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#bc i felt bad


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Anybody else apologize to inanimate objects when you bump into them

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aroace problems #23443223

giving someone (fake) red roses as part of their Christmas present bc you think they look pretty

and that they improves the aesthetics of your present presentation

but having it mistaken as a romantic gesture


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I’m so anxious I’m light headed and on god my respect for high school graham has never been higher Jesus Christ

#personal#I hope that version of me gets my good vibes through the time line or something#I probably got them felt calm and freaked out bc I felt calm#no but it’s been like two weeks in this weird situation at my house and like#I was alright before it happened like I was eating regularly wasnt like on a watch list#had things I throughly enjoyed and shit you know?#plus wasnt off the walls bat shit insane#but high school graham was like today I will have at least 5 anxiety attacks and be actually insane#anyway it’s funny how every bad bad episode with my mom I’m like okay this will never happen again#then it does and I’m like HUH#I had like such a fun day today with Audrey and gg came home and felt CALM and GOOD#and then boom#like I could hear her talking to my brother across the house and she wasn’t yelling I could just hear her#and I listened and I came in and seeing Ben look so genuinely tired and defeated and just hearing my mom talk#and knowing it’s my fault just makes me raw from the inside out#and it’s like okay 🥰 time to dissociate while cleaning for a bit so I don’t do something#and I know! I know she can’t love normally but I still want it and I’m just trying and knowing#knowing she doesn’t get me and actually misinterprets a lot of my actions#and then I get in a loop of trying to understand her and it’s like I think we’re both dead and each other’s hell no offense#but I understand her to a degree and it just makes me want to die#i feel like a cat who doesn’t understand it’s dying and just wants to get away from the feeling but it just can’t#ugh and then I think about the ripple effect of my actions in regards to how my mom treats the house it’s just like#** * *** **** this simply wouldn’t be happening but ofc that’s just crazy talk so it just starts up again#the right answer is to leave get therapy and medicated and try to live my life#with or without her in it. I want her in it but :/ if I try to leave lmaoo who knows#and this is just whining but I’m just not ready?#like I spend most my day lying in bed thinking bout dying cause noises are too much and no one gets it#if I left now well 🤪#anyway! just gotta move forward to get this bad patch over with#and set up foundations so the next one isn’t as bad!
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having a really really bad time 🤠

#something happened earlier tn that i um. dont feel comfy going into detail about bc people who actually Know Me follow this blog but 😃#i um#hm#i feel. very very gross#i um. i should have spoken up during a situation and i. did not#because i was too scared#so i just. bit my tongue and. did the thing and#Immediately broke down into tears as SOON as it was done#the SECOND i was alone again i just. started fucking crying#and felt so fucking. sick and gross and just. Bad#i cried about it for a bit n then my bf managed to distract me n put me in a better mood and. since then ive been okay but#i just tried to fall asleep and it all came rushing back#fuck i really am just#i really am just. pathetic huh#i really just.#i really. do that to myself#i really put myself in these positions. still. even after all this time. even with HIM#i still uh. i still do that to myself#i cant stop thinking about it and how wrong it was - for everyone involves#*involved#it fucked me up in the moment and afterwards and. if he ever found out i did that i KNOW he’d be rlly upset w me#that was wrong but i just. didnt know what else to do#i dont know how to do anything but that#n its just. bringing up Bad Memories#memories of senior year of hs and the year i graduated and#bad people bad scenarios bad feelings bad bad bad#idk if im gonna be able to sleep anytime soon.#i think its gonna be one of those nights where im awake until i just. pass out without realizing it#everytime i stop distracting myself i start falling down a rabbit hole ☹️#what is wrong w me
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*looks again at the latest wip for the comm*

*buries face in hands*

Okay yeah i think we’ve finally landed on the most effective one. >/////<

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CAN THEY ALL TAKE A DAY OFF……. why are people so against naps ESP parents my dad doesn’t rlly mind but my mommy….. it’s personal . Amd omg what chores? I wish I could do them for you 💔 I’m a freak and enjoy cleaning . Did I ever tell u that I once went over to Claire’s house and like deep cleaned her room like dusted and vacuumed and everything .

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I love that people are against depicting Jim as skinnier than he was, but

I think we’re missing the point here. Jim is not fat, and that’s the point. James T. Kirk is fit, agile, and athletic; our standards for men have just gotten a lot worse :(

Jim doesn’t need the body of Chris Hemsworth to be beautiful (bc let’s all agree Mr. Kirk is a lovely man), but Chris Hemsworth does not need the body of Chris Hemsworth either. The idea that a single ounce of fat, carried anywhere on the body, makes a person Fat is insane. If you met Jim on the street instead of the screen you would think him of average build, somewhat muscular.

As an older man when he is a bit heavier and has gained some weight he is, for his age, a man of average build, somewhat muscular.

I have never seen a picture or video of him where he appears chubby for a human person. Maybe for a bodybuilder, which is what we seem to have decided actors all have to be.

I just feel like it isn’t actually body positive to call someone who wasn’t even chubby a fat man

Fewer actors should be on celery-and-tuna-only diets, not just women but men (and especially children!!!) too. They shouldn’t be working out for 5+ hours daily and actors who are should be the exception not the freaking rule.

Now, you’re fully welcome to draw/write him fat! It’s totally ok to imagine your fav character gaining weight. It’s just that we should recognize that he was not in fact fat during TOS and wasn’t super chubby for his age in the movies.

I just hate the idea of people seeing comments - as loving and well meant as they are- calling young Bill Shatner fat. Bc when they compare Jim to themselves, most people (and all fat people) are going to find themselves less athletic than he is.

Tl;dr : Jim is not fat. Please support fat people by not calling Jim, a very fit man, fat. It’s bizarre, unhelpful, and unhealthy.

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my boss gave me the company card today to go get coffee so i spent $50 on just coffee

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A compromise on canon compliance I am willing to accept for the sake of projection: cane-user Jon who… can technically run a short distance though it’s not exactly graceful, and won’t unless he fears for his life. Who for anything less dire will–eyeroll, sigh through his nostrils–“power-walk,” and still run out of breath real fast. (It speeds his heart rate up so much that its beats sound like button-mashing on a controller, and, of course, it hurts. So much more so than his habitual amble it serves to remind him that the to-him-negligible amount of pain he thinks himself such a whiner for using a cane over is something he’s won through change of habit—and that a more starry-eyed person might tell him to take pride in the victory.) He feels ridiculous, like his bitten lips and frantic blinking must make him look even more paranoid than he is. But at some point while Melanie’s got her Slaughter bullet she informs him, only half laughing, that the first time she saw him do it, before (with a vague gesture to her own leg), she actually found it a bit intimidating? It takes a lot of coordination, which most people don’t really expect from someone with screwy mobility. Probably not supposed to need one long enough to learn to use it properly. (Idly whacking some bushes with her own.) Whatever–point is, when you step that quickly, it looks kind of impressive. Why does everyone act like that’s so hard, he privately wonders. Manages not to say so, but his just standing there looking perplexed in response to this comment is barely an improvement.

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