re supposed to believe they actually care about each other underneath all the fighting. And yeah, I think they care a bit, as teammates. But in CACW, you can actually see it without having Teaming Up Moments or “But I Actually Respect You!” Speeches. There’s actually friendly body language, there’s them seeing right through each other’s BS, there’s worrying about each other without particularly noticing it. And that’s an antagonistic dynamic!! You can do much more with people who DO get along. But that’s only if you acknowledge that men are human beings and human beings have hearts, and that hearts =/= hormones.

But not writing male emotion well isn’t the only thing that keep us from having genuinely affectionate male-male friendships. There’s the whole No Homo culture. I don’t think I have to elaborate here, but just to clarify - if men are affectionate towards each other, they must be secretly gay.

…so what?

I mean, if a guy wears a baseball cap, somebody might think he’s into baseball. Do you think your average guy would stop wearing baseball caps ever or have to say “Dude, I’m not a baseball fan, I’m wearing this baseball cap for a completely unrelated yet true reason” as a default disclaimer? That sounds bizarre. And it IS bizarre. Because there’s nothing wrong with being mistaken by a baseball fan. Which leads us to… well, the entire No Homo culture happens because society teaches that being guy is a bad thing.

So part (only part!!!) of the reason I would love for Steve and Bucky to be canon in the MCU is because I want more male-male friendships! If being gay stops being seen as wrong, there’ll be nothing wrong with seeming gay. So even if a random BROTP some years from now explodes as a ship, there’ll be no reason to change their dynamics, much like they don’t often change male-female dynamics just because people are shipping them when the Official Ship is a different one.

Personally, Steve and Bucky are my BROTP. That’s how I see them, that’s how I headcanon them. Politically? I’ll take any chance to yell at Marvel that making them an official OTP is something I want. Because I DO want it. My headcanons are far less important than the effect that Captain America being bi would have on so many people who need to see this happening. But at the same time, I can also yell at Marvel to keep writing men having positive, emotional relationships with each other. It’s one of those situations you can have your cake and eat it too. In general, I want to see more friendships; in particular, I want the symbolism of Captain “Always Right” America and Bucky “Baddass In Human Form” Barnes being LGBT+. Mostly, because I’m not LGBT+, I’m an ally, and being an ally means I fight together with them. And if their current (is it current? I haven’t been much online lately) fight is that, then my voice will be heard in support of them. That’s pretty much it.

Now, this is all an oversimplification. Society isn’t made of neat bullet points. It’s more of a web. So if you start wondering why men aren’t allowed to have loving friendships with each other in the way women usually are, you’ll end up uncovering lots of theories about feminism and gender and other stuff like them. Look them up! Educate yourself! Because this is really complicated and there’s no cookie-cutter answer, I believe. So maybe you’ll end up realizing (and please, please, please, talk to all minorities involved as you do that!) that you feel more strongly about the emotional repression of men than about LGBT+ issues. It’s possible and it’s not for me to say it that’s right or wrong. (Again, talk to the people directly affected by these things!)

All this being said, I strongly believe shipping shouldn’t be about what you feel you should be doing, but about what you enjoy. I think it IS a moral duty to do SOMETHING to make the world a more equal place for all, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be how you consume entertainment. You have to be critical and you have to take a stand when the media crosses the line, yes, but there are other forms of activism to explore as well, and it’s an impossible standard to be in social justice mode 24/7. Do what makes you happy, just make sure you aren’t being a passive bystander when it comes to other people’s rights.

But just to say it one more time: this is only my opinion and I’m probably wrong about at least something.

As for whether my answer would depend…………….. I don’t know. I feel a little conflicted about shipping Steve and Bucky in the comics because there are definitely father-son overtones to their dynamics even though modern comics have them having only a small (4 years, give or take) age gap now. I feel like making them canon might do more harm than good, because it could be very, very easily twisted to make them sound like an abusive relationship of some sort. Even in universe, it could be problematic: Bucky sees Steve as his commander, and Steve still sees Bucky as a child, and I’m not sure I can imagine what would need to happen for them to actually get together without either of them or both feeling uncomfortable, possibly enough to make this a slightly dubcon-y situation. But then again, a talented writer could probably make it work by playing down the creepy elements and playing up the fact that they DO see each other as equals and would never do anything to hurt each other on any level (which is also true.) So my answer is basically: I don’t know.

So yeah, that’s my far from perfect reply to your ask. Sorry for the delay - and for the length!

#long post