#bc I feel like they won't believe me

[goldentigerfestival]

So. I love this. The way Yuri snickers at Flynn showing his real self. The way he, without hesitation, says "yeah" to the idea that he would die in Flynn's place.

But the most important part of this entire thing, which was changed in the dub, is how Yuri specifically jokes that Flynn is trying to abandon him, and Flynn returns and tells Don he had no intention of abandoning Yuri.

Yuri does not hear this. Flynn knows that. But Flynn uses the exact same term Yuri used earlier, as if it's his answer to Yuri and saying no, I would never abandon you.

For reference:

Personally I just... love the weight of it. How Flynn will say something about Yuri that Yuri won't hear, but he still speaks it out into existence because it's how he really feels.

Just because Yuri won't hear it doesn't mean he won't say it, and in a way that's even more powerful. He's not looking for the credit of saying it. He's not looking to be recognized for saying it. He's not only expressing how he feels about Yuri somewhere that Yuri himself will hear him.

They're just his real, honest feelings, and he'll admit them even if Yuri's not within earshot.

#GTF Vesperia Clips #Fluri #classic Vesperia dub trying to hide all the more detailed intimacy between them tbh #y'all are gonna see it even more when I get around to post the huge posts I'm doing #going through the entire game with the changes they made #and how HEAVILY most of the drastic changes pertain to Flynn and their relationship #like. there's really no reason to change these matching scenes in the dub unless they're doing it on purpose #meanwhile they're the sweetest thing in the original and I'll never get over these scenes being matching scenes #also bc like. this is so important for their dynamic going forward into arc 2 #also partly why I truly believe they'd choose each other over the world in specific contexts #but that's a story for another time LOL. for now just know Flynn has gone on record #to say he would never abandon Yuri right to Don Whitehorse's face #anyway you ever get that feeling of like. when you find out from a friend that #someone said smth nice abt you? but you didn't know they said it? #like you KNOW they're saying nice/good things abt you to other ppl now? that's the vibe I get from this #that he's not just saying it to Yuri's face. he says the important things /to others/ as well #he's not trying to score extra brownie points by using sweet words where he knows Yuri will hear him #to me that's the most honest form of affection. saying your feelings out loud where they won't hear you #Flynn also proved himself before saying it as if the idea was to show not just tell #I think Yuri understands when not joking that Flynn wouldn't abandon him #but Flynn is making sure that not just Yuri knows through his actions but that others know it too #and ultimately Yuri doesn't need to hear it. he can believe it because he can see it #Yuri doesn't need to hear it bc he understands Flynn's feelings without needing to hear it

[ratinthevoid]

why did i believe i can ever come out to her

#i need to move out i need to move out i need to move out #i hate this #i can't do this anymore #i hate them but i feel like i'm not a loved to bc they care about me #fuck christiany and your stupid god #i was trying so hard and i can excuse a lot but what's even the point if they never understand #christianity is so evil so fucking evil it rots your brain #she tak about leftist propaganda and cults like she didn't let one control her for years #she want me to tell her stuff promises she can support me but it's simply a lie #she can only accept me if i'm the daughter she want me to be if i bend in the ways that are comfortable #just a little more but every day is so fucking hard #i know i'm gonna suffer and that i may be alone my whole life #but i prefer to be alone and suffer in a different place than be stuck here #and maybe i don't have to be alone maybe other people can have friends that actually care about them #fuck i believed for so long she won't have problem with me being aro like it's not even a sin right??? #i keep doing that i'm trying to tell them everything so they tell me what they really think and i'm not the bad person #but it doesn't matter if i'm the evil here i can accept it i was trying for so long #i know i'm difficult but maybe it can be easier for everyone if you just give up on me

[dreamlogic]

2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)

#ctxt #i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70% #i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections #to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh #going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long #while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time #but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed #to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach #and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me #and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually #i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op) #but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever #i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it #money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out #but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now #genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year #and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough #to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last #in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was #bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive #and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there #but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety #it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself' #and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time? #and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it #i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults #i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed #instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things #and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need #chronic blogging

[faggotry-enjoyer]

oh i'm definitely gonna lose some friends for this one huh

#already got vagueposted about by one former friend as 'comparing pro-palestine sentiments to antisemitism' #direct quote 'israel desperately wants them to believe this is a religious war and not a genocide' #same guy who said 'boy howdy do we know their side of the story' and ten short texts later said verbatim: #'we can't use religion as birthright thats stupid and the Number One Tool of Colonizers' #which is a STAGGERING amount of cognitive dissonance #as if religion is the relevant part and not the literal historical fact of jewish indigineity to eretz israel #mind you at the time of the vaguepost the ONLY thing i said regarding palestine #was that if your 'support' for palestinians includes sharing basic antisemitic dogwhistles and blatantly lying about history #then that 'support' will accomplish nothing for palestinians and only get jews killed #and i feel like looking at that and insisting that i'm comparing all pro-palestinian sentiment to antisemitism is uh. telling #we'll see how this ends up going - i fear it may not be the greatest for my social life but i stand by what i said #bc even if i am wrong about Everything directly surrounding israel and palestine #i was strictly discussing antisemitism in the discourse surrounding it #and a longer version of 'no stance on israel makes you immune to antisemitism and antisemitism runs deep and will affect your thinking on #the matter and refusing to acknowledge that is dangerous' isn't actually dependent on the intracacies of the conflict it's just True #and i'm not gonna back down again i'm not going to downplay antisemitism again i'm not going to give up #i'm not sure if i have jewish friends i simply do not know about who see what i say on there #but if i do then i need it to be clear they have Someone who is willing to fight for them #and if not i still need to make it clear i won't stand for blatant antisemitism no matter whose name it's in #the only thing that would make me consider taking down what i said is if i believed it's counterproductive #and part of me wonders if it is - i don't want to put people on the defense bc that's simply not conducive to good faith discussion #but at the same time i know that a lot of what i've needed to hear was fed up or harsh words #that i started off just reading and keeping my defensiveness inside until they sunk in over time #and maybe my frustration will have that effect for someone #damn i really need to make some jewish friends... maybe after break i'll reach out to hillel or a local shul to ask if they could use a han #or something idk we'll see #personal #faggotry enjoyer original

[sonego]

.

#actually the reason why i said goodnight and was ready to go to bed but i still hadn't is that i got sad abt my cat #and i couldn't move from the couch for half an hour i was petrified by grief #i still can't believe i will never cuddle with him again. like ever ever #it's horrible to even think about for 2 seconds let alone spend half an hour doing that #i feel mynheart so heavy in my chest like there's a massive rock on it #doesn't certainly help that yday my doctor gave me an appointment for next year and it'll be on what'd be my grandma's bday #which i guess is good cause that means i won't forget about it #but it's also making me think of her and especially lately i feel so.. idk. sad i guess #i think of her and feel like a void a hole in my chest #bc i forgot so much. so so much. it's been so long #i just idk grief has been consuming me lately #sounds dramatic what can i say i feel like everything is missing nothing makes sense i am not a person life is a waiting room i can't leave #i'm in bed now listening to eden hoping i'll fall asleep soon and sleep well

[fourteenthz]

Time to be insufferable on tumblr dot com

#first I'm like going out all weekend I think lol i miss like... people.... so plans are being made but THEN it's hermit time babeyy #SUMMER VACATION LETS GO?? LETS GO ??? #i want to practice more with clay and painting this summer btw !!! if anyone cares !! also sewing fot that 1 thing i have mind but that's i #I'm making too many plans for someone that has already too many plans with others this summer... and also hermit ones bc ok listen. #hear me out. what if WHAT IF I played ffxii instead of like every other game I was planning on???? #it was supose to be a dragon age trilogy vacation then a the witcher trilogy vacation but ..... feeling ill abt xii still so I'm going for #that first. i think. and finally put to work the plans I had for xiv the past three or so weeks ?? OH GPOSING IS GOING WILD. #and then it's insufferable on tumblr time :) you WILL have to see my mid gifs and gposes you WILL look at my bunny girl. #i have more uni projects to work during vacation but my professor for that work is chill (lazy) so maybe he will ignore me the first month #who knows really but STILL it's ffxii time :) #im going to be soooo annoying abt balfran u guys won't even believe how annoying I can be about partners and ambiguous relationships #if balthier is not as unhinged and totally my type as I remember from when I was like 10 I'll eat my shoe #anyway writting down NONE of my plans but instead imagining the amount of gifs I can make and the gposes and aus and WRITING HMM #new followers who I apologized for being mia the past week: be aware. #thats it. #just beware #kelly says #dl #this txt post is for me only bc I'll never make lists those things stress me out but speaking in the tags on tumblr dot com is fine actuall

[ohyesididnotjustdothat]

I find it very interesting the contrast in how kinnporsche look at eo during intimacy. They each have moments of these, so it's not like it's exclusive to one or the other, but I think in general, Kinn tends to look at Porsche like it's the happiest he's ever been, whereas Porsche looks at Kinn like he can't believe something this precious is his.

Kinn seems to err on the side of lovestruck and Porsche seems to be more awestruck.

It's interesting to see how their adoration manifests in different ways of how they look at each other, but I think it also gives some insight of deeper feelings.

#dick moves with d #my personal opinion is that Porsche is almost in disbelief of what he has #particularly bc he's never experienced this #and Kinn is utterly delighted by what he has #bc he knows this is real #which fits w their histories and traumas tbh #but also makes me sad #bc I want Kinn to ask Porsche about that one day #“why do you look at me sometimes like u can't believe I'm here?” #“bc part of me fears I'll wake up from the dream and u won't be” #when they're cuddling on the bed I can't help but feel #Porsche probs hasn't felt that cared for since his mom died #that's Porsche's hair dryer moment #kinnporsche

[dimension-20-every-introduction]

Everyone Introduced in Dimension 20′s A Court of Fey and Flowers episode 7

#dimension 20 spoilers #acofaf #dimension 20 #acofaf spoilers #d20 introductions #OH MY GODDDDDDDD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD #masquerade episode masquerade episode!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #what a THRILL it is to catch everyone's new masquerade fits like this i feel like a fancy photographer #and oh my god the SCENES HERE................................. #rue and hob trying to set up very clear platonic besties andhera and binx and just failing was honestly so funny for what it was #i might be off bc i don't watch a lot of regency stuff- but rue/binx/hob/andhera give me much ado about nothing vibes? #mostly just the dynamics between hob and andhera's and rue and binx's friendships with each other #(person watching a regency show who's never watched regency era shows outside acofaf: man getting a lot of ACOFAF vibes from this......) #and GOD i can't believe they managed to capture the grandfather's whole 'worst part of every bird' thing in the design SO well #and rue and hob.......... listen i won't lie when i say i am going insane over all of this #this season is changing my BRAIN chemistry #i'm different now :3 #and also FUCK the plot with apollo and suntar i totally forgot oh shit #i am looking.....

[talentforlying]

second favorite episode of nbc constantine after feast of friends is a whole world out there, partially bc we get more time with love of my life ritchie simpson but also because i adore how earnest and unpretentious constantine is throughout the episode. we get that secret, sneaky glimpse into what constantine's like when he's not putting on a show for other people: pantsless pity party, talking to himself in cemeteries, non-flashy ritual casting, his fidgeting, the sharp bursts of anger, impulsive self-destructive behavior.

it's also nice to see the way that genuine, long-term companionship draws out a different side of him that's more mellow and more authentic! the low and intimate tone of voice without affectation or bravado; the little hehehe giggle when he gets ritchie to engage with him in speculation, the absolute delight on his face when ritchie tells him something he'd never heard about before, the sincere smile when he sees ritchie's fascination with the mill house, the fidgety impatience that he tamps down long enough to genuinely listen to and address ritchie's misgivings, how openly he expresses his confidence in ritchie's abilities and how impressed he is by their use. his frenetic, open, undisguised panic and grief when he thinks ritchie's not coming back.

#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS. #ritchie's comic death Does apply in my portrayal bc it did have a monumental effect on constantine's outlook on life afterwards #but i am SINCERELY grateful that they faked us out and didn't actually kill him in the show bc i would have bawled like a baby #that's my emotional support nerd #i do wish we could have seen more of this genuine self around chas bc. that's his oldest and best friend right there #but i think with the 47 souls bit nbc chas has got going on john does feel like he has to keep up an act as recompense #has to make chas believe that he won't waste that extra time. that he genuinely wants to make up for accidentally ruining his life #whereas he doesn't have that hangup with comic book chas and can be as goofy and carefree and reckless as he'd like #nbc constantine gave me the best possible gary & ritchie at the cost of the eternally messy chastantine bond & yknow what. i'll take it #love those funky little freaks

[saviourkingslut]

ive had to ask people to stfu because they're in a silent train compartment twice already and ive been underway for less than 45 mins

#sometimes people genuinely don't know. even tho it's hard to believe bc there's text saying 'silence' on every window #but just as often i feel that people are like. that sign won't stop me bc i can't read :) this is my private conversation space :) #people just have no manners fr #curry rambles

[cannibalismyuri]

the irony of the asexual being the most sexy to the sexyback dance competition. bro why can i twerk well this is 😭😭

#never Tried so. first time twerking and like apparently im a pro #also asexuality aside sexyback is such a bop the sheer Nostalgia ooh #'i'll let u whip me if i misbehave' i Won't but i'll make u believe it by the way i was dancing holy shit #'it's just that no one makes me feel this way' yeah so true. nobody does <3 #it was a try not to dance challenge and i was doing So Good until single ladies sexyback and anaconda came on. #and that's so funny 2 me bc everything described in those songs is nothing i want . Gurl Help #sara says

[verdiesque]

howww do people do this

#god. sorry i'm going to be very dramatic and pathetic about this so just warning you in advance #it's just. i can't make a choice either way and i want all options to be open to me and i'm STUCK #bc ideally i know i should return and work there and i want to but leaving means giving up the chance at the only romantic #relationship i can see myself being in #but then even staying isn't a guarantee of a normal one either given the distances not to mention everything else #and like. do i give up on all my friends and family back home. what am i supposed to dooooooooo #it's very unfair that i have to make the decision now when things have finally begun to feel normal and then this'll ruin everything again #i can't believe i'm even considering talking to my dad about it #i know i won't be able to though bc i start crying every time i talk about it lol #but like whatever

[daydadahlias]

Not me using the wayback machine to try to find your old panic fics (yikesssss for that fandom) 💀

In all seriousness though, much respect to you for taking charge over YOUR work. People can be so gross sometimes. Like why plagiarize when you can just leave a nice comment for the author saying you love their work??

pretty crazy how this ask is acknowledging that it's my work and my decision and I should be able to take ownership of it while simultaneously saying that you went actively against those wishes to try and use other means to find said work after I took it down.

it's almost like you're saying "not me being disrespectful lmao! sorry abt everyone else who is also disrespectful!! they suck."

Pot meet kettle.

#like. the absolutely insane slow blink i took staring at this ask #genuine question for you is. how do u think this was supposed to make me feel? #that i locked my fics. and have discussed in so many ways so many times now that i want my fics to be *mine* #and i dont want anyone else to have them #and then in the same breath that ur saying you respect that choice #ur also completely ignoring it. #and like why r u going to look for my old panic! fics in the first place?? when ur also like 'yikes to that fandom lmao'? #yeah this is just #really frustrating <3 #and continues to validate my decision. #and like i guess this is supposed to be a joke?? but im failing to even. figure out what u want me to say #like do u want 'OMG LMAOO I CANT BELIEVE UR GOING AGAINST MY WISHES AND TRYING TO FIND MY FICS THAT I TOOK DOWN LOOLLLLL GOOD ONE DUDE!!!' #also the wayback machine won't work i dont think because my fics are still on the internet and existing. ive just made them private for now #and i would be really sad if it did work <3 bc there's a fucking reason i took them down <3 #so kind of a shitty thing to share with me all the way around <3 and im losing patience really quickly <3 #thank you for stopping by :) #pigeon #anon

[daz4i]

how to stop thinking any good thing someone says to you (like compliments or being proud of you or other positive expressions such as these) is a lie just to be polite or bc they're biased and thus can't judge you work and your being objectively bc they love you. asking for a friend

#lovebombing won't work on me i will automatically assume there is an ulterior motive there #i may be off on what it is. but i won't trust it either anyway #(joking btw ik i'm not immune to abuse tactics. that's actually part of why i'm vigilant to all that i think) #(but not only) #i think my main issue is i know in my heart these things can't be right. the bigger the compliment the less i believe it #bc i'm below average and so is anything i create. propping it (and me) up as smth unique feels disingenuous #in my heart i do want this like i wanna be told nice things but they usually make me feel worse lol #bc i still think i'm shit and now i feel like i can't trust that person either. #(still. if someone is mean to me or even just harsh instead. i will cry) #also while this is already very deep and digging into my core the next tags are gonna dig into therapy level deepness lol #i think this is actually why i only want ppl to be sexually attracted to me honestly #smth abt it being like. a physical reaction. makes it easier to believe for me #also smth you can express smth you can do to prove it beyond just saying words #(i will sometimes still doubt it when i have a steady partner of any sort lol like i'll ask if they just indulge me or actually want it) #which is why it's fucking me up sm that i'm getting uglier 🥲 i'm already not great - being trans and fat limits a lot of your options - but #things are getting even worse lol 🥲 who knew that was even possible #all this isn't really a very good base to stop hating yourself. so my self loathing is only getting worse every day #thus making any good word harder to believe. and the cycle continues #. yknow when i started typing this post i did not expect to go on for this long #i am on these sleeping pills that make me lose my filter i'm sorry 😔 #vent

[sastiel-is-my-serotonin]

It doesn't matter how many times I do certain tasks, as long as others are around I'll have such bad anxiety about it. Laundry, cooking, cleaning at any capacity, sweeping, moping, washing dishes, literally any cleaning. The moment I'm alone? Deep cleaning things with absolute confidence, enjoying it as I think to myself. I know I'm capable of these things, and I do these things well, but what if I'm not? What if I'm making a bigger mess than I originally started with. What if I somehow contaminated everything in sight and I make people sick? The last one I know is my whole thing with things that aren't contaminated are now contaminated, like closed drinks that are left too long untouched. Or even leaving food alone out of sight. It's tied into other things besides anxiety, but still. It's not ideal having these feelings about basic mundane chores when you are constantly around others.

#I don't live alone - never have #So I am constantly battling with this #Music helps until someone wants to have a conversation while I'm doing these things #There's exceptions like my siblings #I can be around them cleaning most things but laundry is like always something I believe I screw up #Despite knowing the clothes come out clean #This is all bc tomorrow it's my turn to do laundry at a laundry mat and my anxiety is having a great time #New environment with no siblings to help uh bad feelings #Not that I want my siblings to help me my default is to help them to avoid conversations #I have no sibling to pay attention to so yeah #Not looking forward to that #I'm also aware of how unhealthy that can be - but I can function without them alone but I won't be alone so that's why

[hexplaything]

every time i need to explain my feelings to someone i get brought back to every single time my ex fought with me over expressing my feelings and all i do is shake and cry

#even thinking about telling people things and being vulnerable makes me nauseous #i just dont do it now #i can't bring myself to #and it's like. it makes me feel worse bc i know it's such a disservice to everyone else. #i know everyone else isn't my ex and they probably won't react how she did #but i just can't find it in me to take that chance #im so scared of someone else actually reacting the way she did. and that'll just confirm for me that it was all my fault and it's something #that's wrong within me #im terrified that itell get confirmed that im just too much #i feel like at this point im just constantly fighting for my life. on fucking edge and paranoid as all hell #i cant believe u all put up with me being severely mentally ill in the middle of hornyposting #does it not Kill The Vibe?? #good girl speaks