#bc usually we just did fun stuff but my mental health got worse for sure | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

biblio-bitch · 4 years

Text

Detroit Evolution Commentary Pt. 3 [FINAL]

It’s been a while, sorry. Life sucks ass sometimes and I had to do some transferring to my new laptop. I’ll write down some more fun facts as an apology. Disclaimer: This is all stuff I noticed, inferred, or interpreted. I didn’t write the film, anything I’ve interpreted is just that, an interpretation based on things I noticed using my experiences and knowledge.

Fun fact #1: I have attempted to write in a proper novel style at least five times. After watching DE and watching @octopunkmedia ‘s script breakdowns and such, I've started writing scripts instead. I’m much farther along in those than I ever have been in books. 10/10 amazing for my visual based concepts.

Fun fact #2: My mental health was rapidly declining and I was losing interest in quite literally everything at the time the film was released. Watching the film and fixating on it for a month straight not only inspired me but helped me regain control of my life. Watching streams by the cast and Michelle while I worked for school made my productivity skyrocket.

Fun fact #3: I recently developed a tic that I now can’t get rid of. It was out of control for about twenty minutes right before I began writing this post. However, when I began re-watching the film (partially because it’s a comfort for me and I’m quite honestly terrified of what’s happening in the US right now) it stopped. So that’s fun.

As usual, spoilers and swearing under the cut! Quick note: If there should be a trigger warning on this or anything else I post, please let me know! I’m horrible at remembering to tag triggers. I’ll also be doing some quick posts on Umbrella Academy and my severe obsession with Jason Todd soon. Have fun!

As usual, here’s a list of people I know the users of in case you’d like to check any of them out. I’m likely missing people so feel free to let me know who I’m missing so I can add them!

Maximilian Kroger - Nines (@ maximiliankroger)

Christopher (Chris) Trindade - Gavin (@ trindabago)

Michael Smallwood - Chris Miller (@ michaelsmallwoodforever)

Carla Kim - Tina Chen (@ carlahkim)

Jillian Geurts - Ada (@ jilbobaggins_nyc)

Michelle Iannantuono - (@ octopunkmedia)

JJ Goller - Lazzo (@ quasar.cos)

Brett Mullen - Cinematographer (@ brettmullendirector)

Austin Butts - Sound Design (@ austinbytts)

Tiare Solis - Valerie (@ tiareleiana)

So I decided to put all of the rest into this post. It’s a long one. Not even that sorry about it bc I love this film with my entire heart. Warning for me getting sidetracked. I use a lot of Supernatural references but it’s because I’m visiting my dad and he’s binge watching the show. I like Dean and only Dean, don’t bully me for it.

The Wrist Grip™️ in the bedroom before Nines moves back

Shoutout to Maximilian Kroger’s muscles u go dude

Lighting Symbolism™️, big theme through the movie, honestly I think it’s beautiful and they did a wonderful job with it.

The little nod from Gavin as he starts talking about his nightmare

You can see Gavin gearing up to move, like not in a normal way, in a “oh god I don’t know if I have the energy to do this” way and that’s Relatable™️

The little smile from Nines as they sit together

The SHARK PLUSHIE I LOVE HIM (THE SHARK HAS AN INSTAGRAM @ sharktreuse)

Nines being domestic, making coffee and breakfast, being Soft.

Shirt change??? Either I’m blind or he’s wearing a different shirt in the morning (He is. He’s wearing a t shirt at night and a buttoned collar shirt in the morning. Perhaps he changed? He’s wearing normal pants so he probably changed but he’s not wearing that same shirt in the next scene)

Ada eye rolling at them being passive aggressive dumbasses. Same. Apparently Jillian kept fucking with them which is,, so valid.

The lighting in this scene (the office pt. 2) makes Maximilian look Android-white and outlined in the CyberLife blue-ish color. Very symbolic, I have no idea if it was intentional.

Another shoutout, this time to Maximilian’s eyebrows, the expressiveness is *chef’s kiss*.

“You can thank me later, Casanova.” Nines: *confused Android noises*

Honorable mention to Michael’s Foo Fighters t shirt in the bar, it’s vintage.

Nines is in fact wearing a different shirt now. Not the same shirt from the morning bedroom scene. I also think he’s wearing a different jacket. Less of a peacoat and more of a leather jacket. Nice.

Shoutout to Tina’s (not irl) wife, Valerie! And her weird crush on Hank! I honestly can’t wait to see her in Seven Deadly Synths!!

Ada DODGING the questions that Nines is asking because she is SHADY.

Also, he looks to Gavin when he talks about wanting to be more human. Recurring theme of him perceiving himself as lacking because of his ace-ness/android-ness, like he can’t give Gavin what he wants. Honestly I know that the android thing is a thinly veiled metaphor for race in canon but I kinda like thinking of it as a metaphor for being LGBT+ and in Nines’ case, specifically ace. Might not make sense but it does in my brain??

Gavin Senses Are Tingling and Nines is GONE. Leaving the bar for ur not-bf to try to talk things out like adults??? King shit.

Also electric lighter, fun, I genuinely didn’t know those existed

SHIRT WITH UNBUTTONED COLLAR

“You don’t want to help me, you want to fix me.” What a loaded line. Because in a way, it’s almost true? Like, Nines has this entire simulation of Gavin in his ideal world, and obviously that version of Gavin has probably been idealized at least a bit. Nature of humanity, and Nines might not be human but he’s got the Brain Things. And at that moment, it’s nearly true that Nines wants Gavin to be like that ideal Gavin. Obviously Nines wants Gavin as Gavin, but there’s the edge of that simulation there, still.

But Nines does want to help Gavin, and that’s where he’s wrong. Nines wants Gavin to get better, wants to help stop the nightmares, etc. But by pointing that out, I think it’s partially why Nines can accept letting go of Simulation!Gavin when Ada attacks him. Because he knows that the simulation of Gavin will never be the real Gavin, and this line sort of helps him understand that he can’t really keep Sim!Gavin anyways.

Again idk if that’s legit but that’s definitely something I felt from that while watching.

Nines is constantly very controlled, but when he walks away from Gavin you can see him straining to keep that composure and not let his anger show.

Ada looking So Done With This Shit when Nines comes back from talking with Gavin outside of the bar

“I’m sure this will be like...every other time.” Oh honey. Oh my sweet child. I am so very sorry. It most definitely will not be.

Ada’s exasperated Eyebrow Raise before taking a drink. If that ain’t the mood sis.

I love Ada’s bat wings on her outfits.

Gavin being a stalker and putting his hood up.

“I’m...certain that most of the credit can go to you.” IMMEDIATE ANGER. Must Defend Boyfriend.

I SO WANTED HIM TO SAY “WISDOM” WHILE TALKING ABOUT GAVIN’S SKILLS BECAUSE IT WOULD MIRROR HIM TELLING GAVIN THAT HE ISN’T WISE BEFORE THEY LEFT FOR THE STAKEOUT. He didn’t, but instinct is a better word for Gavin anyways.

Nines has Suspicion™️...press X for doubt...

*Only vaguely related rant warning*

I do feel that we as a fandom tend to make Connor almost childishly innocent despite him being likely one of the least kind and least innocent characters. The characterization of Nines in this--and pardon me for the off topic rant--where he’s a fully grown man and acts like it is so much more realistic. Nines is a cop, as is Connor.

Even post deviancy, they were designed and equipped to handle murder. Nines, in a lot of fandom content, tends to come off as an exasperated older brother or a gritty and mean detective, or even worse, essentially a sociopath who feels nothing in contrast to Connor’s childish and extreme innocence. I dislike both. Seeing Nines be a normal fucking person is so relieving, I’m serious. There’s still those elements of ‘oh he’s only been properly alive for like a year, right? He probably doesn’t get Chris’ Casanova reference.’ but it’s not to such an extreme that it overtakes all of his personality traits.

Like, yeah, ok, I get why a lot of fandom content does that. In order to balance what we see Connor do (and in order to further push the Hank as a father line) we over-emphasize the not getting references and such. Honestly I see the same in content for Castiel from Supernatural. Nines, when he’s added, often HAS to be a lot darker in order to make that seem not as jarring and unrealistic.

Doesn’t mean I enjoy it. If you do? That’s great, good for you, but I don’t like seeing those characters be portrayed as such one dimensional extremes. People aren’t like that. On the off chance that someone is such an extreme, there’s still other aspects of their personality.

DE has done an amazing job at not flattening their personalities. Nines and Gavin are three-dimensional and incredibly interesting characters I find myself invested in every time I watch it.

*Onto the commentary again.*

Gavin is still being a stalker

“Particular fascination with the RK line” AHAHA funny. She’s also an RK, and she likely knows more than Nines because her programming is based on information gathering. Her fascination begins and ends with what their programming can do for her.

The little computer details in Ada’s eyes as she copies Nines’ OS, and again in Nines’ eyes when he’s in the alley alone. I believe Michelle did all of that and I am just amazed every time I watch.

The warped voice effect.

Gavin shifting to hold Nines as soon as he passes out

The ethereal colored lighting is very good for the mood, space hospital vibes

Shoutout to the latex suit they put Maximilian in! That’s not CG! He’s wearing a full body white latex suit. I’m so sorry.

Gavin looks so tired talking to Dr. Maria. His posture is defensive, pulled into himself. Shoulders hunched, arms pulled in. Eye bags, messy hair. Boy looked messed up. Somebody hug him.

Nines’ hair being disheveled and messy in the corrupted Zen Garden, rivaling his assertion that in his ideal world (Aka the normal Zen Garden) his appearance is polished, signifying the loss of control and the loss of the Zen Garden being a safe, ideal space for him. Same concept with Sim!Gavin being corrupted.

Nines: *wakes up in his mindspace*

Also Nines, immediately: GAVIN!!1!!1

Nines believes in CONSENT!! You do not go into someone’s program without asking, ADA.

Ada’s “poor widdle baby” face as Nines is freaking out because she trapped him. Mood.

Tina wearing a low turtleneck and a flannel is Peak Gay, especially next to Gavin “I wear the same leather jacket+hoodie combo every single day and probably the same jeans for a month” Reed, aka the most disastrous and chaotic bisexual I have ever seen. Again, a mood, I honestly felt that one.

The face when Nines realizes that Ada isn’t deviant yet.

Gavin is blaming himself somebody stop this idiot.

“Not without Nines.” What a softie.

“The last thing I said to him was ‘I don’t need you’.” BITCH WHAT THE FUCK MY HEART.

Gavin calling Tina “T” in that soft voice is so sweet omg

Ugh the bisexual LIGHTING is KILLING ME, ESPECIALLY as Gavin sits at Nines’ bedside

Tina encouraging Gavin. WLW/MLM solidarity.

Fun fact: Chris Trindade told Maximilian not to react at all to the big speech but Maximilian literally started crying during it and there’s footage somewhere of the Dramatic Single Tear rolling down his face while he’s still ‘in stasis’.

Yes, I double checked the streams to make sure I got this right, I love the concept though.

Look I cannot get into the speech because I will write 1.5k words on it, but I will say this: It made me cry. The acting, the writing, it’s iconic. The amount of love and devotion they got without even saying the words “I love you” was amazing. Chris is so very talented.

THERES A TAKE WHERE GAVIN FALLS ASLEEP NEXT TO NINES’ HOSPITAL BED AKSDGAKL IM SCREAMING

Tina is the best wingman ngl

The glitches in Zen Gavin are amazing. The sequence when he’s deleting the Zen Garden is also amazing. I use amazing a lot but it’s deserved.

Nines deleting the Zen Garden and Sim!Gavin is very symbolic of letting go of all of the fake stuff, letting go of the fear he was holding that kept him from confessing to Gavin and I love that

Nines sitting silently straight up.

Gavin is highly intelligent and I’m so glad Octopunk embraces that.

*another vaguely related rant warning*

Ok let me tell y’all a thing because this RUINS MY LIFE. People tend to take characters like Percy Jackson or Dean Winchester, whose intelligence isn’t outwardly obvious from the get-go, and remove it entirely. Percy is reduced to an idiot who can’t tie his own shoes and Dean is often shown basically unable to research without Sam. Both of those are bullshit.

Percy has ADHD and Dyslexia, so when often we categorize smart as only book-smart, Percy’s intelligence as a battle strategist and his actual knowledge gets erased. Dean is usually the more physical and shoot-first-never-ask-questions type, and his intelligence is severely downplayed. He made an EMP detector from scratch. Made a shotgun, remembers how to kill things, is a very good hunter, especially on his own. But that’s thrown away because he’s not book-smart.

I despise when people take characters who are talented and smart in ways that aren’t just reciting the periodic table and reduce them to muscles and angst or drooling children.

Octopunk having a scene where Gavin is working through a case, already having done the things that Chris, someone who was only recently promoted, suggests, is just affirming Gavin’s intelligence in a way I wish I could be not surprised by. Gavin is smart, and luckily I haven’t seen much downplaying that fact. He’s a detective for a reason. Unfortunately I think it might be because the fandom tends to turn Connor and Nines into actual children, but a win is a win.

Now I’m not saying I don’t love a good himbo character but I literally had to stop interacting with Percy Jackson content because people wrote him as incapable.

*Moving on*

“I think I can help with that.” Bitch why are you so dramatic I love him so much.

Nines’ t-shirt says “Detroit City Marathon”

“You...undead asshole.” What an iconic line. I need a t-shirt.

“I...hate you.” “You love me.” Harkens back to the beginning where the roles are reversed. Yes I used that unironically. Words are fun.

Gavin looking scared right before The Kiss™️

THE PULSE POINT!! THE SCENE WAS SUPER EMOTIONAL SO MICHELLE WANTED THEM TO DO YOGA ZEN SHIT TO PREPARE AND THEN THEY JUST DID THE THING BUT THEY PUT IN THE PULSE POINT

ANYWAYS THAT’S WHAT GAVIN IS FEELING FOR ON NINES’ WRIST RIGHT BEFORE THE KISS.

I thought that was cute when I learned it in one of the streams.

Nines’ LED spinning blue when they finally kiss asgladkaf

“What dipshit programmed you to do that?” “I’m the most advanced android ever made, detective-“ “oh you are such a fuckin’ prick!” “Takes one to know one.” I canNOT with them, I laughed my ASS off

The little broken laugh Nines does

Nines rubbing his hands over Gavin’s while they talk about Gavin’s jacket

Shoutout to Chris’ surprised pikachu face. (Tina is also there) That was a joke take, it’s in the gag reel, too. The face wasn’t supposed to make it into the film but Michelle added it. (In the gag reel, Carla yells “Let’s go to Denny’s!” At the end.)

And Ada’s leather pants. Honestly?? She’s so pretty. I love her. They’re all really attractive it’s actually terrifying.

Nines and Tina being a part of the Gay Turtleneck Gang

Nines’ untucked turtleneck

Tina being a Smart Girl. (Nines calling her “Officer” and her replying with “I’ll make detective someday.”

Chris being Exhausted during the whole meeting. Me too dude.

Chris and Tina doing literally nothing while Gavin and Nines have a whole heart to heart

The WHITE COAT. Tina in her blues. Chris’ Foo Fighters shirt. They’re such icons but they absolutely look like a group of gay ppl who did NOT decide on a theme.

The fight sequence is impressive, considering that they’re literally not stunt actors. I’m not a fight choreographer or stunt person so That’s really all I have to say on that.

Chris patting Gavin’s gun after he explains what he’s doing. \

As a Jason Todd lover the crowbar is unfortunate (had to, sorry)

Nines’ smirk and the TURTLENECK as he spins away from Ada with the crowbar. Iconic. The Big Dick Energy. Especially for someone who doesn’t have a dick.

Chris being a Dad when Gavin runs off to go stop the body calibration

Ada just YEETS Gavin. Iconic.

Ada: *doing the villain “you won’t shoot me, you’re too moral” thing*

Chris: Shut the fuck up *shoots her*

Deviancy sequence, iconic

“You’re awake now” bitch get your own tag line, Markus became Robot Jesus for this shit

He’s HOLDING HER HAND while DEFENDING HER!! PLATONIC HAND HOLDING

Gavin trusting Nines’ decision immediately. Amazing. THAT’S LOVE BITCH.

The SMILES after Ada leaves!! They know they made the right choice!

Ugh the COLOR SYMBOLISM!! This is one thing that Michelle has touched on herself! Gavin isn’t wearing white in this scene because he’s not ‘fixed’, he never will be! He has trauma and he’s just barely beginning to heal from it with Nines’ help. He’s wearing grey, lighter than his usual, but still grey because they aren’t pure or innocent and they’re not perfect!! And that’s the fucking point!! It’s also a contrast against Sim!Gavin wearing white! Sim!Gavin was an idealized version of Gavin in Nines’ idealized world!! Real Gavin isn’t that!! So he’s wearing grey!!

Gavin immediately understanding that Nines is Ace and that it’s ok!! Beautiful!

“You’ve been a whole person since the day you woke up” YES!! YOU DO NOT NEED SEX TO BE WHOLE!! FUCK YEAH!!! (this is ace excitement. In the months since writing this I realized I’m aro-ace and trans so fuck yeah for ace rep.)

Gavin being a dick and making Nines tell him about the skin thing

THE KISS!! They slowly move more into the light!! Because they’re getting better TOGETHER!!

Ok before I sign off, it’s only 3 am so I think I’m awake enough to talk about this, I like that they bring up that Gavin has like, actual issues that he needs to get through. Let’s be 100% honest here, I see Gavin as having ADHD, depression, and probably a form or symptoms of PTSD. He’s kinda fucked up and I’m gonna be real here he needs some therapy. He’s got trauma and needs to work through it.

I like that at the end they explicitly have Nines understand and accept that that’s what needs to happen. As someone who has actually had relationships ruined because of trauma (on both sides) that we were unprepared to work through together, if I had seen something like that? Game changer. As it was, most relationships I had seen were idealized and seemed to “fix” those issues by way of just being in a relationship. Thanks major media.

Now that the Detroit Evolution post series is over, I’m gonna be a bit sentimental and say that this film quite literally changed my life. Seriously. Michelle is such a big inspiration for me and I can only hope to be the same for someone else.

If you ever have a chance to check out any of the amazing people who worked on this film, please do. To put into context how big this was: I changed my ideal college major from Forensics to Film.

That’s it that’s all, ending this post at 3:24 am before I literally start crying over it. Thanks for suffering through my long-winded explanations, I hope you enjoyed. Have a wonderful day.

#theo watches Detroit Evolution #octopunk media #reed900 #gavin reed #rk900 #look I tagged Michelle because I have shit impulse control and I wanted y'all to have like #a direct link to her page #i might cry if she sees this and comments on it #seriously I might #happy tears though #it's 3 am and my tic is back #I have no impulse control rn #and I would fight god #also if y'all wanna request something head to the askbox or the dms #I'll look into it

57 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #357

“your magic white rabbit has left its writing on the wall / we follow like alice, and just keep diving down the hole”

Are you better at telling stories or writing them? Writing, by a long shot. What’s one song you hate, but know every word to? i'm a barbie girl in a fckn barbie woooooorld What’s your favorite magazine? I don’t read magazines. If you could be an animal for one day, which animal would you choose? Probably a house cat. Be indoors and safe, able to just nap... lol. But I'd want another cat as a friend, too! Do you prefer outdoor or indoor concerts/events? Indoors, by a mile. I get hot outside way too easily. Do you know if you were a planned child? I don't know. What’s your favorite gem? Dragon's breath opal. As an adult, do you want to live in an apartment or a house? I'd like to live in a house, especially with the pets I want. I doubt many apartment complexes would allow multiple reptiles and inverts. Do you like the stem or leafy part of the broccoli? It doesn't matter much to me, but I prefer the stem. The texture is more likeable to me. Do bats frighten you? No, I adore bats! Does Paris appeal to you? Yeah, it's a pretty place. Are you a KPOP fan? No, I've never really checked it out. How long was your longest relationship? Over three and a half years. First time you kissed the last person you kissed? We were outside roasting marshmallows one night. Do you have to really know someone to kiss them? Absolutely. I don't dish 'em out for nothing. Were you anyone’s first kiss? No. If you had to be named after one of the 50 states of America, what state would you WANT to be named after? I actually think "Nevada" would be kinda pretty as a name? Do you think morals are universal or relative to the beliefs, traditions, or practices of individuals or groups? I've wondered this for a long while, really. I lean towards it being a mix, maybe? But more towards universal, I think... with some exceptions. This answer is all over the place, I honestly don't know. Is torture ever a good option? If no, why not? If yes, when? No? I think the "why not" is obvious... You just don't. What do you think is one one of the most undervalued professions right now? Teachers, garbagemen, retail and food workers... There's a lot. Have you ever seen anyone have a heart attack? Thank Christ no. Have you personalized your answering machine/voicemail? No. Have you ever had Fiji brand water? I actually don't believe I have, though it's always looked appealing to me, haha. What’s your favorite horror movie? The Crazies and the first Silent Hill, as well as both Blair Witch Projects. What was the worst thing a friend has either done or said to you? I'd rather not even think about things the bitch said to me. Are you biracial? No. When was the last time you got mad and broke something? I've never broken something when mad. What color dress did you wear to prom? My first was maroon, second one was black. Who is the cutest baby you know? My friend has a daughter named Scarlett who is absolutely gorgeous. Have you ever thrown a rock at a window? No, because I respect people's fucking property. Has anyone ever thrown a rock at your window? No. Does your hair react well to dye, or does it damage it? It likes to not take dye at all. >.> I have only had one instance where a friend dyed it red and it stuck for months and months, but we kept it in for a couple hours, I think. My normal hairdresser says it's because my hair is really healthy and I guess rejects it. What kind of pet do you wish you had? I ramble plenty about how I want tarantulas and more reptiles, haha. I also DESPERATELY want to rescue or foster an opossum. When was the last time you were diagnosed with something? Are you concerned about anything regarding your physical or mental health at the moment? I haven't been diagnosed with anything in quite some time, I believe, but as I'm going through the process of being approved for TMS therapy for my depression, my bipolar diagnosis is being questioned, which is... strange to me. It's been acknowledged by many a doctor that I have bipolar 2, but if insurance recognizes my primary diagnosis as bipolar, they won't cover TMS because it can massively excite the mania portion of bipolarity, and therefore I can't do it because we can't manually afford it. I'm willing to take the risk by far, as I've never had issues with mania, but I can't without insurance. I'm just waiting to hear back from them... What is one blanket judgment you tend to make about people (like, you judge all people who live at home, all people who drink, etc)? Does this judgment come from a particular personal experience? I really don't know. How do you react to other people yelling or slamming doors? Is this something you ever do too? I get very scared if it's a man. I don't like anyone doing it, and my anxiety will spike regardless, I'm just terrified of angry men. Have you ever lost your cool at work or somewhere else important? What happened as a result? No. Who has the power to break you? Jason still might. I don't know. Is anyone in your family blind? My sister is legally blind in one eye. Do you believe in evolution? Yeah. I do find the concept odd, that ALL LIFE originated from one thing, but I sure ain't got a better explanation, so. What job do you think people should be paid the most for? Surgeons, maybe? I dunno, that's a big question. Were you ever held back a year in school? Did you ever skip a grade? No. Have you ever been given a hickey? Have you given one? Yeah to both. What is your least favourite thing about your full name? I have the most basic white bitch middle name in the world, lol. Do you like the age you are? Eh, I don't mind it much, but I think it'd be better to be in my early 20s versus mid 20s. I'm just always so tired now. I can't believe I used to refuse to go to sleep before 10:30. What’s your favourite kind of poptart? The chocolate sundae one. If you had to eat one type (Chinese, etc.) of food which would it be? American bc I'm not very adventurous with food at all. When did your family immigrate to wherever you live now? *shrug* Are your fingers long, or short? Long. Mom's always said I have "piano fingers." Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who’s your buddy? Yeah, I love it, but don't play it nearly as much as I want because I don't exactly go anywhere, lol. My bud's Charmeleon, and I'm probably like five EXP from level 28. Do you ever sit indoors and wear sunglasses or a hat? I don't own either, so. Do you know how to read animals’ behavior? I honestly think I'm very good at it. Do you like playing video games? If so, what do you usually play? Yes, but not as much as I used to. All I really play nowadays is World of Warcraft. The only working console I have is a PS2, and I haven't bought a new game in probably a couple years, but there are definitely ones I want to play, mainly on PS4. Just can't afford it right now. Have you ever viewed the moon through a telescope? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. There's no way I could, given my tremors. Do you prefer reading books, comic books, manga/graphic novels, magazines, or the newspaper? Books. When is the last time you ate donuts? It's been months, man. I've seriously been craving a glazed one, though. Krispy Kreme sounds amaaaaaziiiiiing. Has anyone ever called you sexy? Somehow. Do you like raisins? NO NO NO NO NO. Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to? More than once. Do you like ants? They're genuinely extremely fascinating animals, but they're seriously annoying nevertheless. Did you like the movie Antz? I loved it as a kid. What was your favorite ice cream flavor when you were little? Chocolate. Is it still your favorite? Eh, depends on the day. By the way, what is your name? Brittany. What time zone do you live in? EST. Do you like cats? I love cats. What’s the most creepy experience you’ve ever had? One night when my mom and sister were at the beach for a dance competition, I was having trouble sleeping, and it only got worse when my dog Teddy started freaking the fuck out, barking loudly and staring intently at the foot of the bed. I was so scared that I tried to force his head to lie down, but he fought against me. I was terrified, but got up out of the bed and went into the living room to call my mom at like 3 in the damn morning, and she had to have our neighbor come over to sleep in the house with me (I was in a different room that night). You can't convince me that there wasn't paranormal shit going on. I think the house was haunted honestly, for multiple reasons. What’s the most boring game to exist? Why do you dislike it so much? Hm, I dunno. What’s the coolest place that you've ever been to? What’d you do there? Disney World was very memorable as a kid. We just went around collecting signatures, going on rides, all that fun stuff. I'll never forget fireworks at the castle. If you’re interested in having a long-term relationship with someone, do you think that waiting a certain amount of time before you first have sex is a good idea? Or does it not matter? I think it's a good idea, personally, mostly for the sake of reducing the spread of STDs. Just because you think you'll be long-term, doesn't mean you will be. Besides that, isn't there a science that sex and feelings of love are connected? Like, sex is impossible without at least some underlying emotions? I might be entirely wrong, in which case forgive me for spreading misinformation, but if that's so and things don't go as planned, you've gotten emotionally invested in someone too early and wind up getting hurt. You do you, I just don't think it's smart. Have you ever discovered something big by looking through someone’s phone, Facebook, email, etc.? No. Have you kept anything from your past relationships? (Things they left at your house, gifts, notes, etc) Do you think that’s a big deal for future relationships or not? Yeah, like plushies and little stuff like that. When it's tiny things like I just mentioned, I really don't think it matters. I think some things might be questionable to keep, but at the same time, I don't think it's really wrong to keep memories of a happy time, if the thing still brings you joy and has been emotionally disconnected from the ex? Idk. Do you have any financial regrets? Either way, what’s an example of a GOOD financial decision you’ve made? Going to and dropping out of college three fucking times. I don't know about a good financial decision seeing as I'm not even in charge of my own finances, nor really have any to begin with. Are you a believer in “signs” from the Universe about things in your life? If you are, can you think of a particular example? No. Name some things that one or both of your parents are really good at or really interested in. Mom LOVES medical stuff, like watching surgeries and stuff like that. She is also absolutely incredible with children. Dad likes sports a lot, hockey and football especially. Think of a good friend of the opposite sex (currently or in the past). Have you ever had any sort of “more than a friend” or sexual thoughts about them? If not, can you explain why? Well, we dated briefly, so... It was awkward to, but I let myself imagine sexual situations a few times to help myself understand if I really did like-like him, or if he was truly just a brother to me. Turns out, he's a bro. If someone told you that you would never achieve something and you ended up doing it, would you have any interest in finding that person and showing them? I'ma be honest, yes. I wouldn't actively seek them out, but rather just hope they somehow find out or I run into them or something. What is the most jealousy-induced thing you’ve ever done? Apparently, be the girl Juan liked instead of this girl that literally threatened to deck me. Guess what? We're friends now lmaoooo.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''white rabbit'' by egypt central

2 notes · View notes

elliot-orion · 5 years

Text

What the Fuck is the SA Again?

That’s right, it’s time for part 5 of the Dark Heart Universe worldbuilding posts! if you are falling behind on my very irregular posting schedule, don’t worry bc i am too! read the posts here: 1, 2, 3, 4. Up to speed? Fabulous. Brace yourself, btw, bc this is going to get angsty... Also with that, a brief trigger warning for terrible government organizations. Nothing is too in depth, but i know politics and shit government stuff can make people anxious (i say from experience), and even though this is all very fictional, i just want to give a heads up that this is not talking about fun things at all. Good? Good.

Alright, so, as all super hero universes need, i’ve got an OrganizationTM that deals with the Supers. The MCU has Shield, the DC universe has the League of whatever the fuck, and i have... the Supers Association. Bc i’m lazy. Basically, the SA is this government organization (that should tell you enough about how this is going to go already), that manages the Heroes, monitors the Villains, and creates legislation to help the civilian Supers. They do a decent amount of good, admittedly, they’ve helped make sure Supers aren’t discriminated against in work and housing, they created schools for Supers who need help controlling their powers, they have a Backup Crew group of lesser Supers who help clean up after Villain attacks, and regulate insurance for Villain attacks. They are pretty great.

Till you look closer that is. The SA is basically handed anything to do with Supers, people trust them, and anything they try to pass in Congress gets passed through relatively easily and quickly (the bribing and coercion shall go unmentioned). This is bad bc they have basically no oversight and can do whatever the fuck they want, including but not limited to: spying, kidnapping powerful Supers, running truly terrible prisons with seriously inhumane conditions, torturing Villains, painting Supers who are considered “too powerful” to be allowed to wander free (even if they are civilians) as Villains to excuse taking them, kidnapping Elementals who appear (a note that they are in the 10-13 range here) from wherever they are in the world to get them on their side, treating their own Heroes like absolute shit, etc.

(more horrible things under cut!)

Let’s go in depth with that last one, because it’s the big doozy. The SA monitors its schools for promising Supers, and they manipulate the fuck out of them to get them to agree to being Heroes. These Supers are high schoolers, just saying. They refuse to let their Heroes go to college or hold jobs (they need to be “on call”), they pay for literally everything for the Hero, and they usually will pay something big for the Super, like a medical bill, or they’ll support a sick parent. Why? So the Super is indebted to the SA. You can’t leave if you have no work experience, no degree, no home, and no way to pay off a massive bill they’d sic you with, you know? They also refuse to let the Super go to any mental health or medical provider not approved by the SA, and with those providers, confidentiality is non-existent. The SA tapes every appointment to listen for any signs of dissent, and if they hear one, they sweep in. They will erase the minds of their Heroes too, if necessary, or put them in the inhumane prisons.

The SA is a piece of shit, is what i’m saying here, but from the outside perspective, no one believes that. To a normal person, they are fantastic. To a low powered Super civilian, they are a life saver. To anyone with the strength to be a threat? they are a nightmare. And it’s all because of One Eye.

One Eye is the worlds most powerful psychic. He runs the SA, directs everything, watches everything, and manipulates everything. He can mess with your brain and you wouldn’t even know he did it. The only person who has ever been able to stop him from reading their mind is Sparky, because Sparky’s brain is a bit different than others (not the ADHD, the fact that his works more like a super computer, and One Eye has no idea how to deal with that) One Eye has lived longer than anyone really knows. He has been there for decades after the first guy quietly handed over the organization after he’d created in the 1920s, when it was created after the rise of Super Vigilanties and Villains in the first world war, and people thought, hey, maybe we should like, regulate that shit? The theory a bunch of people have is that One Eye manipulated the guy into giving it over. (it’s true)

Other countries have their own versions of the SA, mind you, some worse than others. There are some countries who have a version, but it’s sole purpose is to hunt down Supers and make them into weapons/kill them. There are some who are genuinely good and try to keep people living in peace with normal people and whatnot. Each has its ups and downs. This is only about the USA SA, because i live there and again, i’m lazy, we have established this many times.

TL;DR: The SA is absolutely horrible, One Eye is a prick, and never trust the government to do anything right ever.

@albatris @merigreenleaf @ageekyreader @dreamcontagion @ashesconstellation @piscesintherain @norawritess @shadow-maker @knightedwriter @samplewriting

#dark heart universe #supers association #sa #worldbuilding

16 notes · View notes

natsspammityspamspamham · 4 years

Text

Dino Rant (Nov 27 + Other Side Tales)

My siblings are currently mad at me. Here’s what went down. Tagging: @akaskira @ce-la @caratheillustrious Who are all practically my spiritual online older sister/sage advice givers and @lizard-in-the-rain who can be an idiot along with me.

For context: Ate = Sister Kuya = Brother * My dad and I have a rocky past because he’s very old-fashioned, hasn’t been always supportive about my mental health, and is really old and out of date (especially about LGBTQ, feminism, HK protests, etc.) * My sister also has a rocky past with me but has since calmed down a little thanks to old age (she’s 23) * My brother is constantly busy with school (and stressed), is still mourning his breakup after a few months which continues to salt his wounds (not because his ex is crappy but she’s really nice. He’s having a bit of trouble still.), and is a very sensitive person (more sensitive than my sister)

Further in, you can see what happened at the orchestra concert on Saturday. For context, you can check out a previous rant.

Me: Dad got some bad oil burns. I was in the family room as he was yelling “[MOM NAME x 3] WHAT DO I DO WITH OIL BURNS?” Mom was upstairs and didn’t hear They are kinda big He’s upset

Ate: What the why didn't you help him call mom???? did you??? yike oil burns are no joke bc they hurt for longer bc water just steams away but oil sticks and keeps burning and the scars are worse

Me: Uh... I was scrolling on tumblr? I don’t know. I thought he already put ice.

Ate: smh

Me: But looking back, I heard the water running for less than a minute.

Ate: LOL

Me: And never heard the freezer open

Ate: water won't help unless you use soap anyways

Me: So I thought he did that but he was really just yelling for mom He didn’t even ice it. He said he ran some water over it.

Ate: make sure you help if someone yells for help next time even if you think it's handled bc if a person is panicking/in pain they're likely not thinking straight to help themselves speaking from experience

Me: Mom tried to give him advice now and he just walked away going “uh huh”

Ate: even I know to put my hand under cold running water and ice it but I've definitely not done that when I've burnt myself before I would be pretty choked too if there were 2 other people in the house and neither of them came to help me when I got oil burns

Me: Mom was upstairs and couldn’t hear. I thought he was crying wolf as usual.He yells for mom around three times on a daily basis

Ate: fair but fr next time take the 5 seconds to check bc sometimes bad things happenesp if all you hear is a thud

Me: “[Mom Name x 3 again] I CANT FIND THE [blank]!!!” Mom: it’s been in the same spot for over a decade. Look with your eyes.

Me: Mom does that once every other day (has a big thud) usually because something broke. When I heard the yell this time, I thought it was because he knocked something over. Dad is always yelling He even asked mom how to make the rice And didn’t make it because she didn’t answer fast enough Dad is a drama queen. That’s where we all get it from.

Ate: I mean

Kuya: Tf is this situation How can you ignore someone in need of help Regardless of who it is Doesn't it hurt to see someone suffering

Me: I didn’t see anything

Kuya: Unless you hold extreme animosity Like they killed your mom or something I have to hand something in by 10 But I find this quite upsetting

Me: I didn’t see anything, and the last thing he yelled was an oil burn, and the only advice I had was water and ice which I thought he already did.

Me (in response to animosity): Not extreme, but living with him with only me as the child has screwed a lot of things up.It has taken a toll on my sympathy for people (or whatever is left)

Ate: Same but he's still our dad?

Me: Eh, I honestly thought it was a small thing until I saw it.

Ate: I have only shreds of respect for him left but idk if I would go as far as to just overlook "oil burn" and figure "oh, I can't help so I'll ignore him" like that's a lil funny

Me: Again, when someone is constantly yelling, there’s a point where you don’t listen fully to what they’re saying. It only registered later that his burns might actually be serious and more than putting your fingertip on a hot pan. I also have little sympathy due to how he’s treated me during my past situations so honestly, I’ve little tolerance.

Afterwards, my mom called my sister who was absolutely hysterical and screaming on the other line to the point where my mom had to pull the phone away from her ear.

________________

Some Stupid Orchestra Stories:

Things I have said to my orchestra cohorts that might’ve scared them:

*sees me bump my instrument* Trumpet: Ouch Me (walking away): Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches, and dead men tell no tales. Doug: What?

*sees me bump my bow* Doug: Ouch Me (tired because I was just excluded from the conversation today because no one would listen to what I had to say): I’m going to stab you Doug: Pat, protect me!

Me: *tells anything about school* Everyone: MAJOR CONCERN (Examples: Kid said that this guy could have sex with his friend before she turned 21 by slipping a drug into her drink, kid saying he was going to hit a girl with a metal bar from the desk, kids smoking out back, kids make noise downstairs which causes the room I work in to shake, kids throwing stuff out car windows, kids brawling, my science teacher from regular school failing me for practically no reason)

More of an annoying incident from me: Hannah: Who’re you messaging? Your girlfriend? Sean: Yeah Me: YOU’RE STILL TOGETHER?! Sean: (sheepishly) yeah

To be fair, I get weirded out whenever they flash their privilege as semi-well off rich kids. “Remember those special trips you get to take with your school to learn more about science? // Remember those international trips you take with your school club?” Me: ...no?! I’m not poor, I just dropped out of school before I could even go to my nearest McDonalds for a field trip.

But Doug is a little dumb sometimes. He doesn’t get my sense of humour (understandable), but he’s a little ignorant towards not-privileged people.

He literally said he goes to sleep at 9:30pm, got into university (this is a semi-prestigious one) first try with 90s in all of his classes (at least), has a girlfriend, has friends, and doesn’t understand why anyone would stay later than that unless they had poor time management. His words, not mine. My brother stays there until around 12am studying. He was not happy to hear that. Doug is first year so my siblings are making fun of him saying he will perish in a year’s time. My parents saw him stealing kisses from his girlfriend in a parking lot during the day of our last concert. I seriously though the girl in his profile picture was his sister and not his girlfriend because they were both seriously white. Whiter than a bowl of milk I tell you.

He also doesn’t know what a period app would be for. I was a little annoyed. My brother knows about this well enough because we all know my sister and mom would not let anyone in this family live if they did not know the ins-and-outs of a period. Doug was like, “Why would you need to track that?” I responded, “Because they’re irregular.” He looked a little puzzled and I said, “Douglas, you’re a science major. There’s sex ed in school.” He responded that he is going into research (not sure what that has to do with menstrual ignorance) and never paid attention during sex ed (since it’s never for marks). I then got a little more pushy and said, “Well, if you ever want a girlfriend, maybe you should learn.” To which he said, “I have a girlfriend”. To which I gave him a look of:

Stories from the orchestra concert:

I did tell the bass instructor about this so maybe it’ll get sorted out but I did this “tell the teacher” thing twice where it backfired terribly. Let’s hope university kids are a little more grown up.

My messages from that night: Pat told me it was cute when I played in the wrong spots. It was genuine like she said it was cute. But it was like ??? I was having a panic attack. My brain left my body. I don’t want to play anymore. Then she put up her bow to make sure I wouldn’t flip the page Then she hit her bow on her bass. I really don’t want to play anymore. (She also repeated the same thing twice knowing from a previous talk that I have bad anxiety. She has anxiety as well.)

Me: Then Hannah and Patricia were commenting on my shoes. I like wearing my orthotics. They make my feet feel not in pain. Ate: tell them that Me: I did They told me to take off my shoes “They can’t even see my feet” I’m all the way in the back behind people “Then take off your shoes” “But then I’ll be in pain” “But you sit” (I have one foot on the ground) “So take them off. It’s for dress code. People can see you” Ate: but it's literally a medical thing Tell them to actually fuck off hoh my god it's like asking a blind person to put their stick away bc people will trip on it or that you can't have your service dog with you like????

#dino rant

1 note · View note

theclaravoyant · 7 years

Text

Some Study Lifestyle Tips

because I can, because WACE is coming and the Americans are starting a new school year at some point probably?? and because it’s always important to look after yourself while studying

I’m not going to claim that all of these will work for everybody or that everyone will be able to do all of them etc etc but I’ve struggled with burnout and sustained anxiety due in part to medical reasons but in part to unhealthy study-based lifestyle and this is some of what I’ve learnt so:

Don’t work where you sleep - As well as promoting bad posture (and getting study snack crumbs all over your bed) this stops your mind and body from separating “work” and “rest”. I know it’s tempting!! and tbh I still do it sometimes. But when your mind and body can’t differentiate, those half-asleep panic thoughts about what you have to do the next day etc etc get worse. Your body rests when it should be alert and tries to stay alert when it should be resting in case you ask it to do something. It’s exhausting! Please don’t do it. You can still use your bed for fun (eg. TV, blogging, reading - I love me a nest don’t get me wrong) but when you actually have to knuckle down, go somewhere else. Preferably a desk, but even the floor, dining table or couch! Also, having a shower or getting dressed (or even just washing your face or putting back your hair) before you start work is a great way to force yourself into “productive mode” especially if you’re feeling lethargic.

Ritual is more important than time table - All through high school we got told, make timetables, make timetables. I could NEVER stick to them. My focus just doesn’t work like that and neither does my workload. However, what I have found helpful is establishing ritual. eg. do I get coffee when I start work or when I start break? Related to the above, this helps get me into “work” mode or “rest” mode. Also, don’t be afraid to reward yourself but be disciplined with your rewards. Can you have one lolly for every 10 minutes work? 10 lollies an hour? A handful after you’ve done this section? STICK TO IT. Rewards only work if you do.

Time tables don’t have to be regular - Again, the usual deal with timetabling is that you spend say, half an hour per day per class studying. First of all, how many hours a day do they think we have, damn? But second of all, that’s a USELESS GENERIC FRAMEWORK. Are you good at the subject? Does it have a really high workload? Is it your major? Then GIVE IT MORE OR LESS TIME. Also, work out when you are most productive during the day and demand more of yourself at that time. eg for me I am quite productive in the morning, so if I have a blocked out “study day” I’ll start with 1-1.5 hour sessions with 15-30 min breaks and gradually slack off until I’m doing more break than study but it’s okay bc I did most of my work in the morning. The point of timetabling is to make sure you actually get the work done: therefore, you need to do it in a way that will allow you to actually get the work done

Diet & Reward Choice is important - Rewards are great, but caffeine and sugar are bad for you and they are bad for your sleep and concentration, which you need to study with!! If you’re eating a lot of sugary snacks, make sure you drink water and have healthy meals. If you’re drinking too much coffee OWN UP TO IT. I was having anxiety problems so I restricted myself to 2 coffees a day, and not after 6pm, and even though I didn’t drink a lot and I don’t feel the “buzz” coffee gives some people, it has helped me (and also reduced some gut problems I was giving myself). Also ofc try to replace lollies with fruit or food with non-food based rewards (eg a trip to the movies when this essay’s done) but it depends what’s going to motivate you and how much motivation you need. I tend to get into the lollies when it’s been assignments uphill through the snow both ways and I’m losing my will to live but I watch sitcoms every break all the time often. What works for you?

Let some things slip - Yes it’s true that poor hygiene and mess can be harmful to your mental health but figure out what you can ignore and how long for because most things can be fixed after you hand that report in. Will your head explode if your room is messy? Then clean it, but if you can live with it, let it slide for a bit. Is a shower an important part of your daily ritual? Then do it, but if you’re cool with waiting until you can feel the grease on your face sometimes that’s the way it’s gonna be. It’s not like you’re meeting people anyway. And your fellow students PROBABLY don’t give a shit as long as it’s not a presentation and you don’t have killer B.O. Your accomodation can’t just slide into the shit eternally, especially if you live with roommates or family, but go easy on yourself is what I’m saying, and prioritise yourself & your food & your rest & your work (*which contributes greatly to your health) above nicities you don’t need. Feed your pets though. That’s important.

Act, Belong, Commit - This is an Australian mental health campaign that really sums up a lot of the best things you can do. Of course we can’t always have that perfect work-life balance, especially trying to pay rent or have a family or during exam time etc etc etc but remember, health including mental health is not an “all or nothing” thing. Every little bit helps! You’ll be surprised (I know I was). Your “C” that’s probably your work/study if you’re reading this! But “Belong” that can be stuff like choir, sports clubs, church, volunteering, or really anything that you’re passionate about including informal communities - for me it’s mostly Amnesty International, activism, & fandom. And then “Act” well that took me ages bc exercise is the bane of my existence but if dancing around in your underwear is what it takes DO THAT. In fact now, I’ve joined a proper dance class! There will be some kind of physical activity that you can tolerate, even if it’s like, a few laps in the pool or walking the dog or even just walking to the store. I look for opportunities to do exercise with a purpose (eg on my way to buy something) bc for its own sake?? No way. You don’t even have to do it enough to get sweaty, lose weight or build muscle (although that’s great). Just a little bit is better than none,

This is getting long so I’m going to stop but feel free to ask me questions and I wish you good luck & good grades!!

#study #studyblr #study tips #mental health #health #about me

134 notes · View notes

assthetic-angel · 6 years

Text

2017

I have learned a lot in 2017, about life, myself, and others. I have been through a lot. I want to write it down to let it go. I don’t want to forget or deny, but shift my focus towards the future by laying out the past year, processing some things that may have been pushed to the back burner, and reflecting on everything.

At the beginning of the year things were okay. I was still recovering from being hospitalized in October as well as constantly moving back and forth between my boyfriend’s and my parents’ place, and the toll that had taken on my life and my relationships with my boyfriend, family and friends. I was working for Time Warner Cable, and had been for about a month. But shortly after the start of January, I quit after being publicly humiliated at work. I wasn’t on good medication, I was in a fragile place with nonexistent self esteem and I was very unstable. In hindsight the incident probably wasn’t that bad, but I still feel it was uncalled for and at the time it broke me. My boyfriend at the time, who I was living with, was also unemployed. The relationship was toxic and continued to spiral downward until the end of February when he kicked me out after a fight.

I was miserable and the relationship was fucked up beyond all repair, but it still destroyed me. We had been together for a year and a half. I was a wreck. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I had to move back home with my parents for the umpteenth time. It was okay for probably a week before my parents went crazy and started trying to control my life and make me miserable. I know their intentions were good and they were just trying to help, but their methods were atrocious and traumatizing. They forced all these rules on me like I was some kind of learning disabled 5 year old and forced me to sign a contract saying I would do all this ridiculous bullshit. And if I didn’t, they were going to hike my rent way up, and I had no means of income at the time. My “rent” was paid through me doing work around the house. I had no problem with that, but if I made any mistakes such as forgetting a glass in my room, or forgetting to turn a light off or some other stupid, minuscule thing like that, even once, they were going to hike my rent up. And I had to work a lot to make sure my rent was paid, because they only gave me so much money for a certain task, but it wasn’t much, and there’s only so much that can be done. I had a curfew, even though I was 21, and at one point my mom tried to force me to take some idiotic life class. I refused.

Living with all of that was difficult, and my relationship with my parents at the time was awful and my life was effectively a living hell. It became even worse in March when things came to blows after I fucked up. I had stolen some money from my mom (about $60) which I am NOT justifying, it was wrong, and I lied to her about it which made the situation worse, but her reaction was also bad. I’m not upset with the fact that she was mad at me and upset, but she flipped absolute shit, over a small amount of money. She disowned me, called me names such as a heathen and degenerate, said everyone in the family thought I was a drug addict and I lied about being sexually assaulted a few weeks earlier to make them feel bad. And it was extremely difficult for me to tell my parents, who halfway, subtly blamed me for what had happened. I was afraid that they wouldn’t believe me or use it against me later, which is exactly what my mom did. She then threatened that if I didn’t get literally everything off my bedroom floor by the time she got off work she was going to trash all my belongings. At the time, I still had a lot of unpacked boxes and such that I had had to bring back from my ex’s. I didn’t have a lot of time to do any of this and was busting my ass all day. Thankfully she came around a little and gave me till the end of the night but it was still very difficult and stressful and I was an absolute mess, as usual.

It took a lot of time for my parents and I to get along again after that. This whole time, of course, I’m still dealing with my ex who I was obsessed with and trying to constantly get back. At the same time, my ex’s step father was dying of multiple cancers. Despite what had happened I still cared for his family because we had been close. My parents were pressuring me to get a job, and I started applying in April. I was trying very hard to get back in my parents’ good graces and recover from everything. I applied for a summer job at a company, and I had done their summer job program for the past three summers, but in 2016 had some issues towards the end so I wasn’t sure if they would take me back or not. They did hire me again, which placated my parents a bit, but instead of working at the office headquarters they were sending me to the manufacturing plant. My ex’s stepfather passed in May, and at the end of the month I started my job.

I was initially disappointed that I had to work at the factory but still thankful that I had a job. I thought it was good news, but my mom who was always unhappy with me wasn’t satisfied at first. I went to talk to her about it one day and she ended up flipping shit on me saying that I was going to hate the job, that this was going to be the worst summer of my life and it was my fault because they didn’t want me back at the plaza. As if I didn’t know they hated me there and was negative towards myself enough already. So I decided that it was going to be the best summer of my life, even if just to spite her.

The job wasn’t actually that bad, and throughout the summer my mother finally started to come around and we were actually able to work on our relationship. In June though, that’s when my life changed and things really started to turn around. One day at work, while talking to my friend Jessica, this other kid came over in the morning and started talking to us. He and Jessica knew each other, but I didn’t know shit, I hadn’t even been working there that long. Little did I know this would be the love of my life (I know it’s cliche). We started talking, had common interests, and decided to hang out sometime.

Our first date was good but really awkward at times. We had fun and talked about a lot of things, we were supposed to see a movie but ended up just walking around together talking about stuff. I had a good time hanging out, but at the time really wasn’t looking for romance or a relationship, so I was a little ambivalent towards the end. He wanted to hold my hand, wanted to kiss me. I was awkward and so was the kiss, and I ended up texting my friend to help get me out of the situation and used some bullshit excuse to run away. At that point in time, I had no intentions of dating him and wasn’t even sure if I wanted to hang out anymore.

But I decided to give him another chance, and our second date was a fucking blast. We took his motorcycle to the mall, I bought lots of cool stuff and we went to an arcade and played lots of stupid games together and had lots of fun. Soon, we were hanging out just about every day, even though he worked 3rd shift and I was on 1st. It really was the best summer of my life. I had never met someone so sweet and patient, funny and weird and a little bit crazy, but insightful and kind, and a lot like me. I had never been treated so well before. I wasn’t looking for love, but boy did it find me.

At the end of summer I worked towards getting hired on officially at work, going for a position on third shift which he helped me to get, and which made things a lot easier since we were on the same schedule then. Right before I switched over to 3rd shift, I had to have a surgery done because I was constantly in pain and they didn’t know why. They thought it was my kidney (because it is a little fucked up) but the pain never got better, the surgery basically did nothing. They still don’t know what’s wrong with me, and the pain hasn’t been as bad recently, but that’s an ongoing thing. Around the same time, things started to come to a head with my boyfriend’s dad and step mom (who is a ROYAL fucking cunt) when they were trying to hike his rent up for no actual reason, even though they treated him like shit at the house anyways. They tried to raise his rent to $700 a month, but they had already basically made him a prisoner in his room, excluded him from everything else the family and his siblings did, flipped shit if he ever tried to use to kitchen, wouldn’t even let him keep food in the kitchen, which resulted in him having to constantly spend money on fast food, and did nothing but fuck him over. He could hardly even sleep there because his step mom doesn’t know how to get off her fat lazy ass and control her stupid, pathetic, psychotic children. So instead of paying $700 a month to be treated like garbage, he ended up moving in with his actual mom, who wasn’t going to charge him any rent at all. The only issue was that she lived kind of out of the way.

Once he moved there, I was with him almost every day because we would carpool a lot. We were working on trying to find our own place, so we were hoping he wouldn’t have to be there too long. Work was going well and things were good and almost kind of stable. In November, we managed to find ourselves an apartment. But about two weeks before we were going to move, his mom decided she wanted to move. She rents houses, and wanted to rent out a better one in the same city. It was just inconvenient because we had to pack up and move all my boyfriend’s things again, which weren’t even unpacked from the first move to his mom’s because his room was so small, just to move them again in a couple weeks. But we did it, at the tail end of November we got moved into our apartment, I got my precious cat back (she was staying at a friend’s bc I couldn’t have her at my parents’ house), and we then had a lovely Christmas together.

My mental health has been up and down, and we encounter lots of problems. Things seem to fuck up left and right, but I guess that’s just life. Despite all the little problems and setbacks, at the end of the day this is the big picture. And the big picture is looking bright.

Now, I’m going back to school in a couple weeks and I’m going to finish getting my degree. My boyfriend’s career is going well at work and he’ll hopefully be getting a nice promotion soon. I get to go back to a somewhat normal schedule soon, and hopefully my boyfriend can score a good position on first shift.

At the end of the day, I have to remember to have hope. Things are better than they ever were before. I just wish my mental health would stop making me forget that. But I’m going to try as hard as I can.

#personal #2017 #long post #plnt.txt

2 notes · View notes