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sleepyssnail · 2 days ago
Bruce: Good news and bad news.
Alfred: Alright sir, bad news first.
Bruce: The fire I started in the kitchen is out of control.
Alfred: WHAT?!
Bruce: [holding a perfectly toasted poptart]
Bruce: Wow so you don’t even care about the good news?
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frostbittenbucky · 5 hours ago
So I the youngest of three. I have two older brothers, one is 10 years older than I, and the other is two
And me and the one who were 2 years apart were constantly fist fighting. I mean we were trying to fuck each other up. Daily guys.
So poor Bruce is constantly trying to relax then he sudden hears screaming from two of his boys (maybe more) and he know he has to separate them. Again.
But it’s not that easy because they’re all trained fighters. So poor Bruce is sluggishly moving while his kids are dodging him, and Alfred just watched in distaste, Bruce is like, “you wanna help? Because you could try helping”
Tired dad Bruce Wayne
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parks-and-get-wrekt · 2 days ago
Tim: I am the most forgotten middle child
Jason: I’m not so sure about that replacement
Tim: No! You’re the fuckup so you get attention anyways. And Cass is the only girl. What do I have? Nothing! I have nothing special
Dick: (trying to make him feel better) well you’re gay?
Tim: … that’s a good point actually maybe I should be banking on that
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not-back-to-this · 2 days ago
Dick: Don't be so harsh on yourself Tim a lot of famous people have gone through what you're going through
Dick: Sylvia Plath
Tim: She stuck her head in an oven and died
Dick: Van Gogh
Tim: He shot himself out on an open field
Dick: Why do you always have to be so negative
Tim: Why are you comparing me to people who've killed themselves
Dick: Tim you know damn well why I'm comparing you to people who've killed themselves
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harveyb-wabbit92 · 21 hours ago
[in the police car Damian is doing a ride along with Dick for career day , he starts clinging to the car door]
Dick Grayson: What?
Damian Wayne: Ah, nothing. I just think you're going a little fast, that's all.
Dick Grayson: I'm a cop. I get to go fast. Besides, this isn't even fast.
Damian Wayne: It's not?
Dick Grayson: No. I'll show you fast!
[puts his foot down on the pedal, cut to the police car smoking in a ditch.]
Damian Wayne: (cheeky) How fast are we going now?
Dick Grayson: Shut up.
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incorrectbatfam · 2 days ago
Damian: Sorry about my last message. Father assures me that whining is a family trait and that I should be over it by the time I’m thirty.
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basementqueer19 · a month ago
Dick: Jason did you put this ad on eBay?
Jason: I don’t know Dickface. What’s it for?
Dick: One coffin for sale. Slightly used. $500 or highest bid. No questions asked.
Bruce: You can’t just sell your own coffin Jason.
Jason: Its MY coffin. I’ll do whatever the fuck I want with it.
Jason: Also Tim you have the highest bid so far.
(now a companion to this post)
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