Brucie Wayne during an interview
Interviewer: “mr. Wayne, it’s not a secret that you adore your children, but you’re don’t speak about them too often. Do you mind if you can give us a little comment?”
Brucie:: “of course! I’d love too” *magnificent smile*
Interviewer: “let’s start with your oldest, Dick”
*flashback to Dick doing a somersault￼ off an 8 story building just because*
Brucie: “Dick’s very spontaneous and adventurous. Life in the circus made him a hand full as a child, as an adult I think he likes to stay connected to his roots, hence his online performances”
Interviewer: *nods* “Jason? I know that might be one you’d want to skip, Mr. Wayne”
*flash back to that morning, Jason and Bruce having a screaming match*
Bruce: “Hamlets mai- listen! Hamlets main theme is revenge itself is deadly. You of all people- Stop talking over me!”
Jason: “‘you must be proud, bold, pleasant, resolute, and now and then stab, as occasion serves!’”
Bruce: “don’t you dare quote Marlowe in this house, you know how Alfred feels about his works”
Jason: “fine, ‘When the bad bleeds, then is the tragedy good’”
Bruce: “listen here, you li-“
Brucie: *grimaces* “Jay loved literature, when I hear one of his favorite quotes I can almost hear him saying it himself. There are times I feel his presence when I look at the things he loved, it’s almost enough to forget he’s gone.”
Interviewer: *understanding* “your son Tim has recently made some big changes for your company, Mr.Wayne. You must have a lot of faith in his decision making”
*flashback to Tim and Kon coming into the manor late*
Tim: “hey B, Kon and I were thinking of using a shopping cart to go down that hill around the end of the street”
Bruce: “absolutely not. Why would you consider that?”
Tim and Kon: *share a look*
Bruce: “you already did it.”
Tim: “my wrist is definitely broken.”
Brucie: *loosing the light behind his eyes* “he’s never made a wrong choice yet”
Interviewer: “there’s been some speculation that your son Damian is your biological son, would you like to address that?”
*flashback to every time Damian said he was the blood son in public, his username is literally bloodson on all platforms*
Brucie: *losing smile getting a pained look* “ah, we don’t don’t say biological or adopted in our household, we don’t believe it makes a difference. Nobody is better than anyone, blood or not they’re all my children.”
Interviewer: “beautifully put, how’s your newest addition, Duke, handling the change?”
Bruce: *thousand yard stare*
*flashbacks. Just varying flashbacks*
*duke and the potato gun*
*duke signal beating the riddlers face in during broad daylight*
*duke filling the hot tub with an entire bottle of bubble bath soap*
*duke helping Damian bring home a 300lbs pig*
*duke tripping at a gala and destroying a $6,000 ice sculpture*
*duke wearing sequence shorts*
*Duke taking Bruce’s Ray-Bans and replacing them with Barbie sunglasses*￼
*Duke tasing￼￼￼ himself so he could win a dare*
Bruce: “he’s a very confident young man.”
Interviewer: “and your daughter, Cassandra, has been making headlines recently, I didn’t know she could fight”
*flashback to Cassandra at a gala that was being crashed*
Cass: “dad, tired.”
Bruce: “I know, as soon as they’re done we can go”
Cas: “no. They will leave now”
Bruce: “Cas- oh god”
Bruce: *swallowing* “yea- uh, those... those self defense classes really paid off...”
Interviewer: “they definitely did. Now what is Stephanie’s role in your family? Has she been adopted?”
Bruce: “Stephanie is a plague that will not be removed. The only roll she fulfills is telling me all my outfits look awful and occasionally helping me apply eyeliner”
Interviewer: “oh I-“
Bruce: “I love her dearly”
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i genuinely can't get over teen! dad bruce wayne so please consider the following:
18 year old bruce wayne deciding to foster 2 year old dick grayson after seeing the fateful circus incident.
(according to new jersey law people from the age of 18 and up can be foster parents with no further age restrictions)
he does most of his training carrying dick around and dick spends the entire time just monologuing about dora the explorer while bruce is like "that's nice"
(after a few months he gets totally into it he's like: "oh jeesh, i can't believe swiper did that, how horrible of him, you did tell him no swiping right?")
alfred initially is like "ah master bruce, decided to sign up for teen mom season 4 have we?" but two weeks in he's dressing dick up in 'i love my butler grandpa' t-shirts and is already favouring him over bruce.
bruce at first just tells dick "i'm going to try and be a big brother to you, etc etc" but dick understands like 60% of what he just said and is calling him "dad" within 3 months.
he still goes to train with the league and has to justify to ra's al ghul why every 10 minutes he has to use the satellite phone to talk to a toddler about the plot developments of blue's clues.
him becoming batman is just increasingly harder because he has to spend an hour trying to convince dick that "no the guy in the weird suit is also me- i'm the guy in the weird suit"
by the time dick is like 3, bruce has found him hanging from a chandelier at least four times and he still doesn't know how dick managed to get up there.
bruce just hanging out with dick and being like "yeah this little dude is my best friend and what about it?"
when dick eventually gets older and is like "i wanna be a superhero and fight crime" bruce is like "you don't wanna be associated with those dweebs, go be a ballerina or something"
(clarks first reaction upon meeting dick and realising that oh wait isn't bruce like, 24? and this kid is like 8? is "that must've been quite a shock for your parents" and he immediately flings himself into the sun.)
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