#bc yKNOW IT WAS LIKE NORMAL FOR ME. LIKE SHES ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS and i just didnt really put more into it than that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yuribeam · 10 months

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my family’s disabled. EDS and tethered cord confirmed in some but everyone has roughly the same progression of symptoms. my mom and sibling have already had tethered cord release surgery and we’re in the process of looking at my spine.

im in the process of figuring out what’s normal and what’s not, how to identify sensations, how to take care of myself, how to cope with a body that works less and less. i am also autistic, so for me, that means identifying specific feelings and sensations can be difficult

so earlier today i was woken up from a nap by my mom telling me she’s leaving for dinner with my stepdad. im always down for pad thai so i get myself up, together, and out the door in about five minutes. which is not really enough time to assess how my body is feeling, which is difficult for me anyway.

before dinner im already feeling a little lightheaded and clammy and i figure i just need to eat, which i do, and it is in fact worse. i excuse myself for the restroom, thinking it’s because my stomach’s been weird, don’t feel better. silently rushing my mom to wrap up chatting with my family bc i feel like i need to be home. make it home, curl up on the recliner, feel some sharp pains along my spine, watch a little star trek, eat some leftovers, yknow

then my mom comes into my room before bed and says that she recognized how i was feeling at dinner. cold but feeling overheated, clammy, pale, almost a bit dizzy, hungry but not hungry, needing to put my head in my hands and shift around, uncomfortable but unable to pinpoint what's wrong. she says, i've felt like that a lot too, for decades, and i always think did i eat enough protein did i drink enough did i do something wrong to trigger something i can’t recognize, and actually?

i think it’s just pain.

which is currently kind of blowing my mind a bit to realize, that although i know people with chronic pain will not recognize their pain the same as able bodied people

i am more likely to feel the side effects of pain than the pain itself

put another way, i am experiencing my body reacting to pain whether or not i feel more or less than usual of what i think of as pain (sharp, shooting, twinge, spasm, pointy ache..).

I thought of general pain or the constant background pain as just a low ache that maybe comes with some stiffness and soreness, but I am feeling it through other senses and manifestations as well

so im really rethinking about how to recognize and predict and categorize and classify pain. it made me think of the emotions wheel, which you probably recognize a version of if you’ve had therapy

and i think something like this with words for physical sensations like restless, queasy, tight, collapsible, unsteady, foggy, tensed, and probably better words i’m not thinking of, would be a helpful start to identify how to communicate what is going on with my body

is this relatable to anyone? how do you recognize and communicate feelings in your body that you’ve gotten used to but are not medically “normal”? what words would you put on the sensation wheel?

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

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am i the asshole for leading a guy on an low-key manipulating his feelings? (🐺 so i can find it later)

trigger warnings for mental health issues, family death, and suicide mentions.

title is kiiinda dramatic, i know. and i should be clear that i know that what i did was definitely wrong to a degree, but idk how messed up it was.

for context: i (19 f) was freshly seventeen and had just returned to in person school for my senior year after doing my junior year online at home. the majority of my best and only friend had forgotten me almost entirely and abandoned me despite our texting throughout my online year. new social circles had formed in my absence and i had a very difficult time readjusting, especially because i had come out of isolation with worsened anxiety, depression, and lowkey suicidal idealization. to top it all off, my grandfather who i adored had just died. i was desperately lonely and at the lowest i had ever been mentally in my entire life. i say this all not to excuse my actions but to provide some context as to why i acted the way i did.

so i meet this guy (i think like 15-16?) who we'll call finn. finn is a year below me but we share an elective class. we were initially drawn to each other bc we were both the only alt/geeky kids in the room and hit it off really well. and at first things are going pretty good; we eat lunch together every day, share music, talk about our interests etc. normal friend stuff.

but here's the part where i'm probably ta: finn had told me earlier on that he's the type to catch feelings super easy, so i guess i should've expected it, but he tells me that he has a crush on me. not directly though--he starts talking about this girl that he has feelings for but doesn't have the courage to confess to. and the first time he brought it up i didn't realize it was me and ofc tried to hype him up so he could confess and all that. but by the second conversation we have about it, it dawns on me that he's definitely talking about me. and i'm like "ah fuck," because the last person i wanted it to be was me--i'm mostly into girls, and also saw finn as a little brother more than anything else. but i keep hyping him up anyways saying stuff like "oh c'mon the worst she can do is say no! and even then you can at least move on with closure!"

so he takes my advice and confesses to me over text. i turn him down as politely as i can. which is where this whole thing should've ended tbh. but it didn't. his confession (even though it was over text) really endeared me and made me feel appreciated and beautiful in a way i never had been before. i'm not conventionally attractive + a plus size girl, and had never had anyone confess to me before, let alone say something as sincere and sweet as finn did to me. i was always the girl guys dared each other to ask out as a joke, yknow? it felt nice to know that someone saw me as desirable. again, this doesn't excuse my actions or justify them. just context.

so i decide that even though i know i'm not going to pursue anything with finn, i don't want him to lose interest in me either. so i start acting like i might be into him. tell him certain outfits make him look cute, go on and on about how much i love his hair (he really did have nice hair tbh), lean in a little closer when we talked, and constantly reassure him that he'd get a gf soon because good-looking, sweet and funny guys like him don't stay single for long.

he definitely notices bc he (again over text) asks if it's ok to be more physical when we interact. like can he hold my hand if we walk down the hall or whatever. this is definitely where i should've stopped, but i didn't. i kept up the pseudo-flirting bullshit.

and then he confesses (you guessed it! over text) for a second time, insisting that he really thinks that i like him back now. i tell him i don't know what he's talking about but that i'm happy to keep being friends with him. again, i don't stop the flirting-that's-not-quite-flirting.

this continues all the way until the end of the year. he tells me before i graduate that he really cares for me and doesn't want to lose touch after i leave. i promise him we won't. at this point i'd realized the gravity of my actions and had come to regret the way i treated finn, and decided the best course of action was to let our friendship fizzle out after i graduate. so i stop responding as frequently to him, he eventually stops reaching out until finally we lost contact and i delete his number.

i know that what happened was kinda fucked up, but how bad of a fuck up was this tumblr?

(secondary question: is this something that would've had a lasting impact on him and his view of relationships? i hope it isn't. i hope he forgot about me quickly. i hope he's doing better and has found someone who actually likes him.)

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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love-toxin · 1 year

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ok hear me out - fruity four but with a ‘good friend’ reader who knows they’re poly (aka we all have a crush on you hngghhg pls let us love u pls)

ok so, maybe someday, readers feeling a little more emotionally vulnerable, and while on the topic of nighttime routines, when it comes to ur turn, ur like “oh yea i get ready in like, complete silence, lol im so in my own head, I’ll go through the motions of braiding my hair so it doesn’t get in my face, filling my hot water bottle up bc im icicle cold, filling my drinking bottle up cus i wake up randomly super thirsty, making sure i do alllll of my skincare and maybe get a little snacky snack” and they’re all like 😍😍 yeah? until you end the little explanation with “a lot of the time, i pretend someone else is just doing all of that for me, yknow, like taking care of me and being all soft and not forgetting a step, like I pretend that my heads just empty and I don’t have to think, but then when it comes to sleep-bed-time, it makes me a little sad when I realise that no one’s actually there to cuddle me to sleep, so I try not to do that anymore! :)”

and they’re all like??? mortified. horrified. their sweet, sweet ‘friend’ (dear god pls like us pls) is all alone??“ur lonely? :(“ but reader so immediately denies it like nope. me? no ofc not im just extra soft and sensitive sometimes so it helps to pretend it’s someone else - pretend silly!!

and then it begins. Eddie hands you a water bottle. Normal, until he insists, quite silently, to be the one holding it while u drink from it, tilting his head down to ask a little “enough?” when he senses ur done

and then there’s that one time when nancys going through ur wardrobe after turning up at the ass crack of dawn and ur still half asleep in ur pjs, “looking” for a sweater she coulda sworn she left here that one time, just for her to slyly build your outfit for the day, all casual like “hey, here u go, and I’m gonna do ur hair this way too, could help u put it on if ur still sleepy? :)”

steve knowing ur indecisive - he use to not wanna make u uncomfy and overstep by being a bit dominant and assuming how you’d want things, but now has no qualms abt take out. the usual back and forth over “what do u wanna eat” “idk steve, u decide” “well idk what I fancy, what do u fancy” “I’ll have whatever Steve i promise” and when u do decide on a place, the whole other back and forth over what to actually order.

So now he just lets you know with a soft smile like “just ordered a chicken korma in, made sure to get u that nice mango chutney and a couple poppadoms, we’re watching greese too in a sec :)” and u feel.. weirdly safe. comforted? u can’t put ur finger on it so u try not to dwell on the feeling.

robin gets so touchy. they all like to be touchy with eachother, and at this point ofc are as touchy as they dare with you, but my god robin kicks it up so many notches. thinks nothing of biting u. which the first time she does it ur all like “ 0-0 huh?” until she explains that she cant sit still and ur literally right there so she’s naturally gonna get all chompy, and ur nice enough to be like “ohhhh alright” cus it’s not like she’s doing anything heinous, it’s just one of her quirks, right? always putting her legs over urs until she can find a way to get urs on her own, leaning into ur side until she can casually figure out how to make u do the same.

oh god. a sleepover. the thing they’ve been building up for. All of this? layered on THICK. you know they’ve been meticulously planning every single step of the night and planning everyone’s roles

(so so so many disagreements cus Eddie and Robin both wanna braid ur hair, but nancys the only one who actually knows how to braid. or Steve and Eddie fighting tooth and nail over who gets to do ur skincare until they decide that Steve can do all the washing and Eddie gets to do the nice soft pat pat pat towel drying)

They try and be smooth abt it but ofc it’s so different to other sleepovers. and u sorta just let them do it. u feel so selfish but it’s like.. the second Steve and Eddie pull u into the bathroom and Eddie picks up ur toothbrush to do ur teeth before ur facewash, u tear up a little. u feel selfish for indulging in their kindness but don’t wanna stop them. u wanna be cuddled by them all to sleep so badly but also not overstep relationship boundaries

WOOOOOF!!!! WROW!!!! IM......MELTING......no,, I'm too soft for this, im......sobs.....

being so vulnerable with them and getting rewarded for it.....it's like laying a present in their laps--they've loved you so much for so long, they've always wondered what they could do to show that, and now you've just dropped the answer right in front of them without even realizing it. them hoping you realize what they're doing when they fulfill all those dreams of yours, when they care for you down to the littlest detail, but in some ways they almost hope you don't, because it's almost better to watch you be so shy around them when they're doing things for you and be moved nearly to tears when they insist on taking away any stress you might be subject to. and then you feel selfish, you worry you're getting in the way of their relationship, and all four of them know they have to make it clear to you that you're one of them. they've just gotten what they wanted--to dote on you and be the ones you rely on completely--and they're not letting that go because of some silly worry you have of taking advantage of them. you could never do that, ever, they can promise you that.

#scratchietella #fruity four #fruity four x reader #steve harrington #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #eddie munson #st 4 #stranger things #ellie chats #anons

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go-to-the-mirror · 1 year

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Hello, @a-mag-a-day. Apologies for the deception but I rather wanted to make sure you started reading, so I thought it best not to announce myself. I'm assuming you're alone; you always did prefer to read your statements in private. I wouldn't try too hard to stop reading; there's every likelihood you'll just hurt yourself. So just listen. Now, shall we turn the page and try again?

Statement of landscaping-your-mind regarding episode 160 of The Magnus Archives.

Statement begins.

So, from all the stuff I scheduled for today you can probably tell I really like episode 160 of The Magnus Archives, right? Like, good lord, it is... it is a time. (Also, the words were really good (and also there's poetry) so :D incentive!)

Firstly, though, I have to say something. It's not the Watcher's Crown. The Watcher's Crown is the ritual Jonah Magnus attempted years ago. This is unnamed in canon, but Jonny said it could've been called The Magnus Archives.

Secondly... I would like to draw your attention towards the description of the youtube version of this episode. (to paraphrase)

The Magnus Archive discovers that some escapes are a lot easier than others.

Ahahahahaha AHAHAHAAHAHAH WHAT-

I hate this so much. Like, with a burning passion. "The Magnus Archives discovers that some escapes are a lot easier than others" COME TO MY HOME AND KILL ME YOU COWARD! It just hurts, it just... hurts.

He can escape London, but he can't escape his ✨ purpose ✨

You ever think about how The Magnus Archives follows the story of Magnus' Archive? I do. A lot. I haven't even started listening yet, god, this episode am I right?

MARTIN (Joking) Or, (huffed laugh) or it is, and she just cleaned it up really well. (They both make uncomfortable chuckles) ARCHIVIST …Yes. (The Archivist makes an uneasy noise)

THEYRE BOTH SO AWKWARD THEY HAVEN'T TALKED TO A NORMAL HUMAN IN OVER A YEAR

Just their really awkward laughter, oh my godd they're so endearing your honour, I'm so glad this episode and TMA ends at the 5 minute mark (< in denial)

ARCHIVIST Hopefully a long way out there. (soft) But I think we’re okay

THEY ARE IN LOVE YOUR HONOUR

I just love how soft Jon's voice gets around Martin, like, like, eeeee i just love them i love them they're the reason im aro bc i know i will never love someone romantically as much as jmart loves each other /j

MARTIN Oh, n-no, not yet. I was actually gonna head down into the village to go pick something up?

Ooooh yay I get to share my "where are they in scotland" headcanons! I think they're near Dunnet, because it's pretty far north and in the Highland area, and it's also got allegedly the only full time gunshop north of Inverness, and... yknow, it is Daisy's safehouse.

ARCHIVIST Anyway, don’t tell me the phonebox down there doesn’t appeal to your retro aesthetic.

your honour they're lightheartedly teasing each other <3

ARCHIVIST I’ll be fine.

SOFT!

(update im wrtinging with a cat on my lap now hes big. im balancing my computer on my leg.)

MARTIN I assume it’s her attempt at a- a, a varied diet? Eating your greens, you know? ARCHIVIST (Amused) Probably. (reassured) I’m sure it’ll work fine

hhh them <3 it's just like they're so... they're happy. they're so happy, and it's like nothing gold will stay or whatever

they had such a short amount of time

i wish they were ok

MARTIN …I will give you some privacy. Go for a walk. ARCHIVIST (Warmly) Let me know if you see any good cows. MARTIN Obviously I’m going to tell you if I see any good cows.

I'm...

them being happy is almost worse, right. because what once was a surprise we now know will happen, we have to deal with the dread, and it's all bitter now, the happiness is rotten because of what lurks after.

some people can listen to the first five minutes and feel okay, but me?

for me it just hurts.

ARCHIVIST (CONT’D) (Pleasantly) Statement of Hazel Rutter regarding a fire in her childhood home. Original statement given August 9th, 1992. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, The Archivist. Statement begins.

He sounded so happy... he sounded so happy.

This is the first time he's happy before he reads a statement. He was happy, he was hiding from the police and the hunters and Daisy and Not!Sasha with his boyfriend in Scotland. And then, and then Jonah Magnus comes in and decides to end the world like a bastard.

I don't want to hit play. I don't want to know what comes next. I want to stop listening. I want Jon and Martin to be okay. I want it to be the real statement of Hazel Rutter.

I just want it to be the real statement of Hazel Rutter.

I get it, right, horror tragedy! This was the desired effect. I am supposed to be feeling these emotions. These emotions being very sad. Well done to Jonny, lovely writing. Fantastic! I love TMA with my whole heart. I think that it's fantastic. I don't want to hit play though. I'm here for the characters suffering, I got in through The Hermit Archives, I wanted more of the horror! I am here for suffering! I'm here for the suffering. I'm hitting play.

Statement of Jonah Magnus regarding Jonathan Sims, The Archivist. Statement begins.

He could have just ended the world. Like, the whole... forcing Jon to monologue about all the times he was manipulated into furthering Jonah's plan? That's fucked. That is fucked. Just put the ritual there you slimy piece of shit!

It’s rare that you get the chance to monologue through the voice of another, and you can’t tell me you’re not curious.

*me to my dog, in the "talking to a dog" voice* You wanna kill him too! Hey! You wanna kill him too!

Like, okay, so you're Jon and you're reading this statement and you can't stop, and this bastard says "you can't tell me you're not curious." Tell me that's not going to make him think that if he tried a little harder then he would've been able to stop reading. Tell me that's not going to make him think that a part of him wanted to end the world, and that's why he's still reading. Tell me that's not going to make him blame himself even more.

The only way to ensure I did not suffer the tribulations of what I believed to be an inevitable transformation was to bring it about myself.

He's so bloody arrogant. He puts himself above the entire world. It makes sense, he's from Regency era England, but like, it's still... really awful. Awful person.

Beyond that, I was getting older, and mortality began to weigh more heavily on my mind. How much in this world is done because we fear death, the last and greatest terror?

When I fear death I distract myself, not try to end the world. Like, this guy is just so evil. His only redeeming quality is being funny sometimes.

Everyone dies, Jack Magnet, you just chose to be a bastard about it.

Of course, I had to make sure the location was kept under my control while I worked on revising my plans, and so I moved the organization I had founded to assist in my research down to London, and the Institute as you know it, was born.

Right, so The Magnus Protocol's Magnus Institute was located in Manchester, and I'm not an expert on the geography of the United Kingdom, and basically know nothing about Manchester, bar that it has the... football, I want to say, team Manchester United? I don't know how I know that. But it seems as though Jonah Magnus didn't attempt his ritual, or attempted it some other way in that universe.

You see, the role of Archivist has been part of the Beholding for as far back as my research can go. This isn’t uncommon for the Powers; most of the beliefs around them are guesswork and fallible human interpretation, but there are certain through lines and consistencies that can be spotted, regardless of the trappings.

I wonder what the others are. The Dancer could be one - The Dancer in The Unknowing. I think Jonny said in a QnA, but you know, the author is dead, he's speaking to us posthumously, that The Architect could have been one. Not sure what others. If y'all have any ideas... 👀

More than once I thought she must secretly be of the Hunt; but there was never that sick joy in her, that thrill of predator and prey. She had simply decided that this was her position in life, and went about it with a practicality that even I found disconcerting at times.

Ok, Mr. Jonah "orchestrates twelve traumatising events for this one guy and gets him to end the world" Magnus. He cannot talk, he cannot talk at all. Sure, she sacrificed people, but she wasn't malicious. She did it for a cause. Did she believe she was good? I'm not sure she cared.

Jonah Magnus is just awful for his own self gain.

You see, the thing about the Fears is that they can never be truly separated from each other. When does the fear of sudden violence transition into the panic of hunted prey? When does the mask of the Stranger become the deception of the Spiral? Even those that seem to exist in direct opposition rely on each other for their definition as much as up relies on down. To try and create a world with only the Buried makes as much sense as trying to conceive a world with only down.

Gerry's colour explanation makes a lot of sense if you don't conceive of it as a traditional colour wheel. They're growing out in every direction, they all overlap with each other.

Sure, the fear of The Eye may seem in direct opposition to the fear of The Stranger, but let's take Jon, for instance. Is it not sort of Stranger to have some guy in a coffee shop staring at you with his autistic eyes, a person you don't know, but who definitely knows you?

What about the fear of The Buried and the fear of The Vast. Episode 195 covers that pretty handily. They're all interconnected with all of the others. Separating them makes them easier to understand (and invertedly makes them actually separated), but it isn't them, not truly. They are connected intrinsically.

Even the coffin! The fear of being alone in the dark is a part of the coffin.

Because the thing about the Archivist is that, well, it’s a bit of a misnomer. It might, perhaps, be better named: The Archive. Because you do not administer and preserve the records of fear, Jon. You are a record of fear, both in mind as you walk the shuddering dread of each statement, and in body as the Powers each leave their mark upon you. You are a living chronicle of terror.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this. The Archivist is something... defined by how they feed their patron, but The Archive is defined by how they've been hurt to bring it into the world. He's not defined by even a person-like role, he's something molded by Jonah Magnus' desires to end the world.

I wrote a little poem about it, which I shall share here, because I am cringe but I am free, unlike Jon. RIP

He's not a person with a name, He's a vessel of destruction, He's not a person who feels pain, It's necessary for production, That he's scarred and marked, By things that lurk in the dark, Believe himself useless, Or it'll be fruitless, And at the end of the day, He's no person, no name, He's a plan that has come to fruition.

Also, he calls himself The Archivist, perhaps viewing himself as... something that hurts others, rather than something that is hurt for a purpose.

I’ll admit, my options were somewhat limited, but my god, when you came to me already marked by the Web, I knew it had to be you. I even held out some small hope you had been sent by the Spider as a sort of implicit blessing on my whole project and, do you know what, I think it was.

"I chose you" "I'll admit, my options were somewhat limited" Mr. Magnet, he was chosen by the web. Jonah's just not afraid to be puppeted.

So, when Jane Prentiss attacked, I watched eagerly, one hand on the gas release from the start.

This line fucked me up. "One hand on the gas release from the start." Just... like it just sticks in my mind. How he held all their lives in the palm of his hand, how he let Sasha die, and Tim get eaten by worms, because he wanted his bloody perfect Archive.

One hand on the gas release from the start, while all of them almost - or did - die(d).

Like, what gets me is how fucked up Jon was afterwards, how he was asking everyone for their statements, shutting them up before they got to the part where they'd mention Jon and Tim getting eaten with worms. What gets me is how Elias was there and Jon was what, looked like a bloody mummy! He didn't have second thoughts when he saw...

He knew everything. He saw everything. He saw how fucked up Jon was over e v e r y t h i n g. (everything)

That's what gets me.

Between the stabbing and at least two desperate flights into its door, you’re marked very deep by the Spiral.

And, you know, the manipulation, the gaslighting, the betrayal. I saw an interesting post on this, but I can't seem to find it. I'll look in the posts I've rbed tagged TMA meta, I'll link it in a reblog if I find it.

Honestly, I had nothing to do with Melanie and her Slaughter adventure, but when I saw the situation, I made sure to trap her here, so whenever her rage bubbled over you were right there, a ready target.

You know after Jon's second kidnapping that could have totally been resolved how Jonah made Jon stand in front of Melanie while she wanted to kill Jonah with a knife, and how it's like oh, right, yeah, use Jon as a bloody meat shield to get her angry at him, make him the scapegoat, that was intentional. It was intentional to destroy everyone in the Archives' interpersonal relationships, and then have Jon. A ready target for hatred and vitriol.

How is Martin, by the way? He looks well. You will keep an eye on him when all this is over, won’t you? He’s earned that.

I think that Jonah Magnus should eat shit and die.

The power of the Ceaseless Watcher flows through you, and the time of our victory is here.

If you replace the Ceaseless Watcher with Determination then it reads like an Undertale save.

* The power of Determination flows through you, and the time of our victory is here.

Don’t worry, Jon. You’ll get used to it here, in the world that we have made.

This also ties in with the above, I hate that he says "our victory" "the world that we have made." Jon didn't consent to this, Jon didn't want this, Jon was made to be an unwilling conduit of the apocolypse and Jonah Magnus is insinuating that he chose it, the victim blaming little prick!

You who watch and know and understand none. You who listen and hear and will not comprehend. You who wait and wait and drink in all that is not yours by right. Come to us in your wholeness. Come to us in your perfection. Bring all that is fear and all that is terror and all that is the awful dread that crawls and chokes and blinds and falls and twists and leaves and hides and weaves and burns and hunts and rips and bleeds and dies! Come to us. I OPEN THE DOOR!

GREAT INCANTATION! 10/10! And it's actually recitable, unlike the TBI one.

ARCHIVIST Look at the sky, Martin. Look at the sky. It’s looking back.

That is a fucking fantastic final line of the episode. All of it, four seasons leading up to this moment. Look at the sky. It's looking back.

Fuck dude!

(The Archivist begins a fractured, delirious, humourless, laugh that does not end)

That laugh.

That laugh is just... haunting. I love it so much. It makes me want to cry. I used to have it saved on my phone and I'd just listen to it over and over and over again and get more and more disturbed and heartbroken.

That laugh. That broken, horrific laugh.

I can't get over it.

And thus ends season 4 of The Magnus Archives. With a broken laugh in front of a window, leading out to the doomed world.

Episode 160 is quite possibly my favourite metaplot episode of The Magnus Archives, the way the whole plan was revealed, the awful manipulations that were exposed... that laugh.

I leave you all to think on this. To think on the Archive née the Archivist née Jonathan Sims, laughing at the world he has unwillingly and unwittingly doomed.

Goodnight, a-mag-a-day, goodnight. /ref

#tma #tma meta #the magnus archives #the magnus archives meta #mag 160 #jonah magnus #jonathan sims #elias bouchard #tma spoilers #tma s4 spoilers #a mag a day #i am so abnormal about this episode you do not even know #well i think you do now-#landscaping your mind chapter one

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rainecreatesstuff · 1 year

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ok so the post was made a month ago and i'm sure you've already gotten this ask but what's the symbolism behind the limlife clocks you made?

tbh im low on energy and I wasn’t gonna answer this but then I noticed you’ve got a d20 username and avatar so out of respect for another d20er hanging out in the mcyt fields I will.

anyways

T.I.E.S:

Tango - stopwatch. Lil reference to him running the death games in s1 and 2, also to match his general sense of urgency. Also can be used for red stone timing

Impulse - watch. Simple, practical, but has his own lil flair to it with his logo. Stays on the wrist so he doesn’t have to worry abt other people nabbing it or it getting broken, kinda symbolizes his tendency to play multiple sides to keep himself safe. Also has a day/night cycle, connecting him to Bdubs after double life

Etho - sleek, elegant design. Can be glanced at quickly to see time. Day/night cycle connecting him to Bdubs bc. They cannot be normal about each other. A small sundial bc he’s been around these parts a while and also it just feels like something he would brag about being able to read.

Skizz - forget-me-nots symbolize skizz’s loyalty to his people and his kindness to everyone. Also, as the first to lose a significant amount of time, given as a reminder to. Yknow. Remember him. Cracked after being killed twice by boogeymen in ep 1

Mean Gills:

Martyn - simple, easy to read and glance at, can be clipped to a weapon or tool so he can see it easily, imbued with his status as a follower of the listeners.

Scott - poppy in the middle to symbolize his ties to Jimmy, which keep popping up despite. Everything. A gold heart which is awarded to each of the victors. Scott’s clock originally had chains around it, put there by the Watchers/ higher beings/ whoever to prevent him from messing with his clock, broken immediately bc Scott found them annoying

Nosy Neighbours:

Pearl - locket. Unseen in drawing, but a wolf’s head is carved into the front. Phases of the moon show how much time she has left rather than numbers. A gold heart awarded to each of the victors.

BigB - cookie clock! Lighthearted and fun, shows bigb’s brand a bit, not really intense or complex, showing how bigb tends to be pretty upfront and chill throughout the games

The Clockers:

Cleo - an old clock that matches the aesthetics of the Time Witch from wcsmp. The inner mechanisms are visible to represent how she usually plays with all her cards on the table, and is very upfront with her allegiances and her reasonings etc. elegant and a bit imposing.

Bdubs - a busted-up clock that doesn’t work anymore. Or, well, the inner mechanisms work. It ticks. Nobody can see how much time is left though. Chipped and cracked from the last three games. Blood from first boogey kill.

Scar - an hourglass with a dark oak border. Can’t have a scar clock and not put desert duo in it. Anyways, not only does the sand represent Scar’s permanent ties to the desert, it also is a very clear visual, meaning Scar doesn’t have to worry about accidentally jumbling numbers when reading his time (dyslexia is a bitch)

The Bad Boys:

Joel - Two ruby eyes representing the red that is always in Joel, no matter his colour, as well as acting as a small nod to his wolves in 3rd life. The hands are dagger-shaped, but round at the ends (he is scary but also a wet cat. If you are loyal to him he will not so much as scratch you). Scorched from Bad Boy Actions in ep 1

Jimmy - canary wings going round and round, cyclically. A cage that should open; it has hinges. Jimmy cannot open it yet. (If someone else dies first, he might be able to) also scorched from Bad Boy Actions

Grian - they will not let him forget he is not meant to be there. He has to concentrate to keep his clock at the right time- its hands will spin wildly (sometimes even going backwards, giving him more time) if he doesn’t keep an eye on it. Three hearts to remind him that he created the games. A gold heart awarded to each of the victors. Not shown, but two winged-shapes on hinges close over the clock face to shield it from other’s’ view.

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sugar-omi · 8 months

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Incoming ramble I wanna hear you’re thoughts on this cause it’s been on my brain for a little bit and it’s got me in my feels

K so I forget if it’s in the step 3 prologue or in the Drive moment but either way when on the topic of Cove leaving for Nevada every now and again and choosing how your MC feels about it there’s the option to choose that it makes you sad and nervous specifically because the little 8 year old in you (who remember was probably HORRENDOUSLY lonely) was scared that Cove was gonna leave and never come back

Now that option alone already gets to me (cause I relate to it hard cough cough) but just imagine the MC actually confessing to Cove about that fear!! Obviously the MC doesn’t want to make Cove stop going cause yknow he’s literally going to see his own mom but MC also can’t deny that there’s that sad lonely little kid inside their head who just doesn’t want to be left alone again so they’re kinda just stuck in the dilemma. But soon enough after feeling well enough to admit it they finally tell Cove about it and get to actually work it out!!!

It just- AUGH ITS GOT ME EMOTIONAL MAN I CANT-

cove would actually feel so relieved omg bc it makes him sad too and he misses you, ofc ik he says that no matter what but I think he also worries abt leaving n nevering coming back

very traumatized from the move after his mom n dad divorced n he tried to run away bc he missed krya, yk 😟

reassures you that he'll always come back, and that if that did happen he'd prbly try to run away to see you LOL

would offer to take you with him!!! if you're dating ofc you need to work it out w his mom a bit more than necessary but she wouldn't mind if you stayed over or came to hang out w them

I imagine krya spends a Lotta time at work anyway since she can't be on leave the entire time he visits, so she'd be relieved that he has someone to keep him conpany

he talks abt you so much anyway, it's like you're basically there w them already

if you can't or don't want to go with him, he'd video call you sm more

sends lots of pictures n texts and voice messages

tells you basically everything abt his day and sends gm and gn texts

NO VOICE MESSAGES

omg...

coves sleepy, raspy voice saying "good morning" (

sounds like this, would even call you sunshine like sonny did!!!😭😭

I'm falling apart

mmm if he's gone a long time he'd prbly even come see you, or meet you half way

which is stressful bc he has a long drive but he would bc he's crazy abt you

omg gives you a shirt of his.

BUYS MATCHING SHIRTS

omg and asks you what you're wearing every day until you say that shirt n he wears it like "omg!!! what a coincidence!!!!" babe we know u did it on purpose PLEASE

sends you flowers

n by send you flowers I mean asks his dad to pick up some flowers and deliver them to you

sends his dad money too but cliff would prbly pay for them once or twice bc he thinks this is so chge n send the money back to cove so cove is like "dad!!!" n just makes an order on his card bc his dad is so stubborn😭😭

cliff is actually in love w your guys relationship he's so happy,,, pls

I should write some hc's on how cliff feels abt you guys dating bc my man's is so happy!!!! pls. OK anyway

OMG YOU VIDEO CALL N EAT TOGETHER

will ask what you're eating n have the same thing if he can

OMG HE PICKS UP ONE TIME AND HE'S RUNNING ACROSS THE STREET N HES LIKE "WAIT DONT EAT YET I GOTTA PICK UP THE FOOD"

n you can just see his chin, the sky and then it's like kinda black n then for some reason u can see the floor and then he's like "sorry" and he starts running back to his car AGAIN

and so he delicately places the phone down n is panting n just goes, "sorry. I'm ready now" *throws his head back* "omg gimme a minute... man. climbing thru your window really came in handy"

KISSES THE SCREEN

big "mmmmwaahhh!!!"

or tiny "mweh", no in between

falling asleep on the phone too

WOULD TUCK THE PHONE IN.. OMG STOP IT

he's totally normal abt you I swear

#olba #cove holden

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scover-va · 6 months

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I need to know more about Michael's mom... Is she a cool mom?

SHE IS A VERY COOL MOM janet afton you will always be famous. to me

Im taking this as a chance to finally ramble abt her anyways so Janet's core inspo when designing her was to avoid 2 key things. Don't make her like Immortal & Th Restless's Clara (due to clara representing michael, not mrs afton, so i wanted to avoid that), and don't base her too heavily off of Ballora. I still have ties to Ballora's character (a music-based theme, blue-centric colour palette, im sure there were more basic ideas but everything else is more hc than themes to keep up) due to my hc thingy of each Funtime having ties to William's wife + kids, but yknow.

But yeah. Funky lady who played bass guitar + did backup vocals in a band during her high school and college years. Literally her and William dating can be summed up by "Seriously, what do you see in that guy?!" "He makes me laugh." bc she was and is WAY out of his goddamn league. Not just bc of the whole serial killer thing he was just an even bigger loser in college. Normal people dont develop a crush on a woman after she nearly breaks your nose and makes you bleed, William /j

But yeah uhh. I also dont like the idea of her being absent or neglectful purely because I got way too attached to her (i was originally gonna do that just to make things easy for myself but. Pretty lady,,, I am a very simple lesbian what can i say) so like. She obviously wasnt the greatest, most fantastic mom to ever exist given she was kinda maybe sorta well aware William was making some weird fucking clowns, but like. Hey. She tried. Also side note my reasoning for her being absent during the whole. Yknow. '83 event (and just evan's bday in general) is bc Evan + Elizabeth are twins and Elizabeth demanded a girls-only trip for her bday, and Janet promised Evan she'd do something just as special for him when she got back. That never happened bc he died lmao loser /j

But yeah uhh. Shes got a lot of regrets. Wishes she coulda done a lot of things better. Kinda dies with those regrets. Ive seen people say that one of fnaf's charms is that no character is 100% good and i LOVE that, and wanted to keep it up with Janet. Good mom and overall a good person, however made some bad decisions along the way and whatnot.

Im still working out specifics (ive been slowly working on a lil private fic abt her and william meeting + their early relationship) but uhhh. Minor notes that dont get their own paragraphs is that William sampled her voice for Ballora so yay easy voice claim, she had an on and off relationship with her band's lead singer (her name's Bev), her birth name is actually Janice Schmidt but if you call her Janice she'll knock at least 2 of ur teeth out, she's a runaway teen and got adopted by this older couple bc her home life kinda sucked (idk specifics yet), and also girlie has an extensive criminal record of minor angsty teen type charges. Also teen Mike dying his hair and then 2020's Michael's hairstyle are both kinda references to Janet's hair because he wnated to look less like his father. Thats all ty. No read more bc you WILL look at my mrs afton post, boy /j

Actually no theres more that im remembering as i write the tags and edit a few details. Back to her and William because god im insane about them. So for starters it. Well i was gonna say Janet was def the first to flirt but i think William definitely developed a crush first and they only kept talking bc of said crush so its kinda up for debate. Anyways yeah at first it was a HUGE sorta like "Well he's funny especially when I fluster him so this can be just a fun lil thing" but because they chatted more they def kinda like. Clicked more. William was a huge fan of listening to her music (from. a distance. he looked kinda like a creep but at least janet only misinterpreted it once) but like *specifically* janet he didnt give a fucking shit abt the rest of the band. Uhh. They had their first run-in and janet kinda. Well. Punched him in the nose before he cleared up that he is NOT a pervert or anything weird like that (bc a guy that looks older than he is staring from a distance when there is a clear crowd he could join kinda gave janet the Wrong idea), then they later bumped into each other in the hall and chatted for a bit, then they kinda just kept "accidentally" running into one another. Uhhh. Some cigaerette-themed flirting and a house party later, yay dating :] can you tell where the current cut-off of the fic is /j Also idk how to put this down properly but they are both runaways and can kinda. Get that vibe from one another. Literally Michael is like some fucked up abomination of the both of them between the troubled past + weird situationship thing + runaway stuff + a lot of minor details that arent important rn. I just. Yeah Janet means the world to me go thru her tag on my blog for some art. Not all of my janet art is posted but the non-posted stuff is all concept work/doodles or just. Shit im too embarrassed to post lmao. Anyways NOW im done ty for reading

#scov.txt #janet afton #fnaf: hauntings of the past au #scov.ocs #it goes into the oc tag bc fuck you thats why #RRAUAGAH I AM. SO INSANE OVER HER #afton family and their weird gay situationships. aka will + henry and mike + jeremy and janet + bev #IK A LOT OF THIS ISNT EVEN ABT HER KIDS im so sorry #i dont have a lotta thoughts on evan and honestly i domt have a lot of family details figured out #like. everything is kinda just. general basics #plus also i dont wanna give janet too much focus on account of shes not. extremely important #she has her role to play in the au but theres far more influential characters yknow??#anyways for those of you who have read this far both w/ post and tags. i have one last thing to share #my gf and i have a spinoff au and she and henry are currently dating (both got divorced long in advance dw)#(like. several decades ago. bc this is ghost shenanigans in the sb era)#thats all ty and gn (<- not sleeping its just night where i am)

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vacantgodling · 4 months

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no for real tell me about red and hel I live for them ~ @void-botanist

RED AND HELLLLLL BELOVEDS..........

extremely not normal about them

so i've been kind of trying to think about how i want to do the plot for this story. because there's like 2-3 things at play here:

red & hel's original dead story and what i saved from that + desire to make snow white and the huntsman correct + "snow white and rose red"

and that last part is the newer part (as in, thinking about today) because one of the reason's i'm having a harder time thinking about the redoing snow white and the huntsman aspect of things is simply because.... red isn't snow white. like she never will be (and i wish they would've realized this when casting kristen stewart bc i love her but that role just was not right for her At ALL) and her character just Doesn't Work especially because i am HELL BENT on keeping most of her original backstory (even if i am tweaking it to be universe relevant). if anything, her sister who she spends most of the book trying to find, is more of the "snow white" ... so if that's the case, and i'm not changing red's backstory... where are we going from here?

and then i stumbled across the "snow white and rose red" fairytale. the actual contents of said fairytale with a talking bear are kind of fucking irrelevant because realistically what i care about is that in THAT, snow white has a sister named rose red and..... *holds red up like a cat* that'll work.

so, in integrating that element that means i'll definitely have to shift some things around story wise, as i try to determine what's actually going on. i know that red (and hel, and probably arden) have powers and i know that the wolf queen is like the main antagonist who has kidnapped red's sister... but some of the minor changes i've already been thinking about are:

i'm keeping red's actual name as rosmarin, but i THINK i want to rename her sister i just have no clue what that name should be (that and in paramour i already have a character who has a name relating to violets). i also think that instead of making them sister's with a Larger age gap, that i'm going to make them "irish twins" or 9 months apart with sister being older than red. (sister is always older).

i was thinking about making it more dark whimsical anyway? but to what end i'm not sure. i know that both hel and arden are "huntsmen" in their own right (hel is the knowledge the huntsman has and arden is the brawn basically), but like in the story of snow white and rose red, the bear they helped out turned into a prince and then snow white married him. which makes me think if i can integrate arden further into the plot, not just via hel but also maybe with connection to red's sister? perhaps said wolf queen kidnapped sister for (reason) and arden is a royal of some kind who met and or fell in love with sister and has been trying to find her as well? basically both red and arden are about to be Disappointed ://///

i also think i want the wolf queen to have a raven pelt and a throne of mirrors. because. yah idk.

i don't think i want the story to FULLY be about red trying to kill the wolf queen though, i think that's more of an arden quest. but their paths kind of interpass while red is trying to find her sister so yknow. idk. arden is having a bigger role than i intended for him to LOL.

so yeah idk lots of me poking the plot into shape lolol

#s: red and hel #s: rdof

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comradekatara · 1 year

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They're blind if they don't see that about Sokka! Like. The other three kids would blatantly waste DAYS at a time, despite their very tight time limit, on whatever random bullshit captures their fancy. They literally planned vacations and even he got caught up in it but like......it's absolutely herding cats. You even see this problem in miniature, with Toph having to constantly hound Aang into earthhbending training. They're all flighty n distractible ish and avoidant in their own ways but Aang is very much the worst and yet also the most prioritised member who overrules Sokka regularly "for fun".

yeah I mean i was just so confused by that response bc it was such a bad faith misreading of what I had actually said, and also just a blatantly incorrect reading of the text??? I think a large swath of this fandom has a very surface level interpretation of the show (which is understandable, most people are not as invested in understanding the nuances of this show while still enjoying it, thats perfectly fine) while also just cherry picking the parts they like/latch onto and distorting the parts they found less compelling to suit whatever narrative they’ve crafted for themselves. which I suppose is their prerogative as audience members, but it’s frustrating to me as someone who thinks analytic work should always stem from understanding the text as holistically and completely as possible. normally I try to ignore such misinterpretations, since if I didn’t I would literally get no sleep, and yknow, I have a life. but i could see people’s tags in my activity feed turning this argument into a moral issue in which my very character was attacked (someone literally said “comradekatara and their followers are bs” which makes it sound like im running a cult or smth. yikes) and so I felt the need to clarify and defend myself in a way that I usually don’t when angry zutarapilled weirdos go on and on about how evil I am lmfao

anyway, to your point, sokka is absolutely herding cats. he is constantly trying to get them to be as economical with their time and stay as safe as possible, and they just straight up refuse to listen to him. I see people make arguments that sokka “wasted time on kyoshi island” by training with suki, but a) I don’t think receiving formal training for like the first time in his life is a waste of time and b) aang was clearly the one who insisted on staying there, sokka would’ve left whenever, but aang really liked it there, and considering this was right after he discovered that his entire people had been wiped out, it’s not exactly like sokka and katara can be like “no more fun for you!” the only other instances i can think of of sokka wasting their time is in “the ember island players” when he makes them all go spend two hours watching a play that they absolutely loathe. in fairness, I think sokka and suki should’ve realized that their friends (besides toph) would not enjoy such an event, but the episode would be way less effective if it had been just them watching it, so for metatextual reasons I’ll let it slide. (and fwiw, sokka’s training with piandao took two, three days at most, so it clearly wasn’t smth that interfered with the schedule.)

so yeah, my original point about sokka herding cats seems pretty obvious to me considering how many detours aang and katara constantly insist on taking (and arguably toph too, but she’s generally less resistant to sokka’s ideas). but then that person had to go and act like I said something I didn’t, and then add on a bunch of incorrect analysis to boot. truly, genuinely, weird behavior. the “momtara who does all the work and singlehandedly raised these children including sokka and has never once had fun in her life because she is struggling under the weight of being the most mature & reasonable fourteen year old girl who ever lived (and also that’s why this one spoiled prince who can’t even hammer a single nail would be such a good boyfriend for her because he loves doing dishes and is so emotionally intelligent & articulate)” koolaid is strong I guess.

#estra-die-ol #asks #maybe we watched different shows idk #atla: the ‘katara has no flaws and sokka is an idiot’ cut

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dballzposting · 6 months

Text

It's just that I really like Yajirobe & I've always liked Yajirobe & I'm like if he were a pichi-pichi girl & out of all the dragon ball characters ever I think that he wouod be my representative but I'm not trying to say I'm exactly like him or anythinf it's just that as a character he is singular to me and I would play as him in a game or something & my sister got me into dragon ball and she said that when she saw yajirobe she thought that I would love him & that he remined her of me & she was right & so hes a little special to me in that way & I always hoped that one day I would have the time and nerve to draw pretty pictures of him. But it's not a big deal & it's been chill & I've been chill. I've made posts before about him and about how he and Korin make podcasts or whatever. His circumstances and lifestyle have always been so funny and delightful to me

But yknow a few days ago I saw that drawing where he was licking that cat & THERE WAS NO WAY I COUOD HAVE BEEN ANTICIPATING YHAT & it was the funniest thing in the world & it was so shocking but also so familiar bc the style of comedy is what I do so it felt immediately like a delightful home to me & I thought it was so awesome and based and beautiful and catered to my winter tastes. And then well I was still thinking about it the next day and I was a little worried becasue I didnt want it to be a thing or anything. But the next day I felt normal abt it and I was at school and yajiobe was in my heart I felt so content and comfortable and I felt enjoyment at having a character I could just appreciate and rely on. And then well today I didnt really feel anything but for some reaosn all day I just keep coming back to all this. I dont know. Maybe he DOES kiss that cat. I have a wealth of opinions on the contrary but maybe they dont matter. Maybe love is love

Who cares about snything.

Do you think he looks hot and cute here or am I being insane. Like I want to be his wife

It's the insanity right it's just the insanity

Or maybe it's the fur coat. Loungeful thang

#dballz posting #yajirobeposting

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fusulyesheep · 1 year

Text

I had queen alphys ending brainrot and spent the last one week or so overthinking her outfit as monarch.

ANYWAY here's Alphys design as a queen! I started with the sprite so it would follow something plausible in game and not just something random. Also a sans leak bc im doing him soon

One thing that always bothered me a little is, that when designing queen Alphys most people would go for copying Asgore or Toriel clothes. I understand the logic, "if alphys is the monarch she will have the last monarchs (asgore) clothes" or "if alphys is the queen she will have the last queens (toriel) clothes" as if what they used to wear was mandatory or some code for monster royalty, maybe. But I like to think there's certain things that are tradition (like the color or the deltarune symbol) but Alphys would have her OWN clothes as queen. A little because symbolism. That's what inspired me to create this.

After cut my explanation of all the details I couldn't put in the images itself! WARNING ITS LONG AF

I knew when I started that I wanted to convey who Alphys is in this ending in specific, while keeping characteristics seen both in Asgore and Toriel clothing.

The first thing is that I didn't gave her an armor or crown. I can see Undyne in her ending copying Asgore more and using both of those, since he was like a father figure and she wants to continue his legacy and fight to free monsterkind. Alphys, I believe, would be the opposite. Although she really liked the big guy, we need to reconize that the underground is in SHAMBLES in this ending. It almost a no mercy route. Alphys understands Asgore actions didn't work, and the hope was taken from monsters once again. It was fighting that brought the underground down, killing more humans was not an option anymore. She can't combat violence with violence. That's why the royal guard is dismissed (not that there was any left). I like to headcanon that when she first became queen she couldn't use the crown because she thought it was too much for her become the next "Asgore" and keep his plan (collecting souls from the ones who fall), but she eventually understands she can do things her OWN way.

Likewise, this is also why I didn't keep the cape but gave her a jacket. Capes are used by great kings and super-heros, there's some connection to being "bigger", "stronger" and "heroic" to capes. I can't imagine Alphys seeing herself as some "queen who will save everyone". Again, she takes some time to realize that, but she knows she is just a normal monster, like everyone else, HOWEVER everyone lost friends, family, and hope, and they can't act alone. They need a leader, someone to guide them and give them strength again. YES, she is making decisions, but she is not just "saving" everyone out of nowhere. She is making the plans (WITH HELPPP) so the monsterkind can keep their heads UP. So the long ass jacket is to vaguely remember a cape, but it is Just a Normal Jacket in the end, and it is just this long because Alphys is stills Alphys and she likes to wears baggy clothes that sometimes are kind of "whatever".

The deltarune symbol is still there since I think is just some tradition between the monsterkinds monarchs (same with the shade of purple). It is something culturally and historically important to monsters and Alphys can't just get rid of it. Maybe the meaning of it would change a little, more than what was already changed, since the idea of "savior" or "destroyer" would be kind of lost between monsters. Like, the destroyer has already been to the underground they have to move on, and maybe there'll be no Angel to save them, yknow?

Last I wanna talk about is that my girl IS STRESSEDDD. Is not easy to take leadership in a situation so hopeless like this ESPECIALLY when you were used to hide away, while just... being alone. Her friends, who supported her so much and she loved... they are gone. Asgore is gone. Mettaton is gone. Undyne is GONE....

At least she has Sans tho (THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS AND ALSO WHERE ARE MY QUEEN ALPHYS ENDING SALPHYS TRUTHERS AT????)

Anyway, just to end this already, the summary of what I think are the changes Alphys (with sans) is making:

Making the underground feel more comfortable, tbh. IF there's no hope of escaping, they at least need to learn how to LIVE. and not just "live to see if they can get out one day" NO!! they will create their lives under there, EVEN IF they ave no hope and they lost so many loved ones. They have a lot more focus on making the underground safe also, with lots of new constructions and events sometimes, and the hole from where the humans fell down is monitored 24/7. If someone falls monsters follow the direction of not interacting with it and not start fighting at any circunstancies. The queen, king, and their assistence (it's napstablook, i am a sucker for them and i have Thoughts™) will take care of this.

you can wait for more info dumping from these damn guys coming from me, just wait...

#I AM LOSING MY MIND OVER THISSS #alphys #undertale #mey art #sans #rotating this ending in my mind like a microwave mmmmmmmmm #the idea of alphys being forced into her pacifist character development in this route literally kills me #i thank carlyraejepsans for this honestly #Alphys my girllllll DEALING WITH SO MUCH GRIEF WHILE TRYING TO MAINTAIN OTHERS HOPE SKJDAKJDKADJIWEEWUOREAAAA #long post

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yuukei-yikes · 1 year

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can we get uhhhhhh some hibiya thoughts

yes. yes. yes. i fucking love hibiya. he's LITERALLY A LITTLE GUY when i got into kagepro he was one of my faves actually cuz he was the closest to my age at the time. i was 13… im 22 now! lol thats not weird at all *eye twitch* sry ive been weird abt the passage of time lately. erm wait this isnt my therapy session <- doesnt go to therapy

HIBIYA. LITTLE GUY. my thoughts on him………honestly, i recently reread all the novels and god his intro chapters were HARD to read. all the creepy stuff abt hiyori yknow. i was cringing so hard. i kinda wanna ignore it bc i'd rather do that with the weird bits kagepro has to offer, but not to get rid of it completely. like id take away hibiyas whole thing abt a collection of hiyori pics but still keep the aspect of him that worships her. and how that dynamic would COMPLETELY go away post str.

post str hibiya is VERY different from how he started out. i mean. 10 year old timeloop…. he hasn't grown at all mentally like he has to process all this with his 12 year old brain, but going through all he did he just kinda looks at things rly differently now. not obsessed with hiyori, for one…. and she's also different to him. their relationship changes drastically bc now they both respect each other LOL listen i know im annoying with my codependent relationship headcanons but… eyes hibiya and hiyori

these bitches are 12. spent 10 years watching each other die over and over and literally die for each other. AND THEN THEY GET EACH OTHER BACK? ERM. yeah theyre NOT letting go of each other. its not so much codependency as much as it is awful awful awful separation anxiety. god are there any fics of hibiya and hiyori going back home and having a breakdown at having to separate and go to their own houses (bc in the city they were living together so it doesnt hit that they need to separate until they go home)???

hiyori would still be kinda bitchy and bossy but definitely not horrible to hibiya. and also her attitude hits different when she's also always holding his hand and refusing to go anywhere without him and throwing tantrums when any of the dan members even imply any activity that would require to separate them. and she wouldnt rly be embarrassed abt it i think hiyori would be super open and vocal abt HIBIYA HAS TO BE WITH ME ALL THE TIME !!!!!! and hibiya isnt even flustered hes just like *NODDING NODDING NODDING* bc he's the same with her. girl… SEPARATION ANXIETY HIBIHIYO<3 mekadan so sick in the head <3 they have 78 undiagnosed mental illnesses <3

not to make it abt my future headcanons of psych major hibiya but. new generations man. hibiya is 10000% the one in the dan going like GUYS WHAT HAPPENED TO US WAS SOOOO MESSED UP and everyone's like lol yeah !!!! and he's like DONT LOL ABOUT THIS IM FUCKING SERIOUS??? especially since he's such a fucking outsider to everything like everyone else's been experiencing all these tragedies since they were born and he just kinda. had a normal life before? and like i said NEW GENERATIONS MAN THEYRE PSYCHOANALYSING THEMSELVES AND EVERYONE AROUND THEM…. the dan is so used to this shit that they kinda lmao rock and roll thru it and hibiyas like NO. NO. NO. EVERYONE. THERAPY. NOW!!!!!! it becomes his special interest he starts getting all into psychology and when he comes back to the city for his visits suddenly he's diagnosing everyone with stuff and the dans like *shaking* MAKE THE KID SHUT UP also realises he has separation anxiety with hiyori and works on it. hiyori is surprisingly the one most terrified of letting go. and like i said…. 10 year long time loop being processed in a 12/13 year old brain.. hibiya is SUPER self aware. he makes sure of it

ok and. heh. haruka. THE WHOLE HIBIYA HIYORI AND HARUKA THING COULD BE ITS OWN POST… SO… IM LEAVING IT HERE CUZ THIS IS ALREADY SUPER LONG but im just gonna say. hibiya's IN DENIAL of konoha being gone. he keeps expecting haruka to go away. hibiya THINKS he's super mature, and he is for his age bc of all this shit and his willingness to understand his problems and everyone else's. and everyone else also think he is mature, but this is just something he can't stop being a 12 year old about. his friend is gone! WHY does it have to be gone!?!? especially in an ending where hiyori is back. if she wasnt, then he'd be more accepting of the losses bc there were 2 both konoha and hiyori and like it becomes another whole thing abt letting go and mourning but if she is back…everything is supposed to be perfect!! everyone made it back!! why couldn't konoha? why does it have to be gone? its not fair! he doesnt care this haruka was the body's true owner!! konoha was his friend! it also deserved to live as much as this haruka guy!!! why is HE more important!!!?!?!?!? and he just. he's just insanely immature abt it. and he knows he is but truth is he's just really fucking sad and regretful about konoha being gone. i could also talk about hiyori and harukas feelings abt it but heheh yeah this is super long. erm. hibiyita el chiquito <3 hibiya throwing a tantrum in front of the whole dan abt how it isnt fair and how he wishes haruka would just die. LMAO. he is 12. if anyone has fic commissions open Eye eye

also erm wholesome one before i end it. he makes little miniature dolls of the whole dan<3 he's BAD at typing on his new smartphone but since he lives away hes always texting in the gc<3 he gets super into mobile games<3 amongus fan hibiya asking all his grownup friends with jobs and no time for amongus if anyone can play with him<3 they do bc theyre busy but there will always be time to amongus with friends<3

#ask tag #headcanons #hibiya amamiya #hiyori asahina

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cheemken · 9 months

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Okay last body swap au thought for tonight before I pass out hahah

Leon and Diantha dynamics my beloved who just loves to kill me

Like imagine after their lil impromptu meeting, everyone else was like going on what to do to make it less suspicious, Wallace and Cynthia were at each others throats really, even threatening the other to ruin their image if they so much fail, empty threats yknow, but still hahah

And just cnmdnxmd

Leon and Diantha at the far end corner of the room, just standing next to each other, they already know what to do. They know each other so goddamn well but they won't ever admit that. There's just silence between them, before Diantha finally spoke up, "your family was nice.."

A sad smile crept its way on his lips, "thanks, it's nice being with them again, yknow. Not having to stay at my own tower at Wyndon anymore."

"yes, I figured."

Silence again. Then this time, it was Leon who broke it. "Do you.. not live with your brother?"

Diantha didn't answer. She sighed. Looking away. Then she spoke, quietly, he almost missed it, "I barely see him anymore. He's always so busy with his studies, and not that I fault him for it, it's always been his dream to be the regional professor. Your brother, he wants to be a professor too, does he not?"

"yeah, ever since he lost to his rival, he decided that maybe being a professor would fit him. Sonia was more than happy to take him under her wing."

"that's nice. I'm sure he'll be a great professor one day too."

"of course he'll be, he's my brother, he'll be the best professor there is."

And god that kinda fucked her up, bc she said that once too. How she was so sure her brother will be the region's leading professor, and he was. And to hear it from Leon too, how he had the same faith in his own brother, man it's just cndmdn your honour they make me so fucking insane for real

And just cjxmd Dia going "your mother was nice as well. She reminds me of Drasna."

"one of your Elites, yeah?"

"yes. She became a mother figure for me and for Augustine. She was so kind and caring, it was a nice feeling, yknow. For the first time in our lives, we finally know what a mother's love feels like."

"..what about your actual mother?"

"I'd rather.. not talk about her." And Leon could feel phantom pains on his back, he doesn't know why, then he hears Diantha say, "I'd rather forget that part of my life." She then looks at him, "your father wasn't around, is that a normal occurrence or maybe it was timing he wasn't around."

He laughed at that, hollow, empty, "the same way with your mother, really. I'd rather not talk about the man who just left his family and only returned when his son became a famous Champion."

Ofc, she understands, she knows that feeling all too well.

And then silence once again, watching the other champions talk and plan and even try their best to impersonate the other. Leon and Diantha didn't have to try that hard. Of course they didn't. They realized how similar their lives were, they realized how lonely the other was, they realized that despite it all, they found someone who shared the same pain. In that silence, they somewhat found comfort, knowing someone truly understands them, as painful as it was.

#your honour they make me so fucking ill #like they hate each other yknow but they know a lot abt each other ur honour #and especially now having to live the life of the other #they realized how similar they were and just bcmxnxmx #OUGHHHBCMXBCMDN #its always like this when i write them omf cnxmxn #ough i have more concepts abt them but imma post tomorrow hahah #maybe before my class since wed just have an orientation tomorrow anyways hahah #body swap au #pokemon champions

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beeben · 1 month

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So I was going through some Krieg fics on AO3 and found your story "Monstrous"... Fuck that hit way too close to home. It was so amazingly written, I can sympathize bc I suffer with self loathing in my worse times, some of it was like seeing my own thoughts written out in front of me. I'm 1000% going to be reading Paging Doctor Samuels once I get the time to, I can tell its something you've had a passion for based on how much content you have going for it. Keep up the amazing writing 💙

AUUUUUGHHH THANK YOUUU monstrous is honestly one of my favorite things ive ever written like i poured my GUTS into that thing brother. I try so hard to capture him right. Hes always been a challenge for me because of a few reasons, i try to keep his thought patterns as realistic as i can with also acknowledging that hes like. Not normal yknow??? I don't like going oh psycho krieg sane krieg babbling back and forth i dont think real people work like that (even in someone with DID. I don't think he does have DID i just think he has a compartmentalized personality and schizo-affective disorder.) I don't like saying a specific disorder because i think that ties him too much to real life and it devalues people who have like schizophrenia or bipolar or other real cluster b personality disorders.. i dont think its right to add a real label to a character they specifically made to be an ahhh crazy psycho dude...... THAT BEING SAID! i think he (especially in the dlc) is one of the more respectful renditions of a severe mental illness that ive seen and i do want to keep him in that vein of believability.

Him saying "my other self" is referring to what everyone thinks is psycho krieg, but to me when I look at that, its not different from him. He says "my other self" to distance himself from things he finds revolting/stuff hed "never do". I think his body image is one of the leading things that effect this and thats kinda why i wrote this. He looks in the mirror and he doesnt see himself. He sees a thing that someone else made and attached his soul to. a lot of what i focus on with him is the acceptance stage in grief, i think thats the hardest part and people definitely back track a lot.

Hes grieving his past self. Its a big issue for him. He misses something he doesn't remember, and thinking of it for too long scares him. He feels stuck. He feels stupid. He feels like hes lost.

Mayas kinda like an anchor for him. Not in a manic pixie dream girl type of way- i dont think either of them see her as that- but like a support system. Everyone benefits from someone who can ground you during a crisis and i don't necessarily think it has to be a romantic partner but in this case it is, cus she knows him well enough and she sees and can identify the signs of him when hes going through it.

Krieg to me is a very private person. He puts on a persona to people for defense. The fact that Maya can see right through it makes him WILDLY uncomfortable. Cus he's always been taught that in order to be a good partner for someone (a man with a woman specifically) you cant act dangerous or threatening at all to them or else its predatory and youre seen like an abuser. He thinks his whole being is dangerous. Its not really that he struggles with masculinity, thats not a problem for him really its more like hes been told that he SPECIFICALLY is undesirable, he specifically is overly violent, hes too big, hes too unhinged to be in a healthy relationship with a woman. (This goes back further than the experimentation i feel like his mother specifically had something to do with his self image + why he became a mercenary in the first place.)

Maya doesn't care about that. Shes had like . 0000000001% of the romantic/sexual experience that he's had she does NOT know what a typical relationship looks like whatsoever. She doesnt even call him her boyfriend she doesn't define relationships like that at all. They're partners thats what she sees. Theyre equals to eachother. Mayas just as if not more fucked in the head as he is, and twice as dangerous.

She'll support him through anything he needs and she loves him for his uniqueness and his roughness and his WHOLE personality not just what he thinks is likeable about him. His thought process getting with her started as " she can see that deep down im not a monster" to "shed still be there even if i was a monster and still feel the same way" its subtle but its emotionally wrecking to him because that means she's really not there to coddle him. Its not tough love like you and i would say necessarily but he has this image in his head that if he found true love hed go "back to normal" and if he doesn't then hes not trying hard enough. He's gotta accept he'll never be normal and that's completely fine.

With that though comes loneliness. Even if he accepts hes different its still very isolating. It doesn't have to be though, especially in borderlands.

Krieg is still human. Thats probably the most important thing to me. He looks a little funny but his heart beats red blood and his head is full of deep philosophy and love and emotions that only people can experience.

Sentience is a blessing and i feel like he needs to learn that that blessing includes him :) thanks for reading.

#me rambling #borderlands #krieg the psycho #maya the siren #psyren #now pds is a different story thats Mayas Story #his part of it i still think holds these themes but its definitely mostly about her #i can go into that more later if you want but if you havent read it yet i wouldn't want to spoil #thanks for sending this btw it makes me feel warm inside

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rainecreatesstuff · 1 year

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I shall happily ask for information on the limited life clocks, shall you answer?

((I wanna know all of the clockworthy secrets >:3))

ok this is just copy-pasted from another answer but-

T.I.E.S:

Tango - stopwatch. Lil reference to him running the death games in s1 and 2, also to match his general sense of urgency. Also can be used for red stone timing

Mean Gills:

Martyn - simple, easy to read and glance at, can be clipped to a weapon or tool so he can see it easily, imbued with his status as a follower of the listeners.

Nosy Neighbours:

Pearl - locket. Unseen in drawing, but a wolf’s head is carved into the front. Phases of the moon show how much time she has left rather than numbers. A gold heart awarded to each of the victors.

BigB - cookie clock! Lighthearted and fun, shows bigb’s brand a bit, not really intense or complex, showing how bigb tends to be pretty upfront and chill throughout the games

The Clockers:

The Bad Boys:

#limited life #bdouble0 #zombiecleo #gtws #grian #joel smallishbeans #jimmy solidarity #tangotek #skizzleman #impulse sv #ethoslab #scott smajor #martyn inthelittlewood #pearlescentmoon #bigbstatz #raine answers

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