Tim, on the *good stuff* post injury: And… and… Bruce is a DUMB FACE.
Steph: This is the best day of my life.
Jason: Honestly, same.
Jason: Please tell me someone is recording this.
Cass, phone in hand: Duh.
Tim: And Jason is the best and the smartest and I love him.
Steph & Cass: Awwww.
Tim, oblivious to the world around him: And he has a helmet and that makes him the smartest and Alfred said so too.
Steph: Hey Tim? Who’s your favorite?
Tim: I like cats…
Tim: Sometimes I think Damian is a cat.
Tim: Do you think Ra’s knows if Damian is a cat?
Tim: Hang on, I need to text him.
Jason: Oh, I got this Timbo. *smiles with unholy glee*
Steph: Does Bruce know you two text the leader of the League of Assassins on a regular basis?
Tim: Ra’s doesn’t like it when Jason texts him so I keep giving Jason his number.
Tim: Jason is the best.
Cass, amused: So you’ve said.
Tim: I think all of my friends have died.
Steph: Let’s think happy thi-
Tim: Do you think if I tell Ra’s he’s my friend he’ll die too?
Steph: Okay never mind. Continue.
Tim: Steph, you and Jason should date.
Jason: *blanking out*
Tim: I have a PowerPoint all ready to go.
Tim, giggling: But don’t tell them because it’s a secret.
Two hours later:
Steph: Well, at least he’s finally asleep?
Jason: He would have been sooner if you’d’ve just let me-
Cass, flicking Jason’s ear: No drugging our brother.
Jason: But he’s already drugged, I don’t see-
Dick: Hey guys, how’s Tim doing?
Jason & Steph: mild deer in the headlights look
Cass, grinning: Fantastic.
Dick: I can’t believe you made it through the entire thing.
Tim: Oh ye of little faith.
Dick: Too bad they deleted the video. I would have loved watching their reactions to the whole thing.
Cass, pulling up a backup copy of the video footage: Oh ye of little faith.
199 notes · View notes
Bruce is very proud when his kids finally beat him at sparring
Batman: [obviously limping around the watchtower]
Superman: [pulls him aside] “Batman, what happened?”
Batman: [trying not to sound excited] “Robin finally bested me during our sparring”
Superman: “oh th-“
Batman: “he cracked three of my ribs and dislocated my hip”
Batman: “then he got me in a headlock and held me until I passed out”
Superman: “Bruce… What the fuck”
Bruce laying on the couch with a concussion
Clark: “is everything alright? You missed the meeting and didn’t answer any of our calls”
Bruce: “hm, sparring”
Clark: “with Dick?”
Bruce: [mumbling] “no… Ja… Jason. Used a uh, ah, um…”
Clark: “a? Weapon? A brick? There’s no way you lost to him, it took Dick years to finally win”
Bruce: “… I don’t remember… but it worked”
Alfred: “master Jason used a first copy of the Oxford dictionary. After the spar was supposedly over he used the ‘element off surprise’
Bruce: “dats ma boy”
Alfred: [shaking him] “stay awake”
Bruce having lunch with Clark, sporting a black eye
Clark: “those sun glasses aren’t helping you”
Bruce: [sipping his wine] “didn’t think so”
Clark: “did you have a rough night?”
Bruce: “no, turns out Tim is a natural with the staff. We’ve been working at it for months, he’s very talented “
Clark: “what is wrong with you?”
Bruce: “if they can’t kick my ass then I’m not training them right, Clark”
Bruce: [is groaning and wincing when he moves]
Clark: [chilling at Bruce’s] “I didn’t know you could acknowledge pain”
Bruce: “she threw me like a rag doll, Clark”
Clark: “wait who?”
Bruce: “Cassandra. She wanted to spar, I never landed a hit on her. The fight was 6 maybe 7 seconds tops “
Clark: “she sounds dangerous”
Bruce: [is amazed]“I have so much to learn from her”
Superman: [enters the bat cave] “Bruce?”
Bruce: [in the medbay giving himself stitches] “here”
Superman: “ouch, what happened to you?”
Bruce: “sparring with Damian”
Bruce: [looks up, smiles] “he did this with his nails. But that’s just the surface”
Superman: [x-rays] “Is your leg broken?”
Bruce: “hm, probably. Certainly feels like it”
Superman: [slow blinks] “yea, it’s broken, B”
Clark: [flying in] “I heard screaming, is everyone alright?”
Bruce: [crumpled on the ground] “fuck”
Duke: “oh my god, oh my god, I’m so sorry”
Clark: “did you use your powers on him?”
Duke: [panicing] “no! We were sparring and I got scared when I thought he was going to do that grabby twisty thing before he slams people?? and kicked him in the balls”
Duke: [tries to help Bruce up]
Bruce: [swats him away, voice hoarse] “you win, you win. I tap out”
Clark: “I thought you wore cups?”
Bruce: “I am… Duke”
Duke: [biting his nails] “yea?”
Bruce: “hmm… good… good kick”
Bruce: [gets into position] “ready?”
Stephanie: [gets into position] “ready”
Stephanie: [deploys taser]
Bruce: [somewhat goes down, but not fully because he’s Batman] “ow”
Stephanie: “you said ow! I win!”
Bruce: “that’s not a win”
Stephanie: “did you know I had a taser?”
Stephanie: [jazz hands] “the element of surprise!”
Bruce: “no” [gets back into position]
Stephanie: “fine” [drops him]
Clark: [watching the whole time]“she definitely won”
Bruce: [gasps] “yep” [gives Stephanie a high-five from the ground]
4K notes · View notes