#batfam humor
Text
Jason (Age 12): I’m not gonna die from inhaling cigarette smoke, quit worrying, B.
Jason (Age 15): *dies from smoke inhalation*
Jason (Age 19): Well, it wasn’t the cigarettes.
#i find it darkly funny that people probably told Jason smoking would kill him#and then he died from smoke inhalation#irony i guess?#incorrect batman quotes#batman#dc comics#dc#dcu#jason todd#incorrect quotes#incorrect batfamily quotes#batfamily#batfam#incorrect dc quotes#humor
10K notes
·
View notes
Text
[on patrol]
Red Robin: [sitting on a rooftop, drinking hot cocoa]
Red Hood: [lands next to him and sits down, pulling out a sandwich]
Red Robin: [holds out a thermos] want some cocoa?
Red Hood: [takes the thermos] yeah, thanks. [offers his sandwich] Want a bite? I baked the bread
Red Robin: hell yes
Red Hood: quiet night tonight
Red Robin: [humms in agreement]
Red Robin and Red Hood: [watches the skyline in silence]
[Nightwing, covered in a slimy substance, flies past them through the air as though he’s been catapulted from a great distance]
Red Hood:
Red Robin:
Red Hood: do you think he saw us?
Red Robin: I don’t think so
Red Hood:
Red Robin:
Red Hood: we can’t all be fighting Ivy, there wouldn’t be anyone left to fight the other criminals
Red Robin: that’s a sound argument. Say while we were helping him someone robbed the mayor, then where would we be?
Red Hood: he definitely came from over by the library, that’s way outside both our routes
Red Robin: so we agree that we wouldn’t be doing our job if we left our post to help with whatever that goop was
Red Hood: definitely
Red Robin: the mayor will thank us
Red Hood:
Red Robin: [sips his cocoa]
Red Hood: cards on the table- I already robbed the mayor earlier tonight
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
Tim: so why should we select you?
Guy A: I'm rich and handsome
Dick: Bruce is literally a billionaire. are you saying you are more rich than him?
Jason: and handsome? Don't make me laugh you look worse than our family dog.
Guy A: ex-xcuse me??
Damian: you are excused. Now get out
Tim: and what about you?
Guy b: I can protect him
Damian: protect?? dad??
Dick: [scoffs] It's like saying you can protect Batman.
Guy b: but he ain't Batman though
Jason: bitch he might be
Damian: where did you even find these people Tim?
Jason: seriously? imagine saying u can protect Batman
Dick: nah bruh imagine flexing money and looks on Bruce
Tim: ok guys this is the last candidate for the day
Tim: so what makes you special?
Clark: I can cook for him
Jason:[snorts] What if you can cook for him? How can it help our Bruce?
Clark: I'm sorry I'm not as rich as him but I can cook, clean, and care for him
Dick: have you brought anything to claim your statement.
Clark:[places the pie] I brought this Kansas special apple pie-
Damian:[already on his second slice] ae-ets gsoo ghuuud
Jason, Tim, and Dick fighting for the last piece
Clark: uh..soo
Damian:[clears his throat] You are selected.
Dick: Definitely
Jason: prepare your vows
Tim: btw who recommended you? Because you have a really ordinary background
Clark: oh it was Bruce
[collective HUH from batkids]
Clark: [snickering] It was to get approved by you guys
[collective even louder HA]
Clark: [laughing] That's because we are already dating
[collectively yelling WHAT]
Clark: [changing into Superman] hate to leave like this on our first meet but Metropolis needs me
[collective screaming]
#superbat#batman#bruce wayne#clark kent#superman#superman x batman#damian wayne#jason todd#tim drake#dick grayson#robin#my dumb stuff#attempt at humor#dc fluff#humor#batfam#batfamily#protective batfam
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
Angst/humor fic idea, if you need a prompt:
Bruce finds out the hard way which of his kids is okay with the 'unadoption' joke threats he makes when they annoy or stress him out. "Why did I adopt you?"..."I still have your adoption certificate. I wonder if the orphanage accepts returns?"..."I knew I should have left you on that street corner where I found you."
Dick fires back with twice as much sass, sometimes rolling his eyes and flipping off Bruce when he gets older.
Young!Jason looks so scared the first time he hears one, and Bruce never jokes about it again. Adult!Jason makes jokes about unadopting himself.
Tim is far too tired to register that it was a joke and gets quiet and avoids Bruce completely for the rest of the week until Bruce realizes what he did wrong and tracks his son down. They talk and Bruce never implies regretting to adopt Tim again.
Cass laughs along with him before pulling out her adoption certificate from her pocket and grinning, scaring him. His kids's adoption paperwork was all stored in a hidden, impenetrable, designed-by-Batman safe. Laughter fades and she just whispers "You'll never be rid of me."
Bruce- Maybe Talia wants you back.
Damian, not even phased- And maybe Alfred would have rather been working for a doctor than a clown-hating, nocturnal, combat furry, but I guess we're both out here disappointing our parents.
#batman#tim drake#dick grayson#jason todd#red robin#nightwing#red hood#damian wayne#robin#cassandra cain#orphan#batfam incorrect quotes#batfam#batfamily#angst#humor#fic ideas#writing prompts
14K notes
·
View notes
Text
meeting robin
the justice league is happy that batman is socializing, but they're worried that he doesn't seem to notice when robin is switched out every few years
warnings and tags: miscommunication but it's funny, alien invasion, mentioned violence
“Batman,” Clark said slowly, “why do you have a second heartbeat?”
Instead of responding, Batman grunted.
“A second heartbeat?” Barry questioned, zipping over. “How would that even work?”
Another grunt from Batman.
“Batman?”
“I don’t.”
“But I can hear a second heartbeat coming from you.” Clark said, confused.
“It’s not mine.”
Barry choked. “Huh? Who is it then?”
“Robin’s.”
Clark frowned. “Who’s Robin?”
Batman grunted again, and Barry groaned.
“Come on, man!”
Then, Batman’s cape, which hid his entire body, shifted. Clark heard a small giggle. A child popped out, beaming.
“I’m Robin!” he exclaimed, clearly excited to be there. Barry was startled and jumped back a bit.
“What the f-” he stopped short when Batman glared at him. “Fudge?”
“Batman, what is…who is this?” Clark asked.
“This is Robin.” Batman said, like it explained anything.
“We got that. Why is he here?”
Robin bounced. “I’m gonna help!” he said, and Clark caught an accent he couldn’t quite place.
“Help?”
This got him a nod. “Yeah. B said I was ready to meet the Justice League!”
“Who’s B?”
Robin squinted at Barry’s question. Then pointed up at Batman. “B.”
“Batman, where’s Robin?” Diana asked, surprised the young vigilante wasn’t with Batman.
“He’s busy. Couldn’t come.” Batman said, and Diana got the sense that there was something that Batman wasn’t saying to her, but she decided to leave it be.
“I see. Is he alright?”
“Fine. Work.” Batman seemed to be giving short answers again, something he’d stopped doing after Robin had shown up.
“Well, tell him we all missed him, please.”
Batman grunted.
“Batman, what happened to Robin?” Barry questioned, staring at the small boy that had replaced the teen they’d watched grow up. This one seemed shy, half hidden behind Batman.
“Nothing.”
“Well something had to have happened, Robin was a lot taller last time we saw him.” Clark said, also watching the boy. “That’s not the same person.”
“No.” Batman said in an almost growl.
“Huh?” Barry said, confused.
“That’s not the Robin we know. That’s someone else.” Clark said.
“We’re ready to start.” Diana said from behind Batman and Robin, the latter of which startled by her.
Clark heard a quiet ‘woah’ from the boy and smiled. He must be a fan of Wonder Woman.
The Justice League and Robin shuffled into the meeting room, Robin sitting in a chair very close to Batman.
For the entire meeting, he sat quietly, mostly watching Diana with obvious wonder across his face.
Afterwards, Diana approached him, kneeling down to his level.
“Hello. My name is Diana.”
“H-hi.”
“How long have you been Robin?” she asked gently.
“Uh,” he looked up at Batman, who nodded encouragingly to the small boy. “A few months.”
“And are you enjoying it?”
Robin nodded. “Yeah. It’s fun and we get ta help people.'' This boy had an accent as well, though it was quite different from the first Robin’s.
“That’s wonderful.” Diana said. “We’re excited to work with you, Robin.” the kid beamed, looking like he was having the best day of his life.
“Batman, what the fuck?” Barry exclaimed, ignoring the various looks he got at the curse. “Why did Robin get smaller again?”
“Because I’m a different person.” Robin said.
“But he just replaced the first one like, two years ago!”
“Four, actually.”
“Batman? Could you explain, please?” Diana asked.
They got a grunt in response.
Clark sighed. “Batman, please, can you explain this?”
Robin scoffed. “Are you stupid?”
“Robin.” Batman’s tone had a warning in it.
“There’s nothing to explain.”
A grunt.
“Batman, Robin is a girl.” Hal said, confused and done with the entire thing.
“Is that a problem, fuckface?” The entire League took a step back, surprised by this Robin’s language.
“No, of course not. I’m just surprised, that’s all.” Hal said, trying to recover.
Robin huffed before turning back to Batman.
“Language, Robin.” was Batman’s response.
“Oh, come on, I coulda said a whole lot worse.” Her accent reminded Clark of the second Robin’s accent, though more pronounced.
“Tell that to Agent A.”
Robin gasped. “You wouldn’t!”
Batman grunted, though this sounded like one of his amused grunts.
“Fiiine.” She turned to Hal. “I'm sorry for calling you a fuckface.” that got a sigh from Batman.
She turned back to Batman. “Happy?”
Batman grunted again, and while Robin seemed content, Clark and the rest of the league had no idea what it meant.
“Oh my god, this one has a sword!” Hal screeched, running into the meeting room.
“Who does?” Diana asked, standing.
“Robin! Batman got a new one and he has a sword! He tried to stab me!”
“If I had tried to stab you, you would have been stabbed.” a small voice said from the doorway.
Everyone looked over to find Robin, scowling and glaring at all of them.
“He looks just like Batman.” Barry whispered, and Clark agreed. The boy in front of them had an uncanny similarity to Batman.
“Of course I look like him, I’m his son.” Robin snapped, and there were various gasps around the room.
“His son?” Barry’s pitch was high enough that Clark winced.
“Yes.”
“Robin.” Batman appeared behind Robin, frowning at the small boy and looking more annoyed then concerned. “Please don’t stab them. They are our allies, not our enemies.”
Robin looked annoyed, glaring at the Justice League. “Fine.”
“Go sit.” Batman said, nudging the boy towards a chair.
Clark looked up when the computer whirred to life.
“Recognized, Nightwing, B-0-1. Recognized, Red Robin, B-0-3. Recognized, Spoiler, B-0-4. Recognized, Robin, B-0-5.”
Clark stood and walked over to the zeta tube, staring at the four people that stepped out.
“Hey, Supes!”
“Who are you?” he asked, confused.
“We’re-” the one in black and blue started, but was interrupted by the one in red.
“We’re looking for Batman. It’s an emergency.” he stated, matter of fact. “Where is he?”
Clark hesitated. He didn’t know these people or how they got into the tower to begin with, but he wasn’t keen on taking them to Batman.
He didn’t have time to make a decision before the zeta tube started again.
“Recognized, Red Hood, B-0-2.”
He knew that Red Hood was a crime lord, how was the computer recognizing him?
“Where’s B?” Hood asked as soon as he was through.
“We’re still working on that.”
Hood groaned. “What part of ‘emergency’ did you not understand?”
The person dressed in purple scoffed. “We just got here and Superman is in the way. You wanna fight Superman?”
Hood looked over at Clark. “Hi.”
“Hi. What’s going on?”
“We need Batman. Got a bit of an emergency.”
Clark frowned and looked down at Robin. “Robin, what is going on? Who are these people?”
Robin scoffed. “Hood and Red Robin both informed you of what is going on, Superman. I didn’t know you were that dense.”
At least he knew the name of one of the new ones.
“Alright. Just, stay here, okay?”
“Fine.” Robin snapped, looking annoyed.
Clark went over to the chair he’d been in and hit the intercom. “Batman, you’re needed by the zeta tubes.”
A few minutes later, Batman appeared. When he saw the assortment of vigilantes, he sighed loudly.
“What happened?” he asked, sounding tired.
“We are being attacked by aliens.” the one in purple said.
Clark frowned and Batman shook his head.
“So you came up here to tell me instead of using the coms? Why?”
“Well, the com lines are down.” Hood said. “So yes, we came up here.”
“B, we really need to go take care of the aliens. Can we go?” the one in black and blue asked.
“Yes. Go, I’ll be down in a minute.” Batman said, still just sounding mildly inconvenienced instead of like someone who was just informed of an alien invasion.
As soon as they were all gone, Clark rounded on Batman. “What the hell? Who are they?”
Batman grunted. “Notify the rest of the League, then get down there.” he walked away, and left through the zeta tube.
Clark sighed and did as Batman had asked.
“Will you explain this now?” Clark asked, waving at the group of vigilantes that all said they worked with Batman, despite the League only knowing about Robin.
Batman just grunted and Clark was about to lose it, but then Batman said, “Robin.”
Clark stopped. “Huh?”
“Nightwing was the first Robin, Hood the second, Red Robin the third, and Spoiler the fourth. Orphan was never Robin, but she was Batgirl. Signal is new and has only ever been Signal.
“What the fuck?” Barry exclaimed. “I thought they all died!”
Hood raised his hand. “I did die.”
Batman sighed at that.
“Did he really?” Clark asked.
“Yes. But he’s fine now.”
“Am I?”
Batman groaned.
#batfam#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#stephanie brown#justice league#miscommunication#humor#fluff#my work
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Template made by @kdd-works
#dc#dc comics#comics#character alignment#memes#i made this#batfam#batfamily#batkids#batboys#batgirls#cassandra cain#orphan#duke thomas#the signal#stephanie brown#spoiler#tim drake#red robin#damian wayne#robin#jason todd#red hood#funny#humor#batman characters#alignment chart
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
I was looking at some old TikToks and thought I'd share one that never not makes me absolutely cackle
#dc#dc comics#batman#bruce wayne#robin#nightwing#dick grayson#alfred pennyworth#batfamily#batfam#batgirl#red hood#red robin#spoiler#black bat#signal#tiktok#tiktok humor#humor#lmao#music#my chemical romance#welcome to the black parade#mcr#corner conversations
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
prettiest robin. argue with the wall
#my art#batfam#batfam fanart#batfamily#batfamily fanart#batman#batman comics#dick grayson#dick grayson fanart#nightwing fanart#nightwing#theres a reason he pulled kori. just saying#to make up for his gorgeousness he has the worst sense of humor out of all of them#dc#dc comics
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Batfam but it’s animal crossing
#things that started as a joke at work but now I’m invested#my art#batfam#batman#Robin#animal crosing new leaf#animal crossing#red hood#dc comics#Bruce is actually a cat that goes out disguised as a bat for humor purposes on my end#but I have a bat version too#also Damian HAD to be baby bat come on#damian al ghul#damian wayne#bruce wayne#jason todd#batfamily
491 notes
·
View notes
Text
Always funny to me that Dick Grayson put so much effort into disguising himself every single time he entered and left Starfire’s apartment so no one would know he lived there, only for a 13 year old kid to show up at her apartment asking for him by name. And then when Dick isn’t there, Tim just breaks into Dick’s previous apartment he hadn’t lived in for months. At that point why bother with the disguises if a 13 year old is always figuring out everywhere you live.
#also Dick gets back from meeting Tim and soon enough Tim just shows up on his doorstep again and is like ‘train me’#the chaotic brother duo where Dick is just being stalked by an enthusiastic child with an unlimited bus pass budget (canon)#humor compounded by the fact that Dick’s reaction to this after ‘wtf’ is ‘you’ll make a great robin :)’#tim drake#dick grayson#batfam#batbros#bonds: I knew it was you#heroesriseandfall#batman: a lonely place of dying
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
You can’t tell me this isn’t them
Based on this iconic moment ⬇️
youtube
#in this scenario Bernard is 21 which is the age I hc him to be since bro goes to gay bars in canon#tim drake#bernard dowd#timber#timbern#dc comics#bat family#robin#tim drake robin#red robin#college humor#dropout#my art#batclan#batfam#Youtube
226 notes
·
View notes
Text
Jason: Dick, stop repressing your trauma!
Dick: I’m not repressing my trauma, I’m repressing my murderous instincts.
Jason: Yeah, and your trauma.
Dick: I don’t have trauma.
Tim: You’re proving his point. You do realize that, right?
#incorrect batman quotes#incorrect batfamily quotes#batman#dc comics#dcu#dc#batfamily#batfam#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#incorrect dc quotes#humor
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
Bruce: ok kids I'm going out on a date with Clark. behave yourself
[few seconds after Bruce left]
Jason: from today on I'm the king of this city. Bow down to me peasants
Tim: bow down huh? Come here let me bow down your head backwards
Jason: you dare to talk back to me, you imbecile. Our fight shall be worthy
Tim: let's meet in the ring, peasant
Damian: On one side we have our penny worth king and on the other hand we have a dime worth peasant. The fight shall begin
Jason: here you go peasant have this +2
Tim[smirking]: bow down to me. *Throws a +4*
Jason[grinning]: huh bow? To you huh? Now suffer
*throws 2 +4*
Tim[pulls out Jason's order history]: checkmate
Jason[laughing maniacally]: any last words? *Pulls out Tim/kon cute pics together*
[loud gasps audio]
Dick[in batman's cape]: order order silence in the court
Jason: your honor this villain has stolen my rightful place as the king.
Tim: objection you honor. It's all a lie. I'm the rightful king. I even have witness with me
Dick: present the witness
Damian[in specs]: your honor I'm Detective Wayne I would say they both are liars. *Removes the specs* it's I, I am the actual king, my lord
Bruce: no your honor, it's me. I'm the real king.
[loud gasps]
Dick[sweating]: haha the court declares Bruce as the king and is now adjourned.
Jason[silently walking away]: yea yea he is the kin-
Bruce[catching Jason]: now as the king, I shall hand over the decree
[collective tsks from kids]
Bruce: my dear subjects, from today on each Friday shall be 'Who dressed up as the best meme' war. The winner shall be awarded adequately.
Damian: it's not like we lack anything father
Bruce: the winner shall be awarded with Batman's affection
[collective screaming]
Jason: this time I shall win
Damian: dream on
Clark[outside window]: can I also participate?
[collective boos]
#superbat#clark kent#superman#batman#bruce wayne#superman x batman#attempt at humor#damian wayne#jason todd#tim drake#dick grayson#dc robin#nightwing#red hood#red robin#batfam#batfamily#batbros#my dumb stuff#dc
848 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dad Joke
12-year-old Todd Jr.: Were you guys popular in High School?
Jason: I was dead in High SchoOL- !
**Y/N hard elbow jabs**
#Y/N: it’s an old Gotham joke#‘we’ll give him the talk when he’s older’#just some normal not-so-dry-humor in the Todd Family#jason todd incorrect quotes#redhood#jason todd#jason todd x y/n#jason todd x reader#redhood x reader#redhood outlaws#dc incorrect quotes#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect batfam
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Damian acting all grumpy:
Dick: What's wrong?
Damian: Cass "whopped" my behind and I find that immature and humiliating
Dick: Ok, wait- She did that as a punishment, during training or...?
Damian: She did it for her own amusement! I will certainly get her for it!!
Dick: Oh, Dami, it was just a silly joke! Maybe you need to let things go...
Damian:
Damian walking over to Tim: Cass hit me
Tim, who hasn't heard anything bc he was spacing out: I- Then hit her too??? Wha-
Damian: Thank you, Timothy. You have proven that I can come to you for future advice *leaves to look for Cass*
Dick: What the heck was that???!!!
Tim confused af: ??????
*there's screaming in the distance*
#cass was totally humoring damian by screaming btw#dc#batfam#batfamily#batfam incorrect quotes#incorrect batfamily quotes#batkids#damian wayne#robin#dick grayson#nightwing#tim drake#red robin#cassandra cain#batman#batgirl#orphan#black bat#source: my family
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
#dc#dc comics#comics#comic books#brothers in blood#comic pages#comic panels#funny#tweets#twitter#my edits#i made this#batfam incorrect quotes#dc incorrect quotes#jason todd#red hood#nightwing#dick grayson#batfam#batboys#batkids#batfamily#batbros#the red hood#jason peter todd#humor
1K notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
adrijaroy
Adrija Roy-As level
bigbadvampouthere
bigbadvampouthere
jeremymercadomobile
JeremyMercadoMobile