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#batkids
incorrectbatfam · 2 days ago
Jason: I’ve only said "I love you" to three people: my mom, my dad, and my dying brother. And one of those I regret.
Roy: Which one?
Jason: My brother. He survived the bullet so now I look like an idiot.
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sunsetsintandem · a day ago
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Dick, swinging from the chandelier: B!!!! Look at me!!!!
Bruce, following Dick in case he falls: I'm crying- I'm begging. Please, stop.
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Tim, on the *good stuff* post injury: And… and… Bruce is a DUMB FACE.
Tim: *giggles*
Steph: This is the best day of my life.
Jason: Honestly, same.
Jason: Please tell me someone is recording this.
Cass, phone in hand: Duh.
Tim: And Jason is the best and the smartest and I love him.
Steph & Cass: Awwww.
Tim, oblivious to the world around him: And he has a helmet and that makes him the smartest and Alfred said so too.
Steph: Hey Tim? Who’s your favorite?
Tim: I like cats…
Tim: Sometimes I think Damian is a cat.
Tim: Do you think Ra’s knows if Damian is a cat?
Tim: Hang on, I need to text him.
Jason: Oh, I got this Timbo. *smiles with unholy glee*
Steph: Does Bruce know you two text the leader of the League of Assassins on a regular basis?
Jason: *shrugs*
Tim: Ra’s doesn’t like it when Jason texts him so I keep giving Jason his number.
Tim: Jason is the best.
Cass, amused: So you’ve said.
Tim: I think all of my friends have died.
Steph: Let’s think happy thi-
Tim: Do you think if I tell Ra’s he’s my friend he’ll die too?
Steph: Okay never mind. Continue.
Tim: Steph, you and Jason should date.
Jason: *blanking out*
Steph: Wha-
Tim: I have a PowerPoint all ready to go.
Tim, giggling: But don’t tell them because it’s a secret.
Two hours later:
Steph: Well, at least he’s finally asleep?
Jason: He would have been sooner if you’d’ve just let me-
Cass, flicking Jason’s ear: No drugging our brother.
Jason: But he’s already drugged, I don’t see-
Dick: Hey guys, how’s Tim doing?
Jason & Steph: mild deer in the headlights look
Cass, grinning: Fantastic.
Later:
Dick: I can’t believe you made it through the entire thing.
Tim: Oh ye of little faith.
Dick: Too bad they deleted the video. I would have loved watching their reactions to the whole thing.
Cass, pulling up a backup copy of the video footage: Oh ye of little faith.
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fictionalnopantsparty · 20 hours ago
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Jason has definitely been in a physical fight with Damian before and he's definitely shot him while mumbling "parry this, you fucking casual"
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idonthaveabackupplan · 16 hours ago
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Duke trying his best to flirt with tips from Dick: Have you ever been arrested? Because the way you just took my breath away could get you tried for attempted murder.
Queue the batfam cracking up over comms
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janeaustenonsafari · a day ago
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I don't know very much about DC or the Batfam but I think it would be amazing if someone wrote an AU where Bruce Wayne really is just a playboy billionaire philanthropist but he still ends up adopting a brood of orphans who moonlight as Gotham City's vigilantes
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the-lost-marauder · a month ago
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i love that Tired Dad Bruce is now canon in the dc universe askfhldhjfajm
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arguablysomaya · a month ago
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batboys are literally just like: *watches their older brother lie, manipulate, and keep secrets from his team* oh my god... i'd never do that... he's so much like bruce...... *goes off to lie, manipulate, and keep secrets from his own team*
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incorrectbatfam · a day ago
Damian, whose first language isn’t English: Hello! I’m sorry if my English isn’t very good.
Tim, Stephanie, and Duke, whose first language is English: Hte fuckign.
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sunsetsintandem · a day ago
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Bruce, gesturing at a glaring Tim: Tim once asked me if he could have a cat, I told him "no", and he hasn't let me forget about it. It's been 3 years.
Tim, pouting, dramatic, carrying a little rucksack: I can't stay in this toxic environment anymore. It's time I leave this unhealthy household that has done nothing but hold me back.
Damian, softly, remembering what Kon taught him and Jon: Begone, thot.
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Cass, Jason, and Tim getting Alfred one of those “proud parent to a few dumbass kids” shirts and him wearing it to the JL’s Christmas party. That’s it.
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frostbittenbucky · 4 months ago
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Bruce is very proud when his kids finally beat him at sparring
Dick-15
Batman: [obviously limping around the watchtower]
Superman: [pulls him aside] “Batman, what happened?”
Batman: [trying not to sound excited] “Robin finally bested me during our sparring”
Superman: “oh th-“
Batman: “he cracked three of my ribs and dislocated my hip”
Superman: “b-“
Batman: “then he got me in a headlock and held me until I passed out”
Superman: “Bruce… What the fuck”
Jason-14
Bruce laying on the couch with a concussion
Clark: “is everything alright? You missed the meeting and didn’t answer any of our calls”
Bruce: “hm, sparring”
Clark: “with Dick?”
Bruce: [mumbling] “no… Ja… Jason. Used a uh, ah, um…”
Clark: “a? Weapon? A brick? There’s no way you lost to him, it took Dick years to finally win”
Bruce: “… I don’t remember… but it worked”
Alfred: “master Jason used a first copy of the Oxford dictionary. After the spar was supposedly over he used the ‘element off surprise’
Bruce: “dats ma boy”
Alfred: [shaking him] “stay awake”
Tim- 14
Bruce having lunch with Clark, sporting a black eye
Clark: “those sun glasses aren’t helping you”
Bruce: [sipping his wine] “didn’t think so”
Clark: “did you have a rough night?”
Bruce: “no, turns out Tim is a natural with the staff. We’ve been working at it for months, he’s very talented “
Clark: “what is wrong with you?”
Bruce: “if they can’t kick my ass then I’m not training them right, Clark”
Cassandra-20
Bruce: [is groaning and wincing when he moves]
Clark: [chilling at Bruce’s] “I didn’t know you could acknowledge pain”
Bruce: “she threw me like a rag doll, Clark”
Clark: “wait who?”
Bruce: “Cassandra. She wanted to spar, I never landed a hit on her. The fight was 6 maybe 7 seconds tops “
Clark: “she sounds dangerous”
Bruce: [is amazed]“I have so much to learn from her”
Damian- 11
Superman: [enters the bat cave] “Bruce?”
Bruce: [in the medbay giving himself stitches] “here”
Superman: “ouch, what happened to you?”
Bruce: “sparring with Damian”
Superman: “sparring?”
Bruce: [looks up, smiles] “he did this with his nails. But that’s just the surface”
Superman: [x-rays] “Is your leg broken?”
Bruce: “hm, probably. Certainly feels like it”
Superman: [slow blinks] “yea, it’s broken, B”
Duke- 17
Clark: [flying in] “I heard screaming, is everyone alright?”
Bruce: [crumpled on the ground] “fuck”
Duke: “oh my god, oh my god, I’m so sorry”
Clark: “did you use your powers on him?”
Duke: [panicing] “no! We were sparring and I got scared when I thought he was going to do that grabby twisty thing before he slams people?? and kicked him in the balls”
Clark: “uh”
Duke: [tries to help Bruce up]
Bruce: [swats him away, voice hoarse] “you win, you win. I tap out”
Clark: “I thought you wore cups?”
Bruce: “I am… Duke”
Duke: [biting his nails] “yea?”
Bruce: “hmm… good… good kick”
Stephanie-22
Bruce: [gets into position] “ready?”
Stephanie: [gets into position] “ready”
Bruce: [lunges]
Stephanie: [deploys taser]
Bruce: [somewhat goes down, but not fully because he’s Batman] “ow”
Stephanie: “you said ow! I win!”
Bruce: “that’s not a win”
Stephanie: “did you know I had a taser?”
Bruce: “no”
Stephanie: [jazz hands] “the element of surprise!”
Bruce: “no” [gets back into position]
Stephanie: “fine” [drops him]
Clark: [watching the whole time]“she definitely won”
Bruce: [gasps] “yep” [gives Stephanie a high-five from the ground]
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writer-room · 3 months ago
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I love Jason being full of angsty daddy issues as much as the next person, but you know what beats all of that? Jason taking full advantage of the fact that Bruce would crumble like a leaf at any positive interactions Jason had with him. This includes calling him ‘dad’ when he wants to get away with things, playful banter that borders on sitcom levels of cheesy affection when he wants to distract him, and at one point, calling himself Batman’s son and getting a massive intimidation point over some villains. Jason knows damn well that Bruce is soft like putty and can manipulate him into anything he wants with the barest amount of familial affection. Dick is berating him for being an asshole, Tim is salty that its only Jason who can get away with this, Damian is appalled at how easily it works, Steph and Barbara find the whole thing hilarious, and Cass is taking bets on how long it lasts. Its glorious.
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