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#batman family
incorrectbatfam · 8 months ago
Conversation
Jason: Hope you get run over.
Tim: Hoping is all well and good, but ultimately, it gets you nowhere. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Get in your car and run me the fuck down instead of waiting for others to do your work for you, you coward. You lazy fool.
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dickiesgrayson · a year ago
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plot twist: bruce knows exactly what a thot is. 
the one where bruce deliberate uses internet slang to annoy his children
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incorrectbatfam · 9 months ago
Conversation
Roy: Thanks to Duolingo, I can ask people if they are a horse but can't tell people what my name is in French.
Jason: Ask me if I'm a fucking horse. I dare you.
Roy: Tu es un cheval?
Jason: Nay.
Roy: Oh you MOTHERFUCKER—
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dickiesgrayson · a year ago
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“Boys, let’s just try not to expose our secret identities every other week. That’s all.” | a social media au
In which Bruce Wayne asks a question he never gets an answer to 
P.S. Being a furry is valid, and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it! I’m sorry if someone got offended by the joke, it was sincerely not my intention. 
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Batfamily as things my family said on vacation
**Packing** Stephanie: “Are my slutty heels at home?” Barbara: “Which slutty ones? You have to be more specific.”
**Driving to the airport in a silent car at 3am** Jason: “When I die, I hope it’s quickly. Like on impact.” Dick: “I was thinking in my sleep, but okay.”
**Wheeling luggage through the crowded airport at 4am** Tim: **half-asleep** “My shirt is inside out AND on backwards.”
**After seeing a lot of children on their flight** Jason: “Guess this flight is coming with a complimentary nap...chloroform.”
**Tim trying to figure out what direction their flying in** Tim: **still half-asleep** “Where is Fort Lauderdale on a map?” Bruce: “Above Miami”  Tim: “Ohhh...where is Miami on a map?”
**On the cruise ship and looking out at the open ocean** Jason: “Do you know what’s out there?” All the kids in sync: “Megalodon.”
Damian: “We’re in international waters now, I could murder you and no one would find your body.”
Stephanie: **Near tears** “A part of me will always be on Saint Kitts.” Cassandra: “For fuck’s sake, you lost your sunglasses in the ocean, not your virginity.”
Damian: “Islands that have two names attached to it—like Saint Kitts and Nevis or Turks and Caicos—the first one is always fantastic but the second one is always worthless.” Jason: “Kind of like Jason and Damian.” Damian: “International waters, Jason. Don’t push your luck.”
**Gazing down the side of the ship to the open ocean below** Dick: “How deep do you think it is here?” Tim: “How deep does the ship go?” Bruce: “30 feet” Tim: “At least 31 feet then” Jason: **Sitting in a lawn chair drinking a strawberry daiquiri** “He ain’t wrong.”  Barbara and Stephanie: **Cheers drink with Jason**
Stephanie: “How long do you think this ship is?” Barbara: “At least fifteen Meglodons.” Bruce: “What’s with this family and measuring things in Meglodons?” Stephanie: “It’s scientifically accurate.”
**Jason coming back to the room after being missing for an hour** Dick: “Where have you been? You said you were just going to the bathroom.” Jason: **Holding two strawberry daiquiris** “I caught two employees hooking up in the theater bathroom so I decided to treat myself.” **Takes a sip from both straws at the same time**
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incorrectbatfam · 9 months ago
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Damian: "Ladies and gentlemen" is unnecessarily gendered, overly formal, lengthy, and honestly I’m falling asleep already.
Damian: "Cowards", on the other hand, is inclusive to all genders, casual and fun, short and to the point, exciting, and dramatic.
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