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boilingheart · 2 years

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cw: suicidal thoughts //

idk how to do a read more on mobile sorry otherwise I'd crop it. I told myself I wouldn't vent about shit like this heavy and personal online anymore but I'm not doing so good and I need to put it somewhere

I'm not very healthy and I'm not very happy. I'm not doing so good mentally. Financially things suck really bad, I've been eating one meal a day for the past 3 months and I can't fall asleep until it's at least 5-6AM. I fixed my sleep schedule last week and it only lasted 2 days. It's almost 9AM that I write this and I haven't slept

My shoulder hurts again and I think it's because I got lazy on physical therapy. I'm scared ill dislocate it again. I hurt my knee at work last week and I hurt it again a few days ago and right now the whole muscle is swollen and sore and tender and I limp when I walk. I'm 24 and I feel so breakable and weak, I have no muscle, I'm too fucking tall, and I feel like any one of my bones are going to pop out of their sockets. I still have to go to work and get my license and do other things but how can I if my shoulder feels so weak? It's recovering from a dislocation still but it feels like it got worse, not to mention my trapezius has been getting pins and needles daily for no reason and no treatment has worked and my doctor doesn't know what's causing it

Somethings wrong with my skin too. I think it's eczema, I hope that's all it is, but it's the worst it's ever been. My whole left arm is completely discolored and dry and itchy and it's starting to spread on more of my body in ways I've never seen. I'm scared it'll get to my face next

I am so so uncomfortable. There's no space in my house. There's 5 of us in one house and we all fucking hate each other and There's 3 animals and there's no food and even if there is I'm too scared to go out there to eat bc my parents sleep in the living room cause there's no space for them anywhere and they fight daily and if I pass by one of them I'll aggro them and get stuck in a 2 hour lecture of some alt right bullshit or terf shit or thinly veiled misogynistic or racist takes I can't stand it

You know that phrase you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink? I'm the horse. And I don't want to drink anything. I know all of my problems. I'm not working on a single project because I have no discipline and no motivation and unmedicated ADHD that's so bad it makes me wanna fucking end it. I have so many things I want to do but no drive. I'm passionate about things but not enough. I'm not going to sleep early I'm not eating or drinking I'm not exercising or doing physical therapy I'm not going for walks and getting sunlight I'm not maintaining myself beyond brushing my teeth every night, and showering when it's time to go to work and doing my job as required. I know everything I'm doing wrong. I know that what I'm doing is making everything worse. I know that I could be making it better for myself. But I dont... care anymore? I shouldn't be scratching my arms but I stopped caring about that I just want relief and I don't care the cost. I stay up late and let myself cause I just want the satisfaction of finishing this video or whatever it is I'm doing. Everything is numb. People will tell me what I need to be doing so I can stop and I'll know they're 100% correct and that I need to listen but I don't. I don't have it in me anymore for some reason. I don't know why it's so hard to just so it. I don't know. I don't know if it's executive dysfunction or depression or disassociation or what.

And thing is. I've told myself years ago I'd never kill myself. Cause like, I have so much I need to do, so much on the line, people I need to take care of, things I want to do, a lot of things to live for. I wrote down a list of things to live for that took up 2 pages, and it helped me a lot. Kept me centered and focused. I am not allowed to die because I have so much on the line. I am not allowed to.

But recently I found myself looking at this list of mine, of thinking about all these things, and... it invokes no emotion in me. I look at my long ass list of reasons to live and it does nothing for me. I don't care about them anymore??? It feels so empty. And I know that's bad. But I feel so detached and removed. I am in constant pain and constant stress and I can't lay on my right shoulder anymore cause it hurts and that sucks cause that's my favorite sleeping position, I'm always hungry and I'm always tired and I wake up at 3-4PM always and I have so many things to do to write to draw to create to record but it's not enough. It's not enough anymore. Nothing is enough. I have no drive or motivation. I don't have anything to look forward to. My goal is to move me and my siblings out of this house next year as an escape because I know this household is so unbelievably horrifically toxic and abusive that it will LITERALLY kill us if we stay here longer so I feel bad and selfish giving up before getting us out of here bc it's up to me to make sure I get us out. But I don't want to perform all this maintenance on myself anymore. I'm too lazy and cowardly to fully kill myself in one go but. I don't want to try anymore. I want to give up. I'm very very alone and I don't have irl friends and I have such a horrible way of communicating with people/friends online that I have. I keep everyone at an arms length I don't know how to be friends or reach out, I don't know how to navigate in a social space if I'm not an authority figure like a mod and that's a whole other pack of problems that comes from my inferiority complex. I don't know. I don't know. I need to say this somewhere and I'm sorry for anyone who's reading this and seeing how heavy and personal it is. I meant to stop doing this shit online already which is why I've been silent so much here but. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired. And I don't know what to do. I need help but I know that I'm the only one who can help myself because I'm the horse and I need to drink but I don't want to. I would rather drown in it. I would rather drown and I don't know what to do. I know it's bad and wrong and unhealthy all of it but I just can't stop I can't stop. I am not okay. I need help and I don't know how to get it. Nothing is accessible out here. I'm a tiger in a cage and I'm going to die here. I'm letting myself rot and decay. I'm going to die here.

#suicide cw #suicide mention

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sorikkung · 2 years

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23, 40, and 71 for the fanfic writer asks!! 🤍

hiii rain! <3 sorry i rambled a lot in these oml

23. how do you deal with writers block?

i dont.

that seems like a smartass answer but i literally just do not SDKFJHKSDF if i get writers block i simply do not write. i will go for months at a time without writing due to writers block it just be like that. its only within the past month or so that ive been tryna really get myself to write more often or at least more often than like, once a month, but ive been riding a motivation kick and havent really hit writers block since so i suppose i will deal with that as it comes? if i hit a block on one wip i just switch to another. sprinting on a writing discord server with some friends is another way to get me off my ass and writing!! (shoutout to the skz writing server im in, yall are incredible.)

40. best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

oh man i treasure all feedback i get but i will never not be thinking about a friend of mine (hiiii elizabeth <3) saying she found a home in my story. the story in question is my series what goes on in neverland and it is a story that is just so, so personal to me bc its blatant wish fulfillment and that in itself is so exposing? because by writing an mc thats a blatant self-insert rather than a one-size-fits-all reader insert its like... i am baring myself and all my dreams for everyone to see. and its so different from other fics in so many ways from the transmasc rowdy and obnoxious mc to the complex relationship w all the characters from multiple fandoms so its like... its so niche and tailored specifically for Me that i was surprised anyone else would enjoy it let alone enjoy it so much that they could find a home in it, something so personal like the safety and understanding that comes with finding home in something, it was just so moving and i think abt it a lot. being able to make a home for someone through writing is just so special and im gonna keep writing and hope that more people can find something like that in it too.

71. how do you balance writing and life? do you ever feel overwhelmed by the amount of writing you have to do?

i do not. SDFKJHSDFKHKs once again i am just.. hardly a functioning person my dude i write when i write and i life when i life but those two things do not often work cohesively with each other. im not overwhelmed by the amount of writing i Have to do bc i dont Have to write shit i just Want to write so much that yeah, it can get a little overwhelming but its less the writing itself thats overwhelming and more just my adhd making every small task overwhelming like writing 3000 words in one sitting is easier than doing all the dishes in my sink rn. i havent showered in days and havent done my washing in weeks so im wearing dirty clothes to work and my acne And eczema are horrendous because i keep forgetting or not having time to apply creams and i sometimes get so intimidated by something as simple as making instant pasta that i simply do not eat. i aint balancing SHIT my dude i am just rolling with the punches and trying not to die with varying degrees of success.

writer ask game!

#'how do you-' I DONT. I AM STRUGGLING. SDFJKSKHSDJKF #i be strugglebussin 24/7 my dude i dont even know how im alive but im still kickin so ill attribute that to queer fury and spite probably #every day is an uphill battle against myself but hey at least i got another wgoin chapter out and have been updating gbgb consistently :)#little victories <3 #actually those are big victories #my little victories are like. making it to work on time. getting out of bed in the morning. writing like 3 sentences #anyway #oh btw do you want a moot tag rain. just a nickname if u have one or ill just use rain and an emoji of ur choice <3 #writer ask game #rain 🤍

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evilhue · 9 months

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something that’s been on my mind

(i was about to make the above-cut “quick thots” but this is the entire opposite)

now this doesn’t plague me or anything because frankly i don’t really gaf like that but at the times i do think about my appearance i spend a large portion of it debating whether i am actually attractive in other people’s eyes (which sounds stupid as fuck to say/type now that i’m looking at it LMAO)

and i’d like to reiterate it really doesn’t weigh on me that much! i don’t beat myself up for not looking like a model it’s just i see so many beautiful people in my life and i have never placed myself in those ranks. and neither have i bothered asking either cuz 1) i know i’m not lol 2) i’m not looking for pity which is how it usually comes across.

i don’t deem myself classically or conventionally attractive tbh but i think i have the general proportions and positions that (if not for injuries leading to asymmetry) would put me at a very normal cute level (which to me is attractive. and this is the point where i realize i never defined attractive which is funny cuz i don’t experience attraction like that. so i guess i mean not harsh on the eyes!) i’ve never been upset with the size/placements of my eyes/nose/mouth etc. i have beautiful lips! my eyelids are “big”. i love my nose to death unevenness and all!!

my “ugliness” comes from asymmetry which used to weigh on me a lot because it all stemmed from childhood injuries… my eyelids are beautiful… individually lmao. if they matched, both looking like my left or both looking like my left, i would be unstoppable! my eyebrows are uneven again bc of those injuries! my jaw is hella uneven bc of braces/palate expansion trauma, but my left side looks snatched as hell. but also bc of unevenness there, my lip corners and teeth aren’t even on the same axis. all this has made my face veeeeeery asymmetric, plus existing scoliosis problems exacerbate this asymmetry lol. additionally my skin is clear (ie no acne + scars) but my eczema has been so bad before that i’m still recovering from discoloration in weird embarrassing areas.

if being privy to thoughts on the interwebs has taught me anything it’s that everybody has insecurities they fixate on that /i/ literally don’t notice. which i assume means nobody else notices! (but also, i must disclaim that it may just be my not noticing because i don’t care like that lololol). i feel like all my friends are so normal (/good /pos) in appearance but then they’ll rant about their insecurities with eyebrows or nose size or something and it’s like dawg! i ain’t even notice that. meanwhile in more photos than not, i find my own appearance very unflattering - the way i deal with this is to simply not take pictures of myself 🤣🤣

i know the angle (singular) that works for me which becomes quite apparent once i go to look at the pics i actually like of myself LMAO. i am unable to take selfies! i genuinely think i look my best when i’m having a laff or am just cheesing really hard - candidly! anything i pose for looks weird, my RBF looks terrifying with the asymmetry. again, it’s whatever. i’ve come to accept it, albeit reluctantly over yeeeears of dwelling on it.

but the thing that stays confusing to me is that people DO call me hot, find me attractive enough to attempt to flirt at least lol. and idk if it’s a personality thing? or if they are tricked by my one single angle where i look güd? or if they somehow see a different picture of me (highly likely) but have spun it into a version where i am hot (which i can’t believe)? certainly i don’t think photos do me justice which is a shame in this day and age.

so yeah i’ve never really gotten any concrete answers from people who like me about what exactly they like about my appearance. sure my body is conventionally “skinny” (i still have insecurities about this tbh) and people say i dress nice (which is. lol. i guess i try). when i really try my makeup can look pretty slayyyy (in most circumstances i do not try because a) effort b) idc that much c) it requires looking at myself which i find extremely difficult (i probably should have started this post with that fact huh)). i don’t think i’m hot (a word i have heard more than others like gorgeous, beautiful) and in fact more times than not consider myself on the ugly side of the conventional spectrum.

but. eh not sure it really matters all that much to me. especially since it isn’t so much an insecurity as much as an observation of my self-image over time. i don’t think it’s a self-esteem thing either. also it’s not as if i care about making myself look pretty enough to other ppl to want to date/know me or whatever.

tl;dr: to me it’s quite simple; i’m not thaaaat cute! so it becomes bewildering that people do seem to like my unconventional face (and claim it, or me overall, to be attractive), which to me is the wrong kind of unconventional since it has everything to do with asymmetry in every aspect

EDIT and ik it’s a bit weird to say this post-post but: i strongly believe “attractiveness” goes beyond physical attributes! which is why i’m not sure anyone is actually talking about my face, physically, when they say i’m hot lol

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sodrippy · 3 years

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god gives the neverending slew of moderate inconveniences to his most "this might as well fucking happen" soldiers

#good thing i was born dulled by the weight of simple existence otherwise i really do think a normal person would collapse about it #the way my health is constantly teetering Right on the edge of 'one bad move and this could get horribly bad horribly fast' is so. <3 #like im fine and im very grateful! but also i am constantly on edge and catastrophizing in my head about how it Could go bad #oh well!! until then lets hang out<3 #god also gives his all of this to his funniest silliest soldier #at least when i think abt telling my dentist that i havent flossed in 8 weeks for the simple reason that i cant open my mouth that wide #bc of. eczema of all things. at least when i think that it makes me laugh bdjfnenf #but really i need to fix that..#ok goodnight

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 5 years

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Skincare/ makeup culture ☕️

oooh. i’ll divide this post into two parts: makeup culture and skincare culture.

(1.) makeup culture.

i think everyone knows that I’ve never liked makeup, mostly because I had relatively bad cystic acne throughout high school, that reacted badly to all of the makeup that my sister used (but most particularly her l’oreal foundation). I think makeup culture is particularly harmful to young girls, like the makeup youtube channels that are run by the parents I suppose of 8 year olds, where the 8yo is the actual youtuber.

like don’t get me wrong, i know young girls like playing with makeup (I actually did when I was that age, funnily enough)….. but the fact that professional or just plain fucking ridiculously expensive makeup palettes are now being marketed to girls in bloody primary/grade/elementary school, is just fucking wrong. and yeah there’s the post on here about how some younger girls are finding themselves ugly when they don’t wear properly applied makeup or something like that. and that breaks my heart. why the fuck should a young girl be made to feel ugly if she can’t blend like josiemaycosmetics (I made that up btw idk any makeup channels besides Jeffree star, James Charles and that tatti woman tbh) and can’t afford the bullshit Too Faced $98 powered foundation, $65 Sunday Riley blush (I roughly remember the price of this particular blush bc my sister bought it for me for my 20th birthday so that I could according to her “look good for uni” but I never actually used it lmao… and it’s no longer sold here in australia) and Kylie Jenner’s overpriced lip kits and idk Smashbox “photo finish” primer priced between $AU23-$AU55????

like I had this bad enough in fucking HIGH SCHOOL with my sister telling me that I’d “never get a boyfriend” or “never get a date for the formal/junior prom” if I didn’t spend hundreds of $$$$ for a good face of makeup and didn’t spend hours and hours learning how to do my own makeup. or how last year for my uni grad, she made out that I’d ruin my own uni grad if we didn’t spend $250 on the makeup artist we got for me….. where I unfortunately found out that my skin reacts to MAC products 😭😨 bc the MUA used MAC concealer and foundation. my sister also expected me to remember the setting spray the woman used for my makeup, when I was there from like 4:30am till like 6:45am and i was barely fucking awake. the setting spray probably could’ve easily cost over $100. let’s be real here. like why am I expected to remember shit that early in the morning???

one of my least favourite things with makeup culture is that you’re not meant to fuck it up in any way, shape or form. like when my sister did my makeup for my two high school formals/proms (year 10 & year 12) she constantly told me not to scratch my face while she was doing it (but it made me itchy, hooray for L’Oréal being shit lmao)…. not to fuck it up while I ate at those events….. and she didn’t let me eat before my uni grad last year bc “you’d definitely fuck up your makeup. don’t you dare scratch your face at all today!” like for someone who has hypersensitive/highly reactive skin that she has to scratch when it’s itchy….. and also loves fucking stuffing her face with food….. expecting me to never touch/scratch my face and to practically starve myself to preserve the integrity of my makeup (that i ended up paying for some in the end anyway) for an event is fucking stupid and over-restrictive.

like i always hated the way that the kardashians ate on KUWTK bc it looked so fucking mechanical and whatever bc they had to obvs preserve their makeup while shooting and also look nice for the camera. like why the fuck am I expected to eat ~like that~ when I have a faceload of MU on???? FUCK OFF. I will scratch it off. I will smear the food all over my face (ok not really) and eat however I motherfucking want, thank you very fucking much. like for my uni grad last year I was up from 4am and my grad ended at like 12:30pm….. so I didn’t have food til about 12:35 when I left the hall. and the whole time while I was eating my sister kept reminding me to not fuck up my makeup that we’d spent $250 on. JUST LET ME FUCKING EAT WOMAN, I SWEAR TO FUCK. lmao.

the last thing I hate the most about makeup culture is that like….. I absolutely hate makeup like I said above….. but once I have it on I feel pretty and cry a bit bc I’ll just never learn to do it myself…. mostly bc I couldn’t be bothered…. bc I save hundreds, if not thousands of $$$$ from not buying all the bullshit essential items you need just for a ~basic no makeup, makeup look~, and bc my hands have never been steady enough to use some of the things, like false eyelashes and eyelash curlers or liquid eyeliner/normal eyeliner…..

but yeah. I just hate that it makes me feel pretty???? but I also feel good and more natural without it???? and I’ll never like my sister’s comment that: “you’re the prettier one out of the two of us…. but if only you hurried up and learnt to do your makeup, you’d be even prettier” or some dumb semi-condescending shit comment she’s said to me like that before. like why is the only way a woman can be pretty (other than some clothes that make her feel good) by smearing 100s/1000s of dollars worth of makeup on???? like why the fuck am I expected to spend all that money when a good bulk of men will never bother with the male makeup trend anyway???? like why am I expected to act differently when I basically just have grown up face-paint on lmao???? I’ve never felt natural in makeup, I’ve always felt awkward and like…. not sound like an cringey edgelord emo kid…. but i never felt ~real~ wearing makeup lmao. just yeah.

but yeah I also understand makeup is an art and I appreciate that. makeup culture is so fucked on all sides for women.

(2.) skincare culture:

now skincare culture is different for me. considering that, like I said before, I had relatively bad cystic acne…. and I’ve since also developed eczema during the winter months….. so I’ve had to develop a good skincare routine over the years to keep my skin under control. but again, there are parts that I don’t like about skincare culture…. like women are typically meant to spend, again, hundreds and if not thousands of dollars on super expensive skin creams (some of which I’ve tried) to fix their fine lines, their laugh lines, their crows feet, their blemishes, their birth marks and cellulite…… the list truly goes on and on….. and on top of that (well this hellsite which isn’t entirely accurate) I’m, or we as women, are expected to teach all of that to men in their 20s???? like fuck off. why and how the fuck didn’t they get the fucking memo to look after their own goddamned skin???? like my 20s are already tiring enough, and now I gotta pass on important skincare advice to men, who could easily fucking find it themselves online???? lord help their asses lmao.

but other than the men bit…. yeah skincare culture is just as bad as makeup culture. like when Cosmo mag was still running in australia, more than half of the shit the women at Cosmo were advertising as part of their skincare routines were literally $300 night treatment creams or moisturisers; $150 facial cleansers; or $500 skin peels, or $600 appointments at dermatologists and skin therapies like electrolysis that I’ll probs never be able to afford. like one of the luxury brands that I LOVE (💖) is Mario badescu bc the two pimple treatments that i sometimes I use from them (the drying lotion and the anti-acne serum) are the ONLY two acne treatments that have NEVER made my face turn red and my skin peel off (besides a really good neutrogena one that Neutrogena discontinued 😭). every other chemist bought pimple treatment cream makes my skin peel off/itchy/turn red. but sadly the two Mario badescu treatments are priced over $50 if bought together (ones now $31 (formerly $28, this one’s great bc it dries clear), the other is like $26, this one dries pink). so the chemist bought ones like the ones by Clearasil or OXY10 are my saviours at $11.99-$12.99, even though they dry out my skin to buggery and leave big white marks on my face bc they both dry white lmao. but I’ve gotta suffer that for the price of beauty lmao.

also there’s expensive face washes (or skin care program packs etc) from Paula’s choice that I love.... but again they were like $35 for a 400ml bottle and $25 for a fucking 150ml or 250ml bottle. now the one i like is $20 for 177ml, which is a rip off. some of the other luxury things that I’ve tried (via free samples) that don’t work, like Kate Somerville (priced at like $65 and over), Philosophy and god knows what else that i’ve bought from Mecca Cosmetica, which is the Aussie version of Sephora in the past. and yes, for acne treatments, i’ve used pro-activ before. it was ok… but i never used it in high school, after the awful time we had trying to cancel our subscription to it back in the day for my sister lol.

also can we talk about the ultrasonic face brush systems that are still raging strongly??? like they’re also super rip offs, especially with buying replacement heads for $35 a pop. like I’ve had a Clarisonic for years (that I’ve stopped using, admittedly)…. the model was roughly $250 when I got it for my like 19th birthday. now they’re even more expensive at like $315 for the latest “clarisonic mia fit cleansing system” which is linked on the $315. or now there’s the foreo that costs anywhere between $75 (the cheapest model) to fucking almost $400… ie $395. the replacement heads for the clarisonic and i suppose replacement like pads or something for the foreo are meant to be replaced every three months “for optimum cleansing” or whatever. like $35 every three months is a lot to maintain after a while. also using the clarisonic added like 10 extra minutes to my showers/general skincare routine bc you’re meant to use it for five mins or whatever and then spend another 5mins washing it out to make sure that it doesn’t collect mould and buildup too much soap residue. it was just a lot of effort to use, even if it did make me feel like i had a better and deeper face washing routine.

and yes, i know there’s Lush. both my sister and i (but more my sister) were obsessed with Lush back in high school, after one of our sydney cousins introduced it to us. but Lush’s skincare stuff for pimples just never worked for us. it made me breakout more, actually. but their old apple pie and choc-orange lip balms were the BOMB. it’s a pity that they no longer make them tbh. their jelly soaps were fun to use and smelt nice too. i can’t remember much else about lush tbh lmao.

for face masks, i’ve found that store/chemist bought formula 10.0.06 or whatever works the best for my skin. but the push, especially again in cosmo and other places, to buy more expensive face-masks and like designer FMs that you should really ask a professional to use first imo, is fucking harmful, especially when you’ve got ones that take off the whole top layer of skin from your face (like the famous and the overly popular charcoal face peel masks), or so i’ve read. like it’s yikes out there. please be safe with these masks, ya’ll. and the same goes for making your own organic face masks, considering that i’ve seen posts on here about using lemon juice which is bad for your skin??? idk anyway. i also hate how with the face masks i buy, there’s about 6 different “skin-illuminating”/“skin brightening”/”skin detoxing” etc masks, that all essentially do the same fucking thing. just keep it at one and fucking go; for gods fucking sake lmao.

but yeah, skincare culture does suck just as much as makeup culture, considering that is heavily focused on women’s self-esteem and wallets…. and barely ever focuses on men. like it’s a double-edged sword tbh.

also as side notes: why the actual fuck are makeup companies still giving their makeup shades or makeup lines sexual names???? like i just found a fucking blush shade by NARS, in my research for this post, called “Orgasm”???? like what the FUCK is wrong with ya’ll??? like y’all actually have the fucking AUDACITY to really make 8 year olds say that in their makeup tutorial videos as well??? “our best selling orgasm collection” sweet lord. that sounds bad. y’all need to sort your shit out, and so do the people who name nail polish shades..

the other worrying general beauty trends that i keep getting on my facebook newsfeed are the teeth whitening systems like hismile and at home laser treatment machines… and then also the charcoal toothpastes to whiten your teeth. oh and also the facial skin “vacuums”, that suck out dirt/oil and your blackheads/pimples etc from your pores. stay safe out there everyone, and do your bloody research. don’t believe the reviews and the hype.

also finally: take your skin type and skin condition/(s) into account if you want to use any of the things that I’ve mentioned that I use/have used on this post. or that I’ve just generally mentioned, like the Clarisonic and the foreo. because what works for me, might not work for you. I’m not a skincare expert or dermatologist. check with your doctor or a skincare professional or whatever before you start using some of these things, even if you might think that it’s stupid & pointless to do so.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ask game thing #anon ask #answered anon ask #anon #answered anon #anonymous

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shklovsky · 5 years

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i was tagged by @sith-lcrds thank u sm!!!!!! rules: answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better

nickname(s): ade (or riv/rivs bc i still go by my old name in some circles)

zodiac sign: leo (i’m a leo sun aquarius moon and i think that’s a pretty snazzy combo)

height: 5′6″ but i act like im 6″

last movie i saw: blackkklansman and it was awesome

last thing i thing i googled: “jessie ware npr” because her acoustic version of say you love me on the tiny desk concert is fucking bomb

fave musician: the front bottoms, dean martin, keaton henson, i cant pick one

song stuck in my head: love it if we made it by the 1975

other blogs: i have three roleplaying blogs, one is under construction and has been for two weeks because im lazy as shit

following: 211

followers: 193

do i get asks: i regularly get asks from @haliawrites who’s literally the biggest sweetheart and i love her sm

amount of sleep: surprisingly enough i try to sleep at least 6 hours a night

lucky number: 6

what am i wearing: PJs and a cardigan bc i dont like not having long sleeves, all bc ive got bad eczema flare ups on my hands and i tend to just hide them in my sleeves, thats a fun fact for yall

dream job: not sure. either something in publishing or teaching at university and academia in general

dream trip: rome!!!! kazakhstan is a close second though. and then paris. but then again i dont like to travel bc it makes me panic a lot.

fave food: tofu. fucking love tofu.

instruments: tried guitar when i was a kid but i was too lazy so i dont play shit

languages: polish, english, some french and a tiny bit of german and italian.

fave songs: we’ll meet again by vera lynn and you don’t know how lucky you are by keaton henson

random fact: im currently taking part in a project hosted by my uni in which we’re self publishing a book and im the head editor and im designing the cover so thats fun stuff

aesthetic: fuck man im too drunk to figure out something good, YOU GUYS TELL ME

i tag: all the gays. if u wanna do it plz do and tag me (i have tagging anxiety and never know whomst to tag iM SORRY)

#about

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from-aina-to-zulaikha · 3 years

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recapping 2020, the year of the pandemic

well.... who would’ve thought this year would go down DOWN like this...... i remember 31st december 2019 we went out with sonsaengnim and some korean meleis to go dinner together at 4 fingers midvalley,,, went to dataran merdeka and watch amazing drones performance.....new year concert with friends.........suddenly on 16th of march malaysia opted for lockdown cus the situation went seriously serious. covid-19, coming from china now is announced as pandemic, people lost their jobs, ‘twas hard for students but i guess everyone’s got used to it. online classes.....online exams......concerts are postponed...flights are cancelled....sigh

i remember earlier this year, it was february i think, i was out in suria klcc sitting alone at starbucks, waiting for my dad to finish his work and suddenly i got a call from embassy of the republic of korea saying i got offered for a 2-weeks scholarship where i could visit korea! i was EXCEPTIONALLY happy. like. damn. i can go to korea and explore it first. well of course i still will go to korea sooner or later but this is an experience that i didnt wanna lose! i can visit the cultural places, learn languages, meet new people, like internationally....and everything is free....it was scheduled in july this year but covid didnt allow me.... well i kinda got sad because i really wanted to experience something like that once in my life. i was so happy i got to grab the chance because, yeah, i won the korean speech contest last year so it was such a golden opportunity for me! but ngeh, sokay, i guess not my rezeki.......

then when lockdown started we had our break for 2 weeks i think, and all the workplaces, universities and schools decided to continue with the all-new online learning and meetings.... microsoft teams, zoom, google meet, everything is used worldwide. so like it was hard at first and i was one of the people who HATED ONLINE CLASSES SO FUCKING MUCH. but nasib la, online exams pun i managed to get 4 flat for semester 1 and 2....... but for semester 3.... i got 3.92. alhamdulillah!

and so..... we finally sat for our TOPIK 2 exam which was postponed twice from april, to may, and finally to july. 12 july. FINALLY. but then the 2nd topik exam also got cancelled due to the current situation.

RESULTS DAY. i checked my result and i was SUPER SHOCKED cus i got LEVEL 5!!!!!! LEVEL FUCKING 5 BRO HOW THE HELL i mean i didnt even think that i did well in 듣기 and 쓰기 and 읽기 oh my god.... bersyukurnya. meaning i can already secure my place in any university in korea. alhamdulillah. and so i decided to apply for chemical engineering in sungkyunkwan university and mechanical engineering in hanyang university. p/s: papa gave me iphone 11 as present :))))) yippie

but then.......my plans went upside down ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ chemical engineering was my first choice but then i actually decided to accept hanyang university’s offer. HAHAHAHAHA THE MAIN REASON WHY IS....... I GOT A SCHOLARSHIP AAAAAAAA because i got level 5 in topik so i got 50% tuition fee reduction and if u calculate it i will receive approximately ~RM10K++++ holy shit bro i love money. it was a hard hard decision to make. did solat istikharah a few times.... and unexpectedly i actually dreamt about going to hanyang with syake, and ain.... (they also 고민 about this too) so that WAS the answer. hanyang university.

at this point i actually am so happy cus i did receive 2 scholarships at the same time....plus the one that i got from embassy but was cancelled though...total of scholarships = 3...im so grateful and so so overly ecstatic that i am given so much blessings through out the year. one goes, and another comes. tak sia sia amalkan surah al-Waqiah every week. the effects are so so fast, so so rapidly appearing one by one im so overwhelmed. alhamdulillah

tmi: i actually had this one theory where i used to dream a lot at night BUT solely about skies, stars, moon, clouds, and other outer space shit.... i dreamt of a meteor crash belakang rumah, looking at the moon with my mom because there was a weird phenomenon of the moon....a lot of times...i want to say that it relates to my life and my future... because seeing how much i receive from time to time its just so amazing, alhamdulillah alhamdulillah terima kasih ya Allah

we also planned to go for umrah end of this year but then it was all plans...so,,,,, insha allah next time.

another one last magical thing that happened to me this year is.... stray kids <3 god i love stray kids so much. one of my coping mechanism. watched their online concert with myra at gisuksa. so so so happy. bought their merch hoodie. so so grateful to be a STAY. so positive, so special, so lovely. their music, top tier. i stan self-producing idols <3 stray kids will glow more and more in 2021 im speaking into reality. thank you so much stray kids for adding more and more happiness into my life <3

honestly i never expected to become a kpop stan again.... bcs last time was in 2017??? like i just used to listen to their songs but not a hardcore fan cus i didnt even know who the members are hahahhhaa. but yea unexpectedly, impromptu, unplannedly, im now doing it again. when i saw bang christopher chan, i saw my future. ahahhaahah i cant help but stray kids are the greatest group i have ever seen. every each of them are so so precious and im so lucky to be a stay.

this year, it was hard for us but alhamdulillah.. it’s all good now. im so happy i get to fly with my korean meleis. all of us. alhamdulillah. to more adventures and happiness in korea! february 2021, degree life here we go!

2020 RESOLUTIONS RECAP:

1. get (at least) level 5 for topik 2 in this april and october! | ACHIEVED

2. 4 flat for foundation semester 2 and 3, insha Allah i can do it. | SEM 2 ACHIEVED, SEM 3 ALHAMDULILLAH HAHHA

3. receive an offer from sungkyunkwan university seoul in chemical engineering. aamiinn!! | result skku next week so idk yet but mesti dapat, but alhamdulillah gerak hanyang lu hahahha chemical engineering celah mana tah

4. DIET. DIET. DIET. less eating, more gym! road to at least 55 kg before yuhak! | more gym, yes. lose weight, no :( i guess i have to jaga makan in korea later on

5. flawless! stop that eczema and keep going aina! you are beautiful and you will always be beautiful! | STILL ONGOING WOOHOOO i see progress

6. no crush, no boyfriend. (yet) AND never get attached to people who considers me as 2nd option. move on from dennis, for fucks sake | dah lama move on errr. tapi huhu sedikit terluka juga lah tahun ini

7. recite Quran every day, khatam Al-Quran, amalkan surah al-Waqiah, al-Kahfi and al-Mulk. closer, closer and closer to Allah aza wa jalla and never be away from Him the Almighty. | still ongoing. insha allah constant

8. jauhkan diri dari maksiat, no zina mata, zina hati and all det zina | shuh shuh go away

9. always lowkey, always tawadhuk. | insha allah

10. focus on yourself. prioritise family. | YES SELF LOVE SELF CARE

11. give more to people, and Allah will give more to me. be grateful, and Allah will give more to me :) | YESSSSSSS DEFINITELY FACTS

12. ALWAYS help people the best way i could | insha allah

13. if things go hard, never stop. take rests but NEVER STOP. you will always succeed aina <3 im confident of that | you did great this year aina! more are coming your way and i believe you can do it

#post

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icharchivist · 6 years

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eh okay so it's gonna get extremely personal despite it looking like i'm rambling about a game, and there's.... mentions of how bad my mental health had gone, so s.elf h.arm and such, so. ye. Fair warning.

I've been crying for five minutes (edit: it had been 5 mins when I started writting this post, now it's been half a hour, fml) over Sera's "Do everything for everyone, get sick. Not right." when she comments on the inquisitor's hand getting worse in worse and how she's worried for her and how she needs to make everyone know how great the inquisitor is.

Like istg d/ai may be the da game with the least interesting /plot/ but the companions had hit such cords with me and that fucking line. That. Fucking line. I started playing Da when I was having a very bad mental health episode. Like, I was seriously being miserable when I started d/ao.

Things... hadn't calmed down, but DA gave me a real distraction from everything. Mental breakdowns happen less often. I have less episodes. When they happen they are truly bad, but it's not as often as it was before.

Playing those games gave me a sense of purpose and made me want to wake up in the morning and do stuff. And put myself a goal. That hadn't happened to me in ways too long. Which is kinda why i fell this deeply into da and how much I want to cherish it no matter what, that i don't want to let negative stuff ruin that.

Lately..... no in general, over the course of this last year, reflecting on my mental health - the main point I keep thinking over and over again is how much I basically wasted my whole life taking care of people around me, and how those very people pushed me to my limits to the point of breaking.

I don't know when my d/epression really started - my therapist told me i had symptoms since i'm 7 because of some occurances that happened to me, I can pinpoint my 13th yo as probably the biggest point I couldn't ignore it anymore since it's when I started self harming to cope with all this frustration I had inside me. But up until my 19yo, I tried. I was thinking that no matter what I wanted to be stronger than this, to overcome this. And help as much as I could meanwhile.

It's not like I could ignore the problems around me, I had to fix my parents's mess, my parents's mental health, I had to fix everything, and I had very few friends before high school, and I was always doing emotional labor for everyone I met. Before meeting my High school friends, it's not like i could rely on anyone - and it took me years to rely on my high school friends, after years of being close to them. And even know, I don't rely on anyone I trust as much as I could. as I should.

Then I had that major mental breakdown. The Infamous one lmao. Too many things accumulating at once. Before I turned 18, all I was thinking was "at least live until you pass your diploma", and once it was done I realized I spent my whole life fixing so much shit I hadn't projected myself further. I've been terrified ever since. That mental breakdown happened while i was having this crisis, and my studies, my father and some friends pushed my limits further, and suddenly I couldn't take it anymore.

Ever since that, I had felt like a failure. Like I couldn't even act properly, I couldn't even be a proper person. That no matter what I do, I can't even stand the pressure.

I got physical sickness out of my shitty mental health. Eczema, one of those instance that turned into a deadly sickness that I hadn't treated correctly because I was busy fixing others stuff- still now I have that fucking eczema on my hand I can't seem to get rid off, for years now. Because of stress, my stomach is barely functionable. I had a lot of panic attacks, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and s/uicidal idealization, big zoning out episodes that had put me in danger (multiple time I was.. coming back from school, and I just. zoned out in the middle of the street and I almost got ran over by a car. Very close. And it was shaking me back into reality and i was breaking down crying at the corner of the street. It happened about 3 times a day which was one of the reasons i dropped school since i was having panic attacks in class and those stuff happening when out of class).

And I felt like a failure. So damn much. That everything i've done, everything i've tried to do to help the world get better around me wasn't enough. That I wasn't strong enough.

I'm taking medications that almost completely negated the nightly panic attacks at least, most of them anyway - which makes that when they happen, they are a hundred times worse than before. My spiral downs are even worse because I try to balance it out.

And I felt terrible for years. Recovery scares me because at this point I don't know what to "recover".

And....... This past few months i've been thinking. A lot. Instead of feeling like a failure, what I end up thinking now is that it's the world around me that failed me. I've done everything for everyone. I was 7, my sister ran away from home, and I was the one trying to hold the family together, being there for my mother, being there for my other sister who was closing of to me, defending them against my father's mean comments about it, while i was being bullied at school. And no one was there for me. I was 13 when my parents divorced, and I was there for my mother, who was lamenting, in her worst mental state, while my father was planning to strip her from everything, ruining her reputation, and I was managing it so he wouldn't be ruining her life, all while my sister blissfully ignored all of it and decided to cut ties with us for over a year - while i was bullied in classes, and had to move out, adapting to a new environment when i was bullied again, in a step family that was snarky, always degrading. And No one was there for me.

I was almost 15 when I got that fucking deadly disease spreading over my chest. Took months to be able to talk it out to one of my parents, for one of them to care. a fucking disease born out of stress, because I was managing another moving out, because I was adapting to a new school where, news flash, I was bullied, while my mom was always lamenting, asking me to do everything for her, while i was fighting another trial my father planned for us, aptemping to make our lives even more difficult, degrading us, while my sister was still blissfully ignoring us despite the fact we were in contact again. I got yelled at by the doctor because I was close to be hospitalized because of how much I neglected my own physicaly health. And all I was thinking was that I couldn't just stop because of that.

I was 17 when I ended up in a toxic, emotionally abusive relationship who changed me for the worst, pushed me to isolation, and had me lost everything i had built before that, along with part of myself. And I was alone. Couldn't speak to it to my family bc they acted extremely homophobic at the idea i was in relationship with a girl, the couple of friends i had back then were too hurt by my actions that they never talked to me again, and my ex was blackmailing me all the time. And I had to get out of it alone.

And it goes on and on and on and on. I can't remember a time i wasn't actively struggling with keeping everything around me from falling apart.

And at this point, i'm so angry. Those last few months, i've felt so angry, and frustrated. I've done everything, for everyone, all my life, and it ruined me mentally and physically. And I don't even know why I should want to carry on. what I should want to live now.

I feel like I lost about 20 years of my life trying to keep everything from falling apart to the point I barely know how to keep myself together now. That I can't project myself, that I can't see further than my own private bubble. And i'm too tired to try to fix things again. Even if it's fixing myself. I'm just tired.

For months I've been frustrated now. I guess i still consider myself a bit of a failure, but I end up thinking it's everyone around me who failed me. Everyone who should have been there when I needed, who should have let me be someone. And now I'm asked to find my path, to do my studies, find a job, and i'm terrified.

"Do everything for everyone, get sick. not right."

This had been the center of all my frustrations those past few months and i'm actually still crying right now, what the fuck. Y'know, funnily enough, that's also why I hadn't forgiven BW's "you make saving the world look easy. the rest of us can only dream of matching what you've done" - because if there's anything i've managed to do with Laena as a character, is making a balance of showing she feels like she's falling apart, but will try to be cheerful so people don't suspect she's terrified of having to handle everything. This is probably the most personal thing I managed to ever put in a character, the game allowed me to create this balance that is extremely personal to me. So when he said that, i took it personally. Because if anything, I never let anyone see how I was falling apart. I would crack a joke and cheer someone up.

And I think about it because I remember I've been so upset at this one line, that it made me actually cry the first time i heard it.

And now it's Sera's. "Do everything for everyone, get sick. not right.". It had to hit right where it hurt. Right where it was too personal.

honestly d/ai is.... so flawed, but the companions had been such a strength to me, and I mentioned once that seeing them playing Wicked Grace had me cry because it looks like how we play games with my friends. My close friends. Those I took years to be able to rely on, and that are now probably my only driving force. Even if i don't rely on them as much as I should, as they tell me to. So also the fact Sera adds a bit later "i will make them know she had- has friends" i'm just.

Damn i didn't think i'd be crying for 30 minutes over pre-written letters in a game that hit right the cord. They got to hit the most personal part of myself in a few lines.

I don't even know how bad this dlc will get, but man. Nothing will top that.

God i have such a violent headache after crying this much istg. gdi Sera.

#ichapersonal #tmw a character line make you cry for half a hour thinking about your life #ma n that's intense

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self-diagnosed-hypochondri-blog1 · 7 years

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I was tagged by @supermassiveironthrone, apologies for taking so long to get round to it, I’m smack bang in the middle of exams so don’t have much free time

Rules: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you finished tag 5 people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!!

1: Are you named after someone? I don’t think so? There’s a Tobias in the bible (and my parents are christians) so it could be that, but my full name is just Toby so I doubt it.

2: When was the last time you cried? Probably quite recently, but my memory is so shockingly bad that I can’t remember what I got up to yesterday. (If in doubt I probably cried listening to one of my ghibli playlists, they carry a lot of nostalgia for me)

3: Do you like your handwriting? Idk really, I don’t like or dislike it for the most part. When I’m taking my time to write I enjoy how it looks but normally only I can decipher it

4: What is your favourite lunch meat? If the sandwich is toasted/grilled/etc then probably salami bc it goes so well with melted cheese

5: Do you have kids? Not that I’m aware of!

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you? I’d like to say yes, but my brain is getting so confused trying to picture myself as someone with a completely different personality/likes/wants etc that I can’t say at all. I guess I have some good traits? who knows

7: Do you use sarcasm? I used to use it a lot more when I was in secondary school but I don’t think I use it much now.

8: Do you still have your tonsils? ye boi

9: Would you bungee jump? I don’t really see the appeal of plummeting 60 feet off a bridge, supported by a piece of elastic and getting whiplash on the way back up, so probably not

10: What is your favourite kind of cereal? Krave, every day of the week

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No and then I always get annoyed that the laces are done up. what can I say, I’m a fool

12: Do you think you’re a strong person? Probably like average physically, emotionally and mentally very strong for the most part but there are times when my ADHD gets me down (today I walked 30 mins to my supermarket to do my food shop, spent an hour finding everything, and then got to checkout and realised i’d left my card in my flat-that drained me of all my motivation)

13: What is your favourite ice cream flavour? Raspberry/Strawberry ice cream

14: What is the first thing you notice about people? Their eyes I think, which makes sense

15: Red or pink? both? I prefer darker tones of red and lighter shades of pink, I don’t like bold so much

16: What is your least favourite physical thing about yourself? My dodgy heart? I have WPW which sucks but idk if that counts as physical bc I assume it means like on the outside, so my wrists? It’s a weird one but they’re too skinny :(

17: What colour pants and shoes are you wearing now? I’m in bed so tartan PJs and no shoes

18: What was the last thing you ate? Big bowl of angel delight bc student living

19: What are you listening to right now? Common sense by J Hus

20: If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? purple pls

21: Favourite smell? The ground after it’s rained

22: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my mum

23: Favourite sport to watch? I’m a big football fan so football

24: Hair colour? light brown? It’s so boring i kinda wanna dye it but don’t know what colour would suit me

25: Eye colour? blue-green

26: Do you wear contacts? I have about 200 pairs from when I decided to try them out and ended up only wearing them about 30 times, I’ve got new glasses now so no need for them

27: Favourite food to eat? This is the worst question, food is probably the best thing in the world and there’s so much to choose from. That being said, if i ever see takoyaki on a menu then I will immediately order them. Same goes for most seafood.

28: Scary movies or comedy? comedy

29: Last movie you watched? The Princess Diaries? don’t question it

30: What colour of shirt are you wearing? I don’t sleep with a shirt on, but I wore a dark red shirt today

31: Summer or winter? I lowkey hate both bc they both screw up my eczema and it gets really bad in the cold/hot, but if I had to choose, probably winter bc there’s nothing worse than being really hot and sweaty and exhausted from the heat. (Autumn/spring are still miles better though)

32: Hugs or kisses? probably kisses bc too much physical contact can stress me out (thanks again ADHD) but I like hugging if I’m initiating it

33: What book are you currently reading? Just finished Night Watch by Terry Pratchett last night, and am about to start on Guards! Guards!.

34: Who do you miss right now? Rn I’m in a very chill mood so no-one really at this moment in time

35: What is on your mouse pad? I don’t have one on account of not having a mouse for my computer

36: What is the last TV program you watched? Cutthroat Kitchen, it’s my guilty pleasure and I love every episode

37: What is the best sound? Rain falling/soft music

38: Rolling Stones or The Beatles? Neither, the Beatles are overrated imo and I don’t really listen to the Rolling Stones

39: What is the furthest you have ever traveled? Jamaica with my family, but furthest I’ve been on my own is France for a week

40: Do you have a special talent? I play guitar and piano, if that counts. Oh and I have really stretchy skin. Like really really stretchy, I can hold a lot of food in my cheeks as a result

41: Where were you born? Guys Hospital, London!

42: People you expect to participate in this survey? I haven’t had many new mutuals bar @supermassiveironthrone who tagged me, and I feel like I tag some of my other mutuals a lot but I’ll tag anyway,

@mooniva I assume you’ve been tagged in this already but there you go anyway, apologies to @jii-chan, @spinxtheminx, @anxious-demiboy-demigod, @sjwmothman

feel no need whatsoever to answer this if you’re sick of these haha

#idk what these are called #get to know me #?#survey thing #idk

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eczemaliberation · 4 years

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2nd Day of Juice/Broth Feast

I’m really impressed by how much of a difference these deep cleansing practices make in my skin health. Everything I was doing before was contributing to my poor gut health, and therefore poor skin and overall health. So it’s taking a complete overhaul of my lifestyle to produce results. And I am so thankful this is all working.

I have the hormonal changes/rebalancing adding different side effects to my skin. The red bumps are spreading over my thighs and down my legs now. But at least the eczema on my knee joints is getting remarkably better. I’m super happy the skin is mending! There’s even a lot less flaking today. I know you can’t really judge everything by the condition of skin flareups, but I’m really enjoying this little upswing.

It’s pretty confusing to have some things get worse and some things get better, but overall, I’m pleased with how things are going. I was going to take it easy and do the 2 week cleansing option, since I don’t have much body fat to lose, but I’m thoroughly enjoying these results... so I might extend the deep cleansing of Phase 1 by one more week.

How did I feel today?

I felt mostly good today!

I woke up feeling like I needed to shake things up. I wanted to take a walk in the park before it was supposed to thunderstorm in the afternoon. So I jumped out of bed, ready to go to the park before I did my whole long routine of exfoliating my entire body in the shower (which takes me almost an hour - don’t scoff - you try gently using your hands to rub off your entire first layer of skin, it takes time! gotta be gentle bc it hurts too :( and then i have to moisturize all over. i do feel like a reptile with new tight skin afterwards...) I went to a nearby nature preserve and walked around wetlands. I saw a tiny frog the size of a quarter, a turtle in the middle of the path, and a bunch of dragonflies and butterflies. I ate some blackberries; can’t wait to go back soon when all the berries will be ripe!

Massive brain fog in the afternoon, couldn’t get myself to do what I needed to do at all. This is pretty normal for Vata time of day (2-6 pm). So I shifted gears and made cookies instead. That was an activity I could handle mentally. I made Peanut Butter and Jelly Cookies to ship for Father’s Day. I might save one so I can try it after my cleanse.

Foods of the Day

- 1 cup celery turmeric lemonade

- 2 cups carrot juice with spring water

- 4 c pork broth

- 1.5 c chicken broth + 1.5 c beef/pork broth

- 2 qt watermelon/cucumber/lemon/ginger/sea salt/spring water smoothie

I know this isn’t the right combo of foods, but I was craving sweet flavors! It indeed does not make sense to eat high carbs with high fats, that is where I went wrong today. I still think a fresh watermelon smoothie was a better option than eating a burger!

I miss chewing food. So I spent too much time watching food tour videos. It’s a little masochistic to watch people eating all these things that will wreak havoc on my body... I wish I could do those things, but I just can’t!

New goals:

No electronics after 9 pm. Create a wind down routine at night. GET REAL SLEEP!

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minty-minho-blog · 5 years

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Also known as linseed, alsi or jawas, flaxseeds are among the richest plant resources of omega-3 fatty acids. These essential fats moisturise the scalp skin from in and support cut down dryness and flakiness. Thus, it may possibly Increase the indicators of dandruff, eczema and acne. Normally, clients can see it get started Performing in six to 8 months, however it might also minimize sexual intercourse drive, maximize breast sizing, and lead to erectile dysfunction, Based on Merck Manuals. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-SiXXn3EKKI2t7btdwEplw 's also harmful for Expecting women to the touch the crumbly tablet powder. Blend all elements inside the container of the decision. Combine perfectly, and be sure you combine comprehensively right before Each individual use. Hunting for a hair growth shampoo that stops dandruff at the same time? Nizoral has created an item that has the precise Gains you are seeking. Hi beautiful, welcome to hair buddha. I'm Minaz, an ex-training Neuro-Physiotherapist turned natural – hair – therapist! I am writing to share my experiences on natural hair care which has been successful not just on me but also on a lot of wonderful people today close to me. In order to be healthier, our system desires the appropriate pH equilibrium. As I’m guaranteed you may consider, Should the pH is wrong (way too acidic or also alkaline) then the body doesn’t truly functionality really very well. When further investigation is required to grasp the exact mechanism better, PSO exhibits “beneficial anabolic (result) on hair growth … in individuals with delicate to moderate male sample hair loss”. Even though it might not block DHT (at the very least, this has however to be researched), the part it plays inside the regulation on the Wnt pathway is just not a single to get downplayed. Which means SM04554 could The general influence of consuming this acidic-weighted diet regime more than many years is that the human body by itself commences to become acidic. The excellent news is anxiety-similar hair loss is often temporary, assuming that the strain function is momentary In 2007, the main laser treatment for hair loss was approved through the FDA. Just one unique products will be the Hairmax Lasercomb, and it makes use of lower-level light to: Unfortunately, it seems that RU58841 experimentation has ceased for your foreseeable long run on account of home legal rights transfer. It continues to be to be noticed whether or not even more scientific studies (specifically in people) might be carried out. Hair affirmation is a strong Software that can help you worry considerably less and treatment superior for your personal hair. It is possible to build your very own affirmation and visualize yourself obtaining it. Soon after metabolism happens There's a material leftover, a little like There's an ‘ash’ which happens to be leftover after the fire has ‘metabolised (burnt as a result of) the wood.

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If suitable beard care is essential to you personally, Then you definitely're probably getting beard oil. But Imagine if I explained to ... It is usually practical if as you are completed showering to experience you hair with chilly h2o before you get out. As this oil is very viscous, blend the castor oil by having an equal level of coconut, olive, or almond oil. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_care with it and leave it on for thirty to forty five minutes. Then shampoo your hair. Jojoba oil. It’s really similar in texture to sebum, the natural oil produced by your scalp that lubricates your hair and keeps it healthier. Many of it is going to grow back again but you will have to attend on it perhaps a few months and it could grow back again weak and susceptible to breakage. The neatest thing you could potentially do is consume healthful and nourish your scalp -- and find out a doctor for tips. Professional medical industry experts need to distinguish hair loss from breakage of the hair shaft from hair loss due to diminished hair growth. Surgical methods like hair transplants might be handy for a few women along with Guys to "fill in" thinned-out parts. Like minoxidil (aka Rogaine), Ketoconazole continues to be identified as a fantastic hair loss treatment. Ketoconazole is the key ingredient in several anti-dandruff and regrowth shampoos, and analysis with the Countrywide Institute of Well being (NIH) has demonstrated which the normal utilization of a 2% Ketoconazole shampoo can cause increased hair density and dimensions. I signify, It appears fairly evident, brief, and straightforward, so I’m going to check out it. Y’all ought to attempt it. Also I put my nickname at college as my title bc I are likely to get pretty offended incredibly very easily so my mates gave me that name. Alopecia areata is definitely an autoimmune problem during which the body attacks its very own hair follicles. Most individuals, having said that, do not have systemic troubles and want no health care checks. Some scientific tests have argued that dandruff can lead to an harmful scalp and trigger balding. Fortunately, ketoconazole is the key component in Nizoral that works to stop dandruff and improve hair. The precise reason behind this pattern is unknown. (The male hormones included are current in equally Males and women.) It is no surprise that ‘hair loss cures 2020’ is a particularly common look for phrase in Google. You’d Assume by that point we’d discover how to stop hairs from falling out of heads. Gentle sufficient for even by far the most sensitive pores and skin and hair forms, Pure Biology incorporates natural extracts, oils, biotin and keratin, which perform to stimulate hair growth and maintenance destruction. The 3HC Hair Stimulating Complex contained in Pure Biology’s formula is totally revolutionary, since it stimulates cells that deal with hair follicle improvement.

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Anagen effluvium - is common hair loss all around the physique resulting from chemotherapy, immunotherapy, or radiotherapy. The hair loss is frequently non permanent and grows back again right after a particular length of time. Surgical procedures or hair transplants: Surgical hair restoration strategies include different versions of hair transplantation (getting hair in the again and Placing it near the front) or scalp reduction (slicing away bald spots and stitching the rest together). Transplant techniques have enhanced greatly lately. They are able to make way more appealing and natural-wanting benefits than more mature strategies that from time to time leave a "checkerboard" or hair plug appear. The ingredients are Light on hair strands, and at the time dried, the hair flows easily without causing tangles. In case you are experiencing hair loss resulting from scalp troubles like dandruff, or rough strands, then this is the greatest shampoo to utilize. "It is really feasible to take 1 or another or the two," Kaufman says. "But if an individual isn't about to use Rogaine twice everyday, or take the Propecia tablet as soon as every single day, he shouldn't utilize them." The expression "ringworm" or "ringworms" refers to fungal bacterial infections which might be over the surface area of the pores and skin. A Actual physical examination in the affected pores and skin, evaluation of pores and skin scrapings underneath the microscope, and lifestyle assessments may also help Physicians make the appropriate distinctions. At the conclusion of the day, The obvious way to get these nutrients is by eating a balanced, real food stuff-based mostly diet regime that features a lot of nutrient-dense foods. Later on indications and signals that labor that labor is are the lady’s drinking water breaking, and when contractions start. While tales about hats choking off follicles or prolonged hair pulling within the roots can be extra folklore, repeat hair trauma like tightly woven hair pulled again and dependable friction can probably worsen or lead to localized hair loss in some people today. Traction alopecia - can be a condition of hair loss which is frequent in women. It happens resulting from pressure during the hair shafts because of very tight ponytails, braids, or pigtails. Vitamin B3, B7, C, and vitamin H are the nutrients that endorse hair growth. Either you are able to eat foods rich in these or choose dietary supplements. Immediately after viewing product depth webpages, glimpse below to locate an uncomplicated method to navigate back again to webpages you are interested in. Medical practitioners check with prevalent baldness as "androgenetic alopecia" or "androgenic alopecia," which means that a combination of hormones and heredity (genetics) is critical to acquire the ailment. Sure. Since coconut oil is full of potassium, it retains the scalp overall health, and encourages the growth of latest hair, rendering it the most beneficial treatment for hair regrowth. Alopecia universalis - is usually an autoimmune disorder wherein there is overall hair loss all over the overall body, together with eyebrows, eyelashes, and pubic hair. It's considered to be the most intense form of alopecia areata.

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This condition interferes Along with the hair growth cycle by creating a follicle to prematurely go away the anagen, or active growth, phase and enter the resting, or telogen period. The hair growth from the affected follicles is lessened or stopped entirely. The best way to try to eat? Sprinkle https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9LctCQxINs with your salads, or insert them to the smoothies, or when earning bread/naan/rotis. You may also make delectable flaxseed chutney. Rogaine (minoxidil). Below sure instances, this topical (placed on the pores and skin) preparing appears to offer modest regrowth of hair on regions of the scalp which have absent bald. Rogaine operates on hair follicles to reverse their shrinking approach to encourage new hair growth. The consequences are most promising in younger people who find themselves just beginning to show indications of balding or who've tiny bald patches. The medication is really a solution that is applied to balding places two times a day and must be ongoing indefinitely; hair loss will recur if the appliance is stopped. https://www.pinterest.com/healthhomeremedies/steptoremedies/ is usually a hair loss sickness which can happen in any individual at any stage of lifestyle. Particularly Alopecia areata is surely an autoimmune condition that triggers hair to spontaneously fall out. It is mainly characterised by bald patches about the scalp or other aspects of the human body, and can eventually result in baldness through the whole human body. For now, just know that there are several hair growth health supplements, pills, and vitamins in the marketplace. We’ll contact on the best kinds on this page, but be cautious of inferior products which do practically nothing more than overload you with specific vitamins and minerals devoid of carrying out a matter for hair growth. Rated the ideal shampoo for hair regrowth in 2017 and all over again in 2018 by field pros, Ultrax Labs Hair Surge is a brand that’s successful a lot of awards for its Remarkable-excellent products. This organization has created pretty an impact on heads all over the place, and warrants to generally be at the top of our record. Hair affirmation is a robust Software that can help you are worried considerably less and treatment greater for the hair. You can produce your own affirmation and visualize by yourself acquiring it. Argan oil requires Centre stage With this shampoo, and this major ingredient is stuffed with vitamin E and fatty acids to promote nutritious hair and skin. Shedding https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdXQUKza1U0 ? It might an easy fix-like receiving more or less of the vitamin-or trickier to take care of. Begin Slideshow Every single product or service we element continues to be independently selected and reviewed by our editorial group. In case you create a acquire using the inbound links included, we may possibly earn Fee. Ketoconazole helps prevent your follicles from discomfort and inflammation, which subsequently stops hair thinning and loss. With 1% Ketoconazole (or 2% by using a prescription), this item has enough of the essential component to kill the fungi liable for triggering dandruff. What to do: If you are doing working experience hair loss, be confident that your hair will grow back in several months. “It’s a traditional factor and it'll do the job its way out,” Dr. Glashofer says. Whilst Propecia has much more steady success, minoxidil is more dependent on the person. Dramatic results such as new regrowth could be witnessed in people who react properly, but they are the minority. Minoxidil, like Propecia, is significantly better at hair routine maintenance. read more will allow you to hold the hair you are doing have for for a longer time, but only if you employ it each day. Comment:u have to do each of the 10redemedies so as to see changes or You should do what u a comfortable with This top rated unisex shampoo for hair loss was meant to revitalize, improve, and guard hair on Adult men and women alike.

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The crucial element component in Nizoral is ketoconazole, which minimizes hair follicle inflammation that contributes to hair loss. Ketoconazole also kills fungi that lead to dandruff, but there’s not so much of it as to get toxic (which massive quantities of ketoconazole can be). steptoremedies.com for yourself is….vs . Ultrax, it would appear A great deal inexpensive to use a combination of Lipogaine Massive 5 and Nizoral. Is there a tremendous dropoff in results by using the latter alternative? And the company is so assured of their product which they even give you a ninety-working day income-back promise, and that means you basically get a threat-no cost trial. There may be literally no motive not to get the item and provides it a shot. Swedish firm Follicum is carrying out PhaseIIA scientific research on application in their modified peptide formulation right injected to your scalp. Prolonged, shiny and healthier hair can be an simply achievable objective, delivered you dedicate a while to hair treatment and observe these valuable all-natural healthy hair ideas. Whisk an egg. Blend in four tablespoons of grapeseed oil and a few drops of lavender oil. Apply it for your hair and scalp and go away it on for fifty percent an hour or so. Ultimately, rinse it out and shampoo your hair as regular. Within an field fraught with bogus statements and shady businesses, this list of the best hair loss shampoos for guys and women continues to be investigated and evaluated comprehensively. Although it’s vital that you do not forget that hair loss can have a lot of underlying will cause and a great shampoo with top quality substances can be Component of an effective treatment, it’s tough to argue With all the Many independent clients who have discovered these items helpful. Actual success take plenty of time for you to display. Not to mention, In the event your hair is thinner, and you also started doing something about it, it'll get time for the new “regrown” hairs to become noticeable. They need to have the perfect time to grow. Seborrheic dermatitis and scalp bacterial infections result in issues like itchy scalp and gentle hair loss. So, recognize any fundamental troubles contributing to hair difficulties and handle them without delay so they don’t hamper your hair growth attempts. The phrase "ringworm" or "ringworms" refers to fungal bacterial infections which have been about the area in the pores and skin. A Actual physical assessment from the afflicted pores and skin, analysis of skin scrapings beneath the microscope, and tradition exams can assist Medical professionals make the suitable distinctions. Even though there are A great deal even worse things that can happen to someone than losing their hair, there’s also no denying how extremely discouraging it might be. There are several motives for hair loss, together with genetics, and a lot more solutions and solutions around which declare to slow its progress although even growing new hair. Discovering 1 that actually works in your case, nevertheless, may be easier stated than accomplished. But we’re here to help you. In steptoremedies.com analyze a number of topics had been capable of regrow whole heads of hair. Regrettably, sustained use of this kind of medications will likely have critical Uncomfortable side effects. Many of such issues could be side stepped if a topical method may be developed. Researchers with the Department of Dermatology and Genetics and Growth at Columbia University Clinical center are now learning other JAK inhibitors in placebo controlled reports. But our testimonials of the very best shampoos for hair growth can present you with hope and assist you to come across the ideal products for you. Recognizing for the fact at an early age whether anyone will be predisposed to losing their hair will make a tremendous variation. This will likely assist that individual be capable of system, finances, and study their selections ahead of their hair even begins thinning.

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I keep in mind how it feels. Sensation helpless that I was slowly but surely likely bald and there was nothing at all I could do over it. Neither group observed improvement for the a few-month mark, but sizeable improvement was observed at six months. , then I strongly urge you to definitely perform more investigate. When hair transplantion can provide an aesthetic Increase, it’s not The solution for your hair loss woes. You’ll however need to operate to take care of the root induce But the most effective possibility is to eat fresh or dried amla every single day. I've A different great selection – I consider 1tsp amla powder or triphala with a glass of drinking water each and every morning – It’s among the best detox drink you could find. Even more fascinating is, when men and women from these regions transfer to international locations much like the US their chance of likely bald also improves up towards the nationwide ordinary. The main team been given a day by day nutritional supplement (which contained 400mg of PSO), while the 2nd group obtained a placebo dietary supplement. Femina has long been capturing the essence with the Indian woman for fifty eight decades now, and it has evolved with her over time bringing the world to her doorstep. And now, Here is your possibility to obtain the dope on all the things--from celebs and trend, beauty and wellness, to Life-style and associations--shipped on to your inbox. In addition skilled suggestions, polls, contests and various interactive article content and a complete large amount far more! Hi there wonderful, welcome to hair buddha. little herbs am Minaz, an ex-practising Neuro-Physiotherapist turned natural – hair – therapist! I'm producing to share my experiences on natural hair care which has been successful not just on me but in addition on lots of amazing folks all-around me. This assortment of microbes that make up the human human body is called the microbiome and we are just getting out how significant a healthier microbiome is for Total health (and hair health.) Although further more study is needed to understand the precise mechanism greater, PSO shows “positive anabolic (effect) on hair growth … in patients with delicate to moderate male sample hair loss”. SM04554 is really an experimental drug that’s currently getting analyzed by researchers for a hair loss treatment. The scientists assert this “wonder cure” is effective by regulating the Wnt pathway, which happens to be a protein pathway believed to acquire particular outcomes on hair growth. It’s very clear that the listing of micro organism killing modern-day innovations is lengthy. It’s challenging to do everything without having functioning into a thing created to eliminate micro organism in a single form or A further. Don’t be concerned about investigating your hair line at this stage being an indicator; simply just observe the have an impact on the foods have on Your whole body when you reintroduce them. more info from stepto remedies at the rear of PSO’s achievements is considered to get its inhibition on the enzyme 5AR. As a result of this, DHT is then blocked from staying manufactured and, hence, are not able to wreak havoc to the hair follicles.

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