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septemberrie · 10 months

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Battle Lines: DVD Commentary

I am proud of myself for writing 140k, I’ve never done it before! I thought some people might be interested in scenes left on the cutting room floor and other thoughts I had while writing. Spoiler alert: A lot of this is praise to @gossipqueen2000 my beta and @faytalepsy for her cheerleading and artistic vision. Also spoiler alert: contains spoilers, including for the epilogue if you haven’t read that yet.

Chapter 1

I’ve mentioned this in comments but the idea of Eraklyans being at odds with Solarians came from Alliance by @somenamewithepineapple, great enemies to lovers Silrah fic! But I wanted this to be a story of a royal and her bodyguard so I changed Farah to queen of Domino, which would also allow Bloom to be incorporated into the story and have a similar enemies-to-lovers arc between Skloom (admittedly entirely offscreen).

The idea of Alfea as an extreme pseudo-military boarding school is an amalgamation of many concepts, namely taking the black/the Wall in Game of Thrones, the various mendicant orders of the catholic church, and of course reading far too many romance novels of sexy soldier/secret agent heroes in high school.

Chapter 2

From the beginning I knew I wanted Farah to have her bedroom charmed so no one can view her decorations other than a couple inoffensive trinkets. I assume as a queen you have very little privacy, even in your bedroom you’ll probably have cleaners coming in, etc. So I wanted to show that she takes great pains to protect the most private parts of herself even in her own home.

Coming up with the council members was quite fun, tbh. I love making up fun names, and borrowing from the OG cartoon too. Although I promptly forgot how to spell “Gehrheart” and had to look it up every time I referenced him thereafter. 0/10 experience, would not recommend.

The discarded scene from this chapter is a squirrel setting off a sensor in Farah’s bedroom in the middle of the night and Saul charging in in a frenzy. I changed it to the locked door scene which fit better tonally. Plus then I thought to add the “Personally I think you’ve spent too much time in [my bedroom] already” line which was funny if I do say so myself.

A theme that never fails to be funny to me as I wrote this, is that Saul isn’t actually a very good bodyguard 😅 Accidentally locking himself in Farah’s bedroom is Exhibit A.

Chapter 3

Having Bloom and Saul be somewhat allies in opposition to Farah was really fun to write! On the surface it’s fun because they both have objections to how Farah handles certain things, but on a deeper level I wanted Saul to crave and tangentially have that pseudo-father/child relationship that he’s been missing pretty much since Sky was born but definitely since his exile.

What made this story so fun to write was the repeated pattern of a) they find some common ground that increases their respect for the other and then b) they find out something new that pisses them off and then c) repeat. Obviously item “a” always has to be stronger than item “b:” they always have to come back to the conclusion that the other is a better person than their first impression. But it was super fun to think of new obstacles to throw at them.

The idea for public audiences comes from The Emperor’s New Groove. 😌 I am the sum of all the art I’ve ever experienced.

Before I wrote too far into this, Mo and I were brainstorming bodyguard story tropes and of course I have her to thank for the “walking in on him shirtless working out” scene. Thank you kindly, Mo, your services are appreciated.

Chapter 4

This chapter was action-heavy so it took a while to write but I think it might be my favorite! You’ve got angst, you’ve got rising stakes, you’ve got protective Saul Silva, you’ve got whump, you’ve got hurt and some extremely stilted comfort, you’ve got the record-scratch cliffhanger that I love writing lol.

The initial draft of this scene had the assassins try to stab Farah as she was walking through the hospital, and they’d say “Andreas sends his regards” to Saul on their way in/out, thus implicating Saul directly. I couldn’t figure out how to make that work and then got the idea to make the assassins patient plants and have the implication come earlier, from Valtor. I’m kind of amazed how well everything fell into place.

Chapter 5

This didn’t occur to me until I was writing the epilogue, but in my head Domino culture is Celtic-inspired (since Fate was filmed in Ireland) but Eraklyon is very Greco-Roman-inspired. The Crypteia (Krypteia/Krupteia) is historically based; there are references to a year-long military service obligated for an elite caste of young warriors in ancient Sparta. Obviously it’s debated how reliably the known historical sources (Plutarch, Plato) convey the details, but I was searching for a militaristic ritual that would have high enough stakes to cause the fallout between Saul and Andreas over Sky’s safety. The Crypteia in my story is just one event, not a year.

I wrote and rewrote Saul’s “monologue” so many times because it was hard to strike the balance between capable but unlucky warrior and poor little meow meow. I think it worked, fingers crossed you agree.

In drafts, when Saul reveals he’s Sky’s biological father, I had Farah toy with the notion of using that information against Andreas, but Saul panics that it’s going to endanger Sky. I ended up deciding this was too calculating for Farah and would be writing myself into a corner. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Side note but I really enjoyed the emotional whump of Farah in the aftermath of the assassination. She’s falling apart but she’s not allowed to fall apart and she doesn’t want this stranger to be responsible for holding her together but also she can’t help it and also and also and also.

I was going to have Saul resign in this chapter to keep Farah safe, rather than later on. Then I decided to extend it because a) I was having too much fun writing this story and b) I rationalized that Saul would take this as an opportunity to lean harder into protecting Farah rather than admitting he’s not the best man for the job. It’s more fun to write about flawed people than perfect people!

Obviously I had to do the “only one bed” trope. Also I’m very proud of the “Don’t be stupid��/”But I am stupid, as you tell me five times a day” exchange.

“How shall I address you?” / “Dowling, in private. Farah, if you are bold enough.” was inspired by the horribly saccharine American ending of Pride & Prejudice (2005) dir. Joe Wright.

The vow of celibacy came to me right away during the brainstorming phase. I went to Catholic school for high school and you do meet the occasional hot priest and well…you’ve seen Fleabag, you can do the math.

Chapter 6

The first draft of the first time they wake up together, since it’s from Saul’s point of view, I wrote Farah as the one to wake up Saul, and Saul—being a warrior—does not take kindly to being roused so he switches instantly from sleep to “action hero” and grabs her throat. At which point Farah also immediately overreacts to Saul’s overreaction and she uses magic to blast him across the room. And from the floor Saul slowly stirs and says “...I’m awake now.” I decided that tonally it wouldn’t fit from the discomfort of the previous night so I just started the chapter in the car.

The dream is inspired by one of my own, in which Louis Tomlinson from One Direction sabotaged my audition to play the part of “the pear” in ??? I don’t remember which musical but not one involving pears. Also, I can’t sing, so Louis was actually doing me a huge favor.

I had a hard time coming up with how to show the passage of time while still escalating the background conflict. Everything up to this point has been over the span of a few days, so I struggled with changing the scale to weeks instead. At one point Valtor showed up back in Domino and Saul disarms him; I cut that after beta help.

Yeah… I changed Bloom’s age a couple times in the writing of this fic. I meant to have Bloom be 18 and Sky a couple years older, but apparently math is hard.

Chapter 7

Reading back on this, Farah is a bit sassy to start this chapter; I specifically remember it was because Jackie had just released a new chapter of Alliance ft extremely sarcastic Farah.

Telluride was always meant to be a placeholder name until I came up with something original; it’s the name of a ski town in western Colorado, the state I moved to during the writing of this story. It’s such a pretty name, I decided to keep it.

Of course I snuck in a reference to Martin Evershed. Love that no one commented on it 😅

This is the chapter where Farah handwrites condolence letters to victims’ families. While writing, I estimated at what point her hand would start cramping and guessed thirty. Well since this chapter, I had to write 60+ thank you notes for my wedding and it’s safe to say that was a dramatic overestimate lol. My hand starts cramping after 5.

When I was agonizing over how exactly to end this story, I can’t believe the climax was staring me in the face, in this chapter. Farah literally says the line “So gutting Andreas is only a secondary purpose of carrying a dagger?” The explosion that went off in my head when I reread that part. But I’m choosing to take it as: alright well I guess I’m falling my way upwards into being a better writer, that I lay all the groundwork for my future self so well.

Chapter 8

I struggled with the kidnapping scene and wrote and rewrote it many times. I originally wanted all four of them to be together in the same room, but as I was writing Bloom and Farah kept interrupting, kept essentially making fun of Sky for being so deluded by propaganda. So I cut them out so it was just father & son for maximal angst. It was hard to thread the needle of Saul being devastated at Sky’s decisions but also a soldier enough to take him to task for it (while being heavily whumped bc I’m me).

In the original outline I had Sky take a more active role in dissuading the war via campaigning/pleading with Andreas, rather than subverting from the shadows. Ultimately I decided Andreas was beyond reasoning so that’s why Sky and Bloom took the route they did.

The cut scene from this chapter is Saul using a sexy motorcycle instead of a jeep, Farah riding “bitch” so she can hold him tight from behind. Lots of accidental touching. Decided this was not the time and place

Saul says that Sky is nineteen here lmfao. Apparently 14 at the Crypteia + 8 years of Saul’s exile = 19 years old, to renowned author and not mathematician Skye.

Speaking of, it was SO FUN to write Saul as extremely capable at everything except being a normal human man trying to function in society 😅 A drink? What is that? Stand next to hot person?? Must find way to exit; only does so after causing as much psychic damage as humanly possible.

Chapter 9

The masquerade ball was also a plot point that I knew would happen from very early on (Farah and Saul in sexy formalwear? Of course), but it was Mo’s idea to make the ball a cover for some secret diplomacy. Having a beta insanely elevated this story!

After I finished Chapter 1 and realized this was going to be a multichapter story, the dance, mask, and kiss scene was the very next thing I wrote. I am pretty proud of myself for coming up with the mask being the way Saul allows himself to “slip” and step out of himself for long enough to up the slow burn with a kiss.

Chapter 10

Writing Ben and Saul as being somewhat at odds was also very enjoyable. They’re both very protective of Farah, but Ben thinks Saul is a pushy upstart and Saul thinks Ben is a stuffy fuddyduddy. I love writing reluctant allies.

I was very deliberate that in the narration, Saul never thinks of Farah using her first name until they consummate their relationship in the hotel room. Even after the kiss at the ball he calls her “the queen” in his head except in rare circumstances when he’s considering both of them in the third person. Same with Farah; she addresses him as “Silva” in her head until they give themselves to each other in Anolide and he becomes Saul.

Chapters 11 & 12

I have Mo to thank for the introduction of Burnett; what a *chef’s kiss* to include the optimal mirror for Saul and his “failings.”

The name “Degenhard” as Saul’s pseudonym when he checks into the hotel was a result of a hilarious conversation in the WinxSource server. Apparently “degen” is German for “sword” soooo I thought it extremely fitting for what happens in the story that night. Winkyface. Sword hard. Originally the surname was “Petrino,” I think it was published that way for a couple days before I retconned it.

I really hope the final argument before the consummation was clear from both sides. Mo was supremely helpful molding it out of the clay I provided. I struggled a lot; is it ever worth it to give up your “self” for another person? When does “staying true to yourself” veer into stubbornness and aversion to healthy change? What do we owe to our former selves? I hope I answered it well.

Chapter 13

In the first draft of this chapter, Saul was on surveillance rounds when he came upon an injured child, and his panicked rushing into action is what lowers his guard and leads to him being kidnapped. Then, the child would be in the room while Saul was being tortured and she would be the apparition used to torture him instead of Sky. But sometimes less is more so I just didn’t show Saul’s kidnapping, and also I wanted Sky to have a larger role so I changed it to Sky being the apparition.

The fairy who tortures Saul is an earth fairy… know who else is an earth fairy? Ben.

Chapters 14-20

This chapter(s) took the longest. I had such a hard time getting inside Farah’s head before I settled on the rage. I was actually getting the first professional massage of my life, on my honeymoon, when the lightbulb went off: RAGE!! ANGER!!! IRRATIONALITY AND POOR DECISION MAKING CAUSED BY FEAR! All good thoughts to have on your honeymoon.

I think we all knew Saul wasn’t going to betray Farah, but I wanted to leave it as ambiguous as long as possible for the reader. At one point in draft stages, Farah was going to wake up in bed with Saul on top of her, one hand muffling her mouth and the other holding a knife to her throat. Sexy, right?

Chapter 21

The mole! I was angling for the clues to lead to Gehrheart but I had just kind of kicked the can down the road for what the payoff was going to be. I don’t remember exactly when in the story I decided to change it to Ben but it was after S2 (fake Ben!! Who is that man!! evil!!). It was just too delicious not to pass up. The key turning point for Ben was the caravan trip to Telluride when he mentions he hasn’t heard from Terra in awhile. Offscreen, Ben finds out that Andreas is holding Terra hostage for his compliance; he’s the one who sets up Saul’s kidnapping and plants the suit jacket. Farah and Saul know they can’t plan anything in view of the council, because they assume the mole is in the council, so they plot with Bloom in her bedroom, and go back to the council to set up a fake story/concern about how to resolve Saul’s situation. That way Andreas would have fake info passed from Ben (who didn’t know it was fake) and from Sky (who did).

Epilogue

Since Fate was filmed in Ireland, everything in my head for Domino is vaguely Celtic. Royal weddings in Domino are sealed by a stylized dance, to the tune of music in the vein of The Captain’s Dance by Marcus Warner (Youtube; Spotify).

🥺🥺🥺 hope you enjoyed. After reading comments and chatting in the WinxSource server I realized there were so many loose ends I could easily tie up with a couple hundred words... that turned into 6k oops. I have a hard time seeing the forest for the trees when I’m in them. Letting myself rest after finishing Chapter 21 helped me see what I needed to see, and writing this wrap-up was cathartic as well.

You! You’re stellar for reading this! I am always open to chatting more about my fics or today’s tea or another fic you love you want to share! Thank you for reading my ramblings, and my slightly-less-rambling fic, and time to go back into that wave.

#my writing #battle lines #silrah

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sshbpodcast · 2 months

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Character Spotlight: Kira Nerys

By Ames

We’re moving on in our character spotlight series from our favorite war criminal captain to one of the most well developed characters from the onset, Colonel Kira Nerys. From the moment we meet her in “Emissary,” we know exactly who Kira is, and the show wisely sends her on a complex journey within that grey area between terrorist and resistance fighter. Get you a Bajoran who can do both.

Ensign Ro may have set the mold for the Bajorans, but Kira grew outside of it and we’re so glad to get her perspective. So pick up your Bajoran phaser and get ready to take aim at some fascists as we celebrate A Star to Steer Her By’s favorite crinkly-nosed, red jumpsuit-clad militia officer in our Best and Worst Moments list below and on this week’s podcast (jump to 56:47). Walk with the Prophets, my child.

[Images © CBS/Paramount]

Best moments

What other show gives you a zombie space pope? There’s more going on for Kira in season one than for other characters because she really rocks it from the start. And Nana Visitor has the chops to give that special nuance to a character like this, especially in emotional scenes like her breakdown when she accidentally gets Kai Opaka killed in “Battle Lines,” and the moment she has with her reanimated corpse is nothing short of stunning.

If I leave here, I’ll die Speaking of great moments from season one, Kira makes the hard decision in “Progress” to save Mullibok’s life by ruining said life. Over the episode, she bonds with the obstinate Jeraddo farmer by helping him build his kiln only to destroy it in the end and set fire to his house to force him to relocate, and it’s clear it tears her up inside. Bajorans really never win.

Enough good people have already died. I won’t help kill another. But perhaps the best thing to come out of the season (and to some, the whole show overall) is her character arc in the stunning “Duet.” Kira spends so much of the show battling her Cardassian demons (figuratively and literally), that seeing her grow to accept that some individuals may be redeemable is captivating, heart-breaking, and truly impressive (and have we mentioned it’s only season one?).

A new meaning to being selfish We would be remiss if we didn’t include at least a mention of the excellent and mesmerizing performance Visitor gives as Intendant Kira in episodes like “Crossover.” Say what you will about the mirror universe (and we have), but Kira is a wonder to behold and the chemistry between her and herself is like lightning in a bottle. Zap!

Cardassians LOVE cosmetic surgery Speaking of mirrors, imagine waking up and the face looking back at you in the mirror is the thing you hate most. Kira’s relationship with Cardassians continues to evolve in the wondrous “Second Skin,” in which she bonds with her fake daddy Tekeny Ghemor, foils a Cardassian plot, and discovers a resistance cell within Central Command – her favorite!

I was playing a married woman This is one of those cute little Kira moments from the show that tickles us, but in “The Way of the Warrior,” it is just too hilarious that her response to being wooed by Lancelot (assumably while playing Guenivere) in the holodeck is to slug him. It’s so in character that we have to applaud it. Kira is always the first to choose violence, after all, though sometimes that can be a downside.

Major, tell me another story Kira spends the second half of “Starship Down” tending to a badly concussed Sisko, and working through character conflict. As I harped on in the Sisko post, Ben is double-fisting roles as both space station commander and Emissary to the Prophets, and that comes with deep significance to Bajorans like Kira, and this is her chance to talk to him about it. Love that for her!

The life you’re choosing isn’t for her There are a ton of great moments between Kira and Ziyal, from saving her life in “Indiscretion” to encouraging her painting in “Sons and Daughters,” but the one we’re highlighting comes from “Return to Grace.” Kira sees that Ziyal is on a dangerous path if she stays with her father, and the bond they’ve established makes her advocate she move to DS9. There’s truly no safe space for the girl, but Kira does all she can.

The baby just had a change of address Thank the Prophets the show didn’t introduce yet another baby when Nana Visitor got IRL pregnant. That’d be way too many babies, so it was rather ingenious to move the O’Brien baby over to Kira in “Body Parts.” And it also highlights just how like family this crew has become. Kira really takes one for the team by agreeing to incubate Kirayoshi for Keiko. Now if only their characters talked more…

I owed it to my father to get it right this time Yet another great character-development episode for Kira comes in “Ties of Blood and Water” when she learns that Tekeny Ghemor – her fake dad and one of our favorite Cardassians! – was up to some shady stuff in his past. And while this alters the relationship between the two of them, Kira again accepts how he’s changed since then to be with him as he dies.

Romulans gotta scheme! Come season seven, the Romulans have gotten added to the mix thanks to some nefarious doings by Sisko and Garak. And Kira is left to deal with their constant scheming. Typical Romulans! Throughout “Image in the Sand” and “Shadows and Symbols,” Kira stares down Senator Cretak in a huge game of galactic chicken, and Cretak blinks first.

Don’t drink the Kool-Aid Our final great Kira moment is also the last time she ever sees Dukat. In “Covenant,” he’s leading his own little pah-wraith cult, and when the going gets tough, the tough gets really Jonestown-y. Kira literally leaps in and stops the whole assembly from ritual suicide, revealing that Dukat had a placebo pill for himself and he’d had them all charmed. Stupid sexy Dukat.

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Worst moments

Maybe the ends justify the means? One of Kira’s strengths is also frequently one of her biggest faults, and that’s how very wide her ethical grey area is. She’s able to justify doing lots of pretty messed up things, like a certain captain I could name, and we see this pretty early on in “Babel” when she intentionally infects Surmak Ren with aphasia disease and holds him hostage to find a cure. That’s pretty brutal.

Bajor is not Kentanna For most of “Sanctuary,” it’s rather nice watching Kira befriending Haneek and the other Skrrean refugees. Until they express interest in immigrating to Bajor, and then Kira’s NIMBY side really comes out. It’s not a good look, Kira, especially for someone whose people were in a very similar plight until very recently. And frankly, Bajor could use the laborers.

It’s like stepping on ants, Odo Because of that wide ethical grey area, we’ve noticed that Kira is almost always the first person to advocate just killing whatever the danger of the week is, no matter the consequences. In “Playing God,” an episode about killing Cardassian voles, she’s quick to jump to the option of killing the tiny proto-universe, even when Dax expresses she’s found sentient life in it. Yikes.

The people have chosen Winn We know from “Battle Lines,” mentioned earlier, that Kira has a super soft spot for Kai Opaka, and also probably feels guilty for trapping her on zombie planet a little. But it’s just a bad idea to let Bareil take the fall for some shady doings in “The Collaborator” because it sets up Winn for the win (wow, I didn’t even try to do that) in the big kai election, lest she sully Opaka’s name.

The distant memory of a touch It would be an understatement to say Kira’s taste in men isn’t great (and that’s not even including the fascist she ends up with!). The first of her various men is Bareil, who’s fine but boring as hell. Certainly not worth forcing Julian to keep him alive against all his medical ethics in “Life Support.” But Kira’s into the vedek, so we’re forced to watch her push his existence to the edge of morality and cringe at what he’s becoming.

Do you like me? Check yes or no. Lucky for us, Bareil is a thing of the past by season four (for now), opening up the opportunity for Kira to make more bad dating decisions. While Odo weeps, she sets her sights on Shakaar in “Crossfire” and viewers at home roll our eyes at how high school the whole ordeal is. Why have these resistance cell leaders downgraded to petty relationship drama? It’s beneath them.

Kira’s edgy artist phase We’ve said it myriad times before, but Bajor is a cultural disaster. When Akorem shows up in “Accession” and declares he’s making Bajor great again by reinstating their rigid caste system, it’s clear that Kira is uncomfortable but still refuses to oppose it. This is a Sisko episode, after all. Even though she can’t sculpt worth a damn, she goes along with the d’jarras like a sheep.

A little lower While Kira is surrogating the O’Brien baby, she and Miles randomly develop feelings for each other only because of their constant proximity in “Looking for par'Mach in All the Wrong Places.” That’s just gross and unnecessary. Nothing again Miles, but men and women are allowed to be friends without wanting to bone. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones.

The phantom of Cardassia This one always bothered me. After several seasons of growth as a character, Kira seemed to have chilled out a little in her constant desire to murder Cardassians. So when “The Darkness and the Light” introduces a blast from the past whom Kira would otherwise have at least some empathy for, it strikes me as a character regression for her to fall back on thoughtlessly killing like she used to.

Same face, different universe Kira regesses again in “Resurrection” when a new Bareil is barking up her tree. Oh mirror universe, what have we done to deserve this? Sure, mirror Bareil is at least less bland than the original recipe, but who the hell is this Kira immediately falling for a boy in less than a day? That’s just not the character (that’s Jadzia, if anyone, whom we’ll discuss next week). Kira’d kick his ass.

That’s not what your mom said last night I may have given Sisko a little bit of guff for allowing this too, but I’ve got to give Kira even more. Whose first reaction when Dukat makes a yo mama joke in “Wrongs Darker than Death or Night” is to GO BACK IN TIME to check on your mother’s sexual history??? What the hell, Kira??? Now the bigger debate is whether she should or shouldn’t have blown Dukat up. And fight.

Foul ball! Finally, I need to continue venting about “Take Me Out to the Holosuite.” Somehow, Ben held tryouts on a station full of beefy Bajorans, and still put Kira on his baseball team when she can’t even catch a ball. Kira plays springball in her spare time. She’s a resistance fighter. She was raised to have street smarts. How in the firecaves does she not know how to catch a freakin’ ball???

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Praise be to the Prophets, that’s all! Keep your subspace communicator focused here for more character spotlights. We have someone who’s multiple characters in one next week when we discuss Dax! You can also go to warp five with us in our watchthrough of Enterprise over on SoundCloud or wherever you podcast, grab some hasperat with us on Facebook and Twitter, and maybe take up sculpting if it’s something you’re actually into.

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