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pxedpiper · 3 years

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Horizon (21)

Plot Summary: Once a princess of a kingdom you loathed to call yours, you have somehow found yourself aboard a pirate ship, stuck on the ocean waves. Now you try to figure out how to escape them, but as you continue to journey with them, you find yourself wondering if you even want to.

Pairings: Ateez x Reader (Kim Hongjoong x Reader)

Content Warnings: Mentions of death and sexual implications throughout the fic, nothing ever specified in detail

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A/N: Y'all ever just spend all night writing 23 pages of a chapter because you got possessed by the god of writing suddenly???? yeah that was me with this chapter bc HOOOOLYYY SHIT she's a long one! Not that I'm sure anyone will complain with that but like damn i really did go off here. Chapter warnings though: this does contain child abuse (though I don't think it's incredibly descriptive??? i tried my best) as well as uh smth near the end that i think y'all will like (eye emojis bc i'm on laptop) I hope you guys enjoy this EXTREMELY long chapter !!! i'm about to go pass out lmao

It wasn’t hard to corner Seonghwa; thanks to him spending a lot of time in the kitchen, it was easy to catch him during a time no one else was likely to interrupt. You casually strolled in, trying not to make it seem obvious that you were there for a reason.

“Hello, Seonghwa,” You greeted, “Are you busy?”

“Not terribly, just preparing dinner for later,” He replied, not looking at you, “I would like some help, however, if you’re willing.”

“No problem,” You jumped up, “What do you need?”

“Make sure these vegetables are cut up properly,” He instructed, handing you a kitchen knife, “It’s no dagger, but I don’t think I need to doubt your skills with a blade, now do I?”

You confirmed, “Jongho’s mother showed me what to do when we first went to his home, remember? I can handle this.” You began to chop the vegetables, letting a moment pass before you spoke up again. “Seonghwa?”

“Yes?” He answered absentmindedly, clearly focused on cooking.

“I couldn’t help but notice… Every time that Hongjoong brings up the possibility of seeing your families, you act differently. You and Yunho both, truly.” He froze in place at your words. “And I remember before, you told me it’d been six years since you’d last seen your family. I didn’t want to ask more at the time, because I was still new to the crew and didn’t want to pry, but I hope by now I’ve earned enough trust to be able to ask, Seonghwa.”

“It’s not a matter of trust,” He sighed, leaning forward onto the counter, “I don’t like to talk about it. It isn’t important, anyway.”

“Of course it’s important, it’s about you,” You replied, looking at him, “And I’d say it’s only fair, considering you know everything about my family. If you really don’t want me to know, then I’ll stop asking, but I think it might benefit the both of us if you still get upset over it.”

He was silent for a moment, thinking over your words, before sighing again, “I know by now you know the common theme amongst everyone in the crew, correct?”

“Yeah, that Hongjoong saved you all in some way,” You instantly responded, “It applies to me, too.”

“Well, I was the very first person he saved,” He began, “I was his first crewmate. He met me right as he’d stolen The Utopia from it’s former owner.”

“That recently?!” You were shocked, “That means you’ve known him since before he was the Pirate King!”

“Yes, Yunho and Mingi, as well,” Seonghwa nodded, “But I won’t go too deeply into that. You see, before I was a pirate, I was just a sailor, I’d go out sailing for food to help feed my family, my parents and little brother. But one day, a storm came with no warning, and we weren’t prepared. I was the only survivor of that crew.”

“Oh my god,” You almost whispered, “How did you survive?”

“To this day, I’m not sure,” Seonghwa admitted, “It was almost like I was meant to survive, like I wasn’t supposed to die there. Maybe one of Maddox’s tricks, now that I think about it, but who could tell for sure? The point is, I was alive, but still adrift in the middle of the ocean. I thought that if the storm didn’t kill me, surely the hunger or dehydration would. But that’s when Hongjoong came, barely managing the ship all on his own. He noticed me sailing on my own and brought me aboard, giving me something to eat and drink while he was at it.”

“That sounds like Hongjoong,” You smiled fondly, thinking of your captain.

Seonghwa matched your smile, “Yes, and I was so thankful. I felt as though I owed my life to him, and after finding out that he was in need of crewmates, I quickly volunteered to join. He was surprised, but not exactly in a position to turn it down. And thus, I became his quartermaster.”

You tilted your head slightly, “But, what about your family? What happened to them?”

“What, indeed,” He sighed, “I know you’re no stranger to how pirates are considered by the general public. I couldn’t go back as a pirate, what if they’d shame me or want no part of me anymore? Who could blame them if they did? I thought it better to just let them think I was dead, then they wouldn’t feel the shame of having a pirate as a son. But, even now…”

“You feel guilty over it,” You finished, catching on to what he was about to say, “Seonghwa, I really don’t think you need to worry. While, yes, maybe at the time they might’ve had a bad reaction, by now I’m sure they’d just be glad to know you’re alive, pirate or not. Maybe it’s time you finally saw them again, let them know you’re still here and thinking about them.”

“I can’t,” He shook his head, “At least, not now. I’m not ready to face them yet. Besides, with the war looming over our heads, there’s no guarantee I’d even survive, and how cruel would it be to show up in front of them only to die, this time genuinely? It’d be too much, for both me and them.”

“I understand,” You nodded gently, holding onto both of his hands, “I won’t tell you that we’ll definitely make it out of this, because I don’t know for sure, and we could all die in this war. But, I want you to promise me that if you make it out of the war alive, you’ll go find your family. They need the closure, and quite frankly, you need it, too. Can you do that for me, Seonghwa?”

“I… I’ll try,” Seonghwa hesitantly stated, “But I can’t promise anything. Let’s focus on winning this war first, shall we? Then we’ll see about me finding my family.”

“That’s good enough for me,” You grinned at him, “Now, do you still need help with dinner, or can you handle it by yourself?”

“I can take it from here, (Y/N),” He chuckled, almost as if he were amused. As you turned to leave the kitchen, you could hear him call after you, “(Y/N?)”

“Yes?” You turned to face him again.

He gave you a sincere smile, “Thank you. For listening.”

“It’s no problem,” You returned the smile with one of your own, “After all, what are friends for?”

Later, as you searched the ship for Yunho, you ran into someone near the bow of the ship. Looking up, you quickly saw that it was Eden.

“I’m so sorry, Captain Eden,” You quickly apologized, “I was looking for Yunho and wasn’t aware of my surroundings.”

“It’s fine,” The older man waved off, an almost disinterested look upon his face, “I was actually meaning to speak with you myself, Your Highness, without Hongjoong keeping watch over you. I had something to ask you.”

“Please, don’t call me by any titles, as I already said I have none,” You reminded, “But alright, what do you need?”

“How come you haven’t left the crew yet?” With that question, the mood changed so suddenly that you could hear a pin drop.

Unsure of what his meaning behind this question was, you hesitantly replied while trying to maintain a friendly air, “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t-!”

“I mean to say, how come you haven’t left the crew and freed them of this war yet?” Eden cut you off, doubling down on his question, “You know there’s no possible way for a ragtag group of pirates to win against the Royal Navy, why not just give yourself up and spare their lives?”

Dropping the friendly air, you narrowed your eyes and frowned at him, “And where exactly do you come off speaking like that when, quite frankly, it’s none of your business?”

“You asked for my help and my charge is your captain, so, quite frankly, it is my business,” He replied, matching the hostile air, “I agreed to help for his sake, not yours. You’ve given me no reason to believe you’re not a detriment to this crew.”

“Maddox said-!” You started, but were once again cut off.

Eden scoffed, “Maddox? You mean the madman down at Tortuga who you all now claim to be the ocean? Do you really expect me to believe that?”

“You said to Hongjoong earlier that you believed him because he knew better than to lie to you,” You argued, becoming increasingly more annoyed with Eden’s attitude the more he spoke.

“I did, yes, and I did believe him. I believe that he believes it, not that it actually happened. How you convinced him of such magic, I’m not sure, but I don’t care,” He responded, “I want you to leave Hongjoong and this crew, forever. They’re all too caught up in their love for you to realize that you’re leading them to their deaths, but if you truly care for them as much as you say you do, then you’ll go back home to your castle and call off this war.”

“How fucking dare you talk to me like that?” You stepped forward, enraged as you leaned in close to his face, “I may not have titles any longer, but I won’t be talked to in such a matter. Who exactly do you think you are to be giving me such an order?”

“Your captain’s captain, if you’ve already forgotten,” He returned your glare with one of his own.

You let out a slight scoff, “Yes, you’re his former captain, but you’re not mine. You have absolutely no authority over me, and so I don’t have to listen to a single fucking thing you have to say. I don’t care if you don’t believe me, I’ll prove it to you one way or another. Just you watch.”

“I’m telling you one last time, leave the crew and go back home, unless you want to see the crewmates you love so much die in front of your eyes,” He warned once again as you turned around, not backing down in the slightest.

Whipping around, you leaned in close once again, whispering harshly, “I’m not going anywhere, do you hear me? I made a promise to Hongjoong that I would stay on this ship, that I would never leave, and my promise to him means more to me than any authority you have over him!” Having finally had enough, you pushed past him, still fuming at how much he’d riled you up. Now you definitely needed to find Yunho, he always knew just how to calm you down.

Eden gave a small smirk as he watched the girl storm away, practically seeing the steam run out of her ears at how angry he’d gotten her.

Making his way over to Hongjoong’s quarters, he took a seat across the younger captain, “Well, she’s definitely a feisty one, that’s for certain.”

Hongjoong groaned, putting his quill down so he could put his head in his hands, “Don’t tell me you gave her one of your ‘tests’...”

“I had to make sure she was ready to fight alongside you all,” Eden replied, his tone almost innocent, “This is her family we’re going against after all, we can’t afford for her to pull any punches.”

“Yes, well, now I’m afraid she may end up punching you before anyone else, the way you do things,” Hongjoong sighed, leaning back in his chair, “So, what then? Did she meet your standards?”

“I think had we gotten anyone else we’d be in trouble,” Eden answered, not looking at his former student, “Despite her royal upbringing, she’s a perfect fit amongst you all. I guess you could call that irony, you being the Pirate King, and all.”

“Yeah, she was always a perfect fit, even if things started out rocky at first,” Hongjoong smiled softly, thinking of the girl that had taken his heart.

Eden didn’t miss the look on his face, speaking up, “I know you, Hongjoong, I know that look. And even if I didn’t, I could see it the minute I saw you with her. You’ve fallen for her, haven’t you?”

“Deeply,” Hongjoong admitted, not wanting to even try to argue it, “Like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve had… infatuations before-!”

“You’re telling me,” Eden scoffed, remembering some of the antics Hongjoong had gotten up to as a young teenager.

“But,” Hongjoong continued, giving a glare to his teacher, “It was never anything as… intense, as this. It’s almost indescribable, just every inch of my being wants to be near her. It was hell when she let herself get captured, Eden, pure hell. I barely know how to contain myself.”

“If you feel this strongly about her, you should tell her,” Eden advised, “It won’t do any good to just sit around on your feelings, letting them build up until they put you at a disadvantage. It’d be best to tell her the next time you see her.”

“We’re about to go to war, Eden,” Hongjoong sighed, “One or both of us very well could die, and then where would that leave us? What would be the point of confessing if we may not even live to see a future together?”

“Alright then, let’s think about it, shall we?” Eden humored his student, “Let’s go through the different scenarios. Number One, you live and she dies.” Just the mere thought of it caused Hongjoong to tighten his fists; he absolutely could not let that happen. “Now, would you want her to have died never knowing of your feelings, and have yourself live on knowing she never knew? Or would you at least want her to know before she passed, know that there was someone on Earth that loved her deeply?”

Hongjoong was silent, not knowing how to respond.

“Number Two,” Eden continued, “You die and she lives. Would you want her to live with the regret that you died for her, but never knowing why outside of you being her captain? Would you want her to live with that guilt?”

“No,” Hongjoong spoke softly, staring at the desk in front of him.

“Number Three, you both live. Then you can both live on happily as whatever you want, whether it be a pirate and his crewmate or as two civilians settling down in a town somewhere. It seems that there’s a pretty clear answer to me,” Eden concluded.

“You left one out,” Hongjoong pointed out, “We could both die. Then what?”

“What does it matter then, Hongjoong? You’re just trying to give yourself reasons not to tell her about how you feel,” Eden argued, “Besides, if you tell her now, at least you can say you had some time together, even if it was short. Some time is better than none at all, you’ll do well to remember that. You need to tell her, Hongjoong, before it’s too late.”

Hongjoong was silent for a moment before he sighed, “I’ll think about it. Besides, I don’t even know if she feels the same way.”

“She definitely feels the same way, she was damn near ready to kill me when I told her to leave you and the ship,” Eden scoffed.

“Right, well-!” Hongjoong continued the work he was doing, then paused, “Wait, you did what?”

You were still steaming with anger as you tried to find Yunho, almost missing the blue haired boy as he ran into you as well.

“Hey, watch it there,” He chuckled, clearly not upset until he saw that you were, “What’s wrong? Did Wooyoung call you princess again?”

“No, it’s not that, it’s that I can’t believe that Hongjoong was raised by such a rude, no-good, infuriating bilgerat of a man,” You ranted, anger still clouding your head.

“Okay, let’s calm down a bit before he hears you, I doubt that’ll make the situation better,” Yunho grabbed onto your shoulders and tried to calm you down, “Let’s go to the railing and talk, alright? Like how we used to back when you first came on board.”

“Alright,” You nodded, taking deep breaths to calm down, “Let’s go.” Once you were at the railing where you liked to watch over the ocean, you informed Yunho of your altercation with Eden, relaying every detail.

“Ah, it seems you’ve been given one of Eden’s ‘tests’,” Yunho chuckled, understanding the situation now, “Don’t take it to heart, he likely meant none of it. It’s just what he does to every new crew member, to make sure Hongjoong isn’t surrounded by anyone who’ll hurt him. It’s like you said, the man’s like his father, and he wants what’s best for him, even if neither of them will admit it. He can take it a bit far though, damn near almost got killed by San for doing the same thing.”

“I think I’ve had quite enough of people giving me tests,” You grumbled, thinking of when Maddox had sent the storm to test your willpower on your first voyage to Elysia.

“Yeah, I don’t blame you!” Yunho laughed, “But like I said, he meant none of it. If anything, he probably respects you more now due to your response. You put Hongjoong before him, which is what every crew member should do for their captain. For once, your temper actually worked in your favor.”

“Oh, shut up,” You stuck your tongue out at him playfully before you both burst into laughter at your antics. It was silent between you two, before you spoke up again, “You know, this is a lot like before, you and me at this railing while you tried to calm me down. I didn’t trust anyone back then, but now I trust you all with my life, isn’t it funny how things turn out?”

“Yeah, I remember,” Yunho smiled, gazing out into the ocean, “Nearly thought you’d and Yeosang would end up killing each other, the way you two fought. Now here you both are, ready to fight side by side. I’m almost proud.”

“I have something to admit,” You started, “Nothing bad, but when we last saw Maddox, he gave me a mission of sorts. He told me to get close to every crew member, to find out everything I could about them, to strengthen our bonds, I assume. If I’m being honest, I’d almost forgotten about it because it seemed to happen naturally, but there’s one more person I still don’t know a lot about, and that’s you, Yunho. And, I figured, you were the first person on this ship that I began to trust, so how fitting is it that you’re the last person that trusts in me?”

“If I’m being honest, I kinda figured that’s what you were doing,” Yunho admitted, “And, well, I suppose it was going to happen sooner or later that I’d tell you my past. I don’t mind telling you, but I’m afraid it’s quite bittersweet. Not tragic, like Mingi’s, San’s, Yeosang’s, and Wooyoung’s, or complicated as Seonghwa’s. Just… bittersweet.”

“I’m listening,” You encouraged, holding onto his hand.

“I used to live in a small town, way far away from here, clearly, with my father and younger brother,” Yunho began, “My mother died when my brother was very young and I’m sorry to say he went not too long after. I was fairly young myself, so it didn’t really impact me as much as it would now, but it changed something within my father. He became increasingly overprotective, to the point where I was essentially being kept captive in my own home. I wasn’t allowed to go out, and anytime I tried I’d get yelled at. I’m sure you can relate to that feeling.” He looked at you, the smile on his face not matching his words. You merely nodded, allowing him to continue.

“However, try as he might, he couldn’t stop me from looking out my window at night and seeing the stars, all sparkling and beautiful. Sometimes, if I was lucky, I’d sneak outside my home through the window and climb up onto the roof to be able to get a better look. I guess if you wanted to be poetic about it, you could say the stars were my first love,” Yunho had a fond look on his face as he told the story, “And so, from the minute I learned to read, I spent all my time learning about the stars and anything that comes with it. That’s how I learned to be a navigator; my love for the stars was the very thing that gave me my role on this ship. And that’s where Hongjoong comes in.”

“Hongjoong and Seonghwa had just made it to shore when I saw them; my former home was by the ocean,” Yunho continued, “They’d just met themselves, I believe, as I remember them telling me that Seonghwa had just become Hongjoong’s first crewmember. They’d stayed in town for a few days before they spotted me, looking at them through the window. I still don’t know what possessed Hongjoong to try to talk to me, but he walked right up to the window and introduced himself, Seonghwa trailing behind him, trying to stop him. I was surprised they’d even bothered, but I was overjoyed, as well. They were the first people beside my father who’d actually talked to me. I told them about myself, and why I was stuck inside, and you wouldn’t believe how angry Hongjoong got, him and Seonghwa both. They both promised that they’d find a way to bust me out, and that I could go with them as a pirate as their third member. Well, it didn’t take much to convince me, that’s for sure. I agreed instantly, and they set their plan for that night.”

“Once it was dark, Seonghwa caused a distraction, luring my father outside and away from the house, while Hongjoong snuck in and helped me carry whatever I needed out to the ship. Once we made it out, Hongjoong gave some sort of signal to Seonghwa to let him know that we were in the clear, and Seonghwa snuck away from my father. By the time he made it back home, I was already on the ship. I never knew what he did when he realized I was gone, or even what became of him. I joined the crew as their navigator and never looked back since,” Yunho concluded, “I don’t really feel bad about it, because I know I’m a lot better off than I would’ve been back there, but at the same time, I feel for the poor man, you know? His wife and child die, and his only remaining son runs off, never to be seen again. If I didn’t remember how bad it was, I might’ve been inclined to return, but as it stands, I don’t really ever want to see him again. I’m happy now, I don’t really need any sort of closure, not any he could give me anyway.”

You nodded for a second, understanding, “We’re a lot more alike than I thought, our stories are so similar. Now I understand what you meant when you said that you know how I felt back when we first talked.”

“It takes one to know one,” He agreed, still looking off into the ocean, “Though, I will say, it is nice to finally let it off my chest again. The crew knows, of course, but… I suppose it takes someone who knows exactly what it’s like to be locked away from the world to fully understand the weight of it. I’m glad you were the one I could properly talk about it with.”

“It’s no problem,” You smiled at him, giving him a slight nudge, “Consider it returning the favor for listening to me talk back then. Now we’re even.”

“Now we’re even,” He nodded, smiling himself, “Now, let’s go join the rest of the crew, shall we? I suppose by now Hongjoong will have found out what Eden said and demand he give you an apology, so let’s see how the rest of the crews make fun of him this time.”

The rest of the trip to Eysia was calm, unlike the first time when Maddox had created that storm to test you. This time, there were no tests, only calm waters as you reached the island.

“The water is calmer than usual,” You pointed out, “Almost as if it’s expecting us.”

“You think Maddox knows we’re coming to see him?” Wooyoung asked, looking out into the water.

Yeosang replied, “It’d be a shock if he doesn’t, he seems to know everything, doesn’t he?”

“Well, he is the ocean,” You shrugged, “He probably hears us talking right now. I guess we’ll know for sure in a bit. We’re reaching land.”

“I still can’t believe there was such an opening amongst those rocks,” Eden frowned, but not in contempt, but rather confusion, “How’d you manage to spot it the first time?”

“That would be thanks to (Y/N),” Hongjoong came up, a proud smile on his face, “She’s got an amazing eye, she’s the best lookout we could’ve asked for.” Flustered at the praise, you looked down and smiled, not meeting Hongjoong’s eyes. “Now, are we ready? We’re heading to shore now. Who’s coming? I know (Y/N) is joining.”

“Captain, do you even need to ask? Of course the whole crew is coming,” San sighed exaggeratedly, as if he was tired of Hongjoong not knowing what to expect from them.

“Yeah, I just hope that we actually get to go in the cool looking cave this time and not be forced to wait while (Y/N) goes in alone again,” Wooyoung added, pouting at the memory of the last time the crew was at Elysia.

“I’ll be going as well, as Captain of my own crew,” Eden told Hongjoong, turning to look at him, “I’ll need to meet him for myself if we’re truly to get help from him.”

“Understood,” Hongjoong nodded, “Let’s go, then.” Once you made it off the ship onto dry land, you were met with a familiar face.

“Welcome back,” Elysian greeted, a genuine smile on his face, “It’s nice to see you again. And welcome to you, Eden. It’s nice to meet you for the first time.”

“Right, you as well,” He answered somewhat awkwardly, “I’m guessing you’re the Elysian they’ve told me about, then.”

“That’s correct. Like what Maddox is to the ocean, I am to this island, thanks to (Y/N),” He shot you a grateful smile, “Now, I understand you all find yourselves in a tricky situation. Maddox is expecting you all.”

“Yes!” You could hear Wooyoung softly cheer to himself.

“Lead the way,” Hongjoong said, ignoring Wooyoung’s little outburst. It didn’t take long until you were back in the cove from before, where you last met with Maddox, this time surrounded by the crew you’ve come to love.

Said man smiled at you, having been waiting, “Hello, again, (Y/N). It’s been quite some time.”

“But not for you, has it?” You guessed, “You’ve been seeing everything we’ve gone through since we left, haven’t you?”

“That’s correct,” He nodded, the smile on his face not fading.

“Damn lot of good you were, we could’ve used your help during some of the things we went through,” Mingi scoffed.

“We could use your help now,” Hongjoong added on, looking at him with a determined look.

“I could not and cannot be involved,” Maddox answered, “If I were to, I’d be disrupting things too much and fate would be changed. Things must follow a certain path, and I must remain impartial as the deity of the ocean. In some small cases, I can alter things to fit fate’s path, but anything of this magnitude I must stay out of.”

“So, you’re essentially saying you’re useless,” Eden spoke dryly, arms crossed as he looked annoyed.

“Not necessarily,” Maddox contested, “(Y/N), Hongjoong, could you two please step forward?” Looking at each other, the two of you did what he said. “(Y/N), I promised you that the next time we met, I’d tell you everything about how the two of you met before and how neither remember. It’s time I keep that promise.”

“We already have a suspicion,” Hongjoong spoke, “A dream I had, we think it’s a memory of our first meeting.”

“You’d be right,” Maddox nodded, “But it’s not the full story. The truth is, I was the one who wiped both of your memories.”

“You what?” The both of you spoke at once, shocked at the information he’d just given you.

“The two of you met before you were ever supposed to,” Maddox began to elaborate, “Sometimes, things like that happen naturally, which is why it’s my job to fix them so fate doesn’t end up changing. I had to wipe your memories of each other to make sure that when you met again, you’d be complete strangers.”

“Well, can you give us those memories back?” You asked, “Or, at least tell us what happened?”

“I can,” He confirmed, “It won’t hurt fate for you to know now that you’ve met and grown close as intended. If you both wish it, I can return your memories back right now.”

You looked to Hongjoong, who nodded, “Do it. I need, no, we need to know.”

“Very well, then.” Maddox spoke, “Then, I’ll need you both to close your eyes, and think back to when you were children…”

“(Y/N), are you sure we should’ve snuck away from the guards?” Your brother asked you worriedly, “I mean, they were given to us for a reason!”

“Oh, relax!” You laughed, practically skipping in the town square, “We’re the prince and princess, we should know about how our kingdom works, and what better way to learn than to see it firsthand? Come on, this helps you more than me, you’re the one who’s going to be king after all!”

“Hey,” He stopped you, grabbing onto your shoulder so you could face him, “I know Mother and Father remind you of that all the time, but you don’t need to remind me. Once I’m king, I’ll make sure you have some sort of power, not be some bride they think they can marry off.”

Smiling, you took his hand, “Well, that’s very sweet of you, but we’re here to have fun, not talk about what kind of king you’ll be. Now, come on, let’s go see what’s out there!” You led your brother away, running down the streets as you both laughed and giggled. You were twelve years old, and your brother fourteen, and it felt like the world was before you as you both took in the sights and sounds of the town. It wasn’t as grand as you were expecting, but it was something different than the castle walls, and that alone was enough to get you excited. However, it wasn’t long before that excitement came crashing down.

There was a crowd gathering in the street, and you could hear someone’s cries in the middle of it, it sounded like a young boy’s. Making your way through the crowd, you pushed your way up front where you could finally see what was happening; a young boy around your age with light red hair was getting whipped and kicked around by people much older and heavier than him, and everyone only seemed to be watching. He was covered in blood and mud, and you could see scars littering his body which told you that this wasn’t the first time this had occurred.

You whispered to your brother, who had caught up to you, “What’s going on? What are those men doing to him?”

“Those are slave traders,” He whispered back, “I didn’t know there were any in this kingdom, they sell people off and treat them terribly. Looks like that one got him mad about something, he’s giving him a real beating…” In horror, all you could do was watch as one of the older men kicked the boy again, causing him to spit out blood upon impact.

“How come everyone’s just watching, why don’t they do anything?” You hissed, growing increasingly angry at all the people just standing idly by.

“Look at him, what do you expect them to do? They can’t just take him in a fight, and I’m sure he’s probably got some dirt on all of them to keep them quiet. All they can do is watch.” At this, another blow was dealt, and you’d finally had enough.

“Well, I can’t watch this! Come on!” Without thinking, you quickly rushed towards the boy and grabbed his hand, ignoring your brother’s instant cry of your name. “Come on, get up!” You rushed, taking advantage of the fact the slave traders seemed so shocked, he’d frozen in place. Quickly as he can, the boy rose to his feet, and at an instant you were off, holding onto the boy’s hand as you took off running, your brother quickly following.

“Quickly, follow me!” You urged, knowing you were likely to be chased, “We can’t let them catch us!”

“(Y/N), you’re going to get us in trouble!” You brother hissed out, managing to keep up with your pace, “What are you thinking?!”

“Run now, talk later!” You answered, continuing to run.

Your brother admonished, “Do you know what you’ve just caused?!”

“How was I supposed to just leave him there, he’s all bloody!” You argued, gesturing to the boy, who’d remained quiet, confused on what was happening, “They would’ve beaten him until he died! He’s not that much younger than you, you know!”

“I-!” Realizing you were right, your brother sighed, “Alright, fine! But when Mother and Father find out, it’ll be on your head!”

“That’s fine with me, now let’s go!” Quickly, the three of you found a small alley to hide in for the time being. It was then you turned to smile at the boy, “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you make it somewhere safe, alright? Just trust me. What’s your name?”

You could see that he was still slightly hesitant, but he spoke in a soft voice, “...My name is Hongjoong. Kim Hongjoong.”

“I’m (Y/N), and this worrywart is my brother (B/N)!” You introduced yourself and your brother, continuing to try to make the boy more comfortable with the two of you.

“You mean… the prince and princess of the kingdom?!” The boy’s, Hongjoong’s, eyes widened as he realized who he was in the company of.

“That’s right! Which means you’re the safest with us!” You grinned, “Hey, how old are you, anyway? You look pretty young to me…”

“I’m… twelve years old… I think…” He trailed off, not knowing for sure what his actual age was since he never knew his parents.

Your grin widened, “Hey, that means you’re the same age as me! That’s amazing!”

“(Y/N), we need to know what to do with him before the slave traders come and find us,” Your brother reminded you, “We need to think, fast.”

“Well, can’t he just stay with us in the castle?” You frowned, not wanting to part with your new friend, “That way he won’t go back to being a slave!”

“Look at him, do you really think Mother and Father would agree to letting him stay in the castle?” You pouted, but as much as you hated to admit it, your brother had a point. With how grimy and bloody Hongjoong was, there was no way your parents wouldn’t turn him away at an instant. Just as you were about to speak up again, you could hear the slave traders beginning to catch up.

“Quick, no time to talk, let’s go!” You grabbed onto Hongjoong’s hand again and ran, your brother following close behind. You made it to the docks, where you could see a ship loading it’s cargo and saw an opportunity. “Hongjoong, go on that boat! Hide in a barrel or something, but make sure you get on that ship, alright? It’s your best chance to escape!”

“But, what about you two?” Hongjoong asked, uncertain about the situation, “What will you do?”

“Don’t worry about us, we have guards looking for us,” You assured, “We’ll be fine, just have to deal with a bigger punishment from our mother than usual, is all. You’re what matters here, Hongjoong, if you don’t go now, you might not have another chance! Now go!”

He made his way to sneak onto the ship, but turned back to face you again, “Will we meet again?”

You smiled, glad to know he wanted to see you again, “I’m sure that someday, we will. Now, go on then! Be free!” He nodded quickly, giving you a smile in thanks, before he rushed out into the cargo hold and hid from view. Just then, you heard the slave traders catch up behind you, clearly out of breath.

“There they are!” One called out, “Where’s the merchandise?”

“You’re too late!” You provoked, “He’s long gone from here. Now you can’t ever hurt him ever again!”

“Why you rotten little…” The man tried to march towards you, but stopped at your brother’s words.

“Ah, ah, you wouldn’t want to hurt the prince and princess of the kingdom, would you? Especially not with the guards right behind you?” Turning around, the slave traders did indeed find the guards that were looking for you both behind them, looking none too pleased at the situation they were looking at.

The wind blew as you grinned. It seemed like karma really did exist after all. But oddly enough, it seemed like you were already forgetting what you were so happy about…

Your mother slapped you across the face, the impact making you land heavily on the tiled ground. You didn’t look up, refusing to meet your eyes as you touched your stinging cheek, your brother standing right behind you.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?! Not only did you sneak away from your guards, you caused a scene in the middle of the square, right in front of everyone, and even dragged your poor brother into it with you! Do you know how much shame this brings both us and him?! You stupid, stupid child!” Your mother continued to yell, hurling insults as you stayed on the floor.

“I just…” You spoke softly, trying to remember what you had done in the first place.

“Just what? What explanation could you possibly have?!”

“I-I don’t remember.” You looked away again, knowing you just made things worse.

Your mother scoffed, “You don’t remember? How could you not remember what just happened today? Horrible child, and it’s a question of why (B/N) will be the one in charge?”

“Well, then tell me!” You raised your voice unexpectedly, “Tell me what it was that was so terrible, that it makes me a horrible child!”

“I- Well-!” It was clear that your mother either wasn’t expecting that response, but it only infuriated her more, “Idiotic girl, you should know what it was! I shouldn’t have to tell you of your own wrongdoings!” It was clear that she didn’t know either, but you didn’t notice at the time.

“Why not, it’s never stopped you before!” You fought back, clearly having had enough of this treatment.

“Enough!” Your father spoke up, having watched the whole ordeal, “(Y/N), you’re not to step foot outside of these castle walls, do you understand me? Clearly you’ve proven that you can’t be trusted to go out, not even with your brother.”

“What?! But what about (B/N)?! He joined me, too!”

“(B/N) is going to be king someday, he needs to be out in the town for the people to know and trust him.”

“But that’s not fair!” You argued, close to tears at this point. “You always treat him better than me! We’re both just as guilty of the same thing!”

“That’s enough, (Y/N)! My word is final!” Your father shouted, “Now, go to your room while your mother and I think of a proper punishment for (B/N).” Tears welling up in your eyes, you quickly ran back to your room, slamming the doors behind you and not letting anyone else inside as you cried.

Meanwhile, with Hongjoong, he now stood in front of Eden, who had found him stowing away in the cargo hold, and was now staring down in front of him with a cold look.

“Now, let me get this straight,” The older man spoke slowly, “You are a former slave, who managed to find the courage to escape his tormentors, and stowed away on this ship to find freedom? Did you just plan on us never finding out?”

“I… admit I wasn’t thinking much at the time…” Hongjoong answered softly, keeping his head down. In truth, he couldn’t quite remember what had happened or what he’d been thinking, but that was the best explanation that he could come up with.

“No, clearly not,” Eden drawled, “And what were you planning to do once we reached land? You really did not think anything through, did you?”

Hongjoong stayed silent, knowing he was right.

Eden stared at the boy, thinking, before he sighed, “As much as my entire being hates to admit this, I must say you do have courage if your story is true. And I can’t in good conscience let you out on your own when you don’t have a clue on how the world works, especially not with you being so young. So, I propose this: you become one of my pirate’s crew, and you’ll have food, drink, and safety for as long as you stay. If you choose to leave later, that’s fine, but for now, I’d say it’s in your best interest to agree. So?”

Hongjoong didn’t even need to think twice about it, looking Eden directly in the eyes, “I’ll do it. I’ll become a pirate.”

“Very well,” Eden nodded, “I’ll teach you everything you need to know myself, but it won’t be easy, got it? If you’re going to stay on this ship, you’re going to pull your weight, understand me?”

“Yes, sir!” Hongjoong instantly replied.

“Good, then from now on, I am your captain, and you will refer to me as such,” Eden declared, “Welcome to the crew, Kim Hongjoong.”

Opening your eyes, you were shocked as you saw Maddox in front of you again. Looking around to regain your bearings, you could see the rest of the crew and Eden, watching you both with rapt attention. You turned to Hongjoong to see him in much the same state you were, shocked and dazed.

“That was…” You trailed off, not sure where to start.

“The two of you were always destined to meet, but that would’ve been too soon,” Maddox explained, “Had I not intervened, things could’ve turned out for the worst. But, I knew that one day the two of you would meet again, so I took your memories so I could return them now, in this moment.”

“I…” Hongjoong still seemed a bit dazed, but he quickly shook it off, “We can’t focus on that right now. Maddox, we’re about to go to war, and we need some help. Are you sure there isn’t any way for you to help us?”

“I cannot,” Maddox confirmed, “But there is someone who can.” He turned his head to Elysian, who seemed confused.

“Me?” He questioned, “Why me?”

“I created Elysian, which means he has abilities similar to my own, albeit weaker, and can travel away from the island. Furthermore, due to him being my creation, he has no obligation to keep fate in line, nor does he know what will happen unless I tell him, so he’s the perfect person to bring along with you. I can’t say that you’ll win, but I can say that he’ll be a big help,” Maddox explained.

You walked up to Elysian, “Will you help? We need every person we can get right now.”

He smiled gently at you, “It’s because of you I was given a name and given a purpose. Of course I’ll help you in your time of need. It’s not even a question.”

“Thank you,” You sighed with relief, “And thank you, Maddox, for showing us the truth. Even if I’m not fond of the fact you stole our memories in the first place, I at least understand why.”

“Thank you for that, at least,” He responded, “I wish you all the best of luck. May we meet again soon.”

It was late at night as you were on the deck, practicing your sword training. You figured that with a war on the horizon, it was best to make sure you brushed up on all your skills, even the weaker ones. You were sure you were alone, until you heard a familiar voice come from behind you.

“How is it that you’re never asleep when you’re supposed to be?” Hongjoong smiled at you, watching you practice.

You stopped and laughed, answering, “I could say the same thing to you, captain. What do you need?”

He was silent for a minute before he spoke up, “Care to talk a walk around the ship with me? I find there’s a lot on my mind… A lot I need to get out.”

“Of course, no problem,” You replied, sheathing your sword, “Let’s go.” The two of you walked slowly, silence filling the air aside from the waves hitting the hull of the ship.

Finally, Hongjoong spoke up, “That… was a lot we learned today, wasn’t it?”

“It was,” You agreed, “But it was as we expected. I helped you escape onto Eden’s ship.”

“(Y/N), you saved my life,” Hongjoong spoke blatantly, but with clear emotion, “I surely would’ve been killed had you not interfered. I know Maddox says we were never meant to have met there, but now that I know, I can’t imagine things having turned out another way. I owe my life to you.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Hongjoong,” You shook your head, “You saved my life back at that auction, as far as I’m concerned, we’re even. You don’t need to give me anything, least of all your life.”

“What if I want to give you something else?” Hongjoong asked, “Not my life, but something close to it?”

“Like what?” You asked, confused as to where he was headed.

“Like my heart.” At those words, you stopped in place and looked at him, seemingly paralyzed at what he just told you.

It felt like time froze still for a moment before you could finally find your voice and say, “What?”

“(Y/N), I don’t think I need to tell you that you’ve become very important to me in the time that you’ve been on this ship,” Hongjoong began, “Of course, all my crew members are important to me, but with you, it’s beyond that. For a long while now, you’ve been the most important person in my life, and now with my memories returned to me… It’s clear. You were always the most important person in my life, you who saved my life, it has always been you. From the moment we first met eyes at the auction, to when we finally faced Elias Sweet and dealt with him for good, to even just recently with Reeves, you were the person I was fighting for the most. I fell in love with you, so deeply, and I can’t afford to hide it any longer.”

“I- But why now?” You asked, trying to regain your bearings, “We’re about to go to war, why would you tell me this now?!”

“Because, if there’s anything those memories taught me, it’s that we are meant to be together,” Hongjoong affirmed, taking your hands in his, “There’s no logical reason to believe that we would’ve met ever again after I got on that ship, but here we are now. There were so many times where things could’ve gone wrong, but they didn’t. Maybe it was Maddox’s doing, maybe it was fate, I don’t care, because I know now that we can make it through this. We’ll survive this war, because the two of us are together, and once we’re together, we can do anything. I believe in us, do you?” By now, you were crying due to the overwhelming emotions.

“Of course I do!” You cried out, holding onto Hongjoong’s hands tightly, “Hongjoong, I love you so much! I just- I just!” You didn’t know what else to say, and good thing too, because Hongjoong took that moment to grab your face with one hand and kiss you deeply, the other hand trailing behind your back to pull you closer. You kissed him back with the same intensity, your arms wrapping around his neck as you pressed your bodies together. The two of you broke apart for air only to kiss again, and again as they only grew more passionate.

Eventually, Hongjoong rested his forehead on yours, whispering, “Stay with me tonight, in my quarters. Please.” You could tell what he meant by that request in his eyes, and you felt your body grow hotter at the thought.

Even so, you still nodded and agreed, whispering back, “I will.” Not wasting a single second, he picked you up in his arms and carried you to his quarters, kicking the door closed behind him.

What happened the rest of that night was between you and him.

#ateez fanfic #ateez fanfiction #ateez imagines #ateez pirate au #ateez scenarios #hongjoong fanfic #seonghwa fanfic #yunho fanfic #yeosang fanfic #san fanfic #mingi fanfic #wooyoung fanfic #jongho fanfic

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daniellesimagines · 4 years

Text

❀❀ a list of lines from every single work-in-progress to be linked later when i actually post them just bc i’m bored ❀❀

ashton irwin

And I get that it may seem obviously to other people, but... I’m not watching this on TV and you’re not here and I don’t know what people are saying about me being my back

If she’s not back by sunset, I’m leaving camp to look for her. And if something happened to her, you’re dead

I don’t care about what everyone else will say -- I care about you and your safety, so you can either stay with me at my place until everything with him is sorted out or I can sleep on your couch, but I am not leaving you alone

She deserves better than that, Ashton! She deserves better than you!

I’m a burden on everybody! That’s why I’m here -- that’s why they threw me in a mental hospital and left!

Nothing ever means anything to you anyway

She’s still my ex! Just because she ‘needed help’ doesn’t make it less weird!

Remember how you said if I needed anything, you’d do it...? C-Can I just have a hug?

You fucking heard me. Stop the fucking car

I’m not dating your ex. I asked her out if that’s what you mean

Maybe you could argue that ‘just friends’ do that too, but it’s not ‘just friends’ when Ashton does it for you

I just... I can’t...handle losing someone right after I almost lost you

Are you tall enough to ride the merry-go-round at the fair by yourself?

I’m all for taking credit for my work, but I’m not taking credit for this because 1) I didn’t do it, and 2) it’s sloppy as hell

She clearly needs someone right now and unfortunately for me, she chose you

I’ve heard your friends talking... I know no one thinks he’s still alive

I may be desperate for money, but I’m not selling my body for some rich, entitled frat guys to jack off to!

If you want to be embarrassed, that’s fine, but I’m not going to stand here and listen to you berate yourself like this

Those spirits at the prison we investigated a couple weeks ago really liked you

awsten knight

What could possibly be so hard for her?! She’s a Princess, for Christ’s sake!

Can’t imagine keeping everything bottled up is any easier than letting someone in

calum hood

I know you don’t like her, but telling her she’s not allowed to hug me around you is fucking ridiculous

Do you make it a habit to spy on people or am I just today’s lucky winner?

You can’t lie just to get me there -- I would have gone anyway

I’m not lying to Calum; I’m just not telling him how I feel

You know how you said I should be falling in love instead of living in that house...? I’m glad it’s gonna be with you

How am I meant to have fun with him around?

You wouldn’t do the things you do if you really loved me

When you’re not here, it’s easier to pretend you still love me

I have a question -- why is that guy looking at his corn dog like that?

Please don’t make me say it again -- the first time was embarrassing enough

If he knew he was going to meet you, he never would have told her those things

I can guarantee you that baby’s not his

I never stopped wanting you either

He wouldn’t have dumped me if he was still in love with me

If you were getting tired of me, you could have just said so

Always knew I’d cry if I met you guys -- just didn’t think this would be the reason

I can’t just not pay you for watching my dog for 5 months

Will you at least let me know what it’s like to kiss you?

Do you know how weird it is to have feelings for your boss?

If they want nothing to do with you, then I want nothing to do with them

Secrets don’t stay that way forever; They all have to come out eventually

He keeps asking if he can call you Mummy

It’s heartbreaking in all the right places

I told you getting the blonde put into your hair was a bad idea

cody carson

The day you get something different from Starbucks is the day I let Pistol sleep in your bedroom

At least I’ve never lied when I told you I love you

Wait, someone tried to kidnap that little girl on your lap?

dacre montgomery

My worst nightmare is disappointing Steve Irwin

damien haas

Am I even on this show right now? Is this all just some freakishly realistic dream?

harry styles

Would you have apologized if your daughter hadn’t made you?

Daddy doesn’t love me anymore

Since when are you afraid of getting rejected?

jamie follese

I can’t help when I disappear! The cake batter calls to me and I must answer her!

He asks if I love you all the time even though I always say yes

I think I could talk my way out of jail

louis tomlinson

Nothing’s ever scared me more than the thought of losing you

luke hemmings

If I’m feeling this bad about meeting his friends, I don’t know what I’m gonna do when he wants to tell the fans

We’re only here for a few days; You’re just going to have to deal with sharing a bed until we leave

We made a bet on which one of you would confess your feelings first

Even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear, he still needed to

She closes the store alone tonight -- you didn’t hear it from me

How many strings did my husband have to pull for this?

She doesn’t even want him! She’s only with him because she knows I do!

You know I don’t like when you do this to yourself

I got my ass handed to me by an 11-year-old and her Pokemon master of an aunt

I have nightmares almost every night, but I only come in here when they’re about you

She’s a hostage in a bank robbery! Of course I care about her being in there!

You’re by yourself in the stables at 11pm with tears on your face. Don’t tell me nothing’s wrong

Don’t be mad just because your siblings love me more than they love you

You know that means nothing to me! Stop bragging about having colors!

Even I’m not heartless enough to leave you without a dance partner

marshall traver

Nobody is alone -- not even in this world

You’re only apologizing because I’m the Princess; You wouldn’t be if I were a nobody

maxx danziger

I told him you hate water; I told him and he decided to try and throw you in anyway

Too used to blowing me off on the phone, you forgot how to talk to me in person?

I think they deserve a teacher who wants to see them succeed

If she’s still wearing her ring, she’s clearly not ready to date other people

You’re staying even though my dad’s an idiot, right?

We’re gonna circle back to the fetish thing later because I don’t believe you don’t have one for a second

michael clifford

Wouldn’t want you to stay longer than you have to just because of me

If you never say ‘I love you’ back to me, that’s completely okay

You’ve been crying, kitten; I can tell

Is there any point when you’re not going to be useless to us?

You fired her because you’re in love with her?!

What can I say? His parents are raising him right

Don’t even think about touching my brother again

Hit me like you mean it

Last day of camp -- won’t be able to do this until next summer

I know you paid my rent

Nothing would piss off that asshole more than getting the girl he wants

Since when would he jump at the chance to defend me?

I know you’ve seen how different he is with me now

The first thing I heard when I woke up was ‘I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things’ and I did

Unlike the girls you sleep with, I actually like being with a guy who can make me cum

It can’t possibly get worse than the hell you’re living right now

I love Michael... Oh my God... Ashton, I’m in love with Michael

Please bless us with this work of art

The only good thing about this tie is that it’s blocking some of the brightness from how pale you are

Why do you even have this song on cassette in the first place?!

She’s safe -- that’s all I’m allowed to say

How did two 11-year-olds manage to pull off the biggest switch ever?

You know they’re not going to let you marry me

I’m not a stranger to staying with people who treat me poorly

If I can handle you, I think I’m prepared for pretty much anything

You make Mumma forget about him and be happy and I like when Mumma’s happy

You said you weren’t going to let go of me

Can you write a song telling your soulmate to be less depressing? It’s really starting to worry me

I’m not stupid; I’ve seen your face -- I know I’m not getting out of this alive

I can either push past you or you can let me go, but I am going to go kiss my wife whether I have your permission or not

Not the worst injury I’ve ever had and definitely won’t be the last

This is not who I expected to be kissing when I put this dress on

ryan follese

Best of luck with your engagement to the Princess

I can’t put myself in a relationship I know won’t last

spencer reid

I didn’t marry a profiler, Spencer! I married you!

Any of us would have gone in to save your daughter -- it just happened to be me this time

tom holland

I know you love me, Tom -- I know you do... But it hurts that you don’t want other people to know it too...

trevor collins

I kinda wanted to wait and see if you were actually real before I said anything...

You may not be irreplaceable to the company, but you’re irreplaceable to me

I know you’re not sick; I know you just said it because you wanted to leave work early

zach dewall

I told you they were gonna be angry when they said it...

#work in progress #could also be a prompt list so #prompts #prompt list #sentence starters

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severusdefender · 4 years

Text

Double-Addendum to the Werewolf!Lily AU? P3; I'm on a roll, forgive me ;)

Like, the safehouse time period could end up being much more quietly fraught esp with Werewolf!Lily’s baggage in this AU. She could even be planning to do a runner, if she could figure how to swing her AU!Furry problem once a month with Harry in tow. Heck, James dying could even not… Quite be planned, but more deliberate inaction on her part? Revenge via just, not accounting his survival as a requirement in her plan, heck him even recklessly endangering himself for their sake’s could work out as a semi-planned stopgap to distract Voldemort & the other Death Eater pursuers long enough to stage an escape.

Of course, no plan survives contact with the enemy, obviously. Lily has had to rely on herself more lately and precious few allies if any (one of which is currently ¾ of the way through realizing he fucked up, a lot), but figures that she and Harry are on their own early on, and has been quietly preparing.

Idk if it matters but James is simultaneously trying to apologize, but not quite getting it (when does he ever really) either, probably making it worse in the process, in the background. He simultaneously ends up a pawn and an obstacle, in the end. I feel like the ambivalence would make sense? While also making the situation just that bit much more miserable in a way. I’m full of horrible ideas, I’m sorry.

Lily would be more paranoid and self-sufficient (doing her best anyways, the dependence on artificially scarcified ingredients for a potion she can’t safely do without really irks her now), maybe set up her own little wards (nothing super fancy, but she would give it her best shot perhaps). Which is how she’d get a few more minutes headstart the moment Voldemort and his cadre of hunters kick down the door (because of course Voldemort would go for theatrics).

Heck, remember that FaeLily AU thing where I suggested a “dark” spell that made those Supernatural show brambleclones with human hearts? Leave behind a couple magic or ritual boobytrapped clones ready to go and rigged to ruin somebody’s day. Guaranteed to piss Voldemort off something fierce, especially if she spams it a couple times when they thought they Juuuuust about finally caught them, maybe up the pursuit tension. Like a deadly game of pop goes the weasel.

This last bit is completely not-plot-related but, if Lily has the early realization that she can’t depend on anybody really (her reconciliation, if any, with Severus hasn’t happened yet) then she would’ve doubled down on learning a bunch of household spells and things to possibly go live off the grid later amirite?

Also if the final confrontation goes down near Cokeworth, how interesting do you think if, despite being estranged and bad blood (Eileen’s probs dead at this point bc she always dies), but Severus has been back in Cokeworth asking around for Lily sightings, and town grapevine being what it is, even a drunk like Tobias hears about it. Maybe they have a couple of row-like conversations because what is Good Communication right. He ends up sneaking to follow Severus to wherever this nearby confrontation’s gonna take place and they are forced to teamup and it’s really fraught and stressful and at Tobias shoots a couple of DE’s to death to save Severus (or knifes them to death, how common are guns in the UK during the 1970s-80s in a place like Cokeworth again? idk, maybe Tobias steals a car and runs somebitch over with it), but dies after in the mayhem bc AK’s and deadly curses are flying around. Because complicated feelings, or maybe not even, Tobias was shitty enough for it that not even a last Big Damn Heroes moment can really fix it. Idk how to feel about this idea. Thoughts?

(Also your headcanons are still v cool and I hope you are safe and healthy in this trying time <3333 )

i don’t even have something to add. this is so good. pls pls write fics

#severus snape #lily evans #pro snape #headcanons #submission

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pastwinter · 5 years

Text

nari is me bc wOW WE’RE BOTH EMOTIONAL RN!!!! read below to find out why ; )

we’re both emotional bc NARI’S DAD IS A DUMB DUMB OKAY

THE MAN FRIKKIN PUSHES HIS DAUGHTERS AWAY BC HE CAN’T JUST BE A SUPPORTIVE DAD like yes we understand what they wanna do has risks and in nari’s case, pretty low success rates, BUT COME ON

but we all know this and it’s part of nari’s motivation, etc and that i really don’t think mr. kim would be able to easily come back and apologize to nari and mirae

like even after finding out nari is debuting, he wouldn’t make contact bc by that point, both of his daughters are succeeding -- one co-owns a cafe and the other is breaking into the music industry, both proving him royally wrong for doubting them -- and it becomes hard for him to believe that they’d even forgive him

it becomes such a daunting task to reach out to his daughters and he chokes every time he reaches for the phone

but then his wife tells him, “ nari wrote a song for you, ” and he’s very worried that the song will be speaking poorly of him bc honestly he feels he deserves it

so imagine his utter surprise when the song expresses nothing negative -- only her forgiveness for all the years he’s wasted

like i can imagine she does mention how hard it was on her “ why was it so hard for you to support me back then? i wasn’t ready for you to let go of my hand ” but also “ it’s been so long since we last spoke -- there’s so much i can’t wait to tell you ” “ after five years, aren’t you ready for a reunion? ” “ if i can hear you tell me you’re proud just once, i’ll be happy ” i dunno man i can’t write lyrics bUT THEY’D BE SUPER SENTIMENTAL AND I CAN GUARANTEE HER DAD’S GONNA BE CRYING

it’s probably a song she releases on the physical album only -- a hidden track! bc it’s a song so near and dear to her heart and the sort of song she’d like to reveal to fans as privately as possible, i guess?? if that makes sense??

and i imagine it’s the same album this song is on and that the album in general probably describes her journey and struggles and maybe?? not just her musical struggles, but her personal, emotional struggles as well bc the two often go hand in hand

it’s the album in which she gets incredibly honest and real and her dad probably goes and listens to all of it while feeling so fucking proud and guilty all at once bc look at all she overcame!! all she accomplished!! that he wasn’t there for : (((

and boy oh boY you bet he finally reaches out!! gets the girls’ addresses from momma kim and shows up on their doorsteps ( bc by this point, nari’s likely living in her own apartment )

mirae is first bc he wronged her first and he’s more unsure about how she’s going to react, and while she’s still angry at him, she’s willing to try to forgive him for nari’s sake. she wants to try to be a family again, and that’s enough for mr. kim bc he’s not about to let her down this time

then he sees nari and here come the waterworks :’ ))))))

both of them are crying like babieS and nari is trying to smile but WOW she can’t bc she’s just so relieved?? she was so scared that maybe she and her mom were wrong and her dad didn’t regret the choices he’d made and that he didn’t want anything to do with her or mirae anymore, but he’s standing right there!!

also she’s finally face to face and can’t help but go off a lil?? like softly bc she knows her dad has heard it all enough from their mom by now, but still the words slip out all choked and teary

and mr. kim just stands there and listens bc it’s what he deserves ™ but also bc if his daughter needs to scold him for 30 minutes to feel better, he’s gonna let her. after what he’s done, he’ll do anything to right things the best he can

AND CAN U JUST IMAGINE nari is on a show or at an awards show or a concert or something and so proudly gets to announce that her dad is in the crowd???? already on the verge of tears bc her dad is there to support her and the camera cuts to papa kim AND HE’S CRYING TOO trying to look dignified and smiling BUT CRYING BC WOW THAT’S HIS DAUGHTER ON STAGE AND HE CAN’T BELIEVE HE SPENT SO MUCH TIME MISSING OUT ON THIS

WOW HOLD ME PLS AND THANKS

#I DUNNO HOW TO END THIS BUT #FINALLY FINISHED UP AN OLD HEADCANON POST AND MY FEELINGS HAVE BEEN TRIGGERED ALL OVER AGAIN #nari's always going to be one of my favorite oc's y'all and i don't think i'll ever shut up about her either #OH SWEET GIRL ; YOU ARE WAITING TO BLOSSOM ; FOR THE SUN TO KISS YOUR CHEEKS ; BUT THE SUN HAS ALWAYS BEEN YOUR LOVER | HEADCANONS | NARI

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janiedean · 6 years

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what do you think of new atheism?

tldr: they have a right to exist same as any other confession on earth even if they aren’t religious.

long answer: I honestly don’t even know why it’s a debate. they’re atheists (and half of them don’t consider themselves *new* anyway) and there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t agree when people who are *new atheists* are also altright and stuff but guess what I don’t agree because they’re altright, not because they’re atheists - there are atheist assholes and nice atheists same as there’s religious assholes and nice religious people.

but like the thing is, people hate new atheists because they’re actually outspoken about their atheism and while I don’t agree with 80% of their methods - ie I don’t believe in telling religious people off or treating them like they’re stupid for buying into it or being that clear cut about it, and I generally don’t believe in preaching anything, if people want to believe in stuff or don’t want to you shouldn’t have anyone convincing you of the contrary (unless we’re talking like scientology but that’s a scam X°D). so like, same as I wouldn’t want a jehova’s witness to come to my door and try to convert me I wouldn’t go to someone religious and try to change their mind. but the fact that everyone seems to be generally okay with the idea of religious people from any religion (bar scientology but even scientology has spaces) doing proselytism and trying to convert people but at the same time new atheists are scum and should keep their mouth shut is ridiculous to me. if people can preach whichever religion then dawkins can go around tell people that he thinks religion is a fairytale and saying that he shouldn’t is hypocritical af.

and like this ties back with what I was saying before ie that a lot of people seem to think that being atheist is okay as long as you keep your mouth shut about it and don’t contradict other people and don’t say it because we have to keep that hidden and since most of the outspoken people in the new atheist movement happen to be men then everyone has decided that atheists are all fedora-wearing mras and like.

fuck that? sorry but I hate this idea that we’re okay until we don’t talk about it. I mean fuck’s sake there’s places in the world where you get murdered for being atheist, in some US states people can’t have government jobs if they don’t swear on the bible, actually if the last poll I read is still valid in the US a majority of people wouldn’t trust an openly atheist president, I’ve got people assuming that I have no morals when I said I was atheist then proceeding to ask invasive questions about why I was and then ‘AH BUT YOU’RE OFFENDING ME’, in any fucking piece of media in existence (okay, nine on ten) we’re the fucking hollywood atheist which is one of the most offensive tropes in existence but guess why NO ONE EVER THINKS ABOUT THAT or considers that offensive but hey, depicting us as assholes who are terrible whenever touching the religion topic and only deserve sympathy if we apologize or convert is okay, and that’s like the tip of the iceberg re shitty attitude that people have towards atheists to this day.... when on top of that accepting atheism is a relatively new thing (bc in the 19th century in the UK you couldn’t be sworn into parliament if you didn’t belong to a church just to say one, nvm that john locke founded the modern concept of freedom of religion but ATHEISTS WERE THE ONLY CATEGORY NOT INCLUDED guess why) and people go around complaining about richard dawkins or hitchens? (who btw has written illuminating stuff about mother theresa to say one but pfffff of course no one outside his readership read that...) like, forreal?

also: we’re not all men, we’re not all white and we’re not a hivemind - we exist and we’re not generally assholes and this idea that we’re okay or to be accepted just as long as we keep our mouth shut to me is revolting and offensive af tbqh so while I don’t generally agree with a lot of the new atheism attitude and I don’t agree with some of them about specifics things they said (I mean dawkins said a lot of things I disagree with, doesn’t mean we aren’t both atheist) they have all the rights to be out in the world being outspoken about it and people who don’t like it can swallows the frog and think that two centuries ago if atheists were outspoken about it they ended up in prison and since today we’re past that point in this part of the world (again in pakistan some people got killed for it and I think in bangladesh others were hacked to death or people proposed it for them because they posted atheism-related stuff on their blog) they have all the right to say whatever the fuck they like same as the pope has any right to preach or jehova’s witnesses have the right to knock and my door and so on. and anyway if someone’s religious and they’re convinced of it then it won’t be dawkins changing their mind, and if dawkins does then they most likely had doubts already. anyway tldr I don’t necessarily agree with them but I’m fine with them existing and they have all the rights to do their thing. religious people (IN GENERAL) have done the exact same for years and if during the protestant schism there could be a damned war in switzerland that lasted five years because luther and calvin couldn’t agree on how many sacraments they were going to allow in a joined protestantism that then never happened then new atheists have all the right to a platform, since they also aren’t killing anyone. I’ve said my piece.

also, DISCLAIMER: again, I have absolutely nothing against religious people (of ANY religion) who aren’t radicals/fundamentalists (categories that I loathe in any circumstance), I have a problem with religious influence on secular laws and I can’t stand anymore this idea that the only good atheist is the one that keeps his mouth shut and is grateful that the state lets him exist when one century ago it wasn’t guaranteed. sorry but that’s complete bullshit and that’s also why I don’t really like it when people go like EW BUT DAWKINS IS SHIT I DON’T AGREE HE’S THE BAD APPLE because like, if catholics who don’t agree with the church’s ban on divorce don’t have to excuse themselves all over to be taken seriously then you shouldn’t need to disown dawkins and go like AH BUT THAT’S NOT HOW ONE SHOULD DO IT in order to be taken seriously. I’m atheist, dawkins & co are, I don’t necessarily agree with them a lot of the time but they have a right to exist same as every other preacher has had the right to exist in the centuries. peace.

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #atheism for ts #if the anon from last time shows up with the OMG YOU'RE PRETENDING TO BE OPPRESSED AGAIN he's getting ignored btw #Anonymous #ask post

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lichlover · 6 years

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shit shit ok prompts. like. id say feeblemind lup bc!!!! im very excited for it!!! but if you want fluffy ones either. lupcretia with the whole "elves are cats" thing or the ipre with cool socks? (the latter being bc. im wearing socks with bees on them and was like "oh shit this is adeline's lup!!!" so. lup with cool socks is now an Image in my Brain)

happy birthday, love!!! this is on ao3, by the way.

Intuition, Lucretia thinks, is like a dangling participle.

It’s when the sentence is perfectly capitalized and punctuated but doesn’t read as fluidly as it should. It’s when everything looks right, but something is wrong—wrenchingly, glaringly wrong, even though there’s not a word you can think of to describe it. It’s the kind of thing that drives English majors and novelists to the brink of madness. She should know. (She’s been both.)

The last time she’d told someone as such, they’d been incredulous. “That’s a metaphor practically asking to be broken,” they’d said. “Besides, sometimes you just know shit is bad, and it looks bad, and it’s just all bad. The world isn’t always trying to catch you off guard, okay? I’d say that’s a pretty paranoid way of looking at things.”

“It’s a simile,” was all Lucretia had said.

They’d waved her off, laughing.

Lucretia doesn’t feel much like laughing now.

The journey back is, for lack of any better phrasing, absolute hell. Barry offers to take them through the rift—it’ll be faster, he says; easier, and he wants to get them to a safe place as soon as possible—but the instant reality rips itself apart in front of them, Lup digs her nails into Taako’s arm and screams. It’s shrill and deafening and utterly terrified. It’s the worst thing Lucretia’s ever heard.

So they take the Starblaster. Lup refuses to let go of Taako’s arm. Her eyes dart from person to person, evaluating each of them with a sharp, unforgiving stare. When Kravitz goes to sit next to Taako, her ears pull flat against her head and she bares her fangs at him, growling low and deep in her throat. He backs off in a hurry, and Taako swallows hard and tells her that he’s fine, Lulu, for gods’ sake, you know him. She doesn’t seem to care.

Everyone gives them a wide berth after that.

Barry calls them up to the bridge after a heavy ten minutes of silence, and they oblige him because there can’t possibly be anything worse than silence. Davenport is there, of course—he’s perfectly capable of setting the ship to autopilot, as Lucretia and the others well know, but he’s looked a little haunted ever since they departed and they’d all known no amount of convincing would get him to leave the helm. Lucretia sees the hollowness in his eyes and has to choke back something welling up in her throat; whether it’s an apology or a full-on breakdown, she can’t tell. She won’t make him relive something she herself has tried very hard to forget.

“Feeblemind,” says Merle, as soon as the door hisses shut behind them.

None of them had wanted to say it.

Lucretia’s familiar, of course. She’s familiar with too many spells; knows them just well enough to recognize their effects without knowing much else. She’d watched the clever glint drain from Lup’s eyes and figured straightaway, and she’s sure the others had done the same. Perhaps that’s why no one had said anything. Because they’d all known, and knowing was so much worse than saying it aloud.

Feeblemind. The body is left intact (right) but the mind is shattered (wrong, wrong, wrong).

“You can cure it,” Barry says. “You can end it, with—with Greater Restoration, right?”

Merle looks tired. They’re all tired, but he wears it plainly on his face, and always has. “I can do it, but it calls for diamond dust, and this shit gets specific. Gems’ve gotta be at least a hundred GP, and for a full guarantee that this is gonna work, they’ve gotta be cultivated. Specially grown, y’know? This is a delicate spell, and if anything goes wrong, if this gets fucked up—”

“You’re not gonna fuck it up,” says Magnus, and he sounds angry. They’re all angry, Lucretia thinks. Angry and tired—and it almost feels like the old days again. “This is too important.”

“Obviously. So it’s… it’s gonna be a coupla days.”

Barry releases a small, choked noise into his hand. Davenport doesn’t look back from the helm, but he says, “Then we’ll all make her as c-comfortable as we can in the time we have. This isn’t rocket science, people. It—it’ll be over soon.”

There is really nothing worse than silence, but that’s what hangs over their heads for a few agonizing seconds before Angus speaks. He’s sitting at a console, looking thoroughly shaken and, like so many of the adults are, trying his best to hold it together. Lucretia, who’s been holding her expression steadfast since liftoff, can relate.

“This is my fault,” he says, almost quietly enough to be inaudible. “I’m sorry.”

The bridge erupts.

“It’s not your fault, Ango—”

“—nobody thinks that—”

“It’s on me,” says Barry, dropping his hand from his face. “I should’ve had my eye on her.”

Kravitz shakes his head. “Necromancers are tricky bastards. I know that, I should’ve taken extra precautions. Besides, I’ve actually hunted them down before, so if anyone’s to blame—”

“You’re all being selfish,” Lucretia says.

They all look at her but she doesn’t back down, because she’s spent a century with them and their judgment and at this point, she couldn’t possibly care less. “You’re being selfish,” she repeats, and she can hear her voice shaking. “Acting like all of this is your cross to bear. It’s no one’s fault, alright? Something shitty happened, we’re dealing with the consequences like adults. This isn’t the time to be arguing over who gets to be the martyr.”

Nothing but silence can follow an outburst like that, and silence is the last thing Lucretia needs. So she turns on her heel and leaves. She doesn’t stalk or stride or hold her head high because she knows she’s right—in fact, she doesn’t know it in the least.

She doesn’t really know anything anymore.

The first day is a different kind of hell, one built out of frozen dinners and overcrowded guest bedrooms and Barry and Kravitz’s shouting match over who goes with Merle; or, more importantly, who stays.

Lucretia doesn’t catch all of it, but it’s impossible not to hear.

“—so what happens if I leave and she gets worse?”

“You’re talking like we’re not all capable people, you have to know that—”

“I’m her husband, gods dammit!”

It only quiets down after Taako stands up, storms to the other end of the house, and gives them both an earful because you fucking idiots, you’re scaring her, figure out what the hell you’re doing or shut the fuck up. Not fifteen minutes later, they both emerge into the living room and announce stiffly that Kravitz is going with Merle, and Barry is staying behind, and thank you all for being so patient, but they’re just a little shaken up and they only want the best for Lup. All of them do.

Lucretia sits in an armchair too big for her in a space more domestic than she’s used to. This is the third time she’s been to Barry and Lup’s house, and the first time she’s been there with company. It’s a shockingly innocuous property. The garden out front is well-kept and blooming with all sorts of unusual flora, and every room is enormous and airy and spilling over with natural light. (Every room, of course, save for the necromancy lab, which Barry has informed her she’s not allowed to see for plausible deniability.)

He’d shown her the floorplan back when the house was a couple of blueprints and a far-fetched ambition in the aftermath of Story and Song. “Gotta have lotsa light, lotsa space,” he’d told her. “Means the world to her. Uh, especially now.”

It’s beautiful—the sort of house Lucretia had imagined having all to herself a century ago, back when her endgame had been a novel published under her name. She looks at its lofty ceilings now and thinks it would be far too lonely for her taste.

Somehow Lup’s presence makes it even lonelier. She’s taken up residence on the couch, curled into a shallow corner, pupils thin and ears at attention as she surveys the room around her. Everything that moves or raises its voice above a whisper incurs her suspicion, and when Magnus accidentally ventures too close, her lips curl back in a snarl. Lucretia notes how as soon as he steps back, she looks to Taako with concern written starkly across her face. It makes sense, to an extent. Protection has to be one of the oldest instincts in existence. The fact that it survives, even when the rest of her personality is ripped apart, is harshly appropriate.

The rest of her is vacant. Where life and warmth once brimmed in Lup, there’s just—nothing. Lucretia catches herself staring once or twice, sucked into the hollows of Lup’s eyes, and has to tear herself away. It’s wrong. It’s worse than wrong—it’s like someone’s violated a law of the universe and gloated about it.

It doesn’t matter that pieces of the necromancer are rotting in that field.

Lup is gone, and they’re struggling to get her back.

On the second day, Barry collapses.

They all count themselves lucky that Lup doesn’t see it. Magnus carries him to one of the downstairs bedrooms and says he’s going to go and get some fuel for everyone, which Lucretia hopes means coffee, because they’d all drained the supply on the first day. He leaves, and Barry is across the house, and Angus is with Carey and Killian, which they’d all decided on without having to put it to a vote. They don’t know where Davenport is and they figure for now, he wants to keep it that way.

So that leaves Lucretia with Taako and Lup, except Lup isn’t herself, which leaves Lucretia with Taako.

She’s been trying not to think about it.

It only takes a couple agonizing minutes for one of them to break the quiet. “You should check on Barold,” Taako says, and he says it a little more aggressively than he needs to, but it’s also the most he’s spoken to Lucretia in a year and so she’ll take it without complaining.

“He’s fine,” she says. “He hasn’t slept in two days. I don’t want to wake him up.”

Taako rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t dispute her. He has his fingers threaded through Lup’s, and Lucretia watches as his knuckles whiten ever so slightly.

“Why are you here?”

“She’s my friend.”

He scoffs. “That all? What about your—your arrangement, or whatever?”

“The arrangement,” says Lucretia, coldly, “is none of your business. And I’m really not in the mood to be judged for my adult decisions.”

It’s one of the only things that had survived from the Century—an understanding, an open relationship. An arrangement. They’d talked about it after Legato, after Lucretia was so sure everything was about to take a turn for the worse, and agreed because it was too easy to be worth breaking any hearts over.

She’d wondered if Taako was privy to it, and now she knows.

He’s silent for a moment longer, and then he says, “She doesn’t deserve you.” It’s not meant to sting or catch her off guard, Lucretia knows—for Taako, it’s simple and solid as any other fact.

And she’s not going to dispute him.

“Lup deserves to be happy.”

“Now there’s something we can both fuckin’ agree on.” He sighs and tips his head to rest it against Lup’s, and she nuzzles into his loose curtain of hair, closing her eyes in an unexpected display of peace. Lucretia is sure she sees Taako’s eyes shimmer, but then he blinks and clears his throat and the moment is gone.

She doesn’t get to see him very often, which he would say is entirely on purpose. They’d sealed a single, likeminded pact between them to get along for the sake of Angus’s birthday, but Angus’s birthday is over now—it’s been over for what seems like fifty years. And here they are, getting along by virtue of necessity. It feels right.

Lup’s stomach rumbles, and Taako sits up and curses under his breath. “She hasn’t eaten since… shit,” he mumbles, and Lucretia knows he’s talking to himself, but the fact that he’s willing to do so with her sitting right there is something, at least. “I’ll get a meal going, see if I can get her to eat… uh, Lu, c’mon, we’re goin’ to the kitchen.”

He stands, but Lup doesn’t follow. She remains stubbornly seated, looking up at Taako with those horrible, blank eyes, and looks a little like he’s personally offended her.

“Lup,” he says. “C’mon.”

This time he tugs a little insistently on her hand, and her ears pull back again as she releases a low whine from the back of her throat. Taako drops his grasp, sucks in a shaky breath, and pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s a pressure cooker of exasperation, Lucretia thinks, to use a metaphor he would approve of. He also has thick, dark circles under his eyes and a familiar twitch to his mouth that she knows is the harbinger of a full-on breakdown.

“Fuck—Lup, please—”

“Go make the food,” says Lucretia. Lup’s ears twitch towards her, and she looks over without any of the feral hostility they’ve all gotten used to. “I’ll watch her.”

Taako stares her down. She knows he wants the next words out of his mouth to be why should I let you, but she also knows he’s too exhausted to push back. Instead, he holds out a finger like it’s an arcane focus and says, “If you—if you pull any shit—”

“I won’t—”

“—I swear to gods I’ll make you wish we never saved your ass.” He drops the finger and turns back to Lup. “I’ll be back in a bit, okay?”

There’s no response, of course. Taako sighs and heads to the kitchen, although not without a pointed glance over his shoulder. Lucretia doesn’t bother returning it in kind.

That leaves her with Lup, except Lup isn’t herself, so—

A faucet turns on down the hall, followed by the sound of a cabinet slamming heatedly shut. Taako cooks when he’s stressed. He has the manic energy Lucretia’s never been able to muster, the impulse to do something and then the compulsion to actually do it. They share inattention and nothing else. She has a book in her lap, a small fiction she’s been struggling to get through between running the Bureau of Benevolence and the persistent desire to sleep the rest of her life away, and for the last several minutes she’s been thumbing over the pages and wearing her skin raw. It focuses her. (Granted, for what, she’s not entirely sure.)

A hand lays over hers, and Lucretia almost jumps out of her skin. Lup’s eyes catch hers, still dim, still hollowed out like two black holes where stars used to reside. It’s too easy to slip into celestial metaphors to describe her.

She doesn’t say anything—mutism is one of the symptoms, as they’ve started to refer to them, like this is a stubborn virus or some other affliction. But she folds her fingers gently through Lucretia’s and pulls, tipping her head towards the couch, and the empty space where Taako had taken up residence next to her.

“Oh,” says Lucretia, because she can’t think to say anything else. “Oh, you want me to…?”

Lup doesn’t understand her—another symptom—but she continues to press her stare. What else can Lucretia do but oblige? She slides the book carefully off her lap and joins Lup on the couch, folding her legs underneath her. As soon as she gets situated, like Lup can sense it, she nudges gently at Lucretia’s shoulder and leans in.

(And they’re back on the Starblaster, and Lup’s fingers snag gently in Lucretia’s curls as they sit against each other under the dim glow of the stars. Any moment now she’ll ask a question in her low, resonant voice, and Lucretia will crack a self-indulgent smile and respond, and say something that would embarrass her for cycles to come if not for the fact that they keep no secrets from each other.)

Instead Lucretia freezes. Lup doesn’t seem to notice. She doesn’t close her eyes, but her ears stoop to a gentle incline and her breathing evens from its short, choppy exhales. It reminds Lucretia of honey-gold mornings and sun-warmed skin between tangled sheets, and it’s wrong; she knows this, even though something about it feels numbingly right. She shouldn’t be wanting Lup’s hand curled lightly in her lap, or her weight against Lucretia’s chest.

She shouldn’t be wanting it and yet she wants so much. She wants Lup back and right now, this is the closest she’s going to get.

The clamor from the kitchen fades into white noise. Lup rests in the curve of her shoulder, and for once Lucretia doesn’t ache with the need to flex her fingers and fold them into her palm, or thumb over the pages of her book. She lets the world phase just slightly out of focus because she, like everyone, is more exhausted than she realizes. They hadn’t given her something to do in the aftermath. She’d become a sentinel of her own accord.

It’s appropriate, she decides, for her inclination; protecting the ones she loves for better or for worse.

Lup is warm. She’s always been warm, like magic is constantly running hot through her veins, and even in this state Lucretia can feel the power thrumming faintly beneath her skin. It’s a vibration; a distinctly choppy hum. There is both a power and a fragility to it that together is unlike anything Lucretia’s ever heard.

The reason she’s never heard anything like it is, of course, because it’s not actually arcane power that Lucretia can feel through the fabric of her blouse.

It’s a purr—a soft, oscillating rumble that spills from Lup’s throat and radiates outward in tiny vibrations. Where they land, goosebumps scatter across Lucretia’s skin, and cautiously she tips her head to verify the sound. As she does, Lup’s eyelashes flutter, and the purring—because that’s what it is, without question—jumps noticeably in volume. She leans toward the crook of Lucretia’s neck on what looks like instinct, like the same gravity that seems to hold them in orbit around each other is at work once again.

The same gravity that nestles in Lucretia’s gut and aches like it’s been a century. A day and a half is nothing compared to a hundred years but right now, it feels entirely as if the two are the same.

So she tucks her head over Lup’s and listens to her purr. There’d been an occurrence over the course of the mission—only once, because to Lup and Taako intimacy was sacrosanct. But she’d been curled up against the headboard, Lup lounging across her lap, and gently massaging an ear. And just like that, like a switch had been flipped, Lup started purring. She’d realized it after a moment or two and propped herself up with an embarrassed grimace, face distinctly pinker than it should have been. “Hey, Luce,” she’d said. “I’d appreciate it if you, uh, kept that to yourself. It’s kind of a…”

“An elf thing?” Lucretia had guessed.

She’d been right, as it turned out; a little-known racial quirk that elves liked to keep under wraps. Lucretia respected her wishes, and after that night, she didn’t hear it again. Apparently it had been long enough that she’d forgotten about it altogether.

She remembers two things, now:

Elves purr when they’re content, or

they purr when they’re distressed.

Lucretia looks down at Lup and can’t even begin to fathom which of the latter it would be.

She abandons that train of thought and reaches up to smooth a hand over Lup’s hair. Lup doesn’t protest, so Lucretia lets her fingers slide through the loose strands and gently massage her scalp. The purring gets louder. It’s a completely involuntary thing—she’s sure of it—but there’s a small, selfish part of her that thinks, she knows it’s me. This is for me. Lup doesn’t understand the nuances of her relationship with Lucretia or what they’ve been through together, but she feels safe. Safe with Lucretia. Safe enough to purr.

Taako is so quiet that Lucretia doesn’t even realize he’s there until he slouches into the armchair where she had been. She jumps, and Lup’s ear flicks attentively, but the purring’s tempo doesn’t break.

“Food’s cooking,” is all he says. There’s a bitter edge to his tone that she thinks, for once, isn’t directed at her.

Lucretia’s eyes fix on the ring fitted perfectly to Taako’s finger. It’s a cluster of bright pink tourmaline encased in transmuted silver, brilliant enough to catch the light and throw it in prisms across the room.

“I’ll get up,” she says.

He waves a dismissive hand. “You’re chill. Lup’s comfortable, so—so just stay where you are.”

“You don’t—”

“Lucretia,” he says, “I don’t give a flying fuck what I’m—about how I feel right now, and neither should you. This ain’t about me.”

The pointed look that tangles in Lup’s eyelashes tells Lucretia everything else she needs to know.

She doesn’t try to argue further. For one, it’s an argument she’s not going to win, and for the other—for once—she hasn’t the faintest idea what they would be arguing about. So she starts to card her fingers through Lup’s hair again, and Lup continues to purr, and Taako stares vacantly in the direction of the kitchen as if there’s something he’s forgotten.

That night, Kravitz and Merle portal in through the front yard. Lucretia and Barry are there to greet them, and the latter’s shirt is stained and his hair is sticking up in sleep-thick spikes, but right then he looks more awake than ever.

Diamond dust glitters in the valleys of Merle’s palm as he lays his hand on Lup. The air thickens with the scent of ozone. Taako’s fingers are laced tightly through hers once more, and he doesn’t say anything, but she can see his shoulders shaking.

The effect is instantaneous.

“Well, shit,” says Lup, when the light returns to her eyes. She sees Taako sitting next to her first and pulls him into her arms, and just like that, the room heaves a sigh of relief. Barry takes her face in her hands and kisses her hard, and Magnus barges past and sweeps them all into a hug, ignoring Taako and Merle’s harmonious complaining. Kravitz manages an awkward pat until he, too, is pulled headfirst into the embrace.

Lucretia stands in the doorway. The world is quiet and dark outside and the neighbors’ well-kept lawns glimmer with a late rainfall.

She leaves.

Or she tries to, at least, because she only gets as far as the porch before the door swings open behind her and light from the hallway spills around her feet. “ ’Cretia,” Lup says. “Where’re you going?”

A best of silence, and the door closes of its own accord. It’s just them, now, standing in the dim glow of the porch light with the faint buzz of crickets in the distance.

“I missed you,” says Lucretia.

Lup steps forward and takes her gently by the shoulders. “I missed you too. So why don’t you stick around? Taako’s making dinner.”

“I can’t.”

She sighs. “If you think they’ll be weird—”

Lucretia shakes her head. “It’s not them, it’s me.”

She knows Lup won’t argue with that. Instead she drums her fingers against Lucretia’s sleeves and says, “You were there the whole time, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Lup leans forward and presses her lips lightly to Lucretia’s, and despite herself, Lucretia leans in. She really has missed Lup—missed this—the way she has to rock forward on her tiptoes to reach her and the way Lup smiles against her mouth and the way she feels nothing else, except the ebb and pull of the kiss itself. They might have spent an eternity standing there on the porch, half-drowned in golden light and shivering slightly in the chill. Lucretia knows she wouldn’t mind.

But all the best things must come to an end, and Lup pulls away with a small, dazed grin.

“My girl,” she murmurs. “Missed you like crazy. You really won’t stay, huh?”

“I can’t,” is all Lucretia says.

“Okay.” She hops off the porch and sits on the stoop, then pats the concrete next to her. “Sit with me for a little bit, then. Tell me about what I missed.”

Lucretia does. She sits down and doesn’t bother sugarcoating it, because she knows Lup will hate that even more than not knowing. So she unflinchingly recounts the seconds after Lup fell and how Taako and Barry’s spells had ripped the necromancer apart. She tells Lup about the way she’d screamed at the sight of the rift and how she’d bared her teeth at anyone other than Taako who’d come close. She recites bits and pieces of Barry and Kravitz’s argument.

Lup listens without comment. When Lucretia stops—whether it’s just to stop or to take a breath, she isn’t sure—she says, “I’ve got these… impressions. Like vague memories, emotions… it’s like everything’s blurred.” She grins ruefully. “Kinda hard to make acute observations when your intelligence takes a fuckin’ swan dive, huh?”

Lucretia doesn’t respond at first, and Lup notices. “Everything okay?”

“What’s wrong with you?” says Lucretia.

The crickets seem deafeningly loud just then, filling up the space with their incessant chirping and almost overpowering what she says next. “You weren’t yourself, and it was fucking terrifying. And it didn’t even make any sense, because one minute you were growling at everyone, and the next you were—”

Her sentence hangs like a woman off a precipice. “You were… it doesn’t matter. You just—you’re cracking jokes and kissing me and acting like none of this happened, and it did happen, and it scared the life out of all of us, and I don’t know how you can be so—so chill about all of it when a spell literally destroyed your mind.”

“Oh,” Lup says. That’s it. Lucretia’s just started to kick herself for being stupid, for reprimanding Lup just minutes after she’s come back to herself because she doesn’t deserve that, gods dammit, when she says, “Y’know what? That’s fair.”

Lucretia blinks. “Um—um, yeah. Yeah, it is.”

She leans back on the heels of her hands, gazing up at the edge of the overhang and beyond that, the brilliant spread of stars. “I’m not gonna lie, Luce. I feel like shit. But when you fix somebody, they’re supposed to be fixed, right? No exceptions. No side effects. You forgive and forget and you—whoops, sorry, babe,” she says, because she catches Lucretia’s flinch, because of course she does. “Bad choice of words. But my point is that it shouldn’t be this hard to suck it up and move on.”

“Lup?”

“Yeah, hon.”

“It’s been five minutes.”

Lup chuckles and releases a long sigh. “Sure has.”

They sit in silence for a few moments. Somewhere behind the house, a carriage trundles by, accompanied by a couple raised voices and someone’s airy laughter. As the voices fade away, Lup says, “It coulda hit any one of you.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Yeah, it is,” she says, and doesn’t snap, even though her voice gets noticeably sharper. “There’s a scenario out there where the spell hits you, instead. Or Taako. Or Barry, or Angus… I could go on and on, and that, right there?” Lup’s finger jabs at an invisible spot in the air. “That’s the point. The fact that the spell hit me and not anybody else. I’m happy to take the hit—hell, I’m thrilled if it means no one else has to go through that.”

There’s no way Lucretia can counter that without compromising her beliefs. “You’re a good person,” she says. It’s not a hollow sentiment, but it does sound like one.

“I’m pissed off is what I am,” says Lup, but she puts a hand on Lucretia’s thigh and squeezes.

“I’ll get over it,” she murmurs. “Always do.”

They spend another few seconds in silence, although the way they pass, it could have been measured in eternities. Lup’s thumb presses absentminded circles into the side of Lucretia’s knee.

“Barry passed out,” she says suddenly; affectionately. “Dumbass. He always likes to say he’ll sleep when he’s dead, and since he’s a lich already that doesn’t mean jack, so…”

Lup falls silent for a few moments more, and then she says, “When did you last get some sleep?”

Lucretia thinks. She hadn’t so much as closed her eyes on the Starblaster, and the night before she’d gotten about five hours on the tail end of an enormous amount of paperwork. Suddenly the leaden weight in her limbs makes a lot more sense. “It’s been awhile.”

“Then you’re a dumbass, too,” says Lup.

Fair assessment.

Their intimacy from earlier in the day sticks sharp and clear in Lucretia’s mind. She’s been wrestling with how to bring it up, like there’s any way she can casually discuss the mechanics of want under Feeblemind, and it occurs to her then that the best way to mention it is just to mention it. So she takes a soft breath and says, “You purred.”

Lup’s ear twitches as she glances over. “I what?”

“You purred,” Lucretia repeats. “When we were… um, you seemed like you wanted me, uh… near you, so I went to sit with you, and you purred. And I felt like I should, uh. Say something? So. There it is. You purred.”

It’s in a note somewhere in her journals, that elves’ pupils expand just so when they’re taking in new information. Lup’s eyes look like two small moons. “Oh,” she says, a little more meaningfully than people usually say such things. “Well, I, uh… I’m comfortable with you. Makes sense, doesn’t it?”

Lucretia supposes it does.

“Yeah,” she admits. “I guess so.”

“Well, there you have it.” Lup’s tone is flippant, but the tips of her ears are a rosy pink. She tucks an arm around Lucretia’s shoulders and pulls her close, and Lucretia gratefully relents to the pull. It’s like giving in to fifty years of fear and uncertainty and memories she still can’t keep herself from reliving, but because she’s in Lup’s arms, none of it matters anymore. It’s over, she thinks. It’s not okay but it’s over.

Lucretia’s intuition tells her that any moment now, someone is going to come to the door to check on the two of them. The sacrament of their moment will be broken, and the agony and trauma of the past few days will come flooding back in.

It’s like a dangling participle—paranoid, inevitable.

But they’ve weathered much worse together.

#helloyoubeautifulsoul #ask #the adventure zone #taz balance #lupcretia #fic #mine #we out here doing a hit on the best girls!!!

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