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#bc it's just easier to get things to look good if i do so

rootbeerworshiper · 23 hours

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means something

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

summery: your best friend stopped talking to you suddenly but you need one last chance at closure

warnings: angst lol

a/n: short and sweet (and sad) but i had fun writing it. alsoooo it’s based on the song but you don’t need the song playing in the background bc the pacing is different

love, sienna <3

you let out a defeated sigh as you focus your attention on a blank sheet of paper. it was supposed to be easy now, easier to let out your thoughts and begin to reconstruct your views on the situations that bring you sadness. at least that’s what your therapist advised you.

but instead you have nothing but small doodles of hearts on the top of the paper, serving as nothing but a sad reminder of your own life and how it lacks the love you always read about.

‘hopeless romantic’ used to feel like the wrong word, because there was a point where you had hope for a story like you see in the movies. a classic romantic comedy plot line was one you had always yearned for.

it’s silly how badly you’ve wanted it. you know you’re a complete person without it, you have strengths and aspirations and you cannot base your worth onto stupid boys.

but he wasn’t stupid. not in the slightest, regardless of what others said about him.

he was thoughtful and caring in ways no one else has been to you. never in your life have you seen someone so in touch with their own emotions at that level.

that’s because he’s special. to you and to so many other people.

April 17th, 2022

dear Matt,

i’m not entirely sure how to do this whole thing but it’s a step in healing that i’m more than inclined to take. part of me just really wants to get better so i have to do something to help me.

it might seem really random that i’m mailing you a letter, and trust me i understand how odd it is. but for once i needed you to hear me, and i can’t really send this message to a blocked number.

i can’t see anything in life without thinking of you. i saw a street sign the other day and i had to squint because, for a moment i thought i saw your last name plastered on the plastic. and i thought that it meant something. like the universe was trying to tell me something.

how pathetic is that? you know i can’t even have most of my favourite snacks anymore because they were our favourite snacks. the new foods you introduced me to when i forced you to watch ‘to all the boys i’ve loved before’ with me in middle school are practically forbidden from my apartment.

“this is the dumbest movie concept ever” Matt speaks, an annoyed undertone to his voice as he looks to me.

“you haven’t even watched it yet how can it be dumb? you know you might end up enjoying it if you watch it with an open mind” i reply, snuggling into his arm as my body rests on the soft couch cushion.

it definitely doesn’t take long for him to become invested.

“wait someone sent the letters?”

“why is she kissing him? doesn’t she like margo’s boyfriend?”

“damn they’re really just making out in a public hot tub”

the movie comes to a close, a cute song playing as the credits roll. “so, what did you think?”

“i think that i really like root beer and i really need the second movie now” he exclaims, sipping his bubbly liquid before looking down at me with the same blue eyes that can easily make me dizzy.

“i thought you’d come around Matt”

now i’m just a girl getting sad over a canned soda and a familiar brand of chips because it reminds me of all the good that once was.

along with this, i know everything about you.

i know your zodiac sign, me and leo’s are really compatible, which i never failed to mention to you despite how little you believe in astrology.

i can’t lie, the amount of silly little compatibility quizzes i took throughout middle school with our names punched in was a bit excessive, but every time without fail i would get the answers i had hoped for. and i thought that meant something.

i know how hard it was growing up for you. but i was there for you when you needed someone to force you to go to school in the morning, or when you needed help ordering food at the gas station across the street.

i used to think we were soulmates. not always romantic, but we just understood each other so well and i considered it to be sacred.

whenever i went through my own shit you were there for me. it was always so easy. knowing that if i had a bad day i had someone to go to who would listen with open ears… i guess it’s just been hard to live without that.

“Matt why did he break up with me? am i that unlovable?” i cry out, my head buried in matt’s chest as he rubs small circles on the back of my head.

he just pulls my head off of him, hands placed on either cheek as he looks at me. “i don’t think there is anyone on this planet that is more lovable than you”

i sniffle, trying my best to suppress the numerous tears that want nothing more than to escape my eyes. “so why did he break up with me out of the blue? after eight months why did he just decide he’s done with me?”

“because he’s an idiot who doesn’t understand the girl he just lost”

i cried for hours that night when my boyfriend broke up with me, and i know you remember. the next morning i woke up in your arms and i immediately felt guilty for keeping you up so late with my sob stories, but you didn’t care.

you said you wanted what’s best for me and you would make it your life’s goal to make me happy. and then you had the audacity to run your fingers through my hair as i thought about what to do next. that along with the constant reminders of how much i deserved love, that it was a definite thing for me.

how is that okay? do you not see how that was so completely confusing? did it mean absolutely nothing?

i haven’t kissed many people in my life, something Chris loved to tease me about. what he doesn’t know is that you were my first.

we never talked about it. maybe that was for the best, because every time i see a picture of you all i can think about is how good your lips felt on mine.

“i can’t just kiss you!” i laugh out, taking another swig of my drink before wiping my lips and looking back at the boy who has a serious expression resting on his face.

“sure you can. i don’t want jack to have an unfortunate ending to your guys’ date if u end up like… licking his bottom lip or some shit” he argues, holding his own drink in his own hand but keeping his attention solely on me.

“you’re just saying that because you’re drunk”

“maybe” he replies, sensing my hesitance. “is the idea of kissing me that bad?”

“no! no of course not, i just don’t wanna make it weird between us” i say, suddenly feeling a pool of anxiety form in my stomach.

but then, before i could form another overwhelming thought you just kissed me. just like that your lips were attached to mine and everything felt okay.

it was short lived, although i know i could have been like that forever. “nothing could ever make things weird between us, promise”

it’s funny isn’t it? how many times we assured each other that our friendship was solid, unbreakable.

i think the worst part is the not knowing. there’s nothing to comfort me with.

you left one day and you simply never spoke to me again. was it my fault? was it something i said?

i can’t help but wonder if the reason you cut it off is because you noticed all the small glances i would take in your direction. or if you noticed that the reason why i love romance books so much is because i imagine we’re the main characters.

that’s the thing though, i’ll never know. i feel less like myself without you, but maybe that’s part of growing up.

i have to learn what my own favourite snacks are and i can’t reply on you to have my back when i get my heart broken. instead i’ll be crying in an empty bed wondering what could’ve happened differently.

this wasn’t supposed to be a long letter but i promise it’s the only one you’ll be getting from me because i have to do the same as you, i have to move on.

i just have one question for you.

did all of this mean something to you? like really mean something to you in the way that i interpreted it.

i’ve wondered if i was delusional when i caught you staring at me from across the classroom, or when i found those compatibility tests in your search history.

but the kiss? drunk or not i thought something was there, with you or with us or whatever else. i didn’t think i was just another girl that Matt Sturniolo kisses and then forgets about but that’s exactly what i became.

anyways, i hope this letter finds you well. i had to ask Nate for your address but please don’t get mad at him. you know how stubborn i am when i want something and he tried to say no.

i guess i just love you, and i’m trying my best to make that sentence into past tense.

thanks for listening, y/n.

you grab an envelope that resides on the edge of your desk and open it up. folding up your letter and placing it gently inside before licking the tip of the envelope and closing it.

it all feels metaphorical. pouring your heart out just for it to get concealed by a thin piece of paper and shipped away.

regardless, you breathe out, standing up and making your way over to the garage to start your car. if you don’t do it know you won’t do it at all, and you need him to hear you.

a/n: if u want a part 2 you might get one maybe… we’ll see what i’m feeling anyways hope you enjoyed this blurb

taglist: @lolasnoww-blog @tastesousweet @ivypoison @disturbedwoodelf @sturnswift @junnniiieee07 @ellie-luvsfics @sturnified @madsdogst @justlivinglive @sluttycupsworld @flowerxbunnie @mbsbaby @sturniolossmut @lustfulslxt @69isabella69 @dracoflaco @mattslatinagf @raekensluver @worldlxvlys @greatooglymooglyyy @breeloveschris @st7rnioioss @imwetforyourmom @sturniolololover @immuneweed @its-jennarose @taco-taco-posts @luverboychris @gracealwaysdisgrace @gamermattsgf @mattscoquette @nervoussagittarius @sugrhigh @jnkvivi @sturnsmia

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #matt x reader #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo oneshots #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo angst #chris sturniolo #nick sturniolo #matt sturniolo fluff #Spotify

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capn-twitchery · 23 hours

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do you have any tips for drawing expressions? it’s one thing that I always notice about your art, I love how expressive your characters are.

thank you so much!! it really means a ton bc expressions are one of the things i've focused & worked the hardest on over the years :D ♥

which ALSO MEANS--HA, YOU ACTIVATED MY SPECIAL INTEREST TRAP CARD i am now going to talk at you all for far too long about it >:) buckle up!

prefacing this by saying i Love animation, this makes me biased as hell with where i get my sources + how i study art. anyway!

i think my biggest #1 tip is don't be afraid to get goofy with it--characters don't have to look cool and stoic all the time, they can be silly! if an expression reads better, but looks a little off-model, do it anyway! make that guy look weird!

i draw little thumbnail expressions a Lot, whether for actual art or for just fun doodling. i don't have any recent ones to hand-- but here's some from a while ago. they help a ton to figure out what works quickly without worrying about actual facial features

they also help to see if i can push an expression further, it's easier to test out weird things on a tiny round doodle and then translate that into an actual drawing later on. pushing expressions To The Limits is a really good exercise in itself!

gonna put the rest under the cut bc it's getting long & i have a lot more to say

ok this in itself is a whole topic i can go on about for hours, but i'll try to keep it semi brief--i Love considering how different characters would show emotions! how one character would express sadness, how that would be different to another, how one character would smile vs. another, stuff like that!

related, giving characters individual expression quirks. twitch's :3 mouth & lazy lidded eyes if you could see them anyway & Very Smug Eyebrows, while grace has heavy low eyebrows & sad puppy eyes & usually looks at least 10% unsure at all times. it makes every single twitch smile look slightly not genuine and makes grace look. well. you know. the quirks are really fun to think of, and it makes drawing expressions feel a lot more fun when you personalise them!!

expressions can be easier to think of when you put characters in scenarios & consider how they'd react. it can also help to think of the character Moving/talking, instead of as a static image. mini comics or just adding dialogue to art helps a lot with this, i've only just started doing it and i'm having a blast!!

ok this one is weird and hard to explain and might only be applicable to me bc i can't see images in my brain-- but i'll throw it out there just in case! lots of artists make faces in the mirror to reference their own expressions, but it's never worked for me

i Do still act stuff out in my brain & make faces irl, but instead of doing it in the mirror, i just make the expression & consider how my face is moving in Words? ok for example This Comic, last panel for twitch--i'd run through the dialogue in my head and move around how i feel like they would, and list it off in Words--raised eyebrows, closed eyes, tilted head, etc etc. then i have a framework to base the expression on! and i don't need to stare into my own face in the mirror for reference. no mirror needed at all, actually. win/win. i do this for body language too

(yes this makes you look insane btw. sorry. if you do it too long best case scenario you get very dextrous eyebrows and worst case scenario you might start making cartoon character faces irl (or both) (i'm both))

not sure how much it helps specifically with expressions outside of animation, but it's a fun exercise--learning the limits of a character's face, animation calls it squash & stretch. drawing a face in the two most extreme states. so on character expression sheets you'll see weird faces like this⤵️ that's what that is

another exercise, i always have a ton of art saved that i like the expressions of. usually a lot of concept art for films. i'll do studies of them & redraw them, and/or take ocs and redraw them with those expressions! it's a great way to look at how other artists do stuff and yoink bits you like.

you'll hear this a lot if you look up Any art tips, but references & studies are great. i get a lot of inspo from disney concept art bc their artists are very talented people, but currently i hope disney studios' own hubris eats it alive. i want to see mickey mouse buried in a hole, the rat bastard. anyway some places i personally take inspiration from:

i look at a lot of animation concept art, some good sources are characterdesignreferences, livinglineslibrary, there's pdfs of animation art books all over the place too.

specific concept artists i like are jin kim & shiyoon kim !! they do Great expressions.

outside of film industry, tealin and tracy butler of lackadaisy cats are some inspirations! tracy butler has a great expressions tutorial here

if you find this stuff interesting & like reading, the illusion of life by ollie johnston & frank thomas is an incredible insight into the thought process behind stuff like this! there's a pdf here, unfortunately just a scanned copy but worth a read if you like this stuff!! specifically chapters 'character development', 'animating expressions & dialogue', and 'acting & emotions'

sorry that was an essay and a half but hopefully it was a little bit helpful!! i always love talking about this stuff so if you want anything clarified/just wanna talk about it more i am Always ready to go off >:3

#inquiries #solreefs #i have no idea how to explain these things in a way that feels Tangibly Helpful but i do love talking about it #hopefully it helps a Bit!! ty for giving me the excuse to go off hehehe #i wanted to do doodles to go along with stuff but my arms are achey today #alas. words will have to do #fredspeaks

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too-young-to-ber · 3 days

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Drrr-kuramerukagari post ketsu swap au

Basically iseya/eiwajima switching places with izaya/shizuo

I’ve never really posted abt things before and this is the first time I’m attempting to write abt something in such detail, so please bear with me🥲

I want to emphasize that this is all post ketsu but prob before sh and sunset novels bc I’m literally ignoring some characters.

Iseya is shocked to find himself in a wheelchair, looks for the one person he knows and trusts, eiwajima, only to find someone slightly different, in appearance and also behavior. When they meet he looks at him like he’s grown a second head, the wheelchair shocks him too but he also wasn’t expecting izaya to just appear in front of him with no purpose. Iseya just looks at him, comments on the hair that while he does look good blonde he prefers his natural brown.

Shizuo thinks he’s playing games so he shouts and takes a step closer and they’re both shocked to see izayas body tremble. Iseya gets glimpses of the battle in his head, his mind repeating the events over and over again and he understands. They’re not together, they’re hardly even friends. They’re enemies. How he can’t even begin to understand, how he could come to hate this man? He’s so much like eiwajima, just with sharper edges.

He takes a look around people are staring and whispering, some recognize them both and think they’re gonna get into a fight. He doesn’t like hearing them talk, despite his love for people he doesn’t really want to be seen right now, not in front of him like this when everything’s so complicated but also not. He doesn’t really know what to do now. He wanted to confine in the one person he knew he could talk to, but that person doesn’t exist the way he does in his memories.

Shizuo doesn’t understand what��s going through the fleas head but he can see him thinking. He almost looks sad, which is weird because izaya would never show emotion, especially not to him.

Iseya understands their rivalry more or less because despite everything it’s still them, so he tells him that he remembers him differently but he doesnt want to hurt him. He wants to learn more about him. He doesn’t know how long he’ll stay here or even how he came here, but he knew from the start that something was different. And so if he’s gonna have to stay here it’ll be with this alternate version of eiwajima, whatever their past may have been.

Shizuo is dumbfounded but agrees bc this guy, whoever he is, seems much easier to get along w than izaya, or maybe it’s just a side of izaya he never got the chance to see. (Or maybe in the very back of his mind he’s actually still playing games w him)

After talking (he realizes that this being a lie is too much of a stretch even for izaya) he feels sad to find out that they exists somewhere and they’re together, they’re friends they talk and laugh and are happy. Iseya, he calls himself, tells him about eiwajima and how he is, what his life is like and he is so jealous of his alternate self because he really is living the life he’s wanted since he found out he had this cursed strength.

He feels this loss, that he could have had that if he tried hard enough. The voice in his head telling him that eiwajima makes iseya feel good while he put izaya in a wheelchair. Eiwajima has wooed iseya while he scared izaya away. He really wonders if he has anything in common with the guy, but he must because iseya is staring at him like he’s holding the sun.

Iseya kisses him at some point and shizuo finds he doesn’t know what he’ll do when this guy leaves because he’s really enjoying their time together.

Alternatively if it’s eiwajima switching places, he’s rather confused at the hair and doesn’t like hearing people talk abt him while he walks, it seems they have nothing nice to say and they all avoid him like he’d crush them with his glance.

Of course he seeks out iseya only find a wheelchair bound man who feels like iseya but has a very unsettling vibe. He is obviously wounded if the wheelchair wasn’t enough to go by but apart from that the man freezes at his appearance and is trembling.

He immediately realizes that they don’t share the same relationship and past he knows to be true. What’s more they not only don’t get along but things have escalated between them so far that he’s managed to traumatize the man before him.

He doesn’t know what the best course of action here is, he doesn’t want to speak for alternate him because he doesn’t quite understand the extent of their situation, but “iseya” looks at him with such hatred and demands answers that he quite frankly doesn’t have.

He decides to come clean bc he couldn’t pretend to hate him even if he tried. He explains who he is and what he actually wanted by coming here and alternate iseya is so confused. He starts ridiculing him and it does kinda piss him off but when he accidentally punches a hole through the wall in frustration and “iseya” freezes again all his anger goes away.

He tells him that he cares about him. That despite what they’ve been through here he misses iseya and wants to see him. He tells him that they’re alike in some ways and he finds them endearing and wouldn’t trade what he has w iseya for anything. That they’re happy.

Izaya looks so bitter and hates that what this fake Shizu-chan is saying actually makes him want it, he realizes that he might be jealous and gets pisses bc as if he’d be jealous. He tells fake shizu that fake him is prob just lying to him and actually hates him but he’s hiding it to use him for his own advantage, bc that’s what kind of person he is really and if they’re anything alike then that’s what’s gonna happen.

Eiwajima just gives him a sad smile (which pisses izaya off even more). He knows what the words mean, that the world he’s describing, his home, is making the other man emotional. He strongly and confidently says that iseya loves him and he knows it. It’s not possible to fake their kind of love, and he doesn’t mind being used by that man, they love eachother and that’s all that really matters.

Izaya has never hated anyone more than this man before. He’s so much worse than shizu-chan bc he doesn’t get angry, he doesn’t react to anything he just sits there, spouts all this nonsense and looks at him like he’s actually in love w him and he really doesn’t know how to get out of this situation, he doesn’t want to be here but he’s so incredibly curious abt their life. He knows this guy is telling the truth but he refuses to believe it bc it seems so dreamlike and unreal, he can’t fathom being happy as described, much less with this man.

Eiwajima wants to stay with him, despite the fact that he didn’t actually do anything to bring this man such pain he still sees the emotions swimming around in his eyes and he wants to help him. Despite the fact that it’s not his iseya, it’s still this worlds version of him and that’s enough for him to try and fix whatever they have going on, or at least help in some way. He tries to get close, as close as he’s allowed and talks about whatever he remembers from his home, all things almost always leading to iseya of course. He tries various topics hoping the other will come in at some point and they’ll have a normal conversation, as normal as it can get anyways.

Izaya eventually does, they talk like they’re friends. Izaya can’t comprehend what’s happening but he’s trying not to think about, fake Shizu-chan is interesting, he likes hearing about this world of theirs and his life there, he realizes that he’s having a casual conversation and it’s easy too he’s easy to talk to and listen to. He’s enjoying this more than he originally thought he would. He wonders if his Shizu-chan is this nice to be around when he’s not throwing things at him, which he knows is probably true, he just has never been on the receiving end of shizuo’s kindness. However this “eiwajima” he’s very charming, and he can’t seem to look away from those eyes.

Idk where this is going but yeah I just want them to find out abt their alternate lives separately and cry abt how miserable they are. Maybe they would try to find each other and start over (in a sense) after this happens so they can actually make a happy ending for themselves (or a happy new beginning)

them actually swapping places makes it hurt more since they’re inserted into this foreign world. They would both be shocked to find their supposed enemy sleeping next to them and the ppl around them liking them, I don’t think they’d ruin anything, well maybe izaya would try depending on what would happen but I don’t think he’d would want to make these ppl hate alternate him even just to spite him bc they prob wouldn’t, I mean they know what he’s like and they like him so…

shizu would be so shocked to see ppl liking him random ppl not afraid of him but wanting him around, he’d be afraid to talk to them so as not to hurt them. And then as far as their relationship goes they’d be happy but also sad that they can’t have it.

Overall it would mostly be sad (bc as it seems I love angst), heartbreaking really, to see what they could have had but weren’t as lucky as the other two. There’s a lot of reasons as to why the two of them never really got the chance to get along (which I’m not gonna get into now bc that’s a whole other story and lots of ppl have already made theories on it) but I think that seeing versions of themselves happy and well is like a slap in the face bc had their circumstances been different they could have had that, had they tried to do things differently they could have had something similar.

This has been in my head for a while (post ketsu usually is on repeat) and I really had to get it out bc it’s too much, and it turned into a whole ass essay🥲 this is the first time I’m attempting this tho so pls don’t look into it too much, it’s a mess of thoughts that I can’t quite put together. I apologize if there’s any mistakes or holes in it, it’s def ooc so yeah…

Thank u to anyone who decided to read it and made it this far! If theres anything anyone wants to add pls go right ahead I’m starving for these boys. Thanks again for reading! 🥰

#durarara #kuramerukagari #shizaya #eiwaseya #shizuo heiwajima #izaya orihara #iseya #eiwajima #eiwazima #idk which one is correct for his name so I’m tagging both #I’m sorry this is so long #but I had to GET IT OUT #it’s been in my head nonstop since I saw the movie #i might have forgotten to add some things but this is all I can think of rn #I’m so in love with them it’s not even funny

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wardingshout · 4 months

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Family for day 6 of SpeSilverWeek! Edition uuh found biological and crime I guess...

#this was the first one I completed tbh and I'm not vibing but it was rly good warmup and tbh working lineless is so much easier...#I get lazier and messier concerning anatomy esp and stuff but I have fun...#spesilverweek #pokespe silver #pokespe blue #pokespe #my art #the thing about this is. I have so many thoughts about this one very specific rocket au where they aren't dex holders but find Giovanni #instead but he still goes missing and they still kind of hate team rocket bc the whole mask of ice thing still happened so they try to fuck #shit up from within now that giovanni is gone even though they also rly just kinda want him to return and deal with stuff himself #and the admins have these rly fun roles of all being in disagreement on what to do #like the boss might be dead his kids should take over or we Must find the boss or lol no boss my team rocket now #and then the dex holders get mixed in too and it's Fun bc everyone is fighting everyone #also sorry Giovanni for making you look like that #it's like 5min til day 6 technically but my laptop is being a butt so in case it won't turn on tomorrow here it is now #I will not wait 5min for midnight I got a new pillow for christmas and I wanna SLeep on it noW! hell yeah !!#pokemon

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skitskatdacat63 · 1 month

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"Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily."

+ process(tw blood)

Also, look at him, bloody little guy 🥹

This drawing was inspired by several matador pics :D here and here:

^ I don't think I'll ever live up to the second one ah. There's several pics of that specific guy just soaked with blood, and I'm uh a bit obsessed with then ITS FUCKED UP I KNOW OKAY! But I've not drawn blood in a while so it was a bit difficult so I added less than I would want to I guess. Also I'm obsessed with how often they kneel in bullfighting?? Like okay who are you arching your back and spreading your legs for-

#ah not 100% sure abt this one but i think i still like it!!!#i was practicing matador poses during the wknd and im like yeah should prob paint one #and then it felt like all the energy left my body djfkkglg i was like ugh how do i paint again?????#mostly: just really wanted to draw him bloody #i love how every time i draw him in ferrari colors its just the most eye bleeding thing ever #my eyes get too used to it on my ipad's display and im like aw this isnt red enough :(#and then i transfer it to my phone and it feels like the red suddenly is hurting my eyes even worse djfkkglg #im glad the blood turned out well. i honestly think it was probably easier bcs the clothes are red already #but yes yes suffering ferrari nando. hes my comfort character atp 😭😭#perfect catie drawing: depressed ferrari fernando. blood. napoleon quote #anyways yeah lmk! i think it looks okay?? idk i think i just love the first 2 matador drawings i ever did #and its very hard to live up to them. but whatever. we move on #im glad i did a more complicated pose at least ?????#also god i was somewhat annoyed w his face and then i redrew his eye and it was like OH OKAY suddenly good okay #tw blood #<- i would put this drawing under the cut but like. my blog i do what i want and i want to draw blood #i used to draw bloody stuff a lot more but ah idk less opportunities now sjfkkglg so it was kinda nice #catie.art.#f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #matador au

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yeonban · 3 months

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I might be ~quirky~ for this (welcome to my twisted mind and etc) but I genuinely have so much fun with shipping nowadays, ever since I chose to be singleship for each muse. I feel like my adhd has never allowed me to pour even half as much care and attention into a ship as I'd have loved to when I had multiple ones at the same time per muse, so being able to focus on a single romantic dynamic per muse really feels like a weight off my shoulders

#* ooc. / posts.#I also know my adhd is all over the place so at times I may go a few months w/o bringing that specific muse (and thus ship) up #(unless you approach me in dms; in which case my mind typically instantly goes !!! on the muse & ship)#so I'm INCREDIBLY touched whenever my ship partners agree to be singleship w me. It's truly such an honor and blessing to me #and I feel like it's much easier for my muse to get very attached when their romantic attention only goes to a single person;#so you can best believe that from the moment we start shipping your portrayal will ALWAYS. and I mean /ALWAYS/ be intertwined with mine #doesn't matter if you drop the muse or leave tumblr or stop writing altogether. your muse will Always be my muse's special someone #I've had tons of ships where my partner disappeared off the face of the earth one day and yet all I've done was change 'singleship'#to 'noship' bc my muse's heart to this day (several irl years later) continues to be with their portrayal; REFUSING to look at anyone else #Granted this is also why I'm so picky with shipping; in the sense that I let my muse lead the way til they fall in love #and only THEN do I ask the mun if they're fine w our muses being a thing (and thus being singleship w me)#I used to say yes to people just asking to ship and while I know that's a neat option too; I simply. Cannot do that these days ADGHSAJDSDK #nothing against anyone nor against that route; but I've had a good share of ships that crumbled or made me lose muse bc my muse wasn't #feeling the ship. so I'm no longer going ahead unless the muse falls first and makes ME start shipping it rather than the other way around #and that decision has unironically made me feel so light and comfortable here AHDSAJDSKDJ #AH NEY WAYZ!! I need to be sedated bc why am I awake at 11 am. I HAVE NOT SLEPT.

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goldensunset · 20 days

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gonna write an autobiography called ‘i’m not a vegetarian i just think you’re a bad cook’

#people assume that about me all the time and i’m just trying not to be rude about it but like…#man maybe if the meat wasn’t either 90% chewy fat or woefully undercooked i’d eat it idk #i don’t know how other people’s stomach lining can handle anything less than at least medium. i usually go for medium well #i will be horribly sick if i get the nasty half raw stuff people try to give me #like some pink is fine but so much of the time it really does look lowkey raw and others are just fine with that?#they think i’m crazy for wanting ‘shoe leather’ like dude sorry i can’t eat it fresh off the cow the way you can #and for goodness’s sake why does having to chew a single bite for like a minute appeal to people #or having to pick stuff out of your mouth constantly. man i do my best to get stuff off while cutting it but like #sometimes you barely can sometimes you’d end up losing the whole thing #i like meat but legit there are so many cases where it isn’t worth the risk to me #like so much of it is nasty or suspect #i just usually opt for vegetarian options when i’m not confident in the quality of the meat bc it’s just much easier that way #i don’t care if i have high snob standards #america’s meat-heavy culture is something i much dislike #peach rambles

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holyviolence · 1 month

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omg i spent the whole day cleaning my entire apartment because my family was coming to visit and 1) so so so happy my adhd is being medicated now it's literally changing my life and 2) i FINALLLY got through to my dad about how he probably has ADHD too!!!!! he finally said Yeah i think i might have adhd. and my mom was like Me too (we've had this talk privately before, she knows she has adhd too lol) And my brother is literally transferring to a different school because he can't concentrate and isn't disciplined at his current uni. adhd family.

#literally thank goodness my brother was here to like Perfectly describe in real time what happens to adhd people when they go to college for #the first time. there's less structure and you fall apart. i used that as an opportunity.#i've slowly slowly slowly been chipping away at my Entire family btw. i've finally convinced my dad that medication is a GOOD THING.#i said You know. there's a lot in life that you feel like you Have to live with. but being on meds has made life so much easier and happier.#and that's when my dad finally said it.#:^) sometimes i like..... think about my family and how complicated i feel because growing up was super tough with all of them but now they #are all better people..... and i can't help but feel proud because as much as it is ABSOLUTELY great job for THEM for getting there But i #also feel uhhh partly responsible because i was constantly calling them out for shit. not always in the best way #but always standing up for others and challenging them on their worldviews and just casually talking about more liberal (as in free. not #politically) things. yes i do feel like if it wasn't for me my family would be worse people #i KNOW one of my brothers would be because he literally told me so. and it makes me happy. it is proof that my life is worthy and i have a #good impact on the world. it doesn't have to be a big thing i do to change things..... because i believe in the Ripple Effect #my dad is a teacher and he uses the proper pronouns for his trans students without complaint now. that has a good impact on SO many people #the trans students and their classmates who hear their teacher respect them. my brother is no longer homophobic he's bi lol and #if i hadn't argued with him about what bisexuality meant bc he was Wrong when i was 18 and he was 16... i wonder....#my younger sister is one of the nicest kids i've ever met and i partly raised her. it feels great to see her be such a good kid #her best friend is a trans girl and when she first came out my sister was one of two people in their class who still wanted to be #her friend.#idk. just inspires me to keep being the best person i can be & always do what's right even if it makes people mad #bc no one can hurt me as much as my family has traumatized me (lol) and look what happened to them!! i didn't give up! and i see real change

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daz4i · 2 months

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it's so hard being a person who needs to be the best at everything when you are slightly below average at best at any given department

#i don't think ppl who tell me i'm good at x thing (that includes things like looks or voice etc btw) are lying or anything #but i do think they're biased and their love skews their perception of me. bc i mean. no one else can see it after all #and i hate that as a kid i was propped up as better than others bc it really did give me this complex while growing up lol #joining a gifted class and finding out i'm not actually particulary smart compared to them #failing auditions as an adult or messing up things i did get into #like this is why i don't like it when ppl say i have an impostor syndrome like noooo i literally do suck 😭#i'm not saying this in an 'i'm blind to my own abilities' way i'm just saying that compared to most people i am below average 😭#being better at a thing than the average person who. doesn't do the thing. doesn't mean much when i'm among the worst in those who do #and it's really discouraging from getting better at things too. bc i feel so inherently shitty at everything that it feels pointless #(esp given that i DID put years of effort into certain things yet i still suck or i lost my ability to do them with time)#so it's easier to not try. if i'm gonna be the worst anyway yknow? may as well save the effort and the heartache of trying and failing #(getting better is all about failing over and over yada yada ik all that shit i'm just not built to handle it. mentally)#vent #accidentally. bc i started rambling. bc i'm in some jealousy fueled rage rn sorry

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no1ryomafan · 3 months

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The urge to not be the most annoying person ever when Gurren Lagann is mentioned by anyone randomly and I get the urge to scream “DID YOU KNOW GETTER ROBO IS A INFLUENCE ON IT” because every instance it’s always unprompted, probably not getting the person interested and it’s not like I even watched Gurren to make justifiable comparisons nor do I know when the fuck I will.

#meg text #getter robo #I will say aside from me this by itself is yet another annoying misconception getter has but worsely applied to GL #the creator was ishikawas editor so he did took the most influence out of respect but it’s ALSO just inspired by a lot of mecha #it’s a mecha love letter but somehow only made people who were curious about wtf inspired it mecha fans #where as most other people call it peak and never watch any other mecha which is why it off puts me #I’m not someone who hates it just for that bc I don’t do it with Eva since that whole thing DUMB even if I get the damage it’s done #but it is annoying to see something so hugely popular and no one gives its creative influences that are just as good a look #but also this goes back to my continued mountain of salt of “man no one talks about how significant getter is to old anime culture”#I will probably try to watch it one day but fuck knows when and please don’t enforce it on me #I have so much shit I need to watch or feel pressured to watch #(also another thing that off puts me even if it’s not related to the show itself is uh- when I first tried to watch it I was sick💀)#on my birthday too #that said if I did watch it I’d probably have a easier time talking to anime fans irl but I can’t make anything easy on myself #rejecting popular things besides a select few until I die (die as in when I finally care to try it)

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glitterhoof · 9 months

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something something higher quality animations meme something paying 60$ for the same models same lifeless animations something something they massacred salamence something something coliseum

#awn the intercom #me and my silly complaints ✌️🥴 no but seriously how did coliseum do that better #im speaking strictly animations here I don’t care for the models EVEN THOUGH MODERN 3D PIKEMON IS DESATURATED AF #i know coliseum had less Pokémon for sure so. Is that it can we just have a small amount of Pokémon then #The hardware is certainly stronger and I’ve never freaked out about the less pokemon thing and prefer it actually #Makes it so much easier then to catch EVERY GEN POKÉMON EVER IN EXISTENCE #the 3D models look okay again I am making that clear. but holy shit these animations are stagnant and reptetive #ME WHEN I DOUBLE KICK YOU : * two hood in place *#It’s okay In X&Y and ORAS and maybe even us/um . That’s straight up 3Ds i dont blame them #But the switch of console to have the animations be so. Be so. Be so. Copied #And i know coliseum copied they animations too. BUT THE ANIMATIONS WERE GOOD #LIKE COLISEUM HAD BOMB ANIMATIONS LIKE LOOKING AT IT I WISH I HAD THE GAME !#but watching a Pokémon battle in any of the games beyond black & white is so. So mehhhhh #AND I LOOOOOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE USUM #I KISS IT ON THE LIPS GREAT AMAZING BEAUTIFUL GAME #but sw/sh was so underwhelming in terms of animations #I will never forget that fade to black cutscene where Sonia like flicked a switch or whatever #WHATS THE POINT OF TRANSFERING TO 3D IF YOU WONT DO ANYTHING COOL WITH IT WAAAAAAH #don’t get me started on swsh story. DO GET ME STARTED ON POKEMON CAMP BC I LOVED THAT. fuck swsh story though.#swsh story : SNOOOOK MIMIMIMIM SNOOOOOK MIMIMIMI OH YEAH THERES COOL STUFF HAPPENING BUT YOU ARENT ALLOWED TO SEE IT SNOOOK MIMI #chad usum: space pokemon 🗿grown up red and blue 🗿giovanni gay pride event 🗿 CRUSTY DUSTY WHITE ARCHIE JUMPSCARE 😟😟#yeah okay i didn’t like the old ruby sapphire designs sue me. but everything else was PEAK #swsh mid. not good not bad but a secret third thing ( boring ) i have not finished the dlc but i did get glimpses and that seemed nice but #much lik security breach if base game is babyfest the dlc will ALWAYS seem leagues better

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nomaishuttle · 11 months

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AAAANYways. look at the map ive been working on :]

#its actually rlyyy unfortunate bc ive been spending all day sprucing it up it ws originally just generated by the globe making site i like #and then i realized that i dont quitee know how to make the height map.. the original generation it ws rly easy i just made the map #grayscale and then futzed with it a little bit and i got it looking rly good..but im the process of lining everything to make it easier to #comprehend they got too seperate from eachother sighs. so i might have to go in and manually add more transitional colors #but the trouble is id have to do that for the height map AND the normal map which is also a geographical map..#also its rly weird. on da site i rly prefer the look of the 3d heightmap #rather than 2d just adding like shadows your know #but when i do the 3d it gets this huge black blotch that i cant for the life of me get rid of #and it rly sucks. bc i think its sooo cute when i have the height map intensity set pretty high #bc it makes da planet look small..#but yas. and i cant just use the uhmm original height map #bc i made some pretttyy extensive edits #not rly. mainly i #well its hard t talk abt bc its all technically one continent but that ties into what i changed #bc i didnt realize it was all one continent bc on the original map it generated it was cut up rly weird #and i couldnt get it to fit as one thing. so i went in and smushed some aprts closer together #the biggest is umm the bottom right corner #the top part of that mass USED to hang down below and to the rifht #and bled over to the other side of the image #i moved that and the top left land mass to be closer to the top right #so i could fit it all together...#and the hright map thing wouldnt be an issue if the 3d height map thing was working. it just looks sliiiightly wonky with the 2d height map #i also need to smooth out the whole thing bc i used a digital brush like an IDIOT and i dont like how that looks when its on the sphere #oh also do u guys wanna see the globe of it.. grins #ik i was already doing this awhile ago but ohwell.#once i get it wayyy more finalized like. once ive added in major settlements and the like. id love to try to make an actual globe of it..#i wanna get it to a point im rly happy with FIRST bc otherwise ill change things on the globe #and then ill get annoyed bc i wont be able to transfer the irl globe into a digital one #bc thats what happened last time when i sketched a world on a ball. grins.#hopefully i dont drop this one like i did with that one.. idt i will since i have an accurate flat map thats literally made to be a globe

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unopenablebox · 1 year

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i love occasionally having a useful skill...

i cut both my and 🌸’s hair regularly during Lockdown Etc and then once we started confronting the public world again a year+ ago they went back to getting it done at a barber to which i was like “sure whatever” and just assumed they, reasonably, prefer a professional cut

then the other day they were making unhappy needing-a-haircut noises and i was like “well, i would happily cut it, but it seems like you’d rather book at the barbershop?” and they were like “yeah i guess” and basically to make conversation i was like “i mean i’m happy to do it in a pinch though, are there things they do that i could replicate” and they were sort of like “eh”

and i said, “hey, this is going to sound weird, but is it possible that you actually prefer it when i cut your hair, at home, for free, and you have nonetheless been paying someone for the service because you’re somehow worried that you’re inconveniencing me by asking for a one-hour once-a-month favor even though we live together and i keep offering?”

and GUESS WHAT

anyway their hair is cut now and it looks cute and was convenient.

#i was honestly quietly puzzled when they switched back because they spent like all of college irritable about not getting appropriately gend #ered cuts and seemed genuinely pleased with my attempts at the rendition #but like. for one thing im sure a professional cut grows out way better than mine bc i don't know anything about how that works #but no. they DO prefer my haircuts. they're just INSANE #i'm kind of this way but they are like the most this way any human has ever been #box opener #girlfriend tag #i am good at cutting hair though. i did a fast version just now because it was late and we were sleepy but it honestly looks so cute #i benefit from the fact that they have extraordinarily beautiful brown-black hair of exquisite softness and thickness #making it easier. but still. cute haircut.

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moe-broey · 9 months

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Honestly a dream hobby of mine (ESP as I've been getting more into Making Things with My Hands -- from pins to jewelry and ESPECIALLY clothing modifications) is doll customization. ESPPP inspired by Dollightful on Youtube, where her projects get So Involved sometimes she's woodworking she's sawing off limbs she's using clay and sanding it down to reshape the doll's body to fit her vision. AND ofc any doll custom involves a new face (watercolor pencils or paints choose your fighter) and new hair (doll hair BUT I ALWAYS THINK ABOUT the way of making doll hair/wefts Out Of Yarn‼️‼️ THAT'S SO COOL) and a new outfit (sewing and crafting and ESPECIALLY considering "Okay, What material would work best to achieve the goal I'm aiming for? How does it sit? How does it flow? And most IMPORTANTLY How Does It Work!!!!!")

Like maybe it's the alleged not officially diagnosed ADHD but I GET. SO BORED. If I'm not Working With My Hands (I literally CAN'T draw digital anymore because IT'S BORING‼️‼️ IT'S TOO CLEAN ALSO‼️‼️‼️ LET ME BULLSHIT AND GET MESSY AND TRY WEIRD THINGS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT WORK ‼️‼️‼️ EXPERIMENTAL‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️)

#in highschool my ABSOLUTE DREAM was to make a lillie pokemon doll #and i would make all her different outfits (ESP from the anime she has SO many cute looks) and hairstyles (AGAIN SAME THING)#the hairstyles would likely have been wig caps made of yarn wefts (easier styling/shape holding)#and i could switch em out like nendos.#but current day the current fixation is fire emblem so i would probably exclusively just make fe charas For A While LMFAOO #BUT ESPPPPP WHEN IT COMES TO MONSTER HIGH DOLLS.... AND ALL THE VARIETY.............#could you imagine!!!!!! esp w how i treat non-human/not entirely human charas as creative exercises LMFAO #A NOWI DOLL. WITH MORE NOTICIBLY DRAGON/CREATURE FEATURES.#nowi makes me want to bang my head againts the wall tbh bc I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT HER DESIGN.#I EVEN LOVE HER CANON OUTFIT SO MUCH. I JUST HATE!!!!!!!! THE PROBLEMS ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#i ESPPPPP LOVE her color palette too IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD. ALL OF MY FAVE COLORS. TBH. SHE WOULD BE SO FUN TO MAKE #AUGH‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#in any case sharena would be my test run bc i love her dearly AND i think she'd be fun to make too (esp the gradient in her hair)#ALAS..... nobody get their hopes up bc. money 😔 (like i do know there's ways to start out #like on a budget. but. even then it seems so daunting. esp as someone who never has collected dolls)

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thriev · 1 year

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i think one of caroline's big conflicts has always been about the lines she'd cross for her friends. how she'll call herself a 'good' vampire who is above slaughter and creating victims out of people for fun, but how at the end of the day there isn't much she wouldn't do if one of her friends's lives were at stake. and having it be about her friends is good and well but i decided to give her an extra layer of angst by making it about her instead. by having her kill damon i gave her an extra thing to worry about because now caroline knows she'd kill for her own survival, and she has killed for her own survival, and this was before she became a vampire. which means she was always capable of it, even when she was nothing but a harmless human girl. and idk! i just think it's tasty. it's interesting. i think it's always been a constant battle, for caroline, to be a good person. it's a constant effort, and she can't really afford to even slip up once, and i think it'd just be fun to explore all that.