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#be happy for the younger generations for a change
adore-gregor · 2 months
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ugh
#altough it got better in a way my self confidence is still so bad :(#some days it's worse than others it changes with my mood or idk#just lately i have been feeling kinda down about myself#i just have never been this naturally confident person and i feel like i'm not enough or not doing enough a lot at times :/#when i was younger it was even worse and i thought of myself that no guy would ever like me bc i'm so not good looking#obviously that was not true and guys do like me and i would not go that far anymore but often i look at myself and think average at best#even though that might not even be true and sometimes i like what i look like in a mirror but i think to myself just good lighting or sth#and so often when i see a bad picture of myself i feel so ashamed like i'd just wish i looked differently#and when guys tell me i'm pretty or also other people i find it so difficult to believe that like i don't see that in myself#but it does not make a sense i know others don't think of me like that also guys i think of as a attractive but i don't see myself like that#but it's not just that i often also feel doubtful i will ever achieve much#i always think i should be finished with uni already or have better grades#and mostly that i'm not smart enough in general#but my grades are not even bad and i'm not failing any classes#like i just got another a in that class (i'm actually really happy about that one) but then i think okay but some people have all a's#like i could do better i could study harder#unfortunately i'm a master of procrastination as well 😅 and quite good at lol#what i mean is that i manage to study very little compared to others and still get good grades - sounds good but keeps me lazy 😅#and i also think when i achieve a good grade often that i don't deserve it that much because i could have studied more#and that i just got lucky which is not very rational i know 😅#or once i actually just passed an exam (i studied the night before) and i though yeah the teacher just felt sorry for me and let me pass#realistically i don't think it was like that#and at uni i studied for big exams which were feared by students for 2 days and got a b#which should indicate i'm somewhat smart but i think i just know the right study techniques and got lucky again#altough i do know good study techniques i think :))#buuut sometimes i do things which are so dumb like i do have these moments my mind is going like blank#and it's not difficult things even#like in football we did this exercise of a series of passes and everyone got it but me until a few tries like how is this harder#i'm just kind of bad at envisioning like this series 3 dimensionally in my mind idk i usually get it once i do it and remember the movement#what it feels like
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mbat · 4 months
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i hate so deeply the fact that im so paranoid that any person i enjoy online is secretly a horrible person
like theres been so many youtubers that have been awful people that its left me scared that every single one of them is awful and so im sitting here overanalyzing against my will and reminding myself every 5 minutes not to get too attached
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danny-chase · 2 years
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is geoff johns run on the Teen Titans considered good by people?
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yeonban · 11 months
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Thinking about Soma's room(...s) and how there DEFINITELY is a family portrait from his childhood hanged up on one of the walls in there somewhere. It's nowhere near the entry door nor where it'd be easy to spot if you simply walked in to talk to him (both because others have no business seeing it and because he isn't the biggest fan of seeing his bright smile and sparkling eyes from back then and be reminded that that kid is dead now) but he hasn't thrown it out nor put it in a storage room because in the end, that's all he has left of his family and as much as it hurts to look at his own childhood self, it's comforting to look at Kiyomune when he misses him or has had a nightmare about his death.
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pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
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Idk if anyone wants to know where the meow stim (and squeaky stim) came from but I do have a story.
The quick and easy explanation (at least as far as I remember) is that I used to repeat "shut up shut up shut up shut up" every time I thought about some situation where I fucked up. But I was like "oh that's a bad what do replace with?" And I think I eventually replaced it a meow. It also has the bonus of working a million time better bc repeating shut up would agitate me but a meow like. Legit just shuts up my brain lmao.
But now it's a stim I use a lot when overwhelmed or even just existing in addition to its original purpose.
#oh thats nice#im happy#diary#personal#stim#but i also have always mimicked animals as a stim. so a lot of them come from that. im pretty sure i used to meow when younger too#i also hiss. tho i do it much less than i used to. also...shake? or stretch. when i get the tingly feeling#oh then theres popping my lips. whistling. and a few little things i hum that i must finish when i start them#the hums are very specific and always happen when im thinking about a decition or something generally.#poping is an idle stim used to replace the whistle so i dont startle the bunny. same goes for snapping my fingers i think?#...the popping my lips started with me mimicking it from an anime lmao. and from there i couldnt stop XD#i have a lot more stims too. i just like my vocal ones a lot and wanted to talk about those.#i also have a lot of meows? purs? idk theyre sorta like a sigh to me ig?#theyre a very old one so im trying to remember where it comes from but cant quite? probably a meow originally.#oh! also i learned how to nuzzle things from rabbits and pkmn (no i wont explain) oh probably cats too.#i used to do this to my mom a lot when i was younger bc weird behavior was okay back then?#and i also used it with boyfriends when cuddling. but now its mostly for my stuffed animals (like always lmao)#that ones a rly huge show of affection for me lmao. like. my feelings during that are very strong ig?#i also have dermitilimania probably. cuz ive always picked and rubbed at my skin. but it doesnt hurt me bc i think i changed it to not#ive legitimately always done this one. only learned what it was later. but if im chilling im always doing it.#like while reading or talking to friends. and no. i will not stop this. since it doesnt rly damage my skin as far as im aware.#i just pick at what is... dust ig? idk.#...i also have always picked my nose and i cannot stop that bc i get so uncomfortable if my snot dries in my nose. fucking hate it.#also rubbing feet together when i sleep is and always has been necessary since i can remember.#i once asked my mom about it and she did it too so just said everyone does itm#i have now found out that not everyone does it tho. cuz ppl complained about how much i move in bed lmao.#i also hate when others move when sleepimg next to me tho. like!!! ur shaking the whole bed!!!! stop!!!!!!#i dont feel like trying to rememebr more. bye.
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prettycottagequeer · 1 month
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ok maybe I'm a little late to this BUT I'm gonna do a to-do list motivation thingy because I've had the worst two weeks since I started college :)
SO these I should start on asap:
50 I make the snack I really want but I haven't had the motivation to make
100 I clean my dorm. another thing I've been meaning to do for a week
150 I do the presentation about mid-victorian fashion I've been putting off (due Monday)
200 I start memorizing the monologue that was due a week ago (now due Tuesday)
these can wait longer:
300 I spend time outside. It's so nice but I'm getting stuck scrolling because I feel like shit. vicious cycle ect
500 I start setting a better weekend routine (aka getting up before noon)
1k I start working out again. I was doing a routine to get more masc and build muscle and I liked it but life hit me like Crowley driving the Bentley and I've missed like 3 weeks
2k I buy my first binder. I've been coping with sports bras for almost a year now and I haven't been able to justify spending $50+ on a binder even though I know I'd love it and use it everyday.
Do I tag people? I don't know but I'm going to. @the-globe-theatre-maggot @weirdly-specific-but-ok @howmanyholesinswisscheese
here's just some context if you want to read, feel free to skip. some of this I've talked about in the maggot server, some I haven't, but I really just need a place for this to go that's out of my head. tw homophobia, transphobia, car crash(??)
How I Have Been Run Over By The Bentley Going 90 In Central London What Feels Like 50 Times In The Last Two Weeks
I'm going to college about 4 hours away from my parents, and it's been really nice. They.. suck, to say the least. transphobic/homophobic ect, super traditional conservative catholic, racist, all of it. so i tried to move somewhere where I wouldn't have to think about them and I could be myself and do what I can to be happy. March 1st was the start of my spring break, which meant going home because the dorms close. I was already not excited, but I was prepared. the problem with being away from home is I forget just how bad they are. My optimism gets the better of me and I think maybe this time they'll be better. so I decided to not hide my septum piercing.
that was a mistake. it starts a whole fight where they say we know you're trans, you're actually a girl and you always will be, we have the bones argument, they think I'm being influenced by demons or something (if only they knew about crowley) because I want to change my name, and they tell me that going on t will completely ruin my body and give me cancer and other things. They're also mad about my dyed hair, septum, and general style, and say I'm setting a terrible example for my (5) younger siblings and make it a point to tell me just how much of a disappointment I am. I think I'm pretty cute and fun but y'know, whatever. very fun time. I lie so much, don't give them any more details about my identity, and say I'm not planning to go on t to save my ass. which is all on instinct which makes me feel worse because if I'm really trans I should be able to stand up for that, right? maybe I'm faking the dysphoria.
the next morning I wake up really sick, and spend the rest of the week sick and feeling like shit because I'm home and back in the same place and situation I was a year ago that I thought I escaped. at one point I pretty much lose my voice but also kind of get gender euphoria from it. it's weird.
On Friday it's time for me to drive back 4 hours to school, and I make it about 3/4 of the way when google maps takes me on a random gravel road and I crash my car, really crash my car, like sideways-in-a-ditch-windows-broken-crawling-up-out-the-door crash it in the middle of nowhere. (I was fully paying attention to the road, it was raining and super slick) I call my parents because I have no one else to call and I sit in a Subway for 3 hours while they drive to get my car. when they get there they're (understandably) really mad, and they tell me that I'm not mature enough to be going to school so far away and I need to get my shit together and stop depending on them. which. is probably true. but made me feel even more stupid about the fact that I crashed my car. I get back to school and I'm still Very Sick with no energy or motivation to do anything. So I've spent the last week trying to get better and honestly to do anything. it hasn't really worked. I'm a lot better health-wise (Not emotionally), still sick but I have a lot of work due, so I really need a push to get started
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whatbigotspost · 11 months
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Every time I hear someone much older than me talking about how their shame about their bodies and weight have robbed them of all kinds of fun experiences and simple joys and delights in life, it breaks my fucking heart. Older women, in particular, have been shamed into and forced into (and perpetuated themselves) so many stupid narratives about what one "can't do" if you look a certain way. Sometimes they don't even notice it...they'll just casually be saying something like, "I would have loved to play volleyball back in school but this big ass wasn't going to look right in those shorts tee hee" and I'm like that's??? actually??? tragic???????? Especially when it's something they COULD still pursue or try but they've got a fixed mindset about it.
My 84 year old aunt really spent all of her 30s-60s believing that she COULDN'T just put on a swimsuit and enjoy the water in the summer. I have so many memories of this mindset affecting her all summer. Just casually existing by a pool in a swimsuit was something that women who looked like her Could Not Do. This is someone who broke so many gender barriers in her field, who was a pioneer and a bad ass, but who held herself back from something she truly enjoyed for DECADES because she's fat. A couple of years ago she told me how stupid she feels having thought like that now that her age has changed her mobility and safety in going to a pool and it's no longer literally possible for her to do so.
She bought the bullshit and deprived herself of happiness when it was possible, so she lost her chance at hundreds of moments of simple enjoyment she now looks back on sadly.
Really sadly.
I think this is a topic where we can literally see a huge generational change among society right now. The bitchy boomer who says something like, "oh she should NOT be wearing that" when a happy, chunky Gen Zer bops by in a crop top sounds like the death rattles of an ancient relic to most of us in younger generations. After we get over the overt hate that surges when we hear things like that, most of us can see right through that prickly exterior into the deeply damaged, sad, and vulnerable person inside who is the one that's the real problem in the equation.
And yet, while it can be easy to think, "Thank god I'm not like THAT" none of us are truly immune to the messages that are blasted in our faces all the time that still shame fatness and make us feel like we owe society a certain kind of "beauty."
Just keep an eye out for any limiting beliefs you have that are depriving you from joy and delight you want and need. As anyone like my aunt could tell you, you won't someday look back and think, "I sure am glad I didn't do what made me happy all those years!"
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norris55s · 7 months
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mastermind - lando norris
kelce sibling reader x lando norris social media au
a/n: the whole taylor x travis ordeal gave me this vision and i couldn’t get it out of my head so this is the materialization of my brain rot! everything is possible if you’re delusional enough 🧡 face claim is xandra pohl (if u know u know her tiny connection to f1 and it’s just funny if u ask me)
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y/nkelce
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liked by killatrav, jason.kelce, landonorris and 67,286 others
y/nkelce: in light of my brother successfully shooting his shot with literal taylor swift, i’m thinking about shooting my shot with landonorris 💕
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brocedeslove: the nfl and f1 crossover we need
kelcechief: u thought trav was delusional and unhinged, wait until you meet y/n
norrisvlog: you call it delusional, they call it manifesting. lando just liked the post
killatrav: Jesus
jason.kelce: You are both insane
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newheightshow
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liked by 80,682
newheightshow: Jason and Travis’ younger sister guests on today’s episode of their podcast to answer the questions everyone’s been asking 👀
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y/nkelce: always a pleasure to get cooked by my big bros
carlosleclercs: im so serious someone spill what she said im at work
mclarenorris: tbh a lot of the questions were not about lando but more roasting her in general, but travis was like “how did the trick work on you?” and she just laughed and said “like it worked on you”
sainzsmooth: jason also asked her if she had plans to attend future motorsports events lmao and she was like sure if i’m invited
lando81: does she even know abt f1 or is she just like after lando for his looks
kelceworld: she mostly knows nfl (duh) but she follows many sports plus norris would be lucky to bag her
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y/nkelce
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liked by landonorris and 76,692 others
y/nkelce: the fact that i am saying this is insane but pic creds for trav’s game night: taylorswift - at MetLife Stadium
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landonorris: cheesin
y/nkelce: smiles all around
twitchquartet: there is no way
scuderianorris: i am hallucinating
holyleclerc: the chaos taylor swift, travis kelce, lando norris and y/n kelce are causing in the sports world, music world and influencer world
swiftielore: honestly this is all changing my life’s trajectory
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f1waggossip
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liked by 56,873
f1waggossip: The story keeps unfolding! y/nkelce ‘s best friend seems to expose they are attending today’s race at the Circuit of the Americas with McLaren, as per her Instagram stories. What do you think? 👀
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landonorris
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liked by y/nkelce, carlossainz55, oscarpiastri and 1,872,629 others
landonorris: cota, it’s been real. thanks for the P2 🧡
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y/nkelce: congrats or whatever 🧡
landolover: i can’t believe my eyes right now he just hard soft launched y/n
kelcesrep: the manifestation powers run in the family, they masterminded this shit
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y/nkelce
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liked by landonorris, lilyzneimer, killatrav and 106,692 others
y/nkelce: mexico, te amo 🇲🇽
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landonorris: wrong part of mexico
y/nkelce: i’m sure mexico city’s grand prix deeply missed the fun i brought to cota
lilyzneimer: it did 🥺
ricciardobutterflies: i still can’t believe my damn eyes
carlandonation: she is so pretty wtf
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landonorris
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liked by y/nkelce, carlossainz55, mclaren and 1,982,927 others
landonorris: been dreaming of this since i was a little kid. P1 in vegas. thank you so much mclaren ayayayayya🧡🧡🧡
carlossainz55: Congratulations muppet! 🍾💪🏼
lewishamilton: So happy for you, congrats!
oscarpiastri: Big up mate!
y/nkelce: so very proud
norrisrepera: i haven’t stopped crying since he crossed the finish line but the fact that he included y/n in his post celebrating his first ever f1 win just destroyed me
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y/nkelce
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liked by killatrav, jason.kelce, landonorris and 150,038 others
y/nkelce: papaya weekend! i love u, im so proud landonorris
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landonorris: i love u, delusion works
y/nkelce: delusion created us and let you beat the lando nowins allegations 🧡
lilyzneimer: cutest!
killatrav: Congrats landonorris 💪🏼
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lando.jpg
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liked by y/nkelce, daniel3.jpg, lnfour and 345,692 others
lando.jpg: las vegas celebrations debrief
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y/nkelce: u did me so dirty
landonorris: nah, i manifested myself the prettiest girl
y/nkelce: what if i told you im a mastermind
daniel3.jpg: ah the love
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azure-cherie · 7 months
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|𝑃𝐿𝑈𝑇𝑂 𝐴𝑆𝑃𝐸𝐶𝑇𝑆 |
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What does Pluto represent?
It represents regeneration, metamorphosis, to change and become into something new , it represents innermost feelings, what have you discarded, thrown locked away , it can show where your blockages might be , and acknowledging them and healing them will lead you to embody yourself more , the core step of regeneration is acception so accept yourself for all the darks and lights and greys they will show you your own soul beautiful, empowering, unfearful.
This post is based on what's observed if it doesn't resonate please check other placements 🌷 This post can be read for tropical as well as vedic astrology however in vedic the outer planets don't matter as much .
Tw : I have tried to be honest and some stuff can be triggering please know that these are general observations
Masterlist paid services
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Sun 🌞
Conjunct: These people go through a lot early on , like rejections, rumours that their kindness is fake , as they get older they get famous for a new look of theirs for example, someone maybe known for being a chocolate boy when younger but they age like fine wine as they get older , they like to take major risks in life . Their energy stays hidden from people who don't appreciate it in a way they will only embody their true self when they're truely appreciated . Their inner child is oftentimes locked and can be accessed and healed through breathing exercises, sunbathing, helping out poor children or lost souls.
Trine : They are known mostly for having a profound balance in what they do , like a beauty with brains type of vibe , they get famous for things they do authentically , are you ready to show yourself to the world if yes it will take you for all that you got , now you choose . A good placement for bombshell beauties , they are known for their unique looks eg : Angelina jolie, grace kelly , really revolutionary.
Sextile: They have a very experimental fashion and with every look of theirs , their outlook towards life changes , change in styles give them growth . Might be kind of control freaks and perfectionists but they actually work best in chaos and unpredictability gains a lot for them. Men with this are known to be very brave and powerful. People with this take challenges and criticism very well and use it to their advantage .let go of the mentality that society will only love you when you have all of the best things , infact the people who love you will love you regardless.
Square: These people literally have cults , their views are so strong that only people who really want to believe and deal take them , they will throw your triggers at your face. Believers of tough love , they might be a little too misunderstood, it takes time for people to get through their layers . You may think , here finally i know this person, but you'll be shocked about how much more they have to offer .
Opposite: These people have a lot of internal struggles , they often choose the wrong people to trust , fame isn't the best thing for them , a quite luxurious happy life is something they are content with . They have a very sophisticated face , they have a look of I'm satisfied but watch me do more kinda face . They are often famous for their aesthetic choices . Tw : fame may lead to early death , unless they learn to navigate it .
Moon 🌙
Conjunct: People have too many views about them and their mental health, they may suffer from a lot but you don't have to remind them , they already know and are working. They have a great spectrum of emotions and can be well known for writing their innermost thoughts. Intuitive and good at channeling and connected to their daimon. Divine inspiration always leads them . They have a very enticing and captivating face . Sometimes their speech is confusing, but they are trying to do good for you , might be a little rough at times.
Trine : They are intellectual and can provide anyone with sufficient motivation to do something. Good at telepathy and communication. They hold the power to influence people for good and bad . Have an easy navigation about their emotions. Some people might hate or be jealous because of how well they can navigate their triggers.
Sextile: They are soft and pure hearted , oftentimes known for their activism and support all the people around them with open hearts , it's a good placement for psychologists . They are known to persist despite all the hurdles around them . They like punk rock , and like to speak on dark topics for the welfare of society . Liked by many because of their authenticity .
Square : They like to mainly stay away from social media , as too much presence leads to people building wrong assumptions about them . They have revolutionary and conflicting views about things . These people regret not taking the right action at the right time . Can turn out to be manipulative and self sabotaging .
Opposite: They can be narcissistic, too absorbed. Though they introduce new trails of ideas , their speech is oftentimes too extreme and unacceptable. They are well known for their work . Known for their sad personality they feel things really deeply and are often confused about their own emotions. They have deep voices. People can really relate to their cries for help , they just need to have peace with themselves, and know that not everything shouldn't be known by everyone.
Mars ♦️
Conjunct : makes one a visionary for change , sometimes destruction. They have violent control of their emotions. Feels isolated initially which they turn into super power and channel it through their art and daily life . They can give great advice on just about anything, people trust them but also fear them .
Trine : hates to be ignored , when someone disregards them they get in moods of ignorance . Likes attention. They attract men who are a bit passive aggressive. Good at calisthenics , a lot of people consider their body to be a piece of art . Prone to knee injuries.
Sextile : common placement for royalty and fame after marriage ( rich powerful men ) . The people with this placement need to learn to love themselves, can be too fixated on others to love them which in turn creates a void, when they are developed , they enjoy themselves a lot , a very nice business mind and can give a good sense of life and the game of it . Lowkey reminds me of Shera .
Square : They like boyish clothing, can be stuck in scandals for example : Mila kunis for her age, courtney for the m*****r of Kurt, Kristin Stewart for cheating . They have a great sense of confidence , people try to copy them a lot . Usually they are trend setters in rare sectors . They tend to have a pull for life and the purpose of it but are confused often .
Opposite: Gives one strong sense of justice , however at times it could bounce back on them , for example they raised their voice against some injustice, it indeed hampers their image . Being a mediator is a peaceful case for them but if they choose to go for their heart that is true, they experience turbulence , initially until they realise life is all about give and take . Might give you a square face and lean body .
Venus 🦪
Conjunct : god knows you know about the deadly charm they exude , when Venus is conjunct pluto every step that you take towards healing and facing that is coming towards you , you are blessed in beauty ( how don't ask me try ) you become so self assured and so much more confident, they also have an air of knowing a lot even though they are still learning holy shit the grasp they have upon us .
Trine : These people can really turn their hurt into their power , they strive to get something in life, they know that whatever happens they can get out of it, so beautifully reminds me of the phoenix , rise like a beautiful song .
Sextile : you're intense you're full of depth and beauty, they have deep philosophical and in the core know that money cant buy all happiness but it's essential for their survival, they know how to strike a balance in life and really are the masters of their own fate
Square : Venus and Pluto forming squares gives one a drastic drive to be their authentic self to accept themselves in all their forms be it good bad or weird they aren't afraid to go through the little deaths in the self discovery of finding themselves again and again . They have many aha moments as they are always learning something new about themselves.
Opposite: this placement could bring internal struggles about looks and money , they think they can't manifest money but it's already written, these placements agree for you to accept them and work with them for your benefit. However this could also lead to them having a god complex and a feeling that they can do no wrong .
Jupiter ✨
Conjunct : These people are one of a kind very wise and you know those kinda people who give great advice because they have f*****d up in real time so with all they have gone through they try to live the best lives for themselves and everyone around them , these people are also very lucky in gambling, lottery and stock market .
Trine : blessed in marriage and business with people who see themselves in their true aura and still choose to love them. These people are dominating and they know what they want , don't like people correcting them too much.
Sextile : with a trine in this position one might go through this thing of being bad or fluctuating with money , once you have a lot other time you're blaming yourself for spending too much but be assured that no matter what , what you lose you will earn it back again too . They like to help the oppressed and the outcast .
Square : when in square you really go through the challenging times , the key to why you're great is because you can always self discover yourself again that's why the people around you see you in such a light of a leader , you're like a hierophant to the lost people because you found yourself again .
Opposite: you might feel unlucky that your luck doesn't work in your favour but her we talk about the solution so the thing is you're meant to work alright this pretty much like working on a child , you have to love your inner child so much so truly . you work hard for the benefits they work a little late but they def work c'mon it's with jupiter ain't no way jup ain't blessing you.
Mercury 🖊️
Conjunct: they know that the emotions they have good or bad are a result of innermost issues , very aware of their problems and solutions . Makes one a very good person to go for advice . Good in the logical sector , they like to chill or spend time reading stuff. They study or seek mental stimulation in times of distress
Trine : they can bring out their innermost desires easily through art and literature, healing when it comes to skin is fast for them , their brains work in a very result oriented manner , they think about the consequences and possibilities before doing something drastic . Makes one a lover of fiction of all kinds .
Sextile : They really find inspiration in the things most people don't see . They pay attention to the things most people ignore and find a way to use it to get a hold of information. These are the people with a variety of information in all sectors ,though conjunction and trine gives the intelligence, they choose to restore more as a built mechanism to enchant people
Square: this gives a hard time accepting this for what they truly are might lead to some anxiety and adhd issues , this could make one scared of changes . Early age bullying could be seen but with time , the youth of mercury and the resilience of Pluto makes one a visionary, someone who knows so much.
Opposite: might have a hard time to channel logic , though their emotions are alright . Might fall for fake promises and they have to work on their people pleasing tendencies. This gives one a hunger to do better in life , eventually they see that all that their mind is feeding them isn't true and they can always do better than what they have been taught .
Saturn 🪐
Conjunct :makes one a very disciplined person , they strive to work hard . You know the lana lyric " I'm doing it for all of us who never got the chance , and all my birds of Paradise " like wise they work hard so everyone around them can be happy and healthy, they make great people to bond with if you wanna succed in life and are looking for like minded people.
Trine : they are very hardworking towards what they want very goal oriented people. One thing i have seen is they can never work unless their work space is really clean , an organised view of things make their mind work better . People see them as someone who can be stiff at times , you can sometimes let loose is alright and appreciated to enjoy life .
Sextile : This works kind of like Saturn retrograde, the initial obstacles remain while Saturn gives the bad later in life when one has proven worthy to have something . Since life has thrown away them a lot of times they learn to be really humble , and try to assess all the possibilities before being sad about something. They understand that life is what you make it.
Square : might have a hard time following routines , they blame their luck a lot for having problems . When they get into healing themselves they have to deal with a lot of intense inner conflict and they might not take it very well , however to have a strong mind one has to deal with this tw might fall into depression. They come out stronger than ever knowing the power of free will .
Opposition: they believe rules are meant to be broken and i believe though this is opposition and might be malefic but being with Saturn and Pluto this gives one a very idgaf mentality which it turns out good for most times as one doesn't spend too much time contemplating. Might ignore their problems at times . But once in life the urge to get their life on track will occur and they will set things right for themselves. They want what they want by hook or by crook .
Uranus 🪻
Conjunct : They orchestrate changes, they are potent in telling people why they should do some things and why some things will bring them the better , they can really motivate people to live life for themselves. Usually they have strong sense of justice and remain very grounded .
Trine : They are free spirited, charming people , one thing about them is they can really see what others don't they can really put up the themes regarding what's beautiful and what's ugly and bring it to the world , work really hard to bring about equality in the society .
Sextile : This is a placement for the psychics healers and mystical beings , they learn that their position in the world is to heal and through their consistent efforts they heal themselves as well as others . They might find themselves in a state of dilemma sometimes as they are always energized with new ideas , they learn to channel it eventually.
Square : people with this can be a little stiff and scared about changes , they want things to be the same but to realise life's all about changes and how good one does to cope with it . These people are also very good at keep people on their toes. They guide themselves back to themselves. With this placement you don't loose your sense of self.
Opposite: A lot of people have their eyes on them and every move they make so they feel anxious and try to avoid changes . This placement can make one a control freak but if you choose to have faith in yourself and flow sometimes in life you will see the beauty of things that aren't forced , changes are necessary, cultivate the courage it requires to change .
Neptune 🌀
Conjunct : makes one a good artist , bestows beauty , other worldliness . Your dreams make so much impact in you daily life . Manifestation is your power you make it work for you all the damn time . It could bestow good healing powers and career in the therapy sector of all kinds. And this gives so much mystery to people.
Trine : They find very creative ways to channel their energy, might make one a bit lazy . They can work their emotions in a very creative way and achieve great things in life on the basis of their belief systems . Also good at predictions and reiki and astrology.
Sextile : These people are always full of surprises they have so much to give to the world , often they can come off as delusional but eventually they prove everyone wrong by getting all they want . However to warn the laziness if given a chance to grow will grow, so avoid it and go make the life you deserve
Square :. They have bizarre dreams , they aspire for a dreamland and seek ways to make the world a paradise , this in positive sense as they work hard to do things their way . Their homes are always so pretty and decorated . They can make anyone relax and calm down from the chaos . To truly grow in life they have to move with wisdom and have to accept all changes and chances with bravery.
Opposite : tw , this could lead to some sort of depression, addiction or inner conflicts , they seem and feel lonely or left out , they are great artists but their minds might be a little dark place to be in . To channel this energy properly is one great thing to live with the darkness and transmute it into light is great . Be sure of what you want and never ever bow down to what is trying to bring you down
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wttcsms · 21 days
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angels like you can't fly down here with me (i'm everything they say i would be), megumi fushiguro ;
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pairing megumi fushiguro x f!reader word count 11k  synopsis people like him don't get happy endings but megumi fushiguro (foolishly) considers himself to be the exception — after all, he has you. content contains yakuza au, childhood friends to lovers, mutual pining, breeding kink, slight daddy kink, attempted sa, minor violence & depictions of blood author's note if ur on my ao3, you know this is from 2021!!! my writing has changed up since then, but i'm going to be releasing a revised version of this which will be rewritten and feature more scenes, more worldbuilding, more plot, relationship and character development, etc!! i figured releasing this on tumblr would help me gauge how worthwhile revision of this fic will be, so lmk if u like this au & want to see it become even better <3
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Don’t do it.
He repeats the command inside his head again, and then one more time for good measure. (And then another time, just to drive the point across.)
He won’t — can’t; isn’t really allowed to — get into (another!) fight.
(Well, there’s a part of Megumi that knows that despite Gojo’s sing-songy warning of “now, now, Megumi, I don’t need a frequent visitor’s card for the principal’s office”, he doesn’t actually care. All he’s really concerned about — if the mild interest the reckless teenager turned legal guardian shows can even be called that — is whether or not Megumi wins.
And he does.
Every. Single. Time.)
For the most part, Megumi Fushiguro is fairly stoic in general, but to a concerning degree when one accounts for the fact that he’s only ten years old. For the odd three or so years he’s been under Gojo’s wing, Megumi’s mask of disinterest stopped becoming a mask and started becoming a part of him.
(Try as he might, Gojo’s not nearly as funny as he thinks he is. Maybe the connection between them might have been stronger if Gojo was a bit more responsible and if he was actually present, but he’s got his own shit to deal with. Besides, Gojo’s under the impression that what he’s doing isn’t cruel, but rather a means to an end. Megumi’s never going to be able to get stronger if he doesn’t learn how to survive on his own.
After all, being alone and having to fight to survive is the life people like them live.)
The older preteens in the area have a bad habit of picking on the younger students. Because the elementary and middle schools are so close together, the younger students who have the misfortune of walking alone tend to be targets for bullies in need of pocket change or a good laugh. Most of the time, they get both.
As of late, everyone’s favorite target happens to be Megumi Fushiguro, the boy with the messy black hair and indifferent attitude, even when confronted by boys two years his senior and almost a whole entire head taller than him.
Last week, Megumi gave the three older boys dumb enough to harass him for money bloody noses, bruised egos, and a thirst for revenge. That was the first (and supposed to be the last) time he got into a fight (for this school year, at least — something Gojo had told him, while winking). So, even when the trio is back together again, taunting him and trying to get him to take the first swing, Megumi keeps walking forward with his perpetual look of disinterest, those cold blue eyes of his staring straight at the path ahead of him, never paying any mind to the gangly bodies of the middle school boys who keep trying to block him from moving.
Don’t do it.
He tells himself this once more. You don’t want to have to inconvenience Gojo. Then, you’ll be stuck listening to him pretend to lecture you. You don’t like spending too much time with Gojo. He’ll make weird jokes. 
The thought of having to deal with Gojo’s presence is enough to get Megumi to unclench his fists.
“Move.”
It’s the first thing he says to the group since they started following him after school. He tells the boy with the brown hair this. The brunet seems to be their ringleader of sorts, and even as nothing more than a ten year old child, Megumi knows that being twelve/thirteen and harassing little kids for sport is a sign of patheticness that will only grow and fester into something darker unless someone beats some sense into them. Obviously, they didn’t learn their lesson from last week.
“Huh? What the hell did ya just say, ya little brat?” The brown haired boy sneers, looking down at Megumi.
School has just let out, so there are dozens of kids of all ages walking down the sidewalk. They’re all aware of the situation happening, but everyone chooses to turn a blind eye to it. Partly because this is such a common occurrence that it just starts to become something that blends into the scenery, but also because there are some rumors surrounding the Fushiguro kid that’s enough to make anyone with a heart of gold reluctant to come to his rescue.
The main rumor circulating around the school is that Megumi Fushiguro has ties to the yakuza. Granted, most kids his age have no idea what the yakuza is, and even those who somewhat know only know through exaggerated definitions from their older siblings. Generally, everyone just accepts the fact that the yakuza is bad, and by default, Megumi Fushiguro must be bad too. Older siblings tell their younger siblings to avoid “that boy” at all costs, unless they want to end up with a finger cut off. Megumi’s classmates huddle together and conveniently choose to look everywhere else but at him when on the playground.
For anyone else, this might have been enough to cause some hurt feelings. Everyone thinks the boy must be some type of stupid to be so oblivious to the rumors centered around him, but the truth is this: Megumi is well aware of what people whisper about behind his back; he just doesn’t care enough to prove them wrong.
And they’re not wrong, anyway.
(For some parts of the rumors, at least.)
Because it’s true — Megumi does have ties to the yakuza. His father, who he can’t seem to attach neither a name nor a face to, must have done something bad. Something bad enough to have him cross paths with Satoru Gojo, the young head of the Gojo Clan, one of Tokyo’s most prominent crime families. It’s the same Gojo who decided to adopt both Megumi and his stepsister, Tsumiki, despite having nothing (so far) to gain from it. After all, why would a teenager willingly assign himself the responsibilities of caring for small children — one who resembles the man that tried to kill him and the other being an ill little girl confined to a hospital bed for who knows how long. All Gojo gets from this deal is a headache, bills, and more problems than necessary.
Megumi’s not really sure how the rumors started in the first place. He thinks it’s because kids his age are easily influenced and have a tendency to run wild with their imaginations. With the rising popularity of gangs from the high school students, this interest seems to have trickled all the way down to the elementary levels. Megumi certainly fits the description of their idea of someone from the yakuza: silent, secretive, scary.
(If they were a little bit older, maybe they would have just seen him as an introvert.)
No matter how ridiculous the rumors get, though, it doesn’t change the fact that the root of them is true: he is connected to the yakuza. After all, he’s being primed and prepped to be someone of value in the clan. Once you’re tied with the likes of them, you might as well just resign to the knot fate’s trapped you with. He’s learned quickly that the only thing harder than getting into the yakuza is getting out.
And because his sister’s and his life both depend on him doing as he’s told, getting out is a funny pipe dream at best and the Fushiguro siblings’ cause of death at worst.
“I told you to move. You’re blocking my way.” Megumi’s tone of voice betrays nothing. Annoyance, maybe, but he speaks flatly regardless of how he’s truly feeling. Gojo says it’s kinda creepy. Gojo also says that being a little creepy isn’t bad.
(Gojo should know; he’s a certified creep in Megumi’s eyes.)
“Oh — so the little boy can speak up.” The boy with blond hair laughs. It’s a nasally sound that grates Megumi’s ears.
He’s not an idiot. Megumi is well aware of the fact that no matter how much he feels like it isn’t true, he’s still just a little ten year old boy. He should be playing with the toy cars Gojo bought him, not worrying about the gritty future that lies ahead. But still, the phrase rubs him the wrong way.
Little boy.
He wasn’t so little when he kicked them down to his height before properly bashing their faces, now was he? Even now, he can feel the anger coming up. He clenches his fists, wondering if he’ll get suspended for fighting right next to school property.
“Leave him alone.”
Another voice appears, but not from any of the boys. No — this time, it’s coming from a little girl on the sidewalk across from theirs. Everyone involved turns to stare at the source of such a command and are greeted with the sight of you with a Hello Kitty backpack. You’ve got a frown on your face that doesn’t match the brightness of your pink outfit.
Megumi recognizes you instantly. You’re in the same class as him. You were in the same class as him last year, too. He tilts his head, trying to figure out what exactly it is you’re trying to accomplish here — and why.
He knows his social standing in the school. If he’s at the bottom, you’re right at the top. A beaming pillar of light, everyone flocks to you like moths after a flame. But you’re alone today, not surrounded by the usual crowd of boys and girls who are often vying for your attention. Seeing you alone enables him to see you more clearly, without all the distractions getting in his way.
You’re small. Shorter than him, and way shorter than the middle school boys. You’ve got a bow in your hair and brand new shoes on your feet. If anybody should be socially aware, it has to be you. Those at the top, Megumi knows, like to remind everyone of their placement. You shouldn’t be here. You should be ignoring him like he’s got the plague, just like everyone else.
All three of the boys start to laugh after sizing you up. The laughter only serves to make you even more irritated, but you can’t speak because one of them is already talking through his laughs.
“Don’t tell me. Is this your girlfriend?”
The group erupts into more laughter, and while Megumi’s expression remains the same as it’s been for the past few minutes, yours only shows your growing contempt.
“She’s no one.” Megumi throws you an odd look, one of neither annoyance nor gratitude for trying to help him out. He uses your presence as a distraction, and he manages to take a few more steps before one of the boys is yanking him back by his bookbag.
“Grab her.” One of the boys says, and the third boy, the one with the messy red hair, starts to cross the street.
Megumi watches as you stay right where you are. Are you stupid? Why won’t you run? The boy still has a solid grip on his bookbag, keeping him in place. He wonders if it’ll be a waste of his breath if he tells you to start running — you probably wouldn’t listen to him anyway.
But then Megumi figures out why you don’t look too frightened, because not even a second before the older boy manages to cross the street to your side of the sidewalk, a man in a suit is running towards you, a scowl on his face.
“You said you were going to the restroom, young lady!” The man scolds you while panting for breath. He surveys the scene, looking at you, and then the middle school boy by your side before turning his head and seeing Megumi in between the other two boys. “What’s going on? Is everything alright? Did they do anything to you?”
“No, Mr. Higashi. B-but—“ Your bottom lip starts to tremble, and even though Higashi is certain that the tears about to fall are fake, the situation itself looks serious enough to the point where he doesn’t call you out on it. “Th-these boys are being really mean.” You let out a high pitched wail that makes the boy let go of Megumi’s bookbag. “They just threatened to attack me and my friend out of nowhere.”
“Your father will be informed.” Higashi frowns, eyeing the guilty boys who look confused and a little shocked at this turn of events. “Mr. [Surname] certainly won’t be pleased to hear about this.”
The middle school boys pale when they hear the man name drop your family’s surname.
After all, it’s the same last name that’s engraved on plaques all over the school, thanking your family for the many donations they’ve received.
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You enter into Megumi’s life that way: unexpectedly. He never thanked you for intervening, but it’s not like you did it for the thanks anyway. You did it, you tell him, because you figured he needed some help.
“I had it handled.” He tells you flatly. “Why are you even sitting here? Your friends keep staring at us.”
It’s true. Stories of what happened are already circulating around both schools, and while all your friends spent the whole entire day pestering you for the full story, you chose to keep quiet about the situation. And now, here you are, choosing to sit and eat lunch with Megumi, someone who also knows the true story of what went down but the only one people aren't brave enough to ask.
Your whole entire table of friends keep their heads huddled together as they go back and forth with each other, every one of them sparing glances at Megumi’s table. It makes the rice in his mouth taste stale. He should have just stayed in the classroom to eat, especially if he knew you would be bothering him.
“Gee, is that any way to treat a friend?” You huff, not at all actually annoyed with him.
“We’re not friends.”
“Too late. I told my dad we were.”
There has been one question on his mind ever since that incident. Just who exactly is your father? He’s not stupid; he knows that you must come from a wealthy family. If the buildings and auditorium named after your family isn’t enough proof, the fact that you always have the latest toys, the nicest shoes, the cutest stationery sets — that’s material proof of a spoiled princess.
You continue speaking, and as if you can read his mind, you’re already answering his question. “My daddy’s called a CEO. But the man you saw is Mr. Higashi. He takes care of me when dad’s away at work, and everything I do gets typed up in a report that dad sees every day. He wasn’t happy about what happened, so he says the boys will get in trouble. He told us not to worry, though.” You have a pleased smile on your face, waiting for Megumi to say something in reply.
“Okay.” He says, after a while. He only spoke because it seemed like you were waiting for him to. “It doesn’t mean we’re friends.”
“What’s so wrong about being friends with me?” You tilt your head. Everyone wants to be friends with you. And that’s before they even figure out that you live in a real life mansion with actual servants, and that sometimes you’re allowed to eat dessert for dinner. Even without the wealth, you still draw people in, whether it be with your bright smile or cheery attitude.
“Don’t you already have enough friends?” He can’t figure out what you could possibly want with him. Even though Gojo’s got the backing of the clan and enough funds to run the Tokyo underground with cash to spare, it’s not like Megumi is in a position to take advantage of it. Gojo hands him a thick wad of cash every week with a tip to “spend wisely, hehehehe”, and Megumi takes the tip to heart. A majority of the money sits saved in his bedroom, underneath a floorboard he spent a week trying to figure out how to loosen without anyone catching on. (Which was actually easy whenever he realized that nobody seems to really watch him to begin with.) So, he doesn’t look like he has money, and isn’t that what all rich kids want? To surround themselves with equally rich kids?
“I guess.” Your bubbly mood seems to dampen a bit at the mention of the other kids. They like you, sure. But they like each other a lot more. The gap between you and the other kids isn’t noticeable at first, but the novelty of having an endless supply of company has lost its luster. Meanwhile, the glamor of your life only keeps the hoards of “friends” to grow as the days go by. It’s always “let’s have a sleepover at [Names]’s!” or “[Name], we have to go to your house because you have the best toys!”. You wonder if they like you, or the shiny things that they get when they’re with you. “But, it’s not like youhave any friends.”
“I don’t need any.” The response is quick — instinctual. Gojo, even if not the greatest guardian by any parental standards, still presses Megumi to have a proper (or, as proper as it can be) childhood.
(“You know, I don’t care if you bring any friends over. Just make sure no one ends up accidentally getting shot, okay, Megumi?”
Yeah, because that’s definitely gonna push him towards throwing as many parties as he wants.)
People in his position don’t have many friends. It’s hard to, he assumes, because of all the killings and betrayals and power plays.
(And, he’ll soon learn that it hurts a lot less to lose an enemy than it does a friend.)
“Hmm. Okay.”
But you don’t get up from your seat, and he doesn’t tell you to move.
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The next day, you’re carrying two bento boxes. The lunches are prepared for you by world class chefs and everything is done in a rather cutesy manner to entice you into not wasting your food. The fruit is cut into pretty shapes, the food has picks with animals on them, and everything is colorful and to your own personal tastes.
You take a seat next to him once again. He looks up for a second, sees that it’s you, and returns back to his meal that looks pitiful in comparison. Leftover rice and some cold meat. You think it’s the same thing he had last time.
“For you.” You slide the second bento you had requested towards him before opening up your own.
“What’s this for?”
“For you to eat, silly.”
“...How much?”
“Huh? All of it, I guess? If you don’t like something, tell me, and I’ll request something different tomorrow.” You don’t quite understand what he’s asking you.
“No. How much does it cost? I'll bring you the money tomorrow.”
“Why would it cost you?” Now you’re really confused.
Didn’t anyone ever teach you that everything comes attached with a price? If it’s not money you want, it must be something else. At least, if Megumi’s judgments are right. (And they usually are.)
“Fushiguro, I brought you this because I want you to eat well and grow strong.”
He wonders what rice shaped like Hello Kitty has to do with his strength.
“Also, so the next time people give you or me trouble, you can fight them, okay?”
Oh. So it’s protection you want. He contemplates what he thinks your request is before popping a piece of food into his mouth. A meal made with care — he can taste the thought that’s been put into it. Shoving his old lunch to the side, he quickly starts eating at the one you brought him.
Okay. So maybe he does accept your offer.
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“Meguuuumi.” You whine out his name, messing up the navy sheets of his bed while he sits at his desk, trying to finish his application for university. “I’m bored.”
“Good. Go to your own house then, and leave me alone.”
“You’re so mean to me.” You sigh, turning your head so that half of your face is pressed against his pillow. The scent of his shampoo still sticks to the fabric, and you subconsciously inhale the scent some more. It’s familiar and reminds you of him, your favorite person in the world.
No one believes you when you tell them that Megumi is your best friend. No one wants to believe that it’s true. After all, the two of you look more like a shoujo manga trope than an actual pair of best friends. The cold, inexpressive dark haired male lead with a secretive past he doesn’t want anyone to know about and the bright, bubbly, ball of energy that is constantly clinging to his side. It’s like looking at night and day with you two.
“And yet, you’re still always here.”
You’re still by his side, even when the two of you reached middle school and high school together, and he spent a majority of his time starting (and finishing) fights.
(“Get off of him!” You screamed, yanking on the collar of one of the boys who happened to be trying to grab Megumi from behind. You don’t have the same amount of strength as them, but everyone at this point knows who you are and who exactly your father is. No matter what the origin of the fight is won’t matter; all that matters is that the precious daughter of one of Tokyo’s richest CEOs got caught in it, and that’s enough to get everyone involved into some deep shit.
Immediately, the boy scampers off, and the other boy Megumi was punching into the squeaky clean floors of the hallway begins to thrash around wildly, eyes wide at the sudden sight of you. Seeing you coming from behind Megumi is like watching the sun peek through a dozen storm clouds.
Megumi gives him one last punch, not nearly as satisfied as he thought he would be. Honestly, getting into fights with low level delinquents is beneath him. It’s not just his knuckles and clothes that are getting dirty; by feeding into the school’s image that he’s this young, violent yakuza heir, he’s dirtying the prestige Gojo claims is oh so important.
“Megumi.” He straightens up at the sound of your voice, which usually sounds so sweet, especially when it’s directed towards him. Instead, you have an uncharacteristic frown on your face and you sound… mad. “Let’s go.”
You’ve got a hand wrapped around his wrist, and people part when they spot the two of you making a hasty exit. The teachers aren’t bold enough to cause a scene with you, and the students know both you and Megumi are practically untouchable — one being the spoiled brat daughter of a rich and powerful businessman, the other, a ticking time bomb with ties to the yakuza.
You don’t stop walking until the two of you are in a secluded courtyard at the school. No one goes here, mainly because it’s in such an inconvenient location and there’s nothing but trees and weeds over growing it. The two of you found it within your first week of being here, and ever since then, it’s become your designated spot to avoid prying eyes.
“I thought you were over stupid fights. You told me yourself that they weren’t the type of people worth beating up.” You scold him, forcing him to take a seat on the bench that creaks under his weight. You make a noise as you inspect the drying blood on his knuckles.
If an outsider were to look at the scene before them, they would gape at the unbecoming sight of you on your knees, in between his legs, too close for a duo who claims to be “just good friends”. But there’s nothing inherently dirty in your thoughts. Instead, you’re staring thoughtfully at his hands, inspecting the minor damage done to them.
Megumi swallows hard as he looks down on you. He shouldn’t be feeling like this — you’re his best friend, his only friend. The only person who’s by his side. If you could read in his mind, there’s no doubt that you would be recoiling away from him in disgust…)
You’re still by his side, even when he told you the truth about himself after waiting years to see if you were truly his friend or not.
(“The rumors—” He starts to say, but you shush him, rolling over on your side to face him. The two of you are lying on the grass in your massive backyard, trying to spot a shooting star that’s supposed to be passing by at any second now.
“I don’t care about that.” You tell him. Middle school was a bitch to deal with, mainly because as everyone was in the process of growing up and “maturing”, so did the rumors they spread. Now, the two of you are halfway through your first week of high school. A new school, a couple of new classmates, and new rumors surrounding the odd pair.
“If I told you the rumors about me being someone you should avoid were true, would you be mad?” He’s lying on his back, still staring up at the night sky. He’s not turning to face you, almost as if he’s scared to look at you.
“Yes.” You answer without any hesitation. “At the person who’s spreading that around.” You clarify, poking him on his side to lighten the somber mood he’s setting. “You’re the only real friend I’ve had in forever, Megumi. I don’t think what anyone says about you would change that.”
“What if I did something bad?” Like kill a person. What then? What would you think of him if he told you the full truth: that Gojo told him that he can’t shield Megumi from the dirtier aspects of this type of life. That he’s spent hours after school, hours after hanging out with you and pretending to be a normal teenager, learning how to assemble, disassemble, and then reassemble a gun. That his target practice isn’t glass bottles lined up in a row or sheets printed out with human bodies. What happens if he told you that his target practice was low level scum from rival yakuza clans that Gojo couldn’t be bothered to kill himself?
“Mmm. How bad are we talking? Like, lied to me when you said my Christmas outfit looked good but half my ass was practically exposed bad or committing a felony bad?”
“What if I told you… that I really was a yakuza heir.”
The silence is palpable and especially soul crushing to Megumi as he waits for your reply.
“It wouldn’t matter to me, Megumi.” You say. You know that this isn’t just some type of hypothetical question he’s asking for fun. From his odd living situation to the intense nature of him in general to the fact that he knows practically everything about you, but you barely know the full extent of his childhood traumas despite growing up alongside him, you know deep in your heart that there has to be something going on with him. Something dark enough to harbor stories about him.
“Are you sure about that?”
You reach for his hand in the dark, finding it without really needing to look. He’s not one that’s prone to initiating physical contact, but you found out that he doesn’t really mind when you reach for him first.
“You can’t get rid of me, no matter how crazy or fucked up you think your life is.” You squeeze his hand, still staring at him.
You don’t notice the shooting star flying past the night sky, but Megumi is looking right at it. He knows what he’s wishing for.
For your words to be true.)
You’re still by his side, even when he brought you to his sister’s bedside. She’s sick, afflicted with something no one knows, not even the private doctors that Gojo’s spent millions on. She was still conscious, albeit confined to her bed when the two of you first met, but she’s been in a coma ever since the last year of middle school. You were by his side as he broke down about the news. It was the first time you’ve ever seen him cry.
So, no matter how much it may seem like he’s pushing you away, you don’t budge. For someone smaller than him and definitely weaker, you’re awfully resilient. And while people make the occasional joke, telling you to “blink twice if you need help”, you don’t pay any attention to them. If only they knew the truth: that you’ve got Megumi Fushiguro, heir to a massive yakuza clan, wrapped around your dainty finger.
He’s so whipped that he found himself asking Gojo for a rare favor.
(“College?” Gojo rubs the back of his neck, staring at Megumi. “I mean, I guess it’ll be good for you. Meet a wild party girl, take her to your dorm room, tame her—”
“An education is the whole point of attending, you know.” Megumi interrupts him before Gojo can jump into a story highlighting all of his sexual endeavors with college girls back in the day.
“Eh. I guess.” But then a grin lights up the feature of the man who [kind of/by definition] raised him. “But y’know what I know for a fact.” He wiggles his eyebrows, his glasses slipping down his nose as he tilts his head downwards. “You wanna follow [Name].”)
It doesn’t really matter if he’s not good enough to get into the university you’ve already received an early acceptance for. Because Gojo tries to make up for being an absent father figure, he fills in those empty spaces with cold, hard cash. All it takes is one nice donation, and Megumi’s wherever he wants to be.
Where he wants to be, he realizes, is to be by your side. Wherever you go, he’ll gladly follow. Funnily enough, despite the two vastly different backgrounds the both of you come from, you both have similar means of getting what you want.
Your father had already looked over the list of universities you had in mind, and all you could do was excitedly squeal and start rambling the moment the acceptance letters came in the mail. Despite the fact that your father’s physically absent from your life most of the time, he still tries to show he cares in the things he does for you. If paying off over half a dozen major universities in order to make you happy is something he has to do, he’ll do it without batting an eye.
It’s the same thing on Megumi’s end. Granted, Gojo’s means are more along the lines of using money as a lubricant and then death as an inevitable. Money talks, a gunshot to the head silences. Nobody can accuse anyone of taking bribes if said accused person is in a grave six feet under.
Sometimes, Megumi wonders how you’re just so oblivious to the fortunate circumstances in your life. You chalk up a lot of your father’s wishes as just “good luck”. In school, you’re placed on a pedestal, revered as some goddess-like, otherworldly being. People are practically tripping over themselves, running towards you for a crumb of your attention. Anyone sane would gladly wield this power and use it for all its worth. Not you, though. Not you, who’s kind and considerate and completely clean from the corruptness that plagues everyone else.
Megumi knows good and well that he’s not a hero — couldn’t be farther from it, if he’s being honest. He doesn’t feel a moral obligation to go out and rid the world of all evil. (It’d be hypocritical, he thinks, considering the fact that he’s most likely belonging under the evil category himself.) From a young age, he’s already known and come to terms with his fate. He’s going to train and learn from the best, and eventually, he will succeed as head of the clan. That is his purpose. That right there is the reason why he’s still alive today. That is why he can find himself sitting at his desk, submitting an application that’s already guaranteed to be followed up with an acceptance letter, ready to pretend for four more years that he’s normal.
“D’you think college will be fun?” You ask him, making yourself comfortable in his bed.
“No.”
You laugh at that. You like Megumi for a lot of reasons, and his honesty is one of them. Despite the fact that he likes to keep most of the darker details of his life to himself, you know that he would never lie to you. In a world full of people who are constantly lying, it gets tiring trying to figure out who’s real and who’s fake. It doesn’t help that you want to believe in everyone either. If you didn’t have Megumi loyally staying by your side all this time, you doubt you would have made it this far in your life without anyone taking advantage of you and your kindness.
“My dad said I can finally get a boyfriend when I go to college.” You say this fact so casually that Megumi almost — almost — gets fooled into believing that this is not a cause for concern. Almost.
“Oh.” He’s at a loss for words. He knows that it’s inevitable; that one day, you’ll find a guy you like and want to get closer to him. He knows that you’re not always going to be by his side, and he knows that it’s going to happen because he’ll have to push you away eventually. The older he gets, the deeper he’s burying himself into his grave. He doesn’t want you to get caught in the crossfire.
It’s not like boys have never tried approaching you before. People have spent years thinking that you and Megumi were a couple, and then after finding out from you that the two of you are nothing more than “best friends”, boys were still hesitant to talk to you. The glare Megumi would give them from behind your shoulder acted as a strong enough deterrent.
“I know. Now the only problem is finding a guy who’ll actually wanna date me.”
“They all will.” The words leave his mouth faster than he can even think about them. He’s not wrong, though. Every time the two of you are out in public together, he sees people shooting quick glances at you, at your ass, at your bright smile. The looks they give are predatory, dangerous, even. If it’s not your looks, it’s your shining personality that draws them all in. And if that’s not good enough, there’s always the enormous wealth attached to your last name. That’s the key to getting them to stay.
“You can be so sweet sometimes, you know that?” You giggle, glad that he’s still typing away on his laptop. If he were to look at you right now, he would see that you’re reacting way too positively to such a lackluster compliment. It’s not like he listed reasons on why anyone would ever want to date you, so he probably could just be complimenting you to make you happy.
(That’s just the excuse you’re going with. You know your best friend — that means you know that he would never say something he doesn’t truly think or believe.)
There’s a secret you’ve been keeping from him. A secret so big that you think you might’ve been keeping it from yourself, too. Something so big that your body simply can’t contain it any longer.
You like Megumi. 
Of course you do. You keep telling the whole world what great friends the two of you are. You talk to him about your dad all the time (which must mean he’s important, because you rarely get to speak to your dad, so you have to choose your topics of conversation wiseley). You trust him more than you trust yourself. Ever since middle school, you’ve been telling yourself that you liking Megumi isn’t anything to be ashamed or confused about. You like him because he’s your friend, and you’re supposed to like your friends.
And then you came to terms with the fact that you like Megumi beyond the borders of friendship.
It starts with you seeing him the way other girls must see him. You’re not blind, you know. It’s obvious that Megumi is far from ugly. If he wasn’t so intimidating, you’re sure he would have had his fair share of confessions, too. Megumi’s pretty, although calling him a pretty boy wouldn’t do his character justice. He’s got lashes people pay extensions for theirs to look like, and the prettiest dark blue eyes you’ve ever seen, and his hair, which he doesn’t put forth any type of effort in, always looks good whereas the same hairstyle would look messy on anyone else.
It’s not just his looks, though. Even if you look like the type of person who would judge others based on such shallow standards, you didn’t approach Megumi simply because he’s attractive. He’s… interesting. He’s got this reputation for being a delinquent, and maybe all the fights on his school record prove it, but he’s surprisingly respectful. He’s the type of guy who gets up from his seat to let an eldery woman have it. He loves animals. He’s honest and sweet despite his seemingly stoic nature, and he’s so oblivious to just how good he is.
Maybe it’s because he’s so blinded by the light that is you. You, with your cutesy bento boxes that used to be made by your team of personal chefs but are now made with your own manicured hands. You, with that bright smile of yours that he wants to always see because god — he thinks he would be willing to destroy the whole world if something were to ever make you so upset. You’re kind and beautiful and everything people write love songs about. You’re so good, and he’s nothing like you.
He’s nothing like you, because he highly doubts that you spend your time fantasizing about him like he does with you. It’s wrong, he thinks. And dirty, and disgusting, and vile. You’d hate him, he’s sure of it, if you knew what he thinks about late at night. That he sits on his bed with his cock pulled out from his shorts, leaking with precum as he strokes himself to the thought of you. Do you not see him as any other guy? Despite your lack of experience, surely you know just how dirty boys’ minds can be? You’ve got to be conscious of the fact that he’s any other guy, right? So, why — why — do you always roll around in his sheets, letting your sweet perfume stick to his sheets. Your tiny tops and skirts are always clinging tight to your body, and you never feel the need to readjust your clothing when it rides up. Do you not see him trying his hardest to look you in the eyes when the two of you are talking, despite the tantalizing sight of your skirt bunching up, exposing the smooth skin of your thighs?
Little does Megumi know (and if you have your way, he’ll never find out), you spend nights in your room, whining and trying to stuff your cunt with the same fingers that painstakingly made him his lunch. He’s your best friend since childhood. He looks at you like you’re an angel, and you don’t want to destroy that image by revealing just how dirty you really are. How every time he gets so close to you, you subconsciously bring your thighs together, trying to rub them together in a poor attempt to relieve some tension. He’d be disgusted with you, you’re sure of it. Maybe even betrayed.
Besides, it would never work out. Megumi doesn’t see you the way you see him. He might look at you with a soft look you’ve never seen him give anyone else, but that’s because you’re his only friend. It’s not like he’s harboring any hidden feelings for you, and just because you’re so convinced that there’s no one better than Megumi around, it doesn’t exactly mean that you won’t feel this way about anyone else.
Megumi’s got a rather monotone cadence with his voice, so you’re not too surprised by his seemingly unethusiatic response to you saying you’re now allowed to date. Still — there’s a slight pang of disappointment when you realize that he doesn’t sound jealous at the prospect of you dating someone else.
You decide right then and there that the healthiest thing to do now is to just bury your feelings for him deep inside your heart, to tightly pack in all those pesky feelings and store them away so you can make room to allow others to fill in his space.
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gumi <3: where are you? gumi <3: i’m feeling tired and i have an assignment due tomorrow. i’m going home. gumi <3: you know i wouldn’t leave without you. cmon [name]. let’s leave now
Megumi frowns at his phone. He can clearly see that all his messages are being delivered, not to mention that he’s already called you twice and has been sent to voicemail twice. He can be patient when he wants to be, but right now, he’s getting a little pissed.
You know that he doesn’t like parties, and you know that he doesn’t hang out with the same people you do. He also knows that you don’t even really like most of the people you surround yourself with, so whyyou suddenly decided to do a 180 and reestablish your throne as the head of the social pyramid, he doesn’t know.
Lately, things between the two of you have been a little… weird. Sometimes he catches you staring at him with a sad smile on your face; one that you immediately replace with your usual one when you realize he’s looking right at you. Despite him asking you if everything’s okay, you vehemently deny that there’s anything wrong, and you’re quick to change the subject.
He thinks he’s losing his best friend, his only friend. And maybe it only hurts because he’s grown used to your presence in his life. Maybe it hurts because you’re his friend. But he knows the truth. It hurts because he’s losing you.
Did he do something wrong? Did he accidentally somehow reveal the extent of his feelings for you? Did you suddenly decide that maybe associating with someone like him isn’t something you’re meant for? Do you…
Do you hate him now?
It doesn’t matter. Maybe it does, but not right now. Right now, he’s more focused on getting the hell out of this stuffy ass living room, filled to the brim with drunken young adults and people he couldn’t care less about. The only person that matters right now is you, and he’s on a mission to find your location.
He’s got this ominous feeling in his gut, like something bad is about to happen. He’s Megumi Fushiguro, for fuck’s sake, so bad things have a habit of following him wherever he goes. But still, he’s made a personal promise to himself that no matter how bad things get, you’ll never get caught in the crossfire. He’s willing to die to keep that vow.
If you don’t reply to him, you most likely have a good reason. He doesn’t want to be clingy, is pretty damn certain he doesn’t even have a right to be, but he’s still worried about you. He’s pushing past the wall of sweaty bodies, trying to catch a glimpse of your hair color, the waft of your perfume, the familiarity of your laugh, but he can’t catch a single crumb of you anywhere.
You’re nowhere in sight, and he’s immediately filled with dread.
He yanks a guy who’s coming from upstairs.
“Ow, man, what the fuc—”
“Is anyone else up there?” Most of the time, the parties are restricted to just the first floor, with the unspoken rule being that only the upstairs should be used for people trying to fuck or to use the bathroom (or, people trying to use the bathroom to fuck). You’re not anywhere downstairs, and if you were simply using the restroom, you would have been back down here by now.
“Shit, I don’t fucking know.” The guy squints at Megumi, as if trying to see if he knows him or not. With the way his expression pales, Megumi comes to the conclusion that the guy might not really know him, but he knows ofhim. Gojo says that with the right reputation, the two concepts are practically synonymous. “But I heard a guy ‘n a girl, I think, walk past the bathroom. I don’t know who, though!”
Megumi lets go of the boy’s shirt, and he’s quick to run off before Megumi can give him any more wrinkles in his shirt — or do something much worse.
He’s thinking. Odds are, it’s probably not even you. With so many people roaming around this house, it’s likely that he just missed your presence. Your phone could have died, so that explains why he can’t reach you.
He finds himself heading up the stairs anyway.
It’s fine. He tells himself. You’re fine. You’re okay. Nobody would dare to touch a single hair on your head unless they want to suffer directly at the hands of Megumi. People around campus call him your guard dog, and it’s not necessarily a nickname he hates.
The atmosphere upstairs is vastly different from the one downstairs. There are no lights turned on, and all the doors to the rooms are closed. He hears a flush coming from one end, and out walks a tipsy girl who’s staggering a bit. There are only so many doors to choose from, and he doesn’t really want to accidentally walk in on two people trying to have sex, but the need to confirm your safety outweighs any possible embarrassment he may suffer from, so he continues on his mission.
The first two rooms are revealed to be empty, leaving just one more. Megumi takes a deep breath before trying to turn the handle.
It’s locked. 
His gut is telling him something isn’t right, but he’s forcing himself to chalk it all up to paranoia. He curses under his breath, wondering why he even let you out of his sights for a single second.
Because he didn’t want to seem clingy. Because he didn’t want you to have any more reasons to keep on pushing him away. 
He decides to call you one more time, and as he’s listening to the dial tone, he hears a faint sound coming from the other side of the locked door.
It’s a phone ringing.
He presses his ear against the door, trying to make out any more sounds he possibly can. Is it still a coincidence when the phone stops ringing right as Megumi is greeted with your voicemail message of “sorry, I can’t come to the phone right now, but you probably should’ve just texted me!”
Without the annoying dial tone distracting him, Megumi can listen a little more clearly to what’s going on. There’s… there’s someone crying.
The voices are muffled, but he can make out bits and pieces of what’s being said.
“—fuck up… crying like a damn bitch… want this.”
He’s heard enough before he’s banging his shoulder against the door.
“OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!” He’s screaming, hitting it again. There’s a chance, the voice of reason inside of him is saying, that it’s not you that’s crying behind that door. Even if it wasn’t, Megumi still wouldn’t have stood by idly. But instinct is telling him that it is you, and that’s enough cause for him to bang his shoulder against the door once again. He hears a scream, and a male voice cursing.
The force of his body banding against it is enough to have the door really test the strength of its lock. Megumi’s never been the bulkiest person in the world, but he’s still got some defined muscle to him. The door is creaking, almost bending to his will, but he fumbles in the dark for the gun safely tucked away by his side.
It’s a gift from Gojo. To speed up the process when something needs to be done quick is what Gojo said it was for. He’s never used it in such close proximity to you, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
No silencer. He forgot the fucking silencer. With the deep bass rumbling from the speakers, he doubts anyone would be able to hear the gun go off anyway. He aims for the handle, pulling back the safety, and fires once, then twice. With a foot aimed at the door, he kicks at it, pleased to see the way the abused door finally bends to his will.
The open door reveals a scene that makes Megumi see red: you, with tear stained cheeks and your clothes bunched up and strewn across the floor with a guy Megumi vaguely recognizes as someone sharing the same Econ class as the two of you — Mahito.
“You fucking bastard.” Megumi practically lunges forward, tossing his gun to the side. He doesn’t see reason, is numb to common sense at this moment. All he feels is the need to hurt this fucker. To make him bleed, to have him on the brink of death, to see the light of life leave his dark eyes.
Mahito is fast, but even he couldn’t imagine the speed that Megumi would possess when pushed to the edge. This is different from the fights you’ve witnessed during school. This is something entirelydifferent.
The first punch has Mahito wincing in pain. The second, third, and fourth ones are thrown back to back, and there’s no time given to recover, no chance to gain the upper hand. He’s falling down, and Megumi’s on top of him, drawing back his fist only to slam it against him again and againand again.
Megumi knows he’s got something fucked up inside of his head — what other explanation is there to reason with why he finds this bloody violence so satisfying? His knuckles are bloody, and he can’t tell where Mahito’s blood starts and where his own ends. There’s a wild grin on his face, one that you’ve never seen before. You’re not sure if it’s a trick of the shadows, but the feral expression on Megumi’s face transforms him from your loyal best friend to something monstrous.
“‘Gumi, st-stop.” The words stumble out of your mouth as hiccups, but you don’t miss the way Megumi’s raised arm freezes in its higher position before he slowly brings it back down to his side. He’s breathing deeply, and all is silent in the room.
As if the sound of your cries is enough to snap him out of his daze, it’s almost scary how fast his mood shifts. Just a second ago, he was hellbent on beating Mahito to a bloody pulp, and now the darkness drowning those blue eyes of his is practically gone. He makes his way to the bed, each step hurried but still hesitant. Do you even want to be near him right now? 
You answer his question with some more small sobs. “‘Gumi, I—”
“Shh, it’s okay, [Name].” He’s picking up your clothes from the floor, ready to help you get dressed. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
“Megumi.” His name seems to be the only thing you’re capable of saying right now. After he helps you get dressed, he’s thrown off guard when you cling to him, with your arms wrapped around his neck and your wet cheeks pressed against his shoulder.
The moment the two of you are exiting the room, both of you far too wrapped up with the other to pay him any mind, Mahito lets out a laugh before groaning at the pain Megumi inflicted.
The two of you don’t know what you just started, but no worries — Mahito has the means of ending it.
It’s only a matter of time.
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You’re too good to be true.
You won’t listen to him when he tells you this (you never do), but he swears you’re a fucking angel or something otherwordly. There’s no other possible explanation for just how breathtakingly beautiful you are, or how you’re the only thing consuming his every thought. Despite the fact that all the blood on his hands has reached an amount that he’s sure he’ll never truly be able to wash it all off, you don’t shy away from his touch. As a matter of fact, it seems like you’re keening for it.
“‘Gumi.” You mewl out, sticking out your tongue to lap at the precum on Megumi’s thumb.
You’re well aware of just how dangerous your boyfriend (the title makes you giddy every time you refer to him as that) is, but you know him. You know that the hands of a killer are the hands of your lover, and most of the time, you have a hard time believing the awful things he’s had to do with them. Because right now, those hands that are meant to be weapons are handling you with care, touching you so gently, you would have thought you were made of glass and ready to shatter.
“Look at you, all spread out for me. What happened to my precious, shy little girl, huh?” He removes the hand that was cradling your face back to his cock, stroking his length, the saliva from your tongue acting as a minor lubricant. The first time he fucked you was the first time you’ve ever had sex with anyone ever, and it had been the start of an addiction. You love Megumi. You love everything about him, from his character to his tenacity, all the way down to his cock, with its red tip that’s sticky with pre and leaking out more as he stares down at the obscene position you’re in.
Your face feels warm as he stares down at you, his eyes darkened with a mix of love and lust that you don’t think you’ll ever get used to being on the receiving end of.
“Need you, need you so bad, please, ‘Gumi—” You’re staring up at him, giving him your best doe eyes.
“Fuck.” Just the sight of you beneath him, completely bending to his will, whining out for him to pretty please fuck you has him ready to cum right on the fucking spot. He’s pressing the tip in, his breathing faltering just the slightest as the warmth you provide envelopes the most sensitive part of him, nearly causing him to lose all self control right then and there.
You let out a cry as he pushes himself deeper in you, making himself at home in your gummy walls, one hand gripping your hip and the other holding onto the headboard.
“You feel so good for me, baby, shit.” He hisses, waiting for you to adjust, impatient but willing to bear it if it means it’ll feel better for you in the long run. After all, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do, nothing he wouldn’t endure, just to ensure your happiness.
“Mm — ah — please.” There are still tears welling up in your eyes — precious girl, he hasn’t even began to properly fuck you, and you’re already tearing up? The sight of you completely and willingly at his mercy is enough to get him to start rutting his hips against yours, the satisfying sound of skin slapping against skin resounding and bouncing against the walls of his bedroom that is starting to feel more like the both of yours.
“Y’feel so fuckin’ good for me, baby.” He groans, his pace quickening, the thrusts getting sharper and rougher with every roll of his hips. You’re powerless against his strength, and this type of easy submission feels so natural, feels so good, when it’s him that’s taking advantage of it. “You’ve got the sweetest pussy, y’know that?  I could fuck you forever.”
His praise goes through one ear and out the other with you, but your heart swells up to twice its size. Even if you can’t focus on the words all too clearly, you’re still aware that Megumi’s probably praising you. You can come to this conclusion because he’s always praising you. He’s always so sweet, so gentle, so loving — when it comes to you, that is.
“Hng — daddy!” You can’t help but let out a high pitched moan as he hits that sweet spot inside of you that makes you buck your hips up.
There’s no way you don’t know what you’re doing. Clenching around his cock like that, making those cute little noises that he can’t help but want to hear all the time, and then calling him that.
“Daddy, daddy, daddy.” 
Forget igniting something within him; you whining for him, calling him something that’s the root cause of all his childhood traumas… That’s like dousing him with gasoline and tossing a lighter at him. He’s going to burn through all his energy, channel all this dark, feral energy, and use you as the one unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end.
He fucks into you so deeply that if your eyes weren’t shut tight, there’s no doubt that you wouldn’t see the unmistakable shape of his cock outlined against your tummy. The headboard is banging against the wall, and the squelching sounds of him roughly thrusting in and out of your sopping cunt is so lewd and so dirty that if you had any room to harbor a single ounce of shame, you would be downright embarrassed.
“How about you make me a daddy, huh? How about I fuck a baby in you?” He won’t lie and say it’s not something that’s never crossed his mind. The thought of your stomach round with a life the two of you created is enough to get him to continue with this near-brutal pace he’s set forth. “Doesn’t it sound nice, baby? My baby giving me a baby, what—” He grits his teeth as you tighten up. “—a fucking dream.”
“Baby. Wanna have your babies.” You cry out, tears spilling out and wetting your cheeks as your arms find their way to his neck and broad shoulders, trying to pull him in closer. The heat building up from within you feels like you’re about to fucking explode. “‘Gumi, I love you, Iloveyoupleasegimmeababy—'' Your words are practically unintelligible as you slur them out, the words sticking together as you cum all over his cock, all that pleasure that has been building up now physically tangible, if the white ring encasing his cock every time he pulls out is evidence.
“Fuck! You feel so fucking good. Always so fuckin’ tight.” He’s reaching his own end, and you’re just lying there, trying to recover from such an intense orgasm but unable to as your too sensitive walls clench around the constant intrusion of his cock. Spurred by your little love confession and his mind imagining his daydreams coming true — you, as his cute little housewife, taking care of the kids the two of you made together — he finally shoves himself as deep as he physically can, making sure that as he cums, nothing will spill out.
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“‘Gumi.” You whisper, your head resting against his chest, listening to the beat of his heart. “Did you mean it when you said you wanted to start a family?”
He’s silent for a minute.
“I wouldn’t mind starting a family with you.” And he means it. He knows this life isn’t one meant for children — look at how he turned out, for god’s sake — but he thinks that for you, he can do anything. Even make a family work out. As long as it’s what you want, he doesn’t mind how hard it may be.
You snuggle closer to him, burying your face in the warmth of his chest. “Good.” You mumble. “I wanna start a family with you, too.”
Megumi feels… at peace. Like he’s got the whole entire world in the palm of his hands. He wraps his arms around you, and realizes that no — right now, he’s got his world right in his arms.
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Mahito likes to play with his food before he devours them whole.
Humans are just so… vulnerable. Even the coldest people have a heart; it’s only a matter of whether or not they find someone warm enough to defrost it. Megumi Fushiguro, for example, likes to walk around this world, acting indifferent and claiming to follow his own moral conduct, only to give himself the biggest weakness he could possibly harbor: you.
He still remembers that party. He still remembers the way you were dressed like a little slut, completely oblivious (or maybe you were just acting coy) to the wolfish stares all the guys were giving you. He had the same class as you. Seen the way you clung to Gojo’s charity case, as if the ground would swallow Megumi whole if you let go of him. You’re cute, and you scream naive virgin, and that’s precisely why Mahito wanted to take you to that bedroom and have his way with you.
And then, your infamous little guard dog bared his teeth and pummeled him into the hardwood of a stranger’s bedroom floor.
Grudges are cancerous. If you don’t deal with it right away, it develops into something worse. It takes over all your internal organs, ruining you ‘til the only thing you can focus on is getting revenge. And the longer you wait, the more vengeful you get. It doesn’t become a matter of ruined pride or reestablishing honor — it becomes about inflicting the most pain one possibly can. It becomes about suffering — about transferring your pain, your anguish, onto someone else.
Mahito isn’t the type to hold grudges, but for Megumi, he’ll make a special exception. He wants to see just how well trained the boy is; after all, he’s been taken under the wing and supervision of Satoru Gojo, the myth himself. Surely, his student must be nearly as skilled, right?
It’s been a long game of watching and waiting on Mahito’s end. A lot of lurking in the shadows and gathering intel. It’s a lot more boring than he anticipated, but today’s the day where all his hard work finally comes to fruition. Megumi Fushiguro is going to regret ever interfering with him that one fateful night. The burning humiliation he’s felt has long since fizzled out, but since he’s already been set on the path of orchestrating Megumi’s destruction, he figures it only makes sense to see it through. You only can let go of a grudge after you get your proper revenge.
He’s been leaving Megumi all sort of taunting, teasing threats any chance he gets. Mahito’s got nothing but disgraced yakuza members on his side; those who have committed acts vile enough to get them kicked out of what is essentially a group of criminals. He knows how to be twisted — hell, twisted might be the only thing he knows how to be.
Killing girls that resemble you and sending him the photos. Taking videos of you when you’re out in public alone. Leaving voicemails for Megumi, ones that leave him pale faced and unable to breathe as he listens to how Mahito wants to tortue you.
Megumi’s been on edge for the past few months, unable to explain to you why. It’s why you don’t understand why Megumi won’t let you go back to your car, even though you left your phone in there.
“I’ll go. Or, we can go together.”
“You have to wait for our coffee! And besides, I don’t even know where I left my phone. It might not even be in the car, but you’ll just waste your time searching for it if it’s not there.”
“So then why do you have to go look for it?”
“Because it’s my phone? Also, I reeeeeallly don’t wanna have to wait for our coffee, so I figured looking for my phone in the car would kill some time.” You give him that sweet smile of yours that he loves so much before waving him goodbye. “I’ll be back by the time our order is ready, pinky promise!”
At the end of the day, it’s all luck. Mahito realizes this as you happily skip out of the crowded cafe, headed towards your car to search for your phone. He doesn’t know why you’re returning back to your car, doesn’t even really care. All he knows and all he cares about is that you’re headed there alone. And while you’ve been alone plenty of times, he’s never had an opportunity quite like this one. A chance to finally detonate the bomb that’s been lying dormant underneath your car, ready to be activated at the press of a button. He could’ve killed you plenty of times already, but it’s not enough to merely murder you. He wants to make it a spectacle, sure, but he also only cares about one audience member watching: Megumi.
From where he’s hiding, blending in with the rest of the customers from the bakery across the street, he’s got a decent enough view of Megumi, who’s sitting by the glass windows, watching you with furrowed brows as you unlock the car door.
Mahito can’t help the cruel smile that spreads across his face as pushes the remote connected to the bomb.
Nobody expects to hear the loud, resounding boom of something exploding. The surrounding cars parked next to yours have their alarms going off like crazy; it’s nothing but high pitched, blaring noises blending together to create a disruptive harmony. People are screaming, someone is on the line with emergency services, and—
—your precious car is set aflame, reduced to a burning pile of scrap metal no salvage yard will take.
In this moment, Megumi Fushiguro’s world crumbles to ashes.
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mxtxfanatic · 1 year
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Tbh, I think if you read an mxtx novel with the expectation that the story’s hero is meant to learn some valuable lesson that fundamentally changes their character and views on life, then you are reading her books wrong. There’s not a single mxtx protag (currently) in existence who changes by the end of the story. It’s the world they live in that is changed because of their actions:
—Shen Yuan’s Shen Qingqiu transforms a toxic masculinity fantasy into a queer romance in which the unhappy stallion protagonist with a harem in the 100s is given his monogamous happy ending with a husband he actually loves and values with reciprocity. They fuck off to their forever honeymoon after exposing the corruptness of the cultivation world that ruined Luo Binghe’s life to begin with, and all of this was only possibly because Shen Yuan was just a genuinely nice fucking person. The world lives to see another day and a fuckton of people who died (or didn’t even get to exist) in the original stallion novel get to live long, more fulfilled lives in Shen Yuan’s revision.
—Wei Wuxian is killed for sticking up for a condemned clan, is resurrected against his will, and still stands by his actions in his first life while protecting those that continued to wrongfully condemn him. As a reward, the corpses of the people he died protecting save him and his loved ones (and the rest of the bystanders who killed them), he bags himself the most perfect and perfectly matched man in the cultivation world, and he continues to help others and do what he wants to the ire of the cultivation world who are now too embarrassed to fight him. The younger generation look to him as a beloved teacher, protector, and role model to aspire towards.
—Xie Lian rebelled against hierarchy as a beloved prince of a prospering kingdom, then as a beloved god against the older gods, then as a reviled scraps god against the then most popular gods of the present day. He was always willing to lend a hand to anyone who needed it and to never hold resentment even if that kindness blew up in his face (and it often did). He gets to marry the man (ghost) who has seen him at his best and absolute worst and chooses him unconditionally, something no one else has ever done before. At the end of the novel, he is the god that all the other gods look to for guidance and strength.
None of these stories humble these characters for being good people. Even when their morally righteous actions net them unimaginably terrible results, even when they falter in the face of their failures, they ultimately remain true to their goodness. And none of the books humble them for that, because being good is not a character flaw. So in short: please stop talking about how mxtx protags “needed” to learn valuable lessons to “be good people” when they were already good people from the very beginning. These stories are not about how the world changes people but how genuinely good people can change the world just by actively being kind even with no benefit to themselves and especially if that kindness leads to detriment.
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luciathcv · 4 months
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football game - nmr
summary: football player!riki x reader - going to your boyfriend's football game || warnings: none || genre: fluff, established relationship || word count: approximately 1000 (this was just meant to be a small thing but I really got into it lol)
I sat in the bleachers at my school's football field. I honestly wasn't a big football fan or even just a sports fan in general but I always made sure to come to my boyfriend's game if I could to support him.
So, as I said, here I was sat in the crowded bleachers outside of my school. Usually, my best friend would come with me to Riki's games but she had to watch her younger sibling today so here I was all alone.
I genuinely didn't mind though. Although I didn't really have any type of clue on what exactly was going out there on the field, I enjoyed being here for Riki. This is what love is, I guess. Doing these for your significant other because it makes them happy. And, I mean, I was happy to see him.. even if I was completely lost this whole time.
I sat in the bleachers as I kept my eyes glued on Riki. The only way I knew it was him was his jersey number if I was being completely honest due to his helmet. I followed after him, always looking for the number ten whenever I lost sight of him.
Eventually, the game came to an end and our school ended up winning the game. I got up and cheered for the team by mostly for my boyfriend, of course. I saw him take off his helmet and watched as he combed his somewhat messy hair back out of his face, smoothing it down a bit with his fingers. He then looked up at me and gave me a somewhat cocky smile, proud of himself for helping his team win the game.
I smiled back and waved at him, he waved back. He then motioned over to our usual spot that we'd meet up after his games. I nodded in response, signaling to him that I understand and he nodded back before looking over at his teammates and going over to them, happily talking to them assumingly about their win.
People started getting up from their seats and piling out of the bleachers. I slowly made my way out, not in much of a rush since I knew that Riki would wait for me and besides, I wasn't about to get injured just because I decided to try and rush.
At last, I made my way out of the bleachers. I scrolled through my phone, skimming through the notifications and I headed to Riki and I's meet-up spot. I got there and went on my phone as I waited for my boyfriend.
I was interrupted by the sound of someone calling my voice. I looked up, knowing that it definitely wasn't Riki since this voice was more feminine and was met with a girl that I was friendly with in my History class.
"Y/n, hi! I didn't know you were coming to the game today!" She says.
"Hey, Riley! Yeah, I always come to the games." I tell her with a smile as she walks over to me.
"Oh, that's right. You're dating someone on the team, right?" Riley asks and I nod. "Riki, right?" She then asks.
"Yeah, Riki." I confirm with a nod and a smile.
"He did good today, girl." She smiled, playfully slapping my arm, making me giggle.
"I know." I agree with a smile.
"Anyways, I gotta go but I'll see you Monday. Have fun with Riki." Riley tells me.
"Thank you. See you Monday, Riley." I say and we both say a quick 'goodbye' before she walks away.
Suddenly, two arms wrap around me from behind. I tense a little but loosen up when I hear a familiar voice, "Hey, baby." I hear my boyfriend say. He rests his head on my shoulder, leaning down a bit as he pecks my cheek.
I pull away from Riki with a wide smile that I couldn't seem to control as I turn to face him. "Riki, you can't just come up behind me like that!" I whine but we both knew that I wasn't actually upset.
"Oh, come on. I'm sorry, Y/n." Riki says, giving me a small smile, well, more of a smirk, actually.
"You did good today." I tell my boyfriend, changing the subject as I gently take his hands in mine.
Riki squeezes my hands as he looks down at me with the same smile, "Really?" He asks.
"Yeah." I say, stepping a little bit closer to him.
He leans down and gives me a soft kiss. I kiss him back before I pull away, "Okay, you're sweaty." I say.
"Oh my gosh." He laughs as he puts his arm around me, the both of us heading to his car.
He opens the passenger door for me and I get inside his car. He shuts the door for me and I buckle my seatbelt. He then gets in the drivers seat and starts the car up.
Riki takes the aux cord and holds it out for me to take, "Go ahead, play your music." He says. He always let me play my music in the car. I always thought he did that for everyone until his friend, Sunghoon, was in the car with us and got really offended that Riki just handed me the aux willingly since apparently he never let anyone else play music in his car but him when I wasn't there.
I connected my phone and put on one of my playlists as Riki pulled out of the parking spot. He put his arm on the center console and put his hand in my lap, his fingers interlocking with mine as he drives with his other hand.
We drive in silence, well except for the music, but what I mean is that we drive without speaking for a little bit. Suddenly, Riki lowers the music a little bit for a moment. I glance over to him and looks over at me, "How about you come to my place, I shower, and then we go out for a little late night walk?" Riki suggests.
"Sounds good." I say with a smile.
"Good." Riki reflects my smile as he looks ahead, putting the volume up again.
-- link to my masterlist
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edenesth · 3 months
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The Way to His Heart [3]
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Pairing: general!Seonghwa x wife!reader
AU: arranged marriage au (Joseon era)
Word Count: 3.5k
Summary: Life has been hell ever since your mother's passing many years ago. Despite being from a prominent family, you've never received the privileges associated with it. It only got worse with the arrival of your stepmother and her daughters. When the intimidating General Park was in search of a wife, your father seized the opportunity to dispose of you, simultaneously securing a connection with the powerful general—killing two birds with one stone.
Part 2 | Fic Masterlist | Part 4
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"I can't believe I finally have a bed of my own..." You whispered as the head maid disappeared from sight, closing the doors to your room behind her. The sheets were practically brand new, and you ran your hand across the smooth fabric, sighing in content before allowing yourself to lay down.
You failed to understand why the previous noblewomen set to marry Seonghwa would choose to escape from this. In your opinion, the general appeared quite generous.
Despite not knowing you or any of his past fiancées personally, he was considerate enough to provide each and every one of you with accommodation and basic necessities. These were luxuries even your own family had failed to offer you. He was already treating you better than anyone you had ever encountered in your life.
You couldn't fight the small smile forming on your face as you looked around your room, feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude. In a short span of time, the general had managed to surprise you in more ways than one, and you certainly weren't complaining.
It still made you anxious to think of facing him again, given your less-than-ideal first meeting. He had already accused you of being insincere but proceeded to be kind in his actions.
Honestly, his behaviour left you perplexed.
At the same time, it ignited hope within you—a hope that maybe, in the presence of the supposedly heartless General Park, you could find the opportunity to change your life, for he had shown you more mercy than your own family ever had.
"Happiness... can I find it here?"
The words escaped your lips in a soft whisper before the unfamiliar soft sheets of your bed welcomed you into a deep slumber. Having grown used to sleeping on the floor back home, the sudden luxury brought an unexpected level of comfort, lulling you to sleep like magic.
Unbeknownst to you, Jongho and Eunsook had stationed themselves just outside your quarters, hoping to catch any suspicious conversations that might indicate your actions were part of a scheme orchestrated by your father to undermine their master. To their relief, they heard nothing of the sort.
"Sounds like she's fast asleep. That was quick." The assistant muttered, a faint smile playing on his lips.
The head maid nodded, her expression softening, "Can you blame her? She travelled all this way by herself. Oh, Jongho, you should've seen her earlier... She was genuinely pleased with this room. Not only that, she apologised for having nothing with her and even thanked me as if I had saved her life, all because of dinner."
Eunsook raised a brow as the younger man didn't appear overly surprised by the revelation. He sighed, "I believe you, all right. When I found her, she was wandering by the front doors alone, without servants or palanquin bearers. And that's not the worst; she bowed back to every servant on the way to the main hall."
The elderly woman nodded eagerly, "Yes, yes! She even bowed to me; it was the wildest thing I have ever seen!"
Jongho shook his head, "Something is definitely up; we have to find out what's happening. I don't believe for a second that the minister would have been okay with his own daughter being treated like this."
Eunsook had to agree.
"Whatever it is, I won't lie that I'm hoping for her to be our mistress for good. She's the first noblewoman not to yell or speak rudely to me. Having one of master is enough; I'm sure we could all use a kind and soft-spoken mistress around here."
The assistant didn't have to say anything for the head maid to understand that he, too, wished for the exact same thing. Despite their loyalty and attachment to the general over the years, they couldn't ignore the fact that his unpredictable anger issues turned him into a ticking time bomb. Tiptoeing around him and walking on eggshells had become exhausting on most days.
Before they could continue their hushed conversation, a servant approached them with wide eyes, "Jongho! Eunsook! The master has summoned you both to his study!"
The two gasped and nodded, "R-right, we'll be there at once!"
Speak of the devil.
Seonghwa's typically composed demeanour seemed overtaken by frustration as he glared at his desk. If looks could kill, the poor piece of furniture might have been sliced in half. The two employees exchanged a wary glance, inhaling deeply to steel themselves before entering the study, "Master, you called for us?"
They stood straight as a plank, anticipating the impending outburst from the general.
But it never came.
"I'm confused." The two blinked, awaiting further explanation.
Yeah, so are we.
"I don't like being confused because I'm never confused. Does she even know who I am? The audacity of this woman..." He muttered lowly, clenching his fists.
It infuriated him that he found it difficult to read you. Usually, he prided himself on being able to see through almost anyone, and this situation wounded his pride, sparking anger within him. How dare you waltz in here and change all that? Who did you think you were? But what he despised even more was his struggle to be angry with you. The innocence in your eyes was impossible to deny.
And he hated it with a passion.
Finally lifting his gaze, he bore a glare into his assistant and head maid, "You two, I want you to tell me every single thing that happened when you were with her."
If Seonghwa believed his confusion would be dispelled after hearing what his aide had to share, he was wrong. He was left feeling more confused than ever.
"She was at the entrance... by herself?"
"Yes, sir."
"Without any servants or palanquin bearers?"
"Yes, sir."
"And she... bowed to all the servants?"
"Yes, sir."
Narrowing his eyes, the general pushed himself off his seat, scoffing lightly in disbelief, "I don't know what she or her father is trying to get out of me, but I will not be foolish enough to walk into their trap. This must all be part of her act; I'm sure of it."
However, the reminder of her currently being at her quarters brings a devious grin to his face, "She can pretend all she wants, but no sane person will willingly agree to stay in The Cold Palace. Tell me, Eunsook, I want to hear all about her reaction to my masterpiece. Oh, it must be priceless."
The head maid cleared her throat, recognising that her master might not appreciate her response, "W-well, you see, master—"
"No, wait, don't tell me," He held up a hand, stopping her abruptly, "I want to hear it from her myself. Get her to the dining hall on time, Eunsook. I'm sure it'll be wonderful; our first and last dinner together."
All the previous candidates for marriage were given quarters that, despite being less than ideal, were still superior to yours. And they all fled at the mere sight of it, unable to endure even a single day. No matter how skilled you were at acting indifferent, the general was convinced that The Cold Palace would likely be your breaking point. He imagined you gaping in disgust, desperately trying to tolerate it for the time being.
Oh, he couldn't wait to see you finally break character and unleash your frustration, berating him for the mistreatment and expressing your disappointment in him. He looked forward to enjoying the view of your back to him, storming away from his estate, never to return.
The Cold Palace has to be a foolproof plan.
It has to be.
Except it really wasn't.
Jongho knew that. Eunsook knew that.
Every other servant in the estate knew that.
But Seonghwa didn't. And that was a problem, a huge one. The assistant and head maid feared for your well-being. They were well aware that pride held great significance for their master, and your presence was undoubtedly going to bruise it severely.
Knowing the general, he wouldn't let you off the hook easily when that realisation hit. They worried about the drastic measures he might take to scare you into leaving.
Eunsook couldn't linger on those concerns for long as the kitchen staff alerted her that dinner preparations were nearing completion. Letting out a deep sigh, she rushed to your quarters, hoping to assist you in getting ready and ensuring you wouldn't be tardy. The last thing she wanted was for you to further get on the general's bad side.
It struck her then that she was already developing a sense of protectiveness toward you, even though she hadn't known you long or well enough to warrant such feelings. Despite her master's adamant belief in you putting on an act, she had witnessed firsthand to know that it was far from the truth.
Approaching the garden path leading to your quarters, she addressed the servants working there, "Has the mistress sought assistance from any of you?" They shook their heads, "No, she hasn't. In fact, she barely made a sound since her arrival."
"Really? I expected her to at least request a bath after the long journey she took to get here. No matter, I'll ensure she's prepared for dinner." The head maid shook her head, finding your behaviour less surprising with each passing moment.
Pausing at your room's entrance, she called out cautiously, "Mistress, may I enter, please?" She heard a faint shuffle and observed your silhouette through the thin paper walls as you approached, "Hold on, I'll be right there!"
She was taken aback to see you hurrying over just to open the door for her, "Oh dear, mistress! All you had to do was grant me permission, and I would have entered. There's no need for you to come all the way just to open the door for me, please!"
The small, sheepish smile on your face had affected the elderly woman more than you realised, her heart melting as she found you incredibly endearing.
"I'm sorry; I'll learn to do that next time."
Eunsook sighed, "You have nothing to be sorry for, mistress." She murmured, observing you with a motherly softness in her eyes.
She wondered if this was the reason the minister had kept you hidden all these years. Perhaps he wanted to shield you from the cruel world due to your innocence and precious nature. But the puzzle pieces didn't fit when she recalled how Jongho had found you – alone and abandoned.
So, what was really going on?
What was going through the minister's mind, and what exactly did you experience to turn out like this?
"Well, I've come to let you know that dinner is almost ready." She observed your face light up at the mention of food, and a simultaneous growl emanated from your stomach, prompting her to chuckle at the embarrassed blush dusting your cheeks.
Why didn't you just ask the servants around to bring you a snack if you were so hungry? Eunsook wondered to herself.
"I'm also here to assist you in getting ready, in case you'd like to change or anything." You shrugged and shook your head, and she recalled your nearly empty duffel bag. Oh dear, you didn't even have clothes to change into.
"That's alright. Let me just tidy up your hair and give your makeup a little touch-up, and we can go. How does that sound, mistress?" You nodded, responding softly, "Yes, please."
The head maid resisted the urge to coo out loud as she led you to the vanity table in your room. She grimaced as she took in the condition of the mirror in front of you, wearing out just like all the other furniture in here. The reflection was no longer clear due to its old age, but you remained unfazed as you waited for her to work her magic.
Not wanting to further waste any time, Eunsook was quick in her movements as she helped comb up the strands of hair that came loose and added some more foundation where your previous makeup was smeared from your little nap.
"There, all set. You look beautiful, mistress."
Your smile faltered slightly at that before you thanked her for the compliment, suddenly being reminded that she would not be thinking that for long. She would no longer consider you beautiful when she sees you without all these enhancements.
"Come, let me take you to the dining hall before we're late." You trailed behind her obediently, your heart thumping in excitement just thinking about what they could be serving for dinner.
Your worries could wait.
For now, just for now, perhaps you could finally experience what it was like to enjoy a nice and warm meal.
Or not.
Your steps slowed down a bit when you caught a glimpse of your new husband already waiting in the hall, "I-I'm having dinner with General Park?" The elderly woman wore an apologetic smile as she nodded, "Yes, mistress."
Of course.
Who else would you need to look beautiful for, if not the general?
Eunsook wished she could warn you of what was to come, but even she had no clue as to what her master could possibly say or do tonight. She could only pray that he goes easy on you, "Let's go."
Entering the dining hall, you felt a mix of nerves and anticipation. The grandeur of the room was overwhelming, and you couldn't help but steal a glance at the general. His stern expression didn't reveal much, leaving you wondering about his thoughts.
The head maid bowed before presenting you, "Master, Miss Jang has arrived for dinner."
Seonghwa nodded in acknowledgement, "Ah yes, I've been waiting. Come take a seat, wife."
"Good evening, my lord." You bowed and approached the table cautiously, settling beside him. Your eyes widened as you marvelled at the colourful dishes laid out, and the tantalising aroma made it difficult to resist the urge to dive in.
Although you hadn't shared any meals with your family, you knew enough to remember the basic etiquette: the eldest or head of the house should start eating first. So, you patiently watched his untouched chopsticks, hoping he would initiate the meal.
To say he was merely annoyed by your apparent fixation on the food would be an understatement. The fact that you remained so nonchalant, especially after spending half a day in that pathetic excuse for a room, irked him. You should have been making a big fuss about it by now.
Instead, there you sat, seemingly drooling at the sight of the food but still polite enough not to start eating first. Your impeccable manners were getting on his nerves.
Still keeping up with the act, huh?
Smirking, he moved his hands from his lap to the table. Your immediate straightening up betrayed your anticipation, thinking he was about to grab his utensils. However, your disappointment was palpable when he only moved to rest his elbows on the table, intertwining his fingers.
"So, tell me, wife. How do you like your new quarters?" He pressed, a sly grin playing on his lips.
This is it; this is your chance.
This was the moment, your opportunity to convey your gratitude for his generosity. Maybe, by expressing your thankfulness, you could open a path for him to consider accepting you more readily as his wife. And then, both of you could finally savour these delightful dishes together.
Unlike you, Eunsook, in her corner, wasn't as optimistic. She tensed immediately, sensing that the impending drama was just about to unfold with his question.
With a wide smile, you started, "Oh, I couldn't be happier with it, my lord. I want to thank you for your thoughtfulness. The room is beyond my expectations; it's everything I could ever wish for and more. It was so comfortable that I'd already had a good rest before coming here."
Seonghwa's grin wavered at your words, his eyes narrowing dangerously at you. You blinked, perplexed by the threatening glare he directed your way despite the genuine sincerity in your words.
After what felt like an eternity, he scoffed in disbelief before growling, "Are you mocking me, Miss Jang?"
You gasped, shooting up from your seat immediately. You shook your head furiously, "N-no, I wouldn't dare! I meant every word—"
But he leaned back in his seat, arms crossed over his chest in amusement, "Is that right? This must all be very entertaining for you, huh? I know you're only here because your father has some ulterior motive. You sure are a skilled actress; I see now that the minister has trained you well all these years. And now you're finally old enough to come carry out his dirty work for him."
Feeling wrongfully accused, you fell to your knees and cried. You wished he would just listen to you, "Please, that's not true..."
Eunsook could only lower her head in pity, wishing there was anything at all that she could do for you, but intervening might get her into a whole lot of trouble. She squeezed her eyes shut and hoped for the best.
Rising from his seat, Seonghwa approached and tilted your chin upward, forcing you to meet his gaze, "You can repeat those words all you want, my dear. I didn't expect you to come here and admit to me that easily. I know you and your father are scheming something. Feel free to send him my regards. Tell him General Park is not foolish enough to fall for this little act."
Tears streamed down your face as you bowed all the way down, pressing your forehead against the cold floor tiles, pleading, "I beg you to believe me; that's not true at all."
Suppressing the subtle pang in his chest at the sight of your desperate plea to clear your name, he maintained his resolve, telling himself not to be easily swayed, "If you're so eager to prove your innocence, then you can remain there on your knees all night."
Detecting his head of maid's intention to step in, he shot the elderly woman a warning glare before she could utter a word, "I've lost all my appetite. Dispose of all the food here."
You sobbed against the floor, once again reminded of why they called him the cold-hearted general as you listened to Eunsook let out a strained, "Yes, master," before hearing the sound of your new husband's footsteps stalking angrily out of the dining hall.
All your hopes of sharing a meal and gaining his favour crumbled in just a moment. Even far from your family home, your father still had the means to torment you. You acknowledged that Seonghwa's struggle to trust you was influenced by the minister, and your mysterious identity only complicated matters. A sense of heartbreak overwhelmed you as you questioned if anyone would ever believe your side of the story.
If you were to reveal that the precious eldest daughter of the Minister of Military Affairs had been confined and subjected to torture like a prisoner in her own home for all these years, who would believe you?
The servants exchanged sympathetic glances as they hastily cleared the table, removing all the untouched dishes as per the general's directive. Despite their desire to help you, they understood the consequences of defying their master's orders.
Remaining on the ground even after the other servants left the dining hall, Eunsook knelt beside you, gently trying to lift you up by your shoulders, "Come, mistress. Let me take you back to your quarters."
"N-no! I m-must remain here all night t-to prove my innocence," You whimpered, shattering the elderly woman's heart once more, "Mistress, I'm sure master doesn't really mean that. Perhaps he was only saying it out of anger."
Despite her efforts, she couldn't persuade you to stand. You remained resolute, anchored to the spot. However, Eunsook worried for you. You hadn't taken a single bite of food since your arrival, and it had been who knew how long since your last meal. The idea of you kneeling there all night seemed ridiculous. Surely, her master didn't mean it literally.
« Preview of Part 4 »
Jongho's eyes widened upon hearing the head maid's latest update, "She's still kneeling in the dining hall?"
Deciding they couldn't let this continue, the two staff members gathered their courage and approached the general's private quarters, only to find the room empty. To their surprise, Seonghwa was still in his study at this late hour, an unusual occurrence as he was typically asleep by now.
Perhaps the guilt was keeping him up.
"S-sir, may we enter, please?" The assistant called out, breathing a sigh of relief when their master broke out of his trance and nodded, "What is it? Why are you both still up so late?"
Eunsook nervously cleared her throat, "Master, we wanted to let you know that Miss Jang hasn't moved from her spot in the dining hall since dinner."
The general's eyebrows shot up in surprise before he composed himself, "What a fool. Did she genuinely believe that kneeling all night would prove her innocence? She'll have to do much more than that." He rolled his eyes, but his employees could see through the façade.
"Take her back to her quarters before she frightens the servants who will be there to prepare breakfast soon."
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Just a heads up, I apologise if the next part takes slightly longer to come out because I've fallen sick since yesterday. Even for this part, I was working on it between my rest.
Aside from that, thank you for 700+ followers! And as always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts! <3
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All Rights Reserved © edenesth // DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR REPURPOSE.
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yyouzip · 4 months
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FS pick a pile!
————>>> ★ this reading includes…
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them
- a description of your FS
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them
-what the relationship will be like
-songs with the vibe of you and your fs
-random things that may resonate:
+ a mini mood board :)
CW: very very very brief mentions of sexuality (sexuality as in things about sex and not orientation.)
!! the future is destined to change depending on you, so don’t take this as absolute truth. this is just for fun !!
look at an image, and pick whichever resonates. (it’s totally fine to pick more than one.) take what resonates leave what doesn’t.
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pile 1
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 9oC, 8oS rx, kingoW. (9oW knightoP 4oW 6oP the world all rx)
so for starters, you might end up manifesting the FS of your wishes with or without realizing. with the 8 of swords rx and king of wands, it looks like you’ll be manifesting them intentionally. after a long journey of manifesting and looking at the big picture with optimism and knowing that this person will come into your life, you’ll be able to sit down and watch them come in without any shock or surprise. you’ll be feeling immense joy and gratitude at their presence. it might have a bit of a kdrama vibe if anything. very cheerful and happy.
your first impression may be/may have been that they are someone who is reserved and unwilling to take risks. they may seem a bit defensive and paranoid and a bit of a perfectionist. as well as someone who comes from a difficult/traumatic background full of conflict and instability. you may get the impression that this person didn’t have a good childhood or home life. they also give the impression of someone who is more worried about taking care of themselves before others. because of this, they don’t give the impression of a generous person. they seem very insecure and as if they are seeing closure or peace somehow. they don’t seem complete as a human and seem to have been broken by their life or the world. :(.
- a description of your FS 2oS, 7oS, 6oC, 4oP, QueenoCups ex, 8oW, 9oS., 8oC
they may seem like someone who wears/has more cool tones? emphasis on the eyes (mb glasses or peculiar/alluring eyes?) someone younger/young looking who wears dark clothing or has a more “edgy” fashion sense. their young look and style of clothing may contrast a bit. they’ll visually have very mysterious and alluring vibe. the kind of person who wanna know more about because they just look mysterious and unique. they might look wealthy and smell very good.
they’ll be very possessive and reserved. unwilling to share with others and refrains from admitting things freely or even speaking a lot. they hide a lot of pain and it overwhelms them. they’ll be very sensitive and dependent on you and break easily when any pressure is placed on them. they’ll still be very exciting and a fast decision maker. who enjoys doing fun things on a whim. just for fun. they might be very fearful and anxious, maybe even to the point of a mental disorder enhancing those issues. the 9oS and 8oC literally popped up out of nowhere and they were hiding in a weird spot, like i don’t even remember pulling them out? makes me think your FS could be the kind of person who hides these issues in particular. they are plagued with the horrible memories of the past and may be prone to nightmares and the idea of abandonment and loneliness is what scares them the most.
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them the moon, the magician, 10oP, the fool, kingoP, 4oW
your FS feels like you’re a bit uncertain, and possibly hiding something. this “something” may have to do with something in the realm of loa, shifting, tarot, etc? they see u as someone very very complex and magical. they feel like there’s a bit of an illusion with you and you may be putting up a front. they feel like you’re someone with so much willpower and desire. very great at manifesting and getting what you want and hard work. they think you’re very wealthy and well connected with others. you’re a family person (biological or found family, whatever resonates.) and a loving and kind person with an abundance of wealth and resources at your hand. they think you’re very beautiful and so loving as well as hard working. they love you so much!
you’ll see them as someone who’s very spontaneous and free. they may be younger than you btw. they seem willing to take new chances and a very free spirit. like a wanderer or a traveller innocently stumbling around and enjoying what they run into and willing to accept the world presented to them. you see them as a good business person and an ambitious person. you feel like they are hard working, very rich, and smart. (i feel like you two will be very wealthy..) they seem attractive and sensual to you. they give me sort of of kdrama bf vibes. we’re u trying to manifest yourself a kdrama style romance and fs? hahaha. you feel like they’re a bit unstable and unable to really ground themselves. you feel like they feel unsupported and it makes u rlly sad.
-what the relationship will be like knightoW rx the emporer 6oW, 4oP 8oW
despite the previously stated issues, the relationship will be very healthy and stable. you might be a more authoritative figure in this relationship. w the emperor and the previous cards abt ur fs i’m getting like “daddy/mommy issues” and one person finding comfort in the other for being more mature or a bit older as well more structured. still, energy may be a bit scattered at times and frustrating. it may be hard to communicate with each other and see eye to eye. as well as arguing with no feeling of achievement or recognition. you or they may get a bit egotistic and you’ll seek personal achievement in winning arguments. still, you’ll love each other a lot and want to be close forever and always. you guys may be a bit clingy and very very close. probably possessive of each other. you just love each other a lot and want to be emotionally, mentally, and physically close 24/7! you may propel each other to your goals a lot faster and feel very aligned. overall it’ll be a very emotional but loving relationship.
songs with you and your fs vibe: cool with you by newjeans, either way by ive, basically the whole soundtrack from all about lily chou chou, snooze by agust d, julia and green mile by sza, velvet ring by big thief,
things that may resonate: cats, cars, gaeul from ive (?), the ocean, the sunrise at 6:00 am, the sea again, the number 34, teenagers in love, falling asleep during a long drive, white rooms, accubi fashion, metaphysical stores, stepping into a body of water and its cold for a second
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Pile 2
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 10oC, 7oS, the empress rx, QoP, AoS rx, KnoW
for starters, your meeting will feel like fate. like an act from the divine and absolute alignment. your meeting will likely be a random coincidence. w 7oS, i see it being the result of sneaking around? maybe you were sneaking our or meeting up with people you weren't supposed to. very "right place right time" kind of situation. you definitely weren't supposed to be in this situation and you likely felt nervous. maybe skipping school/work? you felt on edge and happened to meet this person very coincidentally.
immediately, you thought this person was a practical and smart person. very kind, gentle, and nurturing. they seem very clean and almost luxurious. very goal oriented and sooo gentle. despite this, you likely had a negative first encounter. i think there was alot of bickering and because of this they came off as someone who was greedy and selfish, unwilling to hear from others. they seem very adventurous and passionate with leadership qualities. this is kind of screaming YA novel hahaha.
- a description of your FS PoS, 6oW rx, AoP, PoW, 4oW, KnoW
they have a very unique style of dressing and a heavy feminine energy for sure (that doesnt mean they are female, they just carry a significant amount of feminine energy.) they seem to be a fashion person who is able to creatively make their own unique and beautiful outfits. like the kind of person youd see on pintrest or trending on tiktok. veryyy unique fashion sense with an airy and dreamy sort of feel. like those frutiger aero playlists vibes kinda. and ditto by newjeans if that resonates? they like how they dress and look and dont care what other people think at all. alot of people may dislike their style and even tease/make fun of them for it, but they like it so its fine. their unconventional looks might land them alot of modelling jobs or things akin to that. they also look very dreamy (like their features) and sorta surreal. they give me a y2k vibe.
they're very extroverted and willing to speak to people without any fear or worry for judgement. they're very cheerful and joyous with positive energy all around them. they're well balanced and harmonious, clicking with others very well. also very relaxed and relaxing to be around! they can be very passionate and willing to take a lot of action. i get very smart vibes from them. like extrovert, popular, probably going to harvard kind of person. they really just happily enjoy their life and being alive.
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them 5oP rx KoP 8oP rx QoS judgement rx 10oW rx wheel of fortune rx 8oS rx
they feel like youre someone who welcomes them with open arms whenever and wherever. they think you are their recovery or ailment when they loose something. and they feel like you are a positive change to their life/world. you seem very reliable to them and like a stable force in their life. you're very protective to them as well as a strong intelligent being. and to them you're very safe, kind, and sexually attractive. they find you to be very forgiving and independent, able to follow ridgid principles and and be fair and critical when needed. but still, you seem harsh on yourself. they feel like you need to learn to love yourself better and stop doubting yourself as well as stop self loathing.
you feel like they lift a burden off of your shoulders. like they release your pains and worries by being with you. but sometimes, they feel overwhelming. maybe you like to be alone often? so as much as you love them, you can get a bit overwhelmed and fatigued. they make you feel like youre a bit of a babysitter at times and not a partner. you feel like they try to micromanage things and control what can't be controlled, and it's a bit troublesome. regardless, you adore them. it feels like they can be a bit too spontaneous and it feels like you have sudden, unwelcome changes in your life that are a result of them. with them, you think you can release your negative thoughts and embrace the positive. they make you feel like you can run away from the harsh realities around you and be embraced by freedom. when you're with them, you feel like you're dreaming a bit, in a good way. like you're in another reality where you don't have negative self thoughts and your inner critic shuts up.
-what the relationship will be like KoS 5oS rx the heirophant death
itll be mentally empowering, like for the first time the both of you will have your feelings validated. one of you will be more authoritative, but itll be mutually agreed upon so dw. being w them feels like understanding absolute truth almost. like you dont need to think about other things when you're with them. you just need to love them and enjoy it. in a way, its like being with them was the death of your past pain and negative cycles, and reconciling with love as you grow a love for it. you're arguments wont even be like real arguments, just constructive conversations leaving everyone happy in the end. v v mature. you both may be very spiritual/religious and your relationship might be very traditionally. maybe you're both from the same culture or religion and bond over it.
songs w u and ur fs vibe: sex drugs etc. by beach weather, all night by beyonce, get up by newjeans, potage by tricot, future by paramore, mistakes like this by prelow, crying lightning by arctic monkey, promise by jimin, i need u and run by bts, luma from super mario galaxy
things that may resonate: the colour blue, hyyh/bts youth trilogy, running away from home, adventure, spray paint, youth, teenage years, kpop girl group leaders, rose quartz, a mature or older fs w a "sexy" image, friend groups, enemies to lovers ?, reading and intelligence, femininity and sensuality, shifting realities, academic validation, skateboarding in the suburbs during summer
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Pile 3
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them AoC rx the empress rx 5oC rx 7oW the sun rx 3oW rx 10oW rx
youll be feeling depressed most likely, feeling gloomy and empty because of insecurities and self neglect. like very very low mood (i wanted to cry as soon as i pulled these cards bro. like my eyes keep watering wtf. like pile 3 are u guys good???iufyjidsuhy ily take care pls). your creativity may be blocked and you might be upset because of your depression/bad moods. because of this, you may be trying to find positives in life. like going out, self care dates, etc. trying to move on from this might end with you meeting new people. from this, looks like youll meet your fs. and fight your depression and sadness in the name of your love for this person. like for example, u may have no will to go on, but you push forward because of this person.
u might feel like this person is is pessimistic and gloomy. a bit dry too. yet, youll have high (semi unrealistic) expectations for them. like they themselves are supposed to fix you and your life. they seem like they arent punctual and maybe are a bit immature upon first impression. as well as someone who burdens themselves with alot of work. they seem like theyve burdened themselves with too much and now collapse.
- a description of your FS 4oS the devil 9oW rx 6oC 8oP rx KoP 9oC the world rx
they have very very heavy masculine energy (doesn't mean they are male, but they have a strong masculine energy about them.) they have a tired and sleepy kind of look, maybe 'senpaku' eyes. kind of like a billie eilish kind of tired/sleepy look. they look like theyre a song by the neighbourhood, if that makes sense. their fashion sense is dark and edgy, like kind of grunge, goth, emo, or a lot of dark colours and piercings generally. they are youthful looking though. with 9ow rx they might look a bit intimidating and harsh. very very edgy though like alot of dark colours. the image of silver rings and jewelry on slim fingers kind of at night comes to mind. they may like the occult and wear occult symbols.
they might be a bit lazy. maybe they currently work in a retail job or in fast food? but regardless they do not enjoy work at all. "i dont dream of labour" fr. they can rush things and might have a problematic reputation. but w KoP they dont really care. they are a reliable person with a good understanding of business and a secure self image. they are very kind and probably quite wealthy. with KoP and 9oC its like they come from a very rich background. they like to spend money often as they have alot of it and enjoy the pleasures of life. as well as spoiling their partner. they feel very content with their life and wouldn't change how things are, even negative things. still, they feel like something is missing and they haven't achieved much, especially for their age. this person gives me party vibes. somehow, theres a bit of emptiness inside of them, like a hole they just can't fill with no explanation as to why.
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them 8oS rx PoC rx 6oC rx the emperor the magician judgement rx
they think you are capable of more than you know, and they just really wished you knew that. you're like, incredible in their eyes. like a shooting star or something. they think you're getting way better and you're opening up to new, less harmful, perspectives. they think you neglect your inner child and they feel like you're using escapism too much. they feel like you need to open up and be emotionally vulnerable with them. they think you can be a bit immature at times. they want you to be more independent and move forward. they want to travel the world with you, and be with you, and love you.
you see them as someone with discipline and authority. someone who's smart, capable, and stable. you feel like they can protect you and be your shield when the world attacks you. you see them as a proactive person who works hard for their ambitions and for the relationship. they're exciting and experimental. you feel a bit 'in denial' about the relationship in some ways and like you've been ignoring or overlooking something in the relationship. its hard to say what, though. maybe you've been judging them unfairly?
-what the relationship will be like KnoP 7oP rx KoW PoS rx
you'll both take your time with it all, with no rush or 'skipping steps'. you may not realize they are the love of your life for a few years, or you may realize it but not take action. you'll both be insanely loyal. like, "slow and steady wins the race" kind of thing. you guys are perfect together and every moment is perfect, so there is absolutely no rush at all <3. but this "taking time" approach may leave one or both of you feeling impatient. at times, it might even feel like theres little or limited reward to this approach. regardless, with KoW, you can both look into the big picture and understand why you shouldn't be moving toooo fast. you or your fs will be very bold at times, romantically or maybe sexually. youll both be very energetic and taking the lead at different times. very cute and very romantic date nights. you both may struggle with communication at times and take pleasure in "being right" instead of agreeing.
songs that have the vibe of u and ur fs: colours by halsey, sweater weather by the neighbourhood but specifically the part after 2:19, born to die by lana del rey, no escape by health ft the nbhd, basically everything by the nbhd, tonight you are mine by the technicolors, we used to be friends by the dandy warhols
things that may resonate: the numbers 1218? victorian architecture, life is strange (video game), cyberpunk aesthetics, alita battle angels, college or late teens, pride, piercings, silver, gray, smoke, sneaking out to go to rock/punk concerts in the evening, beer cans, young adulthood, electric guitars, hobie from spiderverse
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Pile 4
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 7oW the chariot the empress justice rx 10oS 6oC rx
you might have unjustly gotten into some trouble/accused of something you never did, but you, knowing yourself and what's right, stood up for yourself without shame. in this moment, you succeeded in defending yourself. your fs was likely present, and found you attractive and was amazed by you and your gracefulness as well as determination. you came off as the kind of person who knows what they want.
they seem like they have been betrayed and are exhausted. like they've been through alot and have been pushed around by others alot. the world turned it's back on them and those that love them have betrayed them. they seem like they have a heavy energy and carry alot of pain. with 6oC reversed they seem like they are older and more mature, someone who makes you think about the future, but seems stuck in the past. (iff that makes sense?). they seem like a very independent person who walks alone after being hurt by others.
- a description of your FS 3oW 9oW rx 2oC the moon 5oP rx temperance
they're very confident in their appearance, they may have beautiful eyes or glasses that make them look very nice. kfjshk idk y i get a big forehead vibe from them? haha. they might seem a bit emotionless and stiff, tsundere kind of look. they may look a bit tired and have eye bags. this person's eyes may be very significant. they might have a very symmetrical look to them and maybe pale skin? fs may be slim and have coloured eyes (like blue or green) and light hair. i get some masculine energy from them (does not mean they are male, but they have masculine energy.)
they're very secretive and prefer their privacy. theres alot that they hide and they are a very complex person. they follow their intuition and it often leads them in the right way. i feel like they have prominent pisces placements. they often feel a bit confused and may not be super smart. they feel welcomed by you and are in the process of recovering from alot of loss, greif, and pain. they feel more positive and like life is changing for the best. they're very patient, calm, balanced and relaxed.
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them the hermit AoW rx 7oS 9oC rx 7oP rx 9oP rx strength temperance
they might think you're a bit lonely and silent, shy but knowledgeable and deeply wise. they think you're someone who is endlessly growing and understanding themselves. you're consistently looking for new opportunities to grow and searching deeply within your soul for change and growth. they think you have alot of ideas and things to share, but you hold back and aren't saying these things. they think you're a bit sneaky and are good at lying or manipulating others. (not them necessarily) and you're incredibly smart and strategic. they find this (and you) very attractive.
you think they are a bit unfulfilled, and missing something in their life. you feel like they should try and achieve better things sometimes. bc w 9oC 7oP they seem to be a bit lazy at times and a little bit toooo relaxed. with 9oP, u may feel like they may spend money a bit too much and be somewhat superficial. they also may have issues with not being alone and independent, which they're a bit more accustomed to. giving them alone time is important. but they're insanely strong and brave to you. able to face the deepest and harshest of issues without breaking a sweat. you find this very endearing and they're incredibly caring and loving towards you even in your worst moments. you quite literally could do everything wrong and hurt them infinitely, but they'll always and forever love you and hold you gently. they seem very relaxed and balanced, tranquil and peaceful. very patient and understanding too. you feel very harmonious and tied to them.
-what the relationship will be like queen of wands 10oP rx KnoW KoS
the relationship will make you both feel confident and happy. you'll be very emotionally open and not clingy/attached the hip. you'll both have the independence you crave/prefer, and be confident in your love and relationship. you might argue/have disputes with their or your family over the relationship. it may be unconventional or controversial in your community. outside opinions may find their way to you guys and hurtful opinions will definitely cause hurt and discomfort. you may have an open relationship or something of the sort, or a very exciting and spontaneous period in the relationship. KnoW = this will likely be beneficial in the long run. you'll both have high standards for each other and expect the absolute best from one another. you don't argue often as you're able to control your emotions well.
songs that have you and your fs vibe: trash by alex g, advice by alex g, exquisite tension by youll never get to heaven, the man who died in his boat by grouper, blue city by nahee, to us by apro ft wave to earth and wavy, heavy water/id rather be sleeping by grouper, roslyn by bon iver
things that may resonate: the year 2002, liminal spaces, IT department of a company, marriage and kids, nuclear family, electronics, young love, first love, "nerd", napoleon dynamite, south and south east asia in the early 2010s?, "her", twilight
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Pile 5
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 5oS rx 10oS 7oC 9oC rx 10oP KoW judgement < < < those 3 r all rx
for starters, youll be pretty upset in whatever this situation is. you were betrayed pretty badly and you're learning that winning isnt everything and sometimes situations can be lose-lose. you may be wanting to get revenge or sabotage someone over a hurt past. you may have gotten heartbroken and are now on the search for a new lover. with 9oC rx you may not be looking for something serious, but something that can make you happy for a while and supress your boredom and lack of fulfillment. maybe you want to make your ex jealous? with 7oC it looks like youll have alot of options at your disposal, but alot of these options are like illusions and are not what they seem.
you met in a non-traditional way. maybe a hookup? you think they're controversial and seem broke (compared to you, that is.). like your standards are too high for them. they seem unstable and like their wealth and success is limited or disappearing quickly. they give celeb vibes, and in your eyes they're on the road to being irrelevant. they seem power hungry but its a total turnoff as you can't see them being a strong leader. (you give the vibes of someone who watches the wizard liz haha). they seem like they don't learn from the past and aren't self aware.
- a description of your FS 7oP KnoP the sun KoW KnoW the world 4oW rx 5oP 3oW
very very veryyy strong masculine energy. (doesnt mean they are male, just their energy!) (also, sorry if i use he/him pronouns to describe this person. again, doesnt mean theyre male but the masculine energy is strongggggg here.). they look like they work very hard and are put together and wealthy looking. they alwaysss look good and smell good, youll never catch them lacking ever. idk how to explain it but they look very like wattpad rich guy kinda energy haha. they doesn't need to go all out to look good. wearing designer and kinda semi formal attire? they look stoic and doesn't express his emotions frequently. the looks very wealthy and successful, may have dark/tan skin and has very good skincare and hygiene. they look incredibly intimidating and has a resting bitch face. looks mean and scary but also sexy and alluring. looks like the "strong silent type". i also feel like they have a bts jungkook vibe (this doesnt mean jungkook is gonna be ur fs at all btw they just have his vibe so please dontldksfjhdjsf)
he feels like they belongs where they are, which is almost on top of the world. they've achieved a lot in their life and are prideful in themselves. they've travelled alottt in their life and met many powerful people. their home life was rough and they had a troublesome childhood. they welt unwelcome at home and probably still do to a degree. they may be undergoing hardship when you first meet them, and feel lost, cold, and alone. with the 4oW and 5oP, they may have somehow disgraced or embarrassed their family. i think this has to do w a family business and losing assets/money. i see this family being rich and wealthy (like chaebol kind of thing). they feel restricted and alienated. things aren't moving forward fast enough for their liking and it's frustrating to them.
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them judgement QoW wheel of fortune the empress death rx page of wands temperance
they see you very very well. they see you as someone who can take care of business, and change what needs to be changed. in your professional life and love life. you're a hard worker who people always listen to. they think you're charismatic and very confident in yourself. no one can ever deflate your ego or break your confidence. they're very attracted to this and find you passionate and an incredible socializer. i see you as some kind of business person in the future?? they think unexpected things in your life happen constantly and you're very fortunate and lucky constantly. you're extremely physically attractive to them and incredibly disciplined and hardworking. they find you very nurturing and sexy.
you think they can be afraid of change and repeat negative patterns alot. they are unwilling to take risks and let go of the past, which you feel is a source of all of their problems. you want them to come out of their shell and stop living in the shadow of others who you feel are unimportant. "you're the main character of your life, so act like it." you think they're very lively and expressive despite what others think. they're spontaneous and fun. they're balanced and calm and patient with you, which you adore. what was once spontaneous and a fleeting romance/fling (PoW) turned out to be something beautiful and meaningful thats going to last for a very very long time. (temperance)
-what the relationship will be like 10oW AoP the lovers rx PoC rx justice 6oP rx the magician
it's not going to be very easy, alot of work will need to go into it. with 10oW and the lovers rx it looks like you two may be prone to arguments and butt heads often, meaning alot of effort will need to be put into maintaining the relationship. you both are very very physically attractive, and im getting a young vibe here, and alot of money on both ends (esp w AoP) so you have alot of options as far as other partners goes. and with PoC you're prone to getting bored of one person. therefore you'll need to make sure to work hard on both ends to keep things health and even monogamous. with AoP i see even more financial abundance with this union. as if this relationship is a financial investment. you'll be an incredibly privileged couple, able to pay for expensive dates, gifts, and trips. if you don't put in the work, itll be disharmonious and boring. if hard work is put in, romantic attempts and efforts will be rewarding and both will be treated fair and with immense love. one of you may be controlling or overbearing as far as power dynamics may go. and gifting the other alot while getting nothing in return. this might not be bad though. the magician = being proactive and manifesting your desires, so this excessive gifting and power dynamic may be mutually agreed upon.
songs that have the vibe of u and ur fs: closer to you by jungkook, pray for me by the weeknd ft kendrick lamar, los angeles and crown by seulgi, i am by ive, unforgettable by french montana ft swae lee, famous by french montana, escapism by raye
things that may resonate: extreme wealth, jungkook vibes (i promise this doesnt mean its jungkook its just the VIBES so..😭😭), city at night, sportscars with lights in them, the colours purple, red, and green, the wizard liz, manifesting money, rich networking parties, feminine ceo energy, wealthy business people, shanghai and beijing, qatar and dubai, wonyoung
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Pile 6
- how you’ll meet your FS + your first impression of them 4oW poW AoC rx the world poS 6oP
you met this person at some kind of gathering, like a wedding, baby shower, party etc. or a reunion of sorts. you were feeling extroverted and spoke to them completely out of the blue after experiencing a series of emotional instability and emptiness. as well as creative losses/blocks and difficulties. you likely flirted with them out of nowhere for the sheer "yolo" feeling. love that for u tbh.
they seemed like they really belonged and were having a good time at this event (im getting wedding tbh.) and they were a very achieved, successful, and strong individual with a sense of harmony and fulfillment. they seemed very witty and funny, alert and smart. able to make a great and pleasant conversation, v fun to talk to! they came off as very generous and kind as well as someone helpful to their community willing to give away their fortune for the good of others.
- a description of your FS 10oW AoW rx 2oS rx AoS justice rx 10oP 6oC rx
they look strong, muscular, rugged and hardworking. they have a larger frame and some masculine energy (masculine energy doesn't mean your fs is male, just their energy is masculine.) they may have prominent facial hair (eg. beard, strong bushy eyebrows, etc.) they appear a bit nervous and anxious. despite a muscular build they look passive, timid, and nervous. they have a gentle and cuter face.
they're smart and constantly have new ideas and breakthroughs. they have an incredibly creative mind and may be an author? they often avoid accountability and can be dishonest and unfair. they have family issues and dispute with others about finances and assets. they are mature and move on from the past rather than living in a nostalgic past 24/7.
- how your FS feels about you and how you’ll feel about them wheel of fortune rx PoP the magician rx 3oS rx 3oP rx KnoC
they feel like you can be unfortunate at times and find yourself in unfortunate scenarios. you try to cling onto control but fate often has other plans for you. they would like you to just accept that some things can't be changed. they feel like you're incredibly talented, but dont use your talents when it'll make your life easier. they feel like you're incredibly diligent though, and have an incredible sense of loyalty and duty. they see you as an incredibly intelligent person who's going to do incredible things one day. like, they see you and think "they'll change the world". they're incredibly in love with you and feel like their world revolves around you. they love u sm.
you think they're a bit emotionally repressed, but you for some reason feel extra compelled to forgive and accept them and their faults or wrongs. you feel extra forgiving towards them. you think they can be a bit competitive and uncooperative, which may be the source of pain and arguments? but still, they're great at mediating arguments and are incredibly skillful and smart. they're diplomatic and resourceful. they're an overall joy to be around and are loving and thoughtful. they're extremely romantic and flirty!!!
-what the relationship will be like QoC strength QoP 2oW rx
the relationship will be extremely therapeutic and loving. a strong sense of comfort and mutual trust will be built, creating an extremely healthy environment. the relationship will not only be deep romantically, but platonically. you'll be the absolute best of friends as well as loving union of partners. the people around you are likely to be admiring your relationship, too enamoured with your love to feel envy. you hype eachother up 24/7 365 and are the source of each others overgrowing confidence. like this is peak healthy relationship. you live comfortable and luxurious lives and are wealthy, especially in emotion and love. with QoC strength and QoP you're likely to live as a happy and comfortable married couple and grow old together. the relationship is stable and comforting with both sides being madly in love with the other and their presence. goals may be reached spontaneously rather than with slow effort and intense planning.
songs with the vibe of you and your fs: rip tide by vance joy, the astronaut by jin, moon begins by florist, everything stays by olivia olson (adventure time), good habits (and bad) by saba lou, butterfly (prologue mix) by bts
things that may resonate: the 80s, backpacking across europe and south east asia, travel, charity, travel to hot climates, suburban homes, adoption, 2 kids and a pet, wealth, hiking and outdoors, forests, 2nd grade, settling down, summertime memories that feel like pixie dust
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I hope you enjoyed !! take what resonates, leave what doesnt :p.
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A few different people have been observing that Scrooge begins to change more quickly in the book than is often shown in adaptations. The Spirit of Christmas Yet To Come isn’t the one crucial factor breaking his obstinacy, but rather a final message to drive home a point that Scrooge had already become receptive to. I want to trace the shape of Scrooge’s progress over the course of the book and see what it reveals. (There will be some ‘spoilers’ here, since the story seems fairly universally known even among those who are reading the book for the first time.)
After Marley’s appearance, he is disturbed and discomfited, but still trying to hang onto denial and not face what he’s been told.
With Chistmas Past, adaptations often treat it like a psych session - see, you hate Christmas because you were so miserable during it. But in the book, that isn’t the point at all. Scrooge sees times when he was unhappy as a boy, but he also sees what comforted him during those times - reading and imagination, which his adult self would dismiss asfrivolous and unprofitable - and recaptures his joy in those things. He sees times when he was happy, like at Fezziwig’s Christmas party. And he sees how he’s become the kind of person who made his younger self unhappy rather than happy, and how easy it would to be otherwise.
He sees himself asan unhappy child, and wishes that he’d been kinder to the young boy singing carols at the door. He sees himself happily employed with a kind, generous and personable employer, who could create a vastly more pleasant workplace climate at trivial expense, and wishes he’d been nicer to Bob Cratchit.
And then he sees Belle, and is shown that his unhappiness is of his own making and the consequence of hus own choices. His being the selfish, avaricious person he is is not the consequence of Belle breaking up with him; it is the cause of it. She saw him already becoming that person, and chose not to follow him in that path. Her choices left her a happy, loving and loved woman; his left him unhappy and alone. Scrooge cannot bear this, and rejects and fights the spirit rather than face it.
But he has nonetheless already begun to change. Whereas he initially did not want to go with Christmas Past (“a night of unbroken sleep would be more conducive to [my welfare]”), he willingly goes with Christmas Present and expresses the desire to learn and benefit. He sees people in all manner of circumstances, good and bad, choosing to take joy in each other’s company and the comforts, small or great, around them. Many adaptations fail in this, focusing Scrooge’s attention on the idea that people dislike him (Mrs Cratchit; his nephew’s joke) but in the book Scrooge clearly greatly enjoys his nephew’s party, the nephew is being good-humoured and generous and expresses his goodwill towards Scrooge, and Scrooge doesn’t mind the joke at all. He sees the Cratchits making the best of what they have, and how he is making their lives harder than need be. He sees, in many ways and places, how he could be making others happy and being happy himself, rather than making evrryobe miserable, and it is an appealing picture. And Present calls him out, several times, on his past words and sentiments, and Scrooge repents them.
By the time he meets the Spirit of Christmas Yet To Come, he is already willing and prepared to change, and making deliberate plans to do so. The thing that I think is emphasized through the scenes with Yet To Come, as a driving home of the point, is that Scrooge’s actions up to this point have not only made him and others unhappy - they are an utter failure at getting Scrooge the one thing he had prioritized: wordly security, respect, and dignity. In Belle’s words, his turn to avarice in his youth was in hopes of avoiding the “sordid reproach” that the world has for poverty. He was fine, and even pleased, with being feared rather than loved - what he did not want was to be patronized, despized, looked down on.
And now he sees where that got him! His business partners don’t even care to attend his funeral. Men whose respect he hoped to have gained don’t even give him a second thought, and for the brief moment they do, think ill of him (“Old Scratch” is Victorian slang for the devil). His chambers and even his body are plundered (tomorrow’s reading is even more graphic about this, in some lines, than most adaptations). He’s buried in an obscure, untended, weedy churchyard, because no one cares enough about him to make other arrangements. He has none of the worldly respect, regard, dignity for which he turned to money as a protector. Past and Present showed that he was wanting the wrong things; but Future shows him that he wasn’t even achieving the things he thought he did want, amd was in fact achieving their opposite.
The point of Future, then, is not to convince Scrooge to change. He has already chosen that he desires to change. Future alone, without the earlier spirits, would be supremely ineffective; showing Scrooge that his servant and the people around him hate him, without first showing him that he can be happy and make other people happy, would only make him more of a misanthrope. This is not a “scare ‘em straight,” as some adaptations play it. The point of Future is as a final guard against backsliding, against regret: you are losing nothing by changing, because your current path is losing you even the paltry things you sought to gain by it.
Also, I hadn’t really registered this on previous reads, but this is the very near future - the Christmas one year after the period of the book. This is never stated outright, but Christmas Present says of Tiny Tim, “If these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, none other of my race will find him here” - meaning, no future Christmas. And, in the visions with Christmas Future, Tiny Tim has died only a few days ago. In the words of Dante (paraphrased) “the time was perilously short for turning.” The Spirit of Christmas Yet To Come doesn’t teach the lesson - that’s the previous spirits - but he makes sure it sticks.
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fatuismooches · 8 months
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a lesson in conversation.
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Kabukimono was becoming more and more human by the day. Were it not for the puppet joints on his body, anyone would have thought he was a real human. However, there was one thing he still struggled with.
Conversation.
He did enjoy talking to other humans, but unfortunately, sometimes he did not follow along properly. Sometimes he did not understand when someone was joking or not. He may not understand the figurative language one might use. (You clearly remember the day he came home and asked you what Niwa meant by the statement “Kabukimono’s like an open book!” How does he have any resemblance to a book?) He may not know what to talk about, having had a very different life from a human’s, and his own interests being different from their own.
Such were the troubles of the young puppet. But you were here for him, as well as assisting him with his conversation skills. You were happy to help him, but you were also happy to have a set portion of time for just talking to your lover. And now was one such time. 
“Well, hello there, love,” you giggled as the first thing Kabukimono did when he came through the door was hug you from behind. “Welcome home.”
“I’m back,” he mumbled into your clothes as he tightened his grip around you. 
“Looks like someone’s tired,” you observed, reciprocating his embrace. “Still hard at work, I see,” you smiled at him in encouragement. Ever since you were attacked that one time, Kabukimono had taken up an interest in swords, and Niwa and Katsuragi had begun to train him every day. Though the puppet did not enjoy violence, he had come to realize that sometimes it was necessary… for protection, at least. You weren’t sure of your feelings when you found out he was beginning to realize the cold truths of this world.
You’ve even heard that he performed a sword dance. But when you asked him to perform it for you, he said that he wanted to master it with perfection before showing you the final product. You smiled and said you were rooting for him, making him blush.
“I’m going to protect you, [Name], that’s why!” Kabukimono resolutely declared as he let go of you and smiled. You found his determination cute.
“I know you will, love. I’m counting on you,” you winked. “Now, why don’t you go get changed? I’ll get the bath ready,” you patted him on the back and sent him along his way while you began to prepare the tub. A nice warm bath would surely soothe the aches and pains he had.
You and Kabukimono had been in a relationship for a long time now, and baths together had begun to become normal. It has taken a while, as showing your lover your body was a huge step in the relationship and a very intimate thing in general. Even Kabukimono understood the meaning of such a thing, initially being shy at first too. But now he had grown to love it, liking the feeling of you washing him and vice versa.
And now the two of you were together in the tub, soap and rag in hand as you cleaned him first. His long hair had been tied up in a bun, which he looked really cute in. His normally flawless skin had a few bruises on it from sword-fighting, but they would heal in no time, being a puppet and all. Kabukimono was going on about what happened during his training, but then he started recounting a conversation that only added to his speaking woes.
“When the three of us were taking a break, Niwa and Katsuragi started talking about how I reminded them of their younger selves.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” You asked as you made sure his body was coated in soapy foam.
“It was! I liked hearing about their stories from the past. But then they started talking about a bunch of things I didn’t understand… and then other people started joining in and saying a lot of confusing things about things from so long ago,” Kabukimono sighed, before his voice dropped to a low tone. “And… and to make it worse, I don’t have anything nice to say about my past like the rest of them,” he confessed softly. You didn’t respond immediately, instead calming him with your soft touches.
“Maybe you need to move the conversation in another direction,” you replied thoughtfully as you washed out the soap with water.
“But how? Everyone was so happy reminiscing about their past… I don’t know how I could change it from that,” Kabukimono fell back into your chest, sloshing the water around. “It’s… awkward, I think. Is that the correct word?” You smiled and nodded, moving the wet strands from his face.
“Well, perhaps try talking about the future next time,” you suggested.
“The future?”
“The past is something we can only look back on, but the future is something we can build together. Despite the circumstances in the past and present, one can always look forward to the future. The future is changeable, at the very least.” The puppet seemed to be thinking about your statement. “Do you have anything you want to do in the future, Kabukimono? Any plans?”
“Plans?” He echoed. To be honest, Kabukimono hadn’t exactly thought about that stuff. He was already very caught up with living day by day with you. As long as he had you, he thought, he didn’t particularly care about what happened. Living life like this forever would be his ideal future. You were, quite literally, his world. However, Kabukimono knew he couldn’t say that to Niwa and the others. He’d come to learn that constantly talking about how much one loves their partner all the time wasn’t something most people did…
“I don’t think so, [Name],” Kabukimono decided on that response. “At least not yet,” he quickly added, not wanting to sound idiotic. You merely chuckled as you continued to hold him in your chest.
“Well, that’s okay. You still have lots of time to figure out what you want to do. And sometimes you don’t need to talk in a conversation. You can just enjoy yourself by listening to others. I’m sure the others would be happy to help you think about any possible plans.”
“What about you? Do you have any plans for the future?” The only thing Kabukimono knew, was that he wanted to be part of them, whatever they were.
“Me? Maybe when the time comes, I want to go see the other nations.” This made him perk up a bit. He too, wanted to see the world, after being mostly confined to his creator’s dark workshop, a lonely domain, and then the small village.
“You mean, all the places we’ve read about in the books? Mondstadt and Sumeru and Snezhnaya?”
“Yup! And Fontaine and Liyue and Natlan too!” You shared in his excitement. “We can listen to the bards play their poems and tunes, drink a cup of Sumeru’s special coffee, perhaps watch a trial in Fontaine… it would be so much fun,” you sighed dreamily, adoring the thought of such a fun vacation. You just didn’t think about the money aspect though.
“But would we be okay in Snezhnaya, though? I still don’t understand how people survive in that kind of climate.”
“Ah, you still haven’t seen snow, have you? Well, I guess we’ll have to visit Dragonspine before we go there then, to get you accustomed.” Oh, you couldn’t help but imagine the curious expression on his face once the eccentric felt a drop of snow melt on his nose.
The two of you chatted more about these plans, which probably seemed a bit unrealistic and impossible for the likes of you, but it was comforting in a way. To plan the future with the person who’d be with you for the rest of your life.
“You know, once you leave this tiny village, you’ll meet all sorts of people. No person will ever be the same as the next.”
“That’s amazing! I want to learn all about them. Do you think they’ll be as nice as the people in the village? Or are they like those bad guys?”
“That’s… hard to say. You’ll just have to learn to navigate your way through people, both good and bad.” Kabukimono nodded his head in understanding.
“And I’ll have you too, [Name]!”
“Yes, and me,” you smiled as you kissed his cheek. “But you know, you might meet someone better than me eventually-”
Before you could finish your sentence, Kabukimono interrupted you. “That’s not true. No one could ever be as wonderful as you,” the puppet interjected wholeheartedly. He really did mean that with every ounce of his being. Not even the Gods themselves could compare to you, in his honest opinion. “You’ve taught me so many different things. I don’t think I’d know anything without you! You’re the only person I want to be with. No one else, ever.” It seemed like he was pretty passionate about this.
“… That’s reassuring to hear, Kabukimono.” And then a silence overtook the bathroom. Although the two of you had been in the bath for far too long, neither of you felt like getting out, for that meant that this moment would end. Though you wanted to show your love even more.
You then kissed the Electro symbol on the back of Kabukimono’s neck, something that always made him stiffen for a few seconds no matter how many times you did it. It was a sensitive spot, both mentally and physically. A reminder of who he truly was, his unerasable past. Yet, somehow, he could hear your unspoken words. That though his past will always be a part of him, the future is his path to coming to terms with it and accepting who he is. His path to make his life to be what he wants it to be, no longer needing to worry about what a God wanted for him. 
“Regardless, I look forward to the future with you, my dearest love. I know there is much good and happiness to come, Kabukimono,” you gently wrapped your arms around his chest, lovingly holding him in your embrace. You did not comment on the tears flowing down his face, allowing him to let out his emotions freely.
The puppet never really understood his creator’s ceaseless pursuit of eternity, but now that he has you, a person to come home to every day, a person who will comfort him during his times of worry, sadness, happiness, fear, and more, a person who will have the most meaningful conversations and also idle chit-chat with him, he is beginning to understand her motive. He does want this to last forever. Even if it’s just the same routine every day, Kabukimono does not want it to end. He hopes it doesn’t.
However, no matter how one fights against it, eternity will not last forever. People are ever-changing, and everything comes to an end, eventually. Such is the nature of life, something the puppet will come to learn soon.
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lesson 1. lesson 2. lesson 3. lesson 4. lesson 5. lesson 6. lesson 7. lesson 8. lesson 9. lesson 10. bonus lesson.
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