#bc some people were questioning

[beatriceportinari]

Another year, another outfit to die in! Happy birthday again Izuna!!!!!!

Like last year, I played with someone else's lines for these charming patterns, thank you so much Lena @elhnrt ! I had a ton of fun :D

Check the readmore for pattern references and explanations, there are some easter eggs in there :)

(x,x,x,x)

My goal for this piece, in addition to playing with patterns and textures and adding some Naruto references, was to add as many death flags as possible.

The idea of having Izuna in a fireman's coat is obviously not from me. I've always like the idea of Uchihas in fire resistant clothes, and the opportunity for a thick texture alongside a reversible double pattern is very appealing. I used the image of the second reference as a base, with skulls on one side and stylized lightning patterns on the other (visible inside the sleeves and collar). Both were common immagery of firemen coats.

The actual skull pattern is taken from the third reference. I'd seen this one before and before even learning anything abt it it was too beautiful to pass up. Those white and navy gradients are absolutely delightful and I enjoyed using my gel pens for them very much.... This particular type of imagery with skulls and bones in a field is called Nozarashi, inspired by Buddhist representation of death and transience.

The lightning pattern itself is a reference to water and lightning dragons :) Like Tobirama's iconic jutsu, it's one of the hints of what's abt to happen to our little guy. The scabbard is also decorated with dragon motifs for the same reason.

The background pattern is taken from the first reference, another fireman's coat with an illustration of Raijin, the thunder god. He is often representated with drums decorated with tomoes. It works nicely as a standard looking sharingan illustration, with a reference to Tobirama's hiraishingiris with the thunder imagery, like the thunder patterns inside the coat.

If you're interested in this I recommend the book linked in the second reference! It is entirely about skeleton motifs in japanese clothing of the early 20th century.

#mine #mixed #wip #naruto #uchiha izuna #been looking at some many fun patters I really went all in for this one #I love borrowing people's lines bc I do not care much abt anatomy or even drawing clothes tbh but patterns and textures.... #it's like I'm dressing up a little doll :) #you can tell I was feeling myself seriousposting bc I capizalized the names... #anyway this was a lot of fun and of course actually quite unserious #for exemple you'll notice all these are either from late 19th/early20th c. despite the warring states era being obviously sengoku coded #later designs were easier for me to find references from and information on since I do not know much abt the subject #I allowed myself these liberties bc the timeline (wether aesthetic or narrative) in naruto is hardly strict #also it's usually the senjus who are associated with Buddhism and the uchiha are more shinto leaning but well. #you can tell yourself this is a sign of early konoha corruption on our guy Izuna #if you have any more questions abt this feel free to ask! this was a surprise again so i haven't posted any wips #but i do have some pictures of the process and I always love to chat

[llumimoon]

Introducing the Erased AU!!! or as I like to call it: The Mysterious Disappearance of Normally Oak

Hehehehe I actually came up w/ this back in May (with the help of @kaseyskat <3) but it's been modified to be more canon compliant since some recent things got the brain gears turning :]c

The premise is essentially Norm and Dood do some. very silly goofs. aka w/out telling anyone Normal decides to go back to the Doodler's home dimension w/ Dood to keep them company and through some magic shenanigans everyone now has no recollection of Normal or the Doodler apocalypse- everything is a picturesque happy ending... or is it?

Sparrow is the first to realize something's up due to her new art studio being where Normal's bedroom used to be, but the others aren't very far behind. They all have to put the clues they discover together in order to figure out what happened and bring Normal back. Speaking of, I dunno how long a human can last in an eldritch dimension after all...

EDIT:

1 2 3 4

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #dndads s2 #dungeons and daddies season 2 #normal oak #sparrow oak #the doodler #cal draws #erased au #teheheheheehehe #i actually love this au so so much #essentially it was born out of me going #i love the norm and doodler dynamic but i think if left to their own devices they would make some reckless and impulsive decisions #this au is so angsty but also. lowkey kinda funny to me #the timeline didnt change btw. memories were just altered #so as far as everyone THINKS the s1 epilogue never happened #people have weird gaps if they think too hard and lots of weird stuff seeps through sometimes #bc this magic job was done by. two kids AKWBGEIAHDHF #how did they pull this off? its a secret. (that is to say sparrow and the others will figure it out) #LMAO if u have any questions 🥺 i would love to answer them as best i can #ive got more comic ideas planned hence the TBC so hopefully those will come out soonish #also yegah. sparrows gender is transed. JABSGAIAHD AFTER the memory alteration too #so norm and dood essentially transed her gender before dipping it's incredibly funny to me

[virgothozul]

Ok. I have listened to the people. I have watched the thing. It is very wholesome.

Kazu comes home. He is hopeless and tipsy. And he swings between excited and wasted.

#I am SICK of Miri’s voice ngl #I know kids are loud. And make a mess of EVERYthing. That’s why i stay away. #But for Kazurei ; I made it to the end #They are precious #Rei is so cute I love this guy #He has 0 human skill and still is effortlessly hilarious and a little cutie 👏💖 #i wish we had more of their relationship bc they have sth really special #They never question their trust in each other like it never crosses their mind. They disagree almost all the time but they never part #It’s more natural than breathing. They’re always saying stuff like « it’s not fit to involve other people in our way of life » #it’s not even an option to live apart. They clearly will spend all their lives together #Except that scene it’s so weird when Kazu says « hum with Miri gone we don’t have a reason to live together anymore » lol man #Not as if you guys were already joined at the hip before meeting her. But I get the «the family life changed us now sth’s missing #and it feels incomplete ». But still guys. You are soul mates. #Also the « of course he comes with me. He’s my partner. » line 💕💍 #even if at some point they meant to part ways ; really they can’t be separated. #kazurei #No homo daddies #Buddy daddies #kazuki x rei #Domestic gays

[utilitycaster]

(this is tagged for it as well, but putting it here: the below involves some non-graphic mention/discussion of suicide in relation to episode 3x78)

I think it's important to keep in mind, regarding the most recent episode, that while Ashton's behavior was extremely dangerous and reckless, it was not suicidal in intent. Ashton thought it would work. They thought that they would fix things, and they ignored all the smart people warning them against it because it would imply a lot of negative things about their parents. That doesn't mean it wasn't an action taken out of a certain lack of self-regard (Ashton's realization of this is what drives much of his conversations in the first half of the episode); but it's much more akin to an accidental overdose, or a drunk/reckless driving, or other dangerous choices. It feels very true to the idea of punk that Taliesin is going for, in which dying young is always very much a possibility, even perhaps an expectation; but not necessarily a goal. Ashton did not expect taking the shard to result in their death, and is incredibly shaken specifically because it did.

With that in mind I think the party's reactions seem very real and very understandable. The fact is, when someone does something very risky and nearly dies (or even is briefly clinically dead, using real-world terms) but ultimately survives it's extremely normal for one of the emotional responses to be anger that they put themselves in such danger. It is not, perhaps, rational, but most emotions aren't. It hurts a lot when someone one is close to does something that harmful to themselves. I don't judge the other members of Bells Hells for expressing those feelings. Frankly, them not expressing similar feelings in the past might very well be why Ashton made the decisions he did: the party lacking trust and walking on eggshells around each other is why he didn't confide in them, and why they fell apart so completely here.

I think it's relevant that Chetney tells Fearne, after stating he likes Ashton, that either she or Ashton can talk to him if they "want out", and he pretty heavily implies that this indicates not just leaving Bells Hells, but suicide, and that he has considered the latter in the past. It's clear that initially Chetney considers that a possible reason for Ashton's actions. He then gives Ashton the "You should leave" speech only after everyone present has been talking at dinner, after Ashton has indicated that he will help find Laudna. It only comes out after Ashton's emotional state is made more clear to him: it's pretty bad, but not actively at risk of self-harm (and indeed, desperately trying to avoid it and to change).

Finally, it's worth considering how important anger is to Ashton. Obviously I don't think having Imogen, FCG, and Chetney yell at them feels good. I also think it's going to feel better than apathy, and more honest than any other option. I don't think a forced gentleness would be better; in fact it might be worse, with them taking a break because clearly Ashton is having a hard time and needs to recover (shades of how Marisha mentioned Laudna feeling like a burden following her resurrection), rather than "we are clearly all in disarray and all have been not dealing with a lot of emotions, and this could have been any of us, and we should all regroup." I mentioned before that ultimately what's important is, angry as they are, Bells Hells undeniably stayed, and FCG and Imogen at least made it clear early on that they would, even if they were angry. Ashton was abandoned in the past by people who weren't even angry, is the thing. I don't think they cared enough to be.

#tw suicide #let me know if you need other tags. #critical role spoilers #critical role #ashton greymoore #truly the flat out stated similarities between ashton and fcg and some people's responses have been. unfortunately enlightening. #some who claimed FCG was going to sacrifice themselves/destroy others in the grand disc and were pretty vile about a hypothetical #are quick to paint ashton in a light so sympathetic it demands no one else feel any emotions #Ashton even states his shittiness about the changebringer was bc he thought this would lead FCG to do...exactly what he did with the titans #really it brings us back to a core question: is it action or is it intent. the answer is both but action matters more. #but also. much more bluntly. some of you have never either fucked up real bad or had a friend do so huh. #this felt extremely true to life; that's really it in the end.

[viiridiangreen]

#plagiarism #james somerton #hbomberguy #just wanted to give it its own post #it was kinda lost under the absolute unit #(of good commentary and a much needed summary of the More Absolute Unit that is the video in question) #of lrb #i was conflicted abt this dude for a while like. i wasn't A Fan Subbed To His Patreon right #but the way he 'said' some really insightful shit and also dropped some really nonsensical rancid comments randomly in the middle of it. #yeah #guess it's because he Wasn't Fucking Saying Anything But The Rancidity Himself HUH? #nomás que eso fuera 😹😹 #& like i'm laughing rly hard at the audacity but also it's really fucking sad & infuriating to have had the actual authors of the commentar #that i enjoyed obfuscated like that. and obv not just bc of the individual enjoyment or insight i might've gotten from them but #they were fully robbed of an audience #or just fucking. recognition of their memory in the case of the people whose words were stolen who died from fucking aids #like???? #yeah i hope this fully ended this man's whole career for good #but more importantly that the authors of the works he ripped off get the attention they deserve #it's the fucking soulless business major of it all innit #/j #viitalks #gayplagiarismgate

[samarecharm]

i love makoto so much but fanon does her so much better (the good parts of the fandom) because in the game her character is so lack luster. they butchered her confidant it is so borning and not even about her. they made her a cop. A COP. they pushed this "canon waifu" role onto her (before sumire came along and did it Even Worse). and it SUCKS because SHE IS SO MUCH MORE!!! SHE IS SO MUCH BETTER!!!! SHE COULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER!!! the way i feel about canon makoto is the same way i feel about the canon ryuji events post komoshida where he's horribly mistreated and used purely as comic relief: i ignore them <3 my game now <3 never happened <3 my ocs <3

You are so right. I generally apply this to all characters in p5 bc the game does such a shit job of staying consistent with character arcs and personalities. Theres a desperate need to throw in perverse jokes at the expense of female characters and a need to show that the police (as a whole) are reliable people who are not influenced by things like money and power; only the BAD cops do that. Not to mention this obvious fatphobia and homophobia but i feel likes thats a given.

But back to Makoto. Shes a victim of bad writing just like everyone else. Ryuji during the kamoshida arc was fighting with self loathing and genuine anxiety, and aside from the like. One comment on Panthers outfit in the metaverse, hes more than well behaved. All of that is shelved as soon as Kamoshida is gone and replaced with him being weird comic relief (and the focus of alot of sexual jokes that were nonexistent in the beginning of the game). Anns arc about self love and empowerment is completely dropped as soon as the nasty bad guy is put away (so that its good to be weird about her w the Good Guys). Makoto loses her a chunk of her personality to be the mature waifu which is INSANE to me bc shes like. Not okay or normal at all 😭😭😭 she THINKS shes responsible and so does everyone else on her team, but its an act! She doesnt know shit! And she doesnt know that she doesnt know shit bc shes respectful and adults dont care about anything as long as u respect them!

Its very telling that for literally every single thief (and goro), you can see the exact moment the writers gave up on adding anything of worth to their characters outside of the social links. Its like they didnt know what to even do w the characters at their disposal after their main arcs were complete. No mention of friends hanging out without you, no mention of having group hangouts. Everyone is treated as a core, important member of the friend group DURING their arc, but outside of it, they are acquaintances at best. Theres nothing in the game that convinces you that these guys are legitimately friends who care for each other and do Friend Things. And i describe it like that bc there IS a game that treats them all as friends, and its strikers! Strikers/Scramble genuinely feels like the game p5 wanted to be; a road trip w your team where they stay up at night talking to each other and hanging out and doing things together that dont necessarily include you, the player. Its refreshing and lovely but it sucks that u get that kind of attention to detail in a ‘spinoff’ title

#chattin #i hesitate to use spinoff bc its a pretty big game #and theres an amazing plot with wonderful characterization #and their handling of jails and jail owners is LEAGUES better than the bs they tried to make up w palace users #and all the thieves feel like family. and not in the annoying fandom way; like #were family in the same way a family is forged and tended to. i love you. no one is left behind. no one is made to feel inferior another #its really good and honestly if u want more interactions between everyone i really recommend a playthrough #but yeah #p5 sucks #i love it but i love the version of it i made in my head LMAO #maybe p5r did a better job w the dialogue and some questionable scenes #(i wouldnt know. i didnt play it lol) #so maybe thats what people need to be using as a point of reference #but i only plyed p5 so this is what i have; a group of people who show up for meetings and then go about their life #and that kinda sucks. why make this wholly unique experience in which these teens can only relate to each other #make them bonded over their shared experience w this unbelievable world #and then not only make them NOT interact; but have the end be ‘okay by akira.’ and leave it at that #they just. didnt know what to do w anyone #they needed their girls to be waifubait and the boys to be an afterthought #they needed a buffet of older woman for pathetic men to fuck through their self insert #and they needed a story convoluted enough to keep people stuck trying to figure it out themselves #its bad. its so bad. its so fucking bad. but i have to be here. WE have to be here. #bc who else is going to take these characters out of hell and treat them right ??!!!

[theladystrikesagain]

#inspired by some recent film watches #namely #killers of the flower moon #the boy and the heron #my sister and I were talking about this after watching the boy and the heron #bc throughout the whole movie neither of us could quite get over the fact that Mahito’s dad married his mother’s sister #and this isn’t really questioned in the film aside from Mahito noting that his aunt looks almost identical to his mother #we both came to the conclusion that we would pull a Conjuring on each other #(not that we would ever do something we consider so dastardly) #anyway I am genuinely interested #I want to know how different cultures view this #maybe some people view it as beautiful because family ties are maintained & new stepmom will also love the children of her sister #polls

[watermelinoe]

people do need to learn the difference between "i'm confused because we (the audience) don't have all the information yet," "i'm confused because the information is intentionally ambiguous," and "i'm confused because the information was presented poorly" before they get mad at a story... sometimes you are supposed to be confused, it's ok

#but i still stand by my belief that some people just voice their questions during movies #like how in school they had us write down our questions as we were reading #i think they just lack situational awareness of when it's fine to talk during a movie #bc sometimes it is fun... ever heard of a little thing called mystery science theater 3000 #but just saying ''i'm confused'' is not fun!!! neither is blaming the story bc you're confused when you're supposed to be!!!

[realbeefman]

rewatching community why is jeff winger so transgender. “you lost the right [to talk about women’s bodies] the moment you decided to grow a wang!” from 2x21 the entire little indian girl story from crit film studies HELLOOOOO

#*folding my hands* welcome to my presentation on what jeff wingers genitals would look like #actually i have specific opinions on all the community characters genitals in general but nobody wants to hear that #anyways i think he hasn’t had bottom surgery but was planning to before he got fired from lawyer fraud #and he has like a 4 inch t dick. does not shave but keeps himself well trimmed and used to wax #also his parents were supportive when he came out at likeee 16 (alr suspected somewhat) #they were somewhat not understanding just bc it was the 90s and people arent perfect #but his transness plays into his disconnect from them #bc he feels a lot of shame about it. well FELT past tense bc the greendale crew all know he’s trans and accept it #even pierce who jeff expected to constantly bring it up and harass him #was oddly supportive in a ‘doesnt totallh understand whats up but whatever’ #which helped him be a lot more Himself and get over some of that bc. here’s this group of all types of ppl #who donf care! who love and accept him and never question it! #community tv #jeff winger

[tomwambsmilk]

It's 100% true that the Roy siblings did not choose to be Logan's children and Tom and Greg and the old guard did choose to work for him so their relationships to Logan are fundamentally different, and the degree of culpability they bear for their own moral degradation is also wildly different. But workplace emotional abuse is also very real and omnipresent in the way Logan treats the people who work for him. And one of the impacts of workplace emotional abuse is creating an extreme attachment to the abuser and becoming less cognizant and even defensive of their abuse towards yourself and others, and in cases where the emotional abuse is institutionalized and systemic it can also create a strong aversion to leaving because your whole sense of personal identity becomes wrapped up in the organization and so being forced to leave can cause an intense psychological crisis. I don't think the situation of working for Logan is at all equivalent to being his child but I also think that it's a bit misguided to imply that Tom and Gerri and Frank and Karl are operating from a place of pure rationality without any undue psychological influences when they make the choice to stay with and support Logan

#used to work at a place that had an extremely emotionally abusive president for years and years and the people who worked there long term #were FUCKED UP. it was wild #i think it's easy to overlook that on succ bc it's very secondary to whats going on with the roy family proper. as it should be #but I also think one of the questions succ explores in tom as a character (and others) is how difficult it can be to leave these situations #even if you did choose to get into them #I don't think 'tom can leave at any time' is really a fair assessment bc technically yes. but practically? psychologically? #like yes he bears responsibility for getting himself into this situation due to his own greed and selfishness in a way the roy kids do not #but that doesn't mean it's easy or straightforward to walk away #also. tom is married to shiv which places him in the unique position where the only way to walk away is to cut off both his wife #and the company he's spent his whole life at #he could have NOT married shiv this is very true. and I think the choice to marry her even after she lied to him about sleeping with nate #means that he did have some idea of what he was getting into. he knew this was not going to be the fairytale marriage he wanted #he already knew about cruises too. he knew waystar was corrupt #that moment was the opportunity to walk away and he did NOT take it #and that is on him #but that does not making walking away now any easier

[hella1975]

yes this is a natural series of events when you've worked at the same place for over a year and it also happens to have RIDICULOUSLY quick turnover where very few people wind up staying on consistently, but ive become one of the Experienced Waitresses That Knows What They're Doing at my job and we very suddenly have a lot of New Teenagers That Have Never Done This Before and it's just. insane to me. bc when i started my job i was SO intimidated like it truly is a big very fast-paced place where everyone has to pull their weight (ie you need to be able to do the coffee station and work the floor and run food and help on bar) and the customers are particularly wankerish so the more Experienced Staff that had been there for a while were like mini gods to me. like truly i thought they were so cool and smart and unbothered and now that's me. i have a gaggle of 17 year olds constantly asking me how to do things and I KNOW THE ANSWER. on a government wage no less

#like it's a BIT annoying bc this is just not the kind of place that should be hiring teenage first-time workers #but the catering industry is doing BAD atm and my manager got told off by head office for spending too much on wages #so he's hiring a load of young people bc guess what! young people have lower minimum wages! some of them are literally on fiver an hour #i genuinely think when i turn 21 my hours are gonna PLUMMET but that's a future me problem #but yeah it means there's like. ten of us that have been working there consistently for months to years at a time #and the rest of the staff are just completely new. like everyone i was working with yesterday were college kids #that had been there a handful of weeks. and im someone who still regularly needs to ask management questions #bc for starters that never goes away like truly u do just need help but also bc I NEVER GOT OFFICIALLY TRAINED #EVERYTHING I KNOW I LEARNED ON THE JOB. DO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID THAT IS #so i have these teenagers looking up at me like 'how do i do x thing' and im like idk either babe. let's quit together #hella slaves to capitalism

[molkolsdal]

thinking about the identity crisis i went though as a kid cuz my parents had told me very simply that my mom was pashtun and my dad was punjabi and they were both from peshawar and that was that. understandably they had simplified it so much for me cuz i was a kid, but whenever other brown people asked where i was from or "what are you" and i mentioned punjabi and they'd be like oh wow where? lahore? and i'd just be like nope lol peshawar and they would press me about how my dad could be punjabi if he was from peshawar and i just didn't have an answer. when i got a little older, i started saying well borders are manmade, you don't necessarily have to be from one ethnicity cuz you're from a certain area (and i was right! i just didn't know at the time why i was right).

as i got older and i found out more about our family background, it all made more sense to me as i came to know that the punjabi side of us was allegedly from a great-great-great grandfather from gurdaspur who had moved to bannu way back when. but as my interest in linguistics and anthropology and history grew, i realized that my old explanation of "borders are manmade" was true anyway!!! prime examples being speakers of Hindko and Derawali, as well as the Hazarewal community in general. anyways, i could go on about this, but it's all just so endlessly fascinating that i wouldn't know where to stop so i'll stop now.

#also thinking about the fact that my dads family speaks derawali / seraiki and i keep wondering how his family managed to maintain such a #strong punjabi identity despite being only a fraction punjabi 'by blood' and living in kpk for generations #their ancestral home is in bannu and they have no ties to gurdaspur anymore as far as i know #and we have more recent kashmiri and tibetan ancestors but that gets completely overlooked (that could prob be for patriarchal reasons too #since i rmr my dad once saying 'you are what your dad is' which is so stupid and makes no sense. made me roll my eyes so hard) #but anyways im wondering if any of his great-grandparents or whoever were originally from bannu/surrounding areas and thats why they kept #the language OH BUT IM ALSO REMEMBERING NOW my grandma grew up in gujarat (present day pakistan) and also both my grandparents lived in #qadian in india for quite some time in their youth bc they were ahmadi #wondering how many of my other ancestors lived in qadian as well since they all very strongly identify as ahmadi #qadian is in punjab so maybe they married people there as well!!! #anyways just... so many unanswered questions!

[beansprean]

sometimes you get diagnosed with ADHD as an adult which finally makes your mom actually listen to what ADHD actually is and that she didn't cure it by making me do 100 jumping jacks as a kid when I got too hyper and then she realizes that she may have it too

And then you both realize that like 70% of the family probably also has adhd and that's why we are all Like That

#adhd #not art #like???? my moms side of the family were always weird to everyone but us #so informal and go with the flow and peppy but cycle through hobbies like toilet paper #never any drama bc we forget that we got mad and just get over it and were generally nice to people #we never learned to set boundaries with other people bc we all had invisible understood nd boundaries #and just didnt ask each other weird questions #like turns out we r just a super nd family???? but it makes sense??? #my 2 cousins were diagnosed as kids but they were the only ones that was when adhd was starting to be understood as a childhood disability #but you only got diagnosed if u were getting bad grades etc so me and my sister got overlooked and everyone else was too old #but DEF my granny has combined like me and my mom has hyperactive type and probably my uncle as well #and my great aunt bipolar i wouldnt be surprised if she had comorbidities her daughter idk tho #great grandparents hard to say but i wouldn't be surprised and time will tell with cousins kids #would not be surprised to see some autism in there im sure my sis on the spectrum and i may be too but with adhd its hard to differentiate #anyway this is a v personal post but its kinda crazy to look back and be like huh #thats why the fam dynamic is so different from everyone elses #we dont talk to each other for years but relationships dont deteriorate in our heads so nbd #now my dads side....my dad does have a lot of adhd symptoms as well as his dad #plus Alzheimers runs thru there which has a slight predilection for adhd anyway #why would a bunch of intelligent chatty anxious and kind people choose to live in the middle of nowhere and have silly hobbies #why neurodivergency my friend #ANYWAY the culture shock of moving away from that as a child and my parents remarrying neurotypicals who didnt understand the dynamics #dunno if it was the southern thing or the nt thing but turns out the normal way i always interacted with my parents #was seen by others as deeply disrepectful mean teenager nonsense that should be culled #shout out to the nd kids with nd parents who just spoke to each other like adults and played with each other like kids #this is TOO MANY TAGS thats how u know the vyvanse kicked in #personal

[anotherpapercut]

CORRECT THANK YOU FOR SHARING

#submission #I actually have seen this meme because someone sent it to my supervisor at some point and she showed it to all of us ajdbkajs #working with a bunch of gay autistic math nerds fucking rules lmfao y'all have no idea #one of my bosses is super into sci fi and is also a math teacher and puts star trek and firefly and buffy and hitchhikers guide etc etc #references in EVERYTHING he makes. I took a math class from him once and all of the test questions were about some fuckin show #whenever he runs meetings he asks us questions based on star trek usually. recently in a meeting he asked us to choose the best captain #I'm one of only like 3 people who watches all of this shit so I looove going to meetings when he runs them #bc he'll ask some fuckin question like who's the best star trek captain. and the 3 of us who knows what's going on will just start arguing #while everyone else looks around like what the fuck is going on right now (this one always gets the newbies) #my ALL TIME favorite Jake moment tho was when I was there one night and there were no students so we were all just hanging out #and Jake walks out of his office and he looks kind of annoyed. and he's a big dude like super tall and broad and loud as hell #so I can hear him like mumbling shit all annoyed and I'm like hey Jake what's up? you doin ok? #and he sighed and was like no. the schools internet filter started blocking my FAVORITE board game forum #and now when I have a thought I can't just look it up to see if anyone's said anything about it. and that's like ALL I do. it's so annoying #and I was like Jake maybe that's why they blocked it akddjkansbdjsdbebs #god I love that dude. and this barely mentions my other supervisor who is autistic and pansexual and married to a woman #and both of them foster several kids. Jake has like 10 fuckin kids or smth bc he was fostering a couple of kids and then he got married #and she already had children and then they had a baby together. idk he's got like a whole baseball team they're very cute

[indigodawns]

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#these are just some thoughts re: friendship as a result of tonight that i need to jot down somewhere but #realising that i really do have a strict and set idea of Good Friend(ship) and what that entails to me #and id written people off bc i wasn't yk ~receiving love or friendship the way id prefer and i was angry with them for that/hurt about it #did i communicate that to them though? nooo. was i fully right in that? also no. like just bc i felt unheard didn't fully mean #that they were doing something wrong. they were trying in their own way (and sometimes they weren't really or it just wasn't nice) #but that's about how we match and how we communicate right? this is so silly that's so basic but it never fully clicked for me like this #i was blaming them for stuff and building up resentment without ever expressing that (and i still haven't yk dhshsjd) #and i think where i went ~wrong was in thinking that bc i felt that way they weren't ~giving me what i need #when it's like... but did i pick up on the ways in which they DID appreciate me and show me love etc? did i give them ANYTHING to work with? #(ok yes occasionally but also... tangent but i was watching a variety show and they were teasing woozi about how #he gives interviewers/hosts literally nothing to work with. like no extra information for them to ask about or tease him for or anything #and i was like ohhhhhh. yeah i do do that sometimes with friends and it's genuinely smth i don't really know how to do like #giving casual information (but not too much and not too little???) so they can then ask questions etc. so then if im like ughh #they never ask (the right) questions or show interest (or let me talk but that's a different thing dhsjdjd) it's like... #well do i give them the chance to? much to think about thank you woozi) #anyways where was i dhsjsnsnsjns idk but it's soooo annoying that i haven't figured this all out yet #but im slowly letting go off a bunch of resentment that has truly no business being here and im trying to self reflect and all that #and im honestly doing so shit some days but others days it's? finding stuff that matters to me on a deeper level ig? #and all of it really does pale in the face of multiple genocides and it's. but yk. if i want to keep fighting #i need to build a strong foundation and sort my shit out as well and be present so im really really trying #and beating my stupid stupid depression and brain with a stick until i get there

[trimmedarmor]

doing the equivalent of gripping something intensely hard then forcing myself to let it go every time i see something about the stupid fandom drama i got pulled into earlier this year

#nothing bad ppl just... bringing up its existence...AGAIN...... #every time i see it i wanna go on a rant for a billion years but the worst place to do that would be on tumblr #I rly don't wanna see anyone talking abt it unless it's to criticize the ppl who started the false accusations or to apologize to us #for the harassment #Buster: You Really Think Someone Would Do That? Just Go On the Internet and Tell Lies? #anyway I cant believe ive had the misfortune of interacting w some1 who has to b vindictive toward others to quell their own insecurity #to accuse us of racism because he wasn't allowed to be in a personal friends discord group... #and then saying that we didn't wanna let him in bc he wasn't a 'popular' account? 1. he has way more followers than some ppl in the server #hence why he was able to get so many ppl to attack us #2. he can't keep his own story straight. First we're racist then we're ableist then we gatekeep popularity? #Dude... we don't like you because you're vindictive and take minor slights way too personally...hence...everything that fucking happened #anyway idk who reported him but i thank them for it and i hope that was worth their account getting suspended for getting paid to harass us #to anyone outside of all this reading this mess... please question the validity of ppls accounts if they don't offer concrete proof #and the only proof is based on assuming that certain actions COULD POSSIBLY line up to the accusations #this includes if multiple people have the same accusation without proof because that's EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED #except it was dumber because several of their accusations literally contradicted themselves #wowww people apologized and informed their audience about possible microagressions once they were informed. they MUST be racist! #and if you don't want to dig into it that deep..then by all means mind your own damn business before you join in on someone else's witchhun