#bc I don’t remember making them lol

[hazelnut-u-out]

Somehow never caught this before, but does this imply Birdperson’s mom killed his dad and he remembers seeing it?

The fact this memory is somehow tied to Blood Ridge in his mind makes me wonder if that’s part of why he didn’t accept Rick’s advances— maybe even subconsciously. If that’s what this implies, no wonder he had commitment issues. Makes the shit with Tammy hit differently, too…

I know it’s a throw away moment, but I really hope we get a follow up on that… Regardless of what that memory is, it’s dark shit.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #birdrick #birdperson #i wonder if he remembers her eyes being red because they were or if it’s a childhood memory thing #because if they are actually red it makes me wonder if there was a whole population of mind controlled birdpeople being used by the GF #at some point #they always go so dark with birdperson’s character #and maybe that’s because he isn’t very expressive #he’s so stoic that it’s silly— but there are these moments that you get reminded ‘no. he’s fucked up.’ #thinking of this he’s probably the most traumatized character out of all of them #jesus fucking christ #sorry i’m feral and adding tags because i NEVER noticed this shit #the things we don’t talk about #the things we bury #the things we hide in an abandoned military vehicle in our memories of war #not going to be able to sleep now bc i’ve got too much of an adrenaline rush from this lol

[soullessjack]

okay so I’m finally rewatching adventure time in its fullest glory (not for the first time, I grew up with the show but just never actively finished it) so I can get to fionna and cake and idk.. I’m thinking a lot about that doily caterpillar from Finn’s imagination who says it could represent his secret desire to be civilized and then the “real you” episode where he tries to not be a stupid uncivilized hero boy for pb’s science convention and basically ends by (re?)establishing that being civilized is not the real him .. … yea. Don’t have anything to say yet tho, just know that I’m thinking about it. A lot.

#identity psychology i love you so much forever #cal.txt #adventure time #the real you #finn mertens #finn the human #princess bubblegum #I don’t remember the imagination episode name sorry lol #also I don’t have any good points to make about this yet or any knowledge of whether this is addressed in the show #so like forgive me if I’m speaking too soon or saying nothing #I could very well connect this to jack wishing and performing as though he was a normal civilized human being. but nobody would understand.. #nobody understands jack enough to understand that he has major psychological issues rooted mainly in his sense of identity #hm. #girls when they are loved for who they are but can’t love themselves for who they are anyways #so they try to be something better or more impressive that isn’t the real them bc they don’t like the real them #I’m . #…. idk man I am all kinds of not healthy today

[starredforlife]

sorry I’m just actually sick to death of being told I’m intimidating . I know it’s scary when a woman talks without apologizing for herself constantly but maybe uhhhhh grow up!!!

#I’m not Scary on purpose literally I don’t fucking. growl at people #I don’t glare at them or be mean #can I be condescending? sure. it’s something I’m working on. #but how is it that I get demonized for this and straight men get way with it fucking constantly. and it’s an accepted and sometimes beloved #part of them #if one more fucking person tells me I’m intimidating bc I speak clearly and ask questions I’m going to lose my fucking mind #star’s thoughts #sorry this is a culmination of a bunch of shit lol #just bc I’m not scared of you doesn’t mean you need to be scared of me 😭😭😭😭😭 pleaseeee #part of me is thinking I’ve just been experiencing like intense lesbophobia or smthn at this point bc what the fuck #do I do that offends people off the bat. #but then I remember how I Am and rumors are true I border on the line of arrogance I dance on the showboat I flirt harshly with confidence #I think I have an issue where people have to earn my respect in conversation #and that is rightfully intimidating. probably some kind of protective tactic #I command it but also I demand you Show Up upfront and I can see how that’s like. anxiety inducing #I’m shifting to try and offer that respect upfront instead and hopefully that’ll make people feel less on edge #this has been like. a mini diary. sorry lol

[sanchoyo]

haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞

#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can #barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty #I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such #bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry #he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭 #sanchoyorambles #I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN #GIRL MY PUBBY #if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now #he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else 😑 #which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL #screaming. #and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects #im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault #I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away #they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!! #they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭 #remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧 #my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby #it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know

[pepprs]

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

#purrs #longer than that too ofc but i think ever since i moved to campus in 2021 and shit started hitting the fan my life just started snowballing #and picked up speed majorly when i moved back home and ive been stuck in this horrible limbo ever since. like im scaring myself with how #deeply profoundly unhappy and unwell i am. i am just detached and scattered and bewildered by everything. and the only way to break free is #to fight it but i don’t even have the strength. like in order to fight it i have to have the strength and it s exactly the thing that is #being stolen from me. and i work really really hard to suppress it when im around people so no one can tell but on the inside im being eaten #alive and every day that goes on the pain gets harder to bear except im numb most of the time so i can’t tell except for when i can #one of the things that makes me saddest is ive pushed everyone away either by ghosting them or scaring them. when what i want and need the #most is love and comfort. but then when i get it it isn’t enough. idk. im not explaining it well i just feel like. horrible. unbearably #i think i need to go on meds like i truly cannot go on like this not even in a s*i cidal way it’s like i just can’t take living like this #delete later #i know im causing the people who love me pain by being unable to accept that they do love me and that’s the worst fucking part. is hurting #people by being like this. scaring people by being like this. and being so disconnected from myself #and feeling completely and utterly beyond help like nothing ive tried has fixed it but also there are a lot of things i haven’t tried but i #feel so terrible or my freedom is limited so i can’t. idk. #also the crushing knowledge / sense that i have lost the most precious important years of my life both bc of the lockdown and bc of mental #illness lol. except that’s not true bc of all the stuff abt how your best years are always ahead of you and you can make them. but it doesnt #feel like it for me and then i beat myself up bc my job is literally to exude that belief and help other ppl feel it and i increasingly cant #i remember in high school having the thought that one day i could be depressed and being conscious that i wasn’t and now i look back on that #and am like… how. and will i ever not be. i don’t think so. it just feels unending

[faultyconscience]

The more I think about storybrooke logistics the more my fucking brain hurts. Like. There’s the really simple stuff that can easily just be explained away by “magic” with no real thought and just a lazy piece of fucking duct tape such as: mail. Stores/restaurants being restocked. How does the money work? Taxes! What’s going on there?!?! But then there’s like BIG stuff that makes ABSOLUTELY ZERO SENSE.

Like okay fine it’s a self contained bubble of magic so things just magically restock whatever FINE. Lazy but fine.

But what about when Regina tells Emma she has to take nick and Ava (aka Hansel and Gretel) out of storybrooke to go to an orphanage in Boston? Like yeah I know it DOESNT end up happening but why would Regina even try it if “something bad happens when people leave storybrooke” (also like bruh what happens? Do they just die? Poof out of existence?? What then??

And then there’s the time Kathryn gets ACCEPTED TO LAW SCHOOL?! Bitch WHERE?!?! Ur not a real person. Do you have a social security number? Did u apply for fucking FAFSA???? Like what the literal fuck is going on

#this show is SO stupid #.ooc ( it feels so empty without me ) #like okay I get that not every single detail has to be explained realistically #but like???? there’s never any explanation for any of this whatsoever and ‘magic’ just doesn’t work for everything #like I remember reading somewhere that the basic rule for describing any weird made up logic in fiction #is only going like two layers deep #and it was like if vamps can’t go in the sun why don’t they go underground #and the first layer was like oh bc there’s vampire eating alligators down there #naturally leading to the question of why tf are there alligators down there #to which the second layer was given of the underground nuns take care of them and raise them down there #and that with just those two wild scenarios u can assume there’s an answer for any other questions too #and/or the second layer can loop back to the beginning: the nuns went underground and raised vampire eating alligators to kee vampires #out of the sewers #but in OUAT there’s like. no layers to the logic lol #and if there’s any layer it’s always just magic and that’s it which is dumb #and doesn’t actually fill the plot hole #it just makes more and magic can’t always be the answer #anyway my brain hurts

[collegeoflore]

my cringefail trait is that when i write anything with xarrai i’m trying to find an excuse to mention they have a tongue piercing. because i think it’s hot.

#漫言 #they also have dick piercings but that doesn’t come up as often u see. so i must settle for making sure everyone in the room knows #their tongue is pierced. #they are 100% the guy who gets a tattoo or a piercing while blackout drunk #generally from some dude who is as drunk as they are #the number of stick n pokes this man has that he does not remember #astarion asks them about their tattoos once trying to be romantic but gets frustrated bc half of the time they go #‘i don’t know i think i got it at a party?’ #‘wait what? where is that one? i have that?’ #they do also give themself stick n pokes all the time #often inebriated but generally just as a kind of. meditative pain/art thing #their legs are like a weird little journal of their life and also their journey thru tattooing LOL #oops this turned into. a tag ramble LOL #oc. xarrai

[spacelesscowboy]

ppl responding “remember” to comments/commenting it on videos someone made in 2020/2021 in a pathetic attempt to make the person who initially made the comment/video ashamed bc anything done in that time period is automatically deemed cringe is so fucking annoying. what if those ppl got hobbies that didn’t include trying to shame others for enjoying things.

#emyrs.txt #ITS SO ANNOYING. GET A HOBBY AND GET OFF OF TIKTOK. #like. i really only use the app for ppl like. hank green and keondra. and yuval and also cosplayers. so a lot of the comments i make r #generic omg this is so cool :) & it’s so annoying getting comments like that #not only bc of the implied. lmao remember commenting cringe shit like this. but it also implies the video it’s under is cringe #AND maybe. i regret some of the wording of some comments i’ve made in the past. maybe there ARE videos that i see and go. yikes. why did i #like and save this. but also like. who cares. why is this important. why r u spending ur free time bothering strangers over what YOU think #is shameful? #idk. i don’t like it. #i don’t know if it’s better to just ignore them or respond but i’ve been telling them that i do remember and i stand by it #ANYWAYSSS lol i should’ve expected this bc it’s tik tok but. i inherently believe that most ppl aren’t actively trying to make others feel #bad. lol. NANWNDNDMFM

[stephantom]

what didn't you like about it, out of curiousity?

Hmm I’m gonna have to think on it it some more and come back to you when I’ve managed to articulate something

#I will try to get back to you later anon #I didn’t hate it. there were scenes that made me laugh and smile #but I think the prevailing feeling it’s left me with is… confusion/frustration/dissatisfaction? about the message insofar as it had one? #hmm and I think also because it made me remember how much I disliked and felt alienated by barbies growing up #not bc of the body image issues which the film makes some effort to engage with #not beauty standards but FEMININITY standards #and the movie doesn’t acknowledge that aspect of barbie as a cultural influence/reflection at all #except for maybe Allen if you squint?? #the assumption is that you want to be barbie at least to some extent. you want to be pretty. #but you’re too stressed to accomplish it or you’re too angsty to embrace your desire to be pretty #the angsty teen goes from wearing all black (and pants) to a purple skirt by the end. the girly makeover subtly signifies healing. #(I know that could just be me reading into it… but is it?) #it’s the way it holds up a specific kind of person as Woman and universalizes her struggles and calls them All Women’s Struggles #while conflating them and largely ignoring actual economic/legal/political issues faced by women as a class #and the whole ken storyline… ehh idk I need it to be more internally consistent or something. to have a coherent message and not just #‘it was like I was in a trance where I thought I cared about the Zack Snyder cut of the Justice League’ as a joke about… what? #male-dominant interests being somehow inherently toxic? cool women not being into nerdy boy stuff? #it’s the old men are from mars women are from venus thing #sigh. girl power. lol I don’t know! #sorry this rambling is all I have for you right now #I thought the critique in youtube by verilybitchie touched on a lot of good points tho so maybe that’s somewhere to start #on* youtube #but it’s ok if you liked or loved it. I saw it with my sister who was super psyched for it (which is why I wanted to like it too) #and she’s great so

[awek-s-archived]

I wish my mom would stop and think before she speaks but at the same time I don’t know if she does think and says hurtful things on purpose or just doesn’t realise at all

#I mentioned sammy is gonna need more hay next week and she was like yeah cuz mom works for the animals (sammy and toto) #and I was like when I start my new degree I’ll get my student loan and I’ll be paying for them entirely so it’s ok #and she got really mad at me for it like snappy and shit and tried to change the subject and claim she never said that #like it happened 10 seconds ago I think I’d remember #anyway like I don’t want to be financially dependent on her but she knows jobs are nonexistent here etc #also she’s the one who wanted to get sammy like I just made a comment abt wanting him and she was like ok we’ll get him. she always says no #when I make jokes abt getting another pet so him being her expense currently is her own fault lol #and when I was at university she never took the dog to the vet. he didn’t have treats ever. etc etc so he wasn’t a huge expense it was just #dog food every couple weeks or once a month #when I came home for uni I dropped all my savings on his vet trips. £200 at a time #bc he was really sick #and I’ve been killing myself w worry ever since I’ve been broke entirely and not able to afford anything bc she brags about how he’s her dog #as well and she doesn’t mind paying for stuff for him but she does bc she shoves it in my face every time she can #idk it’s just a miserable existence to live I wish I wasn’t here #it’s not like she takes care of either of them outside of taking photos for sns or walking toto on weekends #and changing sammys bedding twice #aweks.txt

[zibah-ho]

so the issue with having a turbulent relationship with someone is that when things are good and you’re in sync it’s like you’re one person and you love the same things and do things together but when things are bad those same things become unbearable and you no longer have access to things you love because to love them is to love that person and you don’t want to so you pretend they don’t exist and in doing so deny yourself another thing that makes you happy

#yeh vaada raha is on and that’s me and my moms dumb messing around when I was a kid song and I wanna be able to listen to it without feeling #sick. i wanna stop sacrificing things I love bc the other person who loves them isn’t good for me #it’s not just her. i don’t let myself make any of the 100s of jokes me and ex best friend used to make daily bc I don’t see her anymore #i changed the way I talk so I dont have to admit that I miss a person who was in my life for as long as I can remember and then one day left #lol you need therapy so bad #let’s do get help #zh.txt #also just. don’t be like this. find a way to be normal about things and you won’t have this issue. #i mean my bad for being a child in an abusive home should have been normal about it

[romantichopelessly]

real question: how much is too much to remember about someone you care about. because I remember a lot. I will remember something a friend told me years ago in passing for no real reason. I remember way more about people than I’ve ever had someone remember about me. And it’s not conscious. Like I’m not making notes of things people tell me. But I feel like if I come out with a “hey do you remember when you talked to me about that one specific random thing. well now I think of you when I think about that thing” im the weird one

#and like. this is not a brag post. some things just genuinely stick with me #and I’m trying to be normal and not say that I have stalker levels of info on ppl I love #or make them feel bad bc they don’t remember the same amount #but. idk. #this should probably go in drafts but whatever. feeling frisky tonight lol #i talk sometimes

[bestshipsmackdown]

Honestly I will probably draw the winning ship at the end of the bracket. For funsies.

#a couple of my art pieces are up on my chatonfils blog #but you might have to scroll #I always forget to post my art to tumblr #only Facebook is where I remember to post my art #which is honestly so irionic bc I am p sure my peers don’t care that I drew Adrien Agreste for the 700th time #I do intend do a few brackets #because I recognize that a ton of fun ships get cut from most rounds #and I think it would be fun to go in with a second batch of characters that didn’t make it to the polling stage the first time #like honestly make mystery gang win so I have the perfect motivation to draw the OT4 #yea I’m totally gonna promote my faves #I’m only being good by not submitting them myself #I didnt say i couldn’t do propaganda lol

[fleshdyke]

shdjjdbdjd

#csa warning for tags #i would give fucking anything to know who did this to me lol. #i don’t know if i’ll ever know and that’s the most distressing part #fuck what happened to me. i cant even remember it. i still deal w the trauma from it but like its over and done i cant do anything abt it #who cares abt that. i just desperately need to know if whoever did it is still out there. #i really really really hope it was that kindergarten teacher i had that got fired for being a pedo. because at least he got consequences. #at least he cant do it to anyone else #im just absolutely fucking terrified that they got away with it. that theyre still getting away with it. #how many other kids did they rape. could i have saved them #i just wish i could fucking remember what happened and who it was bc the idea of it being someone i trusted. and them never getting caught #makes me fucking sick #im on the brink of a fucking breakdown bc im so terrified that they raped someone else and i couldnt stop them #or that they’re still in my life #and i feel like its my fault for never saying anything bc i couldnt remember who did it #but like. at the time. when i Could remember it. why didnt i say anything #and logically i know im not to blame because i was a fucking child i wasnt even 10 yet and i cant remember anything abt it now #but i still feel so fucking guilty bc what if they got to someone else before i could do anything about it #my dad laughs at rape jokes and makes fun of me for being so protective of little girls i meet and so scared of older men #and i cant fucking tell him i got raped because he wouldn’t fucking believe me #even if i had the memories to prove it he wouldn’t believe me #and i dont even want to entertain the idea that he did it bc that would mean my rapist is in my house every fucking day #and i dont think im able to handle that #just. fuck #im so scared theyre still in my life #i guess im glad i cant remember being raped but i wish i knew who did it so i can know if they got consequences #rambles #vent

[iiigris]

every time I babysit it just further reinforces my decision to never ever have children of my own

#eve's thoughts #honestly kids are just. they’re so. I don’t understand #like it’s not that I dislike them per se it’s more like they scare me and make me very uncomfortable #like am I taking care of you correctly? is whatever I’m telling you rn going to drastically alter your behavior in the future? should it? #why is it that you like me? am I a mother figure to you or do you just like me bc I’m NOT your mother and you can pull things on me easier? #what am I to you? do you even know? are you even listening? will you even remember me next time I come? why? #and also like it’s hit or miss with my noise tolerance and ability to get overwhelmed/overstimulated so #and kids just. they’re very unpredictable. and I really need them to be predictable so I can not have a breakdown over taking care of them #anyway sorry for the tag rant skfjwjdjsh I’m just very confused and when I’m confused about something I vent about it and then avoid it #delete later #also they’re just exhausting lol like I do not have the energy for this my little people. so sorry.

[pepprs]

posts like that break my stupid fucking heart lol. i hate being in this situation and i hate that i hate it because im convinced im delusional about how bad it is right now and that it’s my fault for being a terrible selfish daughter and also it could be SO much worse. but no im not entirely terrible or selfish and yes this situation is bad even if it’s not the absolute worst it’s ever been or ever could be. i know we’re working on fixing some parts of it but that does not negate that i am living a suffocated life right now and never have fully known that freedom even when i haven’t lived in this house and still have so much work to do to finally get it and im so overwhelmed by this that i keep putting it off and running away

#purrs #also it’s like.. how does ANYONE live without the autonomy and shit you inevitably get as an adult. or the way people take you seriously #more and give you space and stuff. because i know i will miss some aspects of living like this but i think life after this will be so much b #better and freer. yeah it’s scary to make your own choices and move your own ways but also ummmm i am not living in a good situation and #there are so many fucked up things happening here. also i was gonna say something else ughhhh what was it. omg #OH yeah well idk if this was The thing but my parents don’t want me to ever have a place of my own bc they’re worried about my safety. i am #also worried about my safety but i think maybe i would like some independence. and i can’t work it out in my head lol #OHHHHH WAIT i remember. ok. so also. im 23 years old. my mom moved out of her parents home when she was 25 but she was already like dating a #and stuff and i.. well you know. but it’s like im 23 but i don’t think im even going to be able to afford a place of my own that is also #nice to live in. so i am going to have to find a roommate which is fine and also i want one anyway bc again i think it’s safer living w #other ppl and not just me and i just have to make sure that my future roommate/s are like.. not as bad as my 2 roommates i had on campus LOL #but it’s like I don’t think im going to be able to even split the cost for a place that is more than just bedrooms a bathroom and a common a #area. and ite like. when in my life if at all am i going to have other rooms to furnish besides my own bedroom. and when in my life am i #gonna be acceptable to my parents to live by myself. and when in my life do i stop talking to them every single day and depending on them fo #for every single decision. when in my life is my mom gonna treat my 40 h/w job (that in fairness i just started and technically haven’t EVEN #starred) with the same seriousness as my dad’s 40 h/w job. and when in my life is this fucking pandemic gonna end so i can go to conferences #and not be a burden or a disappointment and when in my life am i gonna find a life partner etc etc etc. i know i sound naive ungrateful #entitled etc etc and i don’t know what to say about that other than that my mom would think the same and already does lol but im tired of #longing and i would like to be able to function at a bare minimum level of freedom and comfort <3 #delete later #also my parents don’t want me living in the city on top of not wanting me to live independently. so. lol <3