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#batfam
popvulcha · 2 months ago
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Bruce @ the fam when they're about to have a normal guest over at the Manor for the first time in literal years:
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fantastic-nonsense · 9 days ago
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I really want to emphasize the slightly ridiculous timeline of Bruce taking in children and how funny this has the potential to be re:Dick being the eldest, because I think it's really important that people understand that Bruce basically only has Dick around for like...11-12 years. Dick formally moves out when he's around 19 or 20, and roughly six months to a year later, Bruce picks Jason up. Dick and Jason never live in the same house at the same time, and three years later, Jason dies. So he gets 2 kids over a 15 (ish) year period, which doesn't sound too ridiculous, right?
Except then his adoption tendencies accelerate, because he picks up Tim and Cass within 2 years of each other (and Steph came as a package deal with both of them) and then finds out about Damian 2-3 years after that. Then we've got Duke, who (when you vaguely fit together timelines) enters stage left about 2-3 years after Damian.
So after a 15-year period with two kids, Bruce manages to pick up 4 1/2 others (counting Steph) within the 7-8 years afterwards. The sheer missed comedic potential of Dick being a grown-ass adult and then his dad decides to adopt a pack of kids within 5 years of him moving out is incredible. Dick went from being essentially an only child for his entire life to being eldest of 6, only one of which he's ever actually lived in the same house with, all because Bruce got Empty Nest Syndrome and went "well I raised one child to adulthood successfully. What's another 5 or 6 at the same time?"
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imjusthereforbatfam · a month ago
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The only reason Poison Ivy isn't on that list is cuz she's Harley's right hand, supporting her wife 1000%
edit: I FORGOT TO CREDIT @asilentguardian !! THIS POST INSPIRED THE QUOTE AT THE END!!
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immortalbeigewizard · a month ago
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are we calling this thing pussygate now? DC says that the big bad batman doesn't eat pussy and now its a Watergate level scandal? We all know DC is a liar. That big broody bitch boy eats pussy like its nectar from the gods. Please why do you think Iconic Women like Talia and Selina stick around. please. DC wants to act like he's such a playboy but he doesn't eat pussy? Lies.
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doc-squash · a month ago
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“...Wait. C-can we go back to Nightwing electrocuting me?”
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madams-art-station · a month ago
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DC refuses to give us good Batfam Bros content so dangit I guess I will
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almabel · 2 months ago
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“Wayne heirs behind the galas: are they really as perfect as they seem? An article by Vicki Vale”
Some bats and birds being paparazzed 
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frostbittenbucky · a month ago
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Brucie Wayne during an interview
Interviewer: “mr. Wayne, it’s not a secret that you adore your children, but you’re don’t speak about them too often. Do you mind if you can give us a little comment?”
Brucie:: “of course! I’d love too” *magnificent smile*
Interviewer: “let’s start with your oldest, Dick”
*flashback to Dick doing a somersault off an 8 story building just because*
Brucie: “Dick’s very spontaneous and adventurous. Life in the circus made him a hand full as a child, as an adult I think he likes to stay connected to his roots, hence his online performances”
Interviewer: *nods* “Jason? I know that might be one you’d want to skip, Mr. Wayne”
*flash back to that morning, Jason and Bruce having a screaming match*
Bruce: “Hamlets mai- listen! Hamlets main theme is revenge itself is deadly. You of all people- Stop talking over me!”
Jason: “‘you must be proud, bold, pleasant, resolute, and now and then stab, as occasion serves!’”
Bruce: “don’t you dare quote Marlowe in this house, you know how Alfred feels about his works”
Jason: “fine, ‘When the bad bleeds, then is the tragedy good’”
Bruce: “listen here, you li-“
Brucie: *grimaces* “Jay loved literature, when I hear one of his favorite quotes I can almost hear him saying it himself. There are times I feel his presence when I look at the things he loved, it’s almost enough to forget he’s gone.”
Interviewer: *understanding* “your son Tim has recently made some big changes for your company, Mr.Wayne. You must have a lot of faith in his decision making”
*flashback to Tim and Kon coming into the manor late*
Tim: “hey B, Kon and I were thinking of using a shopping cart to go down that hill around the end of the street”
Bruce: “absolutely not. Why would you consider that?”
Tim and Kon: *share a look*
Bruce: “you already did it.”
Tim: “my wrist is definitely broken.”
Brucie: *loosing the light behind his eyes* “he’s never made a wrong choice yet”
Interviewer: “there’s been some speculation that your son Damian is your biological son, would you like to address that?”
*flashback to every time Damian said he was the blood son in public, his username is literally bloodson on all platforms*
Brucie: *losing smile getting a pained look* “ah, we don’t don’t say biological or adopted in our household, we don’t believe it makes a difference. Nobody is better than anyone, blood or not they’re all my children.”
Interviewer: “beautifully put, how’s your newest addition, Duke, handling the change?”
Bruce: *thousand yard stare*
*flashbacks. Just varying flashbacks*
*duke and the potato gun*
*duke signal beating the riddlers face in during broad daylight*
*duke filling the hot tub with an entire bottle of bubble bath soap*
*duke helping Damian bring home a 300lbs pig*
*duke tripping at a gala and destroying a $6,000 ice sculpture*
*duke wearing sequence shorts*
*Duke taking Bruce’s Ray-Bans and replacing them with Barbie sunglasses*
*Duke tasing himself so he could win a dare*
Bruce: “he’s a very confident young man.”
Interviewer: “and your daughter, Cassandra, has been making headlines recently, I didn’t know she could fight”
*flashback to Cassandra at a gala that was being crashed*
Cass: “dad, tired.”
Bruce: “I know, as soon as they’re done we can go”
Cas: “no. They will leave now”
Bruce: “Cas- oh god”
Bruce: *swallowing* “yea- uh, those... those self defense classes really paid off...”
Interviewer: “they definitely did. Now what is Stephanie’s role in your family? Has she been adopted?”
Bruce: “Stephanie is a plague that will not be removed. The only roll she fulfills is telling me all my outfits look awful and occasionally helping me apply eyeliner”
Interviewer: “oh I-“
Bruce: “I love her dearly”
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junkoandthediamonds · 2 months ago
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Teen Titans (2003) #29, a summary
anyways new tablet stuff is here but now im also learning a new art program so. here we are
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batarangsoundsdumb · 2 months ago
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i genuinely can't get over teen! dad bruce wayne so please consider the following:
18 year old bruce wayne deciding to foster 2 year old dick grayson after seeing the fateful circus incident.
(according to new jersey law people from the age of 18 and up can be foster parents with no further age restrictions)
he does most of his training carrying dick around and dick spends the entire time just monologuing about dora the explorer while bruce is like "that's nice"
(after a few months he gets totally into it he's like: "oh jeesh, i can't believe swiper did that, how horrible of him, you did tell him no swiping right?")
alfred initially is like "ah master bruce, decided to sign up for teen mom season 4 have we?" but two weeks in he's dressing dick up in 'i love my butler grandpa' t-shirts and is already favouring him over bruce.
bruce at first just tells dick "i'm going to try and be a big brother to you, etc etc" but dick understands like 60% of what he just said and is calling him "dad" within 3 months.
he still goes to train with the league and has to justify to ra's al ghul why every 10 minutes he has to use the satellite phone to talk to a toddler about the plot developments of blue's clues.
him becoming batman is just increasingly harder because he has to spend an hour trying to convince dick that "no the guy in the weird suit is also me- i'm the guy in the weird suit"
by the time dick is like 3, bruce has found him hanging from a chandelier at least four times and he still doesn't know how dick managed to get up there.
bruce just hanging out with dick and being like "yeah this little dude is my best friend and what about it?"
when dick eventually gets older and is like "i wanna be a superhero and fight crime" bruce is like "you don't wanna be associated with those dweebs, go be a ballerina or something"
(clarks first reaction upon meeting dick and realising that oh wait isn't bruce like, 24? and this kid is like 8? is "that must've been quite a shock for your parents" and he immediately flings himself into the sun.)
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simendoan · 2 months ago
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When someone's damian itching to rat Jason out on Bruce.
Insp by you know what.
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