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Robin Musings, as per John Constantine

aka Magic Boi Extraordinaire, Ph.D. Shark Biology

Robin I

  • Eh what’s this
  • It’s smiling at me
  • You’re ruining my aesthetic, kid
  • Here, put on this trenchcoat
  • Much better
  • No I haven’t seen your kid, Batman
  • This kid is clearly mine
  • Hence the trenchcoat

Robin II

  • Hey kid
  • Wanna be surly and moody with me
  • You have to look into the horizon and appear disillusioned
  • Very good
  • You’re a natural
  • All you need now is a trenchcoat

Robin III

  • Hello munchkin
  • You appear to have a natural talent with skulking around
  • Ah, you stalked Batman
  • Excellent detective work
  • Here, I have this tiny trenchcoat for you
  • I carry them around now, just in case

Robin IV

  • Of course I can create food with magic
  • Pancakes? Sure.
  • What do you mean, pancakes are fluffy
  • Pancakes are thin and flat and taken with sugar and a bit of lemon
  • Just like the queen intended

Robin III again

  • You need a detective persona
  • Mine is surely “surly and British”
  • You can be “clever and twinky”

Robin V

  • Whatcha hiding there, kiddo
  • It couldn’t be six stay kittens, could it?
  • The same six kittens that Batman specifically told you not to bring home?
  • You need better sneaking skills
  • Here use this trenchcoat
  • You can stuff all kinds of things in it and you can never tell from the outside

Robin III again (remix)

  • Why exactly do you want to learn how to sneak around
  • Oh you want to see your hunky boyfriend
  • Batman’s opposed, I take it
  • Well first, if you want to sneak effectively, you have to get rid of the sequined thing and sheer booty shorts
146 notes · See All
  • Roy finds a skull on a crime scene. Jason picks it up and starts reciting Hamlet
  • Whenever a play is in town, Roy buys two tickets and goes to Jason with excuses like “Kory said she’s busy” or “Lian has school tomorrow” because he’s too awkward and stubborn to admit that he likes spending time with Jason
  • Speaking of Lian, while she was at a sleepover Jason and Roy repainted her bedroom together. They spent the night designing a mural and ordered takeout. Jason fell asleep on Roy’s shoulder with a tiny dab of pink on his nose
  • One time Roy was on a mission while Lian’s school had an art show, so Jason went in his place. When some kid made fun of her painting, Jason jumped in like, “WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY KID, YOU TWERP?!?”
  • They go to an abstract art museum and Jason starts rambling about the deep meaning of a red splatter while Roy’s looking at the ticket receipt wondering how they got a couple’s discount
  • Also, at the museum, Roy drops cheesy pickup lines like, “I’d kiss you but the sign says not to touch the artwork”
  • Sometimes Papa Hood and Uncle Arsenal will read to kids at the Gotham library
  • They don’t see movies in theaters when it’s been adapted from books, otherwise the usher will kick them out for complaining that the adaptation is wrong
  • Bruce and Oliver can tell when Jason and Roy have had a date somewhere because they’ll find “JT + RH” graffitied inside a heart
198 notes · See All

Tim: Why are people so obsessed with “top or bottom”?

Damian: Honestly, I’m just excited to have a bunk bed.

Jason: Umm, I’m pretty sure Timbo was talkin bout sex. What are you, 12 or somethin?

Damian: What the fuck is sex?

73 notes · See All

Listen, my dudes, between the Workaholic who can’t unplug his BIG BRAIN enough to sit through Scooby Doo (this is canon btw), the Zombie who woke up brain bleached and walked around a MESS for YEARS, and the Assassin Child who was taught not to give a fuck about age-appropriate entertainment…

TIM freakin DRAKE is the ONLY Bat Boy who has ANY POP CULTURE SAVVY like AT ALL!!!

Tim would be the ONLY one who had good exposure to pop culture for 12 years (what ELSE would a Neglected Rich kid OBSESSED with Superheroes do?) before his life became Bat…so the absolute MISSED OPPORTUNITY it is for him to bond with his siblings over this shit is just…

lol why is this Dick’s fannon when it’s actually Tim that makes the MOST SENSE!!

Dick is HORRIBLE to watch movies with.  He will analyze the FUCK outta EVERYTHING!!!

Dick:  Uh…the occult doesn’t work that way.  I mean I consulted Constantine and Zatanna on a case of induced comas on victims of curses and apparently, the biorhythms of a victim present themselves abnormally–

Jason: OMFG SHUT THE FUUUCK UUUP!!!!!  I’ve been DEAD FOR YEARS and I MISSED THIS SHIT WHEN IT CAME OUT.  Don’t. Ruin. It. for me.

Tim:  You’re not missing much, Jay.  I mean the author of the book turned out to be a TOTAL ASSHOLE.  We Do NOT Stan.

Jason:  Who THE FUCK is STAN?!!!  And why the FUCK is he EVERYWHERE?!!

Dick:  See, now that glyph is upside down, and if they did their research, they’d realize–

Jason: I WILL shoot you, Dick.

Dick: …

Dick: …

Dick: …It’s CULTURAL APPROPRIATION, Jason!  That region did NOT worship that particular deity.  The movie makers just thought it’d “look cool” to use a symbol that actually has no function for a region that is 80% arboreal–

Jason:  I KNOW and I don’t CARE!!!  You’re a horrible, terrible person and you promised you wouldn’t do this any more…you’re RUINING MOVIE NIGHT!

Tim:  Yeah, he ruined that Mad Max remake too.

Jason: THERE’S a FUCKIN REMAKE?!!!

Damian:  Apparently, the amount of weight on each vehicle defies all engineering.

Dick:  No way are they moving at that speed on sand.

Damian: I don’t know, Grayson.  I’m familiar with all terrain vehicles, and together we made the Bat mobile fly…so who’s to say it isn’t possible?

Dick:  Hmmm…is it a case for Batman 2.0 and Robin?

Damian: Perhaps!

Jason: Oh holy fuck there’s two of them.

Tim:  Not really.  Damian’s a Bronie.

Damian:  You’re DEAD, DRAKE!!!!!

Jason:  What the fuck is a bro knee?

(This is soo fuckin accurate it’s painful…seriously, why does fanon exist?)

82 notes · See All
  • Sit on computers, homework, books, etc.
  • Knock things off the table
  • Stretches over the entire couch the moment someone gets up
  • Blocks the door so people can’t leave
  • Veers out of the way when people try to touch him
  • Hisses when he comes in contact with water
  • Can squeeze into any space
  • Occasionally meows
  • Grooms himself but refuses to let others groom him
  • Steals food off of people’s plates
  • Has razor-sharp claws
  • Brings back random things from outside as offerings
  • Follows people around
  • Scratching everything and everyone
  • Climbs into other people’s beds in the middle of the night
  • Likes the taste of catnip
  • Causes problems
  • Looks like he can murder you but is actually a cinnamon roll
186 notes · See All

Robin Chic™. Top-of-the-line. Classy but still fresh – Stephanie

Cool and casual; a much-needed modern spin on an age-old moniker – Duke

Mad respect to all of you for getting creative when the city needed you – Daxton Chill, Dre Cipriani, Riko Sheridan, Isabella Ortiz, Shug-R, Tancredi, Taylor, Travis Price, and Troy Walker (We Are Robin)

Elegant and refined, bridging identity and functionality – Damian

Yay, you have pants! – Tim

The OG Robin. A bit dated, but still a goodie – Dick

Copycat Dick with a tire iron – Jason

You literally bought yours from Party City – Carrie

Someone’s gonna come after me for not including you, but I still think you’re the Jar Jar Binks of this fandom – Jarro

191 notes · See All

Jason, to the Batfam: I HONESTLY CAN’T TELL YOU APART HALF OF THE TIME

Jason: BECAUSE I DON’T GO BY HEIGHT

Jason: OR AGE

Jason: OR VOICE

Jason: I GO BY THE AMOUNT OF PAIN IN MY ASS

Jason: WHICH MAKES YOU GUYS IDENTICAL

78 notes · See All

Dick: *Stepping into his apartment* Hello, people who don’t live here.

Tim: Hi.

Damian: Morning.

Stephanie: Hey.

Cassandra: Hello.

Dick: I gave you the key for emergencies only!

Jason: We ran out of doritos.

114 notes · See All
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