#bc where he's always isolated himself when he's been hurting too much

[magnaflourious-nerdity]

So the ask got deleted accidentally, but @autisticharrywells asked me about SANGYAO for toxic ship bingo, and now that I have forcibly dragged them through all 50 episodes, i can at last go off---- you FOOL! you have fallen directly into my trap!!! Muahahaha

I do not know how I ended up here. I don't know WHY I ended up here, except that I'm some kind of masochist.

Like I was all prepared to be 100% team wangxian otp and read all the fic and shit, and I started out so promising. (And I do love them...) But then. Then. That little demon brought a bird to class. And the other little demon protected him during the Wen thing. The stabbing ?? The warning as Meng Yao was leaving to huaisang DESPITE actively bleeding. The pleading to Mingjue to let Meng Yao stay despite no evidence of Huaisang ever really standing up to question NMJ decisions before like that (esp in front of other clan members) (other than with things like blowing off Sabre practice) THE FAN CLENCH. MY HEART. And THEN they committed their various atrocities during which the no turning back point was hit for them so many times and yet i do believe the remorse was there and so too was some affection still, twisted as it was by time and hatred and isolation and i... I just....I slipped?

There's so much there!!! (and please keep in mind I'm mostly talking from a cql/the untamed perspective, though I have seen the donghua and am aware of book cannon, I just kinda prefer the show as the version I take to heart (with some notable jgy or Huaisang based exceptions bc i'm nothing if not willing to excuse their pretty boy mid-divorce war crimes))

These two have such a deep shared history that spans the entirety of the cannon, and their relationship is extra fascinating on rewatch as you can more clearly track the downward spiral of events.

There's also the tragedy that it COULD have been avoided, was so close to being avoided several times bc JGY is not really EVIL, (any one who says this is being super reductive imo) but he does preserve himself above all other things and people through sheer learned necessity (with the exception of xichen and isn't that also a beautiful part of sangyao tragedy?? That so clearly xichen and JGY were destined to be the tragic counterparts to wwx and lwj's relationship not nhs and jgy? That xichen was the only thing JGY ever sacrificed true parts of himself for, that huaisang knows that he could have done the same for him, but didn't? Because there was too much history with Mingjue to let it go, and also bc the devotion or affection he held for huaisang when they were both on the mountain never surpassed that point. He had too much caution to truly be himself, and Huaisang, I don't think could ever truly see past JGYs status in the way that xichen was able to since he served as his big brother's vice general and also his appointed companion to a degree. ) And where does that leave huaisang? Where he always is. ALONE. On a mountain he never fit in on in the first place. Where does it leave JGY? Stuck in a permanant customer service role to his awful father and branded further untrustable as a spy. Humilated and broken down to the point of just. So much murder. (Some of which I still maintain tain as a public service coughcoughJinGuangShancoughcough)

They are so much alike and yet so different in such key aspects, that I also have to believe they were meant to act as parallels to one another, just like wwx and jgy, or xichen and wangji. The planning and manipulation they both do (in their own ways bc i am in the camp that while huaisang is smarter than the average bear, smarter than he ever wants to let on bc it makes his life easier, he isnt able to truly outpace JGY's ability to craft a situation. What he is good at is manipulating people and social situations, and adapting his outlined plan extremely well on the fly- with the exception of maybe xichen. I dont think he meant to truly hurt xichen like that. I think that was a natural panic that if JGY was allowed to live it would mean Huaisang actually had to die at some point instead, Though I do also think perhaps there is some lingering resentment there that leads to it to bc why is JGY worth pardoning after his crimes to xichen? Doesn't this mean he inherently valued JGY over Mingjue, over Huaisang’s own pain and anguish? (he did, but not maliciously, lans are love blind we know this))

The tragedies of nie huaisang are inextricably linked to the tragedies of jgy and vice versa! Technically, huaisang, as a bastard of the clan leader with one of his concubines, (I think that's right) should be discounted as a noble son, esp considering his weaker nature and lack of talents dictated to be valuable by the standards of the nie clan. He should have the same status really or at least a status more closely similar to jgy who is constatly looked down on because of his mother's position and bastard status, despite his constant hyper competency, as we see so vividly. And yet Huaisang is given title and rank and (some) respect where JGY gets trodden into the mud and shit of life, even as he succeeds in raising the jin clans success through his actions and talents. Meanwhile, huaisang is thought to be a useless leech by others, untalented in the ways of ruling or anything that's deemed an actually respectable skill by clan leader standards. A pathetic little dude who doesn't know how to do anything, and yes, he does get cast as a headshaker in the eyes of the people, but it's never his background thats brought into question as to why he might be failing. It's considered a result of his personality, not his upbringing. And even then he doesn't get shit talked as much as JGY does. Huaisang has all the privilege that JGY was never afforded, and does that color JGYs view a bit? Does it make him just bitter enough that, when combined with his father’s looming threats and taunts, and Mingjue’s inability to ever let anything JGY does go, that he's willing to hurt huaisang in such a way, even just as a byproduct of his mission?

Huaisang’s plan is successful, bc people discount him as incompetent, yes, but also bc they still see him as a noble, as someone of enough inherent value, diminished though it may be, that he weilds that influence even when playing the fool. JGY doesn't get that respect even at his height of his power and competency as a ruler.

They are, neither of them, strong cultivators. But that factor only really affects JGY bc it means he has to fight even harder for acceptance and validation. Huaisang also gets the luxury of CHOOSING not to be a strong cultivator. Because his position in life IS secure, he can slack off. He is allowed to try his hardest to avoid the fate of his family and do his utmost not to cultivate in that manner. Which I think, too, causes some of the resentment. On both sides. Huaisang never has to work a day in his life, has barely any expectations to live up to and still gets the respect Meng Yao is constantly robbed of. And for huaisang- On top of killing his brother via musically-induced, full-bodied rage embolism, JGY is now also the reason that huaisang is thrust into a position he was entirely unprepared for way before he was supposed to be.

And we know, we KNOW that JGY is responsible for so many of Huaisang’s pretty little things. His beloved indulgences granted not by his own brother, but by his doting san-ge. Things that got burned or destroyed by Mingjue simplu for the fact that a) they were from JGY and B) they are not the type of things NMJ cosidereds respectabke hobbies or skills. A large number of his fans and painting supplies are gifts from JGY, and he stood up for and encouraged those hobbies against the person he probably fears the most at that point, Mingjue (even if he's already actively trying to kill him by then). And huaisang seemed genuinely pleased that JGY had found acceptance and was getting what he (thought he) wanted. The friendship and affection was real, just not near strong enough to withstand the crimes of the other.

And oh boy that divorce was rough and bloody and beautiful and tragic and I just love the messy nature of the relationship, how deep and how twisted it went and became. And i think, right up until the very end, JGY didn't truly want to believe that Huaisang was capable of doing this to him, I don't think he ever wanted to hurt huaisang again the way he had to when he killed Mingjue. Use him? Maybe. But not in a malicious way, not by his standards.

I am happy to read any sangyao content I can get, however! I love reading about them as companions on the mountain, growing together, bonding. Maybe young and in love? I love reading the gradual drifting apart. The years they schemed and used each other. The final divorce. And what comes after. Or what could never be. Any content, I will take, and it depends on where in cannon we are that a particular square is filled in.

Jgy had to fight for both acceptance and sheer survival, and huaisang never really had to do either. Except maybe during the ~10 years of the gap when Huaisang had figured him out, but was pretending to be useless to achieve his ends. You could argue the mindset that aside from just avenging his DaGe, he was also concerned about his own survival bc what if he became an Inconvienience instead of just the annoyance he was playing up to be? If he actually stood in Guanyao's way? It would be much easier to take him out than Mingjue, realistically. But what would be that threshold to have JGY actually do anything? Are Huaisang’s histrionics and uselessness useful to him? Or a result of guilty indulgence? Or left over fondness from a ti.e they were so close? Some combo of all? Who can say and I fucking love that uncertainty about them

Saying all that, these two are the poster child for OTP I don't want to end up together in Canon, lol. Unless it's one of the many time travel fix it aus, they simply have too much history and shared issues and rage between them to ever make sense working out. But their stories are so incomplete without the other, they are inexorably linked, and I just think they're neat!

(Please don't come for me cql fans. im sure I've misunderstood or posted an opinion that's utterly debatable on here. But like, also. I'm tired and I love them and I don't care.)

I have more to say about them that you'll probably get to hear at some point when we talk, but for now, they have BROKEN MY BRAIN.

Also, to all my fellow sangyao peeps: please feel free to send fic recs if you want. I am so hungry for the content.

#also do if ypu dont want to hear it do NOT ask my opinions on N*M*J* bc i have thoughts #that apparently a lot of ppl dont #and we are NOT invlusing fatal journey. a fun watch for like half the movie but also wildy out of character for everyone involved) #sangyao #cql #the untamed #meng yao #nie huaisang #I am not taking any notes on my taste level atm but thank you for fili g #also thanks to batthew for indulging me and letting me spout nonsense about my two favorite criminals in the jianghu #jin guangyao

[so-long-soldier-writes]

I have no irl friends or mutuals who are Kai Stans so I figured I’d send you an ask about it because you’re my fave Kai account. I just rewatched that episode after the merge where Kai tried to kill Liv with that candle and couldn’t bring himself to do it and I have never felt so emotionally conflicted in my life. Like on one hand, bad Kai don’t murder people. But on the other hand, he looked so genuinely upset to be wrestling with his conflicting emotions and I just wanted to hug him

Okay, first of all, I'm honored to be your fave. I feel like I say this a lot, but I'm absolutely melting!🩷Hearing that people enjoy the things I write always makes me smile, and I think about those kinds of comments on the daily. Second, I rarely answer asks this quickly; I usually write out a response over a few days and edit it over a few more, but this got me so freaking excited because I JUST watched that episode and had the same feelies you're describing. Third, I will gladly be a mutual with you, whether you want to stay on anon or not! (I am so shy and weird irl, but I love talking to people on here, especially fellow Kai stans!!) (I don't talk to anyone irl about Kai, not even my mom who's watching tvd, bc I just KNOW she's gonna be like... you like this guy? 🤨 and i'll be awkwardly trying to defend him like he's not the love of my life. also, i love my mom and we're super close, but every time she watches an episode, she needs to remind me how much she loves matt donovan 😵‍💫)

But back to the point, yes, I literally watched that same episode / scene last night! And ugh, it gives me so many different feelings, too.

We really got to see the internal struggle he was having in that moment. Earlier, he had mentioned he was writing to Jo, and that he was crying, but in this scene, we actually got to see the emotions he may have been feeling while writing it. He was already exhausted and overwhelmed from trying to astral project into 1994 to help Bonnie, which is another huge display of emotion, and now he's facing his innate need to protect himself verses a whole new slew of feelings he doesn't understand.

On top of that, I don't think he actually wanted any of his siblings dead. I think he was just so void of emotion from all his trauma and abuse that he came to believe the only way to survive was if they were to die. He is, and always will be a sociopath; there's no way to unwire his brain, but Luke's emotions gave him all these feelings he hasn't felt in decades. Part of not wanting to kill Liv was definitely Luke preventing him, but I think part of it, too, was his own feelings.

Just thinking about it… sociopathy develops around the ages of 14-16; Kai is technically 40 years old. He was completely isolated for so long, and then thrust into this loud, complicated, modern world that he doesn't understand. He still has to fight to survive; his family still hates him 18 years later. When he finally accomplishes his "task" - to survive, his family hates him even more, and, since survival equals the merge, he now has feelings to battle on top of all these other new struggles.

Then in that scene, he's trying to make up for the hurt he put his sister (Jo) through, and then Bonnie. He offers empathy to Jeremy, helping him reach Bonnie even after Liv stabs him. He's a bit puzzled on what he should feel for Liv. At the moment, she's just in his way of accomplishing these other "tasks," but Luke won't let him hurt her, and he's fighting with himself about it. And that's a lot. Luke is overwhelming him; his own emotions are overwhelming him.

He needs a hug. And a nap. Both. Personally, I wanted to jump through the screen and give him a hug, then let him fall asleep while I held him and promised to keep him safe.

He's just begging for some kind of security throughout the season. He looks to Bonnie and Damon for it, hoping the three of them can escape the prison world together; hoping he can trust them; that they won't leave him there any longer. He looks for it by merging, knowing if he wins, he secures his spot in the coven; he can't be killed. He tries to make amends with Damon, helping him find his mom, and Bonnie, trying to apologize. Even Jo; he feels sick and he goes to his sister, who's a doctor, because she knows her trade; she can help him; provide him with some clue of what's going on, because he doesn't understand. He doesn't want to be left behind on his own again. He wants someone to trust him, and trust that he's trying to be better. But that's exactly what happens when he's trapped in 1903, and then, of course, he snaps again, because he realizes no one is going to change their minds about him, and no one is going to offer the basic human needs he so desperately has wanted for decades.

If someone just gave him a freaking hug and a second chance, things would've went a lot differently for everyone involved.

It's their own fault, honestly, that the season ended the way it did, (speaking, of course, as if the writers were not writing, and that the characters chose the course of the story). Kai, I believe, is extremely intelligent, and knew exactly how to hurt every single person who directly or indirectly hurt him. He found a little bit of security in Lily Salvatore - all he really wanted - and with that little boost of confidence from the wrong person, was able to deliver absolute chaos and destruction where he deemed necessary.

But now, on a completely unrelated note, I also have three random things to say about this scene. Given the chance to talk about it, I feel I must. One, I find it absolutely hilarious how Kai and Liv throw silverware at each other almost every time they fight. The camera pans to a fork or a knife, and suddenly, it's in the other's neck. Makes me wonder how family dinners went in that household. 😅 Two, when he was pouring alcohol on her, all I could think was damn, he's just gonna set that whole mansion on fire and everyone in it. That huge, expensive, historic, mansion, just to burn one girl. Three, I also couldn't stop looking at that sadistic smile. How happy he seemed to get over the "prospect of getting to watch someone burn to death," right before he couldn't bring himself to do it. His dark eyes do something to me. And the fact that he was already covered in his own sweat and tears from, again, over-exhaustion, just had me watching with absolute heart eyes. Maybe I should go to therapy.

But yes, I feel the conflicting emotions. I really wanted him to not kill her, because I didn't want him to prove them all right. I really wanted him to be redeemed because he deserved it so much. But at the same time….. he just looked so hot doing it.

#asks #kai parker #the vampire diaries #me? going on a tangent? i'm so shocked #gjldnfdl i could talk about this boy FOREVER #loml <3

[jemmo]

ive finally become coherent enough to put together my thoughts on the our dining table ep bc yes i have been crying since thursday, but i don’t think i’ll ever be able to put into words how much i adore how they did this episode.

bc the thing is i like yutaka, of course i do. but there has been something since the first ep that has felt… idk, not off about him, imperfect maybe?? he has all this past with his family and loss and his new family that has developed into this trauma around food but also manifests into just him as a person, like he’s half naturally shy and awkward but that’s also bc of his experiences, which together makes how he acts and behaves and who he is totally ok, fine, understandable and such. but i get this a lot which perpetually shy, timid, removed characters, where I ache so much for them to step out their comfort zone, be brave, have confidence bc i not just want happiness for them but I know it’s there right in front of them for them to grab, and it gets to a point where I almost circle round to getting annoyed with them, like there’s only so much that shyness can hold you back before i as a viewer lose patience or become frustrated, which is both rich coming from me, a perceptually shy to a fault person, but is probably also me manifesting frustration at myself. all that is to say i saw yutaka slowly finding happiness with minoru and i was so happy for him, only for him to then be so unable to do anything when minoru kissed him. he saw his happiness disappearing and it hurt him and yet he just did nothing despite feeling a lot and it was sad and understandable but also kind of frustrating for me personally. i wanted to shake him by the shoulders and say “minoru is the biggest source of joy in your life so go and have it”.

but then this ep happens and you get that moment with his family, these people built up to be these people he felt uncomfortable around and unloved by, and instead you get this brother who, after some initial meaness that sprouted from jealousy, which is very understandable for any child getting a sibling, just wanted a brother, who loved him despite not getting anything back, who cared for him and tried to include him. and then the parents walk in and they’re not these cold, upper class people you imagine, they’re just smiley and cheery and happy to see a son who keeps ignoring them and not coming to see them. they don’t even broach that with any anger, they’re just happy to finally see him. and then it starts to click that when yutaka tells that story about his family, he’s the one that starts to eat alone. yes, he felt a certain way, and in no way am I annoyed or angry at him for that, but he also just removed himself in the face of it, based on something he felt, not knowing whether it was intended or not. and in his life it manifests into this bigger thing when it started as what is basically a misunderstanding, where both sides are at fault for not trying to interact and fix that break in the family. and it’s great bc you only see it, that thing I’ve been feeling under the surface, when yutaka does too. the love was always there, i just hid from it. i ran away, i isolated, i avoided. i did that. and he realises that while yes he can now start to mend the relationship with his family, he ultimately missed out on that love at that time. and now, everything he’s built up in his head bc of that is gonna be the reason he misses out on love and joy again, this time with minoru, instead now he can do something about it, and so he does.

he touches that scarf, that symbol of love that has always been surrounding him, and he runs. he fucking runs and it’s glorious.

and i could pick apart everything about that conversation on the swings, but the moment he said “i want to face it directly. you said you like me.” my god I wanted to give him a standing ovation, i wanted to rugby tackle him with pride and affection bc finally, FINALLY he is not hiding. he is facing it directly, and he says at much. and then he says it for what it is, that minoru confessed and that’s something that happened and isn’t something he wants to avoid or run away from or pretend didn’t happen. he’s not going to return to normal. he’s not going to sit by and just let life pass him by and make the decisions for him, he is finally taking control of his own happiness, bc finally he can overcome his fear that there isn’t any happiness out there for him. he knows it, he’s experienced it, this is his place, he knows it, and he’s not going to lose it. he’s not going to cower, he’s going to trust himself and believe that he is deserving of love, and also trust that the people in his life do actually love him back. he is not leaving space for miscommunication and misunderstanding like he did before, he is going for it, and all that frustration finally disappears bc not only is yutaka going for the things that make him happy, but he is also holding himself responsible and accountable, both for how he misjudged his family, but also for the things happening in his life right now. he’s letting his own decisions be the driving force in his life, and in that way letting himself be accountable for whatever happens as a result. all this time stuff happened ‘to’ him and he never saw his role in it beyond being unliked or awkward or unimportant bc he never believed had one. he didn’t see that he removed himself from his family, bc he thought his family ignored him in the first place, bc he thought he was just doing what they wanted but couldn’t say, that they didn’t want him. realising that he had some of the agency there and is partly accountable for it is such a good turning point for his character bc it perfectly opens up this path to him taking control of his life and using that control to go after joy. it’s realising i am my worst enemy bc i made everyone else into my enemy, and I have the ability to undo that.

yutaka is not just simply this nice, kind, sweet, timid man that had an unloving family at no fault of his own, instead there is so much more nuance. he is not blameless or faultless and it makes him such a more compelling character bc realising that helps him grow. he has to stop seeing the flaws that aren’t there and instead the ones there are, that’s how he can grow, and that’s how he can go about finding happiness.

i don’t know how else to say it. the show is just genius.

#our dining table #this is very much ranty but I hope you get what I’m trying to say here #and in this i wanna make a point of saying i can be annoyed at watching the characters with trauma that i love #it’s the same i kinda got with jaewon in t8s i can both completely understand where your behaviour is coming g from but also be so #frustrated that you let it hold you back and keeps you from happiness #and i can want for you to be better bc while yes it’s not in any way your fault that you have the trauma you do #and it may suck and be unfair but ultimately you’re the only one that can make your situation better #and I can get mad when you try to run away or avoid or repress bc ultimately i as a viewer want that happiness for you so bad #but more so i want you to be able to get it and that journey of that character learning how to let themselves go after that happiness is #almost more rewarding that the happiness itself #idk maybe I’m a sucker for angst and emo shit but that pursuit of happiness is such a basic human need and it’s so good in stories and I ju #and I just love to see that play out

[disabled-stuck]

HI ITS ME CHRONIC PAIN ANON BACK AGAIN... here's my thoughts on who of the human cast is Aware That They Have Chronic Pain Issues. srry ppl were discussing and im like, Wow, Time For Me In Hc Central

june's issues start to really develop and get bad post-game (in my headcanons), so for a long period of time she literally has no one to talk to about it bc she's self-isolating. she eventually tells nannasprite about it when nanna is guilt-tripping her into getting up (nanna voice: Whatever works, hoohoo!), and nanna is like. this is my only granddaughter. i will do whatever i can for her. (i love june & nanna's dynamic. could u tell.) jasprose also is like GIRL!!! You Are In Pain!!! nanna & jasprose team up of the century to get june egbert to Acknowledge Her Problems

dave NO clue NO idea WILL not talk about it. maybe EVENTUALLY tells karkat about it but i don't think she ever seeks out a diagnosis or tries to get one. hes got old ingrained trauma about seeing doctors, which is something he's trying to get over, but like, he already has 4 bajillion other things to unpack about his childhood and healthcare systems are not historically good about chronic pain, a dismissal of their symptoms might set them back in that regard. they're just homebrewing this shit for now.

rose: yeah, she knows. she doesn't talk about it in those terms, though. instead of saying "i have a horrible migraine and cannot get out of bed" she tells kanaya to text the gc that she's afflicted by the Broodfester Woes and cannot join them this evening. theyve sort of picked up by now what that means but she thinks it's funnier this way.

jade: HMMM. i think she put herself through her denial paces but actually i think going grimbark essentially caused her to not feel her chronic pain (a side effect of condy's semi-control over her body), and when she got shunted back into her body she had to face the reality where she DIDNT hurt all the time like wow thats how ppl normally feel? what the fuck????

jane: oh absolutely fucking not does not know. unlike jade, his pain got WORSE during crockertier. yet it still takes literally two decades for him to finally acknowledge that his stuff is NOT normal and the fact that her whole friend group has chronic pain doesn't help, which kind of sucks. jane voice: well sometimes i can get out of bed when i have a headache and rose can't, so clearly its not the same (as if jane doesn't force himself out of bed even when he really shouldnt!!!). roxy has to be the one to tell him.

roxy: yeah she knows it's chronic pain. she's been worried about getting cirrhosis for years, and so has been keeping up to date on her physical health as a result. she figured it out pretty quickly after a couple flareups. trickster mode made it worse for her.

dirk: hal has been telling him for YEARRRRRRRRS that his carpal tunnel is just that, carpal tunnel. and yet. AR: Dirk, if you do not take better care of yourself, you are never going to be capable of building me a body of my own. TT: 1. I'm fine. 2. I'm not building you a body anyways, so the point is moot. anyways he accepts it during the game bc he's like you know what. might as well admit it to myself. good thing, too, because it only gets worse after a couple decapitations.

jake: has pretty much always known, deep down, but like. she lives on an ISLAND. the hell is he going to do about it? no, better not to think about it. someday they'll be able to deal with it, but that day isn't today, and theres so much to do. so he represses it DEEPLY. normal action hero jake english doesn't have chronic pain, of course. she's a heroic manly lead, after all... (the deconstruction of that mindset sort of makes them acknowledge it, though.)

ANYWAYS I JUST RAMBLED AT YOU FOR A COUPLE HUNDRED WORDS HOPE U HAVE, A GOOD DAY/NIGHT/WHAT EVER

YYAYYY no you're so good nonnie thank u forever and ever

[sparkymalone]

Akefidbwidb sorry I want to yap about my kuzuhina aus they're in my head a bit too much(literally I got notes for them and others) I adore them and

So hajime is a barista and fuyuhiko comes in the bar daily bc why not it gotten to the point where hajime is excited to see fuyuhiko everyday and when he isn't he gets pretty disappointed when he does they talk half of the time and fuyuhiko takes him home when he feels like it

Fuyuhiko is a phantom thief and steals stuff for "reasons" and of course the police is hajime one day when fuyuhiko was about to steal something hajime caught him but fuyuhiko seduced him cause he can do that yk and hajime keeps trying to catch fuyuhiko but fails miserably however one day fuyuhiko came to hajime and hajime was ready to catch him until fuyuhiko gave him a necklace he stole "I grown to like you y'know?" And just flees

Hajime is an artist who wants a muse since he's dad was a muse half of his life and people got inspiration from him and hajime finds a beautiful man, fuyuhiko kuzuryu, hajime attempt asking him but would fail because fuyuhiko is always busy with other people but eventually fuyuhiko agrees and man hajime can't stop staring at him because fuyuhiko is so beautiful?! And plus fuyuhiko thinks he's pretty as well

So hajime was a regular boy until he found a bottle with golden glitter and when he opened it there was a wish maker which was fuyuhiko he had 15 wishes and a few months pasted and hajime was going to have prom and fuyuhiko was his plus one,hajime realize that he was in love with him and wished to let fuyuhiko be with him forever but he can't do that sadly so...he needs to figure something else

Kanamafu situation if you don't know kanamafu is a fanon ship between kanade yoisaki and mafuyu asahina they're in the music circle "25-ji Nightcord de" from pjsk and kanade wants to save mafuyu and kanade had grief because she believed her father's condition was because of her since mafuyu is emotionless and can't feel that much and mafuyu has family issues I don't really know how to describe them tbh but I do know that kanade wants to save mafuyu with her music mafuyu is emotionless and she forces a smile kanade knows she's hurting inside but at one point mafuyu leaves(?) her mom and moves in with kanade and they're whole relationship is still progressing for now now imagine that as kuzuhina

So fuyuhiko is a misunderstood wizard by the villagers they think he's magic is "evil" but really he's doing it to make people happy but in the end he isolates himself from people hajime was dared to go to the cabern fuyuhiko lives in he sees him and hajime actually stays and see him do his magic which makes fuyuhiko happy and hajimes friends mike and Athena thought he was dead and tried saving him but he was okay of course hajime sneaks out to see fuyuhiko without no one knowing

Fuyuhiko and hajime are dolls and figurines in a shop they can talk to each other but not to the shop owner who was makoto yep sometimes kids come in the shop makoto actually has a kid who comes in to play with them time to time the kid makes the two kiss for fun

Hajime was a curse due to a punishment made by some yokai god or sum and he was to be with a yokai all his life now the yokai was of course fuyuhiko and fuyuhiko annoys him literally every day but hajime was able to tolerate him because fuyuhiko was actually nicer then he expected and they share a bed (they probably cuddle)

"can a dragon and a raven reproduce?" Ibuki asked so I got a fantasy au which is like a little series my head been producing and the school hope's peak academy is turned into Fantajī hope academy and the characters turn into mythical creatures or fantasy creatures like ibuki is a banshi kazuichi is a shark makoto is the son of a moon god and fuyuhiko is a dragon whose the son of the dragon king(natsumi is a wyvern since they're mom is a wyvern)and hajime is a raven just a common one hajime and fuyuhiko are Inlove and they already have a establish relationship however fuyuhiko disappear after summer so hajime and the gang try saving him in a city where fuyuhiko was born :)

Sorry I was yapping about my kuzuhina aus lol I really need to share it with someone

Wow, that's a lot of AUs. You have a lot of fun ideas! Don't be sorry, I love hearing other people's ideas ❤️

[rinbowaman]

heethans reaction to y/n wearing a sexy bikini to his friends (legal line) pool party? They play truth and dare, so when’s it’s y/n’s turn, she gets a dare to sit on sunghoons lap ( with the bikini 👙 on and everything 😨) and she ends up doing it. After that, she could be given a question on which hyung line member other than heeseung woud she fuck and she says sunghoon.

And Heethans MAIN dare is to not react to any dare given to y/n, kinda like “how much until u actually snap” type stuff

I would have added more dares(her kissing sunghoon for Iike 20 seconds) but there’s no way heethan is gonna tolerate all of that 😭

imagine there was a question where if she’d rather smash sunghoon or heeseung and she said sunghoon 😱

wait but maybe heeseung waited for all the games to end and THEN made y/n face his consequences 🫣

This idea is pretty scrambled, hope its enough for a drabble:))

<3 this is very interesting, only because heethan is soooo dang posessive.....read on and you'll see how this goes down.

So sunghooon is actually already an existing character in the series (vicky's fiance) and generally i dont like to rival the members against one another bc i actually love their bond, i love writing where they're there for eachother. also, y/n....just because of how long you've already been with heethan and knowing full well how he is, you're not too bold to be outspoken or cross the line so casually. maybe if you guys weren't dating and you didn't know how much in love he is with you, then yeah, he'd have a secretive way to sabotage the whole event so that no one would touch you and that the truth or dare game would never happen (if you read the smaus of the time period before you guys were dating, through the self texts, that man has been obsessed and was willing to keep you for himself) so for this particular scenario, this is exactly how i see it going down, and since sunghoon is already a character in the series, i'll just use an OC rival male.

So lets say there's a good looking guy who's mutual friends with the group, and he happens at hte pool party, you all engage in a game of truth or dare. now.....refer to the smau...it was the april fools one.....heethan already knows the risk of you playing truth or dare may lead to certain events thats going to trigger him. remember now, he is kind and caring, but can go apeshit crazy and sadistic (ethan side) so the moment they say lets play truth or dare, he's going to reach up and place a hand on the back of your neck, just gently stroking his thumb on the side and not even say a word. you already know by his gesture, that either, you're not going to be playing or if you do, you're going to pick truth. again, you have been dating him for so long now, you know how he is and you really dont want to push him too far because someone...will get hurt. so that's how that would go.

now say you didn't play the game bc yo man had his gentle grip on you the whole entire time, but lets say the rival male was staring you down bc you look so fine in your bikini, and the group notices and they open the door to the conversation and ask you, "hey y/n...if you weren't dating Ethan, who could you see yourself with?" he'd look at you with wide eyes in a sinister amusing grin, kind of like the scary heelel pic thats in the SE7EN series, he'd look at you veeeeeery similiar to that (honestly i always pictured his ethan side to look just like heelel whenever they go beserk) and you'd probably clam up....but every reader is different so if you are the bold type and say "oh , his/name" expect to be suddenly grabbed, pulled, dragged, and taken to a very secluded spot or in his car, or even taken back home, where a very angry heethan is going to strap you down and take out his frustration out on you. trust me.....you do not want that. afterwards....he'll probably keep you locked up with him or strictly by his side and isolate you for a few days.

The whole sitting on the lap thing would never happen. no matter how i try to think of a way on how he would react...truth is.....heethan would never let it get to that point. ever. he'd take you away or having his grip on you and would occasionally squeeze to let you know to stay put or to not do anything. the man utilizes non-verbals like nobody's business.

[slasherlouvre]

What's the most memorable thing from childhood? Yes! Its mean nicknames. And You know the boys had some of the meanest nicknames at school.

Bo's would obviously be "little BO peep" vincent would def had been called "vinny" like the lacky character from the god father. But Lester! definitely had it the worst. I know vinny has half a face, but with a name like "lester" 🥺 boi was doomed. You know elementary school, he had people making nursery rhymes about him "lester, lester, who would of guessed her, has a boil, but lets it fester"

And it kinda goes with how the boys act now. Bo was nicknamed after a girl character so he has to be all MACHO now. Vinny got pushed around and probably hassled like "eyyy Vinny, imma Give ya an offer you can't refuse 👌" so he just goes with the flow of things, as long as he can do art he seems happy. but poor sweet lester. That boi got called "les,,,than human" to his face. That ball of sunshine has no idea how wonderful he is

Lester definitely brings up stories about his old "friends" from school and tells you about some of the old nicknames they gave him. you just have to stop what you're doing, and give him a hug. Lester probably tells" funny" stories that he doesn't even realize are horrifying until he looks at you and sees your stunned expression. Thankfully bo walks in halfway thru the story with "yeah. Then Me and vincent kicked their ass. We all laughed afterwards but they never did that again"

Lester deserves all the love in the world but i also wanna see more big brother! Bo and Vincent.

No bc some kids can be so damn cruel?? And this especially hurts me bc the boys were already going through so much at that time 🥲 Lester definitely deserves all the love in the world, and I can never get enough of the boy's big brother-little brother dynamic

Bo would have definitely gotten very pissed off and lashed out if anyone called him that- and to his face, no less. Talk about constant school fights with this boy. He doesn't care if he gets in trouble, he's making an example out of anyone who takes a jab at his masculinity.

Vincent just kind of ignores it/purposely isolates himself to get through the day. His biggest insecurity is his face, so anything else they may mock him for seems kind of pointless to waste his energy on, but it does eat away at him after so long if he's being honest.

I imagine Lester started out as one of those always happy kids; full of energy and laughter and constantly getting himself into some kind of trouble. The epitome of 'boys will be boys'.

Big brothers Bo and Vincent shielded him from what they could growing up in the Sinclair household. Lying to him in order to cover up for their parent's abuse where they could, and telling him wild stories to keep those innocent stars in his eyes. They did their best to distract him; encouraging him to play outside in order to avoid their parents altogether, so it's no wonder he grew up to be very outdoorsy.

I think Lester was a very eccentric kid; had a bone and rock collection, caught bugs to show them to people, a professional tree climber, a certified Louisiana swamp explorer- the whole nine yards :') Even as a boy, he was never afraid to get dirty, especially when it was so fun!

All good things must come to an end though :(

Bo and Vincent couldn't protect him from everything, and kids at school began to ostracize him when they weren't full on harassing him; the cruel nicknames, dramatically covering their noses when he walked past, shaming his interests, avoiding/ignoring him, never inviting him to anything. He shrugged it off best he could, still convinced himself they were friends, but it hurt. It all hurt like hell, and his lively smile was constantly being wiped off of him for a very long time during those years. He hid it from his brothers, willing himself to believe they didn't really mean it, but deep down he knew better- it's just too painful to confront truthfully.

Now as an adult he'll laugh, his smile wide and his laughter tense as he retells some of his childhood memories. Making fun of himself back then and mentioning all of his 'friends'. You're sure it's become a coping mechanism of sorts, but hearing the way they treated the love of your life is heartbreaking.

At first he's shocked when you begin to comfort him with plenty of physical affection and words of affirmation on the occasions he speaks about it- such gentle, loving treatment feeling so foreign when he had expected you to laugh with him or take it less seriously. It may take a good long while, but those defensive walls of his will begin to break down, and he'll start to heal properly with your love and care.

Bo and Vincent hate hearing him mention any of it, it makes them feel like they failed to protect him- especially Bo. So they always try to adjust the focus of those memories to how his big brothers sure took care of those assholes!; Wanting him to forget everything else 💔

#house of wax #bo sinclair #vincent sinclair #lester sinclair #self insert stuff #anon #nrambles #reply post

[heartburstings]

in my mind bapo is in the late 90s/early 2000s bc if it took place now it wouldn't be as believable for me. i don't mean like "oh this would never happen" or that the message is only valid in that specific time frame. but also that late 90s/early 2000s is a really specific, like... it's that context, for me, which gives a lot of the never-spoken-always-heard-ness of the show. that marriage was only legal in one state, and obviously it wasn't their own; that there wasn't any representation--i mean, there was, but it's dubious if peter or jason had ever heard of them; that there was even any support that they knew of, surrounded only by dubious-but-better-to-be-safe options. for years, since they met and fell in love. of course that felt like forever to peter. of course anytime would feel too soon for jason. of course.

like, i don't mean to water down the pervasive homophobia that still exists today, in churches, in private schools (that kids have to Dorm In!), but we've come so far, really, and there is solace in an online community where there isn't in a private school that's known to be homophobic.

(institutionally anyway; nothing to say of the students themselves. my cousin goes to a private college that is quite never-spoken-always-heard itself, but there was a sorority/secret gsa where the greek letters literally spelled "GAY." they weren't found out for just about decades, iirc. but then they came out as a sort of protest and got shut down... of course the community is still there, and she found it quite quickly. if there is support you look for the signs. but still, still, you are hidden. and it is not as if peter and jason--if there was such a group at their small, tight-knit high school--would have known how to look for it, would have known what to look for, and how to be certain. at that time, homophobia was more acceptable (duh-doy), and as such, more casual and obvious, pervasive, ingrained. no wonder jason is homophobic. i would have no surprise if they didn't even consider the possibility of anyone else in school being queer... i often wonder how they came to come out to each other. how much they would have trusted each other already. to have your one confidant to be your lover, and for only you two to know. no wonder they are so close... no wonder they broke up, while still loving each other so deeply, knowing each other as irreparably well as they did. oh shit i'm digressing. anyway.)

so, here we have two gay teens on their own, who are the only real live queer people they know. they were so isolated. they became even more so when they broke up, and it says so much about how and why it happened, how deeply hurt and betrayed peter felt, when he cut jason off so thoroughly as to not even talk to him for a passing conversation in the hallway, when they used to be fucking desperate for even a fucking second in that hallway.

i don't know. i don't want to romanticize it, and if i am i don't mean to. but there's something about that isolation that makes it hit so much harder for me. the conversation they have in best kept secret, where jason urges peter to trust that time will be kind, and that he later loses trust in it... it makes more sense to me in that context, than it would have been if it took place now, when we have made so much progress that it's easier to trust in. it's still not easy or certain, but certainly we've come rather far.

although maybe i am biased because i get spiralingly upset whenever someone is flippant and dismissive of jason's concerns as if he is stupid for doubting the world and much more faithful in homophobia than he is in god, that he is idiotic for thinking that comphetting was his best option, that he is human and flawed and makes mistakes and wrongs people as a byproduct of wronging himself and can still be a victim all the same because at the end his regret and his self hatred and his fear kills him, and then he gets mocked for it. and so maybe my opinion about when bapo takes place is really more about my love and despair for jason and wanting more sympathy for him (as far as i can see/tell), and real people who made the same decisions as him, than it is about whatever contextual meaning that time provides.

anyway. about the timeframe (not the timeline i love you guys but i do not want timeline discourse again it hurts me every time i see it. i love it and i love each date that's sleuthed out but it hurts me and it has to hurt you guys too right? isn't it stressful to do all that time math??? all the time?? love yourselves. i love you.), what do you guys think of it? while the script never changes and the year is never spoken of, in my mind, the productions are always reflective of when they were performed. i can't help it, i really do think jason and peter are much more visibly/realistically concerned about the people around them in "you and i" in, say, 2004, than they are in like, 2016. they feel more tangible to me. but also i am limited and kind of petty. does time affect the story/production for you guys?

#wynn speaks #bare: a pop opera #gonna be honest though matt is always equally oblivious and homophobic in all of them for me. idk why #he's like. timeless. there's a guy who is exactly like matt in every year for all of history i feel. #guy who really wants to be the best ever at being a guy in society and is super jealous of other guy who is good at being a guy in society #he's like ah yes the problem is with guy in society and not society #that's where i shall put my efforts! #bare analysis

[russilton]

Hello, seeing all of the redbull au stuff on my dash again has me wondering! I know that Alex/George’s relationship is going to be different from what you have said but what about George’s other friendships? Is he still friends with Lando or Charles? Is anyone in his corner? I don’t know you opinions on Lando but I always think that the Lando/George friendship in fanfictions is really sweet! <3

Just curious :)

I have like eight asks about Zandvoort and strategy to answer…. So I wrote this up instead! Come get y’all Red Bull AU juice!

Red Bull au masterpost

Long ass post (2.4k whoops) and Red Bull George AU Spoilers under the cut

So I was kinda umming and ahhing on how to phrase this answer so I’m going to try and split it into his relationships per driver. This obviously isn’t all of the grid. Not even I can manage to go into that much detail (trust me, I tried)

But first an overall summary: Redbull George doesn’t have friends. By choice. He’s not like our good real boy George; sweet, well rounded, friendly. His entire life is the race track. He doesn’t date, he doesn’t twitch stream, he doesn’t golf. When he’s off the track he’s training, sleeping, or just keeping to himself. Redbull expects perfection, if he wants that seat (and he’s never wanted anything more) then he has to show up and ace every single race to the best of his ability. Like many abusers, they isolate him on purpose. Without a support network there’s no one to tell George to leave.

He did briefly have some fairly close friendships within the red bull academy, but they fell apart for various reasons.

Pierre

George and Pierre were briefly friendly back in 2017 when he was still at Torro rosso and George was driving in GP3. They mostly only interact through the team, but pierre knows how to be friendly and George is still a little in awe of the whole f1 thing. When Pierre is kicked from RB embarrassingly in 2019, George is sympathetic… but he wants a seat. He’s won his rookie gp3 AND f2 series, and frankly George thinks he’s more than worthy of the seat, he’s more qualified than the other juniors. But when he and Alex drive TR together in 19, and he backs off Alex more than once, as his friend, more about that later. Pierre will have been shamed by marko and co about people who can potentially replace him, and George would have been shown right up there arguing why he should have it over Gasly. Gasly is hurt and avoids George out of anger and some betrayal. George feels bad, but that’s the cost of racing.

Alex

Alex and George have been close for a long time. Both brits, both fighting hard to get where they are. Alex is a little older than George and for a long time he’s basically George’s only friend in the sport. When it comes for Alex to take Pierre’s spot in RB George is… disgruntled but accepts it. He feels selfish for thinking he’s out performed Alex, but there’s something that sits annoyingly in his gut when helmut tells him they chose Alex bc he had a spark George didnt. George expects Alex to come to his defence, say that George was just being a good teammate, he’s not soft. But Alex says nothing, too scared of the embarrassment of following Pierre’s horrific exit with his own. However understandable, he hangs George out to dry. And George realises that when it comes to getting into RB’s seat there are no friends.

Which is exactly what RB wants, it wants ruthless drivers and doesn’t particularly care if they get on, think Seb and Webber. When they see George’s withdrawal from Alex is making him harder and more serious, they know to encourage that. That means keeping Alex for 2020 even when George has been far more consistent. A 3rd seat switch in 2019 makes them look disorganised. And Alex isn’t bad. In order to cultivate George’s ruthless distrust, Alex gets another year and George is told they need to see more from him. At that point their friendship is dead in the water. George’s sole focus is his race craft. Alex is too busy buckling under the RB pressure to care how George feels. They’re walking directly into abuse 101, red bull intentionally separating them from friends and family, only letting them focus on racing.

Max

As much as it pains me to say, Max and George are friends for a while. They aren’t close by any means, it’s closer to work affiliates. But Max is at least somewhat cunning, and he knows that RB are sizing George up for the seat with him, and it will benefit him to make sure George is on his side early. He and George don’t exactly hang out outside of work, but on race weekend if he finds time to speak to George during driver parades and press conferences, that’s his business. When he sees what George is doing with the AT car, and looks to see how Alex is following the same route as Pierre, he makes sure to hint to George that if he keeps those performances up, the 21’ seat could be his. Max thinks George should be a lot more impressed with him than George is. A lot of red bull juniors see max as the blueprint, hired young and lorded by his team, but George just sees him as competition. They’re politely friendly till George is well settled in the RB seat, it’s good PR after all, but as George becomes a threat to him Max is less and less okay with George’s lack of awe. When George is ignoring Max’s praise in order to go and bother Lewis, then starts to threaten Max’s points total, that’s a problem. He doesn’t directly suggest red bull breaking George, but he sure as shit doesn’t stop it, that little British queer should get in line, Max has a championship to win.

Yuki

I kinda forgot about Yuki for a while. I can't lie, because he’s not so easy to fit into the red bull villain team narrative around George, and because I can’t hate Yuki. He’s just a lil badass dude! But I think I’ve settled on George not really thinking about him much? This isn’t to be mean to him, George is just utterly focused on his seat. He’s seen the churning of the RB junior program himself, yuki will either sink or swim in the AT sea. If he sinks, it’ll be a shame, the guy seems nice, but it’s not George’s problem. If he swims, then he’s a threat to George’s position, and George will have to eye him carefully. I’m not kidding when I said the RB atmosphere is toxic.

By the time George is taking his own rose tinted glasses off, seeing how the team is crumbling, he worries for Yuki. Pierre is looking around at getting himself out, as is Alex, but Yuki still wants George's seat. George doesn’t feel like he knows him well enough to warn the guy, but when he leaves he catches Pierre’s eye. There's still a lot of unspoken apologising to happen between them still, but George hopes Pierre will warn Yuki.

Norris

Lando… look I won’t lie, I am not a massive fan of Lando irl and that affects how I write him, similar to how I am with Max or Perez etc. I used to like him under pure British bias, but with the way he acts around George, his laddish banter personality and the fact he writes for a Terfy Tory paper… I’d just rather not have anything to do with the guy. He may be able to ignore how the paper treats trans folk but I don’t get to. So fuck that.

George and Lando are friends for a while. Shared nationality and the fact they’re often competing in the same series mean George and Lando are around each other often. It’s sort of like how you are friends with guys in highschool you stop talking to as soon as you go to uni because most of your friendship was based on proximity. When George gets into the RB junior program, he has to get serious, and Lando mocks him for it. George shakes it off as Lando being Lando, but then they’re competing in F2 and Landos barbs get more and more jealous and pointed. George doesn’t have time for it, if Lando wants to be bitter George is kicking his ass, that’s his problem. He doesn’t have time to humor Lando saying he has a stick up his ass for RB, nor his jabs at George’s choices to eat salad to stay in RB’s weight limit when he gets to eat burgers. Poor Alex is stuck between them, and eventually gives up on trying to make them get along. George beats Lando to the F2 championship and they stop talking.

Other rookies (Charles, Nicky, Lance, Esteban, Mick etc)

George doesn’t really know any of them well, and doesn’t have a reason to change that. He doesn’t stream, he doesn’t party much, he doesn’t relax with other drivers. He’s politely cordial with all of them but doesn’t really seek them out as friends. George is… aloof at the best of times too, most of them have seen him change with his junior signing and leave him to it. George is a fuckin dick to get past on track but never outright dangerous, he’s confident but not mean to the press.In a sense George is very isolated in a way nobody really notices because why would they?

2022 - Mercedes George

Sebastian and Valtteri

When George goes to Merc, everything changes. The only thing he has to come with him is Lewis. But Lewis introduces him to new people, and those new people sort of reintroduce old ones.

Mainly, Bottas and Vettel, both Lewis’ close friends, drivers that the year before George had considered it important to beat. Seb is Red Bull's prior golden child, George measured himself up against Seb often. And Valtteri is the person George was hired to beat, he’s a little ashamed to think about how often he looked down on Bottas, who did end up beating him in the championship standings anyway. Both of them are also, as mentioned, Lewis’ close friends, and they welcome George with open arms. It’s not exactly a hug-a-thon, but Valtteri is grounding and protective. He gave Lewis the blessing to bring George to Merc and George is aware of that, he almost expects Val to lord it over him, or be bitter, but Val is neither. Instead he’s quietly supportive, he takes George to the side when he visits Lewis and helps George learn the names of his new engineering team, people Lewis doesn’t even necessarily know well. In the paddock he’ll quietly put himself between George and Red bull team members. It’s ridiculous, he’s so much smaller than George, but it makes part of him feel a little safer even if he doesn’t want to admit it. George often feels so alone without Lewis around other drivers, he spent so long coldly avoiding them, now he feels slightly outcast in this new threatening black race suit. He can’t help but read into how they look at him, or through him. But Val gives him a friend, even if he teases George about his bambi legs and willingness to sleep with Lewis Hamilton (Val has seen Lewis in the sauna, he’s not sure if George is brave or insane for willingly taking that)

With Seb, George isn’t as close as he is IRL, at least at first. George isn’t part of the GPDA, though he may end up taking up that roll later in the au, and he avoids Seb on track because it’s all he can stand to hear some days about how much Christian misses Seb, Sebastian is the boots they want him to fill, and something in that makes his back itch. When he leaves Red Bull, he wants to ask Seb about it. If he knew how bad it was. In the end seb finds him, sits down next to George and asks him how bad it was. Lewis had let hints through but George’s trauma is his to tell. When George tells him, Seb nods, and tells George the team has changed. There was something good in them, a long long time ago. But Seb had been offered George’s eventual seat in 2020, before he signed with Aston, and even with an improving car he could tell something wasn’t right with them. He ended up turning Christian down of course. He muses to George that his gut was right, and he wished he could have warned George back then. George points out he probably wouldn't have listened. They laugh it off, but in the end George finds someone to talk about Redbull with, in a way that Lewis and Val don’t get. Seb also tells him teasing stories about Lewis that Val pitches in for, and it makes George’s gut roll happily to hear them.

Slowly George tries to mend some of his old friendships. It’s not smooth sailing by any means, he, Pierre and Alex have a lot to work out. But at the same time, shared trauma bonds guys, and Lewis encourages George to spend time with them when he’s comfortable. Lewis comes a lot too, he gets on with Pierre and Alex is nice enough, if it helps George relax a little, it can’t hurt.

With those two come a lot more possible new friends. Pierre introduces George to his Boyfriend Charles, Charles brings Mick. Alex brings Nicky, who is friendly and laughs with George. Val and Seb bring their friends and teammates, Daniel, Zhou, Stroll and nyck, who in turn introduce him to Esteban and co. It’s not easy, George doesn’t fall into buddy-buddy with them, he’s still George. But he can joke with them during race weekends, press conferences are a less hellish endeavour. They invite him to things and sometimes he even goes. He’s still learning to manage that part of him that distrusts all of this, tries to learn to separate drivers from the track.

If I were to guess who George ends up closest to, it may end up being Pierre. It’s not my normal choice necessarily (nothing against Pierre, I just think Williams George is closer to Nicky and Charles) but in this au they’re both a little weathered and haunted by RB. Pierre is calmer than a lot of the other young drivers, it makes George feel less jumpy and nervous, and his dry wit matches Georges own. Besides, when there’s an awkward silence, one of them can make a joke about some weird shit Max used to do and share a laugh.

(Additional note: I’ve decided it’ll probably work best if Georges physio at RB is hired by the Team. He returns to and rehires Aleix when he moves to Mercedes’ and they make it clear he’s free to hire who he wants, much like Lewis hires Angela not the team)

#britcedes #gewis #4463 #mark’s fic tag #asks #anonymous #redbull george au #anti red bull #anti max verstappen #anti lando norris #for safety

[cheemken]

Body swap au thoughts

Imagine Leon actually asking Drasna if he could stay with her tho, bc he doesn't like staying at the League, it's so quiet and lonely and isolating and he fucking hated it

And Drasna was happy ofc, it's Diantha in her eyes, and she was always waiting for the day her dear daughter would come back home. "Let's invite Augustine too! I'm sure he'd be happy to have dinner with us again!" And she called in Augustine. For Leon it was easy to fool them, he was just thinking it's both his mother and his brother he was talking to

So they were at Drasna's house now, it was,, it was quaint, yknow, but even tho he has never step foot in it until now, it felt so welcoming. Ofc, bar the random dragon skulls and horns on the walls, that creeped him out. So hey, Drasna told him to make himself at home again, as it was his home. No, that wasn't his home, ofc it wasn't; it was Diantha's home. Drasna had told "Dia" she still has her spare clothes in her room, Leon doesn't know where her room was, but if there's anything he learned abt Diantha during their Champion meet ups, she loved the dark, her room would always be at the far end of the hall, where the darkness lies. And he was right.

He opens the door to the room, to his surprise it was a farcry from her room at the League. Her room here was messy, RioluMan and LucarioMan posters were on the wall, along with numerous other posters of different action movies, some he knew were musicals (Hop and Gloria loves listening to musicals too). There were a ton of paper on her desk, books and even journals, even had a figurine of LucarioMan sitting idly next to what he assumed was a script for one of her films. It was,,, it was weird,, seeing Diantha's room like this. To be so messy and cluttered and littered with pieces of media he never thought she'd actually like. She really hid a lot about herself from them.

He yelped when Drasna suddenly appeared, standing next to him, saying "I didn't touch your things here, my dear, I know how much you love your organized chaos, as you'd say," she chuckled at that, shaking her head, "you and your brother are so alike, but perhaps I'm to blame, Arc knows how many bones are lying around here in our house too," she laughed at her little joke, or Leon wanted to believe it was a joke because what the fuck does she mean there are more bones lying somewhere within the house—

But hey yeah, Augustine finally arrived, and Drasna was so happy to have both her kids back home, and she started preparing dinner. "I'll be making your favourite, dears! Oh this is exciting, you two are back home again!" She said, while heading to the kitchen. Which left him w Augustine, and he was nice, he was easily excitable too, he said he missed her, he rambled on abt his own studies, even his own hijinks w his assistants. Leon's heart ached. He reminds him of Hop.

And finally they had dinner, Drasna and Augustine were talking, the food was great, but there's smth gnawing him at the back of his mind. There's this painful feeling that's eating him from within, as he took bite sized pieces of his food, the conversations between the other two being inaudible in his ears. What is this feeling. He didn't realized he spaced out until Drasna gently tapped his arm.

"Dia my dear, is everything alright?"

"yeah, you've been really quiet, it's weird."

Its weird. How was it weird? She was usually quiet during their meetings, so she must be outside of it too right? Well,, probably not. If her room was anything to go by, she hid a lot abt herself.

Then he looked at them, the both of them, Diantha's family. And finally it sunk in on him. Guilt. It was the guilt. Drasna had mentioned it has been a while since they've last been together, and it finally dawned in on him. And Arceus did it fucking hurt. That feeling of guilt, that he's the one here with them, her family, and not her. That somewhere in Postwick, in his own home, she's there, pretending that who she's having dinner w is her own family, and not his. It's the guilt of having to experience the mundane atmosphere of being home first, it's the guilt that she couldn't even be with her family just yet.

But he tried to smile, as best as he could, no matter if his hands were trembling, "I'm fine, don't worry!" He said, hopefully it was reassuring, "it's just nice being with you two again.."

#your honour they make me so so so fucking insane i swear cbdnxbdm #just cndmnfmd #ough™ #OUGGHHHH CBXMCBXMNCMDN #they have so many things in common man omf im just chdnfjdm #*sobs* #screaming crying throwing up abt leon and dia dynamics cndmdn #body swap au

[chans-room]

Assign an idol to the song and explain why

A. DK

B. Key

C. Jeonghan

D. Changbin

E. Mingi

Killing in the Name

You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison

Brain Stew

Come Out & Play

Hump de Bump

And yes, I am still waiting to hear about YOUR Saltburn au

I’m sorry this took SO long Luce 🫡 I meant to just pair songs and people and explain why but then bc I am ✨mentally ill✨ I started brain fic-ing (can you tell I came from the era of song fics?)

also the saltburn au is coming I’ve just been possessed by demons and I’m writing too much now

Killing in the Name - Jeonghan

Okay so I will admit im not the most adept at svt but im getting there!! And Jeonghan has always given me Lowkey anarchist vibes + social non-conformity in a way. But as for the fic concept: sorta apocalypse au? where you happen to meet the young revolutionary Jeonghan and fall in love with him while overthrowing the corrupt government. You both struggle to stay alive and stay together while on the run and doing your most to help create real change in the world. Unfortunately, you both die for the cause but you are venerated like saints by the revolution and your friends rebuild the world in your honor. 🫡 Love that for you.

Brain stew - Mingi

Brain Stew is actually one of my fave Green Day songs, and it unfortunately gives me Mingi vibes. I know he’s no stranger to depression central. So my initial thought was college au where Mingi gets overwhelmed by everything halfway through the semester and kinda ✌🏼 dips ✌🏼 on all his obligations, and his friends, and pretty much everything. He feels really alone and isolated and ends up in some community servers where he’s anonymous, not necessarily talking or trying to reach out but interacting here and there. But he ends up really connecting with someone who he lets in, and they end up encouraging him to take better care of himself, to seek help, and to really start living again. He recovers from his depressive episode and starts to thrive. Really just Mingi centric hurt/comfort vibes ☹️❤️

Come Out and Play - Changbin

Okay this one was kinda hard, but the vibe of the song was very Changbin to me. So it’s giving like opposite sides of basically a mafia war, and Changbin is caught in that cycle of violence. You try to convince him that it doesn’t need to be like this, that there are no real differences between him and this supposed enemies, and to help him see the pointlessness of the violence but he can’t see it until it’s too late. Ambiguous ending that flashes forward to a funeral — is it his or is it yours? No one will ever know. Wow this is suddenly giving R+J lmao

Hump De Bump - DK

I love songs about fucking lol the vibe reminds me of like a 1950s au where high school kids go to the popular makeout spots to fuck and keep getting caught by cops or parents or priests lol and you and him have to carefully evade all those adults in order to fool around in peace. Super light hearted and kinda rebellious and fun, exactly what I think of when I think of DK 🖤

You Know What They Do To Guys Like Me In Prison - Key

Songs about crime and questioning your sexuality while ruminating on the inevitability of death? ✨Key vibes. ✨ The fic would focus on him in prison, navigating the fear and hopelessness while struggling with his attraction to a new friend/fellow inmate and wondering if that means all the crimes he’s committed getting to prison were in vain bc he did them to get his lover back from the dead. But he ends up lighting the prison on fire and sacrificing himself to fill his quota. No one knows if he succeeded in bringing them back or if he was reunited with them in death.

#answered asks #fic concepts #jeonghan svt #key shinee #dk svt #changbin skz #mingi ateez #minttangerines

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hi, please call me yuna. this might be too long so i'm going to split this into 2 asks, i hope that's okay tw's: suicidal thoughts and attempt, general abuse, some detailed descriptions of physical abuse. i just want to vent out and i feel i'm in desperate need of advice. for some info i've been raised by a single dad since i was 14, turning 18 this sept. my dad was never really physically abusive, and he barely insulted my mom. but he had a really hard time regulating his emotions it seems and he couldn't express himself. he was very distant from both my mom and i. so she probably found someone better and left. with me, he was very emotionally unavailable and there was little affection between us, so i conclude my parents had an unhappy marriage. i don't know what caused him to be the volatile dad he is with me. we had eventual arguments and it started with a basic slap as 'discipline'. it escalated overtime. going to dragging me out of my room and beating me until i quite literally passed out. one of my worst memories consists of when he went a 'little too far' and had to take me to the hospital. he forced me to come up with a story where i was targeted by delinquents and how we were pressing charges which was absolute bs. nobody questioned this shit. not even my neighbours. not people who i considered friends. we're barely in contact w relatives. all of this happened during covid, so in complete isolation. all the worst memories took place during covid. i have very, very mixed emotions about him. i know he had a hard childhood, but in the end, he has never apologized for anything. but i think, all these years, he feels guilty, just doesn't know how to express it. like after hitting me, he'd cook for me, try to give me space, even when i fell sick (ironically, from his physical abuse) he took care of me, but he has not once directly apologized. so i can't help but feel it's all superficial. how else would he have the audacity to ask him how i'm feeling as i limped around the fucking house bruised and swollen bc of what HE did? thing is he has a perfect exterior. he earns well, has a great lifestyle and is respected by people. nobody will question him because how can a single dad that provides his kid so much comfort ever be abusive? will continue the rest in my next ask, please reply however comfortable.

His perfect exterior almost fooled me too. He'd try to make good of birthdays, compliment me on good grades, if i asked for something, he'd usually just provide it, but within a day or two i'd be back to being his punching bag. around 2020, i had a suicide attempt a day after he hurt me really badly. my memory around this is fuzzy. i vaguely recall looking at my bruised face and within a few seconds i stopped thinking rationally. i had been showing very visible signs of being in a highly unstable mental headspace, even vocally expressing suicidal thoughts, but it was always dismissed, obviously met with more abuse, and a simple "stop saying such things". he never took them seriously. i'm going to sound really crazy, but i'm glad i did try, or atleast attempt to kill myself, because i saw him express some genuine emotion for me for the first time in years during that. i wonder if i did that out of spite, or if i just had enough. in short, there were complications, he was never charged bc of red-tape procedures, CPS failed me due to 'lack' of evidence and i didn't admit anything nor did he (now that it think of it, i can't believe i never took pictures of the abuse.), and i ended up home again. i've been on meds since that. as for dad, he didn't change as much i thought he would. he didn't lay a hand on me for months, but he wasn't very emotionally supportive, even once asking me why i attempted. you'd think he'd change for his daughter's sake, but i don't think he ever will, fully. there was no all out abuse like there used to be after the attempt, but he still occasionally hit me. when i graduated HS, i told him i wanted to move out, which he did not oppose, this surprised me a lot bc i thought he'd try to hold me back. i'm not sure how to feel about this, and what it means. he texts me sometimes, trying to pretend to care. till date, there is no apology. no explanation for everything. i've been a straight A, well-behaved, and all of it was excused by 'you were troublesome and i simply disciplined you.' here's where i need the advice. even when i'm out now, i don't feel safe. even after my attempt, every time he spoke to me it felt like his fist was hitting my face again. every time he talks to me about remotely anything i feel as if he's driving his knee into my stomach again. i struggle a lot with some sensory issues. my face and head start to hurt, i'm all dizzy and there are sharp pains that run down my ribs and everything. i'm not sure what this is and wud like advice on it. but i suppose it could be depression/ptsd or wtv. i constantly think of cutting him off, but tbh, i'm very, very scared. i'm still scared of him. i'm scared that i stand to lose a chance at building a genuine relationship w him. i made very little friends throughout the years and pushed them all away. he's my only family & support system. i truly want to believe he's trying his best, but i just can't. it's like losing everything i know. even as i'm out of that house, i just can't get to sleep because of the constant nightmares and waking up randomly soaked in sweat. i think i feel very detached and numb from my emotions, i realize i can't express much, either. i fear i'm becoming like him, and i don't like it at all. to conclude, nobody around me currently knows of the abuse. anyone who does has excused it. i'm not suicidal now, but i don't know how long i can keep all of this bottled up, and who would even believe such a perfect man like my dad could do something so horrendous. i'm going to try my best to keep myself together. someone needed to know all of this, and i feel i can express it here. thank you for building such a safe place. i sincerely apologize for the long asks.

Hi yuna,

I'm so sorry about everything you've been through. Please know that none of this is your fault and it takes a lot of strength to come this far so you deserve to be proud of yourself. It can feel impossible to deal with an abusive parent, especially with experiences like yours, and it makes sense to have a complicated relationship with him because of that.

People who fail to acknowledge that your father is capable of abuse and has abused you obviously aren't seeing the full picture. It's not your fault if someone asks something so naive like how a single dad that provides his kid so much comfort could ever be abusive. The answer is complex because so is the situation.

i can honestly see why you were glad you attempted suicide, because it finally seemed to get the attention from your father that you haven't seen in years. But perhaps it's also worth reflecting on the fact that it seems to take a suicide attempt for your dad to show that he cares about you. You deserve so much better than that.

It's common as a survivor to worry that you'll become your abuser, but its important to remember that this worry is the exact reason why you won't. Experiencing normal trauma responses and PTSD symptoms such as feeling disconnected with your emotions doesn't necessarily mean you'll become abusive either.

Regarding the dizziness and pains, I'm not too sure what it could be and I ultimately recommend asking for the advice of a doctor and/or a mental health professional. It could be the way panic or anxiety physically manifests, and it could also be something more medically concerning, so getting a professional's opinion would be best.

Unfortunately it would be unlikely to be able to build a genuine relationship with him because even if it were entirely healthy, the reminders of his unaddressed abuse and the trauma that you live with as a result are inevitably going to remain at the back of your mind. As much as you deserve a healthy relationship with your father, you don't deserve to have any kind of relationship with an abusive father who has never taken accountability. Even if you continued to have some relationship with him, it would likely be superficial and surface level, which to some degree it already seems to be. It makes sense not to be comfortable being closer to someone who has hurt you so deeply and consistently, even if that person is your dad.

Please know that you're not alone, and we are here for you if you need anything. I hope I could help, and please take care.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #yuna #trauma details #tw sui #tw sh #tw self harm #tw emotional abuse

[andiwriteordie]

hi im back bc i have more songs and also bc that mike song was so good what the hell, you always have the perfect songs for everyone how do you do that 😭 the line about wanting to back to the basement with friends....im okay im okay 😭😭

okay so i was listening to a Different of monsters and men album on my way to work this morning and kept getting schmacked with st relatable songs so! the first song is this which was giving me STRONG mike and max vibes. the theme of "im always fucking up and im sorry im sorry im sorry i wish i could take it all back" but still holding onto their heart??? YEAH. the song applies in different ways to them too, where mike has been mean and unintentionally (and intentionally) cruel to will and el and even lucas, but also where max has all this guilt and shame and pulls away from all her friends, i feel like she'd have even more guilt after s4, like all of this is her fault bc she didnt open up, and also bc she kept pushing lucas away and hurting him. :(

the second song is a WILL BYERS TM song, it's so s2 coded when he's slowly getting posessed by the mindflayer. i love that you can also look at it as a s5 concept where he gains control or works with the mindflayer too! the song fits so perfectly in such a poetic way im actually obsessed. like how its growing colder, how its surrounding him and isolating him, and how he sees himself through someone else! AHHHH

okay final song (for now lol) feels like an El song!! It doesn't have a whole lot of lyrics but there's so much in the subtext and especially with the instrumentals that build and build throughout the song (i seriously love this song it makes me go nuts you have to Listen to this one to rly get what i mean!!). You could also argue it as a willel song but personally I find it such an El song 🥺 the thousand eyes of her dead siblings, of papa, of all her friends, of the government agents that want to kill/use her, etc. just being watched and waited on and always a spectacle in some way, but still finding that strength inside her to fight back against everyone trying to hurt and use her. I could even see the lyrics describing the abuse she went through, her remaking, to use her powers for their own benefits and hunt Henry down...man. the "undo this storm" to "i am the storm"?? WOOF.

anyway thats all I have for you today!! btw im so glad you get so much joy out of our interactions ur gonna make me cry 🥺😭 theres nothing like bonding over music that just fits the blorbos so perfectly djcksjxks

emmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaa (i wanted to actually type emmugghhhhhh because that is the pathetic little sound i'm making because these songs are killing me)!!!

organs:

excuse me what is WRONG WITH YOU? this line is right here? it's so max and mike coded: So I take off my face because it reminds me of how it all went wrong. i have this mike fic that i'm writing (sorta. i'm taking a break from it right now lol) that this is reminding me of so much.

also though this song is giving me such will vibes as well! and actually just byler vibes, and i think it's because of this section right here.

So I take off my face

Because it reminds me of how it all went wrong

(a mike line because i just think he has such a negative sense of self-perception, and this section reminds of mirror imagery for some reason so it ALSO then reminds me of the depressing scene with will at the end of s1 in his bathroom and having a moment where he's staring in the mirror.)

And I pull out my tongue

Because it reminds me of how it all went wrong

(mike lines. mike regretting the harmful things he's said to so many people and the guilt just eating him up!!!)

And I cough up my lungs

Because they remind me of how it all went wrong

(now this right here are a couple of will lines!!! i was talking about something unrelated with /messrsbyler and kinda stumbling into imagery with breathing and how that ties into the ways vecna has harmed will - i.e. the vine, the mind flayer entering through his mouth and eyes and ears, and then will 2x describes the feeling of the mind flayer as making him unable to breathe? yeah all of this just like is giving me so many feels.)

And I leave in my heart

Because I don't want to stay in the dark

(and this right here. i leave in my heart is will right now as of s4, because mike is his heart. he holds on close to mike and refuses to let go, even in all the turmoil of their friendship, because he recognizes that mike is his light if we wanna use max's metaphor!! and obviously we're gonna see mike realize will is heart too and that will is his light and he's going to come out of the darkness of his shame and insecurity and guilt and DAMN IT I AM SO EMOTIONAL AND THIS IS ONLY SONG 1.)

black water:

oh okay. emma get out of my house right now. unfriended. what is WRONG WITH YOU? HUH? WAS THAT NECESSARY? WAS IT?

the rain imagery? (*cries in castle byers*) i see myself through someone else? (*cries in will losing his autonomy and control over self in s2*) also just like the lines about it becoming colder wtf wtf wtf why is this so will i'm upset now

this is also fuel for my avatar/stranger things brain rot so THANKS FOR THAT?

thousand eyes:

excuse me you were so sick for this

Flowers that lose their shape

I lie awake and watch it all

there's just. such a melancholy and a heaviness to this song. which just hurts me even more because then i think about how all el wants is just to be a normal teenage girl. she just wants to go to the mall and spend time with her best friends. and this song just screams to me like, "no, i know what i have to be for everyone else, and i feel the heaviness and the ache of that" which is so so el. i love this. and just like how the song builds in intensity mirroring how much pressure is placed on her as the storyline grows and grows? GAH I CAN'T. also literally yes to EVERYTHING YOU SAID IT'S SO SO GOOD.

also YES I'M SO GLAD THAT WE DO THIS. THERE'S NOTHING BETTER THAN FINDING NEW BLORBO MUSIC AND SHARING IT WITH PEOPLE!!!

may i offer you an el song in return? i have so so so many thoughts on this song so i want to hear all of yours!!!!

#andi's asks #emma and andi's playlist #<- new tag! everyone cheered

[asakamasanobu]

a few days ago i was doing one of those “which x are you?” quizzes for fun and when i say fun i don’t mean the actual process of choosing questions bc 90% of the time it’s pop culture that the mf living under a rock (me) has no clue about or 10 extremely lengthy options that i do not particularly relate to but then have to decide which one resonates with me the most when none really do and that’s not really all that fun but !!! but there was one question that asked “what do you want to know right now more than anything else” and the moment i saw it i answered right away without any hesitation. and it really stayed with me bc it’s one of the rare times a silly little quiz has an option that completely resonates with me, and that is “to know if i’m on the right track”

“girl where are you going with this what does this have to do with your BL interests” SO MUCH ACTUALLY last year i was a wreck and didn’t know how i was to go about living my life as the person i am without hurting myself and others in the process of it and that’s when i met asaka. his way of living and loving gripped me with such force, it awed me and humbled me and inspired me and told me there was a way ahead. that you needed to focus on yourself and becoming a better person first, to be alone and be comfortable with being alone and to never let your feelings overwhelm and inhibit the people you love. it’s kind of a wack way of doing things too but it’s what made him strong and kind and beautiful and i wanted to emulate those traits of his that i didn’t have. and that’s why i’ve been able to get up and walk forward until i no longer felt the hole in my heart.

but even then i don’t know if this really is the right path for me because . like i said it’s a wack ass way of doing things and sometimes in retrospect i think about him and i’m like oh my god what the fuck are you doing !!!!!! you’re just hurting yourself loving like this !!!!!!! stop it stop isolating yourself and repressing your feelings and prioritising others first !!!!!!!!! and i see the world changing so fast in front of me and even though the same pain that would’ve dealt a lethal blow now only deals a numb ache i still wonder if i’ve grown at all .... if putting on a strong front like asaka does will ever transform into true strength from within

but then yesterday i read the asaka bits of vol 4 again and cried so much .. i even hyped myself up to finally read his rejection scene and i saw so much all over again that reaffirmed that he’s always been right in the way he does things. this is a path that fits him. even if he’s just clinging to things to move forward instead of relying on himself, it’s truly a noble way of holding yourself together and being strong without hurting others and instead being their light .... he’s just so overwhelmingly kind even though ugliness and pettiness and jealousy lingers within him and so much of his kindness comes from how he clamps down on that part of himself. it’s the only way for him to move forward, and it fits him to a T.

i felt so much of him during this particular read through like bitch was crying all over herself even before she got to the rejection scene ...... the way he puts wataru first before his love so he doesn’t hold him back and when he hears that wataru did the same thing he ends up staying back to support wataru because he knows the pain and loneliness of doing that. because as good as it feels to have inspired someone with your kindness, you know more than anyone how much it hurts to be selfless and your first thought is to make sure wataru is okay, even if no one is making sure you’re okay. the way even though he thought he crushed every final thread of hope in his heart, the moment it’s dangled before his eyes he can feel himself succumb to it and it takes everything for him to hold onto his pride and tell shohei that he wouldn’t stoop low enough to simply wait until wataru falls out of love to swoop in. because he’s told himself he’s okay with unrequited love, as long as he’s still able to contribute meaningfully to the life of the person he loves. and the way he’s stupidly sentimental about things too like wanting to have a final handshake with wataru with his left hand, because it’s the first place he ever touched wataru. it’s really about carving meaning into your life and i think it added so much weight to that scene when asaka requested wataru take off his ring (aka a symbol that he’d never be asaka’s) and then his worst side slipped out where he didn’t want to give back the ring (even though it’s so fucking obvious that as much as that’s a real thought of his, it’s not something he’d ever do and i don’t know how to explain it but i am obsessed with how this raw part of him was presented while also preserving his true, kind of self but also when i thought about how sentimental he is with the shaking left hand thing i had to smush my head into my pillow to stop myself from screaming he is just like me is2g)

so asaka cryposting out of the way and back to the internal dilemma i think . rereading the scene i was afraid of reading and remembering all the little moments that i’ve forgotten has reaffirmed that as godawful as asaka’s way of living is it’s definitely the right track for him. i think he’s strong enough to turn that into an internal strength that drives him on. and i think sometimes i idealise him too much in imagining him as a perfect being who makes fucked up decisions sometimes but only acts kindly when in truth he struggles with such self-hatred and longing and bitterness a lot too like it’s very thinly implied but it’s there .... or at least in my reading and it’s definitely like what wataru says about how asaka is not a villain and that’s why it makes things difficult :’-) because he’s a good guy through and through, yet even good guys go through the immense pain of choosing to be good, always

#at this point in my life where if anyone says asaka is evil i’ll fight them to death #like is it hypocritical for me to kind of dislike nao and iokawa for forcing kisses on others but rooting for asaka ??? maybe but CONTEXT #it’s always how he never does things maliciously or to prove himself as better than others it’s simply for himself or bc he lose control #cries ;__; #would also like to say that i’m so glad i have both him and ricchan in my life #yesterday i was like ah . i will definitely be seeing asaka as my therapist today he’ll know how to handle shit #like ricchan is my fix-all but sometimes i just know when asaka will hit so fucking hard and god he really did #i’m going to continue down this track too bc it’s the only path i know

[transpat]

the rooftop parallels absolutely crushed me like both eps were about discovery, one of pat's feelings and the other of their family history. both eps acted as a major shift in the narrative and both rooftop scenes were preceded by major fights. both times pat fumbles with guilt even when it isn't his fault. both times pran takes to the roof when his anger and pain get too large to contain. both times they reached out to the other but the first time pran let his fear overtake and left pat but this time he was the one who called him, he was the one who fell into pat, clung onto him. this time too, pran's instinct is to run away, what he needs is space and time, but this time he waits for pat, pat who understands this w/o him having to voice it, pat who carries his weight when his legs can't lift him up anymore. running away isn't pat's thing to do, but pran tells him he can't take it anymore and pat understands and complies and whisks him away.

#yk pran's face when he settles on this decision when he knows he needs to get away from his parents #and he immediately pulls out his phone to call pat #bc where he's always isolated himself when he's been hurting too much #he knows now that he doesnt have to do that #he doesnt have to carry so much pain alone #that there's someone who's always been in the same situation as him #who knows him better than anyone else #who's half of his heart and soul #and now when pran needs to run he won't go anywhere w/o him #the real beauty of it #lies in how pran's made that decision already #hes going to say it hes going to ask pat #but when he sees him he just crumbles and needs pat against him for a moment #when he talks it isnt the question on his mind he states but instead vocalizes his pain #and pat hears everything else every single one of his thoughts #and the question pran's about to ask him pat voices it instead #they both know its an answer not a question #so pran just sags into him again #this is what it means when u call someone ur space safe ur home #im sorry this is an incoherent ramble #thoughts.txt #bad buddy #pranpat #patpran #bad buddy series

[slipperyskell]

FNAF SB HCs: Monty

It is that gator time yo >:))) 

This is gonne be under a cut because i have much things to say about gator 

- Okay? First off??? This guy????? Gives me very big Undyne vibes in that he’s very boisterous, very passionate about things he cares about (be it hobbies or people), n a lot of people are scared of him even though he really is a pretty cool guy once you get to know him 

- Very spontaneous, too - one minute he could be in his charging station and the next he’s busting out of there like “oh shit did I put my bass back on my stand? Are my clubs back where they’re supposed to be???” 

- Despite the warnings he gets for having a low battery, this guy ends up forgetting to charge a lot more often than he likes to admit

- a n x i e t y 

- Can be very needy/clingy, though if he feels an anxiety attack coming on he tries to isolate himself bc he’s worried he’s accidentally going to hurt someone

- Finds a lot of comfort being among the band - they’ve all helped him be more confident in his place among them since Bonnie disappeared. 

- Genuinely does enjoy being on stage and playing with the rest of the band (seriously, he never realized playing an instrument/making music could be so fun), but constantly having a certain bunny-shaped shadow hanging over him due to guests constantly comparing him to Bonnie or asking about Bonnie or otherwise overlooking who Monty is really gets to him after a while. Kids being scared of him because he’s a gator really bugs him after a while, too. 

- When he’s feeling really out of it, that’s when he ends up stalking around on the catwalks above his golf course. It was and still very much is his home. Plus it keeps guests from seeing him in such a state while also being in a space he takes a lot of comfort in. 

- Never lets his anger get to the point of destroying things during working hours - he usually just hides some place in the Pizza Plex until someone either drags him out to perform or it’s closing time and he can go back to his green room. The last thing he wants people to see is the big scary gator bot throwing a fit. 

- Seriously someone give this gator a hug, he really needs one (even if he wouldn’t admit it)

- He and Roxy bond over having to fill someone else’s shoes, though they understand their situations are a little different given that Foxy was never a part of the actual glamrock band while Bonnie was. She’s also usually the first one to spot if he’s been damaged at all and will sometimes help him get stuff fixed so he doesn’t have to go to Parts and Service unless it’s severe (which I will talk more about when I talk about Roxy headcanons).

- His feelings about Freddy are a little complicated, he won’t deny. By no means do I think Monty dislikes Freddy (I personally can’t imagine Freddy disliking Monty either even if he knew Monty was the one responsible for decommissioning Bonnie, which I also don’t believe happened). Monty’s worried that he’s not as good as Bonnie was, and I think he often compares himself to the goody two-shoes that Freddy is, too, be it because of guests or employees nagging him for being too “violent” or “over the top” or otherwise not displaying acceptable behavior. 

- Freddy really just wants Monty to be himself, and he’s usually the one to give Monty heart to hearts whenever the gator is feeling particularly down. Freddy’s always been the star of the show, but I feel like he ends up feeling a lot of the same sort of strain that Monty does, too. He has a reputation to uphold, which means he has to behave a certain way without much wiggle room. They’re genuinely really good friends and they both help each other out. 

- Monty and Chica are p good pals, too - I think these two end up practicing/playing together for fun the most. Plus they both share some interest in food, though a lot of it is Monty suggesting some really cursed things for Chica to try. Also bond over weird human facts (this is another one of those things I’ll get more into when I talk HCs about Chica). She’s the mom friend of the group and she’s quick to spot if Monty’s feeling out of it, should Freddy not have spotted it first. 

- Out of all of them, I feel like Monty is the most out of touch when it comes to human things. Not because he doesn’t care, necessarily, but more because he doesn’t think about it much beyond his programming in the event of an emergency. He doesn’t have the same sort of obsession about the human body that I think Chica does, but he does find some of the things humans are or aren’t capable of to be interesting or weird (plus he’ll usually ask people if some human fact that Chica told him was true) 

- he absolutely DESPISES how soft/squishy humans are, though. It drives him nuts how careful he needs to be bc he even the idea of accidentally hurting someone who didn’t deserve it really freaks him out 

- He’s left in charge of taking care of a kid, he realizes they have to eat, and he’s just like “oh fuck yeah you do that don’t you. uhh... i can get you a burger shake???? or like... like pizza or something???” 

- do not trust him in the kitchen. He will make some very cursed things that should not be allowed to see the light of day. He means well, though - just doesn’t know what he’s doing

- Really nervous about going to Parts and Service, even if it’s just for a check-up. He’s constantly worried he’s gonna get nagged about damaging himself on accident or not behaving properly or some other issue that the technicians just love to rub in his face. Not to mention, the bucket incident has probably scarred the poor guy when it comes to Parts and Service, too. Something something robot equivalent of medical trauma. 

- The worst part about that is that he usually ends up damaging himself fairly often, be it because of an anxiety attack or because he got into some mischief he really shouldn’t have. Or just on accident honestly, he’s very accident prone

- easily the clumsiest of the group 

- the look of shame on his face when he goes into Parts and Service with a cracked facial and torso casing because he ran out of charge and keeled over is priceless

- Very fidgety with his hands, especially after he got his claw upgrades. 

- Actually really good at remembering people/faces - like someone could have been at the Pizzaplex over a year ago who Monty had a really nice conversation with, and he sees them again how long after and he’s like “hey!!! it’s good to see ya again dude, how’ve ya been doin?” 

- Super duper serious about anything and everything golf related. Like he’s genuinely so passionate about golf it’s not even funny. You mention golf within a fifty mile radius of this gator and he comes barging in like “golf???? GOLF???????” 

- Probably one of the biggest things that calm him down from a panic attack is playing a game of golf - he may get a bit destructive, but he would never, EVER lay a claw on his golf course or golf stuff with malicious intent. Vanny’s tampering with his AI is the only reason he ended up messing up his stuff in the golf course and I will die on this hill.

- As far as the green room goes, that’s just him being him (since it’s implied the glitch doesn’t take full effect until midnight). It’s a contained area, it’s his, only certain people can see it and it’s really easy to keep closed off until it’s repaired. He tries not to let himself get the point of him destroying his green room since that usually means he doesn’t get to visit with as many of the guests as he would like, but sometimes he can’t help himself. 

- Sometimes he just likes to float around in the water canals around the golf course, either just to chill out or to snag some golf balls the skimmers missed (and on occasion he will prank people during working hours by hiding in the water and jumping out at people who get too close)

- He’s a really big fan of playing games with the other bandmates actually??? a weirdly big fan of stuff like UNO 

- He can be pretty competitive, but not in the same sense that Roxy is - it’s always in good fun, and he genuinely gets so proud if people manage to beat him in golf or some other arcade game (though not many people have beat him in golf) 

- easily the biggest hype man out of the group, both on-stage and off. He might not understand anything about the racing carts in Roxy Raceway but he will hype Roxy the fuck up if she’s working on fixing her cart. 

- “HELL YEAH!! FIX THAT TIRE!!! FUCK THAT SHIT UP, LET’S GO!!!” 

- A bit of a prankster alongside Roxy, though if he accidentally hurts someone in the process he’s quick to apologize 

- Likes teasing a lot, too - though like with his pranks if he takes it too far he’s quick to drop it and apologize. 

- They end up having to change the layout of the golf course every other month or so because Monty plays it so much, he ends up figuring out the perfect trajectory and speed to the point where he doesn’t even need to think about it and gets a hole in one on every level. 

- You talk about his interests with even a hint of genuine interest and this gator will declare you a new friend, no joke 

- He’s really quick to hand out free merch and passes to the golf course (and probably the one who does it the most often, to the point where he’s been talked to about it a couple times bc he’s handing out literally EVERYTHING). He gets so excited to see people having fun with the things he also has fun with. Seriously warms his heart to see kids come running in with Monty gator merch on or a Monty plushy in their hands

- Surprisingly good hugger - be ready for him to pick you up and spin you around if you’re someone he particularly likes (specially if you were gone for a while and just came back). He’s very careful about his claws, though - if he so much as knicks you with em he’s rushing you over to the first aid station and smacking bandaids all over you in a heartbeat. 

- His glasses don’t usually come off unless he needs to scan someone (in that case he usually puts em above his eyes, either balanced on his forehead or wedged in his mowhawk somehow). Otherwise he does that cheeky little pull-down, or takes them OFF off if he wants the person he’s talking to know that he’s being serious, or if he’s about to get into some trouble and doesn’t want them damaged. Sometimes he’ll take them all the way off to fidget with them too when he’s feeling nervous. 

- Would 100000% freak out if someone took his glasses. He needs those for performing (his eyes aren’t designed for the bright lights so the techs gave him the glasses as a temporary fix while they waited for his new lenses and occular processors to come in) + they’re usually his go to fidget when he’s feeling nervous. 

- Seriously if he willingly gave you his glasses to wear even for fun, you guys gotta be pretty close. He normally would NEVER give people his glasses because he’s worried they’re gonna break em, even if it was an accident. If he hands them to you even just to hold onto em for a second, you know he trusts you a hell of a lot. 

- He genuinely doesn’t strike me as the jealous type (i honestly feel like the whole arcade golf level with Freddy in the trash is management trying to be cheeky, even though Monty doesn’t feel that way about Freddy at all and hates that that’s a thing in that arcade game in the first place), but he can be VERY protective of people he cares about - bandmates very much included. It’s probably one of the only times he uses that scary gator persona to his advantage. 

- Once that bad person or whoever leaves, though, he’s immediately asking if you’re alright n usually goes back to doing whatever he was doing before, this time with a bit more of a watchful eye on you, just in case 

~~~

All in all, I think this gator is a surprisingly soft guy who really just wants to fit in n wants people to like him for him (also sorry this is a little all over the place, I tried to have some semblance of flow but it all came spilling out lmfao)

#monty gator #montgomery gator #monty fnaf #fnaf monty #fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf sb #fnaf security breach