#batman is actually funny | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lustwithoutlore · 2 months

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Damian, walking into the Batcave: I require assistance.

Dick: Sure, Dami! What can I help you with?

Damian: Not from you.

Bruce, thinking: Damian... Damian needs... father's help? MY help?

Bruce, being way too fucking smug: Ah, well, Dick, don't be sad. Sometimes a boy just needs his father. How can I help you, son?

Damian: Not from you, either. I require assistance from Stephanie.

Stephanie: HA! SUCK IT, BRUCE!

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sadwetcatmk · 9 months

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#i am aware of how mentally damaging this is #its funny for like at least four reasons in my head i promise #and the thought process was a bit more complicated than this looks #moon knight #batman #marc spector #jake lockley #steven grant #bruce wayne #moon knight comics #batman comics #i dont actually know like anything about batman

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pr0cyon-lotor · 6 months

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Batman wearing a "Bruce Wayne's #1 H8r" shirt over his costume with a foam finger (but instead of a finger pointing up it's a thumbs down) that says the same thing and a matching baseball cap

The League desperately tries to defend Brucie Wayne

Batman does not care. He throws insults quicker than the league can make arguments. None of them know. Except one of them.

Superman knows. He stands in the back watching and he knows.

A singular tear runs down his cheek as he tries to keep his composure

#Batman is actually funny and no adaptation can change my mind #i love brucie wayne #bruce wayne #brucie wayne #batman #justice league

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tiredofsatansbullshit · 4 months

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Batfam as things my friends and I have said

Tim, at a toy store: Don't get close to me with that affectionate shit. *spots toy trucks* Look, trucks :D

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Cassandra: Maybe that's why my life's so peaceful. Because I don't like men

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Tim: I'm bisexual. I don't like choosing

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Damian: They're holding hands. I hope they die

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Stephanie: If I had a penis....

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Stephanie: The other day Duke learnt about periods. He was devastated.

Duke, fake crying: Shit ain't right

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Tim: Can I just kill myself, guys? Dick: Not yet, Timmy

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Jason: I don't wanna smell it, Dick

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Jason: Stephanie, I wanna drink

Stephanie + Jason simultaneously: Drink alcohol. yeah.

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Duke: I'm doing it correctly but my answers still not coming up

Damian: Then you're not doing it correctly

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Dick, pointing at pads: How strong is your pussy?

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Jason: Am I scared or am I hard?

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Cassandra: Why did you look at me with that tone???

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Bruce: The omegaverse? That was in the spiderman movie, right?

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Stephanie: Why must we decide? Tim: The bible says Adam and Eve, not Adam or Eve

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Damian: I'm not exotic, I'm just brown

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Stephanie: Are penises heavy?

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Duke: I'm just...

Stephanie: Ken

Tim: a girl

Duke: dead.

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Dick: Now that we're alone let's get into the real stuff. What's your childhood trauma, babygirl?

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Dick: Look at those gay flags

Jason: Those are countries

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thisiswhereikeepdcthings · 1 month

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#ides of march #adding this to my collection of images to show my family anytime they ask me about tumblr #it will do nothing to explain but it will be funny #pretty sure no one in my family actually know what tumblr is for #they just get the occasional ‘I saw this on tumblr and had to show you’#what is it?#one of the best analyses of hamlet I’ve ever seen #a squirrel video #memes that require a decade’s worth of meme history #the saddest thing you’ve ever seen #a picture from Norway #batblob Batman drawings #it’s anyone’s guess #none of them know and it’s hilarious

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weepingfishturtledragon · 7 months

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So you know how Captain Marvel often gets confused for Superman, like in that one comic where Captain Marvel is saving people from a burning house and they tell him to use his "ice breath". I imagine this only really happens outside of Fawcett City like he goes to Central City and people around him are a little confused because he resembles Superman, has similar powers, and a similar personality so they just think he changed his suit.

Captain Marvel would obviously get annoyed but at the same time he uses it to his advantage when he's doing something strange. Like he goes to the bottom of the ocean to retrieve a magical artifact but when he comes up there's a giant cruise ship full of people and everyone is like "Is that Superman!?!??" Captain Marvel being covered in seaweed, monster guts, and other unspeakable things is like "... yes." Clark gets so confused by all the articles of weird "sightings" of Superman in unusual situations.

#billy batson #shazam #dc comcis #captain marvel #dc captain marvel #superman #clark kent #some point Batman's going to have to intervene #this most likely won't actually happen because I imagine that the Justice League is super well known #but it's really funny to think about #Superman might gain a reputation but it's for Billy so it's worth #please ignore any spelling or grammar mistakes

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homuku · 1 month

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hello all i have watched a certain movie 2 years after it got popular

pretend this spread is finished and doesnt look like shit in some places

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nerdpoe · 1 month

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Whenever I read anything in comics or in fanfic about "we can't kill the Joker because that would be doing what he wants, we have to let the law take care of him" I just. giggle.

He's shown multiple times premeditation, which indicates he does, in fact, understand the consequences of his actions. By law, he is mentally fit enough to stand trial.

By law, he would more than likely be sentenced to death, many many times over, after being branded a terrorist. He wouldn't even be housed in New Jersey, he'd be sent to someplace like Guantanamo Bay, ultra secure max prison. His execution would be sped up due to flight risk. It would happen out of sight and out of mind, in a glass box so that weird chest bomb of Joker Gas doesn't affect anyone, and then incinerated.

This is comicbookland, so that doesn't happen, but like, if this was the direction Joker's court cases were supposed to go, and it was an assistance program run by Wayne Enterprises that kept stepping in and using legal fuckery to get Joker to Arkham instead of standing trial?

All it would take is just. One little sign off from Barbara. One little tweak.

Joker isn't eligible for that outreach program anymore.

#batman #joker #story prompt i guess #lol #i just think it'd be funny with batman being like #“well i can't condone death but also like the state declared it through valid legal proceedings”#i know it's comicbooklogic that stops joker from standing trial and not an outreach program #because if it was an outreach program barbara would have absolutely destroyed it #or altered it so that joker wasn't viable for it #i don't care about the discourse of “but joker is the best villain for batman!”#no he's not DCU is just too lazy to come up with an actual replacement

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weebsinstash · 7 months

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I keep thinking about just, platonic yandere Batman who forces you to be his sidekick for whatever reason (you're a troublemaker and you need discipline, you're a metahuman and need training so you don't hurt someone, you just genuinely need a family or some shit and he Thinks This Will Be Good For You, maybe he's just straight up fucking selfish and is dragging you along for his emotional benefit alone) but you constantly just make it the utmost pain in the ass experience for him in rebellion

"Alright, let's go over this again: you're cornered in the alley. You have a gunman coming towards you. Your grappling hook is broken, you don't have a weapon, and he's in arm's reach of you. What do you do?"

"Suck him off?"

"YOU DISARM HIM, GOD, STOP"

WayneCorp is a leading manufacturer in blood pressure medicine because YOU are singlehandedly fueling more research and funding into the topic with how much shit you give this man (to the delight of your troublemaker 'siblings'.) Not maliciously or like violently or anything but enough to just absolutely drive him up the wall, total "I'm not mad *leaves the room to break something*" ass behavior

Bruce is over here trying to debrief everyone for a mission talking about like how Deathstroke the notorious killer mercenary has been seen in the area and you've got your feet up on the table biting the corner of your mask "but why is he so FINE though??? Like I'm not the only one who thinks he can get it, right?" and your dear old dad is ready to hang up the cowl for the night and take a good long rest to try and forget what you just said

"You can't make those kinds of comments about Poison Ivy, she's literally a terrorist"

"Girls can have a little bit of ecoterrorism as a treat. She can be my Captain Planet Dommy Mommy. She can kill oil CEOs and i can put my face in her titties and Harley can be our weed smoking girlfriend, it's a win-win for everyone"

"Please, just stop--"

"Do you think Joker's prostate honks like a bicycle horn? Like, do you know from personal experience?"

"OK, we're going into the Bat Hyperbolic Therapy Chamber to discuss why everything you just said was not ok"

#yandere x reader #yandere batman #yandere stuff #i have so many different ideas for them though like actual seriois legitimate drafts and WIPS its not even funny lol #you get a sibling and you get a sibling and you get a sibling and EVERYONE GETS A SHINY BRAND NEW FATHER FIGUREEEE

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laxxarian · 3 months

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Some silly thoughts that I randomly got while my eyes are growing heavy....

Bruce had not (or probably forgot to) announce that he had a new kid, which is Danny Fenton so now, Danny has three secret identities.

Also, Bruce doesn't know about Fenton being Phantom.

And also, Danny got adopted solely because right after he fought Skulker and Desiree, he ended up being in Gotham. With his powers being short circuited a few times during the fight, he looked like a homeless beggar, beaten up and everything in his human form. Even at the end of the battle, his powers had not let up just yet, fortunately he was able to soup both of the ghosts with his thermos.

So while walking down the streets, it was night time, some thug came and tried to mug the boy only to be rescued by Batman since he was on patrol.

And Danny being Danny, lies elegantly. Now, Batman and his best friend Paranoia, advised and guided Danny to a manor and there, history begins.

All because Danny lied about having no parents when in truth, Maddie and Jack were all waiting for him to come back for dinner. (they knew of his ghostly powers)

Danny doesn't know Bruce being Batman, and Batman doesn't know Danny being Phantom.

..........

Danny Fenton

Danny Wayne

Danny Phantom

...........

Danny kept persuading Bruce to let him go to Amity Park since he always wanted to stay there (also cuz he can't stay out of his Haunt for too long) and Bruce let's him.... Without forgetting to give him allowance.

............

Sooner or later, Danny gets a call from Bruce, the man usually calls or Danny calling him cuz their family now and all that and they would talk casually and stuff cuz for some reason, Bruce can't get past a firewall that's protecting Amity Park and all of its residents are there getting their online acc being protected as well.

And Danny expected Bruce to ask him how it was going on his side but then was taken aback cuz the man invited him to the manor for a family night.

With much consideration, Danny agreed. Only to be surprised that Danny wasn't the only kid cuz there are other look-alikes sprawling around the manor.

So the guilt he has inside his heart dissipated cuz a part of the reason why he signed the adoption papers was that he thought Bruce was a lonely man and he had a different vibe than Vlad and on the plus side, he could show off the adoption papers at Vlad.

............

The Batkids stared at the new kid, glaring at Bruce as to who is he while the man himself was confused as well, did he not tell them? He thought. And no, no he did not.

............

#danny phantom #batman #crossover #dpxdc #danny fenton #batfam #one named mads and the other jack. it was to practice in not being so mean to the human jack #maddie and jack are actually engineers and scientists for the JL but since they dont talk much of their profession #good parents jack and maddie #good redeemed GIW #redeemed vlad #vlad has two cats #jack and maddie are both scientists and engineers for the JL and since they dont talk much of their actual profession danny and jazz had no #idea of them being one at all #bruce doesnt realize that dannys parents are also in the JL #danny doesnt know bruces other identity but when danny and batman are at the watchtower #they recognize each other but dannys parents arent aligned with dannys random visits at the watch tower #danny works with the JL only for a few times #they all have no clue #theyre all clueless and thats funny

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daydreamerwonderkid · 10 months

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Shout out to my girl Cass and my boy Terry for being the only two motherfuckers (out of 21 other candidates) to actually wanna be Batman.

I could never relate, but cheers regardless.

#batfam #batfamily #terry mcginnis #batman beyond #cassandra cain #batman #batman shit post #dc shit post #for the record #i do genuinely believe cass would be an amazing batman #i'm still laughing though #at just how much terry actually loved #being batman #like bruh #even damian gave that shit a pass #which more power to ya #but it's still so fucking funny to me

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winged-bat · 24 days

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dick: smokings gunna ruin your lungs and lead to an early grave

jason: bitch don’t act like you didn’t use to smoke all the time

jason: and your still alive

jason: and old

#i am but a firm believer jason doesnt smoke all that much or at all actually but this was too funny not to do #dick grayson #richard grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #dc #batman #incorrect quotes #incorrect dc quotes

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mylifeingotham · 4 months

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I want to see actual episodes of ‘Make it Wayne’ like imagine

Damian- I start laughing at Tim when he's crying because I can’t help it. He has this ugly crying face that he makes

Bruce- Did you guys know I’m the most googled person this week?

Jason- That’s because he Googles himself

Bruce- Dick would you stop taking pictures of yourself? Your brother’s (Jason) going to jail!

Dick- I lost my diamond plated watch in the ocean!

Tim- Dick there’s people that are dying

Then Alfred is just like- …

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dudethatsmyundeaduncle · 15 days

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If we were doing a completely accurate Reverse Robins line up Damian wouldn't be Batman it would be Matt McGinnis LMAO

Cuz he's technically the youngest/last robin who is a Wayne (by blood)

#IF WERE TALKING ACTUAL REVERSE AGES MATTS THE YOUNGEST ROBIN AND THE YOUNGEST BATKID EVER SO #LIKE IM JUST SAYING OK #FUNNY AS HELl #LIKE YALL THINK UR GETTING A REVERSE ROBINS AU AND THEN I SMACK U WITH THE MCGINNIS BROTHERS #just let me include my batman beyond clone sons in the line up plz #Batman #DC #Batman Beyond #Reverse Robins #Damian Wayne #Matt McGinnis #Robin #the funniest part is that Matt is such an annoying little shit that Damian would hate him

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goatsghost · 6 months

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i still think it’s insanely funny that bruce comes back from the time stream and decides they’re gonna have a family movie night, while FULLY AWARE that jason is currently in arkham

like bruce i think your favoritism is showing just a lil bit here lmao

(batman and robin 2009)

#batman and robin 2009 #ggw liveblog #mine #dick grayson #bruce wayne #damian wayne #tim drake #alfred pennyworth #jason todd #to be fair it is red headed jason so i think that’s a punishable offense tbh #ok but actually being fr here #jason was being very difficult and was a minor villain for dick and damian at the time #and bruce had jason kept in arkham to protect him from the other prisoners AND protect the other prisoners FROM jason lol #i genuinely do find it funny and silly that bruce hosted a movie night with the family and did not even consider jason’s whereabouts #it’s sad when you think about it for too long but as a passing joke it’s kinda funny lol

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sciderman · 5 months

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thinking of spider-man's first silly little suit (and his silly little webwings)

thinking of you all the time (webwings)

#how i love teenage peter parker and would die for him. silly little guy.#i love how casually superheroes just came up with their superhero names in the classic comics.#well! i'll be spiderman i guess!#mr fantastic is the best one though. he just wanted to be called that. i bet he was sitting on it for years.#bet he called himself that in his head for years. and now finally he has an excuse to get other people to call him it.#reed richards you are hilarious #same as the green goblin actually he's so funny. “i'll make it my favourite color! green!”#superheros and villains are so funny when you think about them.#sci speaks #i dont know why superhero media is trying to trick me into taking these guys seriously. theyre so stupid goofy. all of them.#batman?? you want me to take a guy who runs with the name batman seriously???

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