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jemmo · 3 months

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Making sense of love for love's sake: the game

Despite all the things i absolutely adore about how the plot unravels and expands in love by love's sake, upon first watch, there's some things i couldn't piece together, which @lurkingshan echoes in their post:

'The way the author was messing with Myungha and forcing cruel choices on him really does not track with a desire to help him find happiness.'

And to preface, this is not something i fully get yet either. I think i'll need a good month and a sizeable reading list of relevant resources to understand just what/who this author/sunbae is and what his role is and how he is associated with myungha. But as always with the best shows for meta (aka bad buddy), as a plot unfolds, you can always find a better understanding by looking backwards and re-contextualising what you've already seen. so i watched ep 1, specifically the scene between myungha and his sunbae at the bar. And i will talk about how everything said in this scene has a whole new meaning now we know the full story, but for now i wanna focus on that question that they keep coming back to; "Then... will you change it for him?".

When you watch the show for the first time, your brain follows the simplest, most obvious version of the story you're being told, one where myungha has been pulled into the world of his sunbae's novel that's being turned into a game and given the opportunity to fix the thing he didn't like about it; making yeowoon happy, and thus you just think the rules of the game are imposed by the author, and so when these cruel choices first come up, you see them as the difficult roadblocks that are nevertheless necessary to any kind of game, forcing the player to make an impossible choice so that the game can continue in a certain direction and its only after that you learn whether it was the right choice or not, or there is no right choice, it simply changes the game you are playing.

And when its revealed what this game actually is, at first i tried to interpret these cruel choices, namely the choice between yeonwoon and myungha's grandma, and at best i could come up with the concept of this being a choice between staying stuck to the past aka choosing his grandma, even though he knows that choice doesn't mean she's safe bc he knows the future where he loses here, its an inevitability, but thats the small happiness he knew before it was taken away and thus that happiness is known and safe, theres no risk, versus choosing to pursue a new happiness, a love of yeowoon and thus himself, which he doesn't know, he hasn't experienced yet, and could be risky. Its a happiness that isn't guaranteed like his grandma, but its a happiness that looks to the future and has hope in it that he can find a new happiness to pursue despite what has happened in his past.

And that fits nice, okayish. But then i watched ep 1 and heard that question "Then... will you change it for him?" And watching through the rest of the eps, we come back to this scene at the bar and each time we get a new run up to the author asking this question, either new dialogue is added or we hear a different piece of the conversation entirely. It starts at the beginning of ep 1 as:

"Because Cha Yeowoon is the only one who's miserable." "It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that" "The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile."

Then a bit later in ep 1 we go back and its expanded.

"It can't be helped that some people's lives are like that" "The fact that some people are destined to live that kind of life is what's vile." "Why? Do you think you'd write it differently?" "Yes, definately. Someone like Cha Yeowoon, or someone like me with an awful life, can also be happy."

And then all the way on in ep 6, we get this new dialogue.

"I don't like talking about destiny." "Why?" "Because it means everything is predestined." "Then do you not believe in fate?" "Fate and destiny are the same. My grandma likes to say that. She said life is like a written book, and how you'll live and die are written in it. (...)I don't like things like this. Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." "Really? Then Myungha..."

And while we don't hear the author ask the same question, I feel like him getting cut off like that insinuates that the conversation leads to that same ending point. All that is to say, every time we hear this question being asked, its like we learn more and more about what this whole thing is, what the game is, what myungha is saying he will do by agreeing to do what the author asks. And every time, we see myungha being more defiant against the idea of yeowoon being resigned to his miserable ending. He starts off thinking that kind of life is destined, and while it's miserable, its not something he can fight. Then he says he'd want to write the story differently, bc yeowoon, or even him, could be happy. He challenges the idea that yeowoon, and thus himself, is fated to be miserable, and opens up the possibility for happiness for them both, but doesn't yet have the means or resolve to do it, its like he knows its possible on a fundamental level, but doesn't see it as something he can actually achieve. But then we circle back to the idea of destiny and books, both of which came up in the previous quote, and seems incredibly pertinent seen as this whole thing is about a novel this author has written. Myungha talks about how he hates the idea that life is a book where everything written is predestined to happen, from the moment you live to the moment you die. He says "Even if fate is already destined, I think it can still be changed. Otherwise, there's no point in trying." That vile way of life he described before that he said was destined, he is now saying it can be changed, and that possibility is now something he's holding onto, its what he sees hope in so that he can keep trying, bc now he finally is trying, he has the resolve, he's trying to realise this thing, this impossibility of rewriting the life he thought was destined through the way he loves yeowoon.

And coming back to those cruel choices, given this fresh context, it made me think. bc this isn't actually a game that myungha has been put into where the rules are dictated by an author completely separate from him. He said himself, he'd rewrite it, he'd change things for yeowoon. And when you start to think of it less as him fighting against a rigid, removed system and more like him being a character in a story he is trying to rewrite himself, that has both the author and his own limitations, or just his own if you're in the school of thought that the author is some figment or part of myungha himself or his conciousness, then you can start to see where these cruel choices might come from. They could be myungha, the author making edits to this new story, imposing his own doubts and limitations on himself. When he says he has to pick between Yeowoon and his grandma, what if that's the new author myungha seeing this story unfold and thinking no this isn't right, he can't have it all, i'm not deserving of this much happiness.

And what makes me like this idea even more is that when we get that second choice between ending after 14 days or getting 100 days back at the cost of resetting Yeowoon's affection to 0, that whole conversation happens in what I think the bar actually is which is this frozen moment in time where myungha is in the water with this extension of a voice in his head that is talking through these things. That conversation in itself needs its own post, but when you look at it both as a decision to break up or not or a decision to hold onto life or not, you can see how the author is just this soundboard relaying the decisions myungha is going through in his head. The author's voice is his own, weighing up his decisions. And if he is the author here, it only reinforces that the person making the rules of this game is him. You can even extend it further to the idea of the debuffs, where he puts in place this thing that makes it so he causes harm to yeowoon when he's around, and its only by garnering affection that he can prevent it. He gives himself a reason from the get go to stay away from yeowoon and reason it as him doing it for yeowoon's safety, when in fact the only way to make yeowoon safe is to increase his affection, which he can only do by being near him. Its a system that at first gives myungha a reason to stay away aka not like himself, but ultimately says the only way you're going to make yeowoon like you, or the only way you can like yourself, is if you accept risk. And that in itself screams to me of a myungha writing in these game systems that are trying to encourage his own-self love while falling at the hurdle of his own lack of self-worth.

The idea is still messy in my head even for me, but i just really like the idea that myungha could be trying to fix this thing both as a character and game master, and that both these versions of him have these flaws that manifest in their different ways to cause the events we see. It kinda is the definition of being your own worst enemy, the idea that in order to work towards loving yourself, the biggest obstacle you have to encounter is yourself, bc we are the ones holding ourselves back, making all these rules that make it harder to like ourselves and pursue our own happiness. The voices in our head telling us that we aren't good enough and aren't deserving are our own, and while the things that happen to us can inform what they say, we're the one's reinforcing those words. And what this show teaches us is that, if we're the one holding that pen all along, we can choose to change what those words are. If we make the rules, you don't have to create a game with concrete ultimatums, you can create a game where rules don't control you. Instead, you make the decisions, and you can make the ones that make you happy.

#wow look at me writing actual kinda thought out meta #also something something about how the pen being in his pocket wasnt a pen given to him by the author its a pen that was his the whole time #look even if this isnt the right interpretation as intended by the author i just kinda adore this headcanon ive come up with and i cant wai #to rewatch the show again through this lens and see if it holds up #i just adore the idea of this whole thing being this manifestation of a flawed doubtful person trying to navigate through their own messy #nonsensical thoughts to find their own happiness #bc yes thats what triggered me thinking of this whole thing. me seeing that post and thinking yeah that doesnt make sense7 #but then again when you tell yourself things an put your own mental blocks in the way they dont make sense either but you still have to fin #the ways to work around them in order to find happiness #like those things dont go away we just find the loopholes or the ways to overcome them that mean we can be happy #the game is your own mind - deal with your own existential crisis as you wish #anyway this is only part 1 in what i hope will be a very extensive meta analysis of this show - stay tuned #love for love's sake

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beanghostprincess · 4 months

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Sanuso Childhood Best Friends AU in which Sanji ends up in Syrup Village because the Orbit has to stop there for a while. They send little Sanji to buy food on his own with a bit of money (or, just, do whatever until he has to meet the crew again. They're a bit careless with the kid) and he meets Usopp when he sees the younger kid trying to steal food from the market. Usopp gets caught easily and the stand owner tells him to go away. Usopp replies with something along the lines of "If you don't give food to the great captain Usopp I will just send all my allies to destroy your business!!!" but it doesn't work (quite obviously) and the guy just ignores him. That just makes Usopp start begging because he doesn't have the money to buy anything and he doesn't want to go to Kaya's again. Besides, he doesn't want to go to the people who usually help him out because it's embarrassing and he doesn't want them to know. It's better to just either steal from this guy or beg. That makes 9 y/o Sanji's heart ignite with a passion and strength he didn't know he had inside, and he approaches the kid, staring intensely into the man's eyes and saying (with the angriest voice a 9 y/o can make) "Food exists to help the ones who're hungry!! You don't deserve this job!!" and the man stares down at him (Sanji's literally shaking, poor boy) saying that food is business and nothing else. And if he doesn't have anything to buy it with, he can go fuck off along with little long-nose. Usopp is amazed by Sanji's bravery and heroic behavior. Sanji hands him some beris, starts listing some stuff he has on display, and buys it. The man just has to give him the stuff, after all, but once he does he looks at Sanji like he's about to murder the kid. Despite being visibly shaking, little Sanji turns around at Usopp, his tiny hands being barely enough to grab everything he's carrying. So Usopp helps him, and they get out of there as quickly as they can once the man starts shouting at them.

They run for a while until they end up finally far enough to not see the man. Usopp is catching his breath when he turns to Sanji. "That was great! I- I could've handled it on my own, of course, the guy was super afraid of me, but-" And then Sanji just- He starts crying so damn loud. Usopp is completely lost as to why he's the one crying, but Sanji is literally shaking like a leaf and Usopp doesn't know what to do. "What's wrong?! I- Did- Did he hurt you or-"

"It was so scary!!" He holds the food tighter to his chest and tries to hold back the tears. "And- And he was so loud- I- Why were you arguing with him, dummy?!"

Usopp is, uh, a bit confused by the change of tone and meaning behind the kid's words. But he keeps crying and crying and shaking and Usopp can't help but feel awfully lost. "And why did you come to help? I had everything under control, you know?!" He really didn't.

"Because I-" He tries to wipe the tears away but they just keep on falling. "I'm a cook. I don't like it when people treat food like this. Especially when people are hungry." That catches Usopp a bit off guard, Sanji calming down for a few seconds before the crying starts again. He really tries hard not to cry. Like a man, or whatever. But his lower lip is betraying him. "He was so loud." Usopp really, really wants to do something to help, but right when Sanji says this, somebody riding a bicycle passes right behind Sanji, so close and loudly it makes him jump and sob harder. He makes himself even smaller. "Make it stop!" And so, of course, Usopp, as the hero of the village and bravest pirate and warrior of the seas, he takes Sanji's hand and leads him somewhere the older kid can't see because he refuses to open his eyes. But Sanji asks anyway, with the softest and smallest voice ever. "Where are we going?"

Usopp squeezes his hand. "You're a cook, right?" He turns his head around to Sanji, but doesn't stop walking. A huge grin shows up on his face when he sees the kid nodding. "Then you're gonna have the privilege to cook for the great Captain Usopp!"

And-

Usopp swears to this day that he will never forget Sanji's laughter at that moment. "A captain?" And it's like all his worries suddenly faded away with the simplest of lies. Usopp doesn't know if he's being genuine or if he's making fun of him, but the kid's smile makes his hands sweat. "Then I better make a meal worth of a king!"

Long story short, Usopp takes Sanji to his home and lets him cook in his very lonely and depressing kitchen. While the kid works, Usopp can't help but stare at him with impressed eyes. Sanji, on the other hand, has never felt such a rush when cooking for somebody. Not ever since- ... Mom. They talk about that too. They learn everything about each other. Usopp tells Sanji about his dad being a pirate and his mom passing away not long ago. He tells him about how the village and his best friend Kaya help him out most of the time, but he refuses to keep being so dependent on them, even if he has to beg strangers. He tells him about all of the adventures he's had and how people call him a liar out of jealousy. Sanji often believes what the kid says, being the naive kid he is, but he's smart enough to always think twice and realize that, okay, Usopp's stories might not be true, but if they make him happy, then they make Sanji happy too! If his dreams are told in the form of lies, it's kind of like Sanji's wish to find the All Blue. And so he tells Usopp all of that too. He skips the whole, um, family thing to talk about his dream. He tells Usopp about wanting to be a cook because of his ill mom (something they have in common!!). He tells him about his abilities in the kitchen! He keeps saying he'll be the best cook in the east blue!

It's nice having a friend. Usopp thinks Sanji looks really young for being two years older than him, and Sanji complains about Usopp being taller when he's younger. But it's nice, after all, to be with somebody who doesn't want to take anything from you.

Sanji's food is surprisingly good for a kid his age, and he's really glad Usopp likes it because he's been practicing for a whole year with the crew! Even if he makes the simplest of dishes, he's really proud of himself when Usopp won't stop praising him!

One thing leads to another, and when Sanji's crew finds him, they tell him they have to stay for a long while because their ship needs repairing and it's pretty grave. Sanji wishes he could say he's disappointed and sad, but he looks behind him at Usopp, and it kind of feels exciting to stay.

So they grow closer.

Sanji is always going back and forth between his ship and Usopp's home, but he barely spends time with his crew the days he stays in Syrup Village. Most of the time he even sleeps with his new friend! Sanji cooks for him and borrows money for them to buy the ingredients, explaining to Usopp everything that is to know about them. Usopp, on the other hand, is awesome at fishing, so they spend whole days at the beach trying to catch their food. It's the most fun they've ever had in their life. Usopp stops feeling lonely, and Sanji finally finds somebody who loves him for who he is. Usopp shows him beetles and insects and finds out that they make Sanji cry... He isn't proud of this, but sometimes (only sometimes) he places bugs on Sanji's way so he can save him. Sanji calls him his hero with the shiniest of looks, and Usopp just- He feels really warm inside. Sanji is always going to his crew to ask them about new recipes and things to learn while they're there, and he always makes them for Usopp because every praise about his food goes directly to his heart. They just keep on enjoying each other's company and many talents. Usopp even introduces him to Kaya! She's the cutest girl Sanji has ever met (not that he has ever met other girls besides his sister) and he's a bit jealous because it's obvious she likes Usopp, the guy just doesn't notice! If little Sanji isn't sure of who he's jealous of, that's something he refuses to think about.

"We're best friends." Sanji once says.

That gives Usopp the courage to respond with: "Then, when I become the bravest pirate of them all, you'll be my cook! You- You will, right?"

"Of course!" Sanji doesn't think he has ever smiled this much in the short period of time he has been alive. "Captain Usopp and the best cook in the East Blue- No! In all the seas!"

Loneliness is a word that now feels foreign to them.

But then, of course, Sanji has to go.

They promise to see each other again. They will, someday.

Sanji asks Usopp to come with them, though, but Usopp refuses.

"Come with me, Usopp! It's your chance to become a pirate!" (Don't let me go).

"I- I'm already a pirate, Sanji! Did you forget? I need to stay to protect this village from any harm and evil pirates that aren't like me!" (I'm so scared that not even wanting to go with you helps my legs move).

"But you said I'd be your cook!" (You promised).

"You'll always be my cook! And I'll always be your-"

"What kind of captain lets his cook go?!" Sanji yells, but he's the one crying the most.

"Sanji! Please! I- I'll do it. I'll sail someday and we'll see each other and we will be together but- But not now." The shame in Usopp's voice is obvious, and he can't tell lies from promises anymore.

"But I- What if-"

"I'll find you. The sea will bring me to you, don't worry! I told you I'm so good at fishing because I can speak their language, right? I'll just- I'll just send you messages through the sea! Just talk to the fishes and they'll tell you all you need to know. I'll always be with you!"

That, at least, makes Sanji laugh. "Liar. I know you can't speak-"

"But I'm not lying when I say we'll see each other again! Really! Believe in me!"

And Sanji has no other option but to believe.

Usopp tries to live years and years without regretting his decision that day, failing miserably. And Sanji keeps trying to talk to fishes even if he knows it won't work. He even asks some of them to save him (to tell Usopp they might not see each other again, at least) when he's stuck at that damn rock with Zeff, but they don't do anything. They don't even talk back at him. But he keeps believing for a while.

Until someday a gorgeous pirate asks him: "You're not in any crew, right?" Because she apparently wants him to go with her. And he would. He really would. But he owes too much to Zeff. So much he can't give it up. Not even for a girl, even if it hurts.

Her question is more painful than denying her the pleasure of being her cook, though. Because he has to respond with: "Huh? I- No. Had a captain once, though... Not that it matters now. Just- Not anymore."

When Luffy asks Usopp to come with him, he can see the shape of their long-lost best friend in Kaya's eyes. She always knew there was more between them than what they wanted to admit, but then again, they were just kids, so she couldn't really know at the time. Usopp hates having found out so late about it, but now this is a chance he won't waste. He can accomplish his dream and fulfill his promise at the same time!

And they do find each other, earlier than Usopp was actually ready for. Sanji drops a glass of wine when he sees him. Usopp basically trips and falls over the table and makes Zoro's food fall on his lap. Sanji's eyes never move away from him.

There's a long silence and a few weird looks being shared between the rest of the crew, but Usopp can't help but smile. He's extremely scared of what Sanji might say.

"I told you I'd find you, didn't I?" He tries to sound confident, but his voice falters.

Sanji can't stop smiling. "Took you long enough, captain."

Nami almost chokes on her food. "CAPTAIN?!" And the other two share the same startled expression.

But Usopp doesn't look at them. He's still over the table. It definitely looks ridiculous. "You- You're taller."

"And your hand is ruining my Quiche Lorraine." Sanji groans. "Could you not-"

"I'm sorry! I- I'm sorry. But don't speak to your captain like that!"

Nami interrupts him. "I thought you were lying when you talked about this guy!"

Oh. So he has talked about me. Sanji pretends he isn't forcing his heart to slow down.

So he just smirks at the redhead. "To be fair, madame, even if he tends to lie a lot-"

Nami rolls his eyes. "No shit, I figured."

But Sanji keeps going looking at Usopp. "Even if he does, he also keeps his promises."

By the way, you have to imagine them like this:

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fizzytoo · 10 months

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"do you like it?" "darling, i love it."

#ts4 #ts4 gameplay #sims 4 gameplay #postcard legacy challenge #im gonna pass away #rua's vocabulary is full of pet names and words of adoration #adrien has some for him too. a few in spanish that make rua shiver.#he braided adrien's hair btw 😖 he loves to play with his hair #since adrien started growing his hair out he's caught rua a few times looking up long hairstyle tutorials 😭😭#“my love come sit” he'll pat the couch enthusiastically “let me fix your hair”#and when he's done adrien would complement him and ask him where he learned it #rua would puff out his chest proudly and say “learn it? ive always known this” or “my angel i made it up for you”#and adrien lets him get away with it bc it's cute and harmless #rua's love languages are acts of service and physical touch #he's so sick i cant stand him #YOU SEE HOW THEYRE MATCHING LOWKEY!!!!!!! IM GONNA GO CRAZY #postcard: gen3 #queue #i switched a lot of feminine frame hairs to allow for masc frames and many of them worked #save for a bit of clipping around adrien’s back. i think the one he’s wearing now is the worst of it but it’s not too bad to bother me #i still haven’t figured out how to properly convert it in blender so this will have to do #sim: adrien herrera #sim: rua kamealoha

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moeblob · 16 days

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Windy at my house + power flickering = no comm work = quick laptop doodle

#my characters #i genuinely hoped the wind would die down but like ??? nah?#and the last time we lost power without an actual storm it WAS bc of wind #and so i just get so panicked over please dont fry my tablet with a power surge #if it calms down by tonight i really wanna work on art since i spent almost all day yesterday struggling with a pose and i finally #think i thought of something that could work and then (gestures to the wind) fuck me #also in regards to these two you have seen me drawing deacon a lot recently and i only drew armya once so far #she is a devoted follower to fulj which is really rare since fulj no longer has a large following nor a temple #so when fulj finds her its comforting and reassuring and she adores armya a lot #however the fact that fulj relentlessly teases deacon and calls him names is like..... ok wait would you really be mean to me if it wasnt #for her ? like would you still pick on me? :c and shes like lol yeah dude absolutely #deacon is just constantly dunked on by the lightning group and hes so sad because he wanted to be friends :c #but also the guy wouldnt really recognize the followers if it wasnt for the traces of lady fulj #so if they would wander into the city without having been possessed recently he probably wouldnt even cast a glance their way #nothing personal he just straight up doesnt decipher looks fast at all #he could think they look familiar but then not know why ESPECIALLY if they wear something he's not used to them in #like if armya showed up in something other than her loose white jacket he would not be able to go AH YES ARMYA immediately #he identifies people by hair or clothing details so it kinda messes him up if people remove whatever identifying trait they have #long hair getting a hair cut? suddenly a whole new person #and armya knows this very well since he never looked her way unless fulj was possessing her or trailing her #so she does like to tease him as just. we are both in servitude to a deity and same rank but like. bro youre too easy to mock #(fulj agrees)

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lolotr · 9 months

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Okay but it will give me life if Imogen gets to say "I'm bi actually" in the next season and them have nick give her the biggest hug and then they're bi4bi bffs forever and ever and

#heartstopper #heartstopper spoilers #I adore this girl #And I actually don't care if she ends up queer or just does some questioning and determines she's straight #Bc that's also an experience #Being surrounded by queer people will make you do some healthy questioning of your assumed heteronormativity even of yourself #If you come out the other side of that straight it's still important work #BUT #I've been saying since s1 I wouldn't be surprised if she is queer and I would ADORE that too #And her and nick being the best of friends gives me life #I saw someone post that they wanted her to end up alone and happy at the end of s3 and I kind of adore that #Like she figures herself out not through a relationship but through having supportive friends #And then choosing to be alone #God this show is everything

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azaracyy · 1 month

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today, cupimon prays for your happiness too.

#digimon #cupimon #oc:elise #made myself draw more personal oc art when not working on comms haha #tbh the motivation behind this was a moment of weakness. like. wanting people to tell you you have done well and everything will be ok #but i also want to heal others that way. it's complicated. the world only seems to get harsher and harsher #holy or angel type digis are good picks for such and cupimon are adorable #imma be realistic this is a pretty tough time to be alive. let's not even try to compare with past eras or the like #the truth is so many of us are struggling so friggin hard we don't even know it anymore bc it's become so routine to our life #but it's honestly? really twisted? if you think of it that way. we're so used to suffering in life. it's so sad.#can only hope things get better someway. somehow. may good news even a little arrives to each of yall this week #btw really sorry folks. after the ai fiasco this site has gotten itself into i'm gonna post even lower res version for my newer works jic #artists writers creatives. do stay safe. keep yourselves and your work safe as much as you can #do what you need to do regardless it matters to you or not ok!#png

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lunarharp · 11 months

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happy scriblings & playing games (VERY LIGHT new zelda spoilers btw i guess lol)

#witch hat tag #orufrey #me giving up shrines bc of severe joycon drift: this would rly suck if i was oru and qifrey was next to me and i was trying to impress him #qif is better suited to pkmn. having a gaggle of unruly & cute creatures around him feels natural.#he always has oru's starter (traded immediately every time ❤️) 4 adorable creatures to represent the girls #and an unfathomable being to represent a brushbug. the 4 are named after the girls but maybe they get to recommend which things.#like riche would want something really cool & strong & cute. agott something really technically good to help qifrey out..#but qifrey cant let his girls battle. so they're all weak. he sends out oru to protect everyone for him ❤️#oru just plays games to distract from the work grind so he plays them all normally.#they swapped the joycons of their black and white switches long ago too..normal regular tasselcore friendship things..#oru doesnt have the heart to tell qifrey...THAT YOUR JOYCON HAS DRIFT AND SUCKS!!!!!!! he'll accept it...evil joycon of love......#it's weird that im drawing happy sweet art when i feel kinda shitty atm ...

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theloveinc · 8 months

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this is me reminding you bc is shinso also a pro BC IMAGINEEEEE

No because he's already spinning around in my microwave brain like a frozen lasagna and YES HE ABSOLUTELY IS A PRO!!! Showing up at your house all raggedly looking at 6am to get your daughter when he said he'd be able to pick her up before 5pm the damn night previous.

He knows you're not... seriously mad at him when you answer the door with a glare, but you're definitely peeved at his usual excuse of "something came up, the commission ended up needing me all night."

"Yeah, well," is what you want to say, "your daughter with insomnia needed you, too."

Except before you can scald him with the words, the little girl is waddling outside from behind you still in her nighty and straight into his arms, and it truly is hard to be mad at him when he scoops her right up into his arms (have they gotten beefier?) and apologizes to her with a kiss.

(And then you have to invite him in for breakfast because it was already on the stove, and then you have to wait with him because she needs to repack her bag, and then he's standing there awkwardly in your living room, his old place, like he's not currently staying in an almost-dumpster of an apartment, save for your daughter's little room, AND HE'S RUBBING THE BACK OF HIS NECK AND TRYING NOT TO LOOK YOU IN THE EYE because it's not only a reminder of what he lost but also you'll be able to tell, you can always tell, that he hasn't really been sleeping much because... he constantly feels like he needs to justify the fact that he chose work over you and his little girl and, and, and, and then she's finally appearing with her plastic backpack ready to go and he can't bring himself to properly say goodbye as he leaves as if to pretend he'll be back soon, good riddance!!!!!)

But that's how it always goes between you, and hurts even worse because neither of you are sure if your three year old actually knows (realizes?) that you aren't together anymore. I mean, his hours as a hero were weird even when she was first born and things were still good, so it's not like this is unusual to her.

(Shinso anticipates losing himself when she finally starts noticing that you only kiss her goodbye, when she starts registering who isn't home, when she starts asking questions about it, and when the answers finally start to make her cry.)

...

He relates to the notion. The thought of losing his family makes him want to cry, too... hence why he lets you make the majority of the decisions about her well-being and tries to stay out of your way (he figures you might need him again if she inherits his quirk)...

(You'd never know it, at least... he hopes, but he does appreciate his job for allowing him to take his frustrations out on the underground criminals he's tasked with catching, but. That's for another time).

...even if the whole thing hurts him more than he could ever begin to say.

#shinso #SORRY IF THIS ISN'T SMEXY IT'S SMEXY TO ME #AT LEAST THE BEGINNING #I WANTED TO DESCRIBE LOOKS TOO BUT IT WAS HARD #ANYWAY AHHHHHHHHHHH #you know his daughter is the embodiment of a princess in all ways and forms #doll face curly hair braids ribbons dresses frilly socks big doe eyes loves animals....#i adore her :(((#and him... in his cargos and boots and t shirt he threw on just for the drive over #and his apartment would be a MESS if he didnt have her #not bc he's messy but bc bachelor lifestyle isnt for him now he's had you #and he's MISERABLE #when he's not cooking for daughter he's eating saltines and pb for dinner and falling alseep at the kitchen table #so f*cking funny when it works out finally and he's falling asleep on the carpet of your daughters room trying to play with her #and you nearly step on his #finally relaxed shinso is a sleepy dad #always napping #i CRY #caitie things #gen #kids tw

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