#bc if i get sucked in now i WILL be up until 5:30am

[hobbitunderthemountain]

since we’re talking vid editing tonight i’ll link my channel in case anyone wants to looksee what i have goin on lmfao 

#it DOES date back to the mid 2000s amv era #half as reuploads bc of the 2007 purges lmfao #recently i've gone back to anime but theres some star wars and some hobbit stuff in there too that i'm p proud of #WHERE IS MY USB CONNECTOR FOR MY LAPTOP I WANNA EDIT TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T FIND IT #i should probably go to bed and work on this tomorrow #bc if i get sucked in now i WILL be up until 5:30am

[rozzywell]

Oh it sure was/is one of those days, huh?

#cw : parents / blood / alcohol / verbal abuse mention #roz posts #friend visits yesterday and it is good #while friend is over mother gets weird and also decides to get drunk on father's alcohol bc he's out of town and we're staying at his house #that results in me dealing with mother being the way she gets PLUS being an angry drunk #WHILE my friend is over #all of this is happening in the evening. friend stays until 11:30pm. #mother is asleep and brother and I finally able to sneak off to sleep (after chatting and Coping) at 12:15am #I can't get to sleep until 2:30am bc I'm just like that (also texting friend who is keeping me grounded) #fucking. 4:30am. woken up by the worst nosebleed I've ever had. #absolutely sucks #deal with that until just after 5am #and now here we are at the time of making this post #everything is hell I just want to sleep and then go back to my college campus to be alone #but haha I'm dependent on a 5-hour ride from my mother who said she might just Decide not to take me back when we'd planned #was supposed to go back on Monday (today) but it might be Tuesday or she might throw another fit and not take me back until god knows when #I literally fucking hate it here ♡♡♡♡♡ #I feel like the way I wrote this doesn't get it across but y'know. that's fine. better for y'all. #I'm gonna TRY to get some sleep

[misschifuyu]

Can I get boyfriend headcanons (with nsfw) of Sanzu and Kokonoi? Also, I wanted to say I’m loving your blog and your writing! Thank you!

- hi there babe !! tysm im so so glad to hear that you like my blog omg ;; here are the hcs you asked for of the best boys ♡ 

Sanzu and Koko boyfriend headcanons + n/sfw

characters: sanzu haruchiyo + kokonoi hajime

genre: fluff + n/sfw

warnings: explicit content, orgasm denial, oral (both)

Sanzu

so ive already done some relationship hcs for him, but there can never be too much sanzu content so we will continue from those already written

going on a date with sanzu won't be something particularly regular, however when circumstances come together to allow you to spend time with your boyfriend, he will definitely try and make up for the lack of outings

he's not someone who would enjoy a simple date in a café. sure, if you wanted to sit for a while in Starbucks, he will reluctantly tag along behind you

though he hasn't a clue what any of the ridiculous names on the menu mean

but you will find him growing bored quite quickly. so make sure to get him out of the coffee shop and find something else to do. shopping is a prime example, but other times sanzu likes to actually do something fun

that is, if you happen to pass by an arcade, prepare to be dragged into it

doesn't matter if you didn't have any change on you, this was a date after all, so sanzu will be more than happy to pay for the games

he's surprisingly - and, honestly, concerningly - good at those shooting games where you have a prop of a gun

you don't know where he got those skills from, but you figured it was probably best not to ask

he's shit at racing games though. he won't admit to a loss against you, ever

instead, it would always be because of a distraction or because the game itself was rigged

he can be quite the stubborn one at times

but if you took him out to get a snack, he'll completely forget about getting overlapped by you, several times, in the race.

he's got a sweet tooth, so anything of the sugary sort will bring his mood up

when you brought him a bundle of sweets for his birthday he practically proposed to you on the spot he was so happy

and he pays extra attention to whatever you show a liking towards. he stores away these pieces of information and will make use of them in moments you would least expect it

now...onto the spicy content

okay so I don't see sanzu being vanilla

he probably isn't as freaky as some would presume, but he definitely isn't just going to make love to you and call it a day

the thing about him is that he's impatient

if you start to tease him, be it with subtle kisses on his neck or passing your hand over a certain spot of his trousers, he won't only get riled up in a matter of seconds

he'll also just straight up pounce on you or drag you off to somewhere a little more secluded if you were in public

it drives him absolutely crazy if you happen to have long nails and leave scratches on his back

it lets him know that he is, indeed, making you feel like a million dollars just by using his body

and it just...he loves it

foreplay will very rarely involved receiving oral on his behalf; he likes to leave that for later

when your hair is a mess and you've got a fucked-out expression before even going down on him

it would be like a half-time, though you didn't really get to rest much during said time

he won't hold back by that point, so you'd always have to stabilise yourself with your hands on his thighs unless you wanted to choke on him

he will, however, go down on you before getting into the main act, as he liked to call it. he'd always praise you on how good you taste

looking down to see his piercing eyes staring back up at you, the scars beside his mouth showing ever so slightly..

it was a sight you couldn't keep up for very long as your strength would falter at movements of his tongue

when it comes to positions, sanzu usually likes to be in one that will allow you to hang onto him for dear life as he pounds into you

he also loves taking you from behind, but only because it allows him to pull you back by your hair and whisper the filthiest words you have ever heard his mouth speak

"you like that? huh?...I figured as much from a slut such as yourself, now keep those noises coming before I make you scream even louder, babe"

bruises on your knees would always show up if he decided to keep you on all fours for the whole time

and he wouldn't always let you have the privilege of being on the softness of a bed

no, he'd do you anywhere

so be sure your wearing some easy fitting clothes

just so you don't have to struggle whilst putting them back on after making his car windows steam up in the middle of a parking lot

just before a meeting with bonten, no less

Koko

same as sanzu, ive written a few hcs for him too, but we shall do a few more bc koko supremacy

right so...hair

so we all know that koko styles his hair and it looks quite pleasing to the eye, what with the half of his hair flowing down at the side of his face

now, what you didn't know is that koko gets up pretty early to be able to sport this look for the whole day. we're not talking 8am, no. 5:30am, the reason completely unknown to even you, his partner

he would wake you up once, having slept over at his place, as much as he tried to slip his arm from under you as carefully as he could

wondering what on earth he was doing, you would get up at trace his footsteps to his bathroom, seeing him with a comb in his hand at an abnormally large pot of hair cream on the sink

he hadn't expected you to wake up, but he would quickly invite you to sit on the toilet seat upon hearing you ask what he was doing

from that moment on, you would always ask to try and style his hair whenever you stayed over, or even just play with it

admittedly, he loves the feeling of your fingers run through his hair as you'd try your best to make it look just as perfect as it always did

it would fail, the first few times, which would result in you just putting it up into a side ponytail cue jojo siwa reference

all in all, though, he quite enjoyed it whenever you'd play with his hair, so you were more than welcome to do so

as a result, he would ask about your hair routine or, if you didn't really have one, your skincare routine

he'd always be amazed at your smooth skin whenever he held your face to give you a kiss

so you'd best drop him the tips and tricks

some weekends, the two of you would do a sort of spa day, where you'd both shower - or bathe, depending on how motivated you felt - and run through haircare and skincare together

koko really liked the facemasks you'd bring over whenever you did this, especially when you would struggle to put in on your face because they could sometimes be a little tricky

think of it as a cute, couple's day off, which he would always look forward to at the end of the week

but he'd never admit this to anyone, not a chance

onto the n/sfw side of this man...

much like sanzu, he's not a vanilla person. but he does have his fair share of kinks

orgasm play is right at the top of said list. he absolutely loves to be fully in control, and watching you writhe around each time he'd bring you close to your high, he'd take his hand, or anything else, away from where you'd most need him

his stare would always turn slightly darker when he'd see you before him, at his mercy and covered in sweat, and he wished he could capture the moment forever

he's give you a good three to four failed orgasms until he would let up his teasing act, but not before he'd get you to beg for him

it would always send shivers down his spine when he'd watch your almost tear ridden eyes look up at him, pleading for him to just give in already

"I don't know...you just look so pathetic each time I do it, I almost want to just leave you here and let you get off by yourself"

his sly smile would always stick with you as he'd utter out any words to you, right before giving you one last swipe of his hand between your legs and bringing you towards him

as much as he would usually be the one in charge, loving how you'd feel around him and making the bed creak with every thrust, if you tried hard enough you could turn the tables

he'd be a bratty sub, mind you, but watching him come undone beneath you will be worth the struggling to actually get him in that position

whenever you'd ride him, his hands would always be roaming the curves of your body, trying to get ahold of as much of you as he could

it would be a way to try and get back into control, but as soon as you'd squeeze around him, he'd fall back into his almost helpless state

but, back to him being the one pounding into you, expect him to bring you as close to him as possible

one of his favourites is bringing you up from being on all fours up to his chest, watching you struggle as you try to stay upright as he'd suck the skin on the back of your neck

"so much for being in control, you pathetic whore"

you never got out of there with functioning legs, that much was true

#tokyo revengers #tokyo manji revengers #tokyo revengers sanzu #sanzu haruchiyo #sanzu x reader #tokyo revengers koko #hajime kokonoi #koko x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #n/sfw

[magicpyr-blog]

so here's the thing,,, i didn't really wanna do this bc,,, lol it's definitely a last resort BUT... if you could... possibly consider donating to me lmao,,, i could use some help. my paypal is [email protected] and i just... i could use some help. i don’t like asking for it or mooching money from people,,,, but i’m lost right now. i don’t know what else to do.

(read under the cut for more info if you want,,, i don’t wanna clog up the dash okay)

as you can see,,, i’m having some financial issues. i have been jobless for almost 5 months now and literally NO MONEY to do,,,, well, anything. i’m in the negatives on my regular checking account and my school refund card has “insufficient funds”.... and all of my credit cards have balances that are way too high,,, that i clearly cannot afford to pay off. my dog had surgery awhile ago and the medical bill is over $1,000 that i still need to pay.

i have a child and pets that i have to care for and it impossible for me to do it right now. my son’s daycare is costing me $100 a week and i’m over $100 behind. i have been applying for jobs for FIVE MONTHS now and i have not succeeded AT ALL. i did, however, pick up a temporary job at a fireworks store that will definitely help with money,,, but it’s temporary and i won’t even get a paycheck until next friday. 

on top of everything else, i am still recovering from my time at the hospital in march and i’m taking meds and i’m supposed to start seeing a therapist soon and i have to visit with my psychiatrist about my meds,,, and i desperately need to look into getting a service dog to help me because i’m absolutely shit at dealing with.... anything. to make things even harder, my family,,, or well, anyone i know irl, won’t even try to help me. i told my mom about my situation and she basically told me “well that sucks” and moved on. yet, my older brother was getting like $500 from her and my dad when he was jobless like every fucking week. i’ve had people come at me and tell me what i should do, as if i hadn’t already tried, and had them turn around and tell me that i need to try harder, instead of being supportive and helping me. it’s completely bullshit and i all i’ve wanted for the last five months is to get the fuck away from everyone because they just make everything so much worse. and i just,,, i have never been in such a low position before and i’m scared. i have always been afraid of failing, of not being good enough and i’m at that point right now. 

i’m sorry, i’m taking up so much of your time and i’m writing too much and it’s 2:30am and i’m just asking you,,, please help me. again, my paypal is [email protected] and i’m sorry, i can’t offer anything in return and i don’t want to be begging for money and just,,, being that person,,, but i don’t know what else to do. i could really use some help right now.

#( i'm what the kids call... a disaster // ooc. ) #( psa. ) #hnghhhh #i hate doing this like.... it makes me feel bad for taking things without doing anything in return?? #i just.... i don't know what else to do?? #and i'd offer to do something in return but i am... no good at.... like anything #and i just.... idk man i could use some help #please reblog this if you can't donate to my cause.... also reblog it if you CAN cause... i could use the support #i don't have it anywhere else #anyway.....ilu guys #cross your fingers for me

[pennyfynotes]

7.24.18 // 9:30am // starting a semester without shooting yourself in the foot

hola! recently got an ask from an anon about how to start the new semester so here it is. (sorry for the early back to school posts but like? winter is coming? yeah sorry don’t watch game of thrones) xoxo, m

general tips:

1. make a schedule: put in the things that have to happen each day. so classes, sports practices, work etc. this’ll help you evaluate how much time you have to do things like homework and if you have time to take on more extracurriculars and things. it’ll also prevent you from scheduling stuff during these times where you have to be somewhere else.

2. plan somewhere: ok so despite owning a studyblr and a bullet journal that i share with you guys, i kinda suck at planning. i completely relate to the abandoned planner/bujo situation. ideally, you might want to implement something like this. if that doesn’t work for you, just have a notebook where you jot down all your lists (that can be events, to-dos, reminders). you could even use an app (google keep is helpful bc you can sync bt phone and computer). just find somewhere to put down your thoughts.

3. read the syllabus/any emails from your prof/teacher: make sure you do all your summer homework. there might be a quick assignment/supply that you need to bring on the first day. also figure out where your class is. that’s kinda important. get familiar with policies like when to turn in hw, what their late work policy is. write yourself a cheat sheet if you have to.

4. map out your route: this is more of a first day/week type deal, but just figure out how you’re gonna get from place to place so you’re not stressing about being late. you can do this in person by walking around campus or just mentally if you’re familiar. if you’re in college and need to factor in meal/bus times, figure that out too.

5. get on your teacher/profs good side: i’m not saying to suck up or anything, but treat them with courtesy and try not to be late. if you’re one of those people that likes to be really familiar with your prof/teacher, start going to office hours just to say hi (or obv if you need help). i’m generally of the “invisible student” type, but there are definitely pros to having your instructor know your name.

6. compare your schedule: if your teacher/prof has already given you dates of major projects or exams, look that over. make sure you don’t already have any pre-planned trips (ex: my cousin is getting married and we’ve known the date for months). teachers/profs will always be more flexible about changing the dates of things or allowing you to take exams early/late if you let them know asap. you might think, “oh it’ll be easy to ask them to take it early”. not necessarily. if they haven’t made up the exam yet and you ask them a week in advance to take the exam early, not going to get a happy prof. and they’ll probably say no.

7. establish a routine: ok i kind of suck at this too, but mapping out when you’re going to do work etc is helpful. if all else fails, establish a sleep schedule. determine if you work better early in the morning or late at night. in my opinion, there’s no point in trying to be an early bird if you’re most productive from 11pm-1am. 

8. make a clear organizational system: for most of us, this will inevitably go to shit once the semester drags on. but having one at the beginning of the year will make things go more smoothly and give you a structure to go back to once you realize you can’t find a damn thing.

9. find a good study spot: find a spot you like. actually find a few spots. now’s when you’ll have time to scout around campus/your town. nothing sucks more than needing to study for an exam/make the most of your time and having your only study space be occupied. i have actually spent like 20 minutes looking for a spot during exams. don’t do it.

10. experiment a little: if you already know what works for you, great. but if you’re trying to decide between going digital or using paper. rewriting your notes vs making them legible the first time around. do some quick experimentation when things are as hectic.

11. find a friend in each class: i am also horrendous at this. but it’s really helpful if you’re stuck on homework or didn’t quite catch something important the prof/teacher said. if no one you know is in the class, maybe think about making a new friend/study buddy.

12. go the extra mile while you still can: now is probably the time when you have less going on outside of school. take advantage of that to build a little “grade cushion”. take the time to do assignments early and go over them with friends so you’re sure everything is correct. go above and beyond on that project, your super busy self will thank you later when your rushing to finish homework and probably miss a bunch of questions. now, i also want to mention that you should only do this if you can reap some kind of benefit. it could be getting a 100 instead of a 93 or just for self satisfaction. but don’t waste your time painting a masterpiece when your english teacher asks for a stick figure drawing to illustrate a scene from huck finn. the highest grade you can get is 100% and you could probably do that with some well placed lines. unless, like i said, you get personal satisfaction from said masterpiece. and you have the time to do it. :) hint, hint: i was that extra af kid in english class.

college specific tips (that might also apply elsewhere?)

1. go to class: ok i am an advocate of the “skip class when you need to” method (unpopular opinion), but you should go for at least the first week if not month. your teacher/prof will outline important policies that might not be in the syllabus. you’ll be able to tell if you really need a textbook (i usually rent for easy returns or wait until a couple days in or both) and get a feel for the prof. are they super strict on things like deadlines/guidelines or more relaxed. you’ll learn where you can bend the rules. from there, at your own risk, you can evaluate if you really need to go to class or not.

2. make sure you unpack so you can find things: don’t just toss everything into a drawer. it will come back to bite you when you’re frantically searching for that one item.

3. get to class early: i mean like 20 minutes early. (potentially earlier if you’re in a freshman class full of overachievers). this will allow you to choose where you want to sit and give you time to get situated. if you want to meet new people, maybe sit towards the middle. also, though college classes rarely have assigned seats, you’ll be choosing your unofficial official seat. don’t be that person that moves around all the time and displaces half the class because of it.

4. enjoy the first bit: catch up with friends, make new ones. you won’t have too much work for at least the first 2 days, so be efficient and don’t spend all day in your room/the library “doing work”. there will be plenty of time for that. 

best of luck friends! i’ll probably be putting out more masterposts on similar topics as we move closer to school starting (sigh). lmk if you have any requests!

#pennyfynotes #pfynguides #tips #masterpost #school #student #college #university #studyblr #advice #back to school #bts #not the kpop group #hufflepuffwannabe #architstudy #studyfeather #thestudyfeels #littlestudyblrblog #studylustre #emmastudies #xiutingzainali #artemistudying #athenastudying #studywithlexa

[sasukechiha]

tagged by: @krshima​​ - thank you for tagging me emeryyyyyy im bored to death n its 1am lmfao

Objective: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag somebody

i tag: @kylornx @wattashi @v0ngola @oeruki @atsushisnakajima @kishou @kojiiro @miuroko @youngwholock @nozakis @hatkekakashi @trashysasuke​

LAST

drink - diet coke phone call - my..... friend text message - "kalke koitar shomoi ber hoba?” translation: “what time are u going out tomorrow” song you listened to - anxiety by blackbear  time you cried - when i finished devilman crybaby, so like over a week ago

EVER

dated someone twice - yes kissed someone & regretted - no been cheated on - kdlkdlkdj ye lost someone special - yes been depressed - yep, its a lot worse now  gotten drunk and thrown up - yes im rly bad w alcohol

FAV COLOURS

black and red (if any of y’all come at me sayin black aint a color im gonna clock u)

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU…

made new friends - not irl, im v picky w my friends and i like having a small circle. i’ve made a lot a lot a loooot of friends on here tho, 3 v special ones in particular fallen out of love - yes laughed until you cried - yes ltrly 3 days ago found out someone was talking about you - yes ppl just lov havin my name in their mouth met someone who changed you - yes found out who your friends are - i already been knewwwwww. i’ve always had the same circle of friends since i was 4 years old and they’re all are ltrly the best kissed someone on your facebook friends list - i dont have facebook who tf uses that shit

GENERAL

how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - again,,,, fuck facebook do you have any pets - 4 turtles and 4 beta fish do you want to change your name - nope. i used to h8 my name before but i’ve grown to rly like it and im happy w it what did you do for your last birthday - my friends threw me a surprise party at my house and they decorated my entire place and stayed till like 2am it was gr8 what time did you wake up today - 11:30am lmfao what were you doing at midnight last night - on facetime w my friend what is something you can’t wait for - my class’ pre graduation bbq tomorrow  what are you listening to right now - anxiety by blackbear (its my fav song rn if u cant tell) have you ever talked to a person named tom - nope lmFAO something that’s getting on your nerves - ltrly every single youtuber other than shane dawson at this point. fuck logan paul and his disgusting dumb bitch ass most visited website - tumblr LMAOO hair colour - black long or short hair - medium???  do you have a crush on someone - yes what do you like about yourself - appearance wise my smile, personality wise i like to think im rly fun to be with im ltrly down to do anything want any piercings - i got my nose pierced just this year but i still wanna get a few more ear piercings (tragus in particular) and my belly button  blood type - a+ nicknames - aloo (fam n close friends), leema (only fam) relationship status - ;) zodiac - pisces  pronouns - she/her fav TV shows - english tv shows bore me so im stickin w my weeb ass anime. so uhh rn its devilman crybaby, naruto (it,,, sucks but its my childhood n i love sasuke), one punch man, code geass, sailor moon, cardcaptor sakura tattoos - none right or left handed - right ever had surgery - nope sport - i was captain of the volleyball team b4 i graduated highschool a month ago, and play football & badminton occasionally piercings - nose piercing and ear lobe piercings vacation - all of asia tbh. mostly the south asian countries, but i also rly wanna go to china n japan trainers - wtf does that mean. if ur talkin abt my shoes its either converse or i just stick to sandals

MORE GENERAL

eating - nothing rn drinking - diet coke LMAOOOOO its 1am im so unhealthy about to watch - uhh im gonna finish the recent few eps of mtny waiting for - my class bbq want - to be happy get married - i want to.... not now tho lmao career - genetic engineer is what im aiming for since im plannin on doin a bachelor of science majoring in genetics next year for uni

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses - hugs lips or eyes - eyes shorter or taller - taller (my ass is ltrly 5′3 so im biased bc i wanna be tall) older or younger - uhh i like ppl a few years older than me even when it comes to friends nice arms or stomach - idrc hookup or relationship - relationship troublemaker or hesitant - a lil bit of both. be responsible, dont do stupid shit but have fun and make the most out of ur life

HAVE YOU EVER

kissed a stranger - nope drank hard liquor - yes lost glasses - yes turned someone down - yes sex on first date - nope broken someone’s heart - yes had your heart broken - yes been arrested - no cried when someone died - yes fallen for a friend - yes dhjddlk

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

yourself - nope (its a huge prob of mine) miracles - no love at first sight - no its bs santa clause - im muslim so i dont celebrate christmas skjldkl i didnt even know who santa claus was until i was like 5 kiss on a first date - if its consensual angels - yes

OTHER

best friend’s name - arya eye colour - black but its brown under the sun ok fav movie - the little mermaid forever n always fav actor - uhh deepika padukone, leonardo dicaprio, idk i dont rly have any fav actors lmfao

#dis was fun #tag games

[goldenkiva]

unfiltered rambling (this is a (long) vent post; cw for some irl death mentions, sui and self harm mention (nothing in reality), bad mental health time, all that jazz

well it’s 7:30 am and ive been awake since 4 am. which is an improvement really. i slept at 12:30am ish, in contrast to constantly sleeping at 8 am or later the past month or so. and it’s been taking a very bad toll on me lately mentally. everything has been building up and probably toyin’s death (yes the one who was found dead, we were classmates in middle/high school...) was my breaking point as i had a very bad panic attack a few days after. that lasted a good 22 hours before i fully calmed down. it always takes me 5-9 hours to calm down from anxiety or trauma related bad times as i have no real coping mechanisms and i will just literally do nothing but stay huddled up in bed until the unbearable feeling goes away. but that one. was just really bad. i think i also accidentally upset one of my best friends before that which also attributed to it (we’re fine now.) it’s been a bit since i had that panic attack but i still feel so bad all the time. sometimes i joke about wataru giving me chest pain bc i love him so much but i feel like i havent experienced physical emotion in so long i just want to feel it even if it’s painful. i dont self harm so dw about that btw. but i rarely shed even a single tear anymore when ive always been a total cry baby. i only cry full on tears and sobs now when im being over stimulated during a conversation. i just genuinely want to feel physically excited or happy or sad or whatever. i want to feel physical emotion again and not just numbness with an occasional laff or on the verge of getting watery eyes but not even real crying or whatever. 

i also had to get a new phone bc my dumb clumsy self dropped my phone flat on the screen a second time and it was unrepairable which makes me sad bc i only had this phone for two years and it still ran perfectly well. i wanted to keep it for 3-4 years at least...i got a new one ordered yesterday and im splitting price with my dad n i just feel bad i had to get a new one at all bc because of covid and shit my parents are only getting half the usual business and we already dont make a ton. thankfully my parents and sister are the type to not spend recklessly in general (i am prob the biggest spender...) but that wont stop my dumb of ass generalized anxiety disorder from making me worry about bankruptcy or poverty or some other extreme. i hate it bc i cant do anything about these thoughts except just what feels like sitting in mud and i slowly sink in. i wish i was an artist with more clout because i desperately want to be have consistent (or any) income. even before covid i always feel bad about not having a job. ik it’s hard to balance school and work anyway so it’s fine if im not working but it sucks. american college is a scam. at least i didnt go to an art school. (well. i am in art program in college. but not going to an arts dedicated school like ringling. which is significantly more expensive. if i went to art school id be significantly more likely to end up in very heavy debt) but i hate having gad. i hate not having any real coping mechanisms. i feel frustrated and a little annoyed when i asked about coping mechanisms for my anxiety with my therapist she just told me breathing exercises. which ig can be valuable but ik in my heart this wont help me at all. perhaps it’s un-dx’d adhd with rsd making me feel that way that makes me refuse to even want to do them. all my medical and health issues are also a contribution to my gad and financial terrors. sometimes it makes me wanna die but i wont do that. bc my friends and family would genuinely be very heartbroken if i were to suddenly be gone especially if by my own hand. i wouldnt want anyone to blame themselves either...

the only things genuinely making me feel anything lately is wataru and buck tick. it almost makes me a little upset how little amount of things make me happy or even feel anything rn. im reading a tragedy visual novel rn (which is very good and well written and i generally like tragedies and i find them indulgent) that i am enjoying very much yet i feel barley anything while reading it. i immensely miss the buck tick concert streams so bad. watching them over the month and half they streamed every saturday morning really put how much they love making music and performing in a brand new light to me, and watching that last concert bestias locus solus was just. so amazing. i dont know how to talk about it other than i was genuinely touched. they went all out playing at that concert stage bc it was their first time performing there (at the time in their 31 year career, 33 this year) and the unplugged performances and sakura especially got me so hard. im not good with words so im not doing a good job at all expressing how much that concert (along with the day in question 2017) made me feel. i miss it. i want to buy the dvds so bad but theyre so expensive and now is not a time for reckless spending. but one day i will attain them and experience the happiness they bring me again. im sad my friends arent rly into them the same degree i am but ig it really is such a personalized feeling. i was already in a state of dread and depression when i got into the band. but im still glad my other friends enjoy them and tell me they enjoy their music. their stuff slaps. theyre just an amazing band. a band not restricted by genre. a band who makes music because they love it and love performing and love their fans and dont get warped in the ideas of fame or fortune, and are fully okay with being normal people...a band with the same line up since their pro debut in 1989 because the members all love and care about each other so much. theyre still going strong in their mid to late 50s as they were in their late teens. they make me so happy...

well it’s 8 am now and if youve read this whole thing, thanks i guess? that sounds rude, but im just kinda sittin in the mud. im still in the midst of cleaning my room. i am not someone to recklessly hurt myself or anything like that so dont worry about that. i’ll be fine. probably. if you wanna listen to buck tick heres their spotify :) i recommend their albums atom miraiha no. 09, no.0 (especially the live performance version), kuratta taiyo, darker than darkness style 1993, aku no hana, and their kemonotachi no yoru/rondo double single. they slap so good. also spotify is missing literally like 15 years worth of their music from the 00s-10s. you can find downloads online though. theyre also releasing a new single in august im very excited for it. also, the singer of the band (atsushi sakurai) did a collab with sheena ringo where he sung the bg vocals of her song elopers, which was also made in sakurai’s image and she got it really dead set on tbqh. sheena ringo loves bt so yall should too :)

#jack txt

[noheroes-allowed]

week 4:

day 22: can’t believe I just typed the words “week 4″ :(, FINALLY worked on 4520. but also it was only part 1 out of 4 and I always fall into this false sense of security that the hw isn’t that bad but the problems usually get harder as the problems progress, ate an entire king size bar of Hershey's cookies and cream and I am mad, finished the five eps that are out for little fires everywhere. and I want to start killing eve. why did I start getting back into watching shows when classes resume. why am I this problematic to myself, chatted with my brother and my mom again, wishing veep was still airing so I could see the dc shenanigans/conspiracies during these corona times bc all the state refusals to reschedule primaries have got to be political but my brain isn’t informed enough to understand all the ulterior motives, now it’s 1:30am and I worked on problems 3 and 4. I don’t think I did everything correct but I still feel less stressed, albert finally ft me, secon pictures

day 23: first day of class! I’ve missed seeing strangers and I still enjoy Boyer’s lectures. it’s the only class I would willingly go to even if it was recorded, 4110 was boring lmao. I’m gonna just wait for her to upload and watch them at faster speed, worked on behavioral for hours and I had to redo one stupid problem like 5 times before I figured it out. and it took me like a full hour before understanding what to do for question one. that class makes me feel so stupid, played countries game on snap with albert, started killing eve. my timing sucks, both maggie and rochelle haven’t started the pset but jaja has and we’re gonna go over it at some point. idk if I should text keith about it bc I feel like I’m bothering him again rip

day 24: omfg. I woke up this morning and remembered I had a meeting at 11. then literally forgot it and didn’t remember until 12. I’m so dumb I was literally watching little fires everywhere and eating oatmeal when I was supposed to be on skype alfksndnfjfjf, didn’t do as much cti work as I should’ve, 4520 fucking took me like 6 hours and I’m mad bc I still can’t figure out one of them and all the other ones are so iffy, ate too much fried rice, also my leg is still cramping and I just wanna run :(

day 25: omg I had a dream about secon and it was senior year. and we were all meeting in warren before we had to leave. and keith didn’t walk in until the very last group aldksnfksjf. and he had this haircut where everything was short except for one section that was long and covered up a part of his face. and he didn’t talk to me and I got sad. skgjsnfjwkg it had to have been bc we talked about haircuts last time and dayna posted those secon pics. but also like why, I. am. so. mad. I fucking spent two hours fixing my code for 4520 bc he worded the question badly and then he answered my question on piazza and said that for the purpose of this assignment either method is fine. which meant I could’ve not spent two hours fixing that shit. omfg I hate this class. it made me spend ~20 hours in the past week on it. and ruined my schedule for working on two of my other classes. also can he pls release grades for the last assignment already, finished the 4660 pset and checked it over :), might just not finish 4110 and watch killing eve instead oof. 4520 really burnt me out

day 26: there was a man with a leaf blower outside working this morning starting 8am and it was so rude like some people are sleeping sir but I guess it was a blessing in disguise since it woke me up and maybe I’ll fix my sleep schedule a bit more. still trying to have 8am wakeups, meeting with refactored today. I hope our pivot is good, read two more authors for my essay and finished 4.5 pages!! I only have four more authors to do. I’ve literally done 12/16 and I’m so close to finishing and I can’t wait until I don't have to think about this class again. hopefully I can finish tomorrow, I’m officially officially cleared :), I’m gonna walk/run 5k and it saddens me how I’ve had this cramp in my calf for the past week. like I’d been fucking training for 21 days and now I could actually do a 5k but I physically can’t. like I know it’s not real bc you just do it on your own and there aren’t any timings or anything but. idk it just would’ve felt good to complete it, went on a two hours walk with Cat

day 27: woke up late, went on a run even though my cramp isn’t fully healed and it was probably a bad idea, finished 14/16!, watched killing eve instead of starting my essay though, worked on 4110 hw, ate too much after my run ugh, got a stomachache so I couldn’t do my workout :(

day 28: woke up really late. I had a dream though that I was driving and the brakes weren’t working well so I kind of kept getting into accidents and wrecking the car. and then I was like no I need to stop driving. and then was at this place where a bunch of dulaney people were for some reason. and asked hayden for a ride home? ok. also had another dream where I was eating shrimp at a restaurant but I needed to pee but the bathrooms were far away so I got in this car with the couple sitting next to me and we drove there. but the bathroom stalls were weird as fuck so three toilets were basically in each partition? so me and these other girls were gonna take turns peeing but the door was also really weird so we had to prop it up so no one could see her but then she accidentally peed on the girl who was holding the door right in front of her. idk it was too wild and I woke up, I ate at 12 and then again at 1:30 and then again at 4:30 and then again at 8. big yikes I must stop, oh I had a project team meeting. keith was the last to leave but we didn’t really talk bc he had to get back to work, finished 16/16 and the conclusion!, will work on 4110 tomorrow bc I can’t do work anymore

#remarks #'have a great rest of your evening' #sir why do you talk like that #also these posts have become my diary or some shit #like compared to my week 1 posts these are so long #'im in Maryland with lucy' hehe

[softhobies]

RULES: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

tagged by @heartsbian (actual loml thank you)

i tag: @damnwilds @danwildsofficial @naminyard @battlefieldheart @daddariossmile @ffsmagnusbane @bramgreenfclds @lailadermctt (and if anyone else wants to do this feel free to consider yourself tagged or if you want message me and i’ll add you lmao)

THE LAST…

1. drink: water

2. phone call: unknown number

3. text message: from my mum: “i guess”

4. song you listened to: and the crowd goes by mudslide crush

5. time you cried: idk?? i cry too much lmao

HAVE YOU EVER… (PT.1)

6. … dated someone twice: no

7. … kissed someone and regretted it: no

8. … been cheated on: no

9. … lost someone special: to death? no. drifting apart? i guess.

10. … been depressed: always

11. … gotten drunk and thrown up: uuuhhhh yeah

FAVORITE COLORS

12. black

13. red

14. idk?? white, grey, blue, purple... changes

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU…

15. … made new friends: yep!

16. … fallen out of love: i don’t think so

17. … laughed until you cried: of course

18. … found out someone was talking about you: probably but i don’t remember

19. … met someone who changed you: hmmm i don’t think so??

20. … found out who your friends are: 99% of my friends have been made in the past year so?? maybe?? i’m working on it

21. … kissed someone on your facebook list: nope

GENERAL

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: idk i hardly use it?? but it was full of people i used to know but yeah i don’t talk to any of them except like my immediate family irl now lmao

23. do you have any pets: no :(

24. do you want to change your name: uuhhhh yeah like alex isn’t my legal name and it’d be nice to not have to sign my legal name or go by it at doctors bc i’m too scared to correct anyone lmao

25. what did you do for your last birthday: i think i mostly just soaked up whatever attention i got on here and stressed over tr*mp bc my bday is on inauguration day?? also i annoyed family and may have watched a couple episodes of vld with my bro

26. what time did you wake up: like 12:30am lmao

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping i guess

28. name something you can’t wait for: uuhhh happiness?? idk 

29. ??? there is no 29 lol

30. ……. no 30 either

31. what are you listening to right now: she’s so gone - lemonade mouth (uuhhh i’m listening to the album if you couldn’t tell by my answers lmao)

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: i’d assume so?? only one that comes to my mind tho is tom in mysme but he’s not real lmao

33. something that is getting on your nerves: my shit sleeping schedule like i’m trying to fix it but i suck at sleeping and ugh

34. most visited website: probably tumblr lmao

35. hair color: black but naturally it’s blonde

36. long or short hair: short bless up

37. ??? she’s gone

38. ……. not here either

39. piercings: 2 in each ear and 2 in my lip for now

40. blood type: i honestly have no clue?? p sure it wasn’t o but that’s all i remember so uuhhh oops

41. nicknames: i just go by alex

42. relationship status: single forever

43. zodiac: aquarius (or capricorn idk i’m a cusp but i’ve always went with aquarius and i refuse to change now)

44. pronouns: they/them

45. favorite tv show: idk?? b99 is p good

46. tattoos: none but i want a ton one day

47. right or left-handed

48. surgery: i don’t think i’ve had any

49. piercings: ?? already answered

50. sport: i don’t play or watch anything really?? at least, not anymore

51. vacation: anywhere and everywhere

52. pair of trainers: idk i hardly ever where any?? probably have some somewhere tho

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: fav food = cheese calzones at old chicago but like if you mean am i eating? no? but i ate leftover hamburger helper within the last hour so

54. fave drink: water

55. what you’re up to: answering this but after i’m going to try queuing a ton of posts while i wait for my phone to charge completely

56. waiting for: happiness?? but uuhhh short term i guess attention (aka my friends sleep at night like most people and i’m l o n e l y)

57. what do i want: happiness again but also money and maybe a purpose

58. do you ever want to get married: kind of?? i kind of don’t believe in love for me really but i have this dream wedding so like?? i’m down marrying just for the tax benefits lmao i just want that spooky wedding

59. career: don’t have one and don’t know what i wanna do yet so rip

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses?

61. lips or eyes?

62. shorter or taller?

63. older or younger? keeping it crossed out bc?? what does this mean?? idk but the only options i can come up with idc

64. nice arms or nice stomach? (i guess? just barely idc mostly)

65. hook up or relationship?

66. troublemaker or hesitant? (to a point)

HAVE YOU EVER… (PT.2)

67. … kissed a stranger: nope

68. … drank hard liquor: a lot (unhealthy coping for the lose)

69. … lost glasses/contact lenses: oh god yes?? lost glasses in a hotel once and have lost so many contact lenses it’s ridiculous i suck lmao

70. … turned someone down: yeah but i think both the times the people asked me out as a joke?? i heard one guy planning it and the other i just kind of assumed the guys friends were asking me out bc pulling a prank on their friend 

71. … sex on the first day: uuhhhh how about sex never lmao no thanks

72. … broken someone’s heart: not that i know

73. … had your heart broken: uuhhh by my ex bff a billion times lmao

74. … been arrested: nope bless

75. … cried when someone died: not genuinely, no

76. … fallen for a friend: yep

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

77. … yourself: not anymore

78. … miracles: unlikely

79. … love at first sight: not for myself for sure

80. … santa claus: why would i

81. … kiss on the first date: you do you

82. … angels: maybe bc of others experiences but i believe in demons more 

OTHER

83. current best friend’s name: i have a lot but nøname

84. eye color: brown

85. favorite movie: idk?? star wars i guess

#text #about me #drink mention // #food mention // #vomit mention // #i guess #uuuhhh #alcohol mention // #drinking mention // #death mention // #this gets kind of confusing at points rip #but aye #there you have it #i actually did something on time #i have like a billion other games that i gotta do tho #one day #but i don't /think/ i've been tagged in this before

[briarforgers]

Thanks for tagging me love @rnaxwellbeaumont​! 💕

LAST… [1] drink: frosted cinnamon [2] phone call: my friend [3] text message: from the same friend lmao [4] song you listened to: only u by laboum [5] time you cried: last sunday … we watched a movie and it was so beautiful and painful that I cried loool

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: nahh [7] been cheated on: nopes [8] kissed someone and regretted it: I never kissed someone lol [9] lost someone special: yes :[10] been depressed: yeah… last month I was so down bc I kept being reminded by my parents to study hard and the pressure was sth I really couldn’t handle [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: nopesss

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] green [13] sky blue [14] pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yes!! [16] fallen out of love: no [17] laughed until you cried: YES it’s bc of my idiot friends lmao [18] found out someone was talking about you? yep… but I didn’t care bc I do the same thing :D [19] met someone who changed you: yepz [20] found out who your true friends are:  yes!!! [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: no

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: I have like 1.2k friends and I think I know 300+ of them personally…  [23] do you have any pets: five dogs… four cats… two fish… [24] do you want to change your name: I’m fine with my name :) [25] what did you do for your last birthday: Just celebrated it at home hehe [26] what time did you wake up: 5am :-/ 8:30am class sucks [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: watched laboum’s mv aaaa they’re so cute!! [28] name something you cannot wait for: semestral break lol and Christmas! [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: an hour ago [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: hmm… me being a sensitive binch… [31] what are you listening to right now: only u by laboum! [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: I think so??? [33] something that is getting on your nerves: ppl from my other fandom :-/ [34] most visited website: twitter, yt and tumblr (also a local gossip site bc they serve good #teas) [35] moles: I… have a lot lol [37] marks: keloid, a small burn mark and birthmark… stretch marks?? [38] hair colour: black-brown [39] long or short hair: mid-length [40] do you have a crush on someone: oh… well I have a crush on a local actor named John Lloyd Cruz! [41] what do you like about yourself? my funny ass I love making my friends laugh! [42] piercings: earlobes [43] blood type: B+ (confirmed from our blood typing activity yesterday :D) [44] nickname: Nics/Niknik [45] relationship status: single ! [46] zodiac sign: taurus [47] pronouns: she/her [48] fav tv show: B99 and La Luna Sangre (even tho I haven’t watched a single ep since two weeks ago fff) [49] tattoos: none… and I don’t plan to since it’s prohibited at school. also since I’m a medtech student we can’t have them [50] right or left handed: right

FIRST… [51] surgery: none [52] piercing: earlobes [53] best friend: *mariah carey voice* I don’t know her [54] sport: badminton [55] vacation: our province!  [56] pair of trainers: skechers… I loved it so much I cried when my parents donated it to a foundation lol

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: none atm [58] drinking: water [59] i’m about to: cry… I’m still waiting for class suspension announcement 😭 [60] listening to: tattooed on my mind [61] waiting for: CLASS SUSPENSION ANNOUNCEMENT 😭 [62] want: new phone :( Mine got stolen and I’m currently using my mom’s phone [63] get married: I want to… but I’ll put it aside first lol [64] career: none

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs! [66] lips or eyes: both!! [67] shorter or taller: taller bc I’m a tol girl (yeah… 176cm) [68] older or younger: older… maybe 3-5 years [70] nice arms or nice stomach: both! [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive [72] hook up or relationship: relationship of course [73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nah [75] drank hard liquor? yes it was the worst day of my life [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? nopez [77] turned someone down: no one is interested in me lmao [78] sex on first date? ??? [79] broken someone’s heart? never [80] had your own heart broken? yep many times :-/ [81] been arrested? no :D [82] cried when someone died? yep :( [83] fallen for a friend: ???

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t [85] miracles? yes there can be miracles when you believe 😂 [86] love at first sight? no [87] santa claus? whomstdve?? [88] kiss on the first date? no [89] angels? yes

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: hmm can’t say right now bc idk if she considers me as her best friend lol I need confirmation [91] eye colour: black brown [92] favourite movie: mulan, tangled and moana!

tagging @allthecowslovetheleo​ @hwuariana-writer-movie-star​ @cheesepots​ and whoever wants to do this!! :D

#long post

[zitaosluckylady]

Tag

Tagged by @zitaos-laugh-is-life thx my lad

THE LAST

1 .Drink: Water bc i like to be wet

2. Phone call: idk i dont call ppl

3. Text message:  on the group chat

4 .Song you listened to: 365 fresh

5 .Time you cried: Steel doesn't cry

6. Dated someone twice:  Nah

7.  Been Cheated on: nah           

8. Kissed someone and regretted it:  Yes            

9. Lost someone special: Yeah if gramps counts                                       

10.Been depressed: no

11.Gotten drunk and thrown up: no but being drunk is fun                                                 

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: Blue/Silver/green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15 .Made new friends:

 I have

16. Fallen out of love: never fell in love in the first place

17. Laughed until you cried: Yeah omg last night bc Liam Payne named his kid ‘Bear payne’

18 .Found out someone was talking about you: Probs i forgot tbh

19. Met someone who changed you: u could say my best mate

20. Found out who your true friends are:  yeah

21 .Kissed someone on your Facebook list: they were on my facebook list

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life:

 idk

23. Do you have any pets: got 3 cats they r a pain

24.Do you want to change your name: No 

25.What did you do for your last birthday: went pizza hut and stared at the hot waiter without trying to be bait

26.What time did you wake up: 6:30am

27.What were you doing at midnight last night: Internetting 

28.Name something you cannot wait for: a mcdonalds to be built near me

29.When was the last time you saw your mother: today

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: clear skin i want clear skin  31. What are you listening to right now: nothing 

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yh

33 .Something that is getting on your nerves: ignorance

34. Most visited website: youtube n tumblr

35. Elementary: Finished

36,  High School: Completed

37. College: Soon to be completed

38. Hair colour: Dirty blonde

39.Long or short hair: depends on me mood

40.Do you have a crush on someone:

i do not!!!

41 .What do you like about yourself:

hair colour, eye colour, n my butt lel and my ability to say no

42 .Piercings: ears but want nose

43 .Blood type: fuck knows, elijah come suck my blood n we can find out

44. Nickname:

I have fam nicknames that i shant disclose but none from friends my name is too short

45 .Relationship status: my cat is my soulmate

46. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius 

47.Pronouns:

she/her

48.Favorite tv show:

OMG

doctor who/supernatural/sherlock/the walking dead/dallas/only fools and horses

49. Tattoos: none i want fake ones

50.Right or left hand: right

FIRST

51.Surgery: none

52.Piercing: ears

54.Sport: i have no idea

55.Vacation: portugal

56.Pair of trainers: idk

MORE GENERAL

57.Eating:

chocolate

58.Drinking:

Water

59.I’m about to:

sleep

61.Waiting for:

exo to come to europe before i croak it

62.Want:

 to be rich n happy

63.Get married:

no

64.Career:

editor

WHICH IS BETTER

65.Hugs or kisses:

hugs

66.Lips or eyes:

Eyes

67.Shorter or taller: i

f ur talking abt a bf then taller if ur talking abt me then shorter.

68.Older or younger:

 Older i want a sugar daddy

70.Nice arms or nice stomach:

 arms

71.Sensitive or loud:

 a bit of both???

72.Hook up or relationship:

relationship

73.Troublemaker or hesitant:

 troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER

74.Kissed a stranger?:

 no

75.Drank hard liquor? :

 yh

76.Lost glasses contact/lenses? :

i dont use glasses/ contact lenses

77.Turned someone down?:

 yep

78.Sex on first date?:

no

79.Broken someone’s heart?:

not that i can think of

80.Had your heart broken?:

no

81.Been arrested?:

No

82.Cried when someone died?:

yh

83.Fallen for a friend?:

 no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84.Yourself?:

 yeah

85.Miracles?:

yeah

86.Love at first sight?:

no

87.Santa Claus?:

no

88.Kiss on the first date?:

if its the right mood

89.Angels?: no

OTHER

90.Current best friend’s name:

 .....

91.Eye color: 

Green

92. Favourite movie:

Now you see me

i tag @kim-jonginism @kingnamjoons @xxxmercelyxxx @jun-mama and @laysekai

#im here tagging u i cantrememver everyone but i want u to do it so ubetter #fuk my spellinh #lol

[robotsandramblings]

“92 truths tag meme” - I should be going to bed but this sounded funner :P

tagged by the lovely @shavothehusky ^_^

Rules: Write 92 truths about yourself then tag 25 people

LAST… [1] drink: milk [2] phone call: shit idk lol [3] text message: brother [4] song you listened to: p sure something from the Voltron S1 soundtrack lol [5] time you cried: laughing at some vine compliation last night

HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: nope [7] been cheated on: nope [8] kissed someone and regretted it: not rly [9] lost someone special: yes [10] been depressed: no [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: i have a few horror stories lol

con’t...

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS: [12] orange [13] green [14] blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: a few yeah, mostly work or here [16] fallen out of love: not rly [17] laughed until you cried: all the time lol [18] found out someone was talking about you: yeah some idiot at work overreacted over a situation, long story short it was her fault but she was trying to make me look like a bad guy, thankfully she doesn’t work there anymore lmao [19] met someone who changed you: kinda? I moved in with a friend/coworker and like she didn’t change me as a person persay but she’s the best roomie i’ve ever had and i do feel different bc i’m finally happy with my living situation y’know [20] found out who your true friends are: lmfao yeah i’d say that. like when i went on a special trip with 2 former roommates and after we got back, one of them changed her profile pic to NOT a picture of the 3 of us, but just her & the other girl?? like wow ok thanks for the slap in the face... [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: nope

GENERAL… [22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: i know all of them, isn’t that the point?... i don’t add randos or strangers?? [23] do you have any pets: my roomie has 2 cats whom i call my stepsons lol [24] do you want to change your name: no i like my name actually :) [25] what did you do for your last birthday: i honestly don’t even remember, it was that uneventful lol. i think i just visited my famjam and chilled [26] what time did you wake up: 11:30am huehue [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: laying in bed listening to music [28] name something you cannot wait for: movies!! Avengers Infinity War, Black Panther, Wonder Woman... and Voltron S3 !! [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: idk 2-3 weeks ago? [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: my job. it sucks the happiness outta me. i hate so much about it now. i jsut want a steady job with good hours and pay that i don’t hate :))) [31] what are you listening to right now: nothing, surprisingly. i almost always have music playing... [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes [33] something that is getting on your nerves: p much everything lmao. short temper queen over here [34] most visited website: tumblr, pinterest, facebook, recently marvel unlimited [35] elementary: yes i went to elementary school. i even passed. [36] high school: yes i went to high school. i even passed. [37] college/university: waste of my time and money since i no longer care about my degree or its related field lmao lmao :))))))))))) [38] hair color: brown [39] long or short hair: in between right now. growing it out again. [40] do you have a crush on someone: asdfghjkl Shiro, Bucky... andmaybeLancebutisthatweirdtosayshitidk [41] what do you like about yourself: i'm very independent and i’m 100% fine with being alone and keeping myself occupied [42] piercings: just mah ears [43] blood type: lmao idk A+ i think [44] nickname: rora [45] relationship status: single [46] zodiac sign: aries [47] pronouns: she/her [48] fave tv show: Voltron, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, TFP, TFA, i used to loooove Criminal Minds, and i’m pretty hooked on Riverdale rn [49] tattoos: noooo i hate needles lol [50] right or left handed: right, but sometimes i think i border on ambidextrous?

FIRST… [51] surgery: never had any, knock on wood... [52] piercing: it took me like 15 years to get my ears pierced no lie lol [53] best friend: had one from kindergarden (age 4) right through high school, and then she just... stopped talking to me when we both went away to university. thanks gurl [54] sport: swimming lessons! and stuck with it for a good 13 years. also did soccer for a long time [55] vacation: first major vacation that didn’t center around our annual camping trip was probably to Western Canada - Alberta and BC. [56] pair of trainers: wut

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: i just had a spoonful of peanut butter and choc chips bc i fuckin can and i don’t have any reese’s cups lmao [58] drinking: milk [59] i’m about to: go to bed [60] listening to: still nothing lol [61] waiting for: my ass to finish this questionnaire lol [62] want: to get my ass to bed lmao [63] get married: only if Shiro or Bucky are gunna pop outta my screen and into real life lmao [64] career: workin at a large booktore (it’s not as glamourous and wonderful as you’d think...)

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs! [66] lips or eyes: EYES [67] shorter or taller: taller [68] older or younger: older (for a romantic partner, and even for friends, a lot of my friends end up being older than me lol) [70] nice arms or nice stomach: arms, baby [71] sensitive or loud: not a fan of loud ppl tbh... [72] hook up or relationship: w/e [73] troublemaker or hesitant: probably hesitant for me lol

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger: nope [75] drank hard liquor: oooh yes [76] lost glasses/contact lenses: i don’t have them [77] turned someone down: not rly [78] sex on first date: nope [79] broken someone’s heart: don’t think so? [80] had your own heart broken: only pining after unattainables lol [81] been arrested: nope [82] cried when someone died: yes of course. and guess what , if it’s someone close, you cry more often after they’re gone too. thanks eyeballs [83] fallen for a friend: maybe once?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself: depends on the day lmao [85] miracles: sometimes yes [86] love at first sight: yes [87] Santa Claus: YES FITE ME (i legit wish he was real) [88] kissing on the first date: yes [89] angels: yes and no? i guess i like to believe that some ppl i’ve lost are “watching over me” in some way, even though i’m p much atheist...

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: Sam aka idontshootthemessenger <3 and some girls from childhood or work but you don’t need to know thier names [91] eye color: brown [92] favorite movie: omg so many... Transformers (1 & 3), Captain America 2 & 3, Avengers, Saving Private Ryan, Lord of the Rings

i can finally go to bed lmao :P

#R&Rpersonal #nah it's ok i wnated to do this :P

[nikkiexploreseu]

January 15th; Venice, Italy and Rome, Italy

I haven't updated for a few days now as I've been sick and have now gotten off of Contiki so I've been trying to get myself better, but I've posted pictures! After our beautiful castle meal in Slovenia we headed out the next morning to Venice. It was a full day of driving so we had to get up really early, but it gave us plenty of time to catch up on sleep which was nice. When we arrived we had to get a boat over to Venice itself, because there are no vehicles on the island of Venice whatsoever; it's completely pedestrian and water canals. The architecture was exactly what you expect of Italy, all the windows were flat with shutters, all the walkways were pebbled and all the architecture was ancient and glorious. We had a gondola ride through the canals which was not what I'd expected but was still nice. It only went for half an hour, but where we went it looked like a few steps up to the old houses and apartments were under water; an estimated 3000 years is left before the city is completely underwater. I asked why the city was built the way it was rather than with roads and it was to do with escaping their enemies of war at the time as they had not yet discovered boats. There were dozens of gondolas everywhere you looked, with a guy on the back of each rowing them around. After the gondola ride, we had a few hours of free time, so a few of us sourced the number one priority of being in Italy; pizza. And we weren't disappointed. We had a lemoncello shot with lunch, bruschetta that was the size of a pizza in itself and then a prosciutto pizza for main course. After lunch Marisa and I found a little bar and had the best tiramisu I've ever tasted in my life, with a Bolini; an Italian drink that is made of peach purée and champagne. It was incredible, I'm definitely finding out if they make them on the cruise. We wandered and met with the rest in a pub and all drank Bolini's until it was time for the next tour. We went on a wine and dine tour of Venice, where we went to 3 different bars and got to try a different Venezian specialty food and wine at each place. It wasn't like wine tasting in adelaide where you get to try heaps, we only got to try one red and one white at each place, which was fine anyway. Walking around the streets of Venice would be much more crowded in summer, I think going during winter was a good choice because the streets are really narrow and were hard to fit through with traffic from both directions as it was, I can't imagine during the summer. We got told that it's very easy to get lost in Venice, and now I understand why. All the buildings are stories higher than you, and street signs are far and few between; its like being in a maze. In the main square there are pigeons and birds everywhere, and if you stand in the middle of them there are guys that hand you a handful of bird seed without even slightly asking permission and you get flocked. And then you have to pay them. Like what? I didn't really want to get covered in pigeons but I did so that was an experience. There were heaps of little souvenir stores in the main square as well so I bought an Italia jumper because why not, I haven't bought a hoodie yet on this trip. Through the little side streets there were a lot of boutiques and like Gucci stores that were all really expensive, so I don't recommend shopping in Venice, or in Italy in general. We left at 10:30pm to go back to the hostel and were up again at 7:45am to go to my final destination; Rome. It was another full day of driving, we arrived at around 4pm and dropped our bags off with some difficulty before going on a walking tour and to dinner. I learnt really quickly that Italians are rude, and absolutely suck at organisation. We got put in a room which the first time didn't have working keys, and when we had working keys discovered that there were people already occupying said room. So then we got moved from the 1st floor to the 4th floor in an elevator that probably shouldn't have held more than a small child, and was about the size of a toilet cubicle, to then find out that we in fact didn't have a room there either, so we got taken back down to reception and had our bags put into the luggage area and got given free beer to compensate; overall not a bad deal in my opinion but the other girls weren't happy. We also got an upgraded room; we saw real carpet in the hallway and got excited. After that debarkle we headed out on the walking tour which took us to the Trevi Fountain, the Pantheon and the fountain out of angels and demons where Tom Hanks pulls the guy out of the fountain I'll post a picture so you know what I'm talking about; or just google it. It was raining slightly but it wasn't too cold, it was in positives and that was honestly a really exciting moment. Gloves were not necessary for the first time in two weeks. Venice was warm too actually, sunglasses were out! Seeing the Pantheon and the Trevi Fountain in person was yet another one of those moments when I realised that photos do nothing any justice whatsoever. I didn't think it would interest me that much, but standing there had a very different effect. I don't understand how thousands of years ago literally thousands like BC level thousands, people, human beings built structures of that scale. Like if you stood 56 of me on top of each other, these buildings are bigger than that. And all the columns are perfectly round and dozens of metres Tall and wide, how do they even exist? The Trevi Fountain isnt even in a featuring position, it's literally all but in the back streets of Rome like WHAT. But the reason for that, is that structures like the well known ones aren't the only ones to their scale; there are buildings throughout all of Rome of the same scale, literally throughout. Rome is entirely ruins with a few hotels and a few McDonalds thrown around. There's random columns like along the side streets and the old gladiator racing strips are just a square in the middle of roads. It looks like so much of it should be a feature but it's not it's just part of the city; it's again, indescribable. We went to dinner and this was the moment that I was at the height of my sickness for the trip, I got light headed and ill and couldn't breathe at all, so I didn't eat much and decided I was going to go straight to bed when we got back. But did I? No. Because it was the last night on Contiki, and I'm an idiot. So I went out drinking with everyone else until 5am, when we had to get up at 7:30am for the Colosseum. WHY NIKKI. GODDAM. Getting up was a struggle and pretty much everyone was still drunk, and one of the guys I've been travelling with lost his metro pass and the tour manager was also still drunk and she had no time to be mothering so everyone was like yeah nah we will see you there, even the people he was travelling with. I felt bad for him so I stayed with him at the train station and we managed to find the right train ticket, the right train and get off at the right stop which was the easy part because it's called 'Colosseo'. We ended up getting there about 40 minutes before the group because they did a walking ruins tour which we agreed neither of us could've handled at that point in the morning anyway, so we gave ourselves a 40 minute colosseum tour before meeting up with everyone else. Again, I feel like I say this too much, but the Colosseum has to be seen to be believed. The outside looks spectacular no doubt but it has absolutely nothing compared to the inside. It is insane. Absolutely insane. Not much if any has been reconstructed at all, it's been left to naturally erode and age over time, which honestly just made it that much more incredible. We walked into the arena and there's an immediate sense of needing to imagine exactly what went on here, you can't help but see it so clearly. We stood on the top level for the best part of half an hour and just stared and took it in, there isn't much else that you can do other than that. We met up with the group and the tour was actually quite shitty, it only went for 15 minutes and didn't really tell us anything that isn't already well known; that the broken half broke in an earthquake, that top seats were reserved for women and slaves and the closest balconies were reserved for priests and important people. One thing I didn't know was how much went on underneath the main floor of the arena. The animals were brought out from under the ground, for effect. The main arena floor is now gone so you can see all the walls where the cages were for the animals, and it was explained how they were hoisted up by slaves pushing the ropes to move and open the trap doors in the arena floors. To be honest I'm glad that we got to the Colosseum first, because we spent about an hour in there whereas the others only spent about 20 minutes. We went to the souvenir shop and I bought a little gladiator helmet, and then because everyone was either drunk or hungover we headed for food. It was bucketing down with rain all afternoon, and i bought an umbrella off of a gypsie for 5€ which was a mistake because of course as soon as the rain touched it the actual handle, not the umbrella, the HANDLE, snapped in half. So that got left on the ground and I actually drove past it about half an hour later in my taxi to my hotel, and I had a bit of a laugh. We got back to the hostel and went to our separate hostels ( those of us that got off in Rome) and met up again at 3pm to do the Vatican. My Hotel was beautiful, it was an air BnB and the guy there was so friendly, it was bit overwhelming to know that I was no longer on an organised tour and had to adult again but the receptionist actually got me a map and taught me how to get everywhere from the hotel which calmed me down a lot. I'm going to say it again, the Vatican was indescribable. I was staying three bus stops from it, THREE, and then just had to walk under an underpass to get to the Vatican square. I picked up in Rome as well that if you walk around with earphones in, the beggars and guys trying to tell you tours and souvenirs don't bother you, so walking around with earphones in even without music is a good way to go. Otherwise they follow you and call out to you until you respond. We did a tour of the Vatican museums and the Sistine Chapel, both of which I could have spent much more time in and intend to in the future. Leave a good 5 hour window to do the Vatican, because the museums are fascinating, and get an audio guide please for the love of god, it makes it so much more interesting. I was the only one that did and it was the best 7€ I've ever spent. The most amazing thing was seeing ruins and artifacts and tapestries from BC, like yes you learn about the history of BC but standing in front of roman ruins that were actually built BC is just another experience. And not being religious doesn't make a difference, if you know the bible to a reasonable extent then seeing the Vatican is worth doing. There was a hall of tapestries that depicted major events in Jesus' time, that were taught throughout all of my schooling and that i know back to front, the betrayal of his disciples, the last supper, the birth of Jesus, and they were made like 1-2 AD. They were made in the time of Jesus as it is believed, and while it didn't make me Christian or catholic it certainly made me question whether or not some of these events really did exist. Sorry Hughes'. It's very different learning the stories in school and seeing a tapestry woven in the time when it all supposedly happened. Right there in front of you. I will go back to Rome ( technically I have to because I threw a coin in the Trevi Fountain), and when I do an entire day will be dedicated to the Vatican. Contiki has officially ended. To be honest, and don't let this put anyone off of doing a Contiki, but I don't think I'll be doing another one, and if I do it won't be 12 countries in 16 days. Pros: - meeting people - Becoming a literal alcoholic - Seeing the highlights of each country you visit - Having an experienced tour guide - Having people around you that are in the same boat - Seeing a lot in a short amount of time Cons: - the contiki cold. It is NOT a myth, and it WILL NOT go away. - Getting up early every day - Only spending 36 hours in each city, sometimes less. - Not having the time to do everything you want to do - Spending waaaay too much money on alcohol and nice dinners that you wouldnt otherwise spend - Minimal sleep; absolute exhaustion. 16 days was too long, if I were to do it again I would do a week maximum and 2-3 countries. But, in saying all of that I did have an amazing time, meet some amazing people who I'm now going to Switzerland with, and doing a road trip along Australia's east coast with, and I will definitely never forget the experience. I flew back to London last night and am currently sitting on the plane to ICELAND!!!!! I've been super stressed because after being on tour I forgot how to adult a little bit but I'm back on the horse now and ready. Iceland, here we come! Oh and I really need to do some laundry. So Iceland and laundry, here we come! Some memorable things I've learnt so far: - don't be scared to talk to people that you don't know, 99% of the time they're willing to help you. - Don't constantly worry that you're being kidnapped; you're not. - Don't buy premium everything, make do with what you can. I've been blowing my nose with toilet paper for 3 days now, tissues are expensive. - Tipping is ridiculous, but necessary pretty much everywhere except for Australia. - Italians don't line up well; push in. - Polish people don't like you eating in their restaurants, they all stare when you walk in. - Not everyone can speak as much English as you assume, ask everyone you talk to before you talk to them if they speak English, purely by saying "English?" - .Learn how to sleep on transport; once you've got one type down, you've got them all down. Buses, planes, you name it. Buy a neck pillow. - Experiment with food, never stick to what you know when you're travelling. Half of the experience is eating their food. - If something scares you, it generally means that it's good for you. Just do it. - If you have to pay to go to the toilet, hold it. - Napping is a precious skill whilst travelling, learn it and do it whenever you can. - Don't be scared of overseas pharmacies, their products are exactly the same as ours. - Do not be scared to do things that you haven't done before, if you don't know where you're going or what you're doing, just remember that everyone else in the world has done this before, it can't be as hard as you're thinking it is. - Drink lots of water. - Bring lots of Chapstick. - BRING PAW PAW. - Packing a rucksack is easier if you put the cases of stuff on the bottom, and the clothes on the top; they squish better. - In Italy eat as much gelato as humanly possible. - Do NOT pack more than two pairs of shoes, you will not wear sneakers in winter. - Pack less pants and more jumpers; I've been wearing one pair of jeans everyday for 3 weeks, you just change the leggings underneath. - Bring a goddam jacket and don't spend 90€ on one in Amsterdam. - Go to Amsterdam, but don't buy weed stronger than 2 🐾 - They'll try to tell you that Austrian and German are different languages; they're not. - Pack more socks and more underwear than you think you will need...And then some more. - Sometimes in Europe, you can leave without paying the bill. - Sometimes in Europe, you can ride public transport without buying a ticket. - If you go to a thermal bath, pay for the package with a massage. You won't regret it. - Don't be scared of anything, you may think you do, but you don't stand out. You're just another person. - Live with #noregrets.

[imisswonho]

(1/7) Ahhh don’t worry u can answer whenever u feel like it,I can wait and I always check from time to time so that I don’t miss any answer.. I mean I’m already on tumblr approximately 24/7 but I still check ur blog separately... SAFETY FIRST !! 👀 I mean I already have shit to deal with so I don’t need any friends problem🤓And after all,some friendships just aren’t meant to exist for too long.. Sad but true ☹️💞 Ugh I hate teacher that always say things like “u need that amount of words!!!”

(2/7) Can’t they just let us write as much as we want to ? Whenever I have a german exam our teacher says something along the lines “U need 500+ words otherwise u don’t even have to give me ur exam” ITS SO ANNOYING 😒 Our teacher wouldn’t say that we’re not allowed to use google translate bc they know we would do it anyway 🤷‍♀️😌 AND CONGRATS FOR BEING THE BEST IN UR CLASS !! IM A PROUD ANON 💞 (Since when does orange hearts exist ?!😱🧡) I wish But I missed most of the AMA’s..

(3/7) the twitter live started at 12am for me and I watched until around 1:30am,that’s when bts had their red carpet interview 👀But then I went to sleep bc I had school that day and bc my exams start I wanted to get Atleast 4h sleep.. The actual performance would’ve been at 4/5am for me and sorry but no.I have to wake up at 6am so I wouldn’t have gotten any sleep.. And even tho I didn’t watched the whole thing I was still SOOOO tired 😭 And I haven’t watched videos yet.. I should do that but

(4/7) school… ☹️💔 Ok but that’s cute with the flowers and the cake zksnxkdk It’s a actual goal !! 💞 Older people are so cute ☺️ Ich hoffe deine Oma hat einen Schönen Tag 🤓 And studies and school are….. Well… Shit. I have 10 exams and only finished 1.I have a PE exam tomorrow and the person,also know as my friend of 10+ Years,randomly decided to attend the exam with a other person even tho we practiced together for months ??? Now I’m alone and probably get a F 😒😒😒 That Bi- ..

(5/7) And I’m maybe gonna go to a different school soon !! It’s a higher school and for me a better one,I don’t like the one I visit that much.. And I wanna be free from my friend.Im sick of her using me all the time.She’s asking me EVERYDAY for homework,book pages,barely brings her schoolbooks into the lessons bc “they’re too heavy” AND UGH IM SO SICK OF IT !!!! I actually love helping and being there for someone but this is too much for me since it’s like this for years 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️

(6/7) But I also have good things to tell !! I talked to my french teacher about my grade. U gotta know I really suck at french so I always got bad grades ☹️ But when I talked to her on Monday… SHE SAID I HAVE A C 😌🎉🎉 And with that C I can change to the other school bc otherwise I maybe wouldn’t be able to do it AND IM JUST SO HAPPY BC REALLY IM SO BAD AT FRENCH AND NOW I HAVE A C WHICH IS THE BEST I EVER GOT AND IM AS HAPPY AS THE BALL OF SUN AKA HOBI ☺️☺️☺️💞

(7/7) aaaaaaand… I’m one of the Army’s that pre ordered the 2018 Season greetings 😌👀🎉 I can’t wait for it to arrive and then have it in my shelf and the calendar AND JUST EVERYTHING ☺️☺️ I’m so so so so happy I got to pre order.. It’s the first time I pre order something 🙊 And I really hope that BT21 Merch get’s released !! I really wanna order all the plushies THEYRE SO CUTE I MUST HAVE THEM 😭😭❤️ (I hope I mentioned everything I wanted to say.. It’s a bit long!!) -Overwatch anon

omg!!! i forgot if i asked u this but are we mutuals??? you’re a bits blog right?? for some reason i feel like you said tae was your bias but i could be totally making that up HAHAHAHAH bt omg I hope you’re able to watch it soon!! My flatmates and I were cramped in the corner of our kitchen bc that’s where we get the best wifi and the 5 of us watched everything from the red carpet until their performance and we were so tired but we made it thru!! i CAN’T BELIEVE WE WAITED 4 HOURS TO WATCH A 3 MINUTE PERFORMANCE SJDFSDKFSHJF BUT IT WAS SO WORTH IT!!!

and omg our uhh ‘friend’ doesn’t sound ike a friend at all… I’M GLAD YOU’RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO GET A FRESH START!!! I’m excited for you!! and toutes nos félicitations!!!! i remember learning french… I don’t know how i passed the class HAHAHAHAHA A C IS AMAZING!!!!! I’m so proud of you!!! and hobi would too hehehe ☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

AND OMG I SAW THE 2018 SEASONS GREETINGS!!! I’m still a pretty recent army so i don’t know what the packages are BUT!! I SAW THE PICTURES AND IT LOOKS LIKE IT COMES WITH A LOT OF COOL STUFF AHH I know how exciting it is to preorder something sdkfalfjlskdf AND OH MY GOSH I REALLY WANT THE PLUSHES TOO ASDJFALSDFJAKLFAS I’M GOING TO CRY IF WE CAN GET OUR HANDS ON ONE!!!! i’d love the Koya plushie skdfjdkfs and I also want an RJ one and Tata too but then if i get more than Koya i feel like’s be leaving ot7 out so i think ‘ll stick with Koya if i’m lucky hehehe 

#Anonymous #answered #overwatch anon

[2hyojongs]

82 truths 

rules: once you’ve been tagged answer eighty-two truths and then tag twenty-five people. 

Tagged by @overthemoonjoon ​ tytyty~ 

i’m not gonna tag anyone, but if you wanna do this feel free and just say i tagged you

name: alyssa blood type: honestly i have no clue  nickname(s): aly, lyss(a). but only my family calls me the latter  r/s: single zodiac sign: capricorn pronouns: she/her favorite tv shows: actual tv shows?? grey’s anatomy, shameless, house, law & order. animated, rick and morty, steven universe, and bob’s burgers. (i’m not even getting into my anime or drama list lmao it’s too much)  long or short hair: i have medium length hair, it’s not short anymore but it’s not long enough to  be considered “long” either  height: i always guesstimate between 5′5 and 5′6 but idk for sure 

do you have a crush on someone: no, not at the moment 

what do you like about yourself: i’m pretty chill most of the time ig? i don’t really get into any drama or trouble with people?? (too much effort to actually do that so??) idk what to say really lmao  right or left handed: ya girl a righty  list of three favourite colors: blue, yellow, pastel pink 

right now: eating: nothing  drinking: nothing i’m about to: download more music probably, and play bioshock infinite for a while  listening to: n.w.a (new wave attitude) by sous chefs ft kim hyo eun, nafla, and jay park   kids: do my dog and cats count? if so i have six lmao.  get married: idk honestly? kind of don’t want to bother with it  career: i’m in between jobs atm

most recent: drink: cherry pepsi  phone call: honestly…i don’t remember?  song you listened to: let me fly by dmx just started so that 

have you ever: dated someone twice: yep been cheated on: yep kissed someone and regretted it: yep  lost someone special: yep been depressed: listen buddy i’ve been dealing with major depression since i was 12….i’m 20 now  been drunk and thrown up: hahahaha last night bc my dumb ass was too eager to drink and didn’t ear before hand.  kissed a stranger: lmao no  had glasses or contacts: i’ve been wearing glasses for 6 years  had sex on the first date: well technically we never went on a real date but yes  broken someone’s heart: yes, and it hurts me that i have but i didn’t have a choice turned someone down: yes  cried when someone died: of course i have  fallen for a friend: yes, a few times

in the last year have you: made a new friend: yes! quite a few here and it makes me so happy, y’all are the best  fallen out of love: yes, a few times laughed until you cried: omg yeah hahah, it happens a lot when i drink met someone who changed you: yes, sometimes for the best, but sometimes for the worst. thankfully the latter days are past me and i’ve only been getting better found out who your true friends were: yeah, and it sucks lmao  found out someone was talking about you: it hasn’t happened since high school honestly. now i don’t really talk to enough people for that to happen kissed someone on your fb list: yeah hahah, a handful

which is better: lips or eyes: both are very nice feature tbh shorter or taller: idc either way honestly romantic or spontaneous: i don’t deal with spontaneity very well (i don’t like surprises and i’m pretty set into the routine i have going on lol), so i guess romantic?? even tho i don’t really like super cheesy things, i’m a simple person     sensitive or loud: someone who can be thoughtful and sensitive but can get loud with me when i’m drunk and having fun?? (i’m such a loud person when i get drunk/excited. it’s like i’m a completely different person) hookup or relationship: i don’t mind either way?? i personally think hookups can be fun and a healthy way to sort out your sexual needs and if handled properly i enjoy them, but i like/want relationships when the opportunity to build a healthy one comes up too. troublemaker or hesitant: idk?? i like someone who can pull pranks and joke around and i guess that fall under trouble maker, but i also like people who are hesitant to start petty fights and shit too??

first: best friend: my first best friend was the boy who lived next door to me when i was little before i moved away from that state. i haven’t spoken to him since, and that was like 13 years ago? i think surgery: i’ve never had one  sport i joined: i was never a sport kid (even tho now as an adult i wish i had been).  vacation: uh fuck, i honestly don’t remember? i don’t remember very much from my early childhood

do you believe in: yourself: lol no miracles: miracles is a very loose term, idk. i guess it depends on the circumstances??  love at first sight: look the only time i fell in love first looking at someone is when i first laid eyes on Namjoon heaven: no, but i do believe in a different form of a afterlife 

extras: how many people from your fb list do you know irl: uh, about 80%? idk  do you have any pets: i personally have a dog named bluebell (she’s a mini aussie and a sheltie mix and she’s the most adorable fluffy ball of cutness i’ve ever laid eyes on), and five cats, who all brats but i love them very much and spoil the hell out of them.

 but in all there are three other dogs in my house. my grandparents (who i live with) have two beagles name lily and rosie and an aussie/blue heeler named rosco, and they have a fuck ton of chickens and turkeys, a peacock, two goats, two pigs, a pony, and two mini donkeys as well :’)  do you want to change your name: i used to want to change my first name, and remove my second middle name but as i got older they grew on me  what did you do for your last birthday: i cried tears of joy beacause kris wu and the gorillaz released tracks that day, and that night i got really drunk and skyped with three of my friends.  what time did you wake up today: i woke up at like 9:30am?? which is super out of character for me lmao  what were you doing last night at midnight: i was sleeping which again is super out of character but i didn’t feel well and the cold medicine i took put me to sleep  something you can’t wait for: tomorrow night bc i wanna know wtf is happening on grey’s anatomy bc the teaser they showed last week left too many fucking questions  last time you saw your mom: about an hour ago?? she brought me strawberry plants from work (the lady who she takes care of sent them over for me how sweet)  what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i probably would’ve gone to college instead of copping out?? or idk not let myself be such a depressed piece of shit have you ever talked to a person named tom: my bus driver in middle school was named tom lmao  what’s getting on your nerves: my stupid ass brother lmao 

#tagged in #txt #long post #this took so long lmao rip #it was kind fun to do tho idk

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this is about to get super Extra so it’s going under a read more jsyk

i literally cannot stop thinking about cuddling with the boy on saturday night like it was just the???? nicest thing???? like i’ve made out with boys here and there but nothing was as innocent and nice as that was and it just happened out of nowhere and organically and i feel super ick and gooey because iM NOT THIS SOFT WHEN DID I TURN SOFT

ok so heres the story just so i can rehash the details with myself bc i wanna relive it but...... it started with me and his fwb (????? i really don’t know at this point) were sitting on our coworkers couch (btw i really like her but i won’t get into that side of the story because i’ll feel bad and it’s way too complicated) and then he came and sat on both of our laps bc he was done with playing poker. he just starts chatting and then people start getting up to leave and she’s talking about how she should call a cab and yeah. he says that she can come stay at his house if she wanted (;////) but she wanted to take a cab. so she left and me and boy were sitting together on the couch just watching b99 while people were playing poker, as you do. 

so then, he gets up to go get a drink or something, idk. i was really tired so i wanted to lie down on the couch so i did, and i was pretty much taking up the whole space. anyways, he comes back and i start to move my feet but he’s like ‘you can put your feet on my lap if you want’, so i like rest my legs on his lap. slowly (or not, i can’t remember, but i added this adverb for dramatic effect ANYWAYS) his hand kind of rested on the outside of my knee and like occasionally he would like squeeze and rub and stuff and feed (? idk hold my drink i dont know the word thats the drinking equivalent to feed what is english) me sangria, and like we shared a sangria idk thats not important. anyways, around like 4:30am we both started getting tired so, without really getting up, he just moved his torso so he was like resting his head on my stomach, and his hands moved to like the outside of my upper thigh (borderline butt territory). i was kind of like awkwardly resting my hand on my boob because im me and i don’t know what to do with my hands or myself in any sort of situation anywhere. so he takes my awkward hand and kind of loops it around his head so it’s resting on his upper back area, so im pretty much like holding him. 

so we stay like that for a little bit until i decide to take it further a bit (yeah, /me/, shocking right) so i take my other hand thats not on his back and started playing with his hair. when i start doing that, the hand thats resting on my thigh kind of moved up and he started like stroking (???) and lightly squeezing and idk it just felt so nice i don’t know how to describe it. i was this really weird mixture of hyper relaxed but also freaking tf out and i was so worried that he would be able to hear my heartbeat because it my heart rate deadass rested at panic attack levels because i was like !!! oh my god !!! 

anyways this lasts for a little bit and we both like fall asleep and stuff and by the time we wake up its close to 5am and im pretty sure i heard a coworker take a picture. he sit up again, but he doesn’t move his hand, like it’s still in the same place on my upper thigh and i kind of like hold his forearm and he just keeps rubbing my thigh!!!! i can’t get over that it was just so soft and nice !!!!!! and then it was time to leave at like 5 (which btw is a solid two hours after the first round of people left just for reference) and he got up and i was really sad about it. 

so the guy giving us the ride home wasn’t drinking (ofc) but he had more people than would fit in his car (don’t tell the police) so somebody was gonna have to sit in someones lap. i wasn’t about to make myself sound like i wanted to sit in his lap (even though i did. like really bad) so i was like “i guess i’ll sit in the front because i’m getting dropped off first???” and nobody really said anything so i was like :( ok. so i get there and it just so happens that another coworker has to sit in Boy’s lap and other coworker was not happy abt it so i turned around and was like “do u want to sit up front? idc because i’m getting out first” but he was like nah. Boy was like talking about how other coworker was heavy and he was like “man can i have her (me) in my lap instead” and i was like :))))) ok yes. 

so anyways i get home and he immediately messages me, which he like never did before so i kinda thought like ???? are things changing now bc this happened. idk so we’ve kinda been talking (flirting???) but i don’t know if i’m reading too much into it.

anyways, im not gonna go into specifics but i saw him again yesterday and it felt different??? idk if it was because i feel different about things now or if things are actually legitimately different. 

anyways i caught feelings and it sucks and also i cant wait to see him on saturday so i hate myself 

#lmao props to u if u read this #i feel like i should have a tag for all my boy issues #hmm ill tag it as #courtney ft boys #BUT YEAH THIS IS SUPER EXTRA AND ILL PROBABLY DELETE IT #BC I WILL ACTUALLY D I E IF SOMEONE I KNEW READ THIS