Hey DC let me write a Batman comic I’ll bet I can make one just like how you want watch:
Bruce Wayne wakes up one night, ready to fight crime. He goes down to the Batcave and lifts weights for a few hours, repeating the mantra “I am Justice. I am the night.” His muscles are bulging because he’s so ripped. He eats a raw steak for dinner.
Tim Drake, 17, comes in. He’s Very Smart. He does computer stuff. Bruce watches, still chewing on his raw steak. Tim mentions how rich Bruce is. Bruce confirms that yes, he is very rich.
Dick Grayson enters next. Bruce slaps him. Dick Grayson leaves.
Bruce orders Alfred around like a servant. No one questions this.
Tim pulls up a webpage. It’s Joker! Joker is currently holding a bank hostage. Bruce clenches his fist.
Barbara Gordon enters. She is not in a wheelchair; she is walking now. It is not explained how this happened. She giggles and pulls her suit down so her breasts are almost completely exposed. She stretches, doing the splits and downward dog pose while also talking about how rich and smart Bruce is. She leaves.
Batman gets in the Batmobile and tears out of the cave. He drives recklessly. His car is very long and shiny and it goes vroom vroom.
Batman pulls up to the bank. Jason Todd is also there. Jason looks like he’s 53 years old. Bruce insults him immediately, calling him childish and impulsive. Jason beats someone with a crowbar because he’s angry.
Joker laughs. He brags about doing something horrifying. He’s very edgy. Batman punches him a lot but doesn’t realize there’s a bomb!
Batman gets blown up and dies. Readers will never expect me to kill off a main character so this will be very shocking and groundbreaking. Two-thirds of the readers will stop reading at this point. That’s crucial.
There is a funeral. The coffin is lowered. The family is all there, except Cass and Duke. Don’t think too hard about why that may be the case. Stephanie is standing in the background, a little blonde blob.
Damian is there. He looks like a miniature Bruce. He says something like “I will avenge you,” then disappears for a dozen issues.
Only Barbara is crying. No one else cries, especially not the male characters. No one will mourn for more than three pages. Dick Grayson clenches his fist.
“I am Batman now,” says Dick.
“Okay,” everyone says.
Important: It is never mentioned that Cass would be a logical choice.
The rest of my DC -approved Batman run will feature the following:
-Tim goes to his cousin’s Bar Mitzvah. Whoops, I accidentally made him Jewish. I will ignore this and have him celebrate Christmas in a later issue.
-Someone throws a rock at Dick Grayson and he dies immediately.
-Bruce comes back to life in the second to last issue. It does not matter how. Maybe someone chucks him into a Lazarus Pit.
At the end I will have about 50 readers. DC will look on approvingly and give me a contract for thirty more issues.
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part 1 (sorta, can be read together or separately really) | part 2
now on ao3
---
Danny's first impression of Jason is rage.
His second impression is all-consuming grief.
"Oh wow," he mutters.
Apparently he wasn't quiet enough, based on how Red Hood crosses his arms and shifts angrily. He's sure that if it wasn't for the hood hiding his expression, Hood would be worst death glare he could manage right now.
(Lucky Danny is immune to death glares, ha.)
"Phantom," Batman greets. "Welcome to Gotham."
Danny's focus on Red Hood breaks, and he grins and waves in return, trying to include all the other vigilantes who are scattered across this rooftop, and the neighbouring ones. Of the Gotham vigilantes Danny knows of, only Signal and Spoiler are missing. Even Nightwing has made the trip from Bludhaven, apparently.
"Thanks for having me," he decides to reply. He knows how much Batman hates having anyone with powers in Gotham. "So... you said you wanted me to meet someone?"
Batman doesn't reply immediately. Even with his cowl shielding most of his expression from view, Danny can feel the soul-searching gaze Batman fixes him with. The other bats are just as quiet and still - almost creepily so. Danny just waits it out, calmly and quiet. He can tell this is important; he feels the weight of their regard settle like a heavy cloak on his shoulders.
"Red Hood died," Batman begins, "years ago, and was brought back."
Danny frowns, and glances from Batman to Red Hood. The 'son' part is a surprise, but apart from that...
"I could tell," he replies. He can see a couple of the bats - especially Red Hood himself - bristle. "You have an aura any ghost could recognise," he tells Hood almost apologetically.
"You know what happened to him?" Batman asks. And Danny might not have talked to Batman all that much before but his tone sounds... hopeful. Just the tiniest bit, but still.
"Not exactly," Danny denies. "Not how he died, or how he came back. But considering he's still alive, or mostly alive, I have a pretty good idea what he is now."
Red Hood scoffs. "You're talkin' like I'm not human," he growls.
Danny bobs in the air as he shrugs. "You're not not human," he offers, trying to appease Hood's apparent anger, "but you're not fully human either. Not anymore."
Hood lurches forward a step, one hand twitching towards a gun and profanities ready on his lips. But Batman puts a hand out to stop him, his stare still fixed on Danny.
"Do you know anything about side-effects?" he asks.
Danny frowns again. "What... kind of side-effects?" he asks, wary.
"Fits of rage," Nightwing replies, stepping forward from his corner of the rooftop. "Green eyes when emotional. Luminous green, like... something radioactive. Violence, too, and..."
"A propensity for killing that may or may not be new," Robin adds, fading into view from his corner as well.
Ignoring Hood's muttered, "I'mma kill you," Danny spins slowly in the air as he thinks. The green eyes are an obvious side-effect of ectoplasmic exposure. But the rest...
"Hood," Danny calls, turning his full attention on the vigilante, his voice shifting into something a little deeper and a little less... human. "What is your Obsession?"
Red Hood stills, turning slowly to face Danny. The other bats still as well, Batman frowning under his cowl, but Danny and Hood are focused only on each other.
"My... what?" Hood asks. He sounds confused, but under that there's something a bit off about his tone.
"Your Obsession," Danny repeats. "When you died, what was the last thing you thought of? When you woke up, what was the first thing that came into your mind? When you go about your day, trying to be normal - trying to be human - what is the one overriding thought that you just can't get out of your head?"
"What— I don't—"
"Every ghost has an Obsession," Danny plows on, faster and more forceful with each word. "It's their reason for existing; their reason for coming back. It's what makes them them. So, Hood, tell me: what do you live for?"
"To kill the Joker."
Silence follows Hoods answer. The bats don't seem surprised by the words, but some do seem startled by the sheer vehemence that had dripped from Hood's tone. Batman simply seems sad, somehow seeming to draw in on himself slightly, despite hardly moving a muscle. He looks like a man who knows what comes next, and is already tired just thinking about it.
Danny just hums, taking a moment to think that through. He figures this means the Joker was the one who killed Red Hood originally. Theoretically, it's shouldn't be unusual for a ghost to want revenge against whoever or whatever murdered them. However...
"The Joker is still alive, right?" Danny asks. His gaze is still fixed on Red Hood, but he pitches his voice to the whole rooftop, inviting someone else to answer.
"Yes," Nightwing replies. "He's in Arkham at the moment, but he's alive, yes."
"How come?" Danny prods.
Nightwing frowns. "How come he's in Arkham?"
"No, how come he's still alive?"
"Because the Bat insists on 'no killing'," Hood spits, fingers curling into sarcastic air quotes.
Danny feels one of his eyebrows drift up his forehead at that. "And that stopped you?" he asks, half incredulous.
Hood huffs, crosses his arms again, and refuses to answer. It's Nightwing who takes over, explaining, "He's made a couple of attempts but... well, B always stops him in time."
Danny hums, considers that, then nods. "Good."
"Good!?" Red Hood splutters. "Good!?" His arms fling wide as he gestures angrily, stomping forward towards Danny. "The bastard fucking killed me, and B stopping me from getting revenge is GOOD!?"
"Yeah," Danny replies, his tone carefully neutral. "After all, what would you do after he was dead?"
That makes Hood stop in his tracks.
"What... do you mean?"
Danny hums, and turns to carefully - and pointedly - study the Gotham skyline. "If the Joker died, what would you do next?"
"I— I would—"
Danny just waits. He figures Hood wants to say things like, "I would move on," or "I would get on with my life," or even, "I would focus on dealing with other criminals". But, he also knows why Hood is struggling to actually say any of those things. Because, as Clockwork had taught him once, there are only two options for ghosts whose Obsessions are fulfilled.
"A ghost's Obsession powers its existence," he explains quietly, slowly; trying not to break Hood's train of thought, but rather add to it. "Acting on it gives energy, and balance. For ghosts whose Obsessions can't actually be fulfilled, as long as they're not blocked from acting on their Obsession or too badly hurt, they could theoretically live forever. But for ghosts whose Obsession can be fulfilled..."
There is a gasp from Red Robin as what Danny is explaining apparently clicks.
"If their Obsession ends then... do they..."
Danny nods. "Yes. Usually, they fade. They... stop existing."
Looks of horror cross the faces of almost every bat, half of them fixing concerned gazes on Red Hood. Batman seems to fold in on himself that little bit more, a symbol of fear that is losing itself to fear instead.
"You said 'usually'," Red Robin mutters, gaining volume as he speaks. "Then— That means—"
"There is another possibility," Danny admits. His tone is wary, warning the bats before they can get their hopes up that this is a better option. "I'm not sure if it's better or worse though, especially with this kind of Obsession."
"What is it?" Batman asks. "If there's anything else—"
"It... mutates," Danny interjects, before Batman can go too far down that line of thought. "Their Obsessions warps, twisting into something different enough it can still be fulfilled, but similar enough it can still sustain them. Mostly, anyway."
"That sounds... fine?" Nightwing tries, though he doesn't sound very sure of his own statement.
"It keeps them alive," Danny adds, hesitant. "But... a ghost's Obsession is a core part of who they are. The core part. If it changes, well, they can change with it. And if it keeps changing - if their Obsession keeps changing to something that can be fulfilled, and then warping again..."
Nightwing droops. Red Robin curses, kicking at the ground. Even Robin seems discomfited by that answer, casting wary and possibly concerned glances at Red Hood.
Hood, himself, just seems stunned. It's impossible to see his expression because of the hood, but his shaking hands are clenched into fists by his side, and his shoulders are curled inwards, the weight of the revelations too much for him to maintain his usual strong posture.
It's Batman who breaks the ensuing silence, his voice quiet as he works through the information, accepting it and slotting the pieces into place. "If Hood's Obsession with killing the Joker is fulfilled, either it changes, assumedly resulting in a change in his personality and behaviour, or... he dies. Again. Correct?"
"Yes," Danny confirms.
"Then, having prevented Hood from killing the Joker so far..."
"You probably saved him by doing that."
Batman lets out a breath at that, relief visibly diffusing through his body. Nightwing gives up any pretence of playing lookout, flopping down to sit on the rooftop instead. Black Bat appears at his side a moment later to sit beside him, pressed together arm-to-arm. Even Robin moves to stand between Batman and Red Robin in silent support.
Red Hood barely seems to be breathing, when Danny focuses back on him. Danny takes a caution step forward. When Hood doesn't react badly, he keeps moving under he can reach forward and place a hand on each of Hood's upper arms, gripping gently, trying to ground the vigilante and give him something to focus on other than his own thoughts.
"How—" Hood croaks. He pauses, swallows, then tries again. "How do I..."
"Deal with it?" Danny offers. Hood nods once - just the tiniest movement of his head. "You control it," Danny says. "Any ghost's Obsession can be bad for them if they let it go too far. There're all kinds of techniques for controlling your Obsession; focusing it onto something that's healthier for you than fulfilling it outright."
"Like what?"
Danny takes a moment to think. "Like... Well. Why do you want to kill the Joker?"
Hood doesn't answer for a moment. When he does, he sounds confused. "Because he killed me?"
"And?" Danny prods.
The silence, this time, is almost twice as long. "Because... he's a criminal?" Hood offers.
"And?" Danny asks again.
"Because... I don't want him to kill other people?"
Danny pushes down a smile. "What about others? What about other criminals who hurt and kill people?"
Hood's frown can't be seen, but it comes across clearly in his voice. "I'll stop them. I want to stop them, too."
"And if Joker is in Arkham - away from people, away from where he can hurt people - is that enough?"
The silence stretches this time. Danny can hear movement behind him, but he doesn't dare look away from Hood.
"It's... It's not perfect, but..."
This time, Danny lets himself smile, and pats Hood's arms once, twice. "Sometimes," he explains gently, "chasing perfection isn't possible. Sometimes, good enough has to be enough."
A moment of silence, then two, then Hood huffs. "Why does that sound like you quoted it from a fucking psychology textbook?" he drawls, attempting his usual gruff tone. He misses it by a mile, but Danny isn't going to call him out on it.
"My sister is a psychologist," he explains with a grin, letting go of Hood to float back a couple of feet. "She's told me the exact same thing about my Obsession once or twice."
Hood's incredulity - weak, but there nonetheless- comes through in his voice. "The Ghost King has a sister?"
Danny shrugs, letting himself rotate almost ninety degrees with the movement. "Hey, just because I'm dead doesn't mean I'm dead boring," he jokes back, sticking his tongue out for good measure.
Hood huffs a shaky laugh. "That was terrible," he complains.
Danny just grins back. "Made you laugh, though," he points out.
Another laugh comes from behind Danny and suddenly Nightwing is there, wrapping an arm around Hood's shoulders despite protests and an elbow to the gut. "We might have to invite you to visit again, if you can make this grump laugh." He's grinning, wide and bright, but there are remnants of fear and relief at the edges of his expression that he hasn't yet managed to shake.
"And if you can teach us more about ghosts," comes Red Robin's voice.
Danny spins to face the rest of the bat clan, casting a glance over them all. They're obviously trying to pull themselves together again, and succeeding to varying degrees, but each is visibly still reeling from the recent revelations and what could have happened. What almost did happen, by the sounds of it.
"Of course," Danny agrees. "Though, would you mind if I bring some friends next time? Human friends. They love Gotham; they're going to be so mad I visited without them."
Batman... doesn't smile, not really, but his lips twitch into something that is probably the closest he gets. "You are always welcome in Gotham, Phantom. You and your friends."
"Danny," he offers. "If we're going to be friends, you might as well know my name," he explains cheekily.
"Jason," comes the unexpected reply from Red Hood. The others - especially Batman - seem surprised by his admission. "My name, it's Jason."
Danny smiles in return, warm and soft and safe. "It's nice to meet you, Jason."
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sunburn (for prompts)
"Heads up!"
Jason caught the tube Duke threw at him. "Eew. What is this?"
"Sunscreen." Duke rubbed some of the lotion on the back of his neck. "I know the rest of you never go out during the day, but there is a giant star in the sky called the sun and sometimes it burns you."
"Ha ha." Jason dodged a wet towel Dick snapped at his ass and flipped to the other side of the locker room. "I don't even want to go to this picnic. I have things to do, and they don't involve playing nice with Bruce."
"It's Alfred's birthday potluck," Dick said, tossing his sparring outfit into the hamper. "You're not getting out of it."
"I know." Jason crossed his arms. "Thanks everyone for offering to bring the easy shit, by the way. Duke, I saw you jump in to bring paper plates. I've never seen you reply to the group chat so fast."
Duke shrugged and rubbed the sunscreen on his ears. "Not sorry."
"I hope you all choke on my sandwiches." Jason flipped the tube of sunscreen over and inspected it. "Fuck this. I'm not using this."
"Don't be ridiculous," Damian said. He was perched atop the lockers, already dressed for the picnic because he'd skipped out on the sparring session to go walk his dog. Jason reached up and pinched his toes.
"Sausage toes!"
"I do not have sausage toes!"
"Anyway," Jason chuckled, "I have my own sunscreen." He tossed the sunscreen at Tim, smacking him right in the middle of the forehead.
Bruce poked his head into the room. "We're leaving in ten minutes," he announced. He was wearing a pink polo shirt and a pair of khaki shorts.
"You look like a golf dad," Dick said.
"I am a golf dad." Bruce had never golfed in his life. Jason rolled his eyes and finished dressing.
In the rush to gather the sandwiches and lemonade and potato salad he'd brought, he forgot about the sunscreen.
--
"You are very sunburnt."
Jason didn't move. He was face-down on the floor of the library, listening to an audiobook. He hit pause.
"Wow, so observant, Cass. You really are in position to become the next Batman," Jason snarked back, voice muffled.
Cass pressed one finger on the back of his neck. He hissed.
"You're redder than your helmet," came another voice, this one jovial.
"Fuck off, Stephanie," Jason said.
She did not fuck off. Stephanie had never fucked off in her life. "Why didn't you wear sunscreen?" she asked.
"He said he wanted to use his own because he didn't like the one Duke had." Ugh, now Tim was in the room. Jason raised a middle finger into the air.
"What's wrong with Duke's?" Cass asked.
Jason turned his head to the side and watched as Tim showed her the bottle:
[ID: an image of a sunscreen lotion bottle with the batman logo and batman on it. end ID]
Thanks @beachwae for the image ID!
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