#bc i dont want this to come off as a vent

[risingsunresistance]

blood god techno... drippy :]

#ough i have So Much to say about what's going on here #first of all the bone wing thing is about dragon techno so you can ignore that. that's for me JDHKFH #nether star included in the halo bc hehe nether creature #the eyes represent the voices. they usually either mimic him or just stare at him :0 #they are inspired by yuker bc i loved seeing the eyes always hover around text boxes n stuff in their comics #i would @ them but. well they deactivated. and also plenty of ppl use eyes so feels unnecessary to say ONE person inspired me #still. wanna give credit where it's due lol #THE BLOOD it just kinda generates. it's just Like That. it's not coming from anywhere and it isnt going anywhere #think of it like splatoon ink. just evaporates after a while #''why didnt you color this goat'' he literally just looks like that. think of it like a ghost. or a literal 2d image #casts himself onto walls JHFKFH #this all came from a bunch of different stuff but mostly the fact that everyone started calling him THE blood god #some hypixel lore had me convinved he was a worshipper but some admins and stuff have said things that make me think that's changed #so. the halo was handed down to him. title passed on :] #and SOMEONE forgot to tell a certain pig what he can actually do with his powers. so he has no idea how to be a god KHDKFH #i've rambled abt this a lot on priv. might repost them here if i feel like it #just to explain better #if you couldnt tell this is pary to do with his passing but im trying to avoid mentioning it too much #bc i dont want this to come off as a vent #technoblade #my art #rising sun #this is like 50% skyblock fanart i swear you gotta believe me

[indulgnc]

this kink is so stupid im torn between posting like “please i just want to be loved and feel special i wish i was sick so someone would care for me” or “what if a guy being humiliated by wearing a too-short skirt had to sneeze but they couldnt cover bc their hands were too busy trying to keep the fabric in place” So im posting both. heres both.

#thumbs up emoji #dont have privacy to jack off so im rlly pent up #and also under. probably the most stress i have been in my life (ill be fine #but im really. needy. i wish i was sick bc then id be worthy of tsking care of IDK my brain is so melted #i want someone to care for me so so so badly #or like make me sneeze. that would be cool too #this is dipping vent territory my bad im genuinely going crazy i want to feel loved #idc where it comes from i just need it(looks like pathetic little cat scratching at a couch #alright looks good. lets press post #excuse my craziness 4 tn #im like almost stress delirious lmfao #apologies #text

[grasslandgirl]

THE THING THEY DONT TELL YOU WHEN YOU START A LONG FORM NARRATIVE PLOT-FOCUSED FIC FOR THE FIRST TIME AFTER ONLY WRITING RELATIONSHIP-CENTRIC GET TOGETHER FLUFF IS THAT YOU DO ACTUALLY. HAVE TO FIGURE OUT THE PLOT. AGONIES UPON AGONIES!!!!

#noble pining au #i dont!!!!!! know whats going to GODDAMN happen next. if im honest #ive been putting off deciding on what the climax and culmination of act 3 is gonna be til i get there and. uh oh! guess whos there! #AND STILL DOESNT KNOW HOW THIS THING IS GONNA END #and i dont wanna leave it open ended at the climax like i did w my bb21 fic bc like. i found that unfulfilling of an ending personally as a #writer. and i dont want that for noble pining bc ive spent three years working on it slowly #and i want it to have an ending that is fulfilling to me and to the reader and for the characters. #and lik eive been figuring out like individual endgames for all the characters for where they'll END but like. i dont know how to GET THERE #augh. anyway #if anyone has any suggestions or advice #or if any beloved mutuals w a lot of free time on their hands wants to read it and give me some feedback and actionable plot-based suggestio #that would be genuinely wonderful. but mostly im just venting and spitballing here #and im sure an idea will come to me eventually. they always do

[theclosetedskeleton]

UGRHJQHJI stress and this feeling of guilt and sorrow is eating me alive tonight i am NOT in a good mood right now omw to start EATING GRASS

#i dont know #i may delete this later #probably #school starting for me is NOT helping too #hopefully when/if I go to sleep I feel better #probably not bc then i’ll realize tmrw is when school starts #IDK WHY BUT IM JUST REALLY STRESSED FOR NOT MUCH OF A REASON #its fucking with me so bad why the fuck did my school have to mess up MY schedule so i dont know where to go on the first fucking day #also #i feel like i need to vent #not about stuff school related but #in general #but i know im not going to #because nobody is going to listen to my vents without shutting me off or saying they have it worse #that second part was directed at my mom but #the only person who will listen to me vent is my qpp #but i dont want to worry him about what im feeling #it shouldnt worry about my problems i just need to keep my problems to myself #damn im reading these tags right now and ig thats what happens when you come from a family who suppresses their emotions #and tell you youre hysterical when you open up 😇 #omg ignore this #closet rambles again on tumblr

[perenlop]

for a romhack thats supposedly about darkrai, eots is reallyyyyyyyy obsessed with chatot. it also reallyyyyyyyy hates chatot.

#we gave the game an unreliable protagonist and narrator who is meant to be kinda terrible bc this is an ‘’off’’ take on the game #meant to feel uncanny and its supposed to be uncomfortable and creepy when the guild members reject you for your behavior #but god chatot is apparently sooooooo nasty and evil and lazy and corrupt we gotta introduce a whole new guy #just to back up the hero that yep!!! hes evil incarnate and nasty!! #the hero is unreliable except for when we wanna vent abt the characters we dont like #its not even that i like chatot and want to defend him it just feels so exhausting and weird #like i thought this was about darkrai why are you spending all these scenes talking about how chatot is horrible and mean #im sorry im not over brelooms backstory. its supposed to be unfair and gross and ik he didnt exactly deserve to get evicted or anything #but seriously???? it comes across like a teen throwing a fit that his mom asked him to do the dishes for one night #and then got upset when the dishes werent done the next morning and asked their mom why she didnt just suck it up and do them #i feel like a factor here is that people forget that the apprentices arent kids. even hero and partner while implied to be young can be seen #as young adults but everyone else comes across like an adult to me. so its not like theyre exploiting babies #echoed voice #it sucks bc other than this i like this romhack quite a bit! i think the stuff with hero is really interesting #i like the second timeline i like the uncomfortable changes i like how you actually make partner worse as an inversion to the vanilla game #but when the chatot stuff happens it takes me out of it. free my man he did some bullshit but not all that

[skrunksthatwunk]

pleeeeeease cancel classes cuzza the rain pleeeeeease please pleeeeeeease

#it's storming pretty hard #well. ok it WAS #anyway i dont wanna miss any classes but i have an exam ive been cramming for today #and i would really appreciate it if i could get that postponed #and also if i didnt have to walk through that bc yikes #i do not want to get struck by lightning!! shocker i know #(heh. shocker) #also rascal fell/jumped off my bed and onto the vent coming outta the wall and got hit paw stuck in the vent on the way down :( #i have not heard him groan like that before #he seems to be okay now. not limping or anything #american lit why are you doing this to my (<- 100% my fault)

[bl00dw1tch]

Am i fundamentally inhuman and unlovable and unfit to exist in modern society and actually secretly an evil fake bitch or am i just going to start my period in a few days.

#horse.txt #the world may never know..... #anyway ive felt especially hateful these past few days and im blaming that dream where i told a karen to khs #bc thats just been in my head on repeat ever since at Every inconvenience and i actually kind of hate it #bc i. have noticed it absolutely tanking my mood every time lmao #which makes acting normal (aka Nice) really fucking hard #i want to be i like being nice its like the only thing going for me but also i have SUCH a talent for pissing ppl off when i Let Go #and man. every day it gets more and more tempting. even though i know id regret it. #i just want to fucking. disappear off the face of the earth for 3 years and then come back to my friends n family as a whole person #instead of whatever the fuck i am now #i have nothing to fucking offer except for things im way too scared to give up. i feel like i can only be honest with complete strangers #but even then like. not really lmao #tale as old as fucking time #god i dont want to be here anymore #vent //

[cinna-bunnie]

bleh

#having a bad morning tbhhhh #i envy the ppl who grew up here :| it's so much easier to make friends when u went to school w ppl and grew up with them #i have been here since 2016 and was just trying to get stability the first 3 years financially/housing-wise. #and when i was Finally ready to start making friends the pandemic happened. #the closest thing I've had to friends were made thru my ex and when we broke up they ghosted me. #to this day i have not made a single genuine friend and i can't articulate how hurtful that is to think about. #and i get excited when i might have a new friend but do the audhd balancing act where i tone myself down so i don't scare them away #but then idk. maybe i just come off as uninteresting or indifferent. idk what the perception of me is bc no one ever tells me anything lol. #i just get ghosted a lot 😭 it's Literally so much easier to find ppl to fuck than it is to find friends. idk why this is so hard but it's #frustrating. everyone has lukewarm interest in me at best and i have so much to offer when I've opened up to someone. #and i can't rly talk w ppl about how I'm feeling. and i can't do anything but keep trying over and over or else i WILL fr have no friends. #it's just. like. I'm not a normal person w normal circumstances and interacting w people who already have a ton of friends and stuff #going on is hard. there's like this burning desire for companionship in u as the person NEEDING it that no one else has #bc they already have it yk? ur just kind of a footnote on everyone's day/week. u don't have that kind of relationship where #u can Just Go Over or just have ppl over. ppl can hang like once a month maybe. i hate it here but also don't want to leave :| #everything is great except trying to make friends. idk i just wanted to vent lol I'm done ranting and might just delete #but this feeling wells up inside me and some days is so hard to ignore 😭 #'i have been here since 2016 and don't have a single genuine Friend' what the fuck 😭😭 #ik that wfh doesn't Help but i wouldn't be able to get anything done in person in my position lol. plus it's less about where ppl are #and more about how relationships (dont) develop past a certain point. #i have someone I've been talking with probs longest out of everyone so far and we're gonna hang this weekend #but I'm also perpetually afraid I'm gonna scare them away or something and be back at square 1 😭 #and idk im afraid that might translate into seeming shy or something and I'd hate for them to lose interest anyways ._. #but idk how much of that is valid vs my brain just being mean to me and paranoid over my other experiences. #anyways... yea thnx for reading if u did. i feel crazy 😮‍💨

[dragonji]

its time for yet another brain game of am i like fully neurotic or was this genuinely not a cool situation . prize is jack shite and yet im playing anyways👍

#j.txt #vent #just like. to preface. im not bringing any of this up im just going to stew in it for the night and then move on as per usual #alright disclaimer made now i can get to the point. So. tonight is my close irl friends bday right but she didnt tell me about any plans #so i naturally assumed she was gonna do her own thing and not really celebrate. Ive had work all day and while working get a text frm her #asking if we want to go to this restaurant i introduced our group to for dinner. so i respond saying oh im off at this time if yall want to #go even tho its late i can. Never get a response so i assume theyll bring it up when i get back. get home and no ones here not a word abt #whats going on. i do my usual unwinding get ready to chill etc which takes abt half an hour. she comes back with our other mutual friends #and theyve already gone to the restaurant which is fine i get it. but they get back and say oh now we're going to this themed music night at #a club we've all been to before as soon as (other friend) changes. and then just. dont offer for me to come along or anything and leave. #which like. whatever its happened a hundred times before im used to it but Still. does it not even occur that I might want to participate?? #if i had Any notice that this was happening I could have been getting ready instead of slacking around waiting for someone to get home #its so. i try extrememly hard not to be a downer or just invite myself to things bc I Know this is how they all operate but it does still #sting that it feels like im not even thought of if i dont happen to be in the room when plans are being made lol. #and obv I am Not bringing this up rn and ruining what im sure was a really fun night for all of them #its just truly a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation yknow. but such are the whims of fate and i shall endure as always✌️

[medicasino]

ive just accepted im just never going to fit cleanly into any label or community ever

#affie txt #vent incoming sorry ik this is probably really annoying #and im also sorry if this comes off insensitive or ''i have it SO hard'' i dont mean to be like that #but just. no matter how my identity rolls out i always feel like an imposter in some way #when i ided as a lesbian i already knew i was nonbinary and despite my yearning to experience it; i never knew and will never experience #being a lesbian and a binary woman. and ofc when i ided as a nonbinary lesbian was during that whole bullshit ''nonbinary people cant be #lesbians'' debate that resurfaced so that didnt fucking help #but im not a lesbian im bi so that was easy i guess. or easier #not being binary or very knowledgeable on queer history (tbh i want to change this im not proud of that) and having not participated in #many pride events and queer spaces irl (due to uh. yunno. Covid lol) #has like really made me feel like an imposter that just doesnt fit in anywhere #and now coming to terms with me being transmasc and having a strong attraction towards men and nonbinary folks has really uh. shaken things #up #and not fully in a good way bc its left me scrambling to put together the pieces #its left me in sooooooooooooo much distress i feel like so sick over it #its. not fun. esp bc im still pre-op so very girlish in appearance and voice eugh #and on top of that im also still nonbinary and do feel more neutral/androgynous some days and also consider myself gnc bc i like feminine #clothes and stuff so like. AUGH! and im also fucking 5'1-2 so no matter if i bind or get top surgery or etc i dont think ill ever pass as #not a girl so . pain! #and even saying all that makes me feel guilty bc its like. is that just internalized misogyny? am i misogynistic for feeling this way? and #IK IN MY RATIONAL MIND THATS BULLSHIT AND THIS IS *ONLY* ABT ME NOT OTHER TRANSMASCS AND NBLMS/MLMS TO BE CLEAR #im just an anxious mess with ocd and anxiety in general that just loooooooooooves latching onto bullshit like this to prove im predatory or #weird. also other ocd themes dont fucking help? #idk ill shut up now i need to be on a call but just like. its painful bc i dont feel like i fit into any queer communities lol #this also applies to disability stuff but im NOT cracking that can of worms open today sorry #ok gopdbye for now . responses are ok btw but also no pressure im kinda just emptying my head lol #vent #rant #ask to tag

[gayboybeetle]

man. man. i'd feel bad venting to anybody and i dont even have words for everything im feeling but GOD DAMN i feel like ass

#this isnt a promt for anybody to be like 'you can vent to me!' btw #i genuinely dont want to talk. i know i should but. i just cant do it man. #im really just posting this to get it off my chest #but FUCK FUCK FUCKING AAAUAGGGHGHH I HATE BEING DISABLED #i know im not stupid or wothless or a burden but FUCK DAMN SHIT it feels like it #and testosterone makes me want to hit and throw and break things but obviously i cant do that #i keep thinking that i make everyone around me miserable and i know thats not true #but everyone seems to be going through it and i cant shake the thought and FUCK #i lost $400 and im gonna have to pay all that back AND pay a $500 medical bill AND still pay all of rent #but hey! at least i cant pay for food bc my debit card was in the wallet i lost so that money is literally locked in my account 🫠 #so that wont get spent! hhhh #and if i get my wallet back tomorrow im going to feel lucky and stupid for feeling this way now #but theres fucking nothing i can do!! and its not like i can help but feel this way!!!! #but god. it feels like I'll be an unhelpable depressed idiot forever. i hate feeling stuck so much. #milo.txt #vent tw #fuck me *running* man. god damn. #i know people love me i know they'd miss me if i were gone i know we mutually deeply care about each other i know i know i know #but come the fuck on milo get it in your head

[n0ct0urn1quet]

hgonesly at this point i really do wish i could just say Fuck It and disappear off the face of the earth for a little bit bc honestly . i donot want to be alive

#2023 off to a banger start for me (got into an argument with my mom on new years about her bf reminding me of my abusive dad #and havent had peace or a good nights sleep since!!!!!!!!!!!) #i am absolutely fucking miserable and i just donot want to Do It anymore #i hate this house i hate the people i live with i hate this world and i hate everything thats happening to jme but i cant do anytihing #i cant do anything to Fix Anything i cant do anything abt my problems theres just so much Wrong With Me that i dont know how to fix #i dont know if i CAN fix most of the issues i have. i have so much ptsd and trauma from so many different things and its all just. hghg #and i want so badly to just let it out and talk to the people Around Me about it bc it is Serious and i shouldnt be just not talking about #it but. i just cant bring myself to Do That. i am constantly afraid that the people around me will be angry with me if i even so much as #speak up about the things that make me upset and its not their fault and its no ones fault but my own and i just dont know what to Do #im scared of confrontation and im worried that if i try to talk about it its gonna lead to an argument!!! i know it wouldnt but im terrifed #so id rather just not talk about it. which then leads to the problem not getting resolved because. fuck man im sure the people around me #know that somethings up but i never bring it up so therefore they never find out and it gets swept under the rug like all my other issues #i pride myself on being good at being emotional and being open but in reality i am emotional. yes. but not at all good at being open #ive never been good at it and i feel so BAD because like. yes i love you. yes i trust you and i know you would never ever be mad at me #for just talking about my feelings. i know this and i love you for it. but im so bad at conveying that. even though i trust you with mylife #im just bad at opening up. it does not matter how long we've known each other its just such a struggle for me to Be Open to anyone #of course its not much better that im coming to tumblr and puttign this here for 100+ people to see but just. i dont know #im mentally unstable ive never had good coping mechanisms and im the only person awake and everyone else that i usually vent to is asleep #so all my thoughts just get piled up into one messy little ball and it gets thrown to tumblr because i need somewhere to put them #im sorry. im exhausted. its been a long week and i wish i could just hybernate for the rest of the month and not interact with anyone #i just wish i could mvoe out and live with my gf and our cat. that is all i want and that is the only thing that would fix me

[ankhisms]

feeling the sad little pathetic creature emotions this evening suddenly. i dont really want to dwell in feeling bad but it is a familiar deep sad feeling u know. itll be ok i just have to let it out

#to the tune of ghengis khan dont wanna feel like nooo one believes in meeeeeeee im experiencing like. something thats #akin to my very specific paranoia of being paranoid of everyone secretly hating me and talking badly about me or thinking im horrible #secretly where its like my brain is telling me that no one believes in me including my friends and logically i know this isnt true. i have #so many people in my life who i love and appreciate and who have supported me through hardships and who i want to support #in turn. but thats the thing with my paranoia and delusions yknow i can be at least somewhat aware that im being irrational but in the end #that doesnt make it go away. and my brain is just like. no one believes in you when it comes to the creative things you want to do #like my art and acting and poetry. and then my brain tells me that the people around me just pity me and dont want to outright #say that everything i make or try to create sucks because they feel bad for me. and again i KNOW this isnt true. and i #feel bad and feel like im being unfair to my friends bc if this paranoia so i dony want to bring it up to anyone beyond venting like this #and also i feel scared that somehow bringing this specific paranoia up would be like guilt tripping people into like being nice to me or #somethimg my words are weird but my braim very much is like you are not allowed to ask for support or tell people about being insecure #and i do think this overall has something to do with my deep issues of completely lacking any confidence in myself or my abilities #which is due to a life time of abuse etc etc and its hard to build up any confidence in myself when i am still stuck in #my toxic home with no real options to get out at this point for various reasons. but its like #what if i just suck at the things i love to do? what if my art is just bad or mediocre even? what if im a bad actor or a bad poet? what id #even though i feel a deep calling within my soul to create and do these things what if even though i only ever feel truly alive #when i am acting or painting. what if none of it is any good. and no one wants to tell me that because they pity me #again. on a certain level i know this is all just my paranoia and is unreasonable. but its a feeling thats really hard to shake off yknow #anyway. thank u if you read this all i prommy ill be ok i just had to get it out 💖

[mrfutureboy]

:c

#original entry #im going to vent about art stuff #so feel free to skip this #so im frustrated bc drawing has been so hard for me this past year and if yall couldnt tell im not really making any art definitely not post #ing it. im aware its one of those things thatll only get worse the less i do it bc PRACTICE IS IMPORTANT #but my life this past year has been all over the place and so i havent had time and really no motivation #however i have a few commissions from december i still havent finished #and i feel HORRIBLE that its taken me so long #but some of these pieces. one in particular i have to pretty much redraw every time i come back to it bc its just giving me so many problems #(this isnt the fault of the commissioner lemme just go ahead and say that now) #i WANT to work on it and i work on it for hours but theres no progress bc ive just erased and redrawn things that whole time but something #STILL always looks off and it makes me so frustrated and i want to cry #and so im frustrated but i feel so guilty bc its been such a long time and so often when i do come back to it i just wanna give up and refun #d them. bc it isnt enjoyable anymore #it isnt enjoyable and given how much time ive already spent struggling its really not worth the money. especially bc my comms were half pric #e when i got all these comms (which is WHY i got all these comms) #so i feel like i devalued my self a little and i definitely spread myself way too thin bc i got like 6 commissions in one night or smth like #that. but i feel so guilty giving up!! this persons been WAITING for this!!! #idk yall i didnt want to cry so i stopped working on it but im SO frustrated and dont know what to do

[possiblytracker]

ok so this field course has been great so far and i'm learning a lot on the technical side of things but it is also very much reminding me how absolutely fundamentally broken and useless my basic social skills are. i can't even feel like an integrated part of a group im forced to spend every waking second of my day with, and even the one person i came here already friends with talks with the others more than me lmao. i barely feel like i'm contributing bc nobody even seems to notice i'm there when im not actively talking, and the amount of times my ideas have been shot down or conversations have continued without me is making me just want to stop trying

#i dont want to bother anyone specific by dumping all this in dms or whatever so. bwugh #vent / #idk i just!!!! why bother. im making an effort im Telling them i want to participate more but i end up left on the fringes #im on video editing duty today and they keep just telling me to work on that but i dont even have anything to put in the damn viDEO #but sure ill just conjure something out of nothing while you guys do all the important shit #theres 3 of them on one task and one of me. and if i get peer-reviewed as low participation and get marked down i will lose it. #idk. feeling left out and incompetent hours <3 #on wednesday i get to go off and do stuff with one person instead of 3 and at least then theyll be stuck with me #and i wont get left in the dust #but man. the fact that it has to come to that for me to feel like im doing anything for these people. #idk. lonely hours. i want to be able to do stuff with people i actually like but even online chatting feels like its not as helpful rn #other people are doing stuff without me and ik its bc im busy and Cant be around but like. man #i wouldnt want to STOP anyone but it feels bad hearing abt it from my end ghjvfdv #sometimes i wish i didnt have such a problem with talking abt my feelings to people but i dont want to be a killjoy or whatever #idk. its hard. only 3 more full days after this one tho