#bc the amount of time they take is crazy

[skunkes]

#prefacing this with I Know Spanish. i cant not know spanish‚ my parents don't speak english #but im the only one of my siblings that didnt get to go to school over there 🇲🇽 (just pre school) #adn the thing is like. my siblings wld talk to me in eng of course #(if they talked to me at all! what do u say to a baby when you're 9 12 and 15 yrs older.) #and my parents wld similarly jst not talk to me? i did not have conversations with them from birth to now lol. #thjere is something about how like. my sisters kids are also learning the languages at the same time #but when they mess up in spanish theyre corrected‚ by my sister (their mom)‚ my other sister‚ my parents #why not Me. why wasnt that extended to Me as a child... #the same reason I have the least amount of baby pictures while my siblings all have one full book each i bet #the same reason why my and my eldest sister are 15 yrs apart LOL #igts so crazy to me. i hate mentioning this bc people assume #im one of those ppl who isnt fluent bc their parents speak english and spanish and never taught them #my parents dont speak english❗❗❗❗ #my nephew thats older than me who is my fave family member and also only speaks spanish #is coming up on sunday idk that i can fully carry convo with him! #pure spanglish bc i didnt grow up having convos in it writing it reading it #thats why im so desperate to read books in spanish now. im so deeply ashamed #igts so crazy. i hate it. #saw a comment on smthng the other day thats like ''idk how u can have parents that only speak spanish and not know it lol'' #well can you take a guess. can u take a guess as to how that would happen via interactions. lack thereof. #idk why but its even more embarrassing this way. genuinely how cld u not know...? #its like i was born to feel isolated from my family in every single way...youngest by so many years #the language thing. the Hates Eating thing. the trans thing. most severe failure to launch #im so embarrassed to be alive....! #and i dont belong anywhere. and i am Alone wherever I am. #abandoned by direct and distant relatives. ancestors.

[itsalwaysforyou]

jay not asking coach about letting lonnie onto the team bc he doesn’t want to do anything coach might disagree with…….

#‘coach trusts me…’ like what if i cried #man i wish they made more of a thing of jay being TEAM CAPTAIN #<- i’ve made a post before abt how easily he gives it up & jay not liking positions of power etc etc #but i do think he treats the role like it could be taken away at any moment #coach TRUSTS him. holy shit coach trusts him #the first positive adult figure in his life trusts him to take care of the team #train them and critique them and lead them to victory #and coach probably wouldn’t have cared abt lonnie being on the team #but jay is sooooo hesitant to ask #coming from the ‘if you want it take it and if you can’t take it break it’ guy #like this is the one thing he doesn’t want to risk breaking……. #and then obviously he gives it up!!!!! #he gives up the thing coach TRUSTED HIM WITH bc it was the only way to let lonnie on the team #& mr ‘my only dislike is women being unhappy’ was like I CANNOT REST UNTIL LONNIE IS ON THE TEAM #it’s suchhhhh a sweet gesture not only from a hashtag feminism standpoint #but also character wise for jay #like this precious thing that coach has trusted him with but didn’t really want that much anyway….. #it’s going to mean more to lonnie if she had it. even though it means everything to jay #oh it makes me crazy #damn my mum was right. i think too deeply about things #im like i analyse things a normal amount and then i’m writing essays about 1 line from descendants 2 #I AM UNWELL #anyway. jesus christ #descendants #jay son of jafar #EDIT i’m not finished actually #do you think jay fears the repercussions? what would happen if he went against coach’s word? #bc sure. he knows coach is nice. he knows auradon isn’t like the isle #but. ‘you don’t want to be at my house at dinner time’……. #he is still scared of his dad. you know. he can never get the lamp he can never do anything right

[toxooz]

also GOOD NEWS turns out the One Week Until Eviction scare was just a false alarm and surprise surprise ✨lack of communication ✨ where as i texted her back for clarification but she said everything is fine and i aint being evicted bc she lied to the higher ups??so fuck it we ball ig its good to know she rlly does have my back to some strange extent so im still girlbossin here for another year and will have more time to build credit and look into the science of buying a house sksks

ALLL THAT BEING SAID i will start the next comic section later this week 4 SURE

#not complaining in the slightest but she very much couldve texted me again within those 4 days to say just kidding BECAUSE UHHH #''ur good honey i just lied to them☺'' me 5 suicidal meltdowns and 10 applications to any available housing later:😬oh ok great!!!! #like woman i was fully ready to accept that theres not a bitch on earth who will show me mercy to any extent and that the world is a cold #unrelenting hell to survive in for the past 4 DAYSSSS which i mean is right but ig its not completely that??? #like a ''oh nevermind sorry false alarm'' text literally anytime after wouldve work just dandy sksksks plz #like i was rlly out here thinknig she deliberately basically sentenced me to inevitable homelessness for all she knows out of nowhere LIKE #i think im above the genetic Crazy Bitch Disease #but then i catch myself calculating the most inconvenient place in my apartment for my body to decompose in '''''for revenge'''''' #if i couldnt move out in time like what in gods name is this radioactive elephants foot of a brain #plus idk how solid her excuse of not having good internet reason is to keep me here for another year so either way #after this im finding somewhere more solid to live bc i cant deal with this type of thing AGAIN lmfao #like bro u cant just make me think the happiness and peace that ive felt for the first time in my life is going to be reversed bc i have to #move back into that godforsaken house with that pos bc i Literally had no time to find another place and the amount of time that takes #BUT oh well its all good and she's still cool for a land lord so im good im good #the past almost week been crazy as hell

[orcelito]

I think one of the best things about writing Vash the Stampede is I can just do whatever the fuck I want. There are very few limits to his physical capability. He's got superhuman strength, weird as fuck flexibility, impossibly precise dexterity, and the Devil's Own Luck

Add in the incredibly variable & minimally defined plant powers and there is just... so fucking much I can do

Many times now I've ended up being like "would this even work??" Or "how would I explain this happening??" & it's just like. Fuck It. "Because Plants"

Because Plants is my favorite excuse. I enjoy this creative sandbox very much.

#speculation nation #trigun #itnl shit #<- relevant bc that's where this is most applied. happens in Sentido too but not as much #ive pulled some bonkers shit in itnl so far and we havent even gotten to the Truly bonkers shit yet #like him just casually jumping from the 3rd floor like it's nothing. several times. #him with his insane balance holding a struggling kid still as he balances a cup of water on his knee #climbing 100 feet up a giant structure with minimal handholds IN THE DARK??? #getting blasted with a Lethal amount of electricity & walking off 4th degree burns like 'Meh. it hurts i guess. no big deal tho' #AND the fucking. fly test around the 500 ft tall butte where hes just fucking jumping and soaring #& then clips his wing 50 ft in the air so he goes for a Tumble (50 ft in the air) and he grinds thru the sand for like hundreds of feet #bc he was flying FAST. creating a fucking gouge in the land from his tumble. giant cloud of sand kicked up in the air. #he comes to a stop on his back. his wings fucking Hurt. but him himself? oh he is Just Fine. #CRAZY! BONKERS I TELL YOU! and it's perfectly within the bounds of canon!!!!!! #i love playing in this sandbox soooo fucking much i swear lmao #vash is also so goofy and lovable and makes scenes so entertaining to write #until it comes time to Hurt Him and then that's fun to write too heheh #idk man like i love his personality Of Course. but the creative liberties this universe has allowed me to take is SOOO fun #im over here pulling stunt after stunt and i have plans for even more #OH GOD THIS ISNT EVEN MENTIONING THE ANGEL CENTIPEDE THING!!!!!!!!!! hfsjhfkshfjdbdjshdj #oh vash the stampede my beloved. how i enjoy writing you so...

[harvestar]

shopping for cat food esp after knowing what to look for ingredients wise is such a joy... im like oh my god our wet food brand has so many flavors danny... you are going to get so enriched so much variety in your diet. generally I feed her lots of different flavors of wet food so she gets used to trying new tasty things and won't get picky with age but keep the dry food consistent. well, in theory... I have just switched her dry food because she didn't seem to enjoy the one we were getting so I'm tentatively trying a new one... this one isn't grain free but the corn seems to be far enough down on the ingredients list that I haven't had any issues with her smelling nasty yet so that is a huge W for me 👍 and the kibbles are a lot bigger which she seems to prefer over the tiny ones. probably better for her teeth to have to crunch a bit more too

#ktxt #honestly I think I put more thought into her nutrition than mine but to be fair she doesn't understand it so I have to take care of her #it's also hard bc I do spend a crazy amount of money out of my budget for cat food #at the same time important enough to me that I would gladly just eat plain rice for a week if I had to to make sure she ate good #cause like... I can't give her a lot of cool fun experiences but I can make her mealtimes enjoyable and keep her safe and warm #sorry a bit emotional about it. im like god you don't even know I would kill and die for you you little creature

[heartshapedtrap]

just hung out w friends for five hours and feltso full of whimsy I could pass out <333 I miss them so bad already but I get to see them tomorrow tooooo

#like it wasn’t even planned we just talked on the phone then met up at **** house chatted while our other two friends made us friendship #bracelets and watched the cat be silly with a bowl of water that was like two hours of us doing that #then agroup car ride (I love when we do this sm it’s like my favorite part when we hang out) skin to skin in a tiny fucking car laughing #talking listening to music on our way to Taco Bell then rode around taking scenic routes b4 gas station break to like pee n buy snacks :33 #flicked up another scenic route went to the epic park w the cool playground n reminisced about how it felt like being a kid again at 1am #I’m convinced all these fuckers are neurodivergent bc not one of them can go without stemming and ***** fucking climbing on top of the every #single thing LMFAO doing backflips off of swings and stuff too I had like an insane amount of whatever bc I skipped like the entire time #just to idk be silly and **** joined in :))) switches seats in the car and went to another park then rode in the car again to more scenic #routes and all the way back to **** house to get our stuff and each driveour cars back home <3 #we group hugged at the epic park and the moment was so surreal bc we all were close to crying especially ******* like I love my fwends sm i #cannot even properly describe how happy they make me feel like sonearnestly so #I weirdly felt closer to ***** tonight too probably bc we indulged **** antics together and were skin to skin in the backseat of the car #like having to fasten each others seatsbelt his arm awkwardly behind me n out the window that close n how alike we are… #OH WAIT him and **** buzzed their hair like days before n it really hit me that I haven’t seen him w shirt hair since I’ve first known him #when we all were once coworkers together and it’s like a fond memory now and crazy to think about how we’ve all grown together as friends #ok done being sappy now b4 I actually fucking cry like eyes are on the brink as I type :p #* #personal #heartshapedtrap #can y’all tell I left my journal at home… and needed to like remember how happy I’ve felt since seeing friends <3 #omggg i forgot to mention how they all cheered and were like happy for me during the scenic car ride that I’m almost certain im lesbian #still unsure of myself but I think that’s probably the closest label idk I just feel really happy that they support me nomatter what yaknow

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i think. maybe ill go to bed before 8 tonight #bc my brain. i can't deal with it. and im tired #but i should not do that bc i have things i need to do #like. theres an application due the 11th. but fuck it i might not send it bc fucking whats the point #why has it become so impossible to function? i mean. i kno why but its still annoying #and its like so crazy bc i just feel like im curled up on the floor with the broken pieces of my life and nothing terribles even happened #from an outside perspective its perfectly fine and good my insides have just rottef out #like i had to spend most of today plotting an experiment and i feel bad bc im just so. im so worried that looking after yhis thing is going #to hurt. its going to drain away hours of my time. i dont kno how long it take to deal with every single day for 2 weeks #ill have to water it at 7 and 5 and take measurements all day probably and im very worried about the amount of damage thats going to do #when it already feels like i should b careful where i step. and i feel bad bc im prob such a bummer to hang around like im so sullen faced #and i just dont care. like we had to make a decision bc we could do one thing or another and it would b answering 2 diff questions #and my boss was like. well which do u find most interesting. and i just. i dont care im more concern with the amount of psychic damage this #will inflict upon me so i just dont really give a fuck and that makes me so sad bc like at one point this probably would have been fun #and now im just bitter and it hurt and i jusr want to lay down and not get up #and im like how the fuck am i supposed to find a phd position when the enthusiasm for what i do now has completely burned thru me? #like hi yes r u looking for a new student? im dizzy and my life is falling apart even tho everythings my brains just on fire #but ya kno i think id b an asset to your lab! sigh... itll b fine i kno it will bc it has to b #ill visit the school i wanna go to. hopefully not make myself look like too much of an unstable moron and then leave this place #dragg my bleeding soul across the country to shrivel up in a different area code #somethings gotta give but lets hope it waits a couple months ya kno #ugh. im just tired. i should sleep. i didnt sleep enough last night. and i didnt relax on the weekend so ive got that i don't kno what day #it is type of vertigo. but tomorrow will b better. it will bc i dont want it to b worse #unrelated #i just want to study things that made me feel something. y doesn't that have to b so hard? #let me study slime. endless days alone with the green goo

[theartinmyheart]

.

#I read somewhwre that it takes half the amount of time you were in a relationship to heal from it #something like that #and I feel like that’s definitely accurate #my most significant relationship was about 6 years and I’d say it took me a good 3 years to completely heal #it’s crazy bc looking back I never thought I’d get to where I’m at now #but it’s been a while now that I’ve made peace within myself about it #I’m just really glad I made it here w out making a huge life changing decision along the way #like I could’ve really put myself in some situations that would’ve prevented the healing and growth I needed #really proud of myself for getting here and continuing to be a better me every day #I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection lately and this is one of those things I realized I’ve overcome and that’s dope

[pepprs]

alt*rnative spr*ng br*ak day 1. i need to be on campus in 3.5 hours. i have packed nothing and have done no laundry. i have not prepared for any of the facilitation i need to do today. i am experiencing physical symptoms of anxiety and burnout ♥️

#this is my first time ever doing an in person asb and also my first time being part of the asb planning process and i am soooooo nervous and #unprepared and overwhelmed. and i volunteered myself as the staff member staying at the hotel making sure no one gets into trouble and #responding to crises / emergencies if they arise and i may be assigning more importance / weight to that role than there actually is given T #that they are all college students and i am less than a year removed from being a college student myself. but i am so nervous i want to #redacted. and i am not prepared for the situations that might arise. at all whatsoever. lollllll #purrs #btw unlike the retreat tag or the conferences im name dropping asb bc like every school has them and a lot of schools have spring break this #week. so i am not doxxing myself 😈 (and i didn’t need to tell u that but im doing it lol. aaaaand post) #delete later #also the amount of stress i have been under lately w work is like. actually insane and we are not getting a break (though i should take one #lol) but after this is over i will have my life back a little bit maybe and i hate to say im looking forward to it so much but i am. i just #want to rest and recover. it’s literaly been nonstop since we were abandoned in july (lol) and i feel so crushed by the weight of everything #we’ve been carrying and how much responsibility i have had to take on in my FIRST YEAR!!!!!!!!! and i would’ve gone crazy if i hadn’t takej #on big responsibilities ofc bc of my mental illness <3 but the impostor syndrome + the relentlessness intensifying every single day are just #so so so heavy to carry. and i can feel my mind and body and heart giving out but i have to keep pushing forward

[truethes]

do you ever think about how like, deep down, a whole load of the divides between servamps develop into something related to the eves virtue ---- especially when with each backstory that gets revealed, it becomes clearer that they were also users, and eventually victims, of the same virtues.

#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜. #kuro disliking mahiru for shoving him in places to developing #an anger every time mahiru tries to do something by himself #lawless' sudden interest in licht bc hes got a cool talent to openly mocking him in anger with the reminder that #nothing he'll do ( or in charity case: give ) will amount to anything and he will ultimately be forgotten #old childs name referring to: the one who was forgotten by the development of time taking advantage of tetsus #humility with no qualms to discovering its the one thing he wishes to keep safe in this world and getting angry when he chooses to continue #to use it #ildio passing bc for one second he didnt indulge either himself or those around him to get distracted in wanting to help a child for once #choosing to get enraged when nicos temperance leads to him appearing to take out a child. but then also being enraged / losing control when #he realises nicos gotten himself m*rdered in his eyes #theres more i can add but backstories have no analogies .... #its clear the demons want to do something with the eves souls as the serv.amps loose more and more control but ... its fascinating how much #each servamp has grown to like ... realise its tht virtue part of them that makes them so wanted(?) by the demons #anyway its servamp spoil week so sorry my fixation returned ... im going to finish off my read of one of my newer mangas but #probably focus on some hcs this week bc the heat is crazy hot rn ... #i didnt feel well at all yesterday and im just looking after myself after that

[thatnamelessbutler]

(OoC: No you have not told us about that, please share.)

((ooc: Okay >:::::D

Cw for underage drinking, mentioned death, bad coping mechanisms, possible hallucinating, etc.

So. John ran a bar, which means that Bu with very often around alcohol and drunk people, and he knew that John served it all the time. Alcohol is not actually a thing that invokes bad memories, but rather fond ones for him.

So, while Billiam was asleep and Hubert was somewhere else entirely, he got into the wine stash and pulled out a bottle he recognized. He wasn't entirely sure how to read read incredibly curly text, but it was a brand that was always in high demand at John's bar. And he was just feeling... empty, and lost, and angry for a while after that shock through his pearl that told him John had died. So for a little bit, he just stood there staring at it, remembering things, and he remembered how John would stop him from ever drinking anything, telling him to wait until he was older.

Well, he was older. And John was dead.

Quietly, and looking around as if John would somehow materialize and take the bottle out of his hands, he popped the cork and took a swig. It tasted awful. He kept going.

Billiam came down that morning to Hubert serving breakfast alone, with the excuse of Bu never came down. So he went out to find him after eating. Bu was not in his room, and it took a while before he found him by the alcohol rack with a nearly-empty bottle in his hand and sleeping soundly for once. Nevertheless, he was far too late to waking up, so Billiam shook him awake, and thankfully it didn't take long. He hadn't been asleep for more than 30 minutes at this point, so he was still very. Very drunk. And he woke up and had no idea what was going on or where he was or who Billiam was. He thought he was still in the town and he thought Billiam was the sheriff and he said that multiple times, "get off me, sheriff" when Billiam tried to shake him back to himself. Billiam tried to say he was Not a sheriff, but Bu didn't seem to hear him. He just stood up, very wobbly and clearly intoxicated now that Billiam took a look at him.

He does not want this child to turn into James, if they even survive that long.

He felt the weight of the bottle, lifted it up to look at it, and mumbled "John's gonna want this back." Billiam does not know who John is. Bu tries to walk a couple steps and nearly falls over with each one, and Billiam has to grab him before he gets too far. He once again protests, calling Billiam the sheriff, and Billiam is surprised to hear a curse word leave his mouth. Butler never curses. He doesn't like to.

Eventually Billiam can get the awfully intoxicated child into his arms and the bottle back on the shelf. He carries them up to their room, but trying to put them down means Butler gets distressed and clings to him for dear life, even leaving rips in his sleeves. The gloves haven't been made yet; he doesn't wear any. His claws are out and open. Billiam doesn't like the fact that Butler is damaging his things, but trying to pry him off only yields a worse result. He's stronger than he thought. So Billiam relents, picks him up again and moves to his much larger bedroom instead, because if Butler won't let him leave then he might as well stay in the comfort of his own room instead of a dirty servant's room. He tucks Butler into the bed(with no small amount of gentleness, although he will forever deny any hint of softness and Bu doesn't even know it happened) and resigns himself to sitting down next to them. They latch on and wrap their entire upper body around his lap. He does not like this, but he does not move.

Hours later, Bu wakes up again with the worst headache he's ever felt, so he just nestles into the very warm pillow and tries to go back to sleep. Billiam pokes him, and it doesn't take any more than that for him to sit bolt upright despite the pain and the absolute mess he's in.

(There are burns on his face. He was crying while he was asleep. Billiam comforted him and stopped them before they could get any worse.)

"Good. You're awake."

Butler feels absolutely awful, but he acts normal. Unfortunately, Billiam knows the hell that a hangover brings. "How much did you drink?"

Butler does not know how to answer that. Things fade out after the first sip. Billiam sighs exasperatedly and just stands up, beckoning Butler to do the same. He cannot stand without everything swimming, and Billiam just takes them to the bathroom to get it all out, because he knows they're going to throw up because he has before.

It's been a while, so once it's all out of Bu's system, Billiam takes him down to get some water. That makes a hangover feel better, right? Hubert, of course, sees, he's been worried sick about this kid all day, and Billiam just casually mentions that oh yeah, he drank almost an entire bottle of alcohol, and Hubert fucking PANICS because that shit can be DEADLY and he wastes absolutely no time in getting Butler down to the nurses to make sure they're completely okay. Billiam still gets them that water bottle.

#Relyn Records #infodump #friendly reminder that they're still like 11 at this time <<<<</3 #listen i don't endorse this but. you can't tell me they wouldn't have had some SEVERELY destructive coping mechanisms #they still do! that's what the clawing at their arms and head is all about. a stress response #and the irrational amount of attachment to things. they would LOSE IT if billiam were ever killed in front of him. they would legitimately #- go insane for a while after he died and they got revenge #seriously look up the symptoms of going crazy. they would have those. it would not be fun #ofc he would respawn bc multiple lives but that would take a few days at least

[mrfoox]

God, I am such a... Motherly type of person and I don't even try to be it just... I catch myself in the act and I'm like ah... Oh... Hmm

Yes, I basically told Andreas my fwb to come lay on my chest and tell me about his work (vent) and he went on and on as I stroked his hair and nodded along

#miranda talking shit #All my relationships no matter which kind I'm just like: vent to me... Tell me what's up... #Also love how I gave him a bj and afterwards I just took him on my shoulders/chest and he fell asleep as I talked with him #The dynamic of my own is the same but with andreas vs Linus it's very different #Andreas can get nothing and just... Be fine with it. He doesn't ask for anything or expects it but will put down energy and time to please #Me. Like with the bj he was like “well... Like if you want to ofc.. I won't pressure you. I'm just happy to be here” #He's such an “just happy to be here” type of guy and I'm like.... Sir... The amount of people that would take advantage of you are big but #I will give you things back bc I like to give ... I still can't understand why he comes back #Like... I ain't that hot. He's attractive enough in my opinion to find better. He's agreed to my exclusive terms? #I'm like... Sir are you sure? I think my brain feels he's too normal. He doesn't have Something Wrong ™ with him. Or is weird enough for me #To not worry. With Linus I knew from day one he was a weird freak. I never had to worry about being weird to him. Andreas seem... Normal. #Like... I'm waiting to overwhelm him but... Well he seems willing so far 🤷‍♂️ #Like... 90% of what we do is lay and cuddle together? It's honestly so... Good #Also not used to someone seeming to want to touch me. Like what's up with that? Crazy

[lilgynt]

i’m sleeping at night i’m eating more regularly im reading again i dont have panic attacks before and during work - after work im usually pretty chill and i dont have a crazy stupid dependency on weed. life got better and it only cost me like. 100 to 300 bucks per paycheck. like 100 base pay but 2 to 3 bc i usually hit bonus bc im amazing and hot. now i’m amazing and hot here without all of that

#personal #nah that weed or alcohol post made me think about how crazy i was using weed #had a 3 month t break due to not getting that job and not wanting that to repeat #and also broke #had some recently and it’s fine! #but i’m not insane thinking i don’t have any for the following days or specific days or my days off #i’m just like cool. grab that again later at some point #or not bc i barely got any work done the weekend i had it #but like i was taking anywhere from 5-20 edibles per day #my record was 40 #my nightly routine was opening a bag of incredibles and eating them all and like #i’m still proud of this i don’t care #my friend who wiped my tears first time i did a bong told the group we were in #oh yeah i mean i know pot heads who do insane amounts but ive never seen anyone take so much and just be fine like graham #but insane the amount i was using for the entirety of my old job #like im glad im out of that now #weeds fine and i still enjoy it but im glad its just enjoyment #i remember talking. to my mom and saying how much i hate how often im using it but its the only thing keeping me from hurting myself or my #dad during the whole. thing #and also how for a while sleep gummies were the only thing that kept him calm enough to sleep or just. not be as scared #my boss asked for my birthday today and there is no polite way to be like heyyyyy #is this for a birthday thing bc i’d rather not. #i don’t have a great track record and really all it made think about was bringing my dad home #still thankful that my friends suprised me so throughly and that’s a fond memory but even ballon’s and a note on my desk #makes me feel queasy i’d rather just ignore till im home or actively celebrating it #it hasn’t been so bad in the past couple years but i guess last year made me regress a bit with the bad birthdays

[isthisjackie]

I am honestly beyond exhausted rn

I’m so mad and frustrated I literally ran out of tags while typing the like rant i had in my head lmaoo

#personal #I have this one friend who is literally the MOST emotionally high maintenance friend I’ve ever had #it feels impossible to set boundaries with her bc she takes everything SO personally #i am not a very emotional person in general #the only person I get really openly emotional with is my boyfriend #she is beyond needy and like she and I have had several conversations about this #I had to have another today with her #and I’m still so mad and frustrated over something that seems minor to everyone else #and I feel fucking insane when I try to explain it to other people #she herself has sent me several very long texts of like personal epiphanies #one of which where she said she realized she expects the amount of attention out me and our other friend as we do our partners #which is honestly true #the other day she told me she missed me and I was like I just saw you last weekend lol #and she was most likely upset but I was like I’m not gonna keep fucking feeding into this #and today then she said how she talks about me every day and thinks about me at least twice a day #and how she misses me after the day she sees me #and she was like ‘when you said you’d just seen me I felt like I was crazy’ #like girl!!!! #other adults do not see each other on a super frequent basis #it is literally not uncommon to not see other adult friends for longer stretches of time #bc everyone works and has shit going on or they’re burnt out and tired #she is by far my most exhausting and emotionally draining friend and like also #probs tbh the least fucking thoughtful one #today I was literally like I don’t usually miss people when I don’t see them #when I see them I’m like ‘oh that was fun! I can’t wait to see them again in like 2+ months when we both have free time!’ #sometimes there are people and friends I miss #like people I haven’t seen in a very long time #and I usually just reach out to them #but I am so exhausted and over this level of like needy shit #she has literally said she realizes she’s a needy friend

[opens-up-4-nobody]

Shocking. When you don't spend all your time doing something miserable and draining, your outlook on life isn't quite so bleak.

#i have to go back to photosynthesis measurements tomorrow #and it really is like making a blood sacrifice. i have to subject myself to x amount of pain and in return i get lots of data #like its so stressful that its hard to start once i stop bc when im in it i just keep moving #but once i stop my body remembers how awful it is and is like pls nooooo #so yesterday and today are dedicated to adjusting my mind to the idea of being in pain #which is to say working normal hours in preparation for a crazy schedule for the next 3 weeks or so #i got like 4hrs of sleep last night. prob part stress and part my tummy hurt :-( #idk if that's also a product of stress or not but i didnt appreciate it #sigh... it was a nice 2 weeks of not having to take measurements #maybe itll be fine this time tho. maybe maybe #my mum ordered me new headphones so maybe i dont have to sit around with static brain for 2 weeks #fingers crossed my machines dont break #ugh its so bad. we will never tell my boss how bad it is bc she would feel bad #but it is actively pushing me out the door on this lab sigh... #but also makes me too depressed to look for a new pi for a phd #unrelated